Dr. K Explores Sh*t Life Syndrome
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 พ.ค. 2024
- Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Meditation, and now Trauma!
With 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree, the new Trauma module is available for preorder! bit.ly/3GaubzI
Comprehensive mental health resources here: explore.healthygamer.gg/menta...
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I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I climbed out of it by surrendering. Gave up hope things could ever get better, and decided to be happy anyway. It wasnt exactly that. Took 10 years of therapy and watching a lot of videos about mental health and a lot of journaling. But at the end of the day it came down to my life is shit and i am freaking awesome just because i am still standing.
And for someone like you or me, somehow we can get out of it. I have an unusually resilient brain. And I'm ok with that.
Agreed. I lowkey have to keep reminding myself how awesome I am, even if it feels conceited sometimes.
@@ingridc0lddrop the judgement you is awesome
Yeah, same, some of us were dealt shitty cards and that’s it. We lost the lottery game, best you can do is learn to be happy with yourself, content, at peace. Others might say "conformist, you are giving up" yeah, no shame, I wasn’t dealt the same amount of luck as them.
unless you are diagnosed with ligma there is still always hope
Big time shit lifer here. Broken home life, SA, abusive parent, depression since I can remember. At 28 I was diagnosed with incurable cancer, I've been living with it since 2016, thanks to the better treatment options and immunotherapy, but I'm technically in palliative care. Naturally, I had some time to contemplate life and suffering, and what I've learned is that tragedy and the shittiness of life are only hell if you think on a great life-shit life axis. This is ultimately very subjective and difficult to measure, life always could be better, could have been better, others have it worse etc. The true hell is the idealism; 'This shouldn't have happened', 'No one should go through something like this'. But once you have to face the end of life, either yours or the people around you, the axis becomes life and non-life. Once I realised that the other end of the spectrum of my shitty life isn't the great life but non-existence, I was able to appreciate it more. It isn't necessarily happiness, or bliss, more like a radical acceptance. I know this is somewhat cliche, that death gives meaning to life, but I can't see any other tool to transcend the Shit Life Syndrome narrative. The great life, as opposed to the shit life, is a mirage; the only reality is life here and now. I wish you could somehow integrate this perspective without having to face a life-limiting illness.
Thanks for sharing, that's great perspective. I also find that my faith in God helps me with the big picture perspective. Ie, there's more than just this life.
I look forward to my own death every day. But I have to live because people depend on me and I refuse to hurt them.
What do you think happens next if you don't mind me asking?
Screen capping this for when I inevitably get cancer someday.
Wow, this is beautiful.
The first video where I’m like YES THIS IS ME. This is my brain. Planning for the future does NOT make any sense to me, does not seem attainable. It’s like I don’t know how to think ahead. I don’t desire anything except to be at peace.
It’s like even if I do want something or like to live to a different city start a new venture, and I know practically in a sense how to get there. But it doesn’t even seem possible without strict guidance from someone else.
🗣️SPEAK ON IT! Ugh, how is it that you just explained ME in a few sentences?
“I don't desire anything except to be at peace.” ☮️
That’s very interesting. I find that I can’t achieve peace without planning ahead. How do you define peace? What is peace for you?
Edit: Sorry, realised that I could’ve come across insensitive, I’m just curious on how others live their lives!
You might need jesus
I started sobbing when you described having dreams and goals in the future as negatively reinforced. That is exactly what happened...
*Intro & Disclaimer:* 04:40
*Trauma Guide Launch:* 07:13
*Sh-t Life Syndrome - Introduction & Defining the Term:* 10:41
*SLS vs. Mental Illness - A False Dichotomy:* 13:19
*Origins of the Term in Clinical Settings:* 19:56
*Can SLS be Overcome?* 23:20
*The Biopsychosocial Model & Adaptation:* 26:16
*Key Adaptations in SLS & Their Future Impact:* 28:30
*The 3 Steps of SLS & How to Break the Cycle:* 40:30
- Circumstances -> Adaptation -> Destiny: 40:43
*3 Major Adaptations to Overcome SLS:* 47:52
1. Self-Determination & Shaping Your Life: 48:06
2. Jumping to Conclusions: 48:59
3. Not Asking For Help: 58:48
*Additional Adaptations & the Role of Future Orientation:* 59:00
*Addressing the "Fairness" Argument:* 1:01:15
*The Impact of Internal Change on External Outcomes:* 1:05:31
*Addressing Criticisms & Depressive Realism:* 1:33:35
- Acceptance vs. Giving Up: 1:38:45
- The Accuracy of Depressed Individuals: 1:40:39
- The Adaptive Advantage of Bias: 1:43:18
- Depressive Realism & Self-Evaluation: 1:48:06
*The Importance of Internal Work:* 1:53:01
*Lottery Winners & Circumstances vs. Mindset:* 1:57:31
*Therapy's Role in Addressing SLS:* 2:06:39
*Mental Karma & The Power of Thoughts:* 2:16:49
*Discovering Joy After Abuse - Success Story:* 2:32:35
*Meditation for Emotional Relief:* 2:35:08
- Understanding Emotions as Physiological: 2:35:24
- Guided Practice: 2:40:10
*Closing Remarks & Trauma Guide Announcement:* 2:45:43
6:50
❤
Thank you!
10:37 Real Start
Thank you, hero
1:55:20 "There was this really cool study that showed improving your life's circumstances also improved mental health"
Truly groundbreaking research there. Im glad someone spent money to figure that out.
I don’t think it’s that obvious actually. A lot of the happiest people I’ve met are very low income, have several health problems etc. But I suppose the way we define life circumstances is important.
