Passive aggressive people will never going to admit about their wrong intensions. They would generally make you feel guilty of what you though about him/her, and you will walk away being a bad bad guy.
you're right but by keeping things open and curious, you make yourself a harder target for them, and they'll shape up their interactions with you and/or seek their supply elsewhere. it's classic peer support techniques.
And NEVER COW TOW to a toxic person. They don't care about you. Showing vulnerability will not inspire them to suddenly have a conscious and respect your feelings. And don't believe anything they say. They can't even make sense of their own behavior. There is absolutely no reason to believe what you say should matter to them. CHECK THEIR ASSES and send them on their way. The push back and resolve will send them fleeing to find a new victim. Cause that's what they are looking for.
That was the worst example I think I have ever heard to be frank.When people are acting nasty with you they are not going to make a time to chat with you. They could honestly careless about your feelings .
Ann Black I agree. Most of them will schedule a call with you and find a way to wiggle out if it. They don’t keep commitments and they lie. They have no shame and will tell you how much they love you even if they hate you. A non-passive aggressive person will have openness, but someone who survives in life through passive aggressive behavior will not participate in a good faith conversation. They just won’t because passive aggressive behavior is the way they cope in life.
I think they actually don't care about their own feelings cause once you register your own stress it's easier to control its reactions and act upon higher values and needs.
Text book accurate, but ineffective most often. Passive aggressive folks are no different than outwardly aggressive folks. Don’t rationalize or try to relate with someone who is bent on crushing you. 1. Call them out, without yelling or getting angry. (this takes courage so be ready). 2. Don’t take the bait, the bull or the blame! 3.Lastly, but most importantly be strong when you’re around them. They prey on weakness.
With my extended family, they would deny their rude remark and even rage that you even tried to clear it up. I cannot remember a time when I tried to talk about something that was met with kindness to resolve it. They love their hate. So I avoid them, one cannot reason with someone who is covertly mean.
Don't manage passive aggressive prople. Stay away from them as much as possible. And accept the fact that your brother "is gone". He made a choice and chose that particular person who does not appreciate you. She has already told him what she thinks about you and apparently he did nothing to stop the behaviour from happening. He probably agreed. Let them be. Move on.
This would not work!!! if she is truly passive aggressiveness she will play the victim and make it into a drama, tell the other members of the family and demonize her. The sister-in-law does not like her. Best course of action is to realize this and ignore her pettiness. She is obviously jealous for some reason if this sort of thing keeps happening. Eventually others will notice and call her out on it.
YES! I have a passive aggressive mother and every single time I call her out on what she does... she will say anything to twist the situation and sound like the victim. She will make a whole scene, start yelling and crying. Then she will tell my other family members and tell them her twisted side of the situation and tell them how much of a horrible person I am. I went through years of feeling alone until my dad also got tired of her shit. Turns out I wasn't wrong this whole time. My dad is divorcing her and now all my siblings are starting to realize how she is too. My dad and I had a heart to heart conversation about this whole thing and he felt so alone for years. He never knew what he did to get treated so badly. Her passive aggressive attitude is so damaging and completely sucks your energy out of you. I now realize as an adult how my mother affected me, I went through deep depression as a teenager because of her behavior. A passive aggressive person is a very hard person to deal with. You will never win. In their eyes you will always be wrong, theres is nothing you can do to change them unless they want to change themselves.
From what I know whenever you try and confront a passive aggressor he or she will mostly deny it. Sometimes it’s best to avoid such people. Problem is actually with you trying to please people for sake of family. Don’t try to please anyone or you will end up as a door mat. You as a human being have limited strength to deal with such energies. Instead be with people who are positive and uplift you.
A better way to deal with this specific example would be 1) Repeat what the person said, 2) to ask a closed ended (yes/no) questions, for example: *So when you say "The Johnsons really like you but they don't know you yet", are you trying to say that I'm an unlikable person? Passive aggressive people hate to be called out on their poor behavior, asking a direct, closed ended question really makes them uncomfortable, it also subtly lets them know that they crossed a boundary, and not to cross it again. I recently found this really helpful YT channel on how to deal with difficult people/social situations ect, check out "Dan O'Connor at Online Communication Skills Training Courses .
Yup wanna treat me like shit for no reason?? see yaaaaaaa!!! Seriously don't have fucking time for that. I'd do this to anyone, family members included.
My experience with a passive aggressive person, after receiving the passive abuse for 3-4 days, though he denied being angry when I initially asked him, I asked if we could talk that evening. This made him angry and he pressed wanting to know what it was about. I replied, "I've noticed your mood/behavior changed ever since the incident about the soda." He blew up, yelling, talking over my attempts to calm him down, and made rash, reactive, detrimental decisions as a result that hurt both of us. I just don't think passive aggressive people are mature/mentally healthy. They deny they have a problem. Additionally, I think another angle to this is that person wanted to blow up to give him an "excuse" to binge drink.
You caution the questioner to remember she and her sister-in-law love the same person. She already knows that. Then you ask her to test the comment from the sister-in-law when the questioner already has a reliable perception of this sister-in-law's behavior. She's been around her enough to know that her comment is indeed passive aggressive. Calling them out on it isn't going to help. It's just going to make them defensive. And then you said, "Your job now is to believe her." What? No. Manipulative people are liars. What if the sister-in-law is a full-on narcissist? You should at least address the possibility because conversations like this with narcissists are not only useless, they can backfire as narcissists will use the situation against you. My experience from hearing victims of narcissists is to go with your gut. If you feel like this person is manipulative, they probably are. I really wish you had come at this from that angle. In other words, OK, you're dealing with a manipulative person, now what? That's what I wanted to hear.
Agree largely but I'm skeptical about the 'going with the gut' thing. My gut feeling :) would be to give that gut feeling only about 25% of influence. My reason would be that I believe manipulative people actually specialize on influencing gut feelings and I believe a lot of gut feeling advice comes from hindsight bias. Yes, there maybe was that feeling but there were also many others at the time and some gut feelings excessively incriminate innocent people. Or congruency bias: Some cluster Bs, for example, leave no relevant traces for years because they don't have an alternate personality or hidden agenda or manage to totally dissociate from them, no? Thoughts?
You’re basically telling the victim here to doubt her own experience when the manipulator denies her tactic. Of course she’s going to deny being passive-aggressive! It’s called gaslighting. This advice is amateur and dangerous.
