I had collected some hair from a good friend of mine who was struggling with substance abuse but was trying to get clean. I was going to use the hair for a poppet to help them in that journey... But my schedule became incredibly busy. A couple weeks went by and I just never got around to making the poppet. Well, my friend ended up dying. It was awful and it's still awful. The main paint to this story is that I thought to myself, "I'm so glad that I didn't do that working!" I definitely would have partially blamed myself because of the wording I was going to use. I was going to say, "(insert name here) wants to stop (insert substance here). Help them to stop!" Death is certainly a way to get someone to stop. With this realization I'm now a bit too scared to do any workings. But I also feel guilty for not doing the spell. What if it could have helped them stay alive? I guess I'll never really know, but if I had done the spell and they died... Oh my Lord.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune This was a powerful thought for me. It's not about being happy or "real" but to address your inner darkness and call it friend, not your enemy.
That was huge for me too. I follow some other spiritual teachers who do the “always think positive” thing and it makes me feel bad. But hellooo I’m a Scorpio moon 😅I wonder if there is a video around here that deep dives on that particular topic?
This was amazing! It's awesome that your family supported what you were reading. When I was 3rd/4th grade I was interested in crime families of Chicago and NY, parapsychology, and other topics. When I would bring books home from the library, my mom would get mad at me and take them back. She would also get so embarrassed. Just made me more interested.
What a fabulous video! I can relate to so much of what you say. I grew up with an insatiable hunger for horror films, sci-fi, true crime, gothic literature, and human tragedy -- and to be honest those interests are still intact! As a somatic therapist I really flashed on what you say about how we can redirect the "darker" energies of anger, violence, and fear -- not only sending them outward to where they might be useful, but letting them circulate freely within our body. It's a very powerful way of getting back pieces of yourself that may have been lost along the way due to trauma or difficult experiences.... Thank you for making such a rich and honest video.
This was so much fun. I am one of those people who is kind of always doing magic with my imagination, but there is a delineation. All my worries don't manifest. Rather, my magic is fueled by deep want and aching, which is sometimes due to pain and worry, other times due to excitement. So rather than my worries being self-sabotage, I use them to guide my magic to reframe my thoughts and to plead with my guides to teach me better alternatives. "I always get what I need." That's my blanket spell.
Man, I relate to this video so hard! I've been obsessed with the macabre and the taboo since childhood. My mother was an extreme catholic fundamentalist type, and she was 100 percent convinced that I was a demon. She voiced it on numerous occasions! So that definitely was a hurdle. When you brought up your feelings on blasphemy it was like a light went on! I had never understood why I was so into it. I'm still into all things shadow and I am super grateful for my husband who accepts and listens to my interests even though he doesn't share them. He did, however, draw the line on me hanging my Beksinski print over the bed! 😂 😂 Thank you again for another amazing and enlightening video.
Kelly-Ann, I feel so bad that teachers treated you that way in school-I am a public school teacher now and was always goaded by students for being “dark” and “a school shooter” for wearing black and bringing tarot cards to school and had a couple of teachers who were a safe space for me and my friends. It sucks that some adults are so close-minded.
Really enjoyed hearing you talk about these topics. As someone who has had mental health issues and an interest in the darker aspects of humanity since my teens I have often wondered about the interplay between the two for myself. Jung has definitely been instrumental in me being able to cope when my own thoughts make me pause and say "wtf, where did that come from?!" Lol There's also a quote that I see ever so often on the internet that goes along the lines of: it's not the first thought that tells us who we are but the 2nd one afterwards that defines us. That's really helped me stop from doom spiraling from intrusive thoughts. I've noticed a pull towards the darker aspects in my own spirituality and recently because interested in death witchcraft and thought about becoming an End of Life Doula.
Wow, that quote about the first and second thought is amazing. 👏 End of life doula work is absolutely admirable. ❤️ I have had the privilege of working with a few people who do this exceptional work and I am always humbled to hear about it.
This made me remember a project a friend and I did for school where we gave a presentation on the physical process of death. (We had to use an audio/visual element and I really wanted to use a clip from the movie Flatliners!) Our teacher seemed to have no issue with our macabre presentation and we got a good grade. However, the following year my friend turned in the written report from that presentation for extra credit in another class and ended up being sent to the school psychologist and having the school contact her parents. In the end it was funny because she had to come clean about attempting to recycle homework for extra credit to prove she wasn't suicidal!
I'm a massive scaredy cat so I have to be very selective about what I consume. I do find the human shadow interesting but I can't delve too deeply into it. This was a very interesting video, thank you!
I loved this! My entire life my interests have revolved around the shadowy aspects of life. I was fascinated with death ( I am a medium and thought that was the reason ), ghosts, demons, the dying process. When I was a kid, around 11, I read my mom’s book “ the minds of billy Milligan “ and it lead me to being fascinated with D.I.D which I researched for half a year and later, I became fascinated with cults and how people are programmed and also the deprogramming process. I read about serial killers trying to understand the human psyche. I found it helped me to be really in touch with my empathy. I found it so difficult to see anyone in pain and I think that drove my interests in the hidden and also overt behaviours of pathological minds. I wanted the “ why”. I am most definitely the black sheep in my family and those deeper and difficult subjects are very much taboo so this was truly a deep exhale for me. ❤
Even in law of assumption communities there are ppl saying "you make your rules. You can intend that your bad thoughts have nothing to do with manifestation"
As someone who struggled as a kid/teenager with scary deep dark depression and trauma, I have definitely flirted with the darkness, and there was a period of time that it swallowed me up. I am unsure, but a family member is convinced that I awakened a frightening spirit in her home during that dark period. I distanced myself from spirituality in general for a bit, but am healing and finally beginning to reconnect. I also have been working through the indoctrination of Christianity, and all of the fear that comes with it. I finally set up my altar again and had the most beautiful spiritual experience with a spirit guide. I thank you for your honesty and frankness.
I LOVED this! I have also always been really interested in dark things. I grew up in a haunted house (which is a huge story not suitable to TH-cam comments lol), so ghosts have always been my #1. But honestly the last few years I've really developed an interest not only in true crime, but specifically in learning about cults. What makes a cult leader so charismatic? How can you spot a cult? I also absolutely love horror, of course, and recently got into Junji Ito. I think the hardest thing for me is any violence against animals in horror movies. I love them but there is just something about violence against animals that triggers me hardcore.
I understand. I am vegan and I struggle with taking on any information about violence against animals. It makes me feel utterly hopeless. Ugh. But of course I had to learn about it to then realise I wanted to be vegan.
