WHAT MY WIFE REALLY THINKS OF ME (now that I am sober) | Might Surprise You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ค. 2024
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
As a partner of an alcoholic in recovery, I find your videos so helpful to me in so many different ways. When he goes to his AA meetings at night I get tucked into bed ready to watch your vids and I take in so much from them. I came across you on here when my partner had gone into to rehab for his alcohol addiction and I was feeling very vulnerable, alone and sad. Having young children as well at that time was especially hard. But I’d always feel better watching your videos, I just learnt so much from your insight and knowledge about alcoholism, your personal battle etc...they’ve helped me become a more understanding partner to him and we communicate so much better now then we ever have. Honesty is huge. It’s a long road ahead but we look at it day by day. Thank you so much for your videos...you are great🙂Power to you Noah💪🏻
Thank you SO much for your deep honesty. Its helped me with my own dark depression and suicidal thoughts so much. Please do not EVER stop making videos!
WUV! Hey dude. Right there with you, I’m just over 30 days sober after a year of binging. 500+ days sober before that. My wife’s a trooper but I can see what addiction has doing to her and my kids. I’m starting to get to know myself again and my wife. Addiction kills everything, somethings slowly and you don’t notice until you sober up. Take care and keep up with the 12 steps.
Thank you for all your videos has saved me the last year never stop posting videos your honesty is brilliant
Happy Fathers Day to all the dads and dad figures. Decided to post something very personal to me for those of you feeling bored, lonely, or in need of some solid distraction today. Don't hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences.
bignoknow hi Noah. I really love your videos. Several months ago I wrote you an email seeking desperate advice for a loved one in my life with severe depression. Is there a better way I can reach out to you?
bignoknow Yo man I wuv the video! You and I our stores seem a lot like The same. I’m just a little bit older... I’m glad to hear you reference to God! I don’t mean to sound like a Bible thumper but God designed us to first have a relationship with him (God)and then our spouse! When you truly are walking with God and are closer in a relationship with God sobriety and everything just comes natural! When your Wife sees the leader of the home in you like God has created us to be & Your love for God and driving in the word of God , her love will be so much deeper and look at you in A way she’s never seen you before! Any relationship whether it’s with your spouse your children or with Christ Jesus all of it takes work! You will see in relationships it is so worth it!
Wuv. Im so glad Jessie stuck around for you. She truely sounds like an amazing woman. I hope you can make the changes you want to so you and Jessie can enjoy eachother and keep growing stronger in your marriage and indipendantly.
You're wayyyyyy past due for a sit down interview with Jesse. Let her sit in front of the camera alone and talk about her experience with your addiction and how its affected her. That would be dope. Congrats on your sobriety bro! If you're out in Seattle. Let's link for a Ms game or Seahawks game..
I am still waiting on that video haha. And not only addiction, but her coping with Noah's depression/anxiety/dp. I need that video!
Mrs B here, ha,ha,ha like I haven't heard you guys call AlAnon " the enemy." Even Bill W didn't let Lois speak for herself, the stinker, he wrote the " you wives " section. You effectively speak to each other as drunks or druggies, but you cannot speak as a " normie" in a relationship with addicts.
I realize it's kind of randomly asking but do anybody know a good place to stream new tv shows online ?
I love the old school content, real talk is the best!! Relationship advice is always so helpful as well ♡
Kudos for getting sober. You are lucky your are so smart. Most alcoholics lose everything before they realize it. Keep fighting bro.
Noah, you're a good man with a good heart. I hope I become half the man you are.
I've been away and worried about you. Feel crazy saying this. Never been close to an alchoholic but I want what's best for you and your wife. I'm happy to hear that you are still hanging on.
I am so sad that the damage is done, but I am so glad that it is coming back together. The women is a saint! I would love to hear from Jessie about this, but I understand if she can't do that. God bless y'all. Many happy sober and loving years to come. WUV Y'all
Awesome!! So proud of you and the work you're putting in! You're a great inspiration to me in my journey through sobriety and I wish you the best!
