The fact is, you just NEVER know. I know someone who is in their late 30s and got pregnant by accident and had a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I know someone that same age who struggled and had to do IVF and the baby had Down Sydrome. I have friends who had kids in their 20s and are now struggling to have more in their late 30s and I have friends who found out in their teens that they can’t have kids. The point is everyone is different and things may change over time. Just be aware of that and make your decision accordingly. Don’t shame anyone for whatever they choose to do.
Agreed. It’s so much that goes along with this topic. Genetics etc. Every women’s body has a different story no matter age even though those general facts are put about a woman’s body and what it does. It will ALL be different for each woman. You have women who are 40 and 45 who are fertile as heck. Know your body. Get check ups. Go yearly for what you need. If you want to get something looked at do that! Know your body.
I'm glad this conversation happened. When I was 26 a doctor told me that I had cancer cells again on my cervix and went straight to let's do a coneoscopy. Now for those unfamiliar with the procedure it's when they punch a hole in your cervix to get rid of the cells , but you can't carry children once it's done. I was devastated. It was my mother who said get your files and get a 2nd opinion. I got a 2nd and a 3rd. That's when I learned that that procedure is not the first thing you are to do especially at that age. And that that was md board law. I retested and I was in the clear. This dr almost ruined my life. I looked her up and found out she lost her license in NJ for a botched delivery of a black woman's child but unfortunately was able to carry a license still in another state. It is so important when it comes to your health that you get a 2nd opinion if it's gonna be a life changing event and to always be an advocate for yourself.
I had pre cancer cells, fibroids and cysts. My cysts were pretty big and the doctor at the time told me to do surgery to get them removed. She said if they were too big there was a possibility she might have to take out my ovaries all together. I told my spouse and he was totally against it. I started doing my own research and changing my diet. I opted out of the surgery and thank God I did because a month later I got pregnant. Now I have two sons.
I wished I gotten a second opinion. I had endometriosis at age 25 and had surgery. I was young and had just been accepted to nursing school. After years later I was diagnosed with POF. I got all my medical records and cried at what I learned they had done. Til this day, I have a scar from navel to pubic area that other Dr's gasp when they see it and ask, "Why did they cut you this way?". I've written letter to the Dr who did the surgery years later, never heard a response.
I had cyst on my ovaries and something in me told me not to trust the doctor to zap them. I didn’t trust her. I continued to prolong the procedure and eventually got a second opinion. Before that I decided to change my diet and exercise more. No more dairy, sugar, alcohol meat or caffeine. For some reason they triggered them to grow. I’m pretty sure there were other alternatives but I trusted my intuition. That vibrational frequency never lies. The cyst stopped growing. I’m on baby number 2 naturally after 5 years of trying and never been on birth control ever. All I know is I wouldn’t trust a lot of doctors be trillions were spent on medication and barely anything on healing and actually teaching us how to heal ourselves.
The topic of doctors dismissing patients could be expanded on so much. At age 23 I became naturally pregnant with triplets and was admitted to “the best high risk pregnancy hospital” in Denver. I was currently on Medicaid insurance as well as my mother’s insurance. I went into labor at 24 weeks and went to the hospital explaining how much pain and discomfort I was in and they told me it was normal, it was “musculoskeletal pains” and they told me I was fine. They dismissed what I was saying and acted as if I was just being a young, weak 23yo who doesn’t know what real pain feels like and they sent me home with drugs. Next day I came back because the pain is worse, they do a vaginal ultrasound and find out that one of my three babies had been stuck in the birth canal w/o oxygen for too long and had passed. My other two boys were born three weeks later and have ZERO issues to this day, not even an allergy. This was by far the worst part of my two months in that hospital, but there were MANY other pieces to this puzzle that made it a horrific experience. Pushiness, belittling, dismissing, giving us straight up incorrect/opposite information for how to care for our boys regarding breastfeeding and circumcision just to name a few.
@@MadisonStuczynski3a1 Wow! It doesn't make sense. Earlier treatment may have saved your baby but they never investigated your complaints. Where is the accountability? I'm so sorry for your loss.
Well I appreciate that. I truly just think it was because we were a young, unmarried couple living in a low income area of Denver and I didn’t have a job at the time. I got pregnant like a month and a half after being there. I just felt no one took us seriously.
I resonate with Quinn because I’ve often felt like what I want doesn’t want me and I’ve felt hopeless and just not knowing what to do and how to move forward.
This has been my experience. I've only been in one serious relationship. He ended it. I've been single for 7 years. No prospects in sight at all. Men don't see me. In my late thirties now. The fear of being alone forever consumes me. I am an only child myself. Recently I began to accept that I may just be single and childless because hoping and wishing was driving me crazy and making me depressed. I definitely still have my moments. I am no one's priority and the less than handful of friends I have must put their husbands/BF/ children first understandably. I've suffered with fibroids for a few years putting off removing them because I did not want to risk damage to my uterus. I finally decided to have the surgery this year. No reason to be in both emotional and physical pain. I'm just done and want my desires for marriage and to bear children to be nonexistent as it has caused me nothing but emotional pain and suffering.
Yea, I relate to Quinn. That unrequited love, is difficult going both ways. And the line was she said that she was just too much of her or two extra that hit hard to.
@@corden84 I’m in no position to give advice but I feel my best when I focus on what brings me joy. I’m not married but I attract great experiences and relationships with men when I’m focused on me. When I shift my focus to them too much that’s when things take a turn 🥴
I've got to see this new season of Harlem, but all the points about fertility in this aftershow I'm so glad y'all discussed. As someone that went through 2 IVF cycles, 5 embryo transfers, 1 infant death, 1 miscarriage, currently have a thriving 4 year old son and is pregnant and will give birth to my third child two days after my 40th birthday in April. I hope this conversation continues and people are truly aware of all options available to them when having children.
Seeing Angie’s entire family pour into her was so beautiful! The moment with her mom in the kitchen telling her that she is more than enough made me so emotional.
I loved how melanin rich the whole family was and also how they support and encourage her. However she has clearly been spoiled all her life by her family. Seeing her with her fam really explains her whole personality (good and bad)
As a black man with a black wife that I am concerned about, this is such a refreshing and important conversation. So often in today’s society the narrative is “Do what you want! There are no consequences.”, which gives women a false sense of security. It effectively robs them of the ability tap into resources while everything is good so they don’t end up in a serious situation with little to no knowledge and having to make life changing decisions on the fly.
@@turtlew1019 yea you can tell that this is the message society is sending people because the lady on the panel said she doesn’t want to know what her reproductive health situation is 😅 that was so odd to me. She said she would be fine waiting till she was 50…but would her body be fine with that? Are we even promised to live till 50
Sir, you also need to be concerned with your own reproductive health. The quality and quantity of sperm counts drastically decreases after the age of 35 for a man. Plus, as you get older, it will get more difficult for your partner to conceive a child regardless of her age.
@@sabadaga1 Actually I am. Aside from routine checkups and improving my diet, I do sperm count and quality checks at our local fertility center. Super awkward to do but well worth it. Reproductive health goes both ways in my book.
This literally happened to me a few months ago where it was found I had fibroids and the first thing the female doctor suggested was a hysterectomy not even mentioning other options available. I was HIGHLY offended and felt disrespected. The things we go through as black women is no joke. It’s infuriating.
I love your videos. I am not a black woman or a physical health worker but I am a social worker in immigration and part of my work is about fighting for the rights of my clients. Knowing a bit more is always helpful in that fight with the system
I love this convo. I just turned 40 and no gynecologists ever mentioned to me about my fertility until last year at 39. She asked me what is my birth plan and I was confused and have never even thought about it. I have been grieving a bit since I am not married and don’t want to have kids outside of that. 😢 No one ever even mentioned freezing eggs nothing. I don’t understand. I am moving forward and making sure I have convos with other women. Thank you
I’m 35. I had to do IVF because my husband suffers from male infertility. I’d like to share my best friend’s story. I did IVF at 34. I convinced my 39 year old friend to freeze her eggs. I found an inexpensive clinic and I had great success there. ($3000 for the procedure). She did two rounds and froze 12 eggs right after her 40th birthday in early 2022. 6 months later she went on a girls trip to Dubai. There she met a man and they’ve been dating for the last 5 months. I really think he’s the one. I say all of this to say. Freezing her eggs gave her a little time and that time gave her the freedom to date without feeling pressure.
@@HealthnHoop you’re welcome. Ladies: I know not everyone can afford fertility treatment. CNY Fertility is where I went. I had great success there. If my insurance covered fertility treatment I would have gone to a more private/hands on facility. However, CNY got the job done.
Perhaps, the doctor assumed you learned about biology in schools, and the elder women in your life have talked to you about reproduction and family planning.
@@teresamarie7460 it’s not a doctor’s job to assume anything. That is one of the problems in the medical system. Not everyone made it to Biology and not everyone has elders or elders that care. Doctors need ask questions instead of assuming.
I’m 36 and going through IVF (because my tubes were tied in my previous marriage) and I sometimes cringe when I hear people say they’re fine with waiting until they’re in their late thirties or forties to start thinking about getting pregnant. Obviously it is possible, but how does *everyone* think they’re the exception to the rule, that it will be easy for them, without actually checking their levels of anything? (This goes for all genders!) Science is great, but these procedures are no joke. I really wish people would get informed about their specific bodies instead of saying “well, Naomi Campbell had a baby in her 50s”. You are not Naomi Campbell.
