Been married to one for 48 years and I can say you hit the nail on the head - you explain exactly what they do and why. He opens his mouth and out comes lies and deceptions. He cares nothing about me. I’m only here to be used up by him, only he’s not happy since he gets nothing from me any more and if he wants to leave I’ll show him the door even help him pack.
@@Blablabla44475 I was just making a point that I agreed with everything that was said. I didn’t think I was complaining, just agreeing . So sorry I went beyond my rights to make you think I was complaining. I will keep my mouth shut from now on so as to not offend you
@@Blablabla44475Isn't it interesting that, after 48years, she's still waiting for him to leave the marriage first & would even "help him pack" but only "if he wants to leave", rather than making moves towards her own exit? On another hand, some with narc spouses/partners do hang jn there for the long haul & it's usually due to them being trapped by their addiction to the turbulence & toxicity inherent in such relationships, getting some kind of fix therefrom. It is warped. They'll gripe, for sure, but won't get out!
@@Blablabla44475 We all have a right to complain about getting a raw deal, not everyone is in a situation to just pack up and leave especially in this current worldwide state of affairs.
In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words). I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse. You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off. Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Oh my, that's horrible. Minor thing, it's better to write in paragraphs; without those what you write is tough to stay focused on and understand. But yours was such an accurate (but sad) account of your horrific experience, dhd-00, that the reader, if he/she has any compassion and empathy at all, really feels for you. I'm a committed Christian with a very sweet, healthy, and compassionate soul-mate who is also a Christian, so it's tough to identify with someone who married a monster, thinking she was marrying a good and loving partner in life. And I hope this doesn't sound cold and callous, but honestly, assuming you don't struggle with issues of codependency, or issues of loneliness when not having a man in the house to love on and have intimacy with, I think it really IS better to have no relationship at all, than to be forced to go on living with a cyborg who loves only himself, and not only never loved a lovable person/woman like you, but may not be capable of truly loving anyone in any normal and healthy way. My heart goes out to you, and I'd call you 'sister' were you a Christian like me and my wife are. And a sister in Christ should never be forced to suffer such a fate. People, let's pray for this sweet woman and hope she someday find a male soulmate that she richly deserves. Amen. I searched the available emojis for this TH-cam reply and could not find any 'praying hands' or 'tears', both of whom would be appropriate, and 'emote' how anyone would feel after reading what you posted here. Blessings and Prayers, ..
Narcissist see reality and the world as their movie, and they are the main character. Therefore if you out- shine them in any way shape or form they will rip you apart.
"They look for people who reflect the image that THEY want to show off to the world". This is the most simple and on point explanation I have yet heard.
Exactly. It wasn't until I started psychology as a hobby that I saw this is exactly what I went through with a former colleague. Everything described is eerily similar to what I went through with a former colleague. We were equals, but she often acted like everyone's boss and thus rubbed many people the wrong way. She was what we now refer to as a stereotypical common garden variety everyday Karen. Let's call her Sally. At bare minimum, Sally had an extremely huge opinion of herself, an even more huge fragile ego, no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and nothing resembling a sense of accountability. All of this only conflated her sense of self and her ability to believe whatever fell out of her mouth. After having a few run-ins with Sally, I later learned, that if her lips were moving, she was either whining about someone/something, lying or both. In this case, she claimed she was a skilled "writer” but her experience went no further than ranting on the Internet. Sally clearly loved being the center of attention, having all eyes on her and being in the spotlight. When asked to actually put her money where her mouth is and prove herself i.e. walk the walk, she was suddenly all thumbs or suspiciously quiet. I found Sally's claims quite suspicious. Despite having a four-year degree in which she majored in business and minored in drama, her writing was so bad it looked like two people had sex on a keyboard and it wrote something. When I tried to coach her and help her improve, she would be extremely resistant to any kind of criticism or gave a lame excuse like: “Do you know how long it's been since I've been out of school?” For clarity, this was a middle-aged woman, with a grown daughter and a high school-aged son. Sally's writing was beyond bad, it was almost indecipherable. She repeatedly mixed up her homonyms and homophones, let alone didn't know the difference between the two, used commas as end punctuation, often misspelled