This video, i "liked" before i even watched it. In my opinion, I'm pretty much guaranteed to enjoy, and therefore "like" the video. Thanks for being a kick-ass "producer" brother! Keep em comin 😃
It’s a tough road you both have to follow but you both will do it. Your doing great and well done on being sober 2 months. WUV.
There 2 Things that heard from you which really stuck
-1 first time tried alcohol i thought OMG
2-That when i think too much i got to accept i cant control that, and it worked, thx for that
Hi Noah, I want to start this message by saying Thank You so much for helping me continue to work on my alcohol addiction and my mental illness 75 days sober today, I can relate to you in so many ways. Your videos motivate me to continue to be sober and a better person for myself and my wife. Your messages are very powerful to me and I can’t thank you enough! Keep up the hard work you’re doing great!
WUV!!! It's amazing how in watching this today, I had some of the same thoughts and views about my wife and I, and how much we have grown apart and how much I am the one that has caused this. Really hit home! Thanks Noah!!!
Thank you for being so honest and raw. I am a new subscriber but already loving your videos and message🙏 LOVE and HONESTY
AMEN! Fingers crossed:) It's great beyond words how well you understand your mistakes and your wife, it's awesome that you don't seek to excuse yourself and blame anything on your wife. Wish you all the best.
Love!! It's a hard but worthy experience!! I grew up with an alcoholic mother so I know the pain.. I know you know this but one day at a time is so true!! Keep up the hard work!! Love to watch you and your dad!!!
Thanks for this Noah. I watch your videos and can relate a lot. keep up the good work.
Your wife is absolutely incredible and you are one lucky man to not only have her but an entire support system. Although you have now started drinking again in more recent updates your awareness of what your doing and what your going through is so important and the fact your still taking care of your mental and physical health and being able to have open communication with your wife is something to be proud of yourself for. You have the knowledge and the past experience and that is going to be your blessing for a successful future drinking or no drinking.
WUV. Dude this was amazing. Thanks for this. Keep pushing and trying. Life is great long term but this shit keeps creeping back if you let it. Our early years effect out adult lives. HANDS DOWN. You’ve found what you needed just stick with it. I’m trying for that daily.
Super lovely video. Being sober is a blessing but not having that crutch to lean on takes hard work. Really enjoyed this.
Great Video... helps me to understand what I've been going through with my alcoholic boyfriend...
Thanks for your openness and honesty... proud of you ... you're doing alot more for your life and your wife's life than my alcoholic is for me and we just had a baby girl together May 2017 and because of a drunk bender was not even there for her birth and spent 6 months after that in a program that did nothing for him.... I love him I truly do but I feel the exact same way that it's action not words .... he has so much to prove and has bounced me around so much emotionally I am seriously considering walking away for good... I feel conflicted because I do love him and now of course he's my baby girls dad,,,,, I just need him to finally pull his shit together or go away period.... tired of hoping and getting crushed so many times now 6 yrs of this bullshit dysfunction.... I too am not an addict like your wife... I do have other stuff but substance abuse just not an issue thank fully... God bless you sweetie and your desire to be the man she married says so much about you.... nothing but good vibes for you And your family ....
wuuuuuv. Thanks for working to make things right with Jessi. keep it up!!
Wuv. Really appreciate your videos man. I'm on Day 1 and it's hell, but I get a sense of hope from watching your content.
WUV Brother, I’m wishing nothing but the best for you both, it will take time, but I have faith your love for each other will be so much stronger👊🏽🙏🏽💖
A million thank yous for this video❤ Best of luck to you guys!
Dude your honesty about our alcoholism is the whole deal. We have it for life.
WUV.... Noah I love everything you have to say. I am going through my own relationship issue right now you bring some great insight on the work that needs to be done on personal level to be able to have a better relationship.
Wuv..... thank you for sharing. This video really hit me hard. I think on a daily how my actions are affecting my family and loved ones. You think the long list would be reasons to stop but it seems so unattainable. Thank You again. Glad to see you are on the right path.
