"Autistics have to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how to present information." THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. I need people to understand this. NEED.
I always refer to this as 'translating', like the thought in my head makes sense to me but I know it won't to anyone else, so if I want to share I have to translate it. as I've gotten older it's started to take more energy than I have to do the translation, so even if I want to share a thought with someone, I'll just keep it in.
@@davidconner-shover51 I'm 64, and have done the hiding/interpreting thing a long time, but less lately due to exhaustion. I've managed to get across to many of my coworkers/boss: "Don't book me for first thing in the morning meetings! My meds haven't kicked in, and you DO NOT want unmedicated me!" Since I work directly with customers on highly technical topics, some of the customers who I have worked with for a long time say "unmedicated you sounds like fun!" 🤩 With some customers, I don't have to mask near as much.
@@LittleKitsune85 it's a cruel game our brains play. ADHD me: need stimulation all the time or will get bored, Autistic me: Too much stimulation makes me lose my sh1t. My ADHD is in constant battle with my Autism. It's exhausting 😖😫
My exhaustion triggers are: - Not exercising - Negative people - Being around people I'm not sure I can trust - Big social gatherings where I have to interact a lot - Being constantly interrupted when trying to to get something done. And having to create and go back into flow state to be able to complete the task. IT'S EXHAUSTING. - Lack of sleep - Having to follow neurotypical 9 to 5 type of schedules.
@@michaw7408Could simply be that it's a 9-5 that someone else planned for you, rather than one that works for you. Flexibility? Not from them. They expect you to be flexible enough that you're rigid in the way they want you to be. That's a NT 9-5.
@@michaw7408 Not always. Many neurodivergent people cannot work a 9-5 job. Many I know work part time or on their own schedules. The point is, not every autistic person presents the same way.
@@michaw7408 What I mean by that is more like strict no flexibility 24/7. Even when in burnout... To just have to go on and on - too fast speed. And yes, all autistics are not exactly the same. I also prefer a baseline schedule. But need days that hold space for change too.
@@Kwahzutah As a kid I hated new clothes or clothes that had been worn by others before. I was my mom's own nightmare, and looking back, I want to say sorry for that but she's been gone for over 20 years now 😪 53 yrs old, diagnosed at 50.
“We have to dance around the truth, all in an effort to make people feel good. But I never feel good!” Finally someone said it. Why the hell should I have to make the neurotypical person feel good when I’m the one with a disability? Just say the short version of what you want and stop bothering me.
It's not the fault of the NT so to speak as they have to do the same thing with each other. It just doesn't weigh on them like it does us. It's a social game and humans are typically social beings.
I’m diagnosed autistic and I always feel weird watching these videos about people who have the same condition but they are well traveled, great lovers, and have good jobs and bustling social lives. Like why couldn’t I get the good kind of autism that makes me skilled at an in demand field like STEM instead of the bad type of autism that makes being a functional adult almost impossible
there is no good or bad autism there are people who have learned how to mask their discomfort when traveling, working and out in social situations. I am 70, diagnosed last year, and i have always hated to drive on the interstate so i find backroads and city streets to get where i want to go. I do not go to large events without a friend who has an anxiety disorder (we support each other). I do not have a social life, and I am ok with that because most of the "social" people i have known in the past are self-centered and abusive, only wanting to prove how much better they are than me. You have to find your space, and you coping style, then it will get easier as time passes.
I've tried to explain to people that "we're all fish - but I'm a fish that hates feeling wet". I LOOK like the other fish, but the ocean is a whole different kettle of fish for me.
This is such a good video. It really sums up why even as a "level 1", it's a struggle. I don't even want the cure, I just want to be left the fuck alone when I need it... Which is often.
@@t3hsis324 And then there's the boomerang stress of "Just leave me alone. (10 mins pass) ...why are you abandoning me?!?!" My gal deserves a fucking medal! She will "leave me alone", then stay juuuuuust close enough that I don't feel abandoned.
An autistic brain often has many more neurons in the visual cortex, and often the extra space needed for that is sacrificed by the auditory centre. It explains why one can have a hard time understanding people with the slightest background noise. The visual cortex is unusually powerful, and able to send way more data than normal to the neocortex. The auditory centre on the other hand lacks raw power to discern the speech from the background noise before the data is sent to the neocortex. So it's a double punch - the visual cortex sends a flurry of data to the neocortex while the auditory centre sends partially unprocessed data to the neocortex, aiding in the exhaustion process as you have to think hard about that too, while processing the larger flood of visual data.
Yeah it approaches reality, but no one, especially level 1 elites, comprehend level 3 experiences. And even this clear message either lethally offends allistics or they deem lying to ignore at best. Or usually use all their social talent to exponentially explode the barriers and sensory overwhelm.
I notice the shift in people too, and I’m less inclined nowadays to think “ooh did I say something wrong?” But rather go straight to “Goddammit. Damn humans ain’t getting it again…” and then wracking my brain to find alternative ways of saying things. This suuuuuuuucks.
I have an adult child who we have only known about the autism the past couple of years. They just told me a couple of days ago about this happening, a lot with me unfortunately. But I see so much differently now and in just this short time I have had a couple of things come up that I saw differently and was able to change my behavior. I also screwed up on one and am starting to wonder if I am also autistic. Anyway, I am proud of him for being able to tell me that my reaction was because I was not understanding him. He was right and I am glad to know. Hang in there. So sorry it is so hard.
Yup!! And then after a while some people shut down and stop trying to explain, such as me. I just go, "I have attempted to explain it, and was dismissed, so I'm still going to do it, and you can just assume my reasoning."
I'm 66 and yes, the world was better in some ways when phones were only in our homes. Rural life was quieter and I was able to be alone a lot. However there was no explanation for why I felt so uncomfortable in my skin...felt alien. No one knew why I was different...and bullied. The lack of access to so much information is one huge boon for autistics. But yeah, exhausting. I now take naps, live alone (ok, with 2 dogs) and I have time to think and process. Learning boundaries and when to say no was a huge help.
I'm 46, and I simply don't use social media, or use my phone as anything but a phone... and a camera. ;) I leave it at home when I don't need it. Being diagnosed a few years ago has made life easier, as has finally being able to figure out that I'm nonbinary, and dropping gender specific appearances and behaviours that I've always been uncomfortable with. Living alone (with a cat, because everybody needs some fuzz in their life!), learning my triggers and limitations, and feeling free to be as strange as I need to be sometimes has made life so much more livable!
Age 50, earplugs at work (even though it's safe decibels) have made life so much better, I don't even take them out when I leave work. Grocery shopping is WAY easier with earplugs, mowing the lawn (which used to be pure torture, now is only mild torture). Wish I'd thought of it years ago. And yes, never comfortable in my own spacesuit/spaceship/body, and getting older means more issues, stupid reactor core having emergency shut-downs more, not less, as I get closer to the jumpgate... just forget that last part!
@@Arthurians Earplugs are the best! I often wear my noise-cancelling headphones when I'm out doing things with the cord in my pocket plugged into nothing! I hear you on the bodily discomfort. I've always wondered what it's like to feel comfortable in this meatsuit? Chronic illness means I'll probably never know.
@@Arthurians it sounds like you need to reroute your warp plasma stream through an inverse tachyon matrix, that should shore up the integrity of your subspace field. Live long, and prosper 🖖
I'm only just discovering my autism and ADHD now at 30+, but as a kid my mom put me in school plays because I was so shy. I ended up doing theater for years and learned how to pretend to be like others. Then I got two degrees in communications, where I learned how to pretend even better. Now I'm this master-masker, and it's frickin' EXHAUSTING. I'm working on letting that mask drop, but it's so ingrained now that it's been a bigger challenge than I expected. I think I need help being autistic lol
I feel this so much haha. I feel like I have no idea how to just be "me" anymore, just the version of me I invented to please everybody. It's such a struggle when you've spent years with the mask glued to your face.
Look back at how you felt just existing and your responses before you played pretend for the sake of others. Some will have changed BUT the feelings had a reason as much as actions. I know it sounds vaguely philosophical, but I'm having a hard time getting the right words due to burnout.
I so hugely relate to this! My mom put me in ballet, ice skating, modelling and acting programs to teach me how to be like everyone else, because I was dyspraxic (clumsy - no depth perception) and voice lessons to speak because I sounded robotic... on and on so I finally after she died became a playwright because theatre... trying to figure out social interaction. I didn't get dx'd til almost 56 yo. I am still trying to figure out how to be autistic and stop masking because it's so exhausting!
Fellow autistic/adhd inattentive here, 53, diagnosed at 50. It's good to have learned to act like a neurotypical person. But think of it this way. If you never drop your mask you are exhausting yourself for others. Learn to give yourself some more priority. If you have hobbies, do them more. If you like being by yourself for a bit, just do it. If someone asks questions, just be honest. You just need some down time to process and recuperate, and reassure them it's you, not them. Just take that blame to easy the burden on your shoulders. That said I also feel half burned out ALL the time, but that's also because my biological clock has strong nocturnal tendencies. In other words, I am a terrible sleeper and having a day/evening job (taxi / bus driver for the elderly and disabled) does not really make things easier. I should look for a night shift job, but I don't think I'd be qualified anywhere.
A world sympathetic to autistic people is a better world for all. The triggers are like a guide for creating a healthier society, which the neurotypical are often blind to. But, how to communicate, and be listened to...
EXACTLY!!! This is why is see autism as such a beautiful thing. I know it has co morbidities but if we fixed the world how many of those would be greatly reduced?!?! I’m excited for the future of the world because of the autistic community. Maybe I’m just being “””naive””” as so many ppl like to call me. Idc.
at 68 years old I have realized that I am on the spectrum. I now live out in the middle of nowhere by myself and have never in my life been happier and less stressed.. no input no stress! have had to deal with depression for the last fourth years now, noting. happy and content.
"Did you know that many autistics also have consistent health issues? These can range from gastrointestinal issues, skin issues, food sensitivities..." - I mean yeah I got all three of them.
One thing that stands out in my mind is an event that happened nearly a decade ago. In September of 2014, I attended a meetup with my Facebook Crown Victoria group in Tempe AZ at a Dave & Busters. Most of the meet was conducted in the parking lot - this was never a problem for me as I could gravitate toward people at the meet who were there for the technical stuff ... we were going to have a group dinner inside the restaurant and this is where the 'fun' began. This was on a Saturday night, so the place was packed. I went inside, figuring I would eat and leave. Hah. First thing I noticed was all the noise, followed by the flashing lights (all the arcade games and things), followed by more noise and people bumping into me due to how busy it was. I sat down at our table, ordered a Coke. More noise, which by now was blending into a sort of blowtorch of noise, the lights were amplifying the noise and the noise was amplifying the lights, people still were bumping me even as I sat down. At this point, I couldn't even make out what the person sitting next to me was saying over the cacophony of noise and at that time I just shut down. I decided it was time to leave and so I just got my Coke, took two sips, paid for the Coke and went back into the lot, made it to my car and just 'crashed' for about 10 minutes. In total catatonia. Someone from the group came out and asked if I was okay because evidently it looked a little scary to some who witnessed it. At that point I didn't know I was autistic.
Am SO relating to your experience... I once sat on the floor in a corner & leaned against a support pillar & FELL ASLEEP from over-stimulation during a music concert. The noise, lighting, people bumping into me yada yada. Years before I pursued my ND suspicions.
DUDE. I was diagnosed in 2017, but in 2010 I had a similar experience at my friend's birthday party AT THE TEMPE DAVE AND BUSTERS. That place is absolute hell for my autistic brain.
@@silicon212 For movie theaters, sports bars, etc - I have a pair of earplugs that have different inserts for different levels of reduction. I've found the "setting" that works best for me. They seat pretty deep in the ear, so they are not too obvious. Nowadays, I might wear my AirPod Pros, with adaptive transparency mode. With many NTs wearing them all the time, you can actually appear as a "ducebag NT" and fit right in! 😆
I’m not diagnosed, 32 yo female. In 2017 my ex friend and her friend and I got baked and decided to go to the Dave and buster down the road. Like within thirty seconds of us all walking in together we kinda looked at each other like Eww and NOPED outta there. Now that I look back on it and think of this comment I’m like Ooohhh that’s why that place sucked to me 😂
Yeah bathrooms are great places to hide, I worked at a very high stress job where everyone backstabbed each other… there was a bathroom that I would go in, turn off the light and either meltdown or calm down there. Only Accounting knew I went in there, and they refused to tell my boss or other marketing staff where I was if asked. Since there was a doorway at the end of accounting that led to a set of stairs.
I feel this I work at a fast food place and cleaning the bathrooms is my favorite thing to do because it helps me reset when I'm oversimulated. I don't get meltdowns but shutdowns its not fun.
@@userequaltoNull No my supervisor was so dumb she probably thought I went for a walk outside to cool down. People knew she was an abusive witch, who tried to get me fired because she thought I wanted her job.
A few things I do to try and survive this exhausting world: 1) Have a sensory deprivation reset on really hard days when i get home. This can be just laying down in my bedroom with the lights off and comforting blankets and sensory tools or even having a bath with only one soft salt lamp in darkness and quiet music. 2) Allowing myself to actually be me at home with my partner. This includes not emoting as much or policing myself to say/do the right thing and knowing he'll understand. 3) Take mini breaks throughout the workday. Allowing myself to mentally check out/let my mind wander for even just a minute every hour does wonders for my mental health. I feel like I'm cheating the nuerotypical world by secretly getting to be the real me in my head for a small amount of time every day. 4) Stimming (but secretly). While I can't twirl and bite my hair or bounce up and down like I used to as a kid, I can find other ways to secretly stim when I'm at work or in public. This includes rubbing and putting pressure on the palms of my hands under a table, scrunching and unscrunching my toes in my shoes, gently running my fingers through my hair and over my scalp, and playing with tools inside my pocket 5) Wearing clothes that are comfortable yet slightly more fashionable (and with no damn tags!) as well as layers to help deal with a room being too hot/too cold. 6) Trying to give myself grace when even when I do all these things life still gets too overwhelming and the nuerotypicals get upset with me. I have to remind myself that I'm doing this to survive mentally in a world with seemingly arbitrary social rules and unnecessary sensory overload. Not because I'm a bad person if things not go well. It's a world that wasn't built for me and while I'd appreciate more grace from others if i can't have that then I need to be more gracious to myself.
Secret stimming and sensory deprivation seems like it would really help me. I just started a new job and to say it's dysregulating would be an understatement. I think I mask by default out of learned fear, and I have the tendency to stand still (if I don't move I can't make a mistake and get in trouble), but I've found I do feel more comfortable when I can move and stim a little bit. I also notice lately I prefer silence at home, when I previously thought I needed a lot of background noise to chase away the stress. I guess it will become new thing for me to give my body what it needs as opposed to what my mind is convinced it needs. Thanks for sharing this, I think it's really insightful 🙏🏾
Tuesday, I was talking to a doctor about how noisy this world has gotten. In my very late life (I am old) I had a day of testing for autism. I don't know if I am but I have many traits. After over 5 hours of testing/talking, I went out for a dinner thinking it would be easier than cooking. I broke down crying in the restaurant. I cried for 90 minutes when I got home. Though the day was fairly quiet (I wore earplugs) I was over-stimulated and exhausted. (I calmed down by plunging my face in ice water for ten seconds, twice. It reset me).
Based off that response I would say its a high probability you are. The cold water reset is one of my go to's 👍 I also get really hot physically and if it's a cold night I'll just go outside and stand in the dark in just my pj's and stim. The cold definitely helps regulate.
I never thought about my need to splash cold water in my face at the office or when I'm out with family, possibly being a sign of overstimulation. Guess I add that to my mental list of "signs I'm overstimulated" Thanks for your explanation
I literally say the same thing about the world being so "noisy". I've realized a lot of it is the constant EMF around me and being so sensitive to the environment that I feel that electrosmog. I have a meter and track and have verified a connection to at least fibromyalgia. Unless I can move, I can't reduce it more to see if it helped the migraines and immune system disorder that I've also developed after a data center literally built next to my house because of weird zoning and 4G and then they expanded and 5G came. Each time my health got worse and now the breakdowns and shutdowns are disabling and prevent me from working unless I self medicate (which I refuse to do anymore and regular meds make my life worse). Therapy is the only helpful thing because I get to talk freely and vent.
5 hours of testing and talking exhausts any neuro diverse person. I can only last half an hour of that. I think your social battery was already depleted before going to the restaurant. Better get a ready made salad meal from the super market, quick in and out.
I can wake up feeling SO READY to do the day. I’ll be motivated and feeling positive and capable… and then I LEAVE MY ROOM and feel like I’d rather be 💀 than ever leave my room again and POOF! Everything positive, hopeful, and energetic within me is gone and I spend the rest of my day trying to emotionally regulate back to a space in which I can make myself breakfast…at 3pm… ugh. I am literally the most bubbly yet chronically exhausted human I know. I have severe carpel tunnel in both hands/arms, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, severe anxiety, adhd, and HS. That’s 3 autoimmune diseases, 2 mental illnesses, 2 chronic pain confitions, and I’m neurodivergent.. I dunno how tf I do anything. The truth is that I accomplish very little and I don’t enjoy any of it. Yeah… but you can’t see anything but the psoriasis so I just look like a red skinned, scaly, and withdrawn weirdo. Omfg whyyyyyy…. *cheers* to anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff on a daily basis that hasn’t given up completely yet! You’re a rockstar! Time crawl back into my hole where the outside world can’t throw me into an emotional downward spiral! Yeeee.
