I have a friend who is married to a white husband who is going 50/50 which includes living in two separate households. So, yes Chloe is right dust is found in all nationalities, race, creed, etc. Also, I have to mention he stays with his mother 😲
A good amount of my divested friends are in similar marriages. They went in thinking they got rescued. Dust and struggle love is found in every race and I wish BW would get that through their head.
Exactly. I get that BW are frustrated with a BM’s behavior, but a lot of BW assume that the WM is the answer to her problems, and a lot of times, she’s blind to the white dusties. The white dusties KNOW this, and they frequently target BW because their first thought is the BW will put up with his foolishness more than the women of other races because “they’re happy to have a WM that wants them.” Look at how the man treats women and you, regardless of his race, creed, religion, you name it. Don’t assume that one race is horrible and another race can do no wrong.
@@yougotgamesonyourphone6947 They'd better get a clue. Because a lot of lazy white men have gotten the word that many black women are fed up with black men, and looking to spread their wings. They're trying to lay up in your house, on your dime and ride your back, just like the black ones. #Denied #VetHard #VetHarder
I’m a happy homemaker . I wouldn’t have it any other way ,long lunches with friends salon visits ,picking up my kids in no rush ,making healthy food for my family, shopping in peace is so much easier than being stuck in the office and eating takeout almost every evening 😀. Hubby protects and provides ,he’s loved and appreciated . God is good 🙏🏿
I just became a stay at home (now 4 months pregnant) wife. Only since this past December, and I am finding it incredibly unfulfilling boring so far :/ I am grateful for the opportunity, but I am incredibly lonely till my husband gets home… I would like to get back to work at this point.
Also, when you're young, you don't think too much about the consequences of living in a capitalist society. Why being the breadwinner as a woman doesn't work out. I didn't expect to have a high risk pregnancy, but it happened, however my ex couldn't financially support us, so I could take an early maternity leave. He also didn't have health insurance, he was on mine 😬. I think as women, we go into nurture mode, thinking the guy will return the favor if we show him how much we care, but it rarely works out like that. When he walked away, he didn't think twice about the sacrifices I did for him.
I’ve had a guy actually tell me the reason he didn’t ask me out in the past is because he didn’t have a good job. And we both had the biggest crush on each other. Men know what’s required of them so when a man enters a relationship knowing the woman will be providing for him, I have to wonder what’s wrong.
the wild one,is when a woman earns lesser than a man but still takes more financial responsibilities than a man and by default be a house executive ,for me that is just wild ,u wonder if the man really loves a woman but when it comes to his friends and himself he doesn't compromise .
I walked into my marriage credit strong and as a high earner. My ex husband’s father called me “the work horse” two years later I was filing bankruptcy. I would not recommend.
I'm not doing hypogamy. I'd rather be single and make my own money and keep providing for myself than do hypogamy. My friends I've seen go through hypogamy in their marriages are stressed with bills and exhausted, especially with children involved. I don't recommend hypogamy based on what I've seen, it doesn't benefit the woman.
@Nikki Nonames yes I agree. I think some cheat because jealousy, they low key they hate that their wife is doing so well and shining. Then other Men cheat because they are opportunists and want to live off their wife. Some are a mixture of both. All I know is it's a mess and I wants no parts of it!
My mother was the main breadwinner, my father was supportive to the dynamic but didn’t hesitate to join his friend groups in mocking how the workload had aged her. Despite him being smelly and lacking all hygiene and dignity. Growing up, it was horrible to watch my mother be devalued by him despite how beautiful she was and all the success she achieved.
My grandma was the same! She worked 24/7 all year while my granddad reaped the benefits! When she passed away from cancer due to stress and abuse, he married another woman within 3 months and she gladly took all his savings and the family home….he died broke and homeless
I know a woman who was pregnant. She unexpectedly gave birth at 6 months . Our job only allows for employees to receive 18 weeks of paid maternity leave, which is very generous because plenty of states don’t even have paid maternity leave. Her baby was in the hospital due to the fact that the baby was premature. By the time the baby was discharged from the hospital, it was time for her to go back to work. She would call HR begging and crying saying how she needed for us to continue to pay for her maternity leave and how she was not ready to go back to work. But my first thought is where is your baby daddy? Where is your husband? Why is all of the burden put on you? I have seen women quit their job after having a baby because they have a partner who is able to support them. Women have got to start choosing better.
Some men we don’t know what they’ll do until they are face to face with that situation. Some of them even act up right when he thinks she is stuck and can’t leave. Such as marriage, pregnancy, baby. Any of those is a true test of the male if he is a man or not. Sometimes we just don’t know. Test your boyfriends any way you can ladies to see if he’ll take advantage of you or your relationship.
I’m tired of doing everything as a single woman. I’m adding a man to my life to lighten the load not make it heavier. Role reversal is a recipe for disaster. We see it each and every day. It doesn’t work. Both parties start to resent each other and lose respect so then the mistreatment and arguments start. Which leads to parting ways in the end.
This is why relationships fail when women are the main financial provider. Even if the man is looking for a financial provider, he resents the woman for having to support him, and the woman ends up resenting the man because not only is she stressed because the burden is on her to pay the bills, but more often than not, the burden is on her to keep up the house.
I was the sole bread winner at times or the primary breadwinner my entire marriage. It doesn't work. Having sex with a man that is basically another kid is such a turn off. And the men never appreciate, are reaentful, mean or will cheat to feel like a man. I will be single before for I sign up for that foolishness again. I'm not even cool with 50/50. I can get a female roommate for that and keep looking for a man who makes more than me.
I thought that too 50/50 is roommate. You don’t get girlfriend out of me being your roommate. Also when it comes time for kids, we get 2 and we’ll go 50/50 on carrying and breast feeding. K bye.
I learned my lesson. I spent almost 10 years supporting my "fiance". NEVER. AGAIN. I always made more than he did but the final nail in the coffin was when he kept making excuses for not working. If a woman can do it, surely, a man can, too.
Same here...I've been supporting my husband for over 4 years in total...2 years before marriage and 2 after that...he is getting paid less compared to me but that shouldn't be a reason for him to stop sharing the expenses (he can absolutely search for a better job) but never did ! I finally decided to end it when he forced me to meet his abusive family over and over again after I was badly treated by them!
I did 10 years in the military before I retired. I wanted to live the life I wanted and be more feminine. That money alone takes care of me but I don’t mind working for extra money cause I like trips and nice things. One time a man on a dating site asked me what I do for a living and I told him “nothing, I’m retired” cause I wanted to see his response 😅 he asked my age and was flabbergasted 😂 “so u don’t work at all?” “Nope just living and enjoying life now” He unmatched me so fast 😂😂😂
Went through it. Lasted less than 2 years because I couldn’t stomach it. Never again. My next union will be a hypergamous one or I will remain happily, safely, and sanely single in the name of Jesus, Amen.
Very well put. This video is perfect timing because I just ended it with my dusty dude. I told him I had reached my limit. Am leaving the relationship $400 in the hole, not including the shelter and electricity I’ve provided for the past 3 months. I don’t want it back, just go. It’s effin embarrassing but now I know. I gave it a chance and now I have my own story to tell. LADIES, the only potential you should ever 100% believe in and invest in is of yourself.
@@br9202 I couldn’t agree with you more regarding what you said about potential. Don’t beat yourself up ! We had the courage to leave the foolishness behind. Now it’s onward and upward ! 🙏🏽💯😁
I'm a white woman who got married to another white man when I was 17 years old. My parents were toxic and so that was the reason why I married so young. I had two children by this dusty and dumped him at age 21 years old. During the course of my short marriage to this dusty, I had to work in a factory lifting boxes up until I gave birth. This man was neither a provider for me nor his children. This happened in 1986. I didn't have good parental guidance as my mother was the bread winner to my father and were always broke. My father always worked but he didn't make much money because he had little education and no ambition. This had a very negative effect on us kids. Ms. Chloe is right. It's a class issue, not a race issue. It's also having the misfortune of being raised in a dysfunctional family. Father's play a very important in the children's lives. Dad's need to be the providers and protectors of the women and children. After I got a divorce, I managed to get my life together. However, I never remarried. I had always wondered why I had always attracted dusty white men. The reason is because of what Ms. Chloe said. Low self-esteem, low hanging fruit, and the pick me mindset are the dusty's dream women. My relationships got better after watching Chloe's videos. I am no longer a dust bunny, nor am I a pick me. In fact, I have settled into my single life and am happier taking care of myself than focusing on taking care of a damned dusty. A woman is better off single than being with a dusty. I don't have time for a dusty. I keep my legs, my mouth, and my wallet closed. You young ladies out here are lucky to have Ms. Chloe's videos to learn. I didn't have this gift when I was in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s. I'm in my 50s now. Thank you, Chloe.
