This guy lived with these secrets on EVERY OCCASION YOU SPENT WITH HIM. He put your health at risk by being with other women. He doesn't prioritize you over anything. LEAVE HIM NOW. This comes from a man, happily married for 20 years and would never dishonor my wife like this.
Anyone can leave children or not. Health safety and stability is important. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin The Mask You Live In Documentary Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
In a real situation, there is usually a reason why something like this comes out 15 years later. Also, it's very likely that someone who cheated MULTIPLE TIMES 15 years ago, that there was more cheating later.
That’s assuming a lot. Everyone is different and men are often better able to forgive than women. They can compartmentalize better and are able not to dwell on it 24/7. I would honestly say the odds of a marriage actually recovering from something like this would be higher if it was the wife who cheated. And this is coming from a woman. I KNOW how our minds work lol. We have a much harder time letting things go in most situations.
@@supernova11711 you are wrong, when a woman cheat it is over, cheating is wrong in both cases and cheaters are garbate, but men and women cheating is different, men can cheat without feelings easely, men separate s+x from feelings, but most women not, specially if it is a long time relationshipe while cheating, when a woman cheat it is over. because most of the time she does not respect her husband and look down on him and have feelings for the other guy.
@@castiel4746 You don’t understand what I’m saying though. If you make the choice to hurt someone like that…you DON’T love them. It’s not about what it does or doesn’t mean to YOU.
@@supernova11711 As someone who served in the military and seen some spouses cheat on their male military members. - the hell they are! LOL Men are NOT more forgiving. They don't forget the girl that broke their heart in 9th grade ffs.
@@supernova11711this is a misogynistic take. You do not speak for all women. You do not know how all women’s brains work. We are not a hive mind and not every woman thinks like you.
Genuinely almost every single call I pat myself on the back for giving up on dating. Should be a go to place for anyone who feels lonely at times. I’ll take lonely over most of these stories!
To be fair however, it’s usually the messy situation. Is that end up being on the show rather than an accurate reflection of marriages across the nation in the world. Yes, this stuff is awful but it’s not the norm.
There is a reason he is confessing now. He probably got someone pregnant. Caught a disease, or his side chick wants to confront you. People dont just confess for no reason.
Agreed. Leave that douche. This woman sounds detached, she has no idea that he didn’t cheat last week either, how many kids he might have floating around or diseases she might have/get. Yeuck.
@@payton335 that is a real thing. But there are still consequences. Finding Jesus and surrendering to him doesn’t always fix the bomb damage of a life. Harvests are real. Jesus can walk us thru it, but that doesn’t mean things get fixed. Some things have to be abandoned. Sin is the most expensive thing in the human existence. It cost Jesus his life and if you really do carry your cross and die on it, it will cost you yours as well. “Follow me.” Says Jesus Christ. This man may have to lose it all. And that would be a good thing if it saves his soul.
There's definitely more to this story. Why now?? There's either a child or children that were born that hes been hiding. Maybe he's hoping she will divorce him so he can be free to do what he wants to...?
@@okaycola2 Are you posing that question to the wife? Because something he did 15 years ago doesn't necessarily define what someone is today, because he's been with her and supporting her since then, because people make stupid decisions sometimes, and because having sex with someone else isn't necessarily meaningful or a deal-breaker. I've known people who did this and remain [apparently] happily married years later - many years later, and wouldn't dream of leaving the person they cheated on. It may be true in many cases that a cheater doesn't love his/her spouse - but it's not a universal truth.
@@oldgeezer2780 he's made multiple "stupid decisions" with multiple women. All of his military buddies knew. He made his wife a laughing stock. He has zero respect for his wife.
Bingo - I had the exact same feeling. There is something behind him disclosing this to her. Part of him has to have known it could end his marriage and part of him would be okay with it OR he’s preparing her for more info like a kid. There’s wayyy more to this.
Or because he's tired of the marriage but too cowardly to be the 1st to leave. Since she has always been been vocal about leaving if he cheated, he's proabbly hoping that she'll leave now that he has confessed. If I were her, I wouldn't trust his confessions only. I would ask around to get all the dirt. Maybe even ask the first colleague who exposed him.
@@xCryptoLegacyx That's what I was thinking too. I bet he was just tired of keeping such a stressful secret from her and probably wanted to come clean whether it destroyed his marriage or not...
Oh my gosh, you're so right. My father-in-law recently revealed he had had relations with his wife's sister. She has a daughter whose paternity has always been a mystery but was born that year. They look exactly alike, but he won't admit to anything further.
NEVER again for me,I stayed with my husband after he cheated in 2015 (im certain now that he did it our entire marriage of 12 years) fast forward to 2023,he blindsided me and shacked up with his coworker. NEVER NEVER stay,thats my experience that is learned the hard way
Some women just think they will be the lucky ones. I say when someone shows you who they are believe them. People after 25 rarely change. Their character is molded. It takes HUGE will to change.
See, this is what I fear. People always say “if they’re gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat, let them” and that’s fine and all, but my fear is never finding out about it and spending years giving my all to someone I’d have left for cheating on me
That’s the risk everyone takes being in a relationship. Just like driving on the road. It’s risky business, but people need to go out for various reasons so they take their chances daily. Same with relationships/marriage. It’s what you do with the information you get when it comes. Stay and work to heal, or get out.
Why would it matter if you never found out? It could only hurt you if he did something which long term cause you to find out (like having a kid with another woman etc). If you died without ever finding out, how could it ever hurt you?
Having been this woman, my husband didn’t tell the whole truth about who he had been with even when he confessed. Everyone he worked with knew and I felt like a fool years later when I found out (he didn’t offer that info.) There was so much more and it had been for a majority of the marriage. The fact is, her marriage isn’t what she thought it was, true, but she was in love with a figment of her imagination. Her husband isn’t who she thought he was, he never was who she thought he was. She is essentially married to a stranger. It’s impossible to trust someone like that again. There will always be doubts. My now ex-husband has subsequently cheated on everyone he has been with after me. AND, there is something behind him telling her now. Part of him knows it can end the marriage and part of him is okay with that. That is huge and can’t be overlooked. 😢
I totally understand you. You are so right because that’s true, your husband is not the person you thought he was, and after that you are forced to change too and become someone different even when you don’t want to change, you have to, because nothing remains from the former life. Hugs for you 🤗 my new sister.
My thoughts EXACTLY! She is in fact married to a stranger & there has to be more behind this for him to admit it now. The fact is someone told her about her husband’s infidelity, she said she heard the whispers & she asked her husband if he was cheating back then… for a reason. To me, the caller ignored it as if she didn’t want to face it 😢 or perhaps thought it would go away.
I agree with dmoneydance and Molly Anthony…there has to me something more behind this for him to admit this.. is he looking for an easy way out? Is he hoping she is the one to call it quits? Or let her question her self worth? Will she stay as he confesses to be a cheater?
For him to come home and let her be so madly in love and he was living his best life getting to live two lives until he decided he was done doing it while she never got a choice to decide. My heart goes out to her. I hope she gives herself the honesty, compassion and grace he didnt give to her.
For me it's not the fact you cheated 15yrs ago, it's that you lied, manipulated, humiliated me for 15yrs, I would now have to question not only myself but all the other things I've missed because 1 why are you telling me now, are you just trying to be honest or are you trying to gage how I will react incase there's worse news, and the 2. I'm gonna be watching everything you do now because you have spent 15yrs successfully lying to me, I won't know how to tell the difference between what's true or not in our relationship, for me I'd be done.
I saw so many things as a military wife ..so much wife swapping..playing around then the whole base knows but the wife/ husband..worse when military move exs with their new spouses along each other in housing..
It doesn’t have to be an either or. You don’t have to “leave OR forgive,” you can do both. You can forgive AND still leave. Forgive him for your mental health, leave him for your medical health.
Not feeling this advice by John. It's a huge risk to stay with someone that lied to your face for 15 years when they had the chance to make it right. He wasn't "young." He was deceitful and lied to his wife for years. Of course, he wants to work on his marriage. I'm afraid that if she forgives him and wipes his sleight clean, this may embolden him to cheat again. Why not? If his wife forgave him after lying for 15 years, he can practically get away with anything. I think it's too soon for her to make a decision. She needs space to think. It's only been a week. She needs to take some time and seek counsel from trusted leadership in her life then make a decision. She can want to forgive him today, but tomorrow she might hate him again. Her pain is too fresh to decide if she wants to stay or not.
He's tired of the wife and 5 kids. He's hoping she'll leave. Single man and no kids is something he'd like. He told at this time for a reason. If he wanted you he'd keep that to his grave.
I completely agree. He's probably wanting to begin the prompts for her to leave him so he doesn't have to feel bad about that either. Ugh. You don't disclose something like that just because you're having an intimate moment of sharing in your marriage. It's a choice to keep that stuff locked up and a big choice to unlock it. Doubt there's not another reason prompting this for him.
My military dad cheated on my loyal mom and he has daughter from another another woman. She didn’t learn about it until after probably 13 year and later diagnosed of cancer. Me and my siblings learned about it after my mom passed. As a child of a cheating father and who lost her mom, it was too painful to bear. I felt my moms pain, I felt betrayed as well. So if same thing will happen to me now married, i think it’s over because I know myself, when someone broke my trust, it’s hard for me to forget and forgive. For you, I am so sorry your husband is unfaithful, if you think you can still give your 100% to him after all the lies, go ahead. If not, call it’s over.
Yeah my great grandpa had 11 kids with his wife in Italy and 4 in Brazil. Left the lady in Brazil and went back to Italy to be with the wife. Was Italian navy. I wonder how often this happens
I hope people who experience infidelity just remember that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that their spouse is the one with the problem.
