Thank you Merlanda for calling. I've been overweight my whole life too. I'm 44 now, and I'm from one of the fittest states in the country, so I was really picked on, ignored and left out. Guys would only date me in secret... it was so messed up... I finally moved to a different city & state where people aren't as caught up with looks. I realized during the call, that I still see a lot of my value in what I can do for other people. It's gotten a little better as I've gotten older, deeper faith... at 1st I didn't value myself, but I knew God valued me, so I started keeping values & boundaries because I didn't want God to see me get hurt or taken advantage of... it too a long time for me to start to see myself that way too. I also like to remind myself that I would never say or think negative things about another person or child, so I also, shouldn't say that about myself either. The one amazing thing I've also found is the low carb Keto & carnivor diets. I'm a carb addicte. I'm also insulin resistant. And through food elimination, I discovered I had food allergies. It never upset my belly, but it made me swell up. Until these discoveries, I couldn't loose weight beyond the initial 20 lbs, and then I'd have to be so crazy calories restricted, it wasn't sustainable. But, cutting out foods I'm sensitive to, and controlling my insulin levels by severely reduced carbs, I've been able to loose weight. I'm down from 240 lbs to 183 lbs (I'm 5'-3")... I still have a ways to go, but it's so easy now. I'm not hungry and I'm still loosing weight. It feels good, but it hasn't changed who I am as a person. It's not magic, but like Dr John said, I make a conscious effort to override negative thoughts and replace them with positive truths about myself. Also, I keep buying cute clothes in my current size, because I'm worth it. (Sometimes from good will or thrift stores, discount stores, clothes donated to churches)... It's been helpful to dress nice even at my biggest and now as I move along. It's motivating. Praying for you and all those who've been there too.
That's awesome you figured out those issues your body has with food. A lot of people don't realize just certain foods are hurting them more than the overall calories. I removed sugar completely from my diet (with exception to the natural stuff found in whole foods) and just doing that I noticed a huge difference. I didn't even change the number of calories in my diet
Thank you so much for sharing ❤🙏🏾 Your story has really moved me and touched my heart. I am working with a therapist now to find a way to override all the negative thinking - it is difficult but I am intent to learn how to truly value myself, and love myself enough to lovingly work at improving my health.
Listening to Merlanda, being a fraternal twin, this hits hard. I've always been the thin twin and my sister was always the topic and the constant joking. Once I gained some weight and people started comparing us more I felt scared and started dieting. Now I'm working with a treatment team after being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. It's a constant battle but worth fighting. Stay strong Merlanda. You got this and you are so loved.❤️💐
What would have your parents done differently to avoid this for you? I am a mom of 3 girls and two of them are twins. They are still babies and i love them more than anything in the world. I dont want that to happen to any of them. So any advise will be greatly appreciate it.
@@ebonycuevadiaz oh, I totally understand your concern. Basically, I grew up in a very strict home; my parents focused a lot on school achievements, dressing nice, acting like a lady, not making mistakes, no cursing,not much social life and probably untreated mental health diagnosis on both my mom and dad. At the end, I think it all boiled up and along with college stress and future,I felt overwhelmed and self conscious. I wish you and your family the best and the most healthy life.💐❤️
Yes, it's a constant thing. I am a twin too and sometimes we switch back and forth of who the "bigger twin" is. Although neither of us have ever been overweight it's still a battle since we are ALWAYS being compared. There is always, which one is "the prettier, smaller, stronger, bigger one..." It's been a comparison with us for over 46 years.
So, John, you were directly helping Merlanda today, but you were also helping me. I really needed to hear most of what you told her. Thank you for helping her. Merlanda, thank you so much for calling and putting all that in words. You continue to help, lead and encourage a broader community now. Good luck with your journey.
Are you kidding me!? Its only bern a year leave that poor Mom alone! My sister died a year ago and the pain is so real. My brother died 10 years ago and it still hurts. It doesn't just go away. I can't imagine when my dad or husband dies. I won't be getting rid if my husband's things for a long looong time. Just leave her alone. 🤦♀️ Talk about the house and the future BUT don't make her get rid of her husband's things😭😫
I gained weight fast after my husband died. While he was sick I was rail thin and my hair was falling out.. I just had a hysterectomy so that didn't help. I'm going to the gym 3 days a week . Trying to get healthy, my daughter only has 1 parent now.
Merlanda, Thank you for your question. Hugs to you. I can relate. I have never felt like I am "enough". It was good to hear what Dr John had to say about this. I think I need to listen to this segment a few times more.
As Dr. Cox once said, "The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body. You understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle."
Merlanda- You have a beautiful heart; we come on this earth to learn how to love ourself and other people. Take that genuine love that you have for others, and also give that love to yourself. Then pursue your dreams- what makes you happy.
To the family trying to get their mother to leave her home-you can hire in home to check in on her...this doesn't have to be about moving and selling her home.
They need to clip the part where he said that quote from Steven Connell and his advice afterwards. Wise advice for anyone in a relationship or considering a commitment. It’s not a score sheet. It is a profound commitment that when done well is pretty incredible.
