OP's Mother Comes Out and Abandons Her to Be with Her Fiancée.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ก.พ. 2024
- Told my mom that her coming out is what ruined things between us ( u/VanBabyPony2 r/JUSTNOMIL and in in her profile)
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OP's mom hates the Uncle because she extremely jealous of him. He's not only been openly gay for years, but also has a son, and a great relationship with her daughter. She spent most of her adult life in the closet and is struggling between her obligations as a parent and the life she wants independent of her previous soccer-mom identity. She's a very selfish woman for putting her daughter in the middle of it all, as well as emotionally neglecting, gaslighting, and flip-flopping on her. It's obvious the only reason she maintains this relationship with her daughter is to look good to her in laws because they were desperate for grandkids and it makes her look/feel good to be super mom for a few days out of the month.
She also hates when OP cries because it likely makes her feel guilty for being so awful to her all the time.
I hope OP breaks free of the codependency she has with her mother, and can go LC or NC because this really isn't healthy.
From the sound of it the mom is angry at an uncle who was genuinely brave and likely came out earlier while she used someone, the dad as a cover and wants to cut out her old life but knows her new life might cut her out if she does, like with the mention of wanting grandchildren. She wants to go to all those scantily clad parades, sleep with her fiance rather then spend time with her child on her child's birthday. The mom is just a bad person who failed in life and wants a reset at other people's expense, to party and be wild.
Op needs to go totally NC with her mom. She just doesn't even care about her. It's like she resents her child for her past life choices. Let her have her new life. What an awful human being.
Thank you I was so confused about that random hatred
🎯
Her mother is absolutely TERRIBLY & I feel bad for OP, she just wants the mother she remembers her being as a child, not realizing either she’s gone or has been pretending. It’s pretty sad she just wants her mothers love and support
"You're the most important thing in the world to me" says the mother who drove her daughter to a mental breakdown by never showing any interest in her...
Attempted suicide. Drove her daughter to attempt suicide. And even then still argued with the psychologist and practically had to be forced to apologize.
gay or straight. the bottom line is so called adults don't care what they inflict or straight. I'm always there for you... lying hypocrite,.
@@jamestown8398Oh my goodness! What part is that!?
@@La_pizza_loverBroomiethe end
It seems to me that the mother is crazy
"Stop acting like a kid" SHE'S LITERALLY A KID, Y'ALL... Ofc she wants affection and love from her parents 🤦🏻
she sounds like a horrible mom, i guess finding out your sexuality is more important than parenting.
The selfishness is incredibly disgusting.
The dad doesn't sound that better either.
I'm sad op got stuck with sucky parents, I just want to hug her
fr
@@jbgra2566 W jbgra2566
@@jbgra2566Right! How can he keep sending her there and watching how broken she is every time she comes back. And him and his wife yelling at her for telling her mom how she feels. This poor child. I just want to hug her.
Daughter’s hospitalized? Can’t let that interrupt lounging at the cabin.
Sounds like OP's mom is trying to live in two worlds: one where she's a mother and one where she isn't
That’s a nice way for saying she’s a deadbeat lol
90% of the stories are just a narcissist wreaking havoc on other peoples lives
Both mom and daughters are annoying the mother keep acting like the daughter supposeto except everything and the daughter keep thinking everything should be about her every second
She's just saving face. She obviously doesn't want to be a mom to OP but says all those stuff so she wouldn't look so horrible.
She's saying stuff like "I'm so disppointed you didn't go..." then why don't you go and see you daughter youself since she is the minor and has an injury?
Her mother gives zero f's about op. It is strictly for appearances. And, dad & gf are only marginally better. Best wishes for ops future, but it is going to be tough. Oh! And the therapist should be shitcanned asap
When op mentioned that the in laws wanted grandkids, I got the feeling that's why her mom was even spending time with her in the first place. Not out of love, but trying to look good in front of her in laws
My take exactly
100% they are all disgusting
Same
That makes Op's mom caring about Op trying to off herself much less genuine
Bingo
The fact that her family immediately made her feel like the AH when she told her all this and they thought it was because of her sexuality says a lot
Often times when someone comes out, the people around them feel as if they need to be completely over the top in their "acceptance" and think that any criticism of the person who came out is an attack on their sexuality, even if it isn't.
My heart breaks for this poor girl. That egg donor is a monster
Same here.
Mom's an asshole...just go very low contact...she's a looser
Egg donor must have money because everyone bows down and kisses her backside.
Now I know why the therapist is throwing meds at OP. She knows her family is shit. This poor girl
Yeah. It's a travesty that the therapist is forced to essentially bide OP time until they can escape the family. It felt like during the sections OP wrote about the therapist they wanted to help, but because of the unstable environment it was impossible.
Yep. There's nothing that can be done except a temporary fix with medication because all the people in her life are self-righteous morons except her uncle.
It’s sad but Op doesn’t realise she has gone from daughter to accessory, she’s not in her mothers life because she wants her but because the mother can use the daughter in some way
💯👍🏿
Mom only let her daughter be around because the grandparents want her.
Yeah
I commend the grandparents. At least they genuinely cared about OP
Bottom line: OP's mom doesn't want to be a mom anymore. She's wants to be called a mom but doesn't want to actually be a mom
So, what I'm getting out of this was OP wasn't upset her mom was gay. She was upset her mom abandoned her and no other adults in her life (except awesome uncle) seemed to actually care to be on her side.