I rarely hear people talk about such private issues to others and generally those people who have trouble would have had trouble at a younger age as well. I do know a lot of women who had babies in their 30s and 40s.
So, let me get this straight, you cringe at other women's choice of time in their life where they choose to have children? Don't get me wrong, I get where you're coming from, but that's a little messed up.
For the majority of my life, I did not want children. I had my first at 27 and the white male doctor told me it wasn’t that bad because I was in pain. The second one caused worse pain lol…but my experiences regarding labor were not terrible. Years later, i had fibroids. A friend also went through this and had a major surgery to save her uterus. I decided on a partial hysterectomy. People tend to feel bad for me when they find out, but I feel so happy to not ever have to worry about becoming pregnant again. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. This is another topic, but men try and impregnate you on purpose or pressure you have kids (with or without marriage)….I felt in control of body after the surgery.
Thank you for posting this video. I am a women's health nurse practitioner and my first time hearing about ovarian reserve testing was actually in nurse practitioner school. I have been in healthcare for 10 years and what I have noticed is that black women are overlooked when it comes to their reproductive and overall health. That is the reason I decided to specialize in women's health. As a black woman I also believe that representation in Healthcare is important.
I had fibroids in my early mid 30's and had a myometomy to remove them and hoped for pregnancy, but never achieved it. It is an invasive surgery and there were at least 90 Lil fibroids on my uterus and it took over 3 hours to remove them and 8 weeks to recovery time. They started to come back and I had another day surgery procedure, late 30's , uteral embolization, and 3 years later at 42 had a particular hysterectomy. I am healthy and well in my 50's. But I hope what you did on this one blessed women and especially Black women to advocate for their health in All of the ways. Take care Shan and keep doing great things and sharing.✌🏾💕
While I definitely never planned on having children in my later 30s and 40s I definitely never thought about my fertility as I got older until my mom started experiencing health issues with fibroids. It started in her very late 30s and got worst as she got older and I think of my mother as one of the strongest and amazing women I know but she was in pain constantly. Eventually it got so bad she had no choice but to get a hysterectomy and one of her ovaries taken out because there was a huge ambiguous mass on it. That scared me at 29. I'm about to be 31 now with an almost 10 month old. I had no issues or problems conceiving on the first try which I am very grateful for, because I most definitely didn't think that was the case. It was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. Ofcourse it made my husband elated too but it was really for me. I don't know how I would have felt later in life if I didn't have a child of my own. Now I'm debating on if I want to give my son a sibling while I still have time, because raising a child is a huge responsibility.
I'm 44 and I just started with IVF. I have a 23 year old daughter, but I have been trying for 14 years for a second child. Untill a year ago I did not have the financial possibility to start IVF. I live in the Netherlands, but due to my age (above 42), I had to start my treatment in Spain. It's half the cost I would pay in the Netherlands and my chances of succes are much higher there. My AMH level is 1.5 and I suffer from multiple myoma in the uterus and that does not make my journey easier. I wish I had my eggs frozen when I was younger. I only have 10% chance to have a succesful treatment with my own eggs. I am not mentally ready to use an egg from a donor. Ladies if you are not sure please freeze your eggs. When you are older there is nothing you can do to get more. What is gone is gone. Greetings from the Netherlands
This! even in het Nederlands hoor ik wilde me eitjes in laten vriezen vorig jaar op 37 jarige leeftijd maar mijn amh waarde is extreem laag, ik ben mentaal ook niet klaar voor een donor ei en zelfs niet eens mentaal ready om het bijv. in België te doen want telefonisch maakt mijn waarde voor hen niet uit.... Deze video zet me wel weer aan het denken en ga het proces toch weer aan, eerst een second opinion in NL dan mogelijk naar België ( ik ben overigens wel op 35 bijna 36 jarige leeftijd spontaan zwanger geworden... ) dus die lage waarde was echt een klap voor mij ....... Jij iniedergeval heel veel succes met je behandelingen.....
This was very interesting, especially the group convo. I think Black culture and norms have made us so reliant on faith and miracles that we sometimes deny science. Yes, miracles do happen. But I just don't think it's smart to make expecting a miracle baby part of family planning.
YES!! As someone that went through IVF ignorance does not help your chances especially if you want to have children. You need to know the facts so we can plan accordingly.
Thank you for saying this. I will be 39 this year. I am not married, I don’t have children, but I want children. I realized I waited for years thinking a miracle would happen. Here I am and it still hasn’t happened. People tell us, oh you’re young, I know someone who had a baby at 45. My GYN says yeah people have babies older but they won’t tell you how many miscarriages they had before the healthy baby came. My GYN and infertility doctor said do it before 40, otherwise your chances will decrease and the likelihood of defects will increase. Thank you for saying this because I was feeling so discouraged by the voices of others.
I feel like this is very important for women that are pregnant. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH TWINS!!!! You do not need to have a C-section or get an epidural to give birth to your twins. I went to an OB/GYN, and I was told that I would die giving birth to my daughters if I did it naturally (note there was nothing wrong with my body or my uterus) so I would have to get an epidural or C-section. I gave birth to my twin daughters completely naturally with zero medications. It is possible and do not be forced to have a C-section just because we’re having twins. ❤❤❤❤❤
I work in Labor and delivery and have worked in Healthcare for nearly 20 years. Csections are more money for them, this is a fact. I believe it's the reason they push them more now.
One thing I learned going through the first part of ivf to get my eggs to then freeze is that not every egg is viable . People assume if a doctor says oh you have 30 eggs! Maybe only 5 are good So it’s def important to stay educated , ask questions and then share with others
Shan thank you for this!❤ These conversations are so powerful and needed, especially with fertility, it's such a delicate topic and everyone should feel seen/safe ❤
Even sometimes when you freeze your eggs it’s still not guaranteed a baby will be the result. I’m 41 and now trying for a baby. It’s not easy . The lady who says she doesn’t want to know that’s strange . She may want to get her ovarian reserve checked now .
I believe I am my husband's best lover, not particularly because of my tricks but because the way we connect. He has expressed to me no other woman has taken the time to get to know every inch of his body like I have. And he has done the same in return. Talking about intimacy and pleasure with your partner is definitely a must! It's the only way everyone is going to be happy in the end. Shan has taught me different ways to have some of the uncomfortable convos and it has been so worth it!
29 and pregnant with my second. I lost my first child 10 months ago at 28 due to preterm labor at 21 weeks caused by an incompetent cervix I was diagnosed with 2 days before my lost. Just saying this to mention that even when you become pregnant things can go wrong so be sure to advocate for yourself and make sure you have the best medical team possible during pregnancy. After watching this video Im keeping this knowledge in mind for future family planning
Listen, I had a Black OBGYN with my last pregnancy and it was a HORRIBLE experience. (Unfortunately, my other Obstetrician retired in between my pregnancies. She was white and she was amazing!) I am not saying that race is not a major factor, but the Black doctor literally almost killed me because she ignored my concerns. She even went as far as to tell her staff that I worried too much thus, causing her staff to ignore my concerns as well. I told her about my symptoms, but I was ignored although I was a HIGH RISK pregnancy. Long story short, I developed Postpartum Preeclampsia 11 days after delivery and almost died!!! I was readmitted to the hospital and had to stay for 3 days. I had such a bad case of it that I had to be on blood pressure medication for 8 months after delivery! All praise be to Yahuah that I am still here! My experience with her was SOOO traumatizing that I didn't even do my 6 week follow up appointment with that crazy "doctor". Take my word for it, RACE DOES NOT MATTER as much as experience does. The OBGYN for my first 3 children had 30 years in the field. The obstetrician for my 4th had probably just 8-10 yrs of experience. I am as BLACK as they come, but when it comes to what I have experienced, the medical experience of the physician FAR outweighs the color of their skin. I know what history has proven and that the mortality rate for Black women far outweighs that of any other race in a developed country, but Black doctors have played a role in that startling statistic as well. The way that we treat each other is shameful smh. Ladies just advocate for yourselves, be well informed, use discernment and listen to your bodies! That is the BEST advice.
AMEN. The black OB/GYN I had was condescending and looked down on me for some reason. Even my boyfriend was shocked when I brought him to an appointment. After that, I was done with her. The non-black female doc i have now listens to my concerns, and hasn’t suggested anything drastic like the last one did.
@@roxywyndham Again, I beg to differ. Experience and bedside manner matter the most. Black women should have physicians who respect us and listen to our concerns. Unfortunately, just because a doctor is Black doesn't mean they are better qualified or happen to care more. SMH
Shan. THANK YOU FOR THIS. My hope is that every black woman finds this video. We often aren't told about all the options we have. If one takes the time to hear the truth of their health situation, one can make more educated decisions.
Chile. I had a baby @ 42. My cousins had babies @ 39 and 38. I know someone having a baby @ 48. All natural, no interventions. Fertility is very individual and I really don't think ppl know as much as they think they know.
@K FontenetteIAM I, personally, wonder if this data is based on WW. Like we know that BW tend to have more fibroids than WW, I wonder if we have a longer fertility window than they do?
