4 Small Changes That Make Awkward People's Lives Way Better
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ค. 2024
- SUBSCRIBE HERE: goo.gl/ITTCPW
Life's tough for awkward folks. Here's how we can make it easier.
CLICK HERE For more AFTER HOURS: goo.gl/Nrg6Jh
CLICK HERE For the CinemaSins Team-Up Playlist: goo.gl/6Fr465
WATCH every episode of Monster Management here - goo.gl/lAUIZn
Watch the CRACKED HALLOWEEN playlist here - goo.gl/tl8O1F
WATCH every episode of STARSHIP ICARUS here - goo.gl/21RejZ
See more www.cracked.com
LIKE us on: / cracked
FOLLOW us on: / cracked
FOLLOW us on: / cracked - ตลก
I'm the most awkward person I've ever met, no exaggeration, and tbh I bought a pair of Heeleys. You guys remember, those shoes with the wheel on the bottom of the heel? I never casually glide around on them, I only use the wheels for the all-too-often occurring occasion when I have nothing left to say to someone and were just standing face to face, so I just silently glide backwards. I'm still looking at them, just moving backwards without walking, and then vanish through the nearest door. It works surprisingly well.
This sounds like it's out of a movie!! Funniest mental image EVER!
+Steve Stevenson Who was it that introduced you to yourself? I'm with the Temporal Police.... give me the name so we can correct the timeline before the Universe implodes and all of creation is wiped from existence. Failure to comply will result in the aforementioned consequence.
Kyle Wilson I think it was my grandfather who introduced us, forty years ago. His name is Stephe Stephenson.
Your memories may remain of the incident, but we have rectified the situation. The space-time continuum is safe... for now.
that's a good idea Steve I'm gonna look for some heelies
The whole airplane etiquette part needs to be applied for everyone, not just the "socially awkward." It's called not-being-a-douche!
...a library that serves beer and has a no talking option? My god. Could such a paradise actually exist?
I wonder if i could open a book store and serve alcohol while having library noise rules? I think i just discovered my retirement plan.
I Know of a bookstore in Dublin that serves whiskey if that helps
AlphaAchilles me to
Christopher Scharf Hell Yeah!
Chrono Mitsurugi we used to have bars with no talking for the sad, lonely, socially awkward, losers...we called them 'dives!'
The cool thing is that LA actually has at least one place like this.
After I graduated college, I forced myself to do things outside of my house because I am a natural recluse. I joined a community band. Nothing quite like being in a room full of strangers where you DON'T have to talk because everybody has a instrument in their face. It's amazing. Also, I work out in my basement just to avoid other people.
A spider bit you?
On the topic of Uber and serial killers, no need to worry, there are only about 30 serial killers in the US at a given time. You're far more likely to encounter a rapist than a serial killer.
that's... comforting. I guess.
***** It was irony.
Cainmak I know, still rather be dead >.>
30? I heard it was more like 100 at any one time and that they account for a significant amount of the total murders in the US.
***** Sorry, but being raped is nothing compared to being dead. Rape is forced sex. Sex is not the worst thing in the world, haha. It can be terrible when it is forced on you, but that is better than being dead. Let's not pretend rapists are worse than serial killers.
Yes to everything you said about air travel. Yes to the gym thing. A smart gym would offer all their new members a tour where they show you how to use everything. As for the haircut, I've had quiet barbers and barbers who want me to tell them my life story. The worst though is a dentist who asks you a trivial question while your mouth is propped open and obviously you can't give an intelligible answer.
I went to a salon once to get my hair cut. Every other time my hair has been cut, I did it. I don't like those places.
***** When I removed my wisdom teeth one of the dentists understand everything I "said", but the other one was such a nightmare... like... dude, it is your job to understand when people are trying to say stuff with their mouth anesthetized and full of cotton o-ó
Ugh. Yeah. Your mouth is propped open and they're sticking pointy, metal things in it and they want you to answer questions.
I think my facial features have let people believe that I don't like talking because they see me and don't even try ._.
The first time I moved interstate, I had to find a new gym. Luckily, there was one ~50 meters down the road from my new place. Unfortunately, it was a travesty called Fitness First (franchise chain here in oz).
I generally liked the gym. What I had a problem with was the staff. I was -perhaps- unreasonably expecting that the staff would have a working knowledge of the human body and exercise and such... Instead, Fitness First was apparently a maniacal misnomer of epic proportions. Management hired staff to sell gym memberships, not to answer silly questions about various exercise stations/ exercises. If you were interested in tweaking your exercise routine, or learning what that shiny new contraption with weights attached to it does/ how it's supposed to work/ how to use it without injuring yourself or other such trivialities, then the incompetent staff would be pleased to book you in for an appointment with a nutritionalist, or a trainer, or any other number of actual competent people. And they would charge you for it. Above and beyond the fees that one was already expected to pay.
I was used to the gym at my university, where such services were provided to members as a fucking courtesy and as a means of encouragement to maintain said gym membership. The way Fitness First went about (in what I can only very loosely call) "doing business" was both utterly atrocious and ethically reprehensible. They are announcing to everyone who walks inside, that they don't care about you or what you're doing here. They just want to take your money away from you. If you manage to gain some muscle mass, then good for you, but if not, it was your own fault for not spending enough of your money with us! Fucking parasites!!
