How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Want
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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Have you ever created an entire relationship in your head before going on a date with someone? Perhaps you’ve been texting with them for weeks and have already deduced they could be “The One,” or maybe you live for the two minutes of conversation you have with them before spin class.
Unfortunately, living in our heads in this way can turn into obsessing, and render us incapable of feeling excited about anything other than seeing or hearing from that person. In other words, they occupy a space in our minds they’ve not yet earned!
In this week’s new video, I share with you the mindsets that can both help and hurt you in dating, as well as the best way to determine if you and this person could really work out. Tell me what you think in the comments.
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I'm so embarrassed to admit how crazy I was when he doesn't even like me... I'm so so embarrassed...
We've all been there
Oh that was me too! The important part here is ‘I was’ !! So it’s okay, we have progressed 😅😊
Don’t be. You’re obvi not alone.
They come back when you step away. The challenge is to say no. I’ve been there and I’ve said yes instead of no.
Me at one point
But over it!
Heartbroken can heal, but wasted time won't come back.....so true! Thank you Matthew!
This is true
I experienced that now I regrets all the time that I wasted for him.
That was one of my favorite parts of the video too.
Helt korrekt 😊
Ugh 11 years for me!
What kills me is when they are super involved and you fall for that person. The they pull away and play games but still give just enough to keep it going. If you call the change out you're needy, if you say nothing you suffer in silence and overthink.
Avoidants... always fun...
How did you deal with this? I’m sailing in the same ship. Help me
"Willing to discard the wrong people quicker." That is so profoundly true. Awesome Matt!
People need healing abd learning things, go out, working on our careers etc., not be in not real cyber relationships, looking someone inst.stories his exes etc. Its life wadting but school.
True but with the caveat that you might judge or get judged too quickly and unfairly.
I left a situation where it started out really well with crazy attraction but then there wasn't even a mention of new plans for days and days and when I asked I got a vague answer. I called it out and got a vague promise which was never fulfilled. So I just cut contact. I knew it was the right thing to do but now I'm STILL obsessing over them "should I have swallowed their bullshit longer, maaayyybe it would have worked when of course it wouldn't. Aargh. You can't win
I think it’s important to note where this behavioral pattern comes from and heal it at the core. I believe this is the result of abandonment trauma. We are unconsciously attracted to people who are likely to reject us (or act so obsessively they will even if it wasn’t their intention). This is because by making someone avoidant commit to us, we heal ourselves by re-writing the memory of our own abandonment that happened long time go. And if you get intense feelings of attraction for someone early on, it’s often not a divine sign but a sign trauma bond. It’s a sign that this person is going to mirror our trauma back to us so we can finally realize the pattern and break it. And it’s always someone we perceive as a amazing and rare and that’s why it hurts so much when they reject us. However it has to be like this, someone who we’re not that attracted to can never make us evaluate our behavior and decisions. I am sure everyone who can relate to the story in the video has had a pattern of obsessing and very few, if not any normal relationships. And even if you get into one, it’s a constant fear of them leaving or finding you’re not good enough (again the abandonment trauma). That’s why the fantasy is good, no one can hurt or leave you there. And I bet the moment you find another love interest, you completely forget about the previous one, which only confirms you were in love with your imagination. So how to stop this? Heal the abandonment trauma. How? Apparently with meditation and shadow work which can’t say if they’re working, recently started. And create a life that makes you proud of yourself. The more lonely and boring we feel, the more importance we put on people who can bring us even little bits of excitement and we go full circle again. Wish healing to everyone ❤
Very wise. Get to crux of the biscuit. The Apostrophe 😉
Get down to causes and conditions.
Love, Love, Love your response here. We would be friends!
@@kelliestrubinski5663 Thank you Kellie ❣❣❣
I'm writing this message so I can re read this msg. It spoke to me
Thank you this really helped me
“The more you build up in your head the greater the collision with reality.” Lol omg. Yes!
Yoooo wth, thats insane how much I can relate to that!