Awesome reflections. So amazing you are making this progress but isn't it true that we are not changed until we truly rewire our thoughts, our coping skills, and our daily habits. That takes time. Getting sober is step zero. Good work as you recognize more and more!!!
i have had issues with alcohol in the past, i have used it as a crutch sometimes and as a means to help with my anxiety. That being said when i got into my last relationship, i genuinely cared and wanted to be with the girl she waited and was patient with me... one night i drank and said something that hurt her... i didnt even mean to say it, it was the next day anxiety and the fact i had just come out of an abusive relationship and hadn't had a physical relationship in over 7/8 years... i said something that i didn't even mean, but at the time i was so anxious and wanted to be with her so much but didnt know how to slip into the physical side of things i fucked up. After that day. i decided that i didn't want to be that person anymore if i was with her, i didnt need or want to put her through that or risk fucking things up. so i pretty much stopped, once every now and again.... i maybe had a few beers, at a friends or with her. everything was going great and i felt like i didn't want to drink stupid amounts anymore, i was trying to deal with my anxiety (90% general life anxiety) and things went great. A few months went on and something had changed between us suddenly... i'm not quite sure what it was, but i didn't go back to drinking i kept on dealing with the issues in hand trying to be strong, support and such... reguardless this wasn't enough and she broke up with me, the break up wasn't very mutual and it got kinda messy i was/am, very confused about it and a lot of things. After that i became very very depressed, i started to drink to help myself feel numb, the action of crying made me feel weak and useless... i didn't know what had just happend or why, why this person who once cared and wanted to be with me so much now, almost thought of me as an annoyance, a third or forth choice or something to be dealt with.... those actions have basically brought me to psychotic thinking, fluctuating emotions, deep sense of shame and guilt over many things, grief and loss, a completely broken heart and a lot of other things i cannot even hope to explain. On top of it all, i began to drink again, drinking first to stop the pain, yeah i liked the taste but it was the pain that caused the binge, each time my tolerance (which used to be so high) with the depression became less and less, waking up to find i had forgot half a night, or sent a message that i regretted or bugged my family and friends... i feel so, so stupid, so idiotic.... i felt like a child that i cried randomly and now i felt like a child that i was using this substance, abusing this substance way beyond reasonable levels in the circumstances to try and help me. A week ago now, i promised myself that i would NOT get drunk at all for at least a month, I NEED to take back MY power, MY life... MY own responsibilities before the rot set back in and i caused any more damage to whatever i have left of my life. I am focusing now on moderation and acceptable drinking patterns, not "because i don't want to feel the pain today"... i will drink to the occasion and i will drink a few beers, that is my goal. Whatever i have to do to get this self destructive habit of mine becoming alcoholism i will destroy regardless of what anything else of me is telling me to do.
DeAtHaToMiC look 👀 that’s absolutely terrible for you n I truly feel for you n understand where you are at , for me after totally f__ked up every past relationships n every friend I ever had , whether drug n alcohol free or not , n I’m also very good at pissing people off whether I’m trying to or not, so I choose to have no friends or relationships, n enjoy my own company, way less stress all round , that way . I’m sure in time you’ll feel better, well I hope so
Wuv! Thank you for your insight! Your videos has been more helpful to me than the educational videos on addiction!!
Wuv: this video just described my relationship. I have a little bit of sober time coming off of a three year opiate roller coaster. I feel like there is an ocean of doubt, mistrust, and trauma between my wife and I. I am tired of "trying" and want to start "doing" what is right for us. I didn't think that someone else's experience could so closely reflect my story. THANK YOU
I’m a little over a year sober, had a hard time identifying with those guys in AA. I watched your videos from when you decided to start drinking again after nearly two years sober to this video. Thanks for all your content, I’ll keep on the strait and narrow.
Wuv your honesty! Fighting my own struggles along with you
Wow. I needed this! Thanks Noah!
WUV you Noah! Proud of you and the work you are putting in and the listening you are doing. It takes a lot to admit you have a problem, and to admit wrongs. It takes a lot to work daily to show and hold on to change. You have been blessed with your wife. I wish you the best at continuing to grow and heal with her. It takes time.
Alix Dantzler ahhh Alix you warm my heart. Always miss you.