Anyway, I took advantage of a 1 week free, trial membership, kept to myself and tried to conceal my disgust at the way they treated customers with such contempt. At the end of that fist week, I promised myself I'd never go near another fitness first gym. That was back in June/ July in 2001. I'm glad I was able to keep that promise to myself. And in all the years before then and since, I've never found a gym as toxic as fitness first was.
I like the whole no forced conversation thing. I'm actually really good at talking to people but there are times I just don't feel like talking, I'm not upset I just don't want to talk. It so hard to do that and have people not think somethings wrong. It happens often at work, when I'm working I don't really like to talk but my co-workers think somethings wrong when I'm quiet. So then I'm trying to talk to them while focusing on my job and it's so distracting. yes I work in a bakery but I'm not a cooking show host, let me work people! I don't like talking in cars either, it's my quiet time (my whole family is like that which is nice).
I also have this times were just don't want to Talk,sometimes I Force myself to not look stupid, I dont like nearly all of my classmates cuz the are shit to me and dont understand me, so for me its difficult to even Talk the slightest things
Now I know that I'm socially awkward. I thought that it is odd when I'm working someone stops me to have a conversation or ask did they upset me.
Also, as an awkward person, stop telling us that you noticed that we're socially awkward. We fucking know: pointing it out, especially when we're trying to do life things isn't helpful.
And for fuck's sake don't ask *why* we're socially awkward. How is anyone supposed to respond to a question like that? What are you even expecting as an answer? Something like, "Well it all started with a traumatic experience when I was 9..."
I KNOW RIGHT!!!
You know what might be really useful? an app that contains a pre-recorded list of of phrases and comments that we can record and customize and using voice recognition technology to select and play back an appropriate response when someone asks something like that, or anything at all really, hell maybe even record some of those deep imaginary conversations some of us have with ourselves but could never be able to apply to real life situations no matter how many times we've practiced them.
blueflameking yeah, that would be cool
AriJeru great point
I would patronize a quiet bar so much. And, can bars also get an amateur hour, where some guy leads a tour group for us introverts that would like to participate, but don't want to dive in?
Lana Knight are you a righter?
The Purp Safe to say she's not an editor :P
Lana Knight Just go to a fucking library...
I'll agree to the amateur hour. Just so that I could talk to the bartender and try to figure out what drink I would like most.
Joshua Pearce I think "a quiet bar" is a much better way to articulate what Dan's going for. Combining alcohol with books you don't own sounds like a perfect disaster. But what he's really going for is a study outside his home with someone else pouring him a drink from their scotch cabinet. Which could be an all-around fantastic time. I would go for a liquor-licensed coffee shop myself. But I don't think urban North American cultures are ready for that level of moderation with their drinking to be expected to be quiet while drinking.
Invisibility cloaks. When lost, you would still have to do that embarrassing walking up and down the same street five times trying to find the place thing, but no one would know. Also allows you to stand outside a place for an hour without looking suspicious. Why would you want to stand outside a place for an hour? Because you left the house two hours early anticipating the scenario in which you got lost, but you only got lost for one hour instead of two, so you now have an hour to stand in front of the place and people keep looking at you. Well, with an invisibility cloak, they will look no more!
It's so sad I can relate to this.
Oh my goodness, yes. The number of times I've just wandered around the general vicinity to avoid being early...
Are you me?
K0ragg I can do. Lol
Being able to masturbate outside but slim chances of being arrested for indecent exposure? damn that's a good idea.
Just move to the UK; our entire society was built with the socially-awkward in mind.
@Entity51 Ryanair...what a travesty!
We need an option for phones. Texting someone, I am reasonably okay with but for some reason talking to someone over the phone is one of my worst nightmares.
Elise Johnston I feel the same way. Whenever theres a service I need I visit their website hoping I can send them an email instead of calling.
Elise Johnston Me to but only whith frends, totally fine talking to ATT costmoer service
There's only one person I can have a conversation with that isn't super one-sided and doesn't play out like the most polite interrogation ever. We're like Arin and Dan face to face, and we have decent exchanges over text, but when we play online games together and use our phones for voice chat, it just turns into awkward silence that occasionally breaks out into awkward chitchat.
Don't use a phone, then. There are plenty of mobile devices that are basically mini-computers.
+Elise Johnston Everyone makes fun of me for not being able to make a phone call, but it's a serious problem. Hell, I can barely order a pizza over the phone without breaking into a cold sweat and getting unbelievably nervous.
I need a
"DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME" shirt
But then people will ask about it. Instead use your "somebody eles's problem" field
Why!? I don't understand this scarred of social interaction, it all just points to caring too much about one's self. Do you seriously care what these people think of you? The simple fact that you can post what you did and get likes points to the fact that a fair few people accept you and find you funny for it. Just live with it and if possible use it, like anything else to your advantage.