@@kelly-annmaddox Yes! I totally understand this. I'm edging closer to becoming vegetarian - I'm kind of getting to the point where if I can't fathom actually doing my own hunting, I am not sure I should be a meat eater
I loved this so much. Such a great and original topic to discuss at this time. I'm a scorpio ascendant and definitely think that I have always had a fascination with films depicting killers, it was the psychological side of it that was so interesting for me. I think more recently as I've been watching murderer documentaries etc I have been considering some of the topics you bring up and it absolutely is very interesting to discuss. Shadow work is so important for me so I loved this. 🙏xx
Hi K-A i just watched your latest video about Spells, which lead to a bad thoughs video and to this one. Well i'm glad i watched this because i feel sometimes indeed weird (my own judgment of myself) because of similar interests. Since childhood before the internet (yeah i'm a 'youngish' crone 🙂) I was for instance always on the side of the baddies in dark vampires movies. Horror films and books, topics about death, serial killers, mental illnesses, even degenerative illnesses, the darker side of life, of humanity and the psyche, etc....have always had my interest. Some people refuse to even mention such topics as if they don't exist or happen. I find that curious to look at one side of life through rose tinted glasses only. Blessed be.
Love this. I relate a lot to all of this. I remember one of the earliest books I was obsessed with was my Roman Catholic grandfather had a book on demons. I borrowed it all of the time.
Loved this video. Lots of food for thought. I'm a devotee of Hel and she often encourages me to challenge and develop my relationship with death, this video really gave me some eureka moments regarding that. Much love Kelly ❤️
Darker content that exposes the heavy and unspoken realities of life -- makes me feel understood in a way that's hard to describe. But it's cool for me because I enjoy being deeply uncomfortable + profoundly comforted _(preferably at the same time)_
I think also, especially for women who are so often targets of violence, that an interest in true crime or serial killers can have a very educational and protective aspect. there is a value in being informed about how predators hunt so you can try to keep yourself safer.
Thank you for being open and honest about stuff that some people are terrified of, I think you're amazing! I agree and think not embracing ones own "darkness" causes problems. I agreed with everything and it's was so wonderful to "meet" someone so much like me! I am so grateful I came across this video, I don't feel as alone and different! 🥰
Thank you for being so honest about yourself concerning self harm & psychosis. I've experienced both as well. My psychosis made me so interested in the brain & how it makes up the hallucinations that can be experienced. I've done a lot of research about it but there isn't as much as I'd like there to be. I'd really like to talk to a doctor about my experiences & see if they could explain it to me in detail. I'd also like a brain scan to see what areas are talking to eachother. I love true crime because it's something that takes my mind off my trauma & allows me to see others. I really live differently now as to be safer. I'm much more interested in the darkness due to my experiences & I'm okay with it. It's given me a whole new perspective. Thank you so much for being vulnerable & a bad ass! XX 💙
effin hell,, thank you so much for presenting this subject matter to us // this is resonating in a way that makes me wanna continue re-embracing the parts of me that are legit fascinated by death/mortality, viscera, serial killers, depravity and the darker aspects of witchhood-in-theory - there came a point when i began to become concerned with my interests down these murked out lanes and i attempted to disassociate from the material and conjecture but, through my deepening journey, i’ve been giving myself little doses, just breadcrumbing my way back to enjoying these parts of my psyche and the human experience
I’ve never heard this subject discussed so respectfully and thoroughly. I was a 90’s goth in my teens and I was misdiagnosed with and treated for a lot of psychological disorders when I actually had CPTSD. I am both triggered by and avoidant of certain types of darkness, and entranced and immersive by other types of darkness.
We have similar childhood experiences. Not sure if you had it in the UK, but I lived on The Crime Library website in the early 2000s. I love this video for its presentation of the macabre as a matter-of-fact part of life for many. ❤
I just started listening so I don't know if you mention it later on but Morbid Magic by Tomas Prowler is FANTASTIC. I just wanted to post that before I forgot.. return to the video now lol.
It’s so interesting the journey we all go on with this. I’ve always been the one fascinated with a certain amount of darkness (“abnormal” psychology and true crime mostly) to the point that my old roommate has me in her phone as Doomsday cause I always had a morbid fact related to any topic of conversation. Then suddenly one day I couldn’t handle it, my sensitivity tipped over to where I couldn’t consume any story without fully empathizing to the point that it would deeply poison my psyche and I was miserable. That has softened somewhat, I still don’t seek it out but occasionally I’ll be gripped again and allow myself to read up on something horrible. The problem is that that often happens at night and as I age I realize that I cannot sacrifice sleep and have any hope for sanity. Currently I’m struggling with the crowd crush incident in Korea and have lost most of the week’s sleep. Korean friends haven’t gotten back to me on whether they knew anyone there which hasn’t helped though I also feel horrible for impulsively asking! So I have to be really careful with how much news I read, I want to be informed but the impact can be so deep and I never know what’s going to hit… As always I just love you for where you choose to go with these videos- you are a unique treasure.
This was a great discussion topic. I love heavy metal and hard rock and have been into the occult since I was a teenager and have often felt misunderstood when I was younger because of those interests. I’m not into serial killers or true crime at all, but I can understand the impulse for some people to try to understand what is behind someone doing those things. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Your videos are just so authentic and thought-full and thought-provoking. I can relate to so much of this. My interest and sometimes obsession with human suffering started in early grade school...I was shocked by how humans could (and would!) so profoundly hurt others. I wanted to understand why people were cruel, why some people seemed to thrive on violence, if these "bad" tendencies were everywhere or isolated, how I could stay away from "evil" but still know enough about it to flee or fight if I ever encountered it. While other friends enjoyed playing house or dolls or board games (and I enjoyed those too sometimes), even my play was centered on "darker" themes. I had a couple of friends who wanted to roleplay that we were youngsters evading Nazi soldiers by hiding in attics or young children of color passing through a cemetery to find the next stop on the underground railroad. It sounds morbid to those who don't have the same desire to really pry into the human psyche, but these friends and I were deeply interested in why people do what they do and in how we could both protect ourselves and help others. Like you, I also cannot turn off my empathy when learning or exploring these things and must sometimes limit my explorations to appropriate time, place, and occasion...but I am still fascinated with things related to human suffering which others sometimes label strange or taboo. I've been watching all of your videos for a couple of years now...mostly lurking in the shadows while appreciating your take on them. 🙂 You've inspired me to do a little shadow work of my own in the coming year...and I can't wait to see where THAT goes. Thank you for the time, energy, thought, care, and love that you pour into the content you create. You are amazing! ❤️
Really enjoyed this. I think i have a little embarrassment about my own private fascination with the dark side. Ive always had interest in topics of human suffering, environmental catastrophe, war etc - I didnt enjoy it but I wanted to know about it, because from the age of 3 I had experienced trauma. In my teens it was the supernatural and occult that became my obsession but also my lifeline. Ive come to realise that exploring these subjects is probably my search for human endurance, resiliance and compassion - because in the dark places these beautiful qualities are the beacons that say "you too can overcome". Its not always there I know. Knowing the potential of real destructive disgusting human behaviour I feel its easier to look at my own inner darkness and deal with it somewhat healthily
Reminds me of the opening line of Judith Hermans Trauma & Recovery -THE ORDINARY RESPONSE TO ATROCITIES is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable. Atrocities, however, refuse to be buried.