Yeah, no. If I’m not living a hardknock life without a man, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I live one with a man. Men want well-kept feminine women but call you high maintenance because they don’t want to pay for the things that keep you well-kept. I dated a guy when I was 19, and he was super financially ended up. He hated me because my life wasn’t in shambles as much as his. I remember he got mad when I wouldn’t go half with him for his phone that HE broke. I never made him feel less than for not having it financially together, but he always threw it in my face that he went to college(which he didn’t even finish), that he had better clothes, a car, etc etc. I refuse to be in another relationship that includes trials and tribulations. Hypogamy literally ruins and ages women fast as hell.
I stopped talking about my successes and achievements long ago when I saw how competitive and passive aggressive my boyfriends (exs) became towards me. Some of them actually couldn't stand to hear how well I was doing. Ive learnt to be really selective with what I share as i know it could end up bitting me in the ass! Ive also learnt not to share how much money im earning. I cant see anything good coming out of it.
As a full time worker and part time student in grad school, I just don’t understand why men can’t work as hard to earn more lol.. if they wanted to, they would.
A majority of us black women were taught hyporgamy, I dodged a bullet with my ex fiancé as I was earning way more than him. he resented me and made sure to embarrass and ridicule me….never again!! It feels so good to be with a provider and protector, it can even reduce stress and premature aging which is also healthy for you!
The taxi driver suddenly blurted out: "My wife earns more than me, always has. She also has a very good position in the city council. But I do my part, you know. I am among the owners of this taxi company, I only do the driving because I like it, I don't have to. Yes, my wife is an amazing woman. We've just celebrated 30 years together. But I think I'm not so bad myself". I was like where did this come from? This happened a few days ago, I took a taxi, the driver was in his late 50s, we exchanged a few words about the weather, then suddenly that sudden confession. I didn't even know what to reply back. Maybe the cause was that I was especially elegant that day, wearing a nice suit, heels, full glam make up etc. and he felt intimidated, as it reminded him of his wife? I have no idea, but it was strange.
So I make a lot , about 400k /yr as a corporate executive…YET, I told my men ( and men before him)that I am a office manager/ jr associate…I rather they see me as a pretty girl with a basic job
Great video Chloe!! I'd rather eat a jean jacket than be the breadwinner or help a man financially!! It's a no for me!! That article had me shaking my head!! Black women please say NO to struggle love or 50/50!! I don't care what anyone says, role reversal doesn't work (look at Wendy Williams, Sherri Shepherd, MJB, etc.)!!!!
I've been in hypergamous relationships and there is no going back!! If I was to be single, I'd rather be SINGLE than EVER enter into a 50/50 or hypogamous relationship. I see the toll it's taken on my mom and NO BUENO for me!!! I was treated the WORST in my one (and only) hypogamous (and short lived ) relationship I had in my mid 20's. It's a NO for me!
If any of you watch Caleb hammer financial audit I’m shocked at how many women on there are the bread winners and pay most of the bills. I will happily die single before I financially provide for a man or go half.
I am the family wallet. Literally i pay for everything. We have only been married for about 20 months but just before we got married he started his own business. Well suffices to say it is not doin well and i am drained. Emotionally and financially. Literally everything! His gas, cell, insurances...the list goes on. It does not work, or at least in my situation. I'm a travel rn and have been out of state and had time to think and I've come to my senses. This is ridiculous. My respect is gone. I am no longer attracted to him. He is trying, but it's not enough. Fortunately we do not have kids
I know that’s right. Some relationships you see just disgust you. I know of one young couple that just got married and oh my goodness I know that wife is gonna age 20 years in the next 5 years…
I am thankful for this channel. I am currently in a relationship with an Omega/Zeta male. Going on 9 years to be exact. With 2 young boys. He actually got upset while I was listening to your channel and told me to “stop blasting that ****” in his house. But every day he listens to blogs and videos degrading women and calling me masculine. I thought I was being a “good partner” by paying bills he couldn’t that week or letting him “hold some money until payday” and he’ll pay me back. When I began to say no, I was “acting funny with the money” and he’d have temper tantrums. I could NEVER request large sums of money from him because he can’t keep money saved if his life depended on it. He gambles every week. He plays video games and starts arguments with guys on the games. His whole M.O. is that men who are raised by single mothers are feminine and don’t know their fathers. Mind you, HE was raised by a single mother. Over the years he has become more and more emotional. He calls me manly, but demands that I take care of him and give him money. I stopped arguing and engaging in his nasty comments about a year ago. That only seems to irritate him more. He is a master at gaslighting. Constantly saying he hates me when I don’t do his bidding or act ignorant. I left once with the children but he called crying begging us to come home. His daily mood swings and constant screw ups are taking a toll. I have gained so much weight and have crazy gray hairs!!! I’m trying to regain my feminine and sexy throughout the negativity and plan my escape.
Gender roles exist for a reason. And still do in many cultures. Men Provide and Protect. Women Multiply what the man brings (semen become children, food becomes meals, houses become homes, affection becomes love) and Nurture the children (if any), extended family and community.
I hate to say it, but times have changed. There are women out here who actually make "being a bachelor" enjoyable. We get the benefit of sex, companionship, peace (when she leaves) plus we don't have to "provide" since she's a strong independent women. There's a subset of women who have broken the social contract and we're just enjoying it.
I made more than my children’s father before and after we got together and it didn’t bother me but everything the women are saying is true. It’s one of the things that contributed to our breakup as he became aggressively abusive over time. He even tried to financially abuse me with my own money. If I don’t end up with a provider man, I’d rather be single for the rest of my life.
This is a tough convo indeed! It's like men can't have it both ways: on one hand they say it's not a woman's money that makes them valuable which rather they place value on looks, personality and compatibility...and on the second hand a man will gladly help himself to your higher wages and benefits but will ultimately resent you for it secretly. Men need to also understand that IF support a woman who is making more than you than be expected to HELP out more in household and childcare responsibilities. Women in general get burned out trying to do it ALL. Thanks Chloe!
My personality, disposition and values are not conducive to a relationship or marriage like this. It would end before it got started. The Jamaican in me could never!
I watched a loved one who out earned (by 30k+ per year) her now ex husband get used and abused all for the sake of having a huzzzzzzband. He cheated, stole then bullied her after she got tired of being abused. I’d rather stay single than to be in a relationship/ marriage where my partner doesn’t make more than I do.
It's crazy because 30k isn't even that big of a difference necessarily. He could easily, as man, find a way to out earn her. Instead, they blame the woman to make themselves feel better. Then they leave.
Im jewish and many of the jewish guys i dated are extremely spoiled and are intimidated by the success of their fathers who became doctors, lawyers, cpas etc
I appreciate you brining the point about race up because it's so true! I have to remind my black girlfriends all the time when they talk about "white women being raised to all find husbands in college/be taken care of, etc.". Yes, white women do seem to have husbands sooner than black women, but are these the husbands we actually want? And are all of them being taken care of? I doubt it, especially now with like you said this red pill movement which is really just backlash to women outperforming men so they're saying "oh you'e not feminine, you're too old, etc." We're literally living through the gender revolution, and men are NOT happy!
Wow this is a packed conversation. When women become a certain age they do want to wind down. they do get tired and no longer want to be that hard working woman you once were in your Twenties, thirties and possibly forties. The only problem is. After a certain age you really can't afford not to work if you're not married to a high earning husband. This economy now. It's so overwhelming one would have to work two jobs to make ends meet and if you're not a high professional woman you're struggling...all alone. The idea of a woman working is really a complex one because. I've seen stay home wives with a husband and 4 or more children on one income happier than a single woman with a job. And it is frustrating to see that. Especially when One doesn't make enough to make ends meet and you're single. Like myself. I feel regretful of wanting to be a Career Woman at an early age because I did waste a lot of time going from different jobs to not having one. Then not having a relationship to having a relationship that didn't work because having a man who made less than me feel some kind of way about it. That relationship actually got abusive. I feel that women have been sold a bill of goods when it comes to the careerz and rat race because it's not even it doesn't play fair.
