Finding a community of late diagnosed women online, esp poc, has validated so much of my autistic experiences. I relate to average of 70-90% of what autistic adults share on platforms like TH-cam. Yet I still struggle with imposter syndrome and gaslight myself thinking it’s a societal trap and in 10 years professionals are going to say “Sike! We tricked you into thinking your autistic when really all those traits are just you being a terrible human who can’t get it together” 😭
Having other late diagnosed adults talk about their knowledge and experiences can be such a saving grace honestly. Even I need those reminders sometimes! I feel you, you are not alone.
Latina late diagnosed woman here 🙋🏽♀️ Yes for this comment - I needed to read and see this. Here’s to better days with imposter syndrome and living well ❤️
so true. its even suckier when you havent got diagnosed yet ( i am afraid of being told im not autistic bc unfortunately even doctors are fcking dumb when it comes to high functioning autism)
You discussing others disrupting your routine is so validating, it always makes me feel like this rude horrible person but sometimes it really does help me stay focused to be listening to something and it's so so disruptive when I have to pause it every two minutes because someone wants to talk to me and it zaps my energy and I end up not finishing. It's like they cannot comprehend what I'm going through...
No, please block those who are spreading hate and ignorance, allowing comments like that to stay only entices others to do so as well. Please do not feel guilty for creating a better environment for yourself and viewers.
I am also non-verbal in the mornings, i use to live with 7 room mates in a 3 bed house. It was so frusterating trying to get my morning routine done while working around all the people i lived with at that time. They thought i was just angry every morning 😅
*Thank you* for blocking those ignorant comments to preserve a place of peace for this community. It means the world to those of us who already struggle with such rampant imposter syndrome. You are a good person, so it makes sense that you feel empathy towards the people you have to block, but please don’t beat yourself up for it - they aren’t people who are coming here to be challenged in their views or to learn. They aren’t saying, “wait, I didn’t realize this was something people experienced! I’m excited to learn more and am subscribing now.” Instead, they are spending their time silencing you, denying reality, and both mocking and abusing vulnerable people. Blocking this sort of cruel person (often a troll) is a way to defend your audience and show them care - ultimately, you are being empathetic through that action, not unempathetic or unfeeling. You’re assuming that your own kindness, open mindedness, and generosity towards others is also true of the people who have come here to do harm - your approach to the situation is an affirmation of your own good character, but it does not reflect something true about these people. You do not need to beat yourself up for wishing the world was willing to be kind; you do not need to beat yourself up for protecting the people in your community when that kindness is rejected. (Also, I am looking forward to advice on how to set up your home to support mental health and sensory needs! Those will be so, so helpful.)
As a highly sensitive INFJ I find it necessary to door slam people that intentionally criticize me, it's one thing to constructively criticize and another to be flat out ignorant or abusive. I'm in full support of blocking that person, don't take it personally you are a queen 👑! ❤
It's easy to say but it really doesn't matter what those people think. They're not privy to the information you have on your diagnosis or anything else in your life. They're just seeing someone talk clearly and eloquently about their experience. Whenever someone questions whether or not I'm autistic, I just think it's because I've become such a good actor over years of trying to adapt to society. Thanks for being so honest❤
Found out recently that the way modern seat belts are designed only accounted for male bodies/chests during test phase, and that females are way more likely to get injured/killed by the seatbelt in a crash as a result. 🫠 I really, REALLY feel you on the sensory struggle, Irene!!!
@@PIPFinalFilmProjectwhen I got in a car accident my seatbelt left ligature marks on neck basically, massive bruises. My cousin who was an EMT also had to help a woman who has her throat slit open by her seatbelt during an accident. I totally get why they're there but they seem so risky. And the sensory input is hell
The car seatbelt is a HUGE sensory struggle for me too! Whenever I am driving, I am constantly adjusting it and pulling it down, trying to feel comfortable, but I never do. However, I always wear my seatbelt, I would never ride in a car without it. So I just deal with it, but I'm constantly fiddling with it!
@@idab6864 What if put the shoulder strap under our arm? You think that’s safer? Probably bruise the breast area or crack rib. But I guess that’s sort of better than projecting throughout the windshield and retiring from breathing.
I also have imposter syndrome as several of my autism symptoms are considered "mild" and thus made me deny that I could possibly need accomodations or that I needed help. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person that struggles with it. Keep doing what you do Irene!
Interestingly, nothing makes me feel more confident that I'm Autistic than being around Autistic people, and comparing experiences...and nothing makes me doubt myself more than being around NTs and masking for them. I've tried to fit in with introverts, and geeks, and outcasts...but they're still NTs. I only really fully identify with Autistic people.
i relate to this so much. any time that my autism is labeled as “mild autism” (which it technically is) rather than just “autism” i feel so invalidated and like my symptoms “don’t affect me that much” even though they 100% do.
I was diagnosed early and it makes me furious when people dismiss late-diagnosed people as not real autistics. If they attack you I don't think you need to allow them to be here. I don't know whether or not they are autistic themselves but if they are they are clearly expressing an insecurity with themselves if they go after you. They may feel like they want to keep the autism label for themselves but that does not change the fact that people who were diagnosed later in life can still objectively speaking be autistic. I don't think I've ever come across someone who claimed to be autistic who was faking, it seems like a non-issue to me. Being openly autistic does not exactly raise one's social status in this society.
I’m 37 and recently diagnosed officially, though I’d suspected autism and/or ADHD for about a year after taking several online tests. Oh boy…the “coming out” process has been interesting. My mom was very accepting, which actually surprised and relieved me. My sister, too. She’d suspected for years, but had been afraid that suggesting it would offend me. (And who knows - I may have not been open to hearing it back then.) My dad, who’s probably autistic, too, thought I needed even more testing. (He’s also a retired special ed teacher who’s more used to the young boy presentations.) 🙄 I have also tested unmasking with certain clients. I’ve had one this week who was very supportive because he himself is ND after receiving a traumatic skull and brain injury, and his wife is deaf. They work with other disabled people. But then, I’ve had people lecture me about how the diagnosis might hold me back, I’m too smart, “We’re all a little autistic,” etc. One lady said that vaccines cause autism, and went on to describe a child she knew of who was clearly vaccine injured, but the symptoms were not at all the same as what I experience! They sounded more DD honestly. Then she offered to get some woo healer involved with me to “cure” me of my autism. 🙄 Anyway, on top of having a grandma who might pass away soon and a whole host of other factors, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed, sad, and alone lately.
You're not alone. I am self DX AuADHD at age 34. I chuckled reading about your Dad, as I suspect that my Dad is where my autism was inherited from. Funnily enough, he also worked with autistic and developmentally delayed people before he retired. Isn't it funny how despite that proximity, it seems to muddy the waters when looking inward or at your own offspring? 😂
Before my psych suggested an assessment, I had no idea that I might have autism. Now I'm looking back at the time a couple years ago when I said something like "I have imposter syndrome, but just with being alive in general" and nobody took me seriously, but I was absolutely being serious 😂
I feel you. I get like paralysed and cant do anything productive when my roommates or anybody else is being loud. using noise cancelling headphones all the time is exhausting too
Irene let me tell you something. I came across your channel a month or two ago. I love everything you put on here. I have a family member whose autistic and you have taught me so much about it. You speak perfectly, you speak beautifully. Whether it's hard for you to do that or whether it comes natural what's coming out is that you speak beautifully. No one else has to understand your autism, how you got it why you got it, where you got it. you know you have it! that's all that matters! Your content is fantastic and very helpful anybody who gives you a hard time can just go somewhere else. how's that? you are rocking it just keep your great content coming please
I just found your channel yesterday and I’ve probably watched 10 of your videos already, I enjoy and learn from all of them. To answer your question at the end, I think that’s definitely a tricky situation and there is no black and white answer. I think it’s definitely a balance that can be maintained. Going forward, I think it might be helpful for you to realize that if you do make the decision to block someone, you are taking a step that is not only protecting yourself but also other people (like me) scrolling through your comment section, who will be hurt just as much by comments that are intended to invalidate our experiences. Hope that helps, you’re amazing, keep doing you!
Thank you for sharing this. This is the reason why I make the efforts to block those people because I don't want the comment section to be yet another space where people like us start avoiding because we feel unsafe...Autistics sometimes more than most people need a healthy sense of community and belonging too!
Adult-diagnosed (She/her): since learning about my autism there are some days I feel a lot of self-resentment for forming these masks which make it difficult for people to accept my truth when I disclose or believe my struggles and shortcomings. I try to remind myself that my mask is not something I consciously made and it is not worthless, sometimes it has let me protect myself and I appreciate that aspect of it. I struggle with the duality of it.
That comment dilemma is so tricky. But I feel like we shouldn't have to cater to the haters. One mute doesn't silence them completely. It means their behavior won't be tolerated in this one space in a sea of many, many online spaces. I find that few people who disagree with you actually want to debate the subject. Or have a real discussion. Or even listen. Most want a quick ego boost where antagonizing makes them feel superior for a few minutes. They're not thinking about you nearly as much as we think about them
I think you are exactly right! These "hater commenters" have no interest in any real discussion, they just want to be divisive and ugly. It makes them feel good to hurt others. They're not open-minded and are unwilling (and unable) to think intelligently. It's best to ignore them, but it's hard sometimes!
Exactly this, opening up communications usually just enables them to continue making such ignorant or hurtful comments now they know that they have your attention. I'd say it's your channel and space so up to your discretion to decide whether this was a comment purely to hurt, or perhaps truly someone who is questioning the topics you've brought up and wants to actually have a discussion
Yes. And whether they are trolls who get off on spreading unhappiness, or people who have to compulsively push their ideas of the way things work on others, they have their own issues, some of them with physiological underpinnings like us. Certainly they are not happy, centered people. I try to remember that, and not accidentally presume that they have a leg up on us in being functional.
@@jimwilliams3816 a lot of "haters" or "trolls" are chronically online people with narcissistic/sadistic tendencies. Their behaviour towards you is a symptom of their mental state, it's not like they live a happy fulfilled life with responsibilities and healthy relationships, and pop online to leave 3 or 4 ugly comments. They spend their days doing this, they are absolutely lost.
thank you for your openness and honesty. your authenticity is a big part of what i enjoy about your content. i was recently diagnosed as autistic and have an older ADHD diagnosis, and I'm so grateful to have your videos as a resource. thank you for everything you do. i see how much work and energy you put into your videos and it's so appreciated ❤️
I am happy your driving skill is to talk while keeping your eyes moving. It's one of my hypervigilant actions while driving. I can't drive without looking around my mirrors very often. I think blocking mean ignorant people is exactly what I wish you do. I need your safe space too. Sharing here is like community to me. My last post mentioned my own imposter syndrome issue. Trying to be who I am, in agency with boundaries can be exhausting. I appreciate your openness. Truly.
Also- you’re allowed to have boundaries with who you invite into the community you’re nurturing. There is room for respectful discourse over differences, but if people are being blatantly disrespectful (like just shooting their opinions into the void with no consideration of the receiver(s)), then that is problematic. They’re not being thoughtful of the safe space you’re trying to cultivate here, which seems to be a core part of this community’s values. You can always encourage differing opinions (eg let me know if you have different thoughts- kind of like what you did with this video!), but also say that ignorant comments will not be tolerated. It’s also an awesome way to show people healthy boundaries with communication. 😊 tldr you’re awesome and I’m sure that a lot of people that stumble across this channel feel the same way.