I love this video, I love your content. It makes me feel like it is ok to feel the way I do at times. Thanks for being so damn vulnerable all the fucking time.
I am my own worst enemy. I also have a very clear connection with my bestfriend that past away many years ago. She comes to me in my dreams and I am grateful for the time with her but it's takes so much out of me and I very often cry because I miss her so much. Death is just part of life but it is something that I am interested in as well. Your not alone darling. 🖤🖤🖤
@@kelly-annmaddox It has been a great loss but she showed me how she died in a repetitive dream. Her family told me an total difference story at the time of her death. I went to them many times until finally I told her brother about my dream and I was correct down to the finest detail. Her other brother Mark was not a the funeral but in my dream he was there when she died. He killed her with a drug overdose of methamphetamine. He is now schizophrenic and has been for years. It drove him crazy that she died at his hand. The last dream I had and I have had so many, she was heading to London. The queen was being buried the next day but she didn't tell me why she was going there, I just knew. She waits for me if there is such a thing. But she waits anyway. It's the only thing that makes me hope there is something after this life. So we wait and wait.
This video is perfect for Scorpio season! I heard you say the word amateur and thought no no no. I've been one of your lucky clients to benefit from how you met me in a dark, difficult time and used your intuition, psychological skills to help me hear wisdom from the cards.
Thoughts are with you, Kelly Ann, during this hard time pertaining to your brother's inquest. May you find the strength to get through. I am interested in some shadowy things. After my Aunt died in August I did research on embalming and body preparation. It still freaks me out, but I wanted to know. I listen to ASMR true crime videos, I have intesrest in studying mental health problems especially Cluster B mental illnesses, etc.
I have long been fascinated by many of these subjects but was encouaged to deny that, growing up, by a puritanical surrounding culture as well as extremely rigid and fearful parents... I'm fascinated by the Death Positive Movement and the notion of the good death, for example, but in my household we were not allowed to say the word 'death' or have any books etc that had the word visible where others could see it. I'm fascinated by very intense and macabre art... and how we discuss MANY deep dark things and their socio-cultural components or causes. Un-doing the (taught) fear that has dominated upbringing and family is a slow and painstaking journey. One thing I will note though is that it's also important to have an awareness of how I process information - I am autistic and I can't watch horror films/tv or listen to ghost stories. I can barely even read ghost stories because I have a very active audio-visual imagination and am prone to nightmares/night terrors/sleep paralysis. But I also just can't watch tv or movies generally and even ridiculous comedy can make me worry about it's characters feelings... so it's an audio-visual sensory input issue, not a topical one necessarily. As a result, I pursue information though articles that don't include video components. I look for academic books or podcasts etc. I practice awareness of my sensory limitations with documentaries and reserve the right to press pause and stop watching. It's one of the key ways I can do the work of integrating shadow while also practicing self-regulation. This was a phenomenal and conscientiously expressed video Kelly-Ann. 🧡🧡🧡
I loved this video - this all makes so much sense for you and your gifts (or at least what I perceive of you and your beautiful gifts!) Thank you for your vulnerability and for caring so much about the human collective - striving to unearth and understand the shadowy untamed parts of us is not for the faint of heart. And I suspect we have never been more in need of excavation at this level. 🥰 xo
I loved this. The timing was perfect! I was asking myself so many of these questions last night after a prolonged journey into the shadows of our world and feeling like maybe I’d stayed a little too long. I could listen to you talk about these topics for ages, so fascinating.
Thank you so much Kelly-Ann. This is something I've been worrying about for myself lately. I dont subscribe to the "only love and light" ideal within the spiritual community but I still have wondered if I'm abnormal for having some of the intrusive violent thoughts that I have occasionally. They scare me. But then I think about it and I know if never actually act on them. But I worry that it will lead to that one day. I've always just pushed these thoughts away. Would you recommend journaling for helping with facing these thoughts in a healthy way rather than pushing them to the side? Idk I just dont want to keep pushing them into the dark where they can fester and mold
Bloody brilliant 👏 thanks for this ❤️🩹. PS: In keeping with your advice about remembering those heroes that are important to remember and burn🕯for. When you said that I immediately knew I should mention author Margaret Killjoy's new podcast made specifically for that reason🤍. She named it "Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff". I highly recommend it and I think you'd be a perfect guest for the podcast as well 💯%. Blessed Be 👻
I have some mental health issues which stems from my brain injury I do find myself obsessing about the human body as well as dying yes it does scare me but it’s a medical fascination because I almost died at 7 I tell almost everyone I am the Phoenix and that the old me is dead.
This video totally makes me realize i am good in these topics that make everyone feel super bad. Thanks to ayahuasca and plain utter fascination for hidden dark strange collective unconscious issues, equally fascinated by columbine mostly bc whar does it really say abt the collective unconscious? Not at all jung related, i remember doing ayahuasca so many times i saw what i can't unsee, if i can help with my faculties to deep dive in that stuff... id be really happy to. 💜
Kelly-Ann this was awesome! Your honesty and transparency is so appreciated. I absolutely enjoyed every nanosecond of this video. Thank you so much for sharing, teaching and enlightening. ✨🖤✨
Top-notch, Kelly! I really love the intro bit. 💜 The Shadow has also intrigued me for a long time as well. It reminds me of when I was younger. My mom had this book called "America's Worst Serial Killers" - it was a black & red hardcover book with plastic wrapped around it. Of course, it was a really big book and I didn't think I had time to read through everything. And eventually, the book got lost I think. I was pretty young with that core memory - maybe 13 or 14. I even made an original character named Messa, who is corrupted by her shadow (a virus that infected her mind through electronic devices), similar to a split-personality thing. Her split is named IRIS (which is also the virus's name), and she makes my character do awful things (but doesn't remember after waking). It's a very interesting concept. 😊
@@kelly-annmaddox Thank you so much! 💜 I'm still working on her story, but it goes a lot deeper. Imagine being sent an electronic tablet for digital art, by an organization called M.E.T.A. (short for Malicious Electromagnetic Tech Anomalies). The organization's all shadow aspect - wanting to show that humans are feeble and only good for conflict (war, death/murder, r*pe, all shadowy stuff). META had been watching Messa for a while before sending her the tablet, and saw she's a strong individual so they use her as a conduit for IRIS. I'm super excited to keep working on it. 😊
There is nothing inherently wrong or shocking in anything you have said. I can relate to every bit of it. Some folks can't relate but you speak my language.
yes - on "will bad thoughts make bad things happen" - I mean, imagine how many dead ex spouses there would be if this were true. sometimes you are upset and you think about someone getting hit by a bus or whatever because they are just this source of anger and pain for you that you want to go away. and you think those thoughts, it's okay, it's normal, it doesn't make you a bad person. and then time passes and your feelings shift and you move into your new normal and you don't need the comfort of that fantasy anymore. hopefully. and if things don't shift and the person or situation continues to be a throbbing source of anger and pain, you probably need it more than ever. I can look back on things I thought about when my ex was having a baby with someone else and look at the reality of my child's 10 year old half sister now and feel completely differently but still ok about having allowed myself to have those thoughts.