Wow. It sounds like passive-aggressiveness is a hot topic these days! Glad to see the lively debate going on here and the variety of perspectives. In our world today, there's a much more extreme version of this happening, so thank you for speaking to that and I'll create another video blog addressing gaslighting. There is a big difference between passive-aggressiveness and gaslighting. Many people use these experiences interchangeably-but they're different in intensity and intention. Passive-aggressiveness can happen when someone's feelings get hurt by the presence (or absence) of a comment, not feeling valued or appreciated, a misunderstanding. Many times in families these issues lead one person to feelings that they are afraid to express to another person and them feeling awkward. Avoiding conflict is a common experience in our society and can often result in avoiding a conversation rather than addressing it for fear of creating discomfort. Since recording this 5 years ago, our world has changed dramatically and gaslighting has become a very common experience. This is when someone uses manipulation and blame to try and outsmart you in a conversation and get their way. I am in absolute agreement that when you are being gaslit, you need to exit not only the conversation, but likely the entire relationship. Thank you for sharing your perspectives and I'll put gaslighting on my list of future video blog topics to create! Stay tuned~
I appreciate the video. I would add, however, that this would be a ‘perfect world’ scenario. If you are truly dealing with someone who is passive aggressive towards you, they would probably look at you funny or call you weird for requesting a time to sit and talk (especially in such a formal, serious way as suggested in this video). Also, sitting down and asking these questions is giving them wayyy too much attention and they will likely take your time for granted. I would suggest developing yourself to be non-reactive and keep these people at arms length. If they say ‘so and so likes you but that’s only because they don’t know you’, respond assuming they meant it as a harmless tease and say ‘I know right, can’t wait to show them the real me…’ and then give a diabolical laugh and go about your great day 😉 When you show them they are no longer able to get a negative response from you, it will not only drive them crazy but it will discourage them from attempting again in the future. Why would they continue if they aren’t getting what the want?
In the case of the sister-in-law, I would catch it right then and say, I'm sorry, I don't want to misinterpret you and take offense not meant, could you explain what you mean by that. In this way I am not pointing a finger at her, I am taking responsibility for the possibility of what I am hearing as well as helping her to take responsibility for what she is saying. When people talk to us in this manner in front of others they are looking for the cover of silent support in their attack. When they have to explain in front of the same people, the cover is broken and they know that they are seen, and you are in no way seen as hostile because you made sure to say you did not want to misunderstand..
chris scott That is immensely helpful advice, thank you! I deal with these type of people too often and I'm so caught off guard that I don't know what to say in the moment
chris scott Great Point!!! So many times I let this slip by and these personalities run right over me. It's been a heartbreaking experience. But I'm working on my awareness and my own pattern so that I might catch this in a timely manner. It seems almost to petty to go back after an offense? Like I can't really win and just be seen as petty. I have someone I'm dealing with now that is a master at backhanded compliments. She really leveled me the other day. I'm really struggling what to do about it.
Jess Ann Cullen It's really hard, women can be so nasty to other women. I had a full-blown narcissist in my friends group and had to completely cut myself off from her, she is so good at manipulation and painting herself to be the victim...that my best friends distanced themselves from me as a result. You can't convince people that the perpetrator is being malicious because all it will achieve is proving her to be the "victim". In my case....i finally learned to keep my mouth shut and about 6 months of me doing my own thing, my friends finally realized that it was HER that was being malicious toward me. So I really think the best advice is manipulating the passive aggressive person on the spot, like he said. Call her out in a way that doesn't make you look too emotional (because passive-aggressive people loveee to come back with "geez, it was just a jokee, why are you SO sensitive"). Good luck!!
Mad Lib thank you! Yes, I see your point. Truth will always be truth. Sometimes just letting the truth alone do the work. I did write a letter to this woman. But I think it was more for me than her. I didn't send it. But it did help me get clear about some things and realize I'm not crazy!!
Passive aggressive ppl may not admit that they meant hurt by their comments but by following this advice, you disarm them. They won’t want to be called out again so they may think twice about making nasty remarks. We can’t change ppl but we can set boundaries and that is what I got out of this video. Thanks!
Every time I patiently talked to my [Passive Aggresive Relative] about my feelings when they hurt me, they would deny my feelings, blame me for being the aggressor/guilty party, and eventually, my patient resolve made them escalate their behavior to physical violence to shut me up. So uh, yeah don't do this.
OMG yes. I know! I agree with you. Those kinds of things happened to me as well. And also they might listen to the conversation, twist it, go and tell other people that you were a terrible person to them. So they not only attack you, they make you look like you were the one attacking them!
I don’t know how they do it in India but here in America we would say “Screw you Susie! Here in America, there is some true feelings in a snide remark at someone else’s expense. Denying it or downplaying the comment is just the cowards way out because they don’t have to deal with the consequences of their words spoken. Don’t EVER let Susie get away with that or she’ll be doing that to you and everyone else for the rest of her life!
I want to share with you my story, I had a colleague that used to talked about me in a bad way to another colleagues when I was sitting close to them or around her .she wanted me to hear what she was saying about me .and i used to ignore her and focusing in doing my job, until one day I was sitting in the pantry with some friends and she was sitting in the table next to us and she stand up beside the coffee machine and staring at me and moving her head like a person upset from something or hating someone and she was looking very hated me ,at that moment I said it's enough. I have to face her, I waited until my friends went out of pantry, I stood and i walked towards their table and I said to her I noticed that you are kept staring at me this way I don't like it and I want to know what is your problem with me, I don't even know you and we are not ever talked to each other before.she couldn't even defended her self i discovered that she was weak actually ,and she kept moving her head without saying anything, and I said to her I hope you revised your self with these things you are doing to me. and I walked out of pantry. And since that day I didn't saw her near to me even we were working on the same place until my last day in that job 😂
I hate passive aggressive behavior I been trying to figure out what it was for a while glad I found it!! Now I'll know how to not let it get to me also Ive been passive aggressively bullied
Whenever I try to set boundaries with my dad he makes me feel like I’m ridiculous and gets hurt and I feel bad, but I’m starting to see that my boundaries are important, and he needs to learn how to be okay with that and not see boundaries as a sign of conflict
I have noticed that my brother and especially his wife (who influences him) get angry and act passively-aggressively when I don't give in to their demands. They make demands by either stating them directly or by manipulation. She is used to not using her time wisely and often doesn't have time to do important things because she is frequently on facebook and talking on the phone. Then she doesn't have time to do her important stuff and has other people doing her stuff and she demands I help her, while I'm busy doing my important stuff. I've discovered that they get passive-aggressive when I say no to their demands and also when I set a boundry, they punish me with some kind of passive aggressive behaviour. I doubt talking is ever going to make better the fact that they feel entitled to my time, and my energy. Their anger which comes out passive-aggressively is not about self-defense. Their anger is about controlling others and appearances.