Skin illnesses can be improved by eating Omega 3 fats. I like to eat canned sardines with skin-on packed in virgin olive oil. Two small tins a day help me feel relaxed. Our cells must have good fatty acids in addition to proteins to make cell membranes healthy.
@@normaalvarado7540you know what’s also exhausting? People popping in and telling you, that your severe health issues can be solved by eating something particular. Psoriasis cannot be cured by eating more Omega 3, and I bet this person has already tried everything possible and even some impossible things, to try to alleviate the symptoms.
I'm just stopping by to say I love you. The personality you showed in your comment is beautiful. What a shame you can't bless the world with it more often in the "wild". I think you're coping with your condition and overall with life under these circumstances very well. And I wish you all the best! Love ❤️
@@normaalvarado7540 Psoriasis is not a "skin illness", it's an autoimmune disease. The beat treatments are immunosuppressants (which make you susceptible to colds, viruses, etc). That and anything that can help avoid inflammation. Dietary changes can sometimes be helpful but it completely depends on the person's current diet, gut microbiome, genetics, and other health factors, and things that might help one person could aggravate another's condition. Things like omega 3s can be helpful for general health reasons, but they're not very likely to have any significant affect on autoimmume disorders.
Everything you said in that first paragraph could’ve come straight outta my mouth! I feel it so much. Please remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. ❤
Same. That happens when you are punished for being yourself from birth, right? The only time i drop my mask is alone with the pets or with friends who have no masking ability at all. my fave people.
I am on the road finding out how off my childhood diagnosis of "Mild Asperger's" was... And I feel this, only really recently have I started noticing how much I do as an automated response system.... It's...an interesting road...
I don’t know what I would’ve done without horses, growing up. They meet you where you are, and you don’t have to mask with them. My time at the barn once a week was my therapy. It still is.
Maybe this explains the "equine therapy center" that's a few miles away from where I live. I watch farm animal videos to relieve stress. People need local farms that operate like farms did 100 years ago.
@@Nphen look up EAGALA therapy programs. Horses are invaluable partners for mental health programs in addition to their uses for physical and mobility therapies :)
I remember having insomnia as young as 9. My mom said that even as a baby I was “colicky” and wouldn’t fall asleep until she either drove me around in the car or put me in a battery-operated baby swing that would rock me. She said they spent more money on batteries than the cost of the swing. I still have bouts of insomnia, and it has been a constant part of my life. Some nights I just don’t sleep. The only thing that has almost completely eliminated my insomnia has been regular cardio. I am dealing with a chronic illness right now and can’t jog and my insomnia is back. I can’t wait to get better so I can exercise again and get good sleep. If my sleep is bad, everything is bad.
I feel you so hard. My mum said that I was the only baby she'd ever seen who was either insomniac or nocturnal, and I was semi-nocturnal by the time I was 3. I was insomniac by 6, and have had sleep issues for the entire 40 years since. Since I'm going through a rough period right now and need actual sleep to cope, melatonin is my current best friend. Clonazepam is a good friend when things are extremely bad too.
THIS ❤ my mom used to talk about this too...I "never slept" as a baby, and I've had sleep issues my whole life. And when I get sick, like flu, FORGET IT. It's HIGHLY frustrating because the one thing that helps heal you, is the exact thing I can't do. Just getting over another flu, that lasted for 10 days, because I'm only getting 3, maybe 4 hours of sleep. I literally woke up every 90 minutes during the night. And that's after I took a sleeping pill, magnesium, and nyquil!! I thought for sure that would put me out, but it didn't...every 90 minutes, waking up.
I'm highly dependant on 'exercise' as well. In the good times getting the good old 10k steps a day or cycling (40m) to and from the office will suffice. But with my health getting worse in a variety of ways I have to get creative and that makes me stand out in a bad way. Leg exersises after wrist surgery, upperbody exercises post hip surgery etc. I can take a break from exercising, but then I can't sleep. :/ I'm dreading the day my chronic illness fully catches up with me.
Have you tried getting a rebounder? You can do a gentle bounce called the health bounce where your feet never leave the rebounder so it’s not taxing like jumping. I love the gentle motion. Your baby motorised swing reminded me of it, so it’s worth a try.
I don’t think I’ve recovered from high school. It was a sensory nightmare, and went against my delayed sleep phase disorder. Especially since I had band before normal school hours. I missed so much school because my stomach was hurting every day, I’d have panic attacks and meltdowns when getting up or even when about to enter the building and would beg my dad to let me go home. I feel like I was medically neglected. Because I looked normal otherwise and did well in school. Two teachers commented on my absences, and neither with any sort of compassion. One told me I would fail college because they wouldn’t tolerate me missing class EVER (lol, that guy was so so wrong), and the other just wanted to know how I kept my grades up. The trick was that I could do my class work in the safety of my own home instead of in class, where there was constant social interactions, fluorescent lights, limited bathroom breaks, and constant stomach pain. I was exhausted and probably stunted my growth. I also had an autoimmune disease and repeated untreated UTIs. No one ever said it to my face, but I’m certain adults thought I was lazy or stupid or looking for attention.
I'm 60. Diagnosed ADHD/ASD at 45. I grew up in that "quieter" age, but back then it was impossible to get a diagnosis unless you were non-verbal or profoundly impacted in ways that were obvious. So, I would much rather have the information that comes from having the internet, cellphones, etc. You don't have to let your devices be the master over you. It should and can be the other way around. Ok, here are my sensitivities: Groups of giggling women or people talking loudly. Echoey rooms Sudden noises Someone approach from behind me. Wearing pj's or nightgowns to bed (I get tangled up because I thrash) Temperatures over 74F Humidity w/ temp over about 60 Crinkly bags Things that send me OVER THE EDGE IMMEDIATELY: Ceiling fans/flashing lights Girls talking loudly in echey public restroom ("OMG! I haven't seen you in, like, foreverrr!!) The absolute worst for me though, is very LOW pitched noises (with the exception of whale songs). Examlpes: A large truck idling, bass turned way up in a person's car no matter how far away it is. If I can hear it at all its torture for me. These things can often send me into a huge meltdown with little or no warning! Otherwise I "appear normal". I can't blames people for not believing I'm on the spectrum, but it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to explain a meltdown.
Omg crinkly bags! People eating apples. Popping gum. Flashing lights. Loud restaurants. Loud music. Crowds. Popcorn at movies. Movie theaters (volume). HEAT over 74 also. Smells. Bad breath. Garlic smell. Smell of cupcakes in a school classroom. Food that smells like B.O. cigarettes, cigars, vapes, weed, strong sanitizing products, pesticides. Ad Infinitim. I have not been diagnosed as autistic but I certainly have a lot of sensory issues.
The crinkly bags. 😵💫 I third that. Especially if it's over the phone because someone you're talking to has thought "I'll hold it away from the phone..." Doesn't matter! It's so terrible! Phone calls are hard enough, then the bag joins / interrupts and ooh boy! I have stopped mid-sentence so many times to just ask, "what are you DOING?" 🕺🏻
@jmaessen3531 For me it's when they are emptying the dishwasher over the phone and the constant clattering. Especially silverware. Or eating cereal out of a bowl. Every time the spoon hits the bowl. I hate that sound! It hurts my ears so much. I don't buy crinkly bags and I don't know that I hear them a lot. So this may be why I don't know if those bother me, too
Not sure if ASD, but I have extreme A.D.D.....for me with the sounds....high pitched noises bother me and I can hear higher than most people my age (29)
My daughters triggers (4years old) The material denim Any kind of trousers - has to be skirts or dresses Too much noise Any kind of light in bedroom when trying to sleep - she won’t sleep unless blackout blinds are fully covering windows Being too hot, she is naturally a warm girl but hates layers and pjs on in bed with a blanket Hair being blown in her face, has to be pinned back My husbands triggers Too much noise Talking to him while he is doing something else Trousers & Jeans Being too hot Spots always picking Road rage
I have all of these except the blackout curtains. It's rough for sure. Can't stand pants and I'm always getting judged for wearing shorts. I'm not cold, thank you, mind your business...
@@carissaa8411 It sucks because if you think about it, it might be the one mistake one person makes on the road, but because we deal with hundreds of people, if they all make one mistake it adds up.
I‘m still searching for the perfect pillow, always lack of sleep and exhausted. But I would rather have a dog than a turkey. I am 61 and I have all the symptoms 😢.
For me, setting boundaries with neurotypicals is still one of the biggest challenges. I once worked at a company where they would randomly call meetings at short notice. And not just any meetings, those were meetings where I was supposed to present something, or at least provide some input to the discussion. When I told them that (a) I would like to do as many meetings in a block (that reduces the before-and-after time it takes me), and (b) have meetings regularly instead of randomly so that I can plan, they first said "yeah sure" - and then the amount of meetings doubled and they happened just as random as before! And then there were meetings in which they explained why meetings are time critical and important, and that they needed to be flexible! When I pointed that out, they set up even more meetings, just to see whether I am available at all times. I quit that job. However, this is a very common pattern. The more I ask neurotypical people to respect my needs, the more stress they put on me. So I have long given up on that too: it is not worth it. It just makes everything so much worse. If you - or anyone else - has any thoughts on this, your reply is highly appreciated.
They were punishing you for daring to ask for your different needs to be met. They definitely felt that you were asking for more than they could dare to ask, and were spiteful and jealous. It's not based in pure logic, it's social dynamics and emotional responses at play.
Sounds like they wanted you yo prove what you needed. They were out of order. Unfortunately, I'm 57 and have survived by saying yes and having constant dialogue in my head instead of saying no and dealing with the fallout. I would love to be truthful all of the time but the world is not prepared for that. I just don't get people or the world we're now in. Gentle distant hugs.
There's really no such thing as telling your job how to operate. Jobs don't just accommodate people because you ask; they pay people to do what THEY ask. That's literally what a job is. Boundaries are for personal relationships. Quitting a job is appropriate if you don't like it but most people do not like the way their office is run. That's just life, and that's why many people have a goal of working for themselves.
@@pld-wc7gf No, that's not "just life", that's life in the capitalist society we live in. What you are saying is: THEY are the ones with the money (or their cousins), so THEY make the rules, and THEY have all the right to pick on everyone who doesn't perfectly fit in with THEIR expectations. What I am saying is: we can do better. A lot better. Autistic people are way over-represented in engineering, and STEM in general. We are the ones who innovate. We are the ones who keep things running. We might seem a bit odd at times, but we deserve way better than being bullied by rich little brats for no other reason than that it is easy to pick on us. You disagree?
All mentioned here, except sleep issues, applies to me. Neurotypicals constantly 'read' my face & body language and they 'know' what I think and how I feel. And are always wrong. I mean, if you wanna know how I feel ask me, instead of 'knowing'. Had such problem with my dance teacher who 'knew' that I was 'worried' by reading my face, while I was just concentrating & enjoyed repeating my moves. And I don't even have a TV at home and when enter a space that has a TV on, like my wellnes centre lounge room, I make sure I turn it off right away. I go to my gym because it is one of rare gyms around that is silent, no stupid loud TV screens and irritating pop music.
Ha! I took ballroom dancing lessons for a while, and once I showed up about half an hour early because of the trains and just sat there waiting. The instructors were very worried that something was wrong, because I looked so sad. But that's just what I look like. I apparently have Resting Horrible Tragedy Face.
@@kemowery Hi. Yes, so annoying that people constantly think they know how you feel or what's going on based on something so superficial, laregely evidence unsupported and culturally biased, such as 'body language'. I do classical ballet.
What you said about computer and phones is exactly what I tried to explain to my wife for years : this fucking constant interruptions, the annoying "vrr" from a text coming which anguish me, the no times alone anymore because there is always someone to text you (or her, cause nobody text me anymore because I don't answer, too exhausting) some shitty thing you don't care about, and you need to answer something if you don't want to be rude. But answering what ? It's like you cannot be alone anymore, you cannot rest anymore from people and that's exhausting... And when I explained that years ago I didn't even know I'm autistic, it wasn't even something I heard about, or think for myself. And now I understand better why I've always feel that about social network or texting. Why it was so exhausting, so scary. It makes so much sense. You explain it very well, that is exactly the words, the feelings, I'm so happy someone else express it, it make me feels better and I don't think anymore I'm a "monster" or whatever not to love social interactions or to be anxious about texting or social networks. I now know that's a part of my autistic brain. Thank you !
My phone lives on "do not disturb" mode. I know I can trust my close family not to bother me unless it's important, so they're allowed to bypass it ("starred contacts"), and alarms (because my ADHD means alarms and reminders are the only way I can keep up with appointments and such). Anyone else can leave me a voicemail/shoot me a text and I'll see it when I see it.
@@digitalcalibrator9740 Yah ! The same here now. When I was a teenager people constantly asking me (and some with anger) why I even have a cellphone because I never answer it (what they didn’t know is that I answer, but only to people who I really love and then I was too exhausted or annoyed for answering them… sorry guys I didn’t like you so much 🤷). In fact I still do that but with time not so much people I don’t really like have my number now. I also cannot tell how many time my mother yelled at me because I didn’t pick up the phone when I was a kid, and she doesn’t understand at all what I feel about not knowing what to say on the phone, how to interact, even with people I know. She doesn’t understand the anxiety that I feel about picking up the phone or calling someone (even a friend). For her it was stupid, I was a coward, and even more that my sister who was 2 years younger than me can do it. Not a fun part of my life. Knowing about my diagnosis makes so much sense on this kind of experiences now
My phone is almost always off. I check it maybe once every day or two and turn it off again. I have had to get to the point with people where they at least partly 'understand' some of the things that have to happen for me to get through a day with any productivity at all. It began to become a joke in my community ('if you need support or whatever, call one of us but don't call him, ha ha'). Alone time has to be fought for as we are raising a family, involved in church leadership, and cannot avoid a significant amount of social engagement.
Years ago I decided that when people tell me I don't need sunglasses inside, I just say 'How the --fuck-- would you know? Are you me? You obviously don't know what I'm going through, so I'll be the boss of where I wear my sunglasses. Have a day.' But tbf, no one's asked that in literal years. Ppl just don't care anymore. They too do whatever the duck they want. And neither do I. As long as I don't act like an ass, I don't care what people say about me or if they stare at me. What are they gonna do? Have an opinion that's not going to matter to me? It's not like they can get me fired or expelled for being autistic. 🙄
I'm a NT, but even I do the sunglasses thing cause I have subscription so it's too much of a pain to swap out to regular glasses a lot of the time. Rock on indoor sunglass people. 😎
In all honesty, I’d love to have a virtual phone call with you just to have like an interview and talk about experiences to see how diverse peoples autism can be between one another, and the contradictions between different individuals and how autism affects them
A long time ago, before I knew about autism and masking, I tried to express my rejection of social norms and behaviours in one sentence. What I came up with was "Fitting in gives me the self-identity blues." Now I know why I said it. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps me understand me better.
After a social event I'll typically need at least 12 hours sleep that night (whereas usually 6-7 hours is sufficient), or after babysitting for even 1 hour, I'll need a 3 hour nap, and then I'll sleep perfectly well that night for my usual 6-7 hours. If I need to have a business meeting or interact with a customer (on the odd occasion), I'll need a 1-2 hour nap afterwards.
I literallyw lay on the floor in the store trying all of them out lol it’s extremely hard to find a good one! It seems like usually it’s the cheap synthetic super squishy one that ends up being like $5 that always wins for me tho so that’s good at least. Idk how ppl just buy any old pillow and it’s fine…pure insanity.
I was diagnosed with depression for years because I felt exhausted and upset all the time. Now I've received my ASD diagnosis (at 28!!!) I am finally started to realise what has been causing the exhaustion and managing my energy levels better. Meeting new people can wipe me out for days, but wearing sunglasses indoors has made shopping trips easier. Thanks for the template, it will be really helpful as I continue to experiment :)
I'm pretty sure TH-cam listens to me because I woke up this morning and I said to my husband... I'm so exhausted I have no energy and I don't know why... and then here's your video... So correct on all points. ❤
Exercise is the worst. I don't feel pain normally, and struggle with knowing when I am overdoing it until I have way overdone it. Then, I struggle to move because everything has locked up. So I have to do any increases super slowly to make any progress. Then I'll get sick and loose all the progress I've made. I know it's important to be able to continue to move, but it's just so hard and it often seems to take all my energy so I have nothing left to do anything else.
In addition to all the challenges of being autistic, I learned that I had a lot of food allergies, a lot of foods that everyone considers 'healthy' but had a really negative effect on me (granola, milk, and many more). Once I got onto a keto diet, 90% of my health issues were gone. My skin and sinus cleared up, my concentration was better, I lost a bunch of weigth and had a lot more energy, the pain in my joints and legs went away, as well as the sores in my mouth. I still have the autism and social anxiety issues, but they're much more bearable now. Also transitionned to a ketovore diet (95% meat and fish) and it further improved my health.