So true! I just got separated after 26 years of marriage. I met someone that sparked a feeling I hadn’t experienced since I met my ex. I spent 6 months building up a “relationship” in my mind and when the reality hit, it hit HARD!! I asked myself why it hurt so bad. I just turned 50! It should be easier to deal with the rejection, shouldn’t it? Lesson learned!
@@thisiskindacrap13 so true
That sounds so much like what my therapist told me about living the relationships in my head cause it's safer and I can idealize them
Why is this so true & heartbreaking at the same time?🥲
I love this episode. Fantasizing is dangerous. We don't talk enough about limerence and rejection sensitivity. I find the real struggle may actually be rooted in allowing someone's NO to derail us from our authentic truth. It's authentic to express our truths. We gotta build our courage muscle just as we would build any other habit. This is an important one. It's vulnerable and courageous to take aligned action. But even then we could hear other's NOs. There's a possibility for both. And it's important to remember that is not failing at relationships. It's doing relationships justice and courageously moving on together or apart. But moving on anyway.
Yeah. Im so hurt right now I should see a therapist. It’s ridiculous.
How are you 4 months later?
@rs5570 hope you're doing better these days! ❤
This video is perfect timing. I’m the biggest obsessor
I was literally sitting in bed 🛌 thinking 💭 😅about a guy ( met once at a conference yesterday) as I saw this video popped up 😅. Perfect timing indeed 🎉🧡😂
Sameee
Couldn't get any perfect timing
Ditto! We are all so caught up in 'what ifs'..we have to go live our lives...make it happen or break the cycle and move towards the REAL THING!
@@darajfriedlander Ugh yes.. so many “what ifs” and wasted time. Six months for me.. at least Matthew helps us feel half normal
“We are the Person we take to every situation”.....this is so powerful
The obsession will go away after 3-5 months...trust me I know. I was obsessed with someone for over a year, he really got under my skin and going anywhere without him, like gym, it felt like I had lost an arm or and a leg...and then all of a sudden I met someone else
This gives me hope
Got out of a 4 years relationship and I really thought it would end me..
However, that break up was not even 2 months ago and I can honestly say im doing okay/good.
Started going to the gym and meeting up with family and some friends.
Only thing that still "hurts" is being home alone. Because the house I live in is the house we wanted to start a family in. And now that house is just an empty shell with only me in it. (Very dramatic :P ) im doing okay..
Try 10 years, on and off, stalkig away seeing him break up and come back with his current girlfriend... A guy from High School... The pandemic made made my obsession worse... I deleted Instagram from my phone. I feel so much shame now it's exhausting.
Took me three months to get a person COMPLETELY out of my head. I would be so proud of myself for only thinking about him three times a day, down to two times, then down to once a day, then finally I would only think about him a couple times a week. It takes time and retraining of the brain
For sure time will heal all wounds
I was dating someone for a few months that I absolutely adored, and he adored me. It was very passionate. My obsessive need to look at his social media actually lead me to find out that he was already in a serious relationship, and I was the "other woman" 😅 Ended that quickly, and let her know, but to this day I haven't ever felt quite the same for someone as I felt about him.
Fuuuuuuuck man I'm so sorry this happened to you. How shitty. I find it so astounding how you can be so taken a back by someone who is clearly a bad person. The sound of their laugh, their charisma, the personality and humor. Enraptured fully by a complete an utter turd of a person. Something happened similar to me recently and I am terrified of dating now.
@@AP-gg7ep Yeah. It’s been really rough! You took the words right out of my mouth…
And even after I told her, she decided to stay with him. So I also have to live knowing that he gets to stay with her, no consequences, as if I never existed. 😔
I look for pieces of him in every man I date but no one compares, even though he was a horrible person!