Worst advice ever! That is giving it more attention than it deserves. You just ignore the insult and send that person a blessing. You overpower their negativity by radiating peace, power and purity to Them. You elevate yourself and them to a higher spiritual plane. Really, what you're doing is empowering a weak soul and empowering yourself in the process. You will win every time and eventually she'll stop.
I have a similar issue to this, but it is my mother in law and when I have tried to discuss it with her or my husband she plays the victim and turns out around to look like I am being rude, passive aggressive and manipulative. she tries to pick fault at everything I do, regardless of what it is and its forever over stepping with my kids. I've had enough and it's damaging my marriage because my husband can't see why his mother would be a problem. She is much like the grandmother in Everyone Loves Raymond, except she can't cook.
Limit her access to your life to holidays and family events. Just because she is grandma does not entitle her to be an interference in your relationships as a wife and mother. We do not have to accept behavior from family that we would not accept from others. You have to sit her down and tell her that these are your children and if she is going to teach them to disrespect you then she cannot be a part of their life. You would not allow your child to have a friend who did this and you don't have to allow a grandmother to do it... As to your husband, Well, Raymond needed to grow the hell up.. I believe that a spouse is supposed to be the most important person in your life and the one you stand beside against all others no matter what.. So whether he agrees with how you feel about the situation or not, if you are telling him this is a huge struggle for you and he is not there to support you, that is a problem.
I have similar problem with my mom-in-law where she always play the victim card and seeking for sympathy all the time. Being in an Indian culture makes it even worse that husband feels that they are our responsibility and we have to be with them as they are getting older. The issue is my MIL makes us feel guilty for 6 out of 10 things and other than that she act as a positive person, this would take years to understand what she really wants. You can never confront her because at the end you will be the bad guy in front of the family. She will make her son do whatever she likes by the sympathy and guilty and making him understand the compromises she did in last 25 years. I gave specific examples to my dumbass husband but turned out I am the bad person to think this bullshit.
Simran Prasad Maybe you need a good divorce lawyer. It was always my rule to never say that word unless I meant it. Maybe you need to say that word... and mean it! It can turn things around and make the one playing dumb wake up and smell the coffee. His mother is one thing, but you are his wife and you both cannot sit on the same throne. Also, decide to not play guilty over anything your mom-in-law says or does...she knows exactly what she's doing, and it's time for you to not fall for her sad stories. You need to take back your power, put your foot down and mean business, or you'll be writing the same comment years from now with nothing changed. Remember, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil! Stick to your guns! For BIG TRUTH! kristi
Great advice for what to say, but 99.99% of the time, people like this will just say, "Oh I was just joking," and won't talk about it. In fact, for them, just bringing it up makes them feel superior because they know that their comment bothered you. People like that will just do it again.
Wow. That’s not helpful advice. She should have replied, “Very true! I’m kind of glad because I’d hate for you to lose your besties to me. Besides, the friends I do have keep me plenty busy! Some days I feel like I’m just so spread thin!” And then laugh. “I don’t know how I’d fit them in!”
That's terrible advice. Whenever you discuss that issue (that example). The other person who said it, is NOT going to tell the sister-in-law the truth--because the sister is passive aggressive. Don't you get that?
Yes, especially if she's a narcissist..however passive aggressive people are like bullies in that they don't like being stood up to. As long as you keep it cool like she said, you're just calling them out and that's it. They will rethink next time they want to say something snide because they don't actually want a confrontation. They want to be able to passively eek out their poison, without a confrontation.
This is great Dr Neha How do you deal with the situation when you ask for that 10 min of conversation and the person says, "I don't have time for this" or "everything is fine - you are being too emotional and overthinking things". I have tried setting up a time to have a conversation but get nowhere.
If someone is saying those things to you they are not going to give you a scheduled conversation time. You would be better served to get out of that relationship now. This person is who they are they are not going to change.. They are telling you.. When someone shows you who they are... Believe them.... This person is telling you. they don't have time for you, you are more emotionally involved then they are, you think more about the relationship then they do.. This person is telling you.. Believe him..
Claire Preeth The time to talk about it is... WHEN IT HAPPENS! Otherwise you have lost your chance to get things clear. Seize the moment or forget it! You are playing "nice" to someone who has no understanding of the word. For BIG TRUTH! kristi
That is also a good point . My mil is like that . I've written to her about things tried talking to her and addressing things . She won't communicate plays victim and never owns up or sees herself as doing anything wrong . Her one apology was fake it was one of those "I'm sorry you feel that way" that's not addressing anything or working through it . Then she tries saying she tries but I don't respond . Is like tried what how is blowing a person off when you don't like what's being said trying? Is called own what you do or things can't get Better. Start addressing things that come up and not ignoring a problem . Things are not OK because one person feels it is . There is 2 people involved and things take time .
I've had conversations with my own sister that later on I regretted saying to her, as I was not thinking clearly at that instant. She responded very defensive as if I had said it to hurt her. But in reality I had no intentions to hurt her. So for my own sanity, I just stay away from her so I don't accidentally blurt out something she will get hurt by. On the other hand I know someone else, (used to be married to him) who deliberately withholds something of mine after politely asking them for it. Then when they returned it back to me, it is in 75% the original condition I had left it. That is to me an extremely passive aggressive behavior. That's why we no longer are married. He'd ask me , where do you want to eat, and when I say a place, he responded oh I hate their food. Then he proceeds to ask me again 2 more times, as every time he responds negative. I swear I just gave up and told him I'll eat cereal at home. I lived that way for 11 yrs, and after 13 yrs divorced, no one can stand him even at his workplace. I'm in heaven , alone and loving it. I wouldn't subject myself to utter BS of that kind. No thank you, I'm legally blind and hearing impaired, I already have it hard without more drama in my life.
