They can easily dismiss factors of raised concern through minimization. Part of the inward focus they have and lack of willingness to take accountability for the things they both cause and deflect. They can act sensitive yet it is often more so a projection of infantization, which keeps them in their native comfort zone especially when things get deep and meaningful. Entitlement or Superficiality Generally a place they have been stuck at for a while. Baby brains.
It’s actually a losing battle because, they constantly move the goal post, it is strategically planned to keep you on a hamster wheel of trying to please while they constantly devalue.
Thank you...your videos have come at the right moment in my life! After yrs. of struggling with a "victimized niece" I have realized she's a Narcissist..! Always making me feel guilty for not doing enough for her...again, Thank you!
They are also notorious splitters. They will flip out on you .. blame you for it.. and claim it never happened even if you witnessed it and others did too.and pretend the next day like nothing happened.
I fell for the same thing! I was so upset with myself too! I've learned that narcs are master manipulators. Not even the smartest person is invincible to this. The only thing that can fight against the narc is having very strong boundaries and walking way at the first red flag. My mistake was I rationalized the red flags. Never again!
@@toya471 I tried to rationalized it myself too. But I realized quickly that it is no use.. When she threatened to end this, I said , Eywa heard my prayers. I moved on quickly
I couldn't agree more with Dr. M..My house was being robbed multiples times during the Pandas movement 😄..Soooooo, after I reported to the local authorities police department of Apple Valley city in San Bernardino County of Southern California..Sergeant Anderson called and I spoke to him a great length of more than 15 minutes..Nothings much were done but things getting worst to the points I called 911 for help..No cops showed up with their stupid reasons..When I was at their station last year 2023 to pick up the reports of vandalism my property..To my shocked 😲 finding, their PC was hacked several months before and had not been fixed..Therefore, my reports were gone with the hackers 😂😅..This is how effective and efficiencies the cops in Apple Valley of San Bernardino County areas are like..Period..🤣😂..
This is my Dad. A good pious religious man, from a distance. I told him FU. I told him in detail what he did, wrote him a 15 page letter describing it in detail. I told him if he gets counseling I might come see him again. I told him i might come see him again if he apologizes. He now considers me to be dead and lost forever. That works fine for me.
Omg this video is a life saver for me now, thank you for sharing this Dr. Emily. I can't thank you enough for this. Anyway I have a narcissist mother who future faked me many times about my dream to move and work in Europe (I live in an Asian country). My step dad is living in Europe and my narcissist mom promised me to bring me there to work and live with my step dad. But I don't think she'd let me live my life for free and choose my desired job there. My dream job is being an international singer, but she always disagree with my dream job. I obviously has a talent in singing and it's my call. She never support me. She always makes a reason that working in showbiz industry is bad for me, because it'll lead me to drugs, party, etc. But she never thought that I'm not into drugs and partying. I see many famous singers aren't involved in drugs or partying, so her reason doesn't make sense to me. She used religious card for that. What make it worse is she wants to keep me in her control. Not only blocking my singing career path, but also she doesn't want me to work outside the house, such as working at the office. Because she feels less controlled over me. She used the future faking tactic to me 8 years ago when I graduated from college when she asked me to stay at home to study and improve my English and learn a second language for a better career in multinational companies. But she basically asked me to stay at home for her own benefits. At that time I got several jobs offers but I refused them because I thought my narcissist mom's advice was right. Looking back at it now, I realized it's her future faking tactic. Damn. Now I'm a grown up man in my early 30s regretting my younger self decision while still living with my narcissist mom and only got a freelance job at home. While I have a potential future to be a successful singer in my younger days, instead I wasted my time with this narcissist witch. But this video is a good reminder to me that I have a hope for my future. I still believe in my dream to be a successful global superstar or at least being a successful singer in my country. So I'll be more careful with her future faking next time she does it again. Thanks again Dr. Emily for shedding a light on me and fellow narcissistic abuse survivors like me, may God bless you 🙏🤍
OMG my narcissist mother posts on Facebook and Messenger are chosen long texts on how important and special she is as a mother !!! None are relevant to describe her as a mother. She praises herself publically! Insane. None of her 5 children thinks highly of her.😢😢😢
Thanks, Dr Emily Mayfeild Licensed Psychologists for explaining exactly how difficult it is when dealing with a Narcissist they are very controlling and unhappy and they only help you to help you to themselves for their wants and needs and they will try definitely try to push your buttons to see your reactions thanks for the Educational podcast. GOD-BLESS.