@@JessicaMccreery Oh Jessica, that fuckin blows. And the fact that he gets to stay with his girlfriend is nauseating. She's in for a world of hurt. This is when I wish witch craft was real! 😂 I would be swinging that black candle! 😆 I want to tell you, you deserve REAL love and connection not something that is false to confuse you so the guy can use you at his convenience. Unfortunately, you will run into conmen throughout dating and some are so clever that you won't know there true colors for a long time. But eventually, you will see it and no matter how much time and energy you have invested, WALK AWAY. I don't know you but I'm proud of you for walking away from him even though it hurt sooooo much. Dude if you want for me to share my story because it's similarly fucked up and hilarious just let me know.
@@JessicaMccreery lol you could just be moronic. Maybe he’s in an open relationship 😂
@@JessicaMccreery people like that, they study you and become what you would fall for. So just realize that he was an actor and when you meet another guy, he’s really being himself and you’ll love him for that- for being real
Best advice you gave; don’t invest in someone who hasn’t invested enough in you. Go for it, keep moving forward.
This is very insightful. Also, People, remember something just as valuable: While you are creating a fantasy person in your mind, you are unable to SEE the REAL person. Even if you get to know them, you may still be creating that fantasy, and making excuses for them at every turn because you cannot SEE the real them. Be very careful if you fall into this hellish trap.
I just know that Slavic energy sounding a little different with freedom right about now😆
You are correct! But now I'm so skeptical of men when they do or say something sweet. I don't trust it or believe it anymore.
Long ago I found one doctor like that. Shame. Was Young
Yes, currently obsessed with someone that ticks all the red flag lists, like a dope
Our creator built us this way - when we obsess over our fantasy person our brain releases pleasure chemicals that excite and bring us incredible good feelings. That’s why we do it and also what makes it hard to stop.
Omggg u can't imagine how OBSSESSED I am over a guy that i find extremely hot, i feel like he's my type and that everything in him is perfect and he's the one and i'm never finding someone like him(tho i barely know him).. today i kept thinking about him THE WHOLE DAY and didn't do any productive thing at all, i also try to be around him as much as possible and keep stalking his photos, i am so obssessed that i can't stop thinking abt him or stalking him and i feel like a creep (specially when i take the roads that he takes or keep waiting for him to pass by just to see him for extra minutes), I'm tired of my obssession cuz it's killing me and waisting my time :'(
I work with him, and I’ll never mix workplace and dating. If something serious ever grew, somebody would have to transfer out. It’s so unprofessional. Repressing strong feelings at work unfortunately seems to lead to this fantasy thing as I try to squash the feelings back and stick them in the corner. Creative mind is like “fine go ahead and ignore those, but I’ll be over here planning your future together” 🤣 It’s deeply annoying, and the struggle is real. Doubling down on me and my reality must be the only option to keep grounded and move forward. What a bizarre situation.
I went on two dates with a girl after chatting for a month. She was really interested in me before we met. But I made the mistake of dating her while I was in an anxious and lonely place. I came on too strong and wasn't confident on our date. She agreed to meet once more even though she "wasn't convinced I was her type". I did a little better but still came on way too invested. She broke it off.
I barely knew her but the potential I saw in that short amount of time, combined with knowing that I could have acted differently and never being able to know what could have been has left me absolutely crushed. I barely knew her but she left me more heartbroken than breaking up with a girlfriend of two years prior to that. It's so weird.
Two dates better than 2 years or 20 years. If she says it's a no go it's a hard no. I'm wait and try to be a good friend I don't know what to do either that's why I'm here ha ha 😅
This is SO helpful, thanks Matthew! I’m a fun, busy, divorced 67 year old, who would love a committed, loving relationship but (I think because I’m conscious of time ‘running out’) I keep doing this!
time “running out” for what? age is just a number! enjoy your life without thinking about that! cause in doing it so you are really gaining more time
@@victoriaporsiempreThat’s so sweet of you. 😊
I listened to matthew when I was single - and i’m still here now that i’m married :) hes so spot on with everything he says that i still like to listen to his knowledge about human behaviors!
I ❤️his west side story act! I thought there would be drama and I can't believe the girl never even spoke with him at the gym and became obsessed.