TYSM for this!! Everything you said, especially the sleep & stomach issues really hit home. Also my hearing is super sensitive too...I remember as a kid, back in the 70s, department stores jewelry cases had an "invisible " alarm system...invisible to NT anyway...and every time mom would drag me there, I would scream, because the high pitched noise was so overwhelming. None of my family could hear it, and they automatically labeled me, as a 6 yr old, as...crazy, too sensitive, etc. My dad was the only one who eventually figured out what it was, and why I was having this seemingly over dramatic response to that noise. But my family laughed it off, still labeling me as overly sensitive, and crazy. My mom would say I needed to just get over things like this, because the world isn't going to change just for me, (which was true) and to basically stop having meltdown moments when I felt overwhelmed. And I was a constant source of joke about my stomach issues too. I literally vomited most mornings for the first 25 yrs of my life, due to sensory overwhelm, and still have upset stomach most mornings, just not the vomiting anymore, THANKFULLY. My mom would mock me, saying...oh we can't take her anywhere, she'll just throw up the whole time, or some insensitive thing like that (she was a narcissist) As a super late diagnosed woman, at age 50, It feels really good to be validated by your video's, because I FINALLY know that I'm not crazy, or too sensitive...well maybe the too sensitive applies, but I like to think of it as exceptionally sensitive 😅. Anyway, I really value your content. It's brought SO MUCH clarity to me. Your channel is such a valuable resource 🎉🥂💃🎉
I had a dr recommend i take pepcid ac every night before bed when i was in jr high and now when i start to have issues i atill do that and it really helps! And if it still feels bad in the morning i take another! It’s not exactly the best for you but hey it makes it so you can function. Im always surprised by how well it works…until it doesnt and i do the full round of Prilosec and them im better for awhile again usually. I try to do it as soon as i notice it acting up bc if you wait u til it’s a fire volcano it is MUCH harder to get back under control.
My wife knows when I say “I’m going to take a shower” that I’m literally going to sit in the tub, let hot water beat on my head, and space out for like 45 minutes in pitch blackness. We usually shower together, but when I just want to go, she knows it’s just my comfort spot to decompress and recharge so I have the energy to hang with her for a bit and not be moody and easily irritated. She knows every day/night after work, I need time to just be for a bit and then I’m refreshed and ready to hang for a few hours. Plus if I’m already drained, I’m not going to pay attention to any movie or anything cause I’ll just be sitting there feeling like I’m just just forcing myself into a situation. She’s learned a lot about Autism and just lets me do my thing as needed. She sees how much things can positively or negatively effect me, especially when I’m already stressed, or my anxiety is just at an all time high for no reason. I do hear noises from our electronics too that she doesn’t. We have a sound bar and it gives this super high pitch hum after like 7 click of volume up and it’s drives me nuts. When theres no noise, I hear the static white noise it gives off. She’s amazing at how it can be loud as hell, but I can still pin point the most faint yet annoying sound in a matter of seconds lol
I travel with my own bedding to be able to sleep, user earplugs A LOT, and chose my living space very carefully. It's 3 minutes away from the woods, I look out on a beautiful garden which I don't have to take care of. And it's quiet - I could even sleep without earplugs, but I don't, just in case. I bought several sleep masks until I found the perfect one for me.
I have fibromyalgia and a severe form of myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome. To qualify for an ME/CFS diagnosis, you need severe, unexplainable fatigue that prevents your normal daily activities, unrefreshing sleep (you wake up with a hangover every morning), Post Exertional Malaise (any exertion, including mental, makes you much, much worse), as well as orthostatic intolerance and cognitive impairment. Because ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD, it's like a double whammy. I have severe sound and light sensitivities and live alone in a dark, quiet room. I can't even hang out with my husband. Trying to manage autism like this is really hard. ❤ I'm also incredibly lonely, because TH-cam is the only place I can connect with people.
If you feel like sharing: do you turn the sound off on TH-cam and just read the subtitles? I do that a lot because the sound gets tiring. Especially with certain people.
@@Aelffwynn yes, I do! I love the captions! I can't really listen to music anymore (and I was a musician), so I turn off the sound when people have background music. ❤️
Hallo CricketGirl: Your comment has sparked a revelation in me. I've had ME for about 40 years, now much milder, and realised 4 months ago that I was on the autism spectrum also. "ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD" I can't even begin to sort out what's what, but feel massively better knowing that they overlap. Thank you so much for your comment. Hope you improve and can return to a much better quality of life. All the best.
Currently having a shutdown, because I went into the city for shopping with my husband and kids and it was really busy. We don't go very often, but it's worth the shutdown once in awhile to spend time together getting nice things for everyone. My husband works during the week so Saturday is the only day we can all go. We go early tho so it's not as busy. Masking and sensory overload are my 2 main issues that lead to anxiety and depression quite often. As I'm getting older it gets easier not to care what others think. At home I get to be myself, I'm the gamer mum who hyper focuses on random things all the time and it's ok. I get to sing at the top of my lungs and do crazy dances with my kids and that's what gets me through the day. It's taken me a long time to just accept who I am and not always look at how others do things and keep thinking "why can't I have/do that". I am who I am and that's ok.
Commercial interruptions, voting text messages, pharmacy and doctor reminder texts, all irritate me so much. If I’m tired and there’s too much light or noise or both, there’s a good chance I’ll get a migraine. Working super early 5 days in a row is definitely challenging for me because I feel like I’m running on fumes both from being tired and from the sensory overload. I love the jobs I have but they’re also a struggle. Soft blankets and sweatshirts and hoodies and long sleeve but thin cotton shirts make my life so much better. Good smelling shampoo conditioner and soap helps me want to actually take a shower, as well as listening to something while I shower. Flavorless toothpaste has changed my life (I use Dr Bob’s Unflavored toothpaste, which is a tad sweet but not enough to leave a major aftertaste like mint or watermelon or bubblegum).
Noise is the worst. And I can't block it out. I'm wearing over-ear headphones on top of beats earbuds with active noise cancelation, and I can still hear my husband's video game and the air conditioner. There's no escape from sounds.
A tip for reducing interruptions from messaging: create one-on-one chat groups with the people you communicate with the most. Mute the notifications and tell the other person to use the group for messages that do not need immediate attention. You could have also one for your entire family. That way you can read the messages in a pull mode rather than push mode. This has helped me a lot. I actually started doing this before discovering my autism or ADHD. Great video btw, thanks for making it!
@@larsonfamilyhouse for me that is a bit too much filtering. But I think I've cut 90% non-urgent notifications and I think now there's about 50-50 split between urgent and non-urgent. So still not optimal, but much better than what there was without blocking.
This video speaks of my daily life. Although, because was recently diagnosed at 65yo I came to understand it’s a burn out due to masking and sensory overload. I am most of the time in my room cause light, even sunlight drains me. For a 1/2 hour conversation or a quick supermarket trip I need to rest one day and a half. I wonder if I ever will come out of this burn out, I’d like to enjoy life. Thank you for your videos, it helps me to clarify many traits, you are also very funny.
Sorry you're in such a deep burnout phase. 😔 Glad you're here and able to join in on all our late diagnosed "aha moment" sharing. I hope it provides some degree of community relief and a sense of finding your people. 🫶🏻
Could we also have like... a researched-backed vid explaining masking and autism for the neurotypicals in our lives? Many ppl dont believe that autism can be masked 😂
For me, it’s being out in public, particularly grocery stores. The lights, the sounds, everything. When I was younger I would only shop at night but after the pandemic none of the stores are open at night. Now I just have them delivered. It saves me so much time and prevents sensory overload for me.
Same! I used to shop like 3am-5am and now it’s so hot and busy everywjere and everything closes at like 11 😭 it was so nice being the only one in the store before!
Before I was diagnosed at 31 back in 2011, I was working and at the end of every work day without fail I would have a heart arrhythmia and black out. I didn't understand why, I didn't understand why I couldn't do the things other people seemed to be able to do with ease. Now I've been unemployed for 13 years, not just because of autism btw. And at first I felt relief that I was free from that daily exhaustion and terror driving me to depression. But now I'm just isolated still depressed and constantly terrified of my sole source of income disappearing. Seriously. Autistic people cannot win. What are we supposed to do?
It seems like everything is a trigger. I’m frustrated with too much order and too much chaos. I’m never comfortable. I itch, I’m just an itchy person. It’s not rashes or allergies or bites or stings. I just itch. I’m too warm unless I’m too cold. I want to see a movie with someone but I also want to do everything else instead. I don’t know how to fix any of it.
Im so itchy rn, all day, and it’s extra worse when it’s windy bc pollen makes it worse. The best thing is to soak in the tub and then super scrub with a floofy plastic loofah then a brush for like 30+ min, get out and apply body oil like almond oil or calendula oil is probably best. Do it at least once a week and the oil daily. And run a humidifier constantly. Drinking a liquid iv every day has really helped hydrate my skin too, i guess the mechanism of electrolytes really carry the water to the outside of your cells or something. Try not to wear things like leggings, try wearing like flowy linen pants, thatnway the material doesnt draw moisture from your skin. Keep windows shut and replace your air filter in your ac and furnace and car often! Every 3 months minimum for the house filter. Also wash all clothes in hot and add lysol laundry sanitizer to the rinse. If it smells to strong after you can always rinse again with plain water:)
I'm in diagnosing process for adhd, the testing person said, seems to be autism, too. Exhaustion and social contact/communication are my biggest problems. My tringgers are: Vision confusing patterns, flashing lights, somebody suddenly turning the ceiling light on or off, high humidity, several conversations around me, several people talking in an echoing room, this high pitch beeping in some buses or tubes before the doors close, sudden big noises, I need my own pillow and at least one other for positioning in bed. I can't eat well cooked vegetables and many other foods and it drives me crazy when I'm supposed to follow unclear expectations or when I'm disturbed frequently in a task. I need my Alone-time after work (at least 2 hours in one piece) and during the first hour in the morning as well a the last one before sleep, I have my rituals, but I'm still flexible somehow. BUT never change a plan that was fix! Except that ones, which I did only agree to please others. That ones may be cancelled ;)
I relate to the pillows my bed has a stack of pillows which are placed for my comfort. My bed is my space where l can unwind. TV noise radios in background can’t do. Horns on cars l jump out of my skin especially when l am driving. Room full of people this is totalling over whelming. Thanks for your videos they are so helpful and relatable 😊
Sound cancelling earbuds have been a real blessing for me since they aren't to visible so not to many people notice I wear them when outside, especially when shopping to block out all the sounds my brain just can't block out without spending a ton of energy on ignoring the stimuli. I sadly can't remember exactly the paper i read it in but apparently in general the autistic brain taken in about 60% more external stimuli than a neurotypical brain, but the part of the brain that needs to sort all that information is still only equipped to handle a normal amount of information, so its like having a 16 liter water hose attached to a 10 liter valve and expect it to handle that extra pressure, it might be able to for a time but eventually it fails and when that happens especially with sudden very loud noises as he explain in the video our brain quite literally short circuits for a bit and has to reboot for us to get back in control.
My mom-"You were a quiet baby, but you never slept! I'd wake up and you'd be laying there eyes wide open just looking around the room. No naps either! You were a quiet good baby... You just never slept!"
Wow, My mom just told me thing exact same thing.. Quiet baby, good baby, never slept, starting around the room in my crib at 2am. "We were worried you were autistic but the pediatrician said you were fine, and you ended up being a fast learner" I am just going through the process of getting diagnosed for high-masking "functioning" ASD/ADHD at 39 years old. I can remember staying up until 2am as early as 7 years old. Life long sleep issues and have never been able to maintain a rhythm. And I just realized its current 2:30am, woops.
UGH YEESSSS on the concise blunt communication style. basically PEOPLE are my triggers LOL everything people do pisses me off. loud noise bright lights (my house is always dim, with soft warm or colored lights) any music i don't like! it is SO ANNOYING i can[t eve stay in that environment synthetic fragrances! i only use natural EO-based perfumes so everything synthetic bothers me, esp when people bathe in perfume (and i used to be one of those people lol) too much conversation being cold or too hot even though i love wearing sweaters all year round (if i can) and i don't like to have my skin exposed tight clothes, tags, anything that pricks and tickles being interrupted bc it is hard to get back in The Flow i startle easily so if something scares me i get real grumpy
I thought I was high-sensitive but, watching this video and reading the comments, makes me think I am kind of autistic. Low level maybe, but I do recognise a lot of traits.
What makes me exhausted? Working as a software developer. Especially when working with workitems that are not well described and have a lot of open ends. And after you think you are done with the workitem you will get the full list of requirements (and can almost start over again).
I have extreme sensory issues. I didn’t even understand what was happening to me until recently. I always feel it’s too loud, too bright, smells weird, my clothing feels wrong, my actual limbs feel wrong, other people feel wrong. I need a lot of time alone after social stuff. I sometimes am in the middle of things and decided I need to leave, regardless of how everyone else feels. And I do leave, because I’m done pretending for the day. I call myself a pretender, but what that is, is masking. and I have done it for years and I just didn’t have a name for it. One thing about me, I spent several years homeless in my past while still always having these issues. That was a nightmare that I am traumatized from forever. There’s no escape from people, public, noise, no privacy and no understanding out there. So now I stay home a lot, because I have one.
Hi there. Your comment really resonates with me, because that is my current situation. But with three children. 😢 I get no time alone, and I have been sharing one room with my family of four other people for months now. I have no space to just exist and be myself. And it's taking a serious toll on me. I would be honored if you would please consider reading my family's story and supporting our campaign. 🫂
I love how the more time goes on the more pieces of the puzzle I fit into place to understand why I've been feeling this way for my whole life. As an higher functioning autistic but I isolate sometimes weeks at a time too one session with a relative that doesn't stop talking ,my stepfather, over stim is exhausting
OK, I don’t even know if I want to go through the trouble of getting an official diagnosis, that’s how old I am, and never had an inkling until about six months ago that I am autistic but the sensory issues became so overwhelming and then I started to learn about autism and realized that I am autistic. I pass every test out there with flying colors and I’m working with a neuropsychologist. This is her area of expertise, but she is no longer diagnosing folx. Anyway, one thing that really helps me with my fatigue is to swim on a regular basis. It’s a perfectly acceptable way of stimming, and it feels great and helps me with sleep. Because of some ear issues I stopped putting my head in the water and I’m enjoying it even more. I hope this helps someone. I really love your channel.
I equate the different minds like cars, either auto or manual. Some people easily and seamlessly function in social settings. I have to figure out which gear to get into and there are millions of gears.
I like how you talk about things. For all it’s worth, I think you’re quite good at communicating information, and you’re also quite funny. And obviously I can appreciate how much effort it can take you to do these videos. I don’t think ND people can appreciate how hard it is for us to communicate in an effective way, but as an autistic person, I do! 😊 Anyway, one of the positive aspects of learning I was autistic has been to learn how to handle my energy levels. This has included learning not to push myself like I did before, when I unsuccessfully tried to be “normal” (spoiler alert: of course I crashed and failed spectacularly!) It still difficult, and I’m still pretty much exhausted most of the time, but now I know I have to prioritize rest and isolation from stimuli when needed. I’m pretty happy nowadays you can actually find information about this topic! Just a couple years ago when I was diagnosed and was trying to understand why I was always tired, you could barely find anything about it, so progress!
I can tell you some positive triggers (Autistic joy)... puppies and cows! Share with the class, man! I'm on week 2 of recovery from emergency gallbladder removal. Crappy sleep, can't eat anything I want, IBS worse than ever, pain, weakness, exhausted from half a shower. I was already burnt out from other things and now I can't do any of my normal decompression stuff so its just nap and try not to have meltdowns all day.
I also have neurodivergency (adhd and autism) and digestive issues. Had my gallbladder out when it did literally nothing in an ejection fraction test. So, i have some things you might not know about that might (or might not) help. 1) moringa, thyme, rosemary: these are all great for helping me manage my hyperactive bile ducts. Not sure why they work but it goes beyond the fiber like I initially thought. 2. (You might know this), my doctor put me on an antidepressant that helps levels of not just seratonin, but also norepinephrine (ppl with adhd tend to be low bc Dopamine is used to make it). So.. 3) a lot of the same neurochemicals that your brain uses are the same that your gut uses. So, you can look into norepinephrine/noradrenaline, seratonin, GABA (and there's a few more I can't remember) 4) lastly, if it does have something to do with your gallbladder or bile look into TUDCA (a type of bile acid). Our bodies produces little, but the pills, seem to help a lot. My hypothesis is when my body notices the TUDCA in my stomach, it doesn't freak out and overproduce bile because it "thinks" the job is already handled. And as far as bile acids go, this one is significantly less likely to cause bile dumps or acid reflux. A lot of people agree. (I get Nutricost and prefer synthetic because natural is derived from bears in a way that seems unusually cruel, even for corporate farming.) No worries if nothing helps, I wish you the best with your healing journey. Edit: also maybe make sure that after your guts liquidate their inventory you replace your microbiome a bit. I like a shelf stable variety that has as many different strains as possible. That way I'm not overloading my guts and your body will naturally adjust to the right levels of the right microbes. I just find that I get back on my feet faster with a probiotic.