It can be incredibly hard for a lot of women to lose weight. We are very much at the mercy of our hormones, coupled with our genes, as well as the diet we may have been fed as children, which can be linked to familial culture as well. Height also plays a factor. We have to love our bodies, because of what they DO, not because of what size we may or may not be. You learn this pretty quickly through pregnancy and ESPECIALLY AFTER. It is so humbling/hard after children, when you see what happens to your body. The better way to look at it, is to look at your body, and think about all of the things it's done/gotten you through. That attitude, coupled with a nutritionist and some time with a PT, can change our whole mindset. It shouldn't be about losing weight. That's secondary. It should be about the potential we see in ourselves, and being grateful for the body God chose for each of us. One of my friends was really heavy, and she barely ate. Turned out she had a soy allergy and she was celiac. After she stopped eating what she didn't even know her body wasn't able to digest, the weight fell off, and her hormones leveled out. Prayers for this beautiful human.
You are a person in the know ❤. When I eat gluten(for more than a week) I will gain at least 5 lbs. And also eating after 6pm makes me pack on pounds . But hey, in a famine situation I would make out pretty good 😅
When I was a child, I remember always trying to stay thin because I thought that fat people were gross. After several accidents and medical emergencies, I discovered that now I’m full on fat, and loving myself became that much harder. But I think I finally love myself again. I still want to lose weight, but I’m still worthy of love and honestly respect! And I also love others more, too. I understand that life isn’t always easy, and we can’t always choose how our bodies are wired to handle tough situations.
@@TBIhope not at all. I predicted that you would push back with the uncomfortable truth. Therapy is a good outlet for help. Be accountable for your actions.
@@lynnlakotich6331 I am accountable for my actions. I never give up. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m responsible for the drunk driver who broke my hip. So please stop. You don’t understand what I’ve said, and maybe that’s partially my fault for not being more open, but I prefer to look forward, not backward. I don’t want to explain everything to you because that forces me back into a negative place.
@@TBIhopegirl, they won't get it unless they've been there. I was a good weight my whole life, then I got pregnant after a miscarriage. My hormones were a mess. I couldn't eat barely due to severe morning sickness, yet I gained 100 lbs in 9 months 😮. It took years to understand my body had gone into a pcos state.and I had to eat no sugar, or gluten. Finally back down now, but it helped me learn to never judge overweight people because you never know what health issues they have going on ❤. Compassion is everything.
Merlanda, I’m watching/listening to this a year on. I hope so much you have learned to love yourself and you’re feeling as beautiful as you are. I hope you’re doing well💖 Dr John, you truly are a wonderful human, you were so beautiful to Merlanda, I cried 🥺 💙
I cried during the first caller I felt her pain deeply as I have struggled with my weight most of my life … horrible body image 🥲🥲 all I was thinking was oh sweetheart you are amazing just the way you are 🙏🙏🙏 god bless
I think it would have been cool if John would have went just a tiny bit deeper with the first caller. I experienced this myself! I don't really struggle with weight but with loving my body and e.g. exercising on a regular basis. So the older i got and the more i loved myself , the easier it was to exercise, eat healthy etc. As part of a lifestyle bec i started seeing it as caring for myself. Doing sports is much harder when you want to lose a certain amount of weight. If the goal is to support your body longterm, taking care of it, releasing stress, feeling enrgized in the morning , living a healthy Lifestyle and so on , the motivation comes to you :)
I’m binge watching episodes at the moment, so not sure which episode it was but at the end of one of them, when Dr John reads lyrics, he said that Kelly won a poet competition and proceeded to read it…. It was Wannabe by the Spice Girls 😂🤣 I was driving and listening and sitting there absolutely cracking up!!!! I needed that laugh so much 😂🤣😂🤣
I think it’s hard to love yourself when you struggle with weight because all you ever hear is how much people hate it and don’t want to be fat. There is like a preoccupation with it in our society that trying to love yourself when your less than perfect is very hard because you get no external validation that you have value. It’s actually quite the opposite. In fact, when I compliment someone I try not to make it about their looks and more about their character. Or “wow you look great” instead of “have you lost weight?” It’s almost like our society would prefer you to be anything else but overweight. You can be a raging narcissist but you will seem to have more value to the world than that sweetheart over there that’s heavy. It’s jus soo 3 dimensional. Opt for love peace and health. Not hate shame and arrogance. Skinny people have problems too they aren’t the holy grail of man kind
I agree. someone can be thin and be a murderer yes the fat person will get more hate/disdain for just existing/walking down the street. someone's values are infinitely more important than their looks
Merlanda, start choosing yourself first and the rest will follow. So glad I never had any sisters. I was fat and ugly anyways and knew I would be in comparison. Skinny privilege is a real thing!
Names are deeply personal, Dr. John. Starting an episode by mocking Merlanda’s name and state left me feeling a little sad. But I agreed with you in the end-what a brave girl.
John’s scared 😱 of heights 😂! I can see him talking someone down from an edge but then John looks over and passes out so the world-be jumper has to get down to make sure John’s okay 👌🏻🤣 Win Win!!
Merlanda I'm also a faternal twin also the plump one. For me being a twin was constantly being compared by my mother,and in school, just all the time. I'm a senior" like old person" 😂 now and have had counseling and have asked the Lord to help me because I haven't been able to do this alone. Merlander I have lost 30 lbs now it's taken about a year and through some big trials in my life and I'm a stress eater. I have about 40 ish more lbs to lose but I'm not putting a time limit and if if have a day I falter I WILL get up and get back to my plan. I Feel your pain, turn to the Lord and counseling. I still have a lot more to lose but the Lord is with me and I've learned forgiveness and have had to forgive myself for things in life. This time Merlanda I'm going to do it thanks to turning it over to the Lord who loves me and has showed me how to love myself and be kind to myself, that's why I can do this this time with out punishing myself.
