Think about how much dirt parents will pick up on you over the course of your childhood. They can blackmail you for wetting the bed, falling off horses when learning to ride, being afraid of thunderstorms, that spanking fetish you accidentally gave them, the possibilities are endless!
@@o76923 My mom literally blackmailed me, threatening to tell "family stories" if I didn't help her with some stuff or another. She is completely diabolical. Of course, I was forced to comply, since I was a teenager at the time and couldn't bare the thought of having my street credit ruined by her. But now that she is old and feeble and I am more mature, I pay her back with emotional blackmail and guilt trip her into doing what I want. A completely functional family! XD PS: for anyone with no sense of humor, no child or mother was emotionally scared in the making of this family joke.
I like how duchess Matilda died shortly after her nemisis Duke Ernsest died. Their rivalry and battles were going on since their 20s. Rest in peace now.
I imagine every divorce involved an increasingly low effort complaint to pope about Waltard, and presumably booting him out the door for an adventure to miraculously regain all the money he just lost to his on-and-off wife. Honestly, "nobleman that periodically gets forced out of his estate by his scheming wannabe-empress wife to adventure in search of treasure to fund her ambitions" sounds like a pretty good DnD character. Oh, and it looks like Waltard fails the spot check for bed spiders.
@@Weeping_Willoe With how often they got divorced and remarried, on top of how much money and prestige they earned overall... I kinda imagine Waltard is in on the whole scheme and they have a lot of great laughs about it after every wedding. Edit: and I just got to the point where he was divorced for the last time... and a spider happened XD. So much for my idea
He got married to a chaste person. Can only find love with an elderly lady. Gets snitched by some popular bitch. Out for regenge, fails, gets excomunicated. Whole catholic world hates him. That bitch sends an assasin that kills his new lover. Gets wounded, loses an eye, forced to seduce ladies in the HRE to survive. Dude mad for a reason.
AGANIST MOTHERS! AGANIST MOTHERS! (seriusly when you are father your sons tend to plot you but everyone loves their mother even more so they will be very loyal to you unless you fuck them up)
Henry II: hold my beer Come to think of it, being the second of any name had a bad run for English kings. William II died in a "hunting accident" with his brother. Henry II got betrayed by his sons and wife. Edward the second got overthrown by his wife (and her lover aka his enemy/former prisoner), Richard II got overthrown by his cousin. I suppose the moral of the story is that if you're a member of the House of Plantagenet, pick a unique name
"Why would they pay someone to show off the game's problems?" - it's called "QA" and it's the one job that's been outsourced the most by game devs ever since the use of your own modding community to do the job was popularised by the Elder Scrolls series.
I feel like divorcing someone should apply a much steeper relationship penalty to a marriage request. And probably require a bigger piety hit if it's done without cause.
I love how as his failed assassinations on Matilda piled up, Ernst's disfigurement got worse and worse. I laughed so hard when he suddenly appeared with an eyepatch. Like, don't do your own dirty work, man!
-Holy Father, please allow me to divorce Waltard... -Again...? What was it this time...? -He stepped on the feet of my favourite dog. -Blanco, eh? Reasonable, I'll allow that. -Thank you Holly Father! -So... when will you marry him again...?
Before releasing a game: Developers: Let's bug test the game with some of our other employees That one guy:That will be a waste of time just send a copy to the spiffing brit
apparently they are paying a good dozen or so people to play it prerelease so someone over in paradox has had a good think on how they can get the game out there
@@cptmiller132 Where ya'll getting he's getting paid by them? He's a youtube contributer, they give out early game copies all the time to folks on youtube and twitch to promote games without paying.
Duchess: Ah.. my husband, it was such a wonderful wedding night. Duke: Ah my dear... i must agree. Duchess: I am divorcing you. Duke: uh.. wat?. -- Duchess: OH please let us remarry, i was mistaken Duke: OH i knew it! my love! Duchess: Come let us enjoy this day after our wedding and walk the garden. Duke: Ah look at these flowers.. they remind me of your eyes. Duchess: I am divorcing you. Duke: come again? -- -- -- Duchess: I think this is the one... Former Duke x5: ... you have got to be kidding. Duchess: Nono.. This time! Former Duke x5: ... Our child is very disturbed by your actions... Mega Chad: MOMMY WHY WE HAVE THE ANGRY PARTY SO OFTEN? Duchess: Yes! we should have a wedding party! Duke: ... dammit... -- Duchess: I have returned from my pilgrimage! I saw the place where jesus him self strode and talked to the masses! Duke: Amazing! I have missed you dear! your lovely poetry you sent all the many months to me have kept me sane! Duchess: ... Dear... Read the first letter of each Poem... Duke: Oh.. another one of your cute riddles! i love you so!... D I V O R C E Duchess: Yes! Duke FFS!!!! Mega CHad: ANGRY PARTY SOON!!!!
The Shimazu did this to the Tokugawa in a complicated way irl. 1. Shimazu bodyguards kill British citizens 2. Britain declares war on Shimazu's Satsuma Domain 3. Satsuma capitulates and pays reparations to Britain but also gets a lot of sweet arms deals 4. Borrows money from the Tokugawa Shogunate to pay for all of this 5. Later uses arms to overthrow the shogunate... loan is never paid back
Paradox Games CEO: "How do we effectively find exploits" Paradox Games meeting member: "Lets pay The Spiffing Brit to play it early" Paradox games CEO: "THATS A GREAT IDEA"
He didn't really find too many exploits.. at least to me that looked like a pretty normal game. He played it for a really long time and wasn't even able to get the reign over Italy :P
@@Wolfhound_81 Yeah, other than being able to chain divorce it looks more like a semi-optimal CK run. Though I will say we don't know exactly how difficult warfare is compared to CK2.
Man this game is really well thought out. I love this concept of the whole family drama. Also love the animated characters and map movements etc. adds so much life to the game, as opposed to just random numbers and colored blobs on a map.
I thought so as well, this is just regular CK gameplay. It's not even the most efficient way of doing things. I play with 2 friends in multiplayer and one of them got roundabout 45 intrigue and just printed money with abduction schemes.
