I thought from the first video I watched of yours that you had strong healer vibes. You're certainly a spiritual warrior and your insights are becoming clearer and more crystallised as time goes on. Mother is the bridge from unity into the separation of the material world. When in its divine form Mother provides a conduit through gestation into birth and early childhood that prevents to soul from being psychically shocked by that departure from unity. Father also in its divine part then provides the grounding and security into the material world allowing the incarnated being to feel safe and powerful. Those children like little Sam, who's parents, for whatever reason, are divorced from the divine parental roles are left reeling from the shock of incarnation and floundering in a malestrom of energy that they cannot anchor into. It is deeply, deeply traumatic beyond words. I have often thought that men who crossdress/transition are looking to create the feminine bridge to unity and love that was denied them in early childhood. I think because the sexual urge in males is so strong at puberty, it muddies the water but I really believe that it is that connection first and foremost that is being sought even when it is expressed as a "fetish". Anyway, I haven't had a vid come up of yours in an age and you look great and your voice sounds so much better. I know it's still hoarse but it sounds thicker, less wispy and it's wonderful to hear your wisdom being spoken through these more connected tones. I'm glad the excruciating soul work is paying off. Much love from a stranger on the internet ❤
Thank you. You description is so clear and I whole heartedly agree. Last night I had difficult dreams, as I often do after publishing a video. There is a fear of being misunderstood. People tend to see the world through the lens of their own prejudices. Waking up and reading your comment has eased those fears.
All the subscribers here are now friends. No more strangers. This will be a safe and loving little group of new friends. We are all Sam's friends now..
@Call-Me-Sam I just found you and judging you was the LAST thing on my mind! My heart goes out to you and all who've experienced trauma! You are brave for your vulnerability and raw honesty! So, if I do judge, it's good judgment and understanding! 🐛🦋
I'm always blown away by your insight into your own process over time. As an ex-psychotherapist I agree with your therapist, you'd be an extraordinary therapist. Also, shame work is fkin hard! I'm working with this at the moment. Painful work. Reading John Bradshaw's work is helping. Those moments of clarity (or the veil of illusion falling?) seem to gather over time as you realise all those stories you have about yourself aren't true. It feels like freedom from an internal tyranny. I feel deeply angry that your obvious abuse was ignored by probably many. We need to look far more closely at how we treat children as a society and what we deem acceptable because it's done by a parent and therefore okay, excusable and overlooked. The shame lies far, far away from abused and neglected children. Always. Your journey towards truth is inspirational for me personally Sam and, this is a bit corny, I can see such life in your face, in your eyes when you speak now. Wonderful!
Thank you so much. I bear no ill will, my childhood was a different time, with different norms and both my parents were dealing with immense trauma in their own lives that in the breakdown of their marriage, surfaced in awful ways. My Mother and I have spent many, many years healing ,unfortunately my Father cannot face this painful work. I forgive him and understand what he is shielding himself from. I believe I will see him again on the other side and there , we can more deeply understand what happened. I wish you well in your own process. Love Sam
"Our absence is noted when we pretend to be something we're not because we hurt reality"... Wow!! Yes, SO True!!👏🙏😊🩷 And we hurt our own Soul... we're snubbing our own Soul, saying No, you're not good enough ... I want to be something else.
I can't put into words how much your videos are helping me Sam. Me being much younger and coming from a completely different background that has nothing to do with transitioning and I still find solace and peace in your words. You're a good human being hope you know it.
Thank you so much. Knowing that I'm helping others is such an important aspect of sharing my own healing. I do think this process is universal, though our individual paths are very different, truth is truth. Maybe there is one conclusion for us all to reach. That we are enough and that we are made in love and that love is ours to share.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful location. The running water, the calming greenery, fresh air and freedom would help uplift me, for one and I hope helps you too.
It really does help and even more so when walking the paths with the perfect joy of our four legged teachers. Dogs really do make us into better people .
"the women were these towering presence" "the men around me were violent" "I wanted to feel safe" "women seemed like... like a woman seems to a little boy.. (like) Everything!" "(woman were like) these pristine being(s)" "I felt powerful"... "it felt into my strategy" Thank you. Truly. ❤ So many of us can't face up what we would do for power & how tempting a motivation it is. ❤
“Every blade of grass, every tree, and every beautiful fern is in exactly the right place. It can be no other way”. Priceless. You are noticed, heard, and valued, Sam. Your deep understanding of the human condition is a rare gift that reaches people across the spectrum. Much of what you discuss in your videos regarding the human psyche is applicable even to those who do not have CPTSD. It takes tremendous courage to share what you share and the way you share it. Thank you…
Sam, you are exactly like the ferns you've referenced...perfectly positioned as God / the universe intended. Dear friend, you have a great purpose! EVERY sad and/or horrific thing you've experienced to date have enlightened you far beyond the average man. They have uniquely prepared you to be a 5 star therapist, writer and speaker. How ironic that much of your life and choices were based on a personal feeling of unworthiness....all while the creator clearly recognizes your innate strength and ability to handle what you've endured throughout your life. You are one tough cookie! You have bared your heart and soul for all your audience to witness, leaving little left unsaid. YOU ARE WORTHY of every good thing and I know (somehow) you're well on your way now. Well beyond the small doses of T, your masculine energy is rising and it's obvious in this video. Remember, baby steps. All the best to you, always. ONWARD!
Thank you Jeff. Yes, small changes have happened. Every night I pray and every day I feel my prayers answered. I am flawed but am doing my best and I think that is supported, Thanks again.
There is something in me that you are meeting that I so need. It’s truth about the experience and the existence of darkness and suffering. It feels like a balm to hear your pain and your healing expressed. Thank you.
Your nature and that of where you walk with each of us, reminds me once again, we are more than just our physical bodies and individual egos. As a singular human incarnation and manifestation of God’s Love, we are collectively all part of a greater grander whole and by such, never alone. In the present, with our ever growing wisdom, behaviors, reactions and actions, we each and all have the incredible and profound power to shape and reshape the world around us for the greatest good. Trauma has taught me to consciously chose to do so with compassion, forgiveness, grace, faith, fortitude, gratitude, and Love. Keep walking your Love walk in our and the world. It needs you and you need it. You are here and we are with you. Turn upward, the sound of beautiful you to the highest divine place, and shine the brightest light of your healing heart. We see your star rays of light in the darkest night with great hope and prayers upon it… Infinite gratitude and blessings, Layne
Dear Sam, this is my second listen & I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your incredibly compassionate, courageous & insightful sharing. You are a vital voice for all the (now adult) children like ourselves. Thankyou.
You r an alchemist and as alive and vibrant as the earth around you. You do seem to fit the wounded healer archetype, they become the most powerful and transformative healers on the planet. Ty🙏🦄🌹🍀
Sam, you're a survivor. Keep going. I can only imagine how tough it is. Your journey of sharing is helping many. Keep going Sam. Your life is certainly not wasted. What you are doing is amazing. Try to remember this if you have doubts. Thanks for your videos xo
@@Call-Me-Sam I’m so glad. You look and sound so different in this video. It’s truly beautiful to see. I’ve had 40 years of therapy and have to agree you will make a wonderful counsellor. As you say ‘a life begins’ ❤️
I don't know how much of it is "playing a role" vs hiding who you really are because you don't think who you really are will get the love you need and thus doing what you *think* will garner love from others. This isn't directed at you Sam just a general statement. It definitely applies to me I can see that. My core was rejected so I hide it but I'm trying to tell myself it was only rejected by unhealthy, damaged people themselves. Sigh.