I also think the egg-donor is a narc because of how she always prioritized her wants and needs above all else, was good at putting on an act, and that "thoughtful gift" was a photo abulm of HERSELF and OP.
Oh and she only kept OP around to please new in-laws and THAT's why the witch wanted OP to go to UVIC and live with her, and not because she actually cared.
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that last update really got me mad. I mean "if OP needs to cry, she [the mother] will try to LET her" ??? Like WTF ??? OP doesn't need to be allowed to cry, she's a human being with her own emotions!! That mom is such a selfish POS. Her sexuality isn't the problem here, it's her crappy personality and her inability to take accountability for being a terrible mother. The reason she hates her brother is probably because he's the only one in their family that doesn't take her crap and calls her out on it.
The more I hear, the more I hate both her parents. An egg donor who uses her daughter to look better and to gain approval while emotionally abusing and neglecting said daughter, and a sperm donor who's either completely apathetic to the pain of his daughter or is actively pushing her to be with her abuser. It's honestly so bad that OP has to be stuck with such terrible people
The mom : you shouldn’t go to college with your bf and should break up with him
Also the mom:Oh I wish you got married and gave me grand baby’s what’s taking so long
I would like to reiterate the point from the story that OP is 17. So... Yeah. That's fun.
Ime getting Wimbledon neck from the moms back and forth attitude. She can't seem to make up her mind about things.
OP: Bold of you to assume that I will let you have any contact with my kids.
16 year old brain isnt different from a child younger than her. I don't understand why people think she should deal with this as an adult.
A 16yr old brain is. The brain is constantly growing and developing. That says nothing about the mental maturity or development of the person. That's dependent on many factors.
In my opinion PO sounds quite immature. if she hadn’t told she‘s 16 I would have thought she may be 12.
I hate the mom in this story. She blames being in the closet for the source of her unhappiness but I think it's the fact she's a toxic, horrible and selfish person. I have no idea how her wife could see how she ignores her daughter, refuses to be accountable for her neglect (the fact op is on antidepressants because of abandonment issues), gas lights her, and still think..yes. She's the love of my life.
Op's mom is full of crap. Her efforts all felt like love bombing in all honesty. She feeds op scraps of love to make op happy so she can pretend like she's still a good mom. Op's father sucks for forcing her to spend time with the egg donor. At least the step grandparents sound amazing.
as people is sayin in the comments, she wants the perks of being a mom but not the hazzle that comes with it, by her behavior it seems she just got stuck in the closet and had to marry a man to keep appearences, then dipped, but because her new side piece's parents want grandchildren she is keeping them around, she doesnt seem to be doing mentally well, like the guilt is eating her alive and it's blamming everyone around for it
she spent a solid ten years being a mom. what more do you want? i dont understand this thing where she deserves to be a self centered asshole because she partially took care of her responsibilities.
@@michaelautrey6641 so f the kid f the kids feeling and only bring the kid not cause she loves op but cause the in laws. Yeah your right any good normal person would totally believe yeah it's fine only thing you confirmed is your just as vile and selfish as the mom
Both parents are trash. One parent ditches the child, the other asked "what's wrong" and blow up at the child bc she's upset at being abandoned??? Why respect someone who abandons you and disrespect you? Bad parents have the nerve to demand respect when they don't give it.
What a horrid mother.
I get the whole new relationship and self-discovery. But she did that at the expense of her daughter's mental health and THEIR relationship. Heck, the family mom married into were better relatives to the daughter than mom was for most of this post.
💯👍🏿
That happens a lot when people realize they ate gay.
My only hang up is the Father being a POS.
You SEE the real time psychological damage that is going on with your child. Your child is telling you what is happening. Showing rapid signs of depression.
Why is he NOT protecting his child? Why is he forcing contact? Why is he dismissing OPs every word?
Why did it take a SU×CIDE ATTEMPT for anyone to even remotely listen to her?
And I say remotely because even when the therapist explained things she still hurt her and only apologized because she was forced.
I hope OP realizes how much autonomy they have and cut out the people who need to be cut once they get the money.
From the sounds of it OPs dad had no choice because of whatever court order was in place. If he didn’t send her when the mom wanted to mom could take him to court for alienation and I don’t think he wanted to go through that with what was already going on.
@@MalAllDayTurner you might be right. If OP mom is this horrible okay, but the fact that the dad didn't tell her why she's forced to go, nah bruh. He still simping for his ex wife. Simps make even worse fathers than absent fathers.
@@SpencerMckenithWilliamsCanada has really crappy family law6. My cousin told me about it when she came back home after a year in Canada. If fathers refuse the mother's right to see their child, they can take the father to court and take full-custody despite the fact the child didn't want to go. It's heavily biased towards the mother, way more than in the US.
NGL idk where the suicide is mentioned but I think ik where it's implied
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This op can't understand she is not her mother's priority. She should've gone LC a long time ago
This story is so confusing. Like both the op and her mother are fluctuating between semi-hating each other to trying to win each others affection
@@theneonlights1788I think the main issue is one person is a child and the other is an adult who is acting like one.
@@theneonlights1788 OP is very emotionally immature but she is a child so it is expected to a point. Her mother on the other hand has no excuse. No excuse for how she treats her daughter. No excuse for using OP's father as a way to hide her orientation. No excuse to bring a child into the world to act as a prop on her fake life...
