I moved back home after 10 years and it’s taken around 3 years to fully settle in. It’s taken a lot of work, a lot of big & long conversations. But life isn’t linear, it’s more like a spiral. You may feel like you’ve come back to the same place, but you do have new tools & new ideas this time. It won’t be easy, but most of the time it’s actually quite simple. Simple work. & God loves a good old blue collar worker-the one who shows up everyday asking for the work that must be done.
Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone & not in uncharted territory. I’ve also never found a therapist I liked, and I do the same thing with my emotions-bottle them up and away, convince myself I am not affected by anything. But I am. I am. And that’s okay. What’s really helped me is understanding that there is no self & there is only God.
For years, I asked myself - 'What do I want IN life?' I got mediocre results. Then I started asking myself - 'What do I want OUT of life?' Everything changed for the better after that!!
Don't worry, you arenot where you started, you are just back in the same place,you've evolved to use your given name again and you've learned from your experiences and you're analysing the situation, which sounds to be a step forward. :)
Btw, I found straight psychoanalytic therapy not always helpful or as holding as perhaps I needed, but I have now found one who has those elements I needed to feel heard and safe to express. So I wouldn’t write external support off entirely
I know the feeling of being in a place where you fall into old patterns and it seems like nothing much has changed. The growth you’ve gone through is real, even if it doesn’t always feel that way! 🧡
Growth over perfection 🌱Most of us are just trying to figure it out and in my honest opinion it's best to just take it one day at a time. Therapy is something I'm considering this year, but as you mentioned it's hard to find the right fit, I've seen 3 therapists throughout my life (during my younger years and teens) however none of them clicked. To me, it's a one-sided ordeal and I'd prefer to have someone who I can relate to and bounce ideas back and forth with as well as know each other's personal lives, not just me talking about myself to a stranger and then having to pay for it. Still on the fence about it, but might consider it in a few months once I'm more settled where I am currently living. There are certain aspects of my life that I repress and trauma that I honestly don't know If I can work through them alone, perhaps with good friend, but that connection would have to be deep. Only time will tell ✨⏳✨Bless
Youll get there dont get despondant. The road to recovery has ups and down and restarts and redirections, but its all forward momentum, its all part of the process, although it can feel like a step backward, but its not, its just the next stage. Take the time to form a NEW relationship with that place and that environment and who YOU are within them. Do something new in that area that you didnt do before, to create a new pathway. Im a psychotherapist, and have recently been following your journey, and have been so impressed by your insight. Keep going, be mindful not to 'ideology hop' and stay grounded.
I read the body keeps the score a while ago and found it a good intro to trauma, but I'm about to start CPTSD: from surviving to thriving. Have heard a lot of good things but I'll update as I go
The thing about life is , we really do get wiser the longer we live. When young everything seems heavier and we analyze more. We should live our lives backward! 🥰
In my experience, seeing a therapist as a child and teen is vastly different from when you're an adult (using the term 'adult' somewhat loosely, and in regards to not only one's chronological age and development but also where you find yourself in life and your mind). Both due to where you are in regards to how your brain develops at different ages, and also how you're often automatically perceived and treated at various ages. It's a personal choice, but I would recommend not to completely dismiss the idea of a therapist that could be a good match for you, based on earlier experiences. :) And as with any relationship, it also matters greatly whether you find a therapist that is the right one for you. Just speaking from my own. That said, this is only my second video of yours that I have seen, and I simply assumed you had been seeing a very capable therapist for some time. You are extremely well spoken and aware, very emotionally mature, and you're delving into things many people choose not to, since it can be quite daunting. But extremely important and definitely worth it. :) So props to you. I wish you loving guidance, truth and support on your journey. And I think with the work you are willing to do, your future children will be very lucky to have you as their parent. :)
We are all the same boat, we don’t become perfect at one point in the future. Some of us simply learn not to take ourselves (the self) too seriously. That’s all there is too it. That’s the point! AH…
I moved back home after 10 years and it’s taken around 3 years to fully settle in. It’s taken a lot of work, a lot of big & long conversations. But life isn’t linear, it’s more like a spiral. You may feel like you’ve come back to the same place, but you do have new tools & new ideas this time. It won’t be easy, but most of the time it’s actually quite simple. Simple work. & God loves a good old blue collar worker-the one who shows up everyday asking for the work that must be done.
Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone & not in uncharted territory. I’ve also never found a therapist I liked, and I do the same thing with my emotions-bottle them up and away, convince myself I am not affected by anything. But I am. I am. And that’s okay. What’s really helped me is understanding that there is no self & there is only God.
I love the videos with natural scenes in the background!
For years, I asked myself - 'What do I want IN life?' I got mediocre results.
Then I started asking myself - 'What do I want OUT of life?' Everything changed for the better after that!!
Don't worry, you arenot where you started, you are just back in the same place,you've evolved to use your given name again and you've learned from your experiences and you're analysing the situation, which sounds to be a step forward. :)
Btw, I found straight psychoanalytic therapy not always helpful or as holding as perhaps I needed, but I have now found one who has those elements I needed to feel heard and safe to express. So I wouldn’t write external support off entirely
I know the feeling of being in a place where you fall into old patterns and it seems like nothing much has changed. The growth you’ve gone through is real, even if it doesn’t always feel that way! 🧡
Tough subject. GOD bless
Growth over perfection 🌱Most of us are just trying to figure it out and in my honest opinion it's best to just take it one day at a time. Therapy is something I'm considering this year, but as you mentioned it's hard to find the right fit, I've seen 3 therapists throughout my life (during my younger years and teens) however none of them clicked. To me, it's a one-sided ordeal and I'd prefer to have someone who I can relate to and bounce ideas back and forth with as well as know each other's personal lives, not just me talking about myself to a stranger and then having to pay for it. Still on the fence about it, but might consider it in a few months once I'm more settled where I am currently living. There are certain aspects of my life that I repress and trauma that I honestly don't know If I can work through them alone, perhaps with good friend, but that connection would have to be deep. Only time will tell ✨⏳✨Bless
You are very inspirational! Thanks for sharing these video diaries
Youll get there dont get despondant. The road to recovery has ups and down and restarts and redirections, but its all forward momentum, its all part of the process, although it can feel like a step backward, but its not, its just the next stage.
Take the time to form a NEW relationship with that place and that environment and who YOU are within them. Do something new in that area that you didnt do before, to create a new pathway.
Im a psychotherapist, and have recently been following your journey, and have been so impressed by your insight. Keep going, be mindful not to 'ideology hop' and stay grounded.
And I completely understand your mistrust of therapist. I get frustrated with my colleagues and how shit they are all the time.
Completely relate to trying to figure it out without a therapist, do you have any good inner work books to help explain it all overall?
I read the body keeps the score a while ago and found it a good intro to trauma, but I'm about to start CPTSD: from surviving to thriving. Have heard a lot of good things but I'll update as I go
The thing about life is , we really do get wiser the longer we live. When young everything seems heavier and we analyze more. We should live our lives backward! 🥰
Yes. "Youth is wasted on the young" Oscar Wilde.
In my experience, seeing a therapist as a child and teen is vastly different from when you're an adult (using the term 'adult' somewhat loosely, and in regards to not only one's chronological age and development but also where you find yourself in life and your mind). Both due to where you are in regards to how your brain develops at different ages, and also how you're often automatically perceived and treated at various ages. It's a personal choice, but I would recommend not to completely dismiss the idea of a therapist that could be a good match for you, based on earlier experiences. :) And as with any relationship, it also matters greatly whether you find a therapist that is the right one for you. Just speaking from my own.
That said, this is only my second video of yours that I have seen, and I simply assumed you had been seeing a very capable therapist for some time. You are extremely well spoken and aware, very emotionally mature, and you're delving into things many people choose not to, since it can be quite daunting. But extremely important and definitely worth it. :) So props to you. I wish you loving guidance, truth and support on your journey. And I think with the work you are willing to do, your future children will be very lucky to have you as their parent. :)
We are all the same boat, we don’t become perfect at one point in the future. Some of us simply learn not to take ourselves (the self) too seriously. That’s all there is too it. That’s the point! AH…
❤
Like in the rap songs of yore
As they say, every beginning has an end
Tip from an old person? Youngsters are too much in their own heads that is most of the whole problem.
life it's so hard