That last call was tough to hear. I grew up in a home like this, homeschooling included. I was so miserable that I begged my parents to let me go to school for my last 2 years of high school, but they refused. I wish they'd reevaluated what was clearly not working like this woman and her husband are doing. It can't be easy, but it sounds like they're trying to do right by their kids. Good luck to them 💙
My story, but add being moved to the Soviet Union.. at 6.. no actual home schooling at all, beatings at night and locked in a cockroach infested apartment.. no friends, no education and abuse constantly.
My guy and I snuggle before we go to sleep and when we wake up. It sets me for the entire day and settles me and makes me feel grounded with my guy! It is has become the most important interaction for us in our relationship! Magical!
Don't let the church guilt you into homeschooling. It was my experience that the church made me feel like I was failing my kids if I worked because I had to and wanted to and sending my kids to public school. It out me through emotional hell. My kids turned out great and it took years of work for me to quiet the voices against what I knew was best for me and my kids.
The greatest treasures in our lives are the relationships we have with others. We must look to identify those who are worthy of clothes deep connected relationships as they create an amazing life for us. That does mean sometimes we're going to be hurt. But over time you will figure out who is worthy of these relationships and who is not.
A lot of bosses are like that and their employess are chasing after them throughout the day and it stresses them out, always anxious around their bosses. I've noticed this.
My bf is bi polar type 2 and i do the pull away thing too. Like the other day he was walking fast toward me and i moved back rlly quickly bcuz when he yells he gets v angry n thats just how my body reacts. Its just what happens when u dont know which side of them ur bout to get
Hey girl, I hope he can get some counseling bc even though you may love him and he has a real disorder, it doesn’t mean you should have to endure verbal and emotional abuse. It’s not okay and it will never be okay. My father was unmedicated bipolar and that was the same dynamic with my parents and we all learned to run and many other unhealthy behaviors. We learned to resent him for the abuse and her for taking it. As children we wished she would’ve left him years ago but she always said “he can’t help it” and “we just have to endure it.” It’s not his fault your bf has BP II, but it can’t be an excuse for putting up with abuse because you’re worth more than that. I wish my mother loved herself and her kids enough to stand up and say “this isn’t okay and your disorder isn’t an excuse” and “I deserve better.” ❤
Yes agreed. And thank God he is only your boyfriend. Anger man never go with. A good husband will not try to intimidate you. Will keep you safe always.
A friend of mine had a spouse like the first caller was describing herself. Most likely undiagnosed bipolar - he was very hot and cold which made him be unsafe to be around - too unpredictable.
I am surprised he didn't ask how did she married in the first place? My guess is he found her pretty and married her despite her distance. That's what the guys love pretty distance women,smh!
I've read a lot of studies on spanking so I understand all the risks. I just want to say, anecdotally, in the event it might help this mother, it's not the spanking that's hurting your kids, it's the rage. I don't buy for a second that a flick of a wrist on a clothed bottom does harm, but the blind rage especially combined with physical pain is what scars little hearts. My negative experience with my parents have nothing to do with spanking, it was the emotional outbursts and irrational anger.
Completely agree with this, as a child who was spanked. The screaming, throwing, and rage was more harmful and has left me affected until this day. Not the spankings or slaps. I have suffered horribly with anxiety from noises, yelling of others which I am now medicated for and do so much better.
@Britney OG I'm so relieved I'm not being attacked in the comments.😅 I hope you find healing. This scar has been reopened as I try to parent around my own parents and do it better without shaming the ones who made me who I am. They have their own scars they are trying to manage all the while...
I worked at a jail and there was a really interesting conversation and almost all of the inmates said their parents either never spanked them or they were beaten and showed off scares. I tried to get funding to do a real study and send out surveys and visit the jails to see what others say but it was denied.
Nicole is a great example of the pressure that society puts on women to be primary and perfect parents that is not put on fathers. She's guilted into homeschooling to the point where she is suffocated by her kids and then hits them out of rage the kids need to immediately go back to school, it's not good for them to be around a parent who's frustrated and angry all day.
I homeschooled and it is hard … to be the teacher and parent. I could never get my ex-husband to help take some of the responsibility of asking kids to do tasks and I was the disciplinarian too … it wasn’t healthy that I told them what to do all day … every day.