I’ll still take freedom and stupid job than possibly being financially tied to a man who just plainly sucks. I don’t want to give any man the full ability to financially cover me, without me at least having tens of thousands of savings in my own personal account for emergencies
There was a high earner lady in my family that endured this. Sadly, She ended up dying from cancer, she even worked on her death bed. Present day, her husband is galavanting on social media wearing designer as a party promoter and taking international trips w/ the fruits of her labor.
I'd rather be single and stressed from work or have boyfriends who can support me rather than take care of a full-grown man. It's such a turn-off. Tried it in the name of feminism and couldn't stand the man no matter how nice he was. Women should have their own bag but try to find the same or higher (preferably) in income. Period.
Our mothers started this....they supported our fathers financially and the male child seeing this wants the same wife as the mother...my boyfriend would always tell me that the mom fed the family while he was growing up and I would tell him that I am not his mum and if he can't afford to pay all my bills now that we're dating ....I would never marry him....I am somewhat impressed by his improvement in providing
Lol ☠️☠️☠️😆hypogamy is the devil's playground and the beginning of frustrations, heart attacks 🗣️🗣️and several heart beats 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.I would rather chew a denim jacket👀 than pay anything towards building a grown man .
Absolutely NO HYPOGAMY. It does not benefit WOMEN especially women who want to be “feminine” and thrive being in their femininity. If men want to be respected and want all the adoration they should be the breadwinner. Women can absolutely make their own money and have businesses but most women want their men doing the PROVIDING. Not the opposite.
My ex’s mother (white) is the bread winner and he has to work overnight to make more and still doesn’t make as much as her and it definitely shows in how she acts. She wears the pants and controls everyone around her. He does house work but he is moody and passive aggressive. I hated to be around it. His stepdads mother was a stay at home mother raising them so he had a example growing up and is still not a leader in his household.
I work at a grocery store. (Mostly black people) and I'm always seeing a man using a woman's benefit card. One time I saw this beautiful black woman with this guy (she was clearly out of his league). He goes to pay and his card gets declined. It was like 40 bucks. His girl pulls out the cash and pays 🙄.
I saw a couple holding up the checkout line cuz their credit card kept declining. She was using different credit cards to see which one would work while her man stood there like it wasnt his responsibility to pay. 🙄
@@luxuryqueen42Your comment is eww🤢,that's like you seeing a man try to serve himself food whilst his woman is present and saying that 'she was just watching him cook,clean and serve food as if that isn't her responsibility'or do agree with that also.lmao,you don't know their relationship dynamic,what if he cooks and cleans/manages the household,or do you think that a man should not cook and clean because it is a woman's job?Not everyone submits to traditional gender roles/jobs,or are you a one sided traditonal person who is entitled?If that works for them then that is fine,you clearly just have a very traditional mindset and try to apply the construct to everybody,specifically men who you have no knowledge about
@@luxuryqueen42Let's be realistic about relationships,sometimes the man manages the household by cooking and cleaning and the women provide/contribute financially in order to support eachother,neither does everybody desire to have children/bare pregnancy therefore that can't be used an excuse to oppose non traditional relationships,what about the 'roles' in childfree/childless relationships.Would you oppose a man cooking and cleaning in your relationship/managing the house because it's your 'job' because that's him being in his 'feminine' and not operating in his 'masculine'?your mindset seems very fundamental and one sided.
I think folks need to have a convo on what marriage looks Like to them. Because, obviously these discussions are not being had b4 ppl walk down the aisle. Ask about sex, finances, mental health, health in general, children, religion, etc, etc, these convos are meant to before marriage not when you have already legalize it. Love doesn’t cover all of this.
This was an eye opener for me! I'm working on becoming a much better provider because I haven't been in a good financial space since we've been together, and I've been seeing the effect on my wife. I've put off my studying for years until last year when I enrolled in WGU. Definitely want to be able to pay for everything and let my wife rest in her femininity, but I feel like it's too late.
Definitely not ideal situation. However, the gap matters as well. If the gap is less than 50K and then that’s not really a gap. Also there’s a difference between making less than your wife, and actually being a dusty or bumb. If as a husband, you can take care of the mortgage, bills and food which I called the basic essentials you’re not a Dusty if you make less than your wife. Also if a men that’s has strong work ethic and mindset of provider then his wife wouldn’t make more than her husband for long!! but this is really tough!!!
Make sure if you get a provider that they can take care of you properly when you get sick or have prescription side affects that affect you that they don't be on the sidelines and expect other family members to step in that's one thing I learned from my parents marriage my dad is a great provider but now that my sister recently passed I have to look after my mom more because at times he's clueless as to how to help so I have to think carefully how to help her
Never again! My current beau and I are very close but he makes several thousands more and has a higher position in our shared field. The dynamic works. It’s how men are wired.
Even though I will never go 50/50 with a man, I don't think its completely bad that some women want to be breadwinners. If that's what they truly want then I hope that those unions work out and are just as fulfilling as the non-role reversal relationships. However, I really want women to be wary about this idea that men will want to equally split everything. It sounds idealistic, in theory, and if you don't have kids then it could actually work. But you don't split the labor of child birth, or pregnancy. If you die in child labor, or something happens to your body, you don't split that pain with him 50/50. It's 100% on you as the woman. If a man can make less than me but still be a provider and protector and it not impact his ego then no issue, imo. But if you end up taking care of a man, it doesn't matter how long you've been together, it doesn't what he tells you, that man WILL resent you. Seen it time and time again. Just make sure you protect yourself as a woman and know your worth. Also, we live in a patriarchial society that men dictate and control. If women are outearning men, there really is no reason why he cannot provide beside him being lazy. Men still earn more than women, on average. In certain career fields, men are still paid more in higher managerial positions than women, but he can't be a breadwinner?!? To me it's just lies and excuses. Besides, less women today want to get married than ever so there are actually more provider men available for women that want to get married in that dynamic.
I love that you pointed out that there are some women that want to be breadwinners and seek out house-husbands. I am friends with a woman like this and at first, I did not understand it because it conflicted with my thoughts and beliefs but it is not for me to understand. It's her life and there are women who LOVE their careers, the rat race, the competition, and the results of the fruits of their labor and I respect that. But this group is still in the minority though. And I say this as a group wanting this outcome and the same can be said for men that actually want to be house-husbands.
I think the best way to combat this if one is going to compromise is that the man has to make enough to maintain the home and expenses if the woman was to leave the workforce. So she might make more, but he can hold down the household if she didn't work. With her making more, it should be oh we have extra money to live lavishly, not both incomes are needed to survive. Because that is an exhausting battle with men, no matter what they say. It's exhausting, and it's takes a toll. **But also, I don't feel sorry for men. We live in a patriarchy. Get out of here with that. Men have too much of everything. Get some hustle about yourself, women do it everyday.
I’m in this situation now trying to date for marriage at 36. I rarely meet men who make more than me and when I do, they are 50 years old. It’s really frustrating because when it comes up as an issue, it’s the men who express contempt about it more than me which is why I know I have to be careful. It might be cool now but I’ve seen the resentment creep in later. Perhaps I should let go of my hope of being a mother and be with the 50 year old man instead. IDK.
After 35, women have to date older and or date outside of our race, culture, nationality if we are to cast a wider net for relationship success. That is the reason why I made a video on dating older men so that women can have some rock solid tips on how to vet as all older men are not created equal. Wishing you the Best of Luck Dionne!
I met my husband (17 years my senior) at 33 years old. He doesn't look like he is in his 50's at all lol. He has allowed me to stay at home to care for our first child and I'm currently pregnant with our second child at 36. My point is, don't give up on your hope of becoming a mother. You may have to date an older man, but whomever you date take in consideration if you can live on his income for however long you plan/want to stay out of work to be the primary caregiver for your child. Also, it may be helpful to start a savings fund NOW for future child care expenses or expenses you will continue to have (car note, insurance, etc.) when you're not working as a nest egg for your own peace of mind. Many blessings to you and future!
There's nothing wrong with a fifty year old who can provide.my grandfather had children with his 46 years old wife and my grandpops was in his 70'd.At 36 ,it's only men who are in their 50's that are your mental match.My sis,marry a man that will reduce your stress and allow you rest in your feminine.
My ex wanted me to be the provider. I was living abroad at that time. He offered to come and to live with me, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to work as he didn’t have the visa for that. So he suggest that he would work on investing money on the internet ( he had no skills for that) while I go to work and pay the bills. 🙄 I’m so glad that never happened. He was a nice guy, really sweet, but I couldn’t stand his none masculine side. I purposely closing my eyes on everything I didn’t like about him. I have that bad habit. I really need to get out of that.