You are amazing love your videos you perfer the quiter times to go shopping you are a strong woman glad you're channel is growing you deserve many more subscribers you are a kind hearted woman don't listen to those dumbass people you know you the best you are a beautiful honest genuine person
Holy shit thank you for talking about your situation with your roommates. Since my diagnosis in late 2021, I've suspected the recurrent issues I've had living with roommates has been related to my autism, but I have never hard any other autistic people talk specifically about their experience with this so this was so validating to hear. I'm actually almost in the same situation as you in that I've had some really traumatic past experiences with roommates and I'm lucky that my current ones have been a little better, but issues do still arise. In fact, the "little things" that people don't think about much are the things that are the hardest for me right now. I struggle with disordered eating too and wholeheartedly relate to the other people being in the kitchen thing. Cooking is already something I struggle with and I feel very overwhelmed and overstimulated when other people are in the kitchen while I cook. Not to mention, just the fact that the fridge is so full. I have object permanence issues and when I don't know what food is mine or can't see my food I forget about it and it goes to waste. I don't eat my groceries and waste money on ordering food because of this, and also because of lack of motivation to cook when its such an overstimulating activity for me. This is only exacerbated my eating disorder. I also really struggle with the unpredictability of guests in the house. If they are my own guests and I chose to have them over, it's okay, but when my roommates have guests it stresses me out so much. My social anxiety gets so bad if I'm not prepared and I hide in my room to the point where I even minimize the amount of movement I make as if to pretend I'm not even in there. And then, of course, there's the noise. We also have extremely thin walls and part of me just thinks I've been conditioned from past living experiences to be overly cautious about the amount of noise I personally make. Whereas my roommates don't pay that much attention to the noise they make - they are heavy walkers, loud talkers, door slammers, etc. I can't fully blame them for that because I know it is something they probably get from their upbringing and their own experiences but it makes me so much more frustrated and irritable because, in my overstimulated and irritated brain, it feels like they don't even care or take into consideration that other people are in the house and may be sleeping or working. It feels like my only safe space, my bedroom, isn't even safe and is invaded by the noise. Even when I have my earbuds on (because they're always on) I can hear them over whatever I'm listening to. It gets so exhausting, especially because I often tell myself my frustrations aren't even valid, that it's not a big deal, that I'm being dramatic, controlling etc. It has gotten to the point that I'm so desperate to live alone but I just can't afford to because I'm on disability. My roommate is leaving at the end of the summer, and we are all going to have to find new living situations. It has been the most anxiety provoking thing not knowing what I'm going to do in August - refusing to entertain the idea of moving back in with more roommates. It is so terrifying to think about having to have new roommates again. But I don't know if it's going to be possible for me to live alone - even if I find a full time job when I graduate, I have trouble holding onto jobs sometimes so it's just scary. The other thing is that all of this makes my imposter syndrome even worse because people expect autistic people to need extra support and to struggle to live independently, but I feel the opposite. I feel like I NEED to live independently. My boyfriend has also suggested we move in together but I don't think I'm ready for that, I've always wanted to live alone and I just need to finally have that experience of having my own space for a while. I wish the system wasn't broken and could support us enough to accommodate needs like this and allow us to live alone. Anyways, I really appreciate you sharing your experience here. Thank you.
Omg Leah I relate to you 100%!! These are my daily struggles as well and I also want/NEED to live alone but can’t afford to. It’s incredibly hard and stressful especially when it comes to things you mentioned like being alone in the kitchen when you have suffered with eating struggles. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, if nothing else, and I hope we both manage to get our peace in the end. I’ve also unfortunately suffered a lot in the past with particularly nasty housemates who basically bullied me and I’m traumatised from it. It feels like being autistic automatically attracts people like that even when you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and I’m sick of it..
Need for autonomy is such a common autistic trait. If it helps, I feel like I can safely say that the need for support is a whole other thing, and you can need both. I’ve never lived alone, though I’m not that good at living with others. Looking back now, I’m not sure if it would have been possible either financially or in terms of doing everything myself.
Regarding the people standing in front of stores...I feel the same way, but it also extends to often not wanting to walk out my front door to leave home because my nextdoor neighbour is almost always in his driveway and wants to make smalltalk while I get in my car. I don't want to waste my spoons on him when I apready need so many to go out and do errands at all. I can't understand people's insistence for small talk. It's a struggle.
I'm the opposite where I almost got diagnosed at age 19, refused it, and spent ten years fighting against the diagnosis by masking and only allowing to be officially diagnosed as ADHD. I was born deaf and after regaining my hearing I spent years catching up and prided myself on breaking out of special ed by fourth grade and passing for normal. Being in special ed was traumatizing how dehumanizing it was to be othered and I didn't want to go through that feeling and treatment again, I didn't want to be considered 'special' and the condescension that followed. I went so far as trying to convince psychologists I was Bipolar or had Avoident Personality Disorder, anything else, because I woud rather have those labels than Autism. The decades of masking finally caught up to me and the pandemic undid everything I worked so hard to bury and correct, going back to work after being unmasked for two years lead to a nervous breakdown and total burnout where my brain reverted back to my Autistic state and I could no longer mask the way I used to and I had to admit to myself that I'm Autistic and accept the diagnosis and finally seek out disability. I consider the late dipagnosed lucky because they never had to endure the dehumanization of special ed and the forever insecurity it embeds in the psyche, that to me is worse than imposter syndrome.
Target sounds like your happy visual place. Mine is Chinatown. It's my happy place, I think I like all the black and red lacquered boxes. The different kinds of toys just make my autistic brain smile. I always wondered why it was such a happy place for me. Now with my late in life diagnosis, I really get why it only seems to make me smile like the kid in me gets real joy. Yes you really helped me. I like you, have a pocket full of proof, a stack of my diagnosis but my 10 yr. Live in partner, is now embarrassed that I am his gf. In his words "he didn't sign of for this "sh#!" Being told I fooled him 10 yrs ago when we started dating, not letting him know I was so "sensitive " which is the word I use, he uses "so handicapped" so looks like I am making many more trips to Chinatown.
This is my whole week, you have no idea how amazing your impact has been in my life. I've felt so alone, being a first born autistic girl (nonbinary but, was a girl and that role is internalized) and struggling to get diagnosed is alienating from both autistic and allistic communities. Thank you
Im LVL 2 and ADHD combined and I associate with almost EVERYTHING you've spoke about in experience and needs. I was diagnosed maybe 2 years ago officially and I turn 31 in a few weeks. It feels like im trying to convince someone or if i talk about my needs and autism with people from my past who havent seen me since I was diagnosed I talk more openly about it because im trying to connect and feel okay with my needs so I include people - and it feels like im trying to justify or convince all the time. I have a service dog and on a lot of days (especially in my country) i feel like a liar even though i know when i get home - he's helped me go out in the first place to do things "alone" and independantly. without Louie I know i would struggle to initiate self employed adult tasks and I work so hard with the battle of doin things for ME instead of the validation or motivation I recieve fromdoing things for OTHERS - and this is something noone talks about which is really common. Like i prefer to actually COOK a decent meal when its for myself and my partner. cooking alone looks like a few gulps of milk from the fridge and a musli bar or take away. People wont ever understand. because it IS a disability and it is hard and its socially everyone comes across as so unaware just because i "look" like a capable, articulate and intellegent person - it makes no difference what im experiencing fom the inside. They cant see it. But i also dont need to explain it. its such a constant fucking battle and Im with anyone experiencing this shit because its so goddamn hard.
People who comment negatively about positive, helpful, inclusive content are not adding to the value of the conversation. They are taking up space and time in an attempt to somehow feel good about themselves only, for the most part. Thank you for this video. ❤
The moving question. It's a big deal in my opinion. I think documenting it can be helpful and sharing the journey. The aspects of change, being grounded, and anxiety, new neighbors, utilities snd scheduling are huge in my thoughts. Change scares me. The old attachment and abandonment rises. Best wishes
i have also noticed the invalidating and/or ignorant comments. people being rude and invalidating comes off differently than someone who just wants to share their opinion and perspective. feeling the need to block someone because their comment came across as harmful is completely valid. this is your channel and your community, and you do not have to open this safe space to people who are willing to compromise the work that you put in for autistic women and gender diverse people. if they have a differing opinion and perspective, then i feel that they should do their own due diligence by being intentional with their words. constructive criticism on certain things is necessary, but being a hater is not. also, i'm so glad that you will be able to expand not only your content but your accomodations. i am also a very structured morning person, and i am easily turned away from taking care of my human needs when that routine gets disrupted. i would love to see your kitchen tips and tricks for cooking and eating consistently. maybe even a "day in the life" type video where you show different routines in your life that you feel comfortable recording.
I totally relate with the "my time morning" and the eating issues. I think the way you described them would finally make my family/friends actually understand what I mean ❤
Hi Irene, I think that if you feel like the negative comments are bringing you down personally then it may be good for you to block that person. I understand that you don’t want to shut down anyones opinions even if they don’t align with yours, however, this is your channel and your community that you made so ultimately it’s up to you what you want to do with those comments. Maybe in the future it would even help to make a video responding to some of them, I make that recommendation because I think it can be a way of validating yourself and your experience while also bringing awareness to how certain comments can effect people. I also wanted to say thank you so much for all your videos, I’ve found them so helpful along my asd diagnosis journey! Keep being your awesome self! 😊
to your question at the end, as you said its like setting a boundary. this is your channel, your voice therefore you should a mediator for yourself and those in this community. the idea that these people who need to be blocked deserve to have their ignorant opinions heard for discourse, to me at least, is like having "the foot in the door". metaphorically the boundary and where it lies in where the door is, they're trying to cross it and the slamming the door on them would be keeping yourself protected. you just have to trust yourself and the discernment to identify when someone is trying to be a part of the conversation or are just trying to argue endlessly & defensively. as i see it, the actual discernment and the trust would be the healthy balance for open communication.
It’s been a year since my diagnosis at 32 but I am really still struggling. Apparently I understand social situations too well. No matter that I also have CPTSD and as a survival mechanism I HAD to learn to read people. Yes it was hard, but my life depended on reading the subtle differences in humans emotional states
I appreciate you blocking people being rude in your comment section. A little while back I left a comment on one of your videos and someone told me to “get help” and it made me feel really bad. I appreciate you making this a safe space for both you and us :)
Hey, I want you to know I was diagnosed just this last October at age 33 and your channel was one of the first I found. And I'm having a hard time with this new diagnosis but I want you to know I find your work to be helpful. Btw, you are super brave to be able to sit in front of a camera, talk without a script, and be able to interact with complete strangers on the internet that are often not autistic. So posting content regularly is already a huge undertaking.
To your last point, I would not feel bad about blocking people who aren't adding constructive, empathetic and understanding information, and that's important in making a safe space. I totally understand the guilt, and I'd say trust your feeling on what you would like to leave to reply to (I know I click more on comments where the creator has reacted because you can see that) if you want to bring awareness to someone who is showing ignorance. But if it's really harmful or bothering you, or it would take too much energy to respond, definitely don't feel bad about blocking because it's your space! You are showing such understanding and care about this topic, you got this!
