"Why Does My Family Act This Way?" Sociopaths In The Family | Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
- #trauma #Familytrauma #Sociopaths
Dealing with a sociopath can be very frustrating. It can be traumatizing and de-stabilizing when that sociopath is right within your very own family. Sociopaths in your family can manipulate you and everyone around you, putting you in a position of vulnerability.
In today's video, I will be discussing 10-11 signs you have a sociopathic family member in your family and how to identify them.
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness.
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Permission must be given before videos are used
All the links I discussed are below!! Apologies for delay. 🙂
1. Emotional incest th-cam.com/video/KCrmoPJhhUs/w-d-xo.html
2. Emotional incest th-cam.com/video/TUHXSygMJP4/w-d-xo.html
3. Immature parents th-cam.com/video/sP75A0JS8sI/w-d-xo.html
4. Trauma bond th-cam.com/video/ij1V8XLf1qI/w-d-xo.html
I have so many family members that are on every aspect of a personality disorder and it is horrific.
😞I'm sorry
Same
same
yes, same, feel surround by family members who cannot and will not communicate normally, reciprocally and with a minimum level of respect. My mother treated me like a ghost if I tried to have a perspective of my own, so shocker, I ended up with a real sociopath who also denied me a self. I was a real people pleaser, so if he hadn't also been physically abusive, I would have stayed no doubt. So it's a blessing he was as bad as he was. Now, my son is acting like a sociopath. He was so intimidating to me I called gardai and he ended up in care for a few days but now he's with my brother. He's expressing less anger there, it's not happy families, but it's an improvement. I tried to reach out to my son a few times and he responds ''bitch'' as though I kicked him out on a whim, not after FOUR YEARS of his treating me like shit. Obviously my parents and brother revert to form holding me responsible for being too dramatic kicking him out. I was actually scared of him! And still am. I feel like I'm surrounded by sociopaths who all ferociously blame me for not being a total doormat and taking all the blame for all of the dysfunction in the family.
Me too, honey
Two of them in my family, my father and a sister. Both targetted ME. My mom died when I was 14 and my dad became emotionally incestuous towards me and VERY violent. My sister was jealous of me and would insult me in front of everyone and nobody gave a crap, rest siblings just turned a blind eye and even joined the bandwagon. My conclusion is they're ALL horrible people. I had all my life trouble with friendships and have never been in a relationship even though I am 35. Looking back, I realize that what held me back was my great fear of people and deep belief they're all horrible behind closed doors. As I thought to myself when I had this realization "if your family treats you like this, imagine how strangers will"
Omg feels so similar to my family and the situation I was going through. Not the dating part. I had my share of it but nothing came out of it and I think it has a lot with my family’s influence on me
If i was your brother i would beat the fk of him.
I myself feel like i have became a sociopath considering how agrresive i became towards him and
Now i just want to strangle him for strangling me,biting me etc during my childhood.
Since i didn't want my young sis to face the same thing I'm tryna make her live hapier than i was at her age.
A lot of black families need to watch this because we don’t pay attention to our families mental health as if it doesn’t exist, it’s real!!!
Very much agree. This needs to be changed. We're doing that one small step at a time.
Absolutely
I know my ‘looks good on paper’ ma is a sociopath. But whenever I watch videos like this, I always get shell shocked because there’s still a part of me that wants to wish I didn’t see any of this in her but I the evidence such as patterns of behaviour is surmountable. It’s a good reminder to keep living my life for me and no one else.
Don't fall into the trap of becoming a sociopath yourself.
yeh, what you long for is that they'll have an epiphany, not that the evidence that they won't is mounting.
My sister is one and she would do horrible things to me from beating me up to stealing my things to stealing my dad’s things and then she would turn around and blame me saying that I did those things and he would believe her and I was the one that was sent to therapy while she sat on the sidelines and smirked.
I'm sorry to hear this. This is terrible to always hear from families. Family should be our safe-haven, not a battlefield.
@@TherapistTamaraHill The sad thing is I really didn’t even know what she was doing for 50 solid years and it was only at that point I started to put all the pieces together and looking back it was so painful and horrifying that someone could be so cruel and so evil. I do believe she is pure evil and has no soul. Severed ties in 2017 and hopefully I will never have to see her dead looking face ever again. She’s so foolish because for everything she thinks she’s getting away with God will come down on her like a ton of bricks. Her Karma will be well deserved.
Your sister sounds exactly like my ex brother.
Sick…. That’s typical. The liar can be more convincing than the victim.
