What I Learned in 25 Years of Recovery
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 มิ.ย. 2024
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12-Step fellowships can be powerful places of healing and connection. But not everyone who goes, gets something out of it. How can YOU get the most of your meetings? Here are 30 lessons I learned from 25 years in the program I attended (for families of alcoholics).
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You are incredibly eloquent 😮
In each of the many videos I have watched, you have no wasted words. Wow! Because of that I started the Daily Practice… and after several weeks I became a member of your CCF group. It has changed everything for me.
This video… wow! I have never heard 12 step be dissected like that. I learned so much! Thank you for all you do.
Wow, thank you! We're so glad to have you in our CCF community!
Nika@TeamFairy
Same feeling here and I have also become a member :)
The thing is we have to check within ourselves with honesty. I feel I try to fix people or make myself of use in the 12step group at times, but I’m aware of it and I check with myself.
“What is it that I’m trying to accomplish by making myself useful in a space where I just need to be vulnerable and free?”
“Do I feel I need to be useful like I was for a parent when I couldn’t be vulnerable when I was younger?”
“I’m in an adult body and I don’t need to do that anymore”
Trauma is very insidious so our brains can play games to cover up the pain. We have to do work inside and outside to be able to move forward and grow
Helpful, thanks
As a food addict I go to an AA meeting because if I put the word “food” wherever someone uses “alcohol” I found that everything else is exactly the same. My food addiction comes from childhood CPTSD. AA and CPTSD knowledge working together are the key for me!
Thanks so much for sharing that perspective.
There is a group called “Overeaters Anonymous”, but I don’t know how widespread it is or if there’s an online option. But they might be able to get more specific for you? 🙂
Exactly. Alanon program helped me and my family OCD SHOPPED and you can X out alcohol and put in shop.
FA, food addicts in recovery....
Thank you. It is nice to hear someone with the same perspective as me. I'm so grateful for this youtube channel. It really feels real.
To anyone who is here considering 12 step program for recovery from alcoholism or anything else: this is the most thoughtful & accurate description of the 12 step program I have seen in public media. I especially appreciate your focus on the fellowship aspect. Thank you for posting this, a most needed boost to my own program of recovery!🦋
Yes Donna ful i totaly agree 💞🙏
"I don't have to save meetings and I don't have to save people." My codependency flares up about that. But.. I get it. That's really tough to learn.. it sounds simple. But it's tough to learn.
12-stepping wasn't helpful to me. I'm not at all religious and the program -- for me -- felt like the opposite of what I needed. I'd already given my power away, and recovering that has been the most helpful for me. I found the meetings traumatizing, watching people throw their lives down the tubes and not see it hurts my heart. I add this because abusers so often strip us of our faith, and leave us feeling we're lesser beings. 12-stepping works many, but if it isn't right for you, that's also okay. Just stay actively engaged in your healing. Peace to you this day. ❤
I personally think Anonymous programs do more harm to me than good. They claim to be agnostic…but what they don’t say is that they are exclusively agnostic theist, which still claims a creator God(s), just not a definitive one. I have religious trauma, regarding a religion that lied to me about many of its aspects. These disingenuous groups do exactly that, while being an extension of religion, hence so many of them being located in a church. It’s triggering, and usually makes you feel like the “other,” not a group member.
I think the skeleton of the 12 Steps is good, but certain Steps require belief. I tried my best, but some of them simply don’t make sense without superstition. I found that groups led by licensed therapists (unfortunately, those aren’t free), and one-on-one therapy with an LADC to be far more effective for me. Many people in AA claim that sobriety is impossible without the 12 Steps, which is bullshit. You do need help, but not necessarily an Anonymous program. That rigidity and closed-mindedness is another influence of religion, imo.
It’s a lot of telling “war stories” of their days in active addiction and I don’t see how that’s helpful. The modern treatments for addiction like rehab and 12-step have abysmally-low success rates.
Ditto….not for me…
@@rockstarofredondo The people who recover are 80% connected to some spiritual uplift.
They saved my life but to each is own. I found them to be a spiritual program rather than religious. However, if twelve-step programs and anonymous programs aren’t working for you, try things like dharma recovery, refuge recovery and smart recovery.
I found your videos 2 years before I joined AA and I'm really grateful for both. I'm 9 months sober now and actively participate in meetings and the 12 steps and I'm so grateful for your guidance and directing me towards AA.
Keep your head up & keep going! Life will be tough always, but we must keep going for ourselves & others. Love yourself even when u don't feel anyone else does!!
I plan to find a group to add to my cptsd healing journey... (mother was emotionally immature, unstable, neglectful, unhealed due to her own childhood trauma (alcoholic father...) )..
Her lack of healing was very problematic for our entire family.
I've been on a healing journey 39+ years. Finding Anna a year ago has been a real gift 🎁
Check out Alanon. It is for people dealing with people with problems, that affect you. It helped me get out of an abusive situation, and dealing with my mom’s mental health problems.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Try ACA.... adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families.
@@marioct130thank you, i have to see if they added disfonctional families too aca in my country, don't think i find it in my erea but will check... Would love it 💕🙏, I think to open one, but to soon and need other poeple too creat it with me, that's planed, with a autodefense groupe for free to train every week together.... It's needed and missed... Seeing a real chance to heal makes me dream again and I'm happy to have plans.
Thank you for that share 💕🙏
Community seems difficult for me - and I have been all over - Twelve Step, sixteen years, church, men’s groups … I don’t know, but do agree it’s crucial to one’s Recovery. Still searching & seeking.
If I am forthright, it’s because the adults so often seem like children - nearly everywhere; everything seems so reduced.
I know of where u speak👍
@@aimeeamigone2717: Man, it’s beyond language. I thank you for your remark.
I know what you mean. I found out a great Al Anon men’s group that was brutally grounded when I had a ton of recovery in me. I visited for my own benefit and growth. And I never stopped going to the more basic “open” Al Anon meetings, because I went there to “give away my recovery” and others thanked me and appreciated me. That open group was my service to the greater community that helped and embraced me when I came in broken. I pass….
@@siulanainad: I attended regularly for a decade-plus, but often found the solutions did not match generally, what I needed. The Program serves a vital role, but people’s needs are different, change and everything else.