@@Barbara-yv8rk I do know that. I am not responsible for the actions and behaviors of another person. I'm not pulling any strings. I'm not controlling their mind and their bodies. Wake up lady.
@@barbarap6201 Being responsible for one's own behavior and influence IS NOT the same as being responsible for someone else's. And I am NOT responsible for how someone else behaves. I will NEVER be responsible for that. Your generation got a lot wrong that left my generation doing the heavy lifting to make things right. You were likely abused and gaslighted for the actions of others which warped your understanding of responsibility.
why is he comparing sexual assault or perceived sexual assault to cheating…they are totally different. I was cheated on and I can tell you that once it happens you can never trust that other person…its ok to forgive and maybe she needs time to work through her emotions…it took me 3 years..i kept forgiving and then eventually I realized I could never go back…that I could never trust that person. So yeah she might think she can keep her marriage now but lets see where she is in 5 years.
He's betting that after 15 years with the kids, house, lifestyle, she'll say it's in the past and forgive him since they have had all the wonderful times since he cheated. Or he has fathered a child with one of the females.
Bless this woman; he's confessing now because he thinks enough time has passed that time has mitigated the damage. He's of course wrong - she'll remember this forever even if they stay together, but wishful thinking and all that... Your analogy though! Comparing 19 years of marriage for her to find out her husband cheated on her numerous times, "..it's like buying a house and they put in a sewer pipe..." Noooo! 😬
It’s a shame that this is most military men, it used to be a badge of honor and character but now women are saying it’s a red flag and to not get involved with military men to begin with.
I’ve been in this exact situation and I have good news and bad news; The good- that was 15 yrs ago and he’s no longer that person. The person you can’t trust is no longer the person in front of you and once a cheater always a cheater is absolutely false. Sometimes people go through bad phases and make really bad decisions but they outgrow that phase. My husband was one of those people and I was too (yrs before I met my husband) so I’m speaking from experience on both sides of it. The person your mad at doesn’t exist anymore and your angry that you can’t confront that person and dump him to teach him a lesson. It’s a real painful frustration when your justice is robbed from you. If there was even a slight possibility that he could still be that person, there’s no way he would have confessed what he did. The bad news- if you want your marriage to get even more challenging and you want to look like an idiot today as much as you did 15 yrs ago, then by all means tell your closest friends about this confession. This is what will happen: your friends will now see you differently (like an idiot) and lose respect for you for staying in the marriage since you always said that you’d never tolerate being cheated on. Your friends will now hate your husband and that’s going to cause a lot of conflict. You can pretty much say goodbye to ever having them over at the house without creating tension and they’ll be super critical over EVERYTHING he does and over time, that’s going to influence how you feel about him and your marriage. Fast forward a few years into the future and now you run the risk that your kids will find out what dad did and now that complicates his relationship with his kids and your kids will see you a victim now and not the strong mom that they thought you were. My advice, talk to a therapist about personal problems in your relationship and not to friends or family unless you’re ok with the above. Speaking from experience. That was a huge mistake. Avoid at all costs.
I think this largely depends on your friends but will ring true 80+ percent of the time. I would say you could probably tell one very close ride or die friend if you have one but don’t just go spreading it all over town lol I’m thinking from a friend perspective and if it was 15 years ago and my friend really seemed to be moving passed it and forgiving him I think that I could to. And SHE certainly wouldn’t be the laughing stalk!!! If anything, HE would be! Being cheated on takes NOTHING away from the victim. They FEEL that way but most people who know are just looking at that person and thinking they deserve SO much better. I see the cheater as pathetic, NOT the spouse!
Good advice.i lost most of the few friends i have. Problem was my closest friends worked with AP anc my husband ( he was their boss ) my matron of honour is one of her closest friends. Messy very messy
Some people cannot get past the doubts, which are always going to be there. You cannot be sure s/he still not hiding something. You would be amazed by how many of those "changed" people continue their behavior, they just got sneakier. Only a few truly repentant ones exist. Normally they feel really really bad, confess fully and wholeheartedly committ themselves to you again, ready to let you in peace if you need space and time. This is a true apology. The rest is just getting away with it and covering things up (again).
She wants to leave! Let her!!! What self respecting woman stays? As women, listen, this is where your agreeableness ends! Period. If a man found this out about his wife that she was shared around by military men, yeah I’m sure she’d be dragged and called a wh*re. This call is like, “oh he was just young and immature, not a big deal!”
If she wants to stay, let her. Sometimes respecting yourself means choosing to keep an intact family because divorce is messy, wrecks relationships, causes trauma for children, and doesn't always bring that mirage of happiness. Let her make her own decision without passing judgement. I support whatever she decides and would never accuse her of lacking self respect for taking a different path than others in her shoes.
All the cheating and gaslighting would cause me to seriously consider staying. Who knows how much he’s done. Trickle truth happens A LOT and even then you don’t always get it!
Sometimes people carry burdens for years and years and finally hit a point at which they reach for honesty to cut that burden off and be able to move forward. I don't know their faith but for Christians, the atonement of Jesus Christ is a powerful thing. God bless them as they move forward. I hope they both move forward with honesty and if they do life and marriage can be better than ever.
Dr. John said "Your marriage as you knew it is over." In reality, her marriage as she knew it never existed. She embarrassingly had to listen to the whispers of doubt coming her way for years. What is different now is she has five children that she's responsible for, and post-divorce poverty and single-parenthood isn't looking pretty. In the back of her mind, she is probably well-aware that he has probably been doing this during their entire marriage... Knowing he believes that "It's OK as long as she doesn't find-out." She said that if he had a more recent confession, she would not tolerate his cheating, etc. Really? Why would recent lies and cheating be more objectionable? What is the statute of limitations on infidelity? Five months? Two years? Five years? 10 years? Is his time in the military untouchable Open Game with other women as long as he was "nobly" serving his Country? His "confession"/"apology" would look something like Deny, Minimize, Rationalise, Justify, and Blame. Saying something like "I've tried and tried...No matter what I say or do, she keeps bringing up the past. She won't let it go!" Right. Yawn. I would resist the impulse to shove him off a cliff if HE was the one calling Dr. John, saying he had been carrying astounding guilt for so many years...He now realizes what an arrogant lying creep he was...What can he do to regain her trust and respect, and at least be a wonderful co-parent to their children? At this point, he's probably texting "friends" and sending d--k pics...lamenting how his wife is so immature, insecure, and not understanding of his needs...Saying he is a victim of PTSD. Ultimately, many of their social peers would probably judge him for breaking-up his marriage, but, they would judge her as breaking up her family. Sigh.
I think it is because she almost doesn't feel justified in leaving now. If she is making a decision based on something that happened 20 years ago, because she did not have the privilege to make the decision, it can almost seem like an unreasonable one. Like you said, infidelity should not have any time limit. But she definitely feels like it is too late, and that is an unfortunate negative side effect that victims of infidelity deal with. I do wish that more women were more stern about cheating, though. Especially since so many who stay never truly forgive their partners and they are still extremely hurt and deeply scarred. I feel like if you cannot heal, do not stay. You can forgive without staying. I am sure some women and men lie about seeing cheating that they knew didn't exist, but I have a hard time believing that there was reason to doubt the person who told her way back when. It takes a lot of courage to be the person to inform the victim of their partner's infidelity. I have done it once, and maybe it was because we were not good friends, but the conversation itself took a long time to have. I was trying so hard to use the right words, but seeing the person crumble in front of me was terrible. It is not easy to be in that position, but still, her husband had EVERYTHING to lose by admitting he had cheated, I am sure the person who told her hadn't had that much. I know it's not great to listen to outside voices when it comes to relationship problems, but if it is cheating, I don't really understand why the outside voice doesn't hold much weight.
Being deployed is a different situation. He may have had a lot of stress. Depends whether he was in Japan, Germany etc. (nice safe places) or if he had to witness his buddies being torn apart by a mine. And some men cannot deal with being w/o sex. Which should not be an issue, when he is at home.
Once a cheater always a cheater. The saying is a leopard doesn’t change its spots. Been there done that, he cheated after 3 weeks of marriage. We went for counselling but somehow I knew in my heart he wasn’t going to change, the red flags all over the place. I hope she finds inner peace.
A lot of these military men seem to cheat while on deployment. Their motto is "what happens over seas stays over seas". For everything he just told you..there is more he left out. He told you this with lots of time in between, then and now, so you wouldn't leave. Not because he suddenly got a conscience. Its easier to confess if you feel the consequences will be less and you will be able to say to them, "this happened long ago, its not me now". Don't put it past him that he is still up to no good. He put you at risk sleeping around. It is worse than the cheating, its total disregard for your health and safety. You will look over your shoulder the rest of your marriage if you stay. He stole your peace.
Every time I hear 'High school sweethearts', I just don't get how that could work. I wonder if either of them had the guts to try to date other people or ever moved out of town/state for college/work. I'm in my 30s and there was no chance I'd marry someone I went to high school with. I've changed far too much since then.
My parents are high school sweethearts. Both dated other people. You can date in HS. They never lived out of state though. It's actually overall much better I'd say. The level of intimacy is much higher (people who sleep around have a much lower marriage success rate).
The time to tell her was 15 years ago. Confessing 15 years after the fact was an act of pure selfishness on his part, just like his infidelity. She may think he's changed, but really, he's as selfish as ever.
Seriously, in a sense at a certain point it's selfish to tell. Like what's she supposed to do with that info moving forward and how's telling her this going to help anything? Maybe some things are better left feeling guilty about and taken to the grave of worked out personally with a priest and therapist. Dunno.