Good luck with your move. I just moved 6 times in 5 years because I was in college, it was horrible. I was so burned out after my 9th semester that I could barely get out of bed for months and I never thought I’d be able to work again. I moved back in with my mom and sisters, but I’ll have to move again soon because they don’t want me here. I just want to scream.
People on the internet can be very inconsiderate and have no compassion for others, and if we reply to them why even bother leaving mean comments then they say "freedom of speech". Invalidation is very hurting. I have experienced lots of that in my life, and they have no idea how much it affected me since childhood. No matter what, those people won't change unless they recognize, learn and change their behaviors. Let's just say, "We are sorry for them that they didn't learn to be kind to others, because they are probably not kind to themselves. " 😊 I am very proud of you putting yourself out there on social media to share your struggles, experiences and knowledge. I appreciate that! I got diagnosed ADHD&ASD just recently (im 40). Just started learning CTB through therapy. it's gonna be a long journey since I've been masking and under stress for many years. Thank you for making videos:)
👍👍 obviously we've all had different experiences of these things but I feel like I know exactly where you're coming from. Moving out sounds exciting! I'm sure you will feel the benefit of all the changes to your home situation 👍😊 I'd probably try to block/report those insincere people without thinking too hard about it. If they are truly here to learn then it has to start with learning how to listen. We shouldn't be having to remind or encourage people to be compassionate. Neurodivergent and neurotypical people can be extremely different from each other and we all need to practice speaking and listening to eachothers experiences with empathy and sincerity. Irene you said yourself you can feel your own growth as experienced over the last couple of years, based on that I would say you must be doing something right and personally I trust your instincts 👍👍 Further than that, supposing you do end up doing something you come to feel conflicted about, you will not lose any respect from me and I will never think any less of you for it. You can only do your best, whatever that is today, and your best will always be good enough for me 👍👍!
Just started coming across your videos. I'm starting my psychology degree in September so your videos will be useful, but I also relate to a lot of what you talk about.
I think its very rude for members of the public to act like they can (mis)diagnose someone. I really appreciate you sharing your journey. I support blocking people who dont support you or dont have the openness or desire to understand your experience. They don't deserve a space where they can invalidate it. I also relate to having a voice in your head asking you if thats the right thing to do. Honestly, if doing do allows you to create a space place for yourself and people like you, then its the right thing to do. If people want to be let into a space, they should be open to dialogue and have curiosity about other peoples experiences rather than judge them.
If someone’s comments are rude or disrespectful block them. Don’t feel bad. They are causing you discomfort and anxiety which you don’t need. You speak very well and clearly and ignorant people don’t understand what autism is. They have preconceived ideas about what autism looks like. They don’t know you personally so how can they say you are not autistic. Ignore these uninformed people and don’t bother with them. You are doing good with your videos and helping many
Adult self-diagnosed here (still trying to get in to see a specialist for the official). I relate so much with the impostor syndrome feeling. When I was younger, before ever considering autism, I use to describe myself "like Clark Kent, but not with the superpowers." And what I always meant by that was that I felt as if I was always pretending to be what others expected and that, if I messed up, everyone would know how not-normal I was. And anytime I try to explain that to people to start my explanation as to why I feel my self-diagnosis is accurate, I get a "oh, so you never grew out of the not like other girls stage", or "well, we all do that", or "well, everyone is a little autistic sometimes." Even the ones that were willing to take my assessment of myself as valid did the "but what would an official diagnosis even do for you but stigmatize you?" It's all very frustrating and demeaning and a part of me can't help but listen to it a bit. But then I listen to people, like you, explain your world view, your experiences, your issues. And it makes me feel seen. I've never been able to listen to people talk about their lives and actually connect to it on a level that I actually know the feelings. Before looking into autism myself, it had always been on a theoretical basis, or based on the shows I've watched because "that's what normal people are like". So, while it feels overwhelming, take a little bit of comfort in knowing that you are helping people, no matter what the uninformed may say.
While i don't have any video suggestions, i do have some moving ones, having moved a lot in my past. My advice is when you get your stuff there, day one, make sure you have kitchen basics set up, bed itself set up, and if you have a couch then that is also day one. Having those things specifically, means you've got somewhere to sleep, relax, and make food going forward. The rest of the unpacking can be done at your leisure.
I feel it’s not only your responsibility to keep a reasonable open talking space, it’s also a growth journey and responsibility for individuals in your channel to recognize and decide how would they manage their emotion when they see the comments that’s provoking anger and show ignorance. Also see much comments might not contribute good to individuals’ comfortable life, it’s also worth to take a consideration whether they want to consume that much or not.
I think you are amazing! Your honesty and honest concern for your TH-cam viewers, and the Audhd community in general is so useful, worthy and valuable. I’m a 54 man with a lot of trauma issues. Self diagnosed with autism for hopefully only another couple months. ADHD for sure. Tourette’s maybe. I’m not sure where the stimming stops and the Tourette’s begins if that makes sense? Raised by Narcissists that I still have to rely on for survival. No treatment. No therapy. No one bothered. So NEVER EVER underestimate or devalue yourself. It’s so hard! But that is literally the only way I survived this long. Anyway. The reason I’m commenting. I watch a lot of reaction videos. Music, movies, Buffy. The Buffy reactors acquire or hire moderators so commenters don’t spoil the show. I’m thinking, maybe get someone to screen your comments like that to weed out the baddies. Thanks you for what you do!!
In typical Autistic fashion, I'm going to be blunt and straight forward. I think you do a good job with your channel and provide a place for Autistic people to compare experiences and connect.
I feel so validated watching your videos. Always a nugget…. I love when you forgot your water and it was a major deal. My Diet Coke over ice in a certain cup is an emotional support when I start work in my car. I don’t even have to drink it as much as one sip and knowing it is there. It would handicap me with discomfort to not have it. Another thing I do is develop habits and routines very quickly. I eat the same thing everyday. It serves twofold: autism and my eating disorder.
When you’ve felt like you’ve been dismissed for your struggles your whole life, it stings extra badly when people invalidate or dismiss the reason why. It takes so long for many of us to discover that reason. I feel this video so hard. It seems like no one in my life believes me.
For future video suggestions, I'd love to see a kitchen/fridge set up. I've been really struggling with creating a kitchen space that functions for me without making me super stressed every day trying to make meals and clean up.
I just wanted to point out that you are being incredibly thoughtful about your approach to dealing with ignorant comments and I would also suggest that the people making these comments are probably not giving you anywhere near the same amount of thought or energy when they say these things. They aren't being vulnerable in the same ways you are and I think you should be able to carve out and protect this space in the ways that feel most comfortable to you without having to feel bad or second guess yourself. It's just my point of view, but I think you should save your energy for the people who are ready to hear you. Also, thank you for making these videos.
As much as freedom of expression is a great concept, there has to be good faith in discussions of this kind of sensitivity, if the individual who comes in doesn't behave in good faith i believe you are well within your right to close that connection off. Online discussions are too lacking in emotional connection/empathy/understanding to have nuanced discussions with people who choose to dehumanize and hurt another. Its easy for all of us to give opinions from the safety of anonymity, but i just hope you choose what you are comfortable with, as a late diagnosed individual (diagnosed a month ago with ADHD/Autism) your content has been a grounding factor for me and i dont know how i would be without voices like yours out here on TH-cam.
How you were describing your living situation with your roommates feels familiar. Thank you for sharing because I get these feels when I need to focus and everything just feels like a HUGE distraction/disruption. And your flow feels ruined and you don't want to try again because you just lost the day. Or your motivation.
thank you for your videos, it really informed me on autism and helped me feel seen. i suspect im autistic and i'm coming to the realization pretty late in life. i'm sorry you have to go thru those things like doubtful comments, but those ppl's opinion really doesn't matter, it's not them living this experience anyway.
I completely understand you wanting to keep your community safe. It definitely puts you in a predicament and I'm sorry. I would venture to say leave the comments there. You've already seen them so you're not lessening your hurt. And people who truly get it believe you. And as far as other subscribers reading those ignorant comments If they truly are autistic then they know it and will most likely write those comments off as ignorant (not everyone, but most if they've been in the community for any amount of time) If they are severely questioning it maybe there is a reason for that too and maybe those feelings shouldn't be ignored. It's easier said than done and I think your community would support whatever decision you make because it's not an easy one. There's definitely a huge difference between constructive criticism and trolls, and I think you have to trust your community is probably mostly intelligent and thick-skinned enough to understand the difference.
Been watching some of your videos for the last few days. I cannot believe how validated and seen I feel. The way you articulate these hard to reach feelings/actions/way we can be, is absolutely necessary for me to better understand myself, and just pure magic. I self diagnosed myself with adhd, years later got the guts to ask for an evaluation-life has been easier in many ways with the support from my psychiatrist(meds-which I was and sometimes still am ashamed I take..damn-stigma!!damn-pride!!) and my therapist who often reminds me of my neuro divergence when I tend to get down on myself for things I should not. I’ve always felt like I was on the spectrum. Once I dove deep, there was no way someone could tell me otherwise. I’m a lot like yourself where I can mask well. Usually, however been ton this intense hormone therapy for 5 months to treat my endo I found out I had, once I experienced excruciating pain from a grapefruit sized cyst popping! (knew I had it,never diagnosed)...many times we know, we research, it’s obvious. A few months ago I had to leave my teacher aid (7th grade special education) job that I loved and hated, loved connecting with the kiddos. Hated, because the lack of support from the school/teacher who couldn’t handle her students/and overcrowded class(just me and the teacher for 8 months,) for a class of 13, and got three more my last month, for many reasons started to feel unsafe, Etc. but since I haven’t been working like that, been doing my own pet gig thing, I’ve noticed my add/autism characteristic have heightened. Like a lot. Also at the age where I’m really finally realize it’s not me and my depression/anxiety, it’s mostly because I haven’t found ways to ‘cope’ with my non linear mind. I first thought ohh,prob my add, covid fog from feb, and me being on menopause at 30 due to hormone therapy. But now I onow For sure these major events definitely have wobbled me up a bit more than I’ve realized. I’m a strong woman, I’ve had to be, but it can sometimes b a double edge sword because sometimes I forget that I’m not a superhuman...like how I may at times view other linear minds. So, I ran into your vids and that’s when I realized I have been chalking all these characters to adhd, when they have been more focused on me interacting awkwardly,communicating strangely, etc...like girl. Thanks for reminding me. I was feeling stuck. Been on a better flow, but I’m already gaining more confidence and awareness of myself through these videos. I was a bit triggered the first couple of times listening in, because the reality and facts you were spitting was just so damn real. And like I kinda said, it’s helped me understand, I feel as though I cannot explain everything you have in the way you do like I wish! So thank you so much. I def want to check out your coaching. I can’t not. You are amazing. Thank you beautiful ❤ Sorry yet thank you for rant!😬
Good to hear all of that.. I only go grocery shopping at quite small supermarket, rarely go anywhere else. There are never a lot of people there. Music is nice, not too loud, I know where everything is. I especially like mornings, when everything is in order and only couple of people wandering around. Overall it's a great shop, I don't know why anybody would prefer other places XD
Blocking those that are not interacting, constructively, or putting forth questions to truly learn, but who are usually only here to disagree w/o ever trying comprehend or learn, blocking is a good boundary. My spouse has told me and often reminds me, you choose who you allow in your circle. Meaning, those you allow in your space physically but also those that you choose to give ear to; someone may still be around physically but what they say/share with you, you choose to not recieve. I agree, I is very healthy to have those who are not always in agreement but if an individual is only ever in disagreement it is a one way street for them. I hope this made sense.