TikTok definitely exposes how YT women are dating dusty men. These women are always on TikTok begging for money while their man sits right next to them with no shame
In my household your contribution is proportionate to your income. When we first got married I made more than my husband, however about a year later he started making about 1.5x than my salary, although my career provided our medical coverage. Currently with me changin employers are salaries are roughly the same. We both contribute to joint household expenses including private school and extracurricular activiies for our daughter, otherwise we have separate finances. Our arrangement has worked well.
This is how is should be!! Not this if he doesn't pay 100% I won't be with him BS. That's ehy most of these women are single af now. They're selfish and won't contribute a dime to their man yet expect him to suffer and struggle.
@ Miguel Bermudez I don’t think it’s that. I think some women won’t mind contributing but it won’t be 50/50. And that’s fair as well. Women are not built to be providers for the long run. That’s why men are stronger and have testosterone. They are capable of carrying a heavier load. It’s not a woman’s job to outwork or out hustle a man. And I’m seeing more women “opting” be single and they seem happy. Nothing wrong with being single versus settling for what you don’t want.
Truthfully when a women out earn a man financially he will start to eventually resent her in the relationship. Man already are a having their ego deflated off and online so having a women making you insecure in the bringing home the bacon department won’t help.
That is correct, and the woman also ends up resenting the man because not only is she stressed out because the burden of financially supporting the household is on her, but more often than not, the burden of managing the household is also on her.
My most recent ex shamed me and his friends wives for being SAH or not paying half(this was my case,as i still worked full time)….why do they want us to be TIRED and exhausted???I will never understand,is it jealousy?
Did not work for me. There was always jealousy even when I said we are one and your money my money is our money. Never made a big deal but it was still a big deal for him!
It is a tough one to be with a man who makes less. By virtue of being with you, he is reminded that he is not so accomplished 😢. God knows what that dissatisfaction comes with
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong, but I know that guys get so insecure about this to the point that they will make you shrink yourself and can’t be happy for you. It’s common enough that my default is that I don’t want to date a guy who earns less. I have even experience situations where I earned a bit less that the guy, but the guy felt that I had more earning potential and was so passive aggressive and miserable about it. It’s a shame. I also think it depends on how wealthy you both are on average. Like I don’t think it always applies to celebrities where the woman might be worth 500 million and the guy is worth 30 million. When the numbers are high it matters less.
My 2 cents: Women are submitting to "the bag", that is: hair, nails, international travel and other. We must be mindful that submitting to a man and going without the aforementioned will cause many women to claim abuse/neglect etc. Yes your husband may be willing/able to be the provider and have you stay home but are you willing to sacrifice...this conversation around deserving a life if luxury is complex. Its tough out here because i hear less about love and submission and sacrifice and more about "securing the bag". I dont have the answers, just my observation. Cause according to some of these comments one would assume love aint a thing no mo'
When I met my wife she was already making more money than I. I was working for the state and making around 25k a year. My wife was a teacher making around 40k a year. I took on two part-time jobs which raised my income to around 30k a year. Unfortunately I broke my ankle which because of my diabetes it did not heal properly and eventually had to be amputated. I went out on disability and my wife continued to soar and now is at a position that pays her 30k more where as I am now down to just my disability which is a paltry 16k a year. I'm only a contributor to this marriage and feel really lousy. I'm in a low key point of depression at the moment, but I know my wife cares nothing for me anymore. Don't b et me wrong I don't ask her for anything, and she makes sure of it because where we once went grocery shopping together or if she were at the store she would call and ask if I need anything those days are long gone. Nowadays she eases out of the house and before I know anything she has come back with her stuff now I have to go out and get mine. Very degrading and disheartening. I'm ready to move on and I feel at this point it wouldn't make one bit of difference to her.
“Fleishman is in Trouble” is another good example of hypogamy and how that turns out. And the husband isn’t even intentionally “bad”, it’s just that the dynamic doesn’t work, in the long run there’s no peace. Like others said, better to remain single (“ unmarried”). Rihanna and Mariah Carey are two good examples. They have their children and the men they want and a family without risk to being made a fool. I also just think marriage is not for men who can’t play the role of provider. Either find a woman who makes less or be content as a boyfriend.
What is up with black women marrying ex cons ? I met three in 2 weeks who came to my bank for loans ( I am a loan officer) asking help in this situation.
I remember seeing a comment about women that contribute any amount of money to the relationship since they can’t solely live off the man’s income as funding his cosplay as a traditional man.
omg，thank you so much for this content! I had paid a man $7800 over only 3 months and I felt that he treated me like his mother. Super toxic relationship.
If you’re asking the woman to stay at home, make sure she can still live how she is used to. Many men that ask this don’t realize their salary can’t cover two adults and a baby. But it’s the woman’s fault y’all
The women in the article sound miserable, why are staying with men who make them feel so bad for making more money than them!? These men are obviously lazy and complacent!🤯 I will never reduce my self to such a low just to please a man. These women need to exit these relationships before they become chronically sick from tiptoeing around these toxic men and all the stress that these men come with.
No both times my exes cheated and got caught that’s when they came with all this extra money …. Ladies get your tax up front especially when dealing with BM and he quiet about it . 😂
![HIWWHEE | OHM [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OJJLtTLqLag/mqdefault.jpg)
I have a friend who is married to a white husband who is going 50/50 which includes living in two separate households. So, yes Chloe is right dust is found in all nationalities, race, creed, etc. Also, I have to mention he stays with his mother 😲
A good amount of my divested friends are in similar marriages. They went in thinking they got rescued. Dust and struggle love is found in every race and I wish BW would get that through their head.
Exactly. I get that BW are frustrated with a BM’s behavior, but a lot of BW assume that the WM is the answer to her problems, and a lot of times, she’s blind to the white dusties. The white dusties KNOW this, and they frequently target BW because their first thought is the BW will put up with his foolishness more than the women of other races because “they’re happy to have a WM that wants them.”
Look at how the man treats women and you, regardless of his race, creed, religion, you name it. Don’t assume that one race is horrible and another race can do no wrong.
@@yougotgamesonyourphone6947 They'd better get a clue. Because a lot of lazy white men have gotten the word that many black women are fed up with black men, and looking to spread their wings.
They're trying to lay up in your house, on your dime and ride your back, just like the black ones. #Denied #VetHard #VetHarder
@@G.G.276 I agree, they should focus more on the quality of the man and not skin tone. Dust does not discriminate , lol!!
This is why I don’t really understand why people are hell bent on telling BW to date out. It’s not going to work for everyone.
Feeling sorry for them is a way one-way ticket to being used.
The gospel
☝️- ALL OF THIS
That's how Ted Bundy got his victims 👀
@@MsElizaRae 👀🤔
This🎯🎯🔥
I’m a happy homemaker .
I wouldn’t have it any other way ,long lunches with friends salon visits ,picking up my kids in no rush ,making healthy food for my family,
shopping in peace is so much easier than being stuck in the office and eating takeout almost every evening 😀.
Hubby protects and provides ,he’s loved and appreciated .
God is good 🙏🏿
Ladies like you are the salt of the earth- don't let anyone ever tell you differently!
Win baby win 🥰
I just became a stay at home (now 4 months pregnant) wife. Only since this past December, and I am finding it incredibly unfulfilling boring so far :/ I am grateful for the opportunity, but I am incredibly lonely till my husband gets home… I would like to get back to work at this point.
Same here 😊
Happy for you Sis!!!!!❤ God is good!
Also, when you're young, you don't think too much about the consequences of living in a capitalist society. Why being the breadwinner as a woman doesn't work out. I didn't expect to have a high risk pregnancy, but it happened, however my ex couldn't financially support us, so I could take an early maternity leave. He also didn't have health insurance, he was on mine 😬. I think as women, we go into nurture mode, thinking the guy will return the favor if we show him how much we care, but it rarely works out like that. When he walked away, he didn't think twice about the sacrifices I did for him.
I thought that if I gave to him, when it’s my turn he’d give to me. It never worked like that. In sickness and health, but only if it affects him.
I’ve had a guy actually tell me the reason he didn’t ask me out in the past is because he didn’t have a good job. And we both had the biggest crush on each other. Men know what’s required of them so when a man enters a relationship knowing the woman will be providing for him, I have to wonder what’s wrong.
Opportunists
As a man ,my wife pay bills because its actually her house and he want to pay and happy .
