Leaving a Toxic And Abusive Marriage And Navigating Being A Single Mom
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ต.ค. 2024
- In this video I share my journey on leaving a toxic and abusive marriage. It was not an easy decision to make to leave the marriage and get a divorce but I knew that was what I needed to do for me and my boys.
Getting out of toxic and abusive situations is the first step and a must if you want to heal from it. I hope my story gives you strength to leave the environment that is toxic and to take the time to do the work to heal from trauma and abuse. May you find the courage, strength, motivation and inspiration to make changes for yourself.
www.emilyadams...
The Emily Adams Show, Emily Adams : The Emily Adams Show! strongerbodyand...
Good morning. I’m from colombia, and I watched your part 1 and I’m here because meet a man and he told me that he was raised in the amish culture. Well i like him and i hope i can understand where he is coming from. Thank you for your videos!!! I love them. ❤️
I'm glad they are helpful.
I'm thinking omish men are way different than non omish men, I feel so bad for you (Emily Adams) I went through a very similar situation (non- Amish) with my X and my 5yr old son & daughter who was a preemie, He was also a drunk and he was a slacking non-worker, anyway it was all on me and I was young stupid and should have left him (we weren't married) after my daughter was born and 92!
KUDOS TO ALL WOMEN 💐 WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH A SUPER HARD MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP WITH SHIT MEN THAT DIDN'T BACK OR SUPPORT THEM! 😳😡
I came here from your amish story. I just want to say how much of a strong and wonderful mom you are. I literally wanted to cry from anger when you told about the pos you had to endure for all that time just to save your boys. Well, karma got him. You’re the angel in your childrens life! Love from europe
Jumping straight to part 2. Part 1 was so good, thank you. You present so well in your videos and you are a natural speaker and no doubt, writer!
Thank you!
What was the title to part one?
Cheers for your boys to call a lie a lie. The damage my ex and my parents could accomplish on weekends cannot be undone. Yay for your boys for seeing and saying the truth!
Thank you! It's not always easy but worth it!
Absolutely beautiful Emily! Your story is inspiring and hopefully will motivate others to get out of an abusiva relationship. Your boys are blessed to have you as their mom. God bless y’all 🙏
I’m so grateful that you were so courageous and determined to make a better life.
My married life was like yours but included beatings including 1 of my sons.
God had blessed me with strength and determination to carry on back then as a single parent. I can relate to the fear and uncertainty. But god was there for me leading me day by day. I’m 80 now and happy and never look back.
Stay strong. I’m praying for you and your children.
I’m happy to hear you are back with your family for gatherings.
Blessings Mary
It sounds like you were strong and courageous as well!! Praying for your healing 🙏
Thank you for sharing!! It takes so much courage. I went through an unhealthy relationship and I wasn't even Amish, just emotionally neglected as a child. I love how kind you have become after all that trauma, it's inspiring! ❤️
Thank you for your kind words! I hope you find healing 💗
You are amazing and brave...I pray that you'll find peace and joy and live happily with your sons...God bless you always..
Thank you 💞 definitely the happiest I have ever been!
Alcohol destroys families. Sorry for your pain and your children's pain. ❤
Yes it does destroy families.
Again, your testimony can be a literal movie. Its so moving and inspiring.
One day that's the goal 🙌🏽
I enjoyed part one. It took me some time to find the part 2 episode. I really appreciate what you went through.
@@voiceofwisdom2261 thank you for your feedback and following along!
You have inspired this person, thank you! I wish there were a way to widely broadcast your videos. Ex-Amish aren't the only people who need to hear your messages. There are millions of people who truly need to hear your message. Bravo, Emily!
Thank you ❤️
Damn, girl. I'm only on Part 2 and am amazed at your life. Hope Part 3 has a happier ending.
It all has a happy ending 🙂
You are such an inspiration! I’m sorry for the pain you endured with this man.
You’re so strong to experience all that hate and negativity from everyone you know and love (from Part 1 of your story) and still fight for what you believe no matter what. Even having to do it a second time in that toxic relationship.
Thank you! It's part of my story and I still use it as proof to myself that I can overcome anything.