@@tomasmuir9812 I feel like there are few things in life less obvious. This is so obvious an animal that can't think or plan for the future could understand this. As long as you have a sense of self, you should be able to understand better circumstances make you feel better. Its literally baked into our genes
If its not obvious to someone... idk what to say
The opposite can be less obvious, where having high income and better circumstances might not necessarily make you more happy, but the converse should be utterly self apparent
@@nickmagrick7702 I don’t know, it’s too simplistic for my liking. Again we need to define circumstances, which is impossible because that’s just everything in life.
Cleaning your room, carefully preparing a meal, and contemplating a pine tree might already be a huge improvement in someone‘s little life. Meanwhile a millionaire could in theory be miserable because they are in debt and married to the wrong person.
@@tomasmuir9812 I can agree about your example-- but if you impoverish the millionaire, and provide a year's food and shelter to the person who enjoyed the good meal, clean room, and pine tree, you'll probably find that the millionaire's health decreases, and the well-off person flourishes further.
A person with plenty of money can suffer because they aren't addressing all of their needs. A person with little money can succeed because they have enough, or at least fulfill enough of them for contentedness.
I may be putting words in Dr K’s mouth, but the conclusion he draws is not the same thing as the results of the housing study that he based that conclusion on. To your point, the former is reductive (maybe to a fault) and the latter is the actual study and I think those results are not immediately obvious.
1:57:00 my fucking heart exploded. So happy to see dads seeing and loving their kids, especially when trying to work and focus.
Damn, I didn't know how much I needed that. Thanks for pointing it out. Haven't even made it that far in the video but I had to see it after reading your comment. ❤
41:49 oh noooooo. Also probably why I kept getting pissed off at my last therapist. Therapist: "What do you want for yourself? For your life?"
Me: "I don't know. I don't think I really want anything."
Therapist: "It's a very simple question. Why can't you answer it? Why *won't* you answer it?"
Cue internal rage.
Me: "Because I can't fucking answer it. I really, truly, *cannot* think of anything that I want. When things pop up in life, I look at the options immediately available to me and just eliminate the ones I dislike most. It sounds completely asinine, but I don't think I know how to want something. As a kid it would piss off my adoptive dad's extended family that I could never produce a wishlist for birthdays or Christmas, while my cousins wanted literally everything. It was just a completely foreign concept."
Maybe you just want peace or smth similar. Maybe smth small like that is immense for you and is enough.
More than anything I just want to be left alone.
The problem with therapy is that those who need it the most are the least likely to be able to get it, and the least likely to properly benefit from it. I don't know how it is like around the world, but most therapists where I live charge about a third of a minimum wage per month, most people can't pay for it. There are psychologists who charge half of that, but really... this is still pricey. Then there's public health care which is virtually free, but there are usually few slots, and there are psychology students in training which are also virtually free, but not usually the best by the very nature they are still being trained (yet they get some of the hardest cases...)
All we have in my country is a mental asylum for the “rejects”(translation) and therapists only VERY rich people can afford. Like people who come here for work from other countries send their kids to private schools n stuff because the majority of the country would rather pay rent, buy food and Um survive than pay for therapy. Mental health isn’t a priority, TH-cam or social media activism is as good as it gets😭I remember there was a period in my country where every day on the news we would here reports of people deleting themselves for like a month+ and then we don’t speak about it anymore or at all. Like it didn’t happen.
Hear*
Absolutely. Therapy as a profession is sort of broken because it's all piecework unlike... pretty much any other medical profession as far as I know. Insurance companies recognize that if it was accessible they would open a floodgate, so they hand therapists peanuts because they _want_ therapists to just not take insurance.
Been in therapie for years alcohol and weed proved to be way more effectieve tho if TH-cam cant proces the world TH-cam can be unhappy
I have an HMO health insurance because it tends to be cheaper on the wallet, but the psych department said i'm good since i'm not ready to off myself. There is basically no budget for therapy without even considering it'd be out of network.
Dr. K plz accept Kruti's praises. You and the HG team did an amazing job with the Trauma guide and its important to acknowledge it!!! 🎉🥳
When she pats him and calls him avoidant. Lol.
They'll talk it out later.
Congrats team & Dr. K I’m so grateful for all your hard work and to be around for this launch! You’re going to help me and thousands of others and all of us in turn will have positive effects on millions of other people’s lives by living & sharing the lessons. I know hard work is ahead but taking today to sit back and feel the joy and gratitude for the release of the Trauma Guide. Today there is joy. Today there is hope. Thank you for making real research-based mental health resources available at such a low cost. Wish me luck getting my loved one to believe they aren’t an especially untreatable case due to SLS & TBI with little/no access to affordable health care. I’m trying to learn & heal myself & find resources for my loved one. (I have a therapist, psychiatrist, & supportive coworkers, & due to my income he can’t get access to free health care even though I can’t afford to pay for care he needs out of pocket, can’t afford to put him on my health insurance, etc. I’m trying NAMI but if anyone has other ideas please share, I’m in Illinois so I’m trying to see if we have lower cost county resources. He’s had so many terrible experiences with the US health”care” system (he lived in a red state until recently) it will be a battle to get any help at all even if we find a way to afford it. He’s convinced a neurologist is the first line of treatment he needs, and I think he’s right. No provider has been able to hear his whole story & come up with a comprehensive treatment plan, only seeing part of the issues at once. If anyone has advice I’m in greater Chicagoland. Thanks for listening and thank you so much again HG team for all the hard work on the guides and every video. Sending love & strength to everyone reading this. ❤
I was so screwed up with anxiety I had to be hospitalized. Having everyday the same and predictable, makes my life livable and survivable when before, that was in doubt. I am not thinking about the future, I may merely be surviving and not thriving, but I've found a way to survive and it's so much better than where I was before. I don't need anymore than this.