I resonate so strongly with this video. I believe I fell in love with all things dark out of my need to understand myself. Starting with my fucked up childhood.I’m also fascinated by the unknown or things others refuse to talk about and why. I also was obsessed with the titanic asa child. Also ghosts. I remember seeing a photo of the brown woman I think they called her…I know they call it the most famous photo of a ghost. I was hooked.I also had a fascination for vampires. I loved all things Stephen king and Edgar Allan Poe as well.Still love a lot of these things. Love rock,metal…still do. Love the dark. Horror movies. Even my spiritual life…I am attracted to what some deem darker. PS did you receive Mary in the mail? Much love.🙏🏼
Fascinating stuff. Yes, I am intrigued by the unknown too. The mysteries, no matter how unsure they make my footing in this life.. I just opened her yesterday so hadn't had time to email you yet, so sorry! The card is sitting on my altar. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I fucking loved this video! I'm definitely going to be re-watching to take notes. Such an interesting and relatable topic 🖤 And is that a Lush perfume on your Hel altar? I'd love to know which one it is ✨️
I am definitely in touch with my dark side. I have always been fascinated by the darker aspects of history as a kid I would read up on the tower of London, especially all the gory stories. True crime is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, I always want to try and understand why some people choose to carry out such things. I always wondered whether part of it was my upbringing and being made to look at magazines of the world ending and people being killed by god was the reason for my interest in such things.
OMFG yesss, my dad lived just down the road from the Tower of London and he would take us to Traitor's Gate and tell us that they used to put heads on spikes there and I was like 'whaaat?!' 😅 Old time London was savage!
I really have fascination with behavioural and forensic science. I love the detective work that goes into “understanding” why people do what they do. But I have mileage in “darker” side of life. I have always been fearful of psychological illness because Family struggle with mental health - I’m fearful of loss of control of my mental state. But I feel that a lot of people who work with spirits/psychic walk that line (IMO) From a really young age anything to do with the world wars -any war- triggers a physical reaction and I struggle to get through. Especially concentration camps and torture. I can’t deal Interesting topic 😊
I also had parents who were interested in true crime so researching that shadowy psyche stuff has always been normalised for me. I’m so glad you went there in this video - I found your discussion fascinating! I have mental health shit going on too and I do think that I’m drawn to those darker topics as a way to make sense of my own struggles.
Thank you for your honesty. I know someone who is a Catholic and her views and ethics remain unexamined, as she is visually blind, she feels that life owes her a living, and she can get away with things like cheating on her husband. A catholic thinks it is Ok to do that, but a dark witch examines every funkin aspect of life. Who is the one with the values and ethics? If people want to live on the surface and make themselves believe they are good people, I am not having a bar of it. If her husband cheated on her, I can understand the revenge. She refuses to be open about the cheating and ask for an open relationship to test things out, and she refuses to tell herself and her husband what she did. She refuses to end the marriage because of financial and security reasons. She is basically using her husband to appear married. This is NOT looking at the Shadow, this is superficial bullshit from someone who acts nice on the surface. She has used her being blind as a way to use people including me, where she has found duplicitous ways to take advantage of me, and gaslights me. She has taken advantage of me as a single mum, and financially poorer than her. I hope her husband finds out about her man. I can tell him if I want to. He has issues with self esteem and most likely has autism, and I feel he deserves better than this in life. If I say anything the shit will hit the fan. Take her denial of the ethical problem with what she does to the large scale arena of human injustice, where atrocity is denied and people turn their eyes away, and you get the problems we face in the world today and always. Bravo to seekers who are honest about their feelings and curiosities, who face up to the Shadow, who seek psychological growth, no matter how painful it is. This video inspired me to write this.
As for not wanting to get freaked out in the middle of the night by random sounds. I would say get a cat. Ever since I got a cat I can blame every single mysterious sound on her haha
I'm sorry for your loss.....Thank you for creating this video. I really needed to hear this message at this time. I'm currently working through a dark night of the soul and doing shadow work. I love the part about letting the dark stuff come up and feeling into it, exploring it.
Absolutely loved this video, and it really resonates with me. As a little kid I enjoyed watching murder mysteries with my parents (they were tame, think Agatha Christie) and was about 10 years old when I first saw a documentary about forensic science. I became obsessed with true crime, crime fiction and procedural crime shows. I also, for as long as I can remember was obsessed with witches. (So many books on witches, my mum was very open to my interests, thanks mum) and in my early teens discovered the occult and all things spook. I too have struggled with depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts and attempts, particularly in my teens. I never worried about my interest in death, and darkness, but at the same time have anxiety about violence and horrible stuff, and am a pacifist, with deep belief in healing and care, not pain or destruction. I listened to a fascinating podcast about the psychology of enjoying fear (such as horror films, roller coasters etc) and an interest in the dark or morbid. podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/morbid-a-true-crime-podcast/id1379959217?i=1000450658314 Highly recommend it if you haven’t come across it before.
I had collected some hair from a good friend of mine who was struggling with substance abuse but was trying to get clean. I was going to use the hair for a poppet to help them in that journey... But my schedule became incredibly busy. A couple weeks went by and I just never got around to making the poppet.
Well, my friend ended up dying. It was awful and it's still awful. The main paint to this story is that I thought to myself, "I'm so glad that I didn't do that working!" I definitely would have partially blamed myself because of the wording I was going to use. I was going to say, "(insert name here) wants to stop (insert substance here). Help them to stop!"
Death is certainly a way to get someone to stop. With this realization I'm now a bit too scared to do any workings.
But I also feel guilty for not doing the spell. What if it could have helped them stay alive? I guess I'll never really know, but if I had done the spell and they died... Oh my Lord.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune
This was a powerful thought for me. It's not about being happy or "real" but to address your inner darkness and call it friend, not your enemy.
Your perspective on bad thoughts making bad things happen is enlightening thank you.
That was huge for me too. I follow some other spiritual teachers who do the “always think positive” thing and it makes me feel bad. But hellooo I’m a Scorpio moon 😅I wonder if there is a video around here that deep dives on that particular topic?