ThePheonixon It has nothing to do with caring about myself or my image to much, nor what they think about me. Social situations with people I call friends leave me stressed and mentally exhausted if they deviate from the norm. Starting a conversation with a stranger even if they have critical information I need is the hardest thing I've done. It's not about me or the people its about literally not knowing how to act in social situations. Its about not being able to fully relax or rest till you've been alone for a few hours.
ThePheonixon
short answer to do we about what others think of us. yes, some of us do. one of my worst fears is humiliation.
you do bring up some fair points though. socially awkward people shouldn't let this stuff bother them, but some times, it's hard, like trying to ignore something. for some people it's just one of those things we can't just switch on or off. a lot of people do use their socially awkwardness to their advantage by making jokes about it
ThePheonixon
Some people, like me, are introverts. I do have anxiety issues too. It has nothing to do with what people think of me. In a weird way, that is what some people really like about me - they know that I could care less what people I don't know (or know well) think. So, it is not as simple as you make it. Being an introvert in an extrovert world is tiring. Literally exhausting. There are often times I don't want to leave the house on my days off from work, because I just want to be alone. I am tired of people.
Since a lot of introverts need that alone time, and find crowds to be overwhelming, it makes us socially awkward. It is weird...we are all suppose to understand and take extroverts for who they are, but introverts usually get labelled shy, loners, etc and aren't understood as well.
As a librarian, please don't get drunk at the library
He was more referencing European pubs, which are (mostly) like coffee shops that serve alcohol instead of coffee - ie the general atmosphere is more relaxed and quieter than American bars.
''HEy has any1 seen the kama sutra book? Id like to fuck this couch''
1) Binder separators for male urinals that come up to head height so that no one can spy on anyone else. It also promotes a lack of conversation between urinal users standing next to one another.
2) Mandatory cellphone jammers for all movie theaters in order to decrease forced social interactions with assholes when you are trying to enjoy a theater viewing.
3) Create a cable package where the service automatically blots out all political ads with a blank screen to decrease the chances of you getting caught in an unwanted political conversation over something that came onto your tv.
4) A silent seating section for a restaurant, and talking patrons sitting in the silent seating area will be thrown out. This area will be for introverts attending via mandatory social expectations.
Also, let's do away with name badges for everyone. Working in or shopping in retail is not made better by familiarity. I don't want to know your name and I don't want you to call me by mine. We're not friends, we're not relatives. Don't do it.
Also, we could swap it out with name tags that people actually WANT to be called by.
I'm not talking about preferred names, by the way. I'm talking about like 'dude', 'hun', 'esse', 'nigga'; anything that the employee prefers customers refer to them by. It has the same effect as the ice-breaking intended by the company policy, and no one has to be referred to by their name if, y'know, they don't want to.
Okay WhyNot Walks in to Taco Bell "My nigga, let me have a steak quesadilla, light on the sauce'
I like it.
Okay WhyNot So you go in Walmart, and this happens:
You need help getting something from a high shelf. a guy with the name tag that reads 'Nigga' is closest to you. You call out,
"Hey nigga, could you help me get this down?"
A huge dark skinned dude next to that employee steps around him, glaring daggers at you, and says,
"who the hell you talking to?"
shit. ok, maybe not 'nigga' on their name tag, but some of those others might work. Having someone mistakenly think I'm just being loud and obnoxious and picking a fight with them would be really BAD for my social awkwardness.
Having young kids is bad for social awkwardness as well. Example (bc this lil story reminded me of it). My daughter had recently started noticing skin color differences, and no matter how much I tried to keep it from being a big deal, it just AMAZED her that ppl were different colors, so she pointed it out anytime she spoke.
so we went into a blockbuster (yeah, about 14 years ago), and one of the huge TV screens on the wall was paused on a movie with a close up of Denzel Washington. It made it look like he was starting at you. well my adorable daughter (I was carrying her at the time) points toward the screen and says ""MAMA, WHY IS THAT BBBIIIIIGGG BROWN GUY STARING AT ME". I tried to quiet her down by answering quietly, but this kid LOVED to be the center of attention, and her words silenced MOST of the store, so no WAY would she get quiet. I said quietly"He's not baby, he just looked over this way". I had assumed she meant the guy one isle over. So she yells "NO, NOT THE 'REAL' BROWN GUY THAT LOOKS MAD, THE BIIIIG BROWN GUY ON THE TV!"
At this point, everyone is looking from us to the guy one isle over who IS now looking at us while I mumble to her that it's just a paused tv, and he's not really looking at us, then I begin mumbling my apology to the guy everyone is now staring at.
Much to my relief, he suddenly busts out laughing, and comes over and he says to me "hey, 'brown guy' is probably one of the nicer things I've been called in my life. Don't look so worried".
He smiled and walked away, still snickering, but with half the store still looking our way, I just left. It's much funnier now, but at the time, I was so embarrassed! I HATE being socially awkward, it makes embarrassing situations so much worse!
*edit* I would like to point out that she had been around MANY ppl of different races, but I think what started drawing her attention to it recently was that she was mostly around adults. She was my 1st, and had only recently been exposed to daycare. I guess seeing different races that were her age is what made it become a thing, bc she'd seen doctors and ppl on TV that were diffident races. She was preemie and sick as a kid though, so it was much later b4 she was really exposed to kids her age, and could really tell differences. in ppl who looked like she did (same size and age).