@@k.rebuilding I wonder that as well. A part of my day job for the last 8 years is collecting and analyzing data. I have not gotten into this topic as much. Partly because it’s overwhelming when it comes what women are needed and expected to do by a certain age when so much of what I have seen is based on a individuals body and not so much their age. I have had conversations with women that have fibroids but because of where they are placed they don’t have the same bleeding issues I have or any issues at all. At the same time even with my fibroids my Doctor is like “ You are completely fine to have a child” but I am not married yet so I won’t just be randomly popping out babies until I am. That’s in GODs timing not mine. My sister just had a healthy baby boy at 44. My mother was told she would never be able to have children. She had 4 of us and gave birth to the last one (healthy baby) at 42. It’s all about the life that’s meant for you to live. Sorry for my rant lol.
@K FontenetteIAM I love the rant! My story is similar. I have fibroids and PCOS. I was told I'd never have babies naturally. I have 2 . Naturally. I had my oldest with my 1st husband and my second with my second and then I closed up shop. Both children were healthy, but both were considered high risk. The first bc of my large fibroids and the second bc the placenta implanted over the cervix. She really was an emergency. That's why I won't have any more. Although there were complications, it was not in the conceiving department.
@@k.rebuilding I’m so glad you are your babies are healthy. If I am blessed to get married I only want 2. Healthy twins would be even better 🤣. There are sooooo many different stories. And I wish more focus would be put on women just living a healthy life and let God be GOD. One my friend’s said to me “ you are so calm about the child thing “ and I said “why should I panic? “ I love kids. I have nieces, a nephew now, and a Godson. I’ve been called Momma and Auntie more than I can count by the students have worked with and still work with. We have to just let life flow. It will surprise you in good ways.
I was just going ti write this! RUSHing women into having kids is NOT the answer. Being and finding a quality partner should be far more of a focus. Being a single mother is NOT it! I don’t believe it’s fair on the child. If I’m not married , I’m not having kids.
Best answer. But don't stop dating either, you might find someone that is a good and fits what you're looking for. By the way you sounded like you work in the IT or project Management field
This episode really hit home because I do have low ovarian reserve, and I'm only 32. We also have a Male fertility factor so we had to skip i.u.i and go straight to i.v.f. I did 2 rounds and they were unsuccessful. It's a lot to handle this kind of news and you do feel alone.
Interesting topic, last week I was asking my family doctor about this and getting tested (it is difficult to get a ob-gyn where I am) and his reply was: ''you ask strange questions, no one asked me that before...'' I'm so over this unbothered medical approach. Also, a holistic healer explained that fibroids are also a result of trauma and trauma can be intergenerational. My theory would be that black women have faced a lot of trauma throughout decades, centuries and unhealed trauma can be passed down... I'm no specialist, just a thought...
I’m happy this conversation exist because it’s a lot of pressure to think about both ends-like do you have the kids now and follow after my dreams fully, or vice versa? I feel like there’s been alot of disingenuous rhetoric that we can wait and it will be fine when the truth is it’s always harder-not that you can’t but just harder. Harder to conceive, harder to carry full term, harder in recovery etc.
I think this is fair and it’s important to acknowledge that we should be proactive and take advantage of the resources that can help us avoid worst case scenarios…but i do want to say as someone who had a baby at 37…i got pregnant by accident, had an incident free pregnancy (other than common morning sickness, depression, syatic nerve pain etc), my delivery was so incredibly easy and thus recovery was non existent. My baby is 6 months postpartum and I’m back to my pre pregnancy size as if I had my babies at 15. I hope this comment is not annoying as fuck bc say this to say older moms should be aware of what’s probable but also we don’t need to pretend like a really good experience in older age is not possible.
@@shanboody Just today I got harassed by someone who was adamant that easy pregnancies at older age are extremely rare. It was a guy. He based his opinion on a Netflix documentary. Enough said.
@@shanboody I didn’t taken any offense. And when I say older I mean like 45-53. The most know example is Namoi-she’s 50 and has a baby and they make it seem like that’s our new normal and “get the bag sis, life happens after __” like I just don’t like this new narrative that we have so much time and can wait until our early 40’s to 50’s
@@daughterofyah6209 Well, if people are having babies at 44 years of age, they have had plenty of time to excel at their careers. Now, their career is to excel at mothering.
I am 40, didn't freeze my eggs. Thought I would be OK. Learnt late that my partner has issues mainly because men always think it's the woman and delay testing until the end. Found out during the pandemic, turned 40.. Now here I am. Not sure about ivf....
Thank you Shan for this video! I’ve followed your work for a long time. This topic has been on my mind recently and I’ve only admitted it to two friends. I’m happy to have stumbled across this video because it’s given me good information to start with. Having a practitioner who shares my culture and understanding is nice. I’ve been lucky enough to have that experience with my last Primary Care physician who was AfroCaribbean like myself. She understood the typical diets and mindset of the community I was raised in and considered this when approaching my health. However, my OBGYN is not of the same race as me and I feel just as supported by her. I think it’s important to note if a practitioner of any sort makes you feel seen and heard they’re a good fit. If you don’t, then seek another option who will be the best fit for you.
I honestly think fibroids are caused by layers of unresolved stress, so in turn fibroids appear. I am not a doctor but it bothers me why doctors don't know the cause of fibroids if they are benign.
Thank you so much for this enlightening episode. I've been curious about IVF and freezing my eggs but have gotten the brush-off. I'm 37 and know now that I still have options. I will be talking to my OB-GYN to get started on this path especially since I have been diagnosed with endometriosis which can have an effect on my fertility. This was awesome! I've even discovered now that my health insurance might cover part of the bill for egg freezing. Thanks for this awesome work!!
Freezing eggs isn't even an option for a lot of people due to financial reasons. You have to pay yearly to keep them frozen... It's a no for me. If it were higher on my list of priorities, then I would consider it.
They act the same way when you want to get tested for HPV cancer in less than the 3 year recommended wait period. They act like you're wasting your time and their time by getting tested early! It's so sad because a lot of times HPV cancer has no symptoms and you could possible live with it for years before being diagnosed due to the time span they make women wait to get another test. 😢
Hey Shan, I had watched the video you did about re vamping personal style and may I just take some time to say... Girl looking good. I've noticed your wardrobe in quite a few videos and the style is popping. And um this cream coloured dress.... Baby... I'll stop myself before I say too much more. But yeah, go Shan! and go Team! Thanks to everyone who puts all this together. Can't wait to watch more Harlem with you all.
I totally hear you! And no matter what people say. I think it matters. Who wants to be the mother who works full time without seeing their kids or the mother on benefits or rushing to marry a guy for kids then end up as a single mother. As much as I really believe what they are saying is true. I think everyone is on their own journey and becomig the best mum and finding the best partner before having kids is just as important as having them
😂… I’m not laughing at you I promise but this was the most blunt and honest comment. It’s so important that you put that first. Having a child but not having a stable environment to put them in gives them a negative start in life.
I find this interesting knowing so many black mothers that have had babies well into their 40s, 50s and 60s with Zero complications ❤ we all know an aunt and niece who are about the same age 😂 Generally speaking I honestly feel the age thing applies more so to European women than our community. Now they’re are some ppl who’ve gotten plenty of abortions in their 20s
The ppl with abortions may have messed up their ovaries and that’s planned parenthood purposely doing so for population control. Other than that Overall we are naturally fertile well into our 60s. These days we just choose to not have children my grandmother was very fertile my mom and aunt are nearly 20 years apart and my father and his aunts are all around the same age 😂
Change your diet, partner if necessary and IVF if you need it. Don't bring a child into crappy circumstances and claim it's a blessing because its not. You loose 90% of your eggs by 20 so lets be realistic however as black women we seem to defy science sometimes!
I totally hear you! And no matter what people say. I think it matters. Who wants to be the mother who works full time without seeing their kids or the mother on benefits or rushing to marry a guy for kids then end up as a single mother. As much as I really believe what they are saying is true. I think everyone is on their own journey and becomig the best mum and finding the best partner before having kids is just as important as having them
@@MRLX54 I totally agree with you! Im actually pro life, so if me myself i got pregnant, i will have the child no matter what. But choosing the right partner i think is for sure something to put on high priority above circumstance, age etc.
@@YASMINOGBU Yes of course choosing the right partner is optimal! Having a healthy relationship with others comes from having a healthy relationship with yourself first.
@@MRLX54 100% ! On the subject, Ive seen alot of videos on people not understanding why women have kids 30+ and older. I've been trying to tell people there are a million reasons. 1 not finding the right partner, other is dating a partner in their twenties in hopes to get married then dumped in their thirties to have to start looking again. So many different reasons. Its really sad. I feel this subject should be handled with far more compassion when spoken about, especially when men speak on it 😆
So funny because i thought i was doing something by having a black OB-GYN. I wasn’t feeling tip top and had to go in for a second opinion. That’s when my PCOS diagnosis came from my white NP. She’s amazing, awesome and extremely knowledgeable. I’m really upset that it took me 15+ years to get this diagnosis.
Funny, I had a black OB/GYN too. I dropped that zero when she told me I need a hysterectomy for my fibroids. The non-black lady i got now is working out well. It’s not about the skin color. I don’t know what it’s about, but it ain’t the color.