@@steggopotamus Thanks, I'll look into these. I'm also dealing with metastatic breast cancer and was just starting to make progress on the issues from those meds and this is like going back to square one. I swear I eat more supplements than food these days but if it'll keep me from spending my days within 20 feet of the bathroom I'll be happy to add a couple more, interactions permitting of course!
Wild turkeys do fly. It's a sight to behold. It doesn't look like it can be physically possible to see a butterball with feathers, headed out of a tree. Unrelated, but the turkey as a bird of prey (not) flying over you, possibly pooping on you, that could happen.
I'm totally burnt out after work all day and looking confident and being an adult with a lot of responsibility. The weekend allows me to be me again and build up some mental energy again to not look like an idiot or strange in work.
Oh hey, the sunglasses in the grocery store thing is an easy fix! Zenni has fl-41 lenses that block ouchie lights. They call them migraine lenses but they're fl-41s! I have them in 25% strength for daily wear and 75% for outside sun time in texas. They work better than super dark reflective lenses too and make fluorescent tolerable
I'm on the Asperger spectrum... I contribute to my lack of sleep in the evening to me just being a complete night owl. I feel far less pressure of people always needing me at night as compared to the day so I feel more free to focus on myself and my me time at night... I typically get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep starting in the early morning hours :P
I’m self diagnosed auDHD. One of my triggers is sitting with a group of people when all of a sudden, the conversation breaks into 2 separate ones. I never know which conversation I should be listening and/or contributing to. I look at people in the group wondering why everyone else seems to be okay with this while I feel it is chaotic and confusing. Anyone else?
Oh yeah! I’m confused and hanging on for dear life when there’s one conversation. When it splits, my head splits and I go to the bathroom to reevaluate my life.
Yeah, I see it as subtle conflict that went on with the normals. One person subtly tore the conversation to what they wanted and some followed. I often make a coin flip decision on which to follow but the main determinant is which one I can hear better over the noise. Unfortunately the conversation I like may be too far away to hear properly or I can’t see the people properly (e.g. sitting at a restaurant table) so I’m then forced to go with the conversation I didn’t really like. So much thinking and preplanning of what to do in such situations 🙁
I get that, but for me it's more that I can listen to both conversations at once, and have a bit of a compulsion to listen rather than disrupt the flow. It's handy on group chat threads in a game, but a drawback irl
I really agree with the comment about not liking loud noises but not being able to control your own volume. I like music and need to listen to it loud but car horns, random alarms, even someone coughing loudly near me can sometimes cause physical pain. However, I have heard (sometimes when people didn't expect me to) about how loud I am in conversations. I don't think I'm louder than anyone else, but appearently I am. I can't tell. Once I explain that to people usually they are alright.
So true, the modern fast paced interconnected world we live in today where we are expected to keep up with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and be exposed to lots of stimuli all the time is absolute hell on earth for sensitive people that take longer to process and/or get drained more by processing information. A lot of people in the past who were autistic and/or HSP’s weren’t as drained by life because they had down time, opportunities to switch off and escape time from the world. Nowadays, we don’t really have that option without seeming antisocial, reclusive and freakish. Hell, even NT’s today feel the brunt of the constant pressure to keep up with everything and everyone! Also the mainstream medical world is only just starting to realise how common conditions like low blood pressure, brain fog, dizziness, IBS, dysautonomia, POTS and physical pain/issues from hyper-mobility are in AuDHDers which were previously dismissed as anxiety, depression or part of ADHD/ASD symptoms.
What helps my energy dips is a long cycle ride. Very occasionally, I get to sit in a field of grass in summer and take in the natural sounds. That always makes me feel better, yet I hardly ever do it?
It’s so strange that we rarely do the things we love and need. You should get on your bike today and find that field of grass. I’m going to do a walk in the woods and listen to the birds!
I think the issue is trying to explain ALL of the issues to a doctor who is looking for ONE diagnosis to cover your issues, it took 37 years for me to get an obstructive sleep apnea diagnosis but I know I suffered from it pretty much all my life. But they had 0 issues throwing the book at me for everything from adhd to anhedonia. And they had the audacity to challenge me when I told them the meds they were forcing me to take under threats (everything from ceasing treatment to hospitalization obviously all to sate their ego) were making me feel worse. I really hate doctors sometimes, and don't get me started on psychiatrists.
I am 56 years old, and just finding out that I am autistic--probably--no diagnosis yet--but I feel like I have been tired my whole life. I am tired of being tired.
I have this problem at work. I often show up late because I can’t manage to consistently wake up at 6AM. I can’t manage to consistently go to bed at 10 or 11 PM. I have a hard time presenting information in a good way, thus people shoot to conclusions or take the wrong things out of the conversation. When people push me over issues I can’t immediately fix or weren’t my doing to begin with I tend to partially shut down and my choices and actions can become skewed from the norm. A good example of this is that I was recently pushed on a minor issue I didn’t create nor could I immediately fix it. I then immediately after that had to get into a work van and drive to the site. I didn’t take the time to destress and calm myself before starting up the van. I started driving and got to an intersection where someone came from the left. Normally I would have stopped. Sometimes I make a quick decision and still drive because I know I can make it. But because of that stress previously my mind wasn’t functioning like I normally would and that made me drive when i should have stopped. No accident happened but it was a close call.
I get over stimulated anytime I leave the house and especially when in public for a long period of time. Then I can’t sleep. I have learned not to plan too many things in a row, because I need a break in between these outside activities.
I feel like this so much of the time. I fear my marriage is falling apart because my wife thinks I’m defective because I struggle with crowded places, loud noises, strong smells (especially fish), needing time out to recover and recharge, and the way neurotypical people communicate (beating around the bush). I don’t really know what I’m going to do.
nothing will shut me down more completely or faster than loud noises, especially someone yelling, even if its not at me. Dogs barking loudly or too much activity in my general area both confuse and upset me and cause me to rock and become for the most part non-verbal.
Social situations and being overstimulated also wears me out. And the bed situation, I totally get it! For a long time, my bed didn't actually suit my needs but I didn't care much. And whenever I was on holiday or staying somewhere else, I was like: nah, I'll survive this. But last year I've bought a brand new bed and an awesome pocket mattress! My sleeping definitely improved although at times I'm still overthinking when I'm trying to sleep. My brain often just won't calm down, either anxiety or thinking about things I'd like to do. But a couple of weeks ago we went to a cottage on the island of Texel for a week. The bed was a bit simpler than mine and the mattress was just too thin. My bf and I decided a couple of years ago to keep long distancing because we both need a lot of quiet time. He's on the spectrum too. And it's about an hour's drive for me to go and see him. So we rented the cottage for a week, but we left after two days because our backs were getting more sore each night and I was just exhausted and depressed the second day. We went out for a few groceries in a nearby town and then we went for an ice cream (there is a dairy farm close by that has an ice cream shop with many different flavours and also a few lactose free) and the next day we packed up and drove to my place to stay together for the rest of the week. I'm exhausted a lot, sleeping issues since childhood which I think is due to anxieties. I was also bullied a lot. My bf has IBS among things and he's lactose intolerant. But then it's okay we live apart because when he's not here, I can cook things my way with lots of onions, spice and things he can't have. When we're together I adapt to his needs. During work whenever I need a moment, I often check on my fish and shrimp. I recently got a number of pygmy corydoras, they are cute as heck!
I was about 12 when I woke up at 5 AM with my first panic attack. Sleeping on a flat surface with a flat pillow is impossible for me because it makes my throat feel tight and then it's panic city. I've spent more of my 52 years of life sleeping on couches than beds. I just find them more comfortable. When I was a teen I couldn't sleep at night because of my anxiety and panic attacks. Being bullied at school for being "weird" was a HUGE problem, which is why I dropped out at 16 (even though I did go back 10 years later, and eventually graduated) I now know that being autistic and autistic burnout had a lot to do with my decision to leave school too. I've always run more on adrenaline than sleep.
@@elizabethsullivan7176 the worst was during my first concert tour with Utrecht Students Choir and Orchestra to Latvia. We stayed at a hostel in Riga for a week and those beds were just very spartan and very bad. But I was young at the time and pushed through. Sang 2 Matthew Passions (by J.S. Bach), second concert was in a dishevelled church with a broken roof in like March and we were all freezing. But the best thing was having a common passion for baroque music, for Bach and all around the same intellectual level (uni students). I think that's where we are most comfortable hanging out with people we connect more easily with on an intellectual level and mutual respect. My friends are all into scifi, anime etc. And most are on the spectrum. You don't have to mask when you're around them. Also, I get being on adrenaline all the time while at school because of bullying and pressures. It causes health damage, full stop!
I definitely deal with all these things. I have people around me that cause a lot of drama and high expectations from me than they expect from themselves from me or anyone else. I plan on living off the grid sometime. My body went through a complete shut down which was hell on earth. It took me over 3 years to recover. Im still not out of the woods. People make it worse. They dont understand. I try to tell people how exhausted i am as i work in nursing. I really plan on buying a small plot of land with a one story home where i dont have to deal with people all the time.
I spent the last 3 days researching different pillows almost obsessively. I need a new pillow and they don't make the one I am using anymore. It is exhausting and stimulating because I love doing the research but sheesh it is so stressful to actually decide. I'm extremely picky about bedsheets too. It has to be percale weave cotton. Nothing else. I don't give a hoot about thread count I need that crisp, textured sheet feel. I would also love just to be able to sleep like everyone else.
Almost everything i love is discontinued always it seems like! Or the formula or way it’s made is changed. I used to like these one tank top that were sooo soft and cheap…now they cost more and are made from a fabric that isnt anywhere near as good
@@larsonfamilyhouse Having things discontinued is rough for me. Especially when it comes to food or personal care products. I buy a lot of used clothes because they are already broken in. Undergarments are the obvious exception but change so much in stores! It is hard to make that change when it happens
Oh my God, every word you said could’ve come out of my mouth. At 62, I well remember the no-computer, no-portable-phone “Bad old days.” I hate the intrusion of cell phones. In many ways I’m now living your dream - we’ve just retired to 11 acres in the woods. It’s pure unadulterated heaven. Of course, it makes it twice as bad when I do have to go to town, but it’s worth it!
Exactly fuck getting random phone calls forceing me to be social at anytime of the day but messages, SMS, email that's the GOAT I can take my time think about what I want to say and go over the message and make sure I know exactly what was said to me.
If I had a quarter for every time I said this "did I say something wrong?" Ugh. My bluntness has hurt so many of my relationships. I appreciate bluntness because I feel they aren't lying to me. I started to notice as I've gotten older I can mimic how someone speaks to help me feel they understand me rather than my true self. I don't even know if I have one since I mirror who's speaking. Ty for the education. ❤ to all.
I used to constantly mask all the time, at work, with friends, with family, with strangers, and it's amazing how much more energy I have since I've made it an active point to not mask, the part that surprises me is how many people I've found are actually accepting of me and what I would consider to be idiosyncrasies. A big part of it was self acceptance and accepting that I deserved to be loved and respected for being me. That I and the people who don't accept me, well, we're both better off not being around each other more than we have to be. I feel like I'm truly being myself for the first time in a long time. I have severe ADHD, not sure if I'm on the spectrum even though I definitely have behaviors indicative of it, but that may also affect my experience with masking vs the experience of someone who is on the autism spectrum
I have had a similar experience in trying to unmask and just allow myself to be neurodivergent in public, and most neurotypical people seem to either not care, or make little jokes but not in a mean way just like they notice you’re different and trying to make sense of it for themselves. I feel like universally many people are willing to accept others for being different and appreciate when they have confidence to be their authentic selves. Because I don’t think anyone is truly 100% normal and at times everyone feels they have to mask and when you give yourself permission to unmask you are also giving others that same permission and it just creates good vibes.
Yes!! I allow myself one hour of “ harmless” tv every night to defrag. It has the power to stop my thoughts for a while. The rest of the time I’m thinking thinking thinking, a thousand ideas, and want to do them all right now. End up doing none. I have discovered restorative Yoga. Helps a lot. Also so much of what is said here resonates with me. I think it helps too know there are others like me. In the last couple of years I have taken up birdwatching, and that has been great for my mental health. Also less afraid to stay home because I want to and can.
And with alarming regularity the pages will start playing content while you're not on that page, and you have to try to figure out where the new competing stimulus is originating and try to pause it.
I have an intellectual disability and even I can be annoyed by neurotypicals at times. It’s annoying enough when they don’t see the world as we do- I for instance believe that most people are good at heart and that Uber and Lyft drivers don’t just do the job for the money, they simply enjoy human interaction. I may not have all of my executive functioning but usually I can tell a good person from a bad one. Thanks for posting your video.
You’re so funny. I always wondered why I was always tired. I have ADHD and autism high functioning. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. high functioning autism I identify as an in the process of getting an assessment hopefully here soon. I have two autistic boys who are currently at this very moment fighting over chocolate milk and goldfish crackers as well as figuring out and finding out that my partner is also on the spectrum and probably has ADHD so I always wondered why I was always so tired. ADHD plays a big role in that one and autism plays a big role in my limited interest in things, but what I’m interested in I try to specialize as much as possible not because I want to be a specialist but because I love this stuff and yeah everybody always asked me man you look tired asked me how am I doing and I’ve always answer. I’m tired.
I thankfully live in a country that recognises I’m too disabled to work and gives me a modestly generous income, and I’m still constantly exhausted just from the day to day of taking care of myself.
![เปิดบ้าน พี่ตูน Bodyslam หลังใหม่คนแรก ที่ภูเก็ต l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/flFwcmyDQSk/mqdefault.jpg)
"Autistics have to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how to present information." THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. I need people to understand this. NEED.
It's exhausting. I am so tired of this! I would rather be doing something else, but I am stuck - mentally churning. 😢
I always refer to this as 'translating', like the thought in my head makes sense to me but I know it won't to anyone else, so if I want to share I have to translate it. as I've gotten older it's started to take more energy than I have to do the translation, so even if I want to share a thought with someone, I'll just keep it in.
Or performing tasks that NT people do automatically
My biggest issue is trying deal with the boss, they never say what they mean, how much detail do they want?
@@davidconner-shover51 I'm 64, and have done the hiding/interpreting thing a long time, but less lately due to exhaustion. I've managed to get across to many of my coworkers/boss: "Don't book me for first thing in the morning meetings! My meds haven't kicked in, and you DO NOT want unmedicated me!" Since I work directly with customers on highly technical topics, some of the customers who I have worked with for a long time say "unmedicated you sounds like fun!" 🤩 With some customers, I don't have to mask near as much.
I feel like I have conflicting triggers: staying home from social events can make me uncomfortable, but so can going.
Let me guess, you are audhd like me. I have same issue.
@@LittleKitsune85I also have the same issue. I really have to weigh which one will make me the most and least uncomfortable.
@@LittleKitsune85 it's a cruel game our brains play. ADHD me: need stimulation all the time or will get bored, Autistic me: Too much stimulation makes me lose my sh1t. My ADHD is in constant battle with my Autism. It's exhausting 😖😫
@@Tiffany-Rose true
Same for me. I have ADHD.
My exhaustion triggers are:
- Not exercising
- Negative people
- Being around people I'm not sure I can trust
- Big social gatherings where I have to interact a lot
- Being constantly interrupted when trying to to get something done. And having to create and go back into flow state to be able to complete the task. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
- Lack of sleep
- Having to follow neurotypical 9 to 5 type of schedules.
I'm kinda surprised you've mentioned following a 9 to 5 schedule. Isn't routine preferable to autistic people?
@@michaw7408Could simply be that it's a 9-5 that someone else planned for you, rather than one that works for you. Flexibility? Not from them. They expect you to be flexible enough that you're rigid in the way they want you to be. That's a NT 9-5.
@@michaw7408 Not always. Many neurodivergent people cannot work a 9-5 job. Many I know work part time or on their own schedules. The point is, not every autistic person presents the same way.
@@michaw7408 What I mean by that is more like strict no flexibility 24/7. Even when in burnout... To just have to go on and on - too fast speed. And yes, all autistics are not exactly the same. I also prefer a baseline schedule. But need days that hold space for change too.
Very True!
I once told a Shrink that just sitting there in a chair was extremely intense. Just being alive is intense.
Having to “feel” my skin is something I get sick of on the regular.
@@KwahzutahHoly crap you poor thing. I blame your parents for giving birth.
@@Kwahzutah As a kid I hated new clothes or clothes that had been worn by others before. I was my mom's own nightmare, and looking back, I want to say sorry for that but she's been gone for over 20 years now 😪 53 yrs old, diagnosed at 50.
Yessss Being alive is so intense fr fr
Dude I’m stressed out laying in bed listening to music
I’m a musician music is life
It’s insane
“We have to dance around the truth, all in an effort to make people feel good. But I never feel good!”
Finally someone said it. Why the hell should I have to make the neurotypical person feel good when I’m the one with a disability? Just say the short version of what you want and stop bothering me.
It's not the fault of the NT so to speak as they have to do the same thing with each other. It just doesn't weigh on them like it does us. It's a social game and humans are typically social beings.