@@marcodoe4690 the demand money for hooks + spymaster finding secrets in empire level courts + inviting a good spymaster by marrying off a child and sorting the list by intreage skill. Honestly just using marriage to invite good people to your court is awesome.
I had 3 Sons. One, the youngest, was killed when i was Raided from my Enemy. My second Son was Murdered, as it turned out later, from my oldest Son! My primary Heir!
@@MARCOPETER82 thats just common sense, confederate partition is brutal on realm stability, of course you kill your brothers to ensure realm stability. (Although i find it easier to conquest and hand out lands in advance so the secondary heirs already have their inheritance in advance and won't take your core lands)
@@dangerdan2592 even the rebound didn't turn out well. From king of England to some dude getting yelled at in Germany for bedding another man's wife in a few short weeks.
I'm pretty sure the real Harold got an arrow through the eye, or something like that, during the battle of Hastings, so I guess this Harold should count himself lucky 😂
@@BlackSheep1922 Most likely Harold was the man to the right of the label with his name on the bayeux tapestry (who was being stabbed with a sword by a knight on horseback) rather than the one to the left (who had an arrow in his eye), but it's historically ambiguous.
Can we get an F for Duke Waltard? Not only is his name silly in modern times, this man will go down in history as the KING OF SIMPS, who loved some lady who didn't care for him so much, after he conquers a foreign land to prove he's mighty (after agreeing to remarry her four times, and giving her a hefty divorce payment each time), she has him killed with a freaking spicy spider.
Everyone commenting on "mega chad", when I can't help but notice their alternate history. The one where William the bastard still conquers England, but Harold Godwinson somehow survives the Battle of Hastings and goes to become the lover of a vassal in the HRE 🤔
From EnterElysium's video it seems like Harold and Eadgifu start 1066 as lovers, with Eadgifu being an English vassal. So presumably in this game she became an HRE vassal sometime after William took over England, while remaining Harold's lover.
developers sitting in their meeting: -"should we a)hire playtesters who test out the balance for weeks or b)give Spiff early access to our game and see what he finds" -"why are we even discussing this? option b) is way more effective AND cheap!"
Tbh QA is very methodical. So it's more likely they're just capitalizing on early access while it's buggy than using him to find bugs. Usually bug fixing isn't about finding bugs but prioritizing what bugs you have time ti fix.
From watching their dev clashes they love that kind of thing cause it means they can try and fix them. Quite a few exploits they have fixed came from a dev getting cheeky and busting it out in the game
Oli Monster i reckon the whole idea behind paying Spiff to break it is so that they can then watch the video he makes and patch the exploit. They improve the game and also watch a fun video so it’s a double win situation really. It’s pretty smart
*a rumbling is heard in the distance. A lonesome stallion named Glitterhoof whinnies, rears up as lightning crashes in the background* The prophecy has been fulfilled...100 stat man 2 electric boogaloo is coming!
Regarding your second son losing his title: he was a mayor, so granting him a duchy turned those duchies into republics, which meant there were ways for him to lose those titles to other powerful patricians through elections and intrigue.. Lots of fun in this video, looking forward to playing it myself!
A clever Duchess preserves her rule by arranging a revolving divorce scheme with a corrupt Papacy and everyone looks the other way because she has discovered all their secrets. Yep, must be Crusader Kings! The fun part about playing CK is discovering the way to break the game with your character. You'd probably have a harder time executing this strategy with a different ruler who isn't such a skilled poet, but there will be some other impossible path to glory hiding in the wide range of options that would let you tell a seemingly impossible, yet somehow plausible, story. But yeah, they need to make hooks less valuable. 100g is redonk. Maybe like 5-10 unless they are a ruler. 100g should be like a hook on a duke or something.
For a strong hook it should be the same price as if they were captured by you in battle, and a weak hook should be like 10% of that. Making money through blackmail should be a viable way to play.
To be fair, a woman who has divorced her husband over 10 times would be quite a legend. Even today's culture you can't find someone who has married more than 3-4 times.
My grandfather married and divorced 7 times, to the point that my mom had to lie and convince him there was a divorce limit of 7 and after marrying 7 times you would be stuck.
Well, it happened some times in reality during the middleages, there were some philosopher-Popes who were seen suspiciously by the clergy because were more interested in moral principles and such than in religion
3:20 ish - "Duchess Matilda is just a subject of the Holy Roman Empire" Yeah about that... Matilda of Canossa in real life was pretty important (she was a key figure in the Investiture Contest). So the fact Spiff has found a way to unbalance medieval Europe as her is frankly unsurprising. Just look her up, she's pretty neat.
@@chuckles222 No, right Matilda. Empress Matilda did have some involvement with the Investiture Contest, being Holy Roman Empress and all, but Matilda di Canossa is famous for being a key player in the Investiture Contest, aiding the Pope and brokering a deal between him and Emperor Henry IV at the Castle of Canossa.
This was a bigger cliff hanger than HBO’s “Game of Thrones” season 6 episode 10 “Mother mercy”. IGN says “That was purely shattering.” Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars by Rotten Tomatoes. That’s how big of a cliff hanger it was.
I bet we could get a new show with this gameplay. There's drama, war, rivals and weddings! ( --- SPOILER WARNING --- ) When she became a Queen, she changed her thoughts how land should go around and focused on what would bring prosperity to her land... Her spymaster showed the ropes and she started to spy, blackmail and gain prosperity... until she usurped a kingdom from pope and won some wars and died of old age. Historians say she was possessed by demon, for how long, no one knows. Her love life was fertile, but there was no love in the end. Just bodily fluids exchanged. She loved her first son over all others and he became a king. Her oldest daughter lived short but meaningful and happy life.
Moving the camera with wasd is literally the best update they could of added I would of paid 15 dollars of dlc to get just moving the camera with wasd in ck2
@@janandreiyanoyan8825 Unhappy with Theresa's alliance with Galicia, the Portuguese nobility rallied around Afonso, who revolted and defeated his mother at the Battle of São Mamede in 1128 and became Count of Portugal soon afterwards. In 1139, Afonso renounced the suzerainty of the Kingdom of León and established the independent Kingdom of Portugal.
