Hi Daniel. I am one of the people doing my work quietly alone. I have been journalling for 25 years. Doing deep listening through daily self reflection. I usually spend a few hours every day in this writing process and a couple of hours in quiet contemplation. Hello from the sacred silence of self discovery. I am devouring your videos with much gratitude. :) Marilyn
Thank you for starting these conversations and for sharing, Daniel. Not only do we face it alone, but we are under constant criticism from people who tell us to forgive, stop dwelling in the past and stop being so negative. We are called "cruel" for denying abusive family members and relatives the opportunities to continue hurting us. It's official- the world has gone mad. Having the incredibly challenging work you are doing being dismissed by people you thought cared about you only adds to the pain.
Adelle Ramcharan I think it 'adds to the pain' because we hope, or expect, them to be supportive and cherishing, which they cannot be because of lack of their own growth
Daniel is literally my best friend that i've never met. Whenever I want someone that speaks real, unbiased, unpopular truth to talk to, I check Daniel.
"Growth," is the courage to face the truth. Usually the truth of having mightily a less than mightily perfect childhood and the fear of death that we surpressed is what we need to find the courage face. Thanks chuck
Daniel Mackler There's people asking you things blow in this comment section and I bet you could help people think they're ideas out instead responding to articulated likes, no offence Jibt Duke, it's good to let him know people can make they're lives better hearing this. Have you thought about doing a Q and A?
Daniel, I stumbled upon your videos including Take These Broken Wings, which I just recently watched, and love the perspective and truth you're sharing. I'm a therapist and started my own process of what I like to call "growing and becoming" and am 2 years in. I completely relate with the terrifying and often very alone process of discovering oneself and the deep healing of childhood wounds. For a recovering "people-pleaser" what's been so challenging is realizing and coming to terms with how my growth process will often win no "nods of approval" from others, especially family and actually the opposite has been the case - they seem at times troubled by my changing. Sometimes it feels like I'm alone in a boat rowing in a vast ocean, there's no map directing me and I decide where to go. It's freeing and never boring but at times I want back "on the shore" where at least I know what to expect and how to maneuver. Hearing your story online at least gives reassurance that I'm in fact not alone in experiencing the difficulties of it all...thanks so much!
Lydia Minear, MA, LAPC hi lydia -- dig it! glad to read your comment and to hear about your journey. what you write reminds me of that andre gide quotation (or i believe it's his): "“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore.” wishing you the best!! daniel
It seems like humanity has been going through the process of the great awakening lately meaning more and more people are forced by circumstances in their life or internally to wake up and grow. I'm pretty sure that pandemic and the fact that the whole generation of millennials are coming into the age of maturity also is connected with the great awakening somehow. Growing still feels lonely but hopefully the critical mass of allies is here, we're just not connected in reality that much (although Internet helps a lot). Thank you Daniel for everything you do for us as humans!! Much love❤
I've always been the grown up , ha ha ha I had to rely on myself from as young as I can remember, I'm still the maturer person. Living in different side of the globe works.. I'm one of those rare people. Painting helped and traveling..Keep up the good work .
Hi Daniel. Thank you for sharing what resonate with me as some profoundly eye opening observations. Your videos aid me in the growth and healing process and are helping me understand myself better. Kudos.
Daniel, I wanted to thank you for all of your videos. I just discovered your channel today, and I am amazed that so many of the thoughts I've had on my journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse are being expressed by you (and so much more). It makes me so very happy to feel understood. Thank you for your inspiration, I am learning so much!
+Daniel Mackler Yes, mine is similar. Daniel, are you interested in making a group somewhere on facebook, in which we could talk more about this emotional maturiation theme and not only?