Well as for me I was pregnant with my 4th baby @ 39 had him when I was 40 he was healthy and so was I my Dr kept saying Qq you're body is doing great for a 40 yr old woman 🌷🌷🌷♥️♥️💓💓💜
Great information... I think it would have been beneficially to discuss cost of these options a bit more in detail. It felt like it was glossed over here
Getting ready for another round of IVF this year. It is a very hard process both physically and mentally. I honestly did not think of fertility health as a younger woman. I found myself pregnant by accident at 36 and subsequently loss my son at 27 weeks pregnant. It’s been a struggle every since. While I do not wish this on any family whose desire is to start or grow their family, fertility education is wealth. Also it was very important to identify to black fertility provider which has been instrumental in this journey. She gets ME! She treats ME! Having these conversations on this platform or as seen on this episode of Harlem is how we empower ourselves and I’m grateful to see more black women openly share our fertility pains and successes.❤
Interesting. My mom friend 55 got pregnant, children were grown husband a little older and yes she had the baby healthy too. Her son is now in his late 20s. It depends, I believe. I had my son young and daughter in my 30s it really depends on your health. Many woman are waiting now since career and want to marry later in life. Definitely true about the fibroids. I had a female Obgyn tell me that. I said to her it’s various options and no I’m not doing any unnecessary surgeries. Never went back to her again.And I didn’t need a surgery. I just changed my diet, resigned from my stressful/toxic job some time ago and fibroids went down and some eliminated too. So important to research and find out your options then decide what’s best for you. Ask questions etc. This is great to open up the conversation on family, reproduction and health for woman to be aware as well as educated. That’s the first time hearing about ovary reserve test. Will ck out Harlem. ❤
I'm so glad this topic is being discussed, I'm way past childbearing years. I had fibroids and it was very risky for me to have children. Thank God I had 2 healthy children in my late 20's, college grad with a career in healthcare. I had a hysterectomy at age of 32 when most women are in the prime of their career. It wasn't something I wanted to do, I felt pressured. I'm glad young women have more choices, but biology rules.. :)
i wanted to freeze my eggs last year at 37 but my reserve is very low my country doesnt do it but when i was 35 two months away from 36 i became naturally pregnant it was such a shock that my reserve was low i always thought i was very fertile since the age of 16 i thought that ... now i have to see if another country does it but im gonna have a second opnion in my country first ...
Get them abroad in middle-high income countries that value maternity. It can be cheaper than in the US (up to 1/3 the price) and as high quality as in the US
Same. If I dont listen to anything else I will listen to my body. God bless my mind and heart as well as spirit, and god bless the woman with the strength to bless this world TWICE!
I would suggest also looking into other countries for IVF.. countries that are known as baby factories or that have a religious connection with children. for example in the UAE and Arabic countries their goal is always to preserve your ability to have children due to their belief of it being connected to GOD... UAE, Bharain, Oman , kuwait, large cities for the hospital care. the prices are less and the care for these things are very good.
To be honest… a lot of us have experienced this in real life. We have had awful experiences at the Dr but we chose not to say anything about it! When I spoke about my experiences, people looked at me like I was crazy! After my experiences prior to the pani… I changed all of my providers to black, women, or black women . The other population would not listen because they didn’t believe that we or I had “pain”!
This popped up on my feed. Won an ivf treatment valued at $6k at 41, it failed, had my baby at 43 after acupuncture and one vaginal steam after 4 years of trying.
So, when someone says they want to test for 'everything', and they don't have any symptoms or risk factors there's actually no point and could end up with a lot of false positives because even tumour markers are raised for a variety of reasons other than cancers. This can lead to overinvestigation which in and of itself can sometimes be fetal as some investigation methods are invasive. For example ca125- raised in ovarian cancer but also raises in pregnancy, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, liver cirrhosis, pregnancy etc. So no, it's not helpful to do it just randomly. False positives can also lead to a lot of anxiety and decreased quality of life
But we cannot decide for people based on the amount of stress and anxiety we think they would have. I'm pretty sure her doctors could test her.. And tell her the many possibilities of these findings just as you've mentioned. As long as she knows where she stands and improves her quality of life, diet, exercise, vitamins etc. Then they could schedule tests from time to time maybe twice a year to track the findings and whether or not they require more action at that stage
@Shanboody Fibroids in black women are caused by low vitamin D levels which is very common in people with darker skin tones, there is a video on youtube that explains it. th-cam.com/video/Bu5EU3W1SCk/w-d-xo.html
My mum got pregnant with our last born at @48 years....If she still gets her period nothing is ruled out haaaaa but if the man is shooting blanks haahahahah thats a different situation
Sooo you're saying women should not rely on their biological clock or mad Scientists to create life because your mother and a few other ladies have naturally conceived in their late 40s.
Can we talk about how the doctor created hesitation with the IUD though? IUDs can be removed just like any other form of birth control. I was under the same impression that I had to not choose an IUD if children were in my near future. My doctor assured me that if IUD was my preferred method of birth control for right now, it can still be used even if I decide in the short term to TTC.
I know someone who's and l&d nurse. The amount of women, daily, she comes in contact with that had to get fertility treatments in their late 20s and early 30s because of the scaring and scar tissue the IUD caused, is pretty wild.
IUDs are a little scary to me..I know people who got pregnant with them or had to get them surgically removed. However, a close friend got pregnant within a couple months of removing hers.
My interpretation of the scene: Dr knows Camille and wants to ensure that an IUD would be the best option for her. IUDs can be left in for as long as 10 years (depending on the brand).
@@sodamnsexy16 I think it depends on the type. The best are non hormonal. I had one after my second son and it was there for four years until I took them out to have my last son. I had absolutely no difficulty getting pregnant the next month as soon as I start TTC. I was 35 at that time
If you don't meet your person until later in life it's not something you can control. Better that than getting pregnant with the wrong person just to have kids early. And then the kids end up facing divorce etc. Unfortunately with the way society is it's harder to find good people who want to settle down and so this is a reality many women face. Especially since men feel they have all the time in the world.
The fact is, you just NEVER know. I know someone who is in their late 30s and got pregnant by accident and had a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I know someone that same age who struggled and had to do IVF and the baby had Down Sydrome. I have friends who had kids in their 20s and are now struggling to have more in their late 30s and I have friends who found out in their teens that they can’t have kids. The point is everyone is different and things may change over time. Just be aware of that and make your decision accordingly. Don’t shame anyone for whatever they choose to do.
Facts... I'm married to a Nigerian and around a lot of West Africans. I've seen some of them having babies in their 50s who are perfectly healthy!
Agreed. It’s so much that goes along with this topic. Genetics etc. Every women’s body has a different story no matter age even though those general facts are put about a woman’s body and what it does. It will ALL be different for each woman. You have women who are 40 and 45 who are fertile as heck.
Know your body. Get check ups. Go yearly for what you need. If you want to get something looked at do that! Know your body.
Loved this ! This is so true.
Learn the difference between possibility vs probability . This is how woman always mess themselves up
@@illrizzocgg1009 that part! 💯
I'm glad this conversation happened. When I was 26 a doctor told me that I had cancer cells again on my cervix and went straight to let's do a coneoscopy. Now for those unfamiliar with the procedure it's when they punch a hole in your cervix to get rid of the cells , but you can't carry children once it's done. I was devastated. It was my mother who said get your files and get a 2nd opinion. I got a 2nd and a 3rd. That's when I learned that that procedure is not the first thing you are to do especially at that age. And that that was md board law. I retested and I was in the clear. This dr almost ruined my life. I looked her up and found out she lost her license in NJ for a botched delivery of a black woman's child but unfortunately was able to carry a license still in another state. It is so important when it comes to your health that you get a 2nd opinion if it's gonna be a life changing event and to always be an advocate for yourself.
I had pre cancer cells, fibroids and cysts. My cysts were pretty big and the doctor at the time told me to do surgery to get them removed. She said if they were too big there was a possibility she might have to take out my ovaries all together. I told my spouse and he was totally against it. I started doing my own research and changing my diet. I opted out of the surgery and thank God I did because a month later I got pregnant. Now I have two sons.
What kind of cyst was it like PCOS?
I wished I gotten a second opinion. I had endometriosis at age 25 and had surgery. I was young and had just been accepted to nursing school. After years later I was diagnosed with POF. I got all my medical records and cried at what I learned they had done. Til this day, I have a scar from navel to pubic area that other Dr's gasp when they see it and ask, "Why did they cut you this way?". I've written letter to the Dr who did the surgery years later, never heard a response.
@@AngelasTravelAdventures I am so sorry that happened to you
I had cyst on my ovaries and something in me told me not to trust the doctor to zap them. I didn’t trust her. I continued to prolong the procedure and eventually got a second opinion. Before that I decided to change my diet and exercise more. No more dairy, sugar, alcohol meat or caffeine. For some reason they triggered them to grow. I’m pretty sure there were other alternatives but I trusted my intuition. That vibrational frequency never lies. The cyst stopped growing. I’m on baby number 2 naturally after 5 years of trying and never been on birth control ever. All I know is I wouldn’t trust a lot of doctors be trillions were spent on medication and barely anything on healing and actually teaching us how to heal ourselves.
The topic of doctors dismissing patients could be expanded on so much. At age 23 I became naturally pregnant with triplets and was admitted to “the best high risk pregnancy hospital” in Denver. I was currently on Medicaid insurance as well as my mother’s insurance. I went into labor at 24 weeks and went to the hospital explaining how much pain and discomfort I was in and they told me it was normal, it was “musculoskeletal pains” and they told me I was fine. They dismissed what I was saying and acted as if I was just being a young, weak 23yo who doesn’t know what real pain feels like and they sent me home with drugs. Next day I came back because the pain is worse, they do a vaginal ultrasound and find out that one of my three babies had been stuck in the birth canal w/o oxygen for too long and had passed. My other two boys were born three weeks later and have ZERO issues to this day, not even an allergy. This was by far the worst part of my two months in that hospital, but there were MANY other pieces to this puzzle that made it a horrific experience. Pushiness, belittling, dismissing, giving us straight up incorrect/opposite information for how to care for our boys regarding breastfeeding and circumcision just to name a few.
