I’m finally free now @ 66 ❤️🩹 possible to learn & heal @ any age ♥️ it takes time so only stay positive with self talk & avoid more victim blaming or shaming
Same here. I am a scientist and very competent at my job, but just now starting to have the ability to know what I know instead of having too much self doubt in this and other areas of competence. It took me a long time to realize that just because I would never refuse to acknowledge someone else's area of expertise did NOT mean others, especially those who knew me, would.
This is why I celebrated my wins and gains in silence. Nor do I discuss my goals and plans. The last time I shared news about my achievements I was either told I got lucky or was accused of cheating and lying. Or trivialize my accomplishments. It often felt like they were secretly putting an evil eye on me to fail and suffer
....or triangulating behind our back, active sabotage. Phone calls to colleges or employers or significant others, feigning worry while actually engaging in a misinformation campaign bc they fear us becoming more successful than they are, or more informed through interpersonal communication classes, or even, independent bc they don't want to lose their scapegoat. I have a friend answering phones at a community college. She handles such phone calls and I know my mother made such calls. The assistant answering phones at my own college tracked me down in shock. She had access to my 4.0 GPA & instantly knew my mother was lying, being devious, in asking if there'd been any signs of drug abuse. Most families would want that secret, not spread it about or expect an administrative office staff to be monitoring personal behavior of each of thousands of students. It had to be agitprop, she said, & wanted to know if I needed any resources, was my mom helping pay, did I need to cut ties. And she was so worried I didn't know my mother was like that. I didn't know she was that underhanded but it actually answered some questions, confirmed some suspicions & was a relief bc it confirmed those and proved good people who care exist & see through that stuff & will support rather than condemn us. But I spent the next 3 weeks randomly saying omg, I can't believe she actually DID that. She'd also pretend I was a thief bc she was, an ultra respectable looking corrupt little piece of work & I'm not talking about her height. I learned to pretend to be screwing up, lol. Then she was satisfied without committing sabotage. They are putting out resentful enemy thoughts, ill wishes, hoping we don't outdo them - or equal them - & if that fear is big enough they'll take action to try to ensure it or make it appear we're not what we seem, to others. They fear being left behind & not being superior & needed & the be all & end all. They pull seriously twisted things.
Every time I was going to try something and I would tell my mother, she would say, "you can't do that," or "be careful, this isn't going to turn out right!" She would completely destroy my confidence. I had to stop telling her anything.
Seconded. This feels like an IFS (Internal Family Systems) informed approach which I think can be very powerful in the process of integration to which Dr Ramani alludes.
My life story! No matter what I did growing up, any accomplishment, it was never good enough for my mother. I wasn’t allowed an opinion, or allowed to be good at anything. Since going no contact 4 yrs ago I’m gaining more confidence in myself. The anxiety attacks are less frequent or less intense. I’m feeling less under a microscope when performing tasks. I find myself letting the little things go more often & find myself less OCD. We have to get away from the triggers & go no contact to retrain our brain.
That's true for many of us. 💔 When I became pregnant with my daughter, I entered a deep depression because I believed that I would be bound to repeat history. Since then, I discovered that I'm an incredible mom who's raising a daughter who will believe in herself, have self-love and self-respect, and will value herself enough not to take crap from anyone. This stops here. With us. ❤
As a child I remember saying to my parents I want to be...dad would reply you aren't clever enough to do anything you are useless...he did the same for everything it wasn't until I left forever that I made a success of myself...they do an awful lot of harm to young people peace and love ❤️ to all narcissist survivors
I became an over achiever in academics and athletics in order to try and gain my narcissistic father’s approval. He never, ever said “good job.” One example, in high school I was the first female to win the scholar - athlete award. My father asked me if there was a cash award to go with the plaque. I told him “no.” He responded, “well that’s not much of an award.” For decades after, I would make excuses in my mind for my father’s many similar comments. He did the same to my sisters and hollowed them out for life. I rationalized that he was the way he was because he wanted his children to succeed. Tough love. After all, his adult friends would tell me (not in my father’s presence) that my father was “so proud of me.” Could it be that was true? Or, what if my father bragged about me to other adults to gain narcissistic supply from them - my accomplishments attributed to his genetic contribution rather than attributable to me as a unique and talented person?
Yes, the same thing here. My father who was a covert narc [and my mother who was his flying monkey] would say to me: you're only going to amount to being a dishwasher. I ended up getting a Master's Degree.
I haven’t even watched the video yet, but just seeing the title I KNEW I’d resonate with this one. My mom was forever switching up between ‘you’re an adult, go do it yourself!’ when I asked for help with something, and then completely ignoring me, not asking for my input, treating me like a child and then getting all in a huff if I said anything about me being an adult. Lol. It’s completely absurd. No wonder I’m so confused and doubtful of myself. I’m slowly distancing myself from her and my sister. And I’m feeling better the less I see them.
“You can’t heal in the same place that made you sick.” For now, trust me until you find d out for yourself that the greater the distance from your abusers, the easier it is to heal. You’re not going to need to expend energy to prop yourself up from their putdowns-until you stop doing it, you don’t realize how much energy it took. The more cord-cutting you do, the less muscle memory you have that’s connected to the past. What you’re aiming for is essentially “amnesia” of the abuse, where you only take away the lessons, and create new habits & memories for the you going forward.
I had gotten a good job at a front desk. My 90 year old grampa, kept calling me at work, making demands. I had to hang up because we were busy. Then my dad came in, so aggressively. It disrupted the whole sales floor. It freaked people out. Like how dare I get a good job that made me unavailable to my narc family for several hours a day. It was so embarrassing 😢
I’ve always wondered why I feel so competent and confident in the work I do for others and yet still feel I am unworthy of being liked, or loved. Thanks for making my journey one towards inner self recognition. Yay! 😢
I know that was. Mother never could decide if I was competent or not. At washing dishes, at frying hamburger, at taking out the trash, at sweeping and mopping the floor, at the laundry, at anything. The rule of the game being "You can't win" was always part of the rules with her. I even tested her once, doing the prep for cooking but not actually turning the burners on, and she still screamed that I was filling the house with smoke. Can't do that if the burners are purposefully not turned on because I'm prepping first . . .