Is never yelling at your kids again realistic? For anyone? Genuinely curious, as i don’t have kids. I aslo don’t plan on it (before everybody attacks me).
Dr. D, didn't you have an episode talking about how you'd discovered the small print/user agreement of TikToc and it drove you nuts? You sold your soul to the devil! I hope you can benefit from it, though. Might as well hope for something out of it!
The first caller sounds like she is owning her own stuff, but the big crisis here is her husband’s behavior, which isn’t about her. She should attempt counseling and other interventions for the marriage AND she should (honestly, not politically correct here) start snooping! Expect transparency from him ASAP-enlist a counselor if possible for this but don’t accept that absolute transparency from him isn’t your right. Don’t jump on him and give him space to speak truth first, *but* please investigate the signs of porn addiction/sex addiction, and betrayal trauma. Ask me how I know! This sounds sooo familiar. I’m a little surprised that Dr. John didn’t tie the last bit of info (re the uptick in more-or-less midlife crises) to the epidemics of porn and sex addiction. Could it be an affair (maybe even just an emotional one)? Sure, but in this day and age, a disconnected husband who is letting his very self-aware wife believe his distance is about her problems, is more likely to be indulging in porn, at the very, very least, and that’s if she’s lucky. Be prepared that a husband who claims to be happy with the status quo while you’re not (and while allowing the wife to take the blame) is likely more motivated than not to keep the status quo (so very motivated to lie, even to direct questions). Along with seeking counseling *and* total transparency/disclosure from him, she needs to protect herself in the meantime, get STD testing, prepare a strong support system, and prepare herself financially for whatever may come out of this. It may be fixable or it may be a disaster that is NOT HER FAULT. I would bet large sums of money on the relevance of this advice, based (unfortunately) on my personal experience and that of support group friends who have endured similar marriages.
Dr Delony, next time someone says that they home school their kids, get at the root of why. It often has a religious/cult reason. To keep kids away from bad influence or protect them from "whatever". Those people dont realize they are being influenced by the strong endoctrination they have. Their kids live in this reality & they need to be given the tools & experience to navigate it. Not going to school robs them of that. (From an old lady, raised in a high control cult.)
Nowadays, school is not what it was used to be. Children get taught perverse stuff and the teachers are mostly left-leaning people that deliberately confuse children with gender & s@x topics. Furthermore, drug use among teenagers are widely tolerated at many schools.
That is NOT the typical homeschool family. It’s changed A LOT and even more since the pandemic. Homeschooled kids are quite well equipped for college and life these days over all. Sorry you had a bad experience.
My wife and I plan on homeschooling our kids. I went to an extremely highly achieving public school, and my wife went to an extremely low achieving public school. We both agree that we can foster a better education environment, and we can move our future children through curriculum more quickly with less stress than either a private or public school. We are also a single income household (mine), so that helps quite a bit in easing the burden. Public schools near us are just average, and that’s not something that we’re comfortable with for the long terms success of our children. Sorry that your experience was so terrible, but most homeschoolers are totally fine, and even great people.
@@sawyersprott Hi, Im sorry, you all are misunderstanding my comment. I addressed it to Dr Delony with the thought that he may be educated on the subject of cults. I am in no way saying that home schooled kids or their parents arent great people. They are great & often the education they receive is above public school. In fact, in my experience home schooled kids are above average intelligence, more mature & graduate sooner. While I personally did go to public school, by my last 2 yrs of High School, I wanted to home school. I was ahead in credits, only had 4 & 5 classes per year, but had to remain at school all day, & graduated at 17. I was extremely shy, which was my true reason for wanting to home school. Glad I had to stick it out, as I would have become further withdrawn. Some parents choose home schooling as a way to prevent the government from learning their business. Especially if they abuse their kids. Some kids are different in some way that having a choice can benefit the kid. Not all situations are the same. When it comes to home schooling kids of cult members, its not the parents that are at fault. Its the cult leaders. They usually are the ones driving that narrative, in order to keep the cult members separated from outsiders. So that is why I would want to know WHY the parent wants to home school. Having been raised in a cult, where all I knew was what the people I trusted taught me, it took way too long to figure out the real truth & escape. I have researched cult endoctrination & now understand how good people are duped into believing in an alternate reality. Its not a matter of intelligence.
