For additional information on stepfamily Dos and Don'ts: www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/stepparenting-skills/stepparenting-discipline-dos-and-donts/
The person with the least invested in the relationship holds the most power. That was a nugget of wisdom. Wife and I were able to discuss this with the dynamics in our blended family.
I have several kids, bio dad chooses to have no contact with me or the kids, been married to my sweetheart (SW) almost a year. Kids lived with bio for a year, now live solely with me and SW. They love SW, already see how much more normal/stable he is than bio. They try to do what we ask, but we are tightening up things that bio let slide (he let them sleep in their clothes, drop food and trash everywhere, just negligent). SW is trying to help me reteach the kids the appropriate limits and skills I had been trying to foster. I love that he's invested and wants to help. Where I am struggling is SW comes to me and asks why so and so left something on the floor/on the table/left a task undone, to which I have no idea because I was in a different room or outside and didn't see the kid do it/not do it, and then I go find the kid and ask them to fix what they did/didn't do. He sometimes will ask the kids directly, but mostly asks me, and I don't know why the kid flubbed it and don't like "being sent" every time to solve it. He does this because I have way more parenting experience, and he'd rather I solve the issue my way. Ok great, but I feel like this is a horrible dynamic bordering on something unhealthy, but I don't know what to replace it with, and it's putting me on edge. Is there a better way??
What this man fails to mention you cannot discipline a child you do not love! Most steps just want control. You will lose your child they will grow up and resent you and realize if anything happens to them they cannot go to the biological parent because you will tell everything to the outsider, no relationship can develop. The child knows that this person does not love me.
I was abusive in every way by both of my stepparents. I couldn’t go to either parent about it. My ex husband was abused by his stepmother and he has so many scars . It’s just not worth it
I like number 1. Worked for my husband and I. He is the other dad as Im not sure I like the 'step' label. My husband created a wonderful relationship with the biological father. I also created that togetherness and support with the other mother. We parents constantly collaborated with each other to create a loving, wonderful, strong family unit.
thank you my step children wanted to call me mommy and i told them to call me aunty out of respect for their mom and also because i was fearful that one day they we might get into an argument and they might say ' u are not my mother" and it might break my heart
Antonette, it's important to do what works for your family. There is not one right way to it! If you enjoyed this video, you might want to check out our new podcast. You can listen here: www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-blended-podcast/
I'm living in South Carolina. Fascinating how I just stumbled across your show. Ron, I am presently getting a life group together at my church, using your material "The Smart Stepfamily".
I came into my fiance family 3 years ago. His daughter was 8 and his son was 4 I have known there dad for a long time. But we just started dating in 2020 but now things are starting to get a bit rocky I am dealing with his x wife. I learned I have bpd and I am going to counseling for that I am watching videos and reading books on trying to help this all get better I really injoyed your video.
[ HDTD ] False. I actual spend more quality time with my steps than I did with my Bio’s. They are NOT held to different standards. Additionally, when you study bio-siblings... they too often feel like favoritism happens. We Parents need to understand that it is an Honor to have influence and the opportunity to give any child love and care, we are caring for God’s child! HE is one Dad that I want to bless by loving His kids well and definitely not anger him by mismanaging my parental opportunities. Blessings to you. Make it an outstanding life! (I think you and I are God’s favorite kids☺️) g
I don't think anyone understands the pain of the stepchild. As a stepchild myself, I can give you some tips and advice. First I wanna tell you that stepkids feel as if their biological parent is being replaced. They can't stand seeing their parents kiss hug or flirt with another person. So here is the advice. Do give them attention and tell them you love them very often. The child will therefor feel comfortable around you and not feel shy or feel any hate and jealousy toward you. Treat them as if they were your Owen child. Don't tell them you are better than their biological parent, they should actually realize that themselves. If they don't, give them more love and attention. Don't force them to call you mom or dad. Some people need time. A lot of time to get used to you first. Most childrens biological father or mother perhaps, were never there for them which is why you need to play that role in their lives, everyone needs that kind of attention in their lives. At first they may be mean to you and won't even speak to you, but that is because they aren't yet over the fact that their biological parents aren't together anymore. The thing is, as soon as their parents divorce, they will immediately feel sorry for the parent that didn't get custody. Or sometime for the parent who takes custody. If your stepchild does that, let them. It's their right to feel any way to anyone.
Life of stepchild is soo hard especially for those stepkids where both parents are married with new partner and both biological parents are having a child with new partner that makes stepchild life more complicated
I love the title comment! For our family...my bonus children called me mom. Their birth mom didn’t like that. So them got to pick the name they wanted which was Twinkle.
I feel that some step parents that come into the picture don't have an understanding that they are walking into their partner's biological child's world. Not the other way around, and that you should work on getting to know them and having them trust you. it's all about your approach from day one. if from the beginning you come off demanding controlling and disciplining a child that is not your kid then yes that's never going to happen at all and the biological parent depending on where they mindset is placed, will either go along with an unhealthy relationship knowing that this person is not being healthy towards your child or do the right thing and do what is best for their biological children because your kids can't be replaced Partners can. I'm speaking as a parent and having a man in my life that wasn't the biological father of my two sons. I have a daughter with him and he's great with our daughter but it's way different when it's your own child and when it's another person's kid. He has tried to make the relationship better between them, but I feel it's a little bit too late. only because It had to be done early on from the moment he met my sons when they were 6 and 8 years old. I was always in the middle and I hated it so much. I couldn't stand it. I was most annoyed when I express what I thought and felt regarding my biological kids it was somehow wrong and it was always judged. now they are 15 and 17 it's way harder now. it's impossible to unscramble scrambled eggs.
@@LisaLisaCJ yes I had a kid due to our irresponsibility of not preventing it because it takes two to make a person. And no I don't believe in abortion but that's my own personal feelings of that and I decided to keep my baby despite of who her father was. And I say "was" because I choose to get my kids away from an unhealthy environment. remember you're only getting the highlights of what people are experiencing. We are not physically there to see everything in its entirety. people can't make and place judgments so quickly based on just a highlight of a situation. We should be here to encourage each other and help those be able to get out and make right decisions. Someone who's never experienced it themselves will never understand and know what it is to go through that and go through the process of getting out of it. which isn't very easy to do unfortunately. We shouldn't Place judgment on them and make them feel worse about what's already done. Moving forward we look for solution and try to make things better. This is why these type of videos are made to help people get out of these type of situations otherwise it's just pointless.