@@cymbolichuman433 Christian. In my experience, most witches are wonderful people, while Christians are just waiting for a chance to burn a person at the stake. In fact, I used to call Mother the Wicked Christian of the West.
Thank you for this video. Before I figured out the whole narcissistic mother/enabling dad dynamics (at about 55 years of age), I dreaded visits from my parents. I would tell them, "It's amazing that 360 days a year, I am a highly functioning adult human being. Why can't you see that and be nice to me?" In exactly those words. And then I would give in to it because they were in my house for the next several days and I just wanted peace. I stopped letting them visit my house about 8 years ago, saw them sporadically, and finally went NC 2 years ago. I am very appreciative of your material that speaks to those of us who grew up in narcissistic abuse. It's not me! But I'm having trouble working through it. Things like this help so much.
Their deep insecurity sees anyone else's confidence or competence as a threat. & I'm betting you're smarter than they are and they knew it. + Your brain isn't busy all the time, comparing, competing, criticizing, & being cunning. And they are cunning. It's a compulsion yet they do know exactly what they're doing & they think it's survival skills! Ugh! Congratulations on going NC. For what it's worth from this stranger but fellow survivor I'm proud of you! I don't mean that in a belittling way at all, the opposite! It's put triumph where psychological oppression was & isn't easy. We're programmed to love parents & relatives nmw. When any of us get out it shows someone still in it they can get out too!
Make so much sense. Your confident self talks to your doubtful self! Confident self can learn to feel feelings , and doubtful self learns to find our voice
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Oftentimes, realizing setbacks in life from encountering narcissism can be frustrating. Your counsel on recuperating from narcissism is extraordinary.
We can do it now. Thank God we have grown into people who can take care of ourselves now and when we were kids and we couldn’t have protected ourselves against abusers but now we can.
I saw a comic years ago that showed a confident, professional woman visiting her parents. By the time she arrived at the front door, she became a little girl wearing pigtails.
So on point doc. I could relate to every word. This is my core wound, that I am not enough. I always feel like there is so much to do and I can't catch up, like literally I want to press a stop button and catch my breath. My whole life there were demands that I should meet or face the end of the world. So, I am always living on the battlefield, feeling always not enough as the demands never end. Demands that a child could never meet, demands an adult needs help to meet. Without that life jacket, I am always drowning and I find it exhausting by swimming and swimming and swimming. I feel like I need a moment to take a breath and catch up. But, doc, your words are guiding me. And I know I am not alone. I always feel like you will always understand what I am saying. Because I don't think no one ever did. I am so blessed to have known you. ❤❤
@@chandanadkarathully7752 I think we all here understand. Dr. Ramani has opened the door & let us all connect & see that we’re not alone. God bless her for that. It’s a long healing journey but we can get to the other side together & realize we’re enough. 💛
@@denisem4575 Yes, Absolutely. Thank you for the kind words🤗 We are not alone, and together we can go through this amazing journey of healing and recovering💐💐
Everything in this video I can relate. I remember mowing the lawn in a circle. But it was looking good but not like my narc father did it though. I was pretty fed up with him back then. Anyway the last bit of grass to mow looked like a perfect grave. My narc dad of course came out to witness the grave , the last bit to mow. lol and really gave me a perplexing and dirty look. Needless to say he’s gone now. I dumped his ashes in a graveyard. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had dumped them in the toilet. At 68 still trying to mend there are good days and bad. Ty Dr Ramani as always!
I was going to put my narc dad’s ashes in the neighbor’s pig pen! They hated each other & that man got his ashes scattered in his field. I let my younger sister deal with him & never went to a single funeral in my no contact dysfunctional family… really couldn’t care less since that’s just HIStory & now it’s time for HERstory 😉
I am a survivor, I've been estranged from daughter for 8 years. Every relationship I have had has been with a narcissist or sociopath. I married one. Biggest mistake of my life. 10 years ago I was suffering from a narcissistic relationship break up, thought I was going to die, then I started a group to try and figure out how to heal and help others do the same. I miss my daughter so much, since healing I can see the narcissism in my family and the dysfunction it caused in my life. I wish my daughter knew me now. I wish she would stop giving me the silent treatment so I could explain what I have learned . Am I crazy to wish this. My insecure voices take over all the time, healing is a bitch.
Try writing a a physical letter to your daughter explaining everything you feel comfortable about revealing. Now, the ball is in her court and she can't ever claim you didn't attempt to mend the relationship. I would not email the letter, nor make a phone call. That's too impersonal for such an important matter. Best of luck to you. 🙏
All of this resonated with me so much. My dad did every narcissistic thing you listed and a mountain more. I struggle so much with the idea of getting a better job because he told me so much that I had no skills, and that if I could do it, anyone could, which meant it wasn’t a skill. To this day I can’t actually tell you what my skills are. I freeze up, and hear the old lines. That actual skills are beyond my ability to learn and do. Even though cognitively I know they’re not. Thanks dad.
I went from being 💯 independent competent and successful to not being able to function after a car accident caused me to have to move in with my family. Tired of overcompensating. They don’t see me no matter what I do. I recently got an important acknowledgement of success in my career, and when I told my dad, his response was ‘that’s interesting’ which was super disappointing. I give myself the praise they cannot. Proud of me despite their criticisms. Focusing on truths. Loving and validating myself. Prioritizing my health and safety. Keeping healthy boundaries. Knowing I am fine without them and I matter too. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The survivor's war for victory through wisdom and gaining that same wisdom in the narcissistic narrative: it is imperative to win it to have the good life. ❤❤
I can never thank you enough for your insights and the help.you're offering. I cherish the day I've come across one of your videos. It has been like taking the red pill. Finally. Thank you for your work. Thank you for your empathy.
Wow, so Brilliant and Empowering. I'll be watching this a few times. I am so grateful, Dr. Ramani, that you not only know when and what to bring to us, but also have the great teaching skills to help us grasp it.