@@randomusername3873 I was just thinking how if I were in her shoes at this stage in the game I wouldn't want to hear it. Let his conscience eat at him for the rest of his life. He knows what kind of man he is. He can live in his own little internal hell and take it to his grave. Don't make your misery mine.
@@thestorybehindthat5236no. Anyone cheated on deserves the truth even after 100 years because this one time (or entire affair) you might have gotten a disease. One should get checked when their sexual health has been compromised while in a supposedly "exclusive" relationship. I know of a married woman who caught herpes from her cheating husband.
@@thestorybehindthat5236they don't feel miserable, I assure you. Most feel powerful and smart. Only a few ones truly regret the act itself and what it could mean for their partner. The rest just don't want the drama.
This is the very definition of a paradox. Which requires NOT thinking in terms of "either/or" where "this" is a problem and "that" is the solution, but thinking in terms of "both/and" where there is value in both "this" and "that" and the task at hand is to get the best out of both while avoiding the limits of "either/or". Good luck.
Cheating isn’t a one and done. Even if he only ever actually slept with someone once, it’s been over 10 years of him not telling you. He’s cheated on you for over a decade.
Not only he cheated, he also lied. I would leave. There is no family if there is no trust. And honestly - she absolutely cannot trust him. Yes, it will be tough on kids. That's not her fault. She shouldn't be put in position where she has to work very hard because her husband makes her to. No. He is the one who has to work very hard to stay present in his kids life. He is the one who f up. Cheating isn't mistake that just happens. It's a chain of events of decision making and effort putting and if that was done more than once then... I felt like John wanted to say her to leave the whole time, especially after hearing her say that she felt that his friends were whispering about it behind her back. To have 5 kids with a person and serve her with this after 15 years. Honestly, you don't even deserve those kids.
Oh goodness, this is sort of what happened to me too. I am shook with some of the things John said and I feel like a complete idiot. Yeah I was young and dumb but omg… how I would have done things differently if I knew back then
Some of these comments assuming wild stories smh. It really could be simple enough that he just felt like she deserved the truth and was too big of a coward until now.
Why do cheaters think confessing to cheating will be a good thing for their marriage, yeah to relieve their personal turmoil. The first question is why confess now? Now she is the cheated on wife with a damaged heart. Does she deserve to know, hell yes. Will their marriage be the same as the day before he told her, NO NEVER. I wish her luck as I am betting she will stay.
My question is why now? Why's he telling her this now? That's really important to figure out. Is there something else going on she doesn't know about? Did he hear a sermon and felt this was critical to fess up to? We don't know. I think the violation in not disclosing this to her, apart from the fact cheating is betrayal, is that he took away her ability to choose a different life. Had she known this and walked who knows who she would've met and what kind life she'd have today. And if she had chosen to stay it would've been HER choice based in reality. My experience has been that people who withhold information and learn to get away with it usually have a lot more going on you don't know about. It's a way of coping and maintaining a relationship for them without ever digging deep and figuring out how to be vulnerable and honest to work things out. The fact he told her no with a straight face like a pro tells me he's gotten pretty good at deception and this wasn't a blip on the map that's way out of character. Also his community covered for him and that's not great either. Nearly no one was being honest with her.
@@matinaki1644 dealing with men and I’m single. I always say “No” to married men. Some men don’t intend to leave their marriage but just to explore yet women are weak and use feelings a lot and believe men. Dont ever date a married man. If he wants to dissolve his marriage don’t take part of it. Let him decide what he wants for himself and not be an accomplice. To all single women. A man will not leave a marriage for you if he can keep both. Don’t be the source of somebody’s tears. If you want him. Tell him to comeback once he is single meanwhile live your life . Dont wait for nobody!!!
get rid of that scumbag and take him to the divorce cleaners. She will get the housing and his pension for the rest of her life!!!! Military wives get very generous perks in divorce
Anyone who’s been cheated on go to the clinic and get tested right away!! You never know what they could have given you. No one wins when there’s a cheater in the mix.
He is a slithering person because after his military career is over, which it is or right at it and he wants a do over and now telling his wife because he wants to start over which a lot of military men do, to their faithful wives. They have kids and he doesn't get a do over at her/the family's expense. She gets half his retirement but what skills does she have to transition into the working world. I'd stay, get my education, a career, the kids are out of the house, the majority, and then revisit the marriage thing if he doesn't bail sooner. But I wouldn't jump ship without a life raft called can I support myself and get on with my life without this guy financially and yes, they need marriage counseling so she can get to where she can stay the course until she is ready financially, emotionally etc. to leave. It will never be the same but when her foundation is solid again, maybe they can be a couple but just a different type of couple (e.g. ex's). She knows for sure who he really is now, and she suspected it all along but couldn't accept it. Really sad because I suspect he wants out and that is why he told her and put the ball in her court instead of just asking for a divorce.
TDY - temporarily divorced for a year. It’s not cheating 2000 miles away! I’m separated - ya by 600 miles! I’m special forces and I have “missions”… trust me there are lots of ways cheating happens in the military. The office, the company, whatever all know! Wife is last to know and you do feel stupid and betrayed.
This guy is an idiot and a coward. If it was the only time in the marriage he cheated it was his burden to carry alone until his death. To her- I’ve never known a woman who’s been cheated on that fully forgave, if anything, it’s the start of resentment and animosity. The marriage is over and you know it you just aren’t ready to let it go. A friend of mine who was the cheater stayed married, it’s now 10yrs later and let me tell you, his wife has never forgiven him or let’s him forget what a POS he is and now with all the resentment she has towards him he’s in such misery that some of us say he’s reaping what he sows because he won’t leave(money)Kinda satisfying if you ask me but in reality she’s just punishing herself instead of setting HERSELF FREE. Good luck to you with whatever you decide.
So true - if it hasn't happened since, then he's just trying to 'get ahead of the story'' because he's afraid someone else is going to tell her, or he wants to frre himself from guilt regardless of what it does to her.
God is not mocked. A man shall reap what he sows. Nothing worse than living with someone who despises you and cannot forget what you have done to them. That is a true living hell. But many women used to be forced to marry men who raped them, so… hell is an equal opportunity tormentor.
"kinda satisfying if you ask me" BIG LOL It is rare the women ever forgive. I think men actually might forgive a little better when it comes to cheating, tbh. They just might not stay as often. It is so convenient for women to stay, and I also think that they aren't aware of how long that pain might last. If you cannot truly forgive, you should leave. But even if you can truly forgive and want to leave, you should still leave.
I found out my husband was cheating on me after 19 years of marriage with a co worker. Marriage wasn’t good but what most hurtful was that I baby sat coworker’s son for five years.
She’s 35 with FIVE children. It’s not a no-brainer bc even though she’s still relatively young, that’s a lot of baggage to take into a new relationship/marriage. I’m tired of people yelling “leave” like it’s a simple task. She could be involved in divorce proceedings, new living situation, having to juggle a job and childcare not to mention the emotional toll on her and the kids to handle. Hopefully people weigh these decisions VERY carefully before making them.
@@Vbe796 if she’s unhappy, she’ll raise unhappy children with trauma. I agree these decisions/changes are not easy. But then nothing of worth in life is ever easy. Giving a cheater second chance sounds too easy and an excuse to be complacent to me honestly.
John is SOOO right! Easy to say you would do something differently before you're faced with the situation. I always said I'd leave if cheated on until I was faced with that situation. 3 years past D-day and we're making it work and very much in love again. At the 7 minute part is so correct, she will want to know more as time goes on. Its only natural. God Bless John Delony for his well thought out advice to so many hard situations!! I read his other book and I can't wait to read the new one on Anxiety!!
This is me I said I woukd leave if he ever cheated and now together 35 yrs and I find out he had a 2 yr love affair with a woman at his work … now I am faced with what to do ??? It’s only been a few months since dday and I know it’s way to soon to make any permanent decisions but I am struggling as he is back living here but I look at him and see a stranger … so many lies, deceit and betrayal 😳🥲😳🥲😳🥲😳
My military grandpa cheated on my loyal grandma all throughout their 60+ year marriage. She was well aware of it But didn't want to let him go. They stayed married until she passed. Then it was reveal he had been married to a SECOND wife for the previous 30+ years and that second wife was filing for a divorce. That second wife believed my grandpa was legally divorced,found out he lied, divorced him, took half of his retirement and the house. The best part? My grandpa is in a care facility now with not a single clue of ANY of this because of his dementia all while his adult children are left to deal with the divorce and the messy aftermath. If my grandma had left him from the first sign of his infedelity 60 years ago, they wouldn't have had to deal with his mess now. They're only involved now because my grandma kept my grandpa heavily involved in their lives despite being a garbage person. Don't make the same mistake my grandma made. PLEASE leave him. For you. For your children. For your future. You have value, no matter your age. The right guy wouldn't make a fuss over a woman aging. It is never too late to do what is best for you.
@@TXNanna3 we don't understand either. His adult children fought this very point hard but the judge still acknowledged it as a valid marriage. Gotta love California...
As messed up as California is. That marriage to his second wife was not a legal or valid marriage. So unless they got him on some common law stuff, there’s no way you can dissolve something that wasn’t even a marriage.
“I’m tired of defending the men that hurt me when I was younger “ That’s how I found out he cheated 20 years ago and we continued a friendship with this person for the next 20 years.
The fact that someone save you losing a lot of time with that vile man yet you chose to believe him then it's on you! If you choose to stay it's on you too!
