What Is Emotional Spending? | Kati Morton
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- Emotional spending is when we purchase something in order to make ourselves feel better. We can find ourselves spending money when we feel angry, sad, underappreciated, or even bored. There can be certain rituals around when we spend and how, but the act of clicking “purchase” or swiping our credit card is a very impulsive and rewarding one.
We have even seen a spike in this type of spending since shopping online has gotten easier and easier. All of these “one click” to buy options make impulsive and emotional purchases more difficult to prevent.
There is an important distinction though, emotional spending is not compulsive spending. Compulsive spending is when we feel an urge to purchase items so often that it impairs our ability to function. Meaning we could overspend so much that we aren’t able to pay our bills, we could even accumulate so much stuff that we rent a storage unit or hide it all in our garage so people who come over won’t see it.
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“Retail Therapy” is such a dangerous thing.
Agreed!!!
is there something i can buy that'll help with it though?
crabbtrixexp you just have to find the right essential oil combo.
Sarah Hurley phew, I’ve actually already got quite a few of them, so I should be able to rustle something up 😉
crabbtrixexp perfect! Rustle away lol
Emotional spender here 🖐 That reward feeling is so short lived before the guilt sets on. It's not worth it.
Totally agree!!! Ugh it's so frustrating! xoxo
theres nothing like a quiet night at home, having BPD whisper softly in your ear "...add to cart"
😆😆😆, right?!
omg yes!! that impulsiveness can be too much sometimes!!
I felt that.
felt that to much!
Go to Aliexpress and buy something cheap 😂
Nothing gives me quite the rush like a new purchase does, regardless if it’s for me or if i’m surprising somebody I love with a gift
Same!!!
Same here, greetings from 2023
It’s a thrill to see that your package is out for delivery
But it gets less and less exciting
And sometimes I’m not even happy when I open the package
I feel like a “better, more worthy” person right when/after I get paid. I do this type of spending. It’s a validation.
Same. Sucks.
Buying junk food and makeup when I’m sad is my problem lol...
Crisscross I feel you on the junk food lol I have gone to target and bought crap food like gushers chips and candy 😂😂😂
We all have our things we turn to! I shop on ebay... ugh! xoxo
Samesies! 🥰🙈
Where do you buy junk food at
@@ashleybree1407 why go to the dollar tree. Same crap in the junk
I absolutely know the feeling of emotional spending. Especially when im angry. I got myself into credit card debt of over $12,000 in a year and it put a halt on my entire life. 3 years later my debt is down to $4,000 and a credit score of 510. Its important to talk about this subject to the public. Save yourselves.
I emotionally spend when im alone.
Same!
I daydream all day, because everybody thinks that i want be alone. I don't like spend all my days alone after school. Mounth ago, i had (i still managed to go school everyday) debression and five short panick attacks. But now i am just lonely. I do not enjoy my life and feel like outsider. I am afraid of failing, but i find funny things in every 'good and bad' situtation. Yet, it feels like i am drowing. Am i too paranoid or just thinking too much? Therapy helps, but no matter how much i talk, i still feel like i am underwater. I wish that i could be normal and enjoy my life again. I have bad habit to spend money pretty little things. Am i broken music box? I do not know what i am. I hate my body, and everybody else says 'you are so pretty'. I want cut my lower body off, i don't want a woman. When i ask myself what i am, i have no answer. I am more tirehd than usual. I wake before my phone wakes me and my body shows weird sympthons. I do not know, have i just debression? Do i have anxiety? Why my emotions are dying? I know that i did'nt have normal childhood, even thought, i can't remember much and my little brothers can better than i. Well, i do not have best memory. I do suspect that my dad's 'friend', my second younger brother's biologial father maybe sexually abused me. I do not know, no one knows for sure. My brother's are wonderful and weird at same time. I was school bullied and i can't remember those 9 years ver well and maybe its better so. I hate my life, but i love imagination. I love my big sisters, and i love my brothers. I love my mother, but i feel almost all the time that she is dead inside. I do not love my dad, but i do not hate him. I loved very dearly