@@pdelaprimm I understand and agree with the point. And also at some point What I discovered was that what worked for me was to combine ideas heard (there was never crosstalk, and it was called out right away if at all) the more I attended the more single words I heard that triggered new angles that I had never considered before that eventually worked out. Other ideas didn’t, but that was my version of take what I wanted and leave the rest.
After 50 years of AA I'm still. A mess of anxiety and depression. The 4th step has me bound by guilt, shame and fear. Every day is a struggle and I am frozen in place. No joy.
You’ve not give up!!! Anna is an amazing guide to healing. Do your work. Do it for You❤
step 4 is a dangerous step. The 12 steps is NOT trauma informed.
Have you considered trying ACA (one of the fellowships Anna attended)? Your alcoholism came from trauma and it’s possible AA isn’t getting to the root to heal your guilt, shame and fear. ACA is much more focussed on healing those emotions and the trauma that underlies it.
Best wishes, in fellowship.
This is Step One of ACA...'We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.'
It was such a relief to know that I was not responsible for the whole dysfunctional mess... I was blameless.... and that I was not 'bad' as I was told by my mother.
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This video was released at an opportune moment for me. This month I'm celebrating one year in recovery in ACA (I've been going to meetings weekly and then bi-weekly since the first time I stepped foot in a room last January). And I'm coming up against the reality that, without working the steps and working a daily program, turning over what I am powerless over to god, that I am deeply hurt and deeply avoidant of that pain. I'm still coping like I was when I was a helpless child. And when I compassionately turn toward my pain, I see that I have to continue to take action, to change my life, to show myself love and care and to keep reaching out to others who are available to hear me. I am feeling so exhausted and frightened and helpless, I am feeling like if I don't control everything in my life perfectly (and of course I am actually in control of very little in this world and this life) that everything will come crashing down around me. I'm still trying to manage my pain by avoiding and controlling it. And I know it's time to let go of control.
Your thoughts about the recovery community are very pertinent. You are delightfully wise. Warning about the cultishness while still encouraging people to try different meetings and finding a good fit for the individual is very useful. It can work, it can bring hope, and one can find a power not normally one's own. Thanks again
I loved discovering 12 step community and spirituality in my 20s. My addictions aren't life threatening, but I need to be in recovery rather than addiction. I figure the lifelong management requires numerous life-giving interventions, and many of them are there for me in the rooms; many are elsewhere. Thanks for this long-term perspective Anna
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
"Be the medicine," is the same as talking about one's "Ah Ha!" moments. And that's the whole point.
"Ah Ha! This worked for me! This was the problem, this is what I heard or read or my Sponsor advised, and it worked!" and relaying that information to the people who are dealing with that issue gives them hope that it could work for them also. When a new person looks around the room and sees all these people dealing, successfully, with things that brought them to rock bottom, they know that there's a solution! That there's hope!
Ive been in OA for 2 years and have struggled and struggled. Ive never been able to be consistent with anything in my life and so working the steps havent been easy. I fail and then keep trying over and over again. I really want to recover. I think im the person who always talks about my struggles instead of the solution. For the last two meeting ive stood quiet because ireally have felt like a failure. I dont plan on giving up.
There’s your Win; You are Not giving up!!!
I’ve been attending Al Anon meetings for over two years and just got a sponsor. I’ll work the steps and keep an open mind about the program. The most powerful therapy I’ve found is in a daily practice of Iyengar yoga. I’m blessed here in the SF area to have access to great teachers.
I've recently decided to leave my hometown 12 Step groups after 20 years. I was getting more and more angry and resentful after getting tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. I found another group 45 minutes away that was not just speaking the principles of the program but working the steps. I was a very hard choice to make and it took many, many months to finally do it. I've had to grieve the loss of this "family". But the change has really been worth it. Just like the alcoholics and other people in my life, I can't change them or force them out of their comfort zone. Now, I'm trying to find ways to continue some of those friendships outside of the groups in a healthier way.
Absolutely true within the fellowship at large. It's perfect except that there are people in it!!!
I found that Some people in those never ending saga meetings are doing the 1-2-3 step tango. It’s like a therapy session that lasts hours,days or maybe a week until the next one. All for $1. But they never work the steps. I found that It works for them and they May never go beyond that. It takes guts to really work the steps. Unfortunately some may never will.
Yeah, I'm with you on that.
12-step fellowships have changed my life. When I got stuck in therapy the fellowships helped me go deeper and address the real cause of my suffering without the typical top-down hierarchy that therapy has.
This ^^^^^
I just had my first meeting in 7 years. It was awkward and i cringed at my own share because i trauma dumped a bit 😂 but i am going to keep going because i need to be around people who are interested in self awareness and improvement. Im a little rusty and there is a level of scepticism i still have but im holding out for the moment it clicks again. I had three years up before i lost a partner and struggled to be in the rooms for a bunch of reasons. Going back is me fighting the urge to push everyone away. So lets see how it goes i guess!
Good for you! “Keep coming back. It works if you work it so work it cuz you’re worth it!”
Believe it or not, this helped me many times.
Forward we go❤
I love this woman… I could never put myself in front of a camera and be this vulnerable..❤❤❤love you Ana
:)
I'm finding a lot of help from ACA groups (adult children of alcoholics or adult children of dysfunctional parents). There was no alcoholism in my family. But there was massive narcissism and dysfunction. ACA focuses on re-parenting ourselves ie giving ourselves the love with (God's love & power) that our parents never gave us due to abuse, neglect, etc. i enjoy the inner child work. I've just got a sponsor so I'm really going to work the steps hard. I also went to Al Anon (relatives of an alcoholic) and I found most of them just moaned about living with their alcoholic husband or son, they didn't work the steps or read the literature. ACA suits me and makes me more confident.
That’s really helpful to read. Thanks for sharing. I was wondering about CoDa too. I have tried that a few times but I’m going to explore again now.
Thank you so much for this! I’m in my mid 50s and my CPTSD almost killed my 20y+ marriage. I’m 4yr sober and my spouse, I’m proud to say, is recently sober. This resonated with me so much. I hope those out there that are just getting started will listen as well as those who’ve been around. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you for watching and for your comment! Congratulations on sobriety for you and your wife! Keep it up!
Nika@TeamFairy
ANNA...Wow !!! The Best description of 12 Step Meetings ever !!! Covered sooo many things....Thx !!! HUGgzzz!!!