I think as women we do that because we really want him to approach and talk to us. To make the effort and let us know he likes us as well. We stop there and just imagine things with him but we in my case I would be scared to make the move! 😄😄
Having such a good connection with someone and a few dates that were sooo great and they meet your standards and they admire your mindset…then boom they went cold and I stopped hearing from him. It was soooo sudden no indication no red flags indicating this. I feel slapped to the ground so bad because I have been single since 2018 working on myself and I thought I finally met a future best friend or future partner. They seemed interested too. Wtf man, I was rooting for you!
Now I feel like I enjoyed them too much, I mean me and this person would talk until the restaurant kicked us out. I feel like a clown falling into the idea that something was happening and being so happy I found someone who consistently spent time with me and looked like they enjoyed it just as much. Now I have to shake off all of those wonderful memories and grieve. This actually hurt me and makes it feel like a fever dream that this all happened the past couple of months.
he got scared of your intense emotions
This came just in time for me! Been hung up on a guy for over a year now after a fairytale night in Greece on the beach. I had thoughts of facetime chats and eventual trips to see each other followed by nights of passion...only to have him finally tell me last week I was too old for him to date but we could DEF hook up bc I was great in bed...I've been crushed since then. It sucks feeling like this but o know its bc of the delusion I built in my own head.
I can totally relate. Had this magical time with a guy in Edinburgh this spring and when I got back home. He just ghosted me after leaving one last Message. I have been thinking about him ever since. I am also in an open marriage and I have questioned the choice I made in my longterm mate over and over again, because the connection with the other man just felt otherworldly.
@@miniskotti its crazy how quickly a connection can be made and it FEELS so strong. I guess its the great deceptor
@@victoriamitchell6240 yes, so deceptive. And not having any closure is really hard on me, but at the same time I’d probably meet up with him if he were to ever reach out. Makes me feel like a huge looser. I deleted his contact to protect my sanity.
@@miniskotti I know I'd jump if he showed interest and that's the WORST...I called myself stupid everyday for that
@@victoriamitchell6240 I try not to judge myself or at least I catch myself doing it. It’s situations like these, where I feel „silly women“ is just the truth.
I started watching your videos a month or so ago to help myself stop doing this very thing! This has been a lifelong pattern for me, and now that I'm single again, I don't want to waste time being stuck in it going forward. Thank you so much for your clear and compassionate content!
Time wasted can not be gained back- participate in real life. Be willing to go through the refining process of getting results but you need to get out of your head first
Thank you so much Mathew, this is more for a fuller life than just love life.
Dealing with a small heartbreak at the moment. I really appreciate this channel. Thank you
So true. I wasted more than 3 months to fantasize a guy who is in a relationship all the time.
For 5yrs I've fantasised and finally got that no this week. Devastated but hoping to move the friendship onto to something grounded in that reality
wow, 5 years... i didn't even know that was possible
The timing of this video is just impeccable
I’ve been guilty on living in fantasy world one too many times.. time for reality😂
Watching this because of someone is a form of being obsessed with that person
This came just in the right moment when I am indeed to caught up with someone I wanted, trying to get away from it so this video was on point for me! Thank you!
I'm an editor and writing coach, so the writing and editing analogy hit REALLY close to home. It's around minute 10:00. "The actual book is worth far more than any idea you have in your head."
"WE are the person we take into every situation." Such a timenly and useful reminder.
This makes so much sense. I’ve done this for so long. Not the extreme of stalking and weird stuff but I’m in my head a lot, even with the road blocks. But when I do flirt I get friend zoned lol. Or it’s seen as cute and brushed off. So that’s how it started.
I was stuck in the fantasy shortly after meeting a guy , we talked a lot and had only two dates . it ended ..( I felt him detach but I didn't see the break up coming. I was heartbroken for 5 weeks !! I'm moving on now.my heart has started to heal..thanks Matthew for this video .
