I wish I could be involved in a course like this. I feel like therapy doesn't do much for me. I assume a lot of it is that as someone with ASD the sessions feel so subjective and unguided but I want facts and concrete topics we will be talking about. Thank u for sharing!
Same I’ve done Therapy for the past 3 years plus on and off 2 years and it’s exhausting for me because I would be talking I mean yeah it helped at first because first I was extremely suicidal and it helped me to keep going but after I was needing to heal from past trama but because it’s so extreame they suggest pills and it makes me upset because I need advise not here’s this pill and that pill .
I quit my therapist because I was having the exact same problem. Plus she was constantly flaking on our appointments, and so did the psychologist. I told her I felt like all I was doing was coming in and talking aimlessly about everyday shit because she never directed me to what I should be discussing. She answered that I basically talked non stop and that therapy takes years and so she was trying to help me with my confidence and self esteem. But said I could see a different therapist if I wanted (um, no! I'm barely comfortable with you, I don't need someone new). Right after that appointment she went on medical leave (poss. covid?) and they said I'd have to see someone different 🤮) I just decided fine whatever and stopped going.
@@anastasiasmolinski can't therapy help with discovering facts and discussing concrete topics about what's going on in our brain? I hope, becauseim going to go to therapy this year...
@@anastasiasmolinski yeah, there are so many different therapies that may or may not help. Trauma specialists would be great and at some point they should be able to figure whether therapy alone is helping anymore or if there may be a chemical imbalance too they can tackle.
I went through a breakup recently and at night when things got even harder, I had a "meeting" with my emotions. So I like okay sadness, lay it on me. Fear, let's have it. Anger, what do ya got? And I found it so helpful to unravel the clutter of things I was feeling.
Okay, I promise I tried *really* hard to hold this in because I didn't even know if I had the energy to try to explain it but as soon as you got to the concept of "no bad emotions", I physically couldn't stop myself from adding in. So, my current hyperfixation is SUPER related to this whole topic. It's an approach to mental health called Internal Family Systems therapy (or IFS). You talked about how it's not the emotions themselves that cause your depression (or other issues, for that matter) and that it's actually your relationship to those emotions - and you're totally right. Under the IFS lense, we look at human emotions and other internal experiences as all being "parts" of ourselves. The language isn't super important, it's just convenient because we already use it (ie "part of me feels one way; part of me feels another"). The general idea is that we all have multiple parts, who all have roles to play in our internal world, and problems arise when we don't listen to our parts. This is what happens when a part of you says it's depressed and you try to forcefully make it go away. You're telling that part that it isn't welcome with you. But we don't have bad parts - not even our depressed or angry ones. Our parts are all trying to protect us in some way - your depression may be trying to draw attention to your work-life balance, or your sleep, or your diet, or a lack of meaningful stimulation, or a lack of artistic expression. The point is that there isn't any one right answer to make the feeling just go away. You have to listen to what the feeling is trying to tell you. And the best part (to me) is that this is all backed by Michael Gazzaniga's neuroscience research that suggests that, instead of being mono-conscious like we once thought, humans are actually multi-conscious and made up of multiple bubbles of consciousness that determine how we perceive the world at any given time. If you've ever read about split-brain research or neuroplasticity, you might already be familiar. Anyway, I can continue with the video now. I hope someone found this interesting/useful ^-^ Edit: typo
@@freethegays OSDD would be included on this spectrum. From what I've learned in IFS, all people are multiple in a sense, but people with DID and OSDD have extreme trauma that lead to dissociation, amnesia, and other extreme reactions within their parts. As a result, access to Self can become limited and parts can become very independent and autonomous.
The silence had my brain going other places, forgetting you were on my tv, then your sudden voice in my room literally ripped my soul out of my body for a quick second
My therapist also introduced ACT to me! CBT did not really work for me because my anxiety leads to spiraling thoughts and trying to "change" those thoughts just made it worse. ACT has been really helpful for me to put a pause on intrusive thoughts and have an objective approach to move forward instead of ruminating on the feelings.
"Let it go" that's a song. On another note you are super smart and damn, honestly as a male with undiagnosed but counselor suggested autism I relate to literally everything you talk about in the vast majority of all your videos. You are a divine human being and I believe you are humbling and a chosen one to spread these messages. Even if I doubt you before even watching your videos, you always uplift me and bring me peace with your commonality and I thank you for that! You are awesome, but don't let us get in the way of your happiness. I know (but don't really fully know) popular dependency can be hard to adjust to and we will always be here even if you don't put out a video for 3 years. Thank you for everything!
I'm the same when it's come to depression!!! It's the first time I heard about it from someone else. Unaliving myself ( in my head of course ) is also my coping mechanism, when my anxiety or ptsd kick in. Other than that I don't really show or feel that much depression. Imagining to unalive myself gives me a feeling of relief and makes me relaxed again. That's what I do it for.
Thank you for this valuable information Paige, im 33 with ASD and ADHD "AUTIEHD", I definitely have found that trying to rethink and think optimistic just makes negative intrusive thoughts worse, I often or constantly have the "unaliving myself" thoughts as a comforting protective solution to negative thoughts and physical feelings of pain and also because my age is 33 which feels jinxing and bothered by turning 34, I feel better knowing that this is common and we can't change our thoughts but just except them.
I recently released that I cry when I'm angry (which explains so much). So, yesterday I was procrastinating and once I was finally forced to do it, I started crying because I hated myself and I hate having to struggle to do everyday tasks. And then I was like "wait, this is an angry cry!" and I felt so happy about realizing it that I immediately stopped crying. Yeah, recognizing that the emotion I was feeling is anger really helped
I have done pretty much the exact same style of therapy "class" as an intensive outpatient program for DBT. It was super helpful, I've actually done it twice (by choice lol)
Always the first thing I think of. It was not only optional here, I had to pay to take the test. Same with the SATs. Idk anyone else that took it. 😂 Someone called me a masochist. I was trying to get into an honors psych program for freshman. Then they stopped it before I got there, but that's a different story. I can't remember now for sure what my score was. 25+, I think. Been 22 years. 🤷🏻♀
I know it’s so basic but it really is the only movie I see this shown in, but in inside out there is the message of ‘sadness is important.’ ‘We need a balance of every feeling.’ Was so beautiful to me, and I wish it was expressed more in media
I'm glad I found your channel, Paige. It took a few years to find out that I'm autistic. I'm not diagnosed. I find your channel both calming, and highly informative. Apologies if this comes off as too generic or mean or anything.
9:27 To feel joy, I just replayed memories of being with one of the people I care about deeply when we were both laughing and in a good mood. It helped that we were hanging out for several hours earlier, so it was fresh in my mind, but since I do different meditation techniques that often require visualization and/or affirmations got access to varied mental states, this was pretty straightforward.
Therapy for me turns into me rambling about things and not really getting much out of it. It was helpful before for setting healthy boundaries with family members but after that part was done, any "coping with life" stuff just didn't really work for me.
You are really, really good at this. This is still hard to absorb cause I'm still looking for the concrete. I did therapy and when I ended it, I had no idea what it was supposed to have done for my depression cause it was definitely never dealt with. Good thing it was coverd under OHIP.
like you can't choose to feel joy, you can't chosse to feel pain/negative emotions of depression etc. But you can evaluate the situation and the cause for the emotion - like joy because of listening to a great song or because of anything that causes a good mood. So you can also track down the cause of that negative feeling: Going back in time to find the switch action or setting that made the mood change. Thank you for that realisation. I feel quite empowered now.
I'm in DBT therapy and I have group every week. It's sounds very similar to that. Now I'll have to go research both therapies and compare likes and differences lol. we get to do it in person with masks which I find far more effective then over video as i can't pay attention if there's distractions around me and in person, there are far less distractions
I wish those intrusive thoughts weren't so full of disgust, shame, guilt, and self-hatred towards myself. Though I've always been the same way with just wanting it all to stop, it's never been that I don't want to live, but tired of surviving and not truly living in this life. Also, I wish I could get so many tattoos done. I've been wanting to get self-harm scars covered up by a half sleeve, hopefully by my next birthday, which is December. Love your wrist tattoo. 🥰
Intense emotion is one of my biggest PTSD triggers (whether someone else's or my own), so I have emotion shutdown most of the time, which finally erupts in what is called bipolar mania episodes.
