This video was very highly requested when I asked you guys if you wanted me to talk more about shadow work and transactional analysis, after sharing why I quit alcohol...I REALLY REALLY HOPE IT'S HELPFUL because I came *this close* to ruining my life and I very regularly look at my kids and cry because I'm just so proud of me and I'm so glad I get to have this life. THANK YOU THERAPY
I can't describe how relatable every situation is to me. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. Feeling less ''lonely'' when I see other's experience this as well even though it's definately not pleasant. You are so Brave. Thank you so much dear Soul!
As a random viewer, I'm glad it helped her, but it's important to know and remember that psychoanalysis and jungian theories are not scientific. Also therapy can make a person dependent on it, on the therapist, on the feeling or security it gives.
I'm an avoidant. Which if you lurk in pop psych is more of a stereotypically male domain and just adds to the alienated sense of self in the world (i'm a straight-ish gal in my 30's). It's nice being out of the weeds of unconscious reactions, being sort of aware of your bug. My most 'successful' long term relationships were ONLY possible because I set the terms, because my terms were 'this will NEVER become permanent' and 'I ONLY sleep with my friends, actual feelings are a recipe for disaster'. I feel so shitty because even all these things in the open made me feel like I never truly provided my partners with the respect they deserved. They went of from spending years with me to spending years in a properly committed relationship soon after. Like I'm obviously not one to take things lightly. But currently I'm at a (decade long, now) stage where I don't want to do thing the way I did, grew aware of what didn't work, but yet to get any feel for even trying something else. I guess I'm here to speak FOR the work, but also illustrate the many non linear stages one may have to go through for a change to get to the other side.
Hearing someone else’s “no” let’s me trust them when they say “yes”! And I try to remind myself that when I’m struggling to say no to someone or something.
I did this in my friendships: abandoned my needs because of abandonment issues. I eventually got resentful of what was being asked of me because I had never said I didn't like it.
I think this video was meant for me because I've never heard of your channel before and was having a breakdown yesterday because I feel my anxious attachment would never get better and this popped up on my recommended. Looking forward to watching
Never clicked on a video so fast!! I've always struggled with my abandonment issues in relationships, and I relate soooo much to your story. Such a great video, Melanie!!
Thank you SO much for sharing this, Mel! As a 24 year-old who just started therapy but has been trying to `heal` by themselves for years, listening to someone like you who has mostly made it on the other side gives me so much hope. I've been following you since I was a teenager and seeing you grow and accomplish your dreams is so beautiful. At times I feel discouraged and like some things will never go away or become easier, so I have no words to explain how much positive impact your platform has and how grateful I am there are people like you out there.
This couldn’t have come at a better time! Thank you for sharing your insecurities and reminding us that we’re not alone and that it can be worked through and overcome with practice and hard work.
I love these kinds of videos! I've been following you since before you and Thomas got together and it feels like I've watched you grow up, like a cool older sister. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
Thank you so much for this! My dad also became suddenly absent for a time in my early childhood, and I have also struggled with fear of abandonment. When I met my husband, I was convinced he would leave me, and I behaved horribly as a result. I'm so thankful he stayed and supported me as I worked through my struggles. I've done some shadow work in therapy, but I haven't heard of transactional analysis. I will have to ask my therapist about it!
It's a waste of time wishing you were not who you are - SO TRUE. I spent a while in therapy being really angry that this was the hand I've been dealt, and while that grieving process was necessary, I'm glad I'm in a more accepting place with things now. I've done a really similar process in therapy to what you described. My psychologist talks about the Apparently Normal Part (that functioning, adult side), and Emotional Parts (child self, emotional responses, trauma responses), and how to hold those in balance particularly outside of sessions to best function in the world. Understanding all of those parts of yourself in invaluable in understanding yourself as a whole! It's so affirming and helpful to hear other people talk about going through this process 💚
Melanie, I dont know how this happens every time but ive been following you for years and i mean years now. Each time in struggling with something you make a video about it. This was ed, anxiety, people pleasing than alcohol and now this. I dont know how this happens but thank you. First time in my life im in a happy comitted relationship but im struggling with thoughts like this for a week now.
I think maybe because so many of these issues are intertwined 💔 And so a lot of you finding me/following me for one thing may end up relating to other experiences of mine…I’m so glad you’re here! I really hope you gain SOMETHING from this video xxxxx
I’m 26, my boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up just last night. I feel like I drove him away because of my anxious attachment issues, and he has avoidant attachment style that triggered me so badly, but I would never leave him no matter how miserable I felt. I relate to you so much on feeling insecure of other girls and just wanting reassurance. I’m super heartbroken but also honestly a bit relieved I don’t have to feel anxious about trying to please him and keep him from leaving anymore. Anyway this video was perfect timing and so needed. 🙏🏼
If you constantly felt anxious because of something he was doing that was triggering you, and nothing changed upon communicating, then it was the right thing to break up. Worst combo is anxious with avoidant. Complete opposite, and they will never ever give you the reassurance you need, because they are simple not equipped to handle intense emotions, reason why they withdraw and dissappear, and often it's them leaving, because 🤷🏻♀️ that's who they are. They avoid and avoid forever. Work on yourself, I'm glad you feel relieved, take one day at a time and I hope you heal too. But don't go back to repeat the cycle, or you will be forever hurt, and they won't care. Another thing, avoidants will never sit and think of how you felt, they only care about their need of not committing and always running away as soon as you try to get close to them. No matter how much you try, you will never get through that wall. If they don't care enough to change, then you should not walk on the eggshells for them and never express your pain of feeling insecure. Love yourself and the rest will flow. ❤
This is amazing timing. Shadow work can be challenging, but is soooo necessary for healing and can be super empowering to not judge and show love to those parts of us we hide. Thank you so much for this video. ❤❤
Such a great topic! I've been diving into my childhood trauma for the last couple of years! Seems never-ending! Attachment Theory has definitely transformed the way I see myself and everyone around me! I had never heard of Transactional Analysis before, so thank you 💚💚
Melanie, this video couldn’t have come at a better time. Currently dealing with my abandonment issues and how to navigate them in a relationship. Learning to not be guilty for my feelings, but also to not project them onto the lad who truly loves me.
I'm struggling so much with jealousy right now - this is my first real relationship and I never thought this would be an issue for me personally. It might just be because this is the first time I've ever let myself be truely vulnerable with someone and it's honestly terrifying. All this time I felt like I might be an avoidant attacher but this anxiety now taught me otherwise. Loved this video though, thank you! I should rly be looking into getting a therapist soon so this doesn't affect this relationship.
