I just saw this in a Chinese drama and I really needed to hear it: "They lost someone who really loved them, you lost someone who never loved you. So who lost really?"
It feels impossible because they devalued you and they may have made you dependent on them. They may have gaslighted you and put you in a trauma bond. To where you may have lost confidence in yourself, and you don’t feel like you can make it on your own. They destroy a person’s will to live.
Trauma Bond - I’ve watched this happen to one of my adult children. He’s isolated, kept away from those who really love him and no matter how hard he tries, it’s never enough. I’m praying earnestly and asking GOD to intervene.
Yes indeed, and in my case, he was the one that didn't want to end it for fear of ending up the 'bad person' 🤦♀️. But he didn't ever want to meet me halfway. I was the only one that did anything wrong, apparently. So I was the one who gave up her life, went mad, tried to find solutions, get an autism diagnosis, and was forced to take 10 years to leave a 5 year relationship. 15 years of prison, and absolutely nothing to show for it.
I've learned that evil people will never be able to become good once they turn evil. It's best to just stay away from someone if you think they're evil or capable of doing evil. Evil preys on good, not like-minded people. This is why people can sleep like a baby in a subway at 2 AM, and like hippos can swim with crocs; they see nothing in these people. They only go after those who are trying and haven't given up on the human spirit. 😈
Prior to Dr. Ramani I would ruminate for hours about what these people said to me. I had an odd experience. I was volunteering at a local organization. They treated me like dirt but being the survivor I am I kept trying to make it work. When I finally left I knew that the leader had terminal cancer but I had no idea how long she had. One night I was having a dream not at all related to this situation. Suddenly she appeared, smiled and disappeared and my dream went on as it had been. A few weeks later I saw someone from there and asked how this woman was doing. He got a strange look on his face and said she had died. I would like to think she had regrets for allowing me to be treated so badly.
Wow, you are the first person who has brought up the topic of hyper-independence! I realized that I have this and I feel that it comes from having to parent myself in childhood since no one else was doing it.
@@susanmercurio1060 yes that's so true, we pretty much had to raise ourselves and then I started helping all those who lacked love and caregivers also. This started in childhood even in the playground at school, other children would come to me for help and guidance. I would also often play with the ones no one else would. I never liked status quo or the popular kids who were bullies for the most part. Yet later ended up with narcissistic bullies as partners, recently finding out that my mom was a narcissist who manipulated my father against me, with brother and sister also becoming narcissistic. Thanks for your reply. Bless you 💜🙏🏼🌟😇🌈🕊💫
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on. Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule. Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me. Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style. As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake. Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen. Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it. NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift. You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya! Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements. NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you. Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others. Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings. Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible. Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening. Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog. Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
This was validating and helpful. Thank you. It was 34 years for me. 1 year out but still have to have frequent contact due to unavoidable circumstances. I can see I've come a long way though.
Brilliant advice. I've left a 2 year relationship last week,ive had a range of emotions from relief to sadness to feeling optimistic,just when I think I'm coming to terms with it it the cycle starts again. He told me for our relationship to work I have to change,what will I do,it makes me think is it me who is in the wrong. We'd argue over the fact I felt disrespected when he would openly look at other women,I'm not insecure but I think there has to be line of respect for your partner. The weed use,completely dependant on it from the moment he got to he went to bed,i even sacrificed my college fund to give him money for electric and food only to find out he wasted it in weed,when I bought this up as it hurt his reply was 'it was my choice'. I found he kept saying I bring up the past, I didn't I was only responding to something He bought up,but if I did anything wrong it was ok for him to bring up the past anytime he wanted. I blamed his behaviour on weed but like others have said to me you can't blame everything on that and it's him as a person that's the problem. How do i heal from that,no one understands what it's like ,people keep fed up with me mentioning it but they don't realise what it's like being in that vicious circle.
Thanks for that. I'm currently going through a divorce with a toxic ex wife. Yes there is women out there too. I almost lost my life due to an overdose. I have 2 small children and didn't see a way out having to deal with her the rest of my life. I've been in therapy and trying to pick up the pieces of my lost self. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so glad you are in a better place. My relationship was only 15 years, however, realizing I married my mother and that I became numb and completely different person. To everyone out there, seek counseling and support groups. You are not alone.
Being alone is so much less lonely than being with a narcissist. In fact it feels liberating and safe and even rewarding. And since I work full time now I’m too exhausted to have room in my life for someone else anyway. And I don’t need anyone weighing in on anything I do or making me feel like I have to consult them.
Same here. I grew up with narcissistic parents. I had a few serious relationships, but only the first one my parents fought me having, and he was the healthiest, of course!
I work 70 hrs a week because its preferable to being under someone else's whim whether I can have a good day or not. Eople dont really understand that having peace in my life is so much better than having free time.
@@monsoonBloom I know it exists and choose to not participate in certain events because I know the same downer people are going to do their stuff. I’m lucky enough to finally to have the gumption to say no to the weirdos.
@@user7-o9w they build that bond. They have to text and call daily from the day you meet. All the calls to say goodnight. Then they just stop. My ex called while next to his new guy. The new guy was invited to a bday party my ex threw me. Imagine that feeling for the guy he’s cheating with? Lucky for me I had that gut feeling and the other guy told me all of it. How my ex told him he had to call or I “his psycho ex” would come down. Listen to your gut. My gut was right all along. Now I mean nothing to him. He’s even said those words. It’s year 4 away. You will hear from years as you puke and relive your experience to heal: you’re a great person. You don’t deserve to be gaslighted. But the hardest will be: when are you going to see your own worth?
@teamgert OMG, that makes so much sense! I'm only 5 months out from the day I told my ex I wanted to separate and 2 months post filing for divorce. I'm suffering with everything Dr. R mentions in this video right now. And your words about the trauma bond are hitting me in the heart right now - I needed this realization! My ex-husband started this thing between us at bedtime when we 1st met where we had to say "Good Night, Love You, Sweet Dreams" to each other. If I forgot, immediate tantrum ensued. I REALLY messed up once and inadvertently said that exact phrase to my teenage son. Alllll hellll broke loose and my ex screamed at me until I collapsed to the floor in tears, reduced to pieces. He screamed over & over "That's OUR thing!!! You only say that to ME!!!!" Absolutly terrifying to remember & relive that incident again.
I agree but it is hard when you ahve never lived in innocence.... life feels too long and too hard cos we are not meant to live wise from day one! Innocence is necessary as a child
1/ Isolation 2/ Loneliness 3/ Self Doubt 4/. Obsessive Longing 5/ Emotional Pain. 6/. Low Self Esteem 7/. Depression 8/. Being Beat Down Constantly 9/. Worthless 10/. Sadness Confusion Anxiety / Trauma Bonded I Was Horribly Abused Emotionally By A Malignant Narcissist I Won’t Date Anymore My Only Comfort Is Self Isolation.. I
When I was younger I had a hard time after the narcissists I chose to have a relationship with discarded me. I was always blaming myself. But as I grew older, I saw a pattern in my life and did some deep introspection. After the last narcissist discarded me, I felt nothing. In fact, I felt more free. Since then I have avoided any narcissists.