Seriously, Paige I am ALWAYS delighted by your videos. You make the difficult stuff so accessible, relatable and funny. Just wanted to express my gratitude for your work and existence in general❤
Paige you are sharing ancient wisdom with your generation. WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS Developing our Awareness is a priceless tool for those of us struggling in today’s society. Our key to inner peace. Thanks for sharing that with everyone. I wish you ALL the good things in life!!
Your analogy either the little Paige being the emerion is just about exactly how I have syartrd yrykng to relate eoth my children. For me the idea came from Mr Roger's he said kids are always being told don't cry and whatever people don't just sit with them and listen and acknowledge that a dad thing happened or whatever
My therapist let me borrow a book on ACT to help with alexithymia (inability to describe/explain emotions) associated with my neurodivergence. I found it so helpful and whilst it hasn't been a smooth ride since then, it has been working. Definitely a technique I would recommend to anyone, not just people who struggle with depression or are ND. I would also like to add something that my therapist used to talk about battling emotions. So expanding on the rope and the chasm scenario, the harder you pull on the rope, the harder the emotions fight back. This means you are wasting significantly more effort in the stalemate, not just using resources but draining them. That's all I would like to say. Have a great day. Thanks Paige for this video, love all that you do. 😁
Paige, you did awesome sharing about your experiences with us. It seems that you did to me. I greatly appreciate the content that you went over and also the way that you delivered it. I think you’re very talented, and your skills of educating and communicating, humor, and all the other important facets of what you’re doing are growing. You are definitely an inspiration to me. I’m very grateful to know that you’re here in the world, sincerely thank you for the actions you take/make, thank you for doing what you do.
I had a similar group experience in Sudbury. It was a pretty ok program, but I prefer hearing it from you. I really GET it when you say it, I truly hear ya and feel like you hear me, too. You're speakin' my language! Keep crushing everything!
Great video! I started ACT a few weeks ago with my therapist, and I struggled with assigning value to things at first. It was actually a little overwhelming, but I really like the idea and philosophy of the therapy.
This kinda made my brain explode in the best way. This was so eye opening and I wish I’d had this knowledge so much sooner. Thank you for sharing this Paige!
this is so incredibly helpful, you posted this at the exact time I, and I'm sure many other people, needed to hear it. I too resort to "unaliving thoughts" because of sensory/information overload all. the. time. Thank you for sharing your ACT exerience and passing on this immensly important information 💖 I get so attached to my thoughts and emotions and become them in my dark times. it's hard to detach and decifer as just ME, as i tend to lose myself in those meltdown/shutdown moments. thank you paige, you are such a lovely soul, thank you for doing what you do 💌
This was so helpful! I haven't had therapy in a long time and while listening to you I realised that I'd been stuck with the idea of reframing and reworking thoughts until they stop causing me fear or sadness and that acceptance and the 'Yeah yeah, Brenda...' mindset had largely fallen out of my toolkit. I've gotten back to taking it all so seriously and - in part even - confusing my thoghts with reality. I'm going to look into this a bit deeper b/c I feel a need to brace myself for things to come, with how insane and off the rails the world is right now in some respects. So thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts ❤️
For the past couple of years I've read about ACT, particularly through a couple of books by Russ Harris, a therapist who uses ACT to help his clients and who personally found it to be very helpful with his own personal challenges like anxiety. I've read an illustrated version of The Happiness Trap, part of the original book, and I'm currently reading The Confidence Gap. These books explained so much stuff about why we get the way we do with our minds. Although I still struggle with my own intrusive thoughts and feelings that come as a result of them, I found practicing a bit of ACT to feel more distant from my thoughts. I'm currently still working to better my skill in defusing my thoughts and to use other parts of ACT to help me live the life I want and need. Also, I'm glad that I'm not the only Autistic person that found it to be helpful. Not many people talk about alternatives to methods that claim that you must challenge or get rid of negative thoughts and feelings, like CBT (this one I hear a lot of since trying to learn more about mental health). It also goes totally against the advice we hear about positive thinking that's been the stuff of self-help books and conventional wisdom for decades. Thanks for putting this up and telling others about this approach!
Paige, I want to thank you for this video. If you ever wanted to make more videos like this about what you learned - that would be amazing. Because everyone is like "oh, you have a problem? go to therapy!"... but not every person has access to therapy. I'm autistic ADHDer with tons of comorbids too and in my country it's a miracle that I'm diagnosed, so expecting therapists to know these conditions would be too much... Most therapy here is also "CBT"/talk therapy and it never helped me. I looked into EMDR and ACT a lot yet wasn't able to find anyone except one EMDR therapist that would cost me 1/3 of my monthly disability pension that I live from. It's also not easy when combined with medical PTSD... So it's really helpful to be able to watch a video like this and be able to take something from it without having to pay huge amounts of money and having to re-traumatize myself by going to therapist's office.
I was also diagnosed with depression and totally felt that it was strange because of exactly what you very accurately and well described at about the 7 minute mark or so! Totally! It goes back to the masking thing. I think people want people want or need to see me smiling 100% of the time. Your takes are so refreshing!
”experience joy now” reminded me of the movie ”Hook”, the boys needed ”happy thoughts” to fly. It's an awesome moment when Peter discovers his new happy thought.
Hello Paige, I actually did TMS or Trans Cranial Magnetic Stimulation to help with my Anxiety. It also can help with Depression. This type of therapy doesn't require meditation, although you can listen to music meant for meditation or New Age music. It uses a device that they put on your head and uses magnets to work. It's amazing how it helped me with my anxiety. The first 4 weeks I believe is when I went 5 days a week for around 20 minutes each day. Then it was a few weeks of going twice a week. I am petty sure it was a 24 session treatment. Then just once a month for maintenance. It's kind of expensive at first, but isn't your health worth it, especially if something works. It can't take away your anxiety or depression 100%, but it reduced my anxiety a lot. that's just my 2 cents opinion.
Page I have borderline personality disorder bipolar two PTSD generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder and they also have the ID dissociative identity disorder and I also have chronic intractable migraines I may have a few other things that need to be listening to you is just fantastic and I finally got off of my lithium I am doing so good without it I never wanna go back on it again emotions are way under control to a point but I don’t listen to the bad ones I just ignore him and listen to the rest of my thoughts and everything i’m learning to control my own emotions as well but yet allowing some emotions to go through that are good for me to learn from your videos are very informative and great and I love watching your videos I do also use dimming toys as well to help control my anxiety and some of my emotions I’m trying to focus off of the bad stuff and I am doing really good no intrusive thoughts at all
... this is the kind of therapy that I've searched for forever. If you're able and want to, sharing each week would be immensely helpful. What you've shared in this video is so amazing. Thank you.
I love how you managed to cram a whole philosophy and framework for dealing with your emotions that I spent years on learning into a 20-minutes video :-) One additional thing that I'd like to share, which blew my mind when I discovered it and which someone might find useful is that you can use your mind as an "arena" to do literally anything, without there being any consequences in the outside world. If you're angry at someone, you can process that anger by brutally murdering then in your mind over and over again. If you're scared of something, you can confront that fear by playing out the exact situation in your mind and see how you feel. The possibilities are endless! It's such a useful tool and has been a game changer for me.
im so glad that youre making these videos. you talk about really important things that other youtubers never talk about and thats why i love you. you are also so relatable, i have autism but i bet ppl find you amazing even who dont have it.
I am autistic and experienced mental and physical health problems since I was 10. But because I am a girl and "seem to be extroverted" nobody noticed. I am now in therapy for 6 years and confident that I will be for the rest of my life. I am okay with that. But this year I have had covid and since then I feel this huge exhaustion and I don't know if I have long covid or depression. So this video came at the right time. Love this
What you talk about at 19 minutes is very deep! Other very very smart people I watch have talked about how your thoughts are often not your own. They're spirits influencing you. It's spiritual stuff. That demons can enter your mind via thoughts, but that fortunately, that's all demons can do. They can only attempt to influence us with those whispers. We always have free will no matter what. It's us who choose to act or not, and demons escape liability because of our free will, too. We always have a choice. You're really smart!