my dad's mother, my grandma Saaga. She was killed and i really miss her. I do not remember much about her, but i am crying when i speak or writing about her. My emotions are dying and i want to die. But i also want to live and write own book and share my book. My own story keeps me alive and i have maybe tiny peace of myself that is'nt dead. I have bad english... Anyway, I feel abandoned and alone. You can correct my incorrect words. Loss of appetite is maybe worst sympthon and then all sudden i am super hungry. Right now, i love taste of sweet vanilla and huney. And of course, dark chocolate (lactose free). I try to study bakery and these all sympthons are on my way to enjoy baking, or whatever is the correct name. Anyway, i am debressed and at same time i am not. I had suicidal thoughts. What my sympthons tells to me, i probably had debression over 3 year and during those years, i had 50% anxiety. I also had panick attacks (but panicks attacks weren'nt that bad. I just felt lile worst thing ever in my life and i did'nt realise it until i met my new friends. Thanks to them, my anxiety did'nt last long). But without friends who cames pick me up when i haven't contact anyone, i am in that dark place and i daydream to forget reality. I wish that i could snap out of this nightmare. I need someone grab me from underwater. I want live, i want be baker. I want friend who is always there for me. I want publish my own book. I want make jewerlies. (My english is so bad. Oh well 😀. I am human being and i am really..really..? I say Clown or joker. But i am gonna really annoying and funny. I just leave this comment here. 😎).
That's why Christmas shopping is soooo dangerous. That's one reason I hate Christmas.
Laura Gadille If it helps...... Jesus is the real reason ❤️
Agreed!! I am much more likely to overspend and buy things I don't need!!!
I agree so much! Christmas gift giving gives me anxiety.
It's a tactic to people can spend money because of this religion bullshit
@@meganlovesdisneyandcrafts4780 sure it is.
I’ve been feeling buyers remorse about how much emotional spending I’ve been doing and this video came at the perfect time.
I am so glad! I hope it was helpful! We filmed another video with more tips on how to stop! It will be out soon :) xoxo
I just had a bad day at work and emotionally spent my last $20 at the grocery store on a couple necessities plus a half a no sugar added blueberry pie.
Emotional spender on food when I’m tired or too annoyed to cook. Went through my bank statement and say that I paid 2x as much on fast food as I did on groceries that I didn’t even cook
I’m actually the opposite. In general I have a major issue with spending money on myself to the point where I don’t get basic necessities because I feel guilty. I think it comes from not valuing myself. I’m not stingy w/ money & I’m very generous w/ others. I’m 32yr & I JUST replaced all my socks which were from high school & I’d just been repairing over the yrs. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
I seldom spend money on myself as well... but I do retail therapy and give it away lol... it's all fun and games until I do finally want something for myself and all spent out 🥴
Thank you so much for sharing your experience TK!! I am sure there are many people who do the same thing. xoxo
Much the same, as well. And they're never grateful. It's a very bad habit.
Darn, you are thrifty.
I kinda the same.
omg this is literally me, i have to watch this now. im pretty much stressed and sad all the time so i spend my money to feel less empty about life
I am a FRUGAL person. My sister died last month and I spent over $1,000. This couldn’t have come at a better time
Don't forget that compassion for yourself is so important & to recognise what you're going through & why you're spending, rather than beating yourself up or feeling guilty. Your inner child would need lots of love & compassion ❤️ I'm so sorry for your loss & the tough time you're going through. It's totally understandable you found an outlet & better a spending spree than drugs. I'm glad you found this video x
aussiejubes ow my heart! Thank you!!
@@KirstinOpal ❤️❤️
I for sure try to buy happiness because I can’t find it in myself so very interested in this
A good deterrent for anxiety when I’m not feeling good in my skin is making more time for exercise. Get into the doing push-ups habit, pump it out, long walks takes up time, long bike rides too
Completing big projects is monumental for me so I’m not in escape mode . When I want to escape I go shopping for wants not needs.
Instagram targeting is the best ad targeting I've seen. I've also bought multiple things from Instagram ads.