💔
Did you pursue a lawsuit against that hospital?
We wanted to try to, and consulted a couple lawyers about it but based on our story they didn’t think we had anything to go on.
@@MadisonStuczynski3a1 Wow! It doesn't make sense. Earlier treatment may have saved your baby but they never investigated your complaints. Where is the accountability? I'm so sorry for your loss.
Well I appreciate that. I truly just think it was because we were a young, unmarried couple living in a low income area of Denver and I didn’t have a job at the time. I got pregnant like a month and a half after being there. I just felt no one took us seriously.
I resonate with Quinn because I’ve often felt like what I want doesn’t want me and I’ve felt hopeless and just not knowing what to do and how to move forward.
This has been my experience. I've only been in one serious relationship. He ended it. I've been single for 7 years. No prospects in sight at all. Men don't see me. In my late thirties now. The fear of being alone forever consumes me. I am an only child myself. Recently I began to accept that I may just be single and childless because hoping and wishing was driving me crazy and making me depressed. I definitely still have my moments. I am no one's priority and the less than handful of friends I have must put their husbands/BF/ children first understandably. I've suffered with fibroids for a few years putting off removing them because I did not want to risk damage to my uterus. I finally decided to have the surgery this year. No reason to be in both emotional and physical pain. I'm just done and want my desires for marriage and to bear children to be nonexistent as it has caused me nothing but emotional pain and suffering.
Yea, I relate to Quinn. That unrequited love, is difficult going both ways. And the line was she said that she was just too much of her or two extra that hit hard to.
@@NadiaPink that line hit me too.
@@corden84 I’m in no position to give advice but I feel my best when I focus on what brings me joy. I’m not married but I attract great experiences and relationships with men when I’m focused on me. When I shift my focus to them too much that’s when things take a turn 🥴
@corenadeniece please don’t give up on your dreams!!
I've got to see this new season of Harlem, but all the points about fertility in this aftershow I'm so glad y'all discussed. As someone that went through 2 IVF cycles, 5 embryo transfers, 1 infant death, 1 miscarriage, currently have a thriving 4 year old son and is pregnant and will give birth to my third child two days after my 40th birthday in April. I hope this conversation continues and people are truly aware of all options available to them when having children.
Seeing Angie’s entire family pour into her was so beautiful! The moment with her mom in the kitchen telling her that she is more than enough made me so emotional.
Agreed beautifully
Yes I loved that scene it made me feel good. Loved it 💕🌸
I even recorded a video of it to keep it because it’s so encouraging and beautiful
I loved how melanin rich the whole family was and also how they support and encourage her. However she has clearly been spoiled all her life by her family. Seeing her with her fam really explains her whole personality (good and bad)
It was the most beautiful moment of the show. Angie's my favourite this season!
As a black man with a black wife that I am concerned about, this is such a refreshing and important conversation. So often in today’s society the narrative is “Do what you want! There are no consequences.”, which gives women a false sense of security. It effectively robs them of the ability tap into resources while everything is good so they don’t end up in a serious situation with little to no knowledge and having to make life changing decisions on the fly.
Same here!! Agree!
@@turtlew1019 yea you can tell that this is the message society is sending people because the lady on the panel said she doesn’t want to know what her reproductive health situation is 😅 that was so odd to me. She said she would be fine waiting till she was 50…but would her body be fine with that? Are we even promised to live till 50
Sir, you also need to be concerned with your own reproductive health. The quality and quantity of sperm counts drastically decreases after the age of 35 for a man. Plus, as you get older, it will get more difficult for your partner to conceive a child regardless of her age.
That isn’t the narrative, so you know how many of us have endometriosis, pcos, fibro etc… we do plenty to look out for our health.
@@sabadaga1 Actually I am. Aside from routine checkups and improving my diet, I do sperm count and quality checks at our local fertility center. Super awkward to do but well worth it. Reproductive health goes both ways in my book.
This literally happened to me a few months ago where it was found I had fibroids and the first thing the female doctor suggested was a hysterectomy not even mentioning other options available. I was HIGHLY offended and felt disrespected. The things we go through as black women is no joke. It’s infuriating.
I love your videos. I am not a black woman or a physical health worker but I am a social worker in immigration and part of my work is about fighting for the rights of my clients. Knowing a bit more is always helpful in that fight with the system
I love this convo. I just turned 40 and no gynecologists ever mentioned to me about my fertility until last year at 39. She asked me what is my birth plan and I was confused and have never even thought about it. I have been grieving a bit since I am not married and don’t want to have kids outside of that. 😢
No one ever even mentioned freezing eggs nothing. I don’t understand. I am moving forward and making sure I have convos with other women.
Thank you
I’m 35. I had to do IVF because my husband suffers from male infertility. I’d like to share my best friend’s story.
I did IVF at 34. I convinced my 39 year old friend to freeze her eggs. I found an inexpensive clinic and I had great success there. ($3000 for the procedure). She did two rounds and froze 12 eggs right after her 40th birthday in early 2022. 6 months later she went on a girls trip to Dubai. There she met a man and they’ve been dating for the last 5 months. I really think he’s the one.
I say all of this to say. Freezing her eggs gave her a little time and that time gave her the freedom to date without feeling pressure.
@@SS-lb5dk Thank you for sharing. You did not have to think of me to give me encouragement. 🥰It means a lot.
@@HealthnHoop you’re welcome.
Ladies: I know not everyone can afford fertility treatment. CNY Fertility is where I went. I had great success there. If my insurance covered fertility treatment I would have gone to a more private/hands on facility. However, CNY got the job done.
Perhaps, the doctor assumed you learned about biology in schools, and the elder women in your life have talked to you about reproduction and family planning.
@@teresamarie7460 it’s not a doctor’s job to assume anything. That is one of the problems in the medical system. Not everyone made it to Biology and not everyone has elders or elders that care. Doctors need ask questions instead of assuming.
I’m 36 and going through IVF (because my tubes were tied in my previous marriage) and I sometimes cringe when I hear people say they’re fine with waiting until they’re in their late thirties or forties to start thinking about getting pregnant. Obviously it is possible, but how does *everyone* think they’re the exception to the rule, that it will be easy for them, without actually checking their levels of anything? (This goes for all genders!) Science is great, but these procedures are no joke. I really wish people would get informed about their specific bodies instead of saying “well, Naomi Campbell had a baby in her 50s”. You are not Naomi Campbell.
Tell em 💯💯💯💯
Yup!
I rarely hear people talk about such private issues to others and generally those people who have trouble would have had trouble at a younger age as well. I do know a lot of women who had babies in their 30s and 40s.
So, let me get this straight, you cringe at other women's choice of time in their life where they choose to have children? Don't get me wrong, I get where you're coming from, but that's a little messed up.
@@daphnefournier2392 dont take her seriously. She had her tubes tied, regrets her decision and now SHES having trouble.
For the majority of my life, I did not want children. I had my first at 27 and the white male doctor told me it wasn’t that bad because I was in pain. The second one caused worse pain lol…but my experiences regarding labor were not terrible. Years later, i had fibroids. A friend also went through this and had a major surgery to save her uterus. I decided on a partial hysterectomy. People tend to feel bad for me when they find out, but I feel so happy to not ever have to worry about becoming pregnant again. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. This is another topic, but men try and impregnate you on purpose or pressure you have kids (with or without marriage)….I felt in control of body after the surgery.
❤️ happy for you
Thank you for posting this video. I am a women's health nurse practitioner and my first time hearing about ovarian reserve testing was actually in nurse practitioner school. I have been in healthcare for 10 years and what I have noticed is that black women are overlooked when it comes to their reproductive and overall health. That is the reason I decided to specialize in women's health. As a black woman I also believe that representation in Healthcare is important.
I had fibroids in my early mid 30's and had a myometomy to remove them and hoped for pregnancy, but never achieved it. It is an invasive surgery and there were at least 90 Lil fibroids on my uterus and it took over 3 hours to remove them and 8 weeks to recovery time. They started to come back and I had another day surgery procedure, late 30's , uteral embolization, and 3 years later at 42 had a particular hysterectomy. I am healthy and well in my 50's. But I hope what you did on this one blessed women and especially Black women to advocate for their health in All of the ways. Take care Shan and keep doing great things and sharing.✌🏾💕
While I definitely never planned on having children in my later 30s and 40s I definitely never thought about my fertility as I got older until my mom started experiencing health issues with fibroids. It started in her very late 30s and got worst as she got older and I think of my mother as one of the strongest and amazing women I know but she was in pain constantly. Eventually it got so bad she had no choice but to get a hysterectomy and one of her ovaries taken out because there was a huge ambiguous mass on it. That scared me at 29. I'm about to be 31 now with an almost 10 month old. I had no issues or problems conceiving on the first try which I am very grateful for, because I most definitely didn't think that was the case. It was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. Ofcourse it made my husband elated too but it was really for me. I don't know how I would have felt later in life if I didn't have a child of my own. Now I'm debating on if I want to give my son a sibling while I still have time, because raising a child is a huge responsibility.