I’m diagnosed autistic and I always feel weird watching these videos about people who have the same condition but they are well traveled, great lovers, and have good jobs and bustling social lives. Like why couldn’t I get the good kind of autism that makes me skilled at an in demand field like STEM instead of the bad type of autism that makes being a functional adult almost impossible
I'm sure you're wonderful in your own way - no one else can be you! 🥰
there is no good or bad autism there are people who have learned how to mask their discomfort when traveling, working and out in social situations. I am 70, diagnosed last year, and i have always hated to drive on the interstate so i find backroads and city streets to get where i want to go. I do not go to large events without a friend who has an anxiety disorder (we support each other). I do not have a social life, and I am ok with that because most of the "social" people i have known in the past are self-centered and abusive, only wanting to prove how much better they are than me. You have to find your space, and you coping style, then it will get easier as time passes.
@@idkwhodos2840says a total stranger to another total stranger...
I feel the same way. I have severe executive dysfunction. It's awful. I struggle at my job.
Sending hugs
@@victorialawhon2251 hugs will not solve the problem. Learn to adapt.
"I need more quiet time as I get older than I used to"
GOsh that made me feel so much better about my increased need for time alone
I noticed I’m struggling with needing alone time more as well. Now at 47 I struggle to leave the house.
I've tried to explain to people that "we're all fish - but I'm a fish that hates feeling wet". I LOOK like the other fish, but the ocean is a whole different kettle of fish for me.
When you’re a fresh water fish trying to survive in a saltwater world
I'm a fish that can't stand her scales. I need to be a smooth skin fish
I'm stealing that explanation.
This is such a good video. It really sums up why even as a "level 1", it's a struggle. I don't even want the cure, I just want to be left the fuck alone when I need it... Which is often.
I often daydream about having a holodeck.
@@t3hsis324 And then there's the boomerang stress of "Just leave me alone. (10 mins pass) ...why are you abandoning me?!?!" My gal deserves a fucking medal! She will "leave me alone", then stay juuuuuust close enough that I don't feel abandoned.
An autistic brain often has many more neurons in the visual cortex, and often the extra space needed for that is sacrificed by the auditory centre. It explains why one can have a hard time understanding people with the slightest background noise. The visual cortex is unusually powerful, and able to send way more data than normal to the neocortex. The auditory centre on the other hand lacks raw power to discern the speech from the background noise before the data is sent to the neocortex. So it's a double punch - the visual cortex sends a flurry of data to the neocortex while the auditory centre sends partially unprocessed data to the neocortex, aiding in the exhaustion process as you have to think hard about that too, while processing the larger flood of visual data.
@@geekpimthank you for helping me to understand my son a little better...because this is so him...thank you
Yeah it approaches reality, but no one, especially level 1 elites, comprehend level 3 experiences.
And even this clear message either lethally offends allistics or they deem lying to ignore at best.
Or usually use all their social talent to exponentially explode the barriers and sensory overwhelm.
I notice the shift in people too, and I’m less inclined nowadays to think “ooh did I say something wrong?” But rather go straight to “Goddammit. Damn humans ain’t getting it again…” and then wracking my brain to find alternative ways of saying things. This suuuuuuuucks.
I have an adult child who we have only known about the autism the past couple of years. They just told me a couple of days ago about this happening, a lot with me unfortunately. But I see so much differently now and in just this short time I have had a couple of things come up that I saw differently and was able to change my behavior. I also screwed up on one and am starting to wonder if I am also autistic. Anyway, I am proud of him for being able to tell me that my reaction was because I was not understanding him. He was right and I am glad to know. Hang in there. So sorry it is so hard.
Yup!! And then after a while some people shut down and stop trying to explain, such as me. I just go, "I have attempted to explain it, and was dismissed, so I'm still going to do it, and you can just assume my reasoning."
Great minds think alike hey
I once lost a job to this.
It is *miserable.*
I'm 66 and yes, the world was better in some ways when phones were only in our homes. Rural life was quieter and I was able to be alone a lot.
However there was no explanation for why I felt so uncomfortable in my skin...felt alien. No one knew why I was different...and bullied.
The lack of access to so much information is one huge boon for autistics.
But yeah, exhausting.
I now take naps, live alone (ok, with 2 dogs) and I have time to think and process. Learning boundaries and when to say no was a huge help.
65 here. Recently diagnosed, everything about how I felt about myself clicked. I am burned out, hope to get my energy back. ✌🏽
I'm 46, and I simply don't use social media, or use my phone as anything but a phone... and a camera. ;) I leave it at home when I don't need it.
Being diagnosed a few years ago has made life easier, as has finally being able to figure out that I'm nonbinary, and dropping gender specific appearances and behaviours that I've always been uncomfortable with. Living alone (with a cat, because everybody needs some fuzz in their life!), learning my triggers and limitations, and feeling free to be as strange as I need to be sometimes has made life so much more livable!
Age 50, earplugs at work (even though it's safe decibels) have made life so much better, I don't even take them out when I leave work. Grocery shopping is WAY easier with earplugs, mowing the lawn (which used to be pure torture, now is only mild torture). Wish I'd thought of it years ago. And yes, never comfortable in my own spacesuit/spaceship/body, and getting older means more issues, stupid reactor core having emergency shut-downs more, not less, as I get closer to the jumpgate... just forget that last part!
@@Arthurians Earplugs are the best! I often wear my noise-cancelling headphones when I'm out doing things with the cord in my pocket plugged into nothing!
I hear you on the bodily discomfort. I've always wondered what it's like to feel comfortable in this meatsuit? Chronic illness means I'll probably never know.
@@Arthurians it sounds like you need to reroute your warp plasma stream through an inverse tachyon matrix, that should shore up the integrity of your subspace field. Live long, and prosper 🖖
"but I never feel good!" yeah, exactly.
I'm only just discovering my autism and ADHD now at 30+, but as a kid my mom put me in school plays because I was so shy. I ended up doing theater for years and learned how to pretend to be like others. Then I got two degrees in communications, where I learned how to pretend even better. Now I'm this master-masker, and it's frickin' EXHAUSTING. I'm working on letting that mask drop, but it's so ingrained now that it's been a bigger challenge than I expected. I think I need help being autistic lol
I feel this so much haha. I feel like I have no idea how to just be "me" anymore, just the version of me I invented to please everybody. It's such a struggle when you've spent years with the mask glued to your face.
Look back at how you felt just existing and your responses before you played pretend for the sake of others. Some will have changed BUT the feelings had a reason as much as actions. I know it sounds vaguely philosophical, but I'm having a hard time getting the right words due to burnout.
I so hugely relate to this! My mom put me in ballet, ice skating, modelling and acting programs to teach me how to be like everyone else, because I was dyspraxic (clumsy - no depth perception) and voice lessons to speak because I sounded robotic... on and on so I finally after she died became a playwright because theatre... trying to figure out social interaction. I didn't get dx'd til almost 56 yo. I am still trying to figure out how to be autistic and stop masking because it's so exhausting!
YES. And theatre has the added bonus that you always knew what to say, and what everyone else would say. No surprises (if everything went to plan).
Fellow autistic/adhd inattentive here, 53, diagnosed at 50.
It's good to have learned to act like a neurotypical person. But think of it this way. If you never drop your mask you are exhausting yourself for others. Learn to give yourself some more priority. If you have hobbies, do them more. If you like being by yourself for a bit, just do it. If someone asks questions, just be honest. You just need some down time to process and recuperate, and reassure them it's you, not them. Just take that blame to easy the burden on your shoulders.
That said I also feel half burned out ALL the time, but that's also because my biological clock has strong nocturnal tendencies. In other words, I am a terrible sleeper and having a day/evening job (taxi / bus driver for the elderly and disabled) does not really make things easier. I should look for a night shift job, but I don't think I'd be qualified anywhere.
A world sympathetic to autistic people is a better world for all. The triggers are like a guide for creating a healthier society, which the neurotypical are often blind to. But, how to communicate, and be listened to...
EXACTLY!!! This is why is see autism as such a beautiful thing. I know it has co morbidities but if we fixed the world how many of those would be greatly reduced?!?! I’m excited for the future of the world because of the autistic community. Maybe I’m just being “””naive””” as so many ppl like to call me. Idc.
at 68 years old I have realized that I am on the spectrum. I now live out in the middle of nowhere by myself and have never in my life been happier and less stressed.. no input no stress! have had to deal with depression for the last fourth years now, noting. happy and content.
I really envy you 😊
Wait until you meet the chipping sparrow! 😅
I can stand every other bird, but that one. Even Bluejays don't bother me as much anymore.
"Did you know that many autistics also have consistent health issues? These can range from gastrointestinal issues, skin issues, food sensitivities..." - I mean yeah I got all three of them.
😮💨
Have three of them too.
Carnivore diet
@@pld-wc7gf yes because only people who eat meat have those issues, as we all know vegetarians are perfect lifeforms.
we’re vegan and vegetarian autis and have heaps of gastro issues.
One thing that stands out in my mind is an event that happened nearly a decade ago. In September of 2014, I attended a meetup with my Facebook Crown Victoria group in Tempe AZ at a Dave & Busters. Most of the meet was conducted in the parking lot - this was never a problem for me as I could gravitate toward people at the meet who were there for the technical stuff ... we were going to have a group dinner inside the restaurant and this is where the 'fun' began. This was on a Saturday night, so the place was packed. I went inside, figuring I would eat and leave. Hah. First thing I noticed was all the noise, followed by the flashing lights (all the arcade games and things), followed by more noise and people bumping into me due to how busy it was. I sat down at our table, ordered a Coke. More noise, which by now was blending into a sort of blowtorch of noise, the lights were amplifying the noise and the noise was amplifying the lights, people still were bumping me even as I sat down. At this point, I couldn't even make out what the person sitting next to me was saying over the cacophony of noise and at that time I just shut down. I decided it was time to leave and so I just got my Coke, took two sips, paid for the Coke and went back into the lot, made it to my car and just 'crashed' for about 10 minutes. In total catatonia. Someone from the group came out and asked if I was okay because evidently it looked a little scary to some who witnessed it.
At that point I didn't know I was autistic.
i`m sweating just reading your description! i can't handle situations like that either!
Am SO relating to your experience... I once sat on the floor in a corner & leaned against a support pillar & FELL ASLEEP from over-stimulation during a music concert. The noise, lighting, people bumping into me yada yada. Years before I pursued my ND suspicions.
DUDE. I was diagnosed in 2017, but in 2010 I had a similar experience at my friend's birthday party AT THE TEMPE DAVE AND BUSTERS. That place is absolute hell for my autistic brain.
@@silicon212 For movie theaters, sports bars, etc - I have a pair of earplugs that have different inserts for different levels of reduction. I've found the "setting" that works best for me. They seat pretty deep in the ear, so they are not too obvious. Nowadays, I might wear my AirPod Pros, with adaptive transparency mode. With many NTs wearing them all the time, you can actually appear as a "ducebag NT" and fit right in! 😆
I’m not diagnosed, 32 yo female. In 2017 my ex friend and her friend and I got baked and decided to go to the Dave and buster down the road. Like within thirty seconds of us all walking in together we kinda looked at each other like Eww and NOPED outta there. Now that I look back on it and think of this comment I’m like Ooohhh that’s why that place sucked to me 😂
Yeah bathrooms are great places to hide, I worked at a very high stress job where everyone backstabbed each other… there was a bathroom that I would go in, turn off the light and either meltdown or calm down there. Only Accounting knew I went in there, and they refused to tell my boss or other marketing staff where I was if asked. Since there was a doorway at the end of accounting that led to a set of stairs.
So good they were on your side!
I feel this I work at a fast food place and cleaning the bathrooms is my favorite thing to do because it helps me reset when I'm oversimulated. I don't get meltdowns but shutdowns its not fun.
That last sentence tho... Were they worried you'd throw yourself down a flight of stairs 😭 cause that's what you made it sound like.
Oh god. You've given me flashbacks to 2009 when I did that every single afternoon until I finally quit.
@@userequaltoNull No my supervisor was so dumb she probably thought I went for a walk outside to cool down. People knew she was an abusive witch, who tried to get me fired because she thought I wanted her job.
A few things I do to try and survive this exhausting world:
1) Have a sensory deprivation reset on really hard days when i get home. This can be just laying down in my bedroom with the lights off and comforting blankets and sensory tools or even having a bath with only one soft salt lamp in darkness and quiet music.
2) Allowing myself to actually be me at home with my partner. This includes not emoting as much or policing myself to say/do the right thing and knowing he'll understand.
3) Take mini breaks throughout the workday. Allowing myself to mentally check out/let my mind wander for even just a minute every hour does wonders for my mental health. I feel like I'm cheating the nuerotypical world by secretly getting to be the real me in my head for a small amount of time every day.
4) Stimming (but secretly). While I can't twirl and bite my hair or bounce up and down like I used to as a kid, I can find other ways to secretly stim when I'm at work or in public. This includes rubbing and putting pressure on the palms of my hands under a table, scrunching and unscrunching my toes in my shoes, gently running my fingers through my hair and over my scalp, and playing with tools inside my pocket
5) Wearing clothes that are comfortable yet slightly more fashionable (and with no damn tags!) as well as layers to help deal with a room being too hot/too cold.
6) Trying to give myself grace when even when I do all these things life still gets too overwhelming and the nuerotypicals get upset with me. I have to remind myself that I'm doing this to survive mentally in a world with seemingly arbitrary social rules and unnecessary sensory overload. Not because I'm a bad person if things not go well. It's a world that wasn't built for me and while I'd appreciate more grace from others if i can't have that then I need to be more gracious to myself.
All my stuff has holes from me ripping the tags out like an insane person lol
Secret stimming and sensory deprivation seems like it would really help me. I just started a new job and to say it's dysregulating would be an understatement. I think I mask by default out of learned fear, and I have the tendency to stand still (if I don't move I can't make a mistake and get in trouble), but I've found I do feel more comfortable when I can move and stim a little bit. I also notice lately I prefer silence at home, when I previously thought I needed a lot of background noise to chase away the stress. I guess it will become new thing for me to give my body what it needs as opposed to what my mind is convinced it needs. Thanks for sharing this, I think it's really insightful 🙏🏾
Tuesday, I was talking to a doctor about how noisy this world has gotten. In my very late life (I am old) I had a day of testing for autism. I don't know if I am but I have many traits. After over 5 hours of testing/talking, I went out for a dinner thinking it would be easier than cooking. I broke down crying in the restaurant. I cried for 90 minutes when I got home. Though the day was fairly quiet (I wore earplugs) I was over-stimulated and exhausted. (I calmed down by plunging my face in ice water for ten seconds, twice. It reset me).
Wow! This interests me very much, the reset thing thank you. 🙂
Based off that response I would say its a high probability you are. The cold water reset is one of my go to's 👍 I also get really hot physically and if it's a cold night I'll just go outside and stand in the dark in just my pj's and stim. The cold definitely helps regulate.
I never thought about my need to splash cold water in my face at the office or when I'm out with family, possibly being a sign of overstimulation. Guess I add that to my mental list of "signs I'm overstimulated"
Thanks for your explanation
I literally say the same thing about the world being so "noisy". I've realized a lot of it is the constant EMF around me and being so sensitive to the environment that I feel that electrosmog.
I have a meter and track and have verified a connection to at least fibromyalgia.
Unless I can move, I can't reduce it more to see if it helped the migraines and immune system disorder that I've also developed after a data center literally built next to my house because of weird zoning and 4G and then they expanded and 5G came. Each time my health got worse and now the breakdowns and shutdowns are disabling and prevent me from working unless I self medicate (which I refuse to do anymore and regular meds make my life worse). Therapy is the only helpful thing because I get to talk freely and vent.
5 hours of testing and talking exhausts any neuro diverse person. I can only last half an hour of that. I think your social battery was already depleted before going to the restaurant. Better get a ready made salad meal from the super market, quick in and out.
I can wake up feeling SO READY to do the day. I’ll be motivated and feeling positive and capable… and then I LEAVE MY ROOM and feel like I’d rather be 💀 than ever leave my room again and POOF! Everything positive, hopeful, and energetic within me is gone and I spend the rest of my day trying to emotionally regulate back to a space in which I can make myself breakfast…at 3pm… ugh. I am literally the most bubbly yet chronically exhausted human I know.
I have severe carpel tunnel in both hands/arms, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, severe anxiety, adhd, and HS. That’s 3 autoimmune diseases, 2 mental illnesses, 2 chronic pain confitions, and I’m neurodivergent.. I dunno how tf I do anything. The truth is that I accomplish very little and I don’t enjoy any of it.
Yeah… but you can’t see anything but the psoriasis so I just look like a red skinned, scaly, and withdrawn weirdo. Omfg whyyyyyy…. *cheers* to anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff on a daily basis that hasn’t given up completely yet! You’re a rockstar!
Time crawl back into my hole where the outside world can’t throw me into an emotional downward spiral! Yeeee.
Skin illnesses can be improved by eating Omega 3 fats. I like to eat canned sardines with skin-on packed in virgin olive oil. Two small tins a day help me feel relaxed. Our cells must have good fatty acids in addition to proteins to make cell membranes healthy.
@@normaalvarado7540you know what’s also exhausting? People popping in and telling you, that your severe health issues can be solved by eating something particular.
Psoriasis cannot be cured by eating more Omega 3, and I bet this person has already tried everything possible and even some impossible things, to try to alleviate the symptoms.