"internal compass" that's fucking beautiful ..
Self-soothing. "Grabbing" the things that are easiest at the moment to get too. Emotions are complex hard stuff, and not easy to work with, it takes time and energy (mentally and emotionally) so the short cut is so much more tempting. Even though it's not a good solution in the long run.
this is so true. When I feel depressed I spend money in online courses...big money. I guess is not the same thing but I noticed in the past I don't even finish the courses, it sucks
Yes, I actually do this too. I hardly ever finish the courses so I promise myself to take a break from buy these type courses.
This is was timely in light of all the sales and massive holiday spending that happens. I find my biggest emotional spends are when my physical pain is higher- that’s when I look to Amazon to find those cozy pants, warm socks, special pillow.
I also tend to spend more on gifts for others. This is not done impulsively, I will plan what to get them and think about what would be something they would really love, often I will make something too. But I will almost always over spend here. (Craft supplies to make gifts cost money too!) and those who love me know I love to give gifts and usually can find the perfect thing- but then there is that pressure to keep doing it!!!
I feel like Black Friday and the holiday season definitely capitalizes on emotional spending... this season is sooo stressful
In 1981 I bought the most expensive microwave I could find (about $1000; mics were heavy and expensive back in the day) bc I was PI$$ED that my then husband spent what I considered "stupid money" on a vintage "hobby" truck. I don't have that husband anymore, but I still have that microwave and it still works in spite of 38 years of moving a bunch of times, 2 more marriages, and a kid. It's rare, but sometimes an emotional purchase works out, even in the long, long run.
I definitely was an emotional spender and allowed it to leak into my business. I had no idea that emotional spending was what I was doing until I paid off $22,000 of debt and created a 6 month savings account. I started to see how much I was spending impulsively or because of FOMO and I was doing it a lot in my own business. I LOVED when Chelsea said "a symbol of making it is you're financially comfortable" it took me so long to understand this! I always thought making it was the gucci bag and the BMW. Now I know what true financial freedom is and it feels SO FREAKING GOOD. Thank you for this episode, you two together are great!
I feel personally attacked by the upload of this video.
Which means I needed to see it. Thank you Katie! I love how you are really taking artistic liberty with your uploads without sacrificing any important information! 💜💜💜
I've struggled with this behavior for years; at 50 yrs old, I'm finally conquering it! When you KNOW why you have certain behaviors, but continue to struggle...but at least we struggle instead of giving in altogether...🤷🏾♀️✌🏾♥️
This is me. Thanks for posting various aspects of life that promote overall wholeness/health.
Of course!! I am so glad it was helpful!! xoxo
I almost bought Polly Pocket the other night because it's on sale...
Lol, I kinda feel you.
Omg I remember those!!
"Even if it's something little like a bottle of wine and a block of cheese." ...Why you gotta call me out like that?
Books. In part because I want people to see them and say, “Wow, he knows so much about so many things” I do read them but not as fast as I buy them, which creates its own stress. I have found ways to curb my impulsiveness (e.g. avoiding charity book sales, placing items on an Amazon wish list and letting it sit there, giving myself a set # of books I can buy on a NYC trip). I think I straddle the line between emotional and compulsive buying. I don’t have any other OCD- like symptoms, but I do struggle with anxiety and depression (for which I have received professional help).
Okay Kati you’re just attacking me now lol 😂
haha! I am so sorry!! And trust me.. I am not good at this either!! lol!
I can't thank you enough for making these videos. You have absolutely no idea the impact you have made in my life.
I love having new videos on Mondays. Just another thing that makes me look forward to the first day of the work week.
god i struggle so much w this, online shopping really is such an enabler
Guilty - I am a full grown man and I just used that "because I can" mentality to buy something I did not need last week. I spent a long time figuring out why. I really think it comes down to me haven't felt like a real "adult" yet in my late 20s (although I have a job, etc.). Chelsea and Kati made me realized that I was using this childish mentality to validate me being a real "adult"...
Thank you Chelsea & Kati for the video!