Hi Sam - thanks for another very vulnerable and therefor powerful video. I really get you re needing to be seen. I also suffered a bit from invisible syndrome in childhood though not as bad as you. And I’m sure my TH-cam videos are also a part of my healing therapy. Every time one gets more than 100 or so views - I feel so proud ! It’s a kind of child feeling of “look! Someone is actually watching / caring (about me!)” when I’m actual fact I know that an adult motivation would be - how can I help. But I’m also still in process of wound healing. I think you’d make a great therapist! 😝🙏🏼😉
Thank you. I've watched some of your videos and also see your vulnerability. Truthfully being ourselves seems the most difficult work of all, when really, it should be effortless and maybe , when we really begin to heal and accept ourself, it really does become effortless. Just be yourself. Love Sam
This video came up in my feed today and I would see you today for counselling if I could. You already hold more wisdom from your life than anyone I know. I've suffered abuse and have chosen the shit of everyone else to shape my life around and, just today, thought what a wasted life I've lived. I'm 64. Choosing abusive persons to live my life out with as that's all I deserve, right? You are here for us to hear your voice! I wish everyone could find your channel. You are a gift to this world!!! Much love to you!!!
I found it and feel similar. Threw myself away to rubbish people who in turn then threw me under the bus. A wasted life indeed. I found a green place by a body of water and 2 canine companions. I so appreciate having them return my love.
Sam-I watched you speaking with Cori yesterday on my day off with a cup of coffee in the early morning. I found Cori through Gender a Wider Lens, went looking for more from Cori and found you. I'm so glad I did. I am a psychotherapist (not captured, feet solidly planted in reality). I admire you so much. Not just because you are a "detransitioner". But, because you speak so eloquently, honestly, and humbly about your pathway to now. I've heard it all, seen it all- what I would give to have you come and speak to my clients who are lost and trying to heal inside problems with outside solutions. You've come such a long way. It just makes me so grateful and happy that you are really, finally tethered, or in the process of tethering to yourself. You'd make one great therapist. It's never too late, and you still have time to get to school and make it happen! Side note- I agree with you (from recent video with Cori): unpacking regret is not self-flagellation, it's looking purposefully at choices one has made that resulted in more suffering, not the fix we were hoping for. We have to look at that stuff, process, and not do it again! Sending you uch love, respect, and admiration, from Manitoba, Canada ❤
Thank you so much Mel. I've been trying to get out and record another video but haven't yet connected with what needs to be said ..... and the weather is pretty challenging here at the moment. Back soon. Thank you so much for your support.
I totally agree with Mel.🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼 🌻🤗🌻 Thanks for sharing. It made me cry so hard. Not of pity but because of your insightful work with yourself, your humbleness and because I could recognize the pain and suffering from childhood. Probably not totally the depth of yours, but anyway… 🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼
Sam, you are an incredibly beautiful man. I am in awe of the fluidity of revelation in your words. I found your channel by absolute providence and as somebody in my own journey to healing, I can recognize the beauty of surrender in your life. Yes! You make an incredible counselor. I would be honored to counsel with you. I wonder if you would.
I'm so glad you are able to find validation of your value from people in your life now. Your spirit seems lighter and brighter. You are valued and worthy of love❤
im not gonna share my tragedy of childhood... the only thing, maybe you would like it, I encourage you to read a book named " MEETING THE SHADOW "... its a fantastic book... I learned a lot about the dark side of human nature which exists and in a way see more deeply into the people that hurt me badly as a kid and see deeper into the human spectrum... so thankful for your bravery and honesty. its refreshing
I so understand about how it feels to hate yourself. I have stabbed and punched myself multiple times all due to this unbearable pain which stems from repressed feelings from when I was around 13 years old, and the painful trauma and betrayal and confusion and the hardening of my heart as a result. I feel myself splintered into conflicting fragments and decisions are almost impossible right now. My mind is too filled with fear. I am also going through some kind of breakdown. Through watching your videos I realise that perhaps this is a good thing. I'm just not sure how to do it. Your videos are so helpful. Much love my spiritual brother.
Hi Barbara, you describe familiar experiences . Do you have someone to talk to ? It is awakening and breakdown at the same time..... healing is the process and its a long one so we need support. This is what has been missing. We need to learn to open up, allow ourselves to be helped and find ourselves in relationship with others and having a guide that knows every inch of the road we must travel is vital.
Oh Sam. Part of the title said Wasted Life. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I wish i knew you well wnough to make you a present to.cheer you up. You are an incredible inspiration for someone like me. You seem like a gentle and sensitive person , from what what I can see on video. We all possess a certain loathing for ourselves that shows up later on. I'm rooting for you and I think so are many other people. I am PROUD to say that I am a Subscriber to Call me Sam! Keep sorting it out in your head. Believe me when I say it, you have not wasted one minute of your life. You clearly appreciate life or you would have commited suicide years ago. I respect the fact that not only have you hung in there, but you've done it dealing with the hardest adversity your entire life! I am awed by your strength and touched that you trust us enough to express your inner most feelings. Just for the record, I am a 64 year old woman who has always had an assortment of friends from all diversities and backgrounds! Growing up.in Manhattan afforded me the broad range of people and experiences i remember since i was very young! I see nothing but good times and experiences for you, Sam. You DESERVE it, Sam, you really deserve it!
Bless you. Thank you so much for these lovely words of support. Work in progress , as are we all. If only we could all know and accept just how much we are loved.
Thank you Sam for sharing your story. Extremely touching and touched me deeply... sometimes so difficult to be authentic when it is painful. So glad you have found a path to healing and you are touching many people with your honesty, and candour. Bless you!!
I think you would make a good counsellor and something in her voice sounds different, more self assured. I like to hear it. Your story is important for making people understand that there are a myriad of paths to transition and not all are borne out of misogyny. Hoping that one day my son will be receptive to a voice like yours.
Sam, what you speak about is so profound...and poignant and remarkable and I find myself being strangely comforted by your videos .. like you're my Soul brother, who understands me, even though we've had very different journeys, we carry some of the same wounds. I too Felt dirty and alone and not loved from some sexual abuse, which I can't remember, though I have the emotional wounds. I'm very glad to still have all of my body parts & I don't have 1 tattoo. I too have wasted my life since the age of 12 attaching myself to 1 male after another, in a long succession of monogamous long -term relationships...trying & trying to be "good enough" to dysfunctional guys & of course between their dysfunction & my unworthiness.. I never proved "good enough" & wound up being left. I'm not far off 60 & only had this realisation in the last 12 months.
I think most people if they are honest would say that they feel they've wasted much if not all of their lives. I know I've had those feelings about vast areas of time in my life. But for the last decade and a half I had to find new purpose in my life and the only thing I felt I could do was serve God. And I think you too have arrived at a similar conclusion. I cannot relate to the years of abuse you struggled with, but I can say that listening to you talk in your videos, I agree, I do think you could be a counselor. You've touched something deep in me and I think you have genuine concern for and can relate to others. And thanks for showing us the beauty of where you live. ❤
This just came up in my feed.....I am always amazed how you have such a powerful way of expressing your self. You are very brave. As you do I recall my childhood never desired any other sex than my own.. I did always desire REAL Love..only in my later years I have found it thru my life seeking all truths . Not as good with words as you are. I thnak you for helping me get to the real teuth of my childhood and why I was so unseen..Always looking for our videos as they come up. Helps me to learn about my self Thank you Much LOVE and you ARE DEARLY LOVED also love the nature you surrounf yourself with/
You have gone through so much Sam and you have done so well to be able to recognise all the harm you did to yourself in the hope of acceptance. I just wanted to let you know that you are seen. I was feeling all your pain just when you were sharing and I was hurting for you. Praying for your healing Sam. Don’t give up the good fight, you have done amazing and things will work out.
I am so sorry that you experienced such a terrible childhood. I so very much appreciate your honesty and depth. You did not deserve the abandonment and neglect, and none of it was your fault. You are a lovely soul and so worthy of love and appreciation. I also had a shit childhood, and I’m still struggling at nearly 50 yrs. I often wonder if I pissed my life away too. Broke and getting older alone (I’d rather be alone than with cruel people). You remind me that I’m not truly alone in my story and I need to be reminded of my own human value. I still haven’t gotten to the root of my pain and emotional scarring, but I wish us both the deep and profound healing and self-love, and confidence that we deserve. All the best to you in your journey. I hope that you one day see the beautiful light within you.