I understand where the mother is coming from though. It is just like a man finding out a kid is not his. He may love the kid and hate them at the same time because of the resentment. Some people can deal with it, others can't and clearly OP's mother is at the bottom of the later.
@@VRDejaVu also it´s not like she can go nc to the mom, she literally forced to go to her regularly
@@REYCER0 yeah, the father is doing a S job at protecting her. It feels like the mother is holding something over the father's head.
the mother is honestly an awful person, like it kinda sounded like she just wanted to abandon the OP and go on with her life but get angry when the OP gets upset and even gets angry when she cries? wtf???
If it didn't affect her image with inlaws and other family, I think she would have ditched op at the first opportunity.
💯👍🏿
I WILL ADOPT THAT CHILD AND SHOW HER LOVE HER MOTHER COULD NEVER GIVE. *I WILL GIVE HER THE LOVE SHE DESERVES AND BE HER BETTER MOTHER.*
This mother and step mother really don't deserve this child. This poor child. Im getting angrier and angrier listening to this.
Being better than the one she has isn't that hard to be honest lol
@@VRDejaVutrue! This poor child it's so infuriating
I truly feel sorry for this kid, she deserves a better mother who truly cares about her.
Hope the kid goes NC in the future. The Father was also terrible.
Who in their RIGHT MIND forces their su×cidal child to keep interacting and talking nice to the person causing their trauma?!
What OP needs to do is learn autonomy. They are going to college now. GOOD. Maybe with more outside views and people to interact with they will see this isn't normal.
I mean being in college and they tried to confiscate their electronics? They stopped them from receiving love and support from their friends when they attempted suic×de???
They need to go NC or LC to them. Get a BETTER therapist because my God were they unqualified.
What therapist sees this situation and doesn't get onto the Father for forcing the contact or isolation? What therapist doesn't do their due diligence and report this once the patient escalates to suic×de due to no changes in environment?
Its such an infuriating thing to see and hear.
I'm right there with you! To hell with that woman! What an absolute piece of garbage! Poor kid!
how moms fiance not see what she the mother is doing as a major red flag. a potato popped out of you and grew into a functional human being, and you just forgot to mother? parenting is a job that never ends, it doesn't end when your on your death bed and it sure as hell doesn't end when your kid is going through puberty.
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you mean ten years is not enough?
First story OP is being gaslit into thinking they are insane for being abandoned
Op's depression is horrible and it makes me want to cry with how bad it is
Same!
@@Jazzy_Monae Me, too!
So what kinda drugs is the mom doing? Meth? Kinda sounds like meth to me.
😂😂
Honestly, rapid weight lose is either cocaine or meth
I clocked drug abuse right away when I read this like 2 years ago
Yea all jokes aside Ive known addicts and this kind of behavior fits pretty snugly within that archetype @@mikehawk9810
Could be coke, too.
the amount of anger i feel from reading this is too much, usually it's not like that w/ other stories, i wonder why..
You're not an effing monster?
@@taetannim3581 I'm more curious as to why this one angers me more than the other stories that this channel has.
@@MissingNo0001probably because its coming from a child that's clearly unable to understand whats happening and we're reading her spiral and bd broken by this in real time.
When I was 16 my mom didn't come out but she did suddenly kind of get with this guy and announced she was moving to the other side of the country. Whenever I'd visit her she would act like nothing changed and would say I was the most important thing in the world to her. But over time she called less and less and then texted less and less. Even now at 25 when I do talk to her it is always fairly normal. But I've ended up just having to give up on trying to make her understand how I feel Abandoned by her, cause the more I tried to talk about it the more I got shutdown and shut out. Relate a lot to this story.
That's sad to read I hope you have a loved one besides you at every time
Bruh stop emotionally torturing yourself, if your mom moved on you should too, if she abandoned you and won’t even acknowledge your feeling on it then abandon her in return you certainly aren’t missing out on anything great, she sounds incredibly selfish and only caring if it’s convenient. Save yourself the heartache man and make a clean break
She understands just fine. She doesn't care....
going no contact fora time could help. some parents dont deserve their kids
Some people don't want yo face the truth because it messes either their reality.
This girl needs to get the hell away from her toxic Mom like yesterday!!! Her Mom is so narcissistic that she makes her daughter live life the way Mommy dearest wants her to. She is only nice to her daughter to look good in front of her wifes parents as well! OP will never get better as long as she has Mommy dearest in her life! This was just depressing reading how this Mom is destroying her child!
That's not a mother, that's a monster
"Just because I blamed her for coming out"
Uh, No, I dunno what the rest of the video holds, and by the comment section it's not great, but so far you've shown pretty cut and clear abandonment to play happy family. Word choice is very important and while yes you can still care about her, you already said "lol f my old life". I have 0 idea why the dad and his partner were so hostile at the start, yes it was extreme but it almost feels like they're too afraid of the mother.
Afraid of the mom, or afraid of "YOU MUST BE A PHOBIC" mobs?
@@NessieNice Probably both, I've unfortunately came across two people already who like to incite buzz words to try to win any disagreement, and if that happens to you even once you really don't want to put up with it a second time.
Does the mom have BPD? Also If someone tries to commit suicide you don’t isolate them. The family as a whole specifically the dad should tell op’s mom off.
At this point op should cut her mom off, stay in touch with step-grandparents and all cause it seems like she liked them.
I think the only thing I agreed with the parents on was the fact she shouldn’t go to a college just cause her boyfriend is going.
