Kate Silverton: Parenting, emotional regulation, and screen time
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 มี.ค. 2024
- Did you learn to regulate your emotions as a child? Broadcaster turned child therapist Kate Silverton says our ability to regulate our emotions has been found to be the best indicator of future happiness.
In this chat with Fearne, Kate definitively explains why it’s never too late to change your relationship with your kids regardless of how much you think you’ve already messed up.
Kate talks through why it’s not about changing our children, it’s about changing their environment. Similarly, it’s not that you’re bad at parenting, it’s that you’re being expected to parent while under often more stress and with less community support.
Fearne and Kate also chat about why all of these conversations are relevant even if you’re not a parent, because all these things - soothing anxiety, acknowledging emotions, cultivating resilience - also relate to our relationships with our own parents, and ourselves...
Plus, Kate gives her take on how best to help children with neurodiversity, and how screens are really affecting our brains.
Kate’s book, There’s Still No Such Thing As Naughty, is out on the March 28th.
ABOUT HAPPY PLACE
Fearne's HAPPY PLACE is a place to celebrate honesty, authenticity and community. Fearne delves into life, love, loss and everything in-between by chatting to inspiring individuals who have made a change in their own lives or help other people to find different ways of seeing life as she reveals what happiness means to them.
Happy Place is a space that is safe for all where difference is celebrated and the extraordinary is discovered. A place to focus on the positives and to help you find the joy every day - big or small.
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ABOUT FEARNE COTTON
Fearne Cotton is an English television and radio presenter, mother, broadcaster, writer and founder of Happy Place, a place where Fearne holds difficult but important conversations to encourage self-care and self-appreciation, creating a positive impact on the world, giving everyone a voice and actively listening.
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Amazing! Thanks for this. All school staff should watch this, from early years right through to sixth form ❤
What a fantastic interview. I could have listened to Kate all day long. Such an interesting perspective on children's lives. This was a really eye-opening conversation. I have gone out and bought Kate's book as a result of this not because I have children as I don't but because I am interested to read more about the science. All I can say is I sat here and felt empowered listening. Thank you Kate and Fearne.
I think this podcast was so interesting and eye opening however I will say one thing - we have a lot more knowledge now on the science of ADHD - it's not just a simple case of struggling to regulate your emotions it's: impulsivity, it's struggling to focus, it's falling behind and having a life long struggle to learn and succeed in life because concentration is so poor and distractions are so high. I've recently as a 32 year old woman spent hours filling in paper work to determine if I have ADHD or not and it's a lot more extensive than a quick questionnaire and also delves deeply into childhood. It highlighted so much for me, mainly being the constant thing of over thinking everything and having since a child since pre tablets and tech, hundreds of thoughts racing around and having an unorganised brain. One thing I will agree on is that screens and tablets are not helping and could be exacerbating these symptoms but not causing them. We have to also look at the frequency and intensity. Yes "we are all a bit adhd " but when it's experienced daily and with intensity , effecting your career, your well being etc etc then its not just a bit of ADHD. Same with ASD , it's not just emotional regulation. My daughter for example struggles with change, sensory issues such as difficulty with socks and clothing, she struggles to eat a wide range of foods, she struggles with noise and school etc etc. I'm digressing now but I just wanted to highlight my opinion and it's more than just emotional regulation. We have more understanding now and knowledge on certain diagnosis which can lead to individual support and parental help for children which I think is fantastic. So much stigma about 'labels'.
I totally advocate your comment. I have a child with ASD plus I work with Neurodivergent school pupils 11-16. Breaks my heart those comments of ‘where all a bit ADHD’ etc everyone with those conditions suffer so deeply with it and those comments are just so dismissive and trivialise their struggle. Keep going @rositasworld you’re doing amazing x
I agree. I love all of Fearnes chats, and this is the only one i have felt the need to comment on. A diagnosis for neurodivergence isn't as quick and easy as she's just made out. They take into account a full history from pregnancy, and It's not just one form, it's several, and from 2 different settings. It also involves an in depth meeting, or 2. If a child is going through a traumatic time, then of course their behaviour will change, a diagnosis isn't given on a temporary change of behaviour. There is so much more to this. It's hard enough as it is for parents to get people to listen, when you know your child has struggled from an early age, so much parent blaming. Even harder when a child masks at school. Yes, we need to be cautious, and yes we need to look at the whole picture, but please don't make out its such an easy process, based on one aspect of behaviour, because it's not.
100% and not only that, it *is* actually visible on brain scans, so backed up in science. I am surprised the author didn't come across those studies when writing her book? Plus, it's genetic (bar some exceptions of head trauma); you can see it in your family, when you know what it is
Agree 100% with all these replies !!!
Worth looking into and supporting the parents campaign group ‘us for them’ to help tackle some of the societal/school issues raised in this conversation x
Love Kates work and passion for understanding our children's and our own emotions better.I think more TV programmes on child development and latest research on neurobiology and nervous system regulation etc should be on TV and people like Kate would be amazing presenters at making all this information more accessible to a wider audience.
I have never understood how many tv programmes we have on training dogs or about homes or gardens and yet when it comes to bringing up children and understanding behaviours and emotions there is literally zilch..or just every now and again.I think there should be regular and frequent programmes on tv looking at development,nervous system regulation and helping families etc communicate better and find ways of understanding better why we act or react as we do.
This is BRILLIANT on so many levels
I was enjoying this until the ADHD segment and then it became incredibly frustrating. As an adult diagnosed with ADHD at age 47 Kate is so far off. ADHd is not emotional regulation it’s processing and working memory and yes there are studies with thousands of brain scans that show differences in information processing. Emotional regulation is a consequence. Kate is really spreading misinformation here although I get her approach and agree with it. Please don’t dismiss and undermine adults who have had a lifelong struggle with this.
Totally with you !!! Total misinformation! This notion that “we are all on the spectrum” drives me crazy !
She may be wise but she’s not a psychiatrist.
Thank you so much for having this really important conversation ❤
Had no idea she’d become a therapist. What great use of her honed communication skills. Really wish there was mechanisms for that release of emotion in secondary schools. Sitting in a room alone to work is never going to work for adolescents. A punching bag would be much better with the care follow up described by Kate.
Interesting discussion
Wish we could scrap the world and have Kate rebuild it 😂 The schools thing is an interesting one. I think it’s a whole cycle there of so many kids being given too much screen time at home, not being able to regulate their emotions/behaviour, causing massive disruption in class, no money is going into supporting that at all so the teacher is often being used as the punch bag at times (I was that punch bag). There’s all these new initiatives being thrown at teachers when they don’t have a millisecond to even get up to speed with the last three that were introduced. The class is beyond all control so at this point when they’re clinging on by their fingertips probably screens are then brought out as it’s maybe the only time they get through a lesson without being assaulted. The core issue is the state of the education system, the massive lack of funding of any help or support staff for teachers. They bang on about inclusion but their idea of inclusion is literally shut the door, everybody’s in and saving us money. Then somehow twist that into a success. Just ignore the fact everyone in there is getting kicked black and blue and the teacher’s now off sick 🙃
Kate’s strategies seem like they’d really work and there 100% should be the time and staff available in schools to actually be able to use then but it’s way too far gone with the way the system is right now sadly. Forest schools are the way to go!
I'm confused. There are so many parenting books out there that have said all of this already. Dr Shefali, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, Janet Lansbury, Alfie Kohn, the list goes on and on. This isn't anything new - how have people missed all these books? 🤦🏼♀️
Be careful as ADHD is not just about emotional regulation, stop focusing on just this side as it’s a consequence!