2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer | Ep. 03
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- The Bears are back in the cave and Bert just got back from Bali just in time to see his career implode! Tom and Bert also discuss there show "Buzzed" that never saw the light of day, even though it was so much fun. The traveling has been extensive for these two, and Bert also recaps his trip to Australia where audiences clamored to meet the fattest working comedian today. Fun stories are told as always, ranging from topics like Sober October, Louis CK, Road Dawgs and non-offensive Buddhist symbols!
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"I could be the posterboy for ISIS"
- Bert Kreischer 2019
“Dad, enough with the Swastikas!”
~Georgia Kreischer~
off to a great start
He really wants that super cut. If I had the confidence of cut the worst shit he says out of context and make a mock interview of it.
Vote fat racist 2020
@@peckerthemecher spit out my coffee on that one
This whole podcast series is just Tom trying to ruin Bert’s career.
The best part is Bert is helping him do it 😂
what do you mean?
@@icedclips725 you only have to watch 5 minutes to figure it out...
@@icedclips725 derp
Its just a joke man. Clearly they are friends who are mutually benefitting from the pod.
He would be more successful at it if bert actually let him talk. Lmao
"That's the one thing my wife will let me spend my money on, Nazi Memorabilia"
-Bert Blitzkrieg, 2019
Fast forward 3 years and tom buys Bert Hitler's tea cup ☕😂😂😂🍵
“I’d rather see someone get murdered than beat up” -Tom sugura
There's logic behind it. Seeing someone suffer vs 2 seconds and done.
😂😂😂
Body shots world tour
Oh the silence after that line...deafening
Yeah I disagree, I thought me and Tom had more in common than that. Let's torture bitches not kill them.
This is toms way of getting to do a podcast without having to watch tik toks for 30 mins lol
Bert *is* a tik tok though
That’s the best part of the show though. If anything, to take out filler they should just make the intro song 10 seconds long instead of 10 hours.
@Betty Cocker no, he's right. The TRUE mommies know that tiktok$ > intro song
@@IARsmiley whose randy?
Fat foc
Will you stop saying the N word. Best podcast intro ever
The video refuses to load and play
The people laughing in the background make the jokes even funnier
Hell ya!! 😂
Laugh tracks to this, We’re gone full ⭕️ .
This comment aged well
This podcast should be called "Bert takes the bait"
"I have a huge nazi memorabilia collection." -- Borscht Kaiser 2019
Absolutely amazing comment xD
This is a wonderful fucking comment.
Borscht Kaiser...fuck I laughed so hard I inhaled my food and almost choked to death
fuckn awesome comment
It’s the only thing my wife lets me spend money on
This has absolutely become my favorite podcast. I get so excited to see a new upload.
Me too
Once the back room SHUTS THE FUCK UP then we will be getting somewhere...
My mind was BLOWN when I saw the first upload! Tommie burns makin fuckin movesss bruh
Dude same here. It's awesome
Dude I jump literally for joy for each episode
Bert doesn't really listen to Tom's stories because he's always thinking of a better story to tell. I like that it doesn't seem to bother Tom because he seems to really enjoy listening Bert. It's a good dynamic for them.
Now you've said that I can't unsee it and can't stand it lol
I love it
Fast forward to more than a year later and it's mostly just bart blabbing on and on while Tom says "you sure?"
Yea bert is definitely the douche champ.
The fact that you guys both often start coughing your nuts off when laughing makes it really hard to decide who's gonna die in 2020....
A few bong hits never hurt anyone
Less to do with health and more to do with throat irritation happens to me as well
haha member you guys when this was funny because there was no corona virus
@@TheCelestis feels
@@TheCelestis hahaha it's the future now, and Corona Virus is funny now.
I really do wish this podcast was weekly. It my favorite.
I wish it was daily
I wish it was hourly
@@michaelsantana1040 I wish they would just sit on toilets and people brought them food so it could go on forever.
This every crappy Monday and Something's Burning on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I'm going to email Tom everyday with different ways I would like to propose at his show
I think it's nice Tom lets his special needs friend "help" with his podcast.