Great video. I keep starting and stopping ACOA and realized I can’t stand all the sad stories Sometimes I feel like I’m too successful to go. Great idea to go to the ones with the Steps so there’s focus. Having said that I still don’t get the “working the steps” thing. I’ve had issues with the Higher Power God talk. Having said that I have had beautiful spiritual moments. Yes Tools and Community.
This was beautifully put.❤ i really appreciate you addressing of scepticism of culty-ness,makes me feel v assured.
Just wonderful video. Speaking to my soul. Ive come a long way but sooo far to go. Thank u Anna❤
I am the secretary for my coda group. We do it for one year. I really love my group.
Thank you for this! It speaks to many of my experiences in 12 step groups and in other recovery spaces. I came to AA with 3 years of sobriety from another space and had all the reservations you articulated. As I've stayed and started to work the steps, I am feeling more and more healed. I also do the practices here AND have been in heavy trauma recovery (EMDR) so I think all these things brought about a true and positive transformation. At 44:25 you talk about how helpful it is when groups are speaking to new people. That's so important. The first space I went to (not AA) was so cliquey. It made me feel even more left out and like I was doing something wrong. I ended up in a really depressed state. They were so critical of AA and I absorbed those beliefs without even trying the program for myself! (thanks fawn trauma response!) The contrast to finding a truly welcoming group is night and day. I finally feel like I belong somewhere. This is a really helpful video for anyone thinking about recovery. Always good to go into things with eyes wideopen! To anyone contemplating this journey, keep trying different groups if you haven't found the right one yet!
I spent 5 years in 12 step groups my first was al anon and it was like 2 hours of sanity in my crazy life. All the stuff that feels cultish is there to create boundaries that keep everyone safe; everyone has PTSD, most people will have severe anxiety, some people have repressed anger, many people may be addicted to controlling other people's lives. The readings at the beginning of the meeting are crucial to ensure it is a safe place where people's traumas don't trigger each other so you have to follow them carefully. Don't get hung up on the higher power thing it's there to remind you that you have to stop trying to control everything - your higher power doesn't have to be God it could be multiple gods, buddhas, the 12 step consciousness or a random tree as long as it is something you can take problems to and feel the weight of them fall off. Because there are just so many things in life we can't control no matter how hard we try. In my case I had to accept the truth that I could not save my alcoholic partners life and I was going to have to let him drink himself to death at the same time as I was supporting my mother alone through terminal ovarian cancer and watching my father also drinking himself to death. Having a safe place to go and talk and cry was lifechanging (there are strict rules so you are able to cry as long as you like and you can choose whether to accept tissues, hugs etc so if at first no one reacts it isn't that they don't care they are waiting for you to indicate what response if any will help you). It was the first place in my life it was really ok to admit I had feelings and be around other emotionally intelligent people and nobody shouted, bickered or exploited anyone. If the whole world ran by 12 step guidance it would be a much better place to live. Everyone takes care of each other, everyone takes their turn chairing the meeting, making drinks, setting chairs out etc.and you are part of a multi-national organisation, not alone. It is a great way of gaining confidence and trust if yours has been shattered becausenyou realise there are still good people out there but you learn how to set healthy boundaries to protect you from the bad ones.
Thank you for sharing your insight.
Nika@TeamFairy
The 12 steps work well for me - it's not a perfect fit but the solutions work with other holistic treatments. Step 4 is hard - it was the first time I realized I had to fight as no one was going to save me. A lot of grief and anger. A few weeks after joining 12 steps/step 4 I was in car accident - I asked myself, " If I would've died, what would I have regretted? what am I holding on to that is holding me back?" I let go of a lot of resentment and chose to be honest going forward. Since then I've accomplished goals and really began self-actualizing. the god and powerlessness part I actually find relief in and soothes my anxiety. Moreover 12 steps brings me around ppl who are like me and it's weird. It's humbling to be around other folks with problems as I see my pain and life struggles arent unique, lol. That's a big thing 12 steps gives me - humanity.
Thank you for sharing your insight!
Nika@TeamFairy
I too have reaped huge benefit from AA. Thank God for them! I read about them in the Saturday Evening Post when I was 11. My family were alcoholics which always can lead to horrible misbehaviors. At the point where I was being lifted by business coaches who taught me my worth and value...and a possible real life, I began to identify how I had been affected and how I needed to learn to not live as a victim in blame and resentment. Now, after decades of benefiting from NINE! different fellowships, I am landing in Eating Disorders Anonymous. I am a new person, this is my real life and you were the frosting on the cake, Anna. Thank you.
This is a great video! I realized decades ago I had no power. My family had taken away my power to fight anything. I gave all of me to The LORD. He's my everything. When I'm weak he's strong in me. I learned I can do nothing without him!!!
Anna I’m only halfway through this video but it is a BALM for my spirit (and nervous system!) right now. Thank you. I hope I can find a good Al-Anon meeting in Toronto, or north of there soon. It seems like everything went online only after Covid restrictions. In person would be so much better!
After a lifetime of living with addiction around me and choking me , from childhood with my dad, to the boys and then men I choose with addiction issues, I finally grew so tired of my patterns and gave up my will. My 'will' I realise now felt isolated traumatized and beaten and lived in fear because trauma was at the wheel. With the help of Anna, Coda fellowship and my sponsor, and we are recovering on FB too, I am a year into healing and starting to see clearer. Thank you to all the people who gave their time and energy for free to help people from their own experiences. xx
Thank you, Anna. Hearing about your journey has been very helpful to my own development. The ups and downs, the daily roller coaster, seem a part of the process.
15:10 - We are Humans, yes, but under that, our essence is Spirit endowed with Will. When a human has been traumatized to a degree that they can't exercise their own Will, for those that 'get it', that says an awful lot about what they must have been through to be in that condition because it's not our default state. To have experiences that essentially crush someone's Will, whether one big one or a consecutive seemingly unending string of experiences that are many time beyond our ability to control, but we have to/are forced via life to 'endure'. Think of how much time people give up/lose in life, just trying to fix/heal themselves from the damage other people do to us (in a whole lot of cases). When you love and you trust and the person you're dealing with isn't playing the same game you are and you didn't realize that until the moment things fell apart...yeah, that can have profound impact on many aspects of a human being.
