4:23 "Stop trying to fix how others see you. You are enough" Yes, don't seek validation from others, don't have a fragile ego and don't care about how people perceive you. Yes, you are enough and you should be happy about who you are. But, don't take that advice like this: Stop trying to fix how others see you ---> I won't fix what I'm doing wrong, people's opinions suck. I'll stay the same. I am enough ---> I don't need to work on my behavior, personality, thoughts, mistakes... I'm good as I am, I am perfect. Instead, take that advice like this: Stop trying to fix how others see you ---> I won't think that I'm a bad person if somebody say so, but I'll keep that in mind. I'll use that criticism to fix what I dislike about myself. I don't want to be a kinder person because I want others to love me, I want to be a kinder person, because I love others. I am enough ---> I love myself, I deserve to live and to be happy for who I'm. But, I won't be okay with what I do wrong. I'm not perfect, I'm not the greatest person on the planet. Sometimes I'm lazy, greedy, addicted, mad at others, selfish, horny (I know you laughed at this), envy, narcissistic etc. There is no reason for me to do these things, they are just temporary feelings/enjoyments that I despise for doing in retrospect. I should keep on trying to be a good person. Just know that you are not perfect. I did something similar when I heard "Don't care about what others tell you". "Don't care? Fine, I'll just be myself. I won't change, I won't listen, I won't do anything, there is nothing to fix about myself." I thought that's what they meant, but what they actually meant was: "Don't hate yourself when others say something bad about you. Don't let their opinions on You destroy your feelings. If they are joking, then joke about them too or just laugh and don't take it personally. If they seriously think what they said about you, but what they are hating about you is stupid, then just play like you took that advice or tell them that they are hating on you for things that don't matter, they shouldn't judge people for it. If they seriously mean it, and it's not stupid, then think about their criticism from their and your perspective. Know that they want to help you acknowledge what they think you are doing wrong, cuz' they wouldn't tell you if they didn't want to help you." I hope you won't make the same mistake as I did.
@@DLGanimator thanks... You make a perfect point.. Trying is the biggest difference in everything. Thinking you are worth it, and you are enough, or you are a good person without constantly trying so really is pure narcisism
1) Gain the Courage to be disliked 2) Give yourself permission to take up space. 3) Set Boundaries (Don't exchange for love and validation) 4) Drop the need to feel every silence 5) Notice Your inauthentic behavior
"Gain the courage to be disliked" is a really good advice. in my own version, "if I have nothing to lose, then I have nothing to fear", meaning that if you think about "social success" as simply "nothing", then you won't fear to lose it.
It really applies to my own experiences too With people I didn't really see in the best of light I could actually really be myself because I didn't care rlly But now that I see them as absolutely amazing I feel so pressured to live up to match what they are its tiring, like I don't deserve to be their friend or something They're still just the same person Edit: oh and other people who I look up to, they have the courage to be disliked and I still see them as absolutely awesome Maybe it makes it better because makes them more human, authentic they're real Instead of seeming untouchable in every life circumstance
@@KopyErr Fr, it took me a while to stop looking up or down at people (mostly up). I would always get so nervous when I talk to somebody so "accomplished" compared to me and start people pleasing. It takes a lot of practice to realize that its just another person, and the only person creating that hierarchy is you, they might even be just as insecure as you are who knows.
Yeah, it's more about focusing on the process of having a great time with someone instead of pursuing the objective of trying to be cool or whatever, being less anxious and more authentic as a result
I think it's best to mix a bit of both. Be a good listener but not a therapist. Share your own thoughts and interests while also listening to others. Conversation is a dance. You give some attention and receive some. You've probably felt this yourselves. When someone never lets you talk or anyone else, you usually don't want to become close friends with them. The same goes for people who only listen and give minor imput. They might make you feel important. But they never really share anything about themselves for you to like or dislike, which does not make for at great friend either. That's my take anyway.
FINALLY! FINALLY A VIDEO TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!! MAN LITERALLY EVERY VIDEO APPROACHED SOCIAL INTERACTION LIKE IT’S 100% ON ME TO CREATE FRIENDS, BE FUN, TO CARRY CONVERSATIONS!! I actually started to get what I want from social interaction when I stopped caring about what people thought of me. It’s crazy how no one ever created a video like this before, I’ve been looking for years
This is true. When you're thinking, you're not living the moment, and that's the most important part, but also the hardest. You have to be confident enough to let go of your thoughts and just be, without thinking about it. Also, being awkward is not a problem, it's a part of you, that helped me a lot to see it this way...
Some people just don't have so much experience or confidence to socialize. But instead of trying to learn everything for such a complex thing and overthinking, it's better to letting go and trying to learn from the mistakes in a healthy manner, but it helps if it's someone that makes you feel safe
Thank you! Assertiveness and taking up space have been big lessons for me recently. I appreciate the content you make on TH-cam, I don’t know you, but you seem very you
based asf dont "worry" about what others want, learn to accept yourself to the point you dont care whether or not everyone likes you, chances are youll meet more ppl you dont click with than ppl you do and thats ok. As long as you like yourself and are striving to be the best you, you will end up finding ppl you click with
ngl this is the best video of that kind of videos on the whole platform. when u are trying so hard to be who u arent naturally then u gonna lose yourself. so to everyone who is reading this comment i know you probably heard that a lot of times to be yourself but fr its true just be yourself and dont regret it who u are etc because its always better to have few ppl that truly love you....