At 15 minutes....Dr Deloney can you expand on this ? Why do we do the performance based acts, is it to feel good or get the thanks from the one we help and try to be their savior
Merlanda, please look into a low-carb way of eating. (Don't do a "dirty" version. You want to eat real, whole foods that fuel your body!) Don't DIET, change your diet....meaning change the way you eat! You are "yo yoing" because you have the wrong idea of healthy eating. Healthy eating can be rich and delicious food! Simply changing the way you eat will get the ball rolling, and once you drop some major weight, you will want to dive into exercise. Trying to exercise your way to health while you're 150 lbs overweight just isn't going to help. You truly have to change the way you eat. Best wishes to you!
Yes, low carb change my life. I'm a carb addicte, but all the sudden low card made it possible to eat the right amount of calories without tourchering myself.
@@Ryan-wx1bi Sure, she can do whatever she likes and whatever works for her. I didn't say not to exercise, but it's not needed for weight loss. Usually, once someone drops a bunch of weight, they will actually WANT to exercise. Exercise is great for overall health, but when you're severely overweight, it can feel like immense torture and actually hurt you.
Before I share, I’ll say that I’m obese. You need to not love your body when you’re obese. You need to realize that this is a huge issue with your health and you need to be focused on getting/being healthy. 1:Eat an anti inflammatory diet. 2:Drink half of your weight in oz of water everyday. 3:Move more:Walking is the best exercise.
"How do I love my body?" You love it by loving it. That means taking care of it. It's an action, not a feeling. You love it today by treating it well, with respect, through habits of eating and exercise, and you do the same thing through next year, after you've lost weight and toned it to a healthy state, and you love it this way for the rest of your life. That's what it means to love your body. It does not mean you look at an unshapely mass in the mirror and think, "yeah, I love this!" You love it by getting it in shape. I do it, my friends do it, y'all can do it. When we're younger, we can let our emotions take us down a darker path, one where we end up with a situation, bodily or otherwise, that we recognize is not good. But as adults there's an onus upon us to take ownership of who we are and how we should steward whatever we've ended up with.
Not everyone can though. Your body changes and you have to learn to love it even if you’re not in a place where you can tone your body. I know Jen don’t like to hear that but it’s true
@@emmarose6590 to the extent that you're able. That was implied, but maybe it needs to be said. If there's something external to your own will and moral formation that legitimately keeps you from taking care of yourself--whatever that means in each person's case--that'd be a very unfortunate exception. Also, I think there's a typo in your comment, did you mean to say "men" instead of "Jen"? If so, none of this has to do with men vs women, I'm not sure how you're reading that into anything that's been said.
This is all true - but it's the next step. It's the more easy step. You have to start somewhere. And you also have to start somewhere, when you're really on the low end. You have to start before you do. And it's no good to force youself into doing. You have to be looking forward to the doing process - and that means the change begins within the mind. If you can smile when imagening what you can/ will do (even the hard things; because these things give something to you - they are not only a must) then you are ready.
Yeah, he got this one wrong. I'm a Deloney addict, but I'm also a 70 year old widow of 3 years. Don't guilt this woman into putting your needs above her own. She's done that all your life. Let her live and die as she chooses! Saying you worry is fine. "Do it for us" is over the line.
In case a member of the show team reads this: could you explain a bit more about feelings coming and going - but the necessary thing for a lasting relationship to be to say every morning 'I do'. I think, I understand a part of it - that love is a will (I guess). But feelings coming and going: no (emotions come and go - but that genuine feeling for someone - even if they might drive you crazy at some moments - that sticks). ... or maybe someone can help me out here?
I'll attempt.. I think perhaps what John was meaning was that feelings evolve and change. The passion you feel for a person at the beginning of a relationship may fade and be replaced with deeper more connective love, for example. And I believe he was also referring to how there may be times throughout a marriage when you don't feel as in love with the person you married, whether you're going through a rough patch together or whatever it may be. But it's especially in those moments that you choose to still be committed to them. Loving someone is a choice. To keep a marriage strong and committed you have to choose every day to love them, whether you feel that super strong emotion or not. But through choosing to love them, you search for ways to serve and connect with them. Which also leads to feelings of love. In my experience it's all connected. ...Hope that helps shed a little more light?
She’s unhealthy. But part of the unhealthy is the mental aspect. You’re a reflection of what you feel inside too. So saying I don’t see people like me on media it’s not a reason to feel like that. Say every comercial has an morbidly obese person in it, that’s not going to change YOUR health. Your body will still be tired, your mind will still be tired and depressed. I’m on the high BMI range and never have I thought this is anyone else’s fault. Or that they should pretend my weight is healthy. I hope this lady gets the help and support to lose the weight, BUT also gets support for her emotional and mental health.
Wait! We are supposed to love our body when we are overweight? Not happening here. It's my greatest area of disappointment in myself. I need to work to have a body that makes me happy. That's my greatest goal.
There's a difference between being uncomfortable and unhealthy and working for better than hating your overweight self. You can't get healthy by punishing yourself.