Again
Good to see someone taught him how to put a shirt on
😂😂😂😂
He's the tiktok of all tiktoks
@@goosemack3587 he's the OG instagram tik tok
This is rapidly becoming my favorite podcast
Ben W I love it! I didn’t realize how much I love Tom and bert together. Tom takes a back seat and comes in with the jokes at right time
“We should legalize crack and let African Americans own crack shops”
- Bert 2019
I'd rather see someone get murdered than beat up
-Tom Segura 2019
You're taking this out of context. What he meant to say was "I'd rather see someone get murdered, then beat up". Tom can't stand an open-casket funeral, that's all.
(Complete silence for 5 seconds)
...like...
Hahaha psycho tom
DeBassing Myself damn lol
Bert gave waayyyyy too many golden sound bits in this one. Tom is a master at manipulating Bert
@Ernest Hobbs yup, it's obvious...kinda takes the fun out of it, not to be a partypooper..but ur right.
Bert does not need any manipulation from any one.
hint, bert knows what hes doing
Comedy Central shut down their pilot because of alcohol.... immediately start airing Drunk History 🤔
That's because no one actually drinks on Drunk History. All acting. Change my mind.
Colt - watch Duncan Trussell on there, then watch him on JRE when he was fucked up too. That’s either real drunkenness or award-winning acting 🤷🏽♂️
They pander to pussies tho so that may be why
Your mind should just be changed cuz this is funnier. Yes, they are having a drink. They are middle aged men who are hilarious. I am a recovering addict. It doesn't bother me. Its obviously not for kids, so who are they trying not to offend? These are two of the funniest people on the planet. Drunk history is good, but not half as funny.
I think it's a hard sell because the money comes from how fucked up you are. So it encourages overindulgence and its bad PR for someone to die of alcohol poisoning.
15:26 Everyone: Nobody deserves to get beaten up like that.
Tom: *Put him out of his misery*
This is the podcast we all need but don't deserve
Q: Do you remember that time Tom tricked Bert into sounding racist?
A: Which time....?
EVERY TIME!!! lol
Tricked?
Bert: maybe I shouldn't say this it might be racist..
Tom: go on what could happen
Listening to this again makes it 100times more funny cause he says he has Nazi memorabilia 🤣🤣🤣
I’d just like to praise the single giggle in the silence after Tom says “I’d rather watch someone get murdered than beat up”
AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR. For Sober October. Please and thank you. ARIGATOOOOOO
Oh fuck yeah
Team Rogaine VERSUS Team Burnt.
Rogan would have even more of an advantage on that hahahaha
That would actually be fuckin awesome. They just stay sober and train for the month and they can record what kinda shit they do to prep and then at the end do the competition! Let's make this happen!!!
Yes!!! Great idea
Show idea. Burt comes into homes and he designs custom Mancaves and decorates them with KKK and Nazi memorabilia. " Superior Mancaves" brought to you by Bodyshots World Tour
Übermensch caves?
This is brilliant James!!!
Most of which comes from his personal collection.
meincaves
🤣
"Dad, enough with the swastikas!"
I find myself constantly waiting for Tom to randomly shout "BIKES!!!"
WHAT YOU TOOK?
This is my new favorite podcast. It'd be awesome if they brought back Hannah.
I miss Hannah so much man.
Bring Hannah back.... TOPLESS
Fr
Bert needs to get his politics straight because me and a bunch of other morons are depending on him to keep us informed about serious topics.
Your sarcastic comment is right. Spreading misinformation to several hundred thousand morons will have zero repercussions.
@Fernando Gonzalez Oh no. You just exposed yourself my man
@Fernando Gonzalez real IQ champs shoot up garlic fests and Wal-Mart's and nightclubs
@Fernando Gonzalez And thats why domestic terrorism is 99% done by idiot white nationalists in America, don't forget to wear your helmet when you go outside.
how the fuck do you not have a name
Tom saying hed rather see someone murdered than beat up...and that loooong pause after....the highlight of the podcast.
The way Tom looks at the camera after Bert says "I want to stay away from toxic people like that."
“This podcast is going to be the end of my career” -Bert Kreischer, 2019
One can only hope.
"Now I'm bringing native Americans into this"
"You hate them too"
Dude laughing in the back is like a laugh track from full house. Laughs at everything.
Yea i must be the only one that thinks this but it gets super annoying
The laughter in the background is so perfect
The swastika is a old hindu sign thats why its everywhere in bali
It was a symbol of peace
It’s cringing to hear these two tik tarded fat shits speak about history and did Burnt not think to ask what a swastika really meant?