Extremely important video! Thank you for making this, Paige! It helped me and I am sending to other people who it may help too!!! This is an amazing resource and you are so articulate about this topic which is great.
"Don't think about the numbers 1, 2, and 3." * starts disassociating forgetting I was watching a video and then gets alarmed at the audio when she starts talking again * haha my brain is severely broken
What is sad is the only thing that works for my Suicidal anxiety is Benzodiazepines, Which they no longer give to people which angers me especially when you don't abuse them! I relate to you so much Paige, We are a lot alike in many ways.....My downstairs neighbor plays music and it vibrate my feet and makes me GAG! I hate it so much! Ugh, I also hate getting wet so I don't bath as much as I should ugh.
That thing about how you can't control your emotions reminded me of a tragic story about a "Star Trek" fan who decided to take of his resemblance to Spock to the extreme by repressing his emotions... and he wound up basically wiping his own sense of self.... and killing himself.
Very glad that ACT is working for you. There are so many methods of healing that people have come up with .... and for whatever my opinion is worth, I've never found it helpful to think about which ones are right or wrong. I'm not Paige Layle and you're not Adam Fishkin, so any right or wrong is irrelevant. But if you have the effort to heal, who is supporting you? I feel like that's the dealbreaker. There's concrete fact in whether or not someone is being supportive. I look forward to the future. See you there.
This sounds super similar to DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) 🤩🥰 I’ve been in a DBT program for about 3yrs now, and we frequently refer to emotions/feelings as information. That allows some space to step back from the intensity and ask with genuine curiosity/consideration: “what’s wrong? What are we feeling and why…okay, so what do we know we can to do about those feelings?” The caretaker analogy comes up a lot 💖 I’m so happy you’ve found a program that resonates so deeply with you
Thanks! I'm following ACT as well for other reasons, but the concepts explained in ACT brought from a different perspective really shed some light on some things I worked on!
Literally half my problems were solved through psychoeducation (psicoeducación where I'm from). Just learning the basics of how our emotions work was a huge relief in my daily struggles.
13:22 I have learned that the best way to get away from thoughts is to force other thoughts in my head. Things like counting. It absolutely is because of my OCD or my OCD is because of it. Either way this shit doesn’t actually work. Because at the end of the day I’m always afraid of what my brain is showing me, telling me. The compulsions don’t stop the fear, they just push it back till later.
mindfulness and ACT were WAY more helpful for me than CBT. CBT definitely helped me overcome most of my depression and break out of spirals, but ACT really helps you thrive in the day to day no matter what you have going on. sometimes you do everything you can and still feel like shit, but ACT is so good for changing the way you relate to your experiences. i also have chronic pain, which this was sooo helpful for
Hey Paige, considering your mention of Little Paige and Brenda, you might also like Internal Family Systems (IFS), which is about identifying and connecting with your parts :)
Paige, I love your content. I’ve been following you for a while. I love this this has helped you! I would like to tell you that ACT was developed from relational frame theory which is a concept derived from the field of applied behavior analysis. Not everything ABA related is terrible and I’m glad this was something that was able to help you 💕💕
Only a little less than 7 mins in and feel like you’re saying everything I’ve wanted to say. I’m much older than you and so impressed with your videos and how well you explain everything. Thank You 💕
This really reminded me of my personal tug of war with my depression and anxiety. I think one of my biggest personal breakthroughs was when someone suggested the prospect that I give others grace for things that I overly critisize myself for. When they say they're ugly, I see their beauty. When they're having a bad day I tell them I understand and try to help. Yet I don't give myself that grace. Like I don't deserve it? I'm a person too. Why do I treat myself worse than everyone else? Then this person asked who put the intrusive thoughts that were insults into my brain. "I'm fat/lazy/heartless/worthless/stupid/annoying/etc...". Turns out it was mostly one person. So I named that voice in my head "Dad". And I mentally tell my dad to stfu. Then I focus on why I'm feeling that way. For example: Why do I fell lazy and worthless right now? Ok. I'm in burnout. I did too much. Then I plan how to combat it. I'm going to take the first plausible day off to veg and reset. Give myself time to recharge my batteries. I'll nap, read, cry, feel my feelings, take ridiculously long showers, do whatever helps me avoid all the extra stimulus that's making me go nuts before I end up in a meltdown of nuclear proportions. After that I'll accept when to remove myself from overstimulating environments, and plan on doing something productive in an environment that won't send me into burnout. And move on. I now give myself the grace to feel my feelings, react, reset, and do better even if it's just for a little while. And to see the good too. Even in the midst of the bad. Yes, I'm stressed, but I am still kind. I'm annoying to myself and people that don't know me, but those that love me are entertained and love my randomness. My negative parts are also potentially the best parts of myself. Overall, I have made huge strides and my tug of war is over, even if my thoughts and emotions still go dark. Because I don't wallow or fight, it makes it easier to look at it objectively and figure out the why's and then the how's. Why am I thinking these things? How do I give myself grace to see the way out and act on it. Hope this helps someone else. ♡
Learning and loving every bit. Listening at 1.5 speed is super helpful. Your way of presenting is so perfectly intense. Sharing my mind space with your voice is going to make alive so much more real. Unaliving me is my trauma coping go to also(sorry to share that one). You are doing a very good thing with your words, blessing so many and getting you to your better too. We are not the bad/negative things said to us by others or our own brain. Opinions suck, and facts are the best. Much love and much life dear one.
super useful video thank you!! i also am autistic and don't have standart depression symptoms, but do have emotional reactiveness and chronical suicidality. i have heard of act before, guess it's time to try it fr now
If traditional therapy doesn’t work for you, DBT therapy has been the most helpful therapy for me ever. It focuses on skills to help you cope with hard emotions and difficult situations. It’s the best therapy modality that exists in my opinion!!
This sounds close to DBT but less trauma based. DBT focuses alot on accountability and then the acceptance and behaviour choice, but alot ofnpeople I know said they were not ready for DBT. Seems ACT would be a good alternative! PCT is similar to CBT because it focuses on the individual and their individual experience and alot of talk therapy but I know that's not for everyone. Some people need to talk and let out stuff, some people want skills and advice, some people need a different healing process and others like to be surrounded by similar people and learn form others. I'm glad you've spoken about ACT as its not spoken about often! It's good to know what options there are instead of accepting the therapy that's handed to you! Thank you Paige 🥰🥰
I related very well in the beginning about not doing good with "normal therapy", all the experiences I had with it in the last 2 years were not just "bad" they were absolutely hell. If I think about it too much I'll wanna die, it didn't work so much so that my last therapist who was with me for 9 horrible months chose to return the money and stop attending, didn't even explain why, it was terrible. I knew it wasn't working but I didn't have the guts to leave it on my own, I was so desperate, she was my last and only chance. Not that I'd be able to do this other group therapy thing, I can't even go to a psychiatrist, but sadly I can't relate very much to it. I seem to have depression or other undiagnosed thing. But non of this explanations about it seem to be helpful for me. When I'm depressed I do things to try and get out of it because I have no choice, not because I want to not be depressed anymore. I don't want to get rid of the "bad" feeling, on the contrary, it's like I want it to get worse and worse. It has been like this ever since I can remember, it's like I want to always be worse and feel worse on purpose. I don't want to be happy, it's not right. I deserve to be miserable. I feel better when I'm miserable. I don't believe it's possible to die, I believe our soul is eternal, and this is actually an anguish to me, cause I really want to die sometimes but I couldn't even if I tried. Hell will never end, ever. And it's not about my life, or the people around me, I've always known that I am the one and true disease that causes all the bad things in my own head. I shouldn't be here. I don't understand why I'm here. I shouldn't have this good life. I do things because there's not an option. I do things so I don't get so depressed because I don't have permission to be depressed, they won't allow it, they will hurt me, I can never stop, ever. I can't control anything, my only job is to survive day after day, that's it. I always had bad intrusive thoughts too. But I've never been afraid of them, I always knew they weren't mine. "They" always talk in the right side of my head. But "they" are right, I can't argue. Until now I couldn't find any logic that was able to dismiss their points. I think I kinda like the bad thoughts? It's terrible. But it's so easy to surrender. So easy. My instincts yell at me to stay still, not move, maybe this way I can disappear... But my parents won't allow it, they force me to keep going and to do things, I don't have permission even to die. I try not to be depressed not because I don't want to feel miserable, or because I care to not feel "bad" emotions, but simply because my dad can flip out at any second as he did many times, he doesn't like to see tears, he doesn't like to see bad moods. My fear of him or my mom getting angry at me again is bigger than anything else. I'm afraid they would abandon me, beat me up, throw me at the streets or something, how can I be sure? They never threatened anything like that, I know my fear is a bit irrational, but it's still very much real, and I can't know for sure. When my dad flips in angry outbursts it's scary. Really scary. I don't relate to the things in this group therapy. They don't even make sense to me... I don't try to avoid anything in hopes to "get better" or get "rid of depression" or "control it". If I try to avoid it it's simple because I have to survive, I don't have a choice. I never expected to get rid of depression. Why would I, if I believe I deserve to be like this forever? Like I said, the voices are loud and clear, and I've never been able to find an argument strong enough to make me believe otherwise. I keep going because there is literally no other way. Maybe that's the reason why my therapist left me. She realized I don't have a fix. They say you have to want to get better. Well, that's exactly my problem, I don't seem to be able to do that. I don't understand how anyone can do that. Everything is too fucking impossible. I hate myself too much, I have so much anger. It's just impossible. Is this depression? If this is depression, there is no way this is a treatable illness. Is it only treatable for those who are already ok enough to want to be better? Is it only treatable if you don't have the cause anymore, just the remaining symptoms? I don't understand. I don't understand why I'm being forced to live if I'm clearly a lost cause.