Coming a mother of one , not by my decision, give the child a sibling if you are healthy. Your children will thank you later.
I'm 44 and I just started with IVF. I have a 23 year old daughter, but I have been trying for 14 years for a second child. Untill a year ago I did not have the financial possibility to start IVF. I live in the Netherlands, but due to my age (above 42), I had to start my treatment in Spain.
It's half the cost I would pay in the Netherlands and my chances of succes are much higher there. My AMH level is 1.5 and I suffer from multiple myoma in the uterus and that does not make my journey easier. I wish I had my eggs frozen when I was younger. I only have 10% chance to have a succesful treatment with my own eggs. I am not mentally ready to use an egg from a donor. Ladies if you are not sure please freeze your eggs. When you are older there is nothing you can do to get more. What is gone is gone. Greetings from the Netherlands
Groetjes, en succes met je behandelingen.
@@zionb5342 Dankjewel!
This! even in het Nederlands hoor ik wilde me eitjes in laten vriezen vorig jaar op 37 jarige leeftijd maar mijn amh waarde is extreem laag, ik ben mentaal ook niet klaar voor een donor ei en zelfs niet eens mentaal ready om het bijv. in België te doen want telefonisch maakt mijn waarde voor hen niet uit.... Deze video zet me wel weer aan het denken en ga het proces toch weer aan, eerst een second opinion in NL dan mogelijk naar België ( ik ben overigens wel op 35 bijna 36 jarige leeftijd spontaan zwanger geworden... ) dus die lage waarde was echt een klap voor mij ....... Jij iniedergeval heel veel succes met je behandelingen.....
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
This was very interesting, especially the group convo. I think Black culture and norms have made us so reliant on faith and miracles that we sometimes deny science. Yes, miracles do happen. But I just don't think it's smart to make expecting a miracle baby part of family planning.
YES!! As someone that went through IVF ignorance does not help your chances especially if you want to have children. You need to know the facts so we can plan accordingly.
Hey Lailah, I love your channel too👋🏽
Lailah I love your podcast you are one of my favorites. Glad to see you here ! Had to let you know I love your take on all of today's topics
True , miracles happen but God wants us to use wisdom as well.
Thank you for saying this. I will be 39 this year. I am not married, I don’t have children, but I want children. I realized I waited for years thinking a miracle would happen. Here I am and it still hasn’t happened. People tell us, oh you’re young, I know someone who had a baby at 45. My GYN says yeah people have babies older but they won’t tell you how many miscarriages they had before the healthy baby came. My GYN and infertility doctor said do it before 40, otherwise your chances will decrease and the likelihood of defects will increase. Thank you for saying this because I was feeling so discouraged by the voices of others.
I feel like this is very important for women that are pregnant. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH TWINS!!!! You do not need to have a C-section or get an epidural to give birth to your twins. I went to an OB/GYN, and I was told that I would die giving birth to my daughters if I did it naturally (note there was nothing wrong with my body or my uterus) so I would have to get an epidural or C-section. I gave birth to my twin daughters completely naturally with zero medications. It is possible and do not be forced to have a C-section just because we’re having twins. ❤❤❤❤❤
You never hear this! I’ve been surprised to learn this recently having a sibling and 2 friends who all had c-sections with their twin births.
Insane, that they lied to you like that.
Thank you for passing along info. Theyre always trying to corner you into one possibility and not even provide any word of alternatives
I work in Labor and delivery and have worked in Healthcare for nearly 20 years. Csections are more money for them, this is a fact. I believe it's the reason they push them more now.
Amazing ❤️
One thing I learned going through the first part of ivf to get my eggs to then freeze is that not every egg is viable . People assume if a doctor says oh you have 30 eggs! Maybe only 5 are good
So it’s def important to stay educated , ask questions and then share with others
Shan thank you for this!❤ These conversations are so powerful and needed, especially with fertility, it's such a delicate topic and everyone should feel seen/safe ❤
Even sometimes when you freeze your eggs it’s still not guaranteed a baby will be the result. I’m 41 and now trying for a baby. It’s not easy . The lady who says she doesn’t want to know that’s strange . She may want to get her ovarian reserve checked now .
I feel like she may know something is going on and may be in slight denial.
@@YvetteCousin Perhaps, she thinks her results will make her desperate and choose an incompatible mate to have a baby before it's too late.
I believe I am my husband's best lover, not particularly because of my tricks but because the way we connect. He has expressed to me no other woman has taken the time to get to know every inch of his body like I have. And he has done the same in return. Talking about intimacy and pleasure with your partner is definitely a must! It's the only way everyone is going to be happy in the end. Shan has taught me different ways to have some of the uncomfortable convos and it has been so worth it!
29 and pregnant with my second. I lost my first child 10 months ago at 28 due to preterm labor at 21 weeks caused by an incompetent cervix I was diagnosed with 2 days before my lost. Just saying this to mention that even when you become pregnant things can go wrong so be sure to advocate for yourself and make sure you have the best medical team possible during pregnancy. After watching this video Im keeping this knowledge in mind for future family planning
I just turned 40 and now I’m thinking about the health of my eggs. I’m so glad this conversation came up .
ur old
biology speaks for its self
Listen, I had a Black OBGYN with my last pregnancy and it was a HORRIBLE experience. (Unfortunately, my other Obstetrician retired in between my pregnancies. She was white and she was amazing!) I am not saying that race is not a major factor, but the Black doctor literally almost killed me because she ignored my concerns. She even went as far as to tell her staff that I worried too much thus, causing her staff to ignore my concerns as well. I told her about my symptoms, but I was ignored although I was a HIGH RISK pregnancy. Long story short, I developed Postpartum Preeclampsia 11 days after delivery and almost died!!! I was readmitted to the hospital and had to stay for 3 days. I had such a bad case of it that I had to be on blood pressure medication for 8 months after delivery! All praise be to Yahuah that I am still here! My experience with her was SOOO traumatizing that I didn't even do my 6 week follow up appointment with that crazy "doctor".
Take my word for it, RACE DOES NOT MATTER as much as experience does. The OBGYN for my first 3 children had 30 years in the field. The obstetrician for my 4th had probably just 8-10 yrs of experience.
I am as BLACK as they come, but when it comes to what I have experienced, the medical experience of the physician FAR outweighs the color of their skin.
I know what history has proven and that the mortality rate for Black women far outweighs that of any other race in a developed country, but Black doctors have played a role in that startling statistic as well. The way that we treat each other is shameful smh. Ladies just advocate for yourselves, be well informed, use discernment and listen to your bodies! That is the BEST advice.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.
@@Vesta0831 I appreciate that! Thanks so much.
I’m sorry about your experience but it’s one and even if a few people have them it’s the minority. Race definitely matters.
AMEN. The black OB/GYN I had was condescending and looked down on me for some reason. Even my boyfriend was shocked when I brought him to an appointment. After that, I was done with her. The non-black female doc i have now listens to my concerns, and hasn’t suggested anything drastic like the last one did.
@@roxywyndham Again, I beg to differ. Experience and bedside manner matter the most. Black women should have physicians who respect us and listen to our concerns. Unfortunately, just because a doctor is Black doesn't mean they are better qualified or happen to care more. SMH
Hi Shan
Love you bringing this issue to the forefront and was wondering if you could also touch on infertility in men and the resources available
Shan. THANK YOU FOR THIS. My hope is that every black woman finds this video. We often aren't told about all the options we have. If one takes the time to hear the truth of their health situation, one can make more educated decisions.
Chile. I had a baby @ 42. My cousins had babies @ 39 and 38. I know someone having a baby @ 48. All natural, no interventions. Fertility is very individual and I really don't think ppl know as much as they think they know.
💯💯💯… I have no idea why we are not seeing after all these years that everyone’s body is different.
@K FontenetteIAM I, personally, wonder if this data is based on WW. Like we know that BW tend to have more fibroids than WW, I wonder if we have a longer fertility window than they do?
@@k.rebuilding I wonder that as well. A part of my day job for the last 8 years is collecting and analyzing data. I have not gotten into this topic as much. Partly because it’s overwhelming when it comes what women are needed and expected to do by a certain age when so much of what I have seen is based on a individuals body and not so much their age.
I have had conversations with women that have fibroids but because of where they are placed they don’t have the same bleeding issues I have or any issues at all. At the same time even with my fibroids my Doctor is like “ You are completely fine to have a child” but I am not married yet so I won’t just be randomly popping out babies until I am. That’s in GODs timing not mine.
My sister just had a healthy baby boy at 44. My mother was told she would never be able to have children. She had 4 of us and gave birth to the last one (healthy baby) at 42.
It’s all about the life that’s meant for you to live.
Sorry for my rant lol.
@K FontenetteIAM I love the rant! My story is similar. I have fibroids and PCOS. I was told I'd never have babies naturally. I have 2 . Naturally. I had my oldest with my 1st husband and my second with my second and then I closed up shop. Both children were healthy, but both were considered high risk. The first bc of my large fibroids and the second bc the placenta implanted over the cervix. She really was an emergency. That's why I won't have any more. Although there were complications, it was not in the conceiving department.
@@k.rebuilding I’m so glad you are your babies are healthy. If I am blessed to get married I only want 2. Healthy twins would be even better 🤣.
There are sooooo many different stories. And I wish more focus would be put on women just living a healthy life and let God be GOD. One my friend’s said to me “ you are so calm about the child thing “ and I said “why should I panic? “ I love kids. I have nieces, a nephew now, and a Godson. I’ve been called Momma and Auntie more than I can count by the students have worked with and still work with. We have to just let life flow. It will surprise you in good ways.