You definitely need to go to therapy. Many men feel incompetent, so they check out and focus on their careers. I am not good with babies but I am good at my job. Which is why I screen for men who are reflective, willing to learn new skills, and are intrinsically motivated to solve problems. This gives no excuse for cruelty though. All of this screening is done early in the dating process, prior to commitment and sex. I engage in therapy level conversations with them and perform psychological assessments on them. Like for real for real. I've requested personality assessments as well. Their response to my request is a test. I very positive about it and frame it as a journey of exploration. If they lash out, automatic termination. That means he is emotionally immature. It's ok if they express concern but are willing to talk about it. That is a good response to the test. He may not agree but he is willing to explore. The other option is for him to agree. That is a great responses too. It sounds like a lot but the goal is to fully understand my partner. Part of it is so I can get a proper assessment but the other side is so I can love them properly. During the dating process, we spend our time taking about hobbies.😑😑😑
I want to reply so you hear me, not to be mean. As a guy who is loving, intelligent, has a solid career, is God-fearing and God-loving, I would bolt so quickly if you had done what you outline with me if we were dating. Be very wise in your mate selection, but don't do it like you described. You will probably become prideful in the seeking and end up so picky that you really just end up alone. All this is meant with love, my sister. Enjoy dating, enjoy the chase, but be loving, not critical.
If you are really seriously doing this (I hope not) then here’s a suggestion DO NOT DO THIS. You seem as though you want a masculine man and are not aware that your are in a very masculine state. Even your approach is masculine and that will only attract feminine energy men and it may seem at first that the feminine energy man is a good catch but it will not last. You will get into your feminine and want home to man up and he will get too comfortable and that won’t last either. Just sit back and let the man ask the questions and see where he can lead you in conversation. Test the waters and see how far and how deep he can go but remain mysterious and act slightly dumb. Your Analytical mind will be able to process weather or not he is a fit. This will also weed out the men in their feminine looking for a mother and not a wife. Right now it sounds like YOU’RE looking for a WIFE... And all this may sound woo woo but you are here commenting on your process and not with your MAN, and even if there is a guy now you are so in your masculine that it will not last long. OR you could end up with the feminine man and have kids and be exhausted and cheat cuz your man doesn’t fulfill your needs of being in your feminine… I’ve seen that happen too. No shade and this was is coming from love. You seem like you would make an excellent wife and mother (if you choose). ❤
To any young men listening, take it from me - stay single ‘til AT LEAST your 30’s. Go out, find a life you love, date, enjoy your hobbies and when you’ve got all that out of your system THAT’S the time to think about marriage/kids. I know so many men who married too young and got lumbered with kids, mortgage etc and now they’re divorced and in debt with child support.
It’s different for everyone. So men should stay single until they are 30, but women get the short end of the stick. We’re the ones with a clock and that always get the crap about staying single until after 30, you see this don’t you?
I thought if you have the love of Jesus that you could get through anything but this worship Pastor sounds so tortured that she should have spent more time at a therapist than in a church
Huge fan of DJD; gotta admit, though, “Why wait?” to the 24-year-old who’s dated his gf for 1 year? 🤦♀️🤦♀️😩 Sweet Caller, you are young; your brain is not fully developed yet; you have very limited life experience; statistically your odds are better if you’re older and date longer. There. is. no. rush. Go with your instincts not to rush it. Don’t listen to the people who tell you, “We dated 2 weeks; we’ve been married 45 years.” They played Russian Roulette with their lives and got away with it; let’s not equate that with wisdom. Wishing you well, Fella!!
![[Part 1] ทารกน้อยถูกทิ้ง👶 หญิงชราเก็บขวดขายเลี้ยงดูเขาจนโต #โลกการละคร](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nPTDvFCExks/mqdefault.jpg)
Dr. John has morphed into the TOP Ramsey personality…well done sir!
he's the only one i still watch. love him
Thank you Merlanda for calling. I've been overweight my whole life too. I'm 44 now, and I'm from one of the fittest states in the country, so I was really picked on, ignored and left out. Guys would only date me in secret... it was so messed up... I finally moved to a different city & state where people aren't as caught up with looks.
I realized during the call, that I still see a lot of my value in what I can do for other people. It's gotten a little better as I've gotten older, deeper faith... at 1st I didn't value myself, but I knew God valued me, so I started keeping values & boundaries because I didn't want God to see me get hurt or taken advantage of... it too a long time for me to start to see myself that way too.
I also like to remind myself that I would never say or think negative things about another person or child, so I also, shouldn't say that about myself either.
The one amazing thing I've also found is the low carb Keto & carnivor diets. I'm a carb addicte. I'm also insulin resistant. And through food elimination, I discovered I had food allergies. It never upset my belly, but it made me swell up. Until these discoveries, I couldn't loose weight beyond the initial 20 lbs, and then I'd have to be so crazy calories restricted, it wasn't sustainable. But, cutting out foods I'm sensitive to, and controlling my insulin levels by severely reduced carbs, I've been able to loose weight. I'm down from 240 lbs to 183 lbs (I'm 5'-3")... I still have a ways to go, but it's so easy now. I'm not hungry and I'm still loosing weight.