At least he recognized you as the type of woman who expected to be provided for and knows he needs to get a job and come at you correct.
the wild one,is when a woman earns lesser than a man but still takes more financial responsibilities than a man and by default be a house executive ,for me that is just wild ,u wonder if the man really loves a woman but when it comes to his friends and himself he doesn't compromise .
Most likely the man is desperate because most men don't want to be taken care of.
I walked into my marriage credit strong and as a high earner. My ex husband’s father called me “the work horse” two years later I was filing bankruptcy. I would not recommend.
"work horse" is NO compliment ☹️
@@CiaobellaAmour not one bit 😢
@@CiaobellaAmour not one bit 😢
@@CiaobellaAmour Exactly!!!
I completely understand your pain. I experienced this after my divorce.
I'm not doing hypogamy. I'd rather be single and make my own money and keep providing for myself than do hypogamy. My friends I've seen go through hypogamy in their marriages are stressed with bills and exhausted, especially with children involved. I don't recommend hypogamy based on what I've seen, it doesn't benefit the woman.
Exactly
It doesn't.
@@TessieDobey may I ask if your father provided for you and your mom 100% ?
@Nikki Nonames yes I agree. I think some cheat because jealousy, they low key they hate that their wife is doing so well and shining. Then other Men cheat because they are opportunists and want to live off their wife. Some are a mixture of both. All I know is it's a mess and I wants no parts of it!
@@TessieDobey yes always have your own!
My mother was the main breadwinner, my father was supportive to the dynamic but didn’t hesitate to join his friend groups in mocking how the workload had aged her. Despite him being smelly and lacking all hygiene and dignity. Growing up, it was horrible to watch my mother be devalued by him despite how beautiful she was and all the success she achieved.
My grandma was the same! She worked 24/7 all year while my granddad reaped the benefits! When she passed away from cancer due to stress and abuse, he married another woman within 3 months and she gladly took all his savings and the family home….he died broke and homeless
@@rhulani934 you reap what you sow
He was jealous
Horrible!
EXACTLY the same happened to all the women in my family
I know a woman who was pregnant. She unexpectedly gave birth at 6 months . Our job only allows for employees to receive 18 weeks of paid maternity leave, which is very generous because plenty of states don’t even have paid maternity leave. Her baby was in the hospital due to the fact that the baby was premature. By the time the baby was discharged from the hospital, it was time for her to go back to work.
She would call HR begging and crying saying how she needed for us to continue to pay for her maternity leave and how she was not ready to go back to work. But my first thought is where is your baby daddy? Where is your husband? Why is all of the burden put on you? I have seen women quit their job after having a baby because they have a partner who is able to support them. Women have got to start choosing better.
Sometimes it’s not about choosing a better partner but the man choosing to act responsibly.
Some men we don’t know what they’ll do until they are face to face with that situation. Some of them even act up right when he thinks she is stuck and can’t leave. Such as marriage, pregnancy, baby. Any of those is a true test of the male if he is a man or not. Sometimes we just don’t know. Test your boyfriends any way you can ladies to see if he’ll take advantage of you or your relationship.
I’m tired of doing everything as a single woman. I’m adding a man to my life to lighten the load not make it heavier. Role reversal is a recipe for disaster. We see it each and every day. It doesn’t work. Both parties start to resent each other and lose respect so then the mistreatment and arguments start. Which leads to parting ways in the end.
This is why relationships fail when women are the main financial provider. Even if the man is looking for a financial provider, he resents the woman for having to support him, and the woman ends up resenting the man because not only is she stressed because the burden is on her to pay the bills, but more often than not, the burden is on her to keep up the house.
@@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living Agreed. Men and women are wired very differently as well as are genetic makeup.
Nothing good comes from role reversal eventually people part ways n if the woman stays even the kids recent their father
💯💯💯
I was the sole bread winner at times or the primary breadwinner my entire marriage. It doesn't work. Having sex with a man that is basically another kid is such a turn off. And the men never appreciate, are reaentful, mean or will cheat to feel like a man. I will be single before for I sign up for that foolishness again. I'm not even cool with 50/50. I can get a female roommate for that and keep looking for a man who makes more than me.
I thought that too 50/50 is roommate. You don’t get girlfriend out of me being your roommate. Also when it comes time for kids, we get 2 and we’ll go 50/50 on carrying and breast feeding. K bye.
I learned my lesson. I spent almost 10 years supporting my "fiance". NEVER. AGAIN. I always made more than he did but the final nail in the coffin was when he kept making excuses for not working. If a woman can do it, surely, a man can, too.
Not working? No sir.🫡
Same here...I've been supporting my husband for over 4 years in total...2 years before marriage and 2 after that...he is getting paid less compared to me but that shouldn't be a reason for him to stop sharing the expenses (he can absolutely search for a better job) but never did ! I finally decided to end it when he forced me to meet his abusive family over and over again after I was badly treated by them!
I did 10 years in the military before I retired. I wanted to live the life I wanted and be more feminine. That money alone takes care of me but I don’t mind working for extra money cause I like trips and nice things. One time a man on a dating site asked me what I do for a living and I told him “nothing, I’m retired” cause I wanted to see his response 😅 he asked my age and was flabbergasted 😂 “so u don’t work at all?” “Nope just living and enjoying life now” He unmatched me so fast 😂😂😂
One guy, I was talking too said, if I didn't work, he would disrespect me in the home.
The other is alwalys very broke with many loans
@judithnabweza8031 so it's your fault that you are able to live and not work - these men really really don't want women!
Went through it. Lasted less than 2 years because I couldn’t stomach it. Never again.
My next union will be a hypergamous one or I will remain happily, safely, and sanely single in the name of Jesus, Amen.
Very well put. This video is perfect timing because I just ended it with my dusty dude. I told him I had reached my limit. Am leaving the relationship $400 in the hole, not including the shelter and electricity I’ve provided for the past 3 months. I don’t want it back, just go. It’s effin embarrassing but now I know. I gave it a chance and now I have my own story to tell.
LADIES, the only potential you should ever 100% believe in and invest in is of yourself.
@@br9202 I couldn’t agree with you more regarding what you said about potential.
Don’t beat yourself up !
We had the courage to leave the foolishness behind. Now it’s onward and upward ! 🙏🏽💯😁
Love this comment
@@decorahawkins2540 ♥️💯🙏🏽
Amen 🙏🏾 I’m praying this same prayer to be a happy and successful single mom over myself amen 🙏🏾
*There was a karmic ex like this. Long story short, I live in a condo by the lake now. He is resting in his femininity in his mama's basement.*
It’s the “condo by the lake” for me 😂😂😂Yessss Sis 🎉🎉🎉🎉
😂😂😂
😂😂😂 IKTR!!! 💅🏾💅🏾
🤣🤣🤣
Good for him.
I'm a white woman who got married to another white man when I was 17 years old. My parents were toxic and so that was the reason why I married so young. I had two children by this dusty and dumped him at age 21 years old. During the course of my short marriage to this dusty, I had to work in a factory lifting boxes up until I gave birth. This man was neither a provider for me nor his children. This happened in 1986. I didn't have good parental guidance as my mother was the bread winner to my father and were always broke. My father always worked but he didn't make much money because he had little education and no ambition. This had a very negative effect on us kids. Ms. Chloe is right. It's a class issue, not a race issue. It's also having the misfortune of being raised in a dysfunctional family. Father's play a very important in the children's lives. Dad's need to be the providers and protectors of the women and children.
After I got a divorce, I managed to get my life together. However, I never remarried. I had always wondered why I had always attracted dusty white men. The reason is because of what Ms. Chloe said. Low self-esteem, low hanging fruit, and the pick me mindset are the dusty's dream women.
My relationships got better after watching Chloe's videos. I am no longer a dust bunny, nor am I a pick me. In fact, I have settled into my single life and am happier taking care of myself than focusing on taking care of a damned dusty. A woman is better off single than being with a dusty. I don't have time for a dusty. I keep my legs, my mouth, and my wallet closed. You young ladies out here are lucky to have Ms. Chloe's videos to learn. I didn't have this gift when I was in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s. I'm in my 50s now.
Thank you, Chloe.
Yeah, no.
If I’m not living a hardknock life without a man, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I live one with a man. Men want well-kept feminine women but call you high maintenance because they don’t want to pay for the things that keep you well-kept. I dated a guy when I was 19, and he was super financially ended up. He hated me because my life wasn’t in shambles as much as his. I remember he got mad when I wouldn’t go half with him for his phone that HE broke. I never made him feel less than for not having it financially together, but he always threw it in my face that he went to college(which he didn’t even finish), that he had better clothes, a car, etc etc. I refuse to be in another relationship that includes trials and tribulations. Hypogamy literally ruins and ages women fast as hell.