I couldn't agree more so truue! Years ago there was a guy I sort of liked, but didn't have the guts to talk to so I ruminated on how an ideal couple we could have been and other similar staff mentioned there hahah then one day with the grandoise encouragement of my pals, I went to him and said, look why dont we do smt together? And he looked at me and said he was seeing someone else, maybe he was, maybe he was not interested at all, I dont know but that time and energy.. yeah, these are good feelings, and I am happy to have felt them truly but I guess there has to be a reasonable limit for that because you live in a fantasy you curate. In the meantime there was another guy who was interested in me, he was an excellent guy but I was too busy thinking about the prospects with the other, so I missed an opportunity there. Fantasy vs reality, well, life is complicated guys you cant have all the right answers all the time. Yes we know it, yes we are reasonable people but we still do it and this is what human nature is so dont be too hard on yourself:)
The stories we tell ourselves- and the suffering we endure because of our assumptions and taking things personally. Everyone resonating with this video needs to read the 4 agreements. Stat!!!
Not to say I don’t still ruminate or obsess over ppl I am attracted to- or have had flings with and always wondered if there could be more.. 😑 my recent obsession was with a lover from the past who showed interest again at a party where we crossed paths- (I always had a thing for this guy, and the chemistry is there.) so after a lovely night of flirty banter and friendly discussion, I said I would like to see him again- to which he said sure! but then when I followed up & asked for a sober, real world date he said “he didn’t have the energy” wth does that mean? Not now but maybe later? Im just not that into you? Im still working on myself and don’t have space for a partner? Maybe all of the above.. but the truth is you don’t know until you know! So find out-ladies! The fantasy is often far better then the real thing. 😑
I never thought that hearing something i already know from someone else would help this much.
Limerence is really rough. I'm currently at the "ends up he has a girlfriend" stage, trying to let go and find closure to the escapism fantasy that he was.
End the fantasy, participate in real life! Love this... LOVE you man. THANX FOR BEING HERE!
its funny how helpful these tips and the channel as a whole is to me even though im a guy. this channel is meant to help women but i find it more helpful to me than channels that are specifically for men.
Watching this as I know I have become obsessed with a guy at my gym and am trying to stop myself fantasising
“We are the person we take to every situation..” that made me laugh out loud. Oh god it’s YOU again! 😂
I have to admit this is me 😅. I do also the research before going to see a movie 😂. Thanks for this video, it really made me realise of how I am trying to be in control. I am quite an anxious person, I guess this is the reason. I’m now working on letting things happen naturally without forcing anticipating or controlling. Most useful video ❤
This is me all the time. I am a daydreamer and a writer, any ideas of "meet cute" interaction I had irl would turn into a whole novel in my brain. I just ended up writing an outline of that novel instead of talking to the guy 😅
I really love this girl i met in Australia and we both had the best 2 Weeks together, we parted ways and now met up again after some months, now everything is different and she doesnt like me the same anymore. I think alot of her and how to fix this. I get jealous when she talks and laughs with other men and think that she is having more fun with other people rather than with me. I havent watched the Video yet but thank you for putting this out in the world ❤️
"I'm just a person who needs to build friendship slowly!" Yeah, your viewpoint is healthier.
Due to chronic illness, I have tended to see myself as a challenge for anyone else to date, with too many problems. I have only lived in fantasy relationships my entire life. I get immense crushes that I never take further. It felt safer than having to be vulnerable and express my needs to another human being I found attractive. Sigh. This video is needed.
I've found myself doing this a lot, especially after the first date has gone well my body just becomes attached automatically, which isn't a healthy way to live. I'm slowly detaching from this narrative by focusing more on myself, and less on them.
Hi. I've been in a relationship for a year and a half and everything was going great. No major issues, lots of love. Things were going pretty fast, in the sense that we were spending lots of time together etc. Suddenly one day he left me. Later on he told me that he got overwhelmed by the pace at which things were going and that he loves me so much but he's just not sure whether he wants a relationship no more. It's been three months since then and we are still seeing each other. He's been doing so wrong and has fallen hard into a depressive mode (stopped going out, stopped eating and sleeping) in which he doesn't even feel capable of thinking about us though he misses me so much. I, on the other hand, have been working so hard on my carrer and I won't have the opportunity to actually make a decision about the situation til February, 'cause I can't handle the emotional damage that could come through (I don't really have time for that). Everybody, what should I do?
