Why we hold hands: Dr. James Coan at TEDxCharlottesville 2013
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ม.ค. 2014
- Dr. James Coan is Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Director of the Virginia Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Virginia. Dr. Coan's work emphasizes the neuroscience of emotion and social relationships, and has been featured in Science, Nature, the New York Times, The Washington Post, Time Magazine, the New Yorker, The Atlantic, BBC News, Discovery Channel, New Scientist, Scientific American, CBS Sunday Morning, and other major media outlets. His work with John Gottman on behavior coding was featured in Malcolm Gladwell's best-seller, Blink. In 2010, Dr. Coan received the inaugural Janet Taylor Spence Award for Transformative Early Career Contributions from the Association for Psychological Science, and the Award for Distinguished Early Career Contributions from the Society for Psychophysiological Research. His talk today is entitled, "Why We Hold Hands."
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
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Editing: MC2 Creative
Ok but the way he talks is so cute and entertaining I don't get why there aren't more people laughing? :( you rock dude
I think they were laughing but the sound we hear was only captured by the microphone he was using, so it wasnt really capturing the sounds of the audience (we can only listen to them when they are very loud)
"It's not funny... It's a little funny."
the love that married couple have is only comparable to the love this dude clearly has for science XD
I love how he's the main one laughing at the spectacle of shocking his test subjects hahaha ... Super interesting talk, quite beautiful.
Makes sense
He missed the opportunity to say ‘She lent him a hand, literally and figuratively.’
This talk gives a whole new meaning to the time when my dad was dying at the hospital. He had a terminal cancer, I've been told that he would not make it to the night. To make it worse, none of my siblings or my mom were picking up the phone or reading my texts, so I could not ask anyone for support of any kind.
I was devastated and didn't know what to do, so I just seated close to my dad, who was not able to talk anymore due to his disease. I held his hand between mine, telling him with my eyes how much Ioved him and that it was okay to let go. That I was there for him, to make sure he would not be alone. He lasted less than 2 minutes like that, and passed away in front of me. I know that he found the courage to leave this world only after he felt our hands joined.
That's how I know what this guy found out is absolutely true.
Love you dad, you'll always live in my heart
Mariana you did so well.
@@ppegah thank you
I am so glad that you had that special moment with your Father. You blessed him
Be grateful, because not everyone had a chance to do something like that
My mum says touching people you love soothes them and it is important to touch the hands of your children or hug them each day at least once.
Yes.. I knew this but never have heard it spoken. After my wife passed I felt that half of me was missing. We touched and held hands all the time. Being a widower is most difficult because our loving touch is gone. The process of mutual touching growing into "I am you and you are me" is an awesome observation. Thank you for this.
Your comment was very well expressed. It is interesting that being widdowed causes a pain more severe than many physcial conditions (the feeling of losing 1/2 of yourself) but there is no anesthetic, rehabilitation or follow up care. I feel as though I was left in the dark to figure out if healing is even possible. Yet when I come across a comment from someone who has experienced the same thing it gives me hope. Wishing you all the best.
I hope you are at least somewhat okay, under these circumstances.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
@@rubyrootless7324 who are you Ruby? I viewed your channel and enjoyed it. Are you an artist? And... yes, I'm okay and have moved on with my life and am holding my new partners hand with new understanding. She too lost half of her life and now we are nearly whole again.
I'm with you, brother. Cancer took my wife years ago. Talk to your local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints missionaries. Marriage does not have to be "till death do you part" - you can be united for all eternity. Ask - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Tbh I have never had a proper held hand. I feel sorry for your lost but it must have been a very strong feeling.
A woman named Mary prayed with me and my mom at a food giveaway at a church we'd just started attending. She started to speak the prayer and then she reached her hand out for us to all join hands. When our hands connected I felt a peace beyond my own understanding. I can still feel that overwhelming feeling like everything is okay and is going to be okay when I recall the memory. I'll never forget that experience!
Because love is stronger than fear.
But love isn’t the one that’ll save you from danger, despite what pop culture would have you believe
someone come hold my hand
🧠🤝🧠
That explains why I almost cried when a coworker I felt close to held my hand. I am in a city where I haven't made close friends and this has been the case for many years. So for that moment I felt connected for the first time in a long time.
That's tough. I'm a very physical person (the whole love language thing is p accurate for me) and I can't imagine how much it would hurt me to be in a situation where I couldn't just reach out to a friend or family member.
I hope you get through this ok.
Camila , it's really hard, but I'm closer to being done my degree in this city so hopefully I can manage or find another solution.
Very much appreciate the kind thoughts.
I lived alone for a long time, I know how hard that is. Praying for you.
love this...when you really start to think about the depth of a small act of holding someone's hand you see how complex yet simple life is
This makes me curious about the psychological/neurological impact of shaking hands.
We discussed one of this guy's studies in my high school psychology class. Most wholesome research of the year.
This is very interesting and shows how we are wired for connection.
I feel better when I hold my best friend's hand.
Note how excited this guy seems when shocking people enters the picture here, lol.
My mom told me that holding hands shows that you love a person.
So glad for the world to hear you validating, through your scientific research, what we all human being need. We need to feel connected to a safe partner to confront and endure our pain.
wonderful talk!