simple grade school-level words, wrote in run-on sentences consisting of only lowercase letters, consistently failed to capitalize proper nouns, etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg regarding the discrepancies with her writing skills. She couldn't even write a simple declarative sentence let alone know what one is. On the extremely rare occasion, when everything in what she had written was spelled correctly, there were usually numerous grammatical errors. When I pointed that out to her, she would spout the tired excuse of: “Well, spellcheck didn't catch it.” I shot back with the example of if she typed the but meant them, of course, spellcheck wouldn't catch it because, you know, it's a word. She refused to accept my logic and accused me of being purposefully mean to her. I reiterate this was a grown, married woman in her late forties with two nearly grown children. Not at all the attitude a professional would have. I haven't even touched upon her lack of creativity or diversity in any story she tried to ’write.’ Every one of Sally's attempts at creating a written work was deathly boring and repetitive drivel i.e. there was never anything resembling a plot, the characters were so two-dimensional they barely even qualified as caricatures, the dialogue was stilted and awkward, descriptions were often too long and full of redundancies that never got to the point, etc. I couldn't even get through the first few pages. Once I implored her to write an outline, take notes, create character bios, etc. She dismissed all of my advice stating those were all things ‘losers’ do then chuckled like an idiot as if she had said the funniest thing ever. Despite having “been at it” longer than me, being nearly 20 years older, Sally was insanely jealous of my talent as well as my ability to relate to even complete strangers. I was barely past legal drinking age when I met her and she was in her mid-forties parading around, with her nose in the air, acting like she was going to be a star in the business world. As anyone knows, having lived through these types of situations, when someone has to go down their life's resume of virtues while extolling all of the qualities we should admire in them, usually that person isn't even worth giving a passing glance. If I only knew then what I know now. Sally sort of adopted me as her "work son” claiming she wanted to show me the ropes. Even though we were in two completely different realms of the industry back then, her plan was to cross-train and expand her skills. She made it seem like it was a you scratch my back and I scratch yours, tit for tat, quid pro quo type of thing. One of many things that became apparent after listening to Sally speak for more than a few minutes: she seemed to have an itch in her mind that she wanted to fast track everything and take the elevator to success. There's no such thing. You have to take the stairs. It turned out she was notorious for using her phony charm to exploit people who had a resource she coveted, while riding their coattails, contributing the bare minimum (if anything at all) to any project she was involved in, then rushing into the spotlight to claim credit for a job well done. Her backstabbing, manipulative behavior rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, which is why she ended up clinging to me: I was the only one who didn't know what she was really like--yet. Cliff notes version: Sally stole my intellectual property, slapped her name on it, rewrote the material (badly) and then tried to pass it off as her own. Had she not been so sloppy about everything and kept her smug, bragging mouth full of tobacco-stained teeth shut, she might have gotten away with it. Two applicable sayings are: "be careful when you burn bridges” and "the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Sally might have won the battle, but when she, without even a second thought, isolated herself by napalming every relationship around her, turning every single person she knew into an enemy, she lost the war. Eventually the truth came out and Sally was left twisting in the wind, hanging over the hole that she had dug for me which turned out to be the grave for her professional career. Everyone professionally connected to her was furious that she had wasted their resources (time, effort and money) on her bad investments. When it came out that the work she had used in her business proposal pitch to everyone wasn't hers but mine, they deserted her at the drop of a hat. Her lack of integrity was apparent, but the shit show she created, proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was nothing more than a grifter with zero skills and even less talent. Everyone turning their backs on her was the icing on the karmic cake. Who wants to be connected to something that could be a potential source of litigation? In her woefully pathetic attempt to do damage control, she called me up flipping out. It was clear she expected me to accept her impromptu, heavily embellished tale of fiction as irrefutable truth. All I had to do was tell her that I knew everything, that she wasn't the only person I talked to and I knew she had screwed everything up by overstepping her bounds again. I even told her I had seen the e-mails. They didn't exist, but due to her intense paranoia, she believed that I had seen incontrovertible proof in black and white. Hearing that, she completely deflated. It totally derailed her entire one-woman show and she devolved into a simpering mess. Through crocodile tears, she tried hoovering, breadcrumbing and pleading to get me to not "abandon” her like everyone else. I was completely flabbergasted, that she still was trying to act like the victim in a situation she caused. I didn't waiver and responded coldly. I gave her the biggest verbal slapping I had ever given anyone in my life up to that point. She was stunned silent. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I had all of the documentation proving that my work was my own, that everyone knew what she had done and her reputation preceded her exponentially. I said she was nothing but a lying, thieving, no-talent fraud who would have sold her own children up the river to get what she wanted. I ended the call with: “You see, Sally? I haven't trusted you for quite some time. Now I just don't like you. Get a life. One that doesn't involve me.” Aside from the death of a mutual colleague that she tried to use (as one of her spotlight moments) in her one final attempt to wheedle her way back into my life, I haven't heard from Sally since. It's been over a decade. As it is a small industry, I hear whispers. It should be of no surprise whatsoever, Sally never bounced back after her monumental screw up. She just kept running her small time hustles and cons while heading down her one-way road of self-destruction. It also should be no big shocker that it was later revealed that Sally had heavily embellished and completely fabricated large portions of her resume to the point that it was pure fiction. Her career is in tatters and her life is a putrid pile of garbage. Knowing her the way I do, she'll never be able to look in the mirror and realize that she did it all to herself. Karma is, indeed, a bitch.
@@iononcantomascrivo Wow, that was a really long post and tough to navigate to the end, but gosh, such a sad and manipulative fraud you fell victim to. Sorry you had to go through that. Blessings and prayers ..
@@randy_cbc8811 Thank you very much. It wasn't until afterwards when I started studying psychology as a hobby, doing a lot of prayer, that I realized that I needed to trust my instincts more, work on my personal boundaries and learn to trust my gut.
I have noticed that narcissist study you and read your body language. When I go to a restaurant with a friend im always focusing on the food but the narcissist is focusing on how i eat my food. Also narcissist will say things like "im not your therapist " because they are unable to emphasize with you and find your life boring. Narcissist read you like a book and they will use your weaknesses against you whenever they get a chance.
Accurate. I was even called “an easy target” at one point. Not by the narc I married but by a boss at work. It stuck with me and explained a lot of what I’d experienced in every area of life. My first bully was my mother.
Wow. Spot on. So very true. Took me a very long time to realize my ex wanted me for what I did for him and took care of everything. He couldn’t have cared less about my feelings or needs. He made fun of me if I brought up needs. Called me a drama queen if I cried. Almost 30 years of it. And he finally walked out after I started getting wise.
Was married over three decades, before the term narcissism was employed. Wish I could have had this validation during those toxic years. I finally broke free after a traumatic catalyst, but it was a terrifying step. I did eventually find peace and normalcy, but it took years to come to terms with the guilt imposed on me. I now see that guilt as part of their means to an end. You never completely heal, but thankfully move on into a much healthier life.
Same here. It’s like we draw them to ourselves. I have been rid of them for a few years now and my blood pressure has been normal lately. I sleep much better also.
This is one component I never figured out but makes complete sense given all their other negative traits. It's all about exploiting others for their own gain. I constantly have to remind myself they are not as complicated as they seem. Just age old tactics the Bible warns of.
I was married to a narcissist in 1993 and in 1995 my health just drastically failed. I cried saying he is going to leave me, because i was always in doctors office.......2023 knowledge of narcissist abuse..,...it was his evil toxicity demon 👿 it was him depleting me. Lord have mercy. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏👍🇯🇲
....and the sad part...we really can't afford to go through one by one trying to pick out the wolves in sheep's clothing, or the ones who genuinely care. I don't know what normal is......
No wonder I’m so meticulous about my appearance, I know that’s the first thing they judge about you. Mostly in my family it’s jealous women, so they pick apart every little detail.
This is every man in my family: my husband and all three son in laws, but especially the spouse of my eldest daughter. WOW did he ever schmooze me and play the part of wonderful godly young pastor… until AFTER their wedding 13 yrs ago. Then the bottom fell out literally overnight. He has done immeasurable damage to my family and especially my relationship with my daughter… I’m only just beginning to recover from the crushing hurt and shock…. Having become the family scapegoat this past decade.