Carrie W Holy wall of text, Batman. It was a joke.
Carrie W I mean, the thing is, THEY pick the thing they want to be called. So if he doesn't want to be referred to as 'nigga', he doesn't have to put that on the 'name'-tag. This ain't Jim Crowe, they can pick that if they want.
Also, aww bless
Dude, barbershop comment is resonating so hard with me right now.
Daniel is my spirit animal.
"in my dream i pull a thing and it snaps and i'm like hahaha and then i run into the sea"
-Dan
Yes! Conversations with random people are so horrible.
"How old are you? What do you do for work? What do you like to do?"
How about SHUT UP AND JUST CUT MY HAIR!
"I'm too young for you"
Indian barbers are the best cuz the just ask what haircut do i want and quietly cuts my hair
Well see this is funny because everyone is different. If the hairstylist doesn't talk some people find it offensive while others would like to just have it cut quietly. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Believe me the hairstylist doesn't enjoy the vapid convo either.
I especially don't understand why dentists feel the need to talk to you (and expect a response) WHILE THEY HAVE THEIR HANDS IN YOUR MOUTH. It's not just that I don't really feel a deep connection with my dentist (I mean, the guy studied dentistry, after all) but do we really need to talk about my last vacation while he's physically preventing me from speaking?
I have never been to a gym. But I'm a farmer. its like a gym but the animals are mostly smarter.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
How do you have so many subscribers 😮😮😮
Not cool calling your family animals
If the plane crashes into a mountain, say something cool and just... die. XD
I also enjoying going to speakeasies and discotheques. I mean, in my fantasies I do. Daniel's usually there too.
many English pubs are quiet and warm and you can read a book in them and have a pint. it's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
America failed in this regard
IN YOUR OPINION
expendedAmmunition Yes we did. I would love to just move there. Maybe one day after my kids are grown. **Dreams**
englishian's are always so englishful.
The MadCatter: your statement lives up to your name, and everybody needs to be OK with it.
Libraries that serve alcohol is the best idea anyone ever had ever.
amateur hours at the gym from like 6 to 8 or 9 would be great because then people that really don't know what they're doing with gym equipment could ask stupid questions of the people that work there and actually learn how to use these objects to become healthier
Those are exactly the hours that everyone else wants to be there. Except trainers. Trainers never want to be in a gym at prime time. (That's the person you pay money to, to gain expertise in a gym. That info wasn't free for them, and you can go once a month to learn new things to add to your routine.)
like 8 to 9 at night is prime gym hours? in what universe?
I'm pretty sure some gyms have times where they show you how to do stuff. Or you could hire a trainer to show you how, because people are likely to hurt themselves just experimenting with stuff.
It IS really annoying when the dentist asks me a question when they have their hands in my mouth and I'm not supposed to move. Like how am I actually supposed to answer that?
And I think if libraries served alcohol, they wouldn't be quiet.
Your first comment about the gym defies his entire point about people who have issues interacting socially.
Good point.
My least favourite thing about going to the dentist is seeing the heads of exotic and endangered animals on the wall.
ordering fast food from internet is the best, you don't have to talk to stranger that takes your food on phone while you are lying naked and watching Cracked.
not that I do these kind of things but hey I m sure someone is doing it.
>Jokes about airplane hitting a mountain<
>13 days later it happers<
well fuck
So.. things that would make you feel better socially... are the things I was constantly told to do as a child....?
Sit down.
Shut up.
Don't move.
...yes.
Strud except maybe "don't copy in class".... that one would probably be the one you need to correct the most...
you know,.... "when in Rome..."
onehandyguy I was never told not to copy in class... Probably because none of my classmates or I ever cheated no need to tell people what they already know.. right?
Strud
welp.... problem solved then lol
So like a library you can drink at?
+argella1300 Some of the nice hotels have bars that accommodate the business travelers that like to have a drink and finish up some work on the computer in a relaxing environment. In Amsterdam, some of the coffee shops have a chill atmosphere too. It does exist :)
+Matthew Crawford (Tron78) True. I know some internet cafes are similar. Like they have rooms you can book by the hour. I know most people who use them, at least in Japan and Korea where they're basically a cottage industry, use them for gaming, but I don't see why someone couldn't use one as a work space or a place to collaborate on a group project. Especially since those cafes usually have really good internet, so if you're collaborating online with someone over Skype you'll have a good connection.
+argella1300 When I lived in Berlin there was an internet cafe around the corner that had about 5 closed booths and then a long row of computers as well... the problem I found with internet cafes is that they often dont let you use your own equipment and if you have to VPN or use WebEx or other collaborating apps, you are just out of luck :(
The ones you found in Japan and Korea, did they permit personal equipment?
Perhaps the mentality is different in asia... I will need to check the local ones here in Phitsanulok
No, it's a library. I think you're just supposed to read the labels.
bowling clubs in Aus are great. air con, no noise and a bar.
Libraries serving alcohol Now that's my idea of utopia.