It takes very special human beings to raise someone believing in herself, with a healthy dose of self-love, self-worth and self-respect. Most of us didn't get that. A narcissistic relationship is a wake-up call that tells you: IT STOPS HERE. It stops for you. It stops for your children. It stops for your family line. We are generational-curse breakers. We are the catalysts of change. ❤
I needed to hear this Dr. Ramani. As I work on my dream job which is indie game development (a lonely endeavor), the fear of being not enough is paralyzing. I feel competent I can do the programming but I fear I can't communicate through my work. I fear I won't reach my audience. I fear I won't reach out to the hearts of the audience I want to reach and it can be very demoralizing. On day one of my journey, I felt my game would be successful financially but as I integrate these feelings I've come to accept the fact that the game might not be good enough and to not let this fact reflect upon myself as to who I am. Accepting what I'm feeling and silencing this negative self-talk feels to be the right path and this video confirms it. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Sounds pretty good to me. If you enjoy doing what you are doing who cares. I'm sure when you finish your game there will be a few people who will appreciate it. BTW is it your first?
@@Agheel963 Second. I released the first one six years ago and the time gap is due to a natural disaster plus a different job to sustain myself for a while.
Thank you again Dr Ramani. I rarely hear this aspect discussed. Feeling it again as my body has taken a huge downturn after all the mistreatment has affected my health, and then all the over achieving just to survive has continued to be necessary and as soon as it wasn't needed to the same degree, my body gave out fully. Finding it hard to accept and feel confident that the major turn my life has to take will be ok. The purple dress will forever be a metaphor for me for so many things now.
I've btdt aka been there done that. Guess what? If God says that I'm enough, that's what I fully believe. All else is the devil working to keep me in the dark, depressed and sadess. I rebuke this in Jesus name. Hugs to all of ya'll ❤😊
This is me 💯. Thank you Dr Ramani for validating my lifelong experience ❤ growing up with a vulnerable narc mother, becoming an obsessed perfectionist, an overachiever to exhaustion, competent professional ....only to find myself behaving like a five year old in the presence of my mother (or when a distant memory occurs).
Growing up, my Mom would sometimes tell me I lack common sense, and other times tell me I'm too smart for my own good. So I was both incompetent, and at the same time smart in a bad way. What is a kid supposed to do with that?!
Doctor Ramani I just love you❤! I see the mother figure come out in you! And that is so very valuable my Dear! You deserve much!🎉 Keep on rockin you!🎉😊
How well this spoke to my experience! My narcissistic mother said, "it's better not to try at all than to try something and fail." Don't try - don't fail. Go through life in a straitjacket, and when you do work up the resolve to try something new, your inner critic raises perfectionistic hell and slams on the brakes. For safety - because the narcissistic people will make every effort to demean your achievements and tarnish your success. You become good at things from perservering alone, but feel intimidated about sharing them due to the backlash meted out upon excellence.
I had to deal with that all of my life. My narcissist parent/sister did all those things but the contempt became too hard to bare as I got older. I always felt I had to do more, be more successful or make more money. The duality of my life at work and home became so unbalanced. I do remember struggling with this (rumination)for years. It was not until I went no contact that I could find some peace within myself. It is very hard to find someone that understands this kind of situation. Bless you Dr Ramani.
Your advice here is like having guardrails to prevent someone falling back into the toxic wasteland they just escaped, upon finding all roads leading to the It's Not You dynasty, wherever that promised land may be..
Recently I have decided to not do things perfectly! So, instead of putting our colouful towels away in rainbow coloured order, I just piled them up! I also put some papers in year order, very necessary, but didn’t divide them further. If I need a partucular year again I'll be able to sort out a year's small pile easily. I thought I'd feel bad and guilty for not taking enough trouble but I was ok for some reason. The tasks were done more quickly, to no detriment, and that made them feel lighter, so I felt more energetic at the end too.
@@peterstaker3230 .... Oh, yeah. THAT one. My communal narcissist step-mother LOVED to tell people what a loser I was when I was struggling in my 20s. Then one day someone in her Bible study group asked details of my "sins" and when all my step-mother could accuse me of was "coming home late from work," (which I did because I couldn't stand being in the house) every woman laughed in her face. Apparently all her friends had 20-somethings who were going off the rails constantly, and she looked so stupid complaining that her stepdaughter was (horrors!) COMING HOME AT NIGHT and HAD A JOB. That was one of the first important milestones in my healing when I began to realize that something was really wrong with HER, not me. (By the way, my step-mother quit that study group pretty soon after that and never joined another one.)
@@peterstaker3230 It is your life not theirs it is for you to decide how you want to live it and what makes you happy. Even if you did not have a job that would not make you a loser, a job does not define who you are as a person.
I was told that for 18 years I haven't earned from my profession so much money as him, even though I was working, raising our children, taking care of the household stuff, keeping everything on track, being fit and well presented, going to the doctors by myself etc...
It took several attempts to break free but every time he came back from AWOL 🤦♀️ I had a lot more understanding of his patterns that just got worse with age 🤷♀️ his final fling was buying a small cabin cruiser called Big Enough with the cartoon character of a bimbo blonde spilling out of a tiny bikini! Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient..
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Yeah. I look at the things I’ve achieved and I realize the only times the narcissists in my life ever acknowledged them was when they thought that this would put me in their debt somehow. I needed to learn that my achievements are mine, not theirs.
Thank you Dr Ramani! I have an MA, and worked in the same "field" "industry" for over 30 years. I would give my team a B - for cohesion. On the other hand I live with an LD (learning disability) due to a serious illness before I was one year old. I have had the conversation regarding efficiency versus competency many many times. Still various people strive to achieve validation by aligning themselves with "power" which is ridiculous. I am competent but there is always a random person lurking around the corner who feels the need to critique my duration, which fills me with exasperation! I will continue to do my job as I have for 3 decades despite the unprofessional push and pull others try to put on me.
Lol, I haven't finished watching yet. Once again. I open up to listen to you. Thank you. I just love this..... Midway still laughing, thank you. I love this. I have admiration for you. You hold a part in my heart. Thank you for this video. I am smiling with joy, taking your advice. Thank you for explaining. I am bad ass!😊
This is me. My mind knows I'm competent and likable, but my body can't seem to dial down the cortisol levels, and it's really affecting my health and higher-level decision-making. I feel like I need a factory reset. I did, however, vanquish my narcissist with some judiciously applied kindness (toxic positivity? Maybe...😁). I spoke to her superiors to let them know she appeared to be struggling (she was) and needed some extra support and a new direction (she did) and then told her and other (when she was fishing for pity) that I thought it was an awesome opportunity to grow, and that I believed in her. 😂 But I still need my cat to keep my heart from hurting. And I still need health insurance.