Well, at least they're starting to acknowledge that they didn't, y'know, actually bother to test antidepressants on people whose cases are severe. Which they should have. The psychiatry field dun goofed when it came to cases like yours. And so do the suicide hotlines, who don't know what to do with cases that can't be reversed with a simple reminder or two. As for therapy - it's hard to find therapy specifically for cases of depression this severe too. But I do know of one source you might want to check out. Dr. Ramani. She's a therapist who has a TH-cam channel, where she talks about narcissistic abuse. You might find some things to relate to there. I don't know if it will help you, but it's worth a try.
@@lsmmoore1 I think there is a misunderstanding, I never tried antidepressants, I never went to a doctor for mental illness. I've been to two therapists that strongly recommended that I'd go, but my parents won't allow it. The first one tried to talk to them and explain, but my dad flipped out, not only forbid be to go to said doctor, he also forbid me to see that therapist ever again. The second and last therapist, the one that abandoned me, she always pressed me to go to the doctor, but in face of the last traumatic events, I refused to talk to my parents about it ever again, I literally would rather die. So I never went. I am 21 but I don't have any independence whatsoever, and it will be like this for at least another 6 to 8 years, if I manage to finally get into college and get a job eventually. Maybe then, if there is an opportunity, I'll go to a doctor. It's a laughable reality, the idea that I'll be able to get into, get through and finish college while depressed, but I don't have a choice, this is it, the only plan I have. I think I've seen this Dr. Ramani, she talks about BPD a lot, right? I think she is ok, but in the end it's just a video in the internet, sometimes it's more frustrating than anything, because it doesn't change my situation, I remain unable to go to a doctor. Tools and coping mechanisms only work to some extent. But I think she is fine. (Now I'll ramble a little, sorry) Things are already a little better actually, because I might have a chance to finally get into a college by the end of this year, so now I can finally rest a little, don't have to study anymore for a while. I sincerely don't know how I even got here, I should be dead by now. It's been 4 long and horrible years of trying to pass the exams. I live in Brazil btw, here the best universities are the public ones, they are for free (we pay them in taxes) but they are insanely competitive and hard to get in, especially medical school, wich is the one I've always wanted to do. By now it's not even a dream like it used to be, but I can't even imagine having to do anything else. Everything seems impossible, with this I'm at least interested in the subject, I don't hate it. Maybe things will work out you know. At least my conscience is somewhat clear, I do everything I can, things are simply out of my control. I don't know and I don't wanna think about it, I just live one day at a time, it's already hard enough to do just that.
@@mariaeugenia578 @Maria Eugênia The fact that you want to go into medical school, to help other people, shows your true inner integrity. It also (to me atleast) shows that you're really looking for help in a way that you can turn it into a degree and learn yourself, which is double beneficial and really smart. I don't mean to bash your parents, I have very similar family life and I still love them, but I think they are holding you back from that and maybe unwilling to accept how they did you so wrong in the parenting aspect. Or that's just how toxic they really are. If they try to stop you from feeling better, you need to get away from there and the mental weight on your shoulders will be so quickly lifted that you feel as if you can fly. Which is exactly what will happen. Up until your mid 20s or 30s are hard for everybody. With all the stress of social peer acceptance, low paying jobs, wanting independent confidence and schooling make goals seem impossible. The reality is this is what life is about. Realizing problems and fixing them makes you even stronger. And the harder the problems the more galvanized and intelligent person you become. Remember pressure makes diamonds and some of the most influential people in the world are diamonds. Life is hard/confusing for everybody at a young age, but for some it is even harder and those are the people who make the world a better place and life worth living. Shine on you crazy diamond! You are needed and a huge break is indefinite and will most likely come as something you never expected. Drop negative and oppressive people/places and replace them with positivity and soul food (I know seems easier said than done) but nothing remarkable happens over night. When your surroundings are comfortable and positive your big break will have no other choice than to fall in line and be exactly who you believed you always could be. I believe in you!
Please explain all the weeks if you have time. I have been trying to get into therapy and I've been in a queue for over 6 months. I'm still going to have to wait some time more. I have been trying to research myself but it's so exhausting, having this stuff explained from a peer is so much more useful than psychologytoday articles
"Those thoughts that you may have thought... do not define you. We are thinking machines. Your brain generates ideas so easily, you literally do it in your sleep! So, a thought alone cannot make you a bad person. Especially an unwelcome thought. " ~ Thomas Sanders (Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts)
the best thing my therapist ever told me is “thoughts are not threats”
Wow, I liked "thoughts are not you, but your actions are" that really helped and your quote is that much more concrete fruition, thank you!
@@jameschaney1730 i'm 100% getting "thoughts ≠ threats" as a tattoo
I wish I could be involved in a course like this. I feel like therapy doesn't do much for me. I assume a lot of it is that as someone with ASD the sessions feel so subjective and unguided but I want facts and concrete topics we will be talking about. Thank u for sharing!
Same I’ve done Therapy for the past 3 years plus on and off 2 years and it’s exhausting for me because I would be talking I mean yeah it helped at first because first I was extremely suicidal and it helped me to keep going but after I was needing to heal from past trama but because it’s so extreame they suggest pills and it makes me upset because I need advise not here’s this pill and that pill .
I quit my therapist because I was having the exact same problem. Plus she was constantly flaking on our appointments, and so did the psychologist. I told her I felt like all I was doing was coming in and talking aimlessly about everyday shit because she never directed me to what I should be discussing. She answered that I basically talked non stop and that therapy takes years and so she was trying to help me with my confidence and self esteem. But said I could see a different therapist if I wanted (um, no! I'm barely comfortable with you, I don't need someone new). Right after that appointment she went on medical leave (poss. covid?) and they said I'd have to see someone different 🤮) I just decided fine whatever and stopped going.
@@anastasiasmolinski can't therapy help with discovering facts and discussing concrete topics about what's going on in our brain? I hope, becauseim going to go to therapy this year...
@@MargauxNeedler yes it can but if you have deep trama or like a chemical imbalance therapy is really not right for that.
@@anastasiasmolinski yeah, there are so many different therapies that may or may not help. Trauma specialists would be great and at some point they should be able to figure whether therapy alone is helping anymore or if there may be a chemical imbalance too they can tackle.
I went through a breakup recently and at night when things got even harder, I had a "meeting" with my emotions. So I like okay sadness, lay it on me. Fear, let's have it. Anger, what do ya got? And I found it so helpful to unravel the clutter of things I was feeling.