This is exactly what my generation needs to hear. The self-development industry thrives on the subtext that you're not good enough. This is the most well considered, helpful and authentic video I've seen in so long (Not to mention the music selection).
thats why you are called the last generation, because you will make everyone die with your lack of any relevant skills but keep talking bullshit like if you knew better whats important
I raise you this. You do the whole active listening thing to bring people in and treat you as someone who can be trusted or is at least approachable. Then you follow up with your own thoughts and opinions which they will feel more inclined to respect given that you have proven yourself to be someone who has offered them the space to be themselves. Likewise, stating your own opinion also shows confidence in your self, whether that you believe your own thoughts or your life experience informs them, adding authority. Of course this is for normal people who know how to be courteous
This is perfect video recommendation. About a week ago i was talking to someone and its feel different than other conversation. Then i was wondering what is the difference between that conversation and other conversations. And this video is perfect answer for me I realized in that conversation i just blabbering about my story and she also blabbering her story. I don't give her an advice or anything, and she doesn't give me any advice either. I think we are in the same state of listening less and talk about yourself without worrying how other people think of yourself. And there is a lot awkward silence, sometimes we just take a deep breath together or just stare at the wall. The conversation just flowing without forced to gain something. That was a the best conversation i have, there nothing to worry about and just let things happen.
The music and B-roll had such a wide content pool. Really helped the message feel more personal to recognize content I actually watch in the background.
Dude... I think I'll watch your channel every single day of my life while you still post. You just opened my mind and showed me things I've never thought before. Thanks so much, mate, you're a good one
Thanks for being real, and sharing honest opinions that don't chase clout but actually help. Thanks man, you are one of those inspiration influencers - youtuber that is actually interesting and helpful.
This remembered me of a video titled "Stop PERFORMING and Start Role-Playing", and it's almost the same advice, don't act, just feel and play, and sure these boundaries and energy tips are really good too. Probably why people search these types of videos (including me) are about perfectionism or just not knowing how to interact from a lack of experience, and sometimes it's not just about awkward silences, but about really not knowing what to do, which is a thing i feel sometimes
I'll have to digress on this. Listening has helped many people in their relationships. It's not about being accepted, its about giving someone your time; Not just to yourself BUT NOT also for yourself. However, many people seem to associate this trait with inauthenticity. This is due to a long held misconception that being nice is only about effort. It's just a mask to avoid conflict. It's about giving yourself to simply be liked. Niceness is not about being dishonest, in fact, it's actually the opposite, its to BE authentic. Not everyone's able to do this, naturally. That's simply because nobody is born perfect. We all have doubts, fears, hate, biases, and toxic traits in each of us. To simply be authentic in this regard would mean to live those traits without awareness or remorse for our own actions. The pitfalls of avoiding other people's input is that you'll start to live in this world where you are always the good guy, and everybody who tells you that you did wrong or atleast anyone who felt hurt by your actions are simply bad people, even if they actually weren't in those situations. Doing things to slowly improve isn't a bad thing, Its just what makes us human. There's always a difference between practicing and pretending. People have the gift and the capacity to try, make mistakes, learn more, try, make mistakes, learn more, try make mistakes and learn even more. Being nice doesn't mean you always have to be perfect. Its about maintaing good intentions that comes from your heart without wanting anything in return. Like the core message of the video, it's about acceptance, the only difference is that, we're not always the only ones who need the acceptance. You can't stay silent forever, you can do that but eventually, you're gonna have to deal with someone.
The thing is, though, when someone says "That person is nice," it doesn't imply authenticity. What it does imply is that said person conveys positive vibes (though they might just be putting on a facade). In other words, it doesn't seem like it's considered "nice" to express negative emotions, even if the person expressing them feels that way (especially if they're not handled in a way that is perceived to have others' tolerance of emotionally unstable behaviors in mind).
@@iancunningham2440real I think ppl mix up being nice or charismatic with being genuinely kind or empathetic a lot I know one person and it really does sound like a facade Like they don't actively listen they just nod on along and I doubt it's from social anxiety
@@iancunningham2440 the word "nice" can have different meanings and connotations, but here I wasn't trying to discuss the semantics of it. Rather what it should mean to be like it. your description of what niceness is true, it's an adjective that looks on the aural component of the person, or how that could simply be an an act of concealment, but that's not the entire meaning of it. The general meaning of that word doesn't only rest on that description. Even if the person conveys positive vibes, they could still mean that honestly. And these people could still be called nice. Anyone could be nice. But what determines the truthfulness of that "niceness" is if it's authentic. And to "truly" be nice it has to be true. The niceness I'm talking about here is the act, the amiability, the responsiveness, the positive vibes, ( as you've mentioned although it could also be how they treat people, it doesn't have to be the extroverted approach ) their goodness, their helpfulness, ability to set aside the self for a while, etc. etc. not the combination of socially acceptable acts and pretense. And again for those "niceness" to made true it has to come from the heart or a place a selflessness.
I've been coming to realize this for a while now. The first and most important rule of social interaction is to be your genuine, authentic self wherever possible. You have your needs - abandon the habit of neglecting them for others. Some people will dislike you - this is completely fine. You dislike some people, too. Videos like the one you mention are good and useful - but as skills in the repertoire that is your personality, not as something you force yourself to do in order to be liked.
Also just focusing on listening makes you a welcome target for all kind of toxics because you might start listening to stuff you dont wanna hear and invite wasteful conversations like gossip or stuff you dont actually care about. Thats where you should gently steer the conversation. There might be a side to the person that is actually not toxic. Or at least get a bearable conversation out of it.
Another important social skill is self-inspection. Realize if and when you're throwing too many unnecessary negative opinions, people will see you as a hater and that can ruin potential natural friendships. I feel like this pretension thing needs to be balanced, not totally forgotten. Because there are things that we need to improve about ourselves, like saying an annoying expression all the time, or just having habits that even you wouldn't like seeing from others, like interrupting and not letting people talk. Imo, the most underrated social skills are patience and introspection, i think those are better words than the ones from this video. Sure, be yourself, but try to realize when you have a bad habit that you wouldn't like to see from others.