I'm just stopping by to say I love you. The personality you showed in your comment is beautiful. What a shame you can't bless the world with it more often in the "wild". I think you're coping with your condition and overall with life under these circumstances very well. And I wish you all the best! Love ❤️
@@normaalvarado7540 Psoriasis is not a "skin illness", it's an autoimmune disease.
The beat treatments are immunosuppressants (which make you susceptible to colds, viruses, etc).
That and anything that can help avoid inflammation.
Dietary changes can sometimes be helpful but it completely depends on the person's current diet, gut microbiome, genetics, and other health factors, and things that might help one person could aggravate another's condition.
Things like omega 3s can be helpful for general health reasons, but they're not very likely to have any significant affect on autoimmume disorders.
Everything you said in that first paragraph could’ve come straight outta my mouth! I feel it so much. Please remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. ❤
I mask automatically, it feels like I have no control of it, and the only time I can be me is when no one is around.
Same.
Same. That happens when you are punished for being yourself from birth, right? The only time i drop my mask is alone with the pets or with friends who have no masking ability at all. my fave people.
Same here.
Master masker at your service
I am on the road finding out how off my childhood diagnosis of "Mild Asperger's" was...
And I feel this, only really recently have I started noticing how much I do as an automated response system....
It's...an interesting road...
I don’t know what I would’ve done without horses, growing up. They meet you where you are, and you don’t have to mask with them. My time at the barn once a week was my therapy. It still is.
Same. They're my rock and my sanity. I wouldn't be here without them.
Maybe this explains the "equine therapy center" that's a few miles away from where I live. I watch farm animal videos to relieve stress. People need local farms that operate like farms did 100 years ago.
@@Nphen look up EAGALA therapy programs. Horses are invaluable partners for mental health programs in addition to their uses for physical and mobility therapies :)
I remember having insomnia as young as 9. My mom said that even as a baby I was “colicky” and wouldn’t fall asleep until she either drove me around in the car or put me in a battery-operated baby swing that would rock me. She said they spent more money on batteries than the cost of the swing. I still have bouts of insomnia, and it has been a constant part of my life. Some nights I just don’t sleep. The only thing that has almost completely eliminated my insomnia has been regular cardio. I am dealing with a chronic illness right now and can’t jog and my insomnia is back. I can’t wait to get better so I can exercise again and get good sleep. If my sleep is bad, everything is bad.
I feel you so hard. My mum said that I was the only baby she'd ever seen who was either insomniac or nocturnal, and I was semi-nocturnal by the time I was 3. I was insomniac by 6, and have had sleep issues for the entire 40 years since. Since I'm going through a rough period right now and need actual sleep to cope, melatonin is my current best friend. Clonazepam is a good friend when things are extremely bad too.
Exactly...our gas and batteries...and no doze...whew!
THIS ❤ my mom used to talk about this too...I "never slept" as a baby, and I've had sleep issues my whole life. And when I get sick, like flu, FORGET IT. It's HIGHLY frustrating because the one thing that helps heal you, is the exact thing I can't do. Just getting over another flu, that lasted for 10 days, because I'm only getting 3, maybe 4 hours of sleep. I literally woke up every 90 minutes during the night. And that's after I took a sleeping pill, magnesium, and nyquil!! I thought for sure that would put me out, but it didn't...every 90 minutes, waking up.
I'm highly dependant on 'exercise' as well. In the good times getting the good old 10k steps a day or cycling (40m) to and from the office will suffice. But with my health getting worse in a variety of ways I have to get creative and that makes me stand out in a bad way. Leg exersises after wrist surgery, upperbody exercises post hip surgery etc. I can take a break from exercising, but then I can't sleep. :/ I'm dreading the day my chronic illness fully catches up with me.
Have you tried getting a rebounder? You can do a gentle bounce called the health bounce where your feet never leave the rebounder so it’s not taxing like jumping. I love the gentle motion. Your baby motorised swing reminded me of it, so it’s worth a try.
I don’t think I’ve recovered from high school. It was a sensory nightmare, and went against my delayed sleep phase disorder. Especially since I had band before normal school hours. I missed so much school because my stomach was hurting every day, I’d have panic attacks and meltdowns when getting up or even when about to enter the building and would beg my dad to let me go home.
I feel like I was medically neglected. Because I looked normal otherwise and did well in school. Two teachers commented on my absences, and neither with any sort of compassion. One told me I would fail college because they wouldn’t tolerate me missing class EVER (lol, that guy was so so wrong), and the other just wanted to know how I kept my grades up. The trick was that I could do my class work in the safety of my own home instead of in class, where there was constant social interactions, fluorescent lights, limited bathroom breaks, and constant stomach pain. I was exhausted and probably stunted my growth. I also had an autoimmune disease and repeated untreated UTIs. No one ever said it to my face, but I’m certain adults thought I was lazy or stupid or looking for attention.
Oh wow it has a name! I’m only not tired if i can sleep until whenever I’d like which is almost never. Been late every day since kindergarten.
I'm 60. Diagnosed ADHD/ASD at 45. I grew up in that "quieter" age, but back then it was impossible to get a diagnosis unless you were non-verbal or profoundly impacted in ways that were obvious. So, I would much rather have the information that comes from having the internet, cellphones, etc. You don't have to let your devices be the master over you. It should and can be the other way around.
Ok, here are my sensitivities:
Groups of giggling women or people talking loudly.
Echoey rooms
Sudden noises
Someone approach from behind me.
Wearing pj's or nightgowns to bed (I get tangled up because I thrash)
Temperatures over 74F
Humidity w/ temp over about 60
Crinkly bags
Things that send me OVER THE EDGE IMMEDIATELY:
Ceiling fans/flashing lights
Girls talking loudly in echey public restroom ("OMG! I haven't seen you in, like, foreverrr!!)
The absolute worst for me though, is very LOW pitched noises (with the exception of whale songs). Examlpes: A large truck idling, bass turned way up in a person's car no matter how far away it is. If I can hear it at all its torture for me.
These things can often send me into a huge meltdown with little or no warning! Otherwise I "appear normal". I can't blames people for not believing I'm on the spectrum, but it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to explain a meltdown.
Omg crinkly bags! People eating apples. Popping gum. Flashing lights. Loud restaurants. Loud music. Crowds. Popcorn at movies. Movie theaters (volume). HEAT over 74 also. Smells. Bad breath. Garlic smell. Smell of cupcakes in a school classroom. Food that smells like B.O. cigarettes, cigars, vapes, weed, strong sanitizing products, pesticides. Ad Infinitim. I have not been diagnosed as autistic but I certainly have a lot of sensory issues.
The crinkly bags. 😵💫 I third that. Especially if it's over the phone because someone you're talking to has thought "I'll hold it away from the phone..." Doesn't matter! It's so terrible! Phone calls are hard enough, then the bag joins / interrupts and ooh boy! I have stopped mid-sentence so many times to just ask, "what are you DOING?" 🕺🏻
@jmaessen3531
For me it's when they are emptying the dishwasher over the phone and the constant clattering. Especially silverware. Or eating cereal out of a bowl. Every time the spoon hits the bowl. I hate that sound! It hurts my ears so much.
I don't buy crinkly bags and I don't know that I hear them a lot. So this may be why I don't know if those bother me, too
AuADHD here.
All of this except ceiling fans (Texas. It's always hot). But throw in overhead lights and that makes me instantly go into meltdown mode.
Not sure if ASD, but I have extreme A.D.D.....for me with the sounds....high pitched noises bother me and I can hear higher than most people my age (29)
My daughters triggers (4years old)
The material denim
Any kind of trousers - has to be skirts or dresses
Too much noise
Any kind of light in bedroom when trying to sleep - she won’t sleep unless blackout blinds are fully covering windows
Being too hot, she is naturally a warm girl but hates layers and pjs on in bed with a blanket
Hair being blown in her face, has to be pinned back
My husbands triggers
Too much noise
Talking to him while he is doing something else
Trousers & Jeans
Being too hot
Spots always picking
Road rage
I have all of these except the blackout curtains. It's rough for sure. Can't stand pants and I'm always getting judged for wearing shorts. I'm not cold, thank you, mind your business...
With your daughter, have a doctor check to see if her eyes close when she sleeps. I had this problem and it wasn’t diagnosed until I was forty! 🤷♀️
Omg I have horrible road rage. I hate driving and I get so mad at people who do stupid things.
@@carissaa8411 It sucks because if you think about it, it might be the one mistake one person makes on the road, but because we deal with hundreds of people, if they all make one mistake it adds up.
@@karens8633 thank you I never thought of that
So relatable, I've spent a small fortune in my quest for the perfect pillow. And now I want a turkey...
Seven Sundays from Switzerland! Warm recommendation, theyr memory foam material finally relaxed my neck!
I‘m still searching for the perfect pillow, always lack of sleep and exhausted. But I would rather have a dog than a turkey. I am 61 and I have all the symptoms 😢.
They have cooling pillows at Costco and I use a silk pillowcase to save my skin and not get too hot.
A big turkey. That's important!
I Frankensteined my own pillow and it was the best thing I ever did!!
For me, setting boundaries with neurotypicals is still one of the biggest challenges. I once worked at a company where they would randomly call meetings at short notice. And not just any meetings, those were meetings where I was supposed to present something, or at least provide some input to the discussion. When I told them that (a) I would like to do as many meetings in a block (that reduces the before-and-after time it takes me), and (b) have meetings regularly instead of randomly so that I can plan, they first said "yeah sure" - and then the amount of meetings doubled and they happened just as random as before! And then there were meetings in which they explained why meetings are time critical and important, and that they needed to be flexible! When I pointed that out, they set up even more meetings, just to see whether I am available at all times. I quit that job.
However, this is a very common pattern. The more I ask neurotypical people to respect my needs, the more stress they put on me. So I have long given up on that too: it is not worth it. It just makes everything so much worse.
If you - or anyone else - has any thoughts on this, your reply is highly appreciated.
They were punishing you for daring to ask for your different needs to be met. They definitely felt that you were asking for more than they could dare to ask, and were spiteful and jealous. It's not based in pure logic, it's social dynamics and emotional responses at play.
Sounds like they wanted you yo prove what you needed. They were out of order.
Unfortunately, I'm 57 and have survived by saying yes and having constant dialogue in my head instead of saying no and dealing with the fallout. I would love to be truthful all of the time but the world is not prepared for that. I just don't get people or the world we're now in.
Gentle distant hugs.
There's really no such thing as telling your job how to operate. Jobs don't just accommodate people because you ask; they pay people to do what THEY ask. That's literally what a job is. Boundaries are for personal relationships. Quitting a job is appropriate if you don't like it but most people do not like the way their office is run. That's just life, and that's why many people have a goal of working for themselves.
@@pld-wc7gf No, that's not "just life", that's life in the capitalist society we live in.
What you are saying is: THEY are the ones with the money (or their cousins), so THEY make the rules, and THEY have all the right to pick on everyone who doesn't perfectly fit in with THEIR expectations.
What I am saying is: we can do better. A lot better. Autistic people are way over-represented in engineering, and STEM in general. We are the ones who innovate. We are the ones who keep things running. We might seem a bit odd at times, but we deserve way better than being bullied by rich little brats for no other reason than that it is easy to pick on us.
You disagree?
"Thats just life" is just cope they could do a lot better @@pld-wc7gf
All mentioned here, except sleep issues, applies to me.
Neurotypicals constantly 'read' my face & body language and they 'know' what I think and how I feel. And are always wrong. I mean, if you wanna know how I feel ask me, instead of 'knowing'. Had such problem with my dance teacher who 'knew' that I was 'worried' by reading my face, while I was just concentrating & enjoyed repeating my moves.
And I don't even have a TV at home and when enter a space that has a TV on, like my wellnes centre lounge room, I make sure I turn it off right away. I go to my gym because it is one of rare gyms around that is silent, no stupid loud TV screens and irritating pop music.
Ha! I took ballroom dancing lessons for a while, and once I showed up about half an hour early because of the trains and just sat there waiting. The instructors were very worried that something was wrong, because I looked so sad. But that's just what I look like. I apparently have Resting Horrible Tragedy Face.
@@kemowery Hi. Yes, so annoying that people constantly think they know how you feel or what's going on based on something so superficial, laregely evidence unsupported and culturally biased, such as 'body language'.
I do classical ballet.
What you said about computer and phones is exactly what I tried to explain to my wife for years : this fucking constant interruptions, the annoying "vrr" from a text coming which anguish me, the no times alone anymore because there is always someone to text you (or her, cause nobody text me anymore because I don't answer, too exhausting) some shitty thing you don't care about, and you need to answer something if you don't want to be rude. But answering what ? It's like you cannot be alone anymore, you cannot rest anymore from people and that's exhausting... And when I explained that years ago I didn't even know I'm autistic, it wasn't even something I heard about, or think for myself. And now I understand better why I've always feel that about social network or texting. Why it was so exhausting, so scary. It makes so much sense.
You explain it very well, that is exactly the words, the feelings, I'm so happy someone else express it, it make me feels better and I don't think anymore I'm a "monster" or whatever not to love social interactions or to be anxious about texting or social networks. I now know that's a part of my autistic brain.
Thank you !
My phone lives on "do not disturb" mode. I know I can trust my close family not to bother me unless it's important, so they're allowed to bypass it ("starred contacts"), and alarms (because my ADHD means alarms and reminders are the only way I can keep up with appointments and such). Anyone else can leave me a voicemail/shoot me a text and I'll see it when I see it.
@@digitalcalibrator9740 Yah ! The same here now.
When I was a teenager people constantly asking me (and some with anger) why I even have a cellphone because I never answer it (what they didn’t know is that I answer, but only to people who I really love and then I was too exhausted or annoyed for answering them… sorry guys I didn’t like you so much 🤷). In fact I still do that but with time not so much people I don’t really like have my number now.
I also cannot tell how many time my mother yelled at me because I didn’t pick up the phone when I was a kid, and she doesn’t understand at all what I feel about not knowing what to say on the phone, how to interact, even with people I know. She doesn’t understand the anxiety that I feel about picking up the phone or calling someone (even a friend). For her it was stupid, I was a coward, and even more that my sister who was 2 years younger than me can do it. Not a fun part of my life. Knowing about my diagnosis makes so much sense on this kind of experiences now
My phone is almost always off. I check it maybe once every day or two and turn it off again. I have had to get to the point with people where they at least partly 'understand' some of the things that have to happen for me to get through a day with any productivity at all. It began to become a joke in my community ('if you need support or whatever, call one of us but don't call him, ha ha'). Alone time has to be fought for as we are raising a family, involved in church leadership, and cannot avoid a significant amount of social engagement.
@@digitalcalibrator9740 yep exactly! I have almost all notifications turned off!
turn off notifications, duh
Years ago I decided that when people tell me I don't need sunglasses inside, I just say 'How the --fuck-- would you know? Are you me? You obviously don't know what I'm going through, so I'll be the boss of where I wear my sunglasses. Have a day.'
But tbf, no one's asked that in literal years. Ppl just don't care anymore. They too do whatever the duck they want.
And neither do I. As long as I don't act like an ass, I don't care what people say about me or if they stare at me.
What are they gonna do? Have an opinion that's not going to matter to me? It's not like they can get me fired or expelled for being autistic. 🙄
Sunglasses popo lol i’s be like what r u, the suglasses cop?? Gtfoh
I'm a NT, but even I do the sunglasses thing cause I have subscription so it's too much of a pain to swap out to regular glasses a lot of the time. Rock on indoor sunglass people. 😎
sunglasses are extremely unhealthy
sunlight is essential
bluelight/LEDs are toxic - sunglasses aren't the thing to use, use bluelight filter lenses
In all honesty, I’d love to have a virtual phone call with you just to have like an interview and talk about experiences to see how diverse peoples autism can be between one another, and the contradictions between different individuals and how autism affects them
I can hear the fridge humming now. Goshdarnit.
Or the fluorescent lights and bats squeaking and I can’t stand any sirens a,arms or strong perfume
Same
rip but i could always hear it its that classic hum but very low
Weirdly I find such sounds comforting, and can't stand absolute silence, need me white noise
A long time ago, before I knew about autism and masking, I tried to express my rejection of social norms and behaviours in one sentence. What I came up with was "Fitting in gives me the self-identity blues."
Now I know why I said it. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps me understand me better.
Love this.
After a social event I'll typically need at least 12 hours sleep that night (whereas usually 6-7 hours is sufficient), or after babysitting for even 1 hour, I'll need a 3 hour nap, and then I'll sleep perfectly well that night for my usual 6-7 hours. If I need to have a business meeting or interact with a customer (on the odd occasion), I'll need a 1-2 hour nap afterwards.
Pillow issues are serious.
Absolutely!
And now I always pay attention in Booking reviews on mattresses quality. This is the thing you can't pack into your luggage :(
I just found a pillow that I stay relatively more comfortable with. One of those memory foam side sleeper pillows.
If I even have a crease on my pillowcase it makes me uncomfortable. Also whether the seam is on the side or if it rotated to the top 😁
I literallyw lay on the floor in the store trying all of them out lol it’s extremely hard to find a good one! It seems like usually it’s the cheap synthetic super squishy one that ends up being like $5 that always wins for me tho so that’s good at least. Idk how ppl just buy any old pillow and it’s fine…pure insanity.