Truly helped me so much!! Love hearing other women experiencing similar emotions let’s me feel less insane and also that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
We’ve been long made to feel like this is a ‘crazy woman’ thing but I know men with these same issues…it’s human to carry childhood hurt for many years! 💔❤️ And omg. The light is so bright it blinds xx
Just turned 34, no where near getting married, have easily attached myself to people I liked and have self sabotaged the ones that mattered most. I can say that I’m ready to be consistent in my healing and therapy process and learn to not be afraid to be alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I can relate to almost everything you said.
About Parent -Adult - Child thing, I read about slightly different theory that resonates me with a bit more, it's that inside you have an adult (who can play a role of a parent, can be supportive and kind, but other times can be just rational and practical), and then there are two children inside of you - sun child (the kid that is happy, feels good in themselves, is fun, curious, brave, unapologetic, wants to play and explore), and shadow child (the kid that feels sad, anxious, abandoned, angry, wants to hide in a corner and cry). And the goal is to not let your shadow child take the lead, but cuddle your shadow child and calm it down, and let your sun child be at the front of your life more often. :)
im 17 but ive been following you for ages (i found you, dodie and that whole circle when i was like 13 lol) when i realised i was bi. i watch your vlogs w your kids and stuff but this is really the content i love from you haha. the story you shared from when you were 16 has definitely not happened to me before aha...ha....haha......
😭😭😭😭😭😭 it fucken KILLS! That one cut so deep, the same guy served me up many more similar heartbreaking ‘I’m out’ conversations 🙈 Another guy Skyped me on a work trip to tell me he’d accidentally hooked up with my friend. I could write a book about these situations and Jesus do they make abandonment issues so much worse lol
@@melaniemurphyofficial accidentally hooking up with your girlfriend's friend is CRAZY😭. i always just want to sit down with a cup of something warm and talk to you about my boy/girl problems when i watch your videos lol. being a teenager sucks so much ass BAHAHAHHA💀👍
I needed that teabag face ending. Thank you for discussing this topic. I'm so over myself being stressed out in my relationships. I feel like this evil mastermind who plots against herself because why trust anyone including myself. While also giving myself away for pennies just for some crumbs of love and affection. Yeah, teabag face it truly is. 😂
I feel like anxious attachment in women is actually a normal response to the internalized patriarchy we live in and how that’s affected our female ancestors for so long. Needing to shapeshift, people-please, etc. Don’t blame yourself and look at the root causes. Also colonization and how far removed we are from our power as women and our connection to the Earth has made us forget who we really are, our gifts, and our purpose. Finding the ROOT will free you!
I would love a video about how you handle criticism - it seems like we have similar personalities and I am still very much struggling to be okay with constructive criticism from people I respect.
Also - to advocate for those of us who might be in this situation - my partner and i are avoidant & disorganised attachment styles respectively. Interestingly my own fears and behaviours have pushed him into a more secure attachment style, and while i wouldnt say he is *there* yet i think both of us, through an incredible amount of work and communication, have improved immeasurably on where we began. We were lucky in that our bizarre pace actually matched so there wasnt conflict for a long time, as we were equally terrified of commitment 😅
I’m so relieved to hear that you and other people are going or have been going through the exact same thing that I am experiencing on a daily basis. Not being able to sit in silence, jealousy, hyper-vigilance, and always looking for the danger in people… if anyone has any advice on how to overcome this, please drop it down below.
Wow, this is the first time i hear about the different "modes" you can be in (adult, child, parent). This is so interesting! I will def be observing my interactions with friends etc with this in mind from now on 👀 😇
Anyone one else replaying from 17:55 and bawling your eyes out to see and hear of such a beautiful partnership? 'He was very quickly my home' Just beautiful Melanie, thank you for sharing your gorgeous love with us. Xx
I fixed my anxious attachment by getting rid of people who like to take advantage of people's anxious attachment. No one has anxious attachment, they just choose exploitatively avoidant people. Even a securely attached person would be fine with soothing an anxious attachment person, but y'all don't wanna hear that, lol.
My abandonment problem got better but it then turned into not worrying he would leave me but worrying something would happen to him! I now worry even if he doesn’t txt me 5 mins after he finishes work 😢 I hope therapy will help this! Tips welcome! Xx ❤
Hey Melanie! Love the video and content, a bit bummed to see a Better Help sponsorship. Not sure if you're aware, but I'd recommend looking into their practices a bit more and the issues that have come out over the years, both on patient and therapist sides of things. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your journey 💚
It’s literally like you took my thoughts from my head, I really need therapy but can’t afford it at the moment. Thank you SO much for sharing all of the helpful information and tools you learnt. I really, really appreciate this video. Slowly, but surely learning to love myself and dealing with my issues. This is helpful, thank you.
SO disappointing you'd link this video with a betterhelp ad. The information a client gives to them isn't protected, they aren't HIPAA compliant. It's not that a sponsor for this is unfitting- of course secure the bag however you must- but did it really have to be such a predatory company?