You are so strong 💚. It's so weird I'm watching this, a friend of mine just left an abusive, textbook-case narcissist a few days ago. Hoping and praying he won't lure her back 😔
Reach out to her and support her so she knows she has a safe place. Also send her my videos or my website if she needs support.
Hi Emily, I really admire your strength and courage. I can identify with so much you have said and gone through! Keep growing and learning. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for your kind words
You are so strong. This is the most unbelievable story as a European from a society, government, religious perspective - and Im not even talking about the amish part!!
I hate, hate, hate that you had such a jerk for a man. You leaving your life, the only thing you ever knew, for such a jerk!! I hate that, I am so happy you are a strong person, and that you have overcome all of it. I am beyond proud of you, and please do not take this as offensive, but you should be sooooo proud of yourself!!!! I am.
I am proud of myself 💖
Wow my narc husband made me do everything alone just like you describe. It's the worst loneliness there is.
That it is! I hope you were able to break free from that.
It hurts my heart listening to your story Emily, it's so hard to understand how some people can do things like this to those who love them. I want to give you the biggest hugs, you have the most amazing strength. Hope you and your boys are now in your happy place.
Thank you! We are doing well here 🙂
You are a brave lady and I’m so proud of you for all you do and have done to keep your boys safe.
Thank you for your kind words!
wow getting away from amish i thought that was it but yes the emotional roller coaster of this relationship and all the hardship it gave you. i went through a bad relationship with my two girls father also and it gave me way more strength than i ever thought at the time. i am actually so glad he wanted nothing to do with your boys that gave them peace and you i hope. i will continue to see the next video. love love love. your are stronger than you think.
Thank you for your kind words 💖
Hi Emily, I came across your YT channel.
Lately I have been watching a lot of Docs re: Amish and most of them seem genuine ie, The Graber Family "Breaking the Silence" and other videos as well.
I raised a daughter & son from 43 yrs ago as a single mother, I never married and have come to realise that throughout my life there is good and bad in all cultures & religions. If you knew what I had endured from people, it would make your hair fall out, so to speak.
We all have a story to tell in some way or another. I am now 67 and still single to this day and very recluse. I find that the less people there are in my life, the less problems I encounter. I chose celebacy over a relationship, no more hurt that way and my trust is shot to pieces. My support has been my faith from what Jesus teaches us which keeps me strong.
I hope your life will be a good one.
Sending you love & best wishes from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤
JJ
Thank you for sharing your story!
You majorly inspire me, I'm not even joking. You are amazing!
Thank you for your kind words!
Just want to say you're a very strong and courageous woman .
Thank you for your kind words!
I got chills. Emily your story makes me feel so much appreciation for my life. Sending so many hugs ❤️♥️❤️♥️
Thank you 💕
Girl, I am so proud of you God-bless you.❤
Aw thank you 💖
Your story with your ex is almost identical to mine. My daughter is now 32 and has not seen her dad for 10yrs. There is actually a restraining order in place between them. I feel guilty for my stupid decisions on who i chose to be her father. She deserves better.
Don't feel guilty. I'm sure you did the best you knew how to in the moment. 💖
You are a very brave person and appreciate your sharing this part of your story/life. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words!
Hi, from a suburb of Chicago, IL.
I at amazed at your strength and courage to move on, especially given that you were raised in the Amish culture and there was no divorce.
I too was a single mother because my ex-husband was an alcoholic. He wasn't like that when we married, in the church.
I hope you found peace 💖
You are a BRAVE woman. People like you are making this world real. There is an expression in spanish that says " la realidad supera a la ficción ".
"the reality exceeds fiction"
Thank you for your kind words 💖
Tha ks for sharing, too many woman stay in toxic relationships or even if they get the courage to leave they carry shame instead of sharing their journey ... xoxoxo
As a woman who left and got out I carried shame for many years after and I was the bad guy to anyone who would listen to him or his family :( because I hid what I went through ourlt of shame, but the more woman like you share their journey the more I can feel free and relief in knowing I was brave and have nothing to be ashamed of!!
Thank you for sharing! And yes there are many people that feel the guilt and shame for honoring the way they feel.