I used to believe that kind people don't exist and everyone is only trying to be kind to feed their ego and upscale their reputation and oh boy it made me fall harder than who I alreary used to be, someone who listened to himself. Instead I became someone who's so fake since I believed this philosophy so much that I fell into a deep state of depression and ended up switching universities. I'm still trying to recover from the aftermath and accept the fact not everyone is going to like me
Last year I watched psych2go a few weeks and I noticed that I feel bad watching these kinds of videos. The facts in this videos are good but they are presented in a really harming way. Props for the video. I think you'll make some life's better. Keep going ;)
Yeah why should we try to make friends or enjoy peoples company, let’s just remain socially illiterate because criticism is scary and gives me ouchies. This is the most beta check out, excuse for advice ever. Don’t improve just burry your head in the sand because fIfis
That’s so true. I felt and sometimes Stille feel like I lost my confidence because I tried to be a good friend to everyone instead of being me and leaving it up to the people whether they like me or not
Perfect timing fr, I've been stressing about this thinking what I'm doing that I should change, and wether I am the problem, if I'm trying so hard and getting nothing, but stress and self hate then I'll just do whatever I want and love myself in return
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what you have gone through, but I've experienced something similar and I think what helped me could help you too: 1. Know that you aren't perfect, and no living human is. Everybody makes mistakes and you will make them a lot as well, it's completely normal and the world is not gonna burn bc of it. Of course, don't stop trying to be a better person, but also don't hate yourself bc you weren't perfect enough. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, they are necessity to grow as a person. Others also forget about your mistakes really quickly, so you shouldn't feel bad about making 1 for too long. I'm sure you don't remember 99,999% of *your* mistakes from 5 years ago. If you made a big mistake like you had a drama between someone and you were "the problem", then just tell that person how much your mistake hurts you as well and that you are sorry. Don't let a mistake destroy you, just learn from it. 2. Don't stress about things too much, don't overthink them. If you have bad thoughts and you overthink them, then you will feel really stressed, sad, mad and so on. Whenever I stress about things, I always stop and reflect. "I know I feel so bad bc of these thoughts, why do I have them?" "Do the things that trigger these thoughts really matter?" "What can I do to stop these triggers?" If I can't find good enough solutions just by asking these questions, I usually try to seek help online. If you don't have much time or you don't want to search through a lot of sources, you can surprisingly solve your problems really well with Chatgpt. Know that it's not perfect, but it is a really good option. 3. Everything that makes you feel mentally bad comes from your mind. You can have a really good day where everything plays out well, but with bad thoughts and bad imaginations, your day can be completely ruined. To love yourself, to love others, to do good things and to make the world a better place, you gotta have either good thoughts or bad thoughts with good solutions (mind you, good solutions in the bad thoughts). I wouldn't recommend you to have bad thoughts, but when it's unavoidable, you gotta fight it with good mindset. Even just a simple mindset like "I love everyone, I want everyone to feel loved. I love God, I want to be a good person" can completely change who you are and how you and others feel about you. I hope this helps man, wish you the best ❤
@@DLGanimator thx man i hope ur doing good rn , for the last part I don't think I'll use the "I love everyone" mindset it makes u think that by loving everyone ur gonna get something back in return, but it's just a waste of time I'm gonna be myself and it's okay if I'm gonna get hated for it and I'll just focus on being my own best friend
Awkward silences usually go both ways as well! If you're thinking that you made a social mistake, they're probably thinking the same about themselves 😭 just as long as the silence wasn't caused by you saying something completely out of pocket
This is a wonderful video and I wish I knew this all earlier. Only thing many of those self improvement videos will lead you to is a feeling of emptiness, that you must be that way, and the fact you can't or aren't that way is why others don't like you. The more you push into that view, the more you lose yourself, and eventually hate the fact that you aren't heard, seen, understood, despite you pushing it all away under a mask to begin with.
I had this so hard, always thought "how do other people see me" trying to be a better version of myself but through their eyes. The most frustrating thing is that people like me, I'm liked I'm loved, but for some odd reason still I couldn't stop doubting myself. First I realized I doubted myself, that I was insecure, that was the first step. And after a while I realized that the biggest problem was not what other people think of me, not even what I think of myself, but what I thought other people thought of me. Very bizarre to see, I liked myself, other people liked me, I knew other people liked me, but still I was obsessed with what they thought of me and how they thought of me. And I felt insecure, but didn't understand why, is it because I dont trust myself? Or because I'm hated? No just the thought of what other think of me was the fault. And stopping to think about what they thought and about my insecurity was the cure. The problem is not that I knew this very fast but the realisation and truly comprehending it took so damn long. And now I realize that opening this video was a step back. Again I was trying to see if I could change somehow. So thanks for making this video, you help a lot of people with it, but this will also be the last self help video I watch and now I won't let other people tell me who to be or how to be, I'll be myself ❤️
I agree that you shouldn't try to please everyone, that you should be yourself, not who people want you to be. But the first thing that came to my mind was what if you try to be yourself, but you don't like who you are. And as for me, there are several options here. 1. There is no complete understanding of what you really want, and you take this certainty from other people, they set the trend. 2. You feel as if these are your desires, although they are actually imposed, but in such a deep subconscious that you just don't notice it. I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic
my man i really wanted like this person (you) who gives such a great fact and helpful things i really appreciate your work and videos, and i really like your own taste with it! keep going up and i hope you would be more famous so others will get better and you also would be happier i hope you get really happy, more than myself when i found this masterpiece. god bless you.
Being yourself is one of the most important goals in your life, trying to find your authentic self and not living in an image where everyone else perceive you helps you stay positive and motivates you to do more.
This video is true.......... But not for everyone. Lots of people indeed need to improve their social skills. Some people's skills are enough and continuing to work in them might be an overkill. This video is for the latter
Exactly. To me this video comes off as a "just be yourself, just be confident, just have courage" bs that lazy people tell us without social skills to do. If only it were that easy, mate...