15 yrs ago in the military, he was probably very young and immature. Now, he may be older, wiser, and the guilt of lying to his wife after creating a beautiful life together has gotten to him. I think there’s a very clear path to move forward on this, if her heart can be in it.
@@erismana2105 Jesus said “and I say unto you, if you even look at a woman with lust, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart.” Is he a coward, yes. Is he beyond redemption, not yet. Time will tell.
She is amazing. The guy might just be going through a super nerd moment but is being super strange. I would be more worried about his current state of mind because it's pretty darn selfish.
My one thought on this, is the man has been torn for years. There was always a part of him that didn’t want to tell her because at that time he was young, dumb and potentially wanted to protect her from that truth because he knew it would hurt her and potentially he would lose her. However, all these years have gone on and no matter how deep he has buried this secret it’s still always ate at his consciousness and he’s always felt like a fraud even in the “good happy” moments of their marriage and family. Now, I’m not defending this man-however, I could see him being torn for years and finally just couldn’t stand the guilt anymore and he had to come clean. It sucks he dropped that on his wife and maybe it’s true that it would have been better for him to just take it to the grave as others have commented. But, I can see eventually he had to let it out. Unless, he should have just shared that with say a therapist and that’s it and then move on. Any thoughts? Feedback?
I agree. People who say that he should've taken it to the grave are extremely selfish. Guilt hurts and weighs heavy. It's the easy option to take it to the grave. The hard choice is to come forward with all your insecurities and say, "I'm sorry, what now?"
I think maybe it would be better to drop the bomb to a therapist or a priest instead of the wife, maybe confessing that to another people will going to release the guilt in a way that he wouldn’t need it to tell the wife. But now the cinder block is on her back and not his.
It's such a hard place to sit and think on even as a wife who had this happen in a similar situation. Part of me felt like an idiot as she did, because there were people that knew, and part of me felt like the purity of our vows and us against the world was stolen. Now its not just us in the commitment we made 20 years ago. I was told also 15 years later, and went through what she is feeling but hearing her story and reading the comments gave me a bit of a different perspective on how he got to release his burden that haunted him and unfortunately it weighs heavy on me. He got to process his mistake and it was fresh to me. Its definitely a hard one and hopefully she finds her peace and gives herself grace. There's so much you go through when you learn this and so many lessons to find forgiveness and happiness again. But I will say we're all human and deserve to be dumb so we know a blessing when we have one. Those are my thoughts, anyways.
But he didn’t entirely come clean. She was told by someone else and then she confronted him about it. He never “came clean because there was guilt”. He essentially lied to her still and that’s the issue at hand.
Time to go. If he kept a secret like that for that long, who knows what else he's kept from you? And good chance that's not the only instance of cheating once that line is crossed it's crossed.
Something is about to hit the fan. Don't know if its a child, a woman from his past or if he's cheating again but he's is preparing her for something nasty. God help her she's got something about to slap her in the face. After this past betrayal and being made a fool of I don't think I could forgive him. The children would be away for a few days. His bags would be packed and on the lawn. I would move on with my children and a good therapist to get me through the fall out.
Once a marriage has been betrayed by either partner, your marriage will never be the same. You’ll never be able to trust and wholeheartedly I would move on it’s not going to be the same. You’re always gonna have that in the back your mind is he doing it is he cheating? Is he cheating through the phone online anywhere he goes you’re gonna have that in the back of your head likebut I hope it does work for the both of you
Agree. I don't know what pills those people saying "we are so much in love again after his cheating" take but I don't buy it. They try to convince themselves or they are just delusional and obsessed. My grandmother was obsessed, she wouldn't divorce him even after he led her to hospital with severe uterus infection due to std bacteria. She had hysterectomy at 45 years old.
Yep he probably got someone pregnant and child support might be starting up. If they broke up or he left the mistress she could’ve threatened to tell his wife and he needed to beat her to the punch. Who knows
That's incredibly dishonest. If you have the opportunity to leave, you should take it and, hopefully, begin a new relationship with someone trustworthy. There's still a lot of life ahead for you to have a fresh start.
Does anybody ever think that if you allow cheating or continue to stay married to that particular person and “work it out” that you are not loving yourself, or and this is rough; you’re not thinking about future women that he could do this to because he’s allowed to get away with it with you…. Just saying….
Good question. My personal feeling is that the couple needs some time living apart and separately. To think about what happened, why it happened, to solidify feelings that they really do love each other and want to rebuild. It takes a TON of work on the individual’s parts, but also as a couple.
Nobody thinks of this. He doesn't care about the other women, the only thing he cares for is his lifestyle (which the wife provides to a point). And many times wives hate on other women, like they raped their husband or such 😅
He chested, for me it’s over. He’s a Narcissist if you ask him if he cheated and he looked you in the eyes and was able to convince you to believe him then you need to leave.
Listening to this, I get the strong feeling that women are always pushed into forgiving their husband’s cheating, almost like it’s expected. Almost like a husband’s betrayal is something light and kind of normal. “Ohhh you have to understand, he was in the military, it’s tough….”
Very rarely do people "change". Circumstances can change...get better or worse. In a real situation like this, it is unlikely that the cheater didn't cheat more than 15 years ago.
I PERSONALLY BELIEVE A CHEATER IS ALWAYS A CHEATER …..I NEVER TRUST A CHEATING MAN ….THAT SPEAKS TO HIS CHARACTER ….JUST DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER LITTLE THINGS HE HAS DONE BEFORE ….OR AFTER THE CHEATING…..🤷🏻♀️ …MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL …ITS ONLY FAIR 🤷🏻♀️ ….
Bet, if she lied back to her husband and said “omg me too!” 😅 he would leave in a heartbeat.
Ofcourse
once a 304 always a 304... cheaters are garbate both genders.
Ansofreakin’lutely
I would’ve confessed too just to drive him nuts 😂
What's your point? Seriously....
This guy lived with these secrets on EVERY OCCASION YOU SPENT WITH HIM. He put your health at risk by being with other women. He doesn't prioritize you over anything. LEAVE HIM NOW. This comes from a man, happily married for 20 years and would never dishonor my wife like this.
You need help
@@Lovedrug96I think you do.
Finally the truth
It is complicated as they have children and it was many years ago .
Anyone can leave children or not. Health safety and stability is important.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin
The Mask You Live In Documentary
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
You can forgive completely and still leave.
Intense
In a real situation, there is usually a reason why something like this comes out 15 years later.
Also, it's very likely that someone who cheated MULTIPLE TIMES 15 years ago, that there was more cheating later.
Amen to that
Spoken like a real spiteful home wrecker
I don’t care what ANYONE says, it should be a MORAL OBLIGATION for the friend to inform a spouse who is being cheated on.
Period.
Ummm … shouldn’t it be a moral obligation to NOT CHEAT on your spouse in the first place????
@@Rob-fn1kpYeah but that's beside the point on this video
She was informed, but she chose not to believe it.
Never. Deny deny deny😊
💯
If SHE had cheated on HIM while he was in the military he would have gone batshit crazy on her!
That’s assuming a lot. Everyone is different and men are often better able to forgive than women. They can compartmentalize better and are able not to dwell on it 24/7. I would honestly say the odds of a marriage actually recovering from something like this would be higher if it was the wife who cheated.
And this is coming from a woman. I KNOW how our minds work lol. We have a much harder time letting things go in most situations.
@@supernova11711 you are wrong, when a woman cheat it is over, cheating is wrong in both cases and cheaters are garbate, but men and women cheating is different, men can cheat without feelings easely, men separate s+x from feelings, but most women not, specially if it is a long time relationshipe while cheating, when a woman cheat it is over. because most of the time she does not respect her husband and look down on him and have feelings for the other guy.
@@castiel4746 You don’t understand what I’m saying though.
If you make the choice to hurt someone like that…you DON’T love them.
It’s not about what it does or doesn’t mean to YOU.
@@supernova11711 As someone who served in the military and seen some spouses cheat on their male military members. - the hell they are! LOL Men are NOT more forgiving. They don't forget the girl that broke their heart in 9th grade ffs.
@@supernova11711this is a misogynistic take. You do not speak for all women. You do not know how all women’s brains work. We are not a hive mind and not every woman thinks like you.
Calls like this make me happy to be single. I'm getting so sick of this cheating nonsense. Its sickening 😢
💯
Genuinely almost every single call I pat myself on the back for giving up on dating. Should be a go to place for anyone who feels lonely at times. I’ll take lonely over most of these stories!
To be fair however, it’s usually the messy situation. Is that end up being on the show rather than an accurate reflection of marriages across the nation in the world. Yes, this stuff is awful but it’s not the norm.
Agreed 💯 I'm divorcing currently because of deception and cheating. 12 years of my life wasted with him
@@ladyvirgo013good for you.
There is a reason he is confessing now. He probably got someone pregnant. Caught a disease, or his side chick wants to confront you. People dont just confess for no reason.
Maybe he found Jesus and it's weighing heavy on his heart? 😭😭
Not true! Sometimes people grow up and it ruins them. Secrets hurt the body.
Agreed. Leave that douche. This woman sounds detached, she has no idea that he didn’t cheat last week either, how many kids he might have floating around or diseases she might have/get. Yeuck.
I thought the same. The skeletal bones in the closet are hereby rattling…
@@payton335 that is a real thing. But there are still consequences. Finding Jesus and surrendering to him doesn’t always fix the bomb damage of a life. Harvests are real. Jesus can walk us thru it, but that doesn’t mean things get fixed. Some things have to be abandoned. Sin is the most expensive thing in the human existence. It cost Jesus his life and if you really do carry your cross and die on it, it will cost you yours as well. “Follow me.” Says Jesus Christ. This man may have to lose it all. And that would be a good thing if it saves his soul.
