I dated a narcissist for too many years. He gradually eroded my self esteem. “Keep him down to keep him around.” The one thing I never did, the one boundary I maintained was that I never gave him control of my finances, tho he pressured me constantly. Now I’m free of that gaslighter, and I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, incidentally with another INFP with trauma from a past toxic relationship with a narcissist. We’re growing together now, not withering.
Just like we INFP’s have to go against our nature to even exist in this world we also have to go against our nature to get out of a narcs grip. I’ve done it. Took a lot of research and a lot of time wasted. If done right it works but is EXTREMELY uncomfortable in the process. It was easier for me to ignore it for 5 years and just take substances to cope until one day it was longer acceptable. It can be done. We CAN do it! Just learn to be comfortable with saying no. If it’s connected to one of your values it’s only a matter of time before you can’t allow it to continue.
Oh man. I look back on my dating life now that I understand narcissistic personality disorder and abuse, and the vast majority of people I have seriously dated fit the NPD description. Working on my co-dependence and holding stronger boundaries now makes me a narc repellent. Unfortunately, many of them rage, stalk or smear campaign after they realize they will not get their foot in the door and win me over. So that also sucks.
I am with someone narcissist and well I don't love her..but I don't want to hurt her feelings I am with her from 5 years and it's so exhausting to be with her she is also very over possessive and I can't leave but I want to but what should I do? I have tried and tried to understand and heal her but she is too immature to see her mistakes and deny things which she has said to me and always need more more and moree..she doesn't let me talk with anyone even if I smile with anyone she physically hurts herself and says that I don't love her and I am worst and so on...😣😣
@@tocksarjuem I can't unfortunately but I am a girl too we are best friends...I want good for her and she will grow up I hope..she's been through alot tbh!! So I don't want to hurt her but I am so drained..but it's okay
@@tanishasyed7150 Then when there is a better source of supply like when your precious resources are depleted, you will be history. No gratitude whatsoever. And no you CAN'T afford to be depleted coz your health (emotional, physical and mental) will take 5 to 10 years to rebuild!! Don't be saviour to anyone. No one should be. It is NOT ok.
I’m an INFP and was targeted. I had an intense work relationship with a narcissist. I learned a lot from him. Do you need constant validation from others to feel good? Do you try to take all the credit? Are you a poor team player? Do you find yourself manipulating others into to doing things that make you feel better about yourself? What did your parents demand of you? How often do you lie? I’m not looking for an answer. Ask yourself. Narcissists aren’t inherently evil; they can temper their tendencies by facing their past and learning empathy.
@@wjs9215 I actually knew an infp who I'm pretty sure could have been a covert narcissist. Why do I think that? He was my TA that I rejected kindly, Im not even sure what the rules were about dating in my college but he started giving me failing grades, the silent treatment. Well I had to "play nice", make up a story about having a boyfriend, so I could pass the course. School year is over and I've gotten my final grades and I send him a very harsh email about how childish he was. He sends my email to the administration and gets me kicked out of school for bullying/harassment. Lucky for me I had technically just graduated so it didnt affect me too much, but can you imagine if I was in the middle of my program and had done all that work and paid all that money. (knew he was an infp because it was a psych course where we all did the test and posted our results)
The fact that you are even reflecting on this and questioning it likely means you are not. Narcissists rarely accept blame or responsibility for ANYTHING - everyone else is the problem, not them. The questions posed by the other respondent are really good questions to reflect upon.
Humbling the self is among the top most important rules to succeed in life. Even if you are, you must control and humble yourself or you will bring yourself down to destruction. In and out of work/love life.
I dated a narcissist for too many years. He gradually eroded my self esteem. “Keep him down to keep him around.” The one thing I never did, the one boundary I maintained was that I never gave him control of my finances, tho he pressured me constantly. Now I’m free of that gaslighter, and I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, incidentally with another INFP with trauma from a past toxic relationship with a narcissist. We’re growing together now, not withering.
Just like we INFP’s have to go against our nature to even exist in this world we also have to go against our nature to get out of a narcs grip. I’ve done it. Took a lot of research and a lot of time wasted. If done right it works but is EXTREMELY uncomfortable in the process. It was easier for me to ignore it for 5 years and just take substances to cope until one day it was longer acceptable. It can be done. We CAN do it! Just learn to be comfortable with saying no. If it’s connected to one of your values it’s only a matter of time before you can’t allow it to continue.
Oh man. I look back on my dating life now that I understand narcissistic personality disorder and abuse, and the vast majority of people I have seriously dated fit the NPD description. Working on my co-dependence and holding stronger boundaries now makes me a narc repellent. Unfortunately, many of them rage, stalk or smear campaign after they realize they will not get their foot in the door and win me over. So that also sucks.
I am with someone narcissist and well I don't love her..but I don't want to hurt her feelings I am with her from 5 years and it's so exhausting to be with her she is also very over possessive and I can't leave but I want to but what should I do? I have tried and tried to understand and heal her but she is too immature to see her mistakes and deny things which she has said to me and always need more more and moree..she doesn't let me talk with anyone even if I smile with anyone she physically hurts herself and says that I don't love her and I am worst and so on...😣😣
Leave have some self respect
@@tocksarjuem I can't unfortunately but I am a girl too we are best friends...I want good for her and she will grow up I hope..she's been through alot tbh!! So I don't want to hurt her but I am so drained..but it's okay
@@tanishasyed7150 Then when there is a better source of supply like when your precious resources are depleted, you will be history. No gratitude whatsoever. And no you CAN'T afford to be depleted coz your health (emotional, physical and mental) will take 5 to 10 years to rebuild!! Don't be saviour to anyone. No one should be. It is NOT ok.
Thank you for making this channel!
Our pleasure!
This answers so many questions ive been having thank you!
OMG! I NEEDED THIS
I feel this really is true. I’m glad so I can practice not letting them get into my head (INFP myself)
This is so true. Hehe.
Thanks
I don't know if i am a narcissist
I’m an INFP and was targeted. I had an intense work relationship with a narcissist. I learned a lot from him. Do you need constant validation from others to feel good? Do you try to take all the credit? Are you a poor team player? Do you find yourself manipulating others into to doing things that make you feel better about yourself? What did your parents demand of you? How often do you lie? I’m not looking for an answer. Ask yourself. Narcissists aren’t inherently evil; they can temper their tendencies by facing their past and learning empathy.
@@wjs9215 I actually knew an infp who I'm pretty sure could have been a covert narcissist. Why do I think that? He was my TA that I rejected kindly, Im not even sure what the rules were about dating in my college but he started giving me failing grades, the silent treatment. Well I had to "play nice", make up a story about having a boyfriend, so I could pass the course. School year is over and I've gotten my final grades and I send him a very harsh email about how childish he was. He sends my email to the administration and gets me kicked out of school for bullying/harassment. Lucky for me I had technically just graduated so it didnt affect me too much, but can you imagine if I was in the middle of my program and had done all that work and paid all that money. (knew he was an infp because it was a psych course where we all did the test and posted our results)
The fact that you are even reflecting on this and questioning it likely means you are not. Narcissists rarely accept blame or responsibility for ANYTHING - everyone else is the problem, not them. The questions posed by the other respondent are really good questions to reflect upon.
Humbling the self is among the top most important rules to succeed in life. Even if you are, you must control and humble yourself or you will bring yourself down to destruction. In and out of work/love life.