@@LisaLisaCJ no, it takes two to get pregnant because a man is needed. I dont have sperm. And Lol soapbox? 🤣 OK. I only commented to a situation and try to help given that I myself have been in. I chose to comment and the other seems to have all the complaints. You have a wonderful day as well. 😎
I read read your book Smart Stepdad. I felt after reading it. Then I probably tried too much to be the “stepdad” and ruined the relationship with my stepson The disrespect starts happening and all hell is loose in my house. I have some work cut out. I’ll continue to follow and learn from you.
Your humility in recognizing you can do things differently is admirable. It's never too late to make changes. We'll be praying for you! -FamilyLife Blended Team
God Bless you & your powerful Ministry Here in Ma I’ve seen your sermon @ Calvary Christian Church Lynnfield this past Sunday. Powerful. Thank you 🙏 &Yes I’m a step father
My dad was a wonderful dad to my step-sister and a top-notch grandad to her kids. While at the same time he was a distant uncle-like figure to me and barely saw my children (his biological grandchildren). He always put his wife and her daughter first. It still hurts. I lost him long before he died. My mother married a man you wouldn't want near children, so I no longer see her either. I recently lost my partner to cancer. I will never have another relationship - I don't want a step parent for my daughters. My kids are for life. I don't want anyone coming between us.
Thank you for sharing, i grew up in a blended family its the opposite mum(step mum) never loved, appreciated and thought of us as people with a future so we got less of attention and good treatment but instead, we loved for her because of Dad and i personally knew i had a future so i had to do what i had to, to go school and enjoy life and am a dad and trying my best to be a good dad avoiding my kids to go through what i want through. All parents should know that everyone has a life so in striving to establish a good relationship we help these children to be responsible and good parents in future. I think the first is accept that you will be with those kids provided you will be staying with their father/mother.
I have an adult step daughter with 2 toddlers and is always leaving her fiance and going back to him and it disrupts our home . My husband and I get into major arguments about this same issue over and over. I'm tired and do not want her to move in with us.
You are the only one on TH-cam who made perfect sense to me. I wonder if you have books that I can read and benefit from on this matter. I am a stepmom to be and I am very much worrierd about my stepson (11 years old) wellbeing especially that he lost his mom at the age of 4. He is a happy kid and I don't want to miss his life up.
You can learn more about our resources here: www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families/ I would suggest starting with The Smart Stepfamily book and by listening to our podcast.
why would you automatically assume you'll mess his life up? LOL. If hes never had a mom he'll probably benifit from having you around more than anything!
Ok as a biological father I've been separated from my kids mom for the past 10yrs. Within a year she met her current bf over that time they've become the family she's wanted to have as much as I respectful of him being involved in my kids life. Mom X automatically made him DAD. Simply because of how he can pay the bills and do the extras ( the activities: being involved with his sports she wants him to do , family vacations and having everyone we know praising him for what they've done for my kid. Not saying I am not involved or don't do for my kid, but I make far less of an income than they do. He's also bought them a couple of cars,a home and 3 different vacations. One to Disney world because my X wanted to make sure he went to Disney World. I'm not a jealous person person I'm happy with my kid having these experiences that I never had. & there's times he'll listen to them especially if I'm around than me like they over ride what I tell him. I've learned to be civil and not saying alot because when I did it was created more problems than it was solving. My kids going to be a teenager soon to this point with the relationship I've got with him its been ok with not alot of problems ( I do get push ack him saying mom or her bf he doesn't have to listen etc) any suggestions how to continuing to move forward how do I bring in a dating relationship or should I wait until my kids 18???
Anthony, I am so sorry this is so difficult for you. Here is an article that might be helpful. smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/learn/parenting-stepparenting/step-father-what-do-your-kids-need Praying that your stepchildren's hearts will soften as you walk this journey.
Some people advise the step-parent to treat the step-child like their own, while others advise that it is not the step-parents role to "parent". I don't understand anymore...
That is understandable. There are lots of opinions out there and every relationship is different. At FamilyLife Blended we advocate taking the relationship slow and taking cues from the child. You may have a stepchild that is fully invested in the family and you as a stepparent and you can take it fast. Others may have stepkids that have not warmed up to the relationship. Treating them like you are a coach/teacher, aunt, etc... may be beneficial until you become more comfortable. For more in-depth reading on this subject, check out The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal. Praying for you. -FLB
The only do to bei G a stepfather is don't. Don't do it. Especially if u don't have a kid urself. Dating is already hard enough. Now u wanna add a new layer of complexity to the relationship.
What about the bio parent that engages in guilt parenting because he doesn't have custody. Ex: He doesn't like setting any rules or boundaries and he is easily offended.
We hear about that from lots of families. Sometimes people refer to that as the "Disneyland Dad Syndrome". It comes from a place of not wanting to add additional pain to their children's lives but often goes too far. There is quite a bit devoted to this in Ron's book The Smart Stepfamily. I would encourage you to check that out for in-depth learning on the subject. ~FLB
I wish I could get support from my fiancé with his, his can never do anything wrong in his eyes. The boy has no discipline, he expects is 9 yo to sleep in the same bed with us. He never has time for me but he wants to force me to be a mom to the kid when we are struggling with our relationship. All he cares about is me being there for his kid.
Hi Tammy, I'm sorry you guys are going through a rough time. It sounds like you may benefit from being able to talk to other stepmoms who have experienced this and can encourage you. Check out the Sisterhood of Stepmoms on Facebook for a wonderful group of women that you can ask questions and receive tips and encouragement from. You can also follow us on Facebook for daily encouragement and tips for all your stepfamily relationships. facebook.com/familylifeblended/
Tammy T CUT Your LOSES & LEAVE , unless go to long term THERAPY , that he AGREES TO!!Quit trying to SOLVE others PROBLEMS! He is NOT READY to MARRY ! Find SOMEONE WITH NO CHILDREN !
One big recommendation I can make is off experience. My mom had a daughter from a past relationship, and prior to my parent's marriage they both lived with my grandmother, where the daughter was basically allowed to get away with everything and anything. My parents had known each other on and off for years, and dated for only two months before getting married. My father grew up in a very strict Irish Catholic household, and he and my half-sister were like oil and water. It finally reached a point when my half-sister didn't get her own way, everybody paid the price (i.e., making false claims that my father molested her and that my mother was beating her). When all was said and done, my half-sister went to live with my grandmother Long story short, my parents have now been married for 36 years, and I haven't spoken to my half-sister in 29 years. Word of advice for prospective step-parents. TAKE IT SLOW!