There's definitely more to this story. Why now?? There's either a child or children that were born that hes been hiding.
Maybe he's hoping she will divorce him so he can be free to do what he wants to...?
Why would you remain w someone who doesn’t love you? Sincere question
@@okaycola2 Are you posing that question to the wife? Because something he did 15 years ago doesn't necessarily define what someone is today, because he's been with her and supporting her since then, because people make stupid decisions sometimes, and because having sex with someone else isn't necessarily meaningful or a deal-breaker. I've known people who did this and remain [apparently] happily married years later - many years later, and wouldn't dream of leaving the person they cheated on.
It may be true in many cases that a cheater doesn't love his/her spouse - but it's not a universal truth.
@@oldgeezer2780Correct . He was too scared to admit to what he did back then and he was right because she would have walked .
@@oldgeezer2780 he's made multiple "stupid decisions" with multiple women. All of his military buddies knew. He made his wife a laughing stock. He has zero respect for his wife.
I bet he is being somehow blackmailed or caught a disease. No child or children whatsoever.
Is she sure he hasn’t cheated recently? Because it seems as if he cheated again and he’s using the cheating from 15 yrs ago to make it seem better !
That’s what I thought too! He’s trying to soften the blow
Yeah why tell her now 😑
If he’s bringing it up now, it could be because he’s fathered a child he just found out about. I really hope that isn’t the case for her.
Bingo - I had the exact same feeling. There is something behind him disclosing this to her. Part of him has to have known it could end his marriage and part of him would be okay with it OR he’s preparing her for more info like a kid. There’s wayyy more to this.
Or maybe he just wants to come clean about it….
Or because he's tired of the marriage but too cowardly to be the 1st to leave. Since she has always been been vocal about leaving if he cheated, he's proabbly hoping that she'll leave now that he has confessed. If I were her, I wouldn't trust his confessions only. I would ask around to get all the dirt. Maybe even ask the first colleague who exposed him.
@@xCryptoLegacyx That's what I was thinking too. I bet he was just tired of keeping such a stressful secret from her and probably wanted to come clean whether it destroyed his marriage or not...
Oh my gosh, you're so right. My father-in-law recently revealed he had had relations with his wife's sister. She has a daughter whose paternity has always been a mystery but was born that year. They look exactly alike, but he won't admit to anything further.
NEVER again for me,I stayed with my husband after he cheated in 2015 (im certain now that he did it our entire marriage of 12 years) fast forward to 2023,he blindsided me and shacked up with his coworker. NEVER NEVER stay,thats my experience that is learned the hard way
Some women just think they will be the lucky ones. I say when someone shows you who they are believe them. People after 25 rarely change. Their character is molded. It takes HUGE will to change.
See, this is what I fear. People always say “if they’re gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat, let them” and that’s fine and all, but my fear is never finding out about it and spending years giving my all to someone I’d have left for cheating on me
That’s the risk everyone takes being in a relationship. Just like driving on the road. It’s risky business, but people need to go out for various reasons so they take their chances daily. Same with relationships/marriage. It’s what you do with the information you get when it comes. Stay and work to heal, or get out.
That's why it's called cheating. You're being cheated out of a better spouse and life.
@@sucks2bthemMeh your plowing some broad is not thay big of deal. He just took a piss is all.
@@sucks2bthemno, no it’s not. If that were true nobody would ever forgive cheating.
Why would it matter if you never found out? It could only hurt you if he did something which long term cause you to find out (like having a kid with another woman etc). If you died without ever finding out, how could it ever hurt you?
Having been this woman, my husband didn’t tell the whole truth about who he had been with even when he confessed. Everyone he worked with knew and I felt like a fool years later when I found out (he didn’t offer that info.) There was so much more and it had been for a majority of the marriage. The fact is, her marriage isn’t what she thought it was, true, but she was in love with a figment of her imagination. Her husband isn’t who she thought he was, he never was who she thought he was. She is essentially married to a stranger. It’s impossible to trust someone like that again. There will always be doubts. My now ex-husband has subsequently cheated on everyone he has been with after me. AND, there is something behind him telling her now. Part of him knows it can end the marriage and part of him is okay with that. That is huge and can’t be overlooked. 😢
Better advice than Dr John 💕👍🙏xx
I totally understand you. You are so right because that’s true, your husband is not the person you thought he was, and after that you are forced to change too and become someone different even when you don’t want to change, you have to, because nothing remains from the former life. Hugs for you 🤗 my new sister.
My thoughts EXACTLY! She is in fact married to a stranger & there has to be more behind this for him to admit it now.
The fact is someone told her about her husband’s infidelity, she said she heard the whispers & she asked her husband if he was cheating back then… for a reason. To me, the caller ignored it as if she didn’t want to face it 😢 or perhaps thought it would go away.
take your husband to the cleaners via divorce
I agree with dmoneydance and Molly Anthony…there has to me something more behind this for him to admit this.. is he looking for an easy way out? Is he hoping she is the one to call it quits? Or let her question her self worth? Will she stay as he confesses to be a cheater?
For him to come home and let her be so madly in love and he was living his best life getting to live two lives until he decided he was done doing it while she never got a choice to decide. My heart goes out to her. I hope she gives herself the honesty, compassion and grace he didnt give to her.
For me it's not the fact you cheated 15yrs ago, it's that you lied, manipulated, humiliated me for 15yrs, I would now have to question not only myself but all the other things I've missed because 1 why are you telling me now, are you just trying to be honest or are you trying to gage how I will react incase there's worse news, and the 2. I'm gonna be watching everything you do now because you have spent 15yrs successfully lying to me, I won't know how to tell the difference between what's true or not in our relationship, for me I'd be done.
His combat buddies, their mutual friends, his family they all knew.
Embarrassing fr.
Off course they did 😢
I saw so many things as a military wife ..so much wife swapping..playing around then the whole base knows but the wife/ husband..worse when military move exs with their new spouses along each other in housing..
She already knew but pushed the doubts down. If someone tells you your spouse is cheating follow up on it ladies.
She did follow up on it and he lied to her face and then had sex with her for 15 years. 😁🤭🙄
It doesn’t have to be an either or. You don’t have to “leave OR forgive,” you can do both. You can forgive AND still leave. Forgive him for your mental health, leave him for your medical health.
I”m hearing that you want to stay but that you want to want to leave.” Dude, Deloney has a way of understanding these things.
Not feeling this advice by John. It's a huge risk to stay with someone that lied to your face for 15 years when they had the chance to make it right. He wasn't "young." He was deceitful and lied to his wife for years. Of course, he wants to work on his marriage. I'm afraid that if she forgives him and wipes his sleight clean, this may embolden him to cheat again. Why not? If his wife forgave him after lying for 15 years, he can practically get away with anything. I think it's too soon for her to make a decision. She needs space to think. It's only been a week. She needs to take some time and seek counsel from trusted leadership in her life then make a decision. She can want to forgive him today, but tomorrow she might hate him again. Her pain is too fresh to decide if she wants to stay or not.
Her unwillingness to be uncomfortable made her not push when she was told years ago
💯💔🙏
He's tired of the wife and 5 kids. He's hoping she'll leave. Single man and no kids is something he'd like. He told at this time for a reason. If he wanted you he'd keep that to his grave.
That my husband. Happily separated and leaving our family life to me…. Going on over 2 years he doesn’t have a job.
who isnt tired in this inflation? Thats a ton of baggage the man has
Stop putting random thoughts unverifiable in this woman’s call. She may read this made up crap, grow up.
Lmao...people can mature and change
I completely agree. He's probably wanting to begin the prompts for her to leave him so he doesn't have to feel bad about that either. Ugh. You don't disclose something like that just because you're having an intimate moment of sharing in your marriage. It's a choice to keep that stuff locked up and a big choice to unlock it. Doubt there's not another reason prompting this for him.
I don’t want to be that person but I wonder if he has any other kids or something else.
A 15 year old kid specifically 🤦♀️.
Wow, what a loser he is. Letting a lie go on that long and lying right to her face when confronted back then.
he will learn his lesson in divorce court when she clears out his bank account
My military dad cheated on my loyal mom and he has daughter from another another woman. She didn’t learn about it until after probably 13 year and later diagnosed of cancer. Me and my siblings learned about it after my mom passed. As a child of a cheating father and who lost her mom, it was too painful to bear. I felt my moms pain, I felt betrayed as well. So if same thing will happen to me now married, i think it’s over because I know myself, when someone broke my trust, it’s hard for me to forget and forgive. For you, I am so sorry your husband is unfaithful, if you think you can still give your 100% to him after all the lies, go ahead. If not, call it’s over.
Yeah my great grandpa had 11 kids with his wife in Italy and 4 in Brazil. Left the lady in Brazil and went back to Italy to be with the wife. Was Italian navy. I wonder how often this happens
@@jokerfeed839 Thats why people look the same from other countries
Calls like this makes me want to remain a faithful husband. I rather avoid the whole situation all together
@dillardsshopper2486it’s the bare minimum please
Calls like this make me want to stay single.
@@maam-yj8ph If you don't want kids, go for it!
Dude wants out. He's hoping you'll leave... trust me I'm a former sinner in this regard turning over a new leaf
So let him goooo
I hope people who experience infidelity just remember that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that their spouse is the one with the problem.
You don’t know that. Everyone in the mix has a part to play
@@Barbara-yv8rk I do know that. I am not responsible for the actions and behaviors of another person. I'm not pulling any strings. I'm not controlling their mind and their bodies. Wake up lady.