MAKE IT HAPPEN DAN!!!!
I flew with my brother a few years ago and before the plane had even started moving the bloke in front of me laid his chair back. His Mrs went to lay hers back straight after him so my brother threw his hands forward and held her chair up. She struggled to put it back for about 30 seconds or so. Then we hear her say ''I think my chairs broken''. She didn't try again the whole flight. That's worked 3/5 times so far:)
IVE FINALLY FOUND THIS CHANNEL! I've been looking for it for TWO YEARS! not continuously. Like a few days over two years.
Such dedication
We should turn small talk into a card game.
Carry a set of cards around on you with some stock small talk phrases on them and points values assigned to each, then when someone approaches you for a conversation, draw a hand and play a card in response! I think this is a billion dollar idea.
saltypork101 Cards Against Humanity would be greatest solution to this idea.
WildFungus The clue's in the name that that might be a bad idea.
saltypork101 Have you ever seen the show 'Monk'? He has different cards for almost every topic! :)
Katie Alfonso I have not. I should check it out.
saltypork101 I will buy this if you invent it
He's the most likeable person on CRACKED.
Text delivered food. so you don't have to make a phone call. Also when you're in drive throughs there is also a text option. like maybe bluetooth or something because speaking over that speaker especially when you're ordering a shit ton of food is the most excruciating thing i can imagine. you have to repeat yourself and the speaker sometimes cuts out so you they think you've finished and you can either work up the courage to say "uh, I'm not done" or say something like "YEAH THATS IT" and not be able to get the right drink and an icecream.
***** I mean fast food/takeout
In regards to the last change, all I have to say is that we need fucking Beergardens in the US. When I lived in germany and traveled around europe they were my favorite places to just relax and drink in a nice, calm, and pretty setting.
Im also very awkward. But conversations at the gym are a total breeze!
The sporty people are very eager to help you out. And the best thing is that they usually keep it to just the subject of helping with that one problem. No awkward escaping long conversations because almost everyone is eager to just keep doing the necessary stuff they came for.
He said some "this right is kinda of-(at the end when he was talking about that we should not come up to him a nd ask him about this video)." He said "back up just-" my face was bent over the screen and looming and I literally sat up and backed away. XD
I was hoping for help with my awkwardness, actually. Being black and socially awkward isn't the best combination...
hey, girls dig black nerds lol, not that socially awkward = nerd , but ya know.
kourtney scruggs Who cares what girls like? Being awkward effects all aspects of life. But you're not alone. Some of my friends are awkward black guys but they're doing alright. I think people actually like shyness, as long as they don't rhink you dislike them.
Katya Lastovkina Well, I like girls... so... I care.
Awh. Dude, I'm sorry.
Just act like your gonna stab them then no one will talk to uou
Love these tips! They're honestly helpful for everyone, not just the socially awkward. You're amazingly funny... and down to earth. Thank you for brightening my day! 🌞
1) An optional exclusion from small talk.
2) A place for Introverts to hide (or rather 10-20)
3) Free headphones at places.
my brain is so weird. i like being nice in random ways and charitable to people but im socially awkward.
i once bought a guy a book because he had 20 euro and the cashier had no change for it. then the guy started to talk to me and in my head i was thinking
"leave me alone, i wanna buy my book and read it and your intruding on my plans" while smiling and nodding to his reasons as to why he was buying his book.
then i thought
" im just being an ass, it would be rude of him just nod in acknowledgement and walk off. you be in a huff if he did that"
but then i thought.
" shut up me.... just if he said something like 'oh thank you, you didnt have to do that. how kind' and then be on his way. and as he is leaving, say 'i'll pay it forward to someone else' i dont need to hear your life story."
and then i thought
..."shit what is he saying..."
now im thinking.... "this is weird, dont post this, just delete it all and type 'lol, this is so me :P' and move on to the next video in your subscription box and maybe have a wank later before you shower."
I atually know some places where I live (Portugal) that fit the last suggestion, like completely, its a librarie, lots and lots of books, and you have a bar where they serve you anything a bar would.
Sounds like a great idea to save the institution that is the printed page, book shelves and all that ... beer and Hemingway, anyone?
José Luís Lopes OMG WHY DOESN'T AMERICA HAVE THIS? A LIBRARY BAR? It must be what HEAVEN is really like!
You are my favorite person on You Tube. Thank you for existing. What you are doing there, yeah, do more of that.
Library bars would be awesome
My god, you're a genius!
It's not hard to write and drink alone if you go to a bar in the early afternoon... if writing is your day job, that shouldn't be that hard.
...also I guess you could probably get away with it at Chipotle?
IoEstasCedonta This. I used to do a lot of my uni work in my dingy local bar in the day. I would sit in the back booth-as for wifi I rooted my smartphone for unlimited free wifi. It worked out well.
This was ... really good and genuine ... Man i can really relate . Especially the gym one .
The bit about the gym is pure genius and SO true! I love you, Daniel. I'm sorry if that makes you feel awkward, but it needed to be said.
I can't stop laughing every time he says "a tiny metal purse that makes me strong". I'm sure I have commented on this video before but it's one of my favorites. It makes me laugh every time.