I so loving hear you speak your truth and your journey throughout your life. You are an amazing person. Thank you for all that you share. It is very calming and very insightful. Someone once told me when I was very young "It doesn't matter what you are...you are simply a beautiful person." And I remember that to this day. Changing our bodies one way or the other doesn't change us. I hope you don't feel compelled to "go back to what was" because of the detransition movement. Although there are many who made a wrong decision and that is tragic and yet there are those who did make a right decision regardless of what it was based on (hormones, chromosones, trauma, etc). If you are a happy person one way you will likely be a happy person the other way as well. The same with unhappiness. Essentially what I am saying is don't pressure yourself to go through surgeries and whatever else to try to "go back." There really is no going back to the way things "could have been." Either way it is a new beginning. It comes down to simply being happy regardless of what you are. I never think about "what am I." I just know I am a beautiful person and that is all that matters. God loves all of us and trying to "go back" is not going to be any more pleasing than staying the way you are. Being happy as you are is being your best you whatever that happens to mean to you. I was a child of the 50's so my journey comes from a long time ago back in the "dinosaur ages." I know this journey extremely well and I know the emotions that go with it. I am grateful to be in a place in my life of selflove and simply being happy just being me.
Thank you Dianna. No, don't worry, no more surgeries other than removing my breast implants and the loose skin. I'm still comfortable with how I am physically and have never regretted transition, specially now that I now know just how complex the conditions and influences I was trying to make sense of were. I accept that I did my best to be truthfully in my self. So, I am comfortable now. I must say that Testosterone, micro dose has really helped me feel more balanced but I certainly am not aiming to recapture something I never really was anyway. I am who I am now. I think for us older transitioners , it is pretty horrifying to see whats happened since the days when we just transitioned, integrated, and got on with our lives. Witnessing the damage being done in the lives of young people that think this is simply a choice or an exploration of identity was the reason I wanted to start the channel and share my experience . I'll continue to do just that . Thank you for very kind and thoughtful words of support. God bless.
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you Sam. You are amazing and a wonderful gentle Soul. Keep up your great work. You inspire us all. Your truthful words capture our attention. It is so refreshing to hear someone speak their truth. It is not always easy here on YT to do that but your channel draws in the people who want to hear the truth and not hear lies. I agree the days from our generation has changed dramatically. The 1950s and 1960s were a very different time in the way things were done than they are now. I never dreamed in a million years we would see things the way they are today. Everything back then was done in secrecy. Today it is shouted "from the rooftops." Amazing when we look back on the way things were and the way things are today. No comparison. Thank you.
Hi Sam, I have CPTSD and I've watched a number of your videos now and I've been deeply moved by all of them. You've also taught me a lot too. I think you are a natural teacher----you are so articulate and so skillful at using your own perspective to explain CPTSD using concepts and words anyone can grasp. If and when you decide to train to become a counselor, please take some support from the comments people are leaving here----you ARE good at communicating with others and connecting with them on an emotional level. The wisdom of someone who has grappled with the consequences of the sort of life history you describe is so much more important than theory gleaned from books.
Thank you so much Carrie. Your comment means a lot to me. When I started this channel I really did want to help others by sharing my experience and that has always been the motivation that kept me going. I didn't realise what I would need to go through before I could actually begin to speak with a different voice....... I do think I'm getting there now. I certainly would not want to experience the last few years again but I'm glad I made it this far. Thansm again .
Deep thank you for your heartfelt, authentic and profound testimonial. I've also CPTSD and feel a lot what you're sharing. I also see a therapist in you. just hearing you is healing. Keep on moving through and inspiring people to believe miracles are actually possible when we give ourselves back to life.
Do you have any idea how important your message is, thus, how important YOU are?? You were meant to go through what you went through in order to become this beautiful, shining Light that you are! The world is a Much Better Place because of you! Much, much love being sent to you, dear Sam. ❤❤❤ P.S. beautiful scenery! And yes, you would Definitely make a good therapist.
Thank you Rita. You must be working your way through all my videos. We all are so very important, so beautifully flawed, the tragedy is that we are convinced of our unworthiness, encouraged to live in ego, grasping for certainty when all we need to do is accept that we are loved, made in love and are already forgiven for our misunderstanding. We begin and end in God.
A life saved by God is never waisted. All things on earth are temporal and a fading. Heaven is the journey we’re here to find, eternity with God is forever. You are saved by God from self and for the rest of your earthly walk have so much ❤ to give the misunderstood still suffering in bondage to self centered hate and toxic shame. 🥰💕❤️ ✨🙏🏼✨
Great video Sam, to be trusted with someone’s most precious dog, shows how much people think of you, believe me, I would never leave my dog with anyone I didn’t trust 100% , you are seen…..
Hi Sam, I am truly sorry that you went through such an horrifying experience. Some people seem to be bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders, identifying with all of the feelings that touch them and with all of the thoughts that cross their minds because as children their need for healthy mirroring is missing and so they just identify with whatever projection gets into them no matter how horrible it is without even knowing that they have the right to question it and even the right to refuse to identify with such projections. I wish you to finally get the safety, the recognition, the love and the kindness that you want, you deserve all of it in its finest forms. Please don't give up on yourself, you're worth all the love that you always wanted for your life. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you'll get the closure of the suffering and the beginning of a better chapter of your life through this.
Thank you. You describe very well the childhood dynamic that is at the heart of the matter. It is something that lives on within us . These videos may seem raw but honestly that better chapter is really beginning . Thanks so much for your kind wishes for me.
You have created a beautiful, moving video. Thank you, Sam. What you are sharing is authentic and real which is the only way we touch each other's heart. You have touched me with your honesty. You are a beautiful human being and I suspect you are helping anyone who watches this video. Thanks for sharing the waterfall!
Thank you Sam, I can so relate to many of the feelings you share. You are a beautiful, courageous spirit. Funnily enough after watching another video of yours I thought to myself you would make a great therapist, u have so much life experience, self awareness, wisdom, and you believe in the power of relational healing. I just turned 50, I don’t know if I will ever reach or achieve what you have managed, but I have enjoyed witnessing a glimpse of your profound journey. My hope is to get a dog one day and move to Scotland….but I’m still stuck for now. Look forward to seeing what unfolds for you
Thank you. The progress I've made has taken a long time, a lifetime really but truly over the last 6 months I've experienced a miraculous change. If I can do it , you can do it. It is difficult but possible. Soon I will be offering myself as support for those who are stuck and need hope and maybe some guidance through this process. I hope you continue to find something helpful in my videos . Take care Love Sam
Transition has this beautiful quality to it, it’s the souls complete ownership of the body, complete ownership of the expression of self. Although misguided & misinformed, there’s still so much beauty to it. Being defiant in the face of everything we were told we have to be as males. If anything, you also became a magnified personification of what everyone else is already doing: playing a role. A mirror to show those subconsciously what they’re doing, especially if they take their egos role so seriously too y’a know? You’ve gotta give credence to such a monumental thing for a being to want to switch sexes, and strive so hard to be seen, heard, and felt as that other sex. I think it goes beyond just wanting to emanate your mother or sister, but that’s definitely part of it. Seeking validation from your childhood sources of femininity. There’s so many layers haha, the issue has roots in our body’s fallability to express both polarities at once, which we are, as opposed to one at a time. Being just male or female is difficult, at least for me it is. This video was beautiful, so many extravagant noises & sceneries. 🌱🌿
Gosh Jean, you are a deep and sensitive being. In my case, I think that without the background context of a broken home, the desire was the simple desire of a child and in that sense is beautiful but the reality is scar tissue and denial of my masculine aspect. It truly is a monumental thing to focus with such resolve on such a difficult process, and make it work for so long. Transition truly spoke to a deep need in me to embody and express femininity, it just took me a few years to integrate both masculine and feminine.... work in progress of course. You make such a great point when you say " the issue has roots in our body’s fallability to express both polarities at once, which we are, as opposed to one at a time. Being just male or female is difficult, at least for me it is. " me too. Historically, the path of integration and balance was an inner path, we just live in a time where deep things are trivialised and made superficial . Though my path to now has been difficult and I acknowledge the scars, both physical and emotional, still, I cannot view transition as meaningless or something that did not help me make sense of myself. As I said above, the work to actually make transition work, in the end was more an inner process but there is still a huge part of me that is glad I externalised that process too. Who knows, if we lived in a different time, a healthier, more honest time, this idea and process would not have become so destructive. Thanks Jean, you certainly offer me opportunity to think outside my own narrow focus. Bless you. p.s. you do make a good point re performance and playing a role, yes, we all do it. Though not everyone loses themselves in that performance.