It feels good, but it hasn't changed who I am as a person. It's not magic, but like Dr John said, I make a conscious effort to override negative thoughts and replace them with positive truths about myself. Also, I keep buying cute clothes in my current size, because I'm worth it. (Sometimes from good will or thrift stores, discount stores, clothes donated to churches)... It's been helpful to dress nice even at my biggest and now as I move along. It's motivating.
Praying for you and all those who've been there too.
Such a beautifully shared story and I
thank you because it just helped me
and it will be here forever for others.
That's awesome you figured out those issues your body has with food. A lot of people don't realize just certain foods are hurting them more than the overall calories. I removed sugar completely from my diet (with exception to the natural stuff found in whole foods) and just doing that I noticed a huge difference. I didn't even change the number of calories in my diet
Thank you so much for sharing ❤🙏🏾 Your story has really moved me and touched my heart. I am working with a therapist now to find a way to override all the negative thinking - it is difficult but I am intent to learn how to truly value myself, and love myself enough to lovingly work at improving my health.
Listening to Merlanda, being a fraternal twin, this hits hard. I've always been the thin twin and my sister was always the topic and the constant joking. Once I gained some weight and people started comparing us more I felt scared and started dieting. Now I'm working with a treatment team after being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. It's a constant battle but worth fighting. Stay strong Merlanda. You got this and you are so loved.❤️💐
What would have your parents done differently to avoid this for you? I am a mom of 3 girls and two of them are twins. They are still babies and i love them more than anything in the world. I dont want that to happen to any of them. So any advise will be greatly appreciate it.
@@ebonycuevadiaz oh, I totally understand your concern. Basically, I grew up in a very strict home; my parents focused a lot on school achievements, dressing nice, acting like a lady, not making mistakes, no cursing,not much social life and probably untreated mental health diagnosis on both my mom and dad. At the end, I think it all boiled up and along with college stress and future,I felt overwhelmed and self conscious.
I wish you and your family the best and the most healthy life.💐❤️
What a sweet message to her! You sound like you have a great attitude! Wishing for great things for you in your future.
Yes, it's a constant thing. I am a twin too and sometimes we switch back and forth of who the "bigger twin" is. Although neither of us have ever been overweight it's still a battle since we are ALWAYS being compared. There is always, which one is "the prettier, smaller, stronger, bigger one..." It's been a comparison with us for over 46 years.
@@mimimonster thank you. It costs nothing to be kind ❤️💐
I'm going to re-watch this until it sticks. Thank GOd for Dr John Delony & all those who help him help us.
It’s certainly his gift👍
So, John, you were directly helping Merlanda today, but you were also helping me. I really needed to hear most of what you told her. Thank you for helping her. Merlanda, thank you so much for calling and putting all that in words. You continue to help, lead and encourage a broader community now. Good luck with your journey.
Are you kidding me!? Its only bern a year leave that poor Mom alone! My sister died a year ago and the pain is so real. My brother died 10 years ago and it still hurts. It doesn't just go away. I can't imagine when my dad or husband dies. I won't be getting rid if my husband's things for a long looong time. Just leave her alone. 🤦♀️
Talk about the house and the future BUT don't make her get rid of her husband's things😭😫
I gained weight fast after my husband died. While he was sick I was rail thin and my hair was falling out..
I just had a hysterectomy so that didn't help. I'm going to the gym 3 days a week . Trying to get healthy, my daughter only has 1 parent now.
Merlanda, Thank you for your question. Hugs to you. I can relate. I have never felt like I am "enough". It was good to hear what Dr John had to say about this. I think I need to listen to this segment a few times more.
As Dr. Cox once said, "The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body. You understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle."
What a sad way to live your life....
Merlanda- You have a beautiful heart; we come on this earth to learn how to love ourself and other people. Take that genuine love that you have for others, and also give that love to yourself. Then pursue your dreams- what makes you happy.
I love and have profited from the many episodes I've listened to, Dr John, but this was one of the best!
To the family trying to get their mother to leave her home-you can hire in home to check in on her...this doesn't have to be about moving and selling her home.
Exactly. What about mom’s feelings and wants? She wants to stay there.
Merlanda, You were knit together in your mother's womb...
You were created in the image of God..
They need to clip the part where he said that quote from Steven Connell and his advice afterwards. Wise advice for anyone in a relationship or considering a commitment. It’s not a score sheet. It is a profound commitment that when done well is pretty incredible.
I'm stuck between the desire to glue my ass to my couch and the true reality of no desire to do it.
It can be incredibly hard for a lot of women to lose weight. We are very much at the mercy of our hormones, coupled with our genes, as well as the diet we may have been fed as children, which can be linked to familial culture as well. Height also plays a factor. We have to love our bodies, because of what they DO, not because of what size we may or may not be. You learn this pretty quickly through pregnancy and ESPECIALLY AFTER. It is so humbling/hard after children, when you see what happens to your body. The better way to look at it, is to look at your body, and think about all of the things it's done/gotten you through. That attitude, coupled with a nutritionist and some time with a PT, can change our whole mindset. It shouldn't be about losing weight. That's secondary. It should be about the potential we see in ourselves, and being grateful for the body God chose for each of us. One of my friends was really heavy, and she barely ate. Turned out she had a soy allergy and she was celiac. After she stopped eating what she didn't even know her body wasn't able to digest, the weight fell off, and her hormones leveled out. Prayers for this beautiful human.