all of these growing processes started when I stopped contact with my parents (in fact with my family of origin) ... purgatory stuff, carthasis, painful and scary work. But the only way to grow is the way through all of this ... no pain no gain. nightmares about my parents turned out to be outright flashbacks of the past. the denied dark faces of them popped into my head in the night. I do not hate them I only see them for who they really are and were. it kinda makes them human. but after all still toxic humans. and I claim my own life now ... it is a slow snail sneaking like process ... your thoughts are very helpful, thanks
oh god It makes me feel better just finding this... Ive been trying to get past alot of problems and... so I started writing a journal, and putting my thoughts in there - but actually organizing them, paying attention to what I was thinking and so forth, and... I actually, i came out of my room, and I sortof saw myself - just a little - but I was actually being intelligent, and being 'one thing' - myself. and, the millisecond that my father saw.. he had rage. pure rage.... Now I almost feel like my heart is broken, but... so has my brain been. I recently had found out im a potential schizoaffective - that i may have aspergers also. aside from that, my brother committed suicide - he had schizophrenia - just a couple years ago. I also barely barely, survived a coma from a drug overdose (Im an opiate addict trying to recover) 7 months ago. but the thing bothering me the most... is actually that I got picked on so bad in school growing up. Well with my dad.. I dont know what to think, or that I should, but its do or die - as much as i absolutely hate to say it. However right now Im in a hole inside myself, afraid, paranoid and weak. I grew up with christian traditions, but I feel like my dad thinks that means he can justify being lazy - or doing anything he wants - from his fucking armchair. Now I do believe theres a god and Im only just truly seeing what perfection is ... and it scares the HELL out of me. I keep trying to, like, evolve but without looking. there was something redeeming about the other day though, and its what I think im gonna have to tell myself to do this - I had power - real power. More than I ever valued myself as having. I have vague fears of becoming a powermad sociopath, but I also, imagine that I will love and be truly loved for it. How can a person get to be 30 and only just be evolving?.. I dont know what to think of my dad for becoming filled with rage seeing that Im a real person.... but Its a true sadness. I justify that I want to do this by telling myself that even though I want to help take my parents with, I just cant take the extra baggage so theyre going to have to love me for who I become.
Healthy people are those who live in healthy homes on a healthy diet; in an environment equally fit for birth, growth work, healing, and dying... Healthy people need no bureaucratic interference to mate, give birth, share the human condition and die. Most learning is not the result of instruction. It is rather the result of unhampered participation in a meaningful setting. Most people learn best by being "with it," yet school makes them identify their personal, cognitive growth with elaborate planning and manipulation.
When I was about 4 - 5 yrs I vividly remember that my legs used to hurt a lot, especially when I had "extended" walks with my parents and sister. I recall running towards them saying in Russian "noshki baliat" (my little legs hurt) and begging them to take me up... My mother would say: It´s okay. It´s because you´re growing up.
Yes! I feel incredibly alone as when I meet 'spiritual' or 'enlightened' people who you know talk to Angels and other stuff, I come to find that the majority if not all of them are frauds.
You are so right about this projecting our anger the same way we were abused. I'm also trying to do everything to prevent it from coming true, but I lack a healthy way. The children are the best object to project those issues. Their innocence simply screams to dump my issues on them. But I know its very wrong. I'm stuck with it
"Abyss of horror." You are so right! Every day has challenges and the decisions about and surrounding my relationships with relatives and even some neighbors and is so fraught with pain and indecision! I ask myself "Why?" about my reactions, their reactions, my thoughts and actions about them and I observe their actions and reactions on even what I consider to be decisions I made long ago but they are dithering and outright lying to me about, and sometimes it is sadly funny (example: to recycle or not) but still I am sad how hard it is for them and why lie? Is saying one thing but doing another really fooling me? No, but this person maintains their illusion to themselves. But then I have my own private meltdown about someone's birthday and I am down in the muck of indecision once again. I say I care, but do I really? Trying to do the right thing can be scary. I fail the system so much that I am not even sure I am in it any more. And, yes, I am doing this alone. Your videos are helpful and give me more to help me understand my anguish better. I don't feel so alone. Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I need an anesthetic for my feelings when dealing with my relatives and some others. I just keep praying for understanding and the ability to do better with each new possibility and interaction. More crap comes my way. Is that the answer to my prayer? I guess that is funny.
Why is it scary to grow ? I find this question a little funny. In a world, where the most constant factor is change, for some reason, we, as human beings are the most resistant TO change and this resistance can be painful / scary. We do have this interesting quality called choice, however, and when we exercise it, we can often decide to fear or to feel excited by a new prospect..And last but not least ; letting go. Usually, to grow we must shed some of the old self, to make way for the present self and we have the oddest reasons for not letting go but the main reasons would probably be doubt and fear of the unknown, both sort of knee jerk reactions rather than rational choices.
It could also be lack of money and other such practical matters. Although sometimes how do you know where doubt and reality ends and begins. It's a web I'm struggling with.
Thanks a lot for you videos! I started from the one on Open Dialogue in Finland. it's just great! I totally agree with this video as well. But I have a feeling, that what prevent us from growing is that we scared too much to learn something about ourself, that we afraid we would dislike ourselfes.