8 yrs out and living peacefully and blissfully alone, I need to remind myself, several times a day to slow down, breathe, I've got plenty of time to get things done.
Same here. It took debilitating illness and a specialist nurse to soothe me and tell me I should just do what I felt capable of and not what my mother was demanding I should and ought to do. My life is way worse than when I was ill but strangely more satisfying, that I'm not always seeking, doing, rushing nowhere. My father has always demanded now,now,now and he still does. I'm looking forward to the day he gets that forgetful he doesn't know who I am! He doesn't understand anyone else and doesn't care to. He thinks he is great and friendly with neighbours!
"build muscle." This is FANTASTIC advice. The narcissist will still attack you no matter the progress you make BUT you will be objectively stronger and even better, you'll start the multifactorial process of bullding healthy confidence.
This! Till I finally found a competent therapist, I’m finally addressing that issue. (I almost cost me my life) now I’m finally healing. It’s a process, but I’m half way there
You help me learn, understand accept and moving on with my situation and who I am. Thank you so much for the support and videos. You have changed me and my life for the better. Bless you
I no longer care what they think, as no matter what I do or say, they are hurtful. Now I prioritize my health and safety, figuring out how to manage the next family get together with the toxic people in a way that’s good for me, with my bag packed with room to spare. Taking myself back. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
He made me believe I was the problem , I was too complicated, too delicate, too sensitive, too harsh, too rude, too disproportional, too weak, too lazy, etc. He made me feel like shit and that my only chance of being successful and happy would be by his side. And then one day he just discarded me as if I was a piece of trash. He got a new girlfriend right after divorce, and I'm still single almost a year later. He's got his career which I helped build, and I've got the challenge to muddle through by myself. At least I never got pregnant. He's got a fertility problem we got to know from medical exams.
You made him successful, that's means you lift up people. You definitely will be fine even better ,because you have the positive and kind energy in you. Be gentle for your self, you didn't know then you know now. It's a slow progress, but it is progress. You probably will remember this experience for ever. But that's ok, feel it when the thoughts pass they will be less frequent over time. Believe, trust yourself and enjoy your best relationship with yourself and love and positive vibes will come to you.
Count your blessings for not having a child with him. Sorry for the pain you have been through but dr Ramani is a healer. She gave be the courage to visit the past and heal from my negatives experiences and move on. You helped him, noe help yourself to heal and achieve the level of success that you choose. Take a good care of yourself. Most of all how Dr R says to have compassion, love and forgiveness for ourselves. Best wishes 🙏
@@alicegharibjanians1449me with three children I don't know how to take care of this beautiful children,I can take care myself but three children I don't know how that's my struggle
This is exactly how it is. Now, after coming out of this narcissistic relationship, I no longer want to engage with people. At times, even family. I just have lost heart in people. And I no longer have the capacity.
I’m feeling this too and it’s honestly scary. I’m afraid that my ability to trust others has completely been eroded. I’m trying to focus on rebuilding my own trust but that feeling of death I feel internally is still lingering. I feel dead inside having accepted the truth of what I endured.
Here's the thing. These people are early risers. They make their list for the day and literally start their plan of action before you wake. They are planners. Almost nothing happens on the fly; always planning, plotting, scheming. This is why you wake up on edge, anxious, with unsure footing. If you were in this relationship long-term, such as decades, you will continue waking up feeling like this every day. This is above and beyond walking on eggshells. Thank you for this light-bulb moment.
Thank you I didn’t realise planning was part of it I thought it was just his thing. He Always had to know what was happening that day to plan around the times. Eg school runs work pick ups. And so dam moody when something spoilt his plans
Part of the reason moving on seems impossible is that if they are still alive, they are lying about you to people in your circle -- even if you've moved away. They will lie about you until they die. Thus, every time you get a strange look from someone, you are wondering if they too have been lied to, and there's no way to ask about that without looking sketchy. It leaves you feeling powerless and anxious. You have the wisdom, but other people's lack of wisdom means they often act on the lies without fact-checking them, and the narc is always grooming new toadies. It's exhausting.
Yes my N son badmouthed me his 73 y/o mom to his new wife & MIL. I could tell by their strange " looks" they gave each other. They think my N son speaks they truth - they are completely deluded by the smear campaign. I am now NC
Even at her funeral eulogy... he had the last word saying to the congregation : 'We gave each other a life of hell.......thus not taking responsibility of how' he' gave her a life of hell.'
This is why my psychics want me a state away. I have been fighting the smear campaign for 6 months now - people who know me see through the family lies
You hit everything right on the nail with what is going on with me. My mother was my first marcissist. My X husband was my second. It's a long story but my mother passed away 3 years ago. She had an aggressive form of Alzeimers. She was very mean and she could no longer hide the narcissistic monster she had been. Her hate for me came out loud and clear. And her love of my boyfriend was almost laughable. Needless to say I'm healing from the lifetime of pain narcissist have inflicted on me. The truth is I don't want any friends right now. And I'm good with that. I'm rediscovering me at 61.
Once you recover from these relationships you realize how it may have empowered you to learn discernment - to see the writing on the wall of a relationship and to respond quickly and assertively next time at the 1st or 3rd offense rather than wait weeks, months, or years putting pieces of a puzzle together. Some folks are so insecure that bullying others makes them feel better. My mom taught me this by 5th grade. And some bullies are yobvious. But what we learn through channels like this is how to recognize those less obvious. THANK YOU!!!!! 🙏
Thank you dr. Ramani. The big eye opening paradox seems to be to me that a "relationship" with a narcissist has never been and will never be a relationship really....simply because they don't Relate... ✨️⚓️💞🐛💝🙏💝🦋💞⚓️✨️
I so relate to the overpacking "just in case" because you expect something to go wrong. Not even just for myself but I feel like I need to make sure I'm prepared to "fix" everything for everyone so they won't get mad or sad.
This analogy is absolutely on point and inside I have spent a very long time feeling that I am in disaster prep mode, hyper vigilant, that when I could feel relaxed, my body is like oh no you don’t. It’s hard but watching you helps me feel like someone out there understands and gets it. Thank you so much ♥️🥰♥️♥️♥️
My Narcissistic parents are a hidden Gift. I wake up to what is truly precious; Freedom. Worth every second of my nearly 60 years of unrelenting trauma🙏
I had high blood pressure at 11. The doctor never in a million years would have suspected my Jekyll and Hyde narcissistic mother. I never repeated the cycle.
‘Loss of innocence’ is also a healthy part of the process of maturity. Lots of writers over hundreds of years in different cultures have written about it.