Honestly part of me wonders if OP wanted to go with her boyfriend because she needed *something* constant in her life with all the bouncing around her mother was doing on just about everything. It was clearly causing OP a lot of mental and emotional anguish, so it makes sense she'd want to have one relationship she could rely on.
@@sentinel7672This feels more likely. The boyfriend seemed to be the only foundation in her life and then the mom was so aggressive to destroy that relationship. There's so many red flags that popped up for me there, like it feels as if OP's mother is somehow projecting her sexuality on OP. I don't know why, but some of the instances really stood out to me. Especially the part about her hugging the uncle because he took her to a protest.
It just feels like such a weird reason to suddenly mend a relationship like theirs. The mother absolutely refused to be around the uncle for how long, even for her daughter's sake, and then suddenly because he took her to a protest she's able to completely throw away all that animosity?
I'm not targeting her sexuality to be clear. I'm targeting the fact she seems to value her sexuality and that personality more than her daughter, and that when someone - regardless of how much she dislikes them - impresses upon her daughter that personality she's notably happy about that.
I can't really explain it, but it feels *weird.*
Op probably felt that the boyfriend was the only stable thing in her life and wanted to hold onto that, but mommy dearest destroyed that as well.
@@nataliereeves3594Agreed. When OP graduates from UBC, she'll go full NO CONTACT with her mother, and move to Ontario, to get away from her, next, after her breakup with her boyfriend, she'll find solace with/marry a new beau who not only controls and abuses her, emotionally/mentally, just like her egg donor does, but also abuses her, physically, to the point of putting her back in the hospital, traps her, and at times, threatens to un-@‰!μ£ her if she divorces him, then, flee to a women's shelter, and get a passport, file for divorce, and get a restraining order against her husband, with the help of cops and DV social workers, move with her kid to the US (because she's scared that her husband and mother will take her kid away from her, and put him through the same hell she went through), to create a stable and safe home environment for him as a single mother, apply for US citizenship, find an apartment in Los Angeles, CA, or Tucson, AZ, plus, a good-paying job to support her one-parent household, and hire a nanny to care for her kid, because she won't have her friends, cousin, uncle, dad, his new wife, or other relatives in the US to help out; all OP and her kid will have is each other. Plus, instead of ever finding new love, or getting married again, OP will need to say no to potential boyfriends/husbands, and concentrate on her career, getting therapy for herself, living her own life, raising her kid, plus, being a better mother to him than her birth-giver ever was to her.⚠️
Egg-donor only cares about herself and she’s an actual monster. She should get out of OP’s life and stay out instead of playing these mind games with Op
I can't even find the words to explain how worthless the mother is. She claims that her daughter is the most important thing to her, but literally cannot put forth the effort to see her daughter when she's in the hospital, or being diagnosed with depression. Nothing but lip service coming from this woman. I don't know how her partner can see this woman neglecting her child like this and act like it isn't a big deal.
Sounds like OPs mom got caught wishing she wasn't a mom infront of OP
Op misery stems from the fact she can't confront and express the rightful rage she should have towards her mother. She needs to work on her vengeance.
If I had a teenager when getting married they would be alongside the bride to be as the most important people in my life. That lady is awful.
This just reads as a warning of mental illness, narcissistic tendencies, and selfishness does to families.
That mother, what a peice of work.
Loved her daughter while simultaneously trying to throw her away while gaslighting her.
Up until she couldn't lie to herself anymore and had a mental break.
Then, he got into social justice, and it rotted her brain.
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Some of these comments are crazy. The story is about a child dealing with new emotions, new environments and changes to relationships.
Not to mention their surgeries, depression, studies, exams and uni applications.
Its hard for healthy and functioning adults to go low contact.
OP wanted tge support of her mother like any child would.
OP is mentally and emotionally messed up. Super codependent or just a mother complex. Abandonment issues. Reminds me of this one girl on reddit who constantly wanted to be involved with her father who up and ditched her to start a new family and basically stalked and threatened his wife and daughter to the point of him going no contact with her. (all from the point of view of the mother who was constantly pushed aside and underappreciated and the tipping point was when her daughter choose the deadbeat dad to see her graduation and not her mother; dad didnt show up.)
All kids would miss their mom if she left. As babies she is our whole world, this idea of a mom, feeds us, changes us, her blood ran through our bodies in the womb, and her mom was a good mom until these posts. Abuse victims miss their moms, and that feeling doesn't go away, because they miss the mother they should have had or the only happy good glimpses of her. She isn't codependent, her mom just abandoned her, and hey her brain is still developing, won't be done cooking till 25. Her decision making place in the brain is still developing, all this turmoil is gonna change how she makes decisions and already has, as she chooses to go back. Not to mention her dad and other family are also pushing them together. OP's only problem is depression because of her garbage mother probably having BPD or a drug habit with the weight loss.
Bro that was an over reach. Have a heart this posting started when she was 15.
What her Mother did was sh×t and she obviously was just a hurt and confused child wondering why her own Mother didn't want her anymore.
She wasn't even codependent. She wanted to cut her Mom off but her FATHER forced her to keep talking to her and visiting despite all the mental breakdowns.
Don't know the therapist they were seeing but they dropped the ball. The Mom should have been cut the moment she started verbally ab×sing the kid and icing her out of her life.
It shouldn't have taken a near suic×de attempt for them to give OP any voice in their own life.
