How to Know if you're Masking...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
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Autistic girl takes the CAT-Q Masking test from Embrace Autism.
Remember that CAT-Q scores can be higher for neurotypical people who have reduced well-being and social anxiety. If you have any concerns about your mental health, please see a medical professional, such as your GP.
If you like this, you may like my previous video about what masking feels like from the inside:
• But what does Masking ...
Or this is a fun one reacting to autism memes that my husband chose (I tried not to be offended):
• I'm laughing, but I'm ...
Take the CAT-Q:
embrace-autism.com/cat-q/
00:00 I didn't think masking was real
00:33 if you were truly autistic
00:52 what made me believe
01:30 Q1
02:20 Q2
02:50 Q3
03:33 Q4
05:01 Q5
05:39 Q6
06:33 Q7
08:14 Q8
09:21 Q9
11:01 Q10
12:50 Q11
13:32 Q12
14:22 Q13
14:56 Q14
15:04 Q15
15:11 Q16
15:48 Q17
16:28 Q18
16:48 Q19
17:01 Q20
17:52 Q21
17:58 Q22
18:27 Q23
18:45 Q24
18:57 Q25
19:11 congratulations!
20:15 do autistic men mask?
20:26 masking is bad
20:57 how does masking feel
I really hope this is helpful/useful to you in some way. Thank you so much for taking to the time to watch! Feel free to make requests for future videos in the comments below.
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
*Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!
Once somebody told me that I was “always smiling” and I got in such a panic like “ omg what now, I can’t get out of it with a smile” I literally felt like crying and just alwardly said something like “Idk I really like to smile”
Feel you
I just say "It's easier to smile"
I relate to this so much! I find myself just defaulting to a smile because any other facial expression seems "wrong."
Ooh..I did the same thing once..same answer ( buddy the elf from the movie elf said it... so I used it )
Yep: 😃 smiling , it's my favorite ! not really😢
Honestly, just like... *shrug*"
It feels weird because people will attach judgements to random innocuous statements and observations like that a lot, but that doesn't mean you have to give a damn about whatever they're trying to hand you.
I already have a diagnosis but this was still surprising to me. Nearly all of these questions had me going: "Wait what!? Is that like... not a normal thing people do? How else do you learn to talk to people?" Like legit I thought this was how everyone else was doing it.
Me too before I did the quiz!! So weird how different our internal experiences of life can be - who knew?
Yep...so did I 🙄
37 years old, I just learned this less than two weeks ago and I'm still very confused.
2 weeks ago today I was hanging out with a life long best friend and I went on a rant about how I was sick of all the games. If I had only 1 wish it would be that everyone just said what the hell they wanted because I am exhausted. All the bullshit small talk I have to suffer through just for someone to be able to ask me for a favor. I'll be standing there for 10-15 minutes like when the hell will this end. I know what you want. You know what you want. Just ask me so I can do it and be on my damn way already. I am so tired. Is this just me?
@@treadhead44 Why don't you just interrupt them and tell them to get to the point? You already know they want a favour from you so tell them you already know that's what they're getting too? If they are such good friends of yours to ask a favour you should be able to speak honestly to them instead of the nonsense time wasting you are complaining about here.
When I get asked how I am, I always blurt out "good" really quickly despite how I feel because I panic and I'm supposed to answer relatively quickly but I end up saying it so quickly that it's not normal. And I always forget to say "how are you?" back to them and then I avoid eye contact because things got awkward and the awkwardness hurts and I don't want to be perceived 😂
I've had so many cringy moments where I realise I was supposed to asked someone a question back and I never did 😂
I'm actually training myself to also just say "good" too haha. Often people ask 'how are you', and then somehow my brains goes into hyper thinking mode and I try to process how I feel, but I have no idea. So I just scrap together a weird sentence like: "Uhhhh yeah, I thiiiiink, maybe, welllllll, but this, and, yesssss no quite good and yeah it's okay"
OR! If I feel really shitty I just can't lie and say I'm good.
Someone being polite: "how are you?"
Me: "GIVES A LONG ESSAY HOW I'M FEELING AND WHY" - and while I'm giving my speech I notice they were just being polite and kinda want to move on and I'm so clueless how to wrap up a conversation so I'm just a big blob of awkwardness. :D
I always get unreasonably angry internally when I'm asked "how are you", because I know it's completely insincere and they don't actually want to know. Same with "what's up", "how's your day going", etc etc [insert ice breaker small talk here]. I started just replying with "well, I'm here" or "okay", or "it's going", but later got better at responding with as short an answer as I could that was actually honest, committing to the exchange and asking them with genuine interest how they are (because now it's a challenge to get them to actually respond with a real answer). I kinda made it a game to force small talk into actual engagement, which helped with a bit of my awkwardness because now everyone was forced out of their comfort zone. 😂
I've quite often respond with script to different question. So "How are you?" and I say "Thank you". Realizing my mistake I exit the stage as quickly as possible. This happens a lot to me.
@@chrismaxwell1624 Same! Or saying "You too!" to something that doesn't apply and then try to hope they didn't hear you and walk away as fast as possible... hahah
I'm diagnosed as autistic and I score incredibly high on every single autistic test there is...except this one.
The reason for that is quite simple, I just don't care enough about social interaction to bother with masking.
The only part I scored a little higher on was assimilation, and that's because I got bullied as a teenager and have learnt not to stand out to avoid trouble.
My compensation and masking score were incredibly low, even lower than would be average for a neurotypical person.
My point is: don't rely on a single test to figure out if you're autistic, everyone is different and it there is a reason why so many test exist.
Yeah I think either we dont care much or these questions are no longer relevant, like we dont need the coping strategies because the lessons have become internalised maybe
I would have scored higher 5 years ago than I do today, except that 5 years ago I was in denial about a lot of it so I probably would have skewed my answers lol. These tests definitely arent the be all end all.
Yeah. I think I may have done this stuff in grade school, but then I kinda stopped caring about what other people think of me
My tests were similar. All the other tests showed a high likelihood of being autistic except for this one where my compensation and masking are significantly lower than nt and nd, but my assimilation is roughly equal to an autistic person's level.
In another video she said this CAT-Q was especially good if the other tests made on the fence about whether you're autistic
On eye contact.
I have ADHD and I avoid eye contact because people's facial expressions are a MAJOR distraction. If I allow myself to fall into that rabbit hole what usually happens is we'll reach a point where i'm asked something and I realise I havn 't been listening so have ZERO context with which to answer appropriately!