Basil B you're welcome. i think you make a good point -- about all that hidden stuff we have going on inside ourselves, just below the surface. but at least there's hope that we can bring up that stuff and heal it. daniel
Putting yourself first in your own life is really a very very disrespectful act in the eye of most parents!
7 ปีที่แล้ว +1
Daniel Mackler I agree the reasons you list make it scary to grow. I see a simpler and much more powerful one though: survival. I explain this in a 4-part video about my experience healing from childhood trauma, on my TH-cam channel. I hope you'll find it interesting, and I'm interested in your comments if you have any!
You are rare !!!!!! I get what you are saying, I've only watched about 3 of your videos in the last week and totally get you, and pleasantly shocked that there is someone out there saying these things. Yes, it is mostly working on ourselves, growing, etc. Are you still in NY ?? Or have you gone bush ? Have you been to Australia ? If so, What parts ?
I went through and pass my ptsd from a healing shroom trip. But after that during my integration stage that’s when I went through the abuse with my ex bf and my mom, so honestly...... right when I thought I was free that happened 😔 my mind is still free n expanded than it ever was before the only problem is what my ex n mom did really affected me because we don’t have a family life anymore we’re just two people who happen to live the same house.... just that one damn thing smh why’d they do that specificity then 🙄 but I have to move past what happened even tho it was recent at (dec’17- April)
At least on the bright side I learned soo much about the trip.. so much in fact that I witnessed the next step for humanities evolution.... literally the whole school saw what happened because of me... it was a glitch in the matrix moment, people may not believe this but hey, ask my whole school what they saw 🤷♀️it’s like that meme “when you know so much it’s illegal” aha
Breaking free without getting sucked back in through guilt.. Thanks for being gaslighted.. And realising.. Thank you anger.. I hope to get rid of you too in time.. Thank you humor.
Personal growth means something different to to everyone, therefore everyone is at a different 'level' or track or state if you want. Which means that it is hard to fine a 'comen denominater' that binds us all. For example: some ppl believe forgivness is important, other's believe cutting out the wrong-doers in their live is. (check your 'preference-box' right here ;) :) )
Hmm yes but either way it starts with not allowing yourself to be hurt over and over before you can begin to forgive or break away. That's the true seeds of change.
A person who rises above the moral intricacies of those around them, regardless of relationship, to find their own virtues. Sounds like Friedrich's Ubermensh. I was particularly fascinated by the attribution of family to the status of cult. Connotations aside, this I hold to be true.
very well articulated - such it is - please remember about care, you are phenomenal instructor but do not forget the fundaments f the work - love, thank you
When do we grow? When we really are tuned into our emotions, when we truly see ourselves for what we are, including the broken pieces and do not wish to escape from us.
What if I have accessed my inner child to have meaning/purpose in the highest in regard to my family. Which happens to be dysfunctional and out of my control/expectations. Causing ridiculous inner turmoil
Very interesting, but would it not be the case that it’s easier to grow in this way when you’re not surrounded by others doing the same thing, because this growth is itself a kind of process of individuation?
Yes, so true. When you are doing or have done your inner child work, there are so few you can really associate with, because you don't really speak the same language making a huge disconnect. What do you figure the ratio is between those who have done their inner child work & those who haven't?
Hi Daniel and viewers!, I wonder how do you deal with people, regarding your healing journey. I ask that because I feel I live in a healing closet so I was wondering how people in the same path deal with that. When being with people some part of me wants to be open about what is important to me (self-knowledge, healing my traumas, meditation,...) but what ends up happening is me hiding of my interest to a large degree (and being ashamed and alienated because of that) or scared about others opinions. I am even afraid of losing my job and things like that if I am honest. If someone likes to share his or her perspective here it would be awesome :)
***** For me, my healing process is something important and I really dedicate time to it but, when people ask me the "what do you do" question, I feel that I can't say "one of the the most important things for me is healing". The term is an analogy with being gay and in the closet.
Paseosinperro Thank you for giving me words to my experience: Healing closet is exactly the right term for what I am going through. I do tell people about what I am doing, I don't know if any one understands, but I don't care. Even if from the outside it looks like I am doing "nothing", I know that I am doing hard inner work. Watching YT videos, reflecting, crying, writing, singing, being angry, forgiving myself, going for walks, treating my body right after long times of neglect... it's hard work, and I can appreciate it myself. I try to be independent from outside validation. We all can be very proud of ourselves for doing what we do.
"Watching YT videos, reflecting, crying, writing, singing, being angry, forgiving myself, going for walks, treating my body right after long times of neglect..." You are describing my life :) I don't sing but the rest... Yes, I also struggle with this "I am doing nothing", which from my perspective is not true at all. Thanks for sharing.