Thankful for your honesty. Dating/being-in-relationships sober is still something I’m getting used to. Congrats on 65 🙌🏽
WUV!
On day 593. Second year sober is tough. 1st year was a 50% natural high & 50% scared shitless.
Now trying to learn how to date in a healthy/sober way in this 2nd yr. And that’s a whole other ordeal.
Was in an unhealthy 8month relationship w/ someone who came at me saying they were encouraged and attracted to the fact I was sober. He ended up “relapsing” (I say just using in&off) every week and hiding it. Then began to disappear. Later found out not only alcohol was a factor but also meth injections.
No longer together but now working on getting past not trusting people or being so overly observant as to how they consume or talk about alcohol.
Oof, that was a lot and a bit of a rant, ha. But I know y’all (you and the other subscribers) get what I’m spittin’.
Again. Thanks for the honesty. ✌🏽👽
WUV! I’m with u both!! Wishing u the absolute very best, both of u, & A’s a couple! U got this insidious disease Noah!
Been a subscriber sense your derealization videos, your videos are amazing
My Favorite Channel so far :)
I have always identified with you and your struggles with alcohol. I'm an alcoholic myself. I'm 29 years old and I've been drinking since I was 21. Hearing this though, I relate even more to you now, knowing how it's effected me and MY wife. Much like you two, we've become very isolated from each other...as you said, we both do our own thing. She stays in the livingroom and me in the bedroom, the majority of the time. We still have our moments where we laugh and have fun together but, not like we use to.
She goes to bed at night, and I stay up all night drinking. Almost everything you've said in this video has hit very close to home. I know my wife is sick of this but, she keeps that to herself. We've discussed it of course. It's not a healthy relationship/marriage by any means. I guess I'm just glad to see someone who can relate to me, and who has managed to turn things around for the better.
Hopefully I can do the same at some point. It's harder for her because she's grown up around alcoholic's her whole life. I have no clue why she puts up with me, when she was already raised around it and forced to watch family members with the same problem.
I haven’t watched one of your videos for a long time and it’s just nice to see you again and take inspiration from your integrity and wuv xD take care, both of you :)
I hope you guys find love like you did before I hurts seeing mental health get in the way of relationships... talking from personal experience I hope you guys do what I can never do.... WUV
Wuv :3 Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm on the same end as you wife with my boyfriend at the moment. I can say our times have gotten tough but yours sound like they've been tougher. I can see that if you can get out of it he can get out of it too. Keep up the hard work and thanks again, it's much appreciated.
WUV. My husband and I have been dealing with a similar problem as I have a severe PMS. I had always known how bad my PMS was and causing unnecessary arguments before but I have only realised recently that it could ruin our relationship, so I should take my hormone imbalance a lot more seriously. I have been feeling isolated/ashamed about my PMS and the relationship with my husband but your story made me feel I'm not the only one that's struggling. thanks.
Wuv.
I can’t stop crying when I watched towards the end. My man is in depression for almost 2 yrs now. He has been not doing anything since then. I tried to be patient, but I was working so hard to put my life together too. Every time I visited him, we spent good time, even not really doing anything, I felt so calmed. But being super long distance now, and not getting his response consistently absolutely drained me out. I do think lots of time that I can’t do it anymore, but I end up calming myself down every single time. I’m too worried that I’m going to be abandoned when he gets better. I’m worried he not responding means he doesn’t feel anything anymore. I worried I’m not treat myself good enough.
I hope he is recovering. I’m not sure how long I can stay, but I’m still patient. I believe Jessie feels the same.
Sending hope and good direction your way. I feel the hurt in your words. Stay brave and take extra good care of yourself first.
etin0427 Hi Etin how is it going with your boyfriend now?