Facts
I stopped talking about my successes and achievements long ago when I saw how competitive and passive aggressive my boyfriends (exs) became towards me. Some of them actually couldn't stand to hear how well I was doing. Ive learnt to be really selective with what I share as i know it could end up bitting me in the ass! Ive also learnt not to share how much money im earning. I cant see anything good coming out of it.
GIRL, THIS!!! OMG!!!
Yep it doesn’t work. Men become insecure & competitors instead of focusing on themselves.
As a full time worker and part time student in grad school, I just don’t understand why men can’t work as hard to earn more lol.. if they wanted to, they would.
@@daynacurtis AMEN!
Same here. I’ve had up to three part time jobs at once. I don’t understand how it can’t be done by someone with more muscle mass!!
A majority of us black women were taught hyporgamy, I dodged a bullet with my ex fiancé as I was earning way more than him. he resented me and made sure to embarrass and ridicule me….never again!!
It feels so good to be with a provider and protector, it can even reduce stress and premature aging which is also healthy for you!
The taxi driver suddenly blurted out: "My wife earns more than me, always has. She also has a very good position in the city council. But I do my part, you know. I am among the owners of this taxi company, I only do the driving because I like it, I don't have to. Yes, my wife is an amazing woman. We've just celebrated 30 years together. But I think I'm not so bad myself". I was like where did this come from? This happened a few days ago, I took a taxi, the driver was in his late 50s, we exchanged a few words about the weather, then suddenly that sudden confession. I didn't even know what to reply back. Maybe the cause was that I was especially elegant that day, wearing a nice suit, heels, full glam make up etc. and he felt intimidated, as it reminded him of his wife? I have no idea, but it was strange.
😂
Or maybe he saw a disgusting, greedy leech in you and wanted you to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
i have a friend who is in this type of marriage with a brad. they have two kids, and she is constantly stressed. i don’t want it.
So I make a lot , about 400k /yr as a corporate executive…YET, I told my men ( and men before him)that I am a office manager/ jr associate…I rather they see me as a pretty girl with a basic job
@Scarlet Lady Yup let them know you are a secretary!
Great video Chloe!! I'd rather eat a jean jacket than be the breadwinner or help a man financially!! It's a no for me!! That article had me shaking my head!! Black women please say NO to struggle love or 50/50!! I don't care what anyone says, role reversal doesn't work (look at Wendy Williams, Sherri Shepherd, MJB, etc.)!!!!
Jean Jacket. Extra sauce please 😂
I've been in hypergamous relationships and there is no going back!! If I was to be single, I'd rather be SINGLE than EVER enter into a 50/50 or hypogamous relationship. I see the toll it's taken on my mom and NO BUENO for me!!! I was treated the WORST in my one (and only) hypogamous (and short lived ) relationship I had in my mid 20's. It's a NO for me!
If any of you watch Caleb hammer financial audit I’m shocked at how many women on there are the bread winners and pay most of the bills. I will happily die single before I financially provide for a man or go half.
I am the family wallet. Literally i pay for everything.
We have only been married for about 20 months but just before we got married he started his own business. Well suffices to say it is not doin well and i am drained. Emotionally and financially. Literally everything! His gas, cell, insurances...the list goes on.
It does not work, or at least in my situation.
I'm a travel rn and have been out of state and had time to think and I've come to my senses. This is ridiculous. My respect is gone. I am no longer attracted to him. He is trying, but it's not enough. Fortunately we do not have kids
I haven't seen hypogamy work out for marriages in the long run. I know of one relationship in particular that is exhausting to even be near .
I know that’s right. Some relationships you see just disgust you. I know of one young couple that just got married and oh my goodness I know that wife is gonna age 20 years in the next 5 years…
I am thankful for this channel. I am currently in a relationship with an Omega/Zeta male. Going on 9 years to be exact. With 2 young boys. He actually got upset while I was listening to your channel and told me to “stop blasting that ****” in his house. But every day he listens to blogs and videos degrading women and calling me masculine. I thought I was being a “good partner” by paying bills he couldn’t that week or letting him “hold some money until payday” and he’ll pay me back. When I began to say no, I was “acting funny with the money” and he’d have temper tantrums. I could NEVER request large sums of money from him because he can’t keep money saved if his life depended on it. He gambles every week. He plays video games and starts arguments with guys on the games. His whole M.O. is that men who are raised by single mothers are feminine and don’t know their fathers. Mind you, HE was raised by a single mother. Over the years he has become more and more emotional. He calls me manly, but demands that I take care of him and give him money. I stopped arguing and engaging in his nasty comments about a year ago. That only seems to irritate him more. He is a master at gaslighting. Constantly saying he hates me when I don’t do his bidding or act ignorant. I left once with the children but he called crying begging us to come home. His daily mood swings and constant screw ups are taking a toll. I have gained so much weight and have crazy gray hairs!!! I’m trying to regain my feminine and sexy throughout the negativity and plan my escape.
Aweeeee, peace beauty ❤❤❤
Gaming men...
Been there. Move in silence
Gender roles exist for a reason. And still do in many cultures. Men Provide and Protect. Women Multiply what the man brings (semen become children, food becomes meals, houses become homes, affection becomes love) and Nurture the children (if any), extended family and community.
I hate to say it, but times have changed. There are women out here who actually make "being a bachelor" enjoyable. We get the benefit of sex, companionship, peace (when she leaves) plus we don't have to "provide" since she's a strong independent women. There's a subset of women who have broken the social contract and we're just enjoying it.
@@LTJuni0rew
I made more than my children’s father before and after we got together and it didn’t bother me but everything the women are saying is true. It’s one of the things that contributed to our breakup as he became aggressively abusive over time. He even tried to financially abuse me with my own money. If I don’t end up with a provider man, I’d rather be single for the rest of my life.
Im not taking care of a man. Why would I call him a man if I am taking care of him? Make it make sense.
This is a tough convo indeed! It's like men can't have it both ways: on one hand they say it's not a woman's money that makes them valuable which rather they place value on looks, personality and compatibility...and on the second hand a man will gladly help himself to your higher wages and benefits but will ultimately resent you for it secretly. Men need to also understand that IF support a woman who is making more than you than be expected to HELP out more in household and childcare responsibilities. Women in general get burned out trying to do it ALL. Thanks Chloe!
My personality, disposition and values are not conducive to a relationship or marriage like this. It would end before it got started. The Jamaican in me could never!
Girl the Haitian in me could never too!
I watched a loved one who out earned (by 30k+ per year) her now ex husband get used and abused all for the sake of having a huzzzzzzband. He cheated, stole then bullied her after she got tired of being abused. I’d rather stay single than to be in a relationship/ marriage where my partner doesn’t make more than I do.
It's crazy because 30k isn't even that big of a difference necessarily. He could easily, as man, find a way to out earn her. Instead, they blame the woman to make themselves feel better. Then they leave.
Don’t feel sorry for men they don’t appreciate and often become resentful. Let them figure it out ideally from afar lol
I believe if a women is paying bills she should be by herself because if she's paying he is a roommate not a husband or even a partner I'd be alone!!!
she’s on a roll, two vids back to back!!
Im jewish and many of the jewish guys i dated are extremely spoiled and are intimidated by the success of their fathers who became doctors, lawyers, cpas etc
I appreciate you brining the point about race up because it's so true! I have to remind my black girlfriends all the time when they talk about "white women being raised to all find husbands in college/be taken care of, etc.". Yes, white women do seem to have husbands sooner than black women, but are these the husbands we actually want? And are all of them being taken care of? I doubt it, especially now with like you said this red pill movement which is really just backlash to women outperforming men so they're saying "oh you'e not feminine, you're too old, etc." We're literally living through the gender revolution, and men are NOT happy!
Wow this is a packed conversation. When women become a certain age they do want to wind down. they do get tired and no longer want to be that hard working woman you once were in your Twenties, thirties and possibly forties. The only problem is. After a certain age you really can't afford not to work if you're not married to a high earning husband. This economy now. It's so overwhelming one would have to work two jobs to make ends meet and if you're not a high professional woman you're struggling...all alone. The idea of a woman working is really a complex one because. I've seen stay home wives with a husband and 4 or more children on one income happier than a single woman with a job. And it is frustrating to see that. Especially when One doesn't make enough to make ends meet and you're single. Like myself.