He probably did. My stepfather went after me at 11. Mom did take his side, my relatives reported him he ended up in jail but my mother forced me to drop the charges, his kids think i am lying too alot of step parents love to abuse kids go google the cases. Its like a two for 1 deal.
@@WhiteArrow76 you haven't had contact with your half sister for over 30 years. How can you be so sure about what she "admitted " to so many years ago when you yourself were a kid? You probably have to rely on your parents version of the events. Look...I know you love your dad. But there's a reason your sister isn't in touch with you or her mom anymore. Usually in cases like this, mothers take the side of their husband's and force their daughters to drop the charges and "confess" that they were lying. It's pretty common. Your sister is probably relieved that she doesn't have to deal with them anymore. If my mother had chosen a man over me, I would have gone no contact with her too. So it's good that she escaped the situation and is ultimately living her own life.
Make it easier on the mom, yourself and the kids Don't start a family with a single mom. The exception isn't the rule. Stay away from them. Every one's life will get worse
I'm trying as a stepfather. My stepchildren live with little to no rules or discipline. My main issue is having them lock the doors at night because I'm first in bed for work. I can't do it myself. I figure if I can't make any rules at least lock the door. How do I get this accomplished when no one cares including my spouse and not get angry?
The number one rule for any single parent (widowed or divorced) that brings their kids into a blended household, is that their new partner must treat them as members of the family and to never be treated differently. But if the new partner refuses to be nice towards them, you have 2 options, you could either A, give them an ultimatum (such as working things out) or B get out of the relationship at once because your parental duties are your #1 responsibility.
What about if you feel like you're just a tool? Like... no matter what approach you take, it always ends in the kid "throwing a tantrum" and the bio parent automatically takes the kids side? I'm starting to feel... used. Like I'm only here to provide and that's it. With another kid on the way (that is my biological child), I'm beyond frustrated with being told how I HAVE to parent.
This was one year ago. I hope you're well. The WORST thing you can do is have a child with someone who already has a child, now you're stuck so just do the best you can. Also PATERNITY TEST the kid.
After My father and mother divorced my twin sister and I were the center of attention all ourlivesthen we were treated like yesterday's laundry by both when they both remarried in my mother's cases she remarried twice and her second spouse only married her when she got cancer and done secretly and her spouse didn't even try to be civil to us and slowly even turned her against us after my mother betrayed us over him my sister suffered a massive heart attack soon after its been horrible from the moment we met the man!
Thanks for watching!! We are doing a livestream event for couples in April that you can watch from South Africa. We hope you will join us! You can learn more here: www.blendedandblessed.com
Hi Adeline, there may be some things that are better for the biological parent to handle until a solid relationship can be formed with the child. Because I don't know the specifics of your situation I suggest you start with our articles specifically for stepparents. Perhaps they will be an encouragement and provide you with some tips. Blessings, FLB www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/
I'm sorry you are struggling! We recently released some podcasts on the topic of men in blended families. You may find them helpful: studio.th-cam.com/users/videopK2TSpOZNq0/edit
I am struggling to be enough for my husband. As the biological mother of our 15y/o son, my husband feels I have blinders on when it comes to my son. Things that bother him, dont bother me. I try to honor his rules but it's not natural. I don't know what else I can do?
I'm in a situation with my fiance and my two biological Sons. my fiance and I have a daughter together but from day one my sons and him was just not clicking. and I'm completely in the middle of everything. there are some things I agree with him on and others that I am totally against. I completely understand as far as children needing discipline and structure and I'm all for that but it's how it's done. for me at the end of the day my kids cannot be replaced but a man can.
@@tokyo4524 so long as you maintain the attitude that your man is replaceable but your children are not your children will undermine your relationship with him and you will continually side with them until the day he leaves. You cannot have a healthy family when you let your children have more power than your partner. Period.
Hello, I’ve been listening to a few of your videos and I would like some advice. I’ve been married for 3 years, me and my husband have children we do not have children together. We are in our 50’s with young adult children 3 lives with us and my husband have a 9 year old who’s majority at her grandparents home. Me and my husband are not strong in our marriage we have our own Marriage issues now we are having issues with a few of our children. At this point we are considering dividing because it has caused to much stress on us.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. If you are involved in your local church, I would encourage you to talk with your pastor. Many churches offer counseling to couples in distress or if they don't, can direct you to a trusted counselor in your area. If that is not an option for you, we may be able to help you find a virtual group of couples in blended families or a counselor in your area. If you are interested, please email us at blended@familylife.com and we'll let you know what is available. Praying for you. ~FLB team
Stepfather took over everything and I felt all I did was run around and put out fires he started. Protected my child So much so that I had no energy for anything else. I became a drinker to cope. Got divorced. Now my daughter moved in with him. He did not adopt her and has no legal rights. he has done a 180 and let’s her live there without any chores, consequences. He does not communicate. He lies and is a covert narcissist who is trying to take over my daughter. Stopped drinking but she still isn’t coming home. Ugh. Any advice?
Hi, I would like to give out my real my name but best not to, I have a few questions, Im learning how to be setp parent, im helping my best friend raising her three year old, I did raise her daughter when she was nearly a new born, I kinda met her biological father, its kinda a long story, but he abandoned them, so me and my friend had been bumping heads, i understand she's never meant to upset me on purpose and understands I have a learning disability and little autism, I don't know you would help me, how do I be a step parent while I'm born "different"?
Great advise! Children often expect mom to pay for all expenses rather than ask biological parent Dad. Step dads are not financially responsible right?
