Ask Nick - My Boyfriend Isn’t Toxic Enough | The Viall Files w/ Nick Viall

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 80

  • @kellyhorvatin
    @kellyhorvatin 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +75

    The first caller gives me popular highschool girl energy. She finds her bfs friends nerdy and now she's afraid she's dating a nerd lol

    • @tish9385
      @tish9385 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      First caller needs a masculine man that takes the lead and takes charge. She should just breakup with him. They can remain friends if they chose too.

  • @kativanmeter4928
    @kativanmeter4928 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    You can tell when Nick is annoyed by a caller hahaha

  • @accessorizebyCK
    @accessorizebyCK 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    Caller 1: She is confusing compatibility and common interests. I think this is pretty common where women in particular seem to want to share common interests with the person they are dating. What is really important for a successful long term relationship is personality traits and qualities not that you share the same taste in music. I've been happily married for 15 years (together for 18) and have 4 children. My husband and I have never had a ton of similar interests. We have some but have plenty of differences. Those differences do keep things interesting. However, what matters most is he is kind, funny, supportive, loving, handsome. We work together as a team and work through issues productively. Don't make the mistake of thinking silly common tastes are what make a long term successful relationship.

  • @karenschell9822
    @karenschell9822 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    Caller #1 was me when I was younger, every time I dated a nice guy who adored me I would end up dumping him, and I’ve regretted that so much! I ended up marrying a guy who did not treat me well and we ended up divorced, after having two children. I wish I could talk to her to tell her what I’ve learned over the years!

    • @seven92023
      @seven92023 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Many women are like you and the first caller. It's the result of delusion and rebellious independence. You don't have endless attempts at finding your guys long term. And if you do find him, it's his way or the highway, comply or goodbye.

    • @subrinayounano3360
      @subrinayounano3360 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I agree with this 100% although Ive never married ... but at the end of the day YOU WANT those types of guys like your bf..Im 37 and still hopeful :)

    • @seven92023
      @seven92023 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@subrinayounano3360 at 37 you're hopeless, not hopeful.

    • @gsoftball05
      @gsoftball05 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Seriously I wished I could’ve been in on a live. Call to tell her that she’s going to regret taking this guy for granted like hello he’s going to be an amazing father and husband. The last thing you want is a violent man to react to children when they’re crying at night, you want someone who’s patient and kind and who’s going to be helpful and very stressful situations, especially when having children and especially when married and dealing with financesand all the other things that come up with it she’s lucky and she doesn’t even know it poor thing

    • @gsoftball05
      @gsoftball05 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Finances*

  • @sashaalexa8518
    @sashaalexa8518 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    i've never been so frustrated with a caller! caller 1 really doesn't know what she has and that's what's sad. all of the things that she's describing are things that can easily be adjusted if she would communicate them to him. if he's patient like she says, then it's safe to assume that he would make the adjustments if they were presented to him, but i think she needs to heal that place in her heart that still desires a bit of toxicity and why she's choosing to sabotage a good thing. if she can't appreciate it, she should let him go.

    • @loveeeyari2582
      @loveeeyari2582 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I completely agree with your comment, she’s taking him for granted

  • @Symone_A95
    @Symone_A95 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Me: ✨Chronically single✨
    Caller 1: "He loves me and is patient with me but he doesn't like music 😢

  • @cblynn8295
    @cblynn8295 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

    I bet you the first caller is just interested in someone else so she's just trying to come up with reasons why she's not compatible with her boyfriend.

    • @Goddess_Jade
      @Goddess_Jade 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You might be right! He should have asked her