If you hide the alcohol in a nondescript container and quietly drink that in a corner somewhere then Librarians would usually leave you alone. I'm a Librarian and people bring in drinks (even though we don't allow that) and quietly drink and read in corners all the time. We are always trying to buy better furniture so people feel more comfortable. Support your libraries!
I'm not sure if I'm socially awkward or not. I can interact easilly with people, I just rather not. I never make the first move, but if someone talks to me, I'm ok with interacting.
Daniel you continue to a fantastic job of splitting the difference between comedy and reality.
"....we're all just trying to live in this world so be cool....." is a kick-ass statement!
Oh Jesus, getting my hair cut is the worst fucking thing, they always try talking to me and they ask so many questions and I always get so uncomfortable and I fucking sprint out of there as soon as I possibly can
We do that because we're just as awkward as you and are desperately trying to fill that awkward silence so we're not just staring at each other in the mirror wondering if the other one expecting us to speak. We can't tell if you're quiet because you're content or you're quiet because you're judging us so harshly that it's left you with little energy to interact. We're actually trained and taught to do that in school.
Pro tip: If you want to opt out of the conversation, after the consultation, when the stylist picks up the first of their tools, make a comment along the lines of "It's so nice to be able to just relax and let someone who knows what they're doing just work. I usually have to be on and play the social butterfly, but let me tell you I'm people'd out! Nice to take a break from having to be too engaging." Then close your eyes and sigh. It doesn't have to be genuine - it doesn't even matter if it's true, it just has to be obvious enough that it gets your point across. That lets the stylist know "Yo, I don't want to talk much, but I'm also not going to go on a Yelp campaign trying to end your career and refuse to communicate with you." Answer the service related questions, though. We do want to have you be happy with the results.
Rose Zelda Rose, what's worse at the place I get my kids hair cut is that there is a major language barrier. the woman who does the best job with my kids hair speaks pretty broken English, so a HUGE majority of the time, I have no CLUE what she's actually asking me.
If you want to know what I mean, look up that comedian chick that talks about the nail salon, and how they ask "Do you LIKE 'CRIT-OL GEL'". The accent is different, but it's about how communication with her is. I always feel so dumb. I wish I spoke her language so at LEAST i wouldn't feel so awkward trying to answer her.
"It's so nice to be able to just relax and let someone who knows what
they're doing just work. I usually have to be on and play the social
butterfly, but let me tell you I'm people'd out! Nice to take a break
from having to be too engaging"
==============================
That speech is a bit much for many socially anxious persons.
would something like "I'm tired. No talking please" suffice?
They should straight up just teach a class at the gym for people that suck at fitness. I mean trainers are expensive so if they taught groups of people for less money I'd be down
Or you can research it online. That's free
Talia Sloman-Moll The gym I go to offers a free Induction service, so you can learn how to use all of the equipment on your first visit :)
The point he's making is he doesn't want to deal with trainers. The whole socially awkward thing.
I know I've watched this before, but I love it every time I see it. Dan, you are one of my favorite people and I would LOVE to play D&D with you. I get the feeling that you'd be absolutely amazing and fit right in.
I don't know if these exist elsewhere, but in Tel Aviv a few years ago there opened 2 places that would exactly accommodate your last request, Daniel! It's like a coffee shop with a small basic menu, hi speed Internet and tables for 1. It's geared toward people who work by themselves but don't want to do it at home or at an office and don't want to talk to anyone. You pay by the hour to sit there, do your thing quietly and have no unwanted social interaction! One of those cafés was even called "The Misanthrope" :)
I don't buy it. Not that DOB can't relate to awkward situation, or that he might be annoyed by them. Just this whole thing of his seems like an over-exaggerated act that he puts on for the sake of his 'stage persona' and I think it would be cool to see him play against type once in a while.
Alorand Yeah, I'd also expect from a comedy channel to not have exaggerated written characters...
What he says, even when it's exaggerated, speaks highly to what people like him think about in their head. Everything is extreme
Alorand... Daniel O'Brien: International Assassin. All the social awkwardness but he kicks the asses of all those that behave inappropriately. It's all a ploy to drop the guard of the tanned & beautiful. I'd pay to see that movie!
I'm socially awkward in the sense that I'm too load, I don't always know when I'm annoying people, and I just don't shut up. Like seriously, I'm just sitting there thinking "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP!", making people hate me more.
+Sailor Sabol I am socially awkward in the sense that I am a cat and don't give a shit about anything or anyone.
I couldn't be on set while he films. he makes me laugh so hard, and this video is just ME. I try really hard to just give off "don't talk to me"vibes, yet ppl seem to be oblivious to that, and STILL think I want to chat about random nonsense.
Cracked: "The seats are numbered... we've already figured it out... you have a seat."
United Airlines: "Hold my cup."
restaurants should have notepads where you can write what you want and pass it to the workers
I've been to places like that and I don't really like it.
Darcy Smith Subway is the seventh circle of hell to me. I hate telling them my order. I am always like "um yeah. Cheddar, if that's cool with you. And uh pickles?" I am scared that they will be offended by my choice of sandwich.