Thank you for this
Anna, you are a badass, thank you. I so needed to hear this! I’ve been in and out of 12 step groups since October 2022 and appreciate this reinforcement/perspective as it is a struggle, and often I just want to quit and not do the work (work work work!). Yes. Spot on. Thank you.
Aa literally saved my life. Then coda then slaa then acoa. Then I had to go down the rabbit hole once i had a strong enough foundation to navagate that path . I can only speak for myself and that part of the path took me 3years. If you have cptsd please dont attempt this on your own like i did. Like waking up from a nightmare. Thank you
What works for me? Well, what they say in the rooms, “keep coming back, it work!” Lol. I need the reminder from people who have some real clean time that these changes take time to transpire, sometimes it takes three years what you think you’re going to get done in 30 days. That’s very helpful to me. You mentioned that a few times in this video as well in so many words - sometimes it just takes time. ❤
What I learned from watching your videos. Is learning to heal your own mind and really put in the work for yourself is more important than trying to heal others. I have stopped trying to control other people. Also listening to other people's issues and major problems but they don't want to change themselves. I will literally tell them I don't want to hear it. I am not the person that can take that negativity. A lot of people don't want to change but just complain it is draining.
I don't care if it is family or close friends. My peace of mind and relationship with God the Father is more important than trying to save people.
Thank you for sharing your insight.
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm 33 years old and I'm starting the ACA 12 steps tomorrow!
Great! Good luck!
Nika@TeamFairy
Dear Anna, l appreciate your channel so much. I work as a clinical psychotherapist in EU and your channel is such a grat resource for me personally and for my patients. Thank you for all the work you do!
I have 5 years of recovery from heroin / meth addiction, and the 12-Steps were a huge catylist for my physical sobriety. I'm now 40 years old and have been single for the entire span of my sobriety. I started seeing a trauma therapist for the first time a year and a half ago, who informed me that I have cPTSD, which has led me on a new pathway or emotional/mental recovery.
I watched the daily practice video about 2 weeks ago, and the 10th step inventory mixed with the 11th step mediation resonated immediately and I picked it up right away, holding this commitment twice a day, which greatly complements the other practices I hold.
I joined the Crappy Childhood Fairy community soon after to take the Structured Dating Course, which I've already found so helpful in identifying self-destructive behavior and cPTSD characteristics that I wasn't able to recognize before now.
After diving into this work, it is clear just how much the structure, language and format easily aligns with the recovery work I've already deeply implemented into my life. This video assisted me in understanding why this is... 25 years of experience in sponsoring 300 women?! I'm impressed, and humbled to be working with you. ❤
Thank you for what you have said; I'm in awe of your recovery, and so glad you are here and sober to showeveryone you meet, by your shining light, what is possible.
Thank you. I'm eager to experience the unfolding of what the tools in the coursework will assist me with in the other areas of my life that are not as developed. Dating and romantic relationships is the most underdeveloped area of my life, and after learning more about cPTSD this makes sense. I've just started attending an Adult Chidren of Alcoholics 12-Step fellowship, and although this is tough work, I hope it will pay off with time.
~I wish AA had been helpful for me, but i often left in tears, and got crazy destructive suggestions, like dont get a job, come to meetings & bum money?!?~I did much better quitting on my own...im rarely a group person....but i did want to be~
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been watching your videos for a few months now and I love your open and honest style❤❤❤ I feel I can relate to what you’re saying because alcohol had such a negative impact on my life. Thank God it is not a part of my life anymore 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I can honestly say I love myself sober and I don’t want alcohol in my life, there is hope in recovery ❤️🩹 Bless anyone going through hard times in their life regarding alcohol or any other addiction 🙏🏼⭐️⭐️ Thanks for your informative videos!!!🕊️🕊️
❤
Congratulations on your sobriety ❤
@@cherbuck1525 Thanks 😊 I know I need to take it one day at a time, but March will be 10 yrs. Sober❤️👍💪
@@JenZen4life1111 Whoohoo!!
Thank you for sharing this, we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I am in several 12 step meetings and find support, friendship, sanity, a place of safety where I can share my truth, feelings, I know I was led there to get some help and healing. I would highly recommend these meetings to anyone.
Thank God for you, Anna. 12 step programs really helped me when I lived in Fla in my 20’s but when we moved out of state, I could not find 12 step programs here (20 years ago). And I couldn’t find anything on the internet to help me. I tried to do it by myself and I was drowning. Gradually, I dropped the program and lost my faith. Finding you has brought me back. Thank you for all the work you have done and for sharing your journey with us.
Wow, I'm so glad you found the channel! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you this is such a complete and detailed overview. You're very generous with your mind, while holding yourself accountable without mystifying your experience and power, and that's rare! You have beautiful character
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Been in AA 38 yrs. w/ side trips to “the other program” for relationship issues. Thank you for your channel, really is spot-on 🎯❤️
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This is such a sweet video! Thank you, Anna :)
sober from alcohol for 15 years now but had a 3 year mj relapse that I'm 15 months clean from. during my time out i spent 2 years mostly alone, and the next 16 months back at my mom's. i got very interested in "learning about cptsd," but on my own might have just done a lot of damage that I'm very stuck in still. (your daily meditation practice's suggestion of sobriety is actually what got me to stop smoking and start going back to (online) meetings.)
I'm having a very difficult time with some of the shaming language in the rooms, or what i perceive as shaming (toxic shame is a deep problem for me). I'm putting off stepwork because I'm terrified of retraumatizing myself. I've stopped sharing at meetings for the same reason - bc afterwards the shame spiral is so intense I need to basically run out of meetings. I'm avoiding my sponsor.
no idea what I'm asking for or why I'm saying all this but i feel like an alien in one of the few places that's ever felt like home to me, and it sucks.
Thank you ! I’m from Brazil and love your work.
Thank you! Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
Very helpful, thanks for your continuous luminous wisdom Anna ❤
Thank you I am going to O/A 12 step meeting. This is what I needed to help me and hopefully help others. Keep the meeting positive and save the drama for my sponsor.
Thank you for this ❤
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Alanon helped me immensely and I've been to many open meetings as well.
I’m so glad you talked about this. I would like to try ACOA or maybe AA. I’ve struggled with problem drinking after trauma but not full on alcoholism...but still feel I’d fit right in.