  • @kennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn1242
    @kennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn1242 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    I live in Seattle so “nerds” are all over. I took a chance on a “nerd” and we’ve been together for 5 years. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, we are on the same page financially, spiritually etc. He loves golf, I don’t. What do we do? I watch the masters with him, go to the driving range when I’m up for it & he plays golf with HIS friends! I love hot yoga and concerts, he doesn’t like either of them. What do I do? Go to yoga by myself but always extend the invitation, and go to concerts with my friends. We’ve also come to an agreement of going to concerts of artists we both like TOGETHER. We’ve seen The Arctic Monkeys/Hozier together whereas I’ve seen Swedish House Mafia, Pitbull, Luke Combs etc with friends.
    We both love to travel. We’ve been to 4 countries together so far. We budget our trips and work on planning it together. During the summer, we make dinner and eat on the patio with our dog. When we’re snowed in we build legos, cook new dishes, etc. I hate skiing, he loves it, he’ll go with his friends.
    We aren’t the same, it’s not always easy, but we choose each other everyday. ❤
    His friends are all nice people and we had them over yesterday to watch a football game. I cleaned up our apartment, my boyfriend cooked for the guests, and he cleaned up after they left.
    Edit - We met on the dating app “Coffee Meets Bagel!”

  • @chronicallybriana
    @chronicallybriana 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Nick was on FIRE this episode with the advice and much needed reality checks! 💥

  • @sarahmorley1031
    @sarahmorley1031 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I needed this today. Thanks Nick and household 🌻

  • @ningyding
    @ningyding 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Caller #1. You are driving me crazy. What you have is a unicorn. You may not think it’s cool, but as you get older you’ll realize that a GOOD man who is committed to you, kind, and communicative is one in a million. It’s beyond cool, it’s the holy-fcking-grail. If you don’t get your head right, you are going to lose him and he is going to marry the next girl and make her extremely happy. Right now, you are being extremely toxic, superficial and undeserving of him. If I were him I wouldn’t give you a lot of time to get it together before I moved on to someone who would appreciate me. I hope you still have time to fix this, but don’t get it twisted, this is totally on you. If you want a toxic guy, no problem, there is an infinite number of those available, but I can promise you that not a single one of them will make you happy in the long run. They will just hurt you over and over again and your life will be full of pain. It’s your choice. Be someone who can appreciate a healthy relationship or set this great guy free so he can find someone who appreciates him.
    PS. Get a new therapist, because you’re not growing with this one. You need to work on feeling ready to move in with someone who is offering you everything you yourself said you’ve ever wanted. The fact that emotional availability appears to be your Ick is what you need to devote your therapy 100% to fixing.

  • @MirandaH96
    @MirandaH96 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love the brutal honesty from Nick

  • @sighswoons
    @sighswoons 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    lol at caller 1 - im a musician and music guy and not once has someones music taste been a factor for me. In fact I enjoy introducing people to what I'm into by bringing them to a show! Caller 1 just sounds not attracted to her partner cause he's a bit dorky and nice and she isn't attracted to that compared to the previous dudes lol

    • @CrowdFave
      @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      She needs to get off IG. Sounds like she has too many options and has the paradox of choice. Grass is greener complex with modern women.

    • @heatheraggus7501
      @heatheraggus7501 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      And modern men! ​@@CrowdFave

    • @CrowdFave
      @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@heatheraggus7501 negative. The average man has little to no pull on IG. Now give that man a blue check mark and a Lamborghini, then yeah, maybe he can get some DM's.

  • @maydaze5934
    @maydaze5934 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I feel like caller #1 just needs to be told it’s ok to not like someone anymore even if everyone else thinks he’s a great guy.

  • @SallyJoeTimestamps
    @SallyJoeTimestamps 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Omg caller #1 needed Amanda! I miss her so much 😭

  • @karagarcia9317
    @karagarcia9317 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Nickkkk…it’s doting on, not toting 😂

  • @kristakdahl
    @kristakdahl 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I loved the "friends, families, and potential lovers" line

  • @Agata_Balbina
    @Agata_Balbina 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    First caller- she seems to have no emotional connection with her boyfriend. No matter if they are compatible or not, there is no love there. Why stay in such a relationship?

  • @missdancer54
    @missdancer54 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Caller 1 needs to deal with her insecurities.... and stop wasting her great bfs time, let someone else who will appreciate him date him!

  • @CrowdFave
    @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Caller 2, you're 4 years his senior and a single mom. I highly doubt he wants anything serious with you. Sorry to be blunt but its the truth.
    Nick is so good with wording that differently to not get cancelled.