I’m Not rushing to be in a toxic relationship due to time constraints. There’s already too many single mothers out here.
I was just going ti write this! RUSHing women into having kids is NOT the answer. Being and finding a quality partner should be far more of a focus. Being a single mother is NOT it! I don’t believe it’s fair on the child. If I’m not married , I’m not having kids.
@@onset5610 Yes finding a life partner that values you, respects you, wants to build and invest with you. Is more important than having babies.
💯 facts! Im shocked that this isn’t being spoken about.
Best answer. But don't stop dating either, you might find someone that is a good and fits what you're looking for. By the way you sounded like you work in the IT or project Management field
@@melissa-kml you nailed it. I’m a full stack developer
This episode really hit home because I do have low ovarian reserve, and I'm only 32. We also have a Male fertility factor so we had to skip i.u.i and go straight to i.v.f. I did 2 rounds and they were unsuccessful. It's a lot to handle this kind of news and you do feel alone.
Thank you for sharing that because I'm 33 in 2 weeks and not even in a relationship. The pressure is real and the stress doesn't help our bodies.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve gone through IVF. Sometimes changing your clinic helps.
Interesting topic, last week I was asking my family doctor about this and getting tested (it is difficult to get a ob-gyn where I am) and his reply was: ''you ask strange questions, no one asked me that before...'' I'm so over this unbothered medical approach. Also, a holistic healer explained that fibroids are also a result of trauma and trauma can be intergenerational. My theory would be that black women have faced a lot of trauma throughout decades, centuries and unhealed trauma can be passed down... I'm no specialist, just a thought...
same to me didnt even no a part was covered
I’m happy this conversation exist because it’s a lot of pressure to think about both ends-like do you have the kids now and follow after my dreams fully, or vice versa? I feel like there’s been alot of disingenuous rhetoric that we can wait and it will be fine when the truth is it’s always harder-not that you can’t but just harder. Harder to conceive, harder to carry full term, harder in recovery etc.
I think this is fair and it’s important to acknowledge that we should be proactive and take advantage of the resources that can help us avoid worst case scenarios…but i do want to say as someone who had a baby at 37…i got pregnant by accident, had an incident free pregnancy (other than common morning sickness, depression, syatic nerve pain etc), my delivery was so incredibly easy and thus recovery was non existent. My baby is 6 months postpartum and I’m back to my pre pregnancy size as if I had my babies at 15. I hope this comment is not annoying as fuck bc say this to say older moms should be aware of what’s probable but also we don’t need to pretend like a really good experience in older age is not possible.
Exactly. Conceiving after a particular age is possible but not probable. But I’d say pursuing a career doesn’t typically have a time limit.
@@shanboody Just today I got harassed by someone who was adamant that easy pregnancies at older age are extremely rare. It was a guy. He based his opinion on a Netflix documentary. Enough said.
@@shanboody I didn’t taken any offense. And when I say older I mean like 45-53. The most know example is Namoi-she’s 50 and has a baby and they make it seem like that’s our new normal and “get the bag sis, life happens after __” like I just don’t like this new narrative that we have so much time and can wait until our early 40’s to 50’s
@@daughterofyah6209 Well, if people are having babies at 44 years of age, they have had plenty of time to excel at their careers. Now, their career is to excel at mothering.
I am 40, didn't freeze my eggs. Thought I would be OK. Learnt late that my partner has issues mainly because men always think it's the woman and delay testing until the end. Found out during the pandemic, turned 40.. Now here I am. Not sure about ivf....
thats true, my friend married a man 12yr older and she was trying since the age 24 shes 29 now. its not her its her husband. i pray for her every day.
I’m 43 and just finished my first round of IVF… you have options but don’t wait time is of essence. Just do a consultation to weigh your options
A lot of women now are having to do ivf bc of their husbands low count and motility. Wishing you all the best!
Try fertility affirmations and Castor oil cleaning.
Search on TH-cam it helped me at 43.
Thank you Shan for this video! I’ve followed your work for a long time. This topic has been on my mind recently and I’ve only admitted it to two friends. I’m happy to have stumbled across this video because it’s given me good information to start with.
Having a practitioner who shares my culture and understanding is nice. I’ve been lucky enough to have that experience with my last Primary Care physician who was AfroCaribbean like myself. She understood the typical diets and mindset of the community I was raised in and considered this when approaching my health. However, my OBGYN is not of the same race as me and I feel just as supported by her. I think it’s important to note if a practitioner of any sort makes you feel seen and heard they’re a good fit. If you don’t, then seek another option who will be the best fit for you.
80% of childless women outside of the fertility window, actually wanted children. If you’re over 30… GET STARTED.
Where is this statistic from?
@@radiant2052 look up the stats yourself!🗣you guys are immune to research.
@@WilliamsPinch No, the majority of people throwing out statistics are pulling them out of their ass. I think this is true in your case.
@@radiant2052 yup 😂
Although I agree.. you shouldn’t just get pregnant with anyone !
I read Dr Nita’s book after your recommendation in another video and it was really great!
I’m so so happy to hear that. It’s a book I reference often
I'm definitely getting the book. It's so important to educate ourselves and then share the knowledge.
I honestly think fibroids are caused by layers of unresolved stress, so in turn fibroids appear. I am not a doctor but it bothers me why doctors don't know the cause of fibroids if they are benign.
Love this for you Shan! So proud of you!
Black hoy IS liberation!!! It’s contagious and I love it!!! I will be sharing this with my friends for sure
Thank you so much for this enlightening episode. I've been curious about IVF and freezing my eggs but have gotten the brush-off. I'm 37 and know now that I still have options. I will be talking to my OB-GYN to get started on this path especially since I have been diagnosed with endometriosis which can have an effect on my fertility. This was awesome! I've even discovered now that my health insurance might cover part of the bill for egg freezing. Thanks for this awesome work!!
Didn’t even know the episodes were out yet, On my way to watch and I’ll be back! Lol
Yay! I checked to see if season 2 was out yet...thanks for the heads up!
Freezing eggs isn't even an option for a lot of people due to financial reasons. You have to pay yearly to keep them frozen... It's a no for me. If it were higher on my list of priorities, then I would consider it.
They act the same way when you want to get tested for HPV cancer in less than the 3 year recommended wait period. They act like you're wasting your time and their time by getting tested early! It's so sad because a lot of times HPV cancer has no symptoms and you could possible live with it for years before being diagnosed due to the time span they make women wait to get another test. 😢
Thank you Beautiful Shan, great, resourceful and informative video.
I just downloaded dr Nita book on audible can't wait to listen
Hey Shan, I had watched the video you did about re vamping personal style and may I just take some time to say... Girl looking good. I've noticed your wardrobe in quite a few videos and the style is popping. And um this cream coloured dress.... Baby... I'll stop myself before I say too much more. But yeah, go Shan! and go Team! Thanks to everyone who puts all this together. Can't wait to watch more Harlem with you all.
Such a wonderful conversation with so much insight!!!
I am in my 30s and barely got my shit together financially and having a kid is just so traumatizing thought,
This!!!!!
I totally hear you! And no matter what people say. I think it matters. Who wants to be the mother who works full time without seeing their kids or the mother on benefits or rushing to marry a guy for kids then end up as a single mother. As much as I really believe what they are saying is true. I think everyone is on their own journey and becomig the best mum and finding the best partner before having kids is just as important as having them
😂… I’m not laughing at you I promise but this was the most blunt and honest comment.
It’s so important that you put that first.
Having a child but not having a stable environment to put them in gives them a negative start in life.
Same girllllll
I'm really enjoying watching this ! Dope!!
I find this interesting knowing so many black mothers that have had babies well into their 40s, 50s and 60s with Zero complications ❤ we all know an aunt and niece who are about the same age 😂
Generally speaking I honestly feel the age thing applies more so to European women than our community. Now they’re are some ppl who’ve gotten plenty of abortions in their 20s
The ppl with abortions may have messed up their ovaries and that’s planned parenthood purposely doing so for population control. Other than that Overall we are naturally fertile well into our 60s. These days we just choose to not have children my grandmother was very fertile my mom and aunt are nearly 20 years apart and my father and his aunts are all around the same age 😂
Just downloaded the audio version of her book! Can’t wait to listen
I watched it Shan but I’m back to show more love ma’am!!!!
Change your diet, partner if necessary and IVF if you need it. Don't bring a child into crappy circumstances and claim it's a blessing because its not. You loose 90% of your eggs by 20 so lets be realistic however as black women we seem to defy science sometimes!
I totally hear you! And no matter what people say. I think it matters. Who wants to be the mother who works full time without seeing their kids or the mother on benefits or rushing to marry a guy for kids then end up as a single mother. As much as I really believe what they are saying is true. I think everyone is on their own journey and becomig the best mum and finding the best partner before having kids is just as important as having them
Your circumstances can change after a baby life is full of uncertainty or crappy circumstances it’s how you deal with it that counts.
@@MRLX54 I totally agree with you! Im actually pro life, so if me myself i got pregnant, i will have the child no matter what. But choosing the right partner i think is for sure something to put on high priority above circumstance, age etc.
@@YASMINOGBU Yes of course choosing the right partner is optimal! Having a healthy relationship with others comes from having a healthy relationship with yourself first.
