A powerful story about having a sibling with autism
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 เม.ย. 2019
- As the world around us grows more and more uncertain, eight young poets speak their truth in the third season of the CBC Arts series Poetic License
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Faduma Mohamed still remembers struggling to explain her brother's autism to people outside their family while she was growing up.
"When I was younger I used to just tell people that my brother was deaf, because it was just a lot easier than facing the reality of trying to answer people what autism was," she says. For this season of Poetic License, Mohamed is performing an excerpt from her one-woman play Oughtism. "The play, for me, fits that place of not knowing and finally coming to know - and wanting people to know that it isn't what they think it is. There's so much more to autism than what meets the eye.
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The hardest part is not being able to even have friends over or go out in public because of the embarrassment. The hardest part is not being able to go out as a family because it will end in some sort of fight. It’s being blamed for everything. It’s the expectations put on you because you’re the ‘normal’ child, and your parents only chance as a successful child as horrible as that may sound.
I don't want to relate to this comment, why did I have to be born in this exact family??
Exactly I can really relate to this
I relate so badly.
This made me tear up. Explained it perfectly.
This was hard to read
The one of the hardest parts is that they can get aggressive in public when you try to correct their behaviour and you have to deal with the looks of strangers not knowing what to do
God tell me about it
yeah, for some reason my autistic brother literally yells "I MADE A FUT" in public, its so awkward but he's my brother so I just gotta teach him. Luckily I have some friends who understand my brother.
There no such thing as right behavior
I can relate to that 100% with my little brother, I’m glad that someone talked about this, shows that there are other people who have to experience this 😭😭😭
"i always have to pretend like i'm ok" hit me like a ton of bricks. even with family and friends it felt like no one understood my pain as the "neurotypical" sibling, so i kept it all inside and always wore a mask of cheerfulness and just being the bubbly, positive one. it really is tiring and i hate it
please connect rashmi19041994@gmail.com I am facing this and i am bursting now, i am 26 my brother is 36, we need help
I feel you. Even with my family and close friends who knew and experienced my brother they never understood. My parents thought they did because they also have to deal with being the immediate family but for whatever reason it affects siblings differently. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been wearing a mask since the age of six and as time goes on it keeps wearing down. And it seems these last few months for me have been the toughest. My mental health because of it has always been depleted but I always kept a smile whether I wanted to or not. I would cry myself to sleep and then wake up the next morning for school prepared to go make my friends happy. It is exhausting to be forced to shove down any thoughts or feelings I may have but still I do everyday
The hardest part is the guilt. Guilt for causing a nuisance for other people. Guilt for feeling embarrassed. Guilt getting angry with them. Guilt for even for one second thinking that you have it tough when they're sat right next to you.
And the guilt of thinking why am I the one with the autistic brother
I have so much guilt because I felt like my needs weren’t important
There is not enough on the siblings of people with autism, or any atypical presentation. Thank you for this
I can relate to that my brother has moderate autism and I always felt mine needs were pushed to the side that created codependency in me. I felt like I had to have guilt. I used to resent my brother and stuff.
I cant believe it. I thought I was alone, and now I can safely say that there are people out there with similar sentiments as me. Thanks for this.
On top of everything she said in this video which is very relatable, another thing is some siblings of autistic people don’t get the attention they need from their parents, but their parents force them to stay at home well into their adulthood because they can’t care for them by themselves. I’m 20 years old and I couldn’t go to college because of my brother, I still don’t have a drivers license & I can’t cook, I struggle to care for myself. I have a job and I have friends but no one seems to understand why I haven’t “grown up” yet,
It’s because I can’t grow up. Hope someone can relate to this
Sort of and yet the opposite. My parents never gave the attention I needed either because I was the “normal” child. On top of that I was more mentally gifted then the average typical child. I was the one forced to bear that burden from a very young age and by 11 I was forced to babysit my brother after school. We couldn’t hire a babysitter because even if they got he was autistic they wouldn’t be able to deal with his meltdowns. For me I was forced to grow up since I was 6 but I feel like mentally growing up to early can impact me and does. My parents never neglected me or anything near that but I was forced to shove my thoughts and feelings down for everyone else.