  • @albanian_anisa
    @albanian_anisa 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Beautiful ending and advice on that last caller Nickey Boy‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💯💯💯 🤗

  • @4inlovewithmusic
    @4inlovewithmusic 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    While I agree that the first caller doesn’t have her priorities together and likely doesn’t know herself well enough, I cannot stand the consistent advice Nick is giving women in their 30s.
    The biological clock can’t be ignored and his question around “ why are you focusing on where you want to raise kids with your boyfriend?” Is ridiculous. Even if she doesn’t choose to stay with him, these are decisions she needs to make sooner rather than later, especially if she wants a family. That urgency needs to be factored in more.

    • @CrowdFave
      @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Thank you. That's the one thing I wish Nick would stop telling these women. Yeah, 30 is still young but the wall is approaching and that advise he gives his wasting valuable time.

    • @jennyonthecoast
      @jennyonthecoast 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      I disagree, way too many women have kids they may not truly want with a man they truly don’t want to be with. There should be so much deeper thought on what it means to have kids and the options available

    • @4inlovewithmusic
      @4inlovewithmusic 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@jennyonthecoast that’s not what were disputing here. I agree with you. It’s a separate point that this woman needs to hurry up and make a decision about wanting to be with her boyfriend because her biological clock is ticking. If she leaves him and moves to her hometown, it’s going to take time to do both and meet someone. That is just a reality and a fact.

    • @LR-jl3sv
      @LR-jl3sv 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Thank you for this comment. I love the podcast and think a lot of Nick’s advice is sound, especially pertaining to this call. However there have been multiple instances of him telling women in their 30s not to worry about these things. If I woman wants kids, then it absolutely needs to be considered when she is in her 30s where fertility has already dropped by that stage. It’s unfortunate but it’s true.

    • @4inlovewithmusic
      @4inlovewithmusic 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@LR-jl3sv Exactly! Sadly with Amanda gone, I do foresee less and less educated opposition on his suggestions and/or comments.

  • @sammymakeitmakecents
    @sammymakeitmakecents 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    30:21 caller 1: what was her childhood like? Is she getting FOMO and thinking options = partners? It sounds like caller 1 is trying to sabotage a good thing, and this comes down to her own self-worth. I think she’ll just have to learn this lesson the hard way. I did.

    • @nafafonafafofo
      @nafafonafafofo 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      This.
      I currently feel like I’m going through something similar with my partner. We’ve been together a year and a half and I was crazy about him up until a couple months ago, when it felt like an off-switch was flipped.
      He’s the best Person I know and has treated me better than any man ever has, but I don’t get excited to see him anymore, don’t ever feel like being intimate and sometimes just wish I were single again.
      I’ve also been very insecure and unhappy with myself lately. How can I love someone or be worthy of love if I dont even love myself?

  • @soapyfankatie
    @soapyfankatie 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    The 1st caller sounds like she's bored and lost excitement she once had in the beginning. Feels she's settling of she stays with him

  • @brightsidegirl
    @brightsidegirl 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    SOME of the upcharge of it being a wedding vs an event is the high stakes and dealing with brides . When i did bridal updos as a hairstylist it would take twice as long even though the service was the same and the intensity is extreme lol. But yes some do try to swindle. 😂

  • @allysonreilly
    @allysonreilly 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Caller 1 needs to grow up and she may need to lose this guy to receive the maturity she’s missing.

  • @maddievic2
    @maddievic2 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I always plan to write in to ask Nick just to uncover three days later that I was dealing with another fuckboy 😂

  • @janemclean7032
    @janemclean7032 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My mom had me when she was 42!😂

  • @InMy1987Era
    @InMy1987Era 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Caller 1- she needs to read the chapters about the difference between pet peeves vs non-negotiables… and that everybody can be annoying.

    • @chiefkaha5650
      @chiefkaha5650 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      It might also be that he’s a bit too nice.

  • @TaraDerby
    @TaraDerby 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    It sounds like he doesn’t tell her what his preferences are in a partner and is complacent so he doesn’t do things that make her feel connected and special; however, he also has probably learned to be that way to get through adversity that she speaks of and it’s hard to change that. Sounds like he is generally a great person but they need to communicate more emotionally so she feels a deeper bond. I recommend emotionally focused couple’s
    Therapy

  • @kshejohnson9207
    @kshejohnson9207 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Omg I've never had a caller get in my nerves so bad. He's so sweet and good to me but I don't like him bc he only listens to playlists. Wtf I hope he finds someone that deserves him and she gets the f boy she's obviously wanting.