Hi Barbara, we do not offer counseling services to the public. If you will email us at blended@familylife.com and let us know where you live, we may be able to direct you to someone in your area. -Team FLB
As a step father my gf kid didn't have a bedtime, used to hit her had no respect , manners extremely disobedient she used to have mental breakdowns everyday ...now he has a bedtime stop hitting her and still working on his manners and respect but she hasn't had a breakdowns since we moved in ...now we're arguing about working on his blatant disrespect towards her
Peggy Nu in Latin America, even though it’s not as much as before, traditionally children respect adults and your stepparent is obviously not your parent but they aren’t your friend either. Since ma’am and sir is too formal, aunt or uncle is a good compromise
My boss goes through the samething. Its ridiculous and kind of a slap in the face to him because he eventually gives in and helps her in order to increase quality time together. Smh
How do I engage with my 17 year old step son who does not follow the same rules as the other kids in the house? After his Dad and I got Married, his mother said that if he came to live with her full time she would not give him rules. We saw him maybe 3 times that year. As a result he dropped out of school, overdosed and wound up in the hospital. Now he lives with us. He seems to have a good heart, but is openly rude, throws fits and looks like he's going to punch something. He is dismissive and has purposefully intimidated me as well as my other children. Sometimes he's very friendly and warm. It's confusing and I feel intimidated whenever I'm around him.
if he is physically trying to hurt you or your children you should immediately get him away from you, and you should question how your husband would allow that to happen. Dont take any chances with a person who addicted to drugs, they are very unpredictable
Tulsa. My stepchild is an only child and knows very well how to manipulate his family. I have 2 daughters and can see right through the bs. Mom always takes his side like he’s a victim and my youngest daughter 1 1/2 months older than him is the bully with problems.This whole Snapchat thing is a major contributor due to my daughter seeing the stupid things he is engaging in and screen shots it to show me. When I confront my wife now my daughter is a rat. Total disregard for the poor actions. Now my daughter hates my wife as stepbrother and vice versa. I’m in the middle in a no win situation. So needless to say the home is not cozy. I’m only 1 1/2 years into the marriage and my guts tell me to forget it all and just end it. But I love my wife dearly and her entire family. I’m at a loss and have actively engaged in therapy. I’m the only one who has been so far 1 time so this is new but I’m trying. Just lost and confused. No one needs to live under the same roof hating each other.
It would be best for the bio parent to initiate the introduction. However, the new partner could, when they are ready, let the bio parent know they are open whenever the time is right.
I'm getting ready to be a stepparent. It's starting off a bit rocky as I'm about to move in. My wife's kids like me, but they DON'T want me to move in. Understandably, they are terrified because their mom's last boyfriend of choice that she let move in turned out to be a disaster. They don't realize they have no choice in that, but the real problem is; that they do have unchecked behavioral issues and their mother fails to discipline them repeatedly. They don't have any mental illnesses and yes, they've been to therapy, so they're just normal kids...who don't get disciplined. Long story short, I have limited disciplinary authority and I still have to be extremely careful with that. In the children's minds; I'm not supposed to tell them anything about their behavior, not even merely suggest that they should not talk back and disrespect their mother, who was losing an argument by the way when I made a simple comment. The comment was; you are being very disrespectful to your mother when you have a birthday coming up in two weeks. The daughter immediately shuts down. My wife is relieved and looks at me with a silent "Thank You". Then the daughter gets up and runs to the bathroom to cry. My wife goes to talk to her. In the main part of that conversation, her daughter tells her that; he's an outsider and what me and you talk about is none of his business. Then she proceeds to go up to her room and calls her grandmother to complain. The fact that these children feel like they can just call grandmother to tell on us anytime they don’t get their way is a huge problem. So, grandma calls mom to find out what’s going on. Then in a very sweet way told me not to come in too strong. Just wait awhile before I start telling them things. They need to get used to me living there first. Then slowly tell them things about their behavior, but for now let the mother handle all of the discipline. She told me not to take it the wrong way, but I did take it as; “don’t say anything to them about their behavior, yet. Just be there for them.” All I said was that one comment. I normally don’t say anything at all. Well, I don’t know how long I have to wait before I can make another comment. The root of the children's problem with me is; they don't like they disciplinary ideas/solutions that I put in their mom's head, because she actually tries to use them...sometimes.
I am so sorry for your challenges. They are very real. Maybe this article would help. www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/stepfamily-living/stepfamily-dynamics-when-youre-not-blending/
For additional information on stepfamily Dos and Don'ts: www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/stepparenting-skills/stepparenting-discipline-dos-and-donts/
The person with the least invested in the relationship holds the most power. That was a nugget of wisdom. Wife and I were able to discuss this with the dynamics in our blended family.
I have several kids, bio dad chooses to have no contact with me or the kids, been married to my sweetheart (SW) almost a year. Kids lived with bio for a year, now live solely with me and SW. They love SW, already see how much more normal/stable he is than bio. They try to do what we ask, but we are tightening up things that bio let slide (he let them sleep in their clothes, drop food and trash everywhere, just negligent). SW is trying to help me reteach the kids the appropriate limits and skills I had been trying to foster. I love that he's invested and wants to help. Where I am struggling is SW comes to me and asks why so and so left something on the floor/on the table/left a task undone, to which I have no idea because I was in a different room or outside and didn't see the kid do it/not do it, and then I go find the kid and ask them to fix what they did/didn't do. He sometimes will ask the kids directly, but mostly asks me, and I don't know why the kid flubbed it and don't like "being sent" every time to solve it. He does this because I have way more parenting experience, and he'd rather I solve the issue my way. Ok great, but I feel like this is a horrible dynamic bordering on something unhealthy, but I don't know what to replace it with, and it's putting me on edge. Is there a better way??
The Do's: Do avoid being a step parent
The Dont's: Don't be a step parent
What this man fails to mention you cannot discipline a child you do not love! Most steps just want control. You will lose your child they will grow up and resent you and realize if anything happens to them they cannot go to the biological parent because you will tell everything to the outsider, no relationship can develop. The child knows that this person does not love me.
I was abusive in every way by both of my stepparents. I couldn’t go to either parent about it. My ex husband was abused by his stepmother and he has so many scars . It’s just not worth it
I like number 1. Worked for my husband and I. He is the other dad as Im not sure I like the 'step' label. My husband created a wonderful relationship with the biological father. I also created that togetherness and support with the other mother. We parents constantly collaborated with each other to create a loving, wonderful, strong family unit.
Depends on the biological parents if they want to have a relationship with the new partner.
thank you
my step children wanted to call me mommy and i told them to call me aunty out of respect for their mom and also because i was fearful that one day they we might get into an argument and they might say ' u are not my mother" and it might break my heart
Antonette, it's important to do what works for your family. There is not one right way to it! If you enjoyed this video, you might want to check out our new podcast. You can listen here: www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-blended-podcast/
Parenting is going to break your heart no matter what your kids call you.
I'm living in South Carolina. Fascinating how I just stumbled across your show. Ron, I am presently getting a life group together at my church, using your material "The Smart Stepfamily".
I came into my fiance family 3 years ago. His daughter was 8 and his son was 4 I have known there dad for a long time. But we just started dating in 2020 but now things are starting to get a bit rocky I am dealing with his x wife. I learned I have bpd and I am going to counseling for that I am watching videos and reading books on trying to help this all get better I really injoyed your video.