My boss deliberately excludes me from important meetings and information, and then when I made a total fool of myself he does this big apology thing about how he should have told me xy or z. Its incredibly manipulative and designed (probably unconsciously) to make me unsure of myself. And if I say anything it just makes me look petty. Working hard on not letting it bother me.
I’ve learned that when it gets to that level of being so unhealthy. You have to do what is best for you by any means necessary. Even if it means walking away.
Maybe he's actually incapable of being a husband...maybe he's projecting his own insecurities onto you. I hope you heal. It's not always fast or easy...I know that personally. ❤
Neville Goddard said that the external world is the inner one projected out. It makes sense, since our inner insecurity and unworthiness manifest outwardly.
As a linguist, I find it extremely frustrating that most languages don't have a word for "self-worth". In most languages, it is translated as " self-esteem". NOT the same thing!!! You can KNOW and BELIEVE that you're smart, good, kind, resourceful, patient, empathetic, strong, etc. and STILL think you're not "enough". Why else would we trap ourselves in narcissistic relationships, with someone who precisely pushes us to be "more"? Lack of self-worth is a DEEP erroneous belief that has roots in our deepest childhood wounds---and is amplified by narcissistic abuse. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for reminding us that we can rewire our brain and change our deepest beliefs. It takes work, but it's possible. PS: until we do, the dating world isn't a safe place for us. ❤
My girlfriend got one of the build it yourself wall units and called me to help her put it together. We got it up and she said that the males in the household would loved the job we did. I told her that they will hone in any mistake and point it out and not compliment our work. I was right.
I can't do enough for my aging father. Now I'm trying to use that to my advantage. Doing less. Saying I don't know about whatever it is he brings up or wants me to do. And so he is now scrambling around doing more. I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to find it within myself to be able to get a job again because I told him I would help him. That made him feel like I would do Everything for him and then I realized how very controlling, manipulative and unemphatic he is. So I'm doing less and maybe he'll find a new supply on his own. Idk. I know this isn't a healthy way.
Visiting my family of origin feels like stepping into the Twilight Zone. An alternate reality of narcissistic codependency. I can laugh about the contrast now 😂
Unfortunately, Im not good at anything special or economically profitable, most of my childhood and youth went by with the brainfog, depression, feeling unsafe, threatened and being ill in various parts of the body. I havent acquired a good earning skill so I go from low pay job to low pay job only to make ends meet and have zero dpare time now to acquire any new skill. Again due to this low pay/tight scheduled jobs
This just blows me away at 5:00. And I'm just dealing non-relation. It's hard enough to celebrate our successes - but what if someone else is shamed by that..... what if it is never enough. Goodness, what is happiness?
🤔Know thyself. If someone calls me a 🤡freak, I just 😊smile. My 👩💼therapist had a sign above her desk that said it's 👌ok to be 😜weird. Adulting is not getting upset if things don't go your way and being alright with it.
C-suit projects are run by a owner/manager and a office of birds of the same feather using the your not enough control over you. But guess what the reason your there is because you are. Self love = self confidence and when the discard happens take that self care and love with you.
It's really hard to try to do what you suggest. If you still have the voice of your parents in your head admonishing you not to be "vain and conceited" about anything you might acheive, then you go automatically to the feeling that acheivements are nothing special, because if you could do it, then anyone can do it, and therefore nothing you could ever do would be remarkable. It leads you down a path to working 60-70 hours for a narcissist (and getting paid for 40) who never saw his employees anymore competent than people who watched TV all day long (all of us had undergraduate degrees). I had a nervous breakdown and was in the psych ward for months, since I was working for the temporary safety of not being yelled at for not acheiving more. He once told me, "With your level of competence, I am amazed you can even tie your own shoes."
Going above and beyond could have been a way to keep you safe from ridicule. Like you are putting out the fires before they start. But they will lie about something anyway.
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My self confidence suffered badly because of them. I'm slowly developing my confidence now after crossing 50.
I’m finally free now @ 66 ❤️🩹 possible to learn & heal @ any age ♥️ it takes time so only stay positive with self talk & avoid more victim blaming or shaming
Same here. I am a scientist and very competent at my job, but just now starting to have the ability to know what I know instead of having too much self doubt in this and other areas of competence. It took me a long time to realize that just because I would never refuse to acknowledge someone else's area of expertise did NOT mean others, especially those who knew me, would.
Best of luck from another narcissistic abuse survivor. It took me 20 years and counting to be on my feet again.
Pray for you
This is why I celebrated my wins and gains in silence. Nor do I discuss my goals and plans. The last time I shared news about my achievements I was either told I got lucky or was accused of cheating and lying. Or trivialize my accomplishments. It often felt like they were secretly putting an evil eye on me to fail and suffer
....or triangulating behind our back, active sabotage. Phone calls to colleges or employers or significant others, feigning worry while actually engaging in a misinformation campaign bc they fear us becoming more successful than they are, or more informed through interpersonal communication classes, or even, independent bc they don't want to lose their scapegoat. I have a friend answering phones at a community college. She handles such phone calls and I know my mother made such calls. The assistant answering phones at my own college tracked me down in shock. She had access to my 4.0 GPA & instantly knew my mother was lying, being devious, in asking if there'd been any signs of drug abuse. Most families would want that secret, not spread it about or expect an administrative office staff to be monitoring personal behavior of each of thousands of students. It had to be agitprop, she said, & wanted to know if I needed any resources, was my mom helping pay, did I need to cut ties. And she was so worried I didn't know my mother was like that. I didn't know she was that underhanded but it actually answered some questions, confirmed some suspicions & was a relief bc it confirmed those and proved good people who care exist & see through that stuff & will support rather than condemn us. But I spent the next 3 weeks randomly saying omg, I can't believe she actually DID that. She'd also pretend I was a thief bc she was, an ultra respectable looking corrupt little piece of work & I'm not talking about her height. I learned to pretend to be screwing up, lol. Then she was satisfied without committing sabotage. They are putting out resentful enemy thoughts, ill wishes, hoping we don't outdo them - or equal them - & if that fear is big enough they'll take action to try to ensure it or make it appear we're not what we seem, to others. They fear being left behind & not being superior & needed & the be all & end all. They pull seriously twisted things.