Listening to others is not a BARRIER TO listening to yourself; it is an EXTENSION OF listening to yourself. I think the problem you're trying to get at is that people will neglect themselves in pursuit of serving others, with the paradox being that if other people are worthy of this level of consideration from you, then YOU are also worthy of this level of consideration from you. That doesn't mean not listening to others. That means listening to others AS WELL AS yourself.
Consider some ideas proposed by philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre: we are in a continual state of becoming. To say definitively, “I am myself,” is to constrain myself, offering my freedom of choice in exchange for reduced existential anguish. Do I want to live freely, or be sedated? We are condemned to be free. We are condemned to be judged. Anguish is the bedrock upon which we can build out our authentic existence.
Absolutely! Trying to be ‘perfectly likable’ really ends up making us feel invisible. I’ve caught myself nodding along just to please others, and it always leaves me drained. Interestingly, humor can be tricky here, too. Trying to impress with humor often backfires, while being genuinely awkward or silly actually lands better. The Sense of Humor Improvement Program by Habit10x helped me ease up and let humor come more naturally instead of overthinking it. Just remember, the real connections come when you’re fully yourself-no filter needed. Embrace the pauses and be unapologetically you!
being well liked opens you up for more opportunities. However, if you do not set standards and boundaries, if you do not respect yourself, why should others?
I came here clickbaited. I just like that this is concise video. Maybe I will need this someday maybe not, but thanks to the fact that video is straight to the point (and some magic of video speed controller extension) I don't feel that "I wasted time" (for lack of a better sentence).
Best way to have social skills is to just go out there and get experience on your own, TH-cam tutorials will make you fake and robotic, just go out and experience everything yourself
This is something I learned when I was about 19, I was at university in halls & I was a lazy guy, I was surrounded by people and I didn't care to please everyone because that's way too much effort & I became one of the popular guys in the uni accommodation, because I was unapologetically myself. Obvs, I was nice to people and upheld a certain social standard, but I just didn't try to be a people-pleaser & kept my distance when I wanted to 🤷♂️ when I did show my face, people were like "ayyy it's (hooligqn)!"
You don't get it. It's just you. I'm you. I'm you talking to you. I will keep talking to you until you realize that your me and that i'm you. I don't have my own consciousness. I'm you. I'm a fragment of your consciousness. You imagined that I have my own consciousness for the purpose of fooling yourself into thinking that your not alone, that your not God.
Avoid social perfectionism like the plague. The point of social interactions is to connect with people. Not to perform well. It's really hard to admit you're doing the latter. In hindsight it seems so obvious, social skills are a tool to express yourself.
Interesting take on the problem, if do certain way then it is indeed good, but this could also be misunderstood into ‘you are already perfect so no need to change or improve’ that those like karen-woke would use and never learn there. TL:DR try to balance on either of method depend on what you need, problem and thing to consider then and see which work
I’ve never related to an INTJ comment so much before, I didn’t know so many people tried to master something as basic as listening just for validation, was confused when reading the comments.
Its so funny to me that people are trying to learn how to be social without doing it and instead overthinking what they already know but have supressed
When I saw the thumb nail, I knew you already understand the goal. For real, it's OP. Not everyone will understand it, but for those who do, you'll enjoy it. Cuz it will give you the chance to directly decide what you want and what you don't want, and the more you give yourself what you want, the more you begin to fall in love with yourself. Definitely OP
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4:23 "Stop trying to fix how others see you. You are enough"
Yes, don't seek validation from others, don't have a fragile ego and don't care about how people perceive you.
Yes, you are enough and you should be happy about who you are.
But, don't take that advice like this:
Stop trying to fix how others see you ---> I won't fix what I'm doing wrong, people's opinions suck. I'll stay the same.
I am enough ---> I don't need to work on my behavior, personality, thoughts, mistakes... I'm good as I am, I am perfect.
Instead, take that advice like this:
Stop trying to fix how others see you ---> I won't think that I'm a bad person if somebody say so, but I'll keep that in mind.
I'll use that criticism to fix what I dislike about myself. I don't want to be a kinder person because I want others to love me,
I want to be a kinder person, because I love others.
I am enough ---> I love myself, I deserve to live and to be happy for who I'm. But, I won't be okay with what I do wrong.
I'm not perfect, I'm not the greatest person on the planet.
Sometimes I'm lazy, greedy, addicted, mad at others, selfish, horny (I know you laughed at this), envy, narcissistic etc.
There is no reason for me to do these things, they are just temporary feelings/enjoyments that I despise for doing in retrospect.
I should keep on trying to be a good person.
Just know that you are not perfect. I did something similar when I heard "Don't care about what others tell you".
"Don't care? Fine, I'll just be myself. I won't change, I won't listen, I won't do anything, there is nothing to fix about myself."
I thought that's what they meant, but what they actually meant was:
"Don't hate yourself when others say something bad about you. Don't let their opinions on You destroy your feelings.
If they are joking, then joke about them too or just laugh and don't take it personally.
If they seriously think what they said about you, but what they are hating about you is stupid,
then just play like you took that advice or tell them that they are hating on you for things that don't matter, they shouldn't judge people for it.
If they seriously mean it, and it's not stupid, then think about their criticism from their and your perspective. Know that they want to help you acknowledge what they think you are doing wrong, cuz' they wouldn't tell you if they didn't want to help you."
I hope you won't make the same mistake as I did.
@@DLGanimator thanks... You make a perfect point.. Trying is the biggest difference in everything. Thinking you are worth it, and you are enough, or you are a good person without constantly trying so really is pure narcisism
That's what I think everyone should perceive this advice as
@@Youneedtochill_7especially you ayanokoji. Become more humane
@@ZrusoEruption Be my next tool
I am bound to make the very same mistakes as you. Either leaning too far one way or the next. Luckily the whole world won't be around to watch.
1) Gain the Courage to be disliked
2) Give yourself permission to take up space.