Awkward....to say the least. My solution? Avoid eye contact so I can actually listen to what's being said.
Facial expressions are f'ing fascinating though.
Yessss - totally relate!
I'm adhd and cannot make eye contact when I'm talking, because I need to string the info in my brain into a cohesive story and not get lost lol!
I’m autistic and don’t make eye contact because most of the time I see the words in my mind and so have to look at a clear(ish) space like a wall or the middle distance so I can read the words with my internal voice. It’s very normal for me.
Eye contact is so overwhelming for me !!!
I also have adhd and I find literally anything distracting while I’m trying to speak. Like some people have mentioned above, I get distracted by trying to maintain eye contact if that makes sense. Like I see their eyes and Ike like “oh okay keep looking at them” and then I completely lose my thought altogether because I had to think about looking at them…
And like I said, anything is distracting. So I have to look away and try to like….visualize my thoughts so I can read them, almost. So I’m really just looking away so I can read my thoughts coherently and not get distracted.
Not sure if that makes sense, but I definitely relate!!
I mean, honestly most of us are not covering it up very well and everyone DOES know lol. They might not guess autism, they just think we’re awkward weirdos or standoffish or whatever. It’s sad to think the thing I put a ton of energy into still doesn’t really make me appear typical
I’ve been described as “intense!” by some people, including a (mis)manager at a past job that had a personality of cult insanity that claimed they embraced diversity, but didn’t realize they had it in me right in front of them (I didn’t mention my nature, I let them use their own bad judgment, as honestly, I don’t believe informing them would have helped, and would have made me an even juicier target of their abuse) and the day I was fired was (perversely enough) one of the best days. How, you might ask?
In the “exit interview” I did need to know how they’d handle questions from possible future employers. I asked if they’d give references. She was so mad at me to start with (frankly, she set me up to fail via absurd requirements) it was fun watching her trying not to explode in front of her boss.
I never thought of it this way....😂 so true.
Ah but if they misidentified you then you are still winning at imposter 😂 I mean so many of us are so good we fool ourselves lol
Exactly, just don't
I always think of this!
Maybe my efforts are useless and practically unnecessary if people already perceive me as a 'human alien'.
Unmasking is hard and sometimes hurtful.
I scored 151. Social anxieteeeeeee! It's weird to think that non-autistic people don't put SO MUCH effort into social interactions.
Dude, i got 162, not even diagnosed, could call it social phobia at this point
@@mustachecrab9669 I scored 162 too.
I scored 39 and suffer with extreme social anxiety.. not sure how
I got 136 lol xxx
i scored 157 and undiagnosed. could explain a hell of a lot.. 😮💨
I remember crying to my mom when i was 16 or 17 that I was too scared to "be myself" in school. I felt like every time I talked, people could tell I was different, it was something i learned as young as age 5. I felt that I had to be quiet and complacent in order to not be "too much".
I relied on my twin sister as my security blanket when I was in school, going to school without her made me feel so scared.
Old-school masker here. I used to emulate the mannerisms and speaking patterns of friends when I was younger. It's only recently (I'm well into middle age) that I've developed an "act" that is completely my own, that I put on at work or wherever. It takes effort to sustain for long periods, so once I'm home, the mask is off, much to my wife's chagrin. The mask is essentially a more muted version of myself - no exhaggerated movements, reserved, soft measured speaking tone in the working-class Southern Californian accent that I grew up hearing, steady eye contact, nodding in all the right places.
I thought I just had social anxiety. But the more I listen to you brave young women talking about this sh*t, I am like…. Hang on. I’ve been masking for 39 years?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god.
Also, I got 144! Wow. This is crazy. Thanks for helping me learn more about myself!
Over 50 years of masking for me. FFS! Trying now to learn how and when to let it down. I work in customer service so I have to wear it at work but am trying to be more authentic outside of that. I’m going to a 3 day event soon where I’ll see some people who haven’t seen me in 3 years and most of them know about my recently self-diagnosed autism so I’m curious to see how this goes.
My thoughts exactly I’m now questioning if I just have social anxiety or if it’s something a bit different
Mood
Yeah same! I took this test and my numbers were quite high … I just assumed it was social anxiety … now I’m thinking this might be more 😮
RE: Scripting conversations...I found socializing with new people extremely difficult...until I started playing Sims 3. Then I mastered the "make friends" patter for your individual Sims. And I realized I could apply the same patterns to human interactions. And, now well...yes. Yes my speech is scripted, with new people at least!
I was diagnosed with what used to be known as Aspergers syndrome in 1993 (31 Years ago!!) and the earliest footage pre diagnosis is a video from about June of 1990 where I'm on the floor of my great aunt's house sliding the tv guide around in a side to side motion while zoned out (my dad was calling my name but I didn't look up) I was probably stimming with tv guide because at the time I felt a little like I was "on display" for one of dad's home videos.
I recently started the process of being assessed for autism after taking some tests on Embrace Autism. On the CAT-Q I scored 150. I'm not diagnosed yet, but the more tests I've taken and the more experiences I've listened to from people with autism the more a lot of things that I've struggled with in my life began to click into place.
Now I'm a bit nervous that I won't be diagnosed, because it feels like my life has been a puzzle with a bunch of missing pieces, and the possibility that I'm autistic feels like I've found the missing pieces.
With the right Dr, they’ll be able to see past your mask. My psychiatrist was actually confused that I *hadn’t* already been diagnosed because she said it was super obvious… and I thought I was “perfectly peopling” 💀
I was being perfectly honest with her in other ways, because therapy doesn’t work unless you want it to and are honest with your therapist, but I thought I was flawlessly hitting all the right social cues and I super wasn’t 🤣
A Dr who is familiar with the autism spectrum, especially with BIPOC and women, will be able to spot an autistic person from across the room.
Additionally, autism is based on internal reactions and how things make you feel, so if you’re strongly suspecting autism, you’re almost definitely right. Especially with you saying you’ve basically made autism your special interest 🤣
You’ll be alright.
@@CraftyVegan unless your a white man
@@CraftyVegan all she needs to do is identify as autistic and she will be
Same...
Same Same Same!!
So... I got total 134, compensation 52, masking 44, assimilation 38. That means I got an A with bonus points right? Joking aside, I was diagnosed ADHD @ 23, and just last year saw a psychologist and got diagnosed ASD and confirmed ADHD. I thank you for the content!
