The alienating parent "believes" the targeted parent is bad because of a perceived offense against them...not the child. Parental Alienation is spousal abuse but it's the children who suffer the most. I have been living this hell for years and my children are adults now. I did learn a few more things in this video. Very helpful...thank you. I'm desperate to find someone to help me reconnect with my children. Until they understand what happened, they are continuing to be abused and I fear for they're future children. In my case, my kid's father along with his mother and sister alienated my children against me. What a betrayal, for the people who are supposed to care the most about these children, to convince them that their other parent is bad and doesn't love them. Tell me how this isn't the worst kind of abuse.
My mom Didn't tell my sister or I that our dad went to Juilliard....she also lied saying that he never paid child support....then she told us that he bankrupted her...now that I'm 32 I have spoken with him ..and I feel grief for him...cause for me it's cool that I got a dad...even since it's at age 32 I'm okay with whatever time I have with him. He is sad sometimes cause he feels grief...and I don't know what to tell him. My mom hasn't spoken to me since my father paid off my college debt...and actually started being a parent...my mom and sister take my relationship with my dad as a breech of loyalty. So, I have to be content with a broken family at this point because I'm not going to compromise my values and perception of reality ....just so my mom doesn't feel bad about LYING FOR 30 YEARS.....JUST TO HURT MY FATHER. Its truly maddening.
As a targeted parent, I think of my situation as a long waiting game for which I have little influence or control. It has been and is sad to feel alienated from a child, and that is what the Narc parent wanted. In time, we may be reunited and understand that we went through h_ll. Mental illness and aggression are harmful to everyone. I'm still healing til the day that ex dies or I die.
@@donnawoodford8145 it's wild to think that my mother hates my father more than she loves me....but it's reality, and I have to accept that. My father has grandiose narcissism....so I feel he can be reached without me getting burned in the relationship... It's difficult accept the fact that both of my parents are just ... "Unknowable".... On some level because they do not have a sense of self. I'm never going to get the full truth. But the silver lining and all of this is watching these podcasts with actual professors with credentials who can help me escape my toxic family's shared fantasy. I'm free now, to make my own choices. It bothers me though because I know both of my parents do not believe that they are wrong, so they are not waiting up for anybody..... My sister's already chosen her team.. and my dad is content with never talking to her again it's truly SICK.
I will watch later... my only child and daughter was taken to another country just before her 1st birthday, it has now been 60 days since I held or seen my little girl. Her mother has refused all contact with me or any of my family. Please pray for me and the child's reunion and for justice. My wife once told me her own mother never cared for her children, pay attention people.
Parental alienation can happen with a non parent, also. When an alienated parent’s sibling, for example, is the alienating non-parent who has acted upon the pathology of the family. Non-parent alienation is not talked about as much parental alienation, although it exists and may be as prevalent as the later.
Yes, Sam Vaknin I’m addicted to your videos intellectual integrity spot on. Wish I’d found you sooner. I am an alienated parent. Have been looking for help. He took her to New Zealand from Hawaii, my home of 34 years. I haven’t heard from or of her or him in over six years. She was eleven when he took her. No passport or paperwork showing he wasn’t custodial parent. “They” let him get away. I’m seeking help. I have a useful brain that’s been beat around a bit but that’s not an excuse but a challenge… I guess I should mention that HE diagnosed me with borderline🤷♀️
Great talk ! Would love to see the effects on the grandparent/ grandchild breakdown of relationship after the kids return to the targeted parent ! I have been labeled as the monster and called by my first name. It’s insane 😢
This is so crazy, I am 32. My sister is 35. My sister refuses to leave the side of my malignant narcissistic mother..... And I chose to venture out and see what my father was really about rather than believing what my mother told me. Haven't spoken to my mother or my sister in almost a year.
after seeing your videos I'm still not sure how narcissistic I am or what other kind of roof damage I have, but it somehow motivated me to go out and meet people and one thing struck me and reminded me of old times: whenever I talk to people who are roughly on my level, i.e. alternative to freaky and generally floating somewhere above the crowd, after a short time they start to incorporate what I've said into their conversations as if it had always been their opinion, is that something positive or negative? I'm not omniscient either but it somehow feels great when even the people in my circle of friends who are the most capable of getting stuff done and learning new things etc. adopt my opinion straight away, so to speak, because they were so convinced by it or something like that. I've always been the type of person who would like to be a cult leader or something like that ^^ hence my concerns and self-analysis regarding narcissism, borderline & co., it doesn't always have to end like Jonestown.