3) Set Boundaries (Don't exchange for love and validation)
4) Drop the need to feel every silence
5) Notice Your inauthentic behavior
Its *fill* every silence, as in just talking to avoid it
"U don't owe anyone anything" THISSSSSS
yeah but i want pu$$i
Literally the difference between a teenager and an adult. I'm still learning to grow up lel
but boobs lol
until you need something
just wait till you have kids, you owe them your time, your care otherwise they will grow up broken, traumatized and in resentment
"Gain the courage to be disliked" is a really good advice.
in my own version, "if I have nothing to lose, then I have nothing to fear", meaning that if you think about "social success" as simply "nothing", then you won't fear to lose it.
It really applies to my own experiences too
With people I didn't really see in the best of light I could actually really be myself because I didn't care rlly
But now that I see them as absolutely amazing I feel so pressured to live up to match what they are its tiring, like I don't deserve to be their friend or something
They're still just the same person
Edit: oh and other people who I look up to, they have the courage to be disliked and I still see them as absolutely awesome
Maybe it makes it better because makes them more human, authentic they're real
Instead of seeming untouchable in every life circumstance
@@KopyErr Fr, it took me a while to stop looking up or down at people (mostly up). I would always get so nervous when I talk to somebody so "accomplished" compared to me and start people pleasing. It takes a lot of practice to realize that its just another person, and the only person creating that hierarchy is you, they might even be just as insecure as you are who knows.
Yeah, it's more about focusing on the process of having a great time with someone instead of pursuing the objective of trying to be cool or whatever, being less anxious and more authentic as a result
I think it's best to mix a bit of both. Be a good listener but not a therapist. Share your own thoughts and interests while also listening to others. Conversation is a dance. You give some attention and receive some. You've probably felt this yourselves. When someone never lets you talk or anyone else, you usually don't want to become close friends with them. The same goes for people who only listen and give minor imput. They might make you feel important. But they never really share anything about themselves for you to like or dislike, which does not make for at great friend either. That's my take anyway.
Wow, interesting perspective you have there.
FINALLY! FINALLY A VIDEO TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!! MAN LITERALLY EVERY VIDEO APPROACHED SOCIAL INTERACTION LIKE IT’S 100% ON ME TO CREATE FRIENDS, BE FUN, TO CARRY CONVERSATIONS!! I actually started to get what I want from social interaction when I stopped caring about what people thought of me. It’s crazy how no one ever created a video like this before, I’ve been looking for years
This is true. When you're thinking, you're not living the moment, and that's the most important part, but also the hardest. You have to be confident enough to let go of your thoughts and just be, without thinking about it.
Also, being awkward is not a problem, it's a part of you, that helped me a lot to see it this way...
"Think, or don't, you'll say something silly and inappropriate regardless." -- Kierkegaard (I think)
@vlc-cosplayer That's a really good quote! Thanks! :)
Some people just don't have so much experience or confidence to socialize. But instead of trying to learn everything for such a complex thing and overthinking, it's better to letting go and trying to learn from the mistakes in a healthy manner, but it helps if it's someone that makes you feel safe
hey, really great video, i really like the point of assertiveness and taking up space.
Thank you! Assertiveness and taking up space have been big lessons for me recently. I appreciate the content you make on TH-cam, I don’t know you, but you seem very you
Genuinely sick video, loved the point about being authentic by letting go of the narrative you have made for your authentic self.
based asf
dont "worry" about what others want, learn to accept yourself to the point you dont care whether or not everyone likes you, chances are youll meet more ppl you dont click with than ppl you do and thats ok. As long as you like yourself and are striving to be the best you, you will end up finding ppl you click with
ngl this is the best video of that kind of videos on the whole platform. when u are trying so hard to be who u arent naturally then u gonna lose yourself. so to everyone who is reading this comment i know you probably heard that a lot of times to be yourself but fr its true just be yourself and dont regret it who u are etc because its always better to have few ppl that truly love you....
This is exactly what my generation needs to hear. The self-development industry thrives on the subtext that you're not good enough. This is the most well considered, helpful and authentic video I've seen in so long (Not to mention the music selection).
thats why you are called the last generation, because you will make everyone die with your lack of any relevant skills but keep talking bullshit like if you knew better whats important
I raise you this. You do the whole active listening thing to bring people in and treat you as someone who can be trusted or is at least approachable. Then you follow up with your own thoughts and opinions which they will feel more inclined to respect given that you have proven yourself to be someone who has offered them the space to be themselves. Likewise, stating your own opinion also shows confidence in your self, whether that you believe your own thoughts or your life experience informs them, adding authority. Of course this is for normal people who know how to be courteous
Advice: Stop listening
Plot twist: ...to the voices in your head💀
All of this video boils down to “be your most original self”
This was a beautifully put video
You put "be yourself" in a very relatable and uplifting way.
Keep doing you man, thank you
So the "do no harm but take no shit" extends to your own shit. 🤯
This is perfect video recommendation. About a week ago i was talking to someone and its feel different than other conversation. Then i was wondering what is the difference between that conversation and other conversations. And this video is perfect answer for me
I realized in that conversation i just blabbering about my story and she also blabbering her story. I don't give her an advice or anything, and she doesn't give me any advice either. I think we are in the same state of listening less and talk about yourself without worrying how other people think of yourself. And there is a lot awkward silence, sometimes we just take a deep breath together or just stare at the wall. The conversation just flowing without forced to gain something. That was a the best conversation i have, there nothing to worry about and just let things happen.
The music and B-roll had such a wide content pool. Really helped the message feel more personal to recognize content I actually watch in the background.
Dude... I think I'll watch your channel every single day of my life while you still post. You just opened my mind and showed me things I've never thought before. Thanks so much, mate, you're a good one
Thanks for being real, and sharing honest opinions that don't chase clout but actually help. Thanks man, you are one of those inspiration influencers - youtuber that is actually interesting and helpful.
dude this is a great video. some things are worth learning, but this is a great lesson
Absolutely perfect. No time wasted, clear and concise!