My ex narcs family were the “model Christians “ of the community. And their noses were 2 miles in the air. All the men were porn lovers. They all checked out women all the time and right in front of their wives. And the one was a pastor. lol. My ex was a drunk and a pot addict along with his womanizing and stood in the worship leader role at church as well as church council president. It was amazing. Everyone just loved him only because his brother was the pastor. I should write a book on narcs in the church.
@@MB-sg8dx. Oh believe me. The dad was just as bad. My ex father in law was the king of checking other women out. I used to hate going anywhere with them as he was so obvious with checking the women out. I was working on his computer and saw all the history of porn sites He was always staring at my chest. So uncomfortable. But was so “admired” by the community or so I was told.
I do not agree when coaches, counselors, and/or doctors say narcissists are 'skilled' and/or 'skillful' accordingly to their behavioral treatment towards others. They are not skilled. They are fixated as to how they treat others. It is not a skill. A skill is something which is worthy of praise. Narcissists may want praise, but they may not necessarily deserve it.
Spot on with every point. Great upload as always. 💯 I'm absolutely amazed at how fast that population of narcissists is growing. And naturally, they gravitate to leadership roles.
I always love your insight on this crucial issue because I totally resonate with this as I have been with the narcissist for 22 years . I appreciate your perspective on this issue 💯 may God bless you with His wisdom 🙏
It always begins with ´You are...´, and then the curses start being thrown at you to lower your self - esteem. Surprisingly, narcissistic antivaccers do this a lot, despite there are also narcissists who are pro vaccers.
*_"People are Ants"_** ...Sam Vaknin. **_"Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I'm a monster on the hill."_** Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero" song and video. Just look and listen. They'll tell you exactly who. And what they are.*
I'm condescending. I say things like, I don't want to be seen with you, why would I care if your wife's sick? Her medical information is not my business, what's wrong with you? If you want a more benign one just give them the once over and say " I see your wife let you dress yourself this morning" wait to see if they change at lunch, have a laugh...
Pray that the soultie which you have with them to be broken, and if they have tried to manipulate you, pray against witchcraft . Ignore them…Ask God to surround you with His peace, if you come across or need to be with them or talk to them. Just focus on who God blessed you with. If you’re a christian or even if not, still ask God to cover you with His wall of fire. Having a toxic soultie can make you unstable in all your ways, so make sure you allow God to restore this, and fill your mind with things that are filled with life. Your mental health has to be the first thing you focus on !
Steven stay out of my mom's law suit !! She fell she had an operation come undone !! That had to be redone because of a fall !! You should know that. She was crying in pain unable to sleep walking up and down the house in pain and you all making phone calls at 4 a.m
before to talk of others ones look at what you have done and what you have in your coscience.was not the words of jesus? dont interest to me replay to your video and begin a war.normally we dont love in others what we have in and the cosciences of 98 per cent of peoples in this world are not clean
Been married to one for 48 years and I can say you hit the nail on the head - you explain exactly what they do and why. He opens his mouth and out comes lies and deceptions. He cares nothing about me. I’m only here to be used up by him, only he’s not happy since he gets nothing from me any more and if he wants to leave I’ll show him the door even help him pack.
Woman, get out now. Literally just walk away. You shoulda done that 48 years ago. I know it’s hard, but do it. Or you have no right to complain.
@@Blablabla44475 I was just making a point that I agreed with everything that was said. I didn’t think I was complaining, just agreeing . So sorry I went beyond my rights to make you think I was complaining. I will keep my mouth shut from now on so as to not offend you
@@Blablabla44475Isn't it interesting that, after 48years, she's still waiting for him to leave the marriage first & would even "help him pack" but only "if he wants to leave", rather than making moves towards her own exit? On another hand, some with narc spouses/partners do hang jn there for the long haul & it's usually due to them being trapped by their addiction to the turbulence & toxicity inherent in such relationships, getting some kind of fix therefrom. It is warped.
They'll gripe, for sure, but won't get out!
@@Blablabla44475 We all have a right to complain about getting a raw deal, not everyone is in a situation to just pack up and leave especially in this current worldwide state of affairs.
Why do you stay?