Thank you! 🙏
Greetings from Sweden 🇸🇪
Alanon is also very helpful.
A 12-step group, and the support of a wonderful ACT psychologist helped me change my life. Sponsorship was not great for me though - it encouraged all my people-pleasing tendencies and set me back some.
I loved this, thank you so much
You made so real, and personal
For 12 step that is very specific to childhood trauma recovery Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families (ACA), CoDA. and SIA are very effective.
Working the steps in a group (a specific step study) in conjunction with therapy tends to work very well in my experience.
Thank you for showing us it's ok to feel emotions. I'm very shut off from my emotions and I need to see someone I respect show emotions that make them vulnerable. Thank you ❤
We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
just wanted to thank you for this video.
I am a recovering alcoholic. I appreciate your view. Cuz I'm also my birth family's scapegoat.
Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
I went to my 1st CODA Meeting last week - I use to go to Alanon - sometimes sit in on AA meetings. When I went to Alanon meetings that saved my life, I learned how to detach & focused on me. I was so powerless - ruminating on the other. I had to do something immediately! I can’t believe how similar our paths were - I also had a spiritual experience that change my mindset.
Thanks. Just thanks.
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I don't have to save meetings. (Ok, pegged me.)
Also, pegged my exhaustion and what I've been trying to GET OUT OF my entire life since I was about 12 (if not before). I dreamed of being an ant. Simply have no responsibility and get away from it all (and with it all?) without anyone noticing, needing me, or calling me to account. Paradise at last! Freedom from a lifetime of shames and fears in retrospect. Who needs more of that? Forget being "a fly on the wall" my first desire (before learning that I needed to learn my way out like a fly on the wall) was one of escapism - like running away but without the vocational troubles. Or, later in life now, simply NOT ATTENDING MOST EVERYTHING. NOT EVEN MOST FRIENDSHIPS.
This will be my last long-form comment on this channel, but 'saving meetings' is exactly what I was duped into doing from birth by a family that had 'church' and other group identities functioning as its core - while persistently undervaluing & mistreating the family itself. In other words it was a decaying husk of family competencies that were left behind generations ago - as far back as can be traced on both sides (those in my direct lines going downhill).
Up until very recently, it was as if I FELT and IMAGINED and THOUGHT in very shallow group-like sentimental feel and my inner competitiveness and comparisons were geared toward the favor of perceived hierarchal comparisons that I didn't like nor care for anyway! (In large part.) Sometimes, it felt as if I had more of a collectivized (expropriated, I now see) soul that was more possessed of some distant meeting and ITS collective concern more than by the practicalities & tastes of my own self and private aims (or even of my personal friendships!).
So "saving meetings" and "saving group identities" is where I was. That WAS me saving my skin by saving my family by saving their foisted & faked reputations and finally (when that failed) the residual group identities they had left me with (a combination of deep truths and deep lies). So I found in my 20s and 30s that group identity was *HOW I FELT AND THOUGHT* through things. It was how the back of my mind comparatively operates. Looking back, I can see how there was very little "me" tolerated apart from them (I call them hamsterwheels - busywork with shallow-metric performance expectations run by fear of failure and decreasing practical returns, run by and profiting others far from one's own practical life.)
I'm still trying to find & develop theoretical group identities, I could one day champion and develop. And jostling between various factions in my mind, when my efforts to bolster and then save the ACTUAL group identity fails, because it's simply too much to rescue while trying to learn core competencies of individual life, family, and collective tribe.
So much for civilization. Who's adequately mature enough to be called holistically civilized? Strikingly few apart from collapsing tribes (staged on inadequate and illogical worldviews). Yes, I see the trouble.
I was raised from youth on up in a disintegrating family, school, religious structure(s) - by narcissists and their outsourced triangulated priorities - with no TRUE launch-from-childhood in sight. Only the fakery and rush to keep ME occupied while not TRULY, HONESTLY, GENUINELY raised in 360-degree (or even 180-degree) set of competencies. I was raised by fear and triangulation. (Upon reflection, that began when at college at 18 - and finally reaching some clarity at 42, I see that it was only many layers of interacting hamsterwheel illusions engineered to keep me busy at the hand of others who weren't really teaching me anything either! A game of "pickle-in-the-middle, nobody but the victim in the middle takes the fall," does not equal "yay, we did our job as x and z, so you need to obey, strengthen our structure, and/or vanish."
I was "raised by wolves" by IMMATURE narcissists who future-faked me but couldn't manage themselves well enough to even retain what meager wealth & lifestyle arrangements they had fallen into shortly after the 1960s.
Yet in the absence of a collective identity and order, another collective identity will form. An individual needs meaning and momentum. A sense of reliability, security, order, meaning for expansion into the "far" future a decade or generation from now. So isn't part of being human, trying to save some collective identity sense of reliable order and goodness? I guess a big part of what I've done is future-faking myself into imagining the future family I'd like to form, building up my vision of what I will face (into increasing realism), imagining what competencies I need to develop (and hopefully will pursue and achieve in time!), and making almost all my aspirations funnel thru that - even neighborly aspirations (I'd like to live in a good place or champion such an arrangement in my spare time - again future faking.
This individual-for-future-family-for-future-neighbors vision helps steady my vision vocationally and develop my sentiment as an individual in the meantime. Lifestyle therapy? I have no choice but to refine this type of vision. Because the moment I began to think anything at all, I found myself stuck between fixed dysfunctional and collapsing group settings in communities and families, unable to maximize & appreciate the good fast enough to keep it from failing further. And after recognizing the problems, analyzing them, developing contrary rationale and holistic vision & sentiment - find that I'm ACTUALLY at least 5 years out functionally from even achieving and appreciating the EARLIEST STAGES of realistic healthy maturity and community competency. It is simply far from present reality (and always was) at minimum.
Or how can I receive saving from THAT as an individual?