I feel regretful of wanting to be a Career Woman at an early age because I did waste a lot of time going from different jobs to not having one. Then not having a relationship to having a relationship that didn't work because having a man who made less than me feel some kind of way about it. That relationship actually got abusive.
I feel that women have been sold a bill of goods when it comes to the careerz and rat race because it's not even it doesn't play fair.
The grass is always greener
I’ll still take freedom and stupid job than possibly being financially tied to a man who just plainly sucks. I don’t want to give any man the full ability to financially cover me, without me at least having tens of thousands of savings in my own personal account for emergencies
There was a high earner lady in my family that endured this. Sadly, She ended up dying from cancer, she even worked on her death bed. Present day, her husband is galavanting on social media wearing designer as a party promoter and taking international trips w/ the fruits of her labor.
😲
she would do the same if the roles were reversed
They just don't make hard-working men like they use too 😢💪🏾
I'd rather be single and stressed from work or have boyfriends who can support me rather than take care of a full-grown man. It's such a turn-off. Tried it in the name of feminism and couldn't stand the man no matter how nice he was. Women should have their own bag but try to find the same or higher (preferably) in income. Period.
No is going to stop you
I do not want to be the breadwinner.....period!! I don't mind working to help out but that's it.
Our mothers started this....they supported our fathers financially and the male child seeing this wants the same wife as the mother...my boyfriend would always tell me that the mom fed the family while he was growing up and I would tell him that I am not his mum and if he can't afford to pay all my bills now that we're dating ....I would never marry him....I am somewhat impressed by his improvement in providing
Lol ☠️☠️☠️😆hypogamy is the devil's playground and the beginning of frustrations, heart attacks 🗣️🗣️and several heart beats 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.I would rather chew a denim jacket👀 than pay anything towards building a grown man .
You mean several missed heartbeats😢😊 A non performing man will weaken a woman's heart.
@@redsak5311"" A non performing man will weaken a woman's heart ""🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️.that's deeep .....and sooooo true
Absolutely NO HYPOGAMY. It does not benefit WOMEN especially women who want to be “feminine” and thrive being in their femininity. If men want to be respected and want all the adoration they should be the breadwinner. Women can absolutely make their own money and have businesses but most women want their men doing the PROVIDING. Not the opposite.
My ex’s mother (white) is the bread winner and he has to work overnight to make more and still doesn’t make as much as her and it definitely shows in how she acts. She wears the pants and controls everyone around her. He does house work but he is moody and passive aggressive. I hated to be around it. His stepdads mother was a stay at home mother raising them so he had a example growing up and is still not a leader in his household.
I work at a grocery store. (Mostly black people) and I'm always seeing a man using a woman's benefit card. One time I saw this beautiful black woman with this guy (she was clearly out of his league). He goes to pay and his card gets declined. It was like 40 bucks. His girl pulls out the cash and pays 🙄.
wow just proves beauty does not guarantee not pick me behavior
I saw a couple holding up the checkout line cuz their credit card kept declining. She was using different credit cards to see which one would work while her man stood there like it wasnt his responsibility to pay. 🙄
@@luxuryqueen42Your comment is eww🤢,that's like you seeing a man try to serve himself food whilst his woman is present and saying that 'she was just watching him cook,clean and serve food as if that isn't her responsibility'or do agree with that also.lmao,you don't know their relationship dynamic,what if he cooks and cleans/manages the household,or do you think that a man should not cook and clean because it is a woman's job?Not everyone submits to traditional gender roles/jobs,or are you a one sided traditonal person who is entitled?If that works for them then that is fine,you clearly just have a very traditional mindset and try to apply the construct to everybody,specifically men who you have no knowledge about
@@luxuryqueen42Let's be realistic about relationships,sometimes the man manages the household by cooking and cleaning and the women provide/contribute financially in order to support eachother,neither does everybody desire to have children/bare pregnancy therefore that can't be used an excuse to oppose non traditional relationships,what about the 'roles' in childfree/childless relationships.Would you oppose a man cooking and cleaning in your relationship/managing the house because it's your 'job' because that's him being in his 'feminine' and not operating in his 'masculine'?your mindset seems very fundamental and one sided.
I think folks need to have a convo on what marriage looks
Like to them. Because, obviously these discussions are not being had b4 ppl walk down the aisle. Ask about sex, finances, mental health, health in general, children, religion, etc, etc, these convos are meant to before marriage not when you have already legalize it. Love doesn’t cover all of this.
I wholeheartedly agree!
This was an eye opener for me! I'm working on becoming a much better provider because I haven't been in a good financial space since we've been together, and I've been seeing the effect on my wife. I've put off my studying for years until last year when I enrolled in WGU. Definitely want to be able to pay for everything and let my wife rest in her femininity, but I feel like it's too late.
Its never too late. Keep going she deserves rest!!!!!!
I would rather stay single if my man isn't a very high earner. I will not tolerate less💅🏿
same
the couple on "how on to get rich" is another example. Ladies sometimes we have got to learn from others' mistakes
Definitely not ideal situation. However, the gap matters as well. If the gap is less than 50K and then that’s not really a gap. Also there’s a difference between making less than your wife, and actually being a dusty or bumb. If as a husband, you can take care of the mortgage, bills and food which I called the basic essentials you’re not a Dusty if you make less than your wife. Also if a men that’s has strong work ethic and mindset of provider then his wife wouldn’t make more than her husband for long!! but this is really tough!!!
It is tough 💯May the odds be in our favor
Make sure if you get a provider that they can take care of you properly when you get sick or have prescription side affects that affect you that they don't be on the sidelines and expect other family members to step in that's one thing I learned from my parents marriage my dad is a great provider but now that my sister recently passed I have to look after my mom more because at times he's clueless as to how to help so I have to think carefully how to help her
I always like the videos before watching. Chloe is the MVP. She is saving lives ❤
Never again! My current beau and I are very close but he makes several thousands more and has a higher position in our shared field. The dynamic works. It’s how men are wired.
Even though I will never go 50/50 with a man, I don't think its completely bad that some women want to be breadwinners. If that's what they truly want then I hope that those unions work out and are just as fulfilling as the non-role reversal relationships. However, I really want women to be wary about this idea that men will want to equally split everything. It sounds idealistic, in theory, and if you don't have kids then it could actually work. But you don't split the labor of child birth, or pregnancy. If you die in child labor, or something happens to your body, you don't split that pain with him 50/50. It's 100% on you as the woman. If a man can make less than me but still be a provider and protector and it not impact his ego then no issue, imo. But if you end up taking care of a man, it doesn't matter how long you've been together, it doesn't what he tells you, that man WILL resent you. Seen it time and time again. Just make sure you protect yourself as a woman and know your worth. Also, we live in a patriarchial society that men dictate and control. If women are outearning men, there really is no reason why he cannot provide beside him being lazy. Men still earn more than women, on average. In certain career fields, men are still paid more in higher managerial positions than women, but he can't be a breadwinner?!? To me it's just lies and excuses. Besides, less women today want to get married than ever so there are actually more provider men available for women that want to get married in that dynamic.
I love that you pointed out that there are some women that want to be breadwinners and seek out house-husbands. I am friends with a woman like this and at first, I did not understand it because it conflicted with my thoughts and beliefs but it is not for me to understand. It's her life and there are women who LOVE their careers, the rat race, the competition, and the results of the fruits of their labor and I respect that. But this group is still in the minority though. And I say this as a group wanting this outcome and the same can be said for men that actually want to be house-husbands.
I think the best way to combat this if one is going to compromise is that the man has to make enough to maintain the home and expenses if the woman was to leave the workforce. So she might make more, but he can hold down the household if she didn't work. With her making more, it should be oh we have extra money to live lavishly, not both incomes are needed to survive. Because that is an exhausting battle with men, no matter what they say. It's exhausting, and it's takes a toll.
**But also, I don't feel sorry for men. We live in a patriarchy. Get out of here with that. Men have too much of everything. Get some hustle about yourself, women do it everyday.
I’m in this situation now trying to date for marriage at 36. I rarely meet men who make more than me and when I do, they are 50 years old. It’s really frustrating because when it comes up as an issue, it’s the men who express contempt about it more than me which is why I know I have to be careful. It might be cool now but I’ve seen the resentment creep in later. Perhaps I should let go of my hope of being a mother and be with the 50 year old man instead. IDK.