I know right, I've only ever gone to subway once for that exact reason aha.
Solution for GYMs? Cubicles!
+Wisam Safi oh my GOD sign me up!
+Wisam Safi I see only one problem: "Yeeeaaaahhhhh. So if you could get done with all your sets, that'd be greaat."
+Garrlick417Slacker it's not that I'm not motivated, I just don't care
+Wisam Safi Perhaps, but then people would use them to masturbate.
+Kyle Wilson i guess that would still count as exercise :D
if i never had to talk to anyone ever at work... that right there alone sounds like peace.
Oh my God!! Your ideas would change my life! Especially the no talking option. I've always hated having awkward conversations with doctors, hairdressers and stuff.
Awesome as always guys :)
Loved some of the observations you made hun. The dentist one was spot on!
I'm an Aspie (person with Asperger's) so I'm basically biologically programed to be a crazy jumble of random weirdness and anxiety with the superpowers of endless steaming piles of useless information that render others speechless, comatose, or in information overload mode! I would love a pamphlet that I could just had out to people with instructions like the ones that come with a new tv and be like
"How to optimize your experience with an Aspie chick. WARNING: Not liable for damages done to your person if you refer to this unit as retarded. Have a splendid day." ;)
Oh my god...........you just described ME.......i think i might have aspergers.......i'm not kidding.
Well, while the diagnosis has been around for decades, it wasn't widely known until like 10 years ago so many people don't find out until they are older if at all. Sheldon from Big Bang Theory is an exaggerated version of it, but if you can watch the show (except first few episodes when he was just learning the character) and say you feel like that sometimes (or all the time) then you might be. But remember, a diagnosis is just a tool, not a definition. It defines who you are and what you can accomplish about as much as your skin color.
Armrest are NOT neutral zones! The first person has the window, the isle person has the legroom, the middle person gets the armrests, THAT'S HOW IT WORKS!!
+Project_Worm Shut up fergitt
+TheDrB0B No, I refuse, especially since you're clearly an idiot. Fergit? Yeah nice one, stupid.
Project_Worm No i refuse to be an idiot. you're the worm fergert
+TheDrB0B No. I refuse to be a fergert. You're an idiot.
Project_Worm You won't you love me furgerrat
My city has monthly "quiet reading nights" at one of the bars. They sound like heaven. I'm going to work up the nerve to go to one some day.
I thank God for the invention of texting, talking to people on the phone, even people I WANT or NEED to talk to is so nerve-racking for me, I've put off very important things due to my fear of phone conversations. I feel his pain, and yes he's adorable.
damn.. here in mexico cab drivers beat the shit out of uber drivers and cars, its like a big deal right now :(
Canada too. Uber drivers getting arrested and shit.
+BlackoutKalico Beta damn.
+BlackoutKalico Beta Sounds like the beginning of WW3
+BlackoutKalico Beta You know, with the stuff I know to be true about Mexico, you could be making that completely up, but the truthiness is so high that I don't doubt it.
Some gyms offer a free personal training session--take them up on that, believe me, there's nothing we haven't seen, and they actually had to read a book to get certified; it's their job to explain the exercises. If they're condescending, then THEY are bad at their jobs.
Defeats his point of being socially awkward and not wanting to talk to someone
"...I don't know if you can tell by my everything...." Gold, Mr. OBrien, GOLD!
I'm diggin this guy's style of turning his anxiety into a comedic device. I do that pretty often as well. Makes it less of a bummer lol
With the quiet place to write in, try a coffee shop.
He wants someplace quiet with alcohol.
Stan McSerr Oh. That'd be kinda neat actually. A quiet place with alcohol. Normally those don't work because drunk people are loud.
+Pete Detrick Not if they're reading, worst you'd get there is an over loud "heh."
+Arthur Dent, coffee shops are not quiet. Have you ever been in a coffee shop that didn't play horribly loud horrible music, horribly?
chaosawaits I don't go to Starbucks no.
The Barnes & Noble Café is excellent. It doesn't serve alcohol (which is fine for me, because I don't drink), but it does have cheesecake and hot chocolate and cookies the size of my face, and no one ever bothers me while I'm writing in there.
That Library watering hole idea is freaking brilliance!! Somebody please make this happen so that I can move to your city/country and be a patron of your fine establishment!!
“What do I do with that? Clap um?” And I’m laughing waaaay to hard right now! 😂
An instruction manual on how to understand human body language would be *great, especially* for people like me who *need* other people to be *direct* on practically *everything* unless what they're speaking through their body language is *obvious.* Same goes for tone of voice.
You know what makes social awkwardness worse? Trying to leave a conversation with someone who doesn't get that what you just said was a joke or factious... I recommend a "sarcasm" flag... where people can just glance up and realize that what i was just saying is not a personal remark or even something that someone has to pay attention to.... however then we are left with the social awkwardness that comes from having a literal flag hanging over your head. And the droves of people coming up to you and asking what it means. T.T
*opens mouth* ... *shuts it*
irony T.T
"I don't know if you could tell by my everything...." Ah, I see you are a John Mulaney fan lol
It's incredibly endearing to see a person who can write hilarious cracked articles (& books) and perform in videos on a regular basis, is also just as socially anxious as I am... if not more so.