I was very happy with this statement: www.betterhelp.com/betterhelp-response-to-the-recent-ftc-settlement/ (and yes, the information a client gives them is protected - it wasn’t accused of, and has never ever shared, information such as members' names or clinical data from therapy sessions)
my parents cheated on each other when i was a little girl and i developed an anxious attachment style. i also want to quit drinking, idk if you experience something similar but drinking really worsens my attachment problems, and so i lash out because my fear of being abandoned. it makes my expectations of being left to come out in the worst way so thank you for making this. it’s nice to hear it’s possible to get better ❤️
Thanks for sharing your story. It is only human to experience this & you are holding yourself with so much resilience. What you went through was not easy. As much as your parents are individuals, they still quite obviously are responsible for their impacts on you. However, as an adult. We can take charge of the story. We can rely on ourselves and take care of ourselves. Of all - be the SAVIOUR we are looking for in others. May you live with peace in your heart, Abigail🤍
OMG Mel , I am sitting here nodding my head like a bobbleheaded freak LOL and I am only a few mins in!!! thank You from the bottom of My Soul! At 62 and 4+ years sober , which has helped me hunt down my Shadow Dragons and hugs them all ...still a WIP and so proud of Myself ...one layer of The Great Onion at a Time and being gentle and kind xx learning the NO is a complete sentence s HUGE!! Grizi x
I didn't know about these three stages of Parent, Adult and Child 'pstchological states' and that was SO eye opening for me. I think my pattern is to go from Parent to Child and viceversa and so on, because when I try to step into the adult state, I kinda feel a pressure to be credible and meet other people expactions of me as an Adult. So it's easier for me to behave like a Parent or a Child, especially with my partner, because it puts me default in a conscious state where I feel 'legitimated' to not be an Adult. I don't know if what I just wrote made any sense lol but I feel like something clicked on me and I thank you with my heart ❤
Watching this video made me cry because I feel like I'm not enough often and this makes me very jealous of my partner (I had an absent dad and my parents divorced). Now it's much better than it was like 5-6 years ago, but still it's easy every now and then to fall back into the old pattern of being afraid and sad. It's like.. there is a hole in the ground. And I live my life on the surface, all good and happy, but if I get clode to the edge and have a glimpse into the hole it sucks me right in, and I end up at the bottom of it feeling not good enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough and so on. Therapy really helps though!! It can get better :)
Thank you for being so vulnerable and talking about all of this Melanie! I think a lot of people will relate to the things you touched on in this video and by being so open you’re making therapy and starting the long process towards self growth and learning seem a lot more accessible. I started watching you properly around the time you and Thomas got together and it’s so amazing to see you how much you‘ve grown in the last few years! I’m so happy to hear you say that you feel grateful and appreciative of the life you have now, because you built it for yourself and you truly do deserve it 💚 (lots of love from a long-term silent viewer)
I'm 30 and only recently learned about attachment styles and that despite my best efforts, my style is anxious. Some of this video was like you were looking into my brain. I can tell this was not an easy video for you to make, so thank you
I have issues such as fear of abandonement, low self esteem and feeling of not being worthy of love. These are things I’m ashamed of and which influence me a lot, give me a lot of anxiety. However, I’ve been aware of them for a long time. I’m curious if I could find something new with shadow work, since it’s supposed to reveal something from the unconscious. Anyway, great video Mel, thank you :)
Mel, you’d make a brilliant therapist if you ever consider going down that route. I’m qualified and listening to you talk and explain quite complicated theories in such an accessible way made me think how lucky any future clients you might have would be ☘️💚
Sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing- my family member had very very symptoms to what you are experience and she was diagnosed with long Covid as hers was brought on by Covid :( especially the fizziness, nerve pain, itchy feeling, low vit d, low calcium
I have had the same attachment style for all my relationships. I’ve been single now for a few years and finally can say I enjoy being single, even though at times I’ll crave a romantic relationship really badly. But I’ve learned so much about myself. You give me hope I can find a secure relationship someday and actually feel good with someone 😊💚
Tea bag face has been the best ending truly. There was a question at the beginning of the video that I wanted to answer but by the end (in my watching this right before bed after a long day of work and strained interpersonal relationships, how topical) I can't remember. There truly was so much of the video I related with and though I've never partook in therapy myself I do fully endorse it for the majority of people after studying Psychology for a year as part of school. This video was so well put together and I can tell it was a lot of hard work so I'd love to just say I appreciate that.
This is very very relateable, I have comfort shows which I could watch daily forever if I had too because I feel safe with them on. Feeling safe is a huge deal for me and I am a guy. I have just started seeing a therapist and am so stressed at the moment a few months into a new relationship I really hope I can get to the place you are in quickly! You seem to have really gotten in control of your anxiety.
Thanks so much for sharing this video, Melanie! It is so so helpful to hear about your experiences and growth as someone recently learning more about my own anxious attachment. I hope there's more to come on these sorts of subjects. Love you!
When you talked about the thing of when you had a good date with a person and then you get anxious attachment because the day after they are a little less present that was so much touching for me since that's the thing that happened me today, and I started realizing more actively that I have abandonment issues. Hopefully my therapist uses transactional analysis, even if I'm more focused on the inner dialogue between the Parent and the Child, I still haven't really interiorized the dialogue between me and the other people. However I'll get to better know shadow work, it seems like the critical parent criticising you haha
Thank you for the video Melanie, that was really powerful, it’s so good to hear people talk so openly and coherently about this kind of thing on youtube. I just wanted to add to your comment about feeling envious of people who have grown up with secure attachments etc (I feel that too) but hope that you find comfort in the fact that all of your experiences, maybe even especially the negative ones, have made you who you are today, a powerful communicator, emotionally aware and sympathetic person who reaches so many people- your children are very lucky! ❤️ keep it up, I love your work!
I found a lot about what you said to be relatable and a healthy approach. However, I think it’s reasonable to ask if it has occurred to you that your secure attachment style might be more related to the security you feel with your husband? I only ask because I have felt during several relationships in my life that I had overcome the issue , when in reality, I had just been fortunate enough to find myself in a healthy relationship. Also, I think it’s unusually cruel to crow about the benefits of love in this context People are tuning into this for productive tips Love doesn’t solve anything on its own
What you seem to be implying is that other people are responsible for our attachment style in any specific relationship, but they’re not, although it’s pretty impossible for secure attachment to form when BOTH partners have anxious or avoidant attachment styles (unless both *do the work*). As I said, the fact that he himself had a secure attachment (and was hardcore committed, making comments like ‘when we are 80 will I still be trying to convince you that I won’t leave?) - HUGELY important. I could only ever have developed a secure attachment to a person like him, a person who wasn’t anxious/avoidant, a person committed, a person who really loved me who had a lot of patience. That’s not to discount everything I did to work on my issues because they very nearly drove him away, they were that bad! Working on the issues has helped me in OTHER relationships too so no I fully believe that love can change you for the better. None of us are islands. We all need love. No it doesn’t need to be romantic but it needs to be real and real love isn’t like the movies it’s faith in someone, it’s holding their hand through dark stuff, it’s loyalty, it’s respect, it’s care, it’s kind. Love drove me to therapy and to look at where my problems were stemming from.
@@melaniemurphyofficial right, and I think we’re saying similar things: that your new, healthy partner and his dedication to your security was helpful. I have a severe attachment disorder ; my twin sister, and I were separated from our caregivers at a year old and adopted by an abusive family. Several years later, I lost her and my only brother to suicide. I am now in the toughest situation in my life with a daughter who is decided to contact and it is literally the most painful thing I’ve ever been through Yes, of course we all need love I’m asking you to consider that hinging your success on makes it look a lot less attainable to people that have had a history with unstable relationships While I have no doubt that love was part of the overall , I think we would all love to hear about your success apart from your romantic relationship But a lot of people may be hearing is ‘ if only you were loved, then you would be OK.’ I don’t think that’s what you mean , but it’s some people will hear, And it might do the opposite of what you’re trying to do. Tell us about what you wrote about ? Was there a specific thought that you had to battle and how did you do it? When did you feel trust come? Is there something specific you do when you start to feel insecure or uneasy?