I'm starting to suspect that a friend I made recently over the years might be a narcissist, we're still in school so we're talking more about hobbies. Let me give you some examples: There's this game that I play that's pretty much based on another game that he plays, whenever I'm playing that game, he tries to show how his game is better, that there's more variety in the content. Whenever I try to show him when mine has something interesting, he switches the conversation to his game. About other hobbies he always shows how he knows how to write, draw, shares interests, and intimate things about his life in detail. Whenever I try to do that, share things about my life, I feel like I need to sum up the whole thing in one sentence. After all this I always think: Am I selfish for thinking this way about him? And sorry if there's something grammatically wrong, English is not my first language.
Hi. I'm still grappling with the truth exposed in your videos. I really felt inadequate and hopeless. I really thank you for enlightening not only myself but others. God bless 🙏
Thank you for your support and I am pleased to see you find the information helpful! As you continue to grow and learn about yourself you take the control from the narcissist.
I ask a specific question, and they give me half of the truth. They craft their answers so carefully that you don’t feel like you got an answer at all. And don’t ask them any question that would be construed as a validation of you, he’ll say that he feels manipulated by your request.
Can you talk about golden child and scapegoat switching roles? I did the very foolish mistake, despite having my older brother as an example, when i was 15 - 18, of calling out my mom on her bs a few times, and since 18 when i went to university my mom has verbally abused me since. It was never perfect before, like the usual golden child descriptions, but was much better.
Thank you for the recommendation! When you mention the golden child and scapegoat switching roles, are you referring to them being "assigned" new roles by the narcissist?
@@DrEmilyMayfield Yes. In my childhood my mom was harsh towards my older brother. After i became 18, she was like that towards me. I strongly suspect, its because i called her out a few times. Alltough my older brother didnt live with us for 9 years allready. But she is now a lot more reasonable with him.
Dr. Mayfield, have you had clients get to the point where they can be in the room with a narcissist and see it for what it is without getting drawn in? It seems obvious what is going on inside of a narcissist but they will never see what they are doing. Can I get to a point where they will insult, belittle and demean me but I accept it has nothing to do with me? I have gotten to a point where I don't react when people cut me off in traffic and I don't take it personally. Can I get there with narcissists?
You most definitely can! The key is not letting your emotions get activated. Once your emotions are activated then all logic goes out the window. You KNOW who the narcissist is and have learned so much. Unfortunately, when we activate emotions that becomes our focus and not the facts we know. You can get to a point where you can separate yourself from the narcissist's behavior and place the responsibility on them and not feeling like you are to blame. Have you seen my video on not taking the narcissistic abuse personally? You can find it here: th-cam.com/video/b-FG7uiZaS0/w-d-xo.html It is hard to not feel personally attacked but remember it is about the narcissist and not you.
Must read Alexander's Long Gravel Road Journey of Hope. A book about a person that had been bullied by narcissist throughout their life. Very insightful.
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge on narcissism. Please consider varying your pitch and intonation more as you tend to speak in a pretty monotone way.
Might be a little long..my wife of 20 years, we have a 13 year and 18 year old. She tells everyone, and I that they are functioning autistic, (never diagnosed) and tells the kids. I work, 16 hour days, come home, usually stop on the way, to get everyone something for dinner. She dont cook, house a mess, laundry fillied high in the bathroom, and shes still in bed, either watching the laptop, sleeping, or what ever. I do all the cooking, cleaning, making sure the kids get showered. Tv cant be too high, she gets irritated, cant open the door, in and out, light hits her face. Our son NEVER has lashed at me or his mom, but lately, he has bad, cusses, she allows him, i dont like it. Im the only one parenting, and when her mom was alive, her mom and i raised the kids when she always layed in bed, fake sleeping. She finally got a job at a jail cooking, met a guy, (imate) and she was talking to him, caught by my daughter, said she wanted our daughter to tell me. Its because, i never gave her attention. I didnt do nothing for her, i felt like i was wrong, constantly apologized. That whole(forced) open relationship, blew up in her face, now shes even worse at not getting up. Im lost, kids lost, i feel worn out. Only time kids get parenting, is when i get home, at work when i have to ask if they ate lunch or dinner, when im running late, or on weekends.