I just want to start by saying I UNDERSTAND. And I am so glad I found this video. My older brother has autism and he and I don't really get along. It's frustrating because he and my older sister do, and kt seems all other siblings in the media have the best relationships with their siblings. I carry so much guilt about this. My go to is sarcasm and I enjoy making people laugh and laughing in general. But my brother doesn't understand sarcasm and hates it when I laugh. It's so hard on the (rare) occasion I tell someone my brother has autism, they typically respond as in babying him like "aww that's so cute" or idk something along those lines. And it's frustrating, because they don't know what it's like to live with him even for a day. The will never know the hard parts about actually living with him. Like the screaming tantrums about little things, the trigger words, the minor inconvenience when we are in public and he starts fussing and everyone stares. Its the stares that suck the most. Which just goes back to they will never understand. The hardest part is his mood is a flip of the coin, you never know how he's gonna act every hour of everyday. Sometimes I come home from work, exhausted, and I trip over something, or my shoe squeaks, or I walk too close to him, or whatever, and he flips out. It also sucks that you can't have people over, because you're afraid my brother is gonna scare them away. Or you don't get invited to people's outings, because they ate dinner once with you 8 years ago, and your brother flipped out over something, and you're never invited back. I'm sorry for ranting, but I think I just want to be heard, that my feelings are valid, because everyone expects you to get along with him because he's "different." But he's also my brother, and neurotypical siblings are allowed to not get along, so it's frustrating that I have to be patient all the time. It just sucks. thank you to whoever read all the way through.
this is exactly my story right now.
I wish you well - stay strong. You are not alone and must take the greatest care of yourself.
There are support groups out there if you need them.
3 spring to mind Sibchat in Australia and I believe Sibnet in the states and sibs.org in the UK.
I too have a story - about my own sisters disability and if this helps I can share.
That's my story exactly also 😭
Me too
My twins autistic, lockdown is SOOO hard.
I understand. My brother has always had these rituals before. He would always need to have eggs and cereal in the morning even though he never ate the cereal and always had to take his shoes off first thing as he got in the house. But with lockdown they seem enhanced and I can’t blame him. When his schedule is messed up he throws enormous fits which can be hard to deal with a lot of the times and are often up to me to deal with. I understand where he’s coming from. So much has changed with this lockdown, and those rituals are the only normalcy he has left so he’s trying desperately to hold on to them tightly and not let go
I’m 11 and I struggle a lot with my sister Sienna, she is 9, and goes to my school, but has autism. She is verball and can understand things but she struggles. One of the toughest parts is seeing her by herself, crying. She’s given me scars, and hurts me, but I still love her no matter what, so it hurts. She’s always so zoned out and in her own little world, she will obliviously walk onto the road, and I’ll have to pull her back. We Catch the bus, so I’m always carrying her bag, and she’s all the way down the end holding up our bus, our bus driver is amazing though. I have anxiety and used to worry a lot about her, I’ve actually developed a little tick from her that I do when I get nervous. People take advantage of her a lot, and others just don’t understand, they will gee her up but I don’t have the heart to explain why they shouldn’t. My friends all have normal siblings, as tough as it is to say, they are always having races with them in front of my face. She can’t do regular kid stuff, and sometimes when I was even younger I found it hard to chose between my sister or my friends. There have been really rough patches, I would cry for hours just wanting a regular sister. My parents would always try to explain and I know about it, I just don’t always show it, luckily I have two little baby cousins (girls eeee) moving down, who are meant to be born next month, so I’ll have little normal baby sisters. Sometimes I’ll get funny looks, because even though we are sisters, we look nothing a like, unfortunately the medication she is on makes her obese, so she looks really different, her hair is blond and mines brown and all that fun stuff, but I get weird looks from people not realising we are sisters. I have had to stand up for my sister by myself multiple times because of grown adults not understanding her condition, I’m 11, mum and dad are amazing, they always say I’ve been more mature because of what I’ve gone through. It’s hurts me seeing others push their siblings away, or prank them, but be mean, if only they knew what it is like having a sister that doesn’t show affection towards you, only to your parents, and everyone else, o body understands, hopefully there’s someone out there who reads this and understands, I’m only 11 though lol, sorry I just felt like this was the perfect place to say it,
hey, i need you to know that you are absolutely the best big sister Sienna could have ever asked for. even i have a brother with autism, adhd and ld , so I know how it is. he has gotten a lot better with the medications , I am sure Sienna will too.
you are amazing, stay strong :)
for some reason i do the same thing. When my parents keep explaining my brothers condition, I don't tell them I know it. idk why I do this. Also our stories are kinda similar bc when I was 10 my two younger cousins moved from ohio to texas. And I hung out with them all summer and tried not be home. I think it was a replacement thing. Like I wanted normal siblings. Which I feel guilty about, but yeah that's just how it was.
my youngest brother is being diagnosed at the moment with either autism or adhd and ocd. its hard and no one apart from my parents and me know... his sudden outbursts of emotion make me so embarrased to go out anywhere with just me and him... its hard and no one understands xx
This was great and very relatable to my experience of having a sibling with autism
I get embarrassed at school. My friends always question my brother because of his behaviour. He always reads his books even when he is walking through a hallway. And I don’t even want to go out to eat because it will end in some sort of fight between my brother and mum
I understand. I had no idea that there were any other people out there that felt the exact same way.