My score was very similar.
Mine was 132 with an almost perfectly even divide for each category 💀
I got 35 total - compensation 14, masking 9, assimilation 12.
But I'm diagnosed with autism. I don't get it. I don't mask at all and I'm pretty good at social interactions if I make the effort. Maybe I just have ADHD.
@@AutomaticDuck300 That's cool. I actually started masking very young. By middle school / Jr High I started masking my autistic traits with my adhd traits because it was more socially acceptable to be goofy than just quiet. Of course, I didn't know I was either of the two, so I just thought of it as developing a more class clown type of persona. I always knew I masked, because it was always intentional, though I didn't know it was called masking. I thought of it as method acting a tailored version of myself that only stick out as different in the ways that I felt were acceptable. I mask at a depth that is more like females on the spectrum, but being male, I don't have the advantage of the extra social circuitry in the brain so it is not as good as what females can do.
@@theghcu hmm interesting. I can’t tell you my childhood experience because I don’t remember a lot before the age of 12 or 13. But I’m the opposite of you. I always felt more female than male. According to the OCEAN personality test and interpretations, I am more stereotypically female than male in terms of temperament. Maybe that’s why I’m pretty good socially. Who knows?
Oh the whistling!! It goes right up my spine, and I have a coworker who whistles all the time. I have considered checking the employee handbook to see if murder is a fireable offense, or would only get me a suspension, which tbh might be nice, as I am feeling burned out just now.
I took the cat-q and wow! I'm a guy and I scored a total of 141. I thought that I wasn't very high masking. But I had an epiphany while taking the test. So often I'll have a reaction to something, a strong emotion that makes me uncomfortable, like self conscious, so I will actually suppress the emotion or even be agitated by the stimulus giving me the emotion. I never realized that is masking but now I'm sure of it. I mask, not just by changing my behavior, but also by changing or compartmentalizing my emotions.
I'm a guy and scored 147, and I do that as well. I am feeling very little emotions in day to day life and if I do feel one, it's usually very intense. I thought for some time now that I might be suppressing my own emotions, and have no idea how to undo this. Makes sense that this might be me masking my feelings because they're not 'normal', numbing them in the process.
Scripting: I just spent 2 hours meticulously writing an email to ask for a quote (ugg, adulting) just to get a response "I'll just call you and we'll chat". NOOOOOO!!!
I wasn't exactly aware I was scripting for a very long time lol but I recently noticed my internal feelings during small talk, like when I'm at a hair appointment. I must have, over time, learned that they will ask the same things: "Are you in school?", "What do you do for work?", "Where are you from?", "Do you have any pets?" And I've noticed that I have a stock of things I'll tell people during small talk. I've learned the "appropriate" things to say... Which unfortunately don't include info-dumping or talking about my special interests. Occasionally I've managed to sneak in a little bit of special interest discussion though if it comes up in conversation (like psychology)
When a hairdresser doesn't talk to me at all it REALLY throws me off though lol
Times my scripting has failed:
Me: "Hey, how are you?"
Them: "Good how are you?"
Me: "Good, how bout you?" .....
😂😂 I've definitely done this!
Me too!
I did the questionnaire right now before watching the rest of the video, and my overall response was "I don't know?!???" Most of the time. The questions where overwhelming to understand, and my interpretation was not always spot on I felt like. And then when I watch you do the questionnaire and hear your thoughts you also interpret the questions in a different way then I did.. Apart from me feeling like an imposter, it feels like maybe the questions are a little too diffuse and depending on context you answer it differently 😅. So I wouldn't rely on questionnaires to answer anything really.. I have diagnosed ADHD and did some questionnaire, I guess close to this one later in my diagnosis. I think then I didn't answer at all the same way I did this time because I was fixated on having ADHD and not Autism. And also the fact that "I don't know?!??". Questions are hard and overwhelming.. and I think I have both ADHD and ASD.. both run in the family anyway 🎉. But I love this video and the one about masking from the inside! Even if my response is mostly "I don't know 😢 maybe??", Analyzing the little interactions I have with non family I think I am masking alot, and I do get burnt out and overwhelmed every day. But ADHD and ASD are so "cross compatible" for a lack of a better word that I just don't know if I have just adhd or both.. just had to share this..
I remember trying to script conversations ahead of time when I was younger. I gave up fairly quickly because I realized I was not good at predicting the sort of thing the other person might say.
12:20 I like to call this a need for a 'support human', hah. You just heavily prefer if not need someone there who's more willing and comfortable to socialize for you.
For the longest time I've needed my mom to be my support human, but while I'm around my s/o, I realize they need me just as much if not more, so we switch off being each other's support human based on who needs it more that day, without a single question asked as to 'do you need it more than me', we just. Click that well.
I finally found someone I understand and who understands me well enough that I don't have to have every single thing verbalized or analyzed to ensure I'm not missing something important that will get me told off, someone who won't be upset even if I do miss a beat, y'know?
It's not all there is to the relationship but it really does help a ton to have that, it's a massive thing among many that I'm constantly grateful for ^^
I think it’s definitely time for me to get assessed.
I wanna get assessed to stop my brain from saying “you’re not autistic you are just an attention seeker” but my mother says it’s way too expensive for ya’ know just peace of mind.
@@UnnecessaryWords303 it is. I looked into it for myself and as an adult female in the US it is 3 to 5 thousand out of pocket and the diagnosis won’t help me at all to get accommodations for anything. Not in the US, at least.
@@UnnecessaryWords303 with insurance i paid like $120 and got a written letter from them as well.
@@stupidsminkle do you mind if I ask which state you got diagnosed in?
@@faeriesmak Irene (the Thought Spot) has a video where she goes step by step through how to apply for financial help for an ASD diagnosis. I imagine i will be utilizing that information for myself - I will discuss with my psychologist this Monday so that I may be connected with the right psychiatrist. I hope we can receive what we need from any diagnoses we seek.
I also got 147! I never knew what autism really is and the more I look into it the more I think that I am in fact autistic. Although these tests always feel a little bit weird to take. In most questions I can tell what answer will lead to a higher score, so I always think I'm falsifying the test with what I think the answer to a question should be. I read a question and subconsciously think "if I select strongly agree, I get a higher score" so I automatically select something in this region before consciously thinking about it and coming to a real answer. That's probably pretty autistic on its own lol
That's actually kind of a thing for everyone! It's called the observer effect and it can really mess with the data on psychological surveys. The wording is usually designed to minimize this, but people always act a little different when they feel they're being watched. It's why they often tell you to answer fast - your first impulse is usually the least affected!
