Adoption? Surrogacy? The Honest Truth on Having a Baby.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
- Are we having a baby? The road to having kids has been bumpy from being on the adoption waiting list to seeing if surrogacy is a viable option for us. This episode of Tangents with Tyler and Todd we're sharing something that we’ve never fully opened up about before, and that is sharing our experience with planning for children. We talk about how our thoughts of having kids have changed throughout our relationship, the process of applying for adoption and why we ultimately decided to pull our application, and what the process for having kids looks like for us now.
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Instagram: / tylerandtodd
Chapters:
1:30 - What we were up to this morning
2:30 - Our thoughts on having kids
6:00 - The process of applying for adoption
15:00 - Why the adoption path was difficult
21:00 - Why we pulled our adoption application
23:00 - Surrogacy vs Adoption
27:00 - The worst outcome that could have happened being on the adoption list
32:00 - Where we’re at now
39:00 - Why we’re considering surrogacy
46:00 - Tea Time
Podcast Production By: Paige Cuthbert & Colin Steingard
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Good morning everyone!! No idea what happened but the original copy of this episode was somehow deleted! There were SO many of you here in the comments sharing your stories on what is such an important (and sensitive topic). I can’t figure out a way to bring those comments back but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that this time the episode premieres as it should! On that note... sharing this story is an incredibly personal one for us so please be kind ❤
It was there about 4:00 am central this morning. 😂 I did my early checkin’.
I know!! I was chatting with you all in the comments and then POOF! @@ericeric363
@@tangentswithtylerandtodd She said I’m out! 😂
Let's me add my comment again ❤ ,
Made sure I got tissues if you're talking about what u think you're talking about. I saw the topics. Oh yeah, it looks like it's going to be a good ❤❤
Same same. Breathe deeply. Too early for wine o'clock?🍷🍷 🎉🎉 😅😅😅😅😅
I’m a 77 yr old straight woman who never wanted kids & still say it was the best decision I ever made. I came from a terribly dysfunctional home & knew I didn’t have healthy parenting skills. You guys are absolutely the opposite & will make great parents. Love following your life’s journey!
I am an 80 year old woman that never wanted to marry, but wanted a child!
You know that back in those days , that was not an acceptable situation.
But I did, and it was a wisest choice I ever made.
my daughter is now 50+ and the love of my life.
She and my Son-in-law have given me two wonderful grandchildren.
it was hard work, but it was my choice and we came out of it all OK.
choices we make in life are our choices, and they are our right to make them !
i’m glad you were happy with your choices, too many people think that when you get married you have to have kids or it’s a woman’s duty to have kids, etc.
no, the woman’s body is not a baby producing machine.
your decision, your choice, and now your happiness, and that’s all that counts. 😘
@judykinsman3258@@kathleensauerbrei5199 So happy for BOTH of you that you had the courage to follow your own paths in life, it's a beautiful thing
I'm 60 and had no desire for kids. No regrets, enjoying being an aunt, great aunt, and now a great, great aunt. Loving life.
❤. Your communication skills are off the chart! Please bottle and put that in the lanes of commerce.
Agreed. I’m 53 and have never wanted kids.
Any child would be blessed to have you both as parents😊
That really means so much to us Vivian! ❤
I Totally agree 100%
Absolutely 💯
@@tangentswithtylerandtoddI would’ve have given literally ANYTHING to have parents like you two!!
The raw emotion and honesty in this podcast confirms that you two are the people I imagined you would be. Not only do you make every Sunday better, but also you now make every Wednesday better too. Thank you for sharing the way you do.
Thanks so much Shelley, means the world!!
I absolutely agree with you that they now are making two days great 👍😊
Agree 100%
Adoptive mother here. I was ‘the second choice’ for our birth mother and I am so thankful to the first couple for saying no. I got to parent this child that was perfect for me because someone else said no.. I also had a birthmother change her mind after choosing us.. Al of it was wonderful and devastating at the same time.
This was SO nice of you to share your story. Adoption has so many edges, for every person involved. Good for you for putting yourself into such mystery of an adventure.
It’s so important to trust that you’ll get the right child for you at the right time! Here’s our story. My birth mother was rejected twice because she had 2 premature children already. Only like 3 weeks early. It was truly meant to be for all of us! She found out her boys came early because she wasn’t drinking enough water. They didn’t tell us about the prematurity hoping we would say yes and we are the perfect match! We are so close to her birth mother and other kids! She grew up and married a nice guy. We are one big family now. We visit each other from Pa & Fl, we call, text, FT… We love and miss each other. We are all so blessed to be a family now. Not everyone will have what we have. It’s very easy to have issues. The dynamics are emotional. Birth mothers can have drug issues or psych issues or simply personality clashes. When I was around 50, I found out I have a genetic medical condition that finally showed itself. 2% of the population has it and most don’t know about it. My adopted daughter has it too! It was truly meant to be for her to know and live in a way to prevent symptoms for her. Bless your journey! 💗
You grow into being a parent. You can never prepare for being a parent. You’ll fall in love and figure out what to do each stage of development. This journey is about having a family AND self growth! That’s what makes a great parent. My 2 adopted girls are now 15 and they see me actively working on myself while I also help them navigate life and teen years.