When I watched Inside Out 2, I felt so triggered when Anxiety showed and controlled everything. I am that everyday. I need to plan out everything and I’ll be so stressed when life deviates from it
This is so true about disaster prep! I'm constantly half packed to flee from him. I feel like a gypsy, moving from here to my mother's to back here again and never quite unpacking my bags. Of course he considers my packed bags and left behind things a "mess" that I never clean up because I'm lazy.
11:45 very healing video for me, to hear concrete examples of the impact of living in survival mode. I’m definitely in the Club of the Crowded Suitcase!
My whole family were narcs and very abusive. I’m no contact now but for me it was from birth and my nervous system has been wired this way. These days I feel so much better but I still have the undercurrent of being on edge. Especially when family tries to Hoover me again, I realise just how safe I feel or felt until they try again
Im dreadul at the thought that it can happen to me again after knowing just how deep the rot could be and how well they could keep their mask on. I dont think i could trust anyone ever again, let alone let them get close to me. Being vulnerable is somehow a must in a relationship, but no chance in hell i would want to open up myself to that kinda pain again. Im keeping myself for me. It's painful to be alone, yes but after knowing the pain theyve caused, i'll take this pain over that pain
Oh my gosh, Dr Ramani words resonated with me so much. The irrational worries Pple have are non conducive to disasters. It's an OCD, control, narc mode, one time a Gardener I know said everyday is the end and never buy anything only "grow" your own food. She lost her children in two years of living like that. Because her kids were starving. Preppers are not easy to discern or live with. It's too much hyper vigilant behaviors
Thank you, Dr Ramani!!! This video is what we survivors/living with narc needed to help us survive/heal from these relationships!!! I’ve saved it, like many of your videos, and plan to listen to it weekly to help keep me on track with dealing with and recovery from narcs!!
Bang on! When I am expecting my narcissistic ex to show up I am much better prepared to handle him, which takes up most of my emotional energy. It’s when he show up unannounced to take our child somewhere when I get depleted very quickly and the rest of the day is usually ruined.
The insights you give about your book are very helpful. Meeting you in person and having you explain the importance of the concepts in your book is more than ideal. It makes me think about reading it over and over again until I fully understand it, and feel better.
My world is undergoing more lovely disappointments. I hate that when people I thought were decent turn out to not really care. It makes me feel worthless.
Felt this! I recently had this happen with some of my friends, one of whom I'd known for more than 20 years. I thought they were going to be my "healthy" friends. But they weren't, at all. They were just as screwed up as I am. At least I know I'm screwed up and am working on it, but they have yet to discover that they are. Very painful situation. But at least I know the truth now so I don't waste more time on a friendship that really only went one way. Words are easy. Actions truly are everything.
@@spacegirl226agree. As I created boundaries with my narc parents I realized almost all relationships of mine fit the same pattern as parents. I'm glad I see more clearly now. Thanks for sharing.
1) You are NOT worthless! 2) Unfortunately it’s normal to FEEL worthless when fellow human beings treat us like our feelings mean nothing. 3) Part of the reason it makes us feel so worthless is because we instinctively take it personal. It’s hard for a normal, decent human to comprehend the total lack of empathy that a narcissistic is.
My narcissistic older sibling pulled such a cruel ambush on my other sibling recently that it makes me wonder what horrors she might have got away with while I was a small child. The fact that the attack was unfounded and on my other sibling professionally makes me feel extremely unsafe. It put my healing back years.
I recently got out a toxic relationship with a narcissist and lately the isolation has been killing me. I'm in no contact with him, but recently I found out that he's in another relationship already. It's only been alittle over a month since we broke up. I'm trying so hard to keep pushing forward, but idk why it bothers me so much. I don't care.
I am in the same boat except we have a kid so there has to be contact but he’s trying to throw his new relationship in my face…I feel you on the difficulty with the isolation as it is hard but at the same time I need this isolation to heal bc I’m not ready to be out in the world ….my mind is all over the place some moments I know he is a narcissist and I feel bad for the new one but other times I’m in my head and think he’s so happy and I’m not but in reality a toxic person never lets themselves be happy but we have that chance to be happy even alone and they will hate that so while it does hurt we know we truly are the ones that will make them miserable with our success and happiness..just remember to take care of yourself and know that you are not alone ❤
Keep strong. The new supply is going to face the same treatment down the line. You escaped with your life intact. Put the effort into healing and moving forward❤
Narcs never change. If anything feel sorry for her to have fallen in his trap. His mask will come off sooner ir later. Live the best possible life, be happy, stay healthy, socialize. Take baby steps, it’s ok
Thank you Dr Ronnie this is the most healthiest one I've heard in a long time for me that's what I feel like I have to keep up and keep everything on the ship rolling and get it all done because that's the way I've been since I was little it's hard to get out of that it's hard to trust someone else to do the test besides just you doing it yourself thanks for sharing
I totally relate to being a realist, and have identified as one myself. This was constantly used against me by the narcissist. He would tell me that I was so negative and always looking for things to go wrong. I would say I was being proactive in order to stave off or prepare for any possible mishaps. I also realize it is my hypervigilance at play.
I am not giving up my ability to love because of HER. I am desperately seeking a safe place to land with all the good advice I get here. In the meantime I feel safer loving, than being loved because I just can't trust it.
Always packing for the other sho drop, but he next emergency-I still do this even though I recognize it. It’s not just from being a parent. It’s narcissistic conditioning 😢 and the m getting better! 😊 I say out loud “ I can buy whatever I might need if I did forget something! I live in a first world country. It will be okay❤
I lived through a hurricane and tornado ripping through my childhood while I was in it. That trauma was nothing compared to trying to cope from being in a relationship with a narcissist and everything that came from exiting that relationship! The hurricane was over in a day but idk that I’ll ever fully recover from the sustained fear the narcissist put me through.
I've just got out of a job with a grandiose narc boss (six years). I've just got out of a two year relationship with an avoidant/covert narc. I didn't know what a narcissist was, these experiences sure wrung the bugs out 🙂. I don't know when I'll ever give my trust to someone again.
I'm the half empty type too. Still as an adult I enter a room trying to disappear like the wallpaper. People often mistake it for arrogance. Growing up with two narcissist leaves lots of scars.
For me, it is long-term coercive control. Financially drying you out, including messing with workplaces. It is living in disaster. There is no rushing, it is slowly disapearing. It can take years. In suffering. Not sharing your experience and pain is when they dehumanize you.
Thank you for doing this YT channel, I'm sure you don't have to. I'm across the world from you, was gonna hurt myself today. But I found your latest video and watched through a few. Not my first time here. What you are offering here is a way for victims of narcs to detach from the emotion and try to rationalise there feelings. Very valuable. I am buying all your books, thank you so much.