Thanks for sharing your story (jumpstart in your new reality) in such an honest way, that I saw and felt your pain. God bless to you and your kids, you are a great, lovely human being...
Thank you for engaging and watching
Thank you for telling your story. ❤️🦋 It helps other people know that they aren't alone and that they can leave a bad situation. 💕🌻
That's the goal 🙂
@@EmilyAdams_ I saw a lot of my story in yours. 💕 I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your kids!
@@Maria-ow8pk it's not always easy but definitely worth it.
You are the bravest most extraordinary woman ! I adore you wow you inspire me. What a strong resilient example you are to women who are going through a tough time.
I just love who you are.
I was with a drug addict for 15 years. In every other was he was a beautiful person. Kind gentle caring always telling me how wonderful, strong and how much he loved me.
The best thing that ever happened was him falling in Love with someone else.
He didn't want to leave but i had a way out.
We didnt have any custody battles it was respectful and in the interest of the children.
Im now 58, single and very happy.
I adore you i dont know how you did it !
Thank you for your kind words!
I’m really enjoying your story. Can’t wait for part 3.
Part 3 is posted under finding happiness. You can also find it on my podcast.
Love your openness, your story & talent for talk. You have such important things to share, so much more than the fact that you were raised by & escaped the Amish lifestyle. I hope many young women listen to your story & learn from you.
Thank you for your kind words 💖
You’re the best mum by far the way you loved your boys through it all thank God for you can’t wait for part3
Part three is up 🙂
Girl. Stay strong. You are AWESOME
Thank you 💞
Hi Emily first of all a Big Hello from Sydney Australia I was watching part 1 last night and wow that was a eye opener what you went thought to get out of the Amish, Coming from a Country that does not have any Amish that I know of it makes you think how many other woman or girls are going though the same as you were. Take care and stay strong now going to watch part 2 :)
Thank you for watching!
Thanks for your story Emily,
Your stories of rules and traditions of men loosely parallel some of my experiences growing up Roman Catholic. I agree with you that God doesn't care about a lot of that stuff.
Ray Comfort has a channel here called Living Waters. I really like how simply he explains things.
You are so amazing and strong. Thank you again for sharing your story!
Thank you for your kind words 💖
You are an inspiration! I Am enjoying your story.
Glad you are enjoying it!
Emily, You are so precious to God and He loves you so much, and I do too. You are such a blessing! Keep sharing and inspiring!
Thank you for your kind words!
@@EmilyAdams_ I’m praying for you Emily, that you strengthen your personal relationship with God. He forgives every mistake you ever made and is longing for a loving relationship with you again! ❤️🙏
@@EmilyAdams_ God wants to take away all the pain, and heal all the wounds you suffered, if you’ll only let Him. He’s been carrying you all this time, you just didn’t know it. 🙏❤️
You are such a brave woman!
Thank you for your kind words!
Went to visit your great aunt Rosanna, I wanted to see your mom amd dad before they move, a couple weeks ago. Your mom spoke quite highly of you...I know I can't say proud. Smile
💖
My heart just breaks for you and your boys❤️❤️
💖
Wow, what a wild story. You deserve the best.
Thank you! It has definitely been a journey!
Just found your channel. You are an inspiration!
Thank you so much!!
you are so brave!!!! WOW, so strong & such a good mom
Aw thank you for your kind words! 💖
I have a question. When you were going through all the abuse, did you have contact with your parents or siblings? Also, did you ever regret leaving the Amish community when these things were happening?
(When I ran away from home, and bad things were happening I kinda did regret leaving, I’m not amish though , I just grew up in abusive home. But I don’t regret leaving now, just in the bad moments in the beginning).
I don't regret leaving and I didn't have contact with my family when I left.