Good video. Seems like you have empathy for her knowing there is only so much she should have to endure.
wuv..uuggghhh..god u describe my life everytime..and thats super hard to hear..cuz i was praying sobriety would be the fix all..and truth be told...its really a very small step..ur a good man buddy..ur teachin others as u go
WUV ❤️ thank you! My mom has an addictive personality and I grew up with her addictive behaviors towards various things such as gambling, spending lots of money shopping, alcoholism, workaholic working 4-5 jobs, etc she is now a recovering alcoholic and involved with AA regularly but she has done a lot of damage in both my relationship and my daughters' relationships with her. These videos help me try to get past my anger and frustration with what she's done and place myself in her shoes. It's really hard when I am what you would call a normie as well. I have never tried anything in my life nor do I ever want to so I'm very polar opposite of her! Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate it!
The Tiniests' can’t tell you how meaningful your message was for me. As the son of to addicts who are now in recovery I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Thank you for taking time out of your day to share that.
love!
Wuv...great HONEST video. Thank you.
WUV. This really hit home for me, brother. I am coming off of a 4 month heroin, klonopin, and alcohol bender after my constant relapses, lies, and manipulative behavior finally broke the girl I was with for over 2 years. We split in February. I was kind of keeping my shit together up until that point. When she finally left, I went full bore. I lost my job. I isolated myself and pushed everyone away. My depression, anxiety, and anger were at an all time high. I was lost. What resounded with me was your mentioning of that you were keeping up appearances and not actually investing in your relationship. It's what I did, too. I'm 6 days clean. It's so hard. The veil has been lifted and now I have to process all of these emotions that heroin was perfectly masking. I wish you all of the luck in the world. I needed this video today. I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to move forward. I've watched many of your videos and suffer from almost identical mental health issues as you. Thank you.
Praying for you two. My husband and I both have chronic illnesses and it is really tough. It is hard to feel that closeness when you are both just struggling to feel OK each day. Edit: wuv
So glad you're sober today. What are your thoughts on people praising you and saying they are proud of you for getting sober? Are you looking for that from your wife? For me I loved praise for my first couple attempts at getting sober. However I this time I grew to hate praise for doing what I feel to be normal.... if that makes any sense. I'll be 12yrs sober this year and I still don't like to be praised. Wuv the video.
WUV. ❤
It's great that she's stuck around through it all, now is your chance to make something of it. I really do hope things get better between the two of you.
My relationship has been pretty absent for the past 3 years, no addictions involved, just lack of interest on my boyfriends part I guess. I've made all the effort and finally decided it wasn't worth it. Stuck around anyways since we have two kids together, but now the kids have given up as well. I gave him the ultimatum a couple months back when we received our lease renewal. He needs to be more involved or the girls and I are gone.
So here we are, and he has been making a better effort, but still a ways to go. And I am trying to just take it as it comes, but I am skeptical. I am the same as your wife, sitting here thinking about how long the good will last. We've been together coming up on 12 years.
WUV, Noah. I can see God working on your marriage with you. I‘d say you came to the right conclusions, made the right decisions and now take the right steps for the wounds the two of you have to heal. Your accountability to us certainly helps 😉, but I‘m sure your wife can already see that this time sober is different. You seem so determined to keep this up! And the fact that your wife didn‘t praise or glorify you for getting sober certainly was important for you to realize the severity of the situation. Still praying for you, Noah, at least every time I watch another video of yours!
Oh, I have to add: you did NOT surprise me with what you said 😉
Wuv ❤️ Noah you’re the realest.
Thanks for the video Noah. Kinda a bad day for me, its fathers day and I don't see mine cause he isn't the best person and this month is my birthday which is another bad anniversary for me but I'll get through it no matter how difficult it can be as prior years have shown. It's so good you have Jessie, she seems like such a light in your life. Hope you're having a good day :)
I know fathers day can be hard on many. Sending you so much love.
bignoknow thanks man :)
Sober is the way to go for sure bro. I'm working on it too
Noah thx for ur videos! -WUV-
I’ve power watched them all day.
Here to find out what, my bf is experiencing thru his sobriety.
Advice: for u & ur wife:
Start dating her AGAIN!!!
Romance HER!!!!
show her who u were & why she married NOAH!!!!
Don’t EVER relapse
That’s what set my Bf & his wife into Divorce!
She’s a GREAT WOMAN for staying by ur side!
Show her how IMPORTANT she is IN UR LIFE!!!