I find some of these topics quite triggering. I feel like I've been wronged in life many times by many people and who's there to fix it? Just me. Me me me, always me that has to bring the pieces back together. Then hear the news from the world, the sh** pipe is wide open. Yeah, sure , I'll go on for a bit longer but by now my spirit animal is anger.
Wow, I'm right there with you. An entire life trying different hobbies and making new friends, only to find that people are stupidly dark for no reason. I have Jesus now, which was a surprise that made me leave atheism, but I'm still disconnected from day-to-day people and it takes a toil
I know that feeling. And it depends on where you are in life. When I had adversarial doctors and didn't know why I was sick, I couldn't imagine trying to stay alive while they were gloating at me and watching me slowly die.
But now that I know what's going on with my health, (it's pretty minor just felt big, and definitely needed a doctor to help me diagnose, treat, and manage it). Now I want to live and thrive in part to stick it to those doctors (and everyone else who sold me short). Obviously I want to live for myself too, I'm proud of who I've raised myself to be. But a touch of anger fuels me to do it better.
I don't know where you are in life, but I know a few shitty people have convinced a lot of comfortable people to completely screw over a whole lot of struggling people. So in a broad sense, you're not alone, and I think of you hold on, something might happen to change the struggling people's circumstances, it feels like stuff is coming to a head, who knows how long that will take though.
@@Elven.It's hard to understand where this scattershot of a comment is going. Aside from Jesus being a conceptual ideal, attempting to understand why others are "stupidly dark" could help reconnect you to the humanity of others.
If your a man, things will always be sh!t until you can stand on your own with 0 support of any kind and a safety net. Then you can invite people in your life. Then you can build.
@@Hawkenwhacker I understand why, it's lack of values and principles. Most don't stick to an internal moral compass, they are just constantly seeing what they can get for themselves in any given situation and, on top of it, social media brainwashes everyone like Dr K pointed out in this video. (I have to say that I also thought Jesus was an idea but no, He's a real human person and God. It was a shocker to me to find that out all by myself. He answers prayers both like a person and God, not some universe or karma or abstract things)
As someone dealing with the long term effects of childhood trauma, depression, anxiety and CPTSD that have almost completely wrecked havoc on my life as an adult in just about every area (career, relationships, etc...) and have stalled out/ burned out from life this is a very much needed and helpful and insightful stream. Healing and fixing all of this is difficult but still possible.
Diagnosis needs a lot of work, poverty and how it affects the human psyche. Medication and therapy probably improves mental health, but unless society provides the cure they relapse when the social networks fail.
therapists and mental health is bad cope if you have real life problems especially with finances or housing.
Medication and Psych meds are correlated to the rise of mental illness, not inverse.
DUDE. K. I'm not big on commenting usualy but this has got to be the most profound video you've made. For so many reasons. maybe just timing. either way you're awesome. thank you.
57:52 made me cry. I don't know where or how I've learned this it feels so true to me. It so hard for me to ask for help, I always feel like a burden or a bother. trying to unlearn it but my body feels it to much to combat. regardless thank you for this
Tears of joy?
I beg for help and no one does
most combats in life are mentally!
I don't ask because I don't believe anyone can help anyway, and asking would just put me at a disadvantage and lower.
Just a thought of it feels disgusting.
When my spouse was dying of cancer, just living for the day was how we got by. Never booked vacations nothing.
I've been listening to HG's long- and short-form videos and VODs on TH-cam for many months now, and hearing this lecture is easily one of the best experiences I've had with the channel.
Honestly, the disorderly start had me discouraged at first, but in an endearing sort of way. "It's been a long month for the HG team, and I'm sure Dr. K is mentally fatigued. I'll just take note of key points to think about on my own later."
I usually have some sort of podcast/lecture/lore video playing in my pocket as I finish up work anyway, so I supposed this would do fine. But as the night went on, I couldn't help but become more and more attentive to the lecture. I could feel the development, the energy, as Dr. K was re-grounding himself and settling into the content. By the end I was all ears, and I very nearly forgot to do several things at work. The portion around 2:10:00 -ish was particularly meaningful to me; I literally stood in the middle of the floor for probably five minutes, just listening and thinking about everything.
The video as a whole felt very organic. In fact, the audio issues, the random interruptions, and the slightly disheveled start only served to augment the authenticity of it all. It pulled back the curtain in the best of ways for me. It felt more similar to having a conversation than to being taught at, and I know that's one thing a lot of people love about this channel. I certainly do.
To the HealthyGamer team: you all are doing amazing work! I don't even know the half of it, but I love what I'm seeing and learning about. Thank you all so much!
And thank you, Dr. K! Your lectures have helped me discover so much about myself, and of the people in my ever-present past. Keep up the incredible work everyone, and get some well-deserved rest in June! 💚
"Do or do not. There is no try."
Quitting while ahead, or even knowing when to quit, is an underrated skill.
It's true: SLS can be overcome. But the desire to pathologize ourselves cannot. Because that IS the pathology.
There's a song with some lyrics that always stuck with me.
"The secret to a good life is knowing when you're through"
Knowing when to quit, just as important as knowing when to start. And probably much harder to figure out.
I think that the need to pathologize ourselves comes from the biomedical model of mental health.
Once I accepted that I have "depression", it's a cycle of life, and sometimes I just need to be in the trough of the wave without controlling it or trying to get out of it, I started to suffer a lot less. I think a lot of it is just how we've been conditioned to view mental health.