Not seeing your kids and working so hard must have been so difficult 💔 you having an affair lol where would you get the time or energy 🙄🙄 heart breaking 💔 I can in part relate ... i knew something was wrong in hospital when I had my son as my partner of 16 years couldn't wait to get out of there. I just knew something was wrong. I can so relate to it being the happiest but saddest of times. When I got home I found the evidence I needed and he left me when our son was 10 weeks old. Your ex sounds very very difficult ... it must have been so stressful to have to let you boys go there 💔 how can he be so cruel to his kids. My ex is more of a mental manipulator type. Thankfully counselling lets me see it coming these days but it's been one heck of a journey! I don't think we ask for these difficulties in life but they definetly shape us ... it's amazing where you can get to in life u de your own steam 🌼🌸🌼💗
Yes we make the choice to let go, heal and move on. I'm incredibly grateful I do have my boys to love.
@@EmilyAdams_ Exactly! It shapes us but we can choose to take the best from it all and move on 🌼 I made the decision after it happened that I wouldn't live that storyline ... its so freeing to let it go 🌸 I treasure the fact I had my son too, I'm so so lucky to have him 💗 he's 8 now ... time is a wonderful healer 🌼🌸🌼
@@smurph4959 yes it is and I am so proud of you for making that decision to do the work and heal for yourself and your son ❤️
@@EmilyAdams_ awh thank you 💗 straight back at you 💗 my son is what motivates me to keep shining 💗 life is too short for anything else 🌼🌸🌼
@@smurph4959 💗 amen!!
My husband grew up Mennonite with a strong work ethic as well and he also got accused of working too much and hard at one of his first jobs. Crazy.
Yes I have heard that before as well.
I also had an abusive, alcoholic husband, this is hitting really close to home. Like I’m right back there. I’m at the part where he took your two boys for a weekend and didn’t bring them back; my ex did that once, too. It was awful. He let me come over and give him my car keys and walk w them in the park. I’m upset remembering it. The police wouldn’t get involved; they made me take it up w Friend of the Court. Fortunately he only did it once.
I know the feeling of the court system! It is so frustrating!!
I laughed out loud at your experiencing American work ethic.
There are obviously many great, hard workers out there but sadly there are too many lazy ones as well. It drove me crazy too. I never understood how a person could be lazy. It would take a certain lack of conscience and I despised that
Yes it is shocking!
Woaw, dear lord, blessings for what they’re worth, that’s up to you
I watched part 1. So sad that all that teenage angst and sadness, and bad relationship with parents led to you being in the hands of a 38 year old.
When I was young I was in a similar situation, but I was not Amish. And the first guy that came I went with and it was very hard. I knew I couldn’t stay at home with my parents, but this new place was very difficult.
Im in a better place but not a good relationship with parents still.
I'm glad you are in a better place! I hope you build your relationship back with your parents.
@@EmilyAdams_ thank you
Whoah! I noticed the powerlifting medals in the background, you considering uploading some training videos? I am also a powerlifter, i would watch them! I grew up in a toxic family, alcoholism was the reason i was glad when i got free and lived my own life, i hope your ok now, best wishes :) and i am wondering are you still Christian after leaving the Amish, and what do you miss most about the Amish culture and lifestyle, if anything? Thanks!
I have not considered uploading training videos. I am more spiritual where I believe in God as a higher power. I don't miss anything about the Amish lifestyle
@@EmilyAdams_ Thanks!
WOW!!! You are a kick ass person who will not be held down. You hear about people who concur life are you are obviously one of them. Keep on succeeding!!!
Thank you for your kind words 💖
Thanks for sharing . I found interesting how coming from that culture how you feel about work ethic . I find that in different generations . When I was a kid the 1970s and now . Many more people back then had a stronger work ethic . They were also stronger with who hire . If you didn't work hard you were less liking to keep a job compared to now . There some younger people with good work ethics but less.
Thank you for watching and engaging in my content!
Huge love & respect to you young lady on your journey I wish it had been so much more easier for you yrs arnoldus
Thank you! It is easy after dealing with everything and embracing it all.
I can relate to the nothing to do but drink, I grew up in a very rural area of Northern California, actually there’s a big fire going on there now we had nothing to do but sports and drinking also. When I say rural I mean very rural 3 hours north of SF north of Napa and Calistoga in the mountains we had California’s largest natural lake which is almost dry with the drought we’ve been having in California 🤬
I'm sorry to hear about the drought. With having nothing to do but drink it leads to a habit.
Amish have alot of internalized pain and mental health issues. Here is why I think so.