@@danieldavis7251 typical LA fuck heads . Still love em tho
@@TheSixStringGuy * strength through unity. Hence the geometrics of the symbol itself.
@@danieldavis7251 it's amazing that even 'Murican comedians are fucking ignorant
Life tip. Never take political advice or information from Bernt Crystals
right as soon as he started talking about antifa i cringed so hard
if you have to be told/REMINDED of this... yikes.
I thought it was spelled Brent Chrysler...
Never take political advice from comedians period. Or just don't be political and live a happy life.
@@mraBJJ33 dent Chrysler
Bert: I for real wanna go to a 21st birthday of a guy who’s never drank. And just-
Tom: and just... KILL HIM?
I think this may be the best podcast out there, it made me thrilled to hear it’ll be weekly!
Anyone want to link the video of Bert's racist complication, that would be appreciated
Jon Anderson yes please
Try searching 'Bert Kreischer' and then click on any video. Hope this helps!
I click down thinking someone already posted a link to it.
th-cam.com/video/5CnehdAE42s/w-d-xo.html
Matt D this is great
"I'd rather see someone be murdered than get beat up"
- Charles Manso....no wait, Tom Segura.
Followed by "I would bring you on stage to watch you get beheaded but I don't want anything to do with your proposal."
My husband, as I sit binge watching 2B1C episodes: "Why do you sit and watch these 2 just talk to each other? It's not that funny.
Me: Well now we know your sense of humor is shit, don't we?
The guy laughing in the background makes this podcast so great!
Idk why but I hate it I think it kind of ruins it for me.
“Remember to keep comments respectful and to follow our Community Guidelines”
Lol
Lol
piss on me. beat me.
This episode makes me want to get into video editing.
I have edited a funny version th-cam.com/video/Wm-Aw2NX-DE/w-d-xo.html I hope it inspires you to get into editing, because I don't have that much experience with it, but edits like this are very easy to make
I love these two and their interactions, but honestly one of the best things is the hysterical laughter from the staff in the background.
The only podcast that makes me cry from laughing so damn hard
1:22:19 "Thanks buddy!" "I love you Tom." "Love you too" Best Podcast Ending Ever!!!!!!!!!! I need this weekly in my life!
"KKK member in good standing" - Burnt Chrysler 2019
Christopher Sibert I don’t know how to spell his name but I know that’s not it
@@diedforurwins Pull your pants up nick.
@@diedforurwins it's burnt crystals
Christopher Cox if I pull my pants up any higher their going to rip my sphincter.
You will like my edited version of Clansmann burnt chrystler
Best part is the guy who laughs in the background he cracks me up
I think I speak for everyone when I say WE NEED BUZZED !
Fuck yess!!
an hour of tom encouraging bert.. priceless
Best f@&%ing start of a show ever!!!! I was laughing for 2 minutes straight... Thanks Tom...
20 minutes
well actually 16 until tom played the guy killing himself
I was crying when he opened with don't say the n word
Bert's dabbling in the Dark Arts
Tom killN it with them Silent Farts
Has anyone ever told Bert "no" when he starts with "can I tell you..."? That's the reaction I want to see.
Every time I see Tom and Burt together it just feels like Tom is trying to get Burt in trouble or dead. I love it!
If the Tom, Bert, Mulaney and Kroll episode isn't 2+ hours we riot
I live in Prague, CZ; I listen to this podcast while I walk to work, I walk roughly 10 miles a day. So many people see me walking around the city where no one shows emotion, giggling and straight up laughing like an idiot. Thanks guys
I don't think I have ever wanted to see a compilation more in my life Dear 9 lb baby Jesus please oh please
Rest in peace Billy Conforto, drove into an embankment high on pills.
natures doubletap. gang
Gang Gang
Gang bruh
I heard Tom Sugar cut his breaks
Embankment awareness month
I cant watch this at work anymore. I have ended up looking insane, laughing, during all three episodes.
Noe Thanks I love that feeling! Just laughing and enjoying yourself while everyone else is miserable
Hell yeah! These are awesome
Assistant to Bert Kreischer sounds like a sweet deal! 🤣🤣🤣
The laugh track in the background will never get old lmao
Laugh track? You mean the staff?
