5 Things to know when DIVORCING A NARCISSIST

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 107

  • @truffaut650truffaut6
    @truffaut650truffaut6 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    Better immediately to court with a really good lawyer. Mediation is just a procrastination of divorce.

  • @charlessudom288
    @charlessudom288 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Yes, mediation works with rational people but a narcissist is not rational. Negotiating with a narcissist is extremely difficult, accepting the fact that they will need to see a "win" is helpful. These are very selfish and insecure people and will stop at nothing to protect their fragile identity.

  • @IsabellaPiesch
    @IsabellaPiesch ปีที่แล้ว +17

    It is a difficult road... The main thing is the question: Do you have the law on your side? I would advice: Take a good attorney... For me such things are definitley not a game because it is about your life (finance-stability, family - children...). I wish everyone the best - it is not easy - you have to be strong (very strong).

  • @Never-Settle
    @Never-Settle 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    It's spooky how spot on this is. Every. Single. Point.

  • @OdinTheGiant
    @OdinTheGiant 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

    I finally got my narc to file for divorce, i feel relieved but stressed because she decided to do it when i lost my job..so im broke, but i just want to be free. Idk how im gonna pay all the bills, but i swear I'd be happier naked in the woods.

    • @thenativeconservationist
      @thenativeconservationist 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I am with you and he keeps lying 😔😭😭😭 I just want to be done with this! God help us

    • @gpal4843
      @gpal4843 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Im divorcing my narcissist husbsnd he is so nasty and I really don't want him to groom my child

    • @BlackBeauty-yl8uq
      @BlackBeauty-yl8uq 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Congratulations

    • @ImreadyforJesus
      @ImreadyforJesus 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ❤ I feel ya on that one

    • @fabiennegriselmusic686
      @fabiennegriselmusic686 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I can relate! You can always make money you can’t replace your mental health that easily!

  • @kscott7657
    @kscott7657 ปีที่แล้ว +66

    so true, Thank the Lord I have money to pay my attorney fees but it is sooooo expensive and I still have to pay mortgage and household expenses since the narc no longer wants to contribute as an attempt to drain me. I have money in savings and draining it all to pay for the divorce while he sits back and does nothing. I was stressed at first but the court is making him pay my attorney fees and he has to pay sanctions to the court since he is not showing up for hearings. It's draining me but I GET IT ALL BACK after trial. Praise GOD! the Narc loses control when they don't comply with the court hearings. If they don't show up too bad for them. You cannot stop the divorce nor control the court room. I feel sorry for those who don't have money to pay for attorney. That is so stressful. But there are organizations out there to help those who have little or no income. God bless you all if you are divorcing a narc.

    • @sherylanderson7536
      @sherylanderson7536 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yup...Now 20+ years ago. It was so hard. I would have done things So Different now for my Kids.

    • @MarcM143
      @MarcM143 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I'm the one paying all bills in the household for 13 years. At this point it's about 12k per month. She pays nothing. In Florida, she can come after me for attorney fees too. Yay!

    • @Never-Settle
      @Never-Settle 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@MarcM143Are you the main earner? Is the current bill payment an arrangement you were ok with prior to divorce? Does she contribute to the household in other ways? And is her financial contribution in proportion to her earnings?

    • @MarcM143
      @MarcM143 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@Never-Settle hey thanks for the reply! Yes, no, no, and no. I am the main earner in the household. I was ok with paying all the bills before the divorce process started and she had me served September 19th. As the last 5 or 6 years went by she would contribute less and less to the household and it's to the point where the last year and a half or more she very rarely cleans the dishes or cooks anything, so I took over all the household chores, I do the laundry, keep the house nice and clean, dishes, cooking breakfast and dinner for the kids, household repairs etc. The turning point was about a year ago when I asked if I could have a massage and she made me pay her. From that point on she always wanted to be paid. She checked out and only cares about her Brazilian family that she sends ALL of her money to. She built a house for them in Brazil and she pays for all their furniture, medical bills, utilities, etc even for her brothers, meanwhile she charges me to care for me. For me this is not a partnership it's financial and mental abuse. She works from 7 am to 7 pm and when she gets home she goes right onto Facebook, no help for the kids homework nothing. It's clear to me now that she came from Brazil to be with me only for financial reasons and to get her citizenship, and I meant nothing overall to her. The support only goes one way. When the love bombing phase was over I was left reeling

    • @Never-Settle
      @Never-Settle 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@MarcM143 yikes. That's scary. I hope the case gets resolved quickly and fairly. Asking for payment for a massage. Well. Messy, messy.