It's really just a form of environmental and genetic determinism telling us we are powerless to change. That we are ultimately the"pathology"
Thank you Dr. K for the genuine effort you put in and concern you have to help others. Your spiritual gift shines bright. Thank you.
Genuinely thank you for creating amazing content like this. Very helpful and insightful for a lot of us with these difficult and complex issues.
Alok that meditation for tension in the chest just took away years of stress/tension just like that and you & the team were right there for me
The problem is that sometimes you objectively have 0 good choice, not because of circumstances, but because of ignorance. For the professor situation around 54:45 for example. What can happen is the professor may have no empathy/understanding of your situation and will actually not believe you if you say you had a family emergency (Maybe his family life is stable, and his wife can afford to stay at home). So the problem is not that he will think less of you, but that he will actually just flat out reject your excuse and completely prevent you from publishing.
And how would he understand that publishing that paper is vital for your situation because if you fail your studies, you have nothing to fall back on ?
What do you do when you actually want to better your situation, but you come from such a bad place that people just don't have any idea what you are going through because their life circumstances are too different from yours ?
This kind of things give me decision paralysis, even when I am determined to change my circumstances, because most people don't have any idea :
1) how complicated my circumstances are and how difficult for me it is to work enough to be at their level
2) that most decision for me are incredibly important and my long-term survival depends on them
The problem with "shit life syndrome" is that so many people don't believe this kind of lives exist or just want to ignore it altogether. What can you do when you have the energy and have the chance to better your situation, but people actively put you down and prevent you from accessing that chance because of a lack of empathy ?
This is an example of exactly the type of bias Dr. K was describing. You don't make the decision you have to make because it has been bad for you in the past and has taught you a maladaptive lesson. You've grown around people who are not understanding of your situation so you've learned that asking for help doesn't work, but that doesn't actually mean it won't work. It may or may not work, but it's still better than not asking for help at all. If it was a 50% chance of working, or even a 10% chance, that is still better than the 0% success chance which is not taking action.
This video is a gold mine. Dang I wish I knew this stuff a long time ago. But I'm really happy and thankful that Dr. K is spelling it out for us in an easy to digest way.
Really great video here. I used to suffer from this. My situation isnt much better yet. But im taking all the steps within my power to change that.
My bucket list may be short, but i do have one.
Such an incredible video, so helpful! Thank you!
Your technical skill in getting to the details of mental health is excellent!
Hope you well.
I really appreciated learning about the diathesis-stress model. Very insightful
I enjoyed the stream but missed the end. Happy to see it up on YT so quickly!
This stream is simulcasted
@ginguu2490 ahh good to know! I watched on Twitch.
Oof, I didn't expect that. Cried my eyeballs out during the meditation. Apparently there are some emotions in here. Thank you. :)
2:04:30 i’ve heard this as well, “what’s the difference between courage and stupidity, none, and thats why life is hard” In my summation this results in “history is written by the victors”
My ears cried with the volume spikes from ADs, but the content is so worth. Still, please get the mic settings up for next session. Ty for the great content!!!
Very insightful as always, we thank you Dr K 🙏 ❤
Your welcome as always
1:07:28 I got this on the first time, but I was also 7 and didn't create the proper rational. So I stayed right between being suicidal and deciding to see what things look like at the next bend for the next 20 years. A lot of it was logical, I'm rather impressed by little me looking back on it, from what I knew of the world it was probably the best way, but it took 20 years to dig up that perspective and figure out the bits that were keeping me there. I'm still learning to live without it, and relapse occasionally, but there is a safety to it, an awareness that I'll feel differently than I do in the moment. I think it's about the equivalent of solving the core. I'm so so close to being able to say I fully conquered my depression. This video is quite insightful particularly as it's exactly what I've left to work out.
he's truly the right man in the wrong place, and it gives me hope to continue every day, like really. i don't know of anyone else who actually cares and understands like this, without devolving into jordan peterson levels of magical thinking and vaguery.
Peterson is actually really fucking competent when you try to avoid his religious delusions. He IS an awarded psychologist, after all.
Try searching for his videos on pure mental health issues. They are usually pretty good, actually.
I do slightly prefer Alok as well for the most part, but I don’t think it’s good to discredit others anyways.
Mainly when they’re pretty obviously good at what they’re doing.
@@LFanimes333 he knows a lot about the human mind and is a genius when it comes to allegorical thinking and the human story-generating mind, i agree. however, his focus seems to have shifted more and more into the political and religious side of things, without making it clear to his audience that that is what he's doing.
that just feels manipulative to me. i don't trust his judgement anymore for that reason, cause i always feel like there might be a political slant to the things he's saying. also, he always shrouds very straight-forward statement in, like i said, magical thinking and vaguery, and often an excessive amount of pathos that feels off in the particular situation he's in.
@@redorchidee1372
I think he draws a pretty clear line on when he’s talking about religion and other stuff. He is respectful of atheists as well.
I mean, things truly DO get muddled at times, but it’s mostly because modern politics DO actually affect mental health a whole lot.
I think his point of view is pretty helpful to modern society. It’s an interesting angle.
It’s not like he is intentionally right-wing lmao. He is a normal religious dude who happened to have his points exposed.
And those points, grounded on science and common sense, happen to mostly align with the right-wing spectrum. Take from that what you will.
I do agree the religion part is actually bothersome, tho. No real excuses for mixing up science with faith.
Why the wrong place?
