Rule number one for coming out: don’t make it anybody else’s problem. You’re coming out amazing. Good for you, but the moment you start using it as an excuse to hurt people, then you lose all support for your revelation of self. You’re also giving fuel for ignorance
Girl needs a good lawyer. I get that not everyone grows up in an accepting environment and can't be who they are, but him trying to take everything makes me think he knew and was using her to get a free family basically or he's lying about being gay to guilt her into giving him everything. Doesn't matter the reason, assets are split 50/50 and depending on the state he probably owes spousal support too. Sounds more like a man that doesn't want to pay up than anything.
Idgaf if hes had his gay awakening (i say as an LGBTQ person). He doesnt get to have everything. He tricked you. You were his beard so he could get a family. Note how he waited til the youngest was 4, so he wouldnt need to pay as much for daycare because theyll be in Kindergarten soon. This is some hot bs. Maybe im making him out to be more manipulative than he is, but this reeks of someone who manipulated their way into a family. He prolly has a boyfriend ready to be 'papa' to those kids, ffs.
You should get 1/2 of everything. And full custody. Hes the one who is chosing to live a lifestyle that he kept from you. I bet he had those feelings before marriage and just kept them in. Do not give in fight.
The second he says that he wants all of the assets because he is the primary money earner, you know he's full of shit. In most divorces with reasonable judges, the reason a woman gets "almost everything" is because of the income inequality. He wants complete custody of the kids, well unless OP has a history of abusing others or has otherwise been deemed an unfit parent, that would only happen if OP doesn't have enough money to afford taking care of the kids even with Child Support which the judge would require the husband to pay unless he had full custody. Which is probably why he wants full custody. So he doesn't have to give more money to his beard. If he uses OP's previous mental health issues against her even though she seems to have a good handle on them. He is a grade A bastard, and I would advise OP to get the most vicious cut-throat divorce attorney she can find because I guarantee that if he gets full custody, the first thing he's going to do is try and turn the kids against her. He isn't "being fair", he's being a selfish dick and personally? I hope every person he tries to date after this sees him as the toxic manipulative jerk he is being to OP. He has the right to live true to himself, I'll give him that. But the fact that he's gay does not give him a pass to destroy another persons' life.
Just because he thinks he's gay, doesn't change the division of assets OR that the Mother usually gets custody, as generally kids need their mother more.....and with the sudden confusion of the new family dynamic they should definitely stay with you and he pays child support like normal until the lids understand better, I mean that's alot to throw at children!....ma'am....lawyer up pronto otherwise he's going to trample all over you
Being gay is acceptable, being an asshole isnt. The soon-to-be (hopefully already by now) ex-husband deserves 50% of the marital assets but not full custody. If he really wants to fight it, then at least the daughter (6F, as mentionned) should be allowed to choose who she wants to be with, while the son (4M) should be with his mother, seeing that she is already the primary caregiver and therefore is the more fit parent to have the children. The ex-husband might be the breadwinner, but is he capable of taking care of a 6 and 4 year old? I highly doubt that. Fight for full custody and at least 50% of marrital assets. Though I hope you get more; There is a chance that he found out he's gay through an affair with a man.. So a PI would be my first suggestion.
I personally think that if both parents are fit to care for the children and have a positive bond with them (which seems to be the case here), a good parent would never try to alienate the other one. A good parent always puts the children's needs above their own, and generally speaking, contact with both parents is super important, especially with such young children. In my opinion, this is evidence that the father puts his own desires above the needs of his children, which is not a good sign. Even in a messy divorce, people need to remember that children aren't weapons to harm their previous partner, they're living beings that they are responsible for and should care for to the best of their ability.
Why on earth do people do this? They have a kids and a full family before deciding “huh, i think im gay!” Like dude you had the chance for that revelation 20 years ago its too late
He is the one who wants to leave his cushy life. He is the one to give up more. No hate but many "gay" people are bi. He is perfectly happy being with a wife. Especially today there really is little stigma around it. He just wants to sleep around and keep the suburban life.
Rule number one for coming out: don’t make it anybody else’s problem. You’re coming out amazing. Good for you, but the moment you start using it as an excuse to hurt people, then you lose all support for your revelation of self. You’re also giving fuel for ignorance
He seems to have been waiting for the kids to grow up a bit and since you’re the primary caregiver he’ll owe you alimony
Girl needs a good lawyer. I get that not everyone grows up in an accepting environment and can't be who they are, but him trying to take everything makes me think he knew and was using her to get a free family basically or he's lying about being gay to guilt her into giving him everything. Doesn't matter the reason, assets are split 50/50 and depending on the state he probably owes spousal support too. Sounds more like a man that doesn't want to pay up than anything.