+Christina Cha i have mixed feelings. i think a lot of other things can be more helpful, and i know some people have been overwhelmed (and not helped) by it. i know others who swear by it. personally i'm not into it, though.
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families is a place where I can do my healing work in a supportive community. It’s so healing to sob and be heard, not interrupted, not fixed, but to be loved by being vulnerable and still be accepted. ❤️🩹
In this age of prolonged adolescence - well into the age of 30 plus - life is stunted; whereas in native cultures, early marriage with young children in a supportive extended family and village, life is sustained with richness and growth. Is that not the ideal?
Daniel I know this was 9 years ago and this is the first video of yours I've seen form this era of your channel but your voice sounds so different to today. You have a lot more modulation in your voice than you used to. Was this something you intentionally changed?
Interesting. No, it's definitely not something I intentionally changed. I would suspect it has something to do with me feeling more comfortable with myself now, more centered -- more healed from trauma, perhaps.
@@dmackler58I agree. I have some personal reflections on this myself in my own life because there have been, and often still are, times in my life where I sound really flat and mono-expressive. A friend even said to me once, “Isaac, your facial expression hasn’t changed at all since we started talking.” I think it comes up when I’m feeling nervous and self conscious, also on a deep level quite angry because I’m probably projecting my parents and their rejection, so my facial expression and voice sometimes reflects that.
@@dmackler58 you’re welcome, I just finished reading Breaking from your Parents and it has helped me a lot. It gave me the courage to go no contact. Thank you for your work.
Seems a bit of a fanatical approach. There is no perfect parenthood like there is no perfect world. I think Daniel would not deny this. Life and our experience was and will always be both good and bad not in absolute terms perhaps but surely in relative terms. To me it seems though that to Daniel growing means detaching completely from the aspects of his parents that he dislikes and that push at him. Ideas about the nature of kids as being the ones who are there to have their needs fulfilled..Is that really so? Why do parents then have kids? Surely at least(ideally then) to fulfill their need of creating another person to whom they will love and cherish? There is no absolute altruistic parenthood. To me it seems like Daniel to an extent is rationalizing his own decision to completely break with his own parents because some aspects of them he really disliked and not taking his own advice of relinquishing responsibility and blame to both the past of his parents and simply the randomness of life. Why does he not give them credit for his ability to grow for example? If we are all flawed and all need to grow yet almost none of us do and he does why not give credit to his parents for it? Why give them credit only for the aspects in him he dislikes but not for those he likes? That seems compartmentalized and disassociated to me...
MusicalMonkThumbs interesting that you would ask this now. i just wrote an essay on this very subject, published it about three or four days ago: wildtruth.net/two-categories-of-crying/ all the best to you :) daniel
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Hi Daniel. I am one of the people doing my work quietly alone. I have been journalling for 25 years. Doing deep listening through daily self reflection. I usually spend a few hours every day in this writing process and a couple of hours in quiet contemplation. Hello from the sacred silence of self discovery.
I am devouring your videos with much gratitude. :) Marilyn
Thank you for starting these conversations and for sharing, Daniel. Not only do we face it alone, but we are under constant criticism from people who tell us to forgive, stop dwelling in the past and stop being so negative. We are called "cruel" for denying abusive family members and relatives the opportunities to continue hurting us. It's official- the world has gone mad.
Having the incredibly challenging work you are doing being dismissed by people you thought cared about you only adds to the pain.
Adelle Ramcharan yes! true.
Adelle Ramcharan I think it 'adds to the pain' because we hope, or expect, them to be supportive and cherishing, which they cannot be because of lack of their own growth
hi how come i hold back my emotions in therapy
daniel mackler how come i hold back my emotions in therapy
->Adelle Ramcharan
Look at Kanye West he managed to grow but so many want to drag him down.
Yes, no doubt that living in a world where people are not in a healing process is a really difficult obstacle.
Daniel is literally my best friend that i've never met. Whenever I want someone that speaks real, unbiased, unpopular truth to talk to, I check Daniel.
So spot on. From the beginning, to the very end of the video.
I love your discourse, you are brave and thoughtful.
"Growth," is the courage to face the truth. Usually the truth of having mightily a less than mightily perfect childhood and the fear of death that we surpressed is what we need to find the courage face. Thanks chuck
Johnny Ecoman yes. so true.
Your videos help me. Thank you. Keep up the good work.