I mean in CKII I learned fairly early on, don't give close relatives titles. Even if they won't do anything (and they will, I mean I had my heir try to revolt and take my title when my character was in the late stages of life and might have also tried to reduce the throne's power, and I'm thinking, just wait till I die then you'll get everything without having to kill me), their children will basically grow up barely knowing you, but knowing that everyone else probably won't care too much if they go to war with me to take the throne. Much better to get a whole bunch of distant relatives and give them the titles so you get the dynasty opinion bonus, but no claims. Will be interesting to see how the AI is different in CKIII.
Treviisolion A homeless leaper cousin you never knew you had raids the castle, avoids all guards and proceeds to challenge you. Your entire relative tree has contracted Black Plague. You claim him down and you give him a title. Within a month you’re at war against a super power because your buddy has spread his disease to the super power’s king’s wife who is pregnant in a attempt to hijack the fetus’s body while its still in the womb. All your relatives are dying of the plague and you waste no time in executing the leaper. Before you even begin your third battle (of which all of your land is burned and salted) your final relatives die and your character passes while the 3rd battle is yet to be decided. Game over you think; until your leaper relative has succeeded in continuing your blood life in his pillaging of your conquer’s wife and you can continue the game by playing as his child and heir to the throne. Do you let them pass peacefully or do you revolt and control the super power?
*Dev*: "Yeah boss, our game is ready to ship" *Boss*: "ok then, we're sending it to Spiff for a final test" *Dev*: "....um, give me another few weeks?"
Spiff, the reason your son Santa lost Pisa was because you put him in charge of a city holding (instead of a castle holding), which operates as a republic with elections. So he lost an election to the other guy who took over.
This makes me really want the game cause the more I watched the more I realized this is a completely legitimate way to play the game. This truly is a medieval sandbox
Dude, imagine if the Pope just walked out into Saint Peter's Square with a megaphone and just shouted that God never existed and the bible is bullshit because the pope deemed it so.
@@Nolan65775 It wouldn't surpise me if Pope Francis did that because he seems hell-bent on committing apostasy at every waking moment. What kind of Christian says that atheists can go to heaven? Why even be a Christian at that point? He is a false Pope who deliberately ignores scripture to appease the wickedness of man over living for God. If you choose man over Christ, then you will be denied of salvation.
@@comicsans1689 prob because they realized its not very Christian to say "if you do not believe the things I believe in, you are damned from a peaceful aftertlife and will be in hell, unlike me- purely because I have differing beliefs than you!" I mean at that rate you might as well be a Satanist if you truly believe God is a cruel deity that banishes people for their beliefs- purely because they're an athiest for example- and nothing to do with their actual morality and good deeds on Earth.
So, she became possesed at 50 something? And it describes it as changes in mood and stuff? So, menopause basically? That does sound about how'd they describe it back then.
Except male characters can also become possessed so its probably a misdiagnosed disease. (Syphilis, which wasn't in europe at this time, famously drives you insane then kills you)
Step 1: Exploit Spiffing Brit to make a video and build positive relationships with fans
Step 2: Profit
Also probably cheaper than hiring a bug tester
Clever move, Paradox!
Also, why does Brian Mitsoda stopped working on Bloodlines 2?
Perfectly Balanced
the real exploiter here huh?!
Step 3: Make every miscellaneous feature you can think of and put it onto a separate DLC and sell it for 4.99 USD a piece.
Paradox: "How do we release a game that the Spiffing Brit cant break?"
Paradox: "let the Spiffing Brit break it before release"
Basically, Spiff is a glorified playtester at this point with permission to broadcast his results.
Spiff upon release: "They haven't fixed a thing!"
Mew
Paradox is smart brit will find all the major bugs and exploits then they will fix it.
They are living up to there name.
"I forgot to check if my husband was homosexual"
Ahh, common mistake
happens to the best of us
The fact that he said it so casually is what made it so hilarious 🤣
@@maxmach4361 Totally never happened to me, cannot relate.
Spiff just don't care XF
The number of times I've had that happen to me.
Although, as a man, I usually have the opposite problem.
Imagine you're a servant walking by the chambers, and all you overhear is "I'm not having a husband who can't boost my admin stats"
That servant would become an anomaly in the matrix, an enlightened, and too dangerous to be left alive
The child of your master is called MEGA CHILD. It's what rivh people say, they might be crazy but that's how rich people act.
Sounds modern.
lol
@@davidthor4405 2221 22220222220222 w
“What a cool child he’s so amazing unlike his father who needs to be divorced again” this honestly had me spitting out my tea thank you.
This has to be the only time I won't judge someone for wasting precious tea. Don't let it happen again!
"you get a weak hook on your Childern"
So that's basically the "I carried you for 9 months" card in an argument
Think about how much dirt parents will pick up on you over the course of your childhood. They can blackmail you for wetting the bed, falling off horses when learning to ride, being afraid of thunderstorms, that spanking fetish you accidentally gave them, the possibilities are endless!
Good one
Uu
@@o76923 Lol! the spanking fetish part.
@@o76923 My mom literally blackmailed me, threatening to tell "family stories" if I didn't help her with some stuff or another. She is completely diabolical. Of course, I was forced to comply, since I was a teenager at the time and couldn't bare the thought of having my street credit ruined by her.
But now that she is old and feeble and I am more mature, I pay her back with emotional blackmail and guilt trip her into doing what I want. A completely functional family! XD
PS: for anyone with no sense of humor, no child or mother was emotionally scared in the making of this family joke.
Bro, we need to see mega chad expand on what his mother set him up with. I imagine the growth will be exponential.
Thirdeded!
Fourthed!!
FIFTHED!!!!!
SIXTHED
Seventh
I like how duchess Matilda died shortly after her nemisis Duke Ernsest died. Their rivalry and battles were going on since their 20s.
Rest in peace now.
Funnier too how in those 30 years, Matilda grew more and more loved while Ernst falls through a downward spiral
Where in the video is Ernst's death? I can't find it
@@connormartin1618 idk
@@connormartin1618 39:57
@@fluffyturkey1608 that's Duke Hermann, not Duke Ernst
"Babe! It's 3 o'clock, it's time to get divorced!"