Lawyer lawyer lawyer!!!!
Idgaf if hes had his gay awakening (i say as an LGBTQ person). He doesnt get to have everything. He tricked you. You were his beard so he could get a family. Note how he waited til the youngest was 4, so he wouldnt need to pay as much for daycare because theyll be in Kindergarten soon.
This is some hot bs. Maybe im making him out to be more manipulative than he is, but this reeks of someone who manipulated their way into a family. He prolly has a boyfriend ready to be 'papa' to those kids, ffs.
Somehow I never see this said about the lesbians when they do it. If we're going to call it out, call it all out, or not at all.
You should get 1/2 of everything. And full custody. Hes the one who is chosing to live a lifestyle that he kept from you. I bet he had those feelings before marriage and just kept them in. Do not give in fight.
I also wouldn't be surprised if he's been cheating for their entire marriage she just needs to find proof
If op is in the U S she'll get at least 50/50 custody of the children and alimony and child support
The second he says that he wants all of the assets because he is the primary money earner, you know he's full of shit. In most divorces with reasonable judges, the reason a woman gets "almost everything" is because of the income inequality. He wants complete custody of the kids, well unless OP has a history of abusing others or has otherwise been deemed an unfit parent, that would only happen if OP doesn't have enough money to afford taking care of the kids even with Child Support which the judge would require the husband to pay unless he had full custody. Which is probably why he wants full custody. So he doesn't have to give more money to his beard. If he uses OP's previous mental health issues against her even though she seems to have a good handle on them. He is a grade A bastard, and I would advise OP to get the most vicious cut-throat divorce attorney she can find because I guarantee that if he gets full custody, the first thing he's going to do is try and turn the kids against her.
He isn't "being fair", he's being a selfish dick and personally? I hope every person he tries to date after this sees him as the toxic manipulative jerk he is being to OP.
He has the right to live true to himself, I'll give him that. But the fact that he's gay does not give him a pass to destroy another persons' life.
1:58 What part of tearing ur life apart is fair 💀
I'm sorry but if he makes more and you have been the primary caregiver, then he owes you alimony.
Just because he thinks he's gay, doesn't change the division of assets OR that the Mother usually gets custody, as generally kids need their mother more.....and with the sudden confusion of the new family dynamic they should definitely stay with you and he pays child support like normal until the lids understand better, I mean that's alot to throw at children!....ma'am....lawyer up pronto otherwise he's going to trample all over you
Being gay is acceptable, being an asshole isnt.
The soon-to-be (hopefully already by now) ex-husband deserves 50% of the marital assets but not full custody. If he really wants to fight it, then at least the daughter (6F, as mentionned) should be allowed to choose who she wants to be with, while the son (4M) should be with his mother, seeing that she is already the primary caregiver and therefore is the more fit parent to have the children. The ex-husband might be the breadwinner, but is he capable of taking care of a 6 and 4 year old? I highly doubt that.
Fight for full custody and at least 50% of marrital assets. Though I hope you get more;
There is a chance that he found out he's gay through an affair with a man.. So a PI would be my first suggestion.
I personally think that if both parents are fit to care for the children and have a positive bond with them (which seems to be the case here), a good parent would never try to alienate the other one. A good parent always puts the children's needs above their own, and generally speaking, contact with both parents is super important, especially with such young children.
In my opinion, this is evidence that the father puts his own desires above the needs of his children, which is not a good sign. Even in a messy divorce, people need to remember that children aren't weapons to harm their previous partner, they're living beings that they are responsible for and should care for to the best of their ability.
I’m sure yhe kids will love seeing their daddy kissing and hugging another man.
They might be upset that it’s not their mom, but kids won’t care that it’s a guy. Just cause you’re homophobic doesn’t mean children are
Why on earth do people do this? They have a kids and a full family before deciding “huh, i think im gay!” Like dude you had the chance for that revelation 20 years ago its too late
He is the one who wants to leave his cushy life. He is the one to give up more.
No hate but many "gay" people are bi. He is perfectly happy being with a wife. Especially today there really is little stigma around it. He just wants to sleep around and keep the suburban life.
1:11 for people comimg from shorts yw ;)
YTA for hating on your 🌈 ex for being free and moving on with his life. Shame on you.
You are dumb