Omg .. I like the idea of fantasising , just can’t help laughing 🤣.. I think pretty much everyone has been come across the situations like this in their life at some point ..This story sounds abit exaggerated to me .. But I give credit to this girl who opened up about the fact that most women/men are afraid to talk ..At least, she got Matthew to share such an extensive knowledge of him and for one more time, us being reminded we’ve been only given this life time for once and nothing is for granted. We are here to live the life to the fullest and enjoy it in the reality than being drown into our fantasies of Living in a Lalaland !
It’s embarrassing how much I connect to this. I definitely have been aware of this and have done my best to stop myself from thinking too much about this, but it creeps up
Thanks so much! This really hit home for me. Being a lesbian makes it harder because there are "less" fish in the sea to move on to if that makes sense. I feel like I almost get hooked on the comforting idea of one person because it feels like a "last chance" of love and happiness...
I had a similar experience recently, with even more interaction. He even sent a FB friend request, on which his profile indicates he's married! Like WTF is wrong with people. At first I was excited to meet someone who I might be interested in, after years of avoiding dating, so I was obsessed for like 3 days. I also did the future projecting, based on perceived red flags. Now I concluded that the meet was intended to show me what kind of person I'm looking for.
Thank you, you saved me. 😢
I have break the cycle just like that stop texting him since lots of hesitation in him wanting to be with me. He wanted to go with flow. I told him only dead fish going with the flow. I just don’t want to be in his circling in between women in his life. So I stop myself …. It’s hurts but it is what it is , for now !
I was raised in a religious environment where overthinking and obsessing over whether or not to approach someone was...and is encouraged. Parents and other adults would investigate the person, plus there was a certain pressure that casual approaches were not ok (even though they have value as a learning experience) So it promoted this obsessive, overthinking approach to dating. I am still in the church and am annoyed to this day, because guys don't just ask you out. They don't just say "hey, you want to go for coffee later?" No, because it will start a storm of gossip and micro-analysis. I have to go to the bar to get decent attention --which has it's own guilt trip associated with it. Don't let anyone find out you....went to a bar, and (gasp) went on a date with a non-church member! Even though they are the only ones with the balls to flirt and not be ashamed of it. It's kinda darkly humorous, but all through my adolescence and early 20's my parents pushed books and ideology on me and my brother to the tune of "I kissed dating goodbye" and "courtship only." I was too scared to bring anyone home that I HADN'T researched, or who I knew wouldn't "measure up." If they didn't measure up, I just had a meaningless fling with the person and made sure I took contraception to avoid "disgracing" the family with out of wedlock children. The sad thing is my parents wanted me to "kiss dating goodbye" and it worked. It was too effective. Now I am 38 and past my prime fertility years, still single--they want grand kids and they may never see them. I know people freeze their eggs, but I don't have that kind of money. It takes thousands. I know I am breaking the code by speaking about this, being in the church, but I just wanted to share because I know I can't be the only one who went through this. I was raised to take that obsessive overthinking to another level. I appreciate hearing Matt's talks, because at least I can learn a new way of thinking. How to apply it in my culture, still not sure, but at least I can learn to value and stop obsessing over things and blaming myself... hopefully.🥴
I like the comparison with preparing to jumping in the pool. So powerful. Recognize myself.
Speaking from experience..
Some people
Become addicted to fantasy as
It’s an escape mechanism used when growing up in violence…
Maybe it’s helpful to say that..
Yes..
That coping mechanism (living in fantasy) worked well for you as a child in an unbearable environment..
But it has stopped working for you now as an adult…
Firm boundary setting will help you as an adult feel safe…
Thanks Matthew, I've missed this format where you just sit on a couch against this peaceful background and talk to us)
this was soooo relatable 😭😭. wish this was uploaded couple weeks ago when I was in this very situation and going through a hard time
Sometimes the less you know about a person's past, the better lol unless they've done something seriously scary. And what kind of receptionist would give out member names to other people!