I'm so proud and excited for you! I can relate somewhat, I'm not moving but my boyfriend moved in last month and my current roommate is moving out this week. I'm excited and relieved, but also guilty because she's a long time friend. I just felt like I was masking constantly whenever she was in the house and since my mental health has worsened I just dont have the spoons to do that in my own home. I also haven't been holding up my end of the chores because of burnout and demand avoidance and she didn't sign up to come here and be my maid. So I'm always hiding in my room from her because I feel guilty even though I'm doing the best I can. I just hope things won't feel so awkward with her once we have some space or that I can find some way to apologize.
Hello🌞 Here are my answers to the questions towards the end of your video: 1. I find it difficult myself, but I think blocking them when they are overly ignorant is indeed the way to go. I’d even put it in my bio/about so they know what I’ll do once they proceed with their bs. I did in in real life too. I do not continue contact with people who do such things. I also struggle immensely with the guilt, but at the end of the day, you are allowed to take up space. So I think we just need to tell that voice inside our head to f off. 2. I don’t think it’s possible to have proper discourse with such people, at the end of the day they won’t back off no matter what you respond or how much evidence you have. Which in itself is ridiculous, right? I wonder how they feel when they go to the doc and the doc tells then their leg doesn’t hurt, it’s in their head😅 - bonus: I respect and admire your videos so much. You have helped me feel less alone and seen. And I like to hear your voice. Ty😊
15:57 I've never heard somebody else who had that problem,, for me there are times when I can go when other people are there,, but often it's a major deterrent and then I end up not eating for many hours on end
Irene, I think you are right to feel concern about ignoring contrary or ignorant views of people generally. Being in a bubble has known problems. But TH-cam comments is not life generally; when people troll you on the internet, they do not see the pain on your face reading it. They just get the dopamine buzz of having said what they believe, with no concern for you. So I would suggest you treat TH-cam as a special case, more risky, and not be concerned about blocking people.
I definetly understand what you mean, for me personally when I’m surrounded with other autistics or in an autistic space I get a sense of imposter syndrome because I start undermining the struggles i expereince in comparison with others. But then once I enter a group situation (usually mostly neurotypicals) I immediately feel alienated and the ‘odd one out’ once again. Its a never ending swing of the pendelum and I think being autistic makes you especially sensitive (because of past experiences) to constantly socially ‘check’ and compare yourself. You’ve just gotta remind yourself that every autistic person is different, and no two people will be the same in their struggles but that doesn’t make one ‘more autistic’ than another.
New to the channel, but just wanted to say I get some insane anxiety when their are people standing outside the front of the store. I have actually gotten to the point that I avoid certain stores as much as possible now.
I am so grateful for your content and channel Irene! I am currently self diagnosed with Autism, but hope to eventually get a professional assessment. I look forward forward to your new videos and over the past month have watched through most of the ones you have. You’re making a difference and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in curating a safe community here. ❤️ it is ok to not allow those who are negatively impacting your energy or this beautiful community you’re curating. For moving, I’m excited to hear how the new space allows you further embrace your routines and rhythms. I’m an Interior Designer working towards my Architecture licensing. I’m always curious how people design their home to work for them.
I can totally relate. I have a Booktube channel, and I am so nervous about getting big enough that I can't 'know' all my subscribers anymore. Right now my comments are from people I recognize and am used to, not exactly friends, but fairly safe people, so it doesn't feel like a stressful social environment yet. I mention I am autistic in some videos, but rarely talk about it much explicitly, and maybe I'll start doing a bit more talking about it, before I get more than a few hundred subscribes, while it is less risky.
The instinct to accommodate alternative points of view is a welcome one, especially in the polarised/polarising social media space. However, there is a difference between that and accepting abuse. Where the line lies, is a judgment call - specifically, yours, as curator of this particular space. While you might be wise and thoughtful enough to make good decisions in this regard, it is understandable that the emotional toll might be high sometimes. You could consider outsourcing this task for a while, or you could perhaps deliberately work with another counsellor until you have established a protocol that you are comfortable with. Good luck, and thank you very much for producing relevant, useful, insightful content. You are one of a handful creators on the topic of neurodivergency that I follow loyally.
I so badly wanted to reach through the screen and hug you! I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD (my GP/family doctor felt confident giving me a diagnosis without formal assessment just from my self-reporting questionnaire) and have been considering pursuing an ASD diagnosis. I have only spoken to 2 people about my suspicions; my mom and my adult son. My son immediately dismissed me with "you're not autistic," which was deflating, while my mom, when I said, "maybe I have Autism and not ADHD," replied, "maybe it's both." That response was both vindicating and scary, but the more look into symptoms and overlap, it feels like it makes sense. My mom is also hoping to seek some sort of diagnosis, she's nearly 70, but I told her it's never too late, and we definitely have neurodivergence in our genetics.
Don’t feel guilty for deleting the haters. Think of it like u are cleaning up the beach for us to enjoy. Someone has to go and pick up the garbage unfortunately because of pollution, so you are doing the heavy lifting for us to have this nice safe tidy space to hang out in. Hopefully in the future there will be a bot that can just auto delete any hate comments. Ever since ytbers have started deleting hate comments yt has become a much nicer place to be.
I am so sorry for the ignorance you experience. I'm severely struggling with imposter syndrome. Which is why I'm seeking my official diagnosis. I can't imagine how hard it must be... Actually I kinda can in a way. I literally started this video thinking "I just do not have the confidence to say what I feel the way she does." And I know you might say it's not confidence but it's the only word I can think of. You're very inspirational to me. You validating yourself gives me the strength to validate myself. I'm really struggling ATM specifically with preexisting relationships. I feel so tied to who I was before self diagnosis not because of myself but because of everyone else... Really struggle with. I just personally just generally struggle with being approached in public. Struggle to not get incredibly frustrated when someone puts me into the situation where I NEED to reply... Strugggglllleeeeee
i’ve only found this channel like 2 days ago after watching your jobs and burnout video and i feel like this is the most genuinely heard i’ve ever felt in such a long time❤
My emotional support water bottle! 💧 You know the hydration situation must be turned on. I love having a variety of water bottles & carbonated beverages to choose from when leaving the house. ✨ Thank you for sharing! ✨
Wow, thank you so much for sharing! Your experience is really helpful as my partner and I have been in toxic roommate situations before and it's always been so complicated - while I normally love my neurodivergent gremlin brain, it adds a lot of layers to managing dynamics and lifestyles lololololol But keep fighting the good fight and keeping your space and ecosystem well cycled!
I love your videos and I’ve been working on balancing my ego so your videos are a good reminder of what is really important to me.I love the way you think and your videos are so great.I really just recently started to watch you and you are so wise and awesome from what I’ve seen in your videos.I’ve been a bit of an autistic magnet later in my life either I was drawn to the autistic person or they were drawn to me.I’ve had some of the best and natural connections with some autistic people on different spectrums whether they were meant to stay in my life or not.I’ve also had struggles socially in the past but I’ve also been told I have Aspergers whether it’s true or not I’ve learned some great lessons and had some great times with autistic people.Autistic people are great teachers whether they are trying to have you learn something or from what they happened to reflect back at you.Thanks for sharing your videos
Would be super helpful to have a video showing how you set up safe spaces when first moving and trying to bring safety in to your new place while you are getting used to the new space, new noises (as well as getting used to know which noises are from the neighbours and safe and can use noise cancelling headphones and such for and which noises are something to be on alert about), new everything in that area. I've tried doing this myself in the past when moving but never succeeded very well as felt at a bit of a loss of where to start and it's just sort of a sensory overload on top of everything else.
im self diagnosed, i cant get a formal evaluation because all the doctors i see to get referred deny me * in their words* "because of your self harm scars"...... but hearing you talk abt your experience and being able to relate to you and stuff is super helpful. my imposter syndrome really gets the best of me a lot of the time. since i dont have that formal diagnosis its a lot easier to gaslight myself and to not accept what ik to be true. its really hard... because other autistic ppl wont ever tell me i need a diagnosis, but neurotypical ppl wont take me seriously at all unless i have some fucking paper signed off by a doctor... fuck i hate this society sm, i could rant forever abt how unnecessarily difficult it is to get diagnosed as autistic. it really feels like no one wants to admit im autistic because actually admitting it means you should also accommodate me in some way and no one wants to do that. ughghgha idk what im even trying to say anymore, im just ranting sorry. but i just got myself so heated abt diagnosis and now i cant stop 😭😭 idk i just wanted to get this off my chest because its been bothering me forever and ill never get over it. this system we have is completely broken. it shouldnt be my responsibility to navigate this maze of bureaucracy; the way to get diagnosed should be made with autistic ppl in mind so its actually fucking accessible to us. anyway pls dont let the ignorant ppl get to you. you can always stop reading comments entirely, your mental wellbeing is more important than staying up to date with what strangers are saying on the internet. and i wish anyone who read this whole comment the best
I feel this so much! I’m self diagnosed too, no one takes it seriously. I feel like I’m making it all up in my head sometimes which makes me feel crazy. I remember for a period of time I thought I was bipolar because of my meltdowns & shut downs but I’m certain I’m Autistic, it’s nice not feeling so alone in it all though I am sorry that you’re struggling too.
@@Fwootgummi ikrr, it makes me so mad. its seriously not a valid reason to deny me anything?? its just so wild. esp since all my scars are really old and faded at this point.... but yeah, ill stop ranting abt it
Hi! First time viewer. I was worried while you were driving and talking about upsetting things. There are a few ideas i have for the questions you asked. - can you get someone to read your comments for you to remove you from any harm? - this is your space that you are envisioning for your viewers. I greatly appreciate your desire for a safe space and at the same time not wanting to shut people out. You can set terms for comments. Subject to change whenever you want. This is your vision! - I think the nature of youtube leaves us too open. What if a safer supportive space existed on Discord. Invite only? Thank you for your work!
team emotional support drinks 🙃 the imposter syndrome thing/having my diagnosis doubted is one reason why I don't lead with being autistic. I just don't make it part of my intro or bio or anything, though I do post about it & talk about it occasionally. I'd rather be the person that people get to know first then understand I'm autistic & be like "oh so that's what it's actually like" instead of creating a preconceived notion. and I'm so sorry you had to live with roommates. I'm fortunate I never had to but even living with my father in law I completely relate to everything you said especially the eating schedule part.