And what was with the constant isolation from friends and taking their devices away despite being in online school? That is NOT how you treat anyone with depression and high anxiety.
They need outside contact, encouragement to get out of their bubble, to feel safe and heard. Not locked up like Rapunzel and gaslit into thinking they were constantly in the wrong for their feelings.
Which IS the message they communicated by constantly forcing her into contact with her ab×sive Mother, who quite frankly, reads as a narcissistic person.
Seeing as she only was sweet when it benefits her. Love bombed her with gifts then would get angry and shout if OP was ever crying. Because the Mother ALWAYS has to be in the right.
As you could see when she was literally arguing with a LICENSED therapist that she did nothing wrong.
I honestly don't know how you could compare 2 completely different scenarios. 💀💀
You mean the child that misses her mother? The child that has her father forcing her to interact with the horrible mother who treats her like shit? The child who had everyone fail her? That one?
Why does it feel like the "mom" only brings her daughter around to pacify her new in laws because THEY want a grandchild
Because thats exactly what happened, the mom doesn't see her as her kid but as a pawn on a chess board
@@gatordragon6140 I know it is but TH-camoverlords won't censor most phrases with "I feel" "It feels like" for some reason
Both mom and dad are so awful. I cant believe it. Poor fist OP.
Listening to this I have a couple of theories
1 the mom hates that she didn’t come out sooner and OP is a reminder of that so she’s trying to push her away
2 the wife’s parents are probably funding their lifestyle because mom only seemed to care when they were happy about having a grandchild
3 there’s a court order in place that dad can’t not send her when the mom wants because she can claim parental alienation (don’t know the law in Canada)(based on OP heard dads wife say that the mom was forcing him to send her there instead of with uncle)
4 mom hates OP crying cause it makes her to have deal with how she makes OP feel
5 mom (maybe dad too) is dying
6 (connected to 5 and might be a reach) she cheated with the uncle and caught what she’s dying from , from the uncle that’s why she no longer gets along with him
These are just my observations from the story.
I guarantee 3 is right. Canada has strict family law which is heavily biased towards mothers. They're leagues more biased than American or maybe even British courts.
It's crazy how her family sound good on paper but keep throwing her to the wolf then when the wolf has its feel they pick her up then take her to counseling then throw her right back but the only person who know the truth is the Father's fiance and her father is no better and the sad truth is she don't need a hug she needs to be protected the best thing for her should have been living with her boyfriend because her family is no help
anti depressants are not the answer. the child was abandoned and needs to go through the grieving process. keeping the child in a forever loop of not cutting the mother off hurt her more. all adults in the story are fucking horrible. she needs to be able to move on.
the anti depressants were used to just shut her up to not bother the father. she couldn't even cry at the wedding when the mother didn't acknowledge her as her daughter.
The anti depressants are to keep her from suicide. Because the therapist can’t get through to her. Don’t blame the therapist, she’s trying her best
@@Tuco_Salamanca3This right here. The therapist seems to be biding OP time until she can escape her family.
I don't know how it is in Canada for sure, but in the US especially if you're a minor. They will try to prescribe you to every kind of medication and antidepressant humanly possible. Over the most basic issues in life. We have a huge over-prescribing issue nowadays
Every bit of this story is said as hell. Every person trying to live through this girl. Why does no one in this person's life think that they are able to make their own damn decisions? Your parents can get married at 18 and have kids but the instant she comes up with a decision for her future. It's a no-go
Story One: Daughter/Son feels like she/he is being abandoned by her mother and no one is helping her/him cope. She/he has a high chance of spiraling out of control since she/he has no one to help her. Her/his father sided with the mother who abandoned her/him. The Uncle understood what they were feeling, shame NONE of the other family understood.
This poor girl. Jeez. That mom is f-kin horrible! She should go NC with her!
Agreed! Not only that, OP should also move to the US or Australia for a fresh start!
Mom is trying to buy that girl...
To which I would respond to Mom's Fiancee: No, you know what? I'm done. I'm done trying to placate a grown ass woman who got her feelings hurt when I told her that the way she came out imploded my life. It makes me feel like my whole damn life was a lie, and when I tried to talk to her about it, and about how it made ME feel, I get the third degree and treated like shit because she can't handle what I feel is the truth. I love you both, but I'm not going to walk on eggshells around my own mother because of what I said, ESPECIALLY if that is a requirement for her to remain in my life. I don't care that she's gay, she could come out as Poly and I would still love her because she's my mom. However, it hurts when I see her planning her future, because it comes off like there is only one person who has their ticket punched and it's you. I'm done, [Fiancee's name]. She told me to be honest with her, and now she's acting like I killed her cat. Tell her take all th3 time she needs, but don't expect me to pick up."
I began to be mad when I heard that the mother did not introduce her own daughter to the other part of the family and frieds during the wedding. I also guess like other people that the mother is jealous of her uncle because he is openly gay and she was the one in the closet and the mother should seek for therapy herself to get over her issues.