Every time I was going to try something and I would tell my mother, she would say, "you can't do that," or "be careful, this isn't going to turn out right!" She would completely destroy my confidence. I had to stop telling her anything.
I am sorry for all of that. I hope you have people who celebrate your victories with triumphant joy now.
I love you to the moon and back Dr. Ramani !! Thanks so much for all you do for our community 🤍💯
Seconded. This feels like an IFS (Internal Family Systems) informed approach which I think can be very powerful in the process of integration to which Dr Ramani alludes.
"psychological hollowing out"...that perfectly describes how I felt and still feel at times. Thank you Dr. Ramani.❤
My life story! No matter what I did growing up, any accomplishment, it was never good enough for my mother. I wasn’t allowed an opinion, or allowed to be good at anything. Since going no contact 4 yrs ago I’m gaining more confidence in myself. The anxiety attacks are less frequent or less intense. I’m feeling less under a microscope when performing tasks. I find myself letting the little things go more often & find myself less OCD. We have to get away from the triggers & go no contact to retrain our brain.
That's true for many of us. 💔 When I became pregnant with my daughter, I entered a deep depression because I believed that I would be bound to repeat history. Since then, I discovered that I'm an incredible mom who's raising a daughter who will believe in herself, have self-love and self-respect, and will value herself enough not to take crap from anyone. This stops here. With us. ❤
As a child I remember saying to my parents I want to be...dad would reply you aren't clever enough to do anything you are useless...he did the same for everything it wasn't until I left forever that I made a success of myself...they do an awful lot of harm to young people peace and love ❤️ to all narcissist survivors
Same Wanted to go into medicine excellent grades school but got the self esteem knocked out of me as not clever enough😢
❤❤❤❤❤❤@@patricebest545
@patricebest545 so sorry this happened to you too I hope you did it anyway ❤
I became an over achiever in academics and athletics in order to try and gain my narcissistic father’s approval. He never, ever said “good job.” One example, in high school I was the first female to win the scholar - athlete award. My father asked me if there was a cash award to go with the plaque. I told him “no.” He responded, “well that’s not much of an award.” For decades after, I would make excuses in my mind for my father’s many similar comments. He did the same to my sisters and hollowed them out for life. I rationalized that he was the way he was because he wanted his children to succeed. Tough love. After all, his adult friends would tell me (not in my father’s presence) that my father was “so proud of me.” Could it be that was true? Or, what if my father bragged about me to other adults to gain narcissistic supply from them - my accomplishments attributed to his genetic contribution rather than attributable to me as a unique and talented person?
Yes, the same thing here. My father who was a covert narc [and my mother who was his flying monkey] would say to me: you're only going to amount to being a dishwasher. I ended up getting a Master's Degree.
I haven’t even watched the video yet, but just seeing the title I KNEW I’d resonate with this one.
My mom was forever switching up between ‘you’re an adult, go do it yourself!’ when I asked for help with something, and then completely ignoring me, not asking for my input, treating me like a child and then getting all in a huff if I said anything about me being an adult. Lol.
It’s completely absurd. No wonder I’m so confused and doubtful of myself. I’m slowly distancing myself from her and my sister. And I’m feeling better the less I see them.
“You can’t heal in the same place that made you sick.”
For now, trust me until you find d out for yourself that the greater the distance from your abusers, the easier it is to heal. You’re not going to need to expend energy to prop yourself up from their putdowns-until you stop doing it, you don’t realize how much energy it took.
The more cord-cutting you do, the less muscle memory you have that’s connected to the past. What you’re aiming for is essentially “amnesia” of the abuse, where you only take away the lessons, and create new habits & memories for the you going forward.
I’ve learned a long time ago from my family of origin that silence equals safety.
I had gotten a good job at a front desk. My 90 year old grampa, kept calling me at work, making demands. I had to hang up because we were busy. Then my dad came in, so aggressively. It disrupted the whole sales floor. It freaked people out. Like how dare I get a good job that made me unavailable to my narc family for several hours a day. It was so embarrassing 😢
I am sorry that your narcissistic family was so unreasonable and rude. I hope things are better for you now!
I’ve always wondered why I feel so competent and confident in the work I do for others and yet still feel I am unworthy of being liked, or loved. Thanks for making my journey one towards inner self recognition. Yay! 😢
I know that was. Mother never could decide if I was competent or not. At washing dishes, at frying hamburger, at taking out the trash, at sweeping and mopping the floor, at the laundry, at anything.
The rule of the game being "You can't win" was always part of the rules with her.
I even tested her once, doing the prep for cooking but not actually turning the burners on, and she still screamed that I was filling the house with smoke. Can't do that if the burners are purposefully not turned on because I'm prepping first . . .
Man what a fire breathing broom riding (*&^%$#@)
@@cymbolichuman433 Christian. In my experience, most witches are wonderful people, while Christians are just waiting for a chance to burn a person at the stake.
In fact, I used to call Mother the Wicked Christian of the West.
My mom used to refold the towels I had to wash and put away.
She’s 82 now. Hasn’t changed
Thank you for your words Dr Ramani. Your videos help me to understand myself better and heal emotionally.
Thank you for this video. Before I figured out the whole narcissistic mother/enabling dad dynamics (at about 55 years of age), I dreaded visits from my parents. I would tell them, "It's amazing that 360 days a year, I am a highly functioning adult human being. Why can't you see that and be nice to me?" In exactly those words. And then I would give in to it because they were in my house for the next several days and I just wanted peace. I stopped letting them visit my house about 8 years ago, saw them sporadically, and finally went NC 2 years ago. I am very appreciative of your material that speaks to those of us who grew up in narcissistic abuse. It's not me! But I'm having trouble working through it. Things like this help so much.