"Yes honey"
I imagine every divorce involved an increasingly low effort complaint to pope about Waltard, and presumably booting him out the door for an adventure to miraculously regain all the money he just lost to his on-and-off wife. Honestly, "nobleman that periodically gets forced out of his estate by his scheming wannabe-empress wife to adventure in search of treasure to fund her ambitions" sounds like a pretty good DnD character. Oh, and it looks like Waltard fails the spot check for bed spiders.
"I reconsidered, lets get married again!"
"Yes honey"
XD
@@Weeping_Willoe With how often they got divorced and remarried, on top of how much money and prestige they earned overall... I kinda imagine Waltard is in on the whole scheme and they have a lot of great laughs about it after every wedding.
Edit: and I just got to the point where he was divorced for the last time... and a spider happened XD. So much for my idea
@@Fyrefrye your edit just makes it funnier 🤣
I just love how Duke Ernst looks more evil every time we see him
He got married to a chaste person.
Can only find love with an elderly lady.
Gets snitched by some popular bitch.
Out for regenge, fails, gets excomunicated.
Whole catholic world hates him.
That bitch sends an assasin that kills his new lover.
Gets wounded, loses an eye, forced to seduce ladies in the HRE to survive.
Dude mad for a reason.
a most complicated character arc!
@@stefancodrin Wasn't the guy who lost his lover the brilliant strategist in the last war who died from gout?
Ikr
@@stefancodrin "a" reason is plural, right...?
"Honey, it's time for our 4 PM divorce proceedings!"
"Yes, dear..."
Simping is as old as humanity
-Henry VIII to most of his wives
I can hear his voice from here XD That's hilarious, he must question his life so much.
@@NoticeAssemble Only it's the other way around, and it's the same guy XD
@@NoticeAssemble With fewer dead spouses.
Duke Ernst is like that RPG character that keeps reappearing throughout the game, gets beat and then promises to return for revenge later.
Genichiro Ashina, anyone?
Basically a rival from Pokemon?
And that mf outlived Matilda
@@greenapple9477 was about to suggest this
I was thinking Baron Raymundo from Pirates!
"He is my son so he won't do anything against me."
Russian Tsars: *Sweating nervously*
AGANIST MOTHERS! AGANIST MOTHERS!
(seriusly when you are father your sons tend to plot you but everyone loves their mother even more so they will be very loyal to you unless you fuck them up)
Henry II: hold my beer
Come to think of it, being the second of any name had a bad run for English kings. William II died in a "hunting accident" with his brother. Henry II got betrayed by his sons and wife. Edward the second got overthrown by his wife (and her lover aka his enemy/former prisoner), Richard II got overthrown by his cousin. I suppose the moral of the story is that if you're a member of the House of Plantagenet, pick a unique name
@@dancesinblood Like, say...John?
@@faustustarquinius5692, Dave would be better
@@faustustarquinius5692 A specific name EXCEPT John
Me: "Why would they pay someone to show off the game's problems?"
Me 10 minutes later: "Man, I have gotta get this game!"
Right? I love it. You could write stories just based on the various interactions alone.
@@VidelxSpopovich many people have from CK2 and from the game of thrones mod.
@@eps200 yep, and this is improving on ck2, especially from a roleplaying standpoint. This is gonna be awesome
"Why would they pay someone to show off the game's problems?" - it's called "QA" and it's the one job that's been outsourced the most by game devs ever since the use of your own modding community to do the job was popularised by the Elder Scrolls series.
@@VidelxSpopovich oh ck2 I can't wait for ck3
"I love you, dad."
"I love you too, Mega Chad."
😍😍😍
Oooh...that's just too much.
I love you as well, Bonafacio
MAXIMUM CHAD
😊
Aww Matilda and Waltard keep re-celebrating their marriage to show how much they love each other (and Waltard's parents' money)
they got like a million children too
“Name after my father” means YOUR father, not the child’s father
What's the difference?
* sweet home alabama intensifies *
Yeah I caught that too.
It has been revealed that Spiff is from Norfolk.
Alabama
bonifacio is matilda's father
I feel like divorcing someone should apply a much steeper relationship penalty to a marriage request. And probably require a bigger piety hit if it's done without cause.
Probably a prestige hit too if the marriage has been fruitful.
Or just put a code line preventing couples who've been divorced from remarrying to each other. Cause, you know. They divorced
that's why paradox payed spiff
Don't worry, it'll be in a future paid DLC
You're assuming that Waltard isn't in on the whole thing.
I love how as his failed assassinations on Matilda piled up, Ernst's disfigurement got worse and worse. I laughed so hard when he suddenly appeared with an eyepatch. Like, don't do your own dirty work, man!
You had me at "... unlike his father. Who needs to be divorced, again."
that part had me dying 😂
This was an amazing video. Just imaging "have you heard she's marrying again?"
"who to?"
"... Really? You're asking who she's marrying?"
-Holy Father, please allow me to divorce Waltard...
-Again...? What was it this time...?
-He stepped on the feet of my favourite dog.
-Blanco, eh? Reasonable, I'll allow that.
-Thank you Holly Father!
-So... when will you marry him again...?
@@cliffhanger4945 So, your Holiness, same time next month?
"I thought they might spice it up for a bit"
“Is there something wrong with his wife? . . . Oh, she’s chaste.” xD
We can't blame the guy
I like them chaste. That means no chance of them cheating.
@@ModrunOfficial 14:00 my friend
I was going to post the same thing. I have many experiences like this in CKII, but hearing Spiff's elaborations, I doubled over
“Pimping Pope journey” is my new way of referring to any and all pilgrimages
"Something strong, something you can build on.
Sandy."
That fucking broke me, I love it so much.
I love watching Spiff play crusader kings!!!, hope there's a new 100 stat man for CK3.
Reanu Keeves ftw
Yes i agree completely!! Would be lovely to enjoy with my lovely pot of yorkshire tea gold
best series!!!
And 100 stat horse xD
@@KatoEasternDragon You mean Sir Glitterhoof.