Depending on where you are in life, silence does bring peace and calmness. Don’t think that they won’t try to pull you in, but if you stand your ground and communicate via notes or texting, it will work. Just don’t bite the bullet, no matter what game they play. No way that you can change him or that he even wants to change. Just save your health, your soul and your heart before you end up with a broken heart. No matter what? They will have zero feelings, emotions, empathy or compassion for you… When you are related, you have to choose between the bad and the worse. No matter how you go about it, it will be painful. I love Dr Ramani and her videos a lot. Thank you for bringing the message of hope and insight to so many of us. 🙏 I am always grateful for you ❤️ 🙏
You nailed it with the disaster. This is my life! I am going to leave soon. I just started learning from you. I have a major auto immune. I wish I left decades ago.
Your intelligent advice is always appreciated Doctor Ramani, it's constantly acceptable to be cautious 😊 PS, you're not a petty person. And people wonder why others are no longer innocent!
Thank you Dr Ramani ❤ I can relate very much to how you feel inside you, and the things you know of yourself and being comfortable with that. I've learned some about myself that may seem " rough?" TO others.But, I know where my caring for others and my motives for doing what I do. I do like myself. I fought to get myself back. I won't apologize for being my true self. Alot of love in my heart. Discernment to see if deceitful and careless people ( narcs) are in my presence, I will not let them invade me. Too damn tired lol . But, I will respond when I see it happening to others. So, yes , I'm guarded but wise enough to know how to live in this True ME. It takes awhile and being honest with yourself. It seems that after a good while, you realize that you have gotten some victories. Then, you find that you are growing and it's so freeing. So, being comfortable in the present , whether all pleasant or a little rocky, you are able to go through in a whole person on the other side. I know my Comment could use some better way to put into words, but this is how it came out at the moment. Love, Peace to everyone ❤️
Ya have to realize and accept that you can’t lose someone or something you never had…once I got my mind around that I started my healing journey. Tu Dr Ramani❤️✌️💪💯🙏🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
The sad truth is you can't solve other peoples problems, trauma, and ignorance. You can only control how you react to them. People that won't or can't accept responsibility for their actions create alternate reality or fantasy where they are the down trodden victim or Martyr. No matter what you tell them to try and get them out of the self created fantasy they created, they won't budge. Walk away and leave them to their own delusion.
This is so many people around me. They are seeing my happiness with myself and are truly showing themselves. I can trust 3 of my neighbors/friends & my adult granddaughter. They are always happy for me. My 39 year old daughter has been disrespectful and selfish. I honestly feel like she is jealous of my self regulation and self actualization. Her behavior is unacceptable and I deserve respect. Are you seeing my progress? Thank you, I now know that it is not me.😊
Used to love helping people before recognizing the abuse. Used to be glass half empty person now the glass is empty. Not sure trust in anyone will ever return.
2:34 He literally did this. He put up a few solar panels - just in case, had a garage FULL of cabinets with food and a storage under the floor in the house full of gallons of water. He also refused to put money in any bank so he had a safe with a push button code with cash, hold and silver coins he saved - all for just incase! It was completely bizzare
Martial arts was the key for me to get out of a narcissistic relationship, and to regain my sense of safety and self. I highly recommend it to everyone!
Trust what’s that? I do trust myself most the time. Raised by a trauma bond with my narc father. I have had friends but not a relationship. At 68 probably never will. Thought I had a few relationships I thought. I really get the survivor mode!! Due to my allergies to mold I am living in a tent. In an odd way it’s like normal. How am I heating the tent this winter? (Mold will kill me) but it’s like normal.. the on guard .. pure survival mode. My narc father was also a dangerous man. I don’t see getting over it. I’ve kinda learned what I can trust in people, I don’t trust fully. I understand what you’re saying. People got to earn trust. And no one’s perfect for sure.
It was like an incontinent house pet that fouled the nest. I had to watch him, with cleaner, mops and rags on the ready. He was physically pretty tidy, but quietly pissed on all that I accomplished, destroying his own (my) family and then felt sorry for himself.
Because we are empaths and will always feel some sort of guilt, and sadness despite how badly we’ve been treated. It’s our nature. The trauma bonding - those ‘okay’ moments we have that keep us feeling it ‘could be worse!’ Hmm, obviously we know how bad it’s been and how bad things will get, but …. 😔
I just saw this in a Chinese drama and I really needed to hear it: "They lost someone who really loved them, you lost someone who never loved you. So who lost really?"
omg so true😭
Whoa
But they don’t care
I actually sent this quote to one of his flying monkeys today. Who has some empathy and will hear it
This is a pretty screwed up thought and couldn’t be more true. Just sucks….
It feels impossible because they devalued you and they may have made you dependent on them. They may have gaslighted you and put you in a trauma bond. To where you may have lost confidence in yourself, and you don’t feel like you can make it on your own. They destroy a person’s will to live.
😢 exactly
Trauma Bond -
I’ve watched this happen to one of my adult children. He’s isolated, kept away from those who really love him and no matter how hard he tries, it’s never enough.
I’m praying earnestly and asking GOD to intervene.
This was my experience. Then he goes around getting people to feel bad for him.
Yes indeed, and in my case, he was the one that didn't want to end it for fear of ending up the 'bad person' 🤦♀️. But he didn't ever want to meet me halfway. I was the only one that did anything wrong, apparently. So I was the one who gave up her life, went mad, tried to find solutions, get an autism diagnosis, and was forced to take 10 years to leave a 5 year relationship.
15 years of prison, and absolutely nothing to show for it.
I've learned that evil people will never be able to become good once they turn evil. It's best to just stay away from someone if you think they're evil or capable of doing evil. Evil preys on good, not like-minded people. This is why people can sleep like a baby in a subway at 2 AM, and like hippos can swim with crocs; they see nothing in these people. They only go after those who are trying and haven't given up on the human spirit. 😈
We feel devastated when we realize how someone can treat you like dirt to make themselves feel better. It's evil and it's a choice they make.
They are evil. Wolf in sheep’s skin!!
Amen!!
Tons of evil people in this world. It’s crazy we think dellusionally that, well, can’t be our person. Wrong!
@@markjayw666 This speaks volumes. So very, very true.
Prior to Dr. Ramani I would ruminate for hours about what these people said to me. I had an odd experience. I was volunteering at a local organization. They treated me like dirt but being the survivor I am I kept trying to make it work. When I finally left I knew that the leader had terminal cancer but I had no idea how long she had. One night I was having a dream not at all related to this situation. Suddenly she appeared, smiled and disappeared and my dream went on as it had been. A few weeks later I saw someone from there and asked how this woman was doing. He got a strange look on his face and said she had died. I would like to think she had regrets for allowing me to be treated so badly.
"What people don't understand is that hyper independence is a trauma response for being continuously let down." - Unknown
I can relate as I was an over-responsible workaholic who was always so independent, it didn't make sense to me that I could be codependent
Wow, you are the first person who has brought up the topic of hyper-independence! I realized that I have this and I feel that it comes from having to parent myself in childhood since no one else was doing it.