@@melaniemurphyofficial basically, it’s a lot easier to feel less threatened in a relationship where you are no longer threatened. Does that make sense?
@@melaniemurphyofficial I would also ask you to consider the fact that there are people that are going to listen to this that may have a much more severe disorder, And while they have what they and anyone else would consider ‘real love’ they are not cured. And while I don’t think anyone is discounting what an amazing relationship with an amazing person Cando, all the real love in the world can’t move the needle. Love is something that in this context comes from the outside and may or may not be attainable. Please also keep in mind that this disorder carries with it one of the highest suicide rates of any demographic in the country. It’s a lovely thought but this is a medical problem; basically brain damage Please consider that while it is your experience, it’s damaging to suggest that healing come from anyone but you. You are the only person that controls you
Survivors (Returning Warriors) coach fellow people looking to understand, heal and thrive. 🐛🦋 Your videos are one part of coaching. Other parts could be paid community support, group sessions, workbooks, journals. 🧙♂️ Compilation of real-life instances sharing and ways forward is enough. 👩🌾 Many a times degree in psychology is not a prerequisite. Few survivors turned coaches(relationship & healing) I admire: Lisa Sonni, Natasha Adamo, Synful, Kerry McAvoy.🧘♀️
Thank you for sharing your story ♥️ I’m trying to heal my anxious attachment so this is truly helpful. I feel I will rewatch this a lot because it’s very comforting, real, vulnerable, and informative. Thanks again ♥️♥️ Also: this is my first video of yours I’ve seen but I love the ending 😂
Great video Melanie. Talking about Parent/Child/Adult is really interesting and to be honest it's very helpful to hear your anecdotal examples. Coming from a very turbulent childhood I have plenty of this STUFF to deal with haha. I think you would be a great therapist/advocate for therapy. I do question BetterHelp's integrity though - until very recently they were selling a lot of private data that they said was private, granted not actual therapy session notes but personal data to the likes of Meta with a view to improving targeted ads. Which makes me distrustful of them, sadly.
My abandonment issues stem probably from my dad having a fatal accident when i was 16. I now dont take for granted that people will be around forever and the fear of another fatal accident has been played out so much in my brain that it now seems like a fact. it has totally taken over my relationship. I have found my person for life and in my mind it's a fact that he will die way before getting old. Whenever i try to picture us as old old, i cant. Not just because I'm young and can't possibly know how it will feel being old but because my brain reminds me daily of all the deadly dangerous things everyday life has. Slipping in the shower, tripping and falling down stairs, being beaten up by drunk men who are angry for no reason, having a stroke, falling with your bike.... Every thing is deadly if you just have enough bad luck. I can only be totally calm when he's with me and i feel like i have a sense of control. I dont know if that qualifies as abandonment issues but i know its very related...
Melanie ma’am you are so authentic so realistic. I’m 42 recently I’ve realised that I am carrying this abandonment issue . Now only I have taken this responsibility to heal myself. Your video is a big help. My heartfelt gratitude ❤
Love this video. Will say i disagree with your comment about choosing someone without attachment issues. My boyfriend is anxiously attached, and so am I. And I really hope we can work through it, as we are learning so much from each other and through our similarities.
Who is your therapist or what do they specialize in!? Because this is exactly what I’m looking for and need and feel like no therapist I’ve been to understands or uses this approach.
Are you neurodivergent, Mel? A lot of things you are saying remind me of me and I have recently been diagnosed. (After years and years of therapy where this didn’t come up because many therapists don’t know adults can have ADHD/ be on the spectrum, especially women are often overlooked)
This video spoke to me so much. I’ve struggled so greatly in my romantic relationships because of my anxious attachment issues. I always seem to end up with the same emotionally unavailable man. No matter how much I try to please him, going so far to abandon my own needs, it’s never enough and I end up being thrown to the curb like a piece of garbage. I’ve been single for three years now, and I’ve been out of the dating scene for almost a year. I’ve been letting my fear of abandonment and my past trauma keep me from finding an emotionally healthy partner. I’ve got lots of work and reflection to do! Thank you for the encouragement and inspiration in this video. ❤️
This video was very highly requested when I asked you guys if you wanted me to talk more about shadow work and transactional analysis, after sharing why I quit alcohol...I REALLY REALLY HOPE IT'S HELPFUL because I came *this close* to ruining my life and I very regularly look at my kids and cry because I'm just so proud of me and I'm so glad I get to have this life. THANK YOU THERAPY
TEABAG FACE ?!?!?!?!?!?? -_-" LIKE........ HUH......... WTF....... -_-"
"I abandoned my own needs in order to not be abandoned." That's so relatable. You are wise, Mel. Thank you, this gave me hope for my future.
🥹🥺❤️💖
I can't describe how relatable every situation is to me. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. Feeling less ''lonely'' when I see other's experience this as well even though it's definately not pleasant. You are so Brave. Thank you so much dear Soul!
This has helped me more than you can possibly know
As a random viewer, I'm glad it helped her, but it's important to know and remember that psychoanalysis and jungian theories are not scientific. Also therapy can make a person dependent on it, on the therapist, on the feeling or security it gives.
I'm an avoidant. Which if you lurk in pop psych is more of a stereotypically male domain and just adds to the alienated sense of self in the world (i'm a straight-ish gal in my 30's). It's nice being out of the weeds of unconscious reactions, being sort of aware of your bug. My most 'successful' long term relationships were ONLY possible because I set the terms, because my terms were 'this will NEVER become permanent' and 'I ONLY sleep with my friends, actual feelings are a recipe for disaster'. I feel so shitty because even all these things in the open made me feel like I never truly provided my partners with the respect they deserved. They went of from spending years with me to spending years in a properly committed relationship soon after. Like I'm obviously not one to take things lightly.
But currently I'm at a (decade long, now) stage where I don't want to do thing the way I did, grew aware of what didn't work, but yet to get any feel for even trying something else.
I guess I'm here to speak FOR the work, but also illustrate the many non linear stages one may have to go through for a change to get to the other side.
LOL the teabag face 😅 Otherwise super interesting tools!