Ask: Why do you say that? Or It felt like you meant your comment in this way, is this how you meant it? If they clarify vaguely, say: can you clarify what you meant by this sentence, I just want to remove any misunderstanding. If they say silent, then You win and they now know that you will challenge their statements going forward so its best if they play nice. If they say something that assassinates your character, proceed to ask: Can you provide examples of the behaviours you are mentioning? Like a specific time when I did that? They will either stay silent or say: "I dont want to get into this with you right now" Say: I would have preferred this also, but since you brought up the topic, isn't it better to work things out and put it all out on the table so we can avoid this in the future? I would love to sort this out as soon as possible. If you would like, we can sort it out now or we can make a time to sort it out later. I prefer to be upfront about these things. They will most likely get very silent at this point, when they realize that passive-aggression wont work. If you want to keep going you can say: I would really like us to have a good time here, if thats not possible, its ok. Whenever you want to work this out like adults, I will always be here. Smile and continue smiling at the person throughout the night while enjoying your evening. ♥️
The solution assumes that the powers are reasonably equal and people want to be fair. If the sister-in-law has the power over the brother that she possibly does, she could work for termination of the dinner or just, in general, work the brother against his sister behind her back. Happens all the time. Engaging passive aggressiveness with open discussion also assumes that the passive aggressive party wants resolution of the situation and that they feel discussion is a fair way of dealing with the conflict. However, they may feel or claim you have a way with words that overpowers them or they may find such citation paternalistic. Or the passive aggressive party may aim at an effect that has little to do with her personally [for example, punish her spouse or not wanting to be forced to go out all the time] but which they wouldn't admit to. My gut feeling would be that she would be better off cultivating a private line or contact culture [e.g. lunch once a week together, long phone calls...] with her brother only and let the dinner go.
I immediately have to disagree with the statement that both women love the husband/brother. Treating the wife the way the sister does intends harm and this harm will invariably affect the brother/husband. The sister in law's behaviour is 100% destructive and she doesn't care that it is. She wants to destroy her brother's marriage. How is this loving? Women like her are incestuous. They indirectly claim being potentially a better wife than the woman the brother chose. We are in a severe pathology here of a strong narcissistic nature. These people act in such an extremely superior way they feel they have the right to kill, spiritually and the ultimate action here is physical killing which equals murder.
No, the appropriate response is, are you mad because they dont like you at all? When you try to talk it out with someone like that you JUST GAVE them power and control over you. You throw it right back at them and force them to unknowingly give you what you want.
my father keeps being passive aggressive to me and when i stand for myself he shuns me, yells at me and he once even hit me. i cant do anything to prove his true intentions. if he was a friend i would totally cut him off but hes my father.. i cant do anything about it. its extremely frustrating
hmm- lot sure that’s very realistic..lol as soon as you ‘open that door ‘ of asking ‘what did you mean by that ‘ the person is most likely going to get their back up... not to mention, if they ARE indeed PA, they’re probably gonna give you some song and dance, or just circumvent your direct question...
So if they dont admit to their passuve aggressivrness im just supposed to belueve them???? So what happens when they do it again? And they continue to pretend like they didn't do it on purpose? Where the boundaries here?
Nice try. My passive aggressivness only becomes more hardened with every slight from company management. I don't spread rumors, I don't leave snarky notes, I give 100% to those that deserve it. You fu** with me, you get the worst underhanded and non proportional treatment.
You really need to learn about narcissists and personality disordered people. Its not my job to believe them after they have made a passive aggressive swipe at me. If they were honest, that slap would have never happened in the first place. PA people know exactly what they are doing.
#1. When a PA person attempts to slime and abuse you with a loaded question designed to insult you, you reply with "That's an excellent question, why do you ask?"
You actually use advice you get from TH-cam videos? That must have been rough. If someone is passive aggressive toward ME I just act even more passive aggressive until they eject from the conversation. That may work for you but honestly just do whatever you think would work for YOUR situation because the situation is always different.
Pffft. My sister-in-law tried playing me yesterday for the last time. I usually hate conflict and bottle it up. This time I flat out snapped. She fell all over herself, rephrasing her initial comment to calm me down. I stayed angry...so my advice is to call them AS THEY SAY IT - or you might just be telling an in-law that you don't give a f*** what they think. (And not have it in you to care enough to apologize for a long, curse-filled rant.)
I am currently living with my brother and his so called wife. And they're both very unpleasant and nasty beings. Talk and you're wrong, do not talk and all the shit goes on. I am being treated like a slave in silence. And the bottom line of this whole thing is the money issue. I came into some financial distress and had to move in with them until i bounce back. But when i bounce back...i am so done with the whole family fake shit, because you do not abuse people in times of need...that just goes to show the person you were all along.
I don't judge no one cus I've been judged by people that don't even no me they think they do run there mouth on me he said she said bs need to mind there own business
My passive aggressive inlaw rejoices when i ask curiously , she is ready with Oh for heavens sake you are so oversensitive and chalks it up to me being difficult and relays it as me conftonting and upsetting her to all the family and friends who will listen o.o
No we were never fam and no we don't love the same person equally...he is the black sheep of the fam he was never part of fam it is impossible for me to be part of fam....even if you ask they pis on you...asking is stupid
Look, I know your going with the kind approach but you do not do that with people who are a bitch to you!!! Rule number 1!!! It worries me that you have dedicated a whole chapter to it...
Passive aggressive people will never going to admit about their wrong intensions. They would generally make you feel guilty of what you though about him/her, and you will walk away being a bad bad guy.
So true!
That's so true they never own anything they are always victims
you're right but by keeping things open and curious, you make yourself a harder target for them, and they'll shape up their interactions with you and/or seek their supply elsewhere. it's classic peer support techniques.
True
@@grawakendream8980 love your response to that. Thank you.
And NEVER COW TOW to a toxic person. They don't care about you. Showing vulnerability will not inspire them to suddenly have a conscious and respect your feelings. And don't believe anything they say. They can't even make sense of their own behavior. There is absolutely no reason to believe what you say should matter to them. CHECK THEIR ASSES and send them on their way. The push back and resolve will send them fleeing to find a new victim. Cause that's what they are looking for.
That was the worst example I think I have ever heard to be frank.When people are acting nasty with you they are not going to make a time to chat with you. They could honestly careless about your feelings .
yes and they will always deny being malicious which is why it is passive aggressive!!!
Exactly. She may as well have " they won't like you because I don't like you" the example was a clear and obvious insult. So much for passive.
Ann Black I agree. Most of them will schedule a call with you and find a way to wiggle out if it. They don’t keep commitments and they lie. They have no shame and will tell you how much they love you even if they hate you. A non-passive aggressive person will have openness, but someone who survives in life through passive aggressive behavior will not participate in a good faith conversation. They just won’t because passive aggressive behavior is the way they cope in life.
I think they actually don't care about their own feelings cause once you register your own stress it's easier to control its reactions and act upon higher values and needs.
Text book accurate, but ineffective most often. Passive aggressive folks are no different than outwardly aggressive folks. Don’t rationalize or try to relate with someone who is bent on crushing you. 1. Call them out, without yelling or getting angry. (this takes courage so be ready).