@@MRLX54 100% ! On the subject, Ive seen alot of videos on people not understanding why women have kids 30+ and older. I've been trying to tell people there are a million reasons. 1 not finding the right partner, other is dating a partner in their twenties in hopes to get married then dumped in their thirties to have to start looking again. So many different reasons. Its really sad. I feel this subject should be handled with far more compassion when spoken about, especially when men speak on it 😆
So funny because i thought i was doing something by having a black OB-GYN. I wasn’t feeling tip top and had to go in for a second opinion. That’s when my PCOS diagnosis came from my white NP. She’s amazing, awesome and extremely knowledgeable. I’m really upset that it took me 15+ years to get this diagnosis.
Funny, I had a black OB/GYN too. I dropped that zero when she told me I need a hysterectomy for my fibroids. The non-black lady i got now is working out well. It’s not about the skin color. I don’t know what it’s about, but it ain’t the color.
@@MethodiousMind it’s def not about color at all. It’s about knowledge and actually liking what you do. Some doctors are just straight trash.
Well as for me I was pregnant with my 4th baby @ 39 had him when I was 40 he was healthy and so was I my Dr kept saying Qq you're body is doing great for a 40 yr old woman 🌷🌷🌷♥️♥️💓💓💜
You go girl ❤️❤️❤️
@@onset5610 thanks 🌷🌷🧡💜
Great information... I think it would have been beneficially to discuss cost of these options a bit more in detail. It felt like it was glossed over here
Look so pretty I love your dress Shan this was such a beautiful topic and discussion
Loved this very informative video and the transactions is top notch. Keep up the good work.
Omg I finally found this. I was looking for a link but could not find it on the preview on instagram. It could be me though lol 😆 subscribing now 😊
This is a great episode and very timely
Very important conversation to have! This is 🔥, Shan.
Just bought this book. So eager to read it.
Very informative
I’ve spoke to women who had naturally gone fully through menopause by the time they were 35. Each woman is different!
Loving your after show content on Harlem Shan! I look forward to it as much as watching the episodes each week. Keep shining!
Getting ready for another round of IVF this year. It is a very hard process both physically and mentally. I honestly did not think of fertility health as a younger woman. I found myself pregnant by accident at 36 and subsequently loss my son at 27 weeks pregnant. It’s been a struggle every since. While I do not wish this on any family whose desire is to start or grow their family, fertility education is wealth. Also it was very important to identify to black fertility provider which has been instrumental in this journey. She gets ME! She treats ME! Having these conversations on this platform or as seen on this episode of Harlem is how we empower ourselves and I’m grateful to see more black women openly share our fertility pains and successes.❤
Sorry for your loss😢
Harlem is a great show
Interesting. My mom friend 55 got pregnant, children were grown husband a little older and yes she had the baby healthy too. Her son is now in his late 20s. It depends, I believe. I had my son young and daughter in my 30s it really depends on your health. Many woman are waiting now since career and want to marry later in life. Definitely true about the fibroids. I had a female Obgyn tell me that. I said to her it’s various options and no I’m not doing any unnecessary surgeries. Never went back to her again.And I didn’t need a surgery. I just changed my diet, resigned from my stressful/toxic job some time ago and fibroids went down and some eliminated too. So important to research and find out your options then decide what’s best for you. Ask questions etc. This is great to open up the conversation on family, reproduction and health for woman to be aware as well as educated. That’s the first time hearing about ovary reserve test. Will ck out Harlem. ❤
I'm so glad this topic is being discussed, I'm way past childbearing years. I had fibroids and it was very risky for me to have children. Thank God I had 2 healthy children in my late 20's, college grad with a career in healthcare. I had a hysterectomy at age of 32 when most women are in the prime of their career. It wasn't something I wanted to do, I felt pressured. I'm glad young women have more choices, but biology rules.. :)
i wanted to freeze my eggs last year at 37 but my reserve is very low my country doesnt do it but when i was 35 two months away from 36 i became naturally pregnant it was such a shock that my reserve was low i always thought i was very fertile since the age of 16 i thought that ... now i have to see if another country does it but im gonna have a second opnion in my country first ...
I am in early 40 have healthy bouncing 8month old
Is it a boy?
@@deonnadyson a girl beautiful might I add🥰
What are my options if I'm in my mid 30s but I don't have access to this kind of resources (egg freezing, IVF, etc)?
Get them abroad in middle-high income countries that value maternity. It can be cheaper than in the US (up to 1/3 the price) and as high quality as in the US
Can we talk about how doctors are quick to prescribe black women with birth control to manage periods without discussing long term consequences?
Thoroughly enjoyed!
Same. If I dont listen to anything else I will listen to my body. God bless my mind and heart as well as spirit, and god bless the woman with the strength to bless this world TWICE!
I would suggest also looking into other countries for IVF.. countries that are known as baby factories or that have a religious connection with children. for example in the UAE and Arabic countries their goal is always to preserve your ability to have children due to their belief of it being connected to GOD... UAE, Bharain, Oman , kuwait, large cities for the hospital care. the prices are less and the care for these things are very good.
To be honest… a lot of us have experienced this in real life. We have had awful experiences at the Dr but we chose not to say anything about it! When I spoke about my experiences, people looked at me like I was crazy! After my experiences prior to the pani… I changed all of my providers to black, women, or black women . The other population would not listen because they didn’t believe that we or I had “pain”!
This popped up on my feed. Won an ivf treatment valued at $6k at 41, it failed, had my baby at 43 after acupuncture and one vaginal steam after 4 years of trying.
it's imperative to have knowledge and power over your life planning for sure
So, when someone says they want to test for 'everything', and they don't have any symptoms or risk factors there's actually no point and could end up with a lot of false positives because even tumour markers are raised for a variety of reasons other than cancers. This can lead to overinvestigation which in and of itself can sometimes be fetal as some investigation methods are invasive. For example ca125- raised in ovarian cancer but also raises in pregnancy, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, liver cirrhosis, pregnancy etc. So no, it's not helpful to do it just randomly. False positives can also lead to a lot of anxiety and decreased quality of life
But we cannot decide for people based on the amount of stress and anxiety we think they would have. I'm pretty sure her doctors could test her.. And tell her the many possibilities of these findings just as you've mentioned. As long as she knows where she stands and improves her quality of life, diet, exercise, vitamins etc. Then they could schedule tests from time to time maybe twice a year to track the findings and whether or not they require more action at that stage
🤷🏿♀ Not everyone wants kids. It’s a lot of work. It’s not the end all be all.
Not every female deserves them also. There would be alot less kids in the foster system.
This video is clearly for people who do or are undecided
artsy, yes foster care or neglected.
@@artsyterra8350 Only females are the problem? It takes two...
But the video is for those who want children
What a great conversation!!
@Shanboody
Fibroids in black women are caused by low vitamin D levels which is very common in people with darker skin tones, there is a video on youtube that explains it.
th-cam.com/video/Bu5EU3W1SCk/w-d-xo.html
My mum got pregnant with our last born at @48 years....If she still gets her period nothing is ruled out haaaaa but if the man is shooting blanks haahahahah thats a different situation
Sooo you're saying women should not rely on their biological clock or mad Scientists to create life because your mother and a few other ladies have naturally conceived in their late 40s.
when Shan double-crosses her legs I fall in love all over again
She is so right ! The question me too.
Don’t listen to that lady in the blue lol bugging lol
Love seeing Los🥰
Why that thumbnail for this title?! 😮😮 kinda savage 😢😢
I love Harlem because these beautiful women makes me feel normal 🤗🥰🙏🏾 Thank you
Just save some eggs. I might do that. I never wanted kids. But who knows, maybe I'll change my mind when I'm 40.🤷🏽♀️
❤️ good idea , me too- not sure if it’s painful tho
This stress me out so much im a latebloomer in everything! So this also but my body doesnt say so
Great conversation. I had the talk with my GYN late last year and have AMH testing this week and planning for my egg retrieval ❤
Can we talk about how the doctor created hesitation with the IUD though? IUDs can be removed just like any other form of birth control.
I was under the same impression that I had to not choose an IUD if children were in my near future. My doctor assured me that if IUD was my preferred method of birth control for right now, it can still be used even if I decide in the short term to TTC.
I know someone who's and l&d nurse. The amount of women, daily, she comes in contact with that had to get fertility treatments in their late 20s and early 30s because of the scaring and scar tissue the IUD caused, is pretty wild.
IUDs are a little scary to me..I know people who got pregnant with them or had to get them surgically removed. However, a close friend got pregnant within a couple months of removing hers.
My interpretation of the scene: Dr knows Camille and wants to ensure that an IUD would be the best option for her. IUDs can be left in for as long as 10 years (depending on the brand).
@@sodamnsexy16 I think it depends on the type. The best are non hormonal.
I had one after my second son and it was there for four years until I took them out to have my last son. I had absolutely no difficulty getting pregnant the next month as soon as I start TTC.
I was 35 at that time
Here in the uk didn't even know season 2 had landed 😂
Thanks
I love your outfit Shan
I love Harlem. 😁
Such an awesome show for us black and brown girlies!!
If you don't meet your person until later in life it's not something you can control. Better that than getting pregnant with the wrong person just to have kids early. And then the kids end up facing divorce etc. Unfortunately with the way society is it's harder to find good people who want to settle down and so this is a reality many women face. Especially since men feel they have all the time in the world.
Where do we find a black OBGYN