Is there any wonder why psychologists/educators find kids with same sex parents are so well adjusted. Hell, I feel loved just hearing you guys talk!
Same! 🥰
The thing about becoming a parent is that no matter what, we are never “prepared.” It is just another part of life’s adventure. We show up and do our best and keep learning and growing and adjusting to what is in front of us at the moment. You will be wonderful parents not because you are prepared or because of what you think are your strengths right now. You will be good parents because, just as you have handled all of the challenges of your projects, you will support each other and be constantly re-evaluating and growing and enjoying the process and meeting the challenges as they come. Children don’t grow into wonderful adults by growing up with perfect” parents. They grow into resilient wonderful adults by experiencing healthy models of living. You are both wonderful models of that. Your child/children will be so very very lucky to grow up with you.
Love this so much. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful and kind message, it means more than we could ever say xoxo
Well said
I really like this! Beautifully expressed. And applicable to everything in life.🩷
So very well said! And Tyler and Todd, as someone who has followed you guys from the beginning, I can tell that the amount of growth that has happened in you as individuals and as a couple is immense. When the time is right for you to become parents, you will absolutely know and be well prepared. Good for you and best wishes with this part of your journey!
Very well said. I totally agree. T and T are great people
I'm not selfish, I'm self-aware is something people should be mindful of when that somewhat intrusive question comes up. Thank you for being so honest about a very personal journey.
This hit me hard. I found out at age 19 that I would never be able to have children. Even IVF wasn’t available to me. It was and even at age 60 still is the most devastating thing of my life. People ask me all the time “why don’t you have children?” and it is so painful. PLEASE don’t ever do that to people. I considered adoption but then I began working with children (sometimes 200 per day) at the YMCA and boys and girls club. I realized that rather than have 1 or 2, I could make much more of a difference that way. After 30+ years I have thousands of babies all over the world and I know in some small way (individually) I had a huge impact on the world one child at a time. That became a blessing for me. I hope whatever you decide it goes wonderfully for you.
How is each episode better than the one before!?! That outtake was GOLD!
Hahaha, we're glad you enjoyed!!
When my husband and I had our kids, I was the one who basically raised them. He was very busy farming and raising livestock. It sure wasn’t what married couples expect today. It worked for us but what you really need to strive for in this type of situation is that when you have a major issue you have to consciously be on the same page. You have to be able to back each other up. You guys are going to be amazing dads. Another Great Podcast! ❤️
I own a trucking business with my husband and I want u guys to know u help make my drive to Phoenix from Vegas on Wednesdays so much easier now that your podcast exists.I adore u both❤
So happy to hear that, thanks so much!!
I never ever wanted a baby, but an oopsie happened and she turned out to be THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. You both will make wonderful parents.
As a kid from a private adoption I felt this. I’m bringing tissues from now on to your episodes 😂 ❤ you guys!
Aww thanks Gregory, it's such a difficult topic to discuss and fully explain. Especially with how little information people have about the adoption process. Hopefully it wasn't too hard for you to hear all that. xoxo
Good Morning Tyler, Todd. My son and his partner are discussing expanding their family also. I told them to listen to your podcast so that they can get real facts regarding adoption, surrogacy, or any other means to have a baby. With everything you both (Tyler and Todd) are doing presently, I am sure that you will be wonderful parents. They and I have our tissues ready.
Tell them we said good luck on their journey...it can often times be a long one with lots of winding roads along the way. It will all be worth it.
What a beautiful conversation.
I love the fact that you care so much about the birth mother who chose you. It’s wonderful she had counseling available.
It would be a much better world if every prospective parent had counseling like y’all went through.
Hi, Just listened to your podcast. I don't comment but enjoy listening. This time I am compelled to comment. I am a retired Labor and Delivery, Postpartum RN. I worked for 30 years and never got tired of helping new parents especially new dads. I enjoyed guiding them on the journey of parenthood. It was like Christmas all over again. There was always one dad that would be the active caregiver and the other dad would hover and make sure every need was taken care of. I marveled how the family unit, no matter gay or straight, would function and assumed the role each was comfortable with. Parenting is different from caring for your newborn. You two will become consumed with this privilege. Your thoughts and concerns are spot on but please don't overthink. Listen to advice but do what you two think best. As for your swimmers.... The reason why I started watching and then listening is my son is gay and I wanted to hear from gay couples. My nephew died from aids related illness. Thank you two for sharing your thoughts and life.
If you asked me in my 20s I did NOT want kids. I was also deep into owning my own business and super single. As soon as I started dating my husband, my mind was changed. Now at 35 I am in my third trimester with our rainbow baby. It took us a lot of discussion to even get to the point of wanting kids. The ebb and flow of wanting to start a family is completely normal in my opinion. It’s a huge decision that is absolutely life changing.