Hearing someone else’s “no” let’s me trust them when they say “yes”! And I try to remind myself that when I’m struggling to say no to someone or something.
love this way of framing no & yes, thank you!💚
Oooft this is so helpful. Thank you for sharing. ❤
I did this in my friendships: abandoned my needs because of abandonment issues. I eventually got resentful of what was being asked of me because I had never said I didn't like it.
I think this video was meant for me because I've never heard of your channel before and was having a breakdown yesterday because I feel my anxious attachment would never get better and this popped up on my recommended. Looking forward to watching
No WAY! This makes me so bloody happy. Go, algorithm! 🤘🏻🙏🏻💖
Can I just say baby pink and forest green is an underrated colour combo
i just noticed that her outift matches the room and i adore that
It’s teal & dusky pink off cam and omg match made in heaven 💖💚
oh my god the timing of this video is perfect. i feel that im exhausting my partner with my abandonment issues. thank you so much Melanie ❤
Been there ❤ I was an absolute nightmare for it. It takes a very patient person to stand by someone like us while we sort our shit 😭
Never clicked on a video so fast!! I've always struggled with my abandonment issues in relationships, and I relate soooo much to your story. Such a great video, Melanie!!
Thank you SO much for sharing this, Mel! As a 24 year-old who just started therapy but has been trying to `heal` by themselves for years, listening to someone like you who has mostly made it on the other side gives me so much hope. I've been following you since I was a teenager and seeing you grow and accomplish your dreams is so beautiful. At times I feel discouraged and like some things will never go away or become easier, so I have no words to explain how much positive impact your platform has and how grateful I am there are people like you out there.
This couldn’t have come at a better time! Thank you for sharing your insecurities and reminding us that we’re not alone and that it can be worked through and overcome with practice and hard work.
I love these kinds of videos! I've been following you since before you and Thomas got together and it feels like I've watched you grow up, like a cool older sister. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
😭😭😭 I have no words for how grateful I am for people like you have have stuck with me all these years! This website is so amazing 💚
My people pleasing is currently at its most intense every and it's actually interfering with my life significantly. Enough is enough!
Thank you so much for this! My dad also became suddenly absent for a time in my early childhood, and I have also struggled with fear of abandonment. When I met my husband, I was convinced he would leave me, and I behaved horribly as a result. I'm so thankful he stayed and supported me as I worked through my struggles. I've done some shadow work in therapy, but I haven't heard of transactional analysis. I will have to ask my therapist about it!
It's a waste of time wishing you were not who you are - SO TRUE. I spent a while in therapy being really angry that this was the hand I've been dealt, and while that grieving process was necessary, I'm glad I'm in a more accepting place with things now.
I've done a really similar process in therapy to what you described. My psychologist talks about the Apparently Normal Part (that functioning, adult side), and Emotional Parts (child self, emotional responses, trauma responses), and how to hold those in balance particularly outside of sessions to best function in the world. Understanding all of those parts of yourself in invaluable in understanding yourself as a whole! It's so affirming and helpful to hear other people talk about going through this process 💚
Melanie,
I dont know how this happens every time but ive been following you for years and i mean years now. Each time in struggling with something you make a video about it. This was ed, anxiety, people pleasing than alcohol and now this. I dont know how this happens but thank you. First time in my life im in a happy comitted relationship but im struggling with thoughts like this for a week now.
I think maybe because so many of these issues are intertwined 💔 And so a lot of you finding me/following me for one thing may end up relating to other experiences of mine…I’m so glad you’re here! I really hope you gain SOMETHING from this video xxxxx
I’m 26, my boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up just last night. I feel like I drove him away because of my anxious attachment issues, and he has avoidant attachment style that triggered me so badly, but I would never leave him no matter how miserable I felt. I relate to you so much on feeling insecure of other girls and just wanting reassurance. I’m super heartbroken but also honestly a bit relieved I don’t have to feel anxious about trying to please him and keep him from leaving anymore. Anyway this video was perfect timing and so needed. 🙏🏼
If you constantly felt anxious because of something he was doing that was triggering you, and nothing changed upon communicating, then it was the right thing to break up. Worst combo is anxious with avoidant. Complete opposite, and they will never ever give you the reassurance you need, because they are simple not equipped to handle intense emotions, reason why they withdraw and dissappear, and often it's them leaving, because 🤷🏻♀️ that's who they are. They avoid and avoid forever.
Work on yourself, I'm glad you feel relieved, take one day at a time and I hope you heal too. But don't go back to repeat the cycle, or you will be forever hurt, and they won't care.
Another thing, avoidants will never sit and think of how you felt, they only care about their need of not committing and always running away as soon as you try to get close to them. No matter how much you try, you will never get through that wall. If they don't care enough to change, then you should not walk on the eggshells for them and never express your pain of feeling insecure. Love yourself and the rest will flow. ❤
@@md.md16thank you!!! I needed to hear this
Hey, I went through the same thing 2 months ago. How are you doing now?
Sending u love girl. I hope you’re thriving!
This is amazing timing. Shadow work can be challenging, but is soooo necessary for healing and can be super empowering to not judge and show love to those parts of us we hide. Thank you so much for this video. ❤❤
Such a great topic! I've been diving into my childhood trauma for the last couple of years! Seems never-ending! Attachment Theory has definitely transformed the way I see myself and everyone around me! I had never heard of Transactional Analysis before, so thank you 💚💚
Melanie, this video couldn’t have come at a better time. Currently dealing with my abandonment issues and how to navigate them in a relationship. Learning to not be guilty for my feelings, but also to not project them onto the lad who truly loves me.
PLEASE bring the Me Time journals back! 😭💚😭💚😭💚 (No teabagging, please! 🤮🤮🤮😂😂😂)
I'm struggling so much with jealousy right now - this is my first real relationship and I never thought this would be an issue for me personally. It might just be because this is the first time I've ever let myself be truely vulnerable with someone and it's honestly terrifying. All this time I felt like I might be an avoidant attacher but this anxiety now taught me otherwise. Loved this video though, thank you! I should rly be looking into getting a therapist soon so this doesn't affect this relationship.
Truly helped me so much!! Love hearing other women experiencing similar emotions let’s me feel less insane and also that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
We’ve been long made to feel like this is a ‘crazy woman’ thing but I know men with these same issues…it’s human to carry childhood hurt for many years! 💔❤️ And omg. The light is so bright it blinds xx
Just turned 34, no where near getting married, have easily attached myself to people I liked and have self sabotaged the ones that mattered most. I can say that I’m ready to be consistent in my healing and therapy process and learn to not be afraid to be alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I can relate to almost everything you said.