Professor, if the child at age 16 goes from living 50/50 with each parent to living solely with the targeted parent, will they have a chance to develop disorders such as borderline, narc etc or is this only the 10-15% you mentioned beforehand?
Thanks so much. My narc ex began alienating my son's in their teens 8 years before he left. I had no idea! They lived with us and by their twenties were not letting me hug them because he told them my parents had sex with me (never happened) and when I hugged them I had sex with them in mind. 😢 One son at 24 woke up after sticking with him when he left me for his new person, who to this day has not been revealed to them, but my 28 year old has turned on me when he always complained about his behavior and saw him hurt me. When he married he turned his wife against me and my ex charmed her with the madk. Now my ex visits her regularly during the day alone at their house when my son is at work. What are the chances he'll snap out of it too? My 24 year old says he is too afraid.
Is there any information, or do you have an opinion or any advice on when its a grandparent that is the one alienating their grandchildren against the adult parent(s), who had gone no contact, or estranged because of persistent abuse from childhood up until their 30's? Have you heard of or have experience with this dynamic. Basically the after the adult child went no contact with their abusive family of origin, the parent or in this case the grandmother over a period of 4 years had been convincing their estranged adult child's oldest daughter, or their grandaughter, that they were being emotionally abused and treated unfairly or very harshly, by their mother or the estranged. The grandparent convinced their oldest grand daughter to run away, and then assisted in harboring, and hiding her from her parents then filed for custody, and then moved to another state. I haven't seen my daughter for years now, she was 12 last time I saw or or have spoken to her. She will be 17 in a couple months. And I'm completely heart broken. I know you have said before that you don't respond and only sometimes read the comments. But if you read this one, please consider a video on this type of parental alienation if you have an opinion, or any information. Thank you.
That's horrific. I hope your daughter will come back around. Remember what Sam said about being patient. Although our cases are different, my daughter came around as an adolescent. Keep your heart open for her return.
The alienating parent "believes" the targeted parent is bad because of a perceived offense against them...not the child. Parental Alienation is spousal abuse but it's the children who suffer the most.
I have been living this hell for years and my children are adults now. I did learn a few more things in this video. Very helpful...thank you. I'm desperate to find someone to help me reconnect with my children. Until they understand what happened, they are continuing to be abused and I fear for they're future children.
In my case, my kid's father along with his mother and sister alienated my children against me.
What a betrayal, for the people who are supposed to care the most about these children, to convince them that their other parent is bad and doesn't love them. Tell me how this isn't the worst kind of abuse.
My mom Didn't tell my sister or I that our dad went to Juilliard....she also lied saying that he never paid child support....then she told us that he bankrupted her...now that I'm 32 I have spoken with him ..and I feel grief for him...cause for me it's cool that I got a dad...even since it's at age 32 I'm okay with whatever time I have with him. He is sad sometimes cause he feels grief...and I don't know what to tell him.
My mom hasn't spoken to me since my father paid off my college debt...and actually started being a parent...my mom and sister take my relationship with my dad as a breech of loyalty.
So, I have to be content with a broken family at this point because I'm not going to compromise my values and perception of reality ....just so my mom doesn't feel bad about LYING FOR 30 YEARS.....JUST TO HURT MY FATHER.
Its truly maddening.
As a targeted parent, I think of my situation as a long waiting game for which I have little influence or control. It has been and is sad to feel alienated from a child, and that is what the Narc parent wanted. In time, we may be reunited and understand that we went through h_ll. Mental illness and aggression are harmful to everyone. I'm still healing til the day that ex dies or I die.
@@donnawoodford8145 it's wild to think that my mother hates my father more than she loves me....but it's reality, and I have to accept that. My father has grandiose narcissism....so I feel he can be reached without me getting burned in the relationship... It's difficult accept the fact that both of my parents are just ... "Unknowable".... On some level because they do not have a sense of self. I'm never going to get the full truth.
But the silver lining and all of this is watching these podcasts with actual professors with credentials who can help me escape my toxic family's shared fantasy.
I'm free now, to make my own choices.
It bothers me though because I know both of my parents do not believe that they are wrong, so they are not waiting up for anybody..... My sister's already chosen her team.. and my dad is content with never talking to her again it's truly SICK.
Tell him you love him and everything you said in this comment proves that
Thanks for doing this video!! Great topic and need a lot more discussion on parental alienation, and Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorder.
Prof, waiting for more videos on "Schizoid Malignant Narcissist". Thanks
Until a video update, you can watch documentaries about Unabomber.