Wow it's like someone just read the deepest part of my mind. I am still coping, healing and on the path to be more understanding and less resentful all while still striving through.Thank you for this beautiful piece.
I have a brother with autism....its so hard mahn....l love him to the moons though....am learning to not give a damn abt people....we dont choose who we become......l can relate....and if anyone is ready...please lets form a group to always talk abt this....am Allan,thankyou
I relate to and respect every word you said. My younger brother is autistic and when we were kids it was so much worse and violent. His behaviors are better now but he still has his times. Remeber girl to focus on your mental health from this life experience. It is hard and traumatic depending. Be well
This is my life literally. I have to literally just work my life around him sometimes.. it sucks :/ I’m just glad I’m not alone in this
It’s amazing how little the world cares about the siblings of special needs kiddos. I cannot believe how much I have to dig to find anything even remotely discussing the subject or offering advice or little any form of help for us.
This was so relatable 😮. I have 2 brothers, one of them being special needs (autism and cerebral palsy). The stares, the embarrassment in public, the words of hurt that people would say to my parents or sometimes to me and my other brother, not having other people understand what it's like and trying to explain.
This is a great video and is something everyone should watch to get a small look into what it's like
You are resilience and grace in its purest form
My younger sisters blame me for everything and now that were all adults my sisters just stopped any relationship with me. My brother bullied me relentlessly, but at least he loved me. He's dead from a car accident. So I don't have any family anymore. Aspergers is difficult. Any sort of autism spectrum really. You're going to be a black sheep in your family.
When people said to me ur brother can’t help it it wasn’t enough I didn’t care cuz I never felt worthy or anytbjng! I was embarrassed to have people over! Felt as if my needs didn’t matter anymore or else I would be a burden! And being selfish wasn’t an option! I felt like I always had to be OK cuz I didn’t want to put more pressure in my parents! I would always be stressed out cuz I never knew when Ryan would cry and stuff! Never felt seen or heard felt so scared when he had meltdowns
My brother does not pitch any fits in public because my mother didn't allow it as a child. Now we are older and its how do I look after him in another city. I would get him on the holidays or just randomly take him shopping or out to eat.i hate when my relatives ask how he's doing beacsie they were ashamed of him when he was little. The stares in public don't bother me because people are always curious of difference but people are generally more kinder when he's with me.i hate to say it I hope he's leaves before I do. Please understand we are older now and mom has been gone. Its hard!!! I'm kind to him every chance I get but I have to be firm or he'll run over me lol This is hard I can relate.
Its a normal thing.. i think everybody should take all these in a normal way rather than staring or making us embarrassing . God made us strong and only so he give us a autistic sibling .stay happy and blessed 😘😍
Powerful, honest, and so necessary ✨
damn dis my life
So powerful ❤
I know how it’s like to have a autism brother it feels embarrassing
Don worry abt that brother....we in this together...stand strong for him
My son. My son. Crying my heart out.
I always wish I could take my brother’s place. So my mom could at least have him understand how much she loves him.
Guys.. Here this... I m fifteen years old... My autistic brother just became aggressive again and tried to bite my mother...... It's really difficult. I swear I m studying for matriculation (an imp exam) I can't focus... I am always tensed and frightened the moment I hear a scream from my mother. Literally it's just 1:00 am and I searched this up..... Luckily found these videos.... And besides don't talk about the pressure you have on your head from your parents and relatives... Like sometimes I feel like why God?? God doesn't even wanna help me... I can't become happy a day??!!! ..... Help me....
Literally sorry my english is bad.. But I hope somebody understands..... Gd....
yea well for me the toughest part is that he always breaks my stuff, like once he slammed my brand new phone on the floor and my mom didn’t do anything about it. i somehow understand him because i have adhd but he sometimes punches me and kicks me and just laughs afterwards even though sometimes i cry (mostly when he breaks and ruins my stuff) he still laughs and giggles and thinks its funny.
i can sadly relate 😞
I understand.
My sister has autism and she is gonna have a surgry i
No understand
I have failed my little brother
The fact that y’all are so embarrassed by them is so sad.
You really not getting it
Be in public as a child and watch as everyone watches him. Laughs. Stares. Deal with that. You won't survive. None of us did.