How do you deal with it when the step child and your biological child are held to different standard
As someone who's had a step parent their biological child is ALWAYS more privileged and held in a higher regard than the step child
@@HDTDNOVIV just your family lol
[ HDTD ] False. I actual spend more quality time with my steps than I did with my Bio’s. They are NOT held to different standards. Additionally, when you study bio-siblings... they too often feel like favoritism happens. We Parents need to understand that it is an Honor to have influence and the opportunity to give any child love and care, we are caring for God’s child! HE is one Dad that I want to bless by loving His kids well and definitely not anger him by mismanaging my parental opportunities.
Blessings to you.
Make it an outstanding life! (I think you and I are God’s favorite kids☺️)
g
Sorry their biological child is and will be loved more. You cannot cut that!
@@FS02012 what a sad life
I don't think anyone understands the pain of the stepchild. As a stepchild myself, I can give you some tips and advice. First I wanna tell you that stepkids feel as if their biological parent is being replaced. They can't stand seeing their parents kiss hug or flirt with another person. So here is the advice. Do give them attention and tell them you love them very often. The child will therefor feel comfortable around you and not feel shy or feel any hate and jealousy toward you. Treat them as if they were your Owen child. Don't tell them you are better than their biological parent, they should actually realize that themselves. If they don't, give them more love and attention. Don't force them to call you mom or dad. Some people need time. A lot of time to get used to you first. Most childrens biological father or mother perhaps, were never there for them which is why you need to play that role in their lives, everyone needs that kind of attention in their lives. At first they may be mean to you and won't even speak to you, but that is because they aren't yet over the fact that their biological parents aren't together anymore. The thing is, as soon as their parents divorce, they will immediately feel sorry for the parent that didn't get custody. Or sometime for the parent who takes custody. If your stepchild does that, let them. It's their right to feel any way to anyone.
Life of stepchild is soo hard especially for those stepkids where both parents are married with new partner and both biological parents are having a child with new partner that makes stepchild life more complicated
True man. It is disgusting to see your own mother having intimacy with another strange man. Really disgusting to see and create lot of resentment
1: do’s….DO not do it.
2: Don’ts . Don’t do it.
That is all.
Thank you.
I love the title comment! For our family...my bonus children called me mom. Their birth mom didn’t like that. So them got to pick the name they wanted which was Twinkle.
💛 I like that
5 years later but first time watching it anyways raised in Chicago now reside in Florida but born in Argentina.
I feel that some step parents that come into the picture don't have an understanding that they are walking into their partner's biological child's world. Not the other way around, and that you should work on getting to know them and having them trust you. it's all about your approach from day one. if from the beginning you come off demanding controlling and disciplining a child that is not your kid then yes that's never going to happen at all and the biological parent depending on where they mindset is placed, will either go along with an unhealthy relationship knowing that this person is not being healthy towards your child or do the right thing and do what is best for their biological children because your kids can't be replaced Partners can.
I'm speaking as a parent and having a man in my life that wasn't the biological father of my two sons. I have a daughter with him and he's great with our daughter but it's way different when it's your own child and when it's another person's kid. He has tried to make the relationship better between them, but I feel it's a little bit too late. only because It had to be done early on from the moment he met my sons when they were 6 and 8 years old. I was always in the middle and I hated it so much. I couldn't stand it. I was most annoyed when I express what I thought and felt regarding my biological kids it was somehow wrong and it was always judged. now they are 15 and 17 it's way harder now. it's impossible to unscramble scrambled eggs.
@@LisaLisaCJ yes I had a kid due to our irresponsibility of not preventing it because it takes two to make a person. And no I don't believe in abortion but that's my own personal feelings of that and I decided to keep my baby despite of who her father was. And I say "was" because I choose to get my kids away from an unhealthy environment. remember you're only getting the highlights of what people are experiencing. We are not physically there to see everything in its entirety. people can't make and place judgments so quickly based on just a highlight of a situation. We should be here to encourage each other and help those be able to get out and make right decisions. Someone who's never experienced it themselves will never understand and know what it is to go through that and go through the process of getting out of it. which isn't very easy to do unfortunately. We shouldn't Place judgment on them and make them feel worse about what's already done. Moving forward we look for solution and try to make things better. This is why these type of videos are made to help people get out of these type of situations otherwise it's just pointless.
@@LisaLisaCJ no, it takes two to get pregnant because a man is needed. I dont have sperm. And Lol soapbox? 🤣 OK. I only commented to a situation and try to help given that I myself have been in. I chose to comment and the other seems to have all the complaints.
You have a wonderful day as well. 😎
@@LisaLisaCJ 🤣
@@LisaLisaCJ silly rabbit. 😊
Thank you for sharing. Strong woman ♥️
Really great! So balanced
Listening from Edmonton Alberta Canada
I read read your book Smart Stepdad. I felt after reading it. Then I probably tried too much to be the “stepdad” and ruined the relationship with my stepson
The disrespect starts happening and all hell is loose in my house. I have some work cut out. I’ll continue to follow and learn from you.
Your humility in recognizing you can do things differently is admirable. It's never too late to make changes. We'll be praying for you! -FamilyLife Blended Team
San Julian Jalisco Mexico!! I LOVE you're videos. Tank you!!
God Bless you & your powerful Ministry
Here in Ma
I’ve seen your sermon @ Calvary Christian Church Lynnfield this past Sunday. Powerful. Thank you 🙏
&Yes I’m a step father
Excellent video.
My dad was a wonderful dad to my step-sister and a top-notch grandad to her kids. While at the same time he was a distant uncle-like figure to me and barely saw my children (his biological grandchildren). He always put his wife and her daughter first. It still hurts. I lost him long before he died. My mother married a man you wouldn't want near children, so I no longer see her either. I recently lost my partner to cancer. I will never have another relationship - I don't want a step parent for my daughters. My kids are for life. I don't want anyone coming between us.
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your Dad. Praying for healing for you. ~FLB
And what happens if the back up is not there?
What do I do when mom says I'm nobody I'm not playing mom I'm just there for her and clean her messes
Step 4 excellent advice. Should be top of the list
Thank you for sharing, i grew up in a blended family its the opposite mum(step mum) never loved, appreciated and thought of us as people with a future so we got less of attention and good treatment but instead, we loved for her because of Dad and i personally knew i had a future so i had to do what i had to, to go school and enjoy life and am a dad and trying my best to be a good dad avoiding my kids to go through what i want through. All parents should know that everyone has a life so in striving to establish a good relationship we help these children to be responsible and good parents in future. I think the first is accept that you will be with those kids provided you will be staying with their father/mother.