2. Don’t take the bait, the bull or the blame!
3.Lastly, but most importantly be strong when you’re around them. They prey on weakness.
With my extended family, they would deny their rude remark and even rage that you even tried to clear it up. I cannot remember a time when I tried to talk about something that was met with kindness to resolve it. They love their hate. So I avoid them, one cannot reason with someone who is covertly mean.
Don't manage passive aggressive prople. Stay away from them as much as possible. And accept the fact that your brother "is gone". He made a choice and chose that particular person who does not appreciate you. She has already told him what she thinks about you and apparently he did nothing to stop the behaviour from happening. He probably agreed. Let them be. Move on.
This would not work!!! if she is truly passive aggressiveness she will play the victim and make it into a drama, tell the other members of the family and demonize her. The sister-in-law does not like her. Best course of action is to realize this and ignore her pettiness. She is obviously jealous for some reason if this sort of thing keeps happening. Eventually others will notice and call her out on it.
YES! I have a passive aggressive mother and every single time I call her out on what she does... she will say anything to twist the situation and sound like the victim. She will make a whole scene, start yelling and crying. Then she will tell my other family members and tell them her twisted side of the situation and tell them how much of a horrible person I am. I went through years of feeling alone until my dad also got tired of her shit. Turns out I wasn't wrong this whole time. My dad is divorcing her and now all my siblings are starting to realize how she is too. My dad and I had a heart to heart conversation about this whole thing and he felt so alone for years. He never knew what he did to get treated so badly. Her passive aggressive attitude is so damaging and completely sucks your energy out of you. I now realize as an adult how my mother affected me, I went through deep depression as a teenager because of her behavior. A passive aggressive person is a very hard person to deal with. You will never win. In their eyes you will always be wrong, theres is nothing you can do to change them unless they want to change themselves.
@@daniellemelendez3544 a
From what I know whenever you try and confront a passive aggressor he or she will mostly deny it. Sometimes it’s best to avoid such people. Problem is actually with you trying to please people for sake of family. Don’t try to please anyone or you will end up as a door mat. You as a human being have limited strength to deal with such energies. Instead be with people who are positive and uplift you.
Ain't nobody got time for all that..
Don't let crazy people run your life.
John Vanegmond - what do you mean by that :\
A better way to deal with this specific example would be 1) Repeat what the person said, 2) to ask a closed ended (yes/no) questions, for example:
*So when you say "The Johnsons really like you but they don't know you yet", are you trying to say that I'm an unlikable person?
Passive aggressive people hate to be called out on their poor behavior, asking a direct, closed ended question really makes them uncomfortable, it also subtly lets them know that they crossed a boundary, and not to cross it again.
I recently found this really helpful YT channel on how to deal with difficult people/social situations ect, check out "Dan O'Connor at Online Communication Skills Training Courses
.
I usually call out such remarks like saying “are you implying that if they knew me they wouldn’t like?” It really throws them off lmaooo
Too much work!! Just drop her like hot cakes and keep it moving!
Yup wanna treat me like shit for no reason?? see yaaaaaaa!!! Seriously don't have fucking time for that. I'd do this to anyone, family members included.
@@pazleoogbemillar1009 good for you
My thoughts exactly
Ya heard me👍
I don’t think people know how much they can handle tell their stretched to their limits. People kill themselves over stuff like this.
My experience with a passive aggressive person, after receiving the passive abuse for 3-4 days, though he denied being angry when I initially asked him, I asked if we could talk that evening. This made him angry and he pressed wanting to know what it was about. I replied, "I've noticed your mood/behavior changed ever since the incident about the soda." He blew up, yelling, talking over my attempts to calm him down, and made rash, reactive, detrimental decisions as a result that hurt both of us. I just don't think passive aggressive people are mature/mentally healthy. They deny they have a problem. Additionally, I think another angle to this is that person wanted to blow up to give him an "excuse" to binge drink.
You caution the questioner to remember she and her sister-in-law love the same person. She already knows that. Then you ask her to test the comment from the sister-in-law when the questioner already has a reliable perception of this sister-in-law's behavior. She's been around her enough to know that her comment is indeed passive aggressive. Calling them out on it isn't going to help. It's just going to make them defensive.
And then you said, "Your job now is to believe her." What? No. Manipulative people are liars. What if the sister-in-law is a full-on narcissist? You should at least address the possibility because conversations like this with narcissists are not only useless, they can backfire as narcissists will use the situation against you. My experience from hearing victims of narcissists is to go with your gut. If you feel like this person is manipulative, they probably are. I really wish you had come at this from that angle. In other words, OK, you're dealing with a manipulative person, now what? That's what I wanted to hear.
Agree largely but I'm skeptical about the 'going with the gut' thing. My gut feeling :) would be to give that gut feeling only about 25% of influence. My reason would be that I believe manipulative people actually specialize on influencing gut feelings and I believe a lot of gut feeling advice comes from hindsight bias. Yes, there maybe was that feeling but there were also many others at the time and some gut feelings excessively incriminate innocent people. Or congruency bias: Some cluster Bs, for example, leave no relevant traces for years because they don't have an alternate personality or hidden agenda or manage to totally dissociate from them, no? Thoughts?
I ask what they meant by that at the moment they say it or else its pointless. I like to see them squirm.
Trust your gut feeling and protect yourself!
How ! Lol
You’re basically telling the victim here to doubt her own experience when the manipulator denies her tactic. Of course she’s going to deny being passive-aggressive! It’s called gaslighting. This advice is amateur and dangerous.
Wow. It sounds like passive-aggressiveness is a hot topic these days! Glad to see the lively debate going on here and the variety of perspectives. In our world today, there's a much more extreme version of this happening, so thank you for speaking to that and I'll create another video blog addressing gaslighting. There is a big difference between passive-aggressiveness and gaslighting. Many people use these experiences interchangeably-but they're different in intensity and intention. Passive-aggressiveness can happen when someone's feelings get hurt by the presence (or absence) of a comment, not feeling valued or appreciated, a misunderstanding. Many times in families these issues lead one person to feelings that they are afraid to express to another person and them feeling awkward. Avoiding conflict is a common experience in our society and can often result in avoiding a conversation rather than addressing it for fear of creating discomfort. Since recording this 5 years ago, our world has changed dramatically and gaslighting has become a very common experience. This is when someone uses manipulation and blame to try and outsmart you in a conversation and get their way. I am in absolute agreement that when you are being gaslit, you need to exit not only the conversation, but likely the entire relationship. Thank you for sharing your perspectives and I'll put gaslighting on my list of future video blog topics to create! Stay tuned~
I would literally ask her on the spot what she meant by that last part, see if she can explain it in a room full of people without looking bad...