Negative thoughts
Negative thoughts and beliefs can destroy confidence and self-esteem. The more someone thinks negatively, the less able they are to see themselves and the world around them accurately.
Childhood trauma
Feelings of shame and worthlessness developed in childhood can lead to low self-esteem as an adult.
Bullying
Bullying can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, and can worsen self-esteem tendencies into adulthood. Bullying from Parents specially in the community. Strict rule of thumb.
Trauma, sexual, objectification,
Trauma can lead to chronically low self-esteem, and one study found that the higher the tendency for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the lower self-esteem tends to be.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism can lead to stress, unhappiness, and low self-esteem, as well as decreased performance and negatively affected health, creativity, and working relationships.
Belief systems
Structured belief systems that offer two paths, one that's all good and one that's all bad, can lead to feelings of confusion, wrongness, shame, and disappointment with oneself
@@3941602 all of that and more
My kids father left me at the hospital. Later I found out he was down in the city smoking spike. I was and still am disgusted by the sight of him.
I can understand that. Sending you love 💓
Working hard is not a culture thing. In my family, it is very important to be a hard worker. I had a job fromm the time I was 13.
Friendly reminder. Not every marriage needs to be destroyed in order to escape toxic behaviour. If ur partners is willing to change and work though it then counseling can do wonders
@@csgaiao33 that's a fair statement but clearly that wasn't the case in my situation
I am proud of you.
Thank you 💖
Good for You Sweet Mama❤❤
💞💞
Someday you may be able to explain to them that sometimes God takes people out of our lives as a way of protecting us, to keep us from being exposed to bad things. My grandson grew up having no contact with his abusive, drug dealing father because of an altercation that he and I had. He found out that he was a drug dealer and had been in and out of jail and had been abusive to his half sister who currently has nothing to do with their father. It meant he had no father, but also wasn’t exposed to abuse, drugs, that whole lifestyle.
Good point! Thank you for sharing that perspective.
I left a narcissist after 7 years. I am 1 year 2 months and about 2 weeks no contact.
Way to break the cycle!
😂same with my first haircut and clothes. It was terrible!
Still a challenge.
I know, I was not Amish, but I know- be well
This part of your journey is identical to mine except my 2 babies were girls.
I hope you found peace!
@@EmilyAdams_ absolutely! My girls are grown now and I have grandbabies. They now know how toxic their dad is! I have also been divorced twice and am now married to a pretty great guy that loves me very much and we have mutual respect for one another.
@@carolynnaverill3314 I love that for you!
Been there with the father of my kids. Was a single mom. He was never a husband to me or a father to them. I hated God too and after attracted narcissists my whole life. God loves you and me. Know you have others who have the same experience.
We can stop attracting that at anytime!
Good mom!
Thank you!
This video should be called "I learn why the Amish have the rules they do as I run afoul of everything the rules are there to prevent."
Or it could be called educate your children at a young age 🤷🏽♀️
This tale was a mind blower, and the end of part 3 is to end up a power lifter? I'm going directly to part 3, ha and they told you your not going to heaven? After this the only way is up,
You know it 💯
enjoyed your video's, but volume needs to be higher
Thank you for the feedback!
Education, marriage then family. In that order.
Yes it should be in that order but for some people it's not in that order.
thoughts on "amish paradise"?
A lot of it is fake and not real at all.
Oh I didn’t realize that your marriage didn’t work. Hey, no worries; Divorces happens, I know, because, my late Parents were Divorced!
I hope your life is going strong & you got loyal friends. So watch your distance & take care!
Definitely something to heal from 💖
Do a video on your education. Did you eventually get a GED?
Great job!!! You did!!! Since 2012 I have been helping adults get their GED.
@@georgina4874 that's awesome! What are you interested in knowing with the education? Any specific questions?
Sounds like your man was a piece of shit. I'm sorry you had to go through that. All men aren't like that. I don't know if you found someone but there is someone for you out their that will find you and your sons a blessing.
I know all men aren't like this and I have met some incredible men.
I met a good one after my horrible ex.