I have an adult step daughter with 2 toddlers and is always leaving her fiance and going back to him and it disrupts our home . My husband and I get into major arguments about this same issue over and over. I'm tired and do not want her to move in with us.
You are the only one on TH-cam who made perfect sense to me. I wonder if you have books that I can read and benefit from on this matter. I am a stepmom to be and I am very much worrierd about my stepson (11 years old) wellbeing especially that he lost his mom at the age of 4. He is a happy kid and I don't want to miss his life up.
You can learn more about our resources here: www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families/
I would suggest starting with The Smart Stepfamily book and by listening to our podcast.
why would you automatically assume you'll mess his life up? LOL. If hes never had a mom he'll probably benifit from having you around more than anything!
@@ashadedreflection4486 that's so kind.
Thank you
I agree this video is one of the best I found.
Ok as a biological father I've been separated from my kids mom for the past 10yrs. Within a year she met her current bf over that time they've become the family she's wanted to have as much as I respectful of him being involved in my kids life. Mom X automatically made him DAD. Simply because of how he can pay the bills and do the extras ( the activities: being involved with his sports she wants him to do , family vacations and having everyone we know praising him for what they've done for my kid. Not saying I am not involved or don't do for my kid, but I make far less of an income than they do. He's also bought them a couple of cars,a home and 3 different vacations. One to Disney world because my X wanted to make sure he went to Disney World. I'm not a jealous person person I'm happy with my kid having these experiences that I never had. & there's times he'll listen to them especially if I'm around than me like they over ride what I tell him. I've learned to be civil and not saying alot because when I did it was created more problems than it was solving. My kids going to be a teenager soon to this point with the relationship I've got with him its been ok with not alot of problems ( I do get push ack him saying mom or her bf he doesn't have to listen etc) any suggestions how to continuing to move forward how do I bring in a dating relationship or should I wait until my kids 18???
Thankyou
Thanks for watching!
Hello my name is Anthony and I am having the most difficult time trying to be a step father
Anthony, I am so sorry this is so difficult for you. Here is an article that might be helpful. smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/learn/parenting-stepparenting/step-father-what-do-your-kids-need Praying that your stepchildren's hearts will soften as you walk this journey.
When making sure the biological has the step parents back... What if the bio parent doesn't agree with the step parents choices?
Great question
Here's a great podcast that talks about that. th-cam.com/video/e-Boc4CtYDQ/w-d-xo.html
Ana from Namibian, Windhoek
It depends a lot on which the bio is. Man or woman. The mother should follow the Man's lead usually. That's if you're having a traditional family.
@@angelbeast8863 the Bible prohibits remarriage.
It's hard to hear you.
Some people advise the step-parent to treat the step-child like their own, while others advise that it is not the step-parents role to "parent".
I don't understand anymore...
That is understandable. There are lots of opinions out there and every relationship is different. At FamilyLife Blended we advocate taking the relationship slow and taking cues from the child. You may have a stepchild that is fully invested in the family and you as a stepparent and you can take it fast. Others may have stepkids that have not warmed up to the relationship. Treating them like you are a coach/teacher, aunt, etc... may be beneficial until you become more comfortable. For more in-depth reading on this subject, check out The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal. Praying for you. -FLB
@@FamilyLifeBlended You are right, this makes total sense now. Well stated!
Thank you for your time, much appreciated!
Warm regards,
The only do to bei G a stepfather is don't. Don't do it. Especially if u don't have a kid urself. Dating is already hard enough. Now u wanna add a new layer of complexity to the relationship.
What about the bio parent that engages in guilt parenting because he doesn't have custody. Ex: He doesn't like setting any rules or boundaries and he is easily offended.
We hear about that from lots of families. Sometimes people refer to that as the "Disneyland Dad Syndrome". It comes from a place of not wanting to add additional pain to their children's lives but often goes too far. There is quite a bit devoted to this in Ron's book The Smart Stepfamily. I would encourage you to check that out for in-depth learning on the subject. ~FLB
I am watching from New York City.
I wish I could get support from my fiancé with his, his can never do anything wrong in his eyes. The boy has no discipline, he expects is 9 yo to sleep in the same bed with us. He never has time for me but he wants to force me to be a mom to the kid when we are struggling with our relationship. All he cares about is me being there for his kid.
Hi Tammy, I'm sorry you guys are going through a rough time. It sounds like you may benefit from being able to talk to other stepmoms who have experienced this and can encourage you. Check out the Sisterhood of Stepmoms on Facebook for a wonderful group of women that you can ask questions and receive tips and encouragement from.
You can also follow us on Facebook for daily encouragement and tips for all your stepfamily relationships.
facebook.com/familylifeblended/
RUN RUN RUN.
Tammy T
CUT Your LOSES & LEAVE , unless go to long term THERAPY , that he AGREES TO!!Quit trying to SOLVE others PROBLEMS! He is NOT READY to MARRY ! Find SOMEONE WITH NO CHILDREN !
Hope you didn't marry him
Then you are just a nanny to the boy
From Cali with my non traditional family
One big recommendation I can make is off experience. My mom had a daughter from a past relationship, and prior to my parent's marriage they both lived with my grandmother, where the daughter was basically allowed to get away with everything and anything. My parents had known each other on and off for years, and dated for only two months before getting married.
My father grew up in a very strict Irish Catholic household, and he and my half-sister were like oil and water. It finally reached a point when my half-sister didn't get her own way, everybody paid the price (i.e., making false claims that my father molested her and that my mother was beating her). When all was said and done, my half-sister went to live with my grandmother
Long story short, my parents have now been married for 36 years, and I haven't spoken to my half-sister in 29 years.
Word of advice for prospective step-parents. TAKE IT SLOW!
He probably did. My stepfather went after me at 11. Mom did take his side, my relatives reported him he ended up in jail but my mother forced me to drop the charges, his kids think i am lying too alot of step parents love to abuse kids go google the cases. Its like a two for 1 deal.