About Parent -Adult - Child thing, I read about slightly different theory that resonates me with a bit more, it's that inside you have an adult (who can play a role of a parent, can be supportive and kind, but other times can be just rational and practical), and then there are two children inside of you - sun child (the kid that is happy, feels good in themselves, is fun, curious, brave, unapologetic, wants to play and explore), and shadow child (the kid that feels sad, anxious, abandoned, angry, wants to hide in a corner and cry). And the goal is to not let your shadow child take the lead, but cuddle your shadow child and calm it down, and let your sun child be at the front of your life more often. :)
Oh I love that! 🥹💖
im 17 but ive been following you for ages (i found you, dodie and that whole circle when i was like 13 lol) when i realised i was bi. i watch your vlogs w your kids and stuff but this is really the content i love from you haha. the story you shared from when you were 16 has definitely not happened to me before aha...ha....haha......
😭😭😭😭😭😭 it fucken KILLS! That one cut so deep, the same guy served me up many more similar heartbreaking ‘I’m out’ conversations 🙈 Another guy Skyped me on a work trip to tell me he’d accidentally hooked up with my friend. I could write a book about these situations and Jesus do they make abandonment issues so much worse lol
@@melaniemurphyofficial accidentally hooking up with your girlfriend's friend is CRAZY😭. i always just want to sit down with a cup of something warm and talk to you about my boy/girl problems when i watch your videos lol. being a teenager sucks so much ass BAHAHAHHA💀👍
I needed that teabag face ending. Thank you for discussing this topic. I'm so over myself being stressed out in my relationships. I feel like this evil mastermind who plots against herself because why trust anyone including myself. While also giving myself away for pennies just for some crumbs of love and affection. Yeah, teabag face it truly is. 😂
I connected so much with so many things you talked about! You explain things so well. Thank you and God bless!
I feel like anxious attachment in women is actually a normal response to the internalized patriarchy we live in and how that’s affected our female ancestors for so long. Needing to shapeshift, people-please, etc. Don’t blame yourself and look at the root causes. Also colonization and how far removed we are from our power as women and our connection to the Earth has made us forget who we really are, our gifts, and our purpose. Finding the ROOT will free you!
I would love a video about how you handle criticism - it seems like we have similar personalities and I am still very much struggling to be okay with constructive criticism from people I respect.
oooh i'm so deliciously early! looking forward to watching the video x
Also - to advocate for those of us who might be in this situation - my partner and i are avoidant & disorganised attachment styles respectively. Interestingly my own fears and behaviours have pushed him into a more secure attachment style, and while i wouldnt say he is *there* yet i think both of us, through an incredible amount of work and communication, have improved immeasurably on where we began. We were lucky in that our bizarre pace actually matched so there wasnt conflict for a long time, as we were equally terrified of commitment 😅
melanies video endings are so iconic
You are awesome melanie you are valid and valuable woman love your channel you are a super strong woman so proud of ypu you are always so relatable
Hey, Melanie. Zaire Haylock here. I love your new video.
I’m so relieved to hear that you and other people are going or have been going through the exact same thing that I am experiencing on a daily basis. Not being able to sit in silence, jealousy, hyper-vigilance, and always looking for the danger in people… if anyone has any advice on how to overcome this, please drop it down below.
Wow, this is the first time i hear about the different "modes" you can be in (adult, child, parent). This is so interesting! I will def be observing my interactions with friends etc with this in mind from now on 👀 😇
Anyone one else replaying from 17:55 and bawling your eyes out to see and hear of such a beautiful partnership? 'He was very quickly my home' Just beautiful Melanie, thank you for sharing your gorgeous love with us. Xx
Wow such a great video thanks Mel 💚 this TA stuff will be super helpful I think
It’s honestly life changing 😭❤️
Love this video, thank you for sharing Melanie! Also you look absolutely gorgeous in this video ❤
I fixed my anxious attachment by getting rid of people who like to take advantage of people's anxious attachment. No one has anxious attachment, they just choose exploitatively avoidant people. Even a securely attached person would be fine with soothing an anxious attachment person, but y'all don't wanna hear that, lol.
My abandonment problem got better but it then turned into not worrying he would leave me but worrying something would happen to him! I now worry even if he doesn’t txt me 5 mins after he finishes work 😢 I hope therapy will help this! Tips welcome! Xx ❤
Completely relate to this too!
Hey Melanie! Love the video and content, a bit bummed to see a Better Help sponsorship. Not sure if you're aware, but I'd recommend looking into their practices a bit more and the issues that have come out over the years, both on patient and therapist sides of things. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your journey 💚
It’s literally like you took my thoughts from my head, I really need therapy but can’t afford it at the moment. Thank you SO much for sharing all of the helpful information and tools you learnt. I really, really appreciate this video. Slowly, but surely learning to love myself and dealing with my issues. This is helpful, thank you.
SO disappointing you'd link this video with a betterhelp ad. The information a client gives to them isn't protected, they aren't HIPAA compliant. It's not that a sponsor for this is unfitting- of course secure the bag however you must- but did it really have to be such a predatory company?
I was very happy with this statement: www.betterhelp.com/betterhelp-response-to-the-recent-ftc-settlement/ (and yes, the information a client gives them is protected - it wasn’t accused of, and has never ever shared, information such as members' names or clinical data from therapy sessions)
Just started and omg same. Still to this day this is me - but internally now
Really enjoyed this and found it helpful 💜
my parents cheated on each other when i was a little girl and i developed an anxious attachment style. i also want to quit drinking, idk if you experience something similar but drinking really worsens my attachment problems, and so i lash out because my fear of being abandoned. it makes my expectations of being left to come out in the worst way so thank you for making this. it’s nice to hear it’s possible to get better ❤️
Thanks for sharing your story. It is only human to experience this & you are holding yourself with so much resilience.
What you went through was not easy. As much as your parents are individuals, they still quite obviously are responsible for their impacts on you.
However, as an adult. We can take charge of the story. We can rely on ourselves and take care of ourselves. Of all - be the SAVIOUR we are looking for in others.