@@susanmercurio1060 yes that's so true, we pretty much had to raise ourselves and then I started helping all those who lacked love and caregivers also. This started in childhood even in the playground at school, other children would come to me for help and guidance. I would also often play with the ones no one else would. I never liked status quo or the popular kids who were bullies for the most part. Yet later ended up with narcissistic bullies as partners, recently finding out that my mom was a narcissist who manipulated my father against me, with brother and sister also becoming narcissistic. Thanks for your reply. Bless you 💜🙏🏼🌟😇🌈🕊💫
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on.
Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule.
Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me.
Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style.
As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake.
Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen.
Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it.
NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping
Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift.
You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya!
Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements.
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you.
Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others.
Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings.
Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible.
Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening.
Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog.
Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck
Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish.
Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for this❤
You helped me
This was validating and helpful. Thank you. It was 34 years for me. 1 year out but still have to have frequent contact due to unavoidable circumstances. I can see I've come a long way though.
Brilliant advice. I've left a 2 year relationship last week,ive had a range of emotions from relief to sadness to feeling optimistic,just when I think I'm coming to terms with it it the cycle starts again.
He told me for our relationship to work I have to change,what will I do,it makes me think is it me who is in the wrong. We'd argue over the fact I felt disrespected when he would openly look at other women,I'm not insecure but I think there has to be line of respect for your partner. The weed use,completely dependant on it from the moment he got to he went to bed,i even sacrificed my college fund to give him money for electric and food only to find out he wasted it in weed,when I bought this up as it hurt his reply was 'it was my choice'.
I found he kept saying I bring up the past, I didn't I was only responding to something He bought up,but if I did anything wrong it was ok for him to bring up the past anytime he wanted. I blamed his behaviour on weed but like others have said to me you can't blame everything on that and it's him as a person that's the problem.
How do i heal from that,no one understands what it's like ,people keep fed up with me mentioning it but they don't realise what it's like being in that vicious circle.
Thanks for that. I'm currently going through a divorce with a toxic ex wife. Yes there is women out there too.
I almost lost my life due to an overdose.
I have 2 small children and didn't see a way out having to deal with her the rest of my life.
I've been in therapy and trying to pick up the pieces of my lost self. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so glad you are in a better place.
My relationship was only 15 years, however, realizing I married my mother and that I became numb and completely different person. To everyone out there, seek counseling and support groups. You are not alone.
Being alone is so much less lonely than being with a narcissist. In fact it feels liberating and safe and even rewarding. And since I work full time now I’m too exhausted to have room in my life for someone else anyway. And I don’t need anyone weighing in on anything I do or making me feel like I have to consult them.
I 100% agree with that .
Same here. I grew up with narcissistic parents. I had a few serious relationships, but only the first one my parents fought me having, and he was the healthiest, of course!
I work 70 hrs a week because its preferable to being under someone else's whim whether I can have a good day or not. Eople dont really understand that having peace in my life is so much better than having free time.
Amen
Yes! Peace is more important❤
With a trauma bond, you feel addicted to that person. It’s like you feel the need to hear from that person every single day just to feel alive.
And if you know it exists, work to end it. Make it one of the most important things in life. Or don't, and suffer
@@monsoonBloom I know it exists and choose to not participate in certain events because I know the same downer people are going to do their stuff. I’m lucky enough to finally to have the gumption to say no to the weirdos.
@@user7-o9w they build that bond. They have to text and call daily from the day you meet. All the calls to say goodnight. Then they just stop. My ex called while next to his new guy. The new guy was invited to a bday party my ex threw me. Imagine that feeling for the guy he’s cheating with? Lucky for me I had that gut feeling and the other guy told me all of it. How my ex told him he had to call or I “his psycho ex” would come down. Listen to your gut. My gut was right all along. Now I mean nothing to him. He’s even said those words. It’s year 4 away. You will hear from years as you puke and relive your experience to heal: you’re a great person. You don’t deserve to be gaslighted. But the hardest will be: when are you going to see your own worth?
@teamgert OMG, that makes so much sense! I'm only 5 months out from the day I told my ex I wanted to separate and 2 months post filing for divorce. I'm suffering with everything Dr. R mentions in this video right now. And your words about the trauma bond are hitting me in the heart right now - I needed this realization! My ex-husband started this thing between us at bedtime when we 1st met where we had to say "Good Night, Love You, Sweet Dreams" to each other. If I forgot, immediate tantrum ensued. I REALLY messed up once and inadvertently said that exact phrase to my teenage son. Alllll hellll broke loose and my ex screamed at me until I collapsed to the floor in tears, reduced to pieces. He screamed over & over "That's OUR thing!!! You only say that to ME!!!!" Absolutly terrifying to remember & relive that incident again.
"Adulthood is not meant to be innocent, adulthood is meant to be WISE", love this Dr Ramani❤
I agree but it is hard when you ahve never lived in innocence.... life feels too long and too hard cos we are not meant to live wise from day one! Innocence is necessary as a child
1/ Isolation
2/ Loneliness
3/ Self Doubt
4/. Obsessive Longing
5/ Emotional Pain.
6/. Low Self Esteem
7/. Depression
8/. Being Beat Down Constantly
9/. Worthless
10/. Sadness Confusion Anxiety / Trauma Bonded
I Was Horribly Abused Emotionally By A Malignant Narcissist I Won’t
Date Anymore My Only Comfort Is Self Isolation..
I
This! (I’m sorry you went through this, my heart is with you) . I hope you can find out the world is a safe place.
@mercedessanchez6844
Thank you So Very Much For Caring
Malignant Narcissists are Evil 👿 take care of yourself ❤ You are Worth it ❤❤️ chin up ! Things will change ! Malignant will always be an Evil Runt 👍
@user-mp7le7ce8n You Are Absolutely Right Thank You 😢
My heart is with you, too. I'm sorry somebody treated so disgracefully. You are valued.
When I was younger I had a hard time after the narcissists I chose to have a relationship with discarded me. I was always blaming myself. But as I grew older, I saw a pattern in my life and did some deep introspection. After the last narcissist discarded me, I felt nothing. In fact, I felt more free. Since then I have avoided any narcissists.
8 yrs out and living peacefully and blissfully alone, I need to remind myself, several times a day to slow down, breathe, I've got plenty of time to get things done.
Same here , with much gratitude for the docs efforts . So much I was unaware off .
Well done 👍
Something a mantra I use - when I remember to! - is 'go slower: do less'.
I find this helpful when I'm struggling. ❤️🩹
Same here. It took debilitating illness and a specialist nurse to soothe me and tell me I should just do what I felt capable of and not what my mother was demanding I should and ought to do. My life is way worse than when I was ill but strangely more satisfying, that I'm not always seeking, doing, rushing nowhere. My father has always demanded now,now,now and he still does. I'm looking forward to the day he gets that forgetful he doesn't know who I am! He doesn't understand anyone else and doesn't care to. He thinks he is great and friendly with neighbours!
Awŵŵ I understand you are loved special and needed!, Jesus loves you
I'm praying for peace and joy hugsssss
This hits home for me. It takes me a long time to be able to trust anyone and be able to stop looking for red flags.