The weight thing is a kettlebell, pick it up with both hands and try to swing it over your head from between your legs. I shit you not. Part of crossfit. The ropes you pick up with both hands also, one rope per hand, and make sine waves that are opposite each other, one hand up, one down. repeat. it's really hard and you make a weird face when you do it.
Also, in LA there are tons of diners with booths and they serve BEER! Most have some oldies playing, but not too loud. I know a lot of writers that have their own diner, and during the day are quite empty.
Plus, they have food.
I relate quite hard to this video. The airplane especially.
Gym tip. By definition, no one in the room with the machines knows what they are doing, any more than you do. :p
Yeah, the strong tan and beautiful are in the free weights anyway.
+Chaos Corner 😂
Cornelius Sneed I agree. I took advantage of a gym trainer hour where he makes you a plan and explains the exercises, let's you try them out and then fixes your mistakes. Then I started going to the gym regularly and I noticed a good portion of peoole looking fit was doing the absolute don'ts that were detailed to be damaging and wrong.
They have no idea what they are doing either!
They just did it long enough to look confident and have lost weight due to simply moving.
But there should be something like a gym book about dos and don'ts. Put a towel over the equipment when you're not using it, don't sit on it without using it unless it's the pause between intervals, tie your hair when you go in a pool, etc.
Everything you said about planes - I concur heartily. Gyms, the easiest way to not feel awkward around new equipment is to hire a trainer, even for just a few sessions, and then either go really early or late when fewer people are around.
I relate entirely too much to his social awkwardness. An addition: A sign everywhere that reminds people that *headphones means don't talk to me*. People seem to think that headphones is a invitation to ask about what they're listening to or watching. It's actually the opposite. I'd like signs in all public places that just say " *HEADPHONES=ALONE TIME*"
Just wear headphones and use an steel bottle to hold your booze. Now everywhere is your playground - except playgrounds of course because hey you're an adult male and for some reason we've all been made to feel wrong about going anywhere near other peoples children (without a police check).
Wait. Did Dan just predict that Uber driver who went on a killing rampage?
Christ! He predicted Coughlin leaving, too!
Half-Life 3 confirmed
...again.
taqu Didn't everyone predict it?
you`re awesome, dude! I love cracked sooo much!
lol. this is me apart from the writing thingy. I walk/run around the running track at the gym watching people using the machines to work out how to use them. Youre 100% right on the plane thing. Also you touched on it but generally I hate it when people hang around a line and you don't know of they are waiting or just not following the queue rules WHICH EVERYONE MUST NOW AND FOLLOW!
TH-cam has some really great videos on gym equipment. No social required XD
He likes Uber...yet he makes a video saying why Uber is terrible...I'm getting mixed signals, man.
+Ben Anderson I literally just came here from that video
+Ben Anderson As with everything it is a love hate relationship. There are some things that are great about it and some that are horrible. One of the things he really likes is not having to talk to the driver.
+Ben Anderson I was likewise confounded by this
'rhey just fucked off" got me laughing way too much
This needs too be a mandatory school video 😂 id kill for any of these things to be normal things. I learned American sign language so I could communicate with my friend with selective mutism without him needing to carry a dry erase board everywhere. When I flew alone for the first time I acted mute for the whole 5 hour flight and didn't have to talk to anyone, it was heaven. I had a note all ready and all I had to do was show it to the nice couple next to me and sign "can I sit here?" A few times before they let me have the window seat 😋
it's uncomfortable for me not to lean my seat back.
Yeah but your making the guy behind you 10× mots uncomfortable than you would have been.
I have a suggestion that would make life easier for socially awkward guys... Women, stop waiting for guys to make the first move. This isn't the 50's anymore, we're suppose to have equal rights and yet most women, not all of them but most of them, still expect the man to always be the one that asks the girl out. I've been asked out by three girls which is great but can we just get more of that please it's a lot easier for us socially awkward guys when the pressure isn't always on us to talk to you. We want to but we just can't so please come talk to us.
Women also wait for men to speak first because they want to feel special. if a man will stare at her across a bar waiting for HER to come to HIM she feels unwanted.
There is also the chance she is also socially awkward and then you are both out of luck.
+RialVestro He said small changes, not not cultural revolutions.
Socially awkward women exist too, you know so don't put the responsibility completely on us either. I'd say that 3 women coming up to you is pretty good odds so why are you complaining?
Kathie Kalara But women don't come up to men. Ever. When has one women, let alone three, ever walked up to a guy in an environment where it wasn't set up?
+Tracey Granter So what you're saying is guys are always supposed to not feel special at all? Oh wait, that's true. Most guys seem to deal with it just fine. I do.
I relate so much! So clearly there might be enough interest for an introvert lounge where talking is discouraged and that's awesome. Our public libraries need the support and could use updating. Maybe in time we could get the libraries to serve beer and wine. Then it would be perfect. A Library Bar. 😁
My favorite cafe now serves beer, while still maintaining the quiet, coffeehouse atmosphere. It's great