In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words). I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse. You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off. Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Oh my, that's horrible. Minor thing, it's better to write in paragraphs; without those what you write is tough to stay focused on and understand. But yours was such an accurate (but sad) account of your horrific experience, dhd-00, that the reader, if he/she has any compassion and empathy at all, really feels for you. I'm a committed Christian with a very sweet, healthy, and compassionate soul-mate who is also a Christian, so it's tough to identify with someone who married a monster, thinking she was marrying a good and loving partner in life.
And I hope this doesn't sound cold and callous, but honestly, assuming you don't struggle with issues of codependency, or issues of loneliness when not having a man in the house to love on and have intimacy with, I think it really IS better to have no relationship at all, than to be forced to go on living with a cyborg who loves only himself, and not only never loved a lovable person/woman like you, but may not be capable of truly loving anyone in any normal and healthy way.
My heart goes out to you, and I'd call you 'sister' were you a Christian like me and my wife are. And a sister in Christ should never be forced to suffer such a fate. People, let's pray for this sweet woman and hope she someday find a male soulmate that she richly deserves. Amen. I searched the available emojis for this TH-cam reply and could not find any 'praying hands' or 'tears', both of whom would be appropriate, and 'emote' how anyone would feel after reading what you posted here. Blessings and Prayers, ..
Thank you so much for this scenario 🙏🏾❤️
Narcissist see reality and the world as their movie, and they are the main character. Therefore if you out- shine them in any way shape or form they will rip you apart.
Great metaphor.
"They look for people who reflect the image that THEY want to show off to the world". This is the most simple and on point explanation I have yet heard.
Exactly. It wasn't until I started psychology as a hobby that I saw this is exactly what I went through with a former colleague.
Everything described is eerily similar to what I went through with a former colleague. We were equals, but she often acted like everyone's boss and thus rubbed many people the wrong way. She was what we now refer to as a stereotypical common garden variety everyday Karen. Let's call her Sally. At bare minimum, Sally had an extremely huge opinion of herself, an even more huge fragile ego, no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and nothing resembling a sense of accountability. All of this only conflated her sense of self and her ability to believe whatever fell out of her mouth. After having a few run-ins with Sally, I later learned, that if her lips were moving, she was either whining about someone/something, lying or both.
In this case, she claimed she was a skilled "writer” but her experience went no further than ranting on the Internet.
Sally clearly loved being the center of attention, having all eyes on her and being in the spotlight. When asked to actually put her money where her mouth is and prove herself i.e. walk the walk, she was suddenly all thumbs or suspiciously quiet.
I found Sally's claims quite suspicious. Despite having a four-year degree in which she majored in business and minored in drama, her writing was so bad it looked like two people had sex on a keyboard and it wrote something.
When I tried to coach her and help her improve, she would be extremely resistant to any kind of criticism or gave a lame excuse like: “Do you know how long it's been since I've been out of school?” For clarity, this was a middle-aged woman, with a grown daughter and a high school-aged son. Sally's writing was beyond bad, it was almost indecipherable. She repeatedly mixed up her homonyms and homophones, let alone didn't know the difference between the two, used commas as end punctuation, often misspelled simple grade school-level words, wrote in run-on sentences consisting of only lowercase letters, consistently failed to capitalize proper nouns, etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg regarding the discrepancies with her writing skills. She couldn't even write a simple declarative sentence let alone know what one is.
On the extremely rare occasion, when everything in what she had written was spelled correctly, there were usually numerous grammatical errors. When I pointed that out to her, she would spout the tired excuse of: “Well, spellcheck didn't catch it.” I shot back with the example of if she typed the but meant them, of course, spellcheck wouldn't catch it because, you know, it's a word. She refused to accept my logic and accused me of being purposefully mean to her. I reiterate this was a grown, married woman in her late forties with two nearly grown children. Not at all the attitude a professional would have.
I haven't even touched upon her lack of creativity or diversity in any story she tried to ’write.’ Every one of Sally's attempts at creating a written work was deathly boring and repetitive drivel i.e. there was never anything resembling a plot, the characters were so two-dimensional they barely even qualified as caricatures, the dialogue was stilted and awkward, descriptions were often too long and full of redundancies that never got to the point, etc. I couldn't even get through the first few pages. Once I implored her to write an outline, take notes, create character bios, etc. She dismissed all of my advice stating those were all things ‘losers’ do then chuckled like an idiot as if she had said the funniest thing ever.
