1. Open & non-reactive when you are told things you hurt them 2. Saying no without guilt 3. Emotional support love, acceptance and more 4. Not feelings unsafe when your partner gets mad 5. Talk about recurring fights without getting blowouts 6. Your needs & wants are met 7. Safe for Emotional vulnerabilities, deeply seen, heard, and understood 8. Benefit of the doubt; assume the best of your partner 9. Happily giving without waiting to get Ming in return 10. You encourage others at all cost in a positive way 11. Accept each other instead of trying to change each other 12. Obvious playfulness; fun, is essential to any good relationship. Relaxed and authentic together
I have had a relationship a year ago where I realised that we met maybe 2 of these things... I managed to leave the relationship still feeling pretty anxious however about not finding a partner.. I started to believe in myself however and now I am in a relationship of 1.5 months where we meet all of the 12 criteria... if I had told this to the me one year ago I would have never believed it... I am so grateful to have met someone who fits so well with me and is equally invested and I am so proud of myself for saying no to all the exes and dates who didnt fit well with me
If 6 or less items are present the relationship is as issue 7-10 things some work needs to be done but it's possible 10+ the relationship is doing well in terms of health 1. You can be open, non-reactive and non-defensive no when your partner is communicating feedback to you. **** 2. You can say no to/ set a boundary with your partner without feeling guilty about it 3. If you need extra love you feel confident you'll get it when you ask for it 4. You don't feel unsafe if your partner gets mad 5. You can talk about your reoccurring fights without getting triggered 6. You both feel like your physical needs are met most of the time 7. You're emotionally honest and feel deeply seen/heard/understood 8. You give each other the benefit of the doubt/generosity/grace 9. You both happily give without trying to get something in return 10. You encourage each other to grow, even at the expense of quality time together temporarily 11. You accept each other instead of trying to change each other 12. There's an obvious playfulness & you can be yourself
Hey Jeff! Sorry this is off topic, but is there any advice you can give on how to start believing that you will be in a loving relationship one day? Due to the past trauma I have lost all faith in relationships and cannot imagine anything good ever happening to me 🤷🏽♀️ thanks!
10½ out of 12 ❤😂 the ½ is I feel guilty saying "no" I still say it and he doesn't guilt trip me but I just feel bad sometimes. Even as little as me saying no to making tea.
Hi, Jeff. I love your content. You’re so knowledgeable and down to earth! I just commented on one of your tiktok videos if you can recommend any podcasts? I feel like I learn so much from you, I’m dying for hours of something similar! Thanks a ton. Merry Christmas!
I got like 2 or 3. The biggest is being unable to express what bothers me, then feeling unsafe emotionally. How is it is he doesn't speak to me for 2 weeks even though we live together?
What if the partner changed (in destructive way) and I tell him to go back and be the guy I met! Or if he hide it long enough where now it would feel like may get very complicated to break up!!
Thank you for your videos! I'm curious to hear more about #10. I'm trying to find the balance between being supportive of my partner and all of their other priorities and activities (as well as my own), with my own desire for more quality time (which I don't feel I'm getting enough of). At what point does this move from something positive to an incompatibility?
Both. But you’re trying to help him grow. It’s especially a problem if it’s affecting his life in a negative way. Which it sounds like may be already happening in his relationship.
I’m in the same boat, in addition to excessive weed there’s also cigarette smoking and generally being very unhealthy. I keep bringing these issues up (non hostile) because Im genuinely concerned for his well-being, but I also feel guilt like I’m trying to change him. Because I knew from beginning that he had addictions, BUT the amount and frequency increased over the years. I would not say it’s a complete deal breaker for me as I have/had my own addictions and understand how hard it can be to stop. I can’t get over the concern for his health especially since we’re trying to have children.
He needs a stoner GF to match 💁♀️. Lol half joking. But if he is unmotivated and not doing anything, it's a problem. If he's smoking and doing the damn thing, let him be.. What's the bother?? Most people have some vice.. Weed, nicotine, alcohol, etc.. gotta choose which one you're able to deal with.. I don't like alcohol and don't date ppl who drink, but I will date someone that smokes weed.. good luck!