Yes, and like you said in the video, accepting the maleness of you currently is key anyways. It is current truth, and embracing that connects everything else so seamlessly in our psyche to finding current wholeness & internal, enduring, satisfactory solace. We have to touch a hot stove to learn we shouldn’t put in our hand there in the first place. Subtracting the excess, bringing it all down back to simplicity.
" finding current wholeness & internal, enduring, satisfactory solace." I like this. From a zoomed out perspective, it makes sense to me that wholeness can't be found in our solitary self but only in union with God. Or, with another who has a similar understanding, each one of us being a dwelling place for the divine . Surrendering to the foundational simplicity of accepting a higher power really has made more sense of my life that anything else. Searching for wholeness in ourself , is a search in vain, we truly live in relationship.
@@Call-Me-Sam Yes I agree, the evidence God provides is so exquisite every single time it is given! If you ask me, that is personally the unquestionable factor that led to me leaving behind the female facade, and witnessing the truth right before my eyes. My reality was always so much more louder than any one trivial narrative I told myself in trying to continue living as a caricature. God is everywhere, and in everything, how freakin cool...!!
Though it feels impossible , healing takes time. We need to be prepared to change what ever necessary to bring our lives into balance. It is unsettling and scary but worth it. Work in progress . Best wishes to you in your own healing path.
I would go to you as a therapist in a heartbeat. If that’s what you truly want, I hope it happens for you. I am a dog lover too. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than get out in God’s beautiful creation with my dogs by my side.
Thanks again Sam for your wonderful videos. I always appreciate your dedication to truth. It's your truth we relate so much to and find inspiration! I also noticed your voice sounds much stronger😊
I see you Sam and I love what I see! You are God's creation and therefore you are loved and you are love and nothing will ever change that...evil can never even come close to touching you and your essence bc love is more powerful than any other force on earth ❤
Bless you for such kind words of support. Each time I see a comment on an older video, I re watch it. It's funny seeing myself at an earlier stage in this process of healing and awakening, I certainly wouldn't want to go through it again but I'm happy that I documented what I could and that these videos are helping others. Thank you for commenting
I have got so much love for you Brother I know where you have been, and you just made me realise I've to give the same love to myself. Transioning into reality of being the being that always was. I've an appointment with a therapist next week, I was a bit much for the first one n apparently there's a "bit more there" 🙄 I presented decades ago n as I was drinking crying out for em to give me a label of mental it was the booze. Now I've been sober 12 years n over the last 4 have come to realization I've lived as a wounded child all my life, it's that simple. Anyway tryna get that across to a therapist in an hour must have come out a bit mental 😁 hopeful I'm gonna end up sat across from someone like you n get shit processed so to speak. The more I lean towards simplicity the easier things are getting. Dogs know what's what. I'd love to talk but feel like I'd be wasting your time cos it'd just be for fun 🤯🙄😁 Take it easy Man ❤
Thank you. Give it time and find the right therapist for you. You need to trust and respect them , know they have been through the darkness themselves. Good luck with everything.
I just had a look at Linn of Ruthrie, it is beautiful. There are so many of these places in the Highlands of Scotland. This is one of the those other places.
@@Call-Me-Sam Haha I don't blame you for not saying where it is. I live in Australia and spent a month in the highlands recently but mostly walked in the obvious places like Glen Affric and some walks in Trossachs. Also found some nice hiking in Orkney and Harris. It's beautiful there. Very different from Oz which is also interesting but not as green.
@@kathyb1011 Wow, both the Trossachs and Glen Affric are magical , beautiful places. The Islands tend to have a different beauty, the can be barren but still, there is a beauty in the colour and texture of the clifs and heather covered hills. I'm lucky to have friends I can stay with all over the world and Aus is on my list.
@@Call-Me-Sam my husband and I were in Harris and we were leaving Harris next day. We had a day and we spent it on hikes we didn’t expect. It was amazing. I wdnt broadcast the hikes because it’s best found by keen searchers .
Trans-identified people often feel that transition is their pathway to being themselves - that without going through it, they wouldn’t be true to themselves and couldn’t live authentically. Those people are very adamant about this being the case. How do you see this? Could transition ever be the path, or part of the path, to truth?
Well, this is just my personal opinion of course but I think the number of people that could be truly considered " trans " as in they actually do feel like they were born in the wrong body, is very small.. So what is " trans " for all the rest of us. It's something we're doing, something we did to explore identity, form, feeling and relationships.. It's both sexual and conceptual. As a part of our journey of self discovery it's actually quite limited but extremely fascinating and immersive. To answer your question, everything we do, whether misguided, in error or an exploration of what we are not, are footsteps on the path toward truth........ unless we get stuck. I do think that truth requires no doing, is effortless acceptance of what is. Does this sound like transition.
@@parus_1671 ❤I want to expand on what you said --> "Just being" is nothing less than (one of) the hardest things one can achieve. 🏆 To surrender to what is above us; trusting that if we surrender, everything will still be alright - that is a supreme action of faith. My point is --> There seems to be nothing easy about getting to the place of "simply being" - it's a truly superb achievement, deserving of veneration. ❤❤
I thought from the first video I watched of yours that you had strong healer vibes. You're certainly a spiritual warrior and your insights are becoming clearer and more crystallised as time goes on.
Mother is the bridge from unity into the separation of the material world. When in its divine form Mother provides a conduit through gestation into birth and early childhood that prevents to soul from being psychically shocked by that departure from unity. Father also in its divine part then provides the grounding and security into the material world allowing the incarnated being to feel safe and powerful.
Those children like little Sam, who's parents, for whatever reason, are divorced from the divine parental roles are left reeling from the shock of incarnation and floundering in a malestrom of energy that they cannot anchor into. It is deeply, deeply traumatic beyond words. I have often thought that men who crossdress/transition are looking to create the feminine bridge to unity and love that was denied them in early childhood. I think because the sexual urge in males is so strong at puberty, it muddies the water but I really believe that it is that connection first and foremost that is being sought even when it is expressed as a "fetish".
Anyway, I haven't had a vid come up of yours in an age and you look great and your voice sounds so much better. I know it's still hoarse but it sounds thicker, less wispy and it's wonderful to hear your wisdom being spoken through these more connected tones. I'm glad the excruciating soul work is paying off. Much love from a stranger on the internet ❤
Thank you. You description is so clear and I whole heartedly agree. Last night I had difficult dreams, as I often do after publishing a video. There is a fear of being misunderstood. People tend to see the world through the lens of their own prejudices. Waking up and reading your comment has eased those fears.
That are some powerful words.
They also ring true to me. ❤
All the subscribers here are now friends. No more strangers. This will be a safe and loving little group of new friends. We are all Sam's friends now..
I am touched by your brilliant description. 🙏🫡
@Call-Me-Sam I just found you and judging you was the LAST thing on my mind! My heart goes out to you and all who've experienced trauma! You are brave for your vulnerability and raw honesty! So, if I do judge, it's good judgment and understanding! 🐛🦋
I'm always blown away by your insight into your own process over time. As an ex-psychotherapist I agree with your therapist, you'd be an extraordinary therapist.
Also, shame work is fkin hard! I'm working with this at the moment. Painful work. Reading John Bradshaw's work is helping. Those moments of clarity (or the veil of illusion falling?) seem to gather over time as you realise all those stories you have about yourself aren't true. It feels like freedom from an internal tyranny.