You are a person in the know ❤. When I eat gluten(for more than a week) I will gain at least 5 lbs. And also eating after 6pm makes me pack on pounds . But hey, in a famine situation I would make out pretty good 😅
When I was a child, I remember always trying to stay thin because I thought that fat people were gross. After several accidents and medical emergencies, I discovered that now I’m full on fat, and loving myself became that much harder. But I think I finally love myself again. I still want to lose weight, but I’m still worthy of love and honestly respect!
And I also love others more, too. I understand that life isn’t always easy, and we can’t always choose how our bodies are wired to handle tough situations.
You're in denial.
@@lynnlakotich6331 you’re in a bad head space and I won’t let you drag me down.
@@TBIhope not at all. I predicted that you would push back with the uncomfortable truth. Therapy is a good outlet for help. Be accountable for your actions.
@@lynnlakotich6331 I am accountable for my actions. I never give up. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m responsible for the drunk driver who broke my hip. So please stop. You don’t understand what I’ve said, and maybe that’s partially my fault for not being more open, but I prefer to look forward, not backward. I don’t want to explain everything to you because that forces me back into a negative place.
@@TBIhopegirl, they won't get it unless they've been there. I was a good weight my whole life, then I got pregnant after a miscarriage. My hormones were a mess. I couldn't eat barely due to severe morning sickness, yet I gained 100 lbs in 9 months 😮. It took years to understand my body had gone into a pcos state.and I had to eat no sugar, or gluten. Finally back down now, but it helped me learn to never judge overweight people because you never know what health issues they have going on ❤. Compassion is everything.
One of the best episodes I've heard!
Merlanda, I’m watching/listening to this a year on. I hope so much you have learned to love yourself and you’re feeling as beautiful as you are. I hope you’re doing well💖
Dr John, you truly are a wonderful human, you were so beautiful to Merlanda, I cried 🥺 💙
Merlanda i wish you were my neighbor...id come give you a hug! You and i are so alike! Thankyou for your story!
I cried during the first caller I felt her pain deeply as I have struggled with my weight most of my life … horrible body image 🥲🥲 all I was thinking was oh sweetheart you are amazing just the way you are 🙏🙏🙏 god bless
I like Delony’s HARD TRUTHS! Mental over Physical Health, but then they go hand in hand! He said it, “Forgiveness of Oneself” 😊
I think it would have been cool if John would have went just a tiny bit deeper with the first caller. I experienced this myself! I don't really struggle with weight but with loving my body and e.g. exercising on a regular basis. So the older i got and the more i loved myself , the easier it was to exercise, eat healthy etc. As part of a lifestyle bec i started seeing it as caring for myself. Doing sports is much harder when you want to lose a certain amount of weight. If the goal is to support your body longterm, taking care of it, releasing stress, feeling enrgized in the morning , living a healthy Lifestyle and so on , the motivation comes to you :)
Great advice! Thank you Dr Delony
17:30 Need to lose weight but not in order to be loved...
Damn. That was a key.
Bookmarking for future reference.
And because Merlanda MATTERS.
1st call 1:40
2nd call 22:44
3rd call 33:56
I’m binge watching episodes at the moment, so not sure which episode it was but at the end of one of them, when Dr John reads lyrics, he said that Kelly won a poet competition and proceeded to read it…. It was Wannabe by the Spice Girls 😂🤣
I was driving and listening and sitting there absolutely cracking up!!!!
I needed that laugh so much 😂🤣😂🤣
Thank you Dr John - all good things in moderation 😊
I think it’s hard to love yourself when you struggle with weight because all you ever hear is how much people hate it and don’t want to be fat. There is like a preoccupation with it in our society that trying to love yourself when your less than perfect is very hard because you get no external validation that you have value. It’s actually quite the opposite. In fact, when I compliment someone I try not to make it about their looks and more about their character. Or “wow you look great” instead of “have you lost weight?” It’s almost like our society would prefer you to be anything else but overweight. You can be a raging narcissist but you will seem to have more value to the world than that sweetheart over there that’s heavy. It’s jus soo 3 dimensional. Opt for love peace and health. Not hate shame and arrogance. Skinny people have problems too they aren’t the holy grail of man kind
I agree. someone can be thin and be a murderer yes the fat person will get more hate/disdain for just existing/walking down the street.
someone's values are infinitely more important than their looks
Merlanda, start choosing yourself first and the rest will follow.
So glad I never had any sisters. I was fat and ugly anyways and knew I would be in comparison. Skinny privilege is a real thing!
Names are deeply personal, Dr. John. Starting an episode by mocking Merlanda’s name and state left me feeling a little sad. But I agreed with you in the end-what a brave girl.
John’s scared 😱 of heights 😂! I can see him talking someone down from an edge but then John looks over and passes out so the world-be jumper has to get down to make sure John’s okay 👌🏻🤣 Win Win!!
Merlanda I'm also a faternal twin also the plump one.
For me being a twin was constantly being compared by my mother,and in school, just all the time.
I'm a senior" like old person" 😂 now and have had counseling and have asked the Lord to help me because I haven't been able to do this alone.
Merlander I have lost 30 lbs now it's taken about a year and through some big trials in my life and I'm a stress eater.
I have about 40 ish more lbs to lose but I'm not putting a time limit and if if have a day I falter I WILL get up and get back to my plan.