@@RoadTripperrr it's a half life quote and i wanted to be a bit interesting i suppose, but i thought of it subconsciously so there's probably something more to it as well.
i think what i'm getting at is something like, he shouldn't have to do this, he shouldn't have to be teaching millions of people about how their minds work and how they can self-correct it. he's a good psychiatrist, but he's not in a place where you'd expect a psychiatrist to be.
it's a sign of a fundamentally diseased society, when something individual like psychiatric care becomes something public and widespread, and a refuge to heal from the environment, instead of a purely clinical and sort of rare thing.
it just indicates that we're failing to offer that sort of outlet out in the real world, and that the social climate is starting to break down more and more people who often don't even have a genetic predisposition to psychiatric problems. people who are naturally good at socializing for example, who still can't find a sense of community and purpose in the environment.
But that's just my intuition, which often appears to be based on some pretty sweeping abstractions/generalizations so i don't claim that that's actual insight
Thank you so much for educating me on how to live, feeling less lost when I listen to you
1:23:50
Really appreciate this moment in this video because I feel like it describes so many of my experiences in my relationship with my partner. I think sometimes I’m so clearly able to describe the human experience of discomfort in such a way and I’m often times just stating it, but my partner will react as if I am overly affected by it and he’ll feel the need to comfort me, but at the same time, his reaction is making me feel worse about my statement even though my statement was meant to alleviate the discomfort I felt in the moment, I don’t know if that made sense.
I SO relate to this first question about SLS. Yes, things are objectively bad... Dr. K articulates the issue so well. 🤯
Hey man thanks. This really helped right now
This video gave me a lot to think about.
On the last part, I think sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I kind of feel like the process keeps putting me into burn out and disappointment. Ive been doing that for about 2 years, and the same pattern kinda pops out. I think I can see a way that might get me to a place where I can feel more in control and better overall. I don't really know if it will but i can see the possibility so I throw myself into it. I'm not happy, I'm not passionate in the true sense of the word, but I do everything I can to see if I can get there. Then another thing happens that throws a wrench into the plan or my overall situation and then the amount of "I don't want to do this but I'll do it anyway because it's important" gets to a point of burnout and overwhelming. Or the thing just fully doesn't work out and I'm disappointed I failed another thing, or the thing failed, I put my energy and hopes into and I'm back to square one.
I end up just going back to freeze functioning, I still tell myself something like "ok you can't do X right now but at least you can do xyz (eat better, clean, exercise, talk to friends, do laundry etc.) so I keep resisting fully giving in. But it feels like every time it's harder to get up and try again.
I'm currently going through this where I was again feeling a bit more stable and working on things to get me to a better place, and in a week a series of unfortunate events happened that I need to deal with to continue and I'm just frozen. A lot of these things also depend on others which makes me dread it even more and feel even more useless. I don't feel I'm capable of much else but the basics, take decent food, sleep, hygiene, walk, don't self isolate, do chores, do the minimum of what you have to and then distract.
The issue I think is that in the end I don't want to do anything or really enjoy much of anything. I'm just doing things out of understanding I'll feel even worse if I don't and out of hope I'll feel better or different eventually. And the "I don't want to" just pilles on until I reach burnout/overwhelm, usually by getting new things added to my seemingly endless I don't want to list.
Thank you for another great video. Dr K I enjoy watching and listening to what you have to say. Having been the target of a narcissistic mother, from a very early age, trauma and survival habits have been my life. I married someone who also turned out to be a narcissist. ( I am with someone else now) Yes I have been suicidal, I talked my way out of it. I knew there had to be more to life than just surviving and walking on egg shells constantly. There is help out there, you just need to find the right help, but you have to do a lot of work for yourself. No-one can tell me they have experienced everything life has to offer by the age of 20. If you do not know what to do with life...experiment. Just try a job, a craft, volunteer, get off your butt and do something. I am not completely healed by any means (and may never be). I turned 58 today and have been living with depression since I was 8yo. I have two beautiful daughters and two grandchildren. I may not be able to travel or have a fully independent life, thanks to arthritis in the spine, but it doesn't' stop me from trying things. I craft, garden, do housework and am passionate about nature, the environment and especially learning. I still need to learn how to heal parts of myself, but I will keep trying till the day I leave this planet. NEVER GIVE UP!!!
This has to be one of the best streams by Dr K.
Thanks for the lecture, Guru 😉
100% one of the best videos so far.
Hey, so this was a really great video and I am excited for the incredible looking guide.
I was wondering if there should however be a 'pay what you can' option?
Much like the housing first initiative, I know people who are struggling to put food on the table and would likely find it impossible to justify paying for an online guide. So I just worry that some of the people who could have the greatest impact from it, are the ones out of reach.
I found one of my eye’s blind spot for the first time that I can remember and I’m blown away.
I'd give anything to not feel terrible everyday.
starts @4:41, wait ... @11:52
legit lol
Thanks very much bro
thanks
29:30.
Ur brain makes u forget positive experiences and amplifies negative experiences
39:13
Dr. K, Chrome tip:
After a tab or window is closed you can press CTRL+Shift+T to reopen it even after the computer is restarted.
Enabling re-opening of tabs is an option in the settings
Hello everyone,
Did anyone also had the problem of wanting to share this amazing content to a friend that does not speak English?
If this anytime comes into Doctor’s K hands, please consider the idea of localizing your content to other languages!!
I always talk about your videos to my mom, but she is Brazilian and never spoke a single word in English!!
"the concept that I can accomplish goals in my life is foreign to me". - Dr K, who just released a trama module, which I presume is a goal, that he pursued during his life-hours.