The veil came up from my addict eyes, thats such true words....
My ex husband is a alcoholic we were married all through our 20s he was violent more in drink. I left him few times and he would cry and beg me to come back and give up drink it (never lasted) i divorced him, fast forward now he is 57 drinks all the time lives a lone and hes very ill. Drink is killing him and ruined all his relationships. Really hope you manage to stay sober your life will be a lot happier. Thanks for honest video 💕 Wuv 😊
k meg my ex husband put me on life support!! He was a nasty mean drunk!!! I divorced him in 2013 & he still harasses me in court to this day!!! A drunk with money is a dangerous drunk!
They smash cars pay off the guy they smashed into, & buy a new fucn car!!!
My life was insane! His manic episodes drove me bat shiitttt!!
But, I’m really hear cuz, I dated this fabulous guy....who dumped this Crap on me! &... I’m like, what is it that attracts me to destructive men?!!!
This guy, BigNoKnow, in one day, has answered most of my questions.(regarding behavior) I’m quite impressed with him, & I’ve binge watched a ton of his videos today.
They’re helpful!👍🏼
wuv thanks for the video bignoknow
I wish you both lots of love and happiness you make a beautiful couple bang in there love to you both Lois
I did 39 days sober this year. I've drank 3 to 4 times since then. It has somehow changed my life and the way I look at alcohol. My logic is why ruin my work day tomororw for so many hours just to live 3 hours of profound stupidity.
Good for you man!
Hey I just found your channel bro. I have to say I am glad I ran into this at 3am..haha. anyways I haven't finished watching this vid. I just want to say I resonate with your motivation to exercise. I wouldn't say I'm clinically depressed but I started exercising because I wanted to die so badly at one point, I contemplated suicide every week. I too got to the point where I said fuck it, if i'm going to die i'll die on my terms, That sparked me to also begin exercising, so far I haven't thought of suicide or how much I hated myself. The truth is I am notoriously lazy, I have goals I can't commit to so I exercise every fucking day to distract me and release my mental and emotional anguish. I suck at almost everything I think I want to accomplish so I exercise and do well to keep my diet in check. So far it's the first thing I can commit to and am good at. Anyways. Glad I found your channel. I know I am not alone on this.
WUV , Brother!
Wuv! Once we become aware of the love God sees in us, then and only then, can we invest in others so those relationships can blossom into a garden that overflows with beauty - providing a ripe harvest filled with abundance and unimaginable potential. I will, as always, continue to pray for you and your wife! 😇
Look. I have been hateful toward people, angry outbursts, driving while super intoxicated, suicidal ideation and just doing things that really embarrass me. I have also resorted to stealing. Stealing booze from stores and people who care about me. I have moved back in with my mother after my house was destroyed by a hurricane. Last August. She confronted me about stealing her booze recently and I got super angry because I was already drunk when I came home. And I lied about the true explanations of her evidence against me. I then resorted to accusing her boyfriend of stealing Xanax from me considering he's stole amphetamine pills from her multiple times.
Dont ever let her go man.
Much wuv for you, Noah! I’m glad to hear you and Jessie are getting closer, I hope it continues!! Have you gone back to the AA meetings you went to before?? The ones you went to when you last were sober?? When you were serious about recovery?? As I want to go back to the ones I went to before, but worried about them judging me. Like, “how long will he stay he for??” “Does he actually want to stay sober??” Maybe I should grow some balls, and go in, but the fear of judgement worries me SO MUCH!! Anyway... Wuving the video, as usual 😆 have a good week!
1JE 24 I can assure you that no one judges you....that is definitely in your head....we welcome back our wounded, cause we all know that could be anyone of us if we are not vigilant and protect our sobriety....no matter what....God Bless...🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
Maiya Thomas why, thank you so much for the advice!! 🙌🏽👏🏽 aren’t you thee mother of Noah?? You must be proud of your children!!
1JE 24 I am the proud mama of Noah.... and I am proud of all my kids😘
Maiya Thomas awe, that’s awesome 😇 thank you so much for the advice again!