Great script and practical advice, I consider subscribing you.
This remembered me of a video titled "Stop PERFORMING and Start Role-Playing", and it's almost the same advice, don't act, just feel and play, and sure these boundaries and energy tips are really good too. Probably why people search these types of videos (including me) are about perfectionism or just not knowing how to interact from a lack of experience, and sometimes it's not just about awkward silences, but about really not knowing what to do, which is a thing i feel sometimes
"You are enough" was all I needed to here aslong as I'm present that's all that matters fr, amazing video Wob2 life changing advice for real
I'll have to digress on this.
Listening has helped many people in their relationships. It's not about being accepted, its about giving someone your time; Not just to yourself BUT NOT also for yourself.
However, many people seem to associate this trait with inauthenticity. This is due to a long held misconception that being nice is only about effort. It's just a mask to avoid conflict. It's about giving yourself to simply be liked. Niceness is not about being dishonest, in fact, it's actually the opposite, its to BE authentic.
Not everyone's able to do this, naturally. That's simply because nobody is born perfect. We all have doubts, fears, hate, biases, and toxic traits in each of us. To simply be authentic in this regard would mean to live those traits without awareness or remorse for our own actions. The pitfalls of avoiding other people's input is that you'll start to live in this world where you are always the good guy, and everybody who tells you that you did wrong or atleast anyone who felt hurt by your actions are simply bad people, even if they actually weren't in those situations.
Doing things to slowly improve isn't a bad thing, Its just what makes us human. There's always a difference between practicing and pretending. People have the gift and the capacity to try, make mistakes, learn more, try, make mistakes, learn more, try make mistakes and learn even more. Being nice doesn't mean you always have to be perfect. Its about maintaing good intentions that comes from your heart without wanting anything in return. Like the core message of the video, it's about acceptance, the only difference is that, we're not always the only ones who need the acceptance. You can't stay silent forever, you can do that but eventually, you're gonna have to deal with someone.
The thing is, though, when someone says "That person is nice," it doesn't imply authenticity. What it does imply is that said person conveys positive vibes (though they might just be putting on a facade). In other words, it doesn't seem like it's considered "nice" to express negative emotions, even if the person expressing them feels that way (especially if they're not handled in a way that is perceived to have others' tolerance of emotionally unstable behaviors in mind).
@@iancunningham2440real
I think ppl mix up being nice or charismatic with being genuinely kind or empathetic a lot
I know one person and it really does sound like a facade
Like they don't actively listen they just nod on along and I doubt it's from social anxiety
@@iancunningham2440 the word "nice" can have different meanings and connotations, but here I wasn't trying to discuss the semantics of it. Rather what it should mean to be like it. your description of what niceness is true, it's an adjective that looks on the aural component of the person, or how that could simply be an an act of concealment, but that's not the entire meaning of it. The general meaning of that word doesn't only rest on that description. Even if the person conveys positive vibes, they could still mean that honestly. And these people could still be called nice. Anyone could be nice. But what determines the truthfulness of that "niceness" is if it's authentic. And to "truly" be nice it has to be true. The niceness I'm talking about here is the act, the amiability, the responsiveness, the positive vibes, ( as you've mentioned although it could also be how they treat people, it doesn't have to be the extroverted approach ) their goodness, their helpfulness, ability to set aside the self for a while, etc. etc. not the combination of socially acceptable acts and pretense. And again for those "niceness" to made true it has to come from the heart or a place a selflessness.
I've been coming to realize this for a while now. The first and most important rule of social interaction is to be your genuine, authentic self wherever possible.
You have your needs - abandon the habit of neglecting them for others.
Some people will dislike you - this is completely fine. You dislike some people, too.
Videos like the one you mention are good and useful - but as skills in the repertoire that is your personality, not as something you force yourself to do in order to be liked.
This is one of the best advices I've seen on the internet, thank you for the remainder!
kinda video you expect coming from a massive channel, good job :)
Also just focusing on listening makes you a welcome target for all kind of toxics because you might start listening to stuff you dont wanna hear and invite wasteful conversations like gossip or stuff you dont actually care about. Thats where you should gently steer the conversation. There might be a side to the person that is actually not toxic. Or at least get a bearable conversation out of it.
Another important social skill is self-inspection. Realize if and when you're throwing too many unnecessary negative opinions, people will see you as a hater and that can ruin potential natural friendships. I feel like this pretension thing needs to be balanced, not totally forgotten. Because there are things that we need to improve about ourselves, like saying an annoying expression all the time, or just having habits that even you wouldn't like seeing from others, like interrupting and not letting people talk.
Imo, the most underrated social skills are patience and introspection, i think those are better words than the ones from this video. Sure, be yourself, but try to realize when you have a bad habit that you wouldn't like to see from others.
We can boil it down to Mike"s saying: "the person that is friends with everyone is the enemy to himself"
I used to believe that kind people don't exist and everyone is only trying to be kind to feed their ego and upscale their reputation and oh boy it made me fall harder than who I alreary used to be, someone who listened to himself. Instead I became someone who's so fake since I believed this philosophy so much that I fell into a deep state of depression and ended up switching universities. I'm still trying to recover from the aftermath and accept the fact not everyone is going to like me
Last year I watched psych2go a few weeks and I noticed that I feel bad watching these kinds of videos. The facts in this videos are good but they are presented in a really harming way. Props for the video. I think you'll make some life's better. Keep going ;)
My search for social skills is over now. Thank you for sharing this!