I'm sure I could find vocational tracks or helps that were engineered for others, and 5 or 6 other "groups" in areas I need. Or I could attempt to do it myself, on my own to-do list, and my own time & goals, get the education I need, pursue some basic professional vocation, and simply begin. Nobody initiated me into a worthwhile paradigm, competency, maturity, group. All I had were the hamsterwheeling appearances of such that kept disintegrating as time went on and as the few competent people MOVED ON FROM THEM. (Basically, yea, still bitter. Thanks "Mom" and "Dad" for negligence & abuse & shallow-performative-metric outsourced hamsterwheeling, posing as religion & maturity & advancing vision. But as was said about 4 years ago the children "they were easy to raise" because they were scared into/by avoidant manipulations and explosive abuse without true honest account from maturity that simply wasn't existing in our circles. The narcissism was simply that good at avoiding holistically mature accountability for REAL parenting (like, uh, how to) - by utilizing profits to shallow systems supporting their immaturity! So the victims and narcs in those systems (one in particular, a religious network of services) had to grow and learn & gradually age out. Goodbye late 1960s - early 2020s: your games are almost completely exhausted of their residual & inherited wealth and energy.)
(My last long-form comment on this channel, I promise. Nobody needs to read this anyway. My lazy TH-cam blitz these last 3 years.)
I lost out. Early Gen Y, with parents and older sibling that imagined they had upper middle class values - but were truly functioning with LOW CLASS values. (I could tell stories.) I lost out. It was due to fear & lack of focus engineered by hamsterwheels formed by narcissistic negations (of me) followed with triangulations over all family members' reputation & appearance using institutional expectations outside of the family - especially church and neighbors and school. Increasingly, any external institution would do!!! I didn't recognize it at the time, but it functioned as an excuse to avoid personal family accountability for the responsibility to be actually mature (which they weren't - and yet their intellectualized narcissistic egoes demanded that they be respected as if they were above others competencies when they were increasingly falling behind because they were, in fact, disorganized, uncaring, negligent, and immature. I was one of the very last the last to perceive this, despite being affected by it the most.
Increasingly, I was subject in fact (if not merely in expectation and fear) any external authority to myself. My family had effectively triangulated me in quite a few ways from young kid on up! And called it moral, 'good for me', school, or any excuse to lord it over me would do. It wasn't obvious to me tho, because there was an illusion of a range of freedom - tho that was usually neglect (them relaxing from having to care about me!!! That was proven in the years leading up to my parents' divorce.) I was the scapegoat who actually cared about the other 3 and talked and shouldered emotionally - not they each other! It was all narcissistic posing and never from a deep place of understanding even when 'going to counseling.' (SAD, TORMENTING, HEART-RENDING FACT. I was always alone. Everything was a mask to hide how much my family was avoidant and narcissistically triangulating.)
It turns out that institutional education (name your institution) does not hold well, when fear is the primary motive for growing or getting through it. Well, one develops a negative utility (of what to avoid) but that does not render an ability to embrace and relax. And the only permanent & lasting answer is: measurable utility for individualistic aims & gain. Self-made man or woman. (Talk about a reset. Mine was a hard, difficult reset AWAY from false group identity (in me was more a mask than in my associates who were more practically assertive & socially adept / positioned). The more delayed my exodus attempts from various group hamsterwheels, the worse the stakes & possibilities. Refinement and external competency is mistaken for core maturity only makes self-sabotage (within the desire to escape) all that more clever. When the soul wants to find a way of escape and does not have sufficient practical prep to do so - the soul and mind will prove themselves very psychologically adept at utilizing all the avoidance, narcissistic, or manipulative techniques it has unconsciously emulated, perceived, imagined - for its own purposes. I went "new ager" stream-of-thought mode for a few years, and it was amazing. Not conventionally wise nor responsible, but aware, and somewhat revealing of what I had to directly perceive, yet had learned to ignore because I was negated so adeptly. I could do this while holding a steady job if I had to. But I had to form new walking legs. I never had used them. They were always & only outsourced narcissistic triangulations without my own inner life & choosing being suitably valued at the outset. Salvation or Humanity I may have needed - but it was Salvation or Humanity from something calling itself by those same words (insert name of hierarchal group and its fashionable causes: there is the real, true, personal good ends - OR the collectivist hierarchal expropriational simulacrum. Both using the same words & names. Both vying for human feeling and loyalty. Both competing for the same time slot.
And at the end of the road: it's politics of economics, even in the intangible things. It is a war of intention and spirit over all utility. What Is Authority? What Is Its Means and Truest Priorities? How can, is, should it be? And can I simply be gracefully free to find it on my own choosing with time to relax and own & run my own things independent from how someone else orders me to use it? Yea, burnout. At the end of errant civilization. (I was raised a Oneness Pentecostal but often without the heart of anything real allowed or tolerated within my family. They were simply too narcissistically reactionary to support deeply mature competencies - much less publicly lucrative reputational opportunities, ahem!!! I gladly NEVER chased those dreams. Something in me informed me that I shouldn't even desire it. Hirelings only get so far, before institutional hypocrisies settle in.)
thank u for everything 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️💫 ily 💞
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Any recommendations for those of us with c-ptsd also suffering from christaphobia / religious tram? Kind of makes me hesitate since a large part of my C-PTSD came about because of that.
The 12 Step program of recovery is all about getting free of old stuff. As it happens, I was a spiritual kid and was mocked by my atheist parents -- ridiculed to this day. It doesn't limit me in any way. I enjoy many kinds of people and don't feel like I have to agree with them.
I need to join and evolve more
Thank you ❤
I learned a lot from AA/NA. Heard Bill W. used psilocybin once to quit drinking. I believe that.
Thank you!... I am heavily involved in AA over the last nine months; happily still sober, working the program.
I was interested in your perspective - you've mentioned 12 step stuff before - but kindof afraid to watch, even though I trust you. I can't afford to derail what's overwhelmingly been a good thing.
The video was very good. I agree on every point. My message to people who are considering a 12 step program like AA is that Anna's points are valid. Moreso than many perspectives that you're likely to hear - especially from people who aren't ready to change.
Finally, if the God stuff bothers you there ARE ways to make it work. Listen to the members who are trying to tell you how. Don't let that keep you away! Many of us feel or felt like you do.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
12 step groups were a cornerstone fo my healing process. I went to groups for both sexual abuse and ritual abuse - the latter being the only place where I could really be me. I also went to yoga, dance and exercise classes since getting into your body and out of your misery is important. Endorphins are a good thing and certainly better than other addictions like drugs or alcohol or shopping. This was more than twenty years ago and I'm still in touch with some of these people.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you for creating an online community where men and women can share their stories. Dreaming of a better world starts with healing childhood trauma.