  • @nk47100
    @nk47100 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is random but I suddenly wondered if the first caller’s boyfriend was Asian or South Asian - she talks about him being in software engineering and moving to other countries. It suddenly dawned on me that he may not be cool in her eyes because societally Asian and south Asian men haven’t been seen as cool for a long time (though thankfully that is changing). I wonder if she just doesn’t want admit this to herself but she just doesn’t find him good enough for that reason. I know I have no evidence - just a sudden thought that occurred to me.

  • @claudiapawlak6894
    @claudiapawlak6894 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The toxic is when a man is hard on a women. The food cooking is not good enough, she doesn't bring home enough money. When he starts saying this, there is a distance. Than sex is not sexy enough. How much can a women take of this , ridicule is not love. When one partner pushes to far, the other partner will stop & listen. Some men look for a mother figure, do everything for me. Where as a women looks for a man who can provide, for her family. A couple that is an equal is a better love? Probably when two people go to work, & come home every night. Family life, is put dinner on the table , watch movies, do homework, house cleaning, laundry, and listen to music. Cravings are recipes & fast foods! The way he or she dresses is a lifestyle.

  • @Diamondvision_1
    @Diamondvision_1 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Caller 2 - I’m in an almost parallel situation to you. I’m at year 3.5 and am feeling unsure of the future of my relationship, even though I’m with the sweetest, most loving guy. I think Nick was kind of dismissive of your experience and spent a lot of the time defending and projected himself onto the situation. Wish I could chat with you about it instead! Good luck and clarity to both of us!

    • @CrowdFave
      @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thankfully, when you break up with him, his options won't dwindle.

    • @morbidmusing
      @morbidmusing 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I think that’s a really fair feeling, to be honest. Someone can be the kindest person ever, but they may not fulfill your needs or do what you need from a relationship. That can sometimes be solved through communication, but I don’t think anyone owes it to someone to continue a relationship that isn’t fulfilling to them. It’s heartbreaking yes, but also normal and not objectively evil to question or end a relationship. You’re not a bad person for feeling that way. Don’t rush to make any decisions, and if you love him, see if there’s any changes that can be made to improve your feeling towards relationship.
      I think the caller did come off entitled or selfish, but feeling bored in an otherwise healthy relationship would be very distressing. I think she needs to look into what’s causing that for her.

    • @Diamondvision_1
      @Diamondvision_1 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@morbidmusing​​⁠Thank you for this kind response 💜 Maybe I missed something, but from what I’m hearing, Nick is creating a narrative about her being bored because he’s not toxic or superficially cool. He’s making her sound more selfish and immature than she is. When really it’s so complicated. With some more digging, there is often a real reason someone is feeling that way.
      It seems that the caller was steamrolled by Nick’s narrative and wasn’t able to speak fully on what she’s experiencing. I would have loved to hear him ask more questions and encourage her to open up rather than jumping into advice and judgement so quickly.
      For instance, Nick said, “so you don’t get along with his friends, so what?” I think for most people, social circles are a huge deal. If community is important to you and you’re trying to decide whether you want to spend your life together, it does matter when you don’t like your partner’s friends. It’s also a reflection on who you each are as people.
      I probably just need to move on from this podcast, because I find Nick to be kind of insufferable, presumptuous, and condescending to women.

  • @BeautyXXBrittany
    @BeautyXXBrittany 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    CALLER 1 SHE NEEDS THERAPHY!!! ASAP!!!! SHE NEEDS TO REALIZE WHAT SHE HAS BEFORE ITS GONE!!!!! SMH ITS SAD TO SEE A GIRL WHO HAS A GREAT MAN AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT!!!!!! HE DESERVES BETTER!!!! SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WIT HIM AND LET HIM FIND A GIRL WHO DOES APPRIACIATE HIM AND LOVES HIM FOR HIM!!!!! SHE NEEDS TO STAY IN THERAPHY FOR AWHILE UNTIL SHE LEARNS TO APPRICIATE WHAT SHE HAS AND NOT NIT PICK ON THE SMALL THINGS!!!!!!! SMH GIRL NEEDS HELP ASAP!!!!!