When the narcissist says you can't handle the storm. Whisper back I am the storm ❤❤❤
"build muscle." This is FANTASTIC advice. The narcissist will still attack you no matter the progress you make BUT you will be objectively stronger and even better, you'll start the multifactorial process of bullding healthy confidence.
This! Till I finally found a competent therapist, I’m finally addressing that issue. (I almost cost me my life) now I’m finally healing. It’s a process, but I’m half way there
An incompetent therapist will cause serious damage.
You help me learn, understand accept and moving on with my situation and who I am. Thank you so much for the support and videos. You have changed me and my life for the better. Bless you
I no longer care what they think, as no matter what I do or say, they are hurtful. Now I prioritize my health and safety, figuring out how to manage the next family get together with the toxic people in a way that’s good for me, with my bag packed with room to spare. Taking myself back. ❤ Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Best time to hear from lovely dr ramani ! ❤❤ long live this beutiful soul
YES! Running the video 2x faster having lived in survival mode for over 40 years and out for 1 and a half. Still dealing with the effects.
He made me believe I was the problem , I was too complicated, too delicate, too sensitive, too harsh, too rude, too disproportional, too weak, too lazy, etc. He made me feel like shit and that my only chance of being successful and happy would be by his side. And then one day he just discarded me as if I was a piece of trash. He got a new girlfriend right after divorce, and I'm still single almost a year later. He's got his career which I helped build, and I've got the challenge to muddle through by myself. At least I never got pregnant. He's got a fertility problem we got to know from medical exams.
How Blessed are you now
It does take time to re settle
Life is good Empower yourself
You made him successful, that's means you lift up people. You definitely will be fine even better ,because you have the positive and kind energy in you. Be gentle for your self, you didn't know then you know now. It's a slow progress, but it is progress. You probably will remember this experience for ever. But that's ok, feel it when the thoughts pass they will be less frequent over time. Believe, trust yourself and enjoy your best relationship with yourself and love and positive vibes will come to you.
Count your blessings for not having a child with him. Sorry for the pain you have been through but dr Ramani is a healer. She gave be the courage to visit the past and heal from my negatives experiences and move on. You helped him, noe help yourself to heal and achieve the level of success that you choose. Take a good care of yourself. Most of all how Dr R says to have compassion, love and forgiveness for ourselves. Best wishes 🙏
@@alicegharibjanians1449me with three children I don't know how to take care of this beautiful children,I can take care myself but three children I don't know how that's my struggle
This is exactly how it is. Now, after coming out of this narcissistic relationship, I no longer want to engage with people. At times, even family. I just have lost heart in people. And I no longer have the capacity.
It's a trauma
I’m feeling this too and it’s honestly scary. I’m afraid that my ability to trust others has completely been eroded. I’m trying to focus on rebuilding my own trust but that feeling of death I feel internally is still lingering. I feel dead inside having accepted the truth of what I endured.
Here's the thing. These people are early risers. They make their list for the day and literally start their plan of action before you wake. They are planners. Almost nothing happens on the fly; always planning, plotting, scheming. This is why you wake up on edge, anxious, with unsure footing. If you were in this relationship long-term, such as decades, you will continue waking up feeling like this every day. This is above and beyond walking on eggshells. Thank you for this light-bulb moment.
Thank you I didn’t realise planning was part of it I thought it was just his thing. He Always had to know what was happening that day to plan around the times. Eg school runs work pick ups. And so dam moody when something spoilt his plans
Part of the reason moving on seems impossible is that if they are still alive, they are lying about you to people in your circle -- even if you've moved away. They will lie about you until they die. Thus, every time you get a strange look from someone, you are wondering if they too have been lied to, and there's no way to ask about that without looking sketchy. It leaves you feeling powerless and anxious. You have the wisdom, but other people's lack of wisdom means they often act on the lies without fact-checking them, and the narc is always grooming new toadies. It's exhausting.
Yes my N son badmouthed me his 73 y/o mom to his new wife & MIL. I could tell by their strange " looks" they gave each other. They think my N son speaks they truth - they are completely deluded by the smear campaign. I am now NC
Even at her funeral eulogy... he had the last word saying to the congregation : 'We gave each other a life of hell.......thus not taking responsibility of how' he' gave her a life of hell.'
OMGoodness, thats absolutely disgusting @@maureencunningham4750
This is why my psychics want me a state away. I have been fighting the smear campaign for 6 months now - people who know me see through the family lies
@@jackiep5009Psychics??? Hopefully you mean psychologist .
You hit everything right on the nail with what is going on with me. My mother was my first marcissist. My X husband was my second. It's a long story but my mother passed away 3 years ago. She had an aggressive form of Alzeimers. She was very mean and she could no longer hide the narcissistic monster she had been. Her hate for me came out loud and clear. And her love of my boyfriend was almost laughable. Needless to say I'm healing from the lifetime of pain narcissist have inflicted on me. The truth is I don't want any friends right now. And I'm good with that. I'm rediscovering me at 61.
Once you recover from these relationships you realize how it may have empowered you to learn discernment - to see the writing on the wall of a relationship and to respond quickly and assertively next time at the 1st or 3rd offense rather than wait weeks, months, or years putting pieces of a puzzle together.
Some folks are so insecure that bullying others makes them feel better. My mom taught me this by 5th grade. And some bullies are yobvious. But what we learn through channels like this is how to recognize those less obvious.
THANK YOU!!!!! 🙏
I am now also "little miss partly cloudy" - love that
read the forbidden book Magnetic Aura on Borlest, and you'll see the secrets they're keeping from us.
I take a deep breath, and then it’s one day at a time…..Yay 😢
"Little Miss Partly Cloudy" -> loved it, I'm gonna use it from now on!
Thank you dr. Ramani.
The big eye opening paradox seems to be to me that a "relationship" with a narcissist has never been and will never be a relationship really....simply because they don't Relate...
✨️⚓️💞🐛💝🙏💝🦋💞⚓️✨️
I think most of my life I was focused on safety and protecting myself.
I totally relate to an over packed bag. Literally and figuratively ☺️
Thank you for sharing your wisdom dr Ramani ❤
I so relate to the overpacking "just in case" because you expect something to go wrong. Not even just for myself but I feel like I need to make sure I'm prepared to "fix" everything for everyone so they won't get mad or sad.
This analogy is absolutely on point and inside I have spent a very long time feeling that I am in disaster prep mode, hyper vigilant, that when I could feel relaxed, my body is like oh no you don’t. It’s hard but watching you helps me feel like someone out there understands and gets it. Thank you so much ♥️🥰♥️♥️♥️
My Narcissistic parents are a hidden Gift. I wake up to what is truly precious; Freedom.
Worth every second of my nearly 60 years of unrelenting trauma🙏
I had high blood pressure at 11. The doctor never in a million years would have suspected my Jekyll and Hyde narcissistic mother. I never repeated the cycle.