Before releasing a game:
Developers: Let's bug test the game with some of our other employees
That one guy:That will be a waste of time just send a copy to the spiffing brit
Benefits of being lazy and smart at the same time.
Also it helps sell it
apparently they are paying a good dozen or so people to play it prerelease so someone over in paradox has had a good think on how they can get the game out there
@@Kronosfobi Work smarter, not harder.
@@cptmiller132 Where ya'll getting he's getting paid by them? He's a youtube contributer, they give out early game copies all the time to folks on youtube and twitch to promote games without paying.
don't pay attention to when this comment was posted
Bruh wtf
the hell
just how
how
Teach us these dark arts
Love how mega Chad really grew into his name
...and his crown. Probably his misshapen head is now stuck in there.
@@Cheepchipsable His brain grew freely into it's shape, learning, adapting, for war.
Spiff breaking games that haven’t even released, soon he’ll start breaking reality.
Reality is PERFECTLY BALANCED WITH NO EXPLOITS! - Making money out of thin air!
Schwift_Nation you should see his Victoria 3 video.
Me: Spiff going to break 2020
Spiff: I'm going to break reality
No th@Ts imp0$$!ble h3 would never oh no its h@pp3ning. Halp!!!
I deeply thank this comment, I laugh-snorted snot into my drink
Duchess: Ah.. my husband, it was such a wonderful wedding night.
Duke: Ah my dear... i must agree.
Duchess: I am divorcing you.
Duke: uh.. wat?.
--
Duchess: OH please let us remarry, i was mistaken
Duke: OH i knew it! my love!
Duchess: Come let us enjoy this day after our wedding and walk the garden.
Duke: Ah look at these flowers.. they remind me of your eyes.
Duchess: I am divorcing you.
Duke: come again?
--
--
--
Duchess: I think this is the one...
Former Duke x5: ... you have got to be kidding.
Duchess: Nono.. This time!
Former Duke x5: ... Our child is very disturbed by your actions...
Mega Chad: MOMMY WHY WE HAVE THE ANGRY PARTY SO OFTEN?
Duchess: Yes! we should have a wedding party!
Duke: ... dammit...
--
Duchess: I have returned from my pilgrimage! I saw the place where jesus him self strode and talked to the masses!
Duke: Amazing! I have missed you dear! your lovely poetry you sent all the many months to me have kept me sane!
Duchess: ... Dear... Read the first letter of each Poem...
Duke: Oh.. another one of your cute riddles! i love you so!...
D I V O R C E
Duchess: Yes!
Duke FFS!!!!
Mega CHad: ANGRY PARTY SOON!!!!
Best. Comment. Ever.
Pissed myself laughing. Well done Sir, have a cookie.
legitimately top tier comment
my sides don't even exist anymore
Then the spiders kiled the Duke!
The most hilarious moment was when he lacked the money to usurp the Papacy from the Pope, so he turned to the Pope, asking him for a loan...
That was my "bruh..." moment
The Shimazu did this to the Tokugawa in a complicated way irl.
1. Shimazu bodyguards kill British citizens
2. Britain declares war on Shimazu's Satsuma Domain
3. Satsuma capitulates and pays reparations to Britain but also gets a lot of sweet arms deals
4. Borrows money from the Tokugawa Shogunate to pay for all of this
5. Later uses arms to overthrow the shogunate... loan is never paid back
'I use the pope to usurp the pope'
@@tenchimuyo69
Reminds me of an old To Do list I wrote:
1. Go to bank, acquire loan
2. Use loan to purchase gun and mask
3. Rob bank
4. Pay off loan
Naw, when he went to name his son "after the father" and was confused when it didn't come up as Waltard.
🤣🤣🤣
"Honey, what time is it?"
"It's divorce o'clock."
@30:00 "You can get close to having infinite stats"
[Reanu Keeves will remember this]
Paradox Games CEO: "How do we effectively find exploits"
Paradox Games meeting member: "Lets pay The Spiffing Brit to play it early"
Paradox games CEO: "THATS A GREAT IDEA"
He didn't really find too many exploits.. at least to me that looked like a pretty normal game. He played it for a really long time and wasn't even able to get the reign over Italy :P
It's brilliant really, focused advertising disguised as content.
Truly brilliant. now we just have to wait for Paradox Games CEO to sell this dlc
@@Wolfhound_81 Yeah, other than being able to chain divorce it looks more like a semi-optimal CK run. Though I will say we don't know exactly how difficult warfare is compared to CK2.
Machiavelli's The Prince is actually just an exploit book for being a leader
The Italian court is a perfectly balanced court with no exploits whatsoever.
So THAT'S why I had to read it
Man this game is really well thought out. I love this concept of the whole family drama. Also love the animated characters and map movements etc. adds so much life to the game, as opposed to just random numbers and colored blobs on a map.
I just saw this video and now downloading it. It really looks cool and chill grand strategy game
Definitely great to be able to blackmail William the Conqueror!
I daresay the plot is even better than Coronation Street!
This man is basically the ideal beta tester. He revels in finding the broken aspects of a game.
That lady sacrificing herself to protect her lover from an assassin, because he interrupted their snu-snu session, is tragic and hilarious.
Pretty sure she was also his wife, too.
@@Coid I don't know weather to laugh or cry...
And then he dies from Gaut...
Njuregen So she saved his life and also likely killed him 💀😂
"To be fair, you're risking being killed off by your ex-spouse, with every divorce..."
Spiff: Kills off the ex-spouse.
"Okay."
Lol
They can’t assassinate you if you assassinate them first.
This is not an exploit, this is just intelligent gameplay.
I thought so as well, this is just regular CK gameplay. It's not even the most efficient way of doing things. I play with 2 friends in multiplayer and one of them got roundabout 45 intrigue and just printed money with abduction schemes.
@@marcodoe4690 the demand money for hooks + spymaster finding secrets in empire level courts + inviting a good spymaster by marrying off a child and sorting the list by intreage skill.
Honestly just using marriage to invite good people to your court is awesome.