May you live with peace in your heart, Abigail🤍
OMG Mel , I am sitting here nodding my head like a bobbleheaded freak LOL and I am only a few mins in!!! thank You from the bottom of My Soul! At 62 and 4+ years sober , which has helped me hunt down my Shadow Dragons and hugs them all ...still a WIP and so proud of Myself ...one layer of The Great Onion at a Time and being gentle and kind xx learning the NO is a complete sentence s HUGE!! Grizi x
This was such an eye-opening and helpful video thank you for always sharing your experiences! The best part though... was "TEABAG TEABAG FACE~" lmfao
I didn't know about these three stages of Parent, Adult and Child 'pstchological states' and that was SO eye opening for me. I think my pattern is to go from Parent to Child and viceversa and so on, because when I try to step into the adult state, I kinda feel a pressure to be credible and meet other people expactions of me as an Adult. So it's easier for me to behave like a Parent or a Child, especially with my partner, because it puts me default in a conscious state where I feel 'legitimated' to not be an Adult. I don't know if what I just wrote made any sense lol but I feel like something clicked on me and I thank you with my heart ❤
Watching this video made me cry because I feel like I'm not enough often and this makes me very jealous of my partner (I had an absent dad and my parents divorced). Now it's much better than it was like 5-6 years ago, but still it's easy every now and then to fall back into the old pattern of being afraid and sad. It's like.. there is a hole in the ground. And I live my life on the surface, all good and happy, but if I get clode to the edge and have a glimpse into the hole it sucks me right in, and I end up at the bottom of it feeling not good enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough and so on. Therapy really helps though!! It can get better :)
Thank you for being so vulnerable and talking about all of this Melanie! I think a lot of people will relate to the things you touched on in this video and by being so open you’re making therapy and starting the long process towards self growth and learning seem a lot more accessible.
I started watching you properly around the time you and Thomas got together and it’s so amazing to see you how much you‘ve grown in the last few years! I’m so happy to hear you say that you feel grateful and appreciative of the life you have now, because you built it for yourself and you truly do deserve it 💚 (lots of love from a long-term silent viewer)
I'm 30 and only recently learned about attachment styles and that despite my best efforts, my style is anxious. Some of this video was like you were looking into my brain. I can tell this was not an easy video for you to make, so thank you
I have issues such as fear of abandonement, low self esteem and feeling of not being worthy of love. These are things I’m ashamed of and which influence me a lot, give me a lot of anxiety. However, I’ve been aware of them for a long time. I’m curious if I could find something new with shadow work, since it’s supposed to reveal something from the unconscious.
Anyway, great video Mel, thank you :)
Thank you for posting this video i relate and im struggling to even get into a relationship or have friendships because of this❤ xx
teabag teabag face yeeeaaah😂 thanks for the videoo❤️❤️😍😍
😭😂😂😂😂❤️
Mel, you’d make a brilliant therapist if you ever consider going down that route. I’m qualified and listening to you talk and explain quite complicated theories in such an accessible way made me think how lucky any future clients you might have would be ☘️💚
...okay this made me cry
@@melaniemurphyofficial ❤
i ❤tea bag face
How does one know if they’ve healed their abandonment issues? If you ask Google that THERE ARE NO ANSWERS!
Sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing- my family member had very very symptoms to what you are experience and she was diagnosed with long Covid as hers was brought on by Covid :( especially the fizziness, nerve pain, itchy feeling, low vit d, low calcium
I have had the same attachment style for all my relationships. I’ve been single now for a few years and finally can say I enjoy being single, even though at times I’ll crave a romantic relationship really badly. But I’ve learned so much about myself. You give me hope I can find a secure relationship someday and actually feel good with someone 😊💚
This was really helpful, thank you for your vulnerability x
I relate to many things you say, especially dissociation....
Tea bag face has been the best ending truly. There was a question at the beginning of the video that I wanted to answer but by the end (in my watching this right before bed after a long day of work and strained interpersonal relationships, how topical) I can't remember. There truly was so much of the video I related with and though I've never partook in therapy myself I do fully endorse it for the majority of people after studying Psychology for a year as part of school. This video was so well put together and I can tell it was a lot of hard work so I'd love to just say I appreciate that.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is really helpful. We definitely need more therapists who have your level of compassion and understanding
This is very very relateable, I have comfort shows which I could watch daily forever if I had too because I feel safe with them on. Feeling safe is a huge deal for me and I am a guy. I have just started seeing a therapist and am so stressed at the moment a few months into a new relationship I really hope I can get to the place you are in quickly! You seem to have really gotten in control of your anxiety.
Thanks so much for sharing this video, Melanie! It is so so helpful to hear about your experiences and growth as someone recently learning more about my own anxious attachment. I hope there's more to come on these sorts of subjects. Love you!
Thanks for this. I will listen to this from time to time when i feel like my boyfriend will leave me.
When you talked about the thing of when you had a good date with a person and then you get anxious attachment because the day after they are a little less present that was so much touching for me since that's the thing that happened me today, and I started realizing more actively that I have abandonment issues.
Hopefully my therapist uses transactional analysis, even if I'm more focused on the inner dialogue between the Parent and the Child, I still haven't really interiorized the dialogue between me and the other people.
However I'll get to better know shadow work, it seems like the critical parent criticising you haha
You are so beautiful ✨ You truly look like you are the main character of a movie…
You look absolutely beautiful and the background is soo pretty
Thank you for being so vulnerable. Your videos are the only self-care I'm able to be consistent with
Thanks for making this, it's really resonated.
Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing honestly. It's made me feel less alone dealing with all of this ❤️
This video really touch me - i feel as though you talking on behalf
I appreciate this so much. Thank you for sharing your story.
Everything I've ever felt!!! Feels comforting to know I'm not the only one who's had to deal with this ❤❤
Thank you for the video Melanie, that was really powerful, it’s so good to hear people talk so openly and coherently about this kind of thing on youtube. I just wanted to add to your comment about feeling envious of people who have grown up with secure attachments etc (I feel that too) but hope that you find comfort in the fact that all of your experiences, maybe even especially the negative ones, have made you who you are today, a powerful communicator, emotionally aware and sympathetic person who reaches so many people- your children are very lucky! ❤️ keep it up, I love your work!
lol i subscribed after the tea tea bag faaace
I took so many notes watching this, thank you 💚
Do you have a husband Melanie Murphy?
I found a lot about what you said to be relatable and a healthy approach. However, I think it’s reasonable to ask if it has occurred to you that your secure attachment style might be more related to the security you feel with your husband?
I only ask because I have felt during several relationships in my life that I had overcome the issue , when in reality, I had just been fortunate enough to find myself in a healthy relationship.