Wow! You need to get professional help to deal with this situation. You need to learn coping skills, or find some way for you and your kids to escape. You need to do this; if not for your own sake, for your kids' sake. Good luck and God bless you. You really don't deserve your wife's abuse!
That is a great question! They are similar concepts but do have some differences. Breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along. The breadcrumber gives the person hope about a current situation but they don’t have any real intention to commit. An example might be talking to someone you are interested in romantically and discussing plans but nothing ever happens. You may say you want to meet and they appear interested but keep giving reasons why it won’t work out. In those situations the person just wants to talk to you and doesn’t intend to meet but they don’t want you to not talk to them so they “Breadcrumb” and leave little niblets of hope that things will be different in the future. Future faking can have breadcrumbing in it, but is slightly more involved. When a narcissist future takes, they are directly targeting your own goals and dreams as a way to keep you involved and to appear more invested in you so that they can control you. Future faking happens a lot in the love bombing stage. The narcissist promises a future that they never intend to create with you. They just promise it to keep control over the interactions. Breadcrumbs are little everyday things a narcissist uses to keep you around and future faking is when they need to up their game of control and manipulation to promise the bigger things if they think they are losing you. That was a long response and I think it will be a great video topic for me in order to explain it more. I hope this helps somewhat!
@@DrEmilyMayfield yes, this can be confusing. I am just learning about this stuff and I lived with it just about my whole life. My ex did breadcrumb, I believe, but he was a covert narcissist. When I would back away here he'd come. Future faking I'm not too familiar with. But This whole thing has been a slowly unraveling puzzle so I'll figure it all out....lol.
@@sarcasticcat4982 Have you seen my video on Future Faking? That can give you more information! Here’s the link: Why Do Narcissists Future Fake | False Promises From Narcissists th-cam.com/video/eXeauz4WVHo/w-d-xo.html
I don't talk to most of my family because they're mean narcissist. They want to control everone and everything. Karma is them not being able to let them hurt you anymore. Im sure it really bothers them.
That's exactly what i should have said to my ex-wife who committed adultery married to a 44 year old baldy from Grandview, And, Her blaming mother who is married to a baptist pastor now living in Sublimity who is married to a trap. Never ever married a fake christian. Read Mark 10:12, Romans 7:1-3, 1st Corinthians 7:15 and 2nd Timothy 3:1-7.
Dealing w/a narcissist is complete mind f**kery.....
🤯😡😤😡🤯
They can easily dismiss factors of raised concern through minimization.
Part of the inward focus they have and lack of willingness to take accountability for the things they both cause and deflect.
They can act sensitive yet it is often more so a projection of infantization, which keeps them in their native comfort zone especially when things get deep and meaningful.
Entitlement or Superficiality
Generally a place they have been stuck at for a while. Baby brains.
Thank you for the comment! All great points!
The most frustrating thing about a narc is pleasing them is an endless battle.
🎯
It’s actually a losing battle because, they constantly move the goal post, it is strategically planned to keep you on a hamster wheel of trying to please while they constantly devalue.
I told her last week---
"The only person I'm obligated to take care of is myself"
Thank you...your videos have come at the right moment in my life! After yrs. of struggling with a "victimized niece" I have realized she's a Narcissist..! Always making me feel guilty for not doing enough for her...again, Thank you!
Projection is most frustrating. projecting upon others their own emotions, guilt and shame. Never able to own anything.
They are also notorious splitters. They will flip out on you .. blame you for it.. and claim it never happened even if you witnessed it and others did too.and pretend the next day like nothing happened.