I was diagnosed with depression for years because I felt exhausted and upset all the time. Now I've received my ASD diagnosis (at 28!!!) I am finally started to realise what has been causing the exhaustion and managing my energy levels better. Meeting new people can wipe me out for days, but wearing sunglasses indoors has made shopping trips easier. Thanks for the template, it will be really helpful as I continue to experiment :)
I'm pretty sure TH-cam listens to me because I woke up this morning and I said to my husband... I'm so exhausted I have no energy and I don't know why... and then here's your video... So correct on all points. ❤
It's so comforting when you put into words what I experience and struggle with daily 💕 Thank you so much 💕
Exercise is the worst. I don't feel pain normally, and struggle with knowing when I am overdoing it until I have way overdone it. Then, I struggle to move because everything has locked up. So I have to do any increases super slowly to make any progress. Then I'll get sick and loose all the progress I've made. I know it's important to be able to continue to move, but it's just so hard and it often seems to take all my energy so I have nothing left to do anything else.
In addition to all the challenges of being autistic, I learned that I had a lot of food allergies, a lot of foods that everyone considers 'healthy' but had a really negative effect on me (granola, milk, and many more). Once I got onto a keto diet, 90% of my health issues were gone. My skin and sinus cleared up, my concentration was better, I lost a bunch of weigth and had a lot more energy, the pain in my joints and legs went away, as well as the sores in my mouth.
I still have the autism and social anxiety issues, but they're much more bearable now. Also transitionned to a ketovore diet (95% meat and fish) and it further improved my health.
TYSM for this!! Everything you said, especially the sleep & stomach issues really hit home. Also my hearing is super sensitive too...I remember as a kid, back in the 70s, department stores jewelry cases had an "invisible " alarm system...invisible to NT anyway...and every time mom would drag me there, I would scream, because the high pitched noise was so overwhelming. None of my family could hear it, and they automatically labeled me, as a 6 yr old, as...crazy, too sensitive, etc. My dad was the only one who eventually figured out what it was, and why I was having this seemingly over dramatic response to that noise. But my family laughed it off, still labeling me as overly sensitive, and crazy. My mom would say I needed to just get over things like this, because the world isn't going to change just for me, (which was true) and to basically stop having meltdown moments when I felt overwhelmed. And I was a constant source of joke about my stomach issues too. I literally vomited most mornings for the first 25 yrs of my life, due to sensory overwhelm, and still have upset stomach most mornings, just not the vomiting anymore, THANKFULLY. My mom would mock me, saying...oh we can't take her anywhere, she'll just throw up the whole time, or some insensitive thing like that (she was a narcissist)
As a super late diagnosed woman, at age 50, It feels really good to be validated by your video's, because I FINALLY know that I'm not crazy, or too sensitive...well maybe the too sensitive applies, but I like to think of it as exceptionally sensitive 😅. Anyway, I really value your content. It's brought SO MUCH clarity to me. Your channel is such a valuable resource 🎉🥂💃🎉
I had a dr recommend i take pepcid ac every night before bed when i was in jr high and now when i start to have issues i atill do that and it really helps! And if it still feels bad in the morning i take another! It’s not exactly the best for you but hey it makes it so you can function. Im always surprised by how well it works…until it doesnt and i do the full round of Prilosec and them im better for awhile again usually. I try to do it as soon as i notice it acting up bc if you wait u til it’s a fire volcano it is MUCH harder to get back under control.
My wife knows when I say “I’m going to take a shower” that I’m literally going to sit in the tub, let hot water beat on my head, and space out for like 45 minutes in pitch blackness. We usually shower together, but when I just want to go, she knows it’s just my comfort spot to decompress and recharge so I have the energy to hang with her for a bit and not be moody and easily irritated. She knows every day/night after work, I need time to just be for a bit and then I’m refreshed and ready to hang for a few hours. Plus if I’m already drained, I’m not going to pay attention to any movie or anything cause I’ll just be sitting there feeling like I’m just just forcing myself into a situation. She’s learned a lot about Autism and just lets me do my thing as needed. She sees how much things can positively or negatively effect me, especially when I’m already stressed, or my anxiety is just at an all time high for no reason. I do hear noises from our electronics too that she doesn’t. We have a sound bar and it gives this super high pitch hum after like 7 click of volume up and it’s drives me nuts. When theres no noise, I hear the static white noise it gives off. She’s amazing at how it can be loud as hell, but I can still pin point the most faint yet annoying sound in a matter of seconds lol
I travel with my own bedding to be able to sleep, user earplugs A LOT, and chose my living space very carefully. It's 3 minutes away from the woods, I look out on a beautiful garden which I don't have to take care of. And it's quiet - I could even sleep without earplugs, but I don't, just in case. I bought several sleep masks until I found the perfect one for me.
Perfect!
I have fibromyalgia and a severe form of myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome. To qualify for an ME/CFS diagnosis, you need severe, unexplainable fatigue that prevents your normal daily activities, unrefreshing sleep (you wake up with a hangover every morning), Post Exertional Malaise (any exertion, including mental, makes you much, much worse), as well as orthostatic intolerance and cognitive impairment. Because ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD, it's like a double whammy. I have severe sound and light sensitivities and live alone in a dark, quiet room. I can't even hang out with my husband. Trying to manage autism like this is really hard. ❤ I'm also incredibly lonely, because TH-cam is the only place I can connect with people.
If you feel like sharing: do you turn the sound off on TH-cam and just read the subtitles? I do that a lot because the sound gets tiring. Especially with certain people.
@@Aelffwynn yes, I do! I love the captions! I can't really listen to music anymore (and I was a musician), so I turn off the sound when people have background music. ❤️
@@CricketGirrldang. I'm sorry to hear of your many struggles!
@@joan.nao1246 thank you! ❤️
Hallo CricketGirl: Your comment has sparked a revelation in me. I've had ME for about 40 years, now much milder, and realised 4 months ago that I was on the autism spectrum also. "ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD" I can't even begin to sort out what's what, but feel massively better
knowing that they overlap. Thank you so much for your comment. Hope you improve and can return to a much better quality of life. All the best.
Currently having a shutdown, because I went into the city for shopping with my husband and kids and it was really busy. We don't go very often, but it's worth the shutdown once in awhile to spend time together getting nice things for everyone. My husband works during the week so Saturday is the only day we can all go. We go early tho so it's not as busy.
Masking and sensory overload are my 2 main issues that lead to anxiety and depression quite often. As I'm getting older it gets easier not to care what others think.
At home I get to be myself, I'm the gamer mum who hyper focuses on random things all the time and it's ok. I get to sing at the top of my lungs and do crazy dances with my kids and that's what gets me through the day.
It's taken me a long time to just accept who I am and not always look at how others do things and keep thinking "why can't I have/do that". I am who I am and that's ok.
Commercial interruptions, voting text messages, pharmacy and doctor reminder texts, all irritate me so much. If I’m tired and there’s too much light or noise or both, there’s a good chance I’ll get a migraine. Working super early 5 days in a row is definitely challenging for me because I feel like I’m running on fumes both from being tired and from the sensory overload. I love the jobs I have but they’re also a struggle. Soft blankets and sweatshirts and hoodies and long sleeve but thin cotton shirts make my life so much better. Good smelling shampoo conditioner and soap helps me want to actually take a shower, as well as listening to something while I shower. Flavorless toothpaste has changed my life (I use Dr Bob’s Unflavored toothpaste, which is a tad sweet but not enough to leave a major aftertaste like mint or watermelon or bubblegum).
Noise is the worst. And I can't block it out. I'm wearing over-ear headphones on top of beats earbuds with active noise cancelation, and I can still hear my husband's video game and the air conditioner. There's no escape from sounds.
Same. I wear earplugs and noise cancelling over the ear headphones together. It's very stressful how loud the world is.
A tip for reducing interruptions from messaging: create one-on-one chat groups with the people you communicate with the most. Mute the notifications and tell the other person to use the group for messages that do not need immediate attention. You could have also one for your entire family. That way you can read the messages in a pull mode rather than push mode. This has helped me a lot. I actually started doing this before discovering my autism or ADHD. Great video btw, thanks for making it!
Same 👍🏻
I just turn off all notifications for everything and check my messages a few times throughout the day. Do not disturb works great too!
@@larsonfamilyhouse for me that is a bit too much filtering. But I think I've cut 90% non-urgent notifications and I think now there's about 50-50 split between urgent and non-urgent. So still not optimal, but much better than what there was without blocking.
This video speaks of my daily life. Although, because was recently diagnosed at 65yo I came to understand it’s a burn out due to masking and sensory overload. I am most of the time in my room cause light, even sunlight drains me. For a 1/2 hour conversation or a quick supermarket trip I need to rest one day and a half. I wonder if I ever will come out of this burn out, I’d like to enjoy life. Thank you for your videos, it helps me to clarify many traits, you are also very funny.
Sorry you're in such a deep burnout phase. 😔 Glad you're here and able to join in on all our late diagnosed "aha moment" sharing. I hope it provides some degree of community relief and a sense of finding your people. 🫶🏻
Could we also have like... a researched-backed vid explaining masking and autism for the neurotypicals in our lives?
Many ppl dont believe that autism can be masked 😂
This guy is great, would love for him to do a video like this
For me, it’s being out in public, particularly grocery stores. The lights, the sounds, everything.
When I was younger I would only shop at night but after the pandemic none of the stores are open at night. Now I just have them delivered.
It saves me so much time and prevents sensory overload for me.
Same! I used to shop like 3am-5am and now it’s so hot and busy everywjere and everything closes at like 11 😭 it was so nice being the only one in the store before!
Before I was diagnosed at 31 back in 2011, I was working and at the end of every work day without fail I would have a heart arrhythmia and black out. I didn't understand why, I didn't understand why I couldn't do the things other people seemed to be able to do with ease. Now I've been unemployed for 13 years, not just because of autism btw. And at first I felt relief that I was free from that daily exhaustion and terror driving me to depression. But now I'm just isolated still depressed and constantly terrified of my sole source of income disappearing. Seriously. Autistic people cannot win. What are we supposed to do?
Trust and believe that yes, I do most certainly have to mask. All the time outside of my home.
I have to mask outside and inside. I have nowhere to just exist 😔
It seems like everything is a trigger. I’m frustrated with too much order and too much chaos. I’m never comfortable. I itch, I’m just an itchy person. It’s not rashes or allergies or bites or stings. I just itch. I’m too warm unless I’m too cold. I want to see a movie with someone but I also want to do everything else instead. I don’t know how to fix any of it.
Im so itchy rn, all day, and it’s extra worse when it’s windy bc pollen makes it worse. The best thing is to soak in the tub and then super scrub with a floofy plastic loofah then a brush for like 30+ min, get out and apply body oil like almond oil or calendula oil is probably best. Do it at least once a week and the oil daily. And run a humidifier constantly. Drinking a liquid iv every day has really helped hydrate my skin too, i guess the mechanism of electrolytes really carry the water to the outside of your cells or something. Try not to wear things like leggings, try wearing like flowy linen pants, thatnway the material doesnt draw moisture from your skin. Keep windows shut and replace your air filter in your ac and furnace and car often! Every 3 months minimum for the house filter. Also wash all clothes in hot and add lysol laundry sanitizer to the rinse. If it smells to strong after you can always rinse again with plain water:)
Having to say to colleagues: i do not have the mental space today, for Human comunication, so i’ll do this and you guys figure the rest out.
I'm in diagnosing process for adhd, the testing person said, seems to be autism, too.
Exhaustion and social contact/communication are my biggest problems.
My tringgers are:
Vision confusing patterns, flashing lights, somebody suddenly turning the ceiling light on or off, high humidity, several conversations around me, several people talking in an echoing room, this high pitch beeping in some buses or tubes before the doors close, sudden big noises, I need my own pillow and at least one other for positioning in bed. I can't eat well cooked vegetables and many other foods and it drives me crazy when I'm supposed to follow unclear expectations or when I'm disturbed frequently in a task. I need my Alone-time after work (at least 2 hours in one piece) and during the first hour in the morning as well a the last one before sleep, I have my rituals, but I'm still flexible somehow. BUT never change a plan that was fix! Except that ones, which I did only agree to please others. That ones may be cancelled ;)
I relate to the pillows my bed has a stack of pillows which are placed for my comfort. My bed is my space where l can unwind. TV noise radios in background can’t do. Horns on cars l jump out of my skin especially when l am driving. Room full of people this is totalling over whelming. Thanks for your videos they are so helpful and relatable 😊
Sound cancelling earbuds have been a real blessing for me since they aren't to visible so not to many people notice I wear them when outside, especially when shopping to block out all the sounds my brain just can't block out without spending a ton of energy on ignoring the stimuli.
I sadly can't remember exactly the paper i read it in but apparently in general the autistic brain taken in about 60% more external stimuli than a neurotypical brain, but the part of the brain that needs to sort all that information is still only equipped to handle a normal amount of information, so its like having a 16 liter water hose attached to a 10 liter valve and expect it to handle that extra pressure, it might be able to for a time but eventually it fails and when that happens especially with sudden very loud noises as he explain in the video our brain quite literally short circuits for a bit and has to reboot for us to get back in control.
My mom-"You were a quiet baby, but you never slept! I'd wake up and you'd be laying there eyes wide open just looking around the room. No naps either! You were a quiet good baby... You just never slept!"
I slept midnight to noon always including in the womb lol
Wow, My mom just told me thing exact same thing.. Quiet baby, good baby, never slept, starting around the room in my crib at 2am. "We were worried you were autistic but the pediatrician said you were fine, and you ended up being a fast learner" I am just going through the process of getting diagnosed for high-masking "functioning" ASD/ADHD at 39 years old. I can remember staying up until 2am as early as 7 years old. Life long sleep issues and have never been able to maintain a rhythm. And I just realized its current 2:30am, woops.
Perfect timing! We had visitors over yesterday ... and I slept for 12 hours straight afterwards...
UGH YEESSSS on the concise blunt communication style. basically PEOPLE are my triggers LOL everything people do pisses me off.
loud noise
bright lights (my house is always dim, with soft warm or colored lights)
any music i don't like! it is SO ANNOYING i can[t eve stay in that environment
synthetic fragrances! i only use natural EO-based perfumes so everything synthetic bothers me, esp when people bathe in perfume (and i used to be one of those people lol)
too much conversation
being cold or too hot even though i love wearing sweaters all year round (if i can) and i don't like to have my skin exposed
tight clothes, tags, anything that pricks and tickles
being interrupted bc it is hard to get back in The Flow
i startle easily so if something scares me i get real grumpy
Same
I thought I was high-sensitive but, watching this video and reading the comments, makes me think I am kind of autistic. Low level maybe, but I do recognise a lot of traits.
What makes me exhausted? Working as a software developer. Especially when working with workitems that are not well described and have a lot of open ends. And after you think you are done with the workitem you will get the full list of requirements (and can almost start over again).
I usually don't realize my volume issue until the looks of folks near me shift subtly.
I have extreme sensory issues. I didn’t even understand what was happening to me until recently. I always feel it’s too loud, too bright, smells weird, my clothing feels wrong, my actual limbs feel wrong, other people feel wrong.
I need a lot of time alone after social stuff. I sometimes am in the middle of things and decided I need to leave, regardless of how everyone else feels. And I do leave, because I’m done pretending for the day. I call myself a pretender, but what that is, is masking. and I have done it for years and I just didn’t have a name for it.
One thing about me, I spent several years homeless in my past while still always having these issues. That was a nightmare that I am traumatized from forever. There’s no escape from people, public, noise, no privacy and no understanding out there. So now I stay home a lot, because I have one.
Hi there. Your comment really resonates with me, because that is my current situation. But with three children. 😢 I get no time alone, and I have been sharing one room with my family of four other people for months now. I have no space to just exist and be myself. And it's taking a serious toll on me. I would be honored if you would please consider reading my family's story and supporting our campaign. 🫂
My skin especially feels wrong, also my organs feel wrong
I love how the more time goes on the more pieces of the puzzle I fit into place to understand why I've been feeling this way for my whole life. As an higher functioning autistic but I isolate sometimes weeks at a time too one session with a relative that doesn't stop talking ,my stepfather, over stim is exhausting
OK, I don’t even know if I want to go through the trouble of getting an official diagnosis, that’s how old I am, and never had an inkling until about six months ago that I am autistic but the sensory issues became so overwhelming and then I started to learn about autism and realized that I am autistic. I pass every test out there with flying colors and I’m working with a neuropsychologist. This is her area of expertise, but she is no longer diagnosing folx. Anyway, one thing that really helps me with my fatigue is to swim on a regular basis. It’s a perfectly acceptable way of stimming, and it feels great and helps me with sleep. Because of some ear issues I stopped putting my head in the water and I’m enjoying it even more. I hope this helps someone. I really love your channel.
Whew, the pillow thing is SO TRUE
Hospital pillows are even worse because they have that plastic cover
I equate the different minds like cars, either auto or manual. Some people easily and seamlessly function in social settings. I have to figure out which gear to get into and there are millions of gears.