This was amazing! It's awesome that your family supported what you were reading. When I was 3rd/4th grade I was interested in crime families of Chicago and NY, parapsychology, and other topics. When I would bring books home from the library, my mom would get mad at me and take them back. She would also get so embarrassed. Just made me more interested.
Hehe, yeah, the forbidden fruit effect - why is it that so few vocally disapproving parents don't think about that? 🤔 😄
What a fabulous video! I can relate to so much of what you say. I grew up with an insatiable hunger for horror films, sci-fi, true crime, gothic literature, and human tragedy -- and to be honest those interests are still intact! As a somatic therapist I really flashed on what you say about how we can redirect the "darker" energies of anger, violence, and fear -- not only sending them outward to where they might be useful, but letting them circulate freely within our body. It's a very powerful way of getting back pieces of yourself that may have been lost along the way due to trauma or difficult experiences.... Thank you for making such a rich and honest video.
Wow thank you so much for sharing this video
This was so much fun. I am one of those people who is kind of always doing magic with my imagination, but there is a delineation. All my worries don't manifest. Rather, my magic is fueled by deep want and aching, which is sometimes due to pain and worry, other times due to excitement. So rather than my worries being self-sabotage, I use them to guide my magic to reframe my thoughts and to plead with my guides to teach me better alternatives. "I always get what I need." That's my blanket spell.
Man, I relate to this video so hard! I've been obsessed with the macabre and the taboo since childhood. My mother was an extreme catholic fundamentalist type, and she was 100 percent convinced that I was a demon. She voiced it on numerous occasions! So that definitely was a hurdle. When you brought up your feelings on blasphemy it was like a light went on! I had never understood why I was so into it. I'm still into all things shadow and I am super grateful for my husband who accepts and listens to my interests even though he doesn't share them. He did, however, draw the line on me hanging my Beksinski print over the bed! 😂 😂 Thank you again for another amazing and enlightening video.
Wow. It's a hard thing to defy that conditioning from upbringing and stsy true to your interests. 💗 You should be proud of yourself.
Kelly-Ann, I feel so bad that teachers treated you that way in school-I am a public school teacher now and was always goaded by students for being “dark” and “a school shooter” for wearing black and bringing tarot cards to school and had a couple of teachers who were a safe space for me and my friends. It sucks that some adults are so close-minded.
Really enjoyed hearing you talk about these topics. As someone who has had mental health issues and an interest in the darker aspects of humanity since my teens I have often wondered about the interplay between the two for myself. Jung has definitely been instrumental in me being able to cope when my own thoughts make me pause and say "wtf, where did that come from?!" Lol There's also a quote that I see ever so often on the internet that goes along the lines of: it's not the first thought that tells us who we are but the 2nd one afterwards that defines us. That's really helped me stop from doom spiraling from intrusive thoughts. I've noticed a pull towards the darker aspects in my own spirituality and recently because interested in death witchcraft and thought about becoming an End of Life Doula.
Wow, that quote about the first and second thought is amazing. 👏
End of life doula work is absolutely admirable. ❤️ I have had the privilege of working with a few people who do this exceptional work and I am always humbled to hear about it.
This made me remember a project a friend and I did for school where we gave a presentation on the physical process of death. (We had to use an audio/visual element and I really wanted to use a clip from the movie Flatliners!) Our teacher seemed to have no issue with our macabre presentation and we got a good grade. However, the following year my friend turned in the written report from that presentation for extra credit in another class and ended up being sent to the school psychologist and having the school contact her parents. In the end it was funny because she had to come clean about attempting to recycle homework for extra credit to prove she wasn't suicidal!
I'm a massive scaredy cat so I have to be very selective about what I consume. I do find the human shadow interesting but I can't delve too deeply into it. This was a very interesting video, thank you!
I loved this! My entire life my interests have revolved around the shadowy aspects of life. I was fascinated with death ( I am a medium and thought that was the reason ), ghosts, demons, the dying process. When I was a kid, around 11, I read my mom’s book “ the minds of billy Milligan “ and it lead me to being fascinated with D.I.D which I researched for half a year and later, I became fascinated with cults and how people are programmed and also the deprogramming process. I read about serial killers trying to understand the human psyche. I found it helped me to be really in touch with my empathy. I found it so difficult to see anyone in pain and I think that drove my interests in the hidden and also overt behaviours of pathological minds. I wanted the “ why”. I am most definitely the black sheep in my family and those deeper and difficult subjects are very much taboo so this was truly a deep exhale for me. ❤
I totally feel that same way, about needing to know the “why”!
Even in law of assumption communities there are ppl saying "you make your rules. You can intend that your bad thoughts have nothing to do with manifestation"
As someone who struggled as a kid/teenager with scary deep dark depression and trauma, I have definitely flirted with the darkness, and there was a period of time that it swallowed me up. I am unsure, but a family member is convinced that I awakened a frightening spirit in her home during that dark period. I distanced myself from spirituality in general for a bit, but am healing and finally beginning to reconnect. I also have been working through the indoctrination of Christianity, and all of the fear that comes with it. I finally set up my altar again and had the most beautiful spiritual experience with a spirit guide.
I thank you for your honesty and frankness.
I LOVED this! I have also always been really interested in dark things. I grew up in a haunted house (which is a huge story not suitable to TH-cam comments lol), so ghosts have always been my #1. But honestly the last few years I've really developed an interest not only in true crime, but specifically in learning about cults. What makes a cult leader so charismatic? How can you spot a cult?
I also absolutely love horror, of course, and recently got into Junji Ito. I think the hardest thing for me is any violence against animals in horror movies. I love them but there is just something about violence against animals that triggers me hardcore.
I understand. I am vegan and I struggle with taking on any information about violence against animals. It makes me feel utterly hopeless. Ugh. But of course I had to learn about it to then realise I wanted to be vegan.
@@kelly-annmaddox Yes! I totally understand this. I'm edging closer to becoming vegetarian - I'm kind of getting to the point where if I can't fathom actually doing my own hunting, I am not sure I should be a meat eater
I loved this so much. Such a great and original topic to discuss at this time. I'm a scorpio ascendant and definitely think that I have always had a fascination with films depicting killers, it was the psychological side of it that was so interesting for me. I think more recently as I've been watching murderer documentaries etc I have been considering some of the topics you bring up and it absolutely is very interesting to discuss. Shadow work is so important for me so I loved this. 🙏xx
Hi K-A i just watched your latest video about Spells, which lead to a bad thoughs video and to this one. Well i'm glad i watched this because i feel sometimes indeed weird (my own judgment of myself) because of similar interests. Since childhood before the internet (yeah i'm a 'youngish' crone 🙂) I was for instance always on the side of the baddies in dark vampires movies. Horror films and books, topics about death, serial killers, mental illnesses, even degenerative illnesses, the darker side of life, of humanity and the psyche, etc....have always had my interest. Some people refuse to even mention such topics as if they don't exist or happen. I find that curious to look at one side of life through rose tinted glasses only. Blessed be.