I feel deeply angry that your obvious abuse was ignored by probably many. We need to look far more closely at how we treat children as a society and what we deem acceptable because it's done by a parent and therefore okay, excusable and overlooked. The shame lies far, far away from abused and neglected children. Always.
Your journey towards truth is inspirational for me personally Sam and, this is a bit corny, I can see such life in your face, in your eyes when you speak now. Wonderful!
Thank you so much. I bear no ill will, my childhood was a different time, with different norms and both my parents were dealing with immense trauma in their own lives that in the breakdown of their marriage, surfaced in awful ways. My Mother and I have spent many, many years healing ,unfortunately my Father cannot face this painful work. I forgive him and understand what he is shielding himself from.
I believe I will see him again on the other side and there , we can more deeply understand what happened.
I wish you well in your own process.
Love
Sam
@@Call-Me-SamThank you, Sam.
You live in one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Much love to you.
"Our absence is noted when we pretend to be something we're not because we hurt reality"... Wow!! Yes, SO True!!👏🙏😊🩷
And we hurt our own Soul... we're snubbing our own Soul, saying No, you're not good enough ... I want to be something else.
I can't put into words how much your videos are helping me Sam. Me being much younger and coming from a completely different background that has nothing to do with transitioning and I still find solace and peace in your words. You're a good human being hope you know it.
Thank you so much. Knowing that I'm helping others is such an important aspect of sharing my own healing. I do think this process is universal, though our individual paths are very different, truth is truth. Maybe there is one conclusion for us all to reach. That we are enough and that we are made in love and that love is ours to share.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful location. The running water, the calming greenery, fresh air and freedom would help uplift me, for one and I hope helps you too.
It really does help and even more so when walking the paths with the perfect joy of our four legged teachers. Dogs really do make us into better people .
"the women were these towering presence"
"the men around me were violent"
"I wanted to feel safe"
"women seemed like... like a woman seems to a little boy.. (like) Everything!"
"(woman were like) these pristine being(s)"
"I felt powerful"... "it felt into my strategy"
Thank you. Truly. ❤
So many of us can't face up what we would do for power & how tempting a motivation it is. ❤
“Every blade of grass, every tree, and every beautiful fern is in exactly the right place. It can be no other way”. Priceless.
You are noticed, heard, and valued, Sam. Your deep understanding of the human condition is a rare gift that reaches people across the spectrum. Much of what you discuss in your videos regarding the human psyche is applicable even to those who do not have CPTSD. It takes tremendous courage to share what you share and the way you share it. Thank you…
Sam, you are exactly like the ferns you've referenced...perfectly positioned as God / the universe intended. Dear friend, you have a great purpose! EVERY sad and/or horrific thing you've experienced to date have enlightened you far beyond the average man. They have uniquely prepared you to be a 5 star therapist, writer and speaker. How ironic that much of your life and choices were based on a personal feeling of unworthiness....all while the creator clearly recognizes your innate strength and ability to handle what you've endured throughout your life. You are one tough cookie! You have bared your heart and soul for all your audience to witness, leaving little left unsaid. YOU ARE WORTHY of every good thing and I know (somehow) you're well on your way now. Well beyond the small doses of T, your masculine energy is rising and it's obvious in this video. Remember, baby steps. All the best to you, always. ONWARD!
Thank you Jeff. Yes, small changes have happened. Every night I pray and every day I feel my prayers answered. I am flawed but am doing my best and I think that is supported,
Thanks again.
Blessings to you Sam. You bring Light to the World.
Thank you
Time spent hating ourselves is the definition of wasted time!
You are seen Sam ❤ thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, it makes an impact on me that I know for sure
Thank you.
There is something in me that you are meeting that I so need. It’s truth about the experience and the existence of darkness and suffering. It feels like a balm to hear your pain and your healing expressed. Thank you.
Your nature and that of where you walk with each of us, reminds me once again, we are more than just our physical bodies and individual egos.
As a singular human incarnation and manifestation of God’s Love, we are collectively all part of a greater grander whole and by such,
never alone.
In the present, with our ever growing wisdom, behaviors,
reactions and actions, we each and all have the incredible and profound power to shape and reshape the world around us for the greatest good. Trauma has taught me to consciously chose to do so with compassion, forgiveness, grace, faith, fortitude, gratitude, and Love.
Keep walking your Love walk in our and the world.
It needs you and
you need it.
You are here and we are with you.
Turn upward, the sound of beautiful you to the highest divine place, and shine the brightest light of your healing heart. We see your star rays of light in the darkest night with great hope and prayers upon it…
Infinite gratitude and blessings, Layne
Gosh !, that was beautiful, thank you very much Layne.
Dear Sam, this is my second listen & I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your incredibly compassionate, courageous & insightful sharing. You are a vital voice for all the (now adult) children like ourselves. Thankyou.
Thank you.
Love to you this morning from Florida!
Thank you Mary
Being real, being honest, being present. So good. Thank you for sharing your pain and your process.
Thank you. Stumbling toward truth , I think.
You r an alchemist and as alive and vibrant as the earth around you. You do seem to fit the wounded healer archetype, they become the most powerful and transformative healers on the planet. Ty🙏🦄🌹🍀
Sam, you're a survivor. Keep going. I can only imagine how tough it is. Your journey of sharing is helping many. Keep going Sam. Your life is certainly not wasted. What you are doing is amazing. Try to remember this if you have doubts. Thanks for your videos xo
Sam, you are loved and you are worthy of praise . Beautiful video accompanied by beautiful views. Thank you for sharing with us.
❤️🙏🌺
Thank you Debbie. It's taken a while but I am actually beginning to believe.
@@Call-Me-Sam I’m so glad. You look and sound so different in this video. It’s truly beautiful to see. I’ve had 40 years of therapy and have to agree you will make a wonderful counsellor. As you say ‘a life begins’ ❤️
I don't know how much of it is "playing a role" vs hiding who you really are because you don't think who you really are will get the love you need and thus doing what you *think* will garner love from others.
This isn't directed at you Sam just a general statement. It definitely applies to me I can see that. My core was rejected so I hide it but I'm trying to tell myself it was only rejected by unhealthy, damaged people themselves. Sigh.
Hi Ayesha. I think its both. It really is complex.... hence the C in c-ptsd ! I hope you are doing well.
Hi Sam - thanks for another very vulnerable and therefor powerful video. I really get you re needing to be seen. I also suffered a bit from invisible syndrome in childhood though not as bad as you. And I’m sure my TH-cam videos are also a part of my healing therapy. Every time one gets more than 100 or so views - I feel so proud ! It’s a kind of child feeling of “look! Someone is actually watching / caring (about me!)” when I’m actual fact I know that an adult motivation would be - how can I help. But I’m also still in process of wound healing.
I think you’d make a great therapist!
😝🙏🏼😉
Thank you. I've watched some of your videos and also see your vulnerability. Truthfully being ourselves seems the most difficult work of all, when really, it should be effortless and maybe , when we really begin to heal and accept ourself, it really does become effortless. Just be yourself.
Love
Sam
This video came up in my feed today and I would see you today for counselling if I could. You already hold more wisdom from your life than anyone I know. I've suffered abuse and have chosen the shit of everyone else to shape my life around and, just today, thought what a wasted life I've lived. I'm 64. Choosing abusive persons to live my life out with as that's all I deserve, right? You are here for us to hear your voice! I wish everyone could find your channel. You are a gift to this world!!! Much love to you!!!
Thank you so much. Your comment means a lot to me . I wish you peace
I found it and feel similar. Threw myself away to rubbish people who in turn then threw me under the bus. A wasted life indeed. I found a green place by a body of water and 2 canine companions. I so appreciate having them return my love.