I do your work Anna and Coda 12 steps currently working on step 3 with a sponsor. Been in recovery for a year. I take things one day at a time but know I won't be returning. You have been one of my five influences/guides. Thanks so much for all your work
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Gorgeous, thank you Anna for sharing❤❤❤
Thank you! 😊
My dad sobered up when I was 13. I’ve read the books many many times. Whenever I need a refresher.
You are doing such an incredible service to the world of addiction recovery! How you've explained the 12 step program is brilliant. I work at 12 step program for compulsive food behaviors and codependency, and I am so grateful for the way you've explained everything. these truths you talk about are what are happening in my life. it's miraculous and 12 step programs. Should be worked by everyone in the world. Even people who aren't addicted. I think it's such a wonderful process of growth and becoming who we can be. thank you for sharing your lights. you shine so bright!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I also collaborate multiple modalities. I went to counseling, trauma therapy ( EMDR), i utilize an antidepressant and anti anxiety meds, and a 12 step program. Sometimes I lean on one modality than the others. And then that shifts as well. I never have enjoyed "sitting" in "it" ( the problem) and not moving towards porgress and serenity.
35+ years in Al-Anon, 10 years in OA and many open AA meetings. Now when I look back I see my pre-12 step life as being in a depressing black and white, and my life post program in glorious color!
I've been going for a couple of months to CODA. Honestly, I really have to force myself to go. All this higher power stuff sounds very airy and vague to me. But I guess it's better than to get isolated, so I'm going to try and stick it out.
I was thinking of joining an online cosa group. I'm not religious so I hesitate to follow through.
I have attended a "warriors" support group for people that have survived chronic physical and or mental health issues... I also found that quite helpful and they are planning to start another term of the group next week-( which I am planning to attend)...
Wow Anna! Thank you 🎉 💫❤🤗
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I worked the 12 steps on people places and things.
My turning point (35 uears ago) was after a relapse. A lady didnt judge me, but simply said, "you haven't had enough yet." When would it be enough? A DWI? A fatality? A fatality with a prison sentence?
Wow! A friend of mine sent me this link.
I really appreciate your Wisdom, your clarity, and your genuineness.
I live with C-PSTD and have been a 12-step member from 1997 to today. I went into relapse from 2010 to 2019 and left 12-step during that time.
The Big Book (BB) approach you mentioned, focused on the 12-steps connected me to my Higher Power, which, since 2019 have delivered me from a living hell. The precise following of the BB instructions, is what connected me to my HP, and still does.
With respect, I noticed some uneasiness and confusion about your name and face being out there as an Al-Anon member. Is that not a violation of Tradition 11, and maybe 12?
I am planning on checking into your daily practice course as well.
With thanks!
I SO appreciate your bravery, generosity, & self-discipline in providing so much insight & support to so many people. But please consider that what you're sharing is the RESULT in part of your extensive community service and genuine radical humility--I've had that experience and I hear it in you. Your recovery co-evolved w/ service, humility, and compassion.
However, I'm seeing a dangerous trend socially wherein some people (usually childless) are processing and applying online videos like yours and others in a very isolated context--not in that day to day messy humanity of face to face community that confronts our distorted interpretations. That experience over time helps us develop compassion for loved ones who unintentionally or even intentionally hurt us in the past and maybe even now. I'm not saying "forgive"--God forbid. Forgiveness is grace, and when I force it it's usually for some unhealthy reason. I'm referring to a compassionate perspective based in radical acceptance of our ongoing imperfections.
So, PLEASE consider some videos about service, humility, compassion, & the pitfalls of hasty demonization & no-contact. This seems to be another rapid-onset-social-contagion, via social media, of self-dx or dx by less-experienced therapists, of adult children who see themselves as victims of "narcissistic abuse" and others as "narcissists." It can suddenly explain everything difficult about their life to date. It reminds me of late 80s recovered Satanic abuse memories--but on a larger scale. Sadly, I'm seeing a lot of pretty narcissistic, childless 20 & 30 somethings cutting off their parents for highly unchallenged over-interpretations of simple human imperfections. Even on DEATHBEDS. Where they can have a sponsor or spiritually supportive friend w/ them.
This can have very undeserved severe consequences for estranged good-enough-parents--traumatizing people, especially already hx demonized mothers, who struggled to raise kids while often dealing w/ their own recovery. Equally, this deprives the no-contactors of real opportunities for spiritual growth. W/ an ACES score of 8/9 & enough examples of daily childhood abuse that'd be in the news today & have me removed by social workers, I don't speak about this lightly.
I'm very familiar w/ 12 steps, therapeutic literature, cultural analysis, & male violence against women & children. I was delighted to see more non-12-step tools emerge that enable people to identify patterns of abuse in their lives that were otherwise indescribable & isolating. And frankly, the CPTSD literature and narcissistic abuse are frameworks can seem a lot more comprehensive & accurate than a lot of the original, sometimes sexist, alcoholism-focused AlAnon literature.
But, 1: the DSM5 is a social construction by an organization of psychiatrists/psychologists who at first simply needed insurance classification. There's little empirical reality for most Axis 1, Axis 2, personality disorder vs an Axis 1, etc. Lots of oversimplifications, misdx, etc. Thus even "official" dx of NPD--we know CPTSD still isn't in there--are only so accurate. Just helpful pattern identifiers--but not just a classification system.
So, 2: Adapting the current concept of narcissistic abuse patterns as a way of checking out our lives and experiences is very helpful. But it's sometimes being used as a way to demonize people and, as usual, adapted by plenty of abusers themselves---we used to see that w/ batterers, who'd learn some psych language for the first time in their lives in court-ordered groups and who'd then bring it home to shame their wives in _new_ ways. As you know, our human minds can easily unconsciously cherry-pick info to reinforce (or deny) particular interpretations. Frameworks should be held lightly.
3. Your insights have come from the radical humility developed through a disciplined spiritual community. Humility as you know is ironically the most liberating, equalizing force out there, as liberation theologists know. It can start in Steps 2-3, and then working this in a community of people with all of our good intentions and screw ups, despite years of recovery. Not humiliation--humility. Service, compassion.