My aunt died last week and this is coming at the perfect time. I dropped a decent amount of money this last weekend on emotional spending for that quick dopamine hit- and sure I felt better for a moment, but the items I bought aren't going to bring her back or suddenly fix all the problems in my life.
I'm sorry for your loss x
anthropomorphisis SO Sorry for your loss. Take care ❤️
@@LexxiKitty thank you
@@kerryirving2949thank you!
anthropomorphisis I’m so sorry for your loss. I have been here, You have to be ready to do the work. Grieve as long as you need, hid the credit card and if you really need the ipad( last resort because distractions help). It does get better ❤️
I used to practice emotional spending often, but thankfully I’ve gotten much better at saving my money for only the important things!! I love your videos so much Kati!! ❤️
Any tips you'd like to share?
@@theusedbert24 I've tried to monitor spending a lot more and make sure that I don't overspend in a single sitting! I'll occasionally allow myself to splurge, but make sure it doesn't exceed over a certain amount such as $50
I am so glad you have become better at saving money!!! xoxo Yay!!
@@Katimorton Thank you so much, it truly means a lot to me!!! :)
So relevant around the holidays
Oh I've recently started doing this. As I've started trying to tackle stuff, this has started as well. It's like trying to nip something in and something else falls out
Just spent my rent money on a new wardrobe to wash away the painful identity I had with my ex and I’m very worried about this as it’s part of the reason I stay in relationships too long- because I don’t handle grieving well and end up spending wayyyy too much, eating too much and exercising too much. I’m exhausted, ashamed and want to do better. I’m afraid I can’t but I’ll keep trying to listen to videos. There’s just not much on emotional spending and emotional control during traumatic events, so glad I found this one. Thank you 🙏 and yes-it was all from Amazon …
I've had buyer's remorse, but not for my decision to buy something. It's just that I didn't look far enough under the hood and didn't get the deal I expected.
Kati, can you please do a video on “somatic symptom disorder” or “health anxiety”.. I have a friend this would really help!
So my therapist has been sick for the last two months and i cant get myself to have sessions with someone completely new. Your videos has been really helping me fill the gap until shes back ♥️ and this video couldnt come at a better time. Not buying clothes, but getting tattoos (has been my latest thing) 😬 atleast its something i can enjoy for life 😂
I never thought i’d be at the point where i’m at now. I had to renew my credit card.... I haven’t. I am content with the video games i have and i have actually SAVED cash🙌 Oh, i live at home don’t worry 😀
I found Kati in 2016 and her videos (and my own therapy work) helped me get my emotional shit together. I found Financial Diet within the last few months on my journey to get my financial shit together. This collab makes me so happy (especially since I struggle with emotional spending)
Boredom is my biggest trigger emotion.
You are the greatest dr. Morton. Your cause is truly noble. All the best.
I'm an emotional spender. I was medically/officially diagnosed with bipolar 1 rapid cycling, ptsd, and borderline personality disorder in 2011. Obviously because I have a mood disorder, whenever I am down, I spend, but mostly when I'm manic and overly happy. And not just on myself, but I give A TON OF MONEY, to other people. It's a rush, but then I feel guilty, then I convince myself that it's justified, for a good or bad reason. Doesn't matter. I always tell myself, "I'll worry about it later. I can make it up at work, or do something extra on the side, to make some quick cash. It'll be fine!" I am also in recovery from addiction since Thanksgiving 2017, so my spending has also went up, drastically. To the point that I am going to have to file for bankruptcy. AGAIN! I filled and closed on it in 2011. Most of it then, was maxing out cards etc, for my family's rent, electricity, etc, and medical. Now, it's not only medical (3 surgeries in the last 5 years) but it's mountains of payday and long term installment loans. It got so bad, I ended up using my husband's card for things. It almost ended our marriage. But thankfully I go to weekly/biweekly therapy sessions, and medication. My mother was HORRIBLE with money, and for a very LONG TIME, I was great at handling it! But in 2010, shortly before I was diagnosed, it became a major issue in my life. Lori (my therapist) has helped me tremendously! I am so happy and thankful we found each other! But my emotional spending is something we are working on right now. I'm slowly overcoming it. Thanks for sharing and making this video for everyone! It's not just an issue for me, but for a lot of people I know.