Thanks for saying this and sharing your story. I think too often TV/Media makes it seem like everyone's story and perspective is the same. There's so much more ebbing and flowing than people realize.
Rainbow baby?
Baby after having miscarriages @@AtoMicEyeScream.
@@AtoMicEyeScream rainbow baby means there was a loss before the rainbow baby arrived.
At first I was a little sceptical that these podcasts would be something I would enjoy as much as the full weekly video, but after today’s episode, you know what - they are right there up there and even nudging higher. The weekly vlogs are great as we get to see your day to day stuff, but the podcasts are in another league. Through these, it feel like we are really getting to know you both as people, and what a privilege that is. Thank you.😊
We're so glad you're enjoying the podcast, Philippa :)
Totally agree.
@@tangentswithtylerandtoddyou guys just don’t know how amazing you are which is part of what makes you AMAZING!!! 😊😊
You are so right about the difference between sex and intimacy. When my husband became really ill with cancer, all we had was our deep friendship with each other. I could have lived with just that. What attracted me to him in the first place was our conversations.
I know what you mean by people not understanding why someone would not want children. I am now 69, and I knew as a small child that I would never want children. I would tell my mama, "make that baby be quiet!"-- I was 4 years old! Never had kids, don't miss what you never had! My husband had the same idea. It's a personal decision that is no ones business but yourself
I agree. I have, for many reasons (economy, work, world situation, and so on), always decided not to have any children. I still like children. They are often wonderful. (As long as they don't scream at night... I've seen collegues coming to the office half dead from children screaming eight hours a night for a week.) Still, lots of people don't seem to understand that one can like children even while not siring any oneself.
cheers! / CS
Wow, I thought I was alone. Just read your post and it’s pretty much a cut and paste of what I posted before reading yours. Nice to see that I’m m not the only person that knew at 4 years old. Tks
I'm a 51 year old woman and have been with my (male) partner for many years and neither of us have ever wanted children and have no regrets. It was an easy choice for us, but a difficult choice for our families and friends and we got a lot of 'flack' for our choice. It is such a personal decision and I really respect your decision to share your feelings with the world. Good luck with the process xxx
I wasn't sure I wanted kids. I met my ex husband at 34, and a virgin, and it took 5 yrs to have my son. I went thru ALOT ...... all the UPS and DOWNS of trying to conceive. It was such a rollercoaster of emotions. In the end, my son is a IVF baby, and I'm so HAPPY that I have him. BTW, he is now 23. 💚💜
Aw Laurie. That is so beautiful, so glad that things worked out for you and you have your son.
Totally irrelevant but this gives me hope. I'm 30 and still a virgin, waiting till marriage for religious reasons. So to hear that you met someone at 34 is comforting, I was just about to give up trying to find someone and having kids altogether.
It’s such a total shame EVERYONE doesn’t have to go through all this before having a baby. You’d both make fantastic parents. The world so badly NEEDS the sort of person you would bring to the world. Kind, thoughtful, self aware people are incredibly rare. And don’t worry, once the child is there, with you, it will all fall into place. It mostly always does, to real parents. You have no idea, and can’t have till it happens to you, the depth and strength of the love you have for a child. I always knew I would be a Mother, although I didn’t have time to make a real decision because I had my first baby at 18.
I am 62 and adopted. My parents shared this with me when I was old enough to understand it (with a cute little book provided by the agency). I LOVE that the two of you talk about and have given this decision so much thought. I also commend you for NOT adopting once you decided against it bc your hearts and minds were saying it's not time. In my case, my birth mother was VERY young (14) and I don't think a whole lot of emotion was felt by placing me bc she knew for a fact she couldn't care for me at that age. Mine was a closed adoption but I eventually met my birth parents and half siblings anyway (long story). I think an open adoption is ok as long as the birth parents receive the same classes you two did and even then a thorough assessment before they interacted with the child (I speak from experience). Both of you would be wonderful fathers...I feel it in my ❤️
Just look at how you both love your animals - your hearts will open to a new little soul in wonderful ways
You are two very special people and any child would strike gold having you as their dads. Much love and hugs as always T,T,C,E & L ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, another great blog T&T, and thank you for sharing this topic with us. I am an adoptee & I am also an adoptive parent. So I can appreciate your topic from both sides. Please don’t get down on yourselves for the glitch that was made by the adoption agency. I am a true believer that everything in life happens for a reason. Your hearts are in the right place, and when the time is right for you, everything else will fall into place as it should. I know that you both will be amazing parents! Remember to breathe and take one day at a time. You have an army of followers who are pulling for you both! xxx💕😘
I am a sixty-eight-year-old female. I never wanted children and I don't have any. I have no regrets. I do, indeed, like children. My career as a counselor and social worker meant that I interacted with them daily and I enjoyed all of it. I think that you two will be wonderful parents, if you decide to be. I really enjoy your Sunday vlogs and this new podcast is all that and a bag of chips! Keep them coming. I'm hooked.
Thanks so much Susan! Glad you followed the path that felt right for you, by the way!