Yes, I’ve been wanting him to do this too. There’s a difference between homeschooling because you think you can do better than what the schools around you have to offer vs struggling so much with homeschooling that you go into a rage and hit your kids, fall into depression because you’re highly overwhelmed, or can’t make ends meet because only one partner earns an income. So many people call in to Dr John’s show and the Ramsey show discussing how homeschooling is harming their finances, marriage, and mental health. I would love to hear a caller unpack why they feel the need to let homeschooling take such a toll on them
Can anyone explain why John is standing in that ridiculous position on one leg in the intro to the programme? Whoever made him doing it needs their head examining, sorry - it looks utterly ridiculous and so disrespectful to this talented man. x
if this caller is overweight she needs to lose that weight . I was always overweight and now I'm paying for it with diabetes and I've lost my kidneys because of the kind of foods I was eating I'm now on dialysis .
Best show deserve much more views
That last call was tough to hear. I grew up in a home like this, homeschooling included. I was so miserable that I begged my parents to let me go to school for my last 2 years of high school, but they refused. I wish they'd reevaluated what was clearly not working like this woman and her husband are doing. It can't be easy, but it sounds like they're trying to do right by their kids. Good luck to them 💙
Same. Homeschooled. Abuse in the home, so much rage toward me. It was wildly difficult.
@@LeandraGraves I'm sorry you had to deal with the same thing 💙
My story, but add being moved to the Soviet Union.. at 6.. no actual home schooling at all, beatings at night and locked in a cockroach infested apartment.. no friends, no education and abuse constantly.
My guy and I snuggle before we go to sleep and when we wake up. It sets me for the entire day and settles me and makes me feel grounded with my guy! It is has become the most important interaction for us in our relationship! Magical!
'Are we addicted to the cortisol & adrenalin? Or to the alcohol/ sugar/ scrolling that wedo to de-stress?' Profound
Don't let the church guilt you into homeschooling. It was my experience that the church made me feel like I was failing my kids if I worked because I had to and wanted to and sending my kids to public school. It out me through emotional hell. My kids turned out great and it took years of work for me to quiet the voices against what I knew was best for me and my kids.
He gave her a toy? I’m convinced he’s seeing someone else.
My thought exactly!!
The greatest treasures in our lives are the relationships we have with others.
We must look to identify those who are worthy of clothes deep connected relationships as they create an amazing life for us.
That does mean sometimes we're going to be hurt. But over time you will figure out who is worthy of these relationships and who is not.
A lot of bosses are like that and their employess are chasing after them throughout the day and it stresses them out, always anxious around their bosses. I've noticed this.
it's really nice how dr d gently pushed her to the realization that her husband is cheating.
The final song should have been “In a hurry (And don’t know why) by Alabama. Gotta listen to more country John delony 😂
She’s scared to send them to school? She’s beating the hell out of them at home. What does she think will happen at school? That makes no sense to me.
Warrants a look at 》》cps
My bf is bi polar type 2 and i do the pull away thing too. Like the other day he was walking fast toward me and i moved back rlly quickly bcuz when he yells he gets v angry n thats just how my body reacts. Its just what happens when u dont know which side of them ur bout to get
Hey girl, I hope he can get some counseling bc even though you may love him and he has a real disorder, it doesn’t mean you should have to endure verbal and emotional abuse. It’s not okay and it will never be okay. My father was unmedicated bipolar and that was the same dynamic with my parents and we all learned to run and many other unhealthy behaviors. We learned to resent him for the abuse and her for taking it. As children we wished she would’ve left him years ago but she always said “he can’t help it” and “we just have to endure it.” It’s not his fault your bf has BP II, but it can’t be an excuse for putting up with abuse because you’re worth more than that. I wish my mother loved herself and her kids enough to stand up and say “this isn’t okay and your disorder isn’t an excuse” and “I deserve better.” ❤
I second what Molly said. Be very, very careful with the rest of your life.🤍
Yes agreed. And thank God he is only your boyfriend. Anger man never go with.
A good husband will not try to intimidate you. Will keep you safe always.
A friend of mine had a spouse like the first caller was describing herself.