I have a question on number 6. My partner and I have been dating for 4 months now but we’ve been friends for over a year and a half. She’s a virgin. I’m not. I really feel like my sexual needs aren’t met coz every time we get to that point it’s always halted by ‘ its not the right time yet’. We’ve tried talking about what the right time looks like coz I feel a lack of connection sexually and I think its also because she doesn’t fully trust me but I don’t know how to make her. I am 22 she’s 23. How do I go about it?🙏🏽Are my needs not getting met or am I being to hard and just selfish?
Maybe try having a conversation about what *each* of you are willing, want to, and won't do at this point in the relationship...ultimately, she isn't obligated to have sex with you, even after 4 months..maybe she's willing to be with you physically in different ways? (I hope it goes without saying, but pressuring someone is def not okay.) But I would just have the conversation, see where she's at, and be patient. I also think there are ways to see if y'all have chemistry, outside of the bedroom.
1. Open & non-reactive when you are told things you hurt them
2. Saying no without guilt
3. Emotional support love, acceptance and more
4. Not feelings unsafe when your partner gets mad
5. Talk about recurring fights without getting blowouts
6. Your needs & wants are met
7. Safe for Emotional vulnerabilities, deeply seen, heard, and understood
8. Benefit of the doubt; assume the best of your partner
9. Happily giving without waiting to get Ming in return
10. You encourage others at all cost in a positive way
11. Accept each other instead of trying to change each other
12. Obvious playfulness; fun, is essential to any good relationship. Relaxed and authentic together
Thank you so much. I usually do this on videos like these. So I truly appreciate you taking the time.
I can not tell you how much I love listening to your advice. It is realistic, relatable and specific. Please keep making these videos.
I have had a relationship a year ago where I realised that we met maybe 2 of these things... I managed to leave the relationship still feeling pretty anxious however about not finding a partner.. I started to believe in myself however and now I am in a relationship of 1.5 months where we meet all of the 12 criteria... if I had told this to the me one year ago I would have never believed it... I am so grateful to have met someone who fits so well with me and is equally invested and I am so proud of myself for saying no to all the exes and dates who didnt fit well with me
If 6 or less items are present the relationship is as issue
7-10 things some work needs to be done but it's possible
10+ the relationship is doing well in terms of health
1. You can be open, non-reactive and non-defensive no when your partner is communicating feedback to you. ****
2. You can say no to/ set a boundary with your partner without feeling guilty about it
3. If you need extra love you feel confident you'll get it when you ask for it
4. You don't feel unsafe if your partner gets mad
5. You can talk about your reoccurring fights without getting triggered
6. You both feel like your physical needs are met most of the time
7. You're emotionally honest and feel deeply seen/heard/understood
8. You give each other the benefit of the doubt/generosity/grace
9. You both happily give without trying to get something in return
10. You encourage each other to grow, even at the expense of quality time together temporarily
11. You accept each other instead of trying to change each other
12. There's an obvious playfulness & you can be yourself
Hey Jeff! Sorry this is off topic, but is there any advice you can give on how to start believing that you will be in a loving relationship one day? Due to the past trauma I have lost all faith in relationships and cannot imagine anything good ever happening to me 🤷🏽♀️ thanks!
Great question. I’ll add this to my list of videos. It deserves more than a comment response.
Common goals, gratitude & a shared philosophy go a long way too❤
This is so helpful and I appreciate the confirmation!
I feel old because your t shirt is vintage and I instantly recognized the album art from when I was in high school. 😂
10½ out of 12 ❤😂 the ½ is I feel guilty saying "no" I still say it and he doesn't guilt trip me but I just feel bad sometimes. Even as little as me saying no to making tea.