Yeah why should we try to make friends or enjoy peoples company, let’s just remain socially illiterate because criticism is scary and gives me ouchies. This is the most beta check out, excuse for advice ever. Don’t improve just burry your head in the sand because fIfis
That’s so true. I felt and sometimes Stille feel like I lost my confidence because I tried to be a good friend to everyone instead of being me and leaving it up to the people whether they like me or not
Perfect timing fr, I've been stressing about this thinking what I'm doing that I should change, and wether I am the problem, if I'm trying so hard and getting nothing, but stress and self hate then I'll just do whatever I want and love myself in return
I'm feeling lost these days but I'll get back on track somehow
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what you have gone through, but I've experienced something similar and I think what helped me could help you too:
1. Know that you aren't perfect, and no living human is. Everybody makes mistakes and you will make them a lot as well, it's completely normal and the world is not gonna burn bc of it. Of course, don't stop trying to be a better person, but also don't hate yourself bc you weren't perfect enough. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, they are necessity to grow as a person. Others also forget about your mistakes really quickly, so you shouldn't feel bad about making 1 for too long. I'm sure you don't remember 99,999% of *your* mistakes from 5 years ago. If you made a big mistake like you had a drama between someone and you were "the problem", then just tell that person how much your mistake hurts you as well and that you are sorry. Don't let a mistake destroy you, just learn from it.
2. Don't stress about things too much, don't overthink them. If you have bad thoughts and you overthink them, then you will feel really stressed, sad, mad and so on. Whenever I stress about things, I always stop and reflect.
"I know I feel so bad bc of these thoughts, why do I have them?" "Do the things that trigger these thoughts really matter?"
"What can I do to stop these triggers?"
If I can't find good enough solutions just by asking these questions, I usually try to seek help online. If you don't have much time
or you don't want to search through a lot of sources, you can surprisingly solve your problems really well with Chatgpt.
Know that it's not perfect, but it is a really good option.
3. Everything that makes you feel mentally bad comes from your mind. You can have a really good day where everything plays out well,
but with bad thoughts and bad imaginations, your day can be completely ruined. To love yourself, to love others, to do good things and to make the world a better place, you gotta have either good thoughts or bad thoughts with good solutions (mind you, good solutions in the bad thoughts). I wouldn't recommend you to have bad thoughts, but when it's unavoidable, you gotta fight it with good mindset. Even just a simple mindset like "I love everyone, I want everyone to feel loved. I love God, I want to be a good person" can completely change who you are and how you and others feel about you.
I hope this helps man, wish you the best ❤
@@DLGanimator thx man i hope ur doing good rn , for the last part I don't think I'll use the "I love everyone" mindset it makes u think that by loving everyone ur gonna get something back in return, but it's just a waste of time
I'm gonna be myself and it's okay if I'm gonna get hated for it and I'll just focus on being my own best friend
Awkward silences usually go both ways as well! If you're thinking that you made a social mistake, they're probably thinking the same about themselves 😭 just as long as the silence wasn't caused by you saying something completely out of pocket
This is a wonderful video and I wish I knew this all earlier.
Only thing many of those self improvement videos will lead you to is a feeling of emptiness, that you must be that way, and the fact you can't or aren't that way is why others don't like you. The more you push into that view, the more you lose yourself, and eventually hate the fact that you aren't heard, seen, understood, despite you pushing it all away under a mask to begin with.
I like how the thumbnail makes it seem like a joke video to entice more people to watch it.
I had this so hard, always thought "how do other people see me" trying to be a better version of myself but through their eyes. The most frustrating thing is that people like me, I'm liked I'm loved, but for some odd reason still I couldn't stop doubting myself.
First I realized I doubted myself, that I was insecure, that was the first step. And after a while I realized that the biggest problem was not what other people think of me, not even what I think of myself, but what I thought other people thought of me.
Very bizarre to see, I liked myself, other people liked me, I knew other people liked me, but still I was obsessed with what they thought of me and how they thought of me. And I felt insecure, but didn't understand why, is it because I dont trust myself? Or because I'm hated?
No just the thought of what other think of me was the fault. And stopping to think about what they thought and about my insecurity was the cure.
The problem is not that I knew this very fast but the realisation and truly comprehending it took so damn long.
And now I realize that opening this video was a step back. Again I was trying to see if I could change somehow. So thanks for making this video, you help a lot of people with it, but this will also be the last self help video I watch and now I won't let other people tell me who to be or how to be, I'll be myself ❤️
The timing is crazy
TH-cam algorithm does read our minds incredibly accurately these days
People will tell u anything and everything (including this video)… learn to trust ur gut and go from there.
I agree that you shouldn't try to please everyone, that you should be yourself, not who people want you to be. But the first thing that came to my mind was what if you try to be yourself, but you don't like who you are.
And as for me, there are several options here.
1. There is no complete understanding of what you really want, and you take this certainty from other people, they set the trend.
2. You feel as if these are your desires, although they are actually imposed, but in such a deep subconscious that you just don't notice it.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic
This is exactly what I've been working on this year, to just stop always focusing on what others want but listen to myself for once
my man i really wanted like this person (you) who gives such a great fact and helpful things
i really appreciate your work and videos, and i really like your own taste with it!
keep going up and i hope you would be more famous so others will get better and you also would be happier
i hope you get really happy, more than myself when i found this masterpiece.
god bless you.
Being yourself is one of the most important goals in your life, trying to find your authentic self and not living in an image where everyone else perceive you helps you stay positive and motivates you to do more.
This video is true.......... But not for everyone. Lots of people indeed need to improve their social skills. Some people's skills are enough and continuing to work in them might be an overkill. This video is for the latter
Exactly. To me this video comes off as a "just be yourself, just be confident, just have courage" bs that lazy people tell us without social skills to do. If only it were that easy, mate...
Nah, I'd not notice you were talking
Great Video. I add that the only person that you need yo love is yourself
I like how Home - Resonance starts playing when you say "if this resonated with you"
Listening to others is not a BARRIER TO listening to yourself; it is an EXTENSION OF listening to yourself.