So true. Thank you for that. There is one guy who is my friend and I truly care about him and think about him 24 7, and I list what I am. Im a person who has a lot of hobbies and I do a lot of stuff and I enjoy bening single. Now this is a mess, my feelings have power over me. I dont like that.
This video showed up in perfect timing.
lol same here
I love the analogy with writing a book. I needed to hear that as a reminder too.
You are a handsome young man with beautiful eyes, and a lovely accent - I love it when you say “operate-ing “ instead of “ operate-ting “!😊
Normally, I agree with you, Matthew, but we live in a different world now. I think it's good to do some research if possible. Personally, if I can find out a bit more about the person first, it ends up *saving* me time if I realize they're in a relationship, or post really stupid things online, or have kids, or whatever. Then I won't waste time pursuing them or going on dates to "get to know them" if there are red flags or deal breakers.
This is the only relationship advice person that actually talks about useful things that aren't ambiguous generalities.
Good point - forget the fantasy.. live in reality..
This video is a turning point in my life. Thank you so much Matthew!
I've been texting with someone everyday for 3 weeks. I've attempted to ask him out a couple of times, and on the third time he still said no. That's when I gave up and realised that he wasn't really interested in meeting me IRL. I learned how to move on quickly from that experience..
Matthew, you’re so sophisticated. I’ve learned so much from you that has tremendously helped me improve my perspective on love and I am so grateful!
I keep telling this to girls but for some reason most of them want to spend weeks texting instead of actually see each other and quickly decide if there is something or not. I just spend 3 weeks texting a girl only for her to get cold feet few hours before the date. Super weird and even though we haven't even met, it still sucked. It's okay to text for a few days before going out but if it goes up for week, its really hard for your brain not to come up with fantasies.
I was beyond obsessed with my coworker for 6 months and then I started dating him and now I am trapped. I don’t even LIKE him. He turned out to be so different from the guy I created in my head and now I gotta break up w him and he is about to be the boss 😩
HAHAHA I can absolutely relate! I am currently obsessed with my boxing coach who is really really HOT that’s why I’m here because I need help shake the feeling off. I would imagine our wedding together and having kids! 😂 Obsession is indeed dangerous!
Limmerence...so painful!!. I'm still struggling with it, and don't wish anyone to experience it ever 💔
thanks Matthew. Just texted him and before we go another month doing this thing, I'm gonna find out if there is actually a goal here.
Aaaaand? 😉
@@mooseyman74 it was great! got my answers if that answers your question:)
@@janie9689 not really. Dish the dirt 😄
@@mooseyman74 all honesty!
I'm having a hopeless obsession over someone right now. I know she don't even like me, because I expressed my feelings for her. And she turned me down. But still... I'm hopeless now... I just can't stop it. Just can't...
Thank you so much for going over such an important topic, I have struggled with this so much, not only when approaching/starting out with someone, but also after being together with them for months, even years sometimes. These are the types of videos that I wish more dating and romance advice would focus on.
This is my favourite channel. I especially like it when you explain everything so nicely. I wish you a lot of success with the channel and happy life.
I’m so obsessed with this girl. It’s unhealthy. I can’t be this obsessed. What if she doesn’t even like me? I don’t want to hurt myself over another human.
Just focus on someone else, it's a choice, we aren't slaves to our reality, we are the captains
Oh wow. I'm so glad I watched this video. I've been obsessing like this for a couple of months at work. I have an entire story in my head. It's terrible. Thank you so much Matthew
This is so me. I was dating a guy long distance, he mentioned one thing about moving, which lead to almost a year of me obsessing with this idea which never happened. I wasted so much time thinking about this and living in fantasyland.