Got 147 as well, such a funny coincidence. Curiously enough, I got 56 Compensation, 44 Masking, and 47 Assimilation; which is the inverse to what she got in her results, I scored lower on what she scored higher and vice versa.
Noticed that having ADHD really helps with scoring high on these Autism related quizzes lmao
Total:158
Compensation:56
Masking:51
Assimilation:51
I've had my suspicions for a while. Never been tested, only diagnosed with deep depression and anxiety disorder. Unfortunately not all doctors go deep and question the reasons. I've been thinking for a long time, that why no medication worked is because they were trying to cure tha symptoms instead of finding out what is really happening.
Took mine a few weeks ago and scored 152 and yeah... reading the averages and realizing how much significantly higher I scored was pretty eye opening. I think it was the same night that it did truly click for me that I'm autistic.
I wrote a poem at 18 about feeling like I had to wear a mask, before I even knew about this concept or term, and finished wondering if everyone else felt like they had to wear a mask too. I thought it might just be something that was normal. I'm 28 now and realizing I'm autistic has made my whole life make soooo much more sense!
It always has made me sad to remember visits with my late mother years ago, arriving at home, and realizing I hadn't made eye contact with her the entire afternoon. It is a comfort hearing you talk about your experience with your own mother, and that it's okay because you two are so close. That is a beautiful explanation.
Thank you for this funny and insightful video. It's as if I hear my wife talking 😊 She's on the spectrum as well, and since we know this, it's way easier to understand her peculiarities. For me, her neurodivergence is a big plus. Yes, it has it's disadvantages (I am quite extraverted and social, so my love for parties isnt mutual, to name one). But the great thing is her exquisitely detailed perception, her creativity and - how to say - pureness. She taught me to just say what I want, in stead of implying it. Her enthusiasms are delightful. And in general, as she's so comfortable with me, our relationship is hyper close.
I have a lot of social anxiety and am strongly introverted, and was sorta wondering if I was autistic. I think this questionnaire puts me on the allistic side, all things considered. The idea of actively studying others' social interactions to build my own script is so foreign to me! I think I just have a case of ADHD and a lil awkward sometimes when I'm not paying attention. Godspeed to y'all though, that sounds exhausting af
ADHD often also includes masking. Just in different ways / areas. I strongly suspect to have both “disorders”, so I mask the hell out of every social interaction 😅
@@avengedprophet1559really? Im gonna do some research into this because my mom keeps saying I have autism, she literally WANTS me to have it but I think it’s just ADHD and anxiety. I don’t study facial expressions but as a kid I apparently did autism symptoms
@@10yearsago96
The differentiation is very difficult unfortunately because both disorders share a lot of their symptoms, even if the reasons for those symptoms are different.
Stimming and issues to focus on things one isn’t interested in for example are very common in both conditions.
Also, masking mechanisms are high in number. Studying facial expressions is not the only way autistic people mask.
Same I think I just have a lot of social anxiety :) I could never script conversations
I recently got diagnosed, but still often doubt myself. Like, everyone is selfconcious in social interactions, right? So this was actually really helpful to disprove those doubts. I scored above the average for autistic women in all categories.
Me too! Two years after the diagnosis I'm still reading books, watching these type of videos, and taking extra tests. I downplayed my answers and still scored 150.
And yet I keep wondering...
I remember taking an online quiz called RAADS-R and my total score was 150. I had no idea what it meant though (because I didn’t see the “What do my scores mean?” thing so I just assumed that it was a low score and that I’m probably not autistic. I just found the website again and it says my score means “strong evidence for autism”. Wish I realized this back in May when I took the quiz because I really thought I wasn’t autistic. Now I’m doing a lot of research and realizing I probably am.
I'm laughing at hiding in toilet cubicles. I still do that when I have to go in the office for work.
Anger panic is the best description I ever heard for the feeling sensory overload feels like.
Like stop your whistling is gonna make me go coocoo bananas. I don’t wanna hurt anyone but I kinda want to make you not have the ability to do it ever again for your whole life. But I like to whistle. Only I am allowed (I know my brain is unreasonable so that’s why I ignore it)
I self-diagnosed a few days ago and it is so affirming to hear someone share about these experiences that I have also lived with my whole life
With regards to one of the biggest autism signs... When I was growing up, a lot of people told me that I seemed to never or barely look anyone in the eye when talking to them. That kind of shaming, along with the old myth (?) that someone is lying if they aren't looking the questioner in the eyes while responding, made me train/force myself to look people in they eye, which still makes me uncomfortable but I push through it. 😢
Edit: someone mentioned ADHD and being distracted. I also struggled with ADHD for most of my life and people's facial expressions were VERY distracting, hence my eyes drifting away from their face and eyes.
I often find myself "channeling" the social energies of certain characters or people in conversation. It bugs me sometimes, especially since it can lead to its own social errors and miscommunications.
My favorite scripting error I had was going to a restaurant advertising a new sandwich. The thing is normally those interactions go, "Hello welcome to [restaurant], would you like to try [new item]." and I always respond "No I will have the [my usual order]." Well the problem was they asked me if I wanted the new sandwich... and because the answer was yes, my brain shut down and I went silent and the attendant was like, "Excuse me? Do you know what you would like to order?" Which snapped me out of it.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD, Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and OCD. My Cat-Q score was 141, but I'm curious as to whether that is due to my numerous disorders and the fact that ADHD can be similar to autism. I did have a low assimilation score so maybe that shows that its really just my ADHD and other stuff. IDK. but I can say that I am so glad to have found such a relatable and enjoyable community.
Anxiety and OCD are often diagnosed when autism is missed , especially in females.
@@piiinkDeluxe Thanks for letting me know! I will look into it😊
@@arrypotter9472 you're welcome 😊
@@piiinkDeluxeI actually have OCD though, theres poison in my water at night so I have to blow on it 5 times to fix it. I have to touch everything x amount of times so the evil entities go away. I have to touch x thing to make sure my parents stay alive and healthy. Along with almost every ADHD symptom and no autism ones, my mom keeps trying to say I have autism but I don’t experience any symptoms:/
I got a 136. I wonder how much of the masking is how I've been doing things differently lately though. Like I've done some introspection and realized that my facial expressions haven't matched what I really feel a lot of the time, so I decided to start smiling more. But it's almost never automatic; I need to think "oh I'm happy or interested it's time to smile."