I don't think divorcing and remarrying the same person over and over is fully intended, but it definitely isn't as busted as most stuff he does.
"Using TH-camrs to find all the bugs in our game for us is a perfectly valid business plan with no exploits." - Paradox Interactive
Sadly, their actual comment wasn't nearly as clever as that XD
@ play-testing and marketing all in one
Crusader King's is what got me hooked to the Spiffing Brit, that and the dank memes
Same
Not his tea?
I AM THE REAL DIO
I came for skyrim and stayed for games I've never heard of 😂
same that’s how i first learned of the channel
I finally understand why Henry the Eighth was so big on this divorce thing
"he is my son and he wont ever do anything against me"
I feel like he does not know what game he is playing.
I had 3 Sons. One, the youngest, was killed when i was Raided from my Enemy. My second Son was Murdered, as it turned out later, from my oldest Son! My primary Heir!
@@MARCOPETER82 thats just common sense, confederate partition is brutal on realm stability, of course you kill your brothers to ensure realm stability. (Although i find it easier to conquest and hand out lands in advance so the secondary heirs already have their inheritance in advance and won't take your core lands)
"Santa is an intricate webweaver! I suppose you'd have to be to know who's naughty and who's nice."
lol
Classic
Paradox outsourced bug testing while getting advertisement, and Spiff gets paid for a video. It's a win win for everyone.
Plus Paradox knows damn well that we love doing the stupid shit too.
They'll have QAd it before they sent it to spiff. This is marketing, not testing
"Logically we're playing Harold Godwinson, king of England"
*Look at the starting date*: 1066
I'm not sure that's a great idea.....
Poor Harold had a bad few weeks there, didn't he?
@@dangerdan2592 even the rebound didn't turn out well. From king of England to some dude getting yelled at in Germany for bedding another man's wife in a few short weeks.
I'm pretty sure the real Harold got an arrow through the eye, or something like that, during the battle of Hastings, so I guess this Harold should count himself lucky 😂
@@BlackSheep1922 Instead, he gets in trouble because he can't control his one-eyed trouser snake.
@@BlackSheep1922 Most likely Harold was the man to the right of the label with his name on the bayeux tapestry (who was being stabbed with a sword by a knight on horseback) rather than the one to the left (who had an arrow in his eye), but it's historically ambiguous.
"Oh what a cool child, he looks so amazing, unlike his father, who needs to be divorced again!"
18:30 when you're so rich you measure wealth in "Divorces per year"
"I forgot to check if my husband was homosexual" made me spit out my Yorkshire tea 😂
I was drinking the heathen drink
@@Stettafire Ew, don't even reference heretic bean water here.
Ernst is literally a villain, he even has an eyepatch!
Did I see that later before the died he didn't have an eyepatch? "I got better!"
and his name means "serious" in german. seriously evil
"My name is Meg."
What's it short for?
"MEGA CHAD!"
Megachad gets fanny by the bucketload
Can we get an F for Duke Waltard?
Not only is his name silly in modern times, this man will go down in history as the KING OF SIMPS, who loved some lady who didn't care for him so much, after he conquers a foreign land to prove he's mighty (after agreeing to remarry her four times, and giving her a hefty divorce payment each time), she has him killed with a freaking spicy spider.
How waltarded of him
He’s making sive look normal
F
He's such a simp he'd pay for the Duchess' OnlyFans but refuse to look at pictures because he respects the lady too much.
@@drunkenhobo8020 I hope you made it up and nobody ever said/done it IRL.
Everyone commenting on "mega chad", when I can't help but notice their alternate history. The one where William the bastard still conquers England, but Harold Godwinson somehow survives the Battle of Hastings and goes to become the lover of a vassal in the HRE 🤔
I don't think that's a HRE vassal - Eadgifu is probably Edith the Fair, Harold's wife-in-all-but-name.
@@TitanDarwin No that's a different name, Ediths Old English name is Ealdgȳð. Eadgify means wealthy gift.
From EnterElysium's video it seems like Harold and Eadgifu start 1066 as lovers, with Eadgifu being an English vassal. So presumably in this game she became an HRE vassal sometime after William took over England, while remaining Harold's lover.
"What's the most generic name?"
"Dave"
Oof. That's gonna cause some feedback.
Very sneaky, there
As a guy who knows about 30 Daves, and no other name comes close to that, yeah. It's the most generic name.
that shit hurted
You want to know what's more generic than Dave? Dave.
Grace
"Who is the father?" while playing the mother cracked me up 🤣🤣
also there is an option for waltard & "your father"
so quiz: whos father is meant
@@hokton8555"your father" means Matilda's father - in real life, Matilda's parents names were Bonifacio and Beatrice.
I love how Duke Ernst keeps coming back looking more and more pissed and beaten up
Just like a cartoon
Now you know what the E in "Wile E. Coyote" stands for ; )
@@bretteuselaurent1923 Beautiful
I love the fact the first husband chosen has the label "treacherous villain" attached. Truly a perfect choice for a divorce betrayal!
Hooks on your kids?
"Remember that time..."
"Shut up mom."
Hooks in kids?
So.. Texas Chainsaw Massacre Simulator?
"Shut up mom."
"Only if you pay me 100 Gold first."
A perfectly functional family.
That "murder foiled by lover" event is great. I've actually been on the other side of it where I was the one to foil a murder attempt.
condolences
developers sitting in their meeting:
-"should we
a)hire playtesters who test out the balance for weeks or
b)give Spiff early access to our game and see what he finds"
-"why are we even discussing this? option b) is way more effective AND cheap!"
AND it gives PR
AND it's hilarious
Also everyone involved profits.
Tbh QA is very methodical. So it's more likely they're just capitalizing on early access while it's buggy than using him to find bugs.
Usually bug fixing isn't about finding bugs but prioritizing what bugs you have time ti fix.
When you become so famous breaking games you start getting payed by the developers to...break their game
From watching their dev clashes they love that kind of thing cause it means they can try and fix them. Quite a few exploits they have fixed came from a dev getting cheeky and busting it out in the game
Oli Monster i reckon the whole idea behind paying Spiff to break it is so that they can then watch the video he makes and patch the exploit. They improve the game and also watch a fun video so it’s a double win situation really. It’s pretty smart
We know from the Emperor DLC that Paradox hates testing their games.