  • @dixiemaestri
    @dixiemaestri 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    Divorcing a narcissist no kids involved

    • @BlackBeauty-yl8uq
      @BlackBeauty-yl8uq 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      That is even better

    • @kellygreen2856
      @kellygreen2856 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Me too

    • @nenelife2811
      @nenelife2811 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Amen

    • @GLY32
      @GLY32 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Lucky you

  • @mauimitau8603
    @mauimitau8603 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Actually interesting to know it’s not personal, I couldn’t believe someone could be that cruel against another human being, wish I’d seen this when I started divorcing my narcissistic

    • @gpal4843
      @gpal4843 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      They are not human they are devil

    • @zoiefinnian3540
      @zoiefinnian3540 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It’s very interesting. I was completely taken aback by that statement, because I’ve taken it so personally. Knowing that he has really, really only been thinking of himself with every single dumbass decision he has made thus far, it all makes perfect sense. It was all about him from the jump ~😅

    • @antoniotoninno
      @antoniotoninno 12 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@zoiefinnian3540well narcissism is a mental disorder that I never wish to my worst enemies to go through. My ex was a covert narcissist. My best weapon was to hire a good attorney, to file for divorce, to change my location, so that I would be safe from her gangs and whoever she deals with, blocked all contact, and honestly I don’t even care if she will file for divorce or not.. it’s better to avoid all drama with these crazy people than to get involved with. They aren’t like us, normal people, my ex suffers from hallucinations, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder which is very dangerous for anyone, and the worst part of all is that all of these years they do keep these horrible horrific trauma and traits within themselves and hence the fact and the nightmare begins. Wish you good luck and stay strong

  • @jamesw3834
    @jamesw3834 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    There's no suck thing as a self aware narcissist

  • @eloisewatson3075
    @eloisewatson3075 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Have to have courts involved or else the games won't stop!

  • @lynnschaeferle-zh4go
    @lynnschaeferle-zh4go 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Just be prepared to let them have 2/3 of everything. Be prepared for your children and maybe your friends to be alienated. Be prepared for them to go find someone that they know you will hate to take care of your kids. And yes, the only friends I have left are the ones I hid. Poor narcissist so poorly treated

  • @chamuuemura5314
    @chamuuemura5314 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    #2 reminds me of a boss who’d go ad nauseam about how she’s such a great pet owner, how others don’t care for their dogs as much as she does, and how she spoils her dogs so much. She took them on a business trip and was utterly apathetic toward their discomfort and lashed out at either of the other 2 of us who asked if the dogs were OK. It was only about the image of being a dog lover that she cared about.

  • @mits619
    @mits619 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    The custody/parenting thing is so spot on. I know mine is going to fight me. He’s already told me his intention, if I ask for divorce, is to take the kids, leave me penniless on purpose (let the house foreclose, so I have nowhere to live and im homeless… that’s way he will get full custody 🥴). He has no desire to raise the kids, just to “win” and hurt me. He knows the only way to hurt me is by using them as pawns. When you see your children used like this, I can’t even describe the feeling… I don’t know I’ve ever known heartache, pain, anger, sadness, grief, quite like it.

    • @jamesmartin6319
      @jamesmartin6319 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Why can't you fight for custody??

    • @jamesmartin6319
      @jamesmartin6319 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      So sorry your going through this

    • @mits619
      @mits619 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@jamesmartin6319 I can. I think because of how expensive lawyers are, he didn’t expect I would be able to get one. So he felt secure, thinking he’d be able to make to keep making those threats and I’d just go along with what he wants me to do (and not ask for a divorce).