You both show so much empathy, and your tears are honest. Hearing your adoption story makes me respect you even more.
As half of a same-sex couple who is actively in the process of working toward having children, I want to thank you for being so open about your entire experience. My fiancee and I have spoken many times about how challenging we find it to not have others we have seen in our personal lives go through this specific process- and to not have mentors to ask advice of when things get tough. While this is a virtual space and we do not know each other personally, I listened to you speak just now and thought to myself, "Wow! I have peers who get it- who truly understand the intentionality and difficulty this takes in a way other parents in my life don't."
I have watched you for a few years now and had no idea this topic was something you had such personal experience with. Thank you for being so vulnerable with the internet. I truly hope to hear more about your journey into parenting!
Seriously, how many times am I going to cry today??? LOL. Reading your comment (even though we just totally spilled our guts for the entire internet to dissect), made me feel so much less alone in this experience. I think we should all talk more openly about the fears, uncertainties, and the wild process that is trying to start a family. The intentionality of what we're both trying to do is such a gift...you just have to squint to see it through all the work and hardships involved. I'll think of this often, my "peer" xoxo
Tea Time advice: "I would give up our sex rather than our intimacy" --> I LOVE that!!
I'm excited for you both to be at the start of this new chapter. And your child/ren will be completely blessed to have you as parents. ❤
Hoping and praying for consistent positive news in your Dads process 🙏👍!! You both would be great Dad’s!
Hey my babies! As an adopted person, listening to your hearts for adoption fills me up in such an indescribable way. I know you’ve decided to go the surrogacy route but just wanna tell you how grateful I am that there are ppl on this Earth like you guys (and my belated mom of course 🥰)
Love you guys!
Karen
My wife and I have been together for 32 years and married for 8 years. My wife is the birth mother for both of our beautiful daughters. I know it is more difficult for you to have kids, but if you decide (how ever you go abut it) I think it will be the most amazing experience you will ever have in your life! I love being a parent. PS, My brother and I are adopted and we had the best parents. Being adopted was the best thing that happened to my brother and me. Whatever you decide will be the best for you!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You’ve both thought so much about this, not to mention the rigorous training to adopt, that I believe you will be amazing parents!!! Your values are well developed and strong, your relationship flows so well between your strengths and weaknesses, and your commitment to each other and to a really conscious life is just the bomb! If I were a little soul in heaven waiting to be born, I would choose you to be my parents in a heartbeat!!! Love you both so much and thank you for sharing 🙏💝
I think that you can wait a couple of months before you have to name your little one.❤️
Having gone through infertility for 3 years and finally getting pregnant with medication, this was so awesome to listen to. You two are the most wonderful with being so honest with your lives. I admire that tremendously. I wish you the best of luck. 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️
That is SO wonderful!!! Sending you so much love and well wishes for your new baby when they're born xoxo
@@tangentswithtylerandtodd I didn’t make that completely clear - my child is now 31 years old. 😂 Thank you so much for the well wishes and the laugh. 😂❤️❤️
I am not selfish I'm self aware. Todd, thanks for that. I needed to hear that more than anything.
I wish these podcast were longer!!! I LOVE listening to you guys!!! ❤
You guys are so amazing to me because you can see the Love in your eyes when you talk to each other !!!
Morning guys. I have 2 (adult) kids. There were times during their teen years that I questioned whether or not I wanted kids 😂 Love you guys... any child would be so lucky to be raised by you both ❤
Hi folks, we were so totally transported by this…. We said to each other about a thousand times “ oh, that’s exactly like we are too” ! I’m more like Tyler ans he’s more like Todd, and we celebrate 30 years🎉of happiness. We too got scaring ourselves at times with the “what if” questions but at 58 we can now say that things happen for a reason and that whilst the journey didn’t always unfold as initially planned it was mostly fun and brought us way further than we had hoped for. Sending you rays of positive energy and love from old Europe, Pierre
My son and daughter in law have as close to a 50/50 parenting plan as any other couple I have seen but you are correct in believing that one parent takes the lead on certain issues and then there are times when it switches. I think your communication style is so open and deep that you will overcome any differences! I am loving the podcast!
I am amazed, you are so capable of holding these conversations with such wisdom and wit. If more of us were able to think critically as you both are doing, life for children and relationships would be happier and healthier.
I promise you will know when (and if!) you are ready. For my husband and me, we weren’t interested in becoming parents in our twenties, we both were content on focusing on our careers. Becoming parents at thirty-six to our son was perfect for us. If you think you know what love is now, just wait until you have a child! You both would be such a blessing to each child you bring into your family.❤️
I am 87 and had three children. In my day and age it was not something in particular you thought about. It just came with marriage. I never felt like I had to be a mother. And I raised my children with what I called benign neglect. And they’re all wonderful kids! I think gay dads in particular give a lot more thought to what it means to raise a child.