I appreciate the video. I would add, however, that this would be a ‘perfect world’ scenario. If you are truly dealing with someone who is passive aggressive towards you, they would probably look at you funny or call you weird for requesting a time to sit and talk (especially in such a formal, serious way as suggested in this video). Also, sitting down and asking these questions is giving them wayyy too much attention and they will likely take your time for granted. I would suggest developing yourself to be non-reactive and keep these people at arms length. If they say ‘so and so likes you but that’s only because they don’t know you’, respond assuming they meant it as a harmless tease and say ‘I know right, can’t wait to show them the real me…’ and then give a diabolical laugh and go about your great day 😉
When you show them they are no longer able to get a negative response from you, it will not only drive them crazy but it will discourage them from attempting again in the future. Why would they continue if they aren’t getting what the want?
In the case of the sister-in-law, I would catch it right then and say, I'm sorry, I don't want to misinterpret you and take offense not meant, could you explain what you mean by that. In this way I am not pointing a finger at her, I am taking responsibility for the possibility of what I am hearing as well as helping her to take responsibility for what she is saying. When people talk to us in this manner in front of others they are looking for the cover of silent support in their attack. When they have to explain in front of the same people, the cover is broken and they know that they are seen, and you are in no way seen as hostile because you made sure to say you did not want to misunderstand..
chris scott That is immensely helpful advice, thank you! I deal with these type of people too often and I'm so caught off guard that I don't know what to say in the moment
chris scott Great Point!!! So many times I let this slip by and these personalities run right over me. It's been a heartbreaking experience. But I'm working on my awareness and my own pattern so that I might catch this in a timely manner. It seems almost to petty to go back after an offense? Like I can't really win and just be seen as petty. I have someone I'm dealing with now that is a master at backhanded compliments. She really leveled me the other day. I'm really struggling what to do about it.
Jess Ann Cullen It's really hard, women can be so nasty to other women. I had a full-blown narcissist in my friends group and had to completely cut myself off from her, she is so good at manipulation and painting herself to be the victim...that my best friends distanced themselves from me as a result. You can't convince people that the perpetrator is being malicious because all it will achieve is proving her to be the "victim". In my case....i finally learned to keep my mouth shut and about 6 months of me doing my own thing, my friends finally realized that it was HER that was being malicious toward me. So I really think the best advice is manipulating the passive aggressive person on the spot, like he said. Call her out in a way that doesn't make you look too emotional (because passive-aggressive people loveee to come back with "geez, it was just a jokee, why are you SO sensitive"). Good luck!!
Mad Lib thank you! Yes, I see your point. Truth will always be truth. Sometimes just letting the truth alone do the work. I did write a letter to this woman. But I think it was more for me than her. I didn't send it. But it did help me get clear about some things and realize I'm not crazy!!
Totally agree and this is something I have to work on.
Passive aggressive ppl may not admit that they meant hurt by their comments but by following this advice, you disarm them. They won’t want to be called out again so they may think twice about making nasty remarks. We can’t change ppl but we can set boundaries and that is what I got out of this video. Thanks!
Every time I patiently talked to my [Passive Aggresive Relative] about my feelings when they hurt me, they would deny my feelings, blame me for being the aggressor/guilty party, and eventually, my patient resolve made them escalate their behavior to physical violence to shut me up. So uh, yeah don't do this.
OMG yes. I know! I agree with you. Those kinds of things happened to me as well. And also they might listen to the conversation, twist it, go and tell other people that you were a terrible person to them. So they not only attack you, they make you look like you were the one attacking them!
I don’t know how they do it in India but here in America we would say “Screw you Susie! Here in America, there is some true feelings in a snide remark at someone else’s expense. Denying it or downplaying the comment is just the cowards way out because they don’t have to deal with the consequences of their words spoken. Don’t EVER let Susie get away with that or she’ll be doing that to you and everyone else for the rest of her life!
Well said "facts"
I want to share with you my story, I had a colleague that used to talked about me in a bad way to another colleagues when I was sitting close to them or around her .she wanted me to hear what she was saying about me .and i used to ignore her and focusing in doing my job, until one day I was sitting in the pantry with some friends and she was sitting in the table next to us and she stand up beside the coffee machine and staring at me and moving her head like a person upset from something or hating someone and she was looking very hated me ,at that moment I said it's enough. I have to face her, I waited until my friends went out of pantry, I stood and i walked towards their table and I said to her I noticed that you are kept staring at me this way I don't like it and I want to know what is your problem with me, I don't even know you and we are not ever talked to each other before.she couldn't even defended her self i discovered that she was weak actually ,and she kept moving her head without saying anything, and I said to her I hope you revised your self with these things you are doing to me. and I walked out of pantry. And since that day I didn't saw her near to me even we were working on the same place until my last day in that job 😂
Flattery is always followed by deceit. Comments like that shouldn’t be taken seriously.
I hate passive aggressive behavior I been trying to figure out what it was for a while glad I found it!! Now I'll know how to not let it get to me also Ive been passive aggressively bullied
Whenever I try to set boundaries with my dad he makes me feel like I’m ridiculous and gets hurt and I feel bad, but I’m starting to see that my boundaries are important, and he needs to learn how to be okay with that and not see boundaries as a sign of conflict
I have noticed that my brother and especially his wife (who influences him) get angry and act passively-aggressively when I don't give in to their demands. They make demands by either stating them directly or by manipulation. She is used to not using her time wisely and often doesn't have time to do important things because she is frequently on facebook and talking on the phone. Then she doesn't have time to do her important stuff and has other people doing her stuff and she demands I help her, while I'm busy doing my important stuff. I've discovered that they get passive-aggressive when I say no to their demands and also when I set a boundry, they punish me with some kind of passive aggressive behaviour. I doubt talking is ever going to make better the fact that they feel entitled to my time, and my energy. Their anger which comes out passive-aggressively is not about self-defense. Their anger is about controlling others and appearances.
Worst advice ever! That is giving it more attention than it deserves. You just ignore the insult and send that person a blessing. You overpower their negativity by radiating peace, power and purity to Them. You elevate yourself and them to a higher spiritual plane. Really, what you're doing is empowering a weak soul and empowering yourself in the process. You will win every time and eventually she'll stop.