@@evelynfrederick What am I waking up to? Do you have any responsibility/accountability?
@@barbarap6201 Being responsible for one's own behavior and influence IS NOT the same as being responsible for someone else's. And I am NOT responsible for how someone else behaves. I will NEVER be responsible for that. Your generation got a lot wrong that left my generation doing the heavy lifting to make things right. You were likely abused and gaslighted for the actions of others which warped your understanding of responsibility.
@@barbarap6201 responsible for what?! Someone else's decision to cheat?
why is he comparing sexual assault or perceived sexual assault to cheating…they are totally different. I was cheated on and I can tell you that once it happens you can never trust that other person…its ok to forgive and maybe she needs time to work through her emotions…it took me 3 years..i kept forgiving and then eventually I realized I could never go back…that I could never trust that person. So yeah she might think she can keep her marriage now but lets see where she is in 5 years.
I would be suspicious why he confessed now. It’s a child suddenly going to show up from one of his many affairs.
He's betting that after 15 years with the kids, house, lifestyle, she'll say it's in the past and forgive him since they have had all the wonderful times since he cheated. Or he has fathered a child with one of the females.
I’m sure he’s confessed because he’s found out about a side baby
Oh dear . This is a nightmare. Have you been tested? Divorce . 50/50 custody. Rebuild your life.
Bless this woman; he's confessing now because he thinks enough time has passed that time has mitigated the damage. He's of course wrong - she'll remember this forever even if they stay together, but wishful thinking and all that...
Your analogy though! Comparing 19 years of marriage for her to find out her husband cheated on her numerous times, "..it's like buying a house and they put in a sewer pipe..." Noooo! 😬
You are in love with an illusion. The person you thought you married, didn't exist.
Shame we have such cowards in the military
It’s a shame that this is most military men, it used to be a badge of honor and character but now women are saying it’s a red flag and to not get involved with military men to begin with.
15 years ago? Seriously?
It’s a shame we have idiots who generalize
@@supermodelatlanta1354sometimes guilt works like a slow cooker
@@funnygaming2672and they’re cowards for doing so, overseas or not.
I still don’t understand why people cheat…. Like if you’re not happy just leave! And at least you’ll have people respect!
Why bring it up now? So selfish! He wants to either clear his conscience (again, selfish) or has stepped out again or is thinking about it.
Probably owes child support
Leave a cheater. Regain a life.
I’ve been in this exact situation and I have good news and bad news;
The good- that was 15 yrs ago and he’s no longer that person. The person you can’t trust is no longer the person in front of you and once a cheater always a cheater is absolutely false. Sometimes people go through bad phases and make really bad decisions but they outgrow that phase. My husband was one of those people and I was too (yrs before I met my husband) so I’m speaking from experience on both sides of it. The person your mad at doesn’t exist anymore and your angry that you can’t confront that person and dump him to teach him a lesson. It’s a real painful frustration when your justice is robbed from you. If there was even a slight possibility that he could still be that person, there’s no way he would have confessed what he did.
The bad news- if you want your marriage to get even more challenging and you want to look like an idiot today as much as you did 15 yrs ago, then by all means tell your closest friends about this confession.
This is what will happen: your friends will now see you differently (like an idiot) and lose respect for you for staying in the marriage since you always said that you’d never tolerate being cheated on. Your friends will now hate your husband and that’s going to cause a lot of conflict. You can pretty much say goodbye to ever having them over at the house without creating tension and they’ll be super critical over EVERYTHING he does and over time, that’s going to influence how you feel about him and your marriage. Fast forward a few years into the future and now you run the risk that your kids will find out what dad did and now that complicates his relationship with his kids and your kids will see you a victim now and not the strong mom that they thought you were.
My advice, talk to a therapist about personal problems in your relationship and not to friends or family unless you’re ok with the above. Speaking from experience. That was a huge mistake. Avoid at all costs.
This is gold
I think this largely depends on your friends but will ring true 80+ percent of the time. I would say you could probably tell one very close ride or die friend if you have one but don’t just go spreading it all over town lol
I’m thinking from a friend perspective and if it was 15 years ago and my friend really seemed to be moving passed it and forgiving him I think that I could to.
And SHE certainly wouldn’t be the laughing stalk!!! If anything, HE would be! Being cheated on takes NOTHING away from the victim. They FEEL that way but most people who know are just looking at that person and thinking they deserve SO much better. I see the cheater as pathetic, NOT the spouse!
Good advice.i lost most of the few friends i have.
Problem was my closest friends worked with AP anc my husband ( he was their boss ) my matron of honour is one of her closest friends.
Messy very messy
Some people cannot get past the doubts, which are always going to be there. You cannot be sure s/he still not hiding something. You would be amazed by how many of those "changed" people continue their behavior, they just got sneakier. Only a few truly repentant ones exist. Normally they feel really really bad, confess fully and wholeheartedly committ themselves to you again, ready to let you in peace if you need space and time. This is a true apology. The rest is just getting away with it and covering things up (again).
Very good
She wants to leave! Let her!!! What self respecting woman stays? As women, listen, this is where your agreeableness ends! Period.
If a man found this out about his wife that she was shared around by military men, yeah I’m sure she’d be dragged and called a wh*re.
This call is like, “oh he was just young and immature, not a big deal!”
If she wants to stay, let her. Sometimes respecting yourself means choosing to keep an intact family because divorce is messy, wrecks relationships, causes trauma for children, and doesn't always bring that mirage of happiness. Let her make her own decision without passing judgement. I support whatever she decides and would never accuse her of lacking self respect for taking a different path than others in her shoes.
@@eurekahope5310 you think the kids don’t sense her unhappiness? I’ll tell you now, they do!
@@eurekahope5310 staying wrecks relationships too. Either way there will be destruction and lies.
@Nah-ah you are my spirit animal
You sound miserable...dont tell other women what to do
All the cheating and gaslighting would cause me to seriously consider staying. Who knows how much he’s done. Trickle truth happens A LOT and even then you don’t always get it!
I think Dr. John is smart when he speaks of the “Both/Ands”…
Why put this on her now???
Could be many reasons for cowards ( cheaters).
She sounds bored with him anyways. If she were to meet him today. Would she go for him. All the high school sweethearts I know called it quits.
His next big reveal might be child support.
Exactly
Sometimes people carry burdens for years and years and finally hit a point at which they reach for honesty to cut that burden off and be able to move forward. I don't know their faith but for Christians, the atonement of Jesus Christ is a powerful thing. God bless them as they move forward. I hope they both move forward with honesty and if they do life and marriage can be better than ever.
Dr. John said "Your marriage as you knew it is over." In reality, her marriage as she knew it never existed. She embarrassingly had to listen to the whispers of doubt coming her way for years. What is different now is she has five children that she's responsible for, and post-divorce poverty and single-parenthood isn't looking pretty. In the back of her mind, she is probably well-aware that he has probably been doing this during their entire marriage... Knowing he believes that "It's OK as long as she doesn't find-out." She said that if he had a more recent confession, she would not tolerate his cheating, etc. Really? Why would recent lies and cheating be more objectionable? What is the statute of limitations on infidelity? Five months? Two years? Five years? 10 years? Is his time in the military untouchable Open Game with other women as long as he was "nobly" serving his Country? His "confession"/"apology" would look something like Deny, Minimize, Rationalise, Justify, and Blame. Saying something like "I've tried and tried...No matter what I say or do, she keeps bringing up the past. She won't let it go!" Right. Yawn.
I would resist the impulse to shove him off a cliff if HE was the one calling Dr. John, saying he had been carrying astounding guilt for so many years...He now realizes what an arrogant lying creep he was...What can he do to regain her trust and respect, and at least be a wonderful co-parent to their children? At this point, he's probably texting "friends" and sending d--k pics...lamenting how his wife is so immature, insecure, and not understanding of his needs...Saying he is a victim of PTSD.
Ultimately, many of their social peers would probably judge him for breaking-up his marriage, but, they would judge her as breaking up her family. Sigh.
I think it is because she almost doesn't feel justified in leaving now. If she is making a decision based on something that happened 20 years ago, because she did not have the privilege to make the decision, it can almost seem like an unreasonable one. Like you said, infidelity should not have any time limit. But she definitely feels like it is too late, and that is an unfortunate negative side effect that victims of infidelity deal with. I do wish that more women were more stern about cheating, though. Especially since so many who stay never truly forgive their partners and they are still extremely hurt and deeply scarred. I feel like if you cannot heal, do not stay. You can forgive without staying.
I am sure some women and men lie about seeing cheating that they knew didn't exist, but I have a hard time believing that there was reason to doubt the person who told her way back when. It takes a lot of courage to be the person to inform the victim of their partner's infidelity. I have done it once, and maybe it was because we were not good friends, but the conversation itself took a long time to have. I was trying so hard to use the right words, but seeing the person crumble in front of me was terrible. It is not easy to be in that position, but still, her husband had EVERYTHING to lose by admitting he had cheated, I am sure the person who told her hadn't had that much. I know it's not great to listen to outside voices when it comes to relationship problems, but if it is cheating, I don't really understand why the outside voice doesn't hold much weight.
Being deployed is a different situation. He may have had a lot of stress. Depends whether he was in Japan, Germany etc. (nice safe places) or if he had to witness his buddies being torn apart by a mine. And some men cannot deal with being w/o sex. Which should not be an issue, when he is at home.
@@franziskania true man has respect and purpose. He is not a an animal, slave to lust.
@@matinaki1644 in a perfect world.
Please call back in to the show when he drops the bomb about the kid he has.