My parents where scolding me and telling me I did therapy wrong meanwhile my brother has me a headlock and beating on my kidneys 25 times and then proceeds to try and kick my head while I'm down. Parents didn't care at all. It's like a terrible movie
Im the scapegoat! Family full of narcissists, sociopaths … went no contact 2 years ago. In my hometown I was surrounded by them in my life.
I'm sorry 😞
@@TherapistTamaraHill it’s all good! God got me ❤️
My mother , and sister the whole family destoy each other's characters, livelihood. It is really weird when you have to be safe from a people who gave you life but want it stay in prayer they are deminic 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much Tamara, for sharing this information in such a knowledgeable and skillful way. Characteristics of these personality types should be categorized as a Public Health Issue. The amount of damage done by these types can be felt for generations.
Thank you Ms. Ketty!! I'm glad this is helpful. And I very much agree with your analysis.
My dad, treated horribly by his dad, treated me horribly, too. It still hurts, and he blames me. Some nerve! I am ignoring him for my own protection(emotinal) I don't trust him! He brought the abuse on us. I deserve a much better father!
U discuss all the unsaid unheard deep underlying issues.Thank you so much.These videos are very helpful
You're welcome 🙂 Everyone tells me that. Thank you. I will keep producing.
my mom narcusisstic sociopath.i think my grandma is too.my dad doesn t care at all sometimes also lets himself controlled by mom.my sister she s not as bad treated like me but still detached and depressed.i m scapegoat.i want to move out but i m afraid she might start being like this with my little sister.she dictates my life.tells me how to feel.said she ll make me look bad in front of everyone.my mom is a narcissistic sociopath.she only cares about what others see outside of our family.every holiday were forced to play theater so she makes everyone online think she has it all.forced to smile and act like we re not a disfunctional family .i try to set boundaries and i m called rude.she comes to me to dicuss about pronlems and i tell her i m sorry i dont want to talk now i m tired.she doesnt care.makes me feel like i have to listen to her bs.whenever she has a bad day she fights with us all .blames me for all.if my little sister is depressedbecause of them she says i change her to do like me and be like me which it s bad for her .my sister has depression too.i m scared for her .dont know what to do.
Runs in the males in my family. All gas no breaks. They're unbelievably dangerous.
This is totally accurate for my family. Father is the one who acts like he doesn’t care, I bonded with him deeply as a young child, like I loved him. My mother is narcissistic. She plays victim and makes my grandma the scapegoat. My sister is the unpredictable one, my whole family has a very deep trauma bond with her. I am the manipulative one, who makes the situation worse. I feel like I have to take control over my parents and when I see them being disrespectful towards me, I’ll try to gain back that control.
Elle, it's good that you can see this unhealthy dynamic because if you did not you wouldn't be able to heal and change. The fact that you can see it says a lot. I would "run with that" and seek out your own psychotherapy. I know psychotherapy isn't for everyone but it's worth a try. You may find you can find better ways to take back that control.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I do have an appointment already. I look forward to improve myself for my own benefit as well as my environments. To be prepared I am looking up information to gain further insight into my situation online.
i feel you so much i m sorry
My father is definitely a narcissist and has sociopathic traits. The fact that he was able to manipulate the entire family to hate me, because I wanted an education, wanted to follow my own path and resisted his ways, infuriated him and sent him on a mission to destroy my life. He almost did. No contact saved my life. He destroyed my mind and spirit and I almost lost my life, and he loved it so much. When I went no contact, I suffered, I grieved, I doubted myself but eventually I got help. I just want to say something about untreated ADHD. It does affect some people in this way, but also does not. I believe it depends on family dynamics and genetics. I have undiagnosed adhd, diagnosed trauma, anxiety and depression and I have been bullied my entire life. I did suffer from some social issues such as substance abuse but I never went out of my way to hurt people. I hurted myself. So I believe it really depends.
You’d have a field day with my family, my mother and brother are socios and my sister and step dad are narcs. My childhood was traumatic AF my mother had a traumatic surgery in 2003 and she came back physically but mentally she was someone else. My brother was 2 at the time of what we call “the switch” from 9-21 I was the scapegoat, but my dads a narc who needed the “family image” to be maintained. I kept normalizing it until I met my husband, I woke up and have no relationship with my mother or brother. I’ll be in therapy the rest of my life and it sucks.
Yep… I had a sociopathic father… nailed it!
I feel alot of these behaviours are happening in the PEOPLE around me, family, friends, strangers....i need some help to cope please.