(If you can pursue things with non-life hours, I want to know)
hey doc how can i shape my life when my economic viability is determined by 3rd parties (i.e. businesses). ive had 4 interviews a week for the last 3 months and no body has hired me, put out hundreds of resumes. now im looking at homelessness at the end of the month,. on top of having a new huge debt amount of 62k because i almost died earlier this year and thats the hospital cost. how do i make people give me resource when businesses are the gate keepers of resource? i have no money, finance or ability to get credit to start my own business; how do i generate resource and income in a vacuum?
I'm getting out of a similar situation. What do you work with?
What about settling to a local minimum? Yeah life is shitty, but I'm acclimated enough to being a unemployed recluse, and any action I could possibly take from here comes with a unbearable cost/risk. Not that I'm exactly happy where I am either, but neither my mental nor finances can afford to take any risks anymore, settling to the status quo seems like the only option.
Already pursued one passion as a career, but it ended up with me in student debt and unable to secure stable job or income other than the occasional freelance gig for like the last.. decade, which is where I am now. Taking another loan to study into a new trade _again_ would be utterly reckless of me with no guarantees it'll work _this time._ Any realistic job prospects I have now are just random low-skill jobs, and I hate being unemployed less than I hate wasting my life on those for a pittance of a wage. Spending my time on something that feels meaningful is infinitely more improtant to me than money.
can relate
This is the most loser thing I've ever read. "settling" is the perfect word for your life.
@@NINEx7x Thank you, I hope pointing that out makes you feel good about yourself.
The goal of me pointing that out wasn't to make myself feel good. It was to give you a reality check that nobody else is giving you. Everyone nowadays uses kiddie gloves to address things. My thinking is that being blunt about it will make you have the realization that you are a loser and are asking in a TH-cam comment section for validation in being a loser.
Would you mind me asking where you get the “survival money” from?
I used Ketamine to try and deal with my Anhedonia years ago, then I discovered I was probably better off without my emotions. Maybe one day when im not worried about simply having enough money to live and don't work at a toxic work place ill start treating myself again. But to be perfectly honest, I don't see that happening at all in my life time. I think things are only going to get worse, for me and the world.
I'm in an emotionally numbed state right now too. Personally I feel like it works for me. And I know I'm in there if things get better for me.
@@steggopotamus I wouldn't really say it works for me, its just the best option right now. I still get depressed and sad, sometimes angry. No other emotions generally.
Like, right now, im worried about being homeless because I lost my job from a co-worker lying about me, no one investigated, I got yelled at for asking someone to look into it, and then my landlord sold the property to a real estate corporation and now I have to find another place to live with no money. If I was feeling a lot of emotions right now it would make things a LOT worse for me, and thats just whats currently going on not just all the stuff from the past I can't afford to process.
It doesn't work for me, its just what I got
@@nickmagrick7702 I think this makes sense; if you consider emotional numbness as a survival mechanism, then trying to change the survival mechanism isn't going to help you survive better.
On the other hand though, if your current life situation is not working out for you and you don't consider it to be changing for the better, it doesn't really make sense to continue living the way you currently are.
I love the "absolute cinema" pose on the preview.
What I have been officialy diagnosed with: Autism, OCD, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I used to have social phobia(not diagnosed) but that I have overcome with time but general anxiety is still an on going issue. I don't know the criteria for this "shit life syndrome" but there have for sure been times in my life where I feel like I have too many damn issues to juggle and it's extremely draining at times. It was for sure way worse though back when I didn't even know what was wrong with me. Me having a word for what's wrong with me has literally saved me from suicide. It was terrifying back when I was 18 and I tried to suicide because I did not know I was autistic, or about the OCD or anything. I felt like the biggest freak in the world, because I knew I was a loner depressed misfit but I didn't know how or why. Sometimes I feel scared when I remember I had to suicide attempt to finally get proper help.
Damn I needed this.....makes so much sense..
That intro music is so relaxing. It's like an old jrpg idle music from childhood.
Your tech support joke in the beginning was great 😂❤❤❤
2:27:04 i just recognised my mental karma yesterday while watching stream…even tho my body denied it i ended up overeating and could not resist the urge to eat then it lead me to going to sleep (instead of completing a task which i had) then i woke up with 2 tasks.. i caught up with one fortunately but the second one got delayed.. my cycle was i just over ate which led me to sleepiness which led me to pending work..
My brain tricked me into thinking
“Just a bit of extra eating nothing will happen”
“Its ok if you feel tired you can sleep for 10 to 15 mins” which in reality became 6 hours
"Waiting on the world to change" is a terrible song that I hope no one thinks is real advice.
It’s objectively a good tune. Get over yourself
@@DocRoc94I dont like it whats wrong w that lol
@@DocRoc94i dont owe an explanation, but lets just say I was brushing you off too easily
The problem is that its actually too catchy. Some people unironically think music and musicians provide good role models (unexamined interactions w suggestions), and its presented as if just waiting and drifting is a positive chill way to live. Overall, for the type of person this particular stream is for, following 'just wait for others' can be a kind of destructive thinking
the world is changing everyday, not always for the best.. WW3 incoming
@@t-sparkI don't get that being chill is a positive thing at all. It's more of a trauma response to being/feeling powerless in the song.
Mom left when I was five (I'm 46 now). She had a serious opioid addiction although I didn't know it at the time. Dad was clearly depressed by the divorce and spent all of his time working. I guess this amounted to an adverse childhood experience. I've only had a few relationships (friends, not lovers) but they've all ended. No romantic relationships. I managed to find a good job and have bought a house. But I can't imagine ever having any kind of relationship again. A sexual relationship is impossible to conceive of. I'm incredibly lonely, and I hate myself absolutely. Years and years of therapy have been useless. Medications useless. I'm surprisingly not suicidal but it's definitely been a shit life that I would not wish on anybody. Interestingly, my sister is quite the opposite (reckless behavior, many bad sexual relationships, drug abuse). It's weird that we developed such different coping mechanisms. Me avoiding people - her jumping into terrible decisons and relationships.