Most likely undiagnosed bipolar - he was very hot and cold which made him be unsafe to be around - too unpredictable.
1st caller's husband is cheating on her.
Pulling away from intimacy is a very good indicator he is interested in other areas besides her.
Or she is simply awful and won't stop nagging her man to death and he truly despises her company.
@Jerad Kiester right....so now his interests are elsewhere meaning not in her hence cheating.
I am surprised he didn't ask how did she married in the first place? My guess is he found her pretty and married her despite her distance. That's what the guys love pretty distance women,smh!
I've read a lot of studies on spanking so I understand all the risks. I just want to say, anecdotally, in the event it might help this mother, it's not the spanking that's hurting your kids, it's the rage. I don't buy for a second that a flick of a wrist on a clothed bottom does harm, but the blind rage especially combined with physical pain is what scars little hearts. My negative experience with my parents have nothing to do with spanking, it was the emotional outbursts and irrational anger.
Completely agree with this, as a child who was spanked. The screaming, throwing, and rage was more harmful and has left me affected until this day. Not the spankings or slaps. I have suffered horribly with anxiety from noises, yelling of others which I am now medicated for and do so much better.
@Britney OG I'm so relieved I'm not being attacked in the comments.😅 I hope you find healing. This scar has been reopened as I try to parent around my own parents and do it better without shaming the ones who made me who I am. They have their own scars they are trying to manage all the while...
I worked at a jail and there was a really interesting conversation and almost all of the inmates said their parents either never spanked them or they were beaten and showed off scares. I tried to get funding to do a real study and send out surveys and visit the jails to see what others say but it was denied.
All the data says you're wrong Shaelyn. Your parent can be happy while hitting you and it is still traumatic
@@whitneyw.7919 I believe both cause a lot of damage. I was spanked and raged at and both scared me.
Thank you for the hurry-sickness topic!
I use to be like her! I know exactly what she’s going thru
Nicole is a great example of the pressure that society puts on women to be primary and perfect parents that is not put on fathers. She's guilted into homeschooling to the point where she is suffocated by her kids and then hits them out of rage
the kids need to immediately go back to school, it's not good for them to be around a parent who's frustrated and angry all day.
I homeschooled and it is hard … to be the teacher and parent. I could never get my ex-husband to help take some of the responsibility of asking kids to do tasks and I was the disciplinarian too … it wasn’t healthy that I told them what to do all day … every day.
Greetings from 🇨🇦
Relationship are are fully commitment two ways
Yes, you get addicted to anxiety because you “know” without the anxiety you are not safe and you need to feel safe.
Do or not do. There's no TRY. Try = lack of commitment,
Commitment issues
Gretings from 🇫🇮
Finland?
@@thomasevely2558 yes
Is never yelling at your kids again realistic? For anyone? Genuinely curious, as i don’t have kids. I aslo don’t plan on it (before everybody attacks me).
Greetings from 🇻🇺
Dr. D, didn't you have an episode talking about how you'd discovered the small print/user agreement of TikToc and it drove you nuts? You sold your soul to the devil! I hope you can benefit from it, though. Might as well hope for something out of it!
What are you talking about
As someone with someone like the 2nd caller, you are all wrong. Her anxiety has caused him trauma. He’s dealing with it any way he can.
But I already subscribed
The first caller sounds like she is owning her own stuff, but the big crisis here is her husband’s behavior, which isn’t about her. She should attempt counseling and other interventions for the marriage AND she should (honestly, not politically correct here) start snooping! Expect transparency from him ASAP-enlist a counselor if possible for this but don’t accept that absolute transparency from him isn’t your right. Don’t jump on him and give him space to speak truth first, *but* please investigate the signs of porn addiction/sex addiction, and betrayal trauma. Ask me how I know! This sounds sooo familiar. I’m a little surprised that Dr. John didn’t tie the last bit of info (re the uptick in more-or-less midlife crises) to the epidemics of porn and sex addiction. Could it be an affair (maybe even just an emotional one)? Sure, but in this day and age, a disconnected husband who is letting his very self-aware wife believe his distance is about her problems, is more likely to be indulging in porn, at the very, very least, and that’s if she’s lucky. Be prepared that a husband who claims to be happy with the status quo while you’re not (and while allowing the wife to take the blame) is likely more motivated than not to keep the status quo (so very motivated to lie, even to direct questions). Along with seeking counseling *and* total transparency/disclosure from him, she needs to protect herself in the meantime, get STD testing, prepare a strong support system, and prepare herself financially for whatever may come out of this. It may be fixable or it may be a disaster that is NOT HER FAULT. I would bet large sums of money on the relevance of this advice, based (unfortunately) on my personal experience and that of support group friends who have endured similar marriages.
even though I'm sure he's joking why Dr deloney do you put yourself down all the time ?