Love this. I relate a lot to all of this. I remember one of the earliest books I was obsessed with was my Roman Catholic grandfather had a book on demons. I borrowed it all of the time.
😍😍😍 Excellent book to borrow from grandfather's library. 😈
Loved this video. Lots of food for thought. I'm a devotee of Hel and she often encourages me to challenge and develop my relationship with death, this video really gave me some eureka moments regarding that. Much love Kelly ❤️
Darker content that exposes the heavy and unspoken realities of life --
makes me feel understood in a way that's hard to describe.
But it's cool for me because I enjoy being deeply uncomfortable
+ profoundly comforted
_(preferably at the same time)_
Thank you
I think also, especially for women who are so often targets of violence, that an interest in true crime or serial killers can have a very educational and protective aspect. there is a value in being informed about how predators hunt so you can try to keep yourself safer.
Thank you for being open and honest about stuff that some people are terrified of, I think you're amazing! I agree and think not embracing ones own "darkness" causes problems. I agreed with everything and it's was so wonderful to "meet" someone so much like me! I am so grateful I came across this video, I don't feel as alone and different! 🥰
Thank you for being so honest about yourself concerning self harm & psychosis. I've experienced both as well. My psychosis made me so interested in the brain & how it makes up the hallucinations that can be experienced. I've done a lot of research about it but there isn't as much as I'd like there to be. I'd really like to talk to a doctor about my experiences & see if they could explain it to me in detail. I'd also like a brain scan to see what areas are talking to eachother. I love true crime because it's something that takes my mind off my trauma & allows me to see others. I really live differently now as to be safer. I'm much more interested in the darkness due to my experiences & I'm okay with it. It's given me a whole new perspective. Thank you so much for being vulnerable & a bad ass! XX 💙
This is different, & I LOVE it. Thank you! 🤩
Yesss, thank you! x
effin hell,, thank you so much for presenting this subject matter to us // this is resonating in a way that makes me wanna continue re-embracing the parts of me that are legit fascinated by death/mortality, viscera, serial killers, depravity and the darker aspects of witchhood-in-theory -
there came a point when i began to become concerned with my interests down these murked out lanes and i attempted to disassociate from the material and conjecture but, through my deepening journey, i’ve been giving myself little doses, just breadcrumbing my way back to enjoying these parts of my psyche and the human experience
This may very well be my favourite video you've made. There's so much deep relatable stuff in here. Wow. Thank you 🌹
🙏❤️✨️🤩
I’ve never heard this subject discussed so respectfully and thoroughly. I was a 90’s goth in my teens and I was misdiagnosed with and treated for a lot of psychological disorders when I actually had CPTSD. I am both triggered by and avoidant of certain types of darkness, and entranced and immersive by other types of darkness.
We have similar childhood experiences. Not sure if you had it in the UK, but I lived on The Crime Library website in the early 2000s. I love this video for its presentation of the macabre as a matter-of-fact part of life for many. ❤
I just started listening so I don't know if you mention it later on but Morbid Magic by Tomas Prowler is FANTASTIC.
I just wanted to post that before I forgot.. return to the video now lol.
It’s so interesting the journey we all go on with this. I’ve always been the one fascinated with a certain amount of darkness (“abnormal” psychology and true crime mostly) to the point that my old roommate has me in her phone as Doomsday cause I always had a morbid fact related to any topic of conversation. Then suddenly one day I couldn’t handle it, my sensitivity tipped over to where I couldn’t consume any story without fully empathizing to the point that it would deeply poison my psyche and I was miserable. That has softened somewhat, I still don’t seek it out but occasionally I’ll be gripped again and allow myself to read up on something horrible. The problem is that that often happens at night and as I age I realize that I cannot sacrifice sleep and have any hope for sanity. Currently I’m struggling with the crowd crush incident in Korea and have lost most of the week’s sleep. Korean friends haven’t gotten back to me on whether they knew anyone there which hasn’t helped though I also feel horrible for impulsively asking! So I have to be really careful with how much news I read, I want to be informed but the impact can be so deep and I never know what’s going to hit…
As always I just love you for where you choose to go with these videos- you are a unique treasure.
This was a great discussion topic. I love heavy metal and hard rock and have been into the occult since I was a teenager and have often felt misunderstood when I was younger because of those interests. I’m not into serial killers or true crime at all, but I can understand the impulse for some people to try to understand what is behind someone doing those things. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Your videos are just so authentic and thought-full and thought-provoking. I can relate to so much of this. My interest and sometimes obsession with human suffering started in early grade school...I was shocked by how humans could (and would!) so profoundly hurt others. I wanted to understand why people were cruel, why some people seemed to thrive on violence, if these "bad" tendencies were everywhere or isolated, how I could stay away from "evil" but still know enough about it to flee or fight if I ever encountered it.
While other friends enjoyed playing house or dolls or board games (and I enjoyed those too sometimes), even my play was centered on "darker" themes. I had a couple of friends who wanted to roleplay that we were youngsters evading Nazi soldiers by hiding in attics or young children of color passing through a cemetery to find the next stop on the underground railroad. It sounds morbid to those who don't have the same desire to really pry into the human psyche, but these friends and I were deeply interested in why people do what they do and in how we could both protect ourselves and help others.
Like you, I also cannot turn off my empathy when learning or exploring these things and must sometimes limit my explorations to appropriate time, place, and occasion...but I am still fascinated with things related to human suffering which others sometimes label strange or taboo.
I've been watching all of your videos for a couple of years now...mostly lurking in the shadows while appreciating your take on them. 🙂 You've inspired me to do a little shadow work of my own in the coming year...and I can't wait to see where THAT goes.
Thank you for the time, energy, thought, care, and love that you pour into the content you create. You are amazing! ❤️
Really enjoyed this. I think i have a little embarrassment about my own private fascination with the dark side. Ive always had interest in topics of human suffering, environmental catastrophe, war etc - I didnt enjoy it but I wanted to know about it, because from the age of 3 I had experienced trauma. In my teens it was the supernatural and occult that became my obsession but also my lifeline. Ive come to realise that exploring these subjects is probably my search for human endurance, resiliance and compassion - because in the dark places these beautiful qualities are the beacons that say "you too can overcome". Its not always there I know. Knowing the potential of real destructive disgusting human behaviour I feel its easier to look at my own inner darkness and deal with it somewhat healthily
Reminds me of the opening line of Judith Hermans Trauma & Recovery -THE ORDINARY RESPONSE TO ATROCITIES is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable. Atrocities, however, refuse to be buried.
I love this video, I love your content. It makes me feel like it is ok to feel the way I do at times. Thanks for being so damn vulnerable all the fucking time.