***** thanks :)
Daniel Mackler There's people asking you things blow in this comment section and I bet you could help people think they're ideas out instead responding to articulated likes, no offence Jibt Duke, it's good to let him know people can make they're lives better hearing this. Have you thought about doing a Q and A?
I am enjoying your talks all the way from South Africa
i appreciate you making these videos
Thank you, very very interesting
Growing takes hard work and commitment. We that do those things are extremely rare. We are very alone. I’ve lost all friends.
Daniel, I stumbled upon your videos including Take These Broken Wings, which I just recently watched, and love the perspective and truth you're sharing. I'm a therapist and started my own process of what I like to call "growing and becoming" and am 2 years in. I completely relate with the terrifying and often very alone process of discovering oneself and the deep healing of childhood wounds. For a recovering "people-pleaser" what's been so challenging is realizing and coming to terms with how my growth process will often win no "nods of approval" from others, especially family and actually the opposite has been the case - they seem at times troubled by my changing. Sometimes it feels like I'm alone in a boat rowing in a vast ocean, there's no map directing me and I decide where to go. It's freeing and never boring but at times I want back "on the shore" where at least I know what to expect and how to maneuver. Hearing your story online at least gives reassurance that I'm in fact not alone in experiencing the difficulties of it all...thanks so much!
Lydia Minear, MA, LAPC hi lydia -- dig it! glad to read your comment and to hear about your journey. what you write reminds me of that andre gide quotation (or i believe it's his): "“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore.” wishing you the best!! daniel
Lydia Minear check out my comment. I saw yours after writing mine but they’re complimentary
I know this is an old video, but thank you for making it. I appreciate what you have to say.
It seems like humanity has been going through the process of the great awakening lately meaning more and more people are forced by circumstances in their life or internally to wake up and grow. I'm pretty sure that pandemic and the fact that the whole generation of millennials are coming into the age of maturity also is connected with the great awakening somehow. Growing still feels lonely but hopefully the critical mass of allies is here, we're just not connected in reality that much (although Internet helps a lot). Thank you Daniel for everything you do for us as humans!! Much love❤
Hi!!! Thanks so much for saying this!!! SOOOO true!!! Sad, yes, but true.👍👍👍👍💯
Are you my twin. It's like you are in my head and reading exactly what's in my head. These videos are really great!!
My thoughts exactly.
I've always been the grown up , ha ha ha I had to rely on myself from as young as I can remember, I'm still the maturer person. Living in different side of the globe works.. I'm one of those rare people. Painting helped and traveling..Keep up the good work .
I've learned so much from you
Hi Daniel. Thank you for sharing what resonate with me as some profoundly eye opening observations. Your videos aid me in the growth and healing process and are helping me understand myself better. Kudos.
Daniel, I wanted to thank you for all of your videos. I just discovered your channel today, and I am amazed that so many of the thoughts I've had on my journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse are being expressed by you (and so much more). It makes me so very happy to feel understood. Thank you for your inspiration, I am learning so much!
atuma very cool!! glad you found it, atuma. wishing you the best on your journey! daniel
I like your videos very much.
Brilliant, you summed up the next 10-20 years of my life in a 4:43 long video.
+Kristian Garcia my life too......................
+Daniel Mackler Yes, mine is similar. Daniel, are you interested in making a group somewhere on facebook, in which we could talk more about this emotional maturiation theme and not only?
This is a great explanation, thank you
Useful analysis, thank you.