This reminds me of my best friend: He was born when his parents were already in his 40s (a late surprise I guess) when his siblings were fresh out of the house and young adults and his father treated him distanced and cold (but not his siblings) during childhood and when my best friend was 12 the parents got suddenly divorced and he moved away with his mother and his dad kept the house and "his best friend" was moving in. Everyone knew after few months it was his boyfriend and his father never talked about that (the parents are from a generation where it still was a taboo topic), but my friend once told him everything during a visit where he wasn't even allowed to enter the house and told his dad he should stop the fassade and everyone knew what was going on and no one cares, but his dad refused to talk and limited contact further, even totally ignored his wedding last year and it broke his heart and he was fed up because he was the only one trying to bild a relationship over all those years (he turns 40 this year). My bestie and I had a talk shortly after his wedding and I told that I think his dad was in the closet a long time and waited until the kinds grew up to divorce and then he was born and his father blames him for the whole situation and I gave him a big hug and said it wasn't his fault at all. Few days later he texted me and said he thinks I might be right and he wrote his dad a letter expressing his feelings but the dad hasn't reached out to him and my best friend said he found closure now.
OP needs a better therapist and tell her mother she clearly has combined disorders such as; narcissistic personality disorder, BPD and the constant changing of personas with her daughter she possibly has dissociative identity disorder.
Her whole family need therapy and OP should go on family lite and put them on info diet, they’ve upended her life and completely downplay her emotions and feelings. They may as well say “we’re happy with out new partners so stop being a downer” it’s pretty much what they’re doing.
Why do you think the therapist is constantly upping her dose? She’s trying to keep her from taking her life. There’s nothing she can do. OP isn’t listening, and is trapped with abusers
@@Tuco_Salamanca3 that’s what I’m saying her therapist needs to convince her she needs to cut out her mother at least as she’s one of these people where she thinks that coming out is both freedom from her mistakes and is an excuse to justify her furthering nasty behaviour.
A good therapist would suggest to stop setting herself up for future trauma and disappointment by keep going back again and again only to get hurt and then the slightest acknowledgment of mistakes she’s ready to take more abuse. It very much the Narcissist prayer and DARVO where it’s sorry you feel that way not an actual apology
14:16 I think at that point I would have blown a gasket and screech, “DONT WORRY ABOUT ME?! IM YOU FUCKING DAUGHTER THAT YOU ABANDONED WHEN I WAS SCARED SHITLESS WHEN I HAD AN LIFE THREATENING ALLERGIC REACTION!” honestly fuck that woman
That thing isn't a mother, it's a incubator.
Ops fathers girlfriend can call him an ahole but not "get involve".
That's the messed up thing. When a step-parent or potential step-parent wants to step up and help, they are often told to back off since they ain't their child. Even if she WANTS to get her hands dirty and help OP, it's obvious OP's family would tell her to buzz off.
Her dad seems as much to blame for all of this, by forcing her to do things for her mother that she doesn't want to do. He's been enabling his ex's bad behaviour throughout all of this.
So the Mom’s gaslighting the daughter into making it about “coming out” rather than being a bad mother. That is the most narcissistic thing I have ever ever heard. So she abandoned her daughter after throwing a grenade into her daughters life and makes it about her own sexuality rather than her daughters abandonment. Mother of the year… The mother only wants the daughter back because she wants to impress the new in-laws because they always wanted grandchildren.
Barely made it to 15 minutes. I just wake tonshake the poor baby and tell her you mom does not live you and does not want you in her life. Instead of asking why you changed schools she just turns more distant. She really is slef centered. The wedding should have been the last straw. Going to skip to the end because my blood pressure is hugh enough
A lot of these adults seem to view OP for what she can offer them and make them feel about themselves… instead of prioritising what is best for OP…
It seems like OP's mother has her talons in her father's. Probably legal stuff.
Yeah, in Canada the Father must send the kid to the Mother if she requests it. Otherwise, she can go to court for full custody.
Am I the only one who thinks a lot of the issues the mom has comes from her parents? Like I keep thinking her parents always told her things like don't cry, get married, have kids, etc. and she's projecting that onto OP. That she hopefully loves her daughter but she's a reminder that she wasn't allowed to be herself and that's why she's distancing herself and it's mostly because of the step-grandparents that mom is trying as hard as she is to be part of her life. 😢
Bro who are these spouses. If my partner yelled at their daughter to stop crying that’s instant therapy or divorce like wtf
Late to this and not originally but just because your a closeted gay with a family and kids, finally want to get out doenst fucking give you the right up and leave your kid!!!! This is just straight neglect and jealously on the mothers side. To the people saying the op is trying to make everything about herself are asshats. The op is hurting cause at her lowest her mother didnt want to anything but live in her new world, completely neglecting the other world she was alart of entirely. Like....fuck!!! How crushed would you be if your mom just up and left you but staying in just enough contact to reopen the wounds of being abandoned
This just sounds like a very controlling and toxic family.
OP's mom did everything to fail her. I feel so sorry for OP going through all the shitshow. She really didn't deserve this saga.
This poor girl. Sounds like she was strung along so she could be offered up to step grandparents as a consolation.
I wonder why dad keeps forcing the daughter to stay with the mother and her inlaws for extended periods of time? Even making her skip family vacations and previous plans... he said his hands are tied by mom, but why? Its clearly not custody, as OP rarely and sporadically goes to her mother's and she's old enough to choose anyway. Maybe its money? Either the mother or her new family are extremely wealthy based on all the gifts and trips described. Is she paying off the dad to do what she wants or something?
All of the adults failed this kid. Her mother clearly has some issues going on that she needs to sort out but she needs to be kept away in the meantime because she's wrecking this kid's mind. The fact that OP's psychiatrist keeps urging her to mentally and emotionally separate from her mother is not normal at all, seems to me there's worse stuff going on with the mother than OP is probably able to describe or even understand.