1st caller have to loose the weight if she want her marriage..her husband is looking elsewhere.
Dr Delony, next time someone says that they home school their kids, get at the root of why. It often has a religious/cult reason. To keep kids away from bad influence or protect them from "whatever". Those people dont realize they are being influenced by the strong endoctrination they have. Their kids live in this reality & they need to be given the tools & experience to navigate it. Not going to school robs them of that. (From an old lady, raised in a high control cult.)
Nowadays, school is not what it was used to be. Children get taught perverse stuff and the teachers are mostly left-leaning people that deliberately confuse children with gender & s@x topics. Furthermore, drug use among teenagers are widely tolerated at many schools.
That is NOT the typical homeschool family. It’s changed A LOT and even more since the pandemic.
Homeschooled kids are quite well equipped for college and life these days over all.
Sorry you had a bad experience.
My wife and I plan on homeschooling our kids. I went to an extremely highly achieving public school, and my wife went to an extremely low achieving public school.
We both agree that we can foster a better education environment, and we can move our future children through curriculum more quickly with less stress than either a private or public school.
We are also a single income household (mine), so that helps quite a bit in easing the burden. Public schools near us are just average, and that’s not something that we’re comfortable with for the long terms success of our children.
Sorry that your experience was so terrible, but most homeschoolers are totally fine, and even great people.
@@sawyersprott
Hi, Im sorry, you all are misunderstanding my comment. I addressed it to Dr Delony with the thought that he may be educated on the subject of cults. I am in no way saying that home schooled kids or their parents arent great people. They are great & often the education they receive is above public school. In fact, in my experience home schooled kids are above average intelligence, more mature & graduate sooner. While I personally did go to public school, by my last 2 yrs of High School, I wanted to home school. I was ahead in credits, only had 4 & 5 classes per year, but had to remain at school all day, & graduated at 17. I was extremely shy, which was my true reason for wanting to home school. Glad I had to stick it out, as I would have become further withdrawn. Some parents choose home schooling as a way to prevent the government from learning their business. Especially if they abuse their kids. Some kids are different in some way that having a choice can benefit the kid. Not all situations are the same. When it comes to home schooling kids of cult members, its not the parents that are at fault. Its the cult leaders. They usually are the ones driving that narrative, in order to keep the cult members separated from outsiders. So that is why I would want to know WHY the parent wants to home school. Having been raised in a cult, where all I knew was what the people I trusted taught me, it took way too long to figure out the real truth & escape. I have researched cult endoctrination & now understand how good people are duped into believing in an alternate reality. Its not a matter of intelligence.
Yes, I’ve been wanting him to do this too. There’s a difference between homeschooling because you think you can do better than what the schools around you have to offer vs struggling so much with homeschooling that you go into a rage and hit your kids, fall into depression because you’re highly overwhelmed, or can’t make ends meet because only one partner earns an income. So many people call in to Dr John’s show and the Ramsey show discussing how homeschooling is harming their finances, marriage, and mental health. I would love to hear a caller unpack why they feel the need to let homeschooling take such a toll on them
Yes. Im also disconnected from this podcast
Lol
Can anyone explain why John is standing in that ridiculous position on one leg in the intro to the programme? Whoever made him doing it needs their head examining, sorry - it looks utterly ridiculous and so disrespectful to this talented man. x
if this caller is overweight she needs to lose that weight . I was always overweight and now I'm paying for it with diabetes and I've lost my kidneys because of the kind of foods I was eating I'm now on dialysis .
I will subscribe if you no longer use BetterHelp as a sponsor
Could you share why you have a disagreement with BetterHealth as a sponsor?
Betterhelp was great in the beginning because it was new now it's commercialized. It's about the bottom line.