Also, I think it’s unusually cruel to crow about the benefits of love in this context
People are tuning into this for productive tips
Love doesn’t solve anything on its own
What you seem to be implying is that other people are responsible for our attachment style in any specific relationship, but they’re not, although it’s pretty impossible for secure attachment to form when BOTH partners have anxious or avoidant attachment styles (unless both *do the work*). As I said, the fact that he himself had a secure attachment (and was hardcore committed, making comments like ‘when we are 80 will I still be trying to convince you that I won’t leave?) - HUGELY important. I could only ever have developed a secure attachment to a person like him, a person who wasn’t anxious/avoidant, a person committed, a person who really loved me who had a lot of patience. That’s not to discount everything I did to work on my issues because they very nearly drove him away, they were that bad! Working on the issues has helped me in OTHER relationships too so no I fully believe that love can change you for the better. None of us are islands. We all need love. No it doesn’t need to be romantic but it needs to be real and real love isn’t like the movies it’s faith in someone, it’s holding their hand through dark stuff, it’s loyalty, it’s respect, it’s care, it’s kind. Love drove me to therapy and to look at where my problems were stemming from.
@@melaniemurphyofficial right, and I think we’re saying similar things: that your new, healthy partner and his dedication to your security was helpful.
I have a severe attachment disorder ; my twin sister, and I were separated from our caregivers at a year old and adopted by an abusive family. Several years later, I lost her and my only brother to suicide. I am now in the toughest situation in my life with a daughter who is decided to contact and it is literally the most painful thing I’ve ever been through
Yes, of course we all need love
I’m asking you to consider that hinging your success on makes it look a lot less attainable to people that have had a history with unstable relationships
While I have no doubt that love was part of the overall , I think we would all love to hear about your success apart from your romantic relationship
But a lot of people may be hearing is ‘ if only you were loved, then you would be OK.’
I don’t think that’s what you mean , but it’s some people will hear, And it might do the opposite of what you’re trying to do.
Tell us about what you wrote about ? Was there a specific thought that you had to battle and how did you do it? When did you feel trust come? Is there something specific you do when you start to feel insecure or uneasy?
@@melaniemurphyofficial basically, it’s a lot easier to feel less threatened in a relationship where you are no longer threatened.
Does that make sense?
@@melaniemurphyofficial I would also ask you to consider the fact that there are people that are going to listen to this that may have a much more severe disorder, And while they have what they and anyone else would consider ‘real love’ they are not cured.
And while I don’t think anyone is discounting what an amazing relationship with an amazing person Cando, all the real love in the world can’t move the needle.
Love is something that in this context comes from the outside and may or may not be attainable. Please also keep in mind that this disorder carries with it one of the highest suicide rates of any demographic in the country. It’s a lovely thought but this is a medical problem; basically brain damage
Please consider that while it is your experience, it’s damaging to suggest that healing come from anyone but you.
You are the only person that controls you
Have you heard of SLAA?
I am so grateful I stumbled upon this video. OMG
Survivors (Returning Warriors) coach fellow people looking to understand, heal and thrive. 🐛🦋
Your videos are one part of coaching. Other parts could be paid community support, group sessions, workbooks, journals. 🧙♂️
Compilation of real-life instances sharing and ways forward is enough. 👩🌾
Many a times degree in psychology is not a prerequisite.
Few survivors turned coaches(relationship & healing) I admire:
Lisa Sonni, Natasha Adamo, Synful, Kerry McAvoy.🧘♀️
Thank you for sharing your story ♥️ I’m trying to heal my anxious attachment so this is truly helpful. I feel I will rewatch this a lot because it’s very comforting, real, vulnerable, and informative. Thanks again ♥️♥️
Also: this is my first video of yours I’ve seen but I love the ending 😂
Great video Melanie. Talking about Parent/Child/Adult is really interesting and to be honest it's very helpful to hear your anecdotal examples. Coming from a very turbulent childhood I have plenty of this STUFF to deal with haha. I think you would be a great therapist/advocate for therapy.
I do question BetterHelp's integrity though - until very recently they were selling a lot of private data that they said was private, granted not actual therapy session notes but personal data to the likes of Meta with a view to improving targeted ads. Which makes me distrustful of them, sadly.
OH MY GOD! MELANY JESUS! I THINK THIS WAS THE WORST ENDING SO FAR. I just thought you were gonna swing it around, but no!
What type of therapy would you most recommend? CBT, ACT, process based, psychodynamic?
My abandonment issues stem probably from my dad having a fatal accident when i was 16. I now dont take for granted that people will be around forever and the fear of another fatal accident has been played out so much in my brain that it now seems like a fact. it has totally taken over my relationship. I have found my person for life and in my mind it's a fact that he will die way before getting old. Whenever i try to picture us as old old, i cant. Not just because I'm young and can't possibly know how it will feel being old but because my brain reminds me daily of all the deadly dangerous things everyday life has. Slipping in the shower, tripping and falling down stairs, being beaten up by drunk men who are angry for no reason, having a stroke, falling with your bike.... Every thing is deadly if you just have enough bad luck. I can only be totally calm when he's with me and i feel like i have a sense of control.
I dont know if that qualifies as abandonment issues but i know its very related...
Melanie ma’am you are so authentic so realistic. I’m 42 recently I’ve realised that I am carrying this abandonment issue . Now only I have taken this responsibility to heal myself. Your video is a big help.
My heartfelt gratitude ❤
Love this video. Will say i disagree with your comment about choosing someone without attachment issues. My boyfriend is anxiously attached, and so am I. And I really hope we can work through it, as we are learning so much from each other and through our similarities.
Who is your therapist or what do they specialize in!? Because this is exactly what I’m looking for and need and feel like no therapist I’ve been to understands or uses this approach.
Are you neurodivergent, Mel? A lot of things you are saying remind me of me and I have recently been diagnosed. (After years and years of therapy where this didn’t come up because many therapists don’t know adults can have ADHD/ be on the spectrum, especially women are often overlooked)
This video spoke to me so much. I’ve struggled so greatly in my romantic relationships because of my anxious attachment issues. I always seem to end up with the same emotionally unavailable man. No matter how much I try to please him, going so far to abandon my own needs, it’s never enough and I end up being thrown to the curb like a piece of garbage. I’ve been single for three years now, and I’ve been out of the dating scene for almost a year. I’ve been letting my fear of abandonment and my past trauma keep me from finding an emotionally healthy partner. I’ve got lots of work and reflection to do! Thank you for the encouragement and inspiration in this video. ❤️