Despite having “been at it” longer than me, being nearly 20 years older, Sally was insanely jealous of my talent as well as my ability to relate to even complete strangers.
I was barely past legal drinking age when I met her and she was in her mid-forties parading around, with her nose in the air, acting like she was going to be a star in the business world. As anyone knows, having lived through these types of situations, when someone has to go down their life's resume of virtues while extolling all of the qualities we should admire in them, usually that person isn't even worth giving a passing glance. If I only knew then what I know now.
Sally sort of adopted me as her "work son” claiming she wanted to show me the ropes. Even though we were in two completely different realms of the industry back then, her plan was to cross-train and expand her skills. She made it seem like it was a you scratch my back and I scratch yours, tit for tat, quid pro quo type of thing.
One of many things that became apparent after listening to Sally speak for more than a few minutes: she seemed to have an itch in her mind that she wanted to fast track everything and take the elevator to success. There's no such thing. You have to take the stairs. It turned out she was notorious for using her phony charm to exploit people who had a resource she coveted, while riding their coattails, contributing the bare minimum (if anything at all) to any project she was involved in, then rushing into the spotlight to claim credit for a job well done. Her backstabbing, manipulative behavior rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, which is why she ended up clinging to me: I was the only one who didn't know what she was really like--yet.
Cliff notes version: Sally stole my intellectual property, slapped her name on it, rewrote the material (badly) and then tried to pass it off as her own. Had she not been so sloppy about everything and kept her smug, bragging mouth full of tobacco-stained teeth shut, she might have gotten away with it.
Two applicable sayings are: "be careful when you burn bridges” and "the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Sally might have won the battle, but when she, without even a second thought, isolated herself by napalming every relationship around her, turning every single person she knew into an enemy, she lost the war.
Eventually the truth came out and Sally was left twisting in the wind, hanging over the hole that she had dug for me which turned out to be the grave for her professional career. Everyone professionally connected to her was furious that she had wasted their resources (time, effort and money) on her bad investments. When it came out that the work she had used in her business proposal pitch to everyone wasn't hers but mine, they deserted her at the drop of a hat. Her lack of integrity was apparent, but the shit show she created, proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was nothing more than a grifter with zero skills and even less talent. Everyone turning their backs on her was the icing on the karmic cake. Who wants to be connected to something that could be a potential source of litigation?
In her woefully pathetic attempt to do damage control, she called me up flipping out. It was clear she expected me to accept her impromptu, heavily embellished tale of fiction as irrefutable truth. All I had to do was tell her that I knew everything, that she wasn't the only person I talked to and I knew she had screwed everything up by overstepping her bounds again. I even told her I had seen the e-mails. They didn't exist, but due to her intense paranoia, she believed that I had seen incontrovertible proof in black and white. Hearing that, she completely deflated.
It totally derailed her entire one-woman show and she devolved into a simpering mess.
Through crocodile tears, she tried hoovering, breadcrumbing and pleading to get me to not "abandon” her like everyone else. I was completely flabbergasted, that she still was trying to act like the victim in a situation she caused.
I didn't waiver and responded coldly. I gave her the biggest verbal slapping I had ever given anyone in my life up to that point.
She was stunned silent. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I had all of the documentation proving that my work was my own, that everyone knew what she had done and her reputation preceded her exponentially. I said she was nothing but a lying, thieving, no-talent fraud who would have sold her own children up the river to get what she wanted.
I ended the call with: “You see, Sally? I haven't trusted you for quite some time. Now I just don't like you. Get a life. One that doesn't involve me.”
Aside from the death of a mutual colleague that she tried to use (as one of her spotlight moments) in her one final attempt to wheedle her way back into my life, I haven't heard from Sally since. It's been over a decade.