Their deep insecurity sees anyone else's confidence or competence as a threat. & I'm betting you're smarter than they are and they knew it. + Your brain isn't busy all the time, comparing, competing, criticizing, & being cunning. And they are cunning. It's a compulsion yet they do know exactly what they're doing & they think it's survival skills! Ugh! Congratulations on going NC. For what it's worth from this stranger but fellow survivor I'm proud of you! I don't mean that in a belittling way at all, the opposite! It's put triumph where psychological oppression was & isn't easy. We're programmed to love parents & relatives nmw. When any of us get out it shows someone still in it they can get out too!
Make so much sense. Your confident self talks to your doubtful self! Confident self can learn to feel feelings , and doubtful self learns to find our voice
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Oftentimes, realizing setbacks in life from encountering narcissism can be frustrating. Your counsel on recuperating from narcissism is extraordinary.
We can do it now. Thank God we have grown into people who can take care of ourselves now and when we were kids and we couldn’t have protected ourselves against abusers but now we can.
I saw a comic years ago that showed a confident, professional woman visiting her parents. By the time she arrived at the front door, she became a little girl wearing pigtails.
So on point doc. I could relate to every word. This is my core wound, that I am not enough. I always feel like there is so much to do and I can't catch up, like literally I want to press a stop button and catch my breath. My whole life there were demands that I should meet or face the end of the world. So, I am always living on the battlefield, feeling always not enough as the demands never end. Demands that a child could never meet, demands an adult needs help to meet. Without that life jacket, I am always drowning and I find it exhausting by swimming and swimming and swimming. I feel like I need a moment to take a breath and catch up.
But, doc, your words are guiding me. And I know I am not alone.
I always feel like you will always understand what I am saying. Because I don't think no one ever did. I am so blessed to have known you.
❤❤
@@chandanadkarathully7752 I think we all here understand. Dr. Ramani has opened the door & let us all connect & see that we’re not alone. God bless her for that. It’s a long healing journey but we can get to the other side together & realize we’re enough. 💛
@@denisem4575 Yes, Absolutely. Thank you for the kind words🤗
We are not alone, and together we can go through this amazing journey of healing and recovering💐💐
Somehow you've articulated what I feel and can't put into words. Thank you for helping me connect this piece of the puzzle.
Everything in this video I can relate. I remember mowing the lawn in a circle. But it was looking good but not like my narc father did it though. I was pretty fed up with him back then. Anyway the last bit of grass to mow looked like a perfect grave. My narc dad of course came out to witness the grave , the last bit to mow. lol and really gave me a perplexing and dirty look. Needless to say he’s gone now. I dumped his ashes in a graveyard. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had dumped them in the toilet. At 68 still trying to mend there are good days and bad. Ty Dr Ramani as always!
I was going to put my narc dad’s ashes in the neighbor’s pig pen! They hated each other & that man got his ashes scattered in his field. I let my younger sister deal with him & never went to a single funeral in my no contact dysfunctional family… really couldn’t care less since that’s just HIStory & now it’s time for HERstory 😉
@@caroleminke6116 I hear that!
Right on! I like it.
Oh that struck me. That I feel both. I know I’m super competent, I know I do more than enough on a mastery level and yet I feel I’m not enough
I am a survivor, I've been estranged from daughter for 8 years. Every relationship I have had has been with a narcissist or sociopath. I married one. Biggest mistake of my life. 10 years ago I was suffering from a narcissistic relationship break up, thought I was going to die, then I started a group to try and figure out how to heal and help others do the same. I miss my daughter so much, since healing I can see the narcissism in my family and the dysfunction it caused in my life. I wish my daughter knew me now. I wish she would stop giving me the silent treatment so I could explain what I have learned . Am I crazy to wish this. My insecure voices take over all the time, healing is a bitch.
my group is still going strong!!!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@Plumduff3303 thank you
I felt that......had a boss who it was never enough for.
Try writing a a physical letter to your daughter explaining everything you feel comfortable about revealing. Now, the ball is in her court and she can't ever claim you didn't attempt to mend the relationship.
I would not email the letter, nor make a phone call. That's too impersonal for such an important matter. Best of luck to you. 🙏
Your video could not be more timely, Dr Ramani! Thank you so much❤
All of this resonated with me so much. My dad did every narcissistic thing you listed and a mountain more. I struggle so much with the idea of getting a better job because he told me so much that I had no skills, and that if I could do it, anyone could, which meant it wasn’t a skill. To this day I can’t actually tell you what my skills are. I freeze up, and hear the old lines. That actual skills are beyond my ability to learn and do. Even though cognitively I know they’re not. Thanks dad.
I went from being 💯 independent competent and successful to not being able to function after a car accident caused me to have to move in with my family. Tired of overcompensating. They don’t see me no matter what I do. I recently got an important acknowledgement of success in my career, and when I told my dad, his response was ‘that’s interesting’ which was super disappointing. I give myself the praise they cannot. Proud of me despite their criticisms. Focusing on truths. Loving and validating myself. Prioritizing my health and safety. Keeping healthy boundaries. Knowing I am fine without them and I matter too. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The survivor's war for victory through wisdom and gaining that same wisdom in the narcissistic narrative: it is imperative to win it to have the good life. ❤❤
I hang on every word in these videos. There is always so much wisdom! Thank you, Dr Ramani.
Same here. Anything I did that didn't support or help them got knocked down hard no matter how good of an accomplishment it was.
On point again, thanks!
I can never thank you enough for your insights and the help.you're offering.
I cherish the day I've come across one of your videos. It has been like taking the red pill. Finally.
Thank you for your work. Thank you for your empathy.
Wow, so Brilliant and Empowering. I'll be watching this a few times. I am so grateful, Dr. Ramani, that you not only know when and what to bring to us, but also have the great teaching skills to help us grasp it.
It takes very special human beings to raise someone believing in herself, with a healthy dose of self-love, self-worth and self-respect. Most of us didn't get that. A narcissistic relationship is a wake-up call that tells you: IT STOPS HERE. It stops for you. It stops for your children. It stops for your family line. We are generational-curse breakers. We are the catalysts of change. ❤
I needed to hear this Dr. Ramani. As I work on my dream job which is indie game development (a lonely endeavor), the fear of being not enough is paralyzing. I feel competent I can do the programming but I fear I can't communicate through my work. I fear I won't reach my audience. I fear I won't reach out to the hearts of the audience I want to reach and it can be very demoralizing. On day one of my journey, I felt my game would be successful financially but as I integrate these feelings I've come to accept the fact that the game might not be good enough and to not let this fact reflect upon myself as to who I am. Accepting what I'm feeling and silencing this negative self-talk feels to be the right path and this video confirms it. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Sounds pretty good to me. If you enjoy doing what you are doing who cares. I'm sure when you finish your game there will be a few people who will appreciate it. BTW is it your first?