all of these growing processes started when I stopped contact with my parents (in fact with my family of origin) ... purgatory stuff, carthasis, painful and scary work. But the only way to grow is the way through all of this ... no pain no gain. nightmares about my parents turned out to be outright flashbacks of the past. the denied dark faces of them popped into my head in the night. I do not hate them I only see them for who they really are and were. it kinda makes them human. but after all still toxic humans. and I claim my own life now ... it is a slow snail sneaking like process ... your thoughts are very helpful, thanks
oh god It makes me feel better just finding this... Ive been trying to get past alot of problems and... so I started writing a journal, and putting my thoughts in there - but actually organizing them, paying attention to what I was thinking and so forth, and... I actually, i came out of my room, and I sortof saw myself - just a little - but I was actually being intelligent, and being 'one thing' - myself. and, the millisecond that my father saw.. he had rage. pure rage.... Now I almost feel like my heart is broken, but... so has my brain been. I recently had found out im a potential schizoaffective - that i may have aspergers also. aside from that, my brother committed suicide - he had schizophrenia - just a couple years ago. I also barely barely, survived a coma from a drug overdose (Im an opiate addict trying to recover) 7 months ago. but the thing bothering me the most... is actually that I got picked on so bad in school growing up. Well with my dad.. I dont know what to think, or that I should, but its do or die - as much as i absolutely hate to say it. However right now Im in a hole inside myself, afraid, paranoid and weak. I grew up with christian traditions, but I feel like my dad thinks that means he can justify being lazy - or doing anything he wants - from his fucking armchair. Now I do believe theres a god and Im only just truly seeing what perfection is ... and it scares the HELL out of me. I keep trying to, like, evolve but without looking. there was something redeeming about the other day though, and its what I think im gonna have to tell myself to do this - I had power - real power. More than I ever valued myself as having. I have vague fears of becoming a powermad sociopath, but I also, imagine that I will love and be truly loved for it. How can a person get to be 30 and only just be evolving?.. I dont know what to think of my dad for becoming filled with rage seeing that Im a real person.... but Its a true sadness. I justify that I want to do this by telling myself that even though I want to help take my parents with, I just cant take the extra baggage so theyre going to have to love me for who I become.
Great video, has opened up my mind in new ways. Love your channel :)
Healthy people are those who live in healthy homes on a healthy diet; in an environment equally fit for birth, growth work, healing, and dying... Healthy people need no bureaucratic interference to mate, give birth, share the human condition and die. Most learning is not the result of instruction. It is rather the result of unhampered participation in a meaningful setting. Most people learn best by being "with it," yet school makes them identify their personal, cognitive growth with elaborate planning and manipulation.
👍👍
Hey Daniel, Thank you for posting videos again!
twistedbydsign99 you're welcome! i plan to make some more too!
Elton musk says making a start up is like looking in the abyss whilst chewing glass.
hero :)
When I was about 4 - 5 yrs I vividly remember that my legs used to hurt a lot, especially when I had "extended" walks with my parents and sister. I recall running towards them saying in Russian "noshki baliat" (my little legs hurt) and begging them to take me up... My mother would say: It´s okay. It´s because you´re growing up.
Charles Popoff adorable memory!
Humm.....and people wonder why we avoid our family in later years!
Yes! I feel incredibly alone as when I meet 'spiritual' or 'enlightened' people who you know talk to Angels and other stuff, I come to find that the majority if not all of them are frauds.
You are so right about this projecting our anger the same way we were abused. I'm also trying to do everything to prevent it from coming true, but I lack a healthy way. The children are the best object to project those issues. Their innocence simply screams to dump my issues on them. But I know its very wrong. I'm stuck with it
No, you are not!
Thank you so much for putting it into words. These are exactly like my thoughts on the matter.
"Abyss of horror." You are so right! Every day has challenges and the decisions about and surrounding my relationships with relatives and even some neighbors and is so fraught with pain and indecision! I ask myself "Why?" about my reactions, their reactions, my thoughts and actions about them and I observe their actions and reactions on even what I consider to be decisions I made long ago but they are dithering and outright lying to me about, and sometimes it is sadly funny (example: to recycle or not) but still I am sad how hard it is for them and why lie? Is saying one thing but doing another really fooling me? No, but this person maintains their illusion to themselves. But then I have my own private meltdown about someone's birthday and I am down in the muck of indecision once again. I say I care, but do I really? Trying to do the right thing can be scary. I fail the system so much that I am not even sure I am in it any more. And, yes, I am doing this alone. Your videos are helpful and give me more to help me understand my anguish better. I don't feel so alone. Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I need an anesthetic for my feelings when dealing with my relatives and some others. I just keep praying for understanding and the ability to do better with each new possibility and interaction. More crap comes my way. Is that the answer to my prayer? I guess that is funny.
That's a lot in under 5 mins. Interesting stuff.
Why is it scary to grow ? I find this question a little funny. In a world, where the most constant factor is change, for some reason, we, as human beings are the most resistant TO change and this resistance can be painful / scary. We do have this interesting quality called choice, however, and when we exercise it, we can often decide to fear or to feel excited by a new prospect..And last but not least ; letting go. Usually, to grow we must shed some of the old self, to make way for the present self and we have the oddest reasons for not letting go but the main reasons would probably be doubt and fear of the unknown, both sort of knee jerk reactions rather than rational choices.
It could also be lack of money and other such practical matters. Although sometimes how do you know where doubt and reality ends and begins. It's a web I'm struggling with.
Yes I am profound alone with this relationship with myself.