As it is a small industry, I hear whispers. It should be of no surprise whatsoever, Sally never bounced back after her monumental screw up. She just kept running her small time hustles and cons while heading down her one-way road of self-destruction. It also should be no big shocker that it was later revealed that Sally had heavily embellished and completely fabricated large portions of her resume to the point that it was pure fiction. Her career is in tatters and her life is a putrid pile of garbage. Knowing her the way I do, she'll never be able to look in the mirror and realize that she did it all to herself. Karma is, indeed, a bitch.
@@iononcantomascrivom
@@iononcantomascrivo Wow, that was a really long post and tough to navigate to the end, but gosh, such a sad and manipulative fraud you fell victim to. Sorry you had to go through that. Blessings and prayers ..
@@randy_cbc8811 Thank you very much. It wasn't until afterwards when I started studying psychology as a hobby, doing a lot of prayer, that I realized that I needed to trust my instincts more, work on my personal boundaries and learn to trust my gut.
I have noticed that narcissist study you and read your body language.
When I go to a restaurant with a friend im always focusing on the food but the narcissist is focusing on how i eat my food.
Also narcissist will say things like "im not your therapist " because they are unable to emphasize with you and find your life boring.
Narcissist read you like a book and they will use your weaknesses against you whenever they get a chance.
Yes, one is always under observation with a narc.
And they will pick on the smallest details of your behavior or mannerisms in order to put you down
Yep 😖
Open their mouth with a lie very easy
Accurate. I was even called “an easy target” at one point. Not by the narc I married but by a boss at work. It stuck with me and explained a lot of what I’d experienced in every area of life. My first bully was my mother.
Wow. Spot on. So very true. Took me a very long time to realize my ex wanted me for what I did for him and took care of everything. He couldn’t have cared less about my feelings or needs. He made fun of me if I brought up needs. Called me a drama queen if I cried. Almost 30 years of it. And he finally walked out after I started getting wise.
Yes, they do walk out when we wisen up...
.....how about a video on what is "normal"..........we have been steeped in evil so long, what does a normal relationship look like?
Was married over three decades, before the term narcissism was employed. Wish I could have had this validation during those toxic years. I finally broke free after a traumatic catalyst, but it was a terrifying step. I did eventually find peace and normalcy, but it took years to come to terms with the guilt imposed on me. I now see that guilt as part of their means to an end. You never completely heal, but thankfully move on into a much healthier life.
Amen to that.
Yup. Spot on. They love to judge and insult
Been around narcissists my whole life.
Same here. It’s like we draw them to ourselves. I have been rid of them for a few years now and my blood pressure has been normal lately. I sleep much better also.
This is one component I never figured out but makes complete sense given all their other negative traits. It's all about exploiting others for their own gain. I constantly have to remind myself they are not as complicated as they seem. Just age old tactics the Bible warns of.
I was married to a narcissist in 1993 and in 1995 my health just drastically failed. I cried saying he is going to leave me, because i was always in doctors office.......2023 knowledge of narcissist abuse..,...it was his evil toxicity demon 👿 it was him depleting me. Lord have mercy. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏👍🇯🇲
Narcissists prefer to lie than tell the truth they are not good people. Keep well. 🕊
Church is full of sharks
Yep. There are a lot of wounded people in church. The wolves are drawn to such a target rich environment.
They are everywhere
Yes!
....and the sad part...we really can't afford to go through one by one trying to pick out the wolves in sheep's clothing, or the ones who genuinely care. I don't know what normal is......
I'm seeing it's one place you find the most...shaming the name of Jesus!
No wonder I’m so meticulous about my appearance, I know that’s the first thing they judge about you. Mostly in my family it’s jealous women, so they pick apart every little detail.
😢😢😢 So very true, my mother and my sisters
I jist woke up how often I experienced this to the fullest and still am alive praise God.
I FEEL THE SAME DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS THE WORD NARCS MOST OF MY LIFE I JUST THOUTHT THEY WERE ASSHOLES U MEAN ITS EVEN WORSE😂😢😮😅😊
This is every man in my family: my husband and all three son in laws, but especially the spouse of my eldest daughter. WOW did he ever schmooze me and play the part of wonderful godly young pastor… until AFTER their wedding 13 yrs ago. Then the bottom fell out literally overnight. He has done immeasurable damage to my family and especially my relationship with my daughter… I’m only just beginning to recover from the crushing hurt and shock…. Having become the family scapegoat this past decade.