    • @jamesmartin6319
      @jamesmartin6319 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @mits619 how horrible! I hope you and the kids are in a safe place, and they grow up to be wonderful humans. ✨️ all power to you !!!

  • @Sunshine-dm9hp
    @Sunshine-dm9hp ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I did a disillusion and after he filled the paper work out 3-4 days later he begged me to stay married to him and we don’t have no kids nothing at all and wanted to save it and has not proven nothing .

  • @brookeallison6509
    @brookeallison6509 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Wow! Going through these things right now.

  • @jennywager6228
    @jennywager6228 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I refused his attempt to go to mediation. Abuse is abuse and it dont stop in mediation. Negotiate with a lying cheatig, abusive con man is expensive and resolves nothing.

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's never too late to begin your healing journey! Join our free masterclass and discover how to break free from toxic relationships here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..

  • @lisamariegriffin2012
    @lisamariegriffin2012 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Love this. Very informative and exactly what I'm living. Textbook!

  • @TheSeekeroftruth1
    @TheSeekeroftruth1 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Currently experiencing everything said in the video right now. He has delayed several times over a period of a year, and because I was the one to file, I have handed over all power and control over the situation to my (ex), whereby now he just says no to every single point and area that I raise. I have asked for very little, but even this is clearly too much. My advice is, if you have the money don't mess around and go to court as soon as possible, with a good solicitor who can force your (ex) narc to agree/do what you need to see happen.

  • @carolinelomas5282
    @carolinelomas5282 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Wish I’d watched this sooner, spent thousands of dollars on
    mediations, now going to court.

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

  • @tonyalways7174
    @tonyalways7174 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Excellent simple explanations.

  • @richardpetrossi176
    @richardpetrossi176 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I dont have the money to pay for my Divorce,il have to wait until I can get the money,then move on with my life,hopfully,its very expensive,but needs to be done.

    • @zoiefinnian3540
      @zoiefinnian3540 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Can I ask how you fared, Richard. Your situation is similar to mine. I haven’t worked for a few years and my husband is withholding finances from me after telling me he’s divorcing me, after 24 years of marriage. I hope you are doing well now..

  • @KJ-kd5rx
    @KJ-kd5rx ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This is in regular relationships too. Will just stop paying for anyyyything other than his phone bill

    • @Surfbicardi
      @Surfbicardi 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      No truer words were said

  • @shirlspark_stardust
    @shirlspark_stardust ปีที่แล้ว +16

    I'm filing for divorce I don't have children or anything with the narcissist I'm still currently married to I want no parts to stay married to him at all

    • @Missymymy-py4gf
      @Missymymy-py4gf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      How did it go .....im doin it now

    • @KEOSHAANEILIA
      @KEOSHAANEILIA 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I hope you both got out and are doing well!

    • @shirlspark_stardust
      @shirlspark_stardust 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@KEOSHAANEILIA Gm I moved out of town and no contact the law firm that filed my divorce papers said I have to send new address which I will do

  • @sameyeam5277
    @sameyeam5277 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    A narcissist has a script for how they want you to act out. They change them up as needed. When they present you with the first one, they already have two more on backup. You will see this around the beginning of the discard phase. It will come right after they start gaslighting you when you start asking questions. They want a fight to get justification that is nonexistent. Mine is being served today. She has tried to gaslight me so much I am covered in soot. The more flame retardant I was the more she ramped it up. She spent 7k just to drag me to Mexico and jerk my chain the entire time. The first script was for me to voluntarily end the marriage and share fault. No hate or resentment she said. Then I told her I knew the game. Then she just left while I was at work. I came home to nothing. That was the second script. She wanted me to be the love sick, crazy, estranged husband. I turned that script down also. All of this to cover up a 6 month affair. Scapegoating her lack of a relationship with her estranged daughter as justification for her lack of affection, sex and erratic behavior. She has used her childhood, brother and prior marriages. She has used coworkers as alibis. She has used friends as alibis. She has lied to so many people. She is completely emotionless about it. I saw her affair for myself. I hired a pi and filed for divorce. She makes three times my salary. She left our home with almost 160k in cash. We have no kids. She wants half the equity in the home. She will come after my retirement. a decent person would bow out and take her money and things and leave. But she has to win something to feel good about herself if only for a minute. The cheating will be a blow to her self image. It will not be good for her salon business. It is already publicly known because of her arrogance. All of her employees know. They knew before me. She moved straight into the new supplies home when she left. She lied about where she was living to everyone. The smear campaign started as soon as she left. There is no end to what she can and will do. You will go to sleep thinking you know them and wake to a complete stranger. I feel exhausted, hurt, mad, sad, humiliated, scared, nervous and embarrassed, sick and ashamed. I relayed this to her. Not a sign of emotion was given. It's hard to believe it's not personal. She is not diagnosed but It's hard to believe she is not one. She had control over me for a long time. I enabled all of it. Her therapist has been asleep when she should have been wide awake.