Yep..fell for the future faking thing. I was mad at myself for breaking my own rules. But the dream is now over.
It is so easy to believe the future faking! You weren't wrong to believe and trust someone's words. They were wrong for lying to you.
I fell for the same thing! I was so upset with myself too! I've learned that narcs are master manipulators. Not even the smartest person is invincible to this. The only thing that can fight against the narc is having very strong boundaries and walking way at the first red flag. My mistake was I rationalized the red flags. Never again!
@@toya471 I tried to rationalized it myself too. But I realized quickly that it is no use.. When she threatened to end this, I said , Eywa heard my prayers. I moved on quickly
@@imbalancedstatus8824 good for you! I'm so proud of you! They don't deserve us!
@@toya471 Well Said. Let somebody else make she happy
I couldn't agree more with Dr. M..My house was being robbed multiples times during the Pandas movement 😄..Soooooo, after I reported to the local authorities police department of Apple Valley city in San Bernardino County of Southern California..Sergeant Anderson called and I spoke to him a great length of more than 15 minutes..Nothings much were done but things getting worst to the points I called 911 for help..No cops showed up with their stupid reasons..When I was at their station last year 2023 to pick up the reports of vandalism my property..To my shocked 😲 finding, their PC was hacked several months before and had not been fixed..Therefore, my reports were gone with the hackers 😂😅..This is how effective and efficiencies the cops in Apple Valley of San Bernardino County areas are like..Period..🤣😂..
This is my Dad. A good pious religious man, from a distance. I told him FU. I told him in detail what he did, wrote him a 15 page letter describing it in detail. I told him if he gets counseling I might come see him again. I told him i might come see him again if he apologizes. He now considers me to be dead and lost forever. That works fine for me.
They always want things on their terms. Now that you've given the ultimatum, he can't stand it! Narc parents are the worst!
I love how straight forward you are in explaining narcissistic behavior.
Thank you for the kind words.
Remember Wimpy? "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." (But he never comes around on Tuesday.)
Omg this video is a life saver for me now, thank you for sharing this Dr. Emily. I can't thank you enough for this. Anyway I have a narcissist mother who future faked me many times about my dream to move and work in Europe (I live in an Asian country). My step dad is living in Europe and my narcissist mom promised me to bring me there to work and live with my step dad. But I don't think she'd let me live my life for free and choose my desired job there. My dream job is being an international singer, but she always disagree with my dream job. I obviously has a talent in singing and it's my call. She never support me. She always makes a reason that working in showbiz industry is bad for me, because it'll lead me to drugs, party, etc. But she never thought that I'm not into drugs and partying. I see many famous singers aren't involved in drugs or partying, so her reason doesn't make sense to me. She used religious card for that. What make it worse is she wants to keep me in her control. Not only blocking my singing career path, but also she doesn't want me to work outside the house, such as working at the office. Because she feels less controlled over me. She used the future faking tactic to me 8 years ago when I graduated from college when she asked me to stay at home to study and improve my English and learn a second language for a better career in multinational companies. But she basically asked me to stay at home for her own benefits. At that time I got several jobs offers but I refused them because I thought my narcissist mom's advice was right. Looking back at it now, I realized it's her future faking tactic. Damn. Now I'm a grown up man in my early 30s regretting my younger self decision while still living with my narcissist mom and only got a freelance job at home. While I have a potential future to be a successful singer in my younger days, instead I wasted my time with this narcissist witch.
But this video is a good reminder to me that I have a hope for my future. I still believe in my dream to be a successful global superstar or at least being a successful singer in my country. So I'll be more careful with her future faking next time she does it again.
Thanks again Dr. Emily for shedding a light on me and fellow narcissistic abuse survivors like me, may God bless you 🙏🤍
I JUST told mine f-u & tho it felt so good I feel so bad, I repented to God and turned on my TH-cam and came across this video 👀 wow..... 🙏🏽
The best response is a non-response. Silence works and keeps your lane clean.