Okay, I promise I tried *really* hard to hold this in because I didn't even know if I had the energy to try to explain it but as soon as you got to the concept of "no bad emotions", I physically couldn't stop myself from adding in.
So, my current hyperfixation is SUPER related to this whole topic. It's an approach to mental health called Internal Family Systems therapy (or IFS).
You talked about how it's not the emotions themselves that cause your depression (or other issues, for that matter) and that it's actually your relationship to those emotions - and you're totally right.
Under the IFS lense, we look at human emotions and other internal experiences as all being "parts" of ourselves. The language isn't super important, it's just convenient because we already use it (ie "part of me feels one way; part of me feels another"). The general idea is that we all have multiple parts, who all have roles to play in our internal world, and problems arise when we don't listen to our parts.
This is what happens when a part of you says it's depressed and you try to forcefully make it go away. You're telling that part that it isn't welcome with you. But we don't have bad parts - not even our depressed or angry ones. Our parts are all trying to protect us in some way - your depression may be trying to draw attention to your work-life balance, or your sleep, or your diet, or a lack of meaningful stimulation, or a lack of artistic expression. The point is that there isn't any one right answer to make the feeling just go away. You have to listen to what the feeling is trying to tell you.
And the best part (to me) is that this is all backed by Michael Gazzaniga's neuroscience research that suggests that, instead of being mono-conscious like we once thought, humans are actually multi-conscious and made up of multiple bubbles of consciousness that determine how we perceive the world at any given time. If you've ever read about split-brain research or neuroplasticity, you might already be familiar.
Anyway, I can continue with the video now. I hope someone found this interesting/useful ^-^
Edit: typo
whelp, I already feel the next research rabbit hole coming cause that sounds absolutely fascinating. ':D thx for sharing!
Sounds like OSDD?
@@freethegays OSDD would be included on this spectrum. From what I've learned in IFS, all people are multiple in a sense, but people with DID and OSDD have extreme trauma that lead to dissociation, amnesia, and other extreme reactions within their parts. As a result, access to Self can become limited and parts can become very independent and autonomous.
Loved learning this, thank you for sharing. Have a great life!! - an autistic person whose special interest is neuroscience
@@samf8405 You can be plural without having DID or OSDD, and you can have DID or OSDD without trauma.
My brother has a tattoo on his wrist (for close reminder) that says "eat it all." The concept is to take in all your emotions-- good, bad, etc.
The silence had my brain going other places, forgetting you were on my tv, then your sudden voice in my room literally ripped my soul out of my body for a quick second
Thank you for existing.
Exactly what I was thinking 🤔🤔🤔, 👍👍!!!
💃🌍🌎🌏💃!!!
Paige, I appreciate your honesty and transparency when it comes to your mental health and thoughts! I relate so much to what you say myself. ❤️
My therapist also introduced ACT to me! CBT did not really work for me because my anxiety leads to spiraling thoughts and trying to "change" those thoughts just made it worse. ACT has been really helpful for me to put a pause on intrusive thoughts and have an objective approach to move forward instead of ruminating on the feelings.
"Let it go" that's a song. On another note you are super smart and damn, honestly as a male with undiagnosed but counselor suggested autism I relate to literally everything you talk about in the vast majority of all your videos. You are a divine human being and I believe you are humbling and a chosen one to spread these messages. Even if I doubt you before even watching your videos, you always uplift me and bring me peace with your commonality and I thank you for that! You are awesome, but don't let us get in the way of your happiness. I know (but don't really fully know) popular dependency can be hard to adjust to and we will always be here even if you don't put out a video for 3 years. Thank you for everything!
I'm the same when it's come to depression!!! It's the first time I heard about it from someone else. Unaliving myself ( in my head of course ) is also my coping mechanism, when my anxiety or ptsd kick in. Other than that I don't really show or feel that much depression.
Imagining to unalive myself gives me a feeling of relief and makes me relaxed again. That's what I do it for.
Thank you for this valuable information Paige, im 33 with ASD and ADHD "AUTIEHD", I definitely have found that trying to rethink and think optimistic just makes negative intrusive thoughts worse, I often or constantly have the "unaliving myself" thoughts as a comforting protective solution to negative thoughts and physical feelings of pain and also because my age is 33 which feels jinxing and bothered by turning 34, I feel better knowing that this is common and we can't change our thoughts but just except them.
i’ve read a great book on ACT last year called ‘The Happiness Trap’
Thank you. I will look this up!
@@jameschaney1730 you’re welcome !
I recently released that I cry when I'm angry (which explains so much). So, yesterday I was procrastinating and once I was finally forced to do it, I started crying because I hated myself and I hate having to struggle to do everyday tasks. And then I was like "wait, this is an angry cry!" and I felt so happy about realizing it that I immediately stopped crying. Yeah, recognizing that the emotion I was feeling is anger really helped
I have done pretty much the exact same style of therapy "class" as an intensive outpatient program for DBT. It was super helpful, I've actually done it twice (by choice lol)
I love DBT, it have been super helpful for me too!
I did it twice in hospital too! Super helpful and this video reminded me to actually use it.
unrelated but seeing the “ACT” acronym gave me bad flashbacks to that test we had to take and I have a feeling that I’m not the only one.
Always the first thing I think of. It was not only optional here, I had to pay to take the test. Same with the SATs. Idk anyone else that took it. 😂 Someone called me a masochist. I was trying to get into an honors psych program for freshman. Then they stopped it before I got there, but that's a different story.
I can't remember now for sure what my score was. 25+, I think. Been 22 years. 🤷🏻♀
I know it’s so basic but it really is the only movie I see this shown in, but in inside out there is the message of ‘sadness is important.’ ‘We need a balance of every feeling.’ Was so beautiful to me, and I wish it was expressed more in media
I'm glad I found your channel, Paige.
It took a few years to find out that I'm autistic. I'm not diagnosed.
I find your channel both calming, and highly informative.
Apologies if this comes off as too generic or mean or anything.
There's nothing wrong with your comment.
Becoming my favorite TH-camr pretty fast, thanks Paige.
Now THIS is the kind of therapy I’ve wanted all along
9:27 To feel joy, I just replayed memories of being with one of the people I care about deeply when we were both laughing and in a good mood. It helped that we were hanging out for several hours earlier, so it was fresh in my mind, but since I do different meditation techniques that often require visualization and/or affirmations got access to varied mental states, this was pretty straightforward.
Paige: “I want you to feel joy…now do it.”
Me: …..
*looks into her eyes*
“It worked!”
Same.
Yes, she's very beautiful
Same! Her expression made me laugh
Therapy for me turns into me rambling about things and not really getting much out of it. It was helpful before for setting healthy boundaries with family members but after that part was done, any "coping with life" stuff just didn't really work for me.
You are really, really good at this. This is still hard to absorb cause I'm still looking for the concrete. I did therapy and when I ended it, I had no idea what it was supposed to have done for my depression cause it was definitely never dealt with. Good thing it was coverd under OHIP.
like you can't choose to feel joy, you can't chosse to feel pain/negative emotions of depression etc. But you can evaluate the situation and the cause for the emotion - like joy because of listening to a great song or because of anything that causes a good mood. So you can also track down the cause of that negative feeling: Going back in time to find the switch action or setting that made the mood change. Thank you for that realisation. I feel quite empowered now.
The stepbrothers quote near the end caught me off guard and made me laugh
“I know you touched my drumstick because there is a chip in it”
Glad to know that I'm not the only one who quotes Step Brothers!!! Love and appreciate you for sharing your experience!!
I'm in DBT therapy and I have group every week. It's sounds very similar to that. Now I'll have to go research both therapies and compare likes and differences lol. we get to do it in person with masks which I find far more effective then over video as i can't pay attention if there's distractions around me and in person, there are far less distractions
I wish those intrusive thoughts weren't so full of disgust, shame, guilt, and self-hatred towards myself. Though I've always been the same way with just wanting it all to stop, it's never been that I don't want to live, but tired of surviving and not truly living in this life.
Also, I wish I could get so many tattoos done. I've been wanting to get self-harm scars covered up by a half sleeve, hopefully by my next birthday, which is December. Love your wrist tattoo. 🥰
This was a better help than the last two and a half years of therapy :D
Intense emotion is one of my biggest PTSD triggers (whether someone else's or my own), so I have emotion shutdown most of the time, which finally erupts in what is called bipolar mania episodes.