Thanks a lot for you videos! I started from the one on Open Dialogue in Finland. it's just great! I totally agree with this video as well. But I have a feeling, that what prevent us from growing is that we scared too much to learn something about ourself, that we afraid we would dislike ourselfes.
Basil B you're welcome. i think you make a good point -- about all that hidden stuff we have going on inside ourselves, just below the surface. but at least there's hope that we can bring up that stuff and heal it. daniel
RARE, yes...very alone to do growth. Horror is the right word.
Yes,it is very lonely down here.
😊 i appreciate these videos, i hope you are doing better and have found contentment out there!
Putting yourself first in your own life is really a very very disrespectful act in the eye of most parents!
Daniel Mackler I agree the reasons you list make it scary to grow. I see a simpler and much more powerful one though: survival. I explain this in a 4-part video about my experience healing from childhood trauma, on my TH-cam channel. I hope you'll find it interesting, and I'm interested in your comments if you have any!
You are rare !!!!!! I get what you are saying, I've only watched about 3 of your videos in the last week and totally get you, and pleasantly shocked that there is someone out there saying these things. Yes, it is mostly working on ourselves, growing, etc. Are you still in NY ?? Or have you gone bush ? Have you been to Australia ? If so, What parts ?
No, not many people are growing. People are so scared to get out of their own habits of thought. Its sad. I feel like I live in a world of robots.
Well said.
I went through and pass my ptsd from a healing shroom trip. But after that during my integration stage that’s when I went through the abuse with my ex bf and my mom, so honestly...... right when I thought I was free that happened 😔 my mind is still free n expanded than it ever was before the only problem is what my ex n mom did really affected me because we don’t have a family life anymore we’re just two people who happen to live the same house.... just that one damn thing smh why’d they do that specificity then 🙄 but I have to move past what happened even tho it was recent at (dec’17- April)
At least on the bright side I learned soo much about the trip.. so much in fact that I witnessed the next step for humanities evolution.... literally the whole school saw what happened because of me... it was a glitch in the matrix moment, people may not believe this but hey, ask my whole school what they saw 🤷♀️it’s like that meme “when you know so much it’s illegal” aha
Breaking free without getting sucked back in through guilt.. Thanks for being gaslighted.. And realising.. Thank you anger.. I hope to get rid of you too in time.. Thank you humor.
Personal growth means something different to to everyone, therefore everyone is at a different 'level' or track or state if you want. Which means that it is hard to fine a 'comen denominater' that binds us all.
For example: some ppl believe forgivness is important, other's believe cutting out the wrong-doers in their live is. (check your 'preference-box' right here ;) :) )
Hmm yes but either way it starts with not allowing yourself to be hurt over and over before you can begin to forgive or break away. That's the true seeds of change.
A person who rises above the moral intricacies of those around them, regardless of relationship, to find their own virtues.
Sounds like Friedrich's Ubermensh.
I was particularly fascinated by the attribution of family to the status of cult. Connotations aside, this I hold to be true.
That all depends on what's growing. :) I'm fearless.
Exactly!
very well articulated - such it is - please remember about care, you are phenomenal instructor but do not forget the fundaments f the work - love, thank you
This is a Gem, may I upload this to my channel ? Its non profit, will give full credit and links.
Feel free, and thanks for asking!
I feel so in sync with this...
Daniel, imagine if SCHOOL were THERAPY!
When do we grow? When we really are tuned into our emotions, when we truly see ourselves for what we are, including the broken pieces and do not wish to escape from us.
Agree
Daniel your a badass
What if I have accessed my inner child to have meaning/purpose in the highest in regard to my family. Which happens to be dysfunctional and out of my control/expectations. Causing ridiculous inner turmoil
Very interesting, but would it not be the case that it’s easier to grow in this way when you’re not surrounded by others doing the same thing, because this growth is itself a kind of process of individuation?
Yes, so true. When you are doing or have done your inner child work, there are so few you can really associate with, because you don't really speak the same language making a huge disconnect. What do you figure the ratio is between those who have done their inner child work & those who haven't?
Hi Daniel and viewers!, I wonder how do you deal with people, regarding your healing journey. I ask that because I feel I live in a healing closet so I was wondering how people in the same path deal with that. When being with people some part of me wants to be open about what is important to me (self-knowledge, healing my traumas, meditation,...) but what ends up happening is me hiding of my interest to a large degree (and being ashamed and alienated because of that) or scared about others opinions. I am even afraid of losing my job and things like that if I am honest.