@@dandaropa Viewers and CK3 future players:I see this as an absolute win.
And they live stream it! Entertainment to me!
Spiff: Gets paid by developers to play test the game
Also Spiff: Gets paid by TH-cam for making the video
Also Spiff: Unlimited tea
"It just works, ladies and gentlemen."
TH-cam IS A PERFECTLY BALANCED GAME WITH NO EXPLOITS
@omniscient xt A penny is still a penny.
I like to think that Duke Ernsest died and then possesed Matilda as a last murder scheme.
*a rumbling is heard in the distance. A lonesome stallion named Glitterhoof whinnies, rears up as lightning crashes in the background* The prophecy has been fulfilled...100 stat man 2 electric boogaloo is coming!
Regarding your second son losing his title: he was a mayor, so granting him a duchy turned those duchies into republics, which meant there were ways for him to lose those titles to other powerful patricians through elections and intrigue.. Lots of fun in this video, looking forward to playing it myself!
*is thoroughly enjoying the video*
Spiff: The city of Bolo-G-na
*spits drink in laugher*
And Va-ti-ci-cano ?
What about how he said Cremona? I was like "oh c'mon, it's even more difficult to say it like that"
Don't forget Roma-G-na
Did you spit out Tea?
But that's illegal. And heretical.
Mun-chen
"You can't call a child Beatrice" - Spiff, 2020
The Royal Family wishes to speak with you.
If you turn on the Holy Roman Empire, that's called the Heinrich Maneuver.
Spiff: Ransoming prisioners, such a great way to make money...
Also Spiff as Reanu Keves: No ransoms, you shall be sacrificed yo the gods
I am so pumped for this. Can't wait to see Reanu Keeves again.
A clever Duchess preserves her rule by arranging a revolving divorce scheme with a corrupt Papacy and everyone looks the other way because she has discovered all their secrets. Yep, must be Crusader Kings!
The fun part about playing CK is discovering the way to break the game with your character. You'd probably have a harder time executing this strategy with a different ruler who isn't such a skilled poet, but there will be some other impossible path to glory hiding in the wide range of options that would let you tell a seemingly impossible, yet somehow plausible, story.
But yeah, they need to make hooks less valuable. 100g is redonk. Maybe like 5-10 unless they are a ruler. 100g should be like a hook on a duke or something.
For a strong hook it should be the same price as if they were captured by you in battle, and a weak hook should be like 10% of that.
Making money through blackmail should be a viable way to play.
To be fair, a woman who has divorced her husband over 10 times would be quite a legend. Even today's culture you can't find someone who has married more than 3-4 times.
Liz Taylor?
za za gabor made it to 9. then again she is a legend.
My grandfather married and divorced 7 times, to the point that my mom had to lie and convince him there was a divorce limit of 7 and after marrying 7 times you would be stuck.
@@annacollins8999 that's amazing
Is that a challenge?
34:17 Ah yes, the pope himself is a "Bold Atheist". Thanks game
Typical CK2
@@colt1903 CK3*
@@ryanbusch1203 Doesn't make my statement inaccurate, does it?
Well, it happened some times in reality during the middleages, there were some philosopher-Popes who were seen suspiciously by the clergy because were more interested in moral principles and such than in religion
Do you beleive that historical popes, like Borgia were actually religious?
i just love how spiff didnt even mind that his daughter sandy was imprisoned by her husband xD
"Something we can build on..., Sandy." I see what you did there...
"We can't call a child Beatrice!"
That goes on today's list of things I wish my parents had said... :D
just be thankful you weren't a boy. you'd have been megachad.
Are you saying you *don't* want to be mega Chad?
@@TheFattestBlunt. I'd rather be MegaChad than Beatrice, to be completely honest! I suspect people would take me far more seriously.
Is Beatrice a bad English name? It just seems like some fancy name to me.
@@bradleymoore2797 No, it isn’t a bad name. It’s a fancy name.
3:20 ish - "Duchess Matilda is just a subject of the Holy Roman Empire"
Yeah about that... Matilda of Canossa in real life was pretty important (she was a key figure in the Investiture Contest). So the fact Spiff has found a way to unbalance medieval Europe as her is frankly unsurprising. Just look her up, she's pretty neat.
@@AkinNath Wrong Matilda my dude. You're thinking of the Empress Matilda, who hadn't even been born yet in 1066.
@@chuckles222 No, right Matilda. Empress Matilda did have some involvement with the Investiture Contest, being Holy Roman Empress and all, but Matilda di Canossa is famous for being a key player in the Investiture Contest, aiding the Pope and brokering a deal between him and Emperor Henry IV at the Castle of Canossa.
@@alexacorn9052 I was responding to a deleted comment that was discussing Matilda and the Anarchy, but cheers any way bro :)
I'm pretty sure she was one of the playable characters in CK2 demo
@@Szpareq Demo? Matilda is one of major rulers you can pick in the default starting date in CK2.
This was a bigger cliff hanger than HBO’s “Game of Thrones” season 6 episode 10 “Mother mercy”. IGN says “That was purely shattering.” Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars by Rotten Tomatoes.
That’s how big of a cliff hanger it was.
But is the cliff it's hanging from steeper than the learning curve for EVE Online?
I bet we could get a new show with this gameplay.
There's drama, war, rivals and weddings!
( --- SPOILER WARNING --- )
When she became a Queen, she changed her thoughts how land should go around and focused on what would bring prosperity to her land...
Her spymaster showed the ropes and she started to spy, blackmail and gain prosperity... until she usurped a kingdom from pope and won some wars and died of old age.
Historians say she was possessed by demon, for how long, no one knows. Her love life was fertile, but there was no love in the end. Just bodily fluids exchanged.
She loved her first son over all others and he became a king. Her oldest daughter lived short but meaningful and happy life.
that was the best music in any show or movie all time
dont you mean... a *Spiff* hanger?