Thank you for not "beating around the bush"! I believe in a previous video, you referred to "character disorder". When you said that, so many things clicked for me. I believe I prefer this term to "personality disorder". Listening to this video, reiterated to me that this is largely a social, family of origin, integrity, moral...CHARACTER issue. I don't think many people like to look at it that way anymore, but sociopaths seem to be a result of just poor parenting (neglect, abuse, no boundaries). This of course can happen in all segments of society, but is rampant in the poor inner city, where the family unit and community have been (basically) destroyed. Your step by step "map to sociopathy" accurately described my younger brother. He would do so well when confined (juvenile, jail) or in a group with lots of supervision. He finished school while "on the inside", prayed regularly, set goals, stayed "clean". Once out on his own, he is truly incapable of making wise decisions and seeing them through. He's so easily taken off course. Most people who meet him always marvel at his potential and want to help him. Unfortunately, the potential is never birthed. He self-sabotages and is his own worst enemy (not to mention the havoc he has caused to me, family and any girlfriend he's had). Something is indeed wrong with his brain. I believe it's just been trained wrong, and he made the decision to do wrong so many times, it's now "set". Definitely a fixed disorder. A truly reprobate mind. 😔
Unfortunately, he of course is not the only Cluster B in my family. It seems my family members are either seriously disordered or traumatized from trying to deal with them!
Wow, thank you for this video and I look forward for to your future videos. I am committed to healing and self-improvement.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this. A lot of people do not like seeing things this way because it's complicated. But the more education we get the better. I have tons of videos on this topic but plan on discussing this further in future videos.
Your family is so similar to mine 😢
Miss Hill, I got goose bumps listening to this vlog. I have several in my family. I found it very interesting the steps to anti-socialism and sociopathology. I can literally trace the path of several family members. It's scary in some ways. My only active deduction is to maintain a safe distance from these people with negative energy around them. I'm so glad that I found your page. You've articulated what I knew but didn't fully understand. Thank you!! Another 👍 and useful vlog. How's the book coming along? ✌
Thank you Allyson!!🙂 Very glad to hear this was insightful. I had to learn these patterns over time through experience so I'm sure you will run into these characters again...Sadly.
I am finally DONE with the book! My publisher is putting me through tons of editing, publicity, etc.. though. As soon as I can talk more about it, I will😁
@@TherapistTamaraHill I can't wait to read your book. God bless. Stay great.😀✌
☺☺Thank you and same to you!!
My child's father is such a textbook case I predicted his ASPD diagnosis as a teenager.
Why does the family court system take into consideration a parent's mental health when it comes to depression, addiction, etc. but refuses to acknowledge cluster B disorders?
*not for everyone* but...
I have been tricked by my little brother, untill he decided to go into a relationship with my sister-in-law, and i heard all the shit he said, made and the lies he spread - it started slowly, but after some time, he broke under his lies, and started to act strange.. I figured out that he lies about me, our childhood (for empathy) and lied about what he do. He lied about my [amazing] now ex-family-in-law, telling they're really bad people and hate him. I'm still in contact with my ex, but his family have traumas, after i told them he was nice - and suddenly he wasn't ... if only I knew ... That bond is broken ...
My sister and mother is blinded "he's our little boy" F NO HES 25 AND SHOULD TAKE HIS OWN BATTLES. I don't blame them, I've been there - but I hope the truth will come forth, sooner rather than later.
I know he's sociopathic, i remember him treating animals hard and with no empathy as kids - he killed one of our birds "he just wanted to give her a hug", and played dangerously with fireworks before the age of 6, if he didn't get what he wanted he threw a temper tantrum, trowing fists using nails, "crying" untill he got a yes, and ALOT of yelling ...
I'm a little scared for the people he's around, and in some way, I really hope he gets help.
The trail of girlfriends and friends of his, that stand left with questions and hurt.... I'm raging... And they turn to me - now I know what to say, hes digging his own living grave.
I don't give a fuck for him, but he needs help for the people around him, he's scary - I can't see a pattern other than lies, and using help from others and laughing that theyll help him, belittleing them.
Sociopaths are everywhere, and I was choked to suddenly know it has been that close, after all this time... No wonder my sister and i have BPD...
Good presentation-this one is dead on!
Thanks for the very valuable info you shared, great content...!
Appreciate it! Thank you. Glad this was helpful.
Excellent sound quality!
Thanks Tamara for another excellent dissertation. Much appreciated and I learn a lot from them. You should have a lot more than 40,000 subscribers so I will try and share when I can. It is interesting to me though, that when you invite people to look at their own actions, especially when they are not actions that make them look good, that they get upset about it. If they are acting out a delusion, and you distinguish the delusion from reality in a way that they cannot dilute or diverge from, then they get upset. It makes me think that some emotions can be a result of the brain trying to achieve something it cannot. Some of this too, can be a result of predispositions of various substance abuses, but it happens in memory recall situations as well. It makes it appear that there is some kind of battle between the conscious and subconscious going on in some way. Thanks again and Happy New Year.