Sending you a big hug and the best wishes on your move! I agree 100% with blocking negative comments. Differences of opinion are one thing, harmful comments are quite another and it’s absolutely valid to protect yourself and your platform ❤
Your an amazing person. Your authenticity made me cry as I’m 40 and suffer from the same obstacles as you. Also being diabetic I totally relate to the food and how it’s hard for others to understand how difficult that dynamic is. The holy trinity of heart,mind and body are not always part of the same parent structure. Keep doing what you do. You bring me hope
You are amazing. I appreciate everything you said. And yes ‘blocking’ was a good idea. They are not a ‘shopper’. I do sometimes get triggered when I read negative comments posted and felt powerless because I like the TH-camr. Thanks for speaking out and sharing your perspective.
I really appreciate this video as someone that's really struggled with living with others. That really hit home where you talked about ignorant comments especially the ones like "change your diet to this or that and it'll cure you". I'm an herbalist and I had to deal with so so many comments like that and it honestly made it painful to navigate that natural health space that was one of my special interests. Your videos are great. I appreciate your content! ✨
Honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with different opinions yet cruel or mean comments aren't necessary. This is YOUR space and you want to create a SAFE space as you said. Block them from your channel if you need to. Take care of YOU first, and then it ripples into your community in how you want to keep it as a safe space. I appreciate your videos and would also love to hear your tips and tricks within the home.
about the question you posed at the end: while i agree it's important for people to have the freedom to express their opinions and disagreement, from the examples of comments you'd received, those seem like more than disagreements or expressing opinions. they are invalidating something that is a core part of many of us' lives, personalities, etc. under the guise of simple disagreement. even ignorance can be hurtful. you may feel like you are silencing them (which you are not! you are curating a safe space. there are plenty of other ways to disagree that do not sound like what some people have said!) but they are also trying to silence *your* experience and so many others. i appreciate your efforts to maintain an environment conducive to discussion, and deleting comments that are hateful (because that is what i believe they are. ignorant and hateful, as well as dismissive to your lived experiences. things like "i dont think youre autistic / asian americans grow up like that, etc. have passed the boundaries of disagreement.) does nothing to detract from that. you have cultivated many dialogues under your videos already, and every one of them has been filled with people respectfully agreeing and sharing their experiences, as well as disagreeing but remaining KIND and RESPECTFUL. it is most definitely possible to create an environment like the one you wish, but there is just a line that should not be crossed.. when it comes to disagreements.. i think a good way to incite more discussions that could have a wider variety of answers, however, is to maybe pose more questions like this at the end of ur videos? i think your video about japan was a good example.. many different experiences in the comments but people remained respectful (to my viewer eye!). not saying more reactions but maybe discussions related to identity and how it relates to being neurodivergent? things that acknowledge differences so many viewpoints can be shared. but im honestly not sure!! i just believe it is possible. concerning moving: videos about bathrooms!!!!! keeping oen clean or having to navigate sharing one. it is my biggest issue when it comes to sharing a living space with anyone that's not my sister or mother ;-; ty for the video i enjoyed it. my first time leaving a comment here, i think.
I agree! I love how the comment section has grown over the past few months and all the people that have been interacting within this little community. You can tell there's a lot of unique and beautifully complex people behind the stories that are being told and it's such a comfort to read them. I also think when nuanced discussions are able to take place with respect it can honestly meet a lot of social/intellectual/spiritual needs many of us have. Thanks for your feedback. This affirms that I should continue to exercise my discernment the best I can and be diligent about drawing boundaries with ignorant & disrespectful people.
Hmmm as for how to handle the negative comments... No idea what to suggest, block it ignore... It's tough... It's frustrating you even have to deal with it. * Edit after your comment about keeping the space safe for others... Good point. Neurotypical have the entire world work towards them and their framework. I feel you can make your channel work towards the divergent. We need a safe space.
Finding a community of late diagnosed women online, esp poc, has validated so much of my autistic experiences. I relate to average of 70-90% of what autistic adults share on platforms like TH-cam. Yet I still struggle with imposter syndrome and gaslight myself thinking it’s a societal trap and in 10 years professionals are going to say “Sike! We tricked you into thinking your autistic when really all those traits are just you being a terrible human who can’t get it together” 😭
Having other late diagnosed adults talk about their knowledge and experiences can be such a saving grace honestly. Even I need those reminders sometimes! I feel you, you are not alone.
Latina late diagnosed woman here 🙋🏽♀️ Yes for this comment - I needed to read and see this. Here’s to better days with imposter syndrome and living well ❤️
so true. its even suckier when you havent got diagnosed yet ( i am afraid of being told im not autistic bc unfortunately even doctors are fcking dumb when it comes to high functioning autism)
Diagnosed at 51. Medicated heavily for bipolar for 23 yrs ! My fight for diagnosis has been savage. My life has been ruined. I am so angry.
I have shed my entire family and friends, and I feel much better. I'm leaving the country. I will never return. ♥️
You discussing others disrupting your routine is so validating, it always makes me feel like this rude horrible person but sometimes it really does help me stay focused to be listening to something and it's so so disruptive when I have to pause it every two minutes because someone wants to talk to me and it zaps my energy and I end up not finishing. It's like they cannot comprehend what I'm going through...
No, please block those who are spreading hate and ignorance, allowing comments like that to stay only entices others to do so as well. Please do not feel guilty for creating a better environment for yourself and viewers.
I am also non-verbal in the mornings, i use to live with 7 room mates in a 3 bed house. It was so frusterating trying to get my morning routine done while working around all the people i lived with at that time. They thought i was just angry every morning 😅
Omg hard relate
*Thank you* for blocking those ignorant comments to preserve a place of peace for this community. It means the world to those of us who already struggle with such rampant imposter syndrome.
You are a good person, so it makes sense that you feel empathy towards the people you have to block, but please don’t beat yourself up for it - they aren’t people who are coming here to be challenged in their views or to learn. They aren’t saying, “wait, I didn’t realize this was something people experienced! I’m excited to learn more and am subscribing now.” Instead, they are spending their time silencing you, denying reality, and both mocking and abusing vulnerable people. Blocking this sort of cruel person (often a troll) is a way to defend your audience and show them care - ultimately, you are being empathetic through that action, not unempathetic or unfeeling. You’re assuming that your own kindness, open mindedness, and generosity towards others is also true of the people who have come here to do harm - your approach to the situation is an affirmation of your own good character, but it does not reflect something true about these people. You do not need to beat yourself up for wishing the world was willing to be kind; you do not need to beat yourself up for protecting the people in your community when that kindness is rejected.
(Also, I am looking forward to advice on how to set up your home to support mental health and sensory needs! Those will be so, so helpful.)
As a highly sensitive INFJ I find it necessary to door slam people that intentionally criticize me, it's one thing to constructively criticize and another to be flat out ignorant or abusive. I'm in full support of blocking that person, don't take it personally you are a queen 👑! ❤
Please ooo
😊
What is infj😊
@@turtleanton6539 mbti type
@@gothboschincarnate3931 person might be referring to HSP (highly sensitive person)
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I'm not versed in that but maybe the commenter might? I'm sure that's in the "empath" umbrella like Judith Orloff's books.
It's easy to say but it really doesn't matter what those people think. They're not privy to the information you have on your diagnosis or anything else in your life. They're just seeing someone talk clearly and eloquently about their experience. Whenever someone questions whether or not I'm autistic, I just think it's because I've become such a good actor over years of trying to adapt to society. Thanks for being so honest❤
I am indeed wearing my seatbelt, don’t worry. Sometimes I just put the top strap behind me because it’s a sensory struggle for me.
Found out recently that the way modern seat belts are designed only accounted for male bodies/chests during test phase, and that females are way more likely to get injured/killed by the seatbelt in a crash as a result. 🫠 I really, REALLY feel you on the sensory struggle, Irene!!!
@@PIPFinalFilmProjectwhen I got in a car accident my seatbelt left ligature marks on neck basically, massive bruises. My cousin who was an EMT also had to help a woman who has her throat slit open by her seatbelt during an accident.
I totally get why they're there but they seem so risky. And the sensory input is hell
@@PIPFinalFilmProject I did NOT know this. But you blew my mind! I've always hated that front strap so much uhg
The car seatbelt is a HUGE sensory struggle for me too! Whenever I am driving, I am constantly adjusting it and pulling it down, trying to feel comfortable, but I never do. However, I always wear my seatbelt, I would never ride in a car without it. So I just deal with it, but I'm constantly fiddling with it!
@@idab6864 What if put the shoulder strap under our arm? You think that’s safer? Probably bruise the breast area or crack rib. But I guess that’s sort of better than projecting throughout the windshield and retiring from breathing.
I also have imposter syndrome as several of my autism symptoms are considered "mild" and thus made me deny that I could possibly need accomodations or that I needed help. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person that struggles with it. Keep doing what you do Irene!
Interestingly, nothing makes me feel more confident that I'm Autistic than being around Autistic people, and comparing experiences...and nothing makes me doubt myself more than being around NTs and masking for them.
I've tried to fit in with introverts, and geeks, and outcasts...but they're still NTs. I only really fully identify with Autistic people.
@@dmgroberts5471this is soooo true!!! I relate 100 percent!!
i relate to this so much. any time that my autism is labeled as “mild autism” (which it technically is) rather than just “autism” i feel so invalidated and like my symptoms “don’t affect me that much” even though they 100% do.
I was diagnosed early and it makes me furious when people dismiss late-diagnosed people as not real autistics. If they attack you I don't think you need to allow them to be here. I don't know whether or not they are autistic themselves but if they are they are clearly expressing an insecurity with themselves if they go after you. They may feel like they want to keep the autism label for themselves but that does not change the fact that people who were diagnosed later in life can still objectively speaking be autistic. I don't think I've ever come across someone who claimed to be autistic who was faking, it seems like a non-issue to me. Being openly autistic does not exactly raise one's social status in this society.
I’m 37 and recently diagnosed officially, though I’d suspected autism and/or ADHD for about a year after taking several online tests. Oh boy…the “coming out” process has been interesting. My mom was very accepting, which actually surprised and relieved me. My sister, too. She’d suspected for years, but had been afraid that suggesting it would offend me. (And who knows - I may have not been open to hearing it back then.) My dad, who’s probably autistic, too, thought I needed even more testing. (He’s also a retired special ed teacher who’s more used to the young boy presentations.) 🙄
I have also tested unmasking with certain clients. I’ve had one this week who was very supportive because he himself is ND after receiving a traumatic skull and brain injury, and his wife is deaf. They work with other disabled people.
But then, I’ve had people lecture me about how the diagnosis might hold me back, I’m too smart, “We’re all a little autistic,” etc. One lady said that vaccines cause autism, and went on to describe a child she knew of who was clearly vaccine injured, but the symptoms were not at all the same as what I experience! They sounded more DD honestly. Then she offered to get some woo healer involved with me to “cure” me of my autism. 🙄
Anyway, on top of having a grandma who might pass away soon and a whole host of other factors, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed, sad, and alone lately.
I am 37 and just very recently got diagnosed (also have adhd) and i feel severely isolated and sad for some reason. it is all so overwhelming….