I will watch later... my only child and daughter was taken to another country just before her 1st birthday, it has now been 60 days since I held or seen my little girl. Her mother has refused all contact with me or any of my family. Please pray for me and the child's reunion and for justice. My wife once told me her own mother never cared for her children, pay attention people.
Parental alienation can happen with a non parent, also. When an alienated parent’s sibling, for example, is the alienating non-parent who has acted upon the pathology of the family. Non-parent alienation is not talked about as much parental alienation, although it exists and may be as prevalent as the later.
Yes, Sam Vaknin I’m addicted to your videos intellectual integrity spot on. Wish I’d found you sooner. I am an alienated parent. Have been looking for help. He took her to New Zealand from Hawaii, my home of 34 years. I haven’t heard from or of her or him in over six years. She was eleven when he took her. No passport or paperwork showing he wasn’t custodial parent. “They” let him get away. I’m seeking help. I have a useful brain that’s been beat around a bit but that’s not an excuse but a challenge…
I guess I should mention that HE diagnosed me with borderline🤷♀️
Just thought I’d add that it was his idea of punishing me due to my concern with the way he handled her 😕 very groomy
Great talk ! Would love to see the effects on the grandparent/ grandchild breakdown of relationship after the kids return to the targeted parent ! I have been labeled as the monster and called by my first name. It’s insane 😢
And really break it down where it's understandable, especially if you're or you've been dealing with a narc
This is so crazy, I am 32. My sister is 35. My sister refuses to leave the side of my malignant narcissistic mother..... And I chose to venture out and see what my father was really about rather than believing what my mother told me.
Haven't spoken to my mother or my sister in almost a year.
Thank u, guys, both of u. ❤
The children grow up to suffer symptoms similar to cptsd and can even become cognitively delayed.
My daughter became more angry and abusive towards me and is now living with her father and I am the problem.
after seeing your videos I'm still not sure how narcissistic I am or what other kind of roof damage I have, but it somehow motivated me to go out and meet people and one thing struck me and reminded me of old times: whenever I talk to people who are roughly on my level, i.e. alternative to freaky and generally floating somewhere above the crowd, after a short time they start to incorporate what I've said into their conversations as if it had always been their opinion, is that something positive or negative?
I'm not omniscient either but it somehow feels great when even the people in my circle of friends who are the most capable of getting stuff done and learning new things etc. adopt my opinion straight away, so to speak, because they were so convinced by it or something like that. I've always been the type of person who would like to be a cult leader or something like that ^^ hence my concerns and self-analysis regarding narcissism, borderline & co., it doesn't always have to end like Jonestown.
Professor, if the child at age 16 goes from living 50/50 with each parent to living solely with the targeted parent, will they have a chance to develop disorders such as borderline, narc etc or is this only the 10-15% you mentioned beforehand?
Thanks so much. My narc ex began alienating my son's in their teens 8 years before he left. I had no idea! They lived with us and by their twenties were not letting me hug them because he told them my parents had sex with me (never happened) and when I hugged them I had sex with them in mind. 😢 One son at 24 woke up after sticking with him when he left me for his new person, who to this day has not been revealed to them, but my 28 year old has turned on me when he always complained about his behavior and saw him hurt me. When he married he turned his wife against me and my ex charmed her with the madk. Now my ex visits her regularly during the day alone at their house when my son is at work. What are the chances he'll snap out of it too? My 24 year old says he is too afraid.
Cameras with date and hidden… imagine your ex is being with her
Is there any information, or do you have an opinion or any advice on when its a grandparent that is the one alienating their grandchildren against the adult parent(s), who had gone no contact, or estranged because of persistent abuse from childhood up until their 30's? Have you heard of or have experience with this dynamic. Basically the after the adult child went no contact with their abusive family of origin, the parent or in this case the grandmother over a period of 4 years had been convincing their estranged adult child's oldest daughter, or their grandaughter, that they were being emotionally abused and treated unfairly or very harshly, by their mother or the estranged. The grandparent convinced their oldest grand daughter to run away, and then assisted in harboring, and hiding her from her parents then filed for custody, and then moved to another state. I haven't seen my daughter for years now, she was 12 last time I saw or or have spoken to her. She will be 17 in a couple months. And I'm completely heart broken. I know you have said before that you don't respond and only sometimes read the comments. But if you read this one, please consider a video on this type of parental alienation if you have an opinion, or any information. Thank you.
That's horrific. I hope your daughter will come back around. Remember what Sam said about being patient. Although our cases are different, my daughter came around as an adolescent. Keep your heart open for her return.
@@rubberbiscuit99 thank you, I hope your right