Does Unconditional Permission to Eat REALLY Work For Binge Eaters?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- DOES UNCONDITIONAL PERMISSION TO EAT WHAT YOU WANT HELP STOP BINGE EATING?
The third principle of intuitive eating is all about making peace with food through having 'unconditional permission' to eat. What does this mean for binge eating recovery when you're trying to exercise restraint around food.
I share my own struggle with applying this principle and offer some insights, which I hope will be helpful.
If you found this video useful you may want to check out the podcast Life After Diets, which I co-host with Stefanie Michele. Available across most podcast platforms. Join our growing support community. This community is for you if you want to improve your relationship with food and become more comfortable in your own skin. Community membership includes invites to live episode recordings (online), support meetings, a private Facebook group and monthly Q&As. For more information go to: / lifeafterdiets
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I’ve said to myself “I can eat whatever I want whenever I want” but “I don’t want to make myself feel sick”. I want to enjoy every bite. I know that if I am to push and continue eating past a point of comfort, I will feel sick. That will discourage me from staying committed to my intuitive eating journey. Even if the foods I am eating aren’t healthy/nutritious, even if I eat more than I usually would, that’s fine. It’s all about how I feel. If I am starting to feel sick/uncomfortable, I stop. I can totally keep eating it whenever I want, whether that’s in 30 minutes, an hour, or a day. The goal is to never feel uncomfortable or sick from it. Every bite should be savored and enjoyed. That’s my version of unconditional permission to eat. Nothing is off limits as long as you feel good.
Oh! Also, since the amount of foods I wanted to eat were so many and overwhelming, I made a checklist. It’s very specific. Every meal I sorta direct to the list to see what I want to have. I find if I really dissect my cravings I can identify the macronutrients I’m craving, “i want pizza” is really “i want carbohydrates - like bread, wraps, pasta, etc.. and fat - like cheese, oil, avocado, hummus”. In that way it wasn’t just this urgent “i want pizza i need pizza i have to have pizza”, it was “i can have pizza if it’s accessible and i feel that’s something i want, but maybe it’s not accessible, or maybe i feel that will be too heavy right now - i don’t want to feel uncomfortable and lethargic, so i can also have a wrap with cheese and avocado”
Although I do believe that everyone will have different tactics that work for them. I only ever binge from restricting. So having an abundance mindset is super important for me.
I also feel it’s important to make peace with the fact that you will binge again. The more you dread it, the more it’ll happen. Like you said, initially it worked but then after a few weeks you binged, I feel personally that it’s good to acknowledge that this is bound to happen, and to stick with it without carrying guilt. Again, everyone is different and it’s always good to learn and adjust from trial and error. I can just see how putting a binging incident on a pedal-stool and attaching guilt to it can lead to the idea of “i need to try something else” which will lead to going back into restriction and restarting the binge and restrict cycle.
I always tell myself “it’s just food”. even if i were to gain a good deal of weight, I wouldn’t be overweight. even non-binge eaters have days where they will eat in a dramatic excess for a variety of reasons (birthday, vacation, holiday, etc) i believe the biggest difference is that they don’t see it as more than that. it isn’t this grand awful event, it was one day, one moment, and then they wake up the next day and they are back to normal. i find that’s a really important step. the less pressure and focus there is around food, the more you can see it as just food, the easier it is to not have a perpetual all or nothing mindset.
Of course, I’m not trying to advise a literal binge eating therapist haha this is just what’s working for me and I figured maybe sharing my experience in your comments could help someone else too!
Is it an improvement if I still binge and purge but way less than before? Is this part of recovery or am i only in recovery if im bp free completely? Because I don't know for sure if im going the right way
Sounds like an improvement to me! There was a long period of time where I thought of myself as 'semi-recovered'. I definitely think celebrating the small wins is and important part of recovery and I've talked about this here: th-cam.com/video/bsqaX4154V0/w-d-xo.html
This is true in my experience. I gave myself unconditional permission to eat what I wanted but I had to go get it. That took away the novelty etc. And now I can have them in the house - chocolate, ice cream, cookies, chips etc. And I have no desire to go overboard on them. I got tired of making store runs 😂
I love the comparison with the child. It definitely makes sense. I'm also so impatient and I always find myself grabbing the food without thinking and can never identify why, which feeling or emotion triggered it etc...
Now I have some go to meals in the fridge I'm trying to pause if I feel like I am about to overeat.. I think it helps a lot.
I would love to know if you have any idea of some sort of meditation or quick think to listen to before meal times. I find myself very anxious everytime I start thinking about eating or having one of my meals. Maybe I'm scared I won't be satisfied and will want to go for more or whatever it is, but it definitely makes me feel anxious.
If you know of anything that could help 🥰❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your channel
This is where I've been stuck for years, and your the first person to ever speak about it. Thank you!
I really resonated with this video.
I'm impulsive & I use food to numb.