🧚❤🕊
Two eggs makes a baby girl.
Two sperms makes garbage.
My ex narcs family were the “model Christians “ of the community. And their noses were 2 miles in the air. All the men were porn lovers. They all checked out women all the time and right in front of their wives. And the one was a pastor. lol. My ex was a drunk and a pot addict along with his womanizing and stood in the worship leader role at church as well as church council president. It was amazing. Everyone just loved him only because his brother was the pastor. I should write a book on narcs in the church.
@@DJH97 wow…..sounds like Eli’s sons! Im so sorry ……they will not go unpunished. Terrible.
@@MB-sg8dx. Oh believe me. The dad was just as bad. My ex father in law was the king of checking other women out. I used to hate going anywhere with them as he was so obvious with checking the women out. I was working on his computer and saw all the history of porn sites He was always staring at my chest. So uncomfortable. But was so “admired” by the community or so I was told.
I do not agree when coaches, counselors, and/or doctors say narcissists are 'skilled' and/or 'skillful' accordingly to their behavioral treatment towards others. They are not skilled. They are fixated as to how they treat others. It is not a skill. A skill is something which is worthy of praise. Narcissists may want praise, but they may not necessarily deserve it.
They are skilful in their brainwashing of people because it works.
Demonic if you ask me
Great comment 😢
Cunningly evil would be more appropriate a word for it
PREDATORS
Spot on with every point. Great upload as always. 💯 I'm absolutely amazed at how fast that population of narcissists is growing. And naturally, they gravitate to leadership roles.
You have no idea how good your timing is on this video! Thank you!
I'm the 500th like!! Love you Shaneen!!❤🙏✝️ Thank you for your wisdom & insights!!!❤️💜💙
You just described a lot of abusive police officers
Thank you Shaneen, on point as always 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻 may our God keep on blessing you in Jesus name.
I always love your insight on this crucial issue because I totally resonate with this as I have been with the narcissist for 22 years . I appreciate your perspective on this issue 💯 may God bless you with His wisdom 🙏
Thank you so much! God bless you too. 🙏🏽
It always begins with ´You are...´, and then the curses start being thrown at you to lower your self - esteem. Surprisingly, narcissistic antivaccers do this a lot, despite there are also narcissists who are pro vaccers.
Really liked your presentation and information on this aspect of narcissism!
Good points, thank you for sharing ❤
Thank you Shaneen, always something new to learn when these people come into our lives. 🙏🙏🙏
Great video
Thank you!
Just such an insightful video. So well done.
Excellent video ! Thank you
*_"People are Ants"_** ...Sam Vaknin. **_"Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I'm a monster on the hill."_** Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero" song and video. Just look and listen. They'll tell you exactly who. And what they are.*
Thanks
Famous words...Are you starting again....twisters liars cruel.............
I'm condescending. I say things like, I don't want to be seen with you, why would I care if your wife's sick? Her medical information is not my business, what's wrong with you?
If you want a more benign one just give them the once over and say " I see your wife let you dress yourself this morning" wait to see if they change at lunch, have a laugh...
Any advice to overcome them
Pray that the soultie which you have with them to be broken, and if they have tried to manipulate you, pray against witchcraft .
Ignore them…Ask God to surround you with His peace, if you come across or need to be with them or talk to them.
Just focus on who God blessed you with.
If you’re a christian or even if not, still ask God to cover you with His wall of fire.
Having a toxic soultie can make you unstable in all your ways, so make sure you allow God to restore this, and fill your mind with things that are filled with life.
Your mental health has to be the first thing you focus on !
Steven stay out of my mom's law suit !! She fell she had an operation come undone !! That had to be redone because of a fall !! You should know that. She was crying in pain unable to sleep walking up and down the house in pain and you all making phone calls at 4 a.m
So disgusting
before to talk of others ones look at what you have done and what you have in your coscience.was not the words of jesus? dont interest to me replay to your video and begin a war.normally we dont love in others what we have in and the cosciences of 98 per cent of peoples in this world are not clean
Shaneen...🫂❤️🙏🏼