🥰🥰🥰
I am my own worst enemy. I also have a very clear connection with my bestfriend that past away many years ago. She comes to me in my dreams and I am grateful for the time with her but it's takes so much out of me and I very often cry because I miss her so much. Death is just part of life but it is something that I am interested in as well. Your not alone darling. 🖤🖤🖤
I'm so sorry for your great loss, darling. ❤️❤️❤️
@@kelly-annmaddox It has been a great loss but she showed me how she died in a repetitive dream. Her family told me an total difference story at the time of her death. I went to them many times until finally I told her brother about my dream and I was correct down to the finest detail. Her other brother Mark was not a the funeral but in my dream he was there when she died. He killed her with a drug overdose of methamphetamine. He is now schizophrenic and has been for years. It drove him crazy that she died at his hand. The last dream I had and I have had so many, she was heading to London. The queen was being buried the next day but she didn't tell me why she was going there, I just knew. She waits for me if there is such a thing. But she waits anyway. It's the only thing that makes me hope there is something after this life. So we wait and wait.
This video is perfect for Scorpio season!
I heard you say the word amateur and thought no no no. I've been one of your lucky clients to benefit from how you met me in a dark, difficult time and used your intuition, psychological skills to help me hear wisdom from the cards.
Not in the right head space for this video, but commenting for engagement. Much love to you ❤
Thoughts are with you, Kelly Ann, during this hard time pertaining to your brother's inquest. May you find the strength to get through.
I am interested in some shadowy things. After my Aunt died in August I did research on embalming and body preparation. It still freaks me out, but I wanted to know. I listen to ASMR true crime videos, I have intesrest in studying mental health problems especially Cluster B mental illnesses, etc.
I have long been fascinated by many of these subjects but was encouaged to deny that, growing up, by a puritanical surrounding culture as well as extremely rigid and fearful parents... I'm fascinated by the Death Positive Movement and the notion of the good death, for example, but in my household we were not allowed to say the word 'death' or have any books etc that had the word visible where others could see it. I'm fascinated by very intense and macabre art... and how we discuss MANY deep dark things and their socio-cultural components or causes. Un-doing the (taught) fear that has dominated upbringing and family is a slow and painstaking journey. One thing I will note though is that it's also important to have an awareness of how I process information - I am autistic and I can't watch horror films/tv or listen to ghost stories. I can barely even read ghost stories because I have a very active audio-visual imagination and am prone to nightmares/night terrors/sleep paralysis. But I also just can't watch tv or movies generally and even ridiculous comedy can make me worry about it's characters feelings... so it's an audio-visual sensory input issue, not a topical one necessarily. As a result, I pursue information though articles that don't include video components. I look for academic books or podcasts etc. I practice awareness of my sensory limitations with documentaries and reserve the right to press pause and stop watching. It's one of the key ways I can do the work of integrating shadow while also practicing self-regulation. This was a phenomenal and conscientiously expressed video Kelly-Ann. 🧡🧡🧡
I loved this video - this all makes so much sense for you and your gifts (or at least what I perceive of you and your beautiful gifts!) Thank you for your vulnerability and for caring so much about the human collective - striving to unearth and understand the shadowy untamed parts of us is not for the faint of heart. And I suspect we have never been more in need of excavation at this level. 🥰 xo
sending all possible love and light to you for your upcoming inquest
I loved this. The timing was perfect! I was asking myself so many of these questions last night after a prolonged journey into the shadows of our world and feeling like maybe I’d stayed a little too long. I could listen to you talk about these topics for ages, so fascinating.
Thank you so much Kelly-Ann. This is something I've been worrying about for myself lately. I dont subscribe to the "only love and light" ideal within the spiritual community but I still have wondered if I'm abnormal for having some of the intrusive violent thoughts that I have occasionally. They scare me. But then I think about it and I know if never actually act on them. But I worry that it will lead to that one day. I've always just pushed these thoughts away. Would you recommend journaling for helping with facing these thoughts in a healthy way rather than pushing them to the side? Idk I just dont want to keep pushing them into the dark where they can fester and mold
Bloody brilliant 👏 thanks for this ❤️🩹.
PS: In keeping with your advice about remembering those heroes that are important to remember and burn🕯for. When you said that I immediately knew I should mention author Margaret Killjoy's new podcast made specifically for that reason🤍. She named it "Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff". I highly recommend it and I think you'd be a perfect guest for the podcast as well 💯%. Blessed Be 👻
I have some mental health issues which stems from my brain injury I do find myself obsessing about the human body as well as dying yes it does scare me but it’s a medical fascination because I almost died at 7 I tell almost everyone I am the Phoenix and that the old me is dead.
You are phoenix.. That is so poetic and such a strong and interesting way to address what happened to you. 💛
This video totally makes me realize i am good in these topics that make everyone feel super bad. Thanks to ayahuasca and plain utter fascination for hidden dark strange collective unconscious issues, equally fascinated by columbine mostly bc whar does it really say abt the collective unconscious? Not at all jung related, i remember doing ayahuasca so many times i saw what i can't unsee, if i can help with my faculties to deep dive in that stuff... id be really happy to. 💜
thank you ❤
Kelly-Ann this was awesome! Your honesty and transparency is so appreciated. I absolutely enjoyed every nanosecond of this video. Thank you so much for sharing, teaching and enlightening. ✨🖤✨
Kelly Ann, I am trying to find the lovely individual who makes those framed Maya Angelou art? It's absolutely beautiful and I'd love to pick one up!
Top-notch, Kelly! I really love the intro bit. 💜 The Shadow has also intrigued me for a long time as well.
It reminds me of when I was younger. My mom had this book called "America's Worst Serial Killers" - it was a black & red hardcover book with plastic wrapped around it. Of course, it was a really big book and I didn't think I had time to read through everything. And eventually, the book got lost I think. I was pretty young with that core memory - maybe 13 or 14.
I even made an original character named Messa, who is corrupted by her shadow (a virus that infected her mind through electronic devices), similar to a split-personality thing. Her split is named IRIS (which is also the virus's name), and she makes my character do awful things (but doesn't remember after waking). It's a very interesting concept. 😊
Ok, Messa and IRIS sound fascinating as fuuuuck.
@@kelly-annmaddox Thank you so much! 💜 I'm still working on her story, but it goes a lot deeper.
Imagine being sent an electronic tablet for digital art, by an organization called M.E.T.A. (short for Malicious Electromagnetic Tech Anomalies). The organization's all shadow aspect - wanting to show that humans are feeble and only good for conflict (war, death/murder, r*pe, all shadowy stuff). META had been watching Messa for a while before sending her the tablet, and saw she's a strong individual so they use her as a conduit for IRIS.
I'm super excited to keep working on it. 😊
Thank you for always being so raw and honest❤️
I am here for it all!