    • @JM-my4sb
      @JM-my4sb 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Is she a hairdresser?

    • @sameyeam5277
      @sameyeam5277 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@JM-my4sb yep

    • @JM-my4sb
      @JM-my4sb 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@sameyeam5277 stay away from hairdresser dude. They are the worst for relationships.

    • @sameyeam5277
      @sameyeam5277 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@JM-my4sb I ended up getting my home and all the furniture. Both my retirements and all of my things No buy out no money paid to her for anything. In the end you discover that they are just a scared little clown.

  • @doesnotFempute
    @doesnotFempute 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    only reason I'm still married is because I'm not strong enough to go through the divorce process. I'm so drained. He sucks the life out of me daily. i feel so empty and weak.
    we have kids. He moved us all hundreds of miles away from any support system i have. He controls all the finances and sabotages my jobs so that i can't make enough money to leave. i still work, but he makes it a living he'll
    He also intentionally disturbs my sleep to make sure I'm constantly exhausted and can't think straight. He seriously naps on the couch all evening (while i do all the chores), to make sure he can disturb me all night long, once i finally come to bed.

    • @hibiscus1974
      @hibiscus1974 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      similar to my situation

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  21 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Would love to help you on your healing journey. Check out this video to see if you connect: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

  • @Truth-matters-v2z
    @Truth-matters-v2z ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Thank you. Mediation doesn’t mean no court just fyi

  • @llamalady9810
    @llamalady9810 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Divorcing my narcissistic husband and he’s playing the victim role claiming he wants to be there for our daughter, when he has never been there for her.

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  7 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Would love to help you on your healing journey. Check out this video to see if you connect: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

  • @JaneSmith.9941
    @JaneSmith.9941 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Re no contact - I am also concerned that being no contact (well, minimal contact) will now count against me. I really didn't think he would go this far. I was only focused on healing and understanding why I was having such a hard time talking with him anymore. Why was I scared for apparently no reason? Stuff like that.

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's never too late to begin your healing journey! Join our free masterclass and discover how to break free from toxic relationships here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..

  • @marcusjnewtonz28
    @marcusjnewtonz28 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    After 6 years I cannot take it anymore. It’s not going to be pretty. Our daughter is about to turn 4. This is terrifying.

    • @taragrace3705
      @taragrace3705 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It will never change. Once you get out even if it’s not pretty it’s way better then being stuck in it forever

  • @exportconnections6655
    @exportconnections6655 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    She did a no show to mediation or first court to talk about it. My 16 yr old kid continues to cancel our dates. So yes this info is correct.

  • @JaneSmith.9941
    @JaneSmith.9941 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Re mediation - so if he filed divorce and I'm *guessing* he wants to rush through it and "win" by hurting me, fixing his image, controlling us, and not being financially responsible. But for my conscience I feel I need to give him the benefit of the doubt one last time. Maybe he is just panicking and feeling hopeless. I feel I need to request Conciliation, establish my boundaries, and see how he responds to them. I do fear that setting my new healthy boundaries will make me look bad to the Court. Especially since I'd be the one asking for mediation or counseling or whatever it is. "Why ask for Conciliation if you're going to be so inflexible?" But they don't have all the context of how I finally came to learn and set my boundaries.