Once a cheater always a cheater. The saying is a leopard doesn’t change its spots. Been there done that, he cheated after 3 weeks of marriage. We went for counselling but somehow I knew in my heart he wasn’t going to change, the red flags all over the place. I hope she finds inner peace.
Hope you are doing ok now!
A lot of these military men seem to cheat while on deployment. Their motto is "what happens over seas stays over seas". For everything he just told you..there is more he left out. He told you this with lots of time in between, then and now, so you wouldn't leave. Not because he suddenly got a conscience. Its easier to confess if you feel the consequences will be less and you will be able to say to them, "this happened long ago, its not me now". Don't put it past him that he is still up to no good. He put you at risk sleeping around. It is worse than the cheating, its total disregard for your health and safety. You will look over your shoulder the rest of your marriage if you stay. He stole your peace.
Every time I hear 'High school sweethearts', I just don't get how that could work. I wonder if either of them had the guts to try to date other people or ever moved out of town/state for college/work. I'm in my 30s and there was no chance I'd marry someone I went to high school with. I've changed far too much since then.
My parents are high school sweethearts. Both dated other people. You can date in HS. They never lived out of state though. It's actually overall much better I'd say. The level of intimacy is much higher (people who sleep around have a much lower marriage success rate).
divorce him, you cant ever trust a cheater again ... he cheated and then lied you cant ever believe him
She sounds like a wonderful person. In hope they find healing, individually and together.
The time to tell her was 15 years ago. Confessing 15 years after the fact was an act of pure selfishness on his part, just like his infidelity.
She may think he's changed, but really, he's as selfish as ever.
Seriously, in a sense at a certain point it's selfish to tell. Like what's she supposed to do with that info moving forward and how's telling her this going to help anything? Maybe some things are better left feeling guilty about and taken to the grave of worked out personally with a priest and therapist. Dunno.
@@thestorybehindthat5236"It's selfish to tell" is so convenient for those who don't want to get caught😂
@@randomusername3873 I was just thinking how if I were in her shoes at this stage in the game I wouldn't want to hear it. Let his conscience eat at him for the rest of his life. He knows what kind of man he is. He can live in his own little internal hell and take it to his grave. Don't make your misery mine.
@@thestorybehindthat5236no. Anyone cheated on deserves the truth even after 100 years because this one time (or entire affair) you might have gotten a disease. One should get checked when their sexual health has been compromised while in a supposedly "exclusive" relationship. I know of a married woman who caught herpes from her cheating husband.
@@thestorybehindthat5236they don't feel miserable, I assure you. Most feel powerful and smart. Only a few ones truly regret the act itself and what it could mean for their partner. The rest just don't want the drama.
This is the very definition of a paradox. Which requires NOT thinking in terms of "either/or" where "this" is a problem and "that" is the solution, but thinking in terms of "both/and" where there is value in both "this" and "that" and the task at hand is to get the best out of both while avoiding the limits of "either/or". Good luck.
Go cheat on him repeatedly & see how willing he is to stay with you. Not happening! Leave his lying ass!
Or maybe take the appropriate approach and not go to the other person level and like not cheat and just idk divorce them
Cheating isn’t a one and done. Even if he only ever actually slept with someone once, it’s been over 10 years of him not telling you. He’s cheated on you for over a decade.
He may have a long lost love child. I think this is an eminent possibility.She must feel totally betrayed. If she divorces him who could blame her.
Not only he cheated, he also lied. I would leave. There is no family if there is no trust. And honestly - she absolutely cannot trust him. Yes, it will be tough on kids. That's not her fault. She shouldn't be put in position where she has to work very hard because her husband makes her to. No. He is the one who has to work very hard to stay present in his kids life. He is the one who f up. Cheating isn't mistake that just happens. It's a chain of events of decision making and effort putting and if that was done more than once then... I felt like John wanted to say her to leave the whole time, especially after hearing her say that she felt that his friends were whispering about it behind her back. To have 5 kids with a person and serve her with this after 15 years. Honestly, you don't even deserve those kids.
Oh goodness, this is sort of what happened to me too. I am shook with some of the things John said and I feel like a complete idiot. Yeah I was young and dumb but omg… how I would have done things differently if I knew back then
Some of these comments assuming wild stories smh. It really could be simple enough that he just felt like she deserved the truth and was too big of a coward until now.
I didn't know there was a roller coaster of grief like this . Insightful ❤️🌹❤️
Why do cheaters think confessing to cheating will be a good thing for their marriage, yeah to relieve their personal turmoil. The first question is why confess now? Now she is the cheated on wife with a damaged heart. Does she deserve to know, hell yes. Will their marriage be the same as the day before he told her, NO NEVER. I wish her luck as I am betting she will stay.
My question is why now? Why's he telling her this now? That's really important to figure out. Is there something else going on she doesn't know about? Did he hear a sermon and felt this was critical to fess up to? We don't know. I think the violation in not disclosing this to her, apart from the fact cheating is betrayal, is that he took away her ability to choose a different life. Had she known this and walked who knows who she would've met and what kind life she'd have today. And if she had chosen to stay it would've been HER choice based in reality. My experience has been that people who withhold information and learn to get away with it usually have a lot more going on you don't know about. It's a way of coping and maintaining a relationship for them without ever digging deep and figuring out how to be vulnerable and honest to work things out. The fact he told her no with a straight face like a pro tells me he's gotten pretty good at deception and this wasn't a blip on the map that's way out of character. Also his community covered for him and that's not great either. Nearly no one was being honest with her.
He confess because he wants out. If he wanted to stay he would have kept the peace
It is for the better then. Who would want a liar and a cheater?? Like it is some prize to have them in your life.
@@matinaki1644 dealing with men and I’m single. I always say “No” to married men. Some men don’t intend to leave their marriage but just to explore yet women are weak and use feelings a lot and believe men. Dont ever date a married man. If he wants to dissolve his marriage don’t take part of it. Let him decide what he wants for himself and not be an accomplice. To all single women. A man will not leave a marriage for you if he can keep both. Don’t be the source of somebody’s tears. If you want him. Tell him to comeback once he is single meanwhile live your life . Dont wait for nobody!!!
get rid of that scumbag and take him to the divorce cleaners. She will get the housing and his pension for the rest of her life!!!! Military wives get very generous perks in divorce
Anyone who’s been cheated on go to the clinic and get tested right away!! You never know what they could have given you. No one wins when there’s a cheater in the mix.
story reminded me of a drill sergeant's rant - how can I trust you with an M44, if your wife can't trust when you go out the door?
He is a slithering person because after his military career is over, which it is or right at it and he wants a do over and now telling his wife because he wants to start over which a lot of military men do, to their faithful wives. They have kids and he doesn't get a do over at her/the family's expense. She gets half his retirement but what skills does she have to transition into the working world. I'd stay, get my education, a career, the kids are out of the house, the majority, and then revisit the marriage thing if he doesn't bail sooner. But I wouldn't jump ship without a life raft called can I support myself and get on with my life without this guy financially and yes, they need marriage counseling so she can get to where she can stay the course until she is ready financially, emotionally etc. to leave. It will never be the same but when her foundation is solid again, maybe they can be a couple but just a different type of couple (e.g. ex's). She knows for sure who he really is now, and she suspected it all along but couldn't accept it. Really sad because I suspect he wants out and that is why he told her and put the ball in her court instead of just asking for a divorce.
TDY - temporarily divorced for a year. It’s not cheating 2000 miles away! I’m separated - ya by 600 miles! I’m special forces and I have “missions”… trust me there are lots of ways cheating happens in the military.
The office, the company, whatever all know! Wife is last to know and you do feel stupid and betrayed.
This guy is an idiot and a coward. If it was the only time in the marriage he cheated it was his burden to carry alone until his death. To her- I’ve never known a woman who’s been cheated on that fully forgave, if anything, it’s the start of resentment and animosity. The marriage is over and you know it you just aren’t ready to let it go. A friend of mine who was the cheater stayed married, it’s now 10yrs later and let me tell you, his wife has never forgiven him or let’s him forget what a POS he is and now with all the resentment she has towards him he’s in such misery that some of us say he’s reaping what he sows because he won’t leave(money)Kinda satisfying if you ask me but in reality she’s just punishing herself instead of setting HERSELF FREE. Good luck to you with whatever you decide.
So true - if it hasn't happened since, then he's just trying to 'get ahead of the story'' because he's afraid someone else is going to tell her, or he wants to frre himself from guilt regardless of what it does to her.
God is not mocked. A man shall reap what he sows. Nothing worse than living with someone who despises you and cannot forget what you have done to them. That is a true living hell. But many women used to be forced to marry men who raped them, so… hell is an equal opportunity tormentor.
"kinda satisfying if you ask me" BIG LOL
It is rare the women ever forgive. I think men actually might forgive a little better when it comes to cheating, tbh. They just might not stay as often. It is so convenient for women to stay, and I also think that they aren't aware of how long that pain might last. If you cannot truly forgive, you should leave. But even if you can truly forgive and want to leave, you should still leave.
Dr J is very good, especially with this subject. Ur awesome.
She needs to leave , never give a cheater another chance.
I found out my husband was cheating on me after 19 years of marriage with a co worker. Marriage wasn’t good but what most hurtful was that I baby sat coworker’s son for five years.
35+ isn’t even old. Wth…..she can easily leave his behind and have a happy life with someone she deserves. It’s a no brainer. 😊
@@DuffyGabi it’s not complicated unless you make it complicated.
true she will walk away with some very generous perks in divorce court including half of his military pension for the rest of her life
She’s 35 with FIVE children. It’s not a no-brainer bc even though she’s still relatively young, that’s a lot of baggage to take into a new relationship/marriage. I’m tired of people yelling “leave” like it’s a simple task. She could be involved in divorce proceedings, new living situation, having to juggle a job and childcare not to mention the emotional toll on her and the kids to handle. Hopefully people weigh these decisions VERY carefully before making them.