OMG my narcissist mother posts on Facebook and Messenger are chosen long texts on how important and special she is as a mother !!! None are relevant to describe her as a mother. She praises herself publically! Insane. None of her 5 children thinks highly of her.😢😢😢
Thank God mine doesn't go on FB. She constantly talks and text and needs attention. I receive long texts about people I don't know or care to know.
Thanks, Dr Emily Mayfeild Licensed Psychologists for explaining exactly how difficult it is when dealing with a Narcissist they are very controlling and unhappy and they only help you to help you to themselves for their wants and needs and they will try definitely try to push your buttons to see your reactions thanks for the Educational podcast. GOD-BLESS.
Thank you, thank you,thank you!! ❤ perfect and straight to the point.
Thank you for watching!
I'm starting to suspect that a friend I made recently over the years might be a narcissist, we're still in school so we're talking more about hobbies.
Let me give you some examples: There's this game that I play that's pretty much based on another game that he plays, whenever I'm playing that game, he tries to show how his game is better, that there's more variety in the content.
Whenever I try to show him when mine has something interesting, he switches the conversation to his game.
About other hobbies he always shows how he knows how to write, draw, shares interests, and intimate things about his life in detail.
Whenever I try to do that, share things about my life, I feel like I need to sum up the whole thing in one sentence.
After all this I always think: Am I selfish for thinking this way about him?
And sorry if there's something grammatically wrong, English is not my first language.
I love you thank you😂 hell no they arent good people
Hi. I'm still grappling with the truth exposed in your videos. I really felt inadequate and hopeless. I really thank you for enlightening not only myself but others. God bless 🙏
Thank you for your support and I am pleased to see you find the information helpful! As you continue to grow and learn about yourself you take the control from the narcissist.
she would say.. i didnt break my promise.. i just changed my mind...lol.... crazy making
Ur channel is AMAZING
Thank you!
Thanks for the video 🦋🙏
You are very welcome!
I ask a specific question, and they give me half of the truth. They craft their answers so carefully that you don’t feel like you got an answer at all. And don’t ask them any question that would be construed as a validation of you, he’ll say that he feels manipulated by your request.
Yes.. just yes🙌✅
Can you talk about golden child and scapegoat switching roles? I did the very foolish mistake, despite having my older brother as an example, when i was 15 - 18, of calling out my mom on her bs a few times, and since 18 when i went to university my mom has verbally abused me since. It was never perfect before, like the usual golden child descriptions, but was much better.
Thank you for the recommendation! When you mention the golden child and scapegoat switching roles, are you referring to them being "assigned" new roles by the narcissist?
@@DrEmilyMayfield Yes. In my childhood my mom was harsh towards my older brother. After i became 18, she was like that towards me. I strongly suspect, its because i called her out a few times. Alltough my older brother didnt live with us for 9 years allready. But she is now a lot more reasonable with him.
Dr. Mayfield, have you had clients get to the point where they can be in the room with a narcissist and see it for what it is without getting drawn in? It seems obvious what is going on inside of a narcissist but they will never see what they are doing. Can I get to a point where they will insult, belittle and demean me but I accept it has nothing to do with me? I have gotten to a point where I don't react when people cut me off in traffic and I don't take it personally. Can I get there with narcissists?
You most definitely can! The key is not letting your emotions get activated. Once your emotions are activated then all logic goes out the window. You KNOW who the narcissist is and have learned so much. Unfortunately, when we activate emotions that becomes our focus and not the facts we know. You can get to a point where you can separate yourself from the narcissist's behavior and place the responsibility on them and not feeling like you are to blame. Have you seen my video on not taking the narcissistic abuse personally? You can find it here: th-cam.com/video/b-FG7uiZaS0/w-d-xo.html It is hard to not feel personally attacked but remember it is about the narcissist and not you.
@@DrEmilyMayfield Thank you for the reply and the link!
Must read Alexander's Long Gravel Road Journey of Hope. A book about a person that had been bullied by narcissist throughout their life. Very insightful.
Fear that a family will hurt you vhen confronted
they can be so A, B, C, D etc
they are boxed animals literally, character yes they are not-characters
Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge on narcissism. Please consider varying your pitch and intonation more as you tend to speak in a pretty monotone way.