BC canada Family laws hate fathers and is biased.
Am I the only one under the impression that the egg donor has lots of money because everyone seems to bow down to kiss her backside?
Yep I get the impression that the wife’s parents are wealthy and she wanted op to meet them because they want grandkids. She and her wife are using op to fund their lifestyle,they don’t give a damn about her. If grandparents are happy money will keep flowing.🤬
It's a custody issue. Canada has extreme biases to mothers in family law and if she sued for alienation the mother would essentially gain full-custody no questions asked.
If that's all it took for her to "stop loving" him, then she obviously never did. Seems she was well on her way out already, and he gave her the perfect excuse. Worst thing you can do to a narcissist is apologize to them, because it affirms everything they've done
Its disgusting how so many different adults failed the OP in so many different ways on such a multitude of levels
Her mother especially, it sounds like a terribly abusive and toxic relationship she has with her, her mother sriously needs to fix herself. I hope either the people in OP's life either get better or she gets away from them and gets better
Her mom probably hates her for wasting 10 years of her life to raise her, but she knows she’ll sound like a horrible mother, even more than how she’s acting now, if she says it out right. She already kinda said that during that therapy session tho. Not introducing your DAUGHTER to your wife’s relative is crazy. She’s literally trying to erase that part of her life completely and since a divorce did that with her ex-husband, she can just ignore her daughter. Hanging out with OP’s cousin wouldn’t look weird too since that’s probably her sister’s child, but like that’s crazy
Well said. The mother will get a sad wake-up call, when OP goes full NO CONTACT with her, moves out of Canada, and starts a new life in the US or Australia. Not only that, but also, when OP keeps her grandchild (ren) away from her.⚠️
I feel so bad for OP. She sounds like such a sweet person. I really hope OP is able to find some peace in life.
So she dips, says verbatim that her new life is better in front of her kid from that life and then everyone's shocked that her daughter raged out. She had every right to feel like she did, I'd go ballistic if one of my folks did that when I was her age.
Yeah everyone but op and op's boyfriend suck in the story. Well the uncle's not terrible but he's not exactly a knight in shining armor either The dad for white knighting for his ex-wife after she said something terrible to his kid. Same story with the dads new partner. The mom is absolute garbage for obvious reasons and the mom 's wife, is a spineless coward who bows down to everything op's mom says even when she knows she's in the wrong, which honestly makes me feel like op's bomb intentionally picks and chooses to be around and associate with people who can be easily manipulated and or pushed over
It sounds like Ops parents are undermining Ops opinions all the time and only apologize if their called out on it. And the uncle is the only person taking Ops words into consideration.
Can you not see that your mom has stopped loving you. There are some mom's that have never wanted to be moms. Your mom never wanted you.
Honestly difficult to feel sympathy for OP after a certain point since the mother made it clear she dislikes her and never wanted her. Given the amount of time that’s passed as even the mother blames OP for even existing because she “couldn’t live her own life” there’s no coming back from that and OP should’ve just stopped trying or even bother wasting time.
@@reflex9238 Well, OP was a child for most of the story. By the last update she is only 18 and had a very confy life before all this S storm. Don't be so harsh.
@@reflex9238
That's because she was apparently a good mother until she came out. Which causes a severe dissonance for OP, trying to reconcile her old good mother with the new bad mother and still hoping that her mother is the old good one and especially so when the mother seems to shift beween the old good and the new bad.
It would be easier if she was just plain all bad, but the reality is so much more difficult, especially as everyone around her still pushes her to be with her mom and thinks she is still the good old mom and OP is the only one seeing the change.
@@nehcrum trust me as I was once in OP’s shoes. However the “good mother” after certain points only become a mask for the sh*tty they are especially if they like to lie which OP’s mom did and abandoned with leaving her with her father. The moment anyone like that says “I regret having anything to do with you” it’s done. Doesn’t matter how good they may be, and if the person saying this wasn’t prepared to deal with the situations that arises afterwards they’re moronic for not thinking before they speak.
What was once there is gone and it’s never coming back, like a person being dead. Dead is dead at the end of the day.
@@reflex9238 Hence the dissonance. It takes time to make that mental change, especially for a child when it comes to their parent.
Even ab*sed children love their ab*sing parents, it's ingrained in us to love our parents, as they should love us, it is the default survival trait because a child needs it's parents to survive. It's only in modern society that there is a society that can take over the parents role, but biology doesn't change that quickly.
Honestly, it sounds like this mom has an agenda and she’s pushing it on her own daughter hard
I could be wrong, but I get hints that mom is trying to relive her uni days through op. It would explain why she's pressuring her to do what she wants education wise.
It brings back memories of mine as a kid. Honestly I accepted my parent for who they are. The bigger rift is as they get older they are not going to like it when you force them to respect the same line they drew years back. I wish OP the best.
This mother makes me incredibly angry.
Sounds like the mom sick like terminal sick and all the adults know about the sickness, but they’re not telling the kid they’re trying to shield her from it
She doesn’t give af about her daughter
So basically, this starts, partially, because stepmom made her wife wait to tell her daughter she’s gay and dating someone. At that point she had no place in her upbringing. Mom should have at least told her she was gay. It would have been a good compromise which did justice to both parties.
Like I know its sad how the Op is rn but like she’s crying so much. (I do understand why.)