Maybe volunteering for a cause you care about can lead to some friendships and more
I used to call it Suthy syndrome. Stands for Somebody Up There Hates You
I am surprised that you do not discuss ACEs more as a primary factor leading to SLS, many of us were never taught how to function at a basic level in society and predispose us to poverty and lifelong physical/ mental health issues.
Whats ADE?
@@zesky6654 Adverse childhood experiences
@@zesky6654 ACEs stands for averse childhood experiences, much of what dr k was defining as trauma in the video without labeling it. The ACEs label makes it easier to research when it comes to credible research on how these experiences have long term impact on our lives with SLS. For myself they resulted in, a couple weeks ago, at 46 I ended up the hospital C-ICU with a heart attack, diabetes, and possibly (still being determined) chronic lymphocytic leukemia after a lifetime of avoiding anyone with a medical degree due to the way I grew up and institutional abuse.
Jesus Christ this acronym usage is absurd
At 21:00 he does mention that this is what it's called though. I'll update this comment as I keep watching.
Edit: im at 39:26 and he's mentioned several times that ACEs lead to the factors that contribute aspects of it.
I overcame a deep existential depression that I was 100% convinced there was no way out of. I learned that you can see the same facts in an entirely different light by doing things that seem totally meaningless while in that state: self-care, meditation, exercise, medication if necessary, etc. The "objective truth" you see might not be so objective after all. You need a clean lens to get a good picture.
1:43:51 That's because the tenth time could actually be 1/50% and the 9 prior times could be 9/50% times where the food is actually good (though, the restaurant would probably have already closed if that was the case)
Thanks Dr K
I have shit life syndrome ever since the day I was born. I have no more dreams and aspirations because I am a failure to everyone around me and I hate everything. All I want is for this shit to end.
honestly its like no one wants to see you succeed
not even your parents
i wish i was good looking
my life would do a complete 180
I recently got into a healthy relationship - likely the healthiest one I've ever been in, in my whole life, and I've started to dare to dream / plan for future things like trips for the future. I've had to remove the toxicity of my family from my life in order to make my life better. But all the same, the shitty life syndrome fits me to a T. I've lived in Sweden for 5 years and have been struggling with things the whole time (money, relationships, school, language, lack of job). This follows the trend of what my life was in the US before I moved here ; I was even homeless before moving here. I've often thought that it was silly to have multiple diagnosis rather than one overarching thing wrong with me.
Always happy when I see Dr. K out with another video about why our brains our biggest enemy. (Or i assume...)
And potentially, also our biggest ally.
@@Tigerheartywell that's because since he is an actual doctor he has to give these disclaimers otherwise he's liable
"legal loophole" for giving advice as a doctor online (at least in the usa afaik)
Your brain lies to you when depressed... flat out lies, but based on its prior experience so feels "logical". All part of depression being a bad case of your own brain being **mean** to you! It's "logical" but it's not "useful"... so switching out of survival mode into thriving is **hard**.
Is it a lie though? Are you truly sure that its a lie. When your depression and survival mechanisms are based around environment and most people's are. How can you invalidate their situation your brain is logical its not a lie to acknowledge and understand that growing up in poverty you more than likely arent going to ever have enough food, you're going to be stressed your whole life, depressed because you cant retire, cant afford a house, cant afford food, won't be abke to have children because having them would be abusive, you wouldn't be able to provide them with the life and America dream that many are given. I grew up like this. Taking care of my mentally Ill parents, never having any friends. I'm in my 20s yet I feel like I'm in my 50-60s. I acknowledged the truth that I'd never have a dream come true, never have enough food, never have a career, that'd I'd more than likely die early due to undiagnosed health conditions, and cancer rates being higher among lower income communities and my family.
@@Name.......... you have genuinely had a very difficult life thus far, and the truth is that intergenerational disadvantage is a huge issue as you say. You've suffered trauma from merely having mentally ill parents, and then the stressors of caring for them on top of that have probably added to that significantly. And you're entirely correct that lower socio-economic folks have generally poorer outcomes and shorter lives, particularly in developing countries like the US with no universal health care. Health care that might have genuinely helped your parents for instance. Or indeed social security that paid enough to keep you housed and fed.
As Dr K says, when you're **in** a dire situation your brain is being entirely accurate regardless of how depressed it's making you. It's only going to be a lie when the depression lingers despite a situation improving or being different. I moved out of a home with an abusive and mentally ill parent, but my depression persisted despite my no longer being in immediate danger.
You must feel trapped in a trap not of your own making... and that disempowerment is going to make it so much worse. I really feel for you.
Feels like your talking directly to me
Most people have lives that are either nasty, brutish, and short, or else lead lives of quiet desparation.
Many dont have the basic requirements to lead a decent life.
Allow me to summarise. Pretend life is a game for this scenario, youre a player. You might not have hit optimal rolls and have a bad start, but a pro player will still have the game sense to succeed. You gotta build up your irl game sense to play optimally
that is not normal thinking lol
So, basically Disco Elysium.
2:30:40 Give it a shot - cultivate the right thoughts & actions 🌧️👨🏽🌾
I think I've for a long time had a cognitive dissonance with how I view help in this context, and help in a game. Of course I go to guides for build paths in a game because I'm curious, but for this guide to try and improve my psychological state? A kind of sense of failure. I'm a noob, not a failure. I'm bad at the game, of course I need to read the guide from people in higher elos. I'm trying to climb from the bronze bracket, and thinking somehow that asking someone in diamond is like this big deal, when if anything its something that they've gotten asked so much its in the FAQ.