@@karyndewit193 so glad you met a good one! Wishing you all the good and love 💓
Your parents, warts and all, cry every day over you. Trust me, (if you don’t, then simply consider this) they love you.
A 17 year old Amish girl gone rogue. This is a sad, sad story. I feel very bad.
You’ll figure out this world-probably already have. It will still leave you disappointed.
I would disagree with you. I have more peace now then I ever have had in my life. fear base programming doesn't serve anyone.
@@EmilyAdams_ I do truly agree with you that fear based programming is wrong, bad, even cruel. Seems that you have now made yourself the God of your life. Satan’s (the serpent) original temptation was that man can be like God (Genesis 3:5). God wants our heart, not our obedience.
If we love God, we will want to do right. Your former culture primarily focused on our obedience. Jesus wants our heart to love Him. Please read your Bible -John in the New Testament. Isn’t it true the Amish frowned upon Bible Study? Now you can find out for yourself …
@@johnyb9884 there's a lot of good in the Bible but at the same time there are other books we can learn from great leaders as well that teach love and all the other important life things.
Some Amish do frown upon Bible studies.
@@EmilyAdams_ agreed. As long as these other books or great leaders do not contradict, or deceive us to think, feel, believe differently from the Bible.
@@johnyb9884 maybe check out Depak Chopra and other spiritual leaders.
I’m having trouble finding part one. Can anyone tell me the title please?
Here you go
th-cam.com/video/rD8Lz2OPW2o/w-d-xo.html
@@EmilyAdams_ Thank you!
@@robinsdog1 your welcome 🙂 they are all in a playlist of my story
I would've let him know about himself!
Oh don't worry later I did!!
You can help a lot of women.
Thank you! That is my intention and life purpose. I started life and business coaching just for women.
It would be a big help if the videos were labeled part one and part two so they can be easily found.
They are labeled and they are also in the comments pinned at the top.
Is the father the 38 year old man ? Or someone else you met later on ?
Yes he is the father of my children.
I had came across your videos. It’s kind of hard to watch you go through this as you’re telling your story.
It was challenging but at the same time it was nice healing to share my story
@@EmilyAdams_ Im sure it’s been challenging. Wish I could’ve met you sooner to save you from all of the BS that you’ve had to go through. You’re definitely destined for more.
@@TBGaels32 I'm already living the life I enjoy so it's all worth it!
You definitely had tough breaks and made some regretful choices. It's not easy to take responsibility for that. I'm sure there's a happier ending. It sounds like you experienced a niche of Amish life that was sadly non-supportive and discouraging of questioners.
There is definitely a happy ending to all of it!
During this time did you ever consider going back to the Amish community?
So why do you cuss now, if you were taught not to before?
Cussing is very subjective...we can go back and forth about language all day long.
I was also taught to judge people, to gossip, be full of negativity and drama and now choose not to have that in my life.
Sad you didn't consider giving the baby up for adoption Emily. A family that was ready for a baby would have been soooooooooo thankful.
I am glad I kept my boys at all times.
Apparently you were a rebel from the beginning
Call it what you want 🤷🏽♀️
Did you not realize especially after you had your son, that the man you were with was a sexual predator and was treating you basically like a slave ( technically worse than the Amish Community rules).
Unfortunately no I didn't and the Amish culture teaches you the man is always superior and the woman does everything for him.
Girl all I can say is I'm damn proud that I wasn't around you back when you were going through this stuff because I seen him doing and treating you like that I'd beat the damn breaks off of him for that shit now I don't have any kids myself here but I'm the way if you have one then you take care of it too and beating on you is bullshit now too I despise a sob like that here too now my dad was a damn drunk and he used to beat me and my mom too when he was drunk too but now since I'm grown up now here he'd have the shit beat of him now too that guy was pos to you and the kids too proud to hear that your doing good now too have a great day
I am not amish or belong to any local church, it still sucks to hear ppl cursing or private sexual things, it's just inappropriate and low class. Sorry for your traumas due to being in a cult/strict culture. You need Christ not a religion
Why Amish be so strict that ain't right God will always be with us no matter what he is not good husband that's a red flag you need a man that care about you
And I'm grateful I see that now and learned that lesson.