@@FS02012 He didn't. My sister admitted to making the whole thing up
@@WhiteArrow76 you haven't had contact with your half sister for over 30 years. How can you be so sure about what she "admitted " to so many years ago when you yourself were a kid? You probably have to rely on your parents version of the events. Look...I know you love your dad. But there's a reason your sister isn't in touch with you or her mom anymore. Usually in cases like this, mothers take the side of their husband's and force their daughters to drop the charges and "confess" that they were lying. It's pretty common. Your sister is probably relieved that she doesn't have to deal with them anymore. If my mother had chosen a man over me, I would have gone no contact with her too. So it's good that she escaped the situation and is ultimately living her own life.
Make it easier on the mom, yourself and the kids
Don't start a family with a single mom. The exception isn't the rule. Stay away from them. Every one's life will get worse
I'm trying as a stepfather. My stepchildren live with little to no rules or discipline. My main issue is having them lock the doors at night because I'm first in bed for work. I can't do it myself. I figure if I can't make any rules at least lock the door. How do I get this accomplished when no one cares including my spouse and not get angry?
I understand this all to well. It’s difficult to come into a home with little to no discipline.
My issue. My spouse doesn't really discipline at all
Yep my gf hardly disciplines her child. This kid is jealous of me etc etc. it’s a lot of work for a kid that isn’t even mine
How can you get the step parent to listen to the step child instead of shutting them down and
The number one rule for any single parent (widowed or divorced) that brings their kids into a blended household, is that their new partner must treat them as members of the family and to never be treated differently. But if the new partner refuses to be nice towards them, you have 2 options, you could either A, give them an ultimatum (such as working things out) or B get out of the relationship at once because your parental duties are your #1 responsibility.
Great advice
Wisconsin
I’m at the brick wall phase with a 19yr old. Wish I had listened to this before living with my new partner.
What about if you feel like you're just a tool? Like... no matter what approach you take, it always ends in the kid "throwing a tantrum" and the bio parent automatically takes the kids side?
I'm starting to feel... used. Like I'm only here to provide and that's it. With another kid on the way (that is my biological child), I'm beyond frustrated with being told how I HAVE to parent.
Look forward to ur child channel ur energy there
This was one year ago. I hope you're well. The WORST thing you can do is have a child with someone who already has a child, now you're stuck so just do the best you can. Also PATERNITY TEST the kid.
After My father and mother divorced my twin sister and I were the center of attention all ourlivesthen we were treated like yesterday's laundry by both when they both remarried in my mother's cases she remarried twice and her second spouse only married her when she got cancer and done secretly and her spouse didn't even try to be civil to us and slowly even turned her against us after my mother betrayed us over him my sister suffered a massive heart attack soon after its been horrible from the moment we met the man!
Omg. Wishing good health and healing for you both! 💛
Saludos, desde Puerto Rico. Thank you for sharing knowledge and understanding.
Watching from South Africa
Thanks for watching!! We are doing a livestream event for couples in April that you can watch from South Africa. We hope you will join us! You can learn more here: www.blendedandblessed.com
What do you when your husband keeps on telling you that you can't do this or that because the child is not your biological
Hi Adeline, there may be some things that are better for the biological parent to handle until a solid relationship can be formed with the child. Because I don't know the specifics of your situation I suggest you start with our articles specifically for stepparents. Perhaps they will be an encouragement and provide you with some tips. Blessings, FLB www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/
Its so hard and I'm failing miserably as a step-dad and a husband!!
I'm sorry you are struggling! We recently released some podcasts on the topic of men in blended families. You may find them helpful: studio.th-cam.com/users/videopK2TSpOZNq0/edit
th-cam.com/video/68BZj93g7SQ/w-d-xo.html
I am struggling to be enough for my husband. As the biological mother of our 15y/o son, my husband feels I have blinders on when it comes to my son. Things that bother him, dont bother me. I try to honor his rules but it's not natural. I don't know what else I can do?
This is what I'm dealing with right now!
I'm in a situation with my fiance and my two biological Sons. my fiance and I have a daughter together but from day one my sons and him was just not clicking. and I'm completely in the middle of everything. there are some things I agree with him on and others that I am totally against. I completely understand as far as children needing discipline and structure and I'm all for that but it's how it's done. for me at the end of the day my kids cannot be replaced but a man can.
@@tokyo4524 so long as you maintain the attitude that your man is replaceable but your children are not your children will undermine your relationship with him and you will continually side with them until the day he leaves.
You cannot have a healthy family when you let your children have more power than your partner. Period.
There's only one don't. Don't be a stepparent.
Hello, I’ve been listening to a few of your videos and I would like some advice. I’ve been married for 3 years, me and my husband have children we do not have children together. We are in our 50’s with young adult children 3 lives with us and my husband have a 9 year old who’s majority at her grandparents home. Me and my husband are not strong in our marriage we have our own Marriage issues now we are having issues with a few of our children. At this point we are considering dividing because it has caused to much stress on us.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. If you are involved in your local church, I would encourage you to talk with your pastor. Many churches offer counseling to couples in distress or if they don't, can direct you to a trusted counselor in your area. If that is not an option for you, we may be able to help you find a virtual group of couples in blended families or a counselor in your area. If you are interested, please email us at blended@familylife.com and we'll let you know what is available. Praying for you. ~FLB team
Finally a helpful video
Guyana , south America
Stepfather took over everything and I felt all I did was run around and put out fires he started. Protected my child So much so that I had no energy for anything else. I became a drinker to cope. Got divorced. Now my daughter moved in with him. He did not adopt her and has no legal rights. he has done a 180 and let’s her live there without any chores, consequences. He does not communicate. He lies and is a covert narcissist who is trying to take over my daughter. Stopped drinking but she still isn’t coming home. Ugh. Any advice?
Hi, I would like to give out my real my name but best not to, I have a few questions, Im learning how to be setp parent, im helping my best friend raising her three year old, I did raise her daughter when she was nearly a new born, I kinda met her biological father, its kinda a long story, but he abandoned them, so me and my friend had been bumping heads, i understand she's never meant to upset me on purpose and understands I have a learning disability and little autism, I don't know you would help me, how do I be a step parent while I'm born "different"?
What to do when the real parent is to much of a friend so the kids are to grown to be kids
Great advise! Children often expect mom to pay for all expenses rather than ask biological parent Dad. Step dads are not financially responsible right?
Then don't Marry single mom man if u want to invest in ur own flesh
in my opinion, there should be a combined budget, and all expenses for THAT household (including all children) are included in the combined budget.
Hi, I am Spanish
I would like to reach your office for more info and counseling services.