@@grisytrujillo1539, thank you for reaching out! You’re not alone, but I understand how you feel. ❤️
You're not alone. I am self DX AuADHD at age 34. I chuckled reading about your Dad, as I suspect that my Dad is where my autism was inherited from. Funnily enough, he also worked with autistic and developmentally delayed people before he retired. Isn't it funny how despite that proximity, it seems to muddy the waters when looking inward or at your own offspring? 😂
@@kiliya89, oh my goodness - so much yes! 👏 🤗
Before my psych suggested an assessment, I had no idea that I might have autism. Now I'm looking back at the time a couple years ago when I said something like "I have imposter syndrome, but just with being alive in general" and nobody took me seriously, but I was absolutely being serious 😂
i think a lot of the autistic struggle (for me at least) is people thinking you’re being sarcastic or are joking when you aren’t
I feel you. I get like paralysed and cant do anything productive when my roommates or anybody else is being loud. using noise cancelling headphones all the time is exhausting too
Irene let me tell you something.
I came across your channel a month or two ago.
I love everything you put on here.
I have a family member whose autistic and you have taught me so much about it.
You speak perfectly, you speak beautifully.
Whether it's hard for you to do that or whether it comes natural what's coming out is that you speak beautifully.
No one else has to understand your autism, how you got it why you got it, where you got it.
you know you have it! that's all that matters!
Your content is fantastic and very helpful anybody who gives you a hard time can just go somewhere else.
how's that?
you are rocking it just keep your great content coming please
I just found your channel yesterday and I’ve probably watched 10 of your videos already, I enjoy and learn from all of them. To answer your question at the end, I think that’s definitely a tricky situation and there is no black and white answer. I think it’s definitely a balance that can be maintained. Going forward, I think it might be helpful for you to realize that if you do make the decision to block someone, you are taking a step that is not only protecting yourself but also other people (like me) scrolling through your comment section, who will be hurt just as much by comments that are intended to invalidate our experiences. Hope that helps, you’re amazing, keep doing you!
Thank you for sharing this. This is the reason why I make the efforts to block those people because I don't want the comment section to be yet another space where people like us start avoiding because we feel unsafe...Autistics sometimes more than most people need a healthy sense of community and belonging too!
Adult-diagnosed (She/her): since learning about my autism there are some days I feel a lot of self-resentment for forming these masks which make it difficult for people to accept my truth when I disclose or believe my struggles and shortcomings. I try to remind myself that my mask is not something I consciously made and it is not worthless, sometimes it has let me protect myself and I appreciate that aspect of it. I struggle with the duality of it.
That comment dilemma is so tricky. But I feel like we shouldn't have to cater to the haters. One mute doesn't silence them completely. It means their behavior won't be tolerated in this one space in a sea of many, many online spaces.
I find that few people who disagree with you actually want to debate the subject. Or have a real discussion. Or even listen. Most want a quick ego boost where antagonizing makes them feel superior for a few minutes. They're not thinking about you nearly as much as we think about them
I think you are exactly right! These "hater commenters" have no interest in any real discussion, they just want to be divisive and ugly. It makes them feel good to hurt others. They're not open-minded and are unwilling (and unable) to think intelligently. It's best to ignore them, but it's hard sometimes!
Exactly this, opening up communications usually just enables them to continue making such ignorant or hurtful comments now they know that they have your attention. I'd say it's your channel and space so up to your discretion to decide whether this was a comment purely to hurt, or perhaps truly someone who is questioning the topics you've brought up and wants to actually have a discussion
Yes. And whether they are trolls who get off on spreading unhappiness, or people who have to compulsively push their ideas of the way things work on others, they have their own issues, some of them with physiological underpinnings like us. Certainly they are not happy, centered people. I try to remember that, and not accidentally presume that they have a leg up on us in being functional.
@@jimwilliams3816 a lot of "haters" or "trolls" are chronically online people with narcissistic/sadistic tendencies.
Their behaviour towards you is a symptom of their mental state, it's not like they live a happy fulfilled life with responsibilities and healthy relationships, and pop online to leave 3 or 4 ugly comments.
They spend their days doing this, they are absolutely lost.
thank you for your openness and honesty. your authenticity is a big part of what i enjoy about your content. i was recently diagnosed as autistic and have an older ADHD diagnosis, and I'm so grateful to have your videos as a resource.
thank you for everything you do. i see how much work and energy you put into your videos and it's so appreciated ❤️
Happy to have you here!
I am happy your driving skill is to talk while keeping your eyes moving. It's one of my hypervigilant actions while driving. I can't drive without looking around my mirrors very often.
I think blocking mean ignorant people is exactly what I wish you do. I need your safe space too.
Sharing here is like community to me.
My last post mentioned my own imposter syndrome issue. Trying to be who I am, in agency with boundaries can be exhausting. I appreciate your openness. Truly.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You’re validating so many people’s experience right now. ♥️
Also- you’re allowed to have boundaries with who you invite into the community you’re nurturing. There is room for respectful discourse over differences, but if people are being blatantly disrespectful (like just shooting their opinions into the void with no consideration of the receiver(s)), then that is problematic. They’re not being thoughtful of the safe space you’re trying to cultivate here, which seems to be a core part of this community’s values.
You can always encourage differing opinions (eg let me know if you have different thoughts- kind of like what you did with this video!), but also say that ignorant comments will not be tolerated. It’s also an awesome way to show people healthy boundaries with communication. 😊
tldr you’re awesome and I’m sure that a lot of people that stumble across this channel feel the same way.
"I do not want to muster up the spoons to..." is gonna be my new go to phrase. 😂 🙏🏽 ❤
You are amazing love your videos you perfer the quiter times to go shopping you are a strong woman glad you're channel is growing you deserve many more subscribers you are a kind hearted woman don't listen to those dumbass people you know you the best you are a beautiful honest genuine person
"...carrying the density within them instead of transmuting it." Beautifully expressed. 💖
Holy shit thank you for talking about your situation with your roommates.
Since my diagnosis in late 2021, I've suspected the recurrent issues I've had living with roommates has been related to my autism, but I have never hard any other autistic people talk specifically about their experience with this so this was so validating to hear.
I'm actually almost in the same situation as you in that I've had some really traumatic past experiences with roommates and I'm lucky that my current ones have been a little better, but issues do still arise. In fact, the "little things" that people don't think about much are the things that are the hardest for me right now.
I struggle with disordered eating too and wholeheartedly relate to the other people being in the kitchen thing. Cooking is already something I struggle with and I feel very overwhelmed and overstimulated when other people are in the kitchen while I cook. Not to mention, just the fact that the fridge is so full. I have object permanence issues and when I don't know what food is mine or can't see my food I forget about it and it goes to waste. I don't eat my groceries and waste money on ordering food because of this, and also because of lack of motivation to cook when its such an overstimulating activity for me. This is only exacerbated my eating disorder.
I also really struggle with the unpredictability of guests in the house. If they are my own guests and I chose to have them over, it's okay, but when my roommates have guests it stresses me out so much. My social anxiety gets so bad if I'm not prepared and I hide in my room to the point where I even minimize the amount of movement I make as if to pretend I'm not even in there.
And then, of course, there's the noise. We also have extremely thin walls and part of me just thinks I've been conditioned from past living experiences to be overly cautious about the amount of noise I personally make. Whereas my roommates don't pay that much attention to the noise they make - they are heavy walkers, loud talkers, door slammers, etc. I can't fully blame them for that because I know it is something they probably get from their upbringing and their own experiences but it makes me so much more frustrated and irritable because, in my overstimulated and irritated brain, it feels like they don't even care or take into consideration that other people are in the house and may be sleeping or working. It feels like my only safe space, my bedroom, isn't even safe and is invaded by the noise. Even when I have my earbuds on (because they're always on) I can hear them over whatever I'm listening to. It gets so exhausting, especially because I often tell myself my frustrations aren't even valid, that it's not a big deal, that I'm being dramatic, controlling etc.
It has gotten to the point that I'm so desperate to live alone but I just can't afford to because I'm on disability. My roommate is leaving at the end of the summer, and we are all going to have to find new living situations. It has been the most anxiety provoking thing not knowing what I'm going to do in August - refusing to entertain the idea of moving back in with more roommates. It is so terrifying to think about having to have new roommates again. But I don't know if it's going to be possible for me to live alone - even if I find a full time job when I graduate, I have trouble holding onto jobs sometimes so it's just scary.
The other thing is that all of this makes my imposter syndrome even worse because people expect autistic people to need extra support and to struggle to live independently, but I feel the opposite. I feel like I NEED to live independently. My boyfriend has also suggested we move in together but I don't think I'm ready for that, I've always wanted to live alone and I just need to finally have that experience of having my own space for a while. I wish the system wasn't broken and could support us enough to accommodate needs like this and allow us to live alone.
Anyways, I really appreciate you sharing your experience here. Thank you.
Omg Leah I relate to you 100%!! These are my daily struggles as well and I also want/NEED to live alone but can’t afford to. It’s incredibly hard and stressful especially when it comes to things you mentioned like being alone in the kitchen when you have suffered with eating struggles. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, if nothing else, and I hope we both manage to get our peace in the end.
I’ve also unfortunately suffered a lot in the past with particularly nasty housemates who basically bullied me and I’m traumatised from it. It feels like being autistic automatically attracts people like that even when you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and I’m sick of it..
Need for autonomy is such a common autistic trait. If it helps, I feel like I can safely say that the need for support is a whole other thing, and you can need both. I’ve never lived alone, though I’m not that good at living with others. Looking back now, I’m not sure if it would have been possible either financially or in terms of doing everything myself.
Regarding the people standing in front of stores...I feel the same way, but it also extends to often not wanting to walk out my front door to leave home because my nextdoor neighbour is almost always in his driveway and wants to make smalltalk while I get in my car. I don't want to waste my spoons on him when I apready need so many to go out and do errands at all. I can't understand people's insistence for small talk. It's a struggle.
I'm the opposite where I almost got diagnosed at age 19, refused it, and spent ten years fighting against the diagnosis by masking and only allowing to be officially diagnosed as ADHD. I was born deaf and after regaining my hearing I spent years catching up and prided myself on breaking out of special ed by fourth grade and passing for normal. Being in special ed was traumatizing how dehumanizing it was to be othered and I didn't want to go through that feeling and treatment again, I didn't want to be considered 'special' and the condescension that followed. I went so far as trying to convince psychologists I was Bipolar or had Avoident Personality Disorder, anything else, because I woud rather have those labels than Autism. The decades of masking finally caught up to me and the pandemic undid everything I worked so hard to bury and correct, going back to work after being unmasked for two years lead to a nervous breakdown and total burnout where my brain reverted back to my Autistic state and I could no longer mask the way I used to and I had to admit to myself that I'm Autistic and accept the diagnosis and finally seek out disability.
I consider the late dipagnosed lucky because they never had to endure the dehumanization of special ed and the forever insecurity it embeds in the psyche, that to me is worse than imposter syndrome.
Interesting
Target sounds like your happy visual place. Mine is Chinatown. It's my happy place, I think I like all the black and red lacquered boxes. The different kinds of toys just make my autistic brain smile. I always wondered why it was such a happy place for me. Now with my late in life diagnosis, I really get why it only seems to make me smile like the kid in me gets real joy. Yes you really helped me. I like you, have a pocket full of proof, a stack of my diagnosis but my 10 yr. Live in partner, is now embarrassed that I am his gf. In his words "he didn't sign of for this "sh#!" Being told I fooled him 10 yrs ago when we started dating, not letting him know I was so "sensitive " which is the word I use, he uses "so handicapped" so looks like I am making many more trips to Chinatown.