I have an issue with 2 particular food groups...its an odd conundrum. One of them is breakfast cereals, I cant stop having them in the house as it would be unfair to my husband but it's my go to for binging, numbing ect I can be calm around it, eat in a bowl as intended then there's times where I'm scooping it up in my hand and eating it dry like something possessed.
No idea why? I cant seem to stop it. Is it a habit? Is it because it feels like a safe food? I cant seem to find the reason behind it. The other food is crisps but only if it's in a large share bag, if they're in individual bags I tend not to bother and I wont binge on them. Blimey it feels so frustrating.
Wow, I don't know how, but it feels like your videos exactly know what I am looking for/ or relate to my situation so much! Thank you so much for your videos. I am really trying with mindful and intuitive eating...but could it be that is not for everyone? I still feel Ineed some kind of planning in my life, this unconditional permission is throwing me more than ever off balance, and I have been trying for a few months now. How can I get in contact with you?xx
It could absolutely be it’s not for everyone. I never assume to know what will work for all as people are unique and you get to decide what approaches resonate with you.
I do have 2 spaces left in a small group I’m running tomorrow (Sunday) eve thebingeeatingtherapist.com/connect-recover-groups/ or you can navigate through my website via this link to see what I offer or just message me via the contact page
5:02 but „unconditional permission” is not the same as „unconditional permission with no plan”? I’m with you on planning, but I never feel I am not permitted to eat outside of the plan.
When it comes to numbing - it’s a similar story here. I still sometimes numb but I feel I do it less because of my unconditional permission.
To be honest, I can’t really believe that I could not permit myself something what I know is technically possible to me. If I tried to „restrict” my options and convince myself eating is not permitted, I wouldnt be truthful to myself. And wise woman once asked „what is the kindest way of looking at a situation that still feels true?” (-:
I know it’s to a large extent semantics but while I don’t believe in the idea of intuitive eating, I felt like defending the idea of unconditional permission to eat.
Thanks for the video ❤
I’m all for getting into semantics. I love all that! ‘Unconditional permission to eat’ as a stand-alone direction did not work for me. There were caveats. I see many people try to apply those 4 words without thinking about what kind of support structure around their eating that they may need.
I think I saw on the video you sent me that you practice fasting, how does this tie into unconditional permission? I’m not coming at you for it, I think we all get to find what works for us. I’m interested in how you reconcile the two.
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist i’m all for you coming at me for anything including semantics!
My fasting is as good example as any! I feel I am permitted to eat anything at any time, that’s the foundation. Then I think, what’s the best plan for myself, what would be the best strategy for myself to feel satisfied at the end of the day. And on most days fasting until afternoon is my answer.
There is a subtle difference between restriction/not permitting and choosing.
Me choosing to watch and comment your video means I am not doing anything else at that time but it doesn’t mean I didn’t permit myself to do anything else at that time.
I just cannot comprehend I could persuade myself I am not permitted to do anything that I know I am able to do.
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist and obviously „unconditional permission to eating” as a stand-alone direction I agree is a rubbish guideline. Not much better than telling a depressed person not to be depressed.
❤thank you Sarah. That’s so helpful and I am understanding so much more now about intuitive eating and food permission.
Anyone start a binge session while feeling calm and fine, no emotional disturbance? I get it when I binge when there is some emotional triggers. I can binge right after finishing some very calming mindful meditation and feeling still. This is while having no food restriction either.
Does that indicate more compulsive/impulsive habits at play rather than emotional triggers?🤔
Wow!! This topic really resonates!! Loving what you said about Permission/Reduction of conflict. Great video Sarah!! 🥰🥰
This video was so on target in describing my behaviors amd attitudes. My bottom line is impulsivity! I know this, I wonder if I need a medication to settle this or if I can manage it cognitively amd behaviorally.
Oh my goodness this resonated SO much for me in ALL the ways!!!! 💜😭
Finally!!! An intuitive eating approach that actually makes sense 🎉🎉🎉
This videa has given me more clarity on things where I have been stuck for a while. Thank you!
Thank you Sarah. When I first heard you talk about your permissions and what language you used for yourself, I ran with it. It used to be during my non recovery days, that there were foods not allowed in the house. After beginning recovery and setting my intentions, I allow any foods and am 97% ok with that. I have rare moments when they speak to me, but with what I've learned is, I can usually slow down enough to either postpone having that food until my intentions are met or I can wait and it will leave me. I too bristle at the idea of "rules" telling me that I can't have something. My inner child runs with that. The boundaries I have set usually work though, even if there's some "don't tell me I can't do something" going on. I haven't struggled with bingeing for a while now, what I do struggle with is, eating past full, and the "clean plate club". That bit of messiness is uncomfortable for me right now. Even if I remind myself that I can put the food on the counter until I'm hungry again, I feel the real pull of defiance within. I haven't gotten in practice with digging deeper to see what might be behind the defiance. What feelings are there. I have been experiencing a lot of feelings lately and they're really big, I think I'm afraid to dig deeper in the feeling area just now. I might be expecting perfect eating too. Thanks for this. I always appreciate your videos.