You don't loose any power you gain it once you realise how low other person saw you, it helps you grow😊 in any relationship there I always a very positive outcome, I am so greatfull to be me to evolve to get better I am so gratefull for hard people they make me a better better person Don't get hard like a stone be water my friend enjoy, give the people what they need sometimes they can't stand your happiness Pretend you suffer and they will get happy😂
This is by far one of your best videos
I love this advice! I think we're all a little guilty of this at times. Thanks for this!
Love this video 🧡🧡🧡 I never do research, I enjoy the mystery and also fear to go down the rabbit hole + don’t have the time 😢….
I'm so blessed for seeing this amazing guy video...now I know what I got to do!! God bless all the good heartit people outhere 🙌
i needed this man. i decided the other day to ask her out and she said, no, she wanted some time for herself and focus on her work, so as i got the clarity, i could now focus on other things, which instead, i was just thinking about her whether i should msg? or what will she say? i literally made my mind one day and said fk it, whatever happens, happens.
thanks sm for this, I’m still afraid of finding out bc I don’t really have much time with this person and I was already decided to not talk to them, but now this got me overthinking
Matthew, thank you so much for this video. I’ve been watching you and other coaches on TH-cam for about 12 months. But, this video really resonated with me. You touched on some really deep stuff here. It has helped me enormously. Thanks again. 😊
I think this video changed the course of my life forever 😂
Lolol, he's talking about me! 🤣 @Matthew I went up and talked to him, not just looked at him 😂
Great video, Matthew! And it doesn't apply only to relationships; your advice works on every new life experience that we could avoid out of the fear that it might not work out!
Thank you!
ok, so, what if I get rejected and heartbroken, but still obsess over that person? Surely I'm not straight in the head. must be some unadressed childhood trauma
How does this advice pan out with long time friends and fantasizing a relationship there? But not wanting to approach the convo to ruin the friendship.
As someone who told my feelings to a friend to get closure, I say go for it. We are still friends and my feelings are decreasing. If you are true friends then the friendship will survive the convo, and you wont waste time overthinking. Isn't it also good to be able to say your truth? You can tell her/him that you realized that you grew feelings, and that you just wonder if they feel the same. If not you will need some time, but come back later to the friendship.
I also confessed to my best friend last year and I don't regret it despite being rejected. If you two are really good friends and care about each other, it should be fine. I see three scenarios:
1. You tell him and it s mutual so you start dating
2. You tell him and it s not mutual, but because you are friends and he cares about you, he will know how to handle the situation to not hurt you and be gentle in his rejection, maybe give you time to heal and move on while stil being your friend and being understanding. Then your feelings will start decreasing due to the closure and because you can't fantasize that much anymore knowing the truth.
3. Same as 2, but for some reason you don't feel ready to go back to the friendship cause you can't be just friends - this depends on you, not on him. And sometimes losing a friendship really is much better than wasting your time for months or years pretending to only want friendship from him and feeling hurt cause you're not more. There are definitely other guys out there and most of the time it's hard to see that while we're crushing so badly on someone else. But maybe this won't be the case and after some time you two will go back to being friends.
All of these assuming he's really your friend. If he reacts mean in any way or rude, it might be that he was never really someone to consider as a boyfriend or even a friend, so loss on him.
@@Autumn-jz8bw wow thanks for sharing this. You summed this up so well aha. I actually told him in December and he was very nice about it but I did asl for space to work on feeling my feelings and we havent talked yet but I aim to have a in person convo once these crush feels pass and see if I'm 2 or 3 moving forward.
@@daniellebaxter4504 wow, I can really relate. I also told him in December and after a week or two I decided to go no contact and I am starting to feel much better about all of it, but also not sure if 2 or 3 :) I am glad it helped you to talk to your friend and that he was understanding
@@Autumn-jz8bw wow look at us go that's wild! Yea likewise most feelings have passed but still working through it. Space and time is the best for that I hope you find more clarity for yourself as well. I'm curious to see if I'm able to keep a friendship with him...
How to stop thinking of him?
Why is it always so difficult to know the price for your retreat and other products?? It's so frustrating!
It’s $5000