ANYONE ELSE JUST CAN'T HELP IT BUT SMILE AT "AWKWARD SILENCE PAIGE" ??? (NO IDEA WHY BUT MY INSTINCT JUST THINKS SHE'S CUTE LIKE THAT ^_^)
Seriously, Paige I am ALWAYS delighted by your videos. You make the difficult stuff so accessible, relatable and funny. Just wanted to express my gratitude for your work and existence in general❤
Paige you are sharing ancient wisdom with your generation. WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS
Developing our Awareness is a priceless tool for those of us struggling in today’s society. Our key to inner peace. Thanks for sharing that with everyone. I wish you ALL the good things in life!!
Your analogy either the little Paige being the emerion is just about exactly how I have syartrd yrykng to relate eoth my children.
For me the idea came from Mr Roger's he said kids are always being told don't cry and whatever people don't just sit with them and listen and acknowledge that a dad thing happened or whatever
My therapist let me borrow a book on ACT to help with alexithymia (inability to describe/explain emotions) associated with my neurodivergence. I found it so helpful and whilst it hasn't been a smooth ride since then, it has been working. Definitely a technique I would recommend to anyone, not just people who struggle with depression or are ND.
I would also like to add something that my therapist used to talk about battling emotions. So expanding on the rope and the chasm scenario, the harder you pull on the rope, the harder the emotions fight back. This means you are wasting significantly more effort in the stalemate, not just using resources but draining them.
That's all I would like to say. Have a great day. Thanks Paige for this video, love all that you do. 😁
Paige, you did awesome sharing about your experiences with us. It seems that you did to me. I greatly appreciate the content that you went over and also the way that you delivered it. I think you’re very talented, and your skills of educating and communicating, humor, and all the other important facets of what you’re doing are growing. You are definitely an inspiration to me. I’m very grateful to know that you’re here in the world, sincerely thank you for the actions you take/make, thank you for doing what you do.
That was a mind changing episode thank you. I think my job my jaw was dropped for half the video, I am mind blown.
I had a similar group experience in Sudbury. It was a pretty ok program, but I prefer hearing it from you. I really GET it when you say it, I truly hear ya and feel like you hear me, too. You're speakin' my language! Keep crushing everything!
Great video! I started ACT a few weeks ago with my therapist, and I struggled with assigning value to things at first. It was actually a little overwhelming, but I really like the idea and philosophy of the therapy.
This video was SUPER helpful, thanks for that! It would be super helpful if you made more of these ! :)
This kinda made my brain explode in the best way. This was so eye opening and I wish I’d had this knowledge so much sooner. Thank you for sharing this Paige!
this is so incredibly helpful, you posted this at the exact time I, and I'm sure many other people, needed to hear it. I too resort to "unaliving thoughts" because of sensory/information overload all. the. time. Thank you for sharing your ACT exerience and passing on this immensly important information 💖 I get so attached to my thoughts and emotions and become them in my dark times. it's hard to detach and decifer as just ME, as i tend to lose myself in those meltdown/shutdown moments. thank you paige, you are such a lovely soul, thank you for doing what you do 💌
This was so helpful! I haven't had therapy in a long time and while listening to you I realised that I'd been stuck with the idea of reframing and reworking thoughts until they stop causing me fear or sadness and that acceptance and the 'Yeah yeah, Brenda...' mindset had largely fallen out of my toolkit. I've gotten back to taking it all so seriously and - in part even - confusing my thoghts with reality.
I'm going to look into this a bit deeper b/c I feel a need to brace myself for things to come, with how insane and off the rails the world is right now in some respects.
So thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts ❤️
For the past couple of years I've read about ACT, particularly through a couple of books by Russ Harris, a therapist who uses ACT to help his clients and who personally found it to be very helpful with his own personal challenges like anxiety. I've read an illustrated version of The Happiness Trap, part of the original book, and I'm currently reading The Confidence Gap. These books explained so much stuff about why we get the way we do with our minds. Although I still struggle with my own intrusive thoughts and feelings that come as a result of them, I found practicing a bit of ACT to feel more distant from my thoughts. I'm currently still working to better my skill in defusing my thoughts and to use other parts of ACT to help me live the life I want and need.
Also, I'm glad that I'm not the only Autistic person that found it to be helpful. Not many people talk about alternatives to methods that claim that you must challenge or get rid of negative thoughts and feelings, like CBT (this one I hear a lot of since trying to learn more about mental health). It also goes totally against the advice we hear about positive thinking that's been the stuff of self-help books and conventional wisdom for decades. Thanks for putting this up and telling others about this approach!
This is such good timing!!! My mum was just telling me about an ACT program that might help me :)))) thanks for this
I’m so happy that you found something that works so well for you Paige ❤️
Paige, I want to thank you for this video. If you ever wanted to make more videos like this about what you learned - that would be amazing. Because everyone is like "oh, you have a problem? go to therapy!"... but not every person has access to therapy.
I'm autistic ADHDer with tons of comorbids too and in my country it's a miracle that I'm diagnosed, so expecting therapists to know these conditions would be too much... Most therapy here is also "CBT"/talk therapy and it never helped me. I looked into EMDR and ACT a lot yet wasn't able to find anyone except one EMDR therapist that would cost me 1/3 of my monthly disability pension that I live from. It's also not easy when combined with medical PTSD... So it's really helpful to be able to watch a video like this and be able to take something from it without having to pay huge amounts of money and having to re-traumatize myself by going to therapist's office.
I was also diagnosed with depression and totally felt that it was strange because of exactly what you very accurately and well described at about the 7 minute mark or so! Totally! It goes back to the masking thing. I think people want people want or need to see me smiling 100% of the time. Your takes are so refreshing!
”experience joy now” reminded me of the movie ”Hook”, the boys needed ”happy thoughts” to fly. It's an awesome moment when Peter discovers his new happy thought.
Hello Paige, I actually did TMS or Trans Cranial Magnetic Stimulation to help with my Anxiety. It also can help with Depression. This type of therapy doesn't require meditation, although you can listen to music meant for meditation or New Age music. It uses a device that they put on your head and uses magnets to work. It's amazing how it helped me with my anxiety. The first 4 weeks I believe is when I went 5 days a week for around 20 minutes each day. Then it was a few weeks of going twice a week. I am petty sure it was a 24 session treatment. Then just once a month for maintenance. It's kind of expensive at first, but isn't your health worth it, especially if something works. It can't take away your anxiety or depression 100%, but it reduced my anxiety a lot. that's just my 2 cents opinion.
Page I have borderline personality disorder bipolar two PTSD generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder and they also have the ID dissociative identity disorder and I also have chronic intractable migraines I may have a few other things that need to be listening to you is just fantastic and I finally got off of my lithium I am doing so good without it I never wanna go back on it again emotions are way under control to a point but I don’t listen to the bad ones I just ignore him and listen to the rest of my thoughts and everything i’m learning to control my own emotions as well but yet allowing some emotions to go through that are good for me to learn from your videos are very informative and great and I love watching your videos I do also use dimming toys as well to help control my anxiety and some of my emotions I’m trying to focus off of the bad stuff and I am doing really good no intrusive thoughts at all
... this is the kind of therapy that I've searched for forever. If you're able and want to, sharing each week would be immensely helpful.
What you've shared in this video is so amazing. Thank you.
I appreciate you sharing this knowledge and your personal experience. You have been helping me understand myself and my daughter better.
I love how you managed to cram a whole philosophy and framework for dealing with your emotions that I spent years on learning into a 20-minutes video :-) One additional thing that I'd like to share, which blew my mind when I discovered it and which someone might find useful is that you can use your mind as an "arena" to do literally anything, without there being any consequences in the outside world. If you're angry at someone, you can process that anger by brutally murdering then in your mind over and over again. If you're scared of something, you can confront that fear by playing out the exact situation in your mind and see how you feel. The possibilities are endless! It's such a useful tool and has been a game changer for me.
im so glad that youre making these videos. you talk about really important things that other youtubers never talk about and thats why i love you. you are also so relatable, i have autism but i bet ppl find you amazing even who dont have it.
my current therapist practices act and it makes a lot more sense to me than traditional cbt
Oh my goodness that was so eye-opening thankyou so much for sharing that Paige!