So I am a biological parent of 20 somethings... but at 50, we adopted a 15 year old boy who really needed us. Shortly thereafter, a needy infant came in to our lives, and we eventually adopted her. The best thing that happened to us was that the mother of this baby, hid a pregnancy and had a half sister to our girl who we took in at 2 days old. I will say that having the two little girls was the very best thing for them and for us. We just don't have the energy that we did when our OG kids (lol we call them the starter kids - with their approval) so they REALLY enjoy each others exuberance! Anyway, I think you two are going to be the very best parents for sure - but I would highly recommend that you seriously talk through having a sibling for your baby. Kids need other kids, and we didn't realize that until the girls got older, they have the coolest relationship. It is something to think about anyway. Love you guys so much. Thanks for sharing your lives with all of us.
I so loved this podcast! We went through the adoption process for 8 years with a number of different agencies. We finally became parents in Germany. You made the comment about how little control you felt had when you were waiting to hear if you were picked. I smiled because in a nutshell, that’s what parenting is. Praying you can grasp a modicum of control every now and than. You two will be wonderful parents. Period. (Our sons (2) are now 38 and 34.)
Oh, and we agreed to a rule when we were working to become parents; only one of us can go crazy at a time. Once the crazy one settles down, then the other paren can go nuts. I think it’s a healthy rule.
Do you two realize what wonderful therapy these Tangent sessions are
That means so much to us, thank you!!
So much love! I just love your story and realness! I also love the comic relief of my ADD kicking in whenever I see squirrel! XOXO love from Grand Ledge,Michigan
As a therapist, this was such a rewarding episode for me to watch. I so wish everyone was as thoughtful making decisions about whether or not to have children, and what it will mean in terms of changing their lives. Your ideas are spot on. Any child that lands in your family will be very lucky to have the two of you as parents.
Thank you for your openness Todd and Tyler. I was a birth Mom in 1968, yes a heartbreak 💔 that rarely heals. It a serious consideration and it sounds like you’ve put more thought into it than most parents. Kids can be a real buzz kill, but they are my buzz kills. As long as you have healthy boundaries that are flexible; your sense of humor will save you every time. ❤❤❤
As an adopted person - this was so heart warming - and gives a very real insight into the rollercoaster which is adoption ❤❤😊
That means a lot to hear, thank you!!
I have never been more excited for the two of you. You both are already amazing dads to the fur babies. I can see you becoming the most amazing dads to a beautiful baby when the time is right. Best wishes to you on this journey together. Can we please be cheesy and keep “T” names?!?! 😅
When I was in my late 30s I got a call from my gynecologist's office that the doctor needed to see me as soon as possible. I went in to the office the next day and met w/ the doctor. She came into the room, sat down, pulled her chair up very close to mine and placed her hand on my arm. She then asked - in a very soft voice - if I wanted children. I was caught off guard and more than a little a confused, but I said no. The relief that went thru her was palpable! I sat there waiting for her to tell me that I have cancer, so I was still very tense. She tells me that I have tumors and require a complete hysterectomy. She was very sure that the tumors were benign but needed to run post-surgery tests to confirm. Now it was my turn to relax! I told her that I hated my menstrual cycle (had since day one) and was ready for the surgery ASAP. We both breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. That was 20 years ago and it was one of the best days of my life! BTW, the tumors were all benign.
My husband and I got married later than most, and we went back and forth on the children issue for several years. One day he was talking to a close friend who’s a doctor with grown children. Here’s what he said to my husband: Even if everything goes well, raising children is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, so you need to want it with ALL YOUR HEART!!
When my husband told me this, we just looked at each other and knew. We didn’t want it badly with all our hearts. And we’ve never regretted our decision to not have children. Life can be very hard, very challenging.
By the way, that’s good advice for anything you are considering: starting a business, getting married, moving to a new place, etc. Do you want it with ALL YOUR HEART?
You guys are truly special and extraordinary. Love you both!🩷🩷
Слёзы Тодда, стали хорошей семейной традицией ваших видео=). Хотел что-то написать, поддержать ... ваш рассказ меня сильно поразил, в положительном контексте. Представить сложно что вам пришлось пережить, когда вы отказались от программы усыновления. Вы молодцы ! Прошли это вместе, сохранили себя, вынесли опыт. Мне кажется мысли о ребенке возникают тогда, когда встретим того самого. Того, чью улыбку, принципы, поведение, отношение, что-то положительное и что-то отрицательное хочешь сохранить для этого мира, мира который будет после нас.
Благодарю вас за ваши добрые слова. Мы очень ценим это и посылаем вам всю нашу любовь.
Hey Tyler and Todd. Thank you for another great video. Happy and healthy thoughts to you both and especially Charlie.
Thanks so much, means a lot 😊
The time will come and you both are going to make amazing parents! Can’t wait and so hope you’ll continue to share this journey with us❤️💕❤️
We decided to adopt 20 years ago. After trying for an international adoption, we went to a pro-LGBTQ private agency. After 2 years, we were selected. We were in the delivery room and I cut the cord.
We have a wonderful daughter who's in Uni and she has two loving Dads.
Whatever you decide, I wish you luck with it.