1JE 24 😘
Nice chat.
wuv it.. 24 years here and I agree it requires constant care and attention like a garden.
wonderful!
Very good video
Everytime you relapse its like she has to say goodbye to you. I got into an argument with my husband lastnight and yelled, each prescription you pick up I love you less and less. I think I meant It. A few days before he picks them up, I go through this mourning process. I love him when hes sober, but it only lasts a week and then hes on the pills. I tell him the day before, "I'm really going to miss you." Hes like what are you talking about? " you wont be you anymore. Itll be 3 weeks before i see you again." I beg him each and everytime to stop. And he hates when I cry. He'll be like, i wish i could stop. It crushes me. Most days im stuck in my head. In my head of the man I used to know. In my head. When I have dreams, I dream of the old him vs who he is today. Two completely different men, and I run away with who he used to be, and leave behind the man i know today. I'm stuck constantly reminiscing, daydreaming, fantasizing who my husband used to be. Depression, anxiety, addiction from him, its all I ever here, its all I ever get. When hes sober at least hes the man I met. I wish he would stay. But he never does. And I'm alone again. Its made me cold, its made me bitter, I'm depressed, I'm picking pieces of myself. Ivd gotten to a point where I think, do I just stop caring about his addiction. Do I just ignore how many he takes, do i pretend he doesnt completely change? I can't pretend. Im a horrible liar. Lately I seclude myself to my art studio. I dont see him for hours. Only time were together is if were doing chores together. I tolerate him. But nights, afternoons. I'm so depressed. Some nights I cry. Ive been dealing with this for 6 years too. Ive been with him for 7 and married for 5 1/2. It sucks. Right now hes probably popped about 12klons and 4-6 ambien. Watching movies on repeat. Over and over and over again. Playing the game over and over and over and over again. Start to finish and again. The ocd is driving me nuts. He also has DP which is what the klons is supposed to help. It doesnt. Pills dont work, he takes to many and is just high all the rest of the month. I feel for your wife i really do.
This was heart breaking to read and incredibly powerful. Thanks for your honesty as I think it can benefit others. I hope you find the peace you deserve and I hope your husband does too. My wife hung in there for me and I don’t know that she should have but I’m grateful she did. She’s always been dangerously in love with me and that’s a beautiful thing when I’m sober and respectful of her love but a tragic thing when I’m in my addiction. Thankful to be nearly 9 months sober and in a recovery program. Perhaps consider going to Alanon.
I really don’t care for proving myself or anything to anyone , at 54 years old for god sakes, I really couldn’t care less what people think or do, I’m just interested in being happy clean
Mrs. B here. I can tell you of an of an experience of my husband's first sponsor when he and his family interviewed for one of the first effective treatment hospitals here in central Maine.
The doctor questioned them all in the round at a table. First the husband, "I'm here because I'll lose my job if I dont,"
Wife; "poor baby, so unfair"
Daughter doesn't speak
Son " I hate his drinking! I hate him falling passing out at the table and dropping his face in the mashed potatoes! He stinks even when he's not drinking!"
Complete silence.
The doctor points to the alcoholic. " you're just an alcoholic, we can fix that.
Points to the wife; " you're sick as hell"
Looks at the daughter and in a warm quiet voice says " your family can get better"
Lastly points to the son; " this is the only healthy person in this family."
"Wuv". This might not be perfectly appropriate, but my best friend and I have grown apart recently, due to his addiction. He's been self-medicating with a cocktail of alcohol and weed. It started with weekends but slowly grew to a daily habit. I've asked him to stop and slow down, but it's always been met with uncharacteristic agression and defensiveness. We hardly talk anymore, and I feel so badly about it. But it's like he's a different person, and I've spent so much energy looking after him when he has too much, and worrying about him about where he is or what he's doing, I just feel exhausted.
Michael Hanna you have to take care of you first. If you’re cup is not overflowing then what’s there to give right. I know it’s never that simple but you can’t help someone who does not want to be helped. Just love that person the best you can whilst protecting your mind body and soul. Aka boundaries. Alanon might be a great thing for you.