Mom really going through the motions. she only sent texts because she didnt want to fake the emotion over a phone call pretending to care
Edit: oof at mom telling her she wont find a good husband. 17 years ago my mom told me I would be a bad father during an argument. Thats the type of statement you dont forget.
I listened to this story and all I could think is that the adults in her life are all failing her, especially her mom, specifically and primarily her mom. Her mom is an abusive pos, forcing OP and her BF to break up while constantly pressing OP to give her grandkids, screaming at OP not to cry, saying crap like "I am so glad to not be a soccer mom anymore", and trying to force OP to go to the university near her. Also, I get the feeling that OP's mom in on drugs or something because she has become so erratic throughout this story its insane. Ohh lets not forget that her mom cut OP out of her wedding and only told her about whats going on at the last minute so, she just dropped it on her like "OP, i'm lesbian, I like women, I have a fiance, we will be married soon ohh and btw gonna move far away to live with her so deal with it." OP needs to just cut contact, her mom obviously doesn't want her in her life anymore.
Omg, poor kid, OP doesn’t need medicine, just needs someone to talk to. OP is angry and hurt at her mom for basically abandoning her. Just talking to a therapist would help. Don’t need to be dosed. That’s a major issue these days, feeling down because of events in your life? GREAT! Let’s give you medicine that will completely change your personality
Honestly, whether the mom is meaning to or not, it seems like she's being really toxic. I feel bad for her given her sexuality thing, but everything else makes her seem like one of those parents you go no-contact with.
Imo, I'd say go no-contact. Even if she's not being malicious, she's still causing you emotional and mental distress way too often, and though you're her kid, you have no obligation to stick around and be hurt this much.
I think it's time for you to bounce.
Honey I'm so sorry but your a prop to your mother, grand kid for childlsss grand parents wonderful daughter in the wedding pictures im so sorry for you
I was looking for this view
Nah that family is toxic and grooming op. She needs to. RUN
OPs mom is a monster
I'm not trying to be rude or start anything. One thing people forget is that, when you become a parent, you give up being able to be yourself or worry about yourself. So I actually understand where this mother is coming from a bit. Also, I think that this mother took it too far and shouldn't have been completely selfish as she was 😢
Sorry, but OPs mom is a horrible mother. She thinks she can ignore her kid because she now wants to live a life she couldnt and her kid doenst add up to that. She cant have a child and not care for it, she can't pretend she is a good mother to everyone and be non-existent to her child otherwise. 'Cause, lets be honest, she was the worse with her child having depression 'cause she can't handle the fact that she was the 'cause of her daughters depression and breakdown. And no, all those trips and gifts are to play the part of a mom to the in-laws and not 'cause she cares.
33:08 OP needs to go NC with her mom, for her mental & emotional health. Her mom is emotionally abusive
Not only does OP need to go NC with her mother, she also needs to move to the US or Australia, to start her life afresh.
I know soooooo many mothers who are SAHM and devote their complete selves and identity to being a mom. Then, when their kids start having their own lives they have a midlife crisis. My mother left my father as soon as the youngest of us graduated.
I’m dying to know how old this kid is because she sounds too old to be acting this way. Life isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect and at some point your parents entire world isn’t going to revolve around you. They are human too and have a right to be happy. Mom probably avoided her repeatedly because the kid is acting ANNOYING. THIS is what happened when you coddle a kid and allow your life to be consumed with them and not maintain your own sense of identity.
Not onlu is the mom aweful BUT SO IS THE DAD! What a spineless unsporting crappy dad. SMH
Listening to this was like listening to an audiobook of a YA novel 💀. OP was so insufferable because that makes sense since she was 16. The only thing i learned from this is that besides her step grandparents and her uncle, all the adults failed her. They failed to give her agency over her own life and kept sheltering her until update 8. And I can understand why OP was trying so hard to form a relatonship with her mom but the past is in the past and she can't relive that. I hope eventually she realizes her mom doesnt like her and is able to live a life by herself.
I hate it when parents do not care for their own kids
What the hell?!?!? Her mom doesn’t know what she wants. Or likes to pretend to please inalws
The mother is just plain toxic. She leaves her child, distances herself completely, disregards valid feelings and child might have, blames the childs feelings and concerns on frigging homophobia (i mean seriously, what kind of victim blaming is that? Your child wanting to be with you and being confused by your distancing is not homophobia and to tell that to everyone and be accusatory like it is just VILE), only invites her over once fiances parents express they want grandchildren (we all know that is the reason she invited her back), ignores her at her wedding, tries to force her to go to the Uni she chose for her, pushes her into a breakdown, oppresses her emotions telling her she isn’t allowed to cry (TF?), forces her to part with her bf leading to them breaking up and then continuing to make her life a living hell.
She is solely responsible for how that child reacted and she alone is the reason that child tried to make it stop in such a horrible way. She is narcissistic, self centered and heartless. Fright me in that, i don’t care. Mother needs a psychiatrist herself and to find herself before re-entering her daughter’s life.
God, I get the crying thing. NOT ON THE EGG DONOR’S SIDE, but the repression it created in OP.
My parents, especially my mom (who had a crap childhood), we’re always so quick to comfort me and get me to stop crying when I was a kid, instead of letting me have my emotions. As a result, I HATE feeling like I have to cry now, with a fiery passion. Parents of the world, I get you don’t want your kids to be sad, but you need to let them have their emotions, so they don’t feel like any negative emotion is wrong.