This video helped me so much. A large number of the questions on the quiz would confused me or I would've put a neutral answer on it since most of the time I didn’t have a good understanding of what it could entail. Most of this test was just me thinking, "what do they mean by that," watching the video for an answer, and then returning to the quiz. This video and the quiz has helped me realize more about the stuff that I do in social interactions, especially since I generally get overwhelmed with these types of quizzes and have a hard time remembering what I do because of the panic. Having something to remind me, or at least give me a hint of it really helps, thank you.
A lot of those things I was like "nah" as you were going along, but then I think about how I am around people I don't know well in person, particularly those who are NT versus fellow NDs (a lot of the people I meet with are also ND because, well, work in tech), and how I react when joining new online communities, and definitely tick a lot more of the boxes there.
Also, it's interesting, was chatting with a colleague a few years younger than me and it came up that I talk a lot in the work chat app (Slack) and how she wished she had that confidence. I replied something like how it was easy to do it online where you can lurk and get the vibe of the place before contributing and then when you do you're one voice among dozens or more, so it's much less pressure than in a small group IRL where you can't just disappear by falling silent if you mess up. She was countering that it was easier for her in person than online because you get the body language feedback. I very much prefer the more straightforward emoji react than trying to read people directly, especially being in a place with such a strong emoji reaction culture (which is kinda essential in a chat room with hundreds of people, but our emoji set is large enough to basically hold mini-convos in the reacts 😂). Sorry, that went wildly off topic right there, but I guess the point being that the safety of both the crowd and the ability to observe before joining in and being able to easily disappear is easier for me whereas for her as more likely an NT she likes the in-person feedback, which I find so much less useful
I think I'm autistic but my imposter syndrome is killing me 😭
I can very much relate to that xD I too suspect that I might be autistic but I am so scared of someone tell me 'no you're just bad at life, just finally get you're sh*t together and stop whining about it.' Wich I kind of heard a lot when I was a child so maybe that's why 😅
Me too 😥
@@mableleaf2445 don't worry, those two aren't mutually exclusive
Signed: a diagnosed autistic who has been told I'm just not trying hard enough my entire life.
@@fenixmeaney6170 yeah, I was afraid so. But it is a comforting little lie that this imposterfeeling and this comments magically disapears with a Diagnosis 😅 although I know better. I'm sorry that you have been told that too, I can't understand why so many people just don't have one percent empathy in theire Body. It's so frustrating sometimes.
@@mableleaf2445 Oh, that feeling. I know it so so well.
Your comments about whistling causing "anger/panic" and that it "goes straight through" you were so relatable, except for me it's whispering. For me it's less related to volume and more about tonal quality and proximity. "It makes me want to remove my skin" is how I usually describe the overall effect. Dudes hoping to achieve a "makes me want to remove my clothes" situation with *ugghhh* "sexy whispering" were likely very disappointed.
Huh, I got an 80 (rather below average) which is interesting to me since I've recently been wondering if some of my anxiety is linked to autism-spectrum stuff. I'm *pretty sure* what I've been considering 'depression' is more actually 'anxiety', but I wish I had a better idea where/what that anxiety is based in.
Excellent videos, btw. Thanks for putting in the effort for random internet people. :)
I am puzzled by this hammering on this whole idea of "appearing relaxed". In my whole life I have never received a comment about my body language or facial expressions or anything like that being weird; I don't remember ever being told I appeared anxious or nervous or whatever the comment is that causes people to monitor the 'relaxedness' of their body language.
For me the comments have always been about things I said, and the thing I mask is the things I want to say. During a conversation, what I'm doing, the whole time, is weighing whether the things I'm thinking are worth saying, whether the other person may interpret them as insults or something, whether the other person may just be uninterested (I can't stand the idea of starting a conversation the other person isn't interested in because I hate being stuck in conversations where the other person is doing that and not being able to tell them that I'm not interested because that's rude, but also being unable to steer the conversation in a different direction without appearing rude, not being able to find another subject to move on to because *I don't know if the other person may be uninterested*), trying to find a more acceptable/normal/non-insulting way of saying the things I want to say and often throwing them out when I can't find any.
Overall score: 153
The other things that I forgot what they were:
57
59
45
I won the autism test! Again! I'm starting to suspect I've been autistic all this time and everything is making so much sense!
Channels like yours have been so helpful I don't have words. Here I am a 52 yo afab and just now considering the possibility I'm autistic, and lo & behold, I am!
At least I know now. I live in a mental health care desert so I have to rely on this kind of thing to get any straight answers, and I know it's not a professional assessment by a long shot but it's better than the absolute nothing I've had for most of my life. Thank you so much for this channel!
I tried the test and got a 140, but I'm not really surprised by that. I've put in an ungodly amount of work into understanding other people, fitting in, and "succeeding" in social situations since I was 7.
wow. i really relate to you saying that being around people is always a performance when you have to control how you sit, stand, what expressions you make. also, this video has helped me realize that any time i understand the social norms of a certain situation, it's either from observing other people or through trial and error. in any new social situation, i have to observe other people to get an example of how i can behave.
I got 97, and was diagnosed as a child. I think the fact I didn't really understand masking was what got me my early diagnosis, but I find it hard to connect with other autistic women because of it. I don't really find myself altering or being overly conscious of my behaviour, but I put more focus on what I'm saying and how I come across based on that. I'm "so autistic" that when I'm in the moment, it doesn't even really occur to me that people could be judging me based on my body language or facial expressions because instead I have to focus my energy on auditory processing and how I should respond.
Well, i can remember that for example i was always doing things like being full blown aware of my posture and mannerism while riding the bus, alone, when i was a teenager. When i went to school i had to take the bus and i was always "busy" doing this. I am 44 now and started to suspect myself to be autistic two years ago. So, much of the stuff i used to do got better, because i was apparently getting better at masking. It became a second nature. The eye-contact question really hit home as i do not really do that often without conscious effort. I am beyond feeling uncomfortable doing it, but it is something i have to remind myself of doing even today.
So yeah, the high scores i have correlate with deppression, which is true for me. Nice double whammy there. Anyway, great video, thanks for digging up this test to give me some mroe confidence in what is going on with me.