Sam-I watched you speaking with Cori yesterday on my day off with a cup of coffee in the early morning. I found Cori through Gender a Wider Lens, went looking for more from Cori and found you. I'm so glad I did. I am a psychotherapist (not captured, feet solidly planted in reality). I admire you so much. Not just because you are a "detransitioner". But, because you speak so eloquently, honestly, and humbly about your pathway to now. I've heard it all, seen it all- what I would give to have you come and speak to my clients who are lost and trying to heal inside problems with outside solutions. You've come such a long way. It just makes me so grateful and happy that you are really, finally tethered, or in the process of tethering to yourself. You'd make one great therapist. It's never too late, and you still have time to get to school and make it happen! Side note- I agree with you (from recent video with Cori): unpacking regret is not self-flagellation, it's looking purposefully at choices one has made that resulted in more suffering, not the fix we were hoping for. We have to look at that stuff, process, and not do it again! Sending you uch love, respect, and admiration, from Manitoba, Canada ❤
Thank you so much Mel.
I've been trying to get out and record another video but haven't yet connected with what needs to be said ..... and the weather is pretty challenging here at the moment.
Back soon.
Thank you so much for your support.
I totally agree with Mel.🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼
🌻🤗🌻
Thanks for sharing. It made me cry so hard. Not of pity but because of your insightful work with yourself, your humbleness and because I could recognize the pain and suffering from childhood.
Probably not totally the depth of yours, but anyway… 🙌🏼❤️🙌🏼
Sam, you are an incredibly beautiful man. I am in awe of the fluidity of revelation in your words. I found your channel by absolute providence and as somebody in my own journey to healing, I can recognize the beauty of surrender in your life. Yes! You make an incredible counselor. I would be honored to counsel with you. I wonder if you would.
I'm so glad you are able to find validation of your value from people in your life now. Your spirit seems lighter and brighter. You are valued and worthy of love❤
Thank you.
im not gonna share my tragedy of childhood... the only thing, maybe you would like it, I encourage you to read a book named " MEETING THE SHADOW "... its a fantastic book... I learned a lot about the dark side of human nature which exists and in a way see more deeply into the people that hurt me badly as a kid and see deeper into the human spectrum... so thankful for your bravery and honesty. its refreshing
Thank you, I shall take a look.
Thank you Sam - I am beginning to really value your voice and what you say. Warm regards tom
Thanks Tom, I'm happy that you find value here.
I so understand about how it feels to hate yourself. I have stabbed and punched myself multiple times all due to this unbearable pain which stems from repressed feelings from when I was around 13 years old, and the painful trauma and betrayal and confusion and the hardening of my heart as a result. I feel myself splintered into conflicting fragments and decisions are almost impossible right now. My mind is too filled with fear. I am also going through some kind of breakdown. Through watching your videos I realise that perhaps this is a good thing. I'm just not sure how to do it. Your videos are so helpful. Much love my spiritual brother.
Hi Barbara, you describe familiar experiences . Do you have someone to talk to ? It is awakening and breakdown at the same time..... healing is the process and its a long one so we need support. This is what has been missing. We need to learn to open up, allow ourselves to be helped and find ourselves in relationship with others and having a guide that knows every inch of the road we must travel is vital.
i'm so happy for you that you can atleast escape into such gorgeous surroundings..
Oh Sam. Part of the title said Wasted Life. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I wish i knew you well wnough to make you a present to.cheer you up. You are an incredible inspiration for someone like me. You seem like a gentle and sensitive person , from what what I can see on video. We all possess a certain loathing for ourselves that shows up later on. I'm rooting for you and I think so are many other people. I am PROUD to say that I am a Subscriber to Call me Sam! Keep sorting it out in your head. Believe me when I say it, you have not wasted one minute of your life. You clearly appreciate life or you would have commited suicide years ago. I respect the fact that not only have you hung in there, but you've done it dealing with the hardest adversity your entire life! I am awed by your strength and touched that you trust us enough to express your inner most feelings. Just for the record, I am a 64 year old woman who has always had an assortment of friends from all diversities and backgrounds! Growing up.in Manhattan afforded me the broad range of people and experiences i remember since i was very young! I see nothing but good times and experiences for you, Sam. You DESERVE it, Sam, you really deserve it!
Bless you. Thank you so much for these lovely words of support. Work in progress , as are we all.
If only we could all know and accept just how much we are loved.
Thank you Sam for sharing your story. Extremely touching and touched me deeply... sometimes so difficult to be authentic when it is painful. So glad you have found a path to healing and you are touching many people with your honesty, and candour. Bless you!!
I think you would make a good counsellor and something in her voice sounds different, more self assured. I like to hear it. Your story is important for making people understand that there are a myriad of paths to transition and not all are borne out of misogyny. Hoping that one day my son will be receptive to a voice like yours.
Thanks Tish. Yeah, still, it is a complicated mess for society.
That's beautiful! I wish to start anew as well! I am beginning.
That's a gorgeous area!
Love from Michigan 🙏♥️🐛🦋
Sam, what you speak about is so profound...and poignant and remarkable and I find myself being strangely comforted by your videos .. like you're my Soul brother, who understands me, even though we've had very different journeys, we carry some of the same wounds. I too Felt dirty and alone and not loved from some sexual abuse, which I can't remember, though I have the emotional wounds.
I'm very glad to still have all of my body parts & I don't have 1 tattoo.
I too have wasted my life since the age of 12 attaching myself to 1 male after another, in a long succession of monogamous long -term relationships...trying & trying to be "good enough" to dysfunctional guys & of course between their dysfunction & my unworthiness.. I never proved "good enough" & wound up being left.
I'm not far off 60 & only had this realisation in the last 12 months.
Thank you. Well done, it's never too late.
@@Call-Me-Sam
Thankyou🙏😊🩷
Yes, thankfully. Better late than never.
I think most people if they are honest would say that they feel they've wasted much if not all of their lives. I know I've had those feelings about vast areas of time in my life. But for the last decade and a half I had to find new purpose in my life and the only thing I felt I could do was serve God. And I think you too have arrived at a similar conclusion. I cannot relate to the years of abuse you struggled with, but I can say that listening to you talk in your videos, I agree, I do think you could be a counselor. You've touched something deep in me and I think you have genuine concern for and can relate to others. And thanks for showing us the beauty of where you live. ❤
This just came up in my feed.....I am always amazed how you have such a powerful way of expressing your self. You are very brave. As you do I recall my childhood never desired any other sex than my own.. I did always desire REAL Love..only in my later years I have found it thru my life seeking all truths . Not as good with words as you are. I thnak you for helping me get to the real teuth of my childhood and why I was so unseen..Always looking for our videos as they come up. Helps me to learn about my self Thank you Much LOVE and you ARE DEARLY LOVED also love the nature you surrounf yourself with/
You have gone through so much Sam and you have done so well to be able to recognise all the harm you did to yourself in the hope of acceptance. I just wanted to let you know that you are seen. I was feeling all your pain just when you were sharing and I was hurting for you. Praying for your healing Sam. Don’t give up the good fight, you have done amazing and things will work out.
Thank you
I am so sorry that you experienced such a terrible childhood. I so very much appreciate your honesty and depth. You did not deserve the abandonment and neglect, and none of it was your fault. You are a lovely soul and so worthy of love and appreciation. I also had a shit childhood, and I’m still struggling at nearly 50 yrs. I often wonder if I pissed my life away too. Broke and getting older alone (I’d rather be alone than with cruel people). You remind me that I’m not truly alone in my story and I need to be reminded of my own human value. I still haven’t gotten to the root of my pain and emotional scarring, but I wish us both the deep and profound healing and self-love, and confidence that we deserve. All the best to you in your journey. I hope that you one day see the beautiful light within you.
Absolute raw beauty. Thank you so much for sharing.