    • @ningyding
      @ningyding 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      AMEN YES

  • @AmyOnly84
    @AmyOnly84 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    To the one who's boyfriend isn't toxic enough; hey girl, you want to trade men?

  • @embeth446
    @embeth446 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    First caller honestly needs to be in therapy alone for a while to see why she wants to date superficial “cool” guys that treat her poorly. Here’s the deal, girl. You can break up with your gem of a boyfriend and he’ll be married with kids within a couple years. You’ll be in your mid 30s chasing musicians with cool friends who won’t commit (and definitely won’t move to your hometown to raise kids with you??) Which direction do you want to take? The selfless option is probably to break up with him, let him move on and find a woman who loves him and take some time to go to therapy and work on yourself. I understand Nick’s point that she has no reason to break up with this guy, but I sort of think a break up is the only thing that could potentially save their relationship. She’s not going to realize what she has until she loses it.

  • @lauriefarmer2821
    @lauriefarmer2821 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    First caller is very immature for her age.

    • @chiefkaha5650
      @chiefkaha5650 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I’m starting to think more of the lines of picky more than immature. Women get a lot of attention nowadays online so they have a different perspective on dating, the more options the more chances of them being able to be picky, so if they have an ick that the girl doesn’t like, they have the option to move on and choose someone else that they favour

  • @lanerzzz123
    @lanerzzz123 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    What happened to Amanda, Derrick and Genevieve?

    • @lanerzzz123
      @lanerzzz123 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      The “full household” is diminishing quickly

  • @CrowdFave
    @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Caller 1 🤡
    Women with leverage can be terrible people. This channel gives 1-3 great examples of this every episode, lol. These women need Kevin Samuels. She has too many options and thinks she's settling.
    Edit** and yes, you are getting close to hitting "the wall". The best advice I could give you is to listen to the last episode of Fresh & Fit afterhours, itll change your life, i promise you that.

    • @soapyfankatie
      @soapyfankatie 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      what episode is that?

    • @CrowdFave
      @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@soapyfankatie almost every ask Nick episode has at least 1 caller that proves it.

  • @ebstudio9525
    @ebstudio9525 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Classic Nick slapdown w/caller #3 1h30m “you havent even kissed him so it would be weird to ask him not to hook up w other people”…..

  • @clsnippets
    @clsnippets 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Caller 1 sounds 21, not 31

  • @janemclean7032
    @janemclean7032 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Maybe she just needs to separate-from him for a while. Then work out how she feels about him. I know she would be a risk, risk but it’s better than her living in this limbo ,
    😮Maybe she could let her boyfriend know how she feels and why she needs to take a break for a while from him.

  • @cindicleee
    @cindicleee 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    ❤❤

  • @CrowdFave
    @CrowdFave 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Caller 3, your guy friends are not your friends. Chances are they are just waiting for an opportunity to get with you. Believe it or not buts its true, men lie for sex, you know this. But, yeah sounds like he waited to long and realized that. Your value decreased drastically with those kids in the context of dating. Best advice, make it work with your baby daddy or date a man with kids.

  • @dogrunnedogrunne7080
    @dogrunnedogrunne7080 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    That Ted Talk video was excellent.

  • @Sarah-o7r6s
    @Sarah-o7r6s 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Caller one sounds like a spoiled brat. Lol I feel bad for her bf.

  • @juliaguiney856
    @juliaguiney856 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Every caller on this ep is delusional

    • @chiefkaha5650
      @chiefkaha5650 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Girls probably had no one to teach them about relationships from a young age. Most of the role models now are insta, podcast influencers who have a similar mindset.

  • @nicollecroes5160
    @nicollecroes5160 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Where is Amanda

    • @allysonreilly
      @allysonreilly 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      She got a job at barstool

    • @fhay1
      @fhay1 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@allysonreillyhow do you know? I thought that was Genevieve