Peopling really adds to my fatigue! Ugh. Yoga usually fills up my spoons (because, for my body, yoga is a giant stim.)
I like how you talk about things. For all it’s worth, I think you’re quite good at communicating information, and you’re also quite funny. And obviously I can appreciate how much effort it can take you to do these videos. I don’t think ND people can appreciate how hard it is for us to communicate in an effective way, but as an autistic person, I do! 😊
Anyway, one of the positive aspects of learning I was autistic has been to learn how to handle my energy levels. This has included learning not to push myself like I did before, when I unsuccessfully tried to be “normal” (spoiler alert: of course I crashed and failed spectacularly!) It still difficult, and I’m still pretty much exhausted most of the time, but now I know I have to prioritize rest and isolation from stimuli when needed.
I’m pretty happy nowadays you can actually find information about this topic! Just a couple years ago when I was diagnosed and was trying to understand why I was always tired, you could barely find anything about it, so progress!
I can tell you some positive triggers (Autistic joy)... puppies and cows! Share with the class, man!
I'm on week 2 of recovery from emergency gallbladder removal. Crappy sleep, can't eat anything I want, IBS worse than ever, pain, weakness, exhausted from half a shower. I was already burnt out from other things and now I can't do any of my normal decompression stuff so its just nap and try not to have meltdowns all day.
That is ROUGH, wishing you smooth and speedy recovery 💜
I also have neurodivergency (adhd and autism) and digestive issues. Had my gallbladder out when it did literally nothing in an ejection fraction test.
So, i have some things you might not know about that might (or might not) help.
1) moringa, thyme, rosemary: these are all great for helping me manage my hyperactive bile ducts. Not sure why they work but it goes beyond the fiber like I initially thought.
2. (You might know this), my doctor put me on an antidepressant that helps levels of not just seratonin, but also norepinephrine (ppl with adhd tend to be low bc Dopamine is used to make it). So..
3) a lot of the same neurochemicals that your brain uses are the same that your gut uses. So, you can look into norepinephrine/noradrenaline, seratonin, GABA (and there's a few more I can't remember)
4) lastly, if it does have something to do with your gallbladder or bile look into TUDCA (a type of bile acid). Our bodies produces little, but the pills, seem to help a lot. My hypothesis is when my body notices the TUDCA in my stomach, it doesn't freak out and overproduce bile because it "thinks" the job is already handled. And as far as bile acids go, this one is significantly less likely to cause bile dumps or acid reflux. A lot of people agree.
(I get Nutricost and prefer synthetic because natural is derived from bears in a way that seems unusually cruel, even for corporate farming.)
No worries if nothing helps, I wish you the best with your healing journey.
Edit: also maybe make sure that after your guts liquidate their inventory you replace your microbiome a bit. I like a shelf stable variety that has as many different strains as possible. That way I'm not overloading my guts and your body will naturally adjust to the right levels of the right microbes. I just find that I get back on my feet faster with a probiotic.
@@Alice_Walker Thank you :)
@@steggopotamus Thanks, I'll look into these. I'm also dealing with metastatic breast cancer and was just starting to make progress on the issues from those meds and this is like going back to square one. I swear I eat more supplements than food these days but if it'll keep me from spending my days within 20 feet of the bathroom I'll be happy to add a couple more, interactions permitting of course!
I hope you’re feeling better ❤
Felt like you were talking directly to me, Chris! Thank you so much for making this video. 🌈
Wild turkeys do fly. It's a sight to behold. It doesn't look like it can be physically possible to see a butterball with feathers, headed out of a tree. Unrelated, but the turkey as a bird of prey (not) flying over you, possibly pooping on you, that could happen.
Les Nessman did not know this. 🦃
@@monkeytennis7477 😁
I'm totally burnt out after work all day and looking confident and being an adult with a lot of responsibility. The weekend allows me to be me again and build up some mental energy again to not look like an idiot or strange in work.
Oh hey, the sunglasses in the grocery store thing is an easy fix! Zenni has fl-41 lenses that block ouchie lights. They call them migraine lenses but they're fl-41s! I have them in 25% strength for daily wear and 75% for outside sun time in texas. They work better than super dark reflective lenses too and make fluorescent tolerable
I'm on the Asperger spectrum... I contribute to my lack of sleep in the evening to me just being a complete night owl. I feel far less pressure of people always needing me at night as compared to the day so I feel more free to focus on myself and my me time at night... I typically get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep starting in the early morning hours :P
assburgers does not exist.
I’m self diagnosed auDHD. One of my triggers is sitting with a group of people when all of a sudden, the conversation breaks into 2 separate ones. I never know which conversation I should be listening and/or contributing to. I look at people in the group wondering why everyone else seems to be okay with this while I feel it is chaotic and confusing. Anyone else?
Oh yeah! I’m confused and hanging on for dear life when there’s one conversation. When it splits, my head splits and I go to the bathroom to reevaluate my life.
This!
Yes!
Yeah, I see it as subtle conflict that went on with the normals. One person subtly tore the conversation to what they wanted and some followed.
I often make a coin flip decision on which to follow but the main determinant is which one I can hear better over the noise. Unfortunately the conversation I like may be too far away to hear properly or I can’t see the people properly (e.g. sitting at a restaurant table) so I’m then forced to go with the conversation I didn’t really like.
So much thinking and preplanning of what to do in such situations 🙁
I get that, but for me it's more that I can listen to both conversations at once, and have a bit of a compulsion to listen rather than disrupt the flow. It's handy on group chat threads in a game, but a drawback irl
Very helpful! I’ve recently discovered that yellow / orange tinted glasses really help with glare and don’t get so many funny looks in shops
I really agree with the comment about not liking loud noises but not being able to control your own volume. I like music and need to listen to it loud but car horns, random alarms, even someone coughing loudly near me can sometimes cause physical pain. However, I have heard (sometimes when people didn't expect me to) about how loud I am in conversations. I don't think I'm louder than anyone else, but appearently I am. I can't tell. Once I explain that to people usually they are alright.
So true, the modern fast paced interconnected world we live in today where we are expected to keep up with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and be exposed to lots of stimuli all the time is absolute hell on earth for sensitive people that take longer to process and/or get drained more by processing information.
A lot of people in the past who were autistic and/or HSP’s weren’t as drained by life because they had down time, opportunities to switch off and escape time from the world. Nowadays, we don’t really have that option without seeming antisocial, reclusive and freakish. Hell, even NT’s today feel the brunt of the constant pressure to keep up with everything and everyone!
Also the mainstream medical world is only just starting to realise how common conditions like low blood pressure, brain fog, dizziness, IBS, dysautonomia, POTS and physical pain/issues from hyper-mobility are in AuDHDers which were previously dismissed as anxiety, depression or part of ADHD/ASD symptoms.
Eff expectations. Idgaf what any9neexpects anymore!?! Expect all you like, it’s not gonna impact my life one bit!! 🙃
What helps my energy dips is a long cycle ride. Very occasionally, I get to sit in a field of grass in summer and take in the natural sounds. That always makes me feel better, yet I hardly ever do it?
It’s so strange that we rarely do the things we love and need. You should get on your bike today and find that field of grass. I’m going to do a walk in the woods and listen to the birds!
I think the issue is trying to explain ALL of the issues to a doctor who is looking for ONE diagnosis to cover your issues, it took 37 years for me to get an obstructive sleep apnea diagnosis but I know I suffered from it pretty much all my life. But they had 0 issues throwing the book at me for everything from adhd to anhedonia. And they had the audacity to challenge me when I told them the meds they were forcing me to take under threats (everything from ceasing treatment to hospitalization obviously all to sate their ego) were making me feel worse. I really hate doctors sometimes, and don't get me started on psychiatrists.
One of the most helpful videos i have seen to help me as a NT understand my autie loved ones better, thank you!
I am 56 years old, and just finding out that I am autistic--probably--no diagnosis yet--but I feel like I have been tired my whole life. I am tired of being tired.
I have this problem at work. I often show up late because I can’t manage to consistently wake up at 6AM. I can’t manage to consistently go to bed at 10 or 11 PM.
I have a hard time presenting information in a good way, thus people shoot to conclusions or take the wrong things out of the conversation.
When people push me over issues I can’t immediately fix or weren’t my doing to begin with I tend to partially shut down and my choices and actions can become skewed from the norm.
A good example of this is that I was recently pushed on a minor issue I didn’t create nor could I immediately fix it.
I then immediately after that had to get into a work van and drive to the site.
I didn’t take the time to destress and calm myself before starting up the van.
I started driving and got to an intersection where someone came from the left. Normally I would have stopped. Sometimes I make a quick decision and still drive because I know I can make it. But because of that stress previously my mind wasn’t functioning like I normally would and that made me drive when i should have stopped. No accident happened but it was a close call.
I get over stimulated anytime I leave the house and especially when in public for a long period of time. Then I can’t sleep. I have learned not to plan too many things in a row, because I need a break in between these outside activities.
Anytime there’s going to be more than 3 people nearby, I get overwhelmed and cranky. I like being by myself or with my wife Debby in nature.
I feel like this so much of the time. I fear my marriage is falling apart because my wife thinks I’m defective because I struggle with crowded places, loud noises, strong smells (especially fish), needing time out to recover and recharge, and the way neurotypical people communicate (beating around the bush). I don’t really know what I’m going to do.
nothing will shut me down more completely or faster than loud noises, especially someone yelling, even if its not at me. Dogs barking loudly or too much activity in my general area both confuse and upset me and cause me to rock and become for the most part non-verbal.
Social situations and being overstimulated also wears me out. And the bed situation, I totally get it! For a long time, my bed didn't actually suit my needs but I didn't care much. And whenever I was on holiday or staying somewhere else, I was like: nah, I'll survive this. But last year I've bought a brand new bed and an awesome pocket mattress! My sleeping definitely improved although at times I'm still overthinking when I'm trying to sleep. My brain often just won't calm down, either anxiety or thinking about things I'd like to do.
But a couple of weeks ago we went to a cottage on the island of Texel for a week. The bed was a bit simpler than mine and the mattress was just too thin. My bf and I decided a couple of years ago to keep long distancing because we both need a lot of quiet time. He's on the spectrum too. And it's about an hour's drive for me to go and see him.
So we rented the cottage for a week, but we left after two days because our backs were getting more sore each night and I was just exhausted and depressed the second day. We went out for a few groceries in a nearby town and then we went for an ice cream (there is a dairy farm close by that has an ice cream shop with many different flavours and also a few lactose free) and the next day we packed up and drove to my place to stay together for the rest of the week.
I'm exhausted a lot, sleeping issues since childhood which I think is due to anxieties. I was also bullied a lot. My bf has IBS among things and he's lactose intolerant. But then it's okay we live apart because when he's not here, I can cook things my way with lots of onions, spice and things he can't have. When we're together I adapt to his needs.
During work whenever I need a moment, I often check on my fish and shrimp. I recently got a number of pygmy corydoras, they are cute as heck!
I was about 12 when I woke up at 5 AM with my first panic attack. Sleeping on a flat surface with a flat pillow is impossible for me because it makes my throat feel tight and then it's panic city. I've spent more of my 52 years of life sleeping on couches than beds. I just find them more comfortable.
When I was a teen I couldn't sleep at night because of my anxiety and panic attacks. Being bullied at school for being "weird" was a HUGE problem, which is why I dropped out at 16 (even though I did go back 10 years later, and eventually graduated) I now know that being autistic and autistic burnout had a lot to do with my decision to leave school too.
I've always run more on adrenaline than sleep.
@@elizabethsullivan7176 the worst was during my first concert tour with Utrecht Students Choir and Orchestra to Latvia. We stayed at a hostel in Riga for a week and those beds were just very spartan and very bad. But I was young at the time and pushed through. Sang 2 Matthew Passions (by J.S. Bach), second concert was in a dishevelled church with a broken roof in like March and we were all freezing. But the best thing was having a common passion for baroque music, for Bach and all around the same intellectual level (uni students).
I think that's where we are most comfortable hanging out with people we connect more easily with on an intellectual level and mutual respect. My friends are all into scifi, anime etc. And most are on the spectrum. You don't have to mask when you're around them.
Also, I get being on adrenaline all the time while at school because of bullying and pressures. It causes health damage, full stop!
I definitely deal with all these things. I have people around me that cause a lot of drama and high expectations from me than they expect from themselves from me or anyone else. I plan on living off the grid sometime. My body went through a complete shut down which was hell on earth. It took me over 3 years to recover. Im still not out of the woods. People make it worse. They dont understand. I try to tell people how exhausted i am as i work in nursing. I really plan on buying a small plot of land with a one story home where i dont have to deal with people all the time.
You can be our nearest neighbor…. 3 miles away
@@ChrisandDebby lol sounds perfect 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I spent the last 3 days researching different pillows almost obsessively. I need a new pillow and they don't make the one I am using anymore. It is exhausting and stimulating because I love doing the research but sheesh it is so stressful to actually decide. I'm extremely picky about bedsheets too. It has to be percale weave cotton. Nothing else. I don't give a hoot about thread count I need that crisp, textured sheet feel. I would also love just to be able to sleep like everyone else.
Almost everything i love is discontinued always it seems like! Or the formula or way it’s made is changed. I used to like these one tank top that were sooo soft and cheap…now they cost more and are made from a fabric that isnt anywhere near as good
@@larsonfamilyhouse Having things discontinued is rough for me. Especially when it comes to food or personal care products. I buy a lot of used clothes because they are already broken in. Undergarments are the obvious exception but change so much in stores! It is hard to make that change when it happens
Oh my God, every word you said could’ve come out of my mouth. At 62, I well remember the no-computer, no-portable-phone “Bad old days.” I hate the intrusion of cell phones. In many ways I’m now living your dream - we’ve just retired to 11 acres in the woods. It’s pure unadulterated heaven. Of course, it makes it twice as bad when I do have to go to town, but it’s worth it!
Exactly fuck getting random phone calls forceing me to be social at anytime of the day but messages, SMS, email that's the GOAT I can take my time think about what I want to say and go over the message and make sure I know exactly what was said to me.
If I had a quarter for every time I said this "did I say something wrong?" Ugh. My bluntness has hurt so many of my relationships. I appreciate bluntness because I feel they aren't lying to me. I started to notice as I've gotten older I can mimic how someone speaks to help me feel they understand me rather than my true self. I don't even know if I have one since I mirror who's speaking. Ty for the education. ❤ to all.
I used to constantly mask all the time, at work, with friends, with family, with strangers, and it's amazing how much more energy I have since I've made it an active point to not mask, the part that surprises me is how many people I've found are actually accepting of me and what I would consider to be idiosyncrasies. A big part of it was self acceptance and accepting that I deserved to be loved and respected for being me. That I and the people who don't accept me, well, we're both better off not being around each other more than we have to be. I feel like I'm truly being myself for the first time in a long time.
I have severe ADHD, not sure if I'm on the spectrum even though I definitely have behaviors indicative of it, but that may also affect my experience with masking vs the experience of someone who is on the autism spectrum
I have had a similar experience in trying to unmask and just allow myself to be neurodivergent in public, and most neurotypical people seem to either not care, or make little jokes but not in a mean way just like they notice you’re different and trying to make sense of it for themselves. I feel like universally many people are willing to accept others for being different and appreciate when they have confidence to be their authentic selves. Because I don’t think anyone is truly 100% normal and at times everyone feels they have to mask and when you give yourself permission to unmask you are also giving others that same permission and it just creates good vibes.
How about a mind that is always thinking and has a dozen pages open? How exhausting is that! At least for me it is.
Yes!! I allow myself one hour of “ harmless” tv every night to defrag. It has the power to stop my thoughts for a while. The rest of the time I’m thinking thinking thinking, a thousand ideas, and want to do them all right now. End up doing none. I have discovered restorative Yoga. Helps a lot. Also so much of what is said here resonates with me. I think it helps too know there are others like me. In the last couple of years I have taken up birdwatching, and that has been great for my mental health. Also less afraid to stay home because I want to and can.
And with alarming regularity the pages will start playing content while you're not on that page, and you have to try to figure out where the new competing stimulus is originating and try to pause it.
I have an intellectual disability and even I can be annoyed by neurotypicals at times. It’s annoying enough when they don’t see the world as we do- I for instance believe that most people are good at heart and that Uber and Lyft drivers don’t just do the job for the money, they simply enjoy human interaction. I may not have all of my executive functioning but usually I can tell a good person from a bad one. Thanks for posting your video.
You’re so funny. I always wondered why I was always tired. I have ADHD and autism high functioning. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. high functioning autism I identify as an in the process of getting an assessment hopefully here soon. I have two autistic boys who are currently at this very moment fighting over chocolate milk and goldfish crackers as well as figuring out and finding out that my partner is also on the spectrum and probably has ADHD so I always wondered why I was always so tired. ADHD plays a big role in that one and autism plays a big role in my limited interest in things, but what I’m interested in I try to specialize as much as possible not because I want to be a specialist but because I love this stuff and yeah everybody always asked me man you look tired asked me how am I doing and I’ve always answer. I’m tired.
Those are two of my favorite snacks!
I thankfully live in a country that recognises I’m too disabled to work and gives me a modestly generous income, and I’m still constantly exhausted just from the day to day of taking care of myself.