Thank you for the feedback! (Un)fortunately some of that is just me but I do try to work on it for the videos!
They're basically children is all. Treat them as such.
Might be a little long..my wife of 20 years, we have a 13 year and 18 year old. She tells everyone, and I that they are functioning autistic, (never diagnosed) and tells the kids. I work, 16 hour days, come home, usually stop on the way, to get everyone something for dinner. She dont cook, house a mess, laundry fillied high in the bathroom, and shes still in bed, either watching the laptop, sleeping, or what ever. I do all the cooking, cleaning, making sure the kids get showered. Tv cant be too high, she gets irritated, cant open the door, in and out, light hits her face. Our son NEVER has lashed at me or his mom, but lately, he has bad, cusses, she allows him, i dont like it.
Im the only one parenting, and when her mom was alive, her mom and i raised the kids when she always layed in bed, fake sleeping. She finally got a job at a jail cooking, met a guy, (imate) and she was talking to him, caught by my daughter, said she wanted our daughter to tell me. Its because, i never gave her attention. I didnt do nothing for her, i felt like i was wrong, constantly apologized. That whole(forced) open relationship, blew up in her face, now shes even worse at not getting up. Im lost, kids lost, i feel worn out. Only time kids get parenting, is when i get home, at work when i have to ask if they ate lunch or dinner, when im running late, or on weekends.
Wow! You need to get professional help to deal with this situation. You need to learn coping skills, or find some way for you and your kids to escape. You need to do this; if not for your own sake, for your kids' sake. Good luck and God bless you. You really don't deserve your wife's abuse!
So is future faking also known as bread crumbing?
That is a great question! They are similar concepts but do have some differences. Breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along. The breadcrumber gives the person hope about a current situation but they don’t have any real intention to commit. An example might be talking to someone you are interested in romantically and discussing plans but nothing ever happens. You may say you want to meet and they appear interested but keep giving reasons why it won’t work out. In those situations the person just wants to talk to you and doesn’t intend to meet but they don’t want you to not talk to them so they “Breadcrumb” and leave little niblets of hope that things will be different in the future. Future faking can have breadcrumbing in it, but is slightly more involved. When a narcissist future takes, they are directly targeting your own goals and dreams as a way to keep you involved and to appear more invested in you so that they can control you. Future faking happens a lot in the love bombing stage. The narcissist promises a future that they never intend to create with you. They just promise it to keep control over the interactions. Breadcrumbs are little everyday things a narcissist uses to keep you around and future faking is when they need to up their game of control and manipulation to promise the bigger things if they think they are losing you. That was a long response and I think it will be a great video topic for me in order to explain it more. I hope this helps somewhat!
@@DrEmilyMayfield yes, this can be confusing. I am just learning about this stuff and I lived with it just about my whole life.
My ex did breadcrumb, I believe, but he was a covert narcissist. When I would back away here he'd come.
Future faking I'm not too familiar with. But This whole thing has been a slowly unraveling puzzle so I'll figure it all out....lol.
@@sarcasticcat4982 Have you seen my video on Future Faking? That can give you more information! Here’s the link: Why Do Narcissists Future Fake | False Promises From Narcissists
th-cam.com/video/eXeauz4WVHo/w-d-xo.html
I think if we say: F...K U..It kinda raw and not being CLEARLY STATED as if one is saying..."DON'T F..K WITH ME.."..What do you think, Doc..?🤔?
I don't talk to most of my family because they're mean narcissist. They want to control everone and everything. Karma is them not being able to let them hurt you anymore. Im sure it really bothers them.
so i said... FU
That's exactly what i should have said to my ex-wife who committed adultery married to a 44 year old baldy from Grandview, And, Her blaming mother who is married to a baptist pastor now living in Sublimity who is married to a trap. Never ever married a fake christian. Read Mark 10:12, Romans 7:1-3, 1st Corinthians 7:15 and 2nd Timothy 3:1-7.
I am a narcissist savior please watch the link above.
thou shalt not
suffer a Witch to
live - KJV 1611 Bible
she's cute....