You can't control how people interpret your fantastic teachings (nor the folks cashing in via youtube w/ hate-binging-blame-my-life-on-another-person-who's-an-evil-monster dynamic). But, it's not perpetuating more gaslighting or abuse to suggest that adopters of online therapeutic teaching videos also do regular check-in on motivations, cultivating compassion, and seeing triggers as opportunities for growth rather than justification for discards. I've had to "gray rock" in my life given some ongoing abuse by different relatives--one even in late adulthood, God bless her--after checking it out w/ plenty of people--but it's ALWAYS about keeping myself stable & safe, not revenge. AND, it's in the context of prayer for compassion and to be God-driven & detached enough to be in this person's presence if they so ask and practice a different attitude. There is so much to learn from making these gradual shifts. Some people are too far gone to trust--but I read far too many stories online of discards of parents by adults who're still operating out of a my-parents-owe-me-everything framework. Not only is that a distortion, but in fact, your parents gave you a lot when no one else did, and in fact, from a larger perspective, having a few people on this earth you really love you and gave you a few hundred thousand hours of well-meant support is rare and a blessing. Doesn't mean tolerate active abuse. But perpsective. Compassion. What you learn in 12 step meetings or other spiritual communities where we acknowledge our "sin," our human ego, that we've "missed the mark," and will continue to do so until the day e die.
It's one thing to end a romantic relationship if one is or feels abused or just unhappy--but I'm seeing perfectly decent parents being cut off by adult kids who're self-dxing and then raging at their parents for every little discomfort they felt in childhood. It's so easy to mis-interpret ANYthing in general, and if you've got a frame encouraged by zealous online Burn-the-Narcissist communities, the slightest comment, or omission, or throat clearing, or blinking, by a parent (ask any parent of a teen) can be constructed as reinforcing some pattern of abuse. If you want examples, I'll send them to you.
Serious neglect & abuse happen--I experienced several single-spaced pages. But I'm so grateful I had the recovery under my belt, at leaset, to be w/ my very difficult mother up until the end. I learned to set limits--how to watch what came up and set boundaries. I learned to practice gratitude. I saw dynamics more clearly that were still governing my life but came from childhood interpretations (and distortions she/they didn't necessarily cause). Had I checked off some boxes and never spoken to them again--particularly if they seemed hurt and asked me--I'd have harmed myself, let alone behaved in what to me is a really ungrateful, undutiful, narcissistic way. We need to pull the lens out far enough to see how fragile and short life is, how hard human life has always been, and that honoring those who did their stumbling best including thousands of hours and money and opportunity cost, is the decent thing to do.
There are times when distance has to be imposed--no doubt--and sadly, occasionally, permanently.
But I'm seeing a growing brutal generational trend here--and then realized that how MY, and your, experiences were different were that we were introduced to these tools & insight by practicing them daily in a community that ensured a little more perspective & humorous humility. You've obviously done FAR much more service than I ever did, and we're all richer for it. But I do hope you'll consider addressing some of these issues.
Sorry for the rant. Love your work!
I hear you. There are more than 70@ vids here so you may not have seen- I cover this extensively. My book is all about it. There is a search feature on TH-cam channels, and you may want to explore keywords around your interests on my channel.
Also, if you think this way you’d love the q&a sessions in my free daily practice calls 2x a month, and the group coaching calls I lead for people in my membership program, also 2x a month.
I have been going to meetings for 6 months, and this is because you mentioned that it can be helpful in your videos. Before I thought that it can be useful only for alcoholics. First when I joined Adult Children of Alcoholics I felt suuuch a relief - being in the presence of others who are not judgmental was really caliming. Now some problems came up, I still dont have a sponsor, I was thinking to leave.. so this video is like answer for my current situation, need to be Higher Power thing 😅 Thank u so much 💚
Adult Children of Alcoholics saved my life several times. I would have never got sober if it wasn’t for ACA.
Glad to hear that. Thank you for sharing!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’ve never been to meetings, but I’ve used the big book to heal my eating disorder. Abstinence from foods that behave like drugs healed 25 years of bulimia. I have found my own way to give back through community gardening and I do my inventory and spiritual work with a therapist. Doing the 12 steps in therapy really helped make therapy more productive.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I found a spirit of acceptance and I felt a real hand reach out to take mine and ask how I was doing and really wanted to know. It was how I imagined God to be. I found a relationship with my loving heavenly Father through the Spirit in the people in the rooms who gave away exactly what they received and encouraged me to do the same. I started to understand the spiritual axiom of giving in order to receive. I love your videos keep up the good work.
Cptsd would be considered an outside issue.
Glad you left and started your own thing.
Exactly. Thank you.
I have been doing Weight Watchers for about a year and a half and I have lost about 50 pounds... It is also a good place to connect with others that struggle with their weight...
I started out in AA but have been around long enough I gravitated towards Recovery Dharma and ACoA but I still go to AA meetings from time to time the main annoyance is honestly more likely all in my head I now have a voice of conscience that is like the traditional AAer in my head who tells me my journey to try and fix the trauma from the past is pointless and if I just did the steps the "right" way I wouldn't need all these therapys and other groups and etc etc which I can recognize is ridiculous I recognize my own issues and know what needs to be addressed but also I'm sure part of me wishes it was so simple that I could just stop doing ACA work and just do AA work
I too liked the recovery darma
I went to AA for about 2 decades. The community was supportive but overall a lot of sick people were giving specious and sometimes dangerous advice. Ultimately, the culture did me in. The basic tenet of personal powerlessness is designed, I believe, to keep people sick and dependent (on meetings rather than a bottle). Also, I looked at the real stats on AA recovery success rates, which long term are dismal. There was constant drama in AA meetings, especially the power struggles people invent at business meetings. These dynamics are highly triggering to someone with CPTSD. Many of AAs principles are still fed by guilt and denial.The answer is a spiritual one for sure, but AA's intransigent approach makes it, for me, a potentially emotionally and psychologically damaging cult.
There are healthy groups and unhealhty groups. Just like workplaces. The goal for me is to stay in the solution not the problem. I have to have people in all stages of healthy recovery. Group dynamics chamges as people change. Stay in the soultion and the 12 steps and the 12 Traditions and I have found 12 step recovery works for me. If you find youreself in a stagnant or unhealthy meeting family group find another. And i have found going to other group meeting besides my home group is very healthy for my recovery. Take what you like and leave the rest!