If someone likes to share his or her perspective here it would be awesome :)
Paseosinperro What do you mean with 'healing closet'?
***** For me, my healing process is something important and I really dedicate time to it but, when people ask me the "what do you do" question, I feel that I can't say "one of the the most important things for me is healing". The term is an analogy with being gay and in the closet.
Paseosinperro Thank you for explaning.
Paseosinperro Thank you for giving me words to my experience: Healing closet is exactly the right term for what I am going through. I do tell people about what I am doing, I don't know if any one understands, but I don't care. Even if from the outside it looks like I am doing "nothing", I know that I am doing hard inner work. Watching YT videos, reflecting, crying, writing, singing, being angry, forgiving myself, going for walks, treating my body right after long times of neglect... it's hard work, and I can appreciate it myself. I try to be independent from outside validation. We all can be very proud of ourselves for doing what we do.
"Watching YT videos, reflecting, crying, writing, singing, being angry, forgiving myself, going for walks, treating my body right after long times of neglect..." You are describing my life :) I don't sing but the rest...
Yes, I also struggle with this "I am doing nothing", which from my perspective is not true at all.
Thanks for sharing.
I wonder what you think of emdr and it's effectiveness
+Christina Cha i have mixed feelings. i think a lot of other things can be more helpful, and i know some people have been overwhelmed (and not helped) by it. i know others who swear by it. personally i'm not into it, though.
Let’s create a community.
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families is a place where I can do my healing work in a supportive community. It’s so healing to sob and be heard, not interrupted, not fixed, but to be loved by being vulnerable and still be accepted. ❤️🩹
What do you regard as growing? Its a personal question but It would be interesting to hear your answer
what if you are overwhelmed by a peaceful easy feeling? and i know i won't let me down? i think it's because i'm already standing... on the ground.
In this age of prolonged adolescence - well into the age of 30 plus - life is stunted; whereas in native cultures, early marriage with young children in a supportive extended family and village, life is sustained with richness and growth. Is that not the ideal?
100%
I think there is no such thing. Life is more of a spiral, a cycle.
Daniel I know this was 9 years ago and this is the first video of yours I've seen form this era of your channel but your voice sounds so different to today. You have a lot more modulation in your voice than you used to. Was this something you intentionally changed?
Interesting. No, it's definitely not something I intentionally changed. I would suspect it has something to do with me feeling more comfortable with myself now, more centered -- more healed from trauma, perhaps.
@@dmackler58I agree. I have some personal reflections on this myself in my own life because there have been, and often still are, times in my life where I sound really flat and mono-expressive. A friend even said to me once, “Isaac, your facial expression hasn’t changed at all since we started talking.” I think it comes up when I’m feeling nervous and self conscious, also on a deep level quite angry because I’m probably projecting my parents and their rejection, so my facial expression and voice sometimes reflects that.
@@IsaacGriggs97 Interesting. Thanks for sharing. Daniel
@@dmackler58 you’re welcome, I just finished reading Breaking from your Parents and it has helped me a lot. It gave me the courage to go no contact. Thank you for your work.
@@IsaacGriggs97 You're welcome Isaac. I'm wishing you the best. Daniel
Seems a bit of a fanatical approach. There is no perfect parenthood like there is no perfect world. I think Daniel would not deny this. Life and our experience was and will always be both good and bad not in absolute terms perhaps but surely in relative terms. To me it seems though that to Daniel growing means detaching completely from the aspects of his parents that he dislikes and that push at him. Ideas about the nature of kids as being the ones who are there to have their needs fulfilled..Is that really so? Why do parents then have kids? Surely at least(ideally then) to fulfill their need of creating another person to whom they will love and cherish? There is no absolute altruistic parenthood. To me it seems like Daniel to an extent is rationalizing his own decision to completely break with his own parents because some aspects of them he really disliked and not taking his own advice of relinquishing responsibility and blame to both the past of his parents and simply the randomness of life. Why does he not give them credit for his ability to grow for example? If we are all flawed and all need to grow yet almost none of us do and he does why not give credit to his parents for it? Why give them credit only for the aspects in him he dislikes but not for those he likes? That seems compartmentalized and disassociated to me...
What about immigrant families ? Who give up everything to start over somewhere new…..
Cause u step on toes of bully's.
Is all crying grieving?
MusicalMonkThumbs interesting that you would ask this now. i just wrote an essay on this very subject, published it about three or four days ago: wildtruth.net/two-categories-of-crying/ all the best to you :) daniel
Because the cops are gonna bust you some day.
That’s facts