This topic resonates with me so much! Thank you for explaining…I’ve struggled with this very aspect for so long…good to know there are strategies to help.
i can relate to this on a very deep level. The struggle you mentioned we often see ourselves confronting was so true, how its always between giving up that food vs allowing myself to make peace with that food's consumption and how many of us fail at both. Every word felt like my own story. The association between watching tv, etc and eating simultaneously in order to numb self indeed is so accurate as well. I decided to go cold turkey and have been eating clean since a month and have also stuck to OMAD (atleast for the past 33 days) and yes it gets really rough on some days but I don't let the binge voices inside of my head get to me. Losing weight for me was the priority (as opposed to bettering my relationship w food, sadly !) because it has never been easy for me to workout and work hand in hand, I'll either work or I'll devote myself to weight loss and luckily enough I am switching jobs later this year and therefore had time on my hands to improve the way I look (I gained 8-9 kgs easily bcs of my BED in the 2022 months of April-July). I didn't choose the best way but so far it seems to work for me (I also went sugar free :') ) ! thanks a lot for making me feel like I'm not alone doctor~~
this video meant a lot to me
Hi lovely Sarah. Firstly, thank you again for all your amazing content.
I want to ask you if I'm not physically hungry but. Thinking about food aaall the time. Is this mental hunger signifying still a real reason for eating? I feel guilt to eat if not hungry. If I'm underweight can these mental food thoughts be normal?
Check out the Life After Diets podcast episode 16 where we go into this very subject
Ps, I hate how binges make us gain weight and losing that weight it's then so difficult. I'm afraid that eating anything now will result in wt gain. Did you go through any similar fears in recovery?
For me, I had never heard about weight gain in binge eating recovery, so it wasn’t on my radar. I was bingeing a lot so I didn’t gain weight in recovery. I didn’t lose any for a while either and it was only when I truly embraced and accepted my body that my body VERY slowly released some weight. I cannot attest what will happen to anyone else’s body. It’s such a unique thing
And I don’t think weight lost is a helpful measure of recovery
In the beginning, when adding our fear foods back in, when we may be overeating them.. I love your advice about making them a cognitive choice and allowing yourself a distance to make that choice. How though, at this time, can I tell the difference between an urge or compulsion and a craving? At this point even when something maybe begins as a craving, and I have that space to make a decision to get a food, I'm feeling like those cravings usually turn into binges/ overeating. But maybe I'm not sure if it's a craving or an urge. Or is this just normal at first with foods that were avoided before? I feel so out of control that it scares me and then I'm throwing the foods in the garbage to stop myself. :(
I'm then feeling guilty about eating so much of these foods. Which probably isn't helping, and I then often feel like I need to cut these foods out again. Because the lack of control is so upsetting and I'm afraid I'll always overeat/ binge on them.
Do you still keep that distance for decision making with certain foods, or can you keep those foods in your house now?
And yes.. something seemingly simple like sitting at the table, without distractions while eating, is so hard. Most of my binges and over eating are likely as you've described a way to numb out. I usually binge while standing at the counter, eating right out of bags or boxes. Even when I thought I could stop binging by stopping the binging, I recognized that plating my meals and sitting down would be beneficial. Even when we have the tools and know what we need to do, it's hard to actually implement them.
❤❤❤
Thank you Sarah. The points you've made about numbing & spontaneous mood changes really sound like my experience too. Is there any correlation between Highly Sensitive people who are not in touch with difficult emotions /can't process them; and binge eating?
Your voice calms me.
My experience of people who are HSP is that it's not so much that they are not in touch with their feelings; they feel deeply and their feelings can overwhelm their nervous systems. This could led to bingeing as a coping mechanism for this
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist Hi Sarah. That is helpful and certainly rings true for me.
Hey, new subscriber here. This is excellent! The unconditional permission never really worked for me. On the other hand, it makes me anxious not to have my comfort foods at home. Your suggestions sound reaonable, putting conditions on allowing the binges. Going to try that. I will check out other videos, the ones I have seen so far strongly resonate with me. Big big thank you 🥰
Related to everything you said in this video, it all makes perfect sense yet I find myself still being scared of trying intuitive eating. But I guess I’m already out of control with food, so what do I have to lose? Thank you so much for sharing your insights with us ❤
Thank you for some amazing content again! ❤
I can't find the Episode 4 of Life after Diets on TH-cam that you mention at the end....could you link it?? THANKS!!
We didn't start filming them until episode 11 so the earliest episodes are only available to listen to on the podcast apps. You can find them by searching Life After Diets in any of the usual podcast platforms
Another very powerful video!
This is so helpful! I too am more impulsive & less restrictive. I'm working through IE now. Your advice is so spot on for me because we are so similar. Thank you!
Just ordered your book on Amazon ❤️
The problem is not the binging, it is the restriction !
Not always. But we have to deal with the restriction first otherwise you’ll be fighting a losing battle. There are other reasons for some people such as trauma, habit, emotions, hormonal and other biological/neurological imbalances.