I Feel your pain, turn to the Lord and counseling.
I still have a lot more to lose but the Lord is with me and I've learned forgiveness and have had to forgive myself for things in life.
This time Merlanda I'm going to do it thanks to turning it over to the Lord who loves me and has showed me how to love myself and be kind to myself, that's why I can do this this time with out punishing myself.
I was feeling like crying too 😢
Sleep is #1!!
I’ve been telling myself I hate myself for my porn addiction. I’m doing going to tell myself I love myself too much to let me stay in this addiction.
At 15 minutes....Dr Deloney can you expand on this ? Why do we do the performance based acts, is it to feel good or get the thanks from the one we help and try to be their savior
I don't think that Mirlanda even knows that many conventionally attractive people loathe themselves in the same way she has for many years.
Conversation I had with lane Norton last night lol. Lane Norton is the bomb. The perks of killing it on TH-cam, lol.
Merlanda, please look into a low-carb way of eating. (Don't do a "dirty" version. You want to eat real, whole foods that fuel your body!) Don't DIET, change your diet....meaning change the way you eat! You are "yo yoing" because you have the wrong idea of healthy eating. Healthy eating can be rich and delicious food! Simply changing the way you eat will get the ball rolling, and once you drop some major weight, you will want to dive into exercise. Trying to exercise your way to health while you're 150 lbs overweight just isn't going to help. You truly have to change the way you eat. Best wishes to you!
Yes!! Eat FOOD, not “food product”!!!
Yes, low carb change my life. I'm a carb addicte, but all the sudden low card made it possible to eat the right amount of calories without tourchering myself.
She should still exercise though. Nothing crazy, but she should go on long walks every day
@@Ryan-wx1bi Sure, she can do whatever she likes and whatever works for her. I didn't say not to exercise, but it's not needed for weight loss. Usually, once someone drops a bunch of weight, they will actually WANT to exercise. Exercise is great for overall health, but when you're severely overweight, it can feel like immense torture and actually hurt you.
Before I share, I’ll say that I’m obese. You need to not love your body when you’re obese. You need to realize that this is a huge issue with your health and you need to be focused on getting/being healthy.
1:Eat an anti inflammatory diet.
2:Drink half of your weight in oz of water everyday.
3:Move more:Walking is the best exercise.
I wish I could get an appointment with him,, but i dont wnt to be on the show. Im a very private person.
i get capricorn vibes from dr john.
does anyone know his DOB?
"How do I love my body?" You love it by loving it. That means taking care of it. It's an action, not a feeling. You love it today by treating it well, with respect, through habits of eating and exercise, and you do the same thing through next year, after you've lost weight and toned it to a healthy state, and you love it this way for the rest of your life. That's what it means to love your body. It does not mean you look at an unshapely mass in the mirror and think, "yeah, I love this!" You love it by getting it in shape. I do it, my friends do it, y'all can do it.
When we're younger, we can let our emotions take us down a darker path, one where we end up with a situation, bodily or otherwise, that we recognize is not good. But as adults there's an onus upon us to take ownership of who we are and how we should steward whatever we've ended up with.
100% agree!
It also means setting boundaries with people.
Not everyone can though. Your body changes and you have to learn to love it even if you’re not in a place where you can tone your body. I know Jen don’t like to hear that but it’s true
@@emmarose6590 to the extent that you're able. That was implied, but maybe it needs to be said. If there's something external to your own will and moral formation that legitimately keeps you from taking care of yourself--whatever that means in each person's case--that'd be a very unfortunate exception. Also, I think there's a typo in your comment, did you mean to say "men" instead of "Jen"? If so, none of this has to do with men vs women, I'm not sure how you're reading that into anything that's been said.
This is all true - but it's the next step. It's the more easy step. You have to start somewhere. And you also have to start somewhere, when you're really on the low end. You have to start before you do. And it's no good to force youself into doing. You have to be looking forward to the doing process - and that means the change begins within the mind. If you can smile when imagening what you can/ will do (even the hard things; because these things give something to you - they are not only a must) then you are ready.
I usually think he gives good advice but when i heard "let your dad go" i tuned out
Yeah, he got this one wrong. I'm a Deloney addict, but I'm also a 70 year old widow of 3 years. Don't guilt this woman into putting your needs above her own. She's done that all your life. Let her live and die as she chooses! Saying you worry is fine. "Do it for us" is over the line.
Thank you Dr John for this podcast and m e r l a n d a for sharing. This is really speaking to me!❤
In case a member of the show team reads this: could you explain a bit more about feelings coming and going - but the necessary thing for a lasting relationship to be to say every morning 'I do'.
I think, I understand a part of it - that love is a will (I guess). But feelings coming and going: no (emotions come and go - but that genuine feeling for someone - even if they might drive you crazy at some moments - that sticks).
... or maybe someone can help me out here?
I'll attempt.. I think perhaps what John was meaning was that feelings evolve and change. The passion you feel for a person at the beginning of a relationship may fade and be replaced with deeper more connective love, for example. And I believe he was also referring to how there may be times throughout a marriage when you don't feel as in love with the person you married, whether you're going through a rough patch together or whatever it may be. But it's especially in those moments that you choose to still be committed to them. Loving someone is a choice. To keep a marriage strong and committed you have to choose every day to love them, whether you feel that super strong emotion or not. But through choosing to love them, you search for ways to serve and connect with them. Which also leads to feelings of love. In my experience it's all connected. ...Hope that helps shed a little more light?