This is fast becoming my absolute favourite podcast. Thank you, guys ❤️
You are both so mature and loving. You would make the best dads EVER!❤🌈🏳🌈🥰
I am totally in awe of you two. Listening to this, I cried along with you about all you’ve been through regarding the adoption, and then the reality of it all. However you get your child, it will be the luckiest and most loved child. The love between you is awesome. My partner and I have been together for 57 years, (he is now 90, and I am 81), married for 25. We made a decision many years ago not to have children, and it was a mutual decision. We love each other today like we did 57 years ago, and settled. This podcast is incredibly uplifting, and Thank you Both. Hugs to you and your furry folk, from Wales.
Tyler, you're not giving yourself enough credit. The both of you will be amazing parents. I see how much you love your pets, how gentle you are with them. Plus, you both have great chemistry and wonderful senses of humor which you need if you'reb going to be parents. you both will love your child/children greatly.
Interesting stuff, thanks for sharing, I learned new things. Always here for Tears with Todd. 🤣 Todd seems to have such a huge heart. You both work like ten mad dogs, and I admire how you have built the life you want.
HI Tyler &. Todd. I been on this journey with you and thank you for it . I love your new podcasts about children and I think YOU WOULD. MAKE FANTASTIC PARENTS. you are. a fantastic couple and they could go on your journey with you. ( My partner and myself where together for 50yrs and regret we never had children but the law was different then and when he passed I had nothing there to look back on. And you are still young to enjoy the family life and both your parents would love being grandparents so I would say. Guys Go For It. And I bet the dogs would love it Xxxx
I truly believe any child you raise will be lucky to have two loving parents. It’s more than you love, it’s how you communicate with each other.
I’m 63. My hubby and I struggled for 7 years, multiple false pregnancies, miscarriages, surgical procedures, etc. We feel blessed to have our one. But we also went through the adoption process and friends and family offers of surrogacy. It’s heartbreaking enough I’m in tears just remembering. Thank you for sharing.💜💜
“CAUSE WE LIVE ALONE IN THE WOODS” 😂❤ I really love the two of you, so real, raw and the humor is so engaging! The two of you will make the best parents! On that note, I think everyone goes through and ebb and flow of wanting or deciding if they are ready for children. They take over your life. You make a commitment to love and care for them from Day 1 until your last day. It’s the largest responsibility a person can make and should never be taken lightly. I applaud you for making the decision to be open to it, once you both felt it was time.
There are things about parenting that I think people make mistakes in believing. One is that when you have a child, you own it. There isn't ownership when it comes to another person/soul/being. As a parent, you are a guardian, caretaker, teacher for that child. It's not like having a pet, it is much deeper than that, and there is so much more responsibility involved in bring up a child. (BTW, my commentary isn't directed at you two, but rather commentary in general about being a parent and its responsibility.) When you have a child, you are assuming the responsibility to guide him/her into being an independent capable person who makes wise decisions about how to go on with their own life. I think that is such a HUGE responsibility, and one that is so easy to screw up. Love, compassion, caring and honest and open communication are essential elements of any relationship and most important when it comes to being the guide and care giver to those little people, we call children.
When you have children, your life focus completely changes from being focused upon you and your partner's interests and needs, to the care and upbringing of that child. That is a BIG shift. Talk to any parent who made that transition, before and after having a child, they will tell you your focus definitely changes. But at the same time, all that other life stuff doesn't go away, you still have all of that other stuff to consider and take care of for it all to be healthy and taken care of as well.
Thank you for expressing so clearly the difference between having children and raising them.
About the tea: I believe intimacy is more important than sex, at least for me. That's what I need to be happy. That said, I would talk with the partner, cause maybe he isn't happy or totally fulfilled in the marriage either. Maybe both would be better of when they separate and stay friends ( cause otherwise the years of marriage would be kinda lost ) and find happiness with someone else.
My ex set me down and told me he fell in love with a colleague. Yes, that was a shock, but not as bad as I thought. So we got divorced, he is happily married now with a kid and I am single and can go travel. We are still in contact, still be friends. I agreed to the divorce cause I love him as a friend and want him to be happy, so.....lives changes, plans change, circumstances change, people change. We should allow ourselves to be happy. Because.....life is too short to be miserable....
Me and my husband adopted a son from Panama and loved the decision we made. I don't ever regret it!❤ my grandmother would tell me the only thing that kills a dream is fear. My grandparents immigrated from Cuba, and l always admired her tenacity. You both will make wonderful parents.
Another wonderful podcast. Enjoyed your conversation so much. I had a difficult time conceiving and looked into adoption. Then a miracle occured and I conceived. It may be a long process for you both, but so worth it. Oriiginally, I didn't want children. Today, I have an incredible 39 year old son, an attorney. He's a wonderful husband, daddy and son. Life works in mysterious ways. All the best to you in your journey.