This is interesting in the context of strangers feeling awkward about holding hands when asked to do so. Maybe if we had more physical contact with people who are different than us, we might see each other as connected and the same, instead of separated and different.
there are three kinds of handholding 1, we are here together 2, you are my possession 3, you have to look after me
This video made me so happy. I don't hold hands often because of anxiety and boundary issues but man do I wish I did it more. So so wholesome, I needed this :)
Wow! "I am you, you are me ..we..."
How amazing..actually made me tear up a little!
Same!!
This is so interesting. I always hold someone's hand if I'm on a roller coaster that I think is scary. One time my friend refused to hold my hand on a ride (she was too scared to let go of the over-the-shoulder restraint). My experience on that ride was so traumatizing that to this day (6 years later) I refuse to go on that one ride at Knott's (Xcelerator). And holding on to the ride's restraint isn't enough, I always instinctively reach for whoever is sitting next to me, even if I don't know them, which can be awkward 😅
I love this very much. Maybe that’s why it’s said that older folks who’ve been married for decades look similar.... Also I have a little crush on this doc 😆
I have a teacher that looks like him but older. He looks good.
@@CheerfullyNihilistic well it's a pretty old talk. So it might be.
Brilliant and important. I will recommend this to all of my clients
7:57 .. RIP us single people 😢😂
"I am you, you are me, and we are here" makes me think of Steven Universe
💎
I’ve always been fascinated by what humans can do. Thank youu for this! 💓
The Bible says of marriage that the "two become one flesh." It's funny that a brain scan can show the effects of that ❤️
I'm not even religious but that's a really neat way of looking at it..!
@@jauxro Yeah, definitely! It's actually referenced three times. Book of Genesis chapter 2, Matthew chapter 19, and Mark chapter 10 if you want to check it out :)
Also said that when the friend is under threat.
That's interesting..I don't believe I'm god but I find this cool.
Now I know why I'm obsessed with seeing pple hold hands. My heart lights up bc I have no one's hand to hold 😢
we are groot
Thank you!
Not even through this video and it so relates to why couples that work together to achieve success in life do better than couples who don’t
Btw, I only really see either elderly couples or moms and little children holding hands in public ☺️
Then you are blind.
This guy seems sweet
i talked about this just recently and this was recommended 😳😕😕🙃
Thanks FBI agent
This is so powerful
Just.... amazing :)
Amazing
This is amazing :)
You hold hands to symbolically slap the single people in the face
I think friends have a somewhat similar effect
and to block high school hallways
The Bible states in Mark 10:8 "and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." Very cool seeing new scientific studies affirming things written way before the technology was there to prove it.
Beautiful
I wish I had someone to hold hands with 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Me too 😭😭😭
i’d hold your hand, and i can’t be the only one.
me too
I've worked in sales for quite some time, and even a light touch on a person's forearm or a gentle grasp of someone's elbow to direct their attention toward something is enough to build instant rapport. The trick is to make the touch so natural as to be nearly imperceptible. I suspect that on a subconscious level, the stress of making a big purchase becomes more bearable when you can get into rapport with your sales person. Real Estate Agents are some of the most touchy-feely people around. Ditto with politicians. Both of those professions need deep trust from their customers/voters. A simple, momentary, gentle touch is very helpful in getting people to that more relaxed state.
This was really interesting
Is it possible to measure muscular tension? Is someone researching whole body muscular tension patterns and correlate them to emotional states?
João de Carvalho you could locally measure muscular tension, quite possibly by electrical outputs across certain muscle groups. May also be able to measure secondary signals of muscular tension (stress) over short periods of time, released into the blood stream or extracellular matrix
There definitely is information out there about typical zones that are tense when a person has anxiety or depression etc. I don't know whether they measured muscle tone for this or just observed but there seem to be patterns, yes.
Who's here after reading The attachment effect by Peter Lovenheim?
Oh my god why is he shocking these people
SCIIEEEENCEEEEE
FOR SCIENCE!
😂😂😂😂
5:00
❤
Hold hands no thank you , hold arms yes .
So hands become a giant synapse :D
5:15 .....oh..
I’m sorry very fascinating his excitement with shocking was hilarious but my man needs a tailor for his pants!
I'm not crying... you're crying lol
interesting
We?
I wonder who those couple were, true love, gosh
Fascinating topic. Intrigued on if this is a positive or negative thing to become reliant on another/external source or have an external action effect your brain so much... and what happens when holding hands in this case is impossible
I think i broke up my relationship because i didnt physically touch him much and it felt weird.
Women. Men NEED to be touched, kissed or whatever. It changes everything. You want a good relationship do it and force yourself to do it.
Good information but speak has room to improve communication style, it was funny to laugh on some of the things
There is definitely a time and a place for hand holding. In a relationship, it is wonderful to hold hands because of the sensuality and the closeness you feel towards that person. I don't think it's a good idea to hold hands with a stranger at a church or a table grace. I think it is OK for a close family to hold hands during Grace if they so choose, but it should not be a requirement and a person should not be made to feel bad if they decline. It's also a good way to pass around germs. Personally I think handholding should be reserved for your significant other and that's it.
In Saudi Arabia it is common for business associates to hold hands. I have held probably over a thousand people's hands. It is beyond good for everyone
Well do what you think is best:) no one should make you hold hands. I’m a physical person myself, but also respectful of people’s boundaries.
Another Cohen.
Try to relax dude. No need to tell the entire story. You're stuttering so much
Eh, pretty sure he needs to speak for a certain amount of time dude.