Jamie-Leigh H I’m glad you’re making progress! ❤️
Yep. Watching this before Black Friday comes.
Also, I've learned to disconnect from triggers: sale ads, social media, email from retailers...find what works for you! ✌🏾😉♥️
This is very helpful ♥️
love your videos, so informative and helpful! lots of love ❤️
Just what I needed right now. Thank you for always making great videos!
Thank you very valuable. We are doing a financial reconstruction& learning to be more aware of reason for spending& focus on reward of saving. We don't want to be trapped by the credit sharks any more. Gr8 video
The worst is people who buy things throughout their lives because they wont deal with their stuff they went through in childhood or a traumatic event in life. It becomes hoarding at that point and it ruin the lives of yourself and your family. Clutter everywhere so you become less or even non productive. Spending takes priority over bills and even the roof over your head. Its awful.
Holiday compulsion spending is definitely a thing!
I have a rule that unless it's a necessity, anything I want to buy online has to sit in my cart for at least 24 hours. There have been a few times when the price went up noticeably during that time and then it didn't seem as appealing, so I take it out of my cart and put it in my Saved Items so I'll see if the price goes down again. But usually the price doesn't change much. I've saved myself from quite a few would-be-impulse purchases!
The 24-hour rule doesn't apply during Prime Day but I set myself a max price for something I actually want/need (pre-vetting my purchases) and only buy if it falls below that.
I have bi-polar disorder but my manic phases were never expressed by spending money I couldn't afford. I had a father who was really bad with money so I grew up with the lesson of all the things not to do. There's at least one thing I can thank my father for! :D
Ooooh this is something I do. A lot. Thanks for the video
I love to be an extreme minimalist.
passaggioalivello I’m a minimalist too and a penny pincher. My sister recently died and I spent over $1,000 😬
@@KirstinOpal I'm sorry for your loss.
Wow, giving me the reality check I didn’t know I needed
This is a collaboration I had been looking forward to see for a long time. Thanks to both for this video!
I found that the example scenarios you guys included are extremely relatable. ❤️
I believe I caught that this weekend. Been spending like craaazy.
2 of my favorite TH-camrs in one video. Yay.
I have been working on financial plans, following Dave Ramsey, Ramit Sethi.. this video helped me to understand WHY I am spending. It’s easy to make a plan but I didn’t understand why I haven’t been reaching all my goals and where I keep having setbacks. Thank you. Remembering Emotional Spending will help me to be more conscious and mindful when shopping.
I clearly emotional shopped tonight because I had a tougher day at work. This video helped me recognize that :(
Thank you! Great video
I for one would love to see more videos on this, Kati, especially one that talks about how to deal with it when you feel tempted to splurge on something!
Omg 2 of my favorite people on TH-cam!!!!
This collab was so so helpful and awesome to see two wonderful communities colliding! Thank you!
What an awesome collaboration! Two of my fave TH-cam hosts!!!! Thank you!!! Great idea!!!! I have needed this!
Kati I Love your channel! You talk about such relevant things and you seem like such a pleasant person. :) this really helped me rethink how I purchase things.
I LOVE THIS COLLAB
I really enjoy the skit examples! I think it's very helpful for people who may see themselves in these situations. Loved this!
I love the financial diet what kind of cross over episode is this lol love it
One of the best vids on the subject I’ve ever heard! Thanks so much, it was incredibly helpful ❤
OMG MY TWO FAVOURITE CHANNELS OMG (I actually squealed out loud no joke)
Thanks for pointing out the difference with compulsive spending. That is what I still come up against sometimes. Will seek a video on that...
Really appreciate your help Kati! You’ve helped me heal a lot and because of you I gained massive emotional awareness! Stay Blessed 😊😊
So relatable! Thanks for doing a video on this
Love Monday’s now....because of your encouragement and videos!