It helps too to think about what your hobbies are. Someone who's fabulous at art isn't going to be able to give as good advice as someone who is a psych main.
But we all need to figure out how to live our lives. Like chefs can give tips for regular people to cook, we need to learn tips from the pros.
Adaptability is very important. Every game I play, rpgs especially, i always go for an adaptive build.
40:32 I kept looking at my phone trying to figure out what notification I was getting, then backing up the video because I'd missed some information, then looking at my phone trying to figure out what notification I was getting, then backing up the video because I'd missed something... Finally figured it out.
30:46 this is wild!! My 8 yo bday my parents arranged to have it at Chuck E. Cheese. I was super excited. I’m not sure if I knew beforehand that it was a joint bday party with my neighbor’s kid Herbert, (who I didn’t know very well) but I remember getting there and this long table with Herbert and a ton of his friends and only my best friend from across the street was there. I was very sad seeing Herbert and all his friends and presents and my parents, Chris and I at the end of the table like tagalongs. Idk if a Desi thing or unique to my parents but it wasn’t the first time they missed the ball and the answer was always the same “we’re not from here so we don’t know how these things work” (in retrospect it’s literally the worst excuse as both of them are highly educated).
This is really interesting and what a cluster eff to have accomplished what I have only to be a target of systemic racism, passive F responses and CPTSD and thereby excelling at my work but my ignorance and ineffective assertiveness (& poor judge of character leaning too far into “good enough” denying when people are being malicious and giving room but mini betrayals will culminate in a massive betrayal. ) so now it’s like fuck it.
42:46 lol when I finally was able to fly business class I would always board at the end as idk I don’t like classism/inequality and oddly feel pretentious sitting there as the majority truck into the economy seats :(
Dr K doing the “absolute cinema” pose in the thumbnail 👍
"Racial bonus of tech support" got me dead lmao.
"basically chat, dont give up" you are so cute X,D
Leaving a timestamp 2:17:54 for myself as an example of how to "Play the tape through the end."
so i did the meditation trying to focus on my shoulder cause it was really tense. but it didnt relax. i just became more aware of the tension afterwards :/
30 minutes in and this is already hitting harder than usual, and that's saying something... 👀
2:24:26 "thigh gap" lol nooooo (I used to think this was very important :)) Thank you!
Hey HealthyGamer team! Could you please include the list of all the references used in the video🙏
omg dude, I've been watching for 10 minutes now and you're still not ready and prepared to start this streaming. and you seem pretty unbothered. I wish I were like that. I mean unbothered by my flaws, not unprepared
Can you please turn up your microphone volume? Past weeks its been really low, I need to turn up my iphone to max volume while having headphones on..
Why will these long form videos be available as podcasts?
So if someone has SLS and then their circumstances change to overall neutral... how does one adjust accordingly?
Like the old coping methods and survival mechanics no longer apply and usually cause more harm than good.
True
You ruin your own life again to be in your unhappy-happy place again.
(This is based on my experience, so it worked for me, might not work for everyone.)
You have to be 100% focused on getting your amygdala to chill out. (I can never remember if that's the sympathetic nervous system or not, I like blaming the brain's fear walnut, it's easier to visualize).
Part of it will be making plans for worse situations. Which can be understanding where you can go if finances get worse, or planning how you can defend your boundaries if someone makes you feel unsafe. This will mean that when you have a fear thought, you'll then remember that you're ready for that.
And then practice practice practice trying to think of other options.
"My brain always assumes the worst, what's one more neutral way of looking at this?" Keep challenging yourself to try to come up with new explanations. And think of how you could test these assumptions without your actions sabotaging those tests.
Like if you believe no one will ever love you, and then walk into a room with a scowl on your face. Your scowl will almost definitely push people away. So, learning to put your assumptions at bay, long enough to fairly test the hypothesis, is important to learn what the truth of your options really is.
I've seen too many people who put in 1/4 of an attempt and fail, and it's because they're not really trying to find the truth. They're trying to force the world to fit their worldview.
It's very frustrating to the rest of us. Because we see that some people stop trying, or only put in a weak illusion of trying, and then say they give up, but in reality, they gave up long before that weak attempt.
So, the first steps are just keep trying to actually be scientific about it, to give yourself the evidence you need to make a more accurate world view.
Skip to 10:45, doesn't start until then
Have you considered having Dr Kirk Honda from Psychology in Seattle ? He's a psychologist who reacts to media (mainly realty TV and shows) and uses it as a jumping off point to explain a lot of concepts and situations, and he talks often about attachment theory. I think it could be an awesome collaboration !
omg I agree! he's like my second Dr.K 😂😍
@@1flower161 Dr K and Dr H could be a good duo 😂
Dr K is like your BFF being doctor theraphy. 😊😊
Fun fact: If you press CTRL Shift T on Windows it opens your recently closed google tabs.
was just curious what SLS meant so hopped in and right when he starts defining it i’m like oh…. oh no….. on top of an autoimmune disease, i racked up MDD (severe/recurrent), GAD, OCD, ADHD, PTSD. ive always wondered surely this can’t be right, like it must just be one big thing instead of all these. it’s embarrassing filling out medical paperwork so i usually just put mdd & adhd 😬
i’m listening 😳
Would love to see this same topic through the lens of existentialism
Microphone is very low. If you have all setting to max and your mic is still low, get an amp. If your mixer supports 48v ghost power, I would recommend Triton fethead. Then you can address us ASMR style
Dr k looks like he's doing the "absolute cinema" meme in the thumbnail