I so loving hear you speak your truth and your journey throughout your life. You are an amazing person. Thank you for all that you share. It is very calming and very insightful. Someone once told me when I was very young "It doesn't matter what you are...you are simply a beautiful person." And I remember that to this day. Changing our bodies one way or the other doesn't change us. I hope you don't feel compelled to "go back to what was" because of the detransition movement. Although there are many who made a wrong decision and that is tragic and yet there are those who did make a right decision regardless of what it was based on (hormones, chromosones, trauma, etc). If you are a happy person one way you will likely be a happy person the other way as well. The same with unhappiness. Essentially what I am saying is don't pressure yourself to go through surgeries and whatever else to try to "go back." There really is no going back to the way things "could have been." Either way it is a new beginning. It comes down to simply being happy regardless of what you are. I never think about "what am I." I just know I am a beautiful person and that is all that matters. God loves all of us and trying to "go back" is not going to be any more pleasing than staying the way you are. Being happy as you are is being your best you whatever that happens to mean to you. I was a child of the 50's so my journey comes from a long time ago back in the "dinosaur ages." I know this journey extremely well and I know the emotions that go with it. I am grateful to be in a place in my life of selflove and simply being happy just being me.
Thank you Dianna. No, don't worry, no more surgeries other than removing my breast implants and the loose skin. I'm still comfortable with how I am physically and have never regretted transition, specially now that I now know just how complex the conditions and influences I was trying to make sense of were.
I accept that I did my best to be truthfully in my self. So, I am comfortable now.
I must say that Testosterone, micro dose has really helped me feel more balanced but I certainly am not aiming to recapture something I never really was anyway. I am who I am now.
I think for us older transitioners , it is pretty horrifying to see whats happened since the days when we just transitioned, integrated, and got on with our lives.
Witnessing the damage being done in the lives of young people that think this is simply a choice or an exploration of identity was the reason I wanted to start the channel and share my experience . I'll continue to do just that .
Thank you for very kind and thoughtful words of support.
God bless.
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you Sam. You are amazing and a wonderful gentle Soul. Keep up your great work. You inspire us all. Your truthful words capture our attention. It is so refreshing to hear someone speak their truth. It is not always easy here on YT to do that but your channel draws in the people who want to hear the truth and not hear lies. I agree the days from our generation has changed dramatically. The 1950s and 1960s were a very different time in the way things were done than they are now. I never dreamed in a million years we would see things the way they are today. Everything back then was done in secrecy. Today it is shouted "from the rooftops." Amazing when we look back on the way things were and the way things are today. No comparison. Thank you.
What BEAUTIFUL spot!!
Weeping fountains at the moment. I am so moved and touched by your honesty and your story. I am so happy that you have found a way for yourself.
Powerful testimony.
Hi Sam, I have CPTSD and I've watched a number of your videos now and I've been deeply moved by all of them. You've also taught me a lot too. I think you are a natural teacher----you are so articulate and so skillful at using your own perspective to explain CPTSD using concepts and words anyone can grasp. If and when you decide to train to become a counselor, please take some support from the comments people are leaving here----you ARE good at communicating with others and connecting with them on an emotional level. The wisdom of someone who has grappled with the consequences of the sort of life history you describe is so much more important than theory gleaned from books.
Thank you so much Carrie. Your comment means a lot to me.
When I started this channel I really did want to help others by sharing my experience and that has always been the motivation that kept me going. I didn't realise what I would need to go through before I could actually begin to speak with a different voice....... I do think I'm getting there now.
I certainly would not want to experience the last few years again but I'm glad I made it this far.
Thansm again .
Deep thank you for your heartfelt, authentic and profound testimonial. I've also CPTSD and feel a lot what you're sharing. I also see a therapist in you. just hearing you is healing. Keep on moving through and inspiring people to believe miracles are actually possible when we give ourselves back to life.
I really appreciate your videos, they give me a lot to think about when it comes to my own past and how I see myself
Do you have any idea how important your message is, thus, how important YOU are?? You were meant to go through what you went through in order to become this beautiful, shining Light that you are! The world is a Much Better Place because of you! Much, much love being sent to you, dear Sam. ❤❤❤ P.S. beautiful scenery! And yes, you would Definitely make a good therapist.
Thank you Rita. You must be working your way through all my videos. We all are so very important, so beautifully flawed, the tragedy is that we are convinced of our unworthiness, encouraged to live in ego, grasping for certainty when all we need to do is accept that we are loved, made in love and are already forgiven for our misunderstanding. We begin and end in God.
A life saved by God is never waisted. All things on earth are temporal and a fading. Heaven is the journey we’re here to find, eternity with God is forever. You are saved by God from self and for the rest of your earthly walk have so much ❤ to give the misunderstood still suffering in bondage to self centered hate and toxic shame. 🥰💕❤️
✨🙏🏼✨
You're a wonderful person!❤
Undeniable👌🏻 …I’m glad we are here together finding our place in the world…
I hear every word of this. I understand and recognise. I see that you are beautiful and brave x
Bless your heart for these lovely words of support. Thank you.
The Good Word and the depth that it came from a child
Great video Sam, to be trusted with someone’s most precious dog, shows how much people think of you, believe me, I would never leave my dog with anyone I didn’t trust 100% , you are seen…..
Our inner voice is the cruelest.
Hi Sam, I am truly sorry that you went through such an horrifying experience.
Some people seem to be bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders, identifying with all of the feelings that touch them and with all of the thoughts that cross their minds because as children their need for healthy mirroring is missing and so they just identify with whatever projection gets into them no matter how horrible it is without even knowing that they have the right to question it and even the right to refuse to identify with such projections.
I wish you to finally get the safety, the recognition, the love and the kindness that you want, you deserve all of it in its finest forms. Please don't give up on yourself, you're worth all the love that you always wanted for your life.
Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you'll get the closure of the suffering and the beginning of a better chapter of your life through this.
Thank you. You describe very well the childhood dynamic that is at the heart of the matter. It is something that lives on within us .
These videos may seem raw but honestly that better chapter is really beginning .
Thanks so much for your kind wishes for me.
You have created a beautiful, moving video. Thank you, Sam. What you are sharing is authentic and real which is the only way we touch each other's heart. You have touched me with your honesty. You are a beautiful human being and I suspect you are helping anyone who watches this video. Thanks for sharing the waterfall!
Thank you very much. You are very kind to write such a lovely comment
It’s such a blessing to have stumbled on your channel, Sam! Just listening to your words is helping me find my words Thanks!
Thank you so much. Your comments let me know that I'm actually being of use to others and that means a lot to me .
Thank you for Being Real and honest you are helping others.
Thank you
Thank you Sam, I can so relate to many of the feelings you share. You are a beautiful, courageous spirit. Funnily enough after watching another video of yours I thought to myself you would make a great therapist, u have so much life experience, self awareness, wisdom, and you believe in the power of relational healing. I just turned 50, I don’t know if I will ever reach or achieve what you have managed, but I have enjoyed witnessing a glimpse of your profound journey. My hope is to get a dog one day and move to Scotland….but I’m still stuck for now. Look forward to seeing what unfolds for you
Thank you. The progress I've made has taken a long time, a lifetime really but truly over the last 6 months I've experienced a miraculous change. If I can do it , you can do it. It is difficult but possible.
Soon I will be offering myself as support for those who are stuck and need hope and maybe some guidance through this process.
I hope you continue to find something helpful in my videos .
Take care
Love
Sam
Transition has this beautiful quality to it, it’s the souls complete ownership of the body, complete ownership of the expression of self. Although misguided & misinformed, there’s still so much beauty to it. Being defiant in the face of everything we were told we have to be as males. If anything, you also became a magnified personification of what everyone else is already doing: playing a role. A mirror to show those subconsciously what they’re doing, especially if they take their egos role so seriously too y’a know? You’ve gotta give credence to such a monumental thing for a being to want to switch sexes, and strive so hard to be seen, heard, and felt as that other sex. I think it goes beyond just wanting to emanate your mother or sister, but that’s definitely part of it. Seeking validation from your childhood sources of femininity. There’s so many layers haha, the issue has roots in our body’s fallability to express both polarities at once, which we are, as opposed to one at a time. Being just male or female is difficult, at least for me it is. This video was beautiful, so many extravagant noises & sceneries. 🌱🌿
Gosh Jean, you are a deep and sensitive being. In my case, I think that without the background context of a broken home, the desire was the simple desire of a child and in that sense is beautiful but the reality is scar tissue and denial of my masculine aspect.