Wow guys,, These podcasts are amazing. The strength of your communication, respect and love for each other is evident in every single video. It’s the kind of relationship we should be striving for and these podcast could be amazing tools for people going through everything single thing you’ve discussed in each podcast. That being said you would make the most incredible parents and think we all agree any child would hit the jackpot having you as parents❤❤
Totally agree
So proud of you. You will make wonderful parents. Both my kids are adopted and no matter how they come to you it is always magic. Good luck and follow the magic.
Amazing to hear Diane, thank you so much ❤️
Best thing I ever did in my life was have children. They are the loves of my life. And now I’m a grandma and it is just as great! And I had my own set of challenges as a single Mom. Enjoy every moment - it goes fast. Best wishes to you ~ ❤
Here’s a topic for you if you’re ever bored, you’re standing at a railway crossing, on one track is the person you love, on the other track are a thousand people, you’ve got the switch, which track do you send the train down?
I love you two so much. I know you don’t know me but please know you’re a HUGE, happy part of my life and your journey is a big part of my life too as I’ve been with you from the very first video and I’ve just gone over them all again too! You’ll be the best Dads EVER and I cannot wait to be along for the ride with you both! Are you synched with the Sunday videos as we’ve just seen the new house and is this a part of this new decision to start the parenting again? Love to you and hope Charlie is feeling better too! ❤️❤️❤️
OMG! This is a selfish thing to say but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm glad that you two did not get picked for the adoption because I want to see both you guys, Tyler and Todd, have twins. One Tyler and one Todd baby. Just have a surrogate or two surrogates or one surrogate carry both babies at the same time who will have your personalities, your facial features, your temperaments--two babies that are just like the two of you.
Little versions of the two of you because you guys have such big hearts; you're smart, intelligent, kind, funny, outgoing, caring lovable men.
I mean you two just have to have a baby each that's close in ages so that your family can just flourish and you don't have to go through the process twice of diapers and being 2 year old, starting preschool--you can do all of that once with both of your kids.
Just a suggestion. You two deserve your own natural biological kids (a boy and a girl). And get all the love from them that you can get and give back to them before they get like 12 or 13 because that's when the change happens. They're Independence happens and then they don't want you smothering them anymore; they still love you, but they don't like to be smothered and you're going to want those memories from when they were infants all the way up to 12 when they let you hug them and cuddle.
Anyway, that's my two-cents Good luck with everything.
A good idea for them to think about
I gave birth to my son and thought this was an amazing gift. I thought I would love to give a gift of a child. And two years later I gave up my daughter for adoption, in an open adoption. We have beautiful relationships and feel grateful for our open adoption. My daughter is 30 and it has been a beautiful journey so far.
I knew I always wanted a large family since the time I was very young. I have 6 children. 4 boys and then 2 girls. I’m also a grandma of 10 and I know there will be more to come! Tyler, the way that you think, compute and factor things is going to be an awesome quality in raising a child. Your child is going to inherit unique qualities from both you and Todd and it will be a wonderful thing. Any child having BOTH of you as their dad is going to be one lucky kid. I’m sure you will find a surrogate ready and willing to help you start your family. Good luck to you and I can’t wait to see a little Tyler or Todd running around the land! ❤️
Missed this one as well, so can’t wait to watch ❤️
Super excited to be watching this one with you all!
Good morning! I love Podcast Day ❤
I absolutely L O V E you two!! You are my perfect couple. I’m a straight 70 year old female, and if half the couples in life would have your communication and commitment to each other what wonderful world it would be! 🎼🐕🐈⬛🐕
Having children is such a personal choice. You are right in that you both will be great dads. Whatever you decide, the world is blessed to have you in it.
I really love your honesty hugs to you both and yes you would both make great Dads
My dad and his siblings were born at home. When one of his brothers was born they didn't know what to name him so the doctor said if they didn't figure it out soon he was going to name him Nick. So even though he was not named that, everyone called him that. I thought that was his name until I was in high school 😄
As an adopted child in the '50's when the world was different, I wish now people could have had the support you have given yourselves before a child materializes in your lives. This is a very good thing. I support your journey to be responsible humans before you become responsible parents.
It is amazing that Tyler and Todd speak to humanity and not certain groups of people.
You and the van wives should have kids together!! What beautiful children they would be😅
Oh my gosh, I hope that was simply said in jest!!
🤣🤣🤣💜💜💜
Good mornig Tyler and Todd, l'm sure with everything going on in your life that this is going to be the biggest decision you will make one way or the other, but l will stand by you both either way.
I love you both even though l don't really know you personally but l feel like your my step son and l only want the best in life always.❤❤
Definitely - I think no matter what someone has going on in their life, this is one of the biggest decisions someone can make!
I will be 60 next month. I have always known i didn't want kids. I was called selfish when i first got married. It was to the point of bullying ..a lot! I love kids i just am not maternal. I once had therapy. My therapist told me i was extremely maternal, it was just directed for animals. Im definitely not selfish. I love animals and my life of being involved in animal welfare and charities has filled me with so much joy. So hey 👋 as long as a person is giving, loving and kind to ALL beings, i feel you make a positive imprint in this often harsh world. You two are great furdads and will ALSO be great with kids. All the very best...love from uk 🇬🇧 ❤xx
Best podcast ever! I used to get bored with podcasts as I have a very low attention span. However, your podcasts are so interesting, relatable, funny, and trigger a whole lot of emotions and self-thinking as we all journey through life. Thanks for sharing. Cheers ❤
So happy to hear that you're enjoying them. Means more than you know!