You are such a life-saver Dr. Ramani 🥇🥇🥇The World's leading expert on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness. And beautiful in blue! 💙😍❤️ Beautiful inside & out🌹 Thank u for ALL u do for me & us & for millions of ppl everywhere 👏🏼💯💯🔥🔥🔥❤️❤️❤️©️
Thank god for you!!!❤❤❤
Thank her for her being. Not some rando idea
‘Loss of innocence’ is also a healthy part of the process of maturity. Lots of writers over hundreds of years in different cultures have written about it.
You are a Godsend Dr. Ramani
Just an educated, giving person, not sent by anything other than her own being
When I watched Inside Out 2, I felt so triggered when Anxiety showed and controlled everything. I am that everyday. I need to plan out everything and I’ll be so stressed when life deviates from it
I wish they actually consulted with professional and females, especially the first one. All men till one female got to speak up about a little Girl.
This is so true about disaster prep! I'm constantly half packed to flee from him. I feel like a gypsy, moving from here to my mother's to back here again and never quite unpacking my bags. Of course he considers my packed bags and left behind things a "mess" that I never clean up because I'm lazy.
Funny how those who called me a cynic, a "suspicious crazy witch" are those who benefited most from me being kind, empathic and helpful.
11:45 very healing video for me, to hear concrete examples of the impact of living in survival mode. I’m definitely in the Club of the Crowded Suitcase!
My whole family were narcs and very abusive. I’m no contact now but for me it was from birth and my nervous system has been wired this way. These days I feel so much better but I still have the undercurrent of being on edge. Especially when family tries to Hoover me again, I realise just how safe I feel or felt until they try again
Same here, since birth.
Your words are so wonderful! Thank you!
Im dreadul at the thought that it can happen to me again after knowing just how deep the rot could be and how well they could keep their mask on. I dont think i could trust anyone ever again, let alone let them get close to me. Being vulnerable is somehow a must in a relationship, but no chance in hell i would want to open up myself to that kinda pain again. Im keeping myself for me. It's painful to be alone, yes but after knowing the pain theyve caused, i'll take this pain over that pain
Oh my gosh, Dr Ramani words resonated with me so much. The irrational worries Pple have are non conducive to disasters. It's an OCD, control, narc mode, one time a Gardener I know said everyday is the end and never buy anything only "grow" your own food.
She lost her children in two years of living like that. Because her kids were starving.
Preppers are not easy to discern or live with. It's too much hyper vigilant behaviors
Thank you, Dr Ramani!!! This video is what we survivors/living with narc needed to help us survive/heal from these relationships!!! I’ve saved it, like many of your videos, and plan to listen to it weekly to help keep me on track with dealing with and recovery from narcs!!
I lost my innocence after betrayal and it's ok. Thank you Dr. Ramani.🙏❤️
It's not ok.
The last segment in particular of this compilation was so very helpful - thank you.
Oh my gosh. So true! So much gold in these.
Bang on! When I am expecting my narcissistic ex to show up I am much better prepared to handle him, which takes up most of my emotional energy. It’s when he show up unannounced to take our child somewhere when I get depleted very quickly and the rest of the day is usually ruined.
My God you are so spot on. It hurts 😢
The best one for me was when he called me a narcissist 😂😂😂 I'm healing.. Thank you Dr. Ramani... I appreciate you!
I was gaslighting my narcissistic! Turns out she just was checking my browser history when I was trying to first understand gaslighting. SMH
Scurry, retreat, and hide. Been living this way my whole life. 😔 Now, trying to let it go, but avoiding narcs and users? Prayers
The insights you give about your book are very helpful. Meeting you in person and having you explain the importance of the concepts in your book is more than ideal. It makes me think about reading it over and over again until I fully understand it, and feel better.
My world is undergoing more lovely disappointments. I hate that when people I thought were decent turn out to not really care. It makes me feel worthless.
Felt this! I recently had this happen with some of my friends, one of whom I'd known for more than 20 years. I thought they were going to be my "healthy" friends. But they weren't, at all. They were just as screwed up as I am. At least I know I'm screwed up and am working on it, but they have yet to discover that they are.
Very painful situation. But at least I know the truth now so I don't waste more time on a friendship that really only went one way. Words are easy. Actions truly are everything.
@@spacegirl226agree. As I created boundaries with my narc parents I realized almost all relationships of mine fit the same pattern as parents. I'm glad I see more clearly now. Thanks for sharing.
1) You are NOT worthless!
2) Unfortunately it’s normal to FEEL worthless when fellow human beings treat us like our feelings mean nothing.
3) Part of the reason it makes us feel so worthless is because we instinctively take it personal. It’s hard for a normal, decent human to comprehend the total lack of empathy that a narcissistic is.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani 💙
I adore you so much Dr Ramani! You have helped me tremendously. Be lil Mr Partly Cloudy☺️😃
2x speed 😅 Me, as well during the day! Evenings are my time.
5 types of people who arenarcissistic magnets ,I fall in all those types on an extreme,thanks,dr ramani
My narcissistic older sibling pulled such a cruel ambush on my other sibling recently that it makes me wonder what horrors she might have got away with while I was a small child. The fact that the attack was unfounded and on my other sibling professionally makes me feel extremely unsafe. It put my healing back years.
This is why I can't ever sleep - because I can't completely exhale - I can't let my guard down - I can't relax.
I recently got out a toxic relationship with a narcissist and lately the isolation has been killing me. I'm in no contact with him, but recently I found out that he's in another relationship already. It's only been alittle over a month since we broke up. I'm trying so hard to keep pushing forward, but idk why it bothers me so much. I don't care.
I am in the same boat except we have a kid so there has to be contact but he’s trying to throw his new relationship in my face…I feel you on the difficulty with the isolation as it is hard but at the same time I need this isolation to heal bc I’m not ready to be out in the world ….my mind is all over the place some moments I know he is a narcissist and I feel bad for the new one but other times I’m in my head and think he’s so happy and I’m not but in reality a toxic person never lets themselves be happy but we have that chance to be happy even alone and they will hate that so while it does hurt we know we truly are the ones that will make them miserable with our success and happiness..just remember to take care of yourself and know that you are not alone ❤
Keep strong. The new supply is going to face the same treatment down the line. You escaped with your life intact. Put the effort into healing and moving forward❤
The new supply was probably already there before you even broke up. Narcs love monkeybranching.
Narcs never change. If anything feel sorry for her to have fallen in his trap. His mask will come off sooner ir later. Live the best possible life, be happy, stay healthy, socialize. Take baby steps, it’s ok
Thank you Dr Ronnie this is the most healthiest one I've heard in a long time for me that's what I feel like I have to keep up and keep everything on the ship rolling and get it all done because that's the way I've been since I was little it's hard to get out of that it's hard to trust someone else to do the test besides just you doing it yourself thanks for sharing
I totally relate to being a realist, and have identified as one myself. This was constantly used against me by the narcissist. He would tell me that I was so negative and always looking for things to go wrong. I would say I was being proactive in order to stave off or prepare for any possible mishaps. I also realize it is my hypervigilance at play.