This is my whole week, you have no idea how amazing your impact has been in my life. I've felt so alone, being a first born autistic girl (nonbinary but, was a girl and that role is internalized) and struggling to get diagnosed is alienating from both autistic and allistic communities.
Thank you
Im LVL 2 and ADHD combined and I associate with almost EVERYTHING you've spoke about in experience and needs. I was diagnosed maybe 2 years ago officially and I turn 31 in a few weeks. It feels like im trying to convince someone or if i talk about my needs and autism with people from my past who havent seen me since I was diagnosed I talk more openly about it because im trying to connect and feel okay with my needs so I include people - and it feels like im trying to justify or convince all the time. I have a service dog and on a lot of days (especially in my country) i feel like a liar even though i know when i get home - he's helped me go out in the first place to do things "alone" and independantly. without Louie I know i would struggle to initiate self employed adult tasks and I work so hard with the battle of doin things for ME instead of the validation or motivation I recieve fromdoing things for OTHERS - and this is something noone talks about which is really common. Like i prefer to actually COOK a decent meal when its for myself and my partner. cooking alone looks like a few gulps of milk from the fridge and a musli bar or take away. People wont ever understand. because it IS a disability and it is hard and its socially everyone comes across as so unaware just because i "look" like a capable, articulate and intellegent person - it makes no difference what im experiencing fom the inside. They cant see it. But i also dont need to explain it. its such a constant fucking battle and Im with anyone experiencing this shit because its so goddamn hard.
People who comment negatively about positive, helpful, inclusive content are not adding to the value of the conversation. They are taking up space and time in an attempt to somehow feel good about themselves only, for the most part. Thank you for this video. ❤
The moving question. It's a big deal in my opinion. I think documenting it can be helpful and sharing the journey. The aspects of change, being grounded, and anxiety, new neighbors, utilities snd scheduling are huge in my thoughts. Change scares me. The old attachment and abandonment rises.
Best wishes
Imposter syndrome definitely holds me back from getting a diagnoses. I hate that people deny the reality of one's self.
i have also noticed the invalidating and/or ignorant comments. people being rude and invalidating comes off differently than someone who just wants to share their opinion and perspective. feeling the need to block someone because their comment came across as harmful is completely valid. this is your channel and your community, and you do not have to open this safe space to people who are willing to compromise the work that you put in for autistic women and gender diverse people. if they have a differing opinion and perspective, then i feel that they should do their own due diligence by being intentional with their words. constructive criticism on certain things is necessary, but being a hater is not.
also, i'm so glad that you will be able to expand not only your content but your accomodations. i am also a very structured morning person, and i am easily turned away from taking care of my human needs when that routine gets disrupted. i would love to see your kitchen tips and tricks for cooking and eating consistently. maybe even a "day in the life" type video where you show different routines in your life that you feel comfortable recording.
so glad to see this today. haven't watched the video yet, but i appreciate all your posts. i enjoy hearing your thoughts and experiences.
I totally relate with the "my time morning" and the eating issues. I think the way you described them would finally make my family/friends actually understand what I mean ❤
Hi Irene, I think that if you feel like the negative comments are bringing you down personally then it may be good for you to block that person. I understand that you don’t want to shut down anyones opinions even if they don’t align with yours, however, this is your channel and your community that you made so ultimately it’s up to you what you want to do with those comments. Maybe in the future it would even help to make a video responding to some of them, I make that recommendation because I think it can be a way of validating yourself and your experience while also bringing awareness to how certain comments can effect people.
I also wanted to say thank you so much for all your videos, I’ve found them so helpful along my asd diagnosis journey! Keep being your awesome self! 😊
to your question at the end, as you said its like setting a boundary. this is your channel, your voice therefore you should a mediator for yourself and those in this community. the idea that these people who need to be blocked deserve to have their ignorant opinions heard for discourse, to me at least, is like having "the foot in the door". metaphorically the boundary and where it lies in where the door is, they're trying to cross it and the slamming the door on them would be keeping yourself protected. you just have to trust yourself and the discernment to identify when someone is trying to be a part of the conversation or are just trying to argue endlessly & defensively. as i see it, the actual discernment and the trust would be the healthy balance for open communication.
@@nanigonzalez442 you seem painfully insightful 😅🫶
It’s been a year since my diagnosis at 32 but I am really still struggling. Apparently I understand social situations too well. No matter that I also have CPTSD and as a survival mechanism I HAD to learn to read people. Yes it was hard, but my life depended on reading the subtle differences in humans emotional states
I appreciate you blocking people being rude in your comment section. A little while back I left a comment on one of your videos and someone told me to “get help” and it made me feel really bad. I appreciate you making this a safe space for both you and us :)
Hey, I want you to know I was diagnosed just this last October at age 33 and your channel was one of the first I found. And I'm having a hard time with this new diagnosis but I want you to know I find your work to be helpful.
Btw, you are super brave to be able to sit in front of a camera, talk without a script, and be able to interact with complete strangers on the internet that are often not autistic. So posting content regularly is already a huge undertaking.
To your last point, I would not feel bad about blocking people who aren't adding constructive, empathetic and understanding information, and that's important in making a safe space. I totally understand the guilt, and I'd say trust your feeling on what you would like to leave to reply to (I know I click more on comments where the creator has reacted because you can see that) if you want to bring awareness to someone who is showing ignorance. But if it's really harmful or bothering you, or it would take too much energy to respond, definitely don't feel bad about blocking because it's your space! You are showing such understanding and care about this topic, you got this!
Good luck with your move. I just moved 6 times in 5 years because I was in college, it was horrible. I was so burned out after my 9th semester that I could barely get out of bed for months and I never thought I’d be able to work again. I moved back in with my mom and sisters, but I’ll have to move again soon because they don’t want me here. I just want to scream.
People on the internet can be very inconsiderate and have no compassion for others, and if we reply to them why even bother leaving mean comments then they say "freedom of speech".
Invalidation is very hurting. I have experienced lots of that in my life, and they have no idea how much it affected me since childhood.
No matter what, those people won't change unless they recognize, learn and change their behaviors. Let's just say, "We are sorry for them that they didn't learn to be kind to others, because they are probably not kind to themselves. " 😊
I am very proud of you putting yourself out there on social media to share your struggles, experiences and knowledge. I appreciate that!
I got diagnosed ADHD&ASD just recently (im 40). Just started learning CTB through therapy. it's gonna be a long journey since I've been masking and under stress for many years.
Thank you for making videos:)
👍👍 obviously we've all had different experiences of these things but I feel like I know exactly where you're coming from.
Moving out sounds exciting! I'm sure you will feel the benefit of all the changes to your home situation 👍😊
I'd probably try to block/report those insincere people without thinking too hard about it. If they are truly here to learn then it has to start with learning how to listen.
We shouldn't be having to remind or encourage people to be compassionate.
Neurodivergent and neurotypical people can be extremely different from each other and we all need to practice speaking and listening to eachothers experiences with empathy and sincerity.
Irene you said yourself you can feel your own growth as experienced over the last couple of years, based on that I would say you must be doing something right and personally I trust your instincts 👍👍
Further than that, supposing you do end up doing something you come to feel conflicted about, you will not lose any respect from me and I will never think any less of you for it.
You can only do your best, whatever that is today, and your best will always be good enough for me 👍👍!
Hey Phil. This was a really thoughtful and encouraging comment. Even though I know it wasn’t meant for me I enjoyed reading it. 🤓👍🏾❤️
@@MIKESTUBE40 👍👍that's awesome, I'm glad to hear it! Come back to this comment any time 👍😊
Just started coming across your videos. I'm starting my psychology degree in September so your videos will be useful, but I also relate to a lot of what you talk about.
I get so overwhelmed at the grocery, but it's most impactful at TJ. If I go, it has to be on a weekday right when they open.
i relate to this experience! i have a stack of papers proving i am autistic, and yet people always say it can't be.
please know you are not alone!
Have u ever thought this line of work and your constant focus may not be ideal for you. I hope that did not come out wrong. ♥️♥️
I think its very rude for members of the public to act like they can (mis)diagnose someone. I really appreciate you sharing your journey. I support blocking people who dont support you or dont have the openness or desire to understand your experience. They don't deserve a space where they can invalidate it. I also relate to having a voice in your head asking you if thats the right thing to do. Honestly, if doing do allows you to create a space place for yourself and people like you, then its the right thing to do. If people want to be let into a space, they should be open to dialogue and have curiosity about other peoples experiences rather than judge them.
Last part of ur video with the blocking I agree completely
If someone’s comments are rude or disrespectful block them. Don’t feel bad. They are causing you discomfort and anxiety which you don’t need. You speak very well and clearly and ignorant people don’t understand what autism is. They have preconceived ideas about what autism looks like. They don’t know you personally so how can they say you are not autistic. Ignore these uninformed people and don’t bother with them. You are doing good with your videos and helping many
Adult self-diagnosed here (still trying to get in to see a specialist for the official). I relate so much with the impostor syndrome feeling. When I was younger, before ever considering autism, I use to describe myself "like Clark Kent, but not with the superpowers." And what I always meant by that was that I felt as if I was always pretending to be what others expected and that, if I messed up, everyone would know how not-normal I was. And anytime I try to explain that to people to start my explanation as to why I feel my self-diagnosis is accurate, I get a "oh, so you never grew out of the not like other girls stage", or "well, we all do that", or "well, everyone is a little autistic sometimes." Even the ones that were willing to take my assessment of myself as valid did the "but what would an official diagnosis even do for you but stigmatize you?"
It's all very frustrating and demeaning and a part of me can't help but listen to it a bit. But then I listen to people, like you, explain your world view, your experiences, your issues. And it makes me feel seen. I've never been able to listen to people talk about their lives and actually connect to it on a level that I actually know the feelings. Before looking into autism myself, it had always been on a theoretical basis, or based on the shows I've watched because "that's what normal people are like".
So, while it feels overwhelming, take a little bit of comfort in knowing that you are helping people, no matter what the uninformed may say.
While i don't have any video suggestions, i do have some moving ones, having moved a lot in my past. My advice is when you get your stuff there, day one, make sure you have kitchen basics set up, bed itself set up, and if you have a couch then that is also day one. Having those things specifically, means you've got somewhere to sleep, relax, and make food going forward. The rest of the unpacking can be done at your leisure.
I feel it’s not only your responsibility to keep a reasonable open talking space, it’s also a growth journey and responsibility for individuals in your channel to recognize and decide how would they manage their emotion when they see the comments that’s provoking anger and show ignorance. Also see much comments might not contribute good to individuals’ comfortable life, it’s also worth to take a consideration whether they want to consume that much or not.
I think you are amazing! Your honesty and honest concern for your TH-cam viewers, and the Audhd community in general is so useful, worthy and valuable.
I’m a 54 man with a lot of trauma issues. Self diagnosed with autism for hopefully only another couple months. ADHD for sure. Tourette’s maybe. I’m not sure where the stimming stops and the Tourette’s begins if that makes sense? Raised by Narcissists that I still have to rely on for survival. No treatment. No therapy. No one bothered.