It truly is a monumental thing to focus with such resolve on such a difficult process, and make it work for so long. Transition truly spoke to a deep need in me to embody and express femininity, it just took me a few years to integrate both masculine and feminine.... work in progress of course.
You make such a great point when you say " the issue has roots in our body’s fallability to express both polarities at once, which we are, as opposed to one at a time. Being just male or female is difficult, at least for me it is. "
me too. Historically, the path of integration and balance was an inner path, we just live in a time where deep things are trivialised and made superficial .
Though my path to now has been difficult and I acknowledge the scars, both physical and emotional, still, I cannot view transition as meaningless or something that did not help me make sense of myself.
As I said above, the work to actually make transition work, in the end was more an inner process but there is still a huge part of me that is glad I externalised that process too.
Who knows, if we lived in a different time, a healthier, more honest time, this idea and process would not have become so destructive.
Thanks Jean, you certainly offer me opportunity to think outside my own narrow focus.
Bless you.
p.s. you do make a good point re performance and playing a role, yes, we all do it. Though not everyone loses themselves in that performance.
Yes, and like you said in the video, accepting the maleness of you currently is key anyways. It is current truth, and embracing that connects everything else so seamlessly in our psyche to finding current wholeness & internal, enduring, satisfactory solace. We have to touch a hot stove to learn we shouldn’t put in our hand there in the first place. Subtracting the excess, bringing it all down back to simplicity.
Of course, bless you too!
" finding current wholeness & internal, enduring, satisfactory solace." I like this.
From a zoomed out perspective, it makes sense to me that wholeness can't be found in our solitary self but only in union with God. Or, with another who has a similar understanding, each one of us being a dwelling place for the divine .
Surrendering to the foundational simplicity of accepting a higher power really has made more sense of my life that anything else.
Searching for wholeness in ourself , is a search in vain, we truly live in relationship.
@@Call-Me-Sam Yes I agree, the evidence God provides is so exquisite every single time it is given! If you ask me, that is personally the unquestionable factor that led to me leaving behind the female facade, and witnessing the truth right before my eyes. My reality was always so much more louder than any one trivial narrative I told myself in trying to continue living as a caricature. God is everywhere, and in everything, how freakin cool...!!
Thank you for telling your story. You give me hope that I can heal too, even though it seems impossible. Hope you're having a wonderful day today.
Though it feels impossible , healing takes time. We need to be prepared to change what ever necessary to bring our lives into balance. It is unsettling and scary but worth it. Work in progress .
Best wishes to you in your own healing path.
Thank-you for sharing resonates alot ❤❤❤
Thanks for the wisdom.
I would go to you as a therapist in a heartbeat. If that’s what you truly want, I hope it happens for you. I am a dog lover too. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than get out in God’s beautiful creation with my dogs by my side.
Thanks again Sam for your wonderful videos. I always appreciate your dedication to truth. It's your truth we relate so much to and find inspiration! I also noticed your voice sounds much stronger😊
Thank you Brittany . Yes, my voice is definitely getting stronger and clearer. Other aches and pains are easing too.
What a beautiful place.
I see you Sam and I love what I see! You are God's creation and therefore you are loved and you are love and nothing will ever change that...evil can never even come close to touching you and your essence bc love is more powerful than any other force on earth ❤
Thank you
@@Call-Me-Sam thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us to create more understanding 💜
Bless you for such kind words of support. Each time I see a comment on an older video, I re watch it. It's funny seeing myself at an earlier stage in this process of healing and awakening, I certainly wouldn't want to go through it again but I'm happy that I documented what I could and that these videos are helping others.
Thank you for commenting
Thank you for sharing
See yourself as the dogs see you. They never ever judge.
Yes, the dogs really helped me begin to heal. Lovely creatures that they are .
I have got so much love for you Brother I know where you have been, and you just made me realise I've to give the same love to myself. Transioning into reality of being the being that always was. I've an appointment with a therapist next week, I was a bit much for the first one n apparently there's a "bit more there" 🙄 I presented decades ago n as I was drinking crying out for em to give me a label of mental it was the booze. Now I've been sober 12 years n over the last 4 have come to realization I've lived as a wounded child all my life, it's that simple. Anyway tryna get that across to a therapist in an hour must have come out a bit mental 😁 hopeful I'm gonna end up sat across from someone like you n get shit processed so to speak. The more I lean towards simplicity the easier things are getting. Dogs know what's what. I'd love to talk but feel like I'd be wasting your time cos it'd just be for fun 🤯🙄😁 Take it easy Man ❤
Thank you. Give it time and find the right therapist for you. You need to trust and respect them , know they have been through the darkness themselves. Good luck with everything.
What a beautiful place!!
Wow, profound. ❤❤
Just working it out as I go. Stumbling into truth
I think you would make a very good councelor - your therapist ist right. You could help people. Go for it.
Thank you..
6:30 You are so much more wonderfull/ interesting than the waterfall. ❤
No offence meant to the waterfall - it's alright too. 😅
Thank you
❤since people trust you ,with there beloved dogs ,,, seems you have been honoured indeed,,,,😊
I have indeed. The dogs have brought me back to love.
What a beautiful walk. Is that Linn of Ruthrie?
I just had a look at Linn of Ruthrie, it is beautiful. There are so many of these places in the Highlands of Scotland. This is one of the those other places.
@@Call-Me-Sam Haha I don't blame you for not saying where it is. I live in Australia and spent a month in the highlands recently but mostly walked in the obvious places like Glen Affric and some walks in Trossachs. Also found some nice hiking in Orkney and Harris. It's beautiful there. Very different from Oz which is also interesting but not as green.
@@kathyb1011 Wow, both the Trossachs and Glen Affric are magical , beautiful places. The Islands tend to have a different beauty, the can be barren but still, there is a beauty in the colour and texture of the clifs and heather covered hills.
I'm lucky to have friends I can stay with all over the world and Aus is on my list.
@@Call-Me-Sam my husband and I were in Harris and we were leaving Harris next day. We had a day and we spent it on hikes we didn’t expect. It was amazing. I wdnt broadcast the hikes because it’s best found by keen searchers .
@@KathyBathOh, Harris is beautiful
"We were Reborn"
Brother Snake. Hopefully we will meet again. The world has changed so much since 2019. I hope you are doing well.
My trauma has caused me to waste my entire life.
Trans-identified people often feel that transition is their pathway to being themselves - that without going through it, they wouldn’t be true to themselves and couldn’t live authentically. Those people are very adamant about this being the case. How do you see this? Could transition ever be the path, or part of the path, to truth?
Well, this is just my personal opinion of course but I think the number of people that could be truly considered " trans " as in they actually do feel like they were born in the wrong body, is very small..
So what is " trans " for all the rest of us. It's something we're doing, something we did to explore identity, form, feeling and relationships.. It's both sexual and conceptual.
As a part of our journey of self discovery it's actually quite limited but extremely fascinating and immersive.
To answer your question, everything we do, whether misguided, in error or an exploration of what we are not, are footsteps on the path toward truth........ unless we get stuck.
I do think that truth requires no doing, is effortless acceptance of what is. Does this sound like transition.
Yeah, thank you for answering. Oh how I wish that just being would be more common… No neurotic striving, just allowing.
@@parus_1671 ❤I want to expand on what you said --> "Just being" is nothing less than (one of) the hardest things one can achieve. 🏆
To surrender to what is above us; trusting that if we surrender, everything will still be alright - that is a supreme action of faith.
My point is --> There seems to be nothing easy about getting to the place of "simply being" - it's a truly superb achievement, deserving of veneration. ❤❤
❤
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It looks like you live in heaven
I do indeed. I am very lucky.
You would make an excellent therapist, and caring for dogs is also a high calling 🦮
Thank you. I do love dogs , they are my kindred spirits.
❤