I’ve been questioning whether or not I may be autistic… these questions made me feel like I need to go to an evaluation because these are scarily accurate
I know I'm late to comment on this but I've just found your channel and am doing some binge watching. When you talked about watching yourself in zoom meetings and checking how your expression looks I nearly cried! My whole life I've been called vain for looking at myself rather than others if there's a shiny surface nearby because how do you explain that you're so desperately trying to look normal that you're look at yourself to check that your face/body/hands are doing the right thing. I get so embarrassed on online calls that the other participants will notice I'm staring at myself and adjusting my face that I spend 90% of the meeting telling myself to relax and not look at the screen... thank you for the validation and sorry for the rant!!
I love how you have blossomed just by knowing more about yourself!❤
I found people love to talk about what they are interested in and it's easier for me that way, and I learn something new generally.
And then hopefully they feel listened to and understood ... it brings harmony to the interaction.
If they hold opinions that do not resonate with me, I won't challenge or try to share my differences.
It will just reduce how often I interact with them, from listening to them realising we haven't got much in common.
As I've got older, I come to value my time and where I spend it .
After a lot of soul-searching, I'm living a life now with greatly reduced anxiety , and when I get triggered, I tell myself it will pass become more effective at self-soothing.
its taken many yrs to learn how to unwind and not walk round with replays in my head /or projecting future scenarios in my mind on reply.
I very fortunate my home environment is a place of comfort, I gave up watching the news a few years ago, and that was the start to being a lot happier without all the gloom and doom.
Although I enjoy TH-cam, I'm not much on social media
which has helped me get off the merry-go-round of chasing my feelings / reactions in vicious circles
Wow this was actually very helpful. I have recently "talked myself out" of being autistic, lol. I had this big revelation two years ago and the language auf autism (masking, burnout etc) helped me navigate my world better. But then I thought "yeah but it doesn't matter if I actually am autistic anyway because I get by fine, it's okay, I am functional". But I have to put so much effort into all of this, jfc. I score 140 in the test. That's even more than the average for autistic females. And I deliberatly answered conservatively.
Sigh, I'd really like a formal diagnosis. But I am so scared of not being taken seriously and waiting lists are like 18 months or closed altogether. I am scared if going through all the hassle of diagnosis just to get told "no you just have social anxiety, byeeeee".
Dont be scared to do it. Im going through this right now. If it is anxiety they still would help you to navigate that. Thats what my psychologist said. And then you know whats happening. I would say that it atleast feels better to just know. Ik how bad it feels, like nooo im normal ive just not ”tried hard enough, i make excuses, im lazy”. Its always that critical voice. Hope you get the help that you need and advocate for yourself. Take care☺️
Spending 30% of your focus making sure you look focused in a conversation 👀
79- apparently lower than the neurotypical average. 😮 (Not diagnosed with ASD but I was wondering if I was masking traits.)
But even if I'm apparently not masking much, this was still really helpful.
And it's also pretty eye-opening to learn just how much the rest of the world apparently is acting!
This is too funny. There was also a big chunk of time in my childhood where my only friend was my cousin, who-wait for it-was also 2 years younger than me.
when you spoke about the thought process behing recognising facial expressions you BLEW my mind... i never realised that i always try to imagine what might have happened for a person to make such an expression...
It's a pretty eye opening test, at least to the extent I was masking. Did the cat-q recently and got 144 with 50 comp, 50 mask and 44 assim, that prompted me to go through more of the tests on the site.
I took the quiz before watching to make sure I wasn’t parroting you but we got hung up on the same details like having learned by fumbling around as opposed to research and awareness of others impressions of me. I’m male and got a 153, which I suppose makes me an anomalous anomaly
i got 151. we scored so high i don't even think it's about autism at this point
I heard someone say once that "what neurotypical people do automatically, I have to do manually"
"have a lovely day" did a little chuckle to myself thinking "she went a bit offbcript there" really interesting! didnt know there was a tool / questionnaire for masking specifically. this one seems really good
Ooh the greetings story triggered a memory: I was working at a supermarket, and I had the task of bringing the waste to another supermarket to recycle. Apparently I just waltzed in without saying hello and the lady gave me an earful. I cried for half an hour because being yelled at and criticised was something I could not bear at the time. In between sobbing I said to her "It's not y-your fault, I had a hard week" 😢
This was the exact topic I was about to start researching and this video was at the top of my feed! Just had to point that out
Okay I think my favourite thing about your videos, beside the perfect black fringe (omg you're so pretty btw) is seeing footage of you bouncing around. Your child-self is adorable flapping and turning in circles
I relate to a lot of the underlying things, and I'm sure I'm autistic, but I'm so socially unaware that it never occurred to me to try to mask or try to copy others. I was okay with being weird.
Oh my Lord, I had someone ask me if my sister was my best friend, and other people were like "that's mean," and I didn't even know that could be mean.
In social situations (like parties, back when I went to parties) I rarely stay in one place. I thought I was really extroverted because I was always moving between people, but now I realise I was compensating and hiding that I had no idea what to do after "hi, how are you, how are your kids/job/life etc" and so would need to move to the next person. I am now 38 and feel no need to 'prove' myself anymore, so I don't even go to parties in the first place, or just sit with my husband or one person I feel really comfortable with and don't talk to anyone else.
With learning social skills from TV etc, what I tended to notice was that I would accidentally emulate whatever I was watching (down to putting on accents, then getting accused of mocking accents - ops!), so I always act like whatever I am watching at the time, and since I stopped watching dramatised TV and started watching documentaries about things I am interested in I am less able to manage socially, because I don't have something to copy, but none of this was conscious - it wasn't until I started learning about it all that I thought... oh, is that not how people do things?
Sorry the edits was because I was trying to figure out how to do a carriage return!
Also, I scored 123, 45 compensation, 43 masking and 35 assimilation. I think the last one reflects that I don't really bother to socialise outside my trusted people very often anymore!
Legit with the low key looking mad when you're not making your face do happy face, lol. My partner, when I'm focusing on a task, asks so often if I'm angry, and I'm like' "What? No, I don't now what you're talking about, I'm just trying to get this thing done."
That CAT-Q test really needs to specify if the questions relate to interactions with strangers or people I know well. OF COURSE I act completely different with the (few) people I'm comfortable with, and everyone else. Always assumed this was severe social anxiety and self-consciousness, which I've had from a very young age.
yay I agreee so much with the idea of their being pressure to talk to people instead of wanting to in social situations, unless its close friends and I actually feel relaxed (rarely).