Three episodes in and it's already my favourite podcast. Has me laughing hard everytime, thanks guys
Nadav's laugh makes this episode 10x better.
6 minutes into this i am alt + tabbing outn my game to say how much i love Bert and this show
Love how the production team laugh WITH Tom and laugh AT Burt 😂😂
Both of them can't laugh without losing their breath and coughing up a lung 🤣
It's endearing how much Tom loves Bert and vice versa lol
Loving the mention of Sailing la vagabonde
I like when Bert says aDhorrent instead of aBhorrent. It's definitely not the first time I've heard it from him either.
just these three episodes of bert have made me appreciate how good tom & kristin are at avoiding politics and how much that contributes to the listenability of ymh
Watched the whole thing and smashed my phone to pieces as instructed.
Me too
69th like
The guys laughing in the background makes it so much funnier 😂
It's like Tom took the leash off a Pit Bull (Named Burnt Crystal) and enticed him into wrecking a chicken coop, while Tom laughs - because it's the jerk neighbor's chickens. I LOVE IT. Keep it up!
Yesssss love to hear the once a week plan
Got so hype when I heard that
When I was an alchy I would confuse my "panic attacks" with alcohol withrawl.
32:15 why would you need to freeze it what limp carrots have you been eating 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dude, I've pitched so many great shows...I pitched 'Moat Crashers'.
- Bert Kreischer 2019
i love you bert. even if this is the end of your career. i love how tom always has your back😂
When you're at your 9-5 about to fall asleep at your desk and that YMH notification hits your phone...
Bert is so much more enjoyable when I can't see his feet.
Krass Estranged that shit makes me gag
L
You guys should pitch to either hulu or Netflix because of the lack of restrictions.
Tom: says literally anything...
Backroom staff: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bryan Allan bro it’s annoying
Feels good man. Just a dumb bird. And someone who can't cum
It's even more annoying on your moms house. They laugh about literally anything. Probably laughing to secure their jobs. George on Tigerbelly is also annoying like that. Laughing at actual jokes is great, I laugh too. But they fake laugh about everything.
@@Hieillua oh stfu those are real laughs.
Haha you even hearing check bro?
The laughing in the background is everything I want it on every podcast
What!? The laughing in the background is the worst thing about this brilliant podcast!
uhhhh background laughter definitely ruins it
I don't understand how he laughs at every joke that loud. Like certainly parts are funny, but that laugh is full tilt every time.
I agree the laughing has to stop keep stroke’n toms dick on YMH podcast. Or at least turn it down 80’s sitcom laugh track
A series of go cart races over the course of the month. Something you can get prepared for, doesnt take much time other then getting together 4-5 times in the month, and a point system to decide who wins. Would be pretty fun to watch them as well.
Series of olympic mini events. Sprints, mile, shotput, javelin, gymnastics ( Old School esq floor routine... ), target shooting, etc.
Yo hopefully they bring back the rawness of comedy ! These guys are awesome 👏
"I have a _ton_ of Nazi memorabilia. It's alright, I'm gay, so I can do that." - Bulb Schnauser 2019
*Anthony Cumia
Someone should cut together every time these guys cough. #healthchamp
I’m three episodes back to back in and I can’t stop, this is seriously the best thing on the Internet
This whole episode is Tom baiting Bert to say crazy shit hahaha love it
Yeah if this only going be an hour long im going to need 1 every week
Sober October challenge...
American. Ninya. Warrior!
You're welcome.
Ari would go further in Ninja Warrior than the rest of the guys
I thought "ninya" was a racist dance
Great idea. I was thinking a scavenger hunt and they each set tasks. Like imagine if Burnt set one of them as having to party with your audience and Tom would have to do it haha
I feel like a downer by saying this but my mother started chemotherapy this week and this shit helps me keep my mind off of shit you guys are awsome
The way Tom keeps trolling Bert is relentless bahahaha
This podcast is gold.
Yo Bert, swastika comes from hinduism and Bali has a large Hindu community
Also, the Aryan people originated from northern India
@@mrdurdan67 the theory was that Aryans migrated to North India but even that theory has been disproved and no longer considered accurate
they were all over japanese GPS it was funny but there not rotated like the nazi's used
The stuff he says to his daughters makes me howl in laughter
I thought when Tom said: "They are thinking about bringing it back"
Bert would have said "Slavery? Oh yeah!"