I have a similar issue to this, but it is my mother in law and when I have tried to discuss it with her or my husband she plays the victim and turns out around to look like I am being rude, passive aggressive and manipulative. she tries to pick fault at everything I do, regardless of what it is and its forever over stepping with my kids. I've had enough and it's damaging my marriage because my husband can't see why his mother would be a problem. She is much like the grandmother in Everyone Loves Raymond, except she can't cook.
Limit her access to your life to holidays and family events. Just because she is grandma does not entitle her to be an interference in your relationships as a wife and mother. We do not have to accept behavior from family that we would not accept from others. You have to sit her down and tell her that these are your children and if she is going to teach them to disrespect you then she cannot be a part of their life. You would not allow your child to have a friend who did this and you don't have to allow a grandmother to do it... As to your husband, Well, Raymond needed to grow the hell up.. I believe that a spouse is supposed to be the most important person in your life and the one you stand beside against all others no matter what.. So whether he agrees with how you feel about the situation or not, if you are telling him this is a huge struggle for you and he is not there to support you, that is a problem.
not helpful, i have no control to do that because my partner thinks im wrong
I have similar problem with my mom-in-law where she always play the victim card and seeking for sympathy all the time. Being in an Indian culture makes it even worse that husband feels that they are our responsibility and we have to be with them as they are getting older. The issue is my MIL makes us feel guilty for 6 out of 10 things and other than that she act as a positive person, this would take years to understand what she really wants.
You can never confront her because at the end you will be the bad guy in front of the family. She will make her son do whatever she likes by the sympathy and guilty and making him understand the compromises she did in last 25 years.
I gave specific examples to my dumbass husband but turned out I am the bad person to think this bullshit.
Simran Prasad Maybe you need a good divorce lawyer. It was always my rule to never say that word unless I meant it. Maybe you need to say that word... and mean it! It can turn things around and make the one playing dumb wake up and smell the coffee. His mother is one thing, but you are his wife and you both cannot sit on the same throne. Also, decide to not play guilty over anything your mom-in-law says or does...she knows exactly what she's doing, and it's time for you to not fall for her sad stories. You need to take back your power, put your foot down and mean business, or you'll be writing the same comment years from now with nothing changed. Remember, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil! Stick to your guns! For BIG TRUTH! kristi
OMG same exact thing here.
Great advice for what to say, but 99.99% of the time, people like this will just say, "Oh I was just joking," and won't talk about it. In fact, for them, just bringing it up makes them feel superior because they know that their comment bothered you. People like that will just do it again.
Making excuses for the SIL's backhanded comment. Come. On. How invalidating.
I confront them with their bullshit and walk away because they will never admit to doing what they did.
The next day is already too late. Most people who are P.A. Will deny, rephrase, gaslight. You have to catch them politely but firmly, in the moment.
Wow. That’s not helpful advice. She should have replied, “Very true! I’m kind of glad because I’d hate for you to lose your besties to me. Besides, the friends I do have keep me plenty busy! Some days I feel like I’m just so spread thin!” And then laugh. “I don’t know how I’d fit them in!”
Nonsense advice
That's terrible advice. Whenever you discuss that issue (that example). The other person who said it, is NOT going to tell the sister-in-law the truth--because the sister is passive aggressive. Don't you get that?
Yes, especially if she's a narcissist..however passive aggressive people are like bullies in that they don't like being stood up to. As long as you keep it cool like she said, you're just calling them out and that's it. They will rethink next time they want to say something snide because they don't actually want a confrontation. They want to be able to passively eek out their poison, without a confrontation.
This is great Dr Neha
How do you deal with the situation when you ask for that 10 min of conversation and the person says, "I don't have time for this" or "everything is fine - you are being too emotional and overthinking things". I have tried setting up a time to have a conversation but get nowhere.
If someone is saying those things to you they are not going to give you a scheduled conversation time. You would be better served to get out of that relationship now. This person is who they are they are not going to change.. They are telling you.. When someone shows you who they are... Believe them.... This person is telling you. they don't have time for you, you are more emotionally involved then they are, you think more about the relationship then they do.. This person is telling you.. Believe him..
Claire Preeth The time to talk about it is... WHEN IT HAPPENS! Otherwise you have lost your chance to get things clear. Seize the moment or forget it! You are playing "nice" to someone who has no understanding of the word. For BIG TRUTH! kristi
That is also a good point . My mil is like that . I've written to her about things tried talking to her and addressing things . She won't communicate plays victim and never owns up or sees herself as doing anything wrong . Her one apology was fake it was one of those "I'm sorry you feel that way" that's not addressing anything or working through it . Then she tries saying she tries but I don't respond . Is like tried what how is blowing a person off when you don't like what's being said trying? Is called own what you do or things can't get Better. Start addressing things that come up and not ignoring a problem . Things are not OK because one person feels it is . There is 2 people involved and things take time .
I've had conversations with my own sister that later on I regretted saying to her, as I was not thinking clearly at that instant. She responded very defensive as if I had said it to hurt her. But in reality I had no intentions to hurt her. So for my own sanity, I just stay away from her so I don't accidentally blurt out something she will get hurt by.
On the other hand I know someone else, (used to be married to him) who deliberately withholds something of mine after politely asking them for it. Then when they returned it back to me, it is in 75% the original condition I had left it. That is to me an extremely passive aggressive behavior. That's why we no longer are married. He'd ask me , where do you want to eat, and when I say a place, he responded oh I hate their food. Then he proceeds to ask me again 2 more times, as every time he responds negative. I swear I just gave up and told him I'll eat cereal at home. I lived that way for 11 yrs, and after 13 yrs divorced, no one can stand him even at his workplace. I'm in heaven , alone and loving it. I wouldn't subject myself to utter BS of that kind. No thank you, I'm legally blind and hearing impaired, I already have it hard without more drama in my life.
Ask: Why do you say that?
Or
It felt like you meant your comment in this way, is this how you meant it?
If they clarify vaguely, say: can you clarify what you meant by this sentence, I just want to remove any misunderstanding.
If they say silent, then You win and they now know that you will challenge their statements going forward so its best if they play nice.
If they say something that assassinates your character, proceed to ask:
Can you provide examples of the behaviours you are mentioning? Like a specific time when I did that?
They will either stay silent or say:
"I dont want to get into this with you right now"
Say: I would have preferred this also, but since you brought up the topic, isn't it better to work things out and put it all out on the table so we can avoid this in the future? I would love to sort this out as soon as possible. If you would like, we can sort it out now or we can make a time to sort it out later. I prefer to be upfront about these things.