I think the problem you're trying to get at is that people will neglect themselves in pursuit of serving others, with the paradox being that if other people are worthy of this level of consideration from you, then YOU are also worthy of this level of consideration from you. That doesn't mean not listening to others. That means listening to others AS WELL AS yourself.
Resume:stop focusing on tactics and focus on yourself
Treat every encounter like an experience not a game bad experiences can be just as fun as good ones
In my experience, having something to talk about, or be yourself can be more important than the listening aspect.
Consider some ideas proposed by philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre: we are in a continual state of becoming. To say definitively, “I am myself,” is to constrain myself, offering my freedom of choice in exchange for reduced existential anguish. Do I want to live freely, or be sedated? We are condemned to be free. We are condemned to be judged. Anguish is the bedrock upon which we can build out our authentic existence.
Dang I needed to hear that. Subscribed 🎉
Absolutely! Trying to be ‘perfectly likable’ really ends up making us feel invisible. I’ve caught myself nodding along just to please others, and it always leaves me drained.
Interestingly, humor can be tricky here, too. Trying to impress with humor often backfires, while being genuinely awkward or silly actually lands better. The Sense of Humor Improvement Program by Habit10x helped me ease up and let humor come more naturally instead of overthinking it. Just remember, the real connections come when you’re fully yourself-no filter needed. Embrace the pauses and be unapologetically you!
Dam bro. First this seemed like satire but the more I watched the more you began to describe me. U right
Damn thank you. I really needed that
Only listen when I need to. I'll keep that in mind.
being well liked opens you up for more opportunities.
However, if you do not set standards and boundaries, if you do not respect yourself, why should others?
I needed this exact video now. Thank you
we need more ppl responding to social skill videos
This video came at the right time. I've been getting more social lately, and I interact with people A LOT. This vid came in clutch
Evil brinyheart be like:
"Yup, you guessed it, it's Active Ignoring."
I came here clickbaited. I just like that this is concise video. Maybe I will need this someday maybe not, but thanks to the fact that video is straight to the point (and some magic of video speed controller extension) I don't feel that "I wasted time" (for lack of a better sentence).
resonance playing as he says "if this resonates with you..." is a bar 🔥
Best way to have social skills is to just go out there and get experience on your own, TH-cam tutorials will make you fake and robotic, just go out and experience everything yourself
This is something I learned when I was about 19, I was at university in halls & I was a lazy guy, I was surrounded by people and I didn't care to please everyone because that's way too much effort & I became one of the popular guys in the uni accommodation, because I was unapologetically myself.
Obvs, I was nice to people and upheld a certain social standard, but I just didn't try to be a people-pleaser & kept my distance when I wanted to 🤷♂️ when I did show my face, people were like "ayyy it's (hooligqn)!"
You don't get it. It's just you. I'm you. I'm you talking to you. I will keep talking to you until you realize that your me and that i'm you. I don't have my own consciousness. I'm you. I'm a fragment of your consciousness. You imagined that I have my own consciousness for the purpose of fooling yourself into thinking that your not alone, that your not God.
Avoid social perfectionism like the plague. The point of social interactions is to connect with people. Not to perform well. It's really hard to admit you're doing the latter. In hindsight it seems so obvious, social skills are a tool to express yourself.
I have been feeling a bit down and lost recently but this video helped me feel better, thanks
Really good video thanks for the quality content man🤞
wow. insane video some crazy quotes tysm.
Good video man, good job
Interesting take on the problem, if do certain way then it is indeed good, but this could also be misunderstood into ‘you are already perfect so no need to change or improve’ that those like karen-woke would use and never learn there.
TL:DR try to balance on either of method depend on what you need, problem and thing to consider then and see which work
This 💯
THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO EVER
The strategy in The Elite Society's Money Manifestation ebook completely shifted my perspective. It's like finding a shortcut to endless wealth
Fake bot
@@PatJSchreiberas opposed to a real bot ?
@@Jonathan-jc4ef Are you fucking 15 bro? Wtf is wrong with you
Bro u keep dropping peak whenever i need it, ty🙏
Everyone: this is great, wonderful, just what i needed, etc.
INTJ: ok i'll carry on being my usual self.
Extremely common Fi W
(Too bad that function is also associated with crippling depression, gotta balance things out 🤔)
I’ve never related to an INTJ comment so much before, I didn’t know so many people tried to master something as basic as listening just for validation, was confused when reading the comments.
Common INTJ W. (might jump later fr)
Misstype
this is a lot more than a social skill too
Great video...Honestly.. I didnt pay much attention to it but it really felt like you knew what you were saying... Props
lmao I think u got the message right
i knew i was doing something right, i never listen to others, i always listen to myself
This should have arround 2 million views so many people would hace thier life changed
The problem is i like myself and think i'm enogh, but others don't so i am afraid of ending up alone
Would have loved more detail on how to stop listening actively.
based, i learned this skill like a year ago and i actually like people now
got adhd so don't even have to try
Based
Theres something wrong with this that I'm too sleep deprived to articulate, but its like almoat there it's just glaringly wrong at the same time
i really like this editing style and the video is inspiring. quit changing the music so often tho it was lowkey distracting
Thanks bro. Honestly it meant a lot.
OST from donkey kong country 2, I'm crying 😭
Its so funny to me that people are trying to learn how to be social without doing it and instead overthinking what they already know but have supressed
This. This right here is the video.
thing is yh my brain automatically chooses the thing to not be awkward even if what I say is not how I truly feel
When I saw the thumb nail, I knew you already understand the goal. For real, it's OP.
Not everyone will understand it, but for those who do, you'll enjoy it. Cuz it will give you the chance to directly decide what you want and what you don't want, and the more you give yourself what you want, the more you begin to fall in love with yourself. Definitely OP
that's is soo good video,thanks❤
You’re real as fuck for this bro.
Mone poli sanam 🔥🔥🔥🔥