@@Agheel963 Second. I released the first one six years ago and the time gap is due to a natural disaster plus a different job to sustain myself for a while.
Thank you again Dr Ramani. I rarely hear this aspect discussed. Feeling it again as my body has taken a huge downturn after all the mistreatment has affected my health, and then all the over achieving just to survive has continued to be necessary and as soon as it wasn't needed to the same degree, my body gave out fully. Finding it hard to accept and feel confident that the major turn my life has to take will be ok. The purple dress will forever be a metaphor for me for so many things now.
Very Helpful thank you 🙏
Over doing everything perfectly, in fear of abuse and criticism, and trying desperately to be ‘good enough’
I've btdt aka been there done that. Guess what? If God says that I'm enough, that's what I fully believe. All else is the devil working to keep me in the dark, depressed and sadess. I rebuke this in Jesus name. Hugs to all of ya'll ❤😊
This is me 💯. Thank you Dr Ramani for validating my lifelong experience ❤ growing up with a vulnerable narc mother, becoming an obsessed perfectionist, an overachiever to exhaustion, competent professional ....only to find myself behaving like a five year old in the presence of my mother (or when a distant memory occurs).
Growing up, my Mom would sometimes tell me I lack common sense, and other times tell me I'm too smart for my own good. So I was both incompetent, and at the same time smart in a bad way. What is a kid supposed to do with that?!
Thank you so much for this video, Dr. Ramani! It really speaks volumes to me.
Your B game is more than enough ❤ , it really is😊 thanks for the reminder.
As an autistic woman....all the time. Plus the narc trauma, of course.
Exactly Thanks
Doctor Ramani I just love you❤! I see the mother figure come out in you! And that is so very valuable my Dear! You deserve much!🎉 Keep on rockin you!🎉😊
Thank you! You put into words what I experience perfectly. Haven't really heard anyone else speak about this.
OMG! Nailed it! This is going to take a lot of unpacking. I'll be playing this on repeat...
How well this spoke to my experience! My narcissistic mother said, "it's better not to try at all than to try something and fail." Don't try - don't fail. Go through life in a straitjacket, and when you do work up the resolve to try something new, your inner critic raises perfectionistic hell and slams on the brakes. For safety - because the narcissistic people will make every effort to demean your achievements and tarnish your success. You become good at things from perservering alone, but feel intimidated about sharing them due to the backlash meted out upon excellence.
I had to deal with that all of my life. My narcissist parent/sister did all those things but the contempt became too hard to bare as I got older. I always felt I had to do more, be more successful or make more money. The duality of my life at work and home became so unbalanced. I do remember struggling with this (rumination)for years. It was not until I went no contact that I could find some peace within myself. It is very hard to find someone that understands this kind of situation. Bless you Dr Ramani.
Your advice here is like having guardrails to prevent someone falling back into the toxic wasteland they just escaped, upon finding all roads leading to the It's Not You dynasty, wherever that promised land may be..
This was amazing Dr Ramani , thank you!
Recently I have decided to not do things perfectly! So, instead of putting our colouful towels away in rainbow coloured order, I just piled them up! I also put some papers in year order, very necessary, but didn’t divide them further. If I need a partucular year again I'll be able to sort out a year's small pile easily. I thought I'd feel bad and guilty for not taking enough trouble but I was ok for some reason. The tasks were done more quickly, to no detriment, and that made them feel lighter, so I felt more energetic at the end too.
I thought I was quite good at my simple basic job until I got told that I didn't have a proper job.
Oh wow. Yeah, exactly.
Haha I get that all the time! I work a well-paying 9-5, get told I’m a loser who’s not doing anything with his life 😂😂😂
@@peterstaker3230 .... Oh, yeah. THAT one. My communal narcissist step-mother LOVED to tell people what a loser I was when I was struggling in my 20s. Then one day someone in her Bible study group asked details of my "sins" and when all my step-mother could accuse me of was "coming home late from work," (which I did because I couldn't stand being in the house) every woman laughed in her face. Apparently all her friends had 20-somethings who were going off the rails constantly, and she looked so stupid complaining that her stepdaughter was (horrors!) COMING HOME AT NIGHT and HAD A JOB. That was one of the first important milestones in my healing when I began to realize that something was really wrong with HER, not me. (By the way, my step-mother quit that study group pretty soon after that and never joined another one.)
@@peterstaker3230 It is your life not theirs it is for you to decide how you want to live it and what makes you happy. Even if you did not have a job that would not make you a loser, a job does not define who you are as a person.
I was told that for 18 years I haven't earned from my profession so much money as him, even though I was working, raising our children, taking care of the household stuff, keeping everything on track, being fit and well presented, going to the doctors by myself etc...
Thank you so much for todays lesson.I was just mentioning this topic last week with my therapist and you have thoroughly defined this for me.👌❤
It took several attempts to break free but every time he came back from AWOL 🤦♀️ I had a lot more understanding of his patterns that just got worse with age 🤷♀️ his final fling was buying a small cabin cruiser called Big Enough with the cartoon character of a bimbo blonde spilling out of a tiny bikini! Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient..
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
SPAM alert! Dr Ramani this is covert spam.
Yeah. I look at the things I’ve achieved and I realize the only times the narcissists in my life ever acknowledged them was when they thought that this would put me in their debt somehow. I needed to learn that my achievements are mine, not theirs.
Spot on
Thank you Dr Ramani! I have an MA, and worked in the same "field" "industry" for over 30 years. I would give my team a B - for cohesion. On the other hand I live with an LD (learning disability) due to a serious illness before I was one year old. I have had the conversation regarding efficiency versus competency many many times. Still various people strive to achieve validation by aligning themselves with "power" which is ridiculous. I am competent but there is always a random person lurking around the corner who feels the need to critique my duration, which fills me with exasperation! I will continue to do my job as I have for 3 decades despite the unprofessional push and pull others try to put on me.