I am autistic and experienced mental and physical health problems since I was 10. But because I am a girl and "seem to be extroverted" nobody noticed.
I am now in therapy for 6 years and confident that I will be for the rest of my life. I am okay with that. But this year I have had covid and since then I feel this huge exhaustion and I don't know if I have long covid or depression. So this video came at the right time. Love this
as a therapist in training, act is freaking awesome
What you talk about at 19 minutes is very deep! Other very very smart people I watch have talked about how your thoughts are often not your own. They're spirits influencing you. It's spiritual stuff. That demons can enter your mind via thoughts, but that fortunately, that's all demons can do. They can only attempt to influence us with those whispers. We always have free will no matter what. It's us who choose to act or not, and demons escape liability because of our free will, too. We always have a choice. You're really smart!
Extremely important video! Thank you for making this, Paige! It helped me and I am sending to other people who it may help too!!! This is an amazing resource and you are so articulate about this topic which is great.
"Don't think about the numbers 1, 2, and 3."
* starts disassociating forgetting I was watching a video and then gets alarmed at the audio when she starts talking again *
haha my brain is severely broken
Me too!
the way paige is one of my comfort people 🥺🥰
Thank you for sharing this. Doing ACT was absolutely revolutionary for me. Great to see it getting more recognition.
What is sad is the only thing that works for my Suicidal anxiety is Benzodiazepines, Which they no longer give to people which angers me especially when you don't abuse them! I relate to you so much Paige, We are a lot alike in many ways.....My downstairs neighbor plays music and it vibrate my feet and makes me GAG! I hate it so much! Ugh, I also hate getting wet so I don't bath as much as I should ugh.
That thing about how you can't control your emotions reminded me of a tragic story about a "Star Trek" fan who decided to take of his resemblance to Spock to the extreme by repressing his emotions... and he wound up basically wiping his own sense of self.... and killing himself.
Very glad that ACT is working for you. There are so many methods of healing that people have come up with .... and for whatever my opinion is worth, I've never found it helpful to think about which ones are right or wrong. I'm not Paige Layle and you're not Adam Fishkin, so any right or wrong is irrelevant.
But if you have the effort to heal, who is supporting you? I feel like that's the dealbreaker. There's concrete fact in whether or not someone is being supportive.
I look forward to the future. See you there.
This sounds super similar to DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) 🤩🥰 I’ve been in a DBT program for about 3yrs now, and we frequently refer to emotions/feelings as information. That allows some space to step back from the intensity and ask with genuine curiosity/consideration: “what’s wrong? What are we feeling and why…okay, so what do we know we can to do about those feelings?” The caretaker analogy comes up a lot 💖 I’m so happy you’ve found a program that resonates so deeply with you
Thanks! I'm following ACT as well for other reasons, but the concepts explained in ACT brought from a different perspective really shed some light on some things I worked on!
thank youuu for spreading a lot of info and also i hope you love what you are doing and do a lot of fun things aswell
Love this and would love to hear about the other sessions also
Literally half my problems were solved through psychoeducation (psicoeducación where I'm from). Just learning the basics of how our emotions work was a huge relief in my daily struggles.
13:22 I have learned that the best way to get away from thoughts is to force other thoughts in my head. Things like counting. It absolutely is because of my OCD or my OCD is because of it. Either way this shit doesn’t actually work. Because at the end of the day I’m always afraid of what my brain is showing me, telling me. The compulsions don’t stop the fear, they just push it back till later.
Good video! This tought me more what I learned in 3 years in therapy. Thank you for this!!
mindfulness and ACT were WAY more helpful for me than CBT. CBT definitely helped me overcome most of my depression and break out of spirals, but ACT really helps you thrive in the day to day no matter what you have going on. sometimes you do everything you can and still feel like shit, but ACT is so good for changing the way you relate to your experiences. i also have chronic pain, which this was sooo helpful for
Hey Paige, considering your mention of Little Paige and Brenda, you might also like Internal Family Systems (IFS), which is about identifying and connecting with your parts :)
Paige, I love your content. I’ve been following you for a while. I love this this has helped you! I would like to tell you that ACT was developed from relational frame theory which is a concept derived from the field of applied behavior analysis. Not everything ABA related is terrible and I’m glad this was something that was able to help you 💕💕
Thanks for the video you would be a great therapist
Only a little less than 7 mins in and feel like you’re saying everything I’ve wanted to say. I’m much older than you and so impressed with your videos and how well you explain everything. Thank You 💕
twenty one minutes has done so much more for me than seven years of therapy did, holy shit
When you said my emotions are like another entity inside me, I got that.
Wow this is so amazing! Thank you for sharing! I would really really love to hear about the other classes that you had before this one as well
this was definitely the video i needed rn thank you
This really reminded me of my personal tug of war with my depression and anxiety.
I think one of my biggest personal breakthroughs was when someone suggested the prospect that I give others grace for things that I overly critisize myself for. When they say they're ugly, I see their beauty. When they're having a bad day I tell them I understand and try to help. Yet I don't give myself that grace. Like I don't deserve it? I'm a person too. Why do I treat myself worse than everyone else?
Then this person asked who put the intrusive thoughts that were insults into my brain. "I'm fat/lazy/heartless/worthless/stupid/annoying/etc...". Turns out it was mostly one person. So I named that voice in my head "Dad". And I mentally tell my dad to stfu. Then I focus on why I'm feeling that way.
For example: Why do I fell lazy and worthless right now? Ok. I'm in burnout. I did too much. Then I plan how to combat it. I'm going to take the first plausible day off to veg and reset. Give myself time to recharge my batteries. I'll nap, read, cry, feel my feelings, take ridiculously long showers, do whatever helps me avoid all the extra stimulus that's making me go nuts before I end up in a meltdown of nuclear proportions.
After that I'll accept when to remove myself from overstimulating environments, and plan on doing something productive in an environment that won't send me into burnout. And move on.
I now give myself the grace to feel my feelings, react, reset, and do better even if it's just for a little while. And to see the good too. Even in the midst of the bad. Yes, I'm stressed, but I am still kind. I'm annoying to myself and people that don't know me, but those that love me are entertained and love my randomness. My negative parts are also potentially the best parts of myself. Overall, I have made huge strides and my tug of war is over, even if my thoughts and emotions still go dark. Because I don't wallow or fight, it makes it easier to look at it objectively and figure out the why's and then the how's. Why am I thinking these things? How do I give myself grace to see the way out and act on it.
Hope this helps someone else. ♡
Learning and loving every bit. Listening at 1.5 speed is super helpful. Your way of presenting is so perfectly intense. Sharing my mind space with your voice is going to make alive so much more real. Unaliving me is my trauma coping go to also(sorry to share that one). You are doing a very good thing with your words, blessing so many and getting you to your better too. We are not the bad/negative things said to us by others or our own brain. Opinions suck, and facts are the best. Much love and much life dear one.
My daily dose of Paige 😌😌😌
This video was brilliant! I love the way that you articulate things!
super useful video thank you!! i also am autistic and don't have standart depression symptoms, but do have emotional reactiveness and chronical suicidality. i have heard of act before, guess it's time to try it fr now
If traditional therapy doesn’t work for you, DBT therapy has been the most helpful therapy for me ever. It focuses on skills to help you cope with hard emotions and difficult situations. It’s the best therapy modality that exists in my opinion!!
My therapy is have friends around and keep setting goals. 🖤
This is a really helpful video. Thank you so much Paige
This sounds close to DBT but less trauma based. DBT focuses alot on accountability and then the acceptance and behaviour choice, but alot ofnpeople I know said they were not ready for DBT. Seems ACT would be a good alternative! PCT is similar to CBT because it focuses on the individual and their individual experience and alot of talk therapy but I know that's not for everyone. Some people need to talk and let out stuff, some people want skills and advice, some people need a different healing process and others like to be surrounded by similar people and learn form others. I'm glad you've spoken about ACT as its not spoken about often! It's good to know what options there are instead of accepting the therapy that's handed to you! Thank you Paige 🥰🥰
I related very well in the beginning about not doing good with "normal therapy", all the experiences I had with it in the last 2 years were not just "bad" they were absolutely hell. If I think about it too much I'll wanna die, it didn't work so much so that my last therapist who was with me for 9 horrible months chose to return the money and stop attending, didn't even explain why, it was terrible. I knew it wasn't working but I didn't have the guts to leave it on my own, I was so desperate, she was my last and only chance.