I am not giving up my ability to love because of HER. I am desperately seeking a safe place to land with all the good advice I get here. In the meantime I feel safer loving, than being loved because I just can't trust it.
Always packing for the other sho drop, but he next emergency-I still do this even though I recognize it. It’s not just from being a parent. It’s narcissistic conditioning 😢 and the m getting better! 😊 I say out loud “ I can buy whatever I might need if I did forget something! I live in a first world country. It will be okay❤
Thank you so much for posting these videos, they're eternally helpful and I'm forever grateful for the guidance and understanding you offer.
Totally agree
Your videos explain a lot and make it clear that people have a right to be validated for your experience.
I lived through a hurricane and tornado ripping through my childhood while I was in it. That trauma was nothing compared to trying to cope from being in a relationship with a narcissist and everything that came from exiting that relationship! The hurricane was over in a day but idk that I’ll ever fully recover from the sustained fear the narcissist put me through.
I wish my therapist was able to help me heal from narcissistic abuse. I can really see how it pervades every area of my life. 😢
So relate to this video and it explains a lot
Thankyou
I've just got out of a job with a grandiose narc boss (six years). I've just got out of a two year relationship with an avoidant/covert narc. I didn't know what a narcissist was, these experiences sure wrung the bugs out 🙂. I don't know when I'll ever give my trust to someone again.
Dr. Ramani is a great person.
I'm the half empty type too. Still as an adult I enter a room trying to disappear like the wallpaper. People often mistake it for arrogance. Growing up with two narcissist leaves lots of scars.
For me, it is long-term coercive control. Financially drying you out, including messing with workplaces. It is living in disaster. There is no rushing, it is slowly disapearing. It can take years. In suffering. Not sharing your experience and pain is when they dehumanize you.
The trauma bonds of Codependency. Hilighted by the duality of Codependent Behavior. A rabbit hole that has a slippery slope.
Thank you for doing this YT channel, I'm sure you don't have to. I'm across the world from you, was gonna hurt myself today. But I found your latest video and watched through a few. Not my first time here. What you are offering here is a way for victims of narcs to detach from the emotion and try to rationalise there feelings. Very valuable. I am buying all your books, thank you so much.
I am now Little Miss partly cloudy I love that thank you Dr Ramani
Depending on where you are in life, silence does bring peace and calmness. Don’t think that they won’t try to pull you in, but if you stand your ground and communicate via notes or texting, it will work. Just don’t bite the bullet, no matter what game they play. No way that you can change him or that he even wants to change. Just save your health, your soul and your heart before you end up with a broken heart. No matter what? They will have zero feelings, emotions, empathy or compassion for you… When you are related, you have to choose between the bad and the worse. No matter how you go about it, it will be painful.
I love Dr Ramani and her videos a lot.
Thank you for bringing the message of hope and insight to so many of us. 🙏 I am always grateful for you ❤️ 🙏
You nailed it with the disaster. This is my life! I am going to leave soon. I just started learning from you. I have a major auto immune. I wish I left decades ago.
Your intelligent advice is always appreciated Doctor Ramani, it's constantly acceptable to be cautious 😊 PS, you're not a petty person. And people wonder why others are no longer innocent!
Thank you Dr Ramani ❤ I can relate very much to how you feel inside you, and the things you know of yourself and being comfortable with that. I've learned some about myself that may seem " rough?" TO others.But, I know where my caring for others and my motives for doing what I do. I do like myself. I fought to get myself back. I won't apologize for being my true self. Alot of love in my heart. Discernment to see if deceitful and careless people ( narcs) are in my presence, I will not let them invade me. Too damn tired lol . But, I will respond when I see it happening to others. So, yes , I'm guarded but wise enough to know how to live in this True ME. It takes awhile and being honest with yourself. It seems that after a good while, you realize that you have gotten some victories. Then, you find that you are growing and it's so freeing. So, being comfortable in the present , whether all pleasant or a little rocky, you are able to go through in a whole person on the other side. I know my Comment could use some better way to put into words, but this is how it came out at the moment. Love, Peace to everyone ❤️
Ya have to realize and accept that you can’t lose someone or something you never had…once I got my mind around that I started my healing journey. Tu Dr Ramani❤️✌️💪💯🙏🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
The sad truth is you can't solve other peoples problems, trauma, and ignorance. You can only control how you react to them. People that won't or can't accept responsibility for their actions create alternate reality or fantasy where they are the down trodden victim or Martyr. No matter what you tell them to try and get them out of the self created fantasy they created, they won't budge. Walk away and leave them to their own delusion.
This is so many people around me. They are seeing my happiness with myself and are truly showing themselves. I can trust 3 of my neighbors/friends & my adult granddaughter. They are always happy for me. My 39 year old daughter has been disrespectful and selfish. I honestly feel like she is jealous of my self regulation and self actualization. Her behavior is unacceptable and I deserve respect. Are you seeing my progress? Thank you, I now know that it is not me.😊
You sound like a narc
Used to love helping people before recognizing the abuse. Used to be glass half empty person now the glass is empty. Not sure trust in anyone will ever return.
2:34 He literally did this. He put up a few solar panels - just in case, had a garage FULL of cabinets with food and a storage under the floor in the house full of gallons of water. He also refused to put money in any bank so he had a safe with a push button code with cash, hold and silver coins he saved - all for just incase! It was completely bizzare
I wish you were my doctor
Thank you Dr. Ramani 🤍 your book was also amazing as every video is
Martial arts was the key for me to get out of a narcissistic relationship, and to regain my sense of safety and self. I highly recommend it to everyone!
Trust what’s that? I do trust myself most the time. Raised by a trauma bond with my narc father. I have had friends but not a relationship. At 68 probably never will. Thought I had a few relationships I thought. I really get the survivor mode!! Due to my allergies to mold I am living in a tent. In an odd way it’s like normal. How am I heating the tent this winter? (Mold will kill me) but it’s like normal.. the on guard .. pure survival mode. My narc father was also a dangerous man. I don’t see getting over it. I’ve kinda learned what I can trust in people, I don’t trust fully. I understand what you’re saying. People got to earn trust. And no one’s perfect for sure.
❤😂 saying something that could "piss the earth off..."!😊
It was like an incontinent house pet that fouled the nest. I had to watch him, with cleaner, mops and rags on the ready. He was physically pretty tidy, but quietly pissed on all that I accomplished, destroying his own (my) family and then felt sorry for himself.
Because we are empaths and will always feel some sort of guilt, and sadness despite how badly we’ve been treated. It’s our nature. The trauma bonding - those ‘okay’ moments we have that keep us feeling it ‘could be worse!’ Hmm, obviously we know how bad it’s been and how bad things will get, but …. 😔
"Obviously" no, many didn't because this type info wasn't out there or accessible.
This is a good one
Your amazing..... you put peace back in my life