Love this
Moving the camera with wasd is literally the best update they could of added I would of paid 15 dollars of dlc to get just moving the camera with wasd in ck2
And eu4
there was an actual shocking lack of serious exploits this episode, spiff seemed to get too invested in his fantasy family!
"this game is brand new" Me: Its out already?!?! "so brand new it isnt even out yet" Me: Oh...
Instant stream, the game is out before it's complete
one more week!
"He is my son and so he won't ever do anything against me."
Looks at Afonso I of Portugal
"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure."
I need to know the history behind this
@@janandreiyanoyan8825 Unhappy with Theresa's alliance with Galicia, the Portuguese nobility rallied around Afonso, who revolted and defeated his mother at the Battle of São Mamede in 1128 and became Count of Portugal soon afterwards. In 1139, Afonso renounced the suzerainty of the Kingdom of León and established the independent Kingdom of Portugal.
@@Squibeel Cool
I mean in CKII I learned fairly early on, don't give close relatives titles. Even if they won't do anything (and they will, I mean I had my heir try to revolt and take my title when my character was in the late stages of life and might have also tried to reduce the throne's power, and I'm thinking, just wait till I die then you'll get everything without having to kill me), their children will basically grow up barely knowing you, but knowing that everyone else probably won't care too much if they go to war with me to take the throne. Much better to get a whole bunch of distant relatives and give them the titles so you get the dynasty opinion bonus, but no claims. Will be interesting to see how the AI is different in CKIII.
Treviisolion
A homeless leaper cousin you never knew you had raids the castle, avoids all guards and proceeds to challenge you.
Your entire relative tree has contracted Black Plague.
You claim him down and you give him a title.
Within a month you’re at war against a super power because your buddy has spread his disease to the super power’s king’s wife who is pregnant in a attempt to hijack the fetus’s body while its still in the womb.
All your relatives are dying of the plague and you waste no time in executing the leaper.
Before you even begin your third battle (of which all of your land is burned and salted) your final relatives die and your character passes while the 3rd battle is yet to be decided.
Game over you think; until your leaper relative has succeeded in continuing your blood life in his pillaging of your conquer’s wife and you can continue the game by playing as his child and heir to the throne.
Do you let them pass peacefully or do you revolt and control the super power?
I cannot wait to watch the adventures of Mega Chad in his glorious rise to God amongst men in (hopefully) a future episode.
I just want to say watching this video as an Italian is absolutely pure gold. I had so much hope for Pene of Canossa. 😉
Pene pasta 😂
i literally died and came to the comment section to see if anyone was talking about that💀
I fact checked his statement about the rock, he is indeed the most famous person alive
Divorce and alimony are actually an overused exploit in real life right now. Someone please fix this bug.
I'm not going to pity the poor decisions of rich dudes. They can literally afford it.
This thread is the very definition of victimblaming,
@@marcinmisiek768 You seriously think it's only extremely rich men who get fucked over by alimony?
PSA: Duke Waltard’s (the husband) background/education is “Treacherous Villain”
That is all.
a perfect match.
*Dev*: "Yeah boss, our game is ready to ship"
*Boss*: "ok then, we're sending it to Spiff for a final test"
*Dev*: "....um, give me another few weeks?"
Spiff, the reason your son Santa lost Pisa was because you put him in charge of a city holding (instead of a castle holding), which operates as a republic with elections. So he lost an election to the other guy who took over.
Not very Republican of him.
@@samsonguy10k eh..
"You can now demand payment for Hooks." And that's how Matilda became a Hooker.
"You choose hooks, I choose looks."
Nothing to do with your comment but this glicth works better witha cousin or a related person so the pope(if cathloic) always agrees
@@Brayslayer then why did you reply to this comment
@@hackergaming6372 because i can
@@Brayslayer can’t argue with that
"We can finally use WASD!"
What you should expect us to say "Seriously, thats it?"
What we really said
"SOLD"
You still can’t press enter when a shitton of popups appear
This makes me really want the game cause the more I watched the more I realized this is a completely legitimate way to play the game. This truly is a medieval sandbox
CK3: not officially released yet
Spiff "I can exploit this"
Clearly spiff has the power of God and tea on his side
We cannot allow him to gain the power of anime too. He would be unstoppable.
I'm thinking maybe she just gets really turned on by divorce.
She gets turned on by the look of sadness and disappointment in his eyes as she divorces him for the fifth time
Hey, its not the WORST kink, maybe she likes powerplays...
Then again, Waltard gave her five kids...
34:19 Pope is a "bold atheist", does that mean he goes around telling people there's no God?
And they think it is a test meant to strengthen their faith...
Dude, imagine if the Pope just walked out into Saint Peter's Square with a megaphone and just shouted that God never existed and the bible is bullshit because the pope deemed it so.
Well...one WOULD have to be a pretty bold atheist to become Pope in the 11th century
@@Nolan65775 It wouldn't surpise me if Pope Francis did that because he seems hell-bent on committing apostasy at every waking moment. What kind of Christian says that atheists can go to heaven? Why even be a Christian at that point? He is a false Pope who deliberately ignores scripture to appease the wickedness of man over living for God. If you choose man over Christ, then you will be denied of salvation.
@@comicsans1689 prob because they realized its not very Christian to say "if you do not believe the things I believe in, you are damned from a peaceful aftertlife and will be in hell, unlike me- purely because I have differing beliefs than you!" I mean at that rate you might as well be a Satanist if you truly believe God is a cruel deity that banishes people for their beliefs- purely because they're an athiest for example- and nothing to do with their actual morality and good deeds on Earth.
So, she became possesed at 50 something? And it describes it as changes in mood and stuff? So, menopause basically? That does sound about how'd they describe it back then.
Except male characters can also become possessed so its probably a misdiagnosed disease. (Syphilis, which wasn't in europe at this time, famously drives you insane then kills you)
If game devs actually did that on purpose, that was astonishing historical precision.
"...you can convice the Pope that your husband is in love with a potato..." ...Well I see someone rolled a 20 on persuasion!
I love how Ernst hates her guts to death, but his wife is like " Meh, I don't know, I kind of like her style a bit. "
0:08 The only thing I can think of is: "DO THE ROAR!"