That's nice of you Craig! Thank you! I appreciate that.
And you are right about how delusions work in most people. The brain is trying to achieve something it can't and sometimes -- if the brain has experienced trauma -- can become overtaken by intense emotion which makes the delusion feel and appear more real than it is. That's why the person with delusions cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy -- it feels too real.
Happy New Year to you too!
Your videos have opened my eyes so much to the man I co-parent with! Thank you 🙏🏼 Please talk about psychopathic father/son relationships!
You're welcome! 💖 So good to know. Love hearing when people who come to this channel are empowered.
Great suggestion too! Added to the list! ✅
Hey everyone! Hang in there! We got this!
Thank you, informing important information ❤
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome 😊
I had severe adhd untreated. I would agree up until the age of 25 had a lot of traits of antisocial personaly disorder and ODD. I know my son is treated for adhd but I still suspect low empathy and ODD is happening with him on a less exteme level. Im hoping it can be tamed with therapy.
For me it wasnt until I had my son did I start to get appropriate therapy and understand a bit better what empathy was and became self aware and changed a lot of my behaviour.
I had a very narcissistic mother (covert) and my father is more ASPD and ASD. So I grew up with two emotionally disconnected and volatile parents constantly at each other in a power struggle. Exhausting!!!! Detrimental!!
Peace, Healing, and Authentic Hopefulness🩺
Much Respect ✌
Thank you! Same to you.
I think my sister is a sociopath. I was very sick physically.
She knew I was yet would gaslight me to my mother and act like this deadly serious illness was exaggerated and it was “ all she talks about.”
The illness is very serious.
I told her I felt I might die. She said to me “ A lot of people die.”
I was totally shocked. The words literally felt like a physical punch.
I said “ not all dead people are your sister.”
My husband used to say “ you love your sister but she doesn’t love you.
I used to believe he had a distorted perception.
Not anymore. She’d love to get my half any day.
This woman never apologizes and was as cold as ice.
I decided to stop speaking to her.
This was so hard 2 watch.
But so needed for confirmation of what I’ve been gifted 2 be able 2 grow through, and unfortunately I 100% was victim of being an empathetic on the receiving end of it all. From my family members and then into my partners because of the foundation that had been built by way of my youth.
Going 2 use this tool of information and practice #CBT EVrytime the heart brings up an opportunity 2 f0rgive EVry and ALL of these individuals.
I acknowledge they didn’t know better and even if they did, they need help because the pathological lying they do has them create a false reality in their head which quickly washes away their perception of a currently happening reality because they are attempting 2 “rescue” themselves in some way.
I pray WE ALL find 0UR 0wn wayZ.
How do you prove that in court? Negligent and covert abuse... court does not recognize! They should not have access to their own children!
I think this is one of the most difficult things to prove in court, especially if you are dealing with divorce proceedings or child custody. Courts focus on what makes logical sense and how to close cases to move them through the system quickly. They are not going to look at the "gray" area which is that a person may have a mental illness, a behavioral problem, or a personality disorder. This has been a problem for many years in the mental health and legal system. Sadly.
You are a light to my day. I have been married to an antisocial sociopath for 20 years. I am traumatized. I suffer in silence. It’s devastating. Just to hear this is a weight from my shoulders.
That's great to hear! I'm glad you feel "ligher." I welcome you to my live chats on Fridays where I discuss these topics and more. The chat box is so lively and supportive too. One is coming up tomomorrow 6:45pm est on deception.
This is so spot on. The person who fathered me belittles me, degrade me as a human being, mentally and physically abusive since childhood & I am 40 now. He accepts no wrongdoing. Blames others for his problems. Makes up stories. He praises his granddaughter who does as she wish and turned me into the villain. She has this old man on a string. She is the mini me version of him. She has turned others against me and they are coming at me. They called me childish for screaming. Who the HELL is going to stay quiet when being attack?!? Those people are cut out immediately starting today. They can go believe the sociopath duo grandpa & granddaughter.
We need to track your ancestry cuz that hair 😍 lovin it
🤗☺😂 I already did in college over 17 years ago and again 2 years ago. Northern African, Native American (Apache Indian), and my grandmother's blood traced to the Republic of the Congo. Before writing my book on racial trauma, I had to know what our family really was. Humans are so interesting!
And thank you , by the way!