Eddie is your emotional support dog while you talk about these difficult topics.
So true! 🐶❤️
Cmon Tyler, the way you love those dogs and your kitty, you would be a perfect parent.
I love you guys! My husband and I have been watching you guys for years. I'm so glad you started your podcast,we're enjoying learning more about you. We have been married 31 years and knew we wanted to have children, but our 3 children were unplanned, various types of birth control having failed. As Todd said, "everything happens for a reason" (my husband's favorite phrase) and we are incredibly grateful for each of them, as they have brought so much joy to our lives. We are eagerly awaiting our first grandchild due in 2 weeks. Our daughter has struggled to carry a child to term, so I also concur with your belief that people shouldn't ask when a couple is going to have children. She lost 2 babies, and it killed her when people would ask her that. As difficult as it was, I commend you both for knowing you weren't ready at the time the opportunity presented itself, and know that when the time comes you will be amazing Dads! We agree too that you can't both be on the same page at the same time. We've each had to give more to compensate for the other who couldn't at the time, for whatever reason. When one of us is going thru a personal struggle, the other would step up. That's what has worked for us, and why we believe we've been able to make our marriage work for so long. We also agree that we would rather lose our sexual relationship than our intimate one. Hope Charlie is feeling okay today 🤗💜
Our daughter was 12 hours old before she had a name. We had the first names narrowed down to 2-3 and the middle figured out, but we needed to get to know her first. ❤️
Oh, sweet young men, my heart aches for you both. You made the right decision for you now. You are self aware, far from selfish. You did the right thing for then. That agency sounds wonderful.
You both have grown so much and have developed an honest, loving relationship. 50/50 is unrealistic.
Parenting is hard and a huge commitment. Surrogacy is an okay alternative, but it, too, can have huge hurdles, just as adoption.
Whatever you decide, you will have tons of us lining up to participate in the support area. Just be solid in your decision and know that parenting is for life. Love you guys. This, as usual. Made me reflect, look back and ahead. You always challenge me. Thank you
It's great to have sweet dogs and a kitty there when talking about difficult topics. Thanks for sharing your life with us. ❤
Our little therapy animals! lol
@@tangentswithtylerandtodd seeing Charlie's goofy face in the bottom of the screen definitely made me giggle.
Hi Tyler and Todd, Listening to you here on the Baby podcast, I am moved by your emotions that are still present about the adoption glitch and the position that that put you in. I just wanted to tell you that there are so many things that we don't know about the future and the positive results of these types of things. I am picturing this child, as an adult, sharing about how his mom told him about the glitch, and him saying how being raised by the other family helped him/her be the fabulous person that they are, and led them to do the wonderful work that they do.
I really appreciate you both sharing your lives and experiences and sincerely hope that this little opinion brings comfort. Very best to you both and families! Deb Hanson
Hey, guys -- what a wonderful conversation to have so openly. I didn't want kids for the longest time, and then one day in my 30s I woke up and just knew. Wasn't partnered. Wasn't going to run out partner-hunting. But a few years later, I was a mom. And a few years after that, I was a single mom. Which would have been devastating if I hadn't watched friends go through it unprepared in my 20s, and planned, and known I'd come out a changed person, that this is a Joseph-Campbell hero's journey. It was still ten incredibly, gruelingly hard years. The next five were just grueling. 20 years on life's easy enough that I can work multiple jobs and barely feel it, but I'm on the edge of old. Contingency plan, is the takeaway -- which means really pay attention to your friends and family with kids, really learn about what comes up. And expect that they're softening things so as not to sound like ungrateful monsters. I will say that at the end I'm less changed than I'd thought I might be, but that's just me.
The main thing I think about as you guys talk is that you're way far out in the woods, which means you're really going to have to think about how this child's going to get to school and to play with other kids and home from school activities and sports that keep them after school. How you're going to be able to spend time with other families. Who's going to babysit. How the other kids are going to get to you for birthday parties. You need to be woven into the community around you, which maybe you already are out there. But the moms are totally vital, the network of moms. What I'm seeing here is that Todd's going to be a fulltime SAHD, so my question for you guys is how you're going to learn about that life, and how you're also going to get all the work done around your place that currently takes two-plus while the child's still young enough to need supervision all the time. And how are you set up if your child has a disability or chronic illness, what would it do to you as a couple if you had to leave the land and go live in town for your child's needs. You'll hear lots of "you can't plan for everything," which is true, but you can plan for a lot, and it pays. So I think just exploring young-child life, maybe not so much baby life, would be a good idea, just so you have time to think about it all.
Also, I'm sure you've already thought of this, but definitely protect your baby's privacy.
From what I can see of you? I think you'll be wonderful parents.