Amy Tennant me too!!!! Now my shitty day of the week is Tuesday! 😹
TK Haha ya😂
This is like the first time I’ve ever been super early, yay?!! I love you and your work and this is a super informative video! Thankyou for what you do!x
Yay!!! xoxo
Youdontknow Myname woot woot!
I've just watched Chelsea's interview of you on her TFD TH-cam channel and followed the link to this video. Brilliant video. So-called 'retail therapy' can be damaging to our budget and mental health (buyers remorse). We've all been there ! Best wishes from Australia:)
I've gotten better about controlling my emotional spending after therapy and fixing the main factor that lead to the high stress that would lead me to shop to feel better. It's so frustrating sometimes though how much I'll spend when I'm not feeling well mentally!
Just found and subscribed to your channel. Great podcast full of important information for our lives🙋🏻♀️
Holy Hummer Welcome to the Community!
I thought this video might be about what we've emotionally invested in a situation rather than literally how we've spent money bc of our emotions. This is a really great topic, though. Definitely something to think about during this season. Thank you for the information & resources.
Love TFD!!!! What a phenom colab!! Thank you!!
When I’m too busy making money, I’m secure enough to keep it, but when I feel insecure, like when my family gets downtrodden - I suddenly find time to take the credit card out and buy things or products or service that promise to solve all our problems.
Like courses for improved skill training or networking inspo that with 4 kids always home from school for sick or snow days or going to doctors for shots, medicines, or therapies (one is special needs) I’ll never have time or energy to complete..
Uhm.
We are the problem. The problem is choices we make or have made. There is no solution to that except maturity. And no one can sell us that. We have to develop it through lessons like this that bring pain.
Ugh! Icky. Disgusting: discomfort - gasp - you don’t say?!
Thank you for posting this. I shop too much. I hoard stuff too. I always thought it was to fill up the hole in my soul and maybe I was lonely . I thought it was like consoling myself with things you know what I mean ? I was not aware about the dopamine (sp)
level in your brain changing when you bought yourself something. Interesting that in my case I also like to buy stuff for loved ones. It's fun. I do work on staying within my budget limits and avoid shopping for awhile if I get too much debt. Sort of like going on a shopping diet .
I'm the other way around. Always worried about finances. My eternal issue is more a: "nah, I don't need it that badly" even when I'm faced with $7 shoes while my own shoes are in pieces. The financial setback always seems HUGE to me.
Domijans I TOTALLY do this too!!! My therapist thinks it’s tied to my self worth since I’m very generous when it comes to buying things for others
Yay! Awesome to see Chelsea on here! 😁
I feel lucky that I don't emotionally spend, and I save my money in general. But when I go to the city, my excitement goes up, and my spending follows. 😖 I just love the feeling of traveling (walking around, riding trains) with drinks/food. 🍵🍰☕🍩
Wow uhmm, this video just made more consciously aware of my spending habits are. I mean I sort of knew it was probably not healthy, but I didn't understand why. Having it framed in that way of what it says about me helped a lot. Thanks!
Kati has like so many awesome videos.........Even though not every video pertains to my particular situation, I find they are SO GREAT to listen and learn about a different behaviour. Who knows, you may be able to pass on what you learn to someone you care about!!!! THANK YOU KATI
Thanks for sales tutorial
All your video are great
I've been so guilty of this in the past. I have never been much of an impulse buyer with clothes, but the comment about the expensive cocktail bar really did hit home for me. I used to end up in those situations, or spend on food to 'treat myself'. Often these spendings happened during a time when I was in a tight money situation and I had due to that restricted my spending a lot, so when I got paid and I had money I really felt 'I deserved it'. For me, the restricting was the trigger as I felt denied enjoying life and I have found other ways to feel great and 'rich' even when I do not have much money to spend. Love how non-judgmental this conversation is and how honest both of you are.
The relationship on how our parents spend money.. I can relate to this so much because whenever i buy something expensive i feel guilty and genuinely feel that its wrong to spend a certain amount on an item.
WOOOO financial diet is the best
Whoa! Great video. Really important info to keep in mind. I've totally spent based on my immediate feelings. 😮😏
Very good topic kati