@@Vbe796 if she’s unhappy, she’ll raise unhappy children with trauma. I agree these decisions/changes are not easy. But then nothing of worth in life is ever easy. Giving a cheater second chance sounds too easy and an excuse to be complacent to me honestly.
@@Emptytopfloor And how would you know? Do you have personal experience with this??
John laughs in weird almost inappropriate moments.
John's biases are showing on this call. He confessed for a reason. Over looking that is foolish.
John is SOOO right! Easy to say you would do something differently before you're faced with the situation. I always said I'd leave if cheated on until I was faced with that situation. 3 years past D-day and we're making it work and very much in love again. At the 7 minute part is so correct, she will want to know more as time goes on. Its only natural. God Bless John Delony for his well thought out advice to so many hard situations!! I read his other book and I can't wait to read the new one on Anxiety!!
This is me I said I woukd leave if he ever cheated and now together 35 yrs and I find out he had a 2 yr love affair with a woman at his work … now I am faced with what to do ??? It’s only been a few months since dday and I know it’s way to soon to make any permanent decisions but I am struggling as he is back living here but I look at him and see a stranger … so many lies, deceit and betrayal 😳🥲😳🥲😳🥲😳
My military grandpa cheated on my loyal grandma all throughout their 60+ year marriage. She was well aware of it But didn't want to let him go. They stayed married until she passed. Then it was reveal he had been married to a SECOND wife for the previous 30+ years and that second wife was filing for a divorce. That second wife believed my grandpa was legally divorced,found out he lied, divorced him, took half of his retirement and the house. The best part? My grandpa is in a care facility now with not a single clue of ANY of this because of his dementia all while his adult children are left to deal with the divorce and the messy aftermath. If my grandma had left him from the first sign of his infedelity 60 years ago, they wouldn't have had to deal with his mess now. They're only involved now because my grandma kept my grandpa heavily involved in their lives despite being a garbage person. Don't make the same mistake my grandma made. PLEASE leave him. For you. For your children. For your future. You have value, no matter your age. The right guy wouldn't make a fuss over a woman aging. It is never too late to do what is best for you.
Don't understand how the second marriage was valid and would require a divorce? If he was legally married, he couldn't get married.
@@TXNanna3 we don't understand either. His adult children fought this very point hard but the judge still acknowledged it as a valid marriage. Gotta love California...
@caroliinec that's crazy, maybe they ought to sue her for interfering in valid contract.
@@TXNanna3 maybe...considering legal fees, probably not worth it though. Thank you for the suggestion!
As messed up as California is. That marriage to his second wife was not a legal or valid marriage. So unless they got him on some common law stuff, there’s no way you can dissolve something that wasn’t even a marriage.
“I’m tired of defending the men that hurt me when I was younger “
That’s how I found out he cheated 20 years ago and we continued a friendship with this person for the next 20 years.
The fact that someone save you losing a lot of time with that vile man yet you chose to believe him then it's on you! If you choose to stay it's on you too!
15 yrs ago in the military, he was probably very young and immature. Now, he may be older, wiser, and the guilt of lying to his wife after creating a beautiful life together has gotten to him. I think there’s a very clear path to move forward on this, if her heart can be in it.
Interesting to to see if any illegitimate children pop up soon 🤪
Cheaters are cowards stop making excuses for his malniptive behavior
@@erismana2105 Jesus said “and I say unto you, if you even look at a woman with lust, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart.” Is he a coward, yes. Is he beyond redemption, not yet. Time will tell.
no no the damage has been done. She needs to divorce and get his military pension
She’s not in it! She’s done being a fool.
She is amazing. The guy might just be going through a super nerd moment but is being super strange. I would be more worried about his current state of mind because it's pretty darn selfish.
My one thought on this, is the man has been torn for years. There was always a part of him that didn’t want to tell her because at that time he was young, dumb and potentially wanted to protect her from that truth because he knew it would hurt her and potentially he would lose her. However, all these years have gone on and no matter how deep he has buried this secret it’s still always ate at his consciousness and he’s always felt like a fraud even in the “good happy” moments of their marriage and family. Now, I’m not defending this man-however, I could see him being torn for years and finally just couldn’t stand the guilt anymore and he had to come clean. It sucks he dropped that on his wife and maybe it’s true that it would have been better for him to just take it to the grave as others have commented. But, I can see eventually he had to let it out. Unless, he should have just shared that with say a therapist and that’s it and then move on. Any thoughts? Feedback?
I agree. People who say that he should've taken it to the grave are extremely selfish. Guilt hurts and weighs heavy. It's the easy option to take it to the grave. The hard choice is to come forward with all your insecurities and say, "I'm sorry, what now?"
I think maybe it would be better to drop the bomb to a therapist or a priest instead of the wife, maybe confessing that to another people will going to release the guilt in a way that he wouldn’t need it to tell the wife. But now the cinder block is on her back and not his.
It's such a hard place to sit and think on even as a wife who had this happen in a similar situation. Part of me felt like an idiot as she did, because there were people that knew, and part of me felt like the purity of our vows and us against the world was stolen. Now its not just us in the commitment we made 20 years ago. I was told also 15 years later, and went through what she is feeling but hearing her story and reading the comments gave me a bit of a different perspective on how he got to release his burden that haunted him and unfortunately it weighs heavy on me. He got to process his mistake and it was fresh to me. Its definitely a hard one and hopefully she finds her peace and gives herself grace. There's so much you go through when you learn this and so many lessons to find forgiveness and happiness again. But I will say we're all human and deserve to be dumb so we know a blessing when we have one. Those are my thoughts, anyways.
The ol young and dumb excuse 🙄.
If he cared about her in the slightest he wouldn't have cheated ..
But he didn’t entirely come clean. She was told by someone else and then she confronted him about it. He never “came clean because there was guilt”. He essentially lied to her still and that’s the issue at hand.
Yeah if you've got 5 kids you're pretty much stuck with him 😢.
Time to go. If he kept a secret like that for that long, who knows what else he's kept from you? And good chance that's not the only instance of cheating once that line is crossed it's crossed.
I would immediately audit his phone and computer to see if he is telling the whole truth
Something is about to hit the fan. Don't know if its a child, a woman from his past or if he's cheating again but he's is preparing her for something nasty. God help her she's got something about to slap her in the face. After this past betrayal and being made a fool of I don't think I could forgive him. The children would be away for a few days. His bags would be packed and on the lawn. I would move on with my children and a good therapist to get me through the fall out.
Once a marriage has been betrayed by either partner, your marriage will never be the same. You’ll never be able to trust and wholeheartedly I would move on it’s not going to be the same. You’re always gonna have that in the back your mind is he doing it is he cheating? Is he cheating through the phone online anywhere he goes you’re gonna have that in the back of your head likebut I hope it does work for the both of you
Agree. I don't know what pills those people saying "we are so much in love again after his cheating" take but I don't buy it. They try to convince themselves or they are just delusional and obsessed. My grandmother was obsessed, she wouldn't divorce him even after he led her to hospital with severe uterus infection due to std bacteria. She had hysterectomy at 45 years old.
If you choose to stay you have to forgive and moove forward. If you can't do that, leave.
Revenge cheat on his ass
Don’t. Effing. Cheat. It really is that simple.
Don't keep laughing at her John....❤
Yep he probably got someone pregnant and child support might be starting up. If they broke up or he left the mistress she could’ve threatened to tell his wife and he needed to beat her to the punch. Who knows
Once a cheater - always a cheater.
Doomed.
That's incredibly dishonest. If you have the opportunity to leave, you should take it and, hopefully, begin a new relationship with someone trustworthy. There's still a lot of life ahead for you to have a fresh start.
Does anybody ever think that if you allow cheating or continue to stay married to that particular person and “work it out” that you are not loving yourself, or and this is rough; you’re not thinking about future women that he could do this to because he’s allowed to get away with it with you….
Just saying….
Good question. My personal feeling is that the couple needs some time living apart and separately. To think about what happened, why it happened, to solidify feelings that they really do love each other and want to rebuild.
It takes a TON of work on the individual’s parts, but also as a couple.
Nobody thinks of this. He doesn't care about the other women, the only thing he cares for is his lifestyle (which the wife provides to a point). And many times wives hate on other women, like they raped their husband or such 😅
He chested, for me it’s over. He’s a Narcissist if you ask him if he cheated and he looked you in the eyes and was able to convince you to believe him then you need to leave.
Listening to this, I get the strong feeling that women are always pushed into forgiving their husband’s cheating, almost like it’s expected. Almost like a husband’s betrayal is something light and kind of normal.
“Ohhh you have to understand, he was in the military, it’s tough….”
Delony is defending the cheater. Those who defend - done the same.
Very rarely do people "change". Circumstances can change...get better or worse.
In a real situation like this, it is unlikely that the cheater didn't cheat more than 15 years ago.
I PERSONALLY BELIEVE A CHEATER IS ALWAYS A CHEATER …..I NEVER TRUST A CHEATING MAN ….THAT SPEAKS TO HIS CHARACTER ….JUST DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER LITTLE THINGS HE HAS DONE BEFORE ….OR AFTER THE CHEATING…..🤷🏻♀️ …MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL …ITS ONLY FAIR 🤷🏻♀️ ….
He brought it up to test the waters, I would bet money that he cheated recently