So my sister plays the same mental game during the holidays every year. This year I said, I'm not falling for it. So when she came at me with the yearly text telling me she won't do anything unless I come over, instead of saying I'll come over, I said ok I'm staying home this year.
That did not go very well.
My dad, one of his brothers, and their now, late parents, are/were narcs. Their problem, not mine.
I left a year ago. We have a kid and he supports financially the family, so some contact is in available. He hacked my computer and phone and stalked every email, photo, text for most of this year. It was scary to find out to which length he is able to go. He was not interested in me 10 years but stuck on me now- on how to harm me covertly. Every weekend he is provoking me with money issues like taking money belongs to me. How can I get away from this nightmare😡😳
Some People Believe there Lies! 😥 😥 😥
Parent's probably love to say my kid is this that and the other while getting a free pass on their emotional abuse. I'm sober now and finally dealing with all of these childhood traumas and it feels like I'm living a completely new emotional life now.
That's true in some households for sure Dan. It's easy to emotionally abuse and look the part to the world.
I'm 33 and I rarely have any sort of affection come from anybody to warm me when times of need when I need empathy
I’m so sorry you don’t deserve that. Please know it’s them not you xxx
if psychiatrist wouldn't have that "freud" thinking that the mother is the cause of everything, we could treat them earlier but they invalidate the mother to the point that she thinks she is the problem, that she has C-PTSD because of the constant attack/lies/cruelty from her kid from an early age. I don't have any drug problem, I have been there for my son, he had everything he needs, I talked with him, we have to STOP thinking it's the mother's fault! Sociopathy is a neurodeveloppemental condition!
Thank you for describing my father and some relatives to a T, Tamara.
You're welcome 😊
So that means im not sociopathic if I wanted to kms as a teen ? I know I can be manipulative, but like I see it as a form of control I had to develop in order to keep some form of family union or whatever. Is it possible to grow out of that?
🔥
Thanks!!
Would a high functioning sociopath have these same traits…?
Yes, absolutely! See my most recent video on this topic: th-cam.com/video/RyLEwz8SyI8/w-d-xo.html.
I think that until we get people that have issues to volunteer to have their children observed from very early and I mean very early stage it will never change. We have to attack things on an empirical basis.
Sadly I think the probability is there that my mother is showing sociopathic traits. She has done things to try and drive the narcissist x out my life. She recently admitted she could have driven her out if she wanted but she was afraid of losing me but I think it's someone with sense that spoke to her and told her not to do that. Anyway. My narcissist x made me think she was incestuous but being an empath I tried to be fair with equity but when my narc whispered her brother's name during sex that was it. I seriously think I tolerated my x because of how I learnt to tolerate my mothers abuse. I conclude that it get worst with age. I use to have to run so to speak. In my younger days I slept at my friend's house s and I saw other traits that I like and knew what it is like to have a normal parent. I am much older and still run just for my peace. Did the same re my Narc x.
Long and short of it they affect how we deal with ppl and accept what they give.
That usually occurs when a child is 7-8 years of age. My ex covert narcissist, father I found out a year after the accident went to prison for a crime that made him a sex offender. I do not know the true story of that. He was left with his mother that is a schizophrenic which he hadn’t seen in almost 30 years but he did tell me she left him at a bus stop but I didn’t know what to say other than I am so sorry. I was shocked and now I’m even more shocked what I am figuring out. Why is this soooo hidden by our society. It shocks me to the core.😲👈🏻😞😵💫
I thought ADHD was associated with higher empathy. Just not displayed as the regular neurotipical displays because we see society rules under different point of view. I was know as the unecessarily sincere child.
It might be helpful to take a look at this study for more concrete information on empathy: adhdrollercoaster.org/adhd-and-relationships/adhd-impaired-empathy-and-dopamine/#:~:text=Impaired%20empathy%20often%20destroys%20relationships%20where%20ADHD%20symptoms,about%20the%20causes%20and%20varied%20manifestations%20of%20ADHD..
You always want to take reports of studies like this with a grain of salt until you have seen ALL of the research on this. Some studies claim higher empathy , while other studies claim a road to sociopathy. The way I would suggest looking at this idea of empathy and ADHD is that there are always people along the spectrum of mental health and behavioral problems. Where that individual falls on the spectrum is key. Empathy in an individual with ADHD may be high because of many different factors such as upbringing, access to mental health resources, etc. Empathy, however, in an individual with ADHD and who has another mental health issue could be extremely low.
It truly depends on what we're looking at.
Only God can help them......Send them to Jesus......
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!🤣🤣🤣🤣