Mrs B here, I always knew how sick Bill's alcoholism made him, it was only through AlAnon that I came to realize how sick it made me.
Back in the day, you didnt get picked up for drinking and driving.
I remember being in the car while he was drinking with a baby on my lap. Reaching under the seat and handing him a pint when he asked. I DID THIS STONE COLD SOBER! What drunk would ever do such a thing when they reached sobriety?
I remember one time he pulled over just before he passed out. I'm sitting there with the baby thinking " I know he drinks alot, but thank goodness he's not an alcoholic and we have to go to all those meetings.
Wuv :)
Love❣️
WUV
💞you & Jess
Thank you for sharing all of your personal thoughts on here. I could never do it. You mentioned you were "around" 65 days sober. Going to meetings everyday, wouldn't you know exactly what day you are on? Anyone that I've known who goes into recovery and meeting, now that number. (I told you before about my "guy friend" who I tried to help and it didn't end up working between us.) Anyway, I had been counting the days he'd been sober and it was day 21. He told me he didn't keep track of the days and didn't need to. I'm my head, I knew that he knew he would relapse, so what was the point of counting? Do you think I am correct? Thanks again for being on here and I and right by your side. {{{Hugs}}}
WUV! ❤️
WUV.......this got me
Noa is there a way for personal emailing you?
You’re awesome. But Jessie? Phenomenal. Wuv🤘🏽
It takes a real man to admit this
wav ,, the only way to gain back her trust is to walk your talk.
Wuuuuuuuv!
Your voice sounds a lot deeper being sober
Nice! Lol
True. Testosterone surges.
WUV. First of all I encourage you to stay sober. But just know that drinking also effects people outside your family, people you may or may not know. I take care of my elderly Mother who has had a stroke and has dementia. It was a miracle she survived it. After her stroke I moved us into town to be closer to Doctors. The worst thing I ever did because I moved us in town between two drunks, one across the street and his buddy next door. Everything was fine to begin with, the nicest people you would ever want to meet. Until they get drunk. They got the idea somewhere we had them turned in to the city because their house was messy. We didn't do it and I told them that. My mother is in her 80's and they have been horribly mean to us. We used to think the world of them, loved them but they changed overnight. This hurt Mom deeply and me also. This hurt Mom so much and she thought they were going to hurt us and I was afraid also. This was a battle because I have to deal with anxiety and also fear that I didn't know what they were going to do next. Tried to get moved away but one year Mom got pneumonia and the next year the car broke down and last year couldn't find nothing. Times I don't know what to do where to go. The people across the street finally did move away but still their buddy lives beside us and I don't know when they will come back to see him. Still struggling here with it. It made Mom's dementia worse, it took away our quality time and I am left here to pick up the pieces and the memories of the house across the street and how mean they were. I said all that to say this, you don't know how much you hurt people when you get drunk. You problably don't remember it but it does have an effect on other people. And down the road you will have to pay the consequences of losing your family, friends and your health. Keep in mind that I am not religious but do know that there is a God and angels. My Dad was very mean to me and my Mother growing up. So when we moved here it was just a flash back to the past. On Dad's death bed he told me that the Archangel Michael came to him and he was going up Jacobs ladder. For every wrong he did he went down a rung on the ladder. He said he just kept going down and down. He tried to make peace with me at that time. At that time I knew nothing of the Archangel Micheal and I know neither did my Dad. So please reframe from drinking. It will distroy your life and the lives of other people. I am in your corner and applaud you for making a change. You and Jessie make a nice looking couple and hope you can work things out.
Wuv... so it may not be a popular opinion here but it’s going to take a long time to earn here trust completely. I’m currently working on my relationship with my husband he’s a sex addict and dealing with bipolar too and I’m sitting in the hurt spouse who has been in aa for 8 years and I’m struggling to not take out all this pain and frustration out on him. I should treat him like a sick person I know but he’s my best friend how am I to stay with him when I am super hurt. But I still love him. UGH right now it sucks.
3 weeks today
How did u know I was watching alone??..yup.i am.a d so uncertain about the day.noidea if the .an I love will even call today
WUV!