@@nikan7704 thank you!
I can relate to this and im a man
She’s unhealthy. But part of the unhealthy is the mental aspect. You’re a reflection of what you feel inside too. So saying I don’t see people like me on media it’s not a reason to feel like that. Say every comercial has an morbidly obese person in it, that’s not going to change YOUR health. Your body will still be tired, your mind will still be tired and depressed.
I’m on the high BMI range and never have I thought this is anyone else’s fault. Or that they should pretend my weight is healthy.
I hope this lady gets the help and support to lose the weight, BUT also gets support for her emotional and mental health.
Wait! We are supposed to love our body when we are overweight? Not happening here. It's my greatest area of disappointment in myself. I need to work to have a body that makes me happy. That's my greatest goal.
There's a difference between being uncomfortable and unhealthy and working for better than hating your overweight self. You can't get healthy by punishing yourself.
Great message
Sky diving gives you a new view on life lol
Why are so many men led by their feelings nowadays? Raised by single moms?
Women are too. It's just our society. There's a lot of value placed on feelings instead of logic these days.
Single moms stuck around. They get highest praise from me more than a deadbeat dad becasue what did he do but leave.
yes
You definitely need to go to therapy. Many men feel incompetent, so they check out and focus on their careers. I am not good with babies but I am good at my job. Which is why I screen for men who are reflective, willing to learn new skills, and are intrinsically motivated to solve problems. This gives no excuse for cruelty though.
All of this screening is done early in the dating process, prior to commitment and sex. I engage in therapy level conversations with them and perform psychological assessments on them. Like for real for real. I've requested personality assessments as well. Their response to my request is a test. I very positive about it and frame it as a journey of exploration. If they lash out, automatic termination. That means he is emotionally immature. It's ok if they express concern but are willing to talk about it. That is a good response to the test. He may not agree but he is willing to explore. The other option is for him to agree. That is a great responses too. It sounds like a lot but the goal is to fully understand my partner. Part of it is so I can get a proper assessment but the other side is so I can love them properly.
During the dating process, we spend our time taking about hobbies.😑😑😑
I want to reply so you hear me, not to be mean. As a guy who is loving, intelligent, has a solid career, is God-fearing and God-loving, I would bolt so quickly if you had done what you outline with me if we were dating. Be very wise in your mate selection, but don't do it like you described. You will probably become prideful in the seeking and end up so picky that you really just end up alone. All this is meant with love, my sister. Enjoy dating, enjoy the chase, but be loving, not critical.
That's why you're still single.
Anyone who's handle is "I need Hoez" is probably not someone to take seriously for dating advice...
If you are really seriously doing this (I hope not) then here’s a suggestion DO NOT DO THIS.
You seem as though you want a masculine man and are not aware that your are in a very masculine state. Even your approach is masculine and that will only attract feminine energy men and it may seem at first that the feminine energy man is a good catch but it will not last. You will get into your feminine and want home to man up and he will get too comfortable and that won’t last either. Just sit back and let the man ask the questions and see where he can lead you in conversation. Test the waters and see how far and how deep he can go but remain mysterious and act slightly dumb. Your Analytical mind will be able to process weather or not he is a fit. This will also weed out the men in their feminine looking for a mother and not a wife. Right now it sounds like YOU’RE looking for a WIFE... And all this may sound woo woo but you are here commenting on your process and not with your MAN, and even if there is a guy now you are so in your masculine that it will not last long. OR you could end up with the feminine man and have kids and be exhausted and cheat cuz your man doesn’t fulfill your needs of being in your feminine… I’ve seen that happen too. No shade and this was is coming from love. You seem like you would make an excellent wife and mother (if you choose). ❤
To any young men listening, take it from me - stay single ‘til AT LEAST your 30’s. Go out, find a life you love, date, enjoy your hobbies and when you’ve got all that out of your system THAT’S the time to think about marriage/kids. I know so many men who married too young and got lumbered with kids, mortgage etc and now they’re divorced and in debt with child support.
Yes, I don’t think he ought to be rushing “24” to the altar…😬
It’s different for everyone. So men should stay single until they are 30, but women get the short end of the stick. We’re the ones with a clock and that always get the crap about staying single until after 30, you see this don’t you?
@@hansonallie everyone in my family got married before 25 and they all have successful marriages
People wouldn't have babies we'd all die out. Fertility for women slows down in the thirties
@@snoozyq9576mine actually picked up 😅
I thought if you have the love of Jesus that you could get through anything but this worship Pastor sounds so tortured that she should have spent more time at a therapist than in a church
Why do I see a correlation in Miranda wanting to punish herself and Christianity being a very punishment focused religion
eat less
Huge fan of DJD; gotta admit, though, “Why wait?” to the 24-year-old who’s dated his gf for 1 year? 🤦♀️🤦♀️😩 Sweet Caller, you are young; your brain is not fully developed yet; you have very limited life experience; statistically your odds are better if you’re older and date longer. There. is. no. rush. Go with your instincts not to rush it. Don’t listen to the people who tell you, “We dated 2 weeks; we’ve been married 45 years.” They played Russian Roulette with their lives and got away with it; let’s not equate that with wisdom. Wishing you well, Fella!!