Thank you dear Dr Ramani another wonderful video. So good. Xx
This is an amazing vid in a large series of amazing vids.
Every word you say is so true thank you D Ramani❤
Thank you appreciate you Dr Ramani. 100 pecent on point. its no more a match. I told them they are like wearing the wrong size shoe.
This is spot on!!! 👍
Profound
Lol, I haven't finished watching yet. Once again. I open up to listen to you. Thank you. I just love this..... Midway still laughing, thank you. I love this.
I have admiration for you. You hold a part in my heart. Thank you for this video. I am smiling with joy, taking your advice. Thank you for explaining. I am bad ass!😊
I needed this reminder.
This is me. My mind knows I'm competent and likable, but my body can't seem to dial down the cortisol levels, and it's really affecting my health and higher-level decision-making. I feel like I need a factory reset. I did, however, vanquish my narcissist with some judiciously applied kindness (toxic positivity? Maybe...😁). I spoke to her superiors to let them know she appeared to be struggling (she was) and needed some extra support and a new direction (she did) and then told her and other (when she was fishing for pity) that I thought it was an awesome opportunity to grow, and that I believed in her. 😂 But I still need my cat to keep my heart from hurting. And I still need health insurance.
❤❤❤ thanks for everything Ramani mam, love 💕
My boss deliberately excludes me from important meetings and information, and then when I made a total fool of myself he does this big apology thing about how he should have told me xy or z. Its incredibly manipulative and designed (probably unconsciously) to make me unsure of myself. And if I say anything it just makes me look petty. Working hard on not letting it bother me.
I’ve learned that when it gets to that level of being so unhealthy. You have to do what is best for you by any means necessary. Even if it means walking away.
Thank You Dr Ramani 🙏 ❤
Love the 💺🪑
Thanks I needed that. ❤
After all improved efforts, dedication, love. My husband told me am unqualified to be his wife and am useless to him
Maybe he's actually incapable of being a husband...maybe he's projecting his own insecurities onto you. I hope you heal. It's not always fast or easy...I know that personally. ❤
Hope you told him to go LOOK IN THE MIRROR
@JohannaVanDreumel lol. I was speechless, 4kids in 8years of marriage. I only had to take my recovery and growth serious
Neville Goddard said that the external world is the inner one projected out. It makes sense, since our inner insecurity and unworthiness manifest outwardly.
As a linguist, I find it extremely frustrating that most languages don't have a word for "self-worth". In most languages, it is translated as " self-esteem". NOT the same thing!!! You can KNOW and BELIEVE that you're smart, good, kind, resourceful, patient, empathetic, strong, etc. and STILL think you're not "enough". Why else would we trap ourselves in narcissistic relationships, with someone who precisely pushes us to be "more"? Lack of self-worth is a DEEP erroneous belief that has roots in our deepest childhood wounds---and is amplified by narcissistic abuse. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for reminding us that we can rewire our brain and change our deepest beliefs. It takes work, but it's possible. PS: until we do, the dating world isn't a safe place for us. ❤
My girlfriend got one of the build it yourself wall units and called me
to help her put it together. We got it up and she said that the males in
the household would loved the job we did. I told her that they will hone
in any mistake and point it out and not compliment our work. I was right.
I can't do enough for my aging father. Now I'm trying to use that to my advantage. Doing less. Saying I don't know about whatever it is he brings up or wants me to do. And so he is now scrambling around doing more. I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to find it within myself to be able to get a job again because I told him I would help him. That made him feel like I would do Everything for him and then I realized how very controlling, manipulative and unemphatic he is. So I'm doing less and maybe he'll find a new supply on his own. Idk. I know this isn't a healthy way.
I have always been competent, I had two competent parents.
My self confidence was done in by co-workers and superiors. My 8 year old self was more confident and encouraged.
Perfect!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Visiting my family of origin feels like stepping into the Twilight Zone. An alternate reality of narcissistic codependency. I can laugh about the contrast now 😂
Unfortunately, Im not good at anything special or economically profitable, most of my childhood and youth went by with the brainfog, depression, feeling unsafe, threatened and being ill in various parts of the body. I havent acquired a good earning skill so I go from low pay job to low pay job only to make ends meet and have zero dpare time now to acquire any new skill. Again due to this low pay/tight scheduled jobs
This just blows me away at 5:00. And I'm just dealing non-relation. It's hard enough to celebrate our successes - but what if someone else is shamed by that..... what if it is never enough. Goodness, what is happiness?
My narcisstic mom used to say that my successfull life was God’s will that I was nothing
🤔Know thyself. If someone calls me a 🤡freak, I just 😊smile. My 👩💼therapist had a sign above her desk that said it's 👌ok to be 😜weird. Adulting is not getting upset if things don't go your way and being alright with it.
Very helpful ❤
Dr Ramani please talk about social physchology and pretty privilege
The Classic Stage Mom 👩🏻
C-suit projects are run by a owner/manager and a office of birds of the same feather using the your not enough control over you. But guess what the reason your there is because you are. Self love = self confidence and when the discard happens take that self care and love with you.
They never ever smiles nearly.
Thank you Dr Ramani, you are helping me so much. Are youncoming to,Florida after north carolina?
My life.
It's really hard to try to do what you suggest. If you still have the voice of your parents in your head admonishing you not to be "vain and conceited" about anything you might acheive, then you go automatically to the feeling that acheivements are nothing special, because if you could do it, then anyone can do it, and therefore nothing you could ever do would be remarkable. It leads you down a path to working 60-70 hours for a narcissist (and getting paid for 40) who never saw his employees anymore competent than people who watched TV all day long (all of us had undergraduate degrees). I had a nervous breakdown and was in the psych ward for months, since I was working for the temporary safety of not being yelled at for not acheiving more. He once told me, "With your level of competence, I am amazed you can even tie your own shoes."
Going above and beyond could have been a way to keep you safe from ridicule. Like you are putting out the fires before they start. But they will lie about something anyway.
This life isnt a gift its a prison sentencd
And if they dont like you,they will use the silent treatment.
1st, 20 September 2024
My B GAME IS MORE THAN ENOUGH????? Im shookETH!!!!😮