There is nothing inherently wrong or shocking in anything you have said. I can relate to every bit of it. Some folks can't relate but you speak my language.
yes - on "will bad thoughts make bad things happen" - I mean, imagine how many dead ex spouses there would be if this were true. sometimes you are upset and you think about someone getting hit by a bus or whatever because they are just this source of anger and pain for you that you want to go away. and you think those thoughts, it's okay, it's normal, it doesn't make you a bad person. and then time passes and your feelings shift and you move into your new normal and you don't need the comfort of that fantasy anymore. hopefully. and if things don't shift and the person or situation continues to be a throbbing source of anger and pain, you probably need it more than ever. I can look back on things I thought about when my ex was having a baby with someone else and look at the reality of my child's 10 year old half sister now and feel completely differently but still ok about having allowed myself to have those thoughts.
Brilliant ❤
If we never acknowledge the shadow side of humanity it can never be healed if it needs to be healed
Loved this video, thank you, as always.
Great💜 I can relate to a lot in this video, especially asshole teachers that did not understand my interest
For real. Trying to convince you to hide your true self from an early age. Fuck that.
I resonate so strongly with this video. I believe I fell in love with all things dark out of my need to understand myself. Starting with my fucked up childhood.I’m also fascinated by the unknown or things others refuse to talk about and why. I also was obsessed with the titanic asa child. Also ghosts. I remember seeing a photo of the brown woman I think they called her…I know they call it the most famous photo of a ghost. I was hooked.I also had a fascination for vampires. I loved all things Stephen king and Edgar Allan Poe as well.Still love a lot of these things. Love rock,metal…still do. Love the dark. Horror movies. Even my spiritual life…I am attracted to what some deem darker.
PS did you receive Mary in the mail? Much love.🙏🏼
Fascinating stuff. Yes, I am intrigued by the unknown too. The mysteries, no matter how unsure they make my footing in this life..
I just opened her yesterday so hadn't had time to email you yet, so sorry! The card is sitting on my altar. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
@@kelly-annmaddox not at all,i was hoping it reached you,it didnt come with tracking on my end.Much love to you.
I fucking loved this video! I'm definitely going to be re-watching to take notes. Such an interesting and relatable topic 🖤 And is that a Lush perfume on your Hel altar? I'd love to know which one it is ✨️
I am definitely in touch with my dark side. I have always been fascinated by the darker aspects of history as a kid I would read up on the tower of London, especially all the gory stories. True crime is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, I always want to try and understand why some people choose to carry out such things. I always wondered whether part of it was my upbringing and being made to look at magazines of the world ending and people being killed by god was the reason for my interest in such things.
OMFG yesss, my dad lived just down the road from the Tower of London and he would take us to Traitor's Gate and tell us that they used to put heads on spikes there and I was like 'whaaat?!' 😅 Old time London was savage!
@@kelly-annmaddox Anne Bolyen is one of my favourite medieval women heroines.
I really have fascination with behavioural and forensic science. I love the detective work that goes into “understanding” why people do what they do.
But I have mileage in “darker” side of life.
I have always been fearful of psychological illness because Family struggle with mental health - I’m fearful of loss of control of my mental state. But I feel that a lot of people who work with spirits/psychic walk that line (IMO)
From a really young age anything to do with the world wars -any war- triggers a physical reaction and I struggle to get through. Especially concentration camps and torture. I can’t deal
Interesting topic 😊
I also had parents who were interested in true crime so researching that shadowy psyche stuff has always been normalised for me. I’m so glad you went there in this video - I found your discussion fascinating! I have mental health shit going on too and I do think that I’m drawn to those darker topics as a way to make sense of my own struggles.
Man I could write a novel about my experience with this subject. I might need to make my own video about it, it’s too much for a comment.
I just subbed to you - your channel is my sort of thing, baby. 😍
@@kelly-annmaddox excuse me while I hyperventilate
Thank you for your honesty. I know someone who is a Catholic and her views and ethics remain unexamined, as she is visually blind, she feels that life owes her a living, and she can get away with things like cheating on her husband. A catholic thinks it is Ok to do that, but a dark witch examines every funkin aspect of life. Who is the one with the values and ethics? If people want to live on the surface and make themselves believe they are good people, I am not having a bar of it. If her husband cheated on her, I can understand the revenge. She refuses to be open about the cheating and ask for an open relationship to test things out, and she refuses to tell herself and her husband what she did. She refuses to end the marriage because of financial and security reasons. She is basically using her husband to appear married. This is NOT looking at the Shadow, this is superficial bullshit from someone who acts nice on the surface. She has used her being blind as a way to use people including me, where she has found duplicitous ways to take advantage of me, and gaslights me. She has taken advantage of me as a single mum, and financially poorer than her. I hope her husband finds out about her man. I can tell him if I want to. He has issues with self esteem and most likely has autism, and I feel he deserves better than this in life. If I say anything the shit will hit the fan. Take her denial of the ethical problem with what she does to the large scale arena of human injustice, where atrocity is denied and people turn their eyes away, and you get the problems we face in the world today and always. Bravo to seekers who are honest about their feelings and curiosities, who face up to the Shadow, who seek psychological growth, no matter how painful it is. This video inspired me to write this.
could I look at your astro chart?
I choose not to share it 😊
@@kelly-annmaddox Thats smart ;) I was curious to see if you had an active 8th house!
I actually think it's a bit unhealthy not to at least have a think about this stuff.
As for not wanting to get freaked out in the middle of the night by random sounds. I would say get a cat. Ever since I got a cat I can blame every single mysterious sound on her haha
💜💜
👏❤
tpo !;)
I dunno what that meeaaaans 🥲
I'm sorry for your loss.....Thank you for creating this video. I really needed to hear this message at this time. I'm currently working through a dark night of the soul and doing shadow work. I love the part about letting the dark stuff come up and feeling into it, exploring it.
Absolutely loved this video, and it really resonates with me.
As a little kid I enjoyed watching murder mysteries with my parents (they were tame, think Agatha Christie) and was about 10 years old when I first saw a documentary about forensic science. I became obsessed with true crime, crime fiction and procedural crime shows. I also, for as long as I can remember was obsessed with witches. (So many books on witches, my mum was very open to my interests, thanks mum) and in my early teens discovered the occult and all things spook. I too have struggled with depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts and attempts, particularly in my teens. I never worried about my interest in death, and darkness, but at the same time have anxiety about violence and horrible stuff, and am a pacifist, with deep belief in healing and care, not pain or destruction.
I listened to a fascinating podcast about the psychology of enjoying fear (such as horror films, roller coasters etc) and an interest in the dark or morbid.
podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/morbid-a-true-crime-podcast/id1379959217?i=1000450658314
Highly recommend it if you haven’t come across it before.