I interpreted question #10 (I need the support of other people in order to socialize) in a completely different way than you did. I leaned more toward a positive response simply because, when I start talking, people may literally need to stop me from talking (being auDHD means I can talk non-stop, even without leaning into my special interests) but I will rarely be the one to initiate a conversation. So, to me, that meant that I do need the support of other people in the sense that I need them to be the ones to take the first step to engage with me.
I got total 143, compensation 38, masking 49, assimilation 56. Welp. I’ve been researching autism for a while and I am still not sure if what I have is just social anxiety or not. I always recognized autistic people in the collectives I’ve been in, I just didn’t know they were autistic. I thought: "Oh, they are like me! Let’s form an alliance so we won’t get bullied!" But since both of us had social skills of a hermit, it didn’t go anywhere. I think I am probably just socially anxious, because if I were autistic, we would probably hit it off.
I thought one of my hairs was on the screen from you thumbnail lol Love your vids!
I love how confident you are with you autism. I re-did the test now after about 9 months from my diagnosis/first time and the score is lower! I had it almost maxed out now im only 15% above male average!
I am wondering if masking is more prominent when undiagnosed .. you indicate that maybe diagnosis helps lift those personal expectations that swamp our social circumstances
I didn’t think I practiced facial expressions, but then totally related when you spoke about the zoom calls. In fact I relate to almost everything you say, but I’m old now and have learned a lot about coping and don’t really care about approval from others as much anymore.
YES the Zoom calls for sure!
Why can I not be myself in social situations? I am anxious because of the things people have said to me whenever I let my guard down. That I'm too much. Too intense, too passionate, too sensitive, shaming me in front of others. I used to mask well enough and then I got a brain injury and now I can't mask well at all. I always feel exposed. My daughter tells me not to care, but I don't like the way I feel when Im around 99% of the population. I feel safer alone. But I enjoy watching people interact with eachother. I'm trying to be okay without filters, stimming publicly because I really can't hide it now, but I don't like the attention.
great video! i took the test, then went down the apparently very autistic rabbit hole of taking a bunch of autism tests to find out tf is going on with my brain, and ive concluded imma go see a psychologist, cause all the tests said i was autistic, which is probably a sign-
According to Embrace Autism, CAT-Q scores can be higher for neurotypical people who have reduced well-being and social anxiety. If you have any concerns about your mental health, please see a medical professional, such as your GP.
If you like this, you may like my previous video about what masking feels like from the inside:
th-cam.com/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/w-d-xo.html
Or this is a fun one reacting to autism memes that my husband chose (I tried not to be offended):
th-cam.com/video/Pzj0IUyPha4/w-d-xo.html
Thank you so much for watching! 🥰
I got a score of 144 on the Cat-Q test. I've researched autism, I have many, many traits. I keep bringing them up in hope my parents researched them. I've stopped masking infront of my parents recently, they're always asking ”why do you ___?” ”why are you ___?”. I say ”I don't know” because if I gave them a true response, or else they won't believe me.
I will be surprised if you don't have 100k subscribers by the end of next year.
Keep it up!
That's so kind!
@@imautisticnowwhat Yeah, you're blowing up, sister! :)
@@imautisticnowwhat My prediction is basically guaranteed now. It'll be a 100k subscriptions in no time. You're doing such great work! I'm glad you decided to start this channel. It's clear you have a lot to offer, and you've helped many people. Keep it up!
Diagnosed before the age of three… this checks out, and it feels surprisingly good to see others if our breed, I didn’t have really anyone else like me in my social circles growing up, and these behaviors traits are spot on descriptions for the most part, until the performance question, I somehow am extroverted as well so I enjoy putting on the show most of the time
I hate test like this because the answer is always "it depends on the situation".
It is so tricky!
Total:155😬 57, 51, 47
I have been heavily struggling with imposter syndrome even though I have been researching ASD for over a year now and find new supporting evidence constantly.
Seeing the scores of other people such as these comments put my mind at ease but also further the feeling of I must be faking, which I believe stems from people in my life saying I'm too intelligent and functioning, which I know comes from their lack of understanding, but constantly hearing it and having no one to discuss this topic with I find myself struggling to accept and move forward.
I'm sorry for this rant, and want to say thank you for these videos💜🌻
I am off by one point on two of your scores and have the same assimilation score as you I see you nothing to be ashamed. I will just try to be clean and honest with others and see how it goes ❤❤ also don’t let people force you too do anything your really uncomfortable with
Feeling "anger panic" at whistling! 😂 Such a good description, for me electronic whirring.
I took it before watching and got 135, with 55 compensation, 41 masking, and 39 assimilation 🥶 explains A Lot...I am also diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder...
Hey, I’m new to your channel and I’ve enjoyed every video I’ve watched so far! They’ve been very relevant and at times an eye-opener. I just conducted the test and got a total of 135, compensation 46, masking 37, assimilation 52. For a male that’s way above the average! To date, I’m neurodivergent and suspected of being mildly Autistic and/or Dyslexic. I would really like to get an Autism test done to progress onwards with my life, but sadly my parents aren’t overly convinced or willing to go ahead with it. If I am masking, like the Cat-Q test suggests, hopefully this’ll win the argument for a need to get a test done. I’ve endured a lot of bullying over the years, especially in full time education. Maybe this is where my masking began and why I’ve been under the radar for so long.
I would have been nice if the test included other types of masking, like monitoring your body (voice, movements, etc.) and the dissonance between your feelings and what you show, especially when you feel panicked but you just stay neutral on the outside.
My boyfriend is autistic and I'm often the one explaining to him what he's masking because he's been doing it unconsciously for so long 😅
I can relate going to the library in school, I've done this during lunch breaks in between classes, whenever I felt overwhelmed, at least the library was a quite place for me away from a lot of people around me.