They will most likely get very silent at this point, when they realize that passive-aggression wont work.
If you want to keep going you can say:
I would really like us to have a good time here, if thats not possible, its ok. Whenever you want to work this out like adults, I will always be here. Smile and continue smiling at the person throughout the night while enjoying your evening. ♥️
Forgive them be better than them & pray for them..
Then live your life use this to motivate you to be better
This has nothing to do with the subject of the matter, but you are beautiful. 😊
The solution assumes that the powers are reasonably equal and people want to be fair. If the sister-in-law has the power over the brother that she possibly does, she could work for termination of the dinner or just, in general, work the brother against his sister behind her back. Happens all the time. Engaging passive aggressiveness with open discussion also assumes that the passive aggressive party wants resolution of the situation and that they feel discussion is a fair way of dealing with the conflict. However, they may feel or claim you have a way with words that overpowers them or they may find such citation paternalistic. Or the passive aggressive party may aim at an effect that has little to do with her personally [for example, punish her spouse or not wanting to be forced to go out all the time] but which they wouldn't admit to. My gut feeling would be that she would be better off cultivating a private line or contact culture [e.g. lunch once a week together, long phone calls...] with her brother only and let the dinner go.
Very helpful thank you very much
Isn't it better to deal with it as it happens because sitting on it and letting it fester works on my nerves.
I assume avoid this person and cut them out of your life. They will never change!
Do you have any informative videos about Micro-aggressions? How to recognize it and what to do when being faced with them?
I immediately have to disagree with the statement that both women love the husband/brother. Treating the wife the way the sister does intends harm and this harm will invariably affect the brother/husband. The sister in law's behaviour is 100% destructive and she doesn't care that it is. She wants to destroy her brother's marriage. How is this loving? Women like her are incestuous. They indirectly claim being potentially a better wife than the woman the brother chose. We are in a severe pathology here of a strong narcissistic nature. These people act in such an extremely superior way they feel they have the right to kill, spiritually and the ultimate action here is physical killing which equals murder.
Excellent advice!!!
No, the appropriate response is, are you mad because they dont like you at all?
When you try to talk it out with someone like that you JUST GAVE them power and control over you.
You throw it right back at them and force them to unknowingly give you what you want.
my father keeps being passive aggressive to me and when i stand for myself he shuns me, yells at me and he once even hit me. i cant do anything to prove his true intentions. if he was a friend i would totally cut him off but hes my father.. i cant do anything about it. its extremely frustrating
hmm- lot sure that’s very realistic..lol
as soon as you ‘open that door ‘ of asking ‘what did you mean by that ‘ the person is most likely going to get their back up...
not to mention, if they ARE indeed PA, they’re probably gonna give you some song and dance, or just circumvent your direct question...
So if they dont admit to their passuve aggressivrness im just supposed to belueve them???? So what happens when they do it again? And they continue to pretend like they didn't do it on purpose? Where the boundaries here?
Consider an alternative title: Passive Aggression. Lose the word "outsmarting".
You lost me on the part where you set up a 4 o clock meeting for a personal conversation with e relative :D
Anyone else wrong even when agreeing with someone?
Nice try. My passive aggressivness only becomes more hardened with every slight from company management. I don't spread rumors, I don't leave snarky notes, I give 100% to those that deserve it. You fu** with me, you get the worst underhanded and non proportional treatment.
Think u doctor Neha
The cure.
You really need to learn about narcissists and personality disordered people. Its not my job to believe them after they have made a passive aggressive swipe at me. If they were honest, that slap would have never happened in the first place. PA people know exactly what they are doing.
#1. When a PA person attempts to slime and abuse you with a loaded question designed to insult you, you reply with "That's an excellent question, why do you ask?"
Assuming the other party is willing to engage in a dialogue, don't they usually blame you.
Won't work imo. They will just deny it, turn it around, and enjoy that it bothered you enough to ask about it.
Wrong advice. ..fail for me
You actually use advice you get from TH-cam videos? That must have been rough. If someone is passive aggressive toward ME I just act even more passive aggressive until they eject from the conversation. That may work for you but honestly just do whatever you think would work for YOUR situation because the situation is always different.
That is exactly what they want you to do...thats what passive aggression is all about...
This is just common-since
Pffft. My sister-in-law tried playing me yesterday for the last time. I usually hate conflict and bottle it up. This time I flat out snapped. She fell all over herself, rephrasing her initial comment to calm me down. I stayed angry...so my advice is to call them AS THEY SAY IT - or you might just be telling an in-law that you don't give a f*** what they think. (And not have it in you to care enough to apologize for a long, curse-filled rant.)
Many passive aggressive people are not up for discussions, they will say, oh are you still thinking about what I said, you are overly sensitive
Nope, your response example would make the inlaw even more aggressive towards the woman who wrote in.
Converts are predictable.Dont invest tooooo much.Keep your distance and worship Almighty God,not ppl
Ralfi Pagan " Stay out of my Life"
Crap advice!!!
I am currently living with my brother and his so called wife. And they're both very unpleasant and nasty beings. Talk and you're wrong, do not talk and all the shit goes on. I am being treated like a slave in silence. And the bottom line of this whole thing is the money issue. I came into some financial distress and had to move in with them until i bounce back. But when i bounce back...i am so done with the whole family fake shit, because you do not abuse people in times of need...that just goes to show the person you were all along.
*A really useful and well made video. I will use it for my personal experience.*
I will not forgive none of them
Damn you are a really nice person for not forgiving none of them! I wish I was as forgiving toward everyone as you.
I don't judge no one cus I've been judged by people that don't even no me they think they do run there mouth on me he said she said bs need to mind there own business
Love u neha
you DO NOT nessarly love the same person. who says she loves my brother Hummm?
My passive aggressive inlaw rejoices when i ask curiously , she is ready with Oh for heavens sake you are so oversensitive and chalks it up to me being difficult and relays it as me conftonting and upsetting her to all the family and friends who will listen o.o
I'm sorry, but this is not outsmarting, this is playing along right with them. Hopefully you can address this from a different angle. Thank you.
No we were never fam and no we don't love the same person equally...he is the black sheep of the fam he was never part of fam it is impossible for me to be part of fam....even if you ask they pis on you...asking is stupid
If you feel you have to reply then say WHO CARES!!!
really bad
Look, I know your going with the kind approach but you do not do that with people who are a bitch to you!!! Rule number 1!!! It worries me that you have dedicated a whole chapter to it...
I say this with love: THIS IS NOT IT SIS LOL