    • @JaneSmith.9941
      @JaneSmith.9941 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Forgot I commented this one. We did have the Conciliation Conference. It was horrid. But SO horrid that it incidentally freed me from the vast majority of my guilt and second guessing. I'm still scared. Because I don't know what I'm dealing with or what his real goals are. I can no longer believe anything like, "This man would never do..." All I know now is that I don't know who he is or what he is capable of. But at least I am finally a little less afraid of hurting his feelings. And no longer so worried that I'm the one attacking some poor innocent person by protecting myself.

  • @ImreadyforJesus
    @ImreadyforJesus 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Why can't it be easy I don't want anything from him I just want to divorce a man that hurts me daily

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.

  • @avromeirb
    @avromeirb ปีที่แล้ว

    What was the method you mentioned at the end? Blith?

  • @Ruhi20189
    @Ruhi20189 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Is it ok to take alimony through court from narcissist after divorce?

  • @smohammed2821
    @smohammed2821 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    ❤❤❤❤ please make more videos on this Please 🙏

  • @mauricemboula5869
    @mauricemboula5869 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    What if the Narc is the one filing for Divorce?

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Say yes please

    • @truffaut650truffaut6
      @truffaut650truffaut6 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Take it and run for the hills.

    • @marielee4335
      @marielee4335 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Just because they are the one asking for the divorce does not mean you won't encounter all this and more. Most likely, them asking for the divorce in the first place is them trying to manipulate you. Once they realize you are on board with a divorce instead of caving to what they want or begging for them not to, they can become vengeful.

    • @dmbmamas3880
      @dmbmamas3880 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Ohhh I wish!!! You are so lucky. Just say "yes please!'❤️💜💙

    • @ladyvirgo013
      @ladyvirgo013 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      ​@marielee4335 I agree! My husband filed In June and he's holding up the process by not turning in the necessary paperwork 🤷‍♀️they are insane

  • @cherlovestrong413
    @cherlovestrong413 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I just want to know if he’ll have those black eyes the entire time. And will he take ALL the money?

  • @lauriejordan2716
    @lauriejordan2716 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Hey guys, we have no children together and only rented a house that neither of us live in anymore. We were only married 5 years so neither of us are entitled to the other’s pension or anything. So I am thinking it should be easy because we neither of us should ask for or give anything. However, he is crazy and can’t let anything be simple. He is now saying he wants any inheritance I may ever receive in my life. Which oddly enough, I have no one to leave me any inheritance. Do you think there is any way I will be able to just make this quick and easy?

    • @BlackBeauty-yl8uq
      @BlackBeauty-yl8uq 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Run for your life and sanity

    • @KarenFlynn-k4p
      @KarenFlynn-k4p 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Run and don't look back

    • @seameology
      @seameology 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Inheritances are NEVER a part of divorce. You only split what you bought together and money earned. At least in New York.

  • @cherlovestrong413
    @cherlovestrong413 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I had mediation in my first divorce and it took seconds and was easy and free. My current narc guy is going to make it much harder. He does not want me to get any money. I deserve all of it honestly with all the abuse he perpetrated. But I want to settle for half, and he won’t let that happen with a mediator. I can already tell. We’re in early stages. After this is over. I swear I will vet people so hard before dating. If I even dare to date. I can’t ever do this with a narc again. They are the worst people on the planet. They and Trumpies should go live together on Narc Island and leave the rest of us good people alone. (Turns out my husband is a racist maga. Who knew?!)

  • @kristinbrowne8756
    @kristinbrowne8756 ปีที่แล้ว

    What if no kids?

    • @BlackBeauty-yl8uq
      @BlackBeauty-yl8uq 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      No kids. That’s it. Run.

  • @truthseeker3773
    @truthseeker3773 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    4:30

  • @anettewaits3677
    @anettewaits3677 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    👍💚

  • @stephenzevetchin
    @stephenzevetchin ปีที่แล้ว

    You're wrong. Should anyone roll over in a pro woman divorce scenario no matter how bad the mothers influence can be proven to be.