I indentify myself so much on what you said, like having a voice in your head saying "YOU SHOULD TALK TO THEM, A NORMAL PERSON WOULD TALK TO THEM" kkkkkkk but I don't do most of the time
I haven’t officially been diagnosed with autism but I’m 90% sure I’ll be diagnosed when I do go in for an assessment. When I went off to college my dad bought me that “How to Win Friends and Influence People” book and I didn’t think anything of it at the time but he certainly picked up on some of my neurodivergent mannerisms. 😅
Oh my goodness:( I'm a whistler, like probably on a professional level...I'm learning guitar, but my lips and tongue are my instrument that comes natural to me...not just silly jingles or doing it for a dog. It's like a dead talent...and there's probably people out there who are better, but I'm the best I've personally ever heard, any melody, beat, lead, mimic, I can do it all. I have a full range and a few different vobratos and techniques. Strangers usually think it is a cellphone or recorded song, when I randomly so it in public, then they'll be in disbelief that it's me. I started copying my dad, who was very musical, when I was a baby. Idk how old, but I could sit up on my own. It's one of my coping mechanisms. When I overthink things or stress, and don't know what to do, I'll either flow with whatever song I'm thinking of or compliment and music already playing. Most people tell me it's so beautiful and nice....but I've had a couple people who hate it. I'm so sorry it triggers you a bit. That makes me kinda sad. I need to be more self conscious of it. I can also do a few pretty bird songs hehehe.
As a boy. As I got older smiling all the time was eventually called out as weird. Then towards the end of high school I got called out for looking angry all the time. Figuring out what I am supposed to be at times is hard even now many many years later.
Around 10:50 , when I was in elementary I'd only be able to have 1-3 friends at most if even the 1 sometimes, but in 5th grade I was so socially unaware that when the boys in school would chase me around the playground (not like kids playing tag and chasing each other, I mean like 5+ boys chasing after 1 target and ganging up) and they'd pull my hair really hard everytime they caught me. I thought we were just 'playing' and remember being happy even though it would hurt cause they were all laughing which made me laugh too, but later realized I was being physically bullied. I was already picked on a lot for my appearance and such, alongside other childhood symptoms of autism.
I really hope I can afford a screening someday soon, I only became aware of autism being a possibility for me 3 years ago but ever since then keep having "OH" moments with how much lines up. Same with ADHD symptoms, which I've only recently started treatment for and things are still up in the air for that diagnoses.
Regarding the question about phrases: before my diagnosis, I used to say that I "pick up phrases easily". What that actually meant was that I would hear someone say "I appreciate you" instead of "thank you", and I would thereafter consistently use that in similar situations, etc., or I would meet someone who used the phrase "hey hey, here we go", and I would thereafter say it whenever I wanted to indicate that something was less than ideal but we were proceeding with it anyway, because that's how I first heard it used. I have multitudinous phrases like this that I've picked up over the years from friends, family, acquaintances, and media - and even a few people I just straight up disliked.
I was just ordering food at a new place and I thought I was doing well - quickly chose something off the menu, read about spice level and sauce options, thought I had it all figured out... And then completely fumbled the order. The cashier said "Relax" to me and it caught me off guard because I thought I was 😅😂
Heyy I got a 146, we're close!
Compensation 56, Masking 47, Assimilation 43.
I expect I would have had tad bit of a higher score during my teenage years. But now at the age of 31, I tend to try and be myself on purpose. However, that is harder than I expected it to be, because what I did to fit into the image everyone wanted to have of me was a nessecary thing to survive socially. (Or at least not being beaten up on a regular basis.) It seems to be a well thought out test to me though. However I had never heard of masking until half a year ago as a term. I knew I was playing pretend on a lot of occasions, but it never occured to me that this could have been a fixed term until then.
Adding that I am the type of person who actively stood infront of a mirror to teach myself facial expressions for years, had to actively learn how to laugh in a way I thought to be socially acceptable and have a mirror in my hallway not only to check if I look ok to go outside, but also do a few poses either mentally (when around people) or actively (when alone) to check if my resting-pose or other poses I expect to do work well with my clothing, so it hopefully won't feel off to others and I do that automatically by now.
Thank you a bunch for your content. It's really making me feel at ease to have this "hey, me too!" experience. Because I grew up knowing this was not normal (since other people did not do it, whenever I watched them to learn) and I feel a lot more normal and okay now.
Bro, what? My bond with my cousin is gold, I'd never entertain someones being disrespectful about my friendship with my cousin. I think is that they're just sad they don't have a strong bond like that.
Someone tried to "joke" about us thinking sweet home alabama, and we ended up putting him in his place by using the methods of making someone feel uncomfortable and cringe at what they just did. We gave him the disgusted glares and told him "That's f*cking disgusting and not funny. What is wrong with you?" In a bold strong and controlled voice in a scolding manner. It was highly effective, he stopped and you could tell he was reevaluating his life choices right then and there. This was during middleschool.
139
Compensation:35
Masking:51
Assimilation:53
I do something called Gray Rocking that I picked up after a manager at work seemed to always be picking fights with me. It's basically becoming non-reactive to other people and focused on being calm, healthy, and emotionally distant in interactions that feel especially draining. The more I like a person the more direct I am, though. With people I like I will nod and say yeah, and then reciprocate a short experience/thought I have with their topic of discussion. Most of the time that I'm in group settings I feel like people are bouncing off the walls while I'm sort of cautiously surfing through it, or I feel like everyone is being incredibly still while I feel like a bull-in-a-china-shop and I'm afraid to move my body. Even when I'm will my close friends I often prefer to sit slightly away from the group when possible. Like if everyone is gathered around a table, I feel more comfortable sitting near by, but not AT the same table, or I wander around the perimeter of the space looking at art or just trying not to be in the way. (One of my FAVORITE things is sitting on the front porch at gatherings while I can hear people talking through the windows.) I almost always feel like I'm in the way or other people are in the way, and rarely that we are comfortably occupying the same space. A lot of times I won't go out unless I have a "job" to do at a social event, or several coping/escape plans, like smoking a clove cigarette outside alone to center myself before going back in. The friends I've had for a long time now are increasingly kind and don't take it personally that I often separate myself from the group, and I've gotten better at letting them know when I'm leaving, rather than just ghosting them in the middle of gatherings without saying anything.
The "have a nice day" hit so close
also it always throws me off when teh other one says it first, then I get confused and hardly ever manage the "thanks you too" because that was my line gosh darn it, I didn't prepare for something else!
Ahaha!! Relatable!
Hey, thanks for all this. I don't know what category i fit in besides weirdo. So im on a self-discovery journey. I am trying to keep what relationships I have left. before I break them all. The resources you post have helped me start asking questions in a relevant way. Of course, I need medical professionals. But it's been good to poke around at the idea.