Hi Barbara, we do not offer counseling services to the public. If you will email us at blended@familylife.com and let us know where you live, we may be able to direct you to someone in your area. -Team FLB
San Antonio
I try so hard and I love my step children but my boyfriend just thinks I hate them because I disapline them
We value your openness, April. We will keep you in our prayers.
As a step father my gf kid didn't have a bedtime, used to hit her had no respect , manners extremely disobedient she used to have mental breakdowns everyday ...now he has a bedtime stop hitting her and still working on his manners and respect but she hasn't had a breakdowns since we moved in ...now we're arguing about working on his blatant disrespect towards her
Idk why she would argue if he's improving. Hope y'all worked it all out.
From Toronto canada
I'm from.Labrrador csnada
Williamsport, Pa
Tennessee
I missed out a chance to raise a beautiful little kid and be with his mom because I didn't know any of this stuff.
Have and raise your own children.
I am from Freetown Sierra Leone West Africa
Houston Texas
In some places stepparents are called "aunt" or "uncle"
Interesting, that is how I try to look at my SD. What culture?
Peggy Nu in Latin America, even though it’s not as much as before, traditionally children respect adults and your stepparent is obviously not your parent but they aren’t your friend either. Since ma’am and sir is too formal, aunt or uncle is a good compromise
My step children Call me by my name
Hi, is it ok to show affection in front of step kids? Thank you.
Kids help around the house that's a joke in this house because of mom okay's it she would Rather do it herself then ask them to do it
My boss goes through the samething. Its ridiculous and kind of a slap in the face to him because he eventually gives in and helps her in order to increase quality time together. Smh
Same here and what do you do when the bio allows her son to disrespect me when without her making her son apologize
St. Louis Missouri
How do I engage with my 17 year old step son who does not follow the same rules as the other kids in the house? After his Dad and I got Married, his mother said that if he came to live with her full time she would not give him rules. We saw him maybe 3 times that year. As a result he dropped out of school, overdosed and wound up in the hospital. Now he lives with us. He seems to have a good heart, but is openly rude, throws fits and looks like he's going to punch something. He is dismissive and has purposefully intimidated me as well as my other children. Sometimes he's very friendly and warm. It's confusing and I feel intimidated whenever I'm around him.
if he is physically trying to hurt you or your children you should immediately get him away from you, and you should question how your husband would allow that to happen. Dont take any chances with a person who addicted to drugs, they are very unpredictable
He’s 18 now he can get out.
Hang in there. The kid already lost his father to another family. Kids can’t heal from a parents split when there constantly dealing with stepparents.
From Compton California... Need some advice on step parenting ..
Here's some advice: Don't.
To comment section- Hes talking to the live viewers this isnt dora the explorer.
Wesley James Lol
😂
Lol!
Bradford pa
Hi
Damien oregon
Tulsa. My stepchild is an only child and knows very well how to manipulate his family. I have 2 daughters and can see right through the bs. Mom always takes his side like he’s a victim and my youngest daughter 1 1/2 months older than him is the bully with problems.This whole Snapchat thing is a major contributor due to my daughter seeing the stupid things he is engaging in and screen shots it to show me. When I confront my wife now my daughter is a rat. Total disregard for the poor actions. Now my daughter hates my wife as stepbrother and vice versa. I’m in the middle in a no win situation. So needless to say the home is not cozy. I’m only 1 1/2 years into the marriage and my guts tell me to forget it all and just end it. But I love my wife dearly and her entire family. I’m at a loss and have actively engaged in therapy. I’m the only one who has been so far 1 time so this is new but I’m trying. Just lost and confused. No one needs to live under the same roof hating each other.
Stephen Mack
Bayonne, NJ
My bf has 2 kids and a 3rd with me. I just want to take care of my baby
From Rickey Butler. From Ohio, USA
New-Brunswick, Canada
La Quanda From Los Angeles, California
Daniel from Ontario, CA
Pineville missouri
Stop filming on mobile view and turn the camera side ways like a normal camera
Brisbane Australia. 10 minutes.
You don’t. Raise your own children. Disgusting state of mind to want to take someone else’s children from them.
Should a new partner make the move to meet the kids first or the bio parent bring the kidos to you .
It would be best for the bio parent to initiate the introduction. However, the new partner could, when they are ready, let the bio parent know they are open whenever the time is right.
I'm getting ready to be a stepparent. It's starting off a bit rocky as I'm about to move in. My wife's kids like me, but they DON'T want me to move in. Understandably, they are terrified because their mom's last boyfriend of choice that she let move in turned out to be a disaster. They don't realize they have no choice in that, but the real problem is; that they do have unchecked behavioral issues and their mother fails to discipline them repeatedly. They don't have any mental illnesses and yes, they've been to therapy, so they're just normal kids...who don't get disciplined. Long story short, I have limited disciplinary authority and I still have to be extremely careful with that. In the children's minds; I'm not supposed to tell them anything about their behavior, not even merely suggest that they should not talk back and disrespect their mother, who was losing an argument by the way when I made a simple comment. The comment was; you are being very disrespectful to your mother when you have a birthday coming up in two weeks. The daughter immediately shuts down. My wife is relieved and looks at me with a silent "Thank You". Then the daughter gets up and runs to the bathroom to cry. My wife goes to talk to her. In the main part of that conversation, her daughter tells her that; he's an outsider and what me and you talk about is none of his business. Then she proceeds to go up to her room and calls her grandmother to complain. The fact that these children feel like they can just call grandmother to tell on us anytime they don’t get their way is a huge problem. So, grandma calls mom to find out what’s going on. Then in a very sweet way told me not to come in too strong. Just wait awhile before I start telling them things. They need to get used to me living there first. Then slowly tell them things about their behavior, but for now let the mother handle all of the discipline. She told me not to take it the wrong way, but I did take it as; “don’t say anything to them about their behavior, yet. Just be there for them.” All I said was that one comment. I normally don’t say anything at all. Well, I don’t know how long I have to wait before I can make another comment. The root of the children's problem with me is; they don't like they disciplinary ideas/solutions that I put in their mom's head, because she actually tries to use them...sometimes.
I am so sorry for your challenges. They are very real. Maybe this article would help. www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/stepparents/stepfamily-living/stepfamily-dynamics-when-youre-not-blending/
WHYYYYYYY would you do this to yourself? Why? Are you that desperate for companionship? Buy a dog. Heck, buy two dogs.
I’m from Mississippi
st George Utah
💗