Not that I'd be able to do this other group therapy thing, I can't even go to a psychiatrist, but sadly I can't relate very much to it. I seem to have depression or other undiagnosed thing. But non of this explanations about it seem to be helpful for me. When I'm depressed I do things to try and get out of it because I have no choice, not because I want to not be depressed anymore. I don't want to get rid of the "bad" feeling, on the contrary, it's like I want it to get worse and worse. It has been like this ever since I can remember, it's like I want to always be worse and feel worse on purpose. I don't want to be happy, it's not right. I deserve to be miserable. I feel better when I'm miserable. I don't believe it's possible to die, I believe our soul is eternal, and this is actually an anguish to me, cause I really want to die sometimes but I couldn't even if I tried. Hell will never end, ever. And it's not about my life, or the people around me, I've always known that I am the one and true disease that causes all the bad things in my own head. I shouldn't be here. I don't understand why I'm here. I shouldn't have this good life. I do things because there's not an option. I do things so I don't get so depressed because I don't have permission to be depressed, they won't allow it, they will hurt me, I can never stop, ever. I can't control anything, my only job is to survive day after day, that's it. I always had bad intrusive thoughts too. But I've never been afraid of them, I always knew they weren't mine. "They" always talk in the right side of my head. But "they" are right, I can't argue. Until now I couldn't find any logic that was able to dismiss their points. I think I kinda like the bad thoughts? It's terrible. But it's so easy to surrender. So easy. My instincts yell at me to stay still, not move, maybe this way I can disappear... But my parents won't allow it, they force me to keep going and to do things, I don't have permission even to die. I try not to be depressed not because I don't want to feel miserable, or because I care to not feel "bad" emotions, but simply because my dad can flip out at any second as he did many times, he doesn't like to see tears, he doesn't like to see bad moods. My fear of him or my mom getting angry at me again is bigger than anything else. I'm afraid they would abandon me, beat me up, throw me at the streets or something, how can I be sure? They never threatened anything like that, I know my fear is a bit irrational, but it's still very much real, and I can't know for sure. When my dad flips in angry outbursts it's scary. Really scary.
I don't relate to the things in this group therapy. They don't even make sense to me... I don't try to avoid anything in hopes to "get better" or get "rid of depression" or "control it". If I try to avoid it it's simple because I have to survive, I don't have a choice. I never expected to get rid of depression. Why would I, if I believe I deserve to be like this forever? Like I said, the voices are loud and clear, and I've never been able to find an argument strong enough to make me believe otherwise. I keep going because there is literally no other way. Maybe that's the reason why my therapist left me. She realized I don't have a fix. They say you have to want to get better. Well, that's exactly my problem, I don't seem to be able to do that. I don't understand how anyone can do that. Everything is too fucking impossible. I hate myself too much, I have so much anger. It's just impossible. Is this depression? If this is depression, there is no way this is a treatable illness. Is it only treatable for those who are already ok enough to want to be better? Is it only treatable if you don't have the cause anymore, just the remaining symptoms? I don't understand. I don't understand why I'm being forced to live if I'm clearly a lost cause.
Well, at least they're starting to acknowledge that they didn't, y'know, actually bother to test antidepressants on people whose cases are severe. Which they should have. The psychiatry field dun goofed when it came to cases like yours. And so do the suicide hotlines, who don't know what to do with cases that can't be reversed with a simple reminder or two. As for therapy - it's hard to find therapy specifically for cases of depression this severe too. But I do know of one source you might want to check out. Dr. Ramani. She's a therapist who has a TH-cam channel, where she talks about narcissistic abuse. You might find some things to relate to there. I don't know if it will help you, but it's worth a try.
@@lsmmoore1 I think there is a misunderstanding, I never tried antidepressants, I never went to a doctor for mental illness. I've been to two therapists that strongly recommended that I'd go, but my parents won't allow it. The first one tried to talk to them and explain, but my dad flipped out, not only forbid be to go to said doctor, he also forbid me to see that therapist ever again. The second and last therapist, the one that abandoned me, she always pressed me to go to the doctor, but in face of the last traumatic events, I refused to talk to my parents about it ever again, I literally would rather die. So I never went. I am 21 but I don't have any independence whatsoever, and it will be like this for at least another 6 to 8 years, if I manage to finally get into college and get a job eventually. Maybe then, if there is an opportunity, I'll go to a doctor. It's a laughable reality, the idea that I'll be able to get into, get through and finish college while depressed, but I don't have a choice, this is it, the only plan I have.
I think I've seen this Dr. Ramani, she talks about BPD a lot, right? I think she is ok, but in the end it's just a video in the internet, sometimes it's more frustrating than anything, because it doesn't change my situation, I remain unable to go to a doctor. Tools and coping mechanisms only work to some extent. But I think she is fine.
(Now I'll ramble a little, sorry)
Things are already a little better actually, because I might have a chance to finally get into a college by the end of this year, so now I can finally rest a little, don't have to study anymore for a while. I sincerely don't know how I even got here, I should be dead by now. It's been 4 long and horrible years of trying to pass the exams. I live in Brazil btw, here the best universities are the public ones, they are for free (we pay them in taxes) but they are insanely competitive and hard to get in, especially medical school, wich is the one I've always wanted to do. By now it's not even a dream like it used to be, but I can't even imagine having to do anything else. Everything seems impossible, with this I'm at least interested in the subject, I don't hate it. Maybe things will work out you know. At least my conscience is somewhat clear, I do everything I can, things are simply out of my control. I don't know and I don't wanna think about it, I just live one day at a time, it's already hard enough to do just that.
That sucks. I hope you do get into a better situation.
@@mariaeugenia578 @Maria Eugênia The fact that you want to go into medical school, to help other people, shows your true inner integrity. It also (to me atleast) shows that you're really looking for help in a way that you can turn it into a degree and learn yourself, which is double beneficial and really smart. I don't mean to bash your parents, I have very similar family life and I still love them, but I think they are holding you back from that and maybe unwilling to accept how they did you so wrong in the parenting aspect. Or that's just how toxic they really are. If they try to stop you from feeling better, you need to get away from there and the mental weight on your shoulders will be so quickly lifted that you feel as if you can fly. Which is exactly what will happen. Up until your mid 20s or 30s are hard for everybody. With all the stress of social peer acceptance, low paying jobs, wanting independent confidence and schooling make goals seem impossible. The reality is this is what life is about. Realizing problems and fixing them makes you even stronger. And the harder the problems the more galvanized and intelligent person you become. Remember pressure makes diamonds and some of the most influential people in the world are diamonds. Life is hard/confusing for everybody at a young age, but for some it is even harder and those are the people who make the world a better place and life worth living. Shine on you crazy diamond! You are needed and a huge break is indefinite and will most likely come as something you never expected. Drop negative and oppressive people/places and replace them with positivity and soul food (I know seems easier said than done) but nothing remarkable happens over night. When your surroundings are comfortable and positive your big break will have no other choice than to fall in line and be exactly who you believed you always could be. I believe in you!
You're awesome I love your videos so much
Please explain all the weeks if you have time. I have been trying to get into therapy and I've been in a queue for over 6 months. I'm still going to have to wait some time more. I have been trying to research myself but it's so exhausting, having this stuff explained from a peer is so much more useful than psychologytoday articles
omg I also realized that by myself about a year ago, so happy I'm not the only one
You described this really well. Thank you. ❤️
"Those thoughts that you may have thought... do not define you.
We are thinking machines.
Your brain generates ideas so easily, you literally do it in your sleep!
So, a thought alone cannot make you a bad person.
Especially an unwelcome thought. "
~ Thomas Sanders (Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts)
She’s just the prettiest🥰🥰🥰 angel on TH-cam.