He doesn't feel guilty telling me "no" that's why I made it a half
I can't wait for your to become one of the top counselor TH-cam celebrityyyyy ❤❤❤
I had all of these things, then he called me after five months and said he didn’t feel the connection and we should break up. Idk how to trust again
Hi, Jeff. I love your content. You’re so knowledgeable and down to earth! I just commented on one of your tiktok videos if you can recommend any podcasts? I feel like I learn so much from you, I’m dying for hours of something similar! Thanks a ton. Merry Christmas!
Highly recommend the Swoon podcast. Also Savage Lovecast.
Hey I just stumbled on your channel and I’m really digging it!
I got like 2 or 3. The biggest is being unable to express what bothers me, then feeling unsafe emotionally. How is it is he doesn't speak to me for 2 weeks even though we live together?
It’s amazing how much I’m realizing that my last relationship was not healthy at ALL.
Totally off, but love your Smash tee 🧡🖤
What if the partner changed (in destructive way) and I tell him to go back and be the guy I met! Or if he hide it long enough where now it would feel like may get very complicated to break up!!
8! Together for 4 months so far~
Amazing advice!!!
7 and 3 halves ❤️
Thank you for your videos! I'm curious to hear more about #10. I'm trying to find the balance between being supportive of my partner and all of their other priorities and activities (as well as my own), with my own desire for more quality time (which I don't feel I'm getting enough of). At what point does this move from something positive to an incompatibility?
My bf smokes weed five times a day. I've told him to smoke less. Does that mean I'm not accepting him as he is or that I'm helping him grow? 🥺
Both. But you’re trying to help him grow. It’s especially a problem if it’s affecting his life in a negative way. Which it sounds like may be already happening in his relationship.
@@TherapyJeff Thanks, Jeff!
I’m in the same boat, in addition to excessive weed there’s also cigarette smoking and generally being very unhealthy. I keep bringing these issues up (non hostile) because Im genuinely concerned for his well-being, but I also feel guilt like I’m trying to change him. Because I knew from beginning that he had addictions, BUT the amount and frequency increased over the years. I would not say it’s a complete deal breaker for me as I have/had my own addictions and understand how hard it can be to stop. I can’t get over the concern for his health especially since we’re trying to have children.
He needs a stoner GF to match 💁♀️. Lol half joking. But if he is unmotivated and not doing anything, it's a problem. If he's smoking and doing the damn thing, let him be.. What's the bother?? Most people have some vice.. Weed, nicotine, alcohol, etc.. gotta choose which one you're able to deal with.. I don't like alcohol and don't date ppl who drink, but I will date someone that smokes weed.. good luck!
Just made it to 10 😂
I have a question on number 6. My partner and I have been dating for 4 months now but we’ve been friends for over a year and a half. She’s a virgin. I’m not. I really feel like my sexual needs aren’t met coz every time we get to that point it’s always halted by ‘ its not the right time yet’. We’ve tried talking about what the right time looks like coz I feel a lack of connection sexually and I think its also because she doesn’t fully trust me but I don’t know how to make her. I am 22 she’s 23. How do I go about it?🙏🏽Are my needs not getting met or am I being to hard and just selfish?
Maybe try having a conversation about what *each* of you are willing, want to, and won't do at this point in the relationship...ultimately, she isn't obligated to have sex with you, even after 4 months..maybe she's willing to be with you physically in different ways? (I hope it goes without saying, but pressuring someone is def not okay.) But I would just have the conversation, see where she's at, and be patient. I also think there are ways to see if y'all have chemistry, outside of the bedroom.
But isn’t telling them how they can help you feel emotionally safe (#7) or how to meet other needs better a form of asking them to change (#11)?
I love you TH-cam!!!
Okay, but truly…who doesn’t want to watch the real housewives of Orange County? 😂
Just kidding, adore your content
I mean good point. It's trash but it's addictive!
Three, I'm not surprised but disappointed at the same time.
Zero
???
Lol. I failed miserably. 0 for us
Wow. I only have #10. Sounds like we should just be friends but we're already married 🥲