After 35, women have to date older and or date outside of our race, culture, nationality if we are to cast a wider net for relationship success. That is the reason why I made a video on dating older men so that women can have some rock solid tips on how to vet as all older men are not created equal. Wishing you the Best of Luck Dionne!
@@TheNewFeminine Thank you for the response and encouragement!
I met my husband (17 years my senior) at 33 years old. He doesn't look like he is in his 50's at all lol. He has allowed me to stay at home to care for our first child and I'm currently pregnant with our second child at 36. My point is, don't give up on your hope of becoming a mother. You may have to date an older man, but whomever you date take in consideration if you can live on his income for however long you plan/want to stay out of work to be the primary caregiver for your child. Also, it may be helpful to start a savings fund NOW for future child care expenses or expenses you will continue to have (car note, insurance, etc.) when you're not working as a nest egg for your own peace of mind. Many blessings to you and future!
There's nothing wrong with a fifty year old who can provide.my grandfather had children with his 46 years old wife and my grandpops was in his 70'd.At 36 ,it's only men who are in their 50's that are your mental match.My sis,marry a man that will reduce your stress and allow you rest in your feminine.
My ex wanted me to be the provider.
I was living abroad at that time. He offered to come and to live with me, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to work as he didn’t have the visa for that. So he suggest that he would work on investing money on the internet ( he had no skills for that) while I go to work and pay the bills. 🙄
I’m so glad that never happened.
He was a nice guy, really sweet, but I couldn’t stand his none masculine side.
I purposely closing my eyes on everything I didn’t like about him. I have that bad habit. I really need to get out of that.
TikTok definitely exposes how YT women are dating dusty men. These women are always on TikTok begging for money while their man sits right next to them with no shame
In my household your contribution is proportionate to your income. When we first got married I made more than my husband, however about a year later he started making about 1.5x than my salary, although my career provided our medical coverage. Currently with me changin employers are salaries are roughly the same. We both contribute to joint household expenses including private school and extracurricular activiies for our daughter, otherwise we have separate finances. Our arrangement has worked well.
Thank you. I feel like this gives a more realistic look into marriage ❤
This is how is should be!! Not this if he doesn't pay 100% I won't be with him BS. That's ehy most of these women are single af now. They're selfish and won't contribute a dime to their man yet expect him to suffer and struggle.
@Rae-juh-nayyy my pleasure 7 years strong.
@ Miguel Bermudez I don’t think it’s that. I think some women won’t mind contributing but it won’t be 50/50. And that’s fair as well. Women are not built to be providers for the long run. That’s why men are stronger and have testosterone. They are capable of carrying a heavier load. It’s not a woman’s job to outwork or out hustle a man. And I’m seeing more women “opting” be single and they seem happy. Nothing wrong with being single versus settling for what you don’t want.
Be like Oprah on this one ladies.
Truthfully when a women out earn a man financially he will start to eventually resent her in the relationship. Man already are a having their ego deflated off and online so having a women making you insecure in the bringing home the bacon department won’t help.
That is correct, and the woman also ends up resenting the man because not only is she stressed out because the burden of financially supporting the household is on her, but more often than not, the burden of managing the household is also on her.
@@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living Wholeheartedly agree
I wish i could rest in my feminine...work takes alot out of me
The men of this period are too lazy....and I can't marry any man who can't pay my bills while we're dating
I like that for them even to pay while are dating too.
Omg Beef is sooooo good! That was exactly what I was thinking at the start of this video.
This article was interesting at its core but, this conversation deepens exponentially when talking about black women.
❤️🔥
My most recent ex shamed me and his friends wives for being SAH or not paying half(this was my case,as i still worked full time)….why do they want us to be TIRED and exhausted???I will never understand,is it jealousy?
These women sounds so miserable. I think i'd rather be single than get into a hypogamous relationship
I have met too many golddigging, sex-digging and soul-digging men to ever take one who didn't earn at least 1.5x as much as me.
I’d rather not be with a man, than be with one not doing as well as me 🤷🏾♀️
No one is going to stop you
@@garygreen7104 duh
They said blk men out earn blk women so what are we dating down? Why aren’t they practicing hypergamy.
No,no, no it doesn't work...no matter how much you twist or conform to make peace...happy home.
Did not work for me. There was always jealousy even when I said we are one and your money my money is our money. Never made a big deal but it was still a big deal for him!
It is a tough one to be with a man who makes less. By virtue of being with you, he is reminded that he is not so accomplished 😢.
God knows what that dissatisfaction comes with
This. This is real, and it can turn dangerous quickly when a man resents you.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong, but I know that guys get so insecure about this to the point that they will make you shrink yourself and can’t be happy for you. It’s common enough that my default is that I don’t want to date a guy who earns less. I have even experience situations where I earned a bit less that the guy, but the guy felt that I had more earning potential and was so passive aggressive and miserable about it. It’s a shame. I also think it depends on how wealthy you both are on average. Like I don’t think it always applies to celebrities where the woman might be worth 500 million and the guy is worth 30 million. When the numbers are high it matters less.
You're right about the last part but once marriage comes in the last part gets tricky.
If one is extravagant and the other frugal, that last part wouldn’t matter. It would still be hypogamy
My 2 cents: Women are submitting to "the bag", that is: hair, nails, international travel and other. We must be mindful that submitting to a man and going without the aforementioned will cause many women to claim abuse/neglect etc. Yes your husband may be willing/able to be the provider and have you stay home but are you willing to sacrifice...this conversation around deserving a life if luxury is complex. Its tough out here because i hear less about love and submission and sacrifice and more about "securing the bag". I dont have the answers, just my observation.
Cause according to some of these comments one would assume love aint a thing no mo'
When I met my wife she was already making more money than I. I was working for the state and making around 25k a year. My wife was a teacher making around 40k a year. I took on two part-time jobs which raised my income to around 30k a year. Unfortunately I broke my ankle which because of my diabetes it did not heal properly and eventually had to be amputated. I went out on disability and my wife continued to soar and now is at a position that pays her 30k more where as I am now down to just my disability which is a paltry 16k a year. I'm only a contributor to this marriage and feel really lousy. I'm in a low key point of depression at the moment, but I know my wife cares nothing for me anymore. Don't b et me wrong I don't ask her for anything, and she makes sure of it because where we once went grocery shopping together or if she were at the store she would call and ask if I need anything those days are long gone. Nowadays she eases out of the house and before I know anything she has come back with her stuff now I have to go out and get mine. Very degrading and disheartening. I'm ready to move on and I feel at this point it wouldn't make one bit of difference to her.
“Fleishman is in Trouble” is another good example of hypogamy and how that turns out. And the husband isn’t even intentionally “bad”, it’s just that the dynamic doesn’t work, in the long run there’s no peace. Like others said, better to remain single (“ unmarried”). Rihanna and Mariah Carey are two good examples. They have their children and the men they want and a family without risk to being made a fool. I also just think marriage is not for men who can’t play the role of provider. Either find a woman who makes less or be content as a boyfriend.
Absolutely, I could be the breadwinner 🎉 but I don't want to 🥺❣️
You'll be broke and stressed however you MIGHT have true love...maybe🤔
Heavy on the STRESSED TF OUT
Love and desire runs for cover when money problems arise.
What is up with black women marrying ex cons ? I met three in 2 weeks who came to my bank for loans ( I am a loan officer) asking help in this situation.
I did it and now we are separated - and he still doesn’t want to help with the child that looks like him sigh
And these men are cheating with low income women.
This problem will correct in the upcoming recession/depression.
I remember seeing a comment about women that contribute any amount of money to the relationship since they can’t solely live off the man’s income as funding his cosplay as a traditional man.
omg，thank you so much for this content! I had paid a man $7800 over only 3 months and I felt that he treated me like his mother. Super toxic relationship.
Thanks!
💕💕💕
This was intense 😳
I experienced this. Got left and divorced over it.
💋
If you’re asking the woman to stay at home, make sure she can still live how she is used to. Many men that ask this don’t realize their salary can’t cover two adults and a baby. But it’s the woman’s fault y’all
The women in the article sound miserable, why are staying with men who make them feel so bad for making more money than them!? These men are obviously lazy and complacent!🤯 I will never reduce my self to such a low just to please a man. These women need to exit these relationships before they become chronically sick from tiptoeing around these toxic men and all the stress that these men come with.
🎉 WOW!
Watched twice ☺️
No both times my exes cheated and got caught that’s when they came with all this extra money …. Ladies get your tax up front especially when dealing with BM and he quiet about it . 😂
Go argue with your MAMMIE 😂😂🤣🤣