So NEVER EVER underestimate or devalue yourself. It’s so hard! But that is literally the only way I survived this long.
Anyway. The reason I’m commenting. I watch a lot of reaction videos. Music, movies, Buffy. The Buffy reactors acquire or hire moderators so commenters don’t spoil the show. I’m thinking, maybe get someone to screen your comments like that to weed out the baddies.
Thanks you for what you do!!
Emotional support hydroflask! 😂 you just gave me an amazing idea for a water bottle sticker, thank you 😁
In typical Autistic fashion, I'm going to be blunt and straight forward. I think you do a good job with your channel and provide a place for Autistic people to compare experiences and connect.
I feel so validated watching your videos. Always a nugget…. I love when you forgot your water and it was a major deal. My Diet Coke over ice in a certain cup is an emotional support when I start work in my car. I don’t even have to drink it as much as one sip and knowing it is there. It would handicap me with discomfort to not have it. Another thing I do is develop habits and routines very quickly. I eat the same thing everyday. It serves twofold: autism and my eating disorder.
When you’ve felt like you’ve been dismissed for your struggles your whole life, it stings extra badly when people invalidate or dismiss the reason why. It takes so long for many of us to discover that reason. I feel this video so hard. It seems like no one in my life believes me.
For future video suggestions, I'd love to see a kitchen/fridge set up. I've been really struggling with creating a kitchen space that functions for me without making me super stressed every day trying to make meals and clean up.
I just wanted to point out that you are being incredibly thoughtful about your approach to dealing with ignorant comments and I would also suggest that the people making these comments are probably not giving you anywhere near the same amount of thought or energy when they say these things. They aren't being vulnerable in the same ways you are and I think you should be able to carve out and protect this space in the ways that feel most comfortable to you without having to feel bad or second guess yourself. It's just my point of view, but I think you should save your energy for the people who are ready to hear you. Also, thank you for making these videos.
As much as freedom of expression is a great concept, there has to be good faith in discussions of this kind of sensitivity, if the individual who comes in doesn't behave in good faith i believe you are well within your right to close that connection off.
Online discussions are too lacking in emotional connection/empathy/understanding to have nuanced discussions with people who choose to dehumanize and hurt another.
Its easy for all of us to give opinions from the safety of anonymity, but i just hope you choose what you are comfortable with, as a late diagnosed individual (diagnosed a month ago with ADHD/Autism) your content has been a grounding factor for me and i dont know how i would be without voices like yours out here on TH-cam.
How you were describing your living situation with your roommates feels familiar. Thank you for sharing because I get these feels when I need to focus and everything just feels like a HUGE distraction/disruption. And your flow feels ruined and you don't want to try again because you just lost the day. Or your motivation.
thank you for your videos, it really informed me on autism and helped me feel seen. i suspect im autistic and i'm coming to the realization pretty late in life. i'm sorry you have to go thru those things like doubtful comments, but those ppl's opinion really doesn't matter, it's not them living this experience anyway.
I completely understand you wanting to keep your community safe. It definitely puts you in a predicament and I'm sorry.
I would venture to say leave the comments there. You've already seen them so you're not lessening your hurt. And people who truly get it believe you.
And as far as other subscribers reading those ignorant comments If they truly are autistic then they know it and will most likely write those comments off as ignorant (not everyone, but most if they've been in the community for any amount of time)
If they are severely questioning it maybe there is a reason for that too and maybe those feelings shouldn't be ignored.
It's easier said than done and I think your community would support whatever decision you make because it's not an easy one.
There's definitely a huge difference between constructive criticism and trolls, and I think you have to trust your community is probably mostly intelligent and thick-skinned enough to understand the difference.
Been watching some of your videos for the last few days. I cannot believe how validated and seen I feel. The way you articulate these hard to reach feelings/actions/way we can be, is absolutely necessary for me to better understand myself, and just pure magic. I self diagnosed myself with adhd, years later got the guts to ask for an evaluation-life has been easier in many ways with the support from my psychiatrist(meds-which I was and sometimes still am ashamed I take..damn-stigma!!damn-pride!!) and my therapist who often reminds me of my neuro divergence when I tend to get down on myself for things I should not. I’ve always felt like I was on the spectrum. Once I dove deep, there was no way someone could tell me otherwise. I’m a lot like yourself where I can mask well. Usually, however been ton this intense hormone therapy for 5 months to treat my endo I found out I had, once I experienced excruciating pain from a grapefruit sized cyst popping! (knew I had it,never diagnosed)...many times we know, we research, it’s obvious. A few months ago I had to leave my teacher aid (7th grade special education) job that I loved and hated, loved connecting with the kiddos. Hated, because the lack of support from the school/teacher who couldn’t handle her students/and overcrowded class(just me and the teacher for 8 months,) for a class of 13, and got three more my last month, for many reasons started to feel unsafe,
Etc. but since I haven’t been working like that, been doing my own pet gig thing, I’ve noticed my add/autism characteristic have heightened. Like a lot. Also at the age where I’m really finally realize it’s not me and my depression/anxiety, it’s mostly because I haven’t found ways to ‘cope’ with my non linear mind.
I first thought ohh,prob my add, covid fog from feb, and me being on menopause at 30 due to hormone therapy. But now I onow
For sure these major events definitely have wobbled me up a bit more than I’ve realized. I’m a strong woman, I’ve had to be, but it can sometimes b a double edge sword because sometimes I forget that I’m not a superhuman...like how I may at times view other linear minds.
So, I ran into your vids and that’s when I realized I have been chalking all these characters to adhd, when they have been more focused on me interacting awkwardly,communicating strangely, etc...like girl. Thanks for reminding me. I was feeling stuck. Been on a better flow, but I’m already gaining more confidence and awareness of myself through these videos. I was a bit triggered the first couple of times listening in, because the reality and facts you were
spitting was just so damn real. And like I kinda said, it’s helped me understand, I feel as though I cannot explain everything you have in the way you do like I wish! So thank you so much. I def want to check out your coaching. I can’t not. You are amazing. Thank you beautiful ❤
Sorry yet thank you for rant!😬
Good to hear all of that.. I only go grocery shopping at quite small supermarket, rarely go anywhere else. There are never a lot of people there. Music is nice, not too loud, I know where everything is. I especially like mornings, when everything is in order and only couple of people wandering around. Overall it's a great shop, I don't know why anybody would prefer other places XD
Blocking those that are not interacting, constructively, or putting forth questions to truly learn, but who are usually only here to disagree w/o ever trying comprehend or learn, blocking is a good boundary.
My spouse has told me and often reminds me, you choose who you allow in your circle. Meaning, those you allow in your space physically but also those that you choose to give ear to; someone may still be around physically but what they say/share with you, you choose to not recieve.
I agree, I is very healthy to have those who are not always in agreement but if an individual is only ever in disagreement it is a one way street for them.
I hope this made sense.
I'm so proud and excited for you! I can relate somewhat, I'm not moving but my boyfriend moved in last month and my current roommate is moving out this week. I'm excited and relieved, but also guilty because she's a long time friend. I just felt like I was masking constantly whenever she was in the house and since my mental health has worsened I just dont have the spoons to do that in my own home. I also haven't been holding up my end of the chores because of burnout and demand avoidance and she didn't sign up to come here and be my maid. So I'm always hiding in my room from her because I feel guilty even though I'm doing the best I can. I just hope things won't feel so awkward with her once we have some space or that I can find some way to apologize.
Hello🌞 Here are my answers to the questions towards the end of your video:
1. I find it difficult myself, but I think blocking them when they are overly ignorant is indeed the way to go. I’d even put it in my bio/about so they know what I’ll do once they proceed with their bs. I did in in real life too. I do not continue contact with people who do such things. I also struggle immensely with the guilt, but at the end of the day, you are allowed to take up space. So I think we just need to tell that voice inside our head to f off.
2. I don’t think it’s possible to have proper discourse with such people, at the end of the day they won’t back off no matter what you respond or how much evidence you have. Which in itself is ridiculous, right? I wonder how they feel when they go to the doc and the doc tells then their leg doesn’t hurt, it’s in their head😅
- bonus: I respect and admire your videos so much. You have helped me feel less alone and seen. And I like to hear your voice. Ty😊
15:57 I've never heard somebody else who had that problem,, for me there are times when I can go when other people are there,, but often it's a major deterrent and then I end up not eating for many hours on end
Irene, I think you are right to feel concern about ignoring contrary or ignorant views of people generally. Being in a bubble has known problems. But TH-cam comments is not life generally; when people troll you on the internet, they do not see the pain on your face reading it. They just get the dopamine buzz of having said what they believe, with no concern for you. So I would suggest you treat TH-cam as a special case, more risky, and not be concerned about blocking people.
I definetly understand what you mean, for me personally when I’m surrounded with other autistics or in an autistic space I get a sense of imposter syndrome because I start undermining the struggles i expereince in comparison with others. But then once I enter a group situation (usually mostly neurotypicals) I immediately feel alienated and the ‘odd one out’ once again. Its a never ending swing of the pendelum and I think being autistic makes you especially sensitive (because of past experiences) to constantly socially ‘check’ and compare yourself. You’ve just gotta remind yourself that every autistic person is different, and no two people will be the same in their struggles but that doesn’t make one ‘more autistic’ than another.
Slow grocery shopping trip while listening to Thich Naht Hanh is super nice
With rude or ignorant people I agree. Block them xx
I personally don't want to spend my spoons on defending you, myself, or anyone else x
New to the channel, but just wanted to say I get some insane anxiety when their are people standing outside the front of the store. I have actually gotten to the point that I avoid certain stores as much as possible now.
I am so grateful for your content and channel Irene! I am currently self diagnosed with Autism, but hope to eventually get a professional assessment. I look forward forward to your new videos and over the past month have watched through most of the ones you have. You’re making a difference and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in curating a safe community here. ❤️ it is ok to not allow those who are negatively impacting your energy or this beautiful community you’re curating.
For moving, I’m excited to hear how the new space allows you further embrace your routines and rhythms. I’m an Interior Designer working towards my Architecture licensing. I’m always curious how people design their home to work for them.
I can totally relate. I have a Booktube channel, and I am so nervous about getting big enough that I can't 'know' all my subscribers anymore. Right now my comments are from people I recognize and am used to, not exactly friends, but fairly safe people, so it doesn't feel like a stressful social environment yet. I mention I am autistic in some videos, but rarely talk about it much explicitly, and maybe I'll start doing a bit more talking about it, before I get more than a few hundred subscribes, while it is less risky.
The instinct to accommodate alternative points of view is a welcome one, especially in the polarised/polarising social media space. However, there is a difference between that and accepting abuse. Where the line lies, is a judgment call - specifically, yours, as curator of this particular space. While you might be wise and thoughtful enough to make good decisions in this regard, it is understandable that the emotional toll might be high sometimes. You could consider outsourcing this task for a while, or you could perhaps deliberately work with another counsellor until you have established a protocol that you are comfortable with. Good luck, and thank you very much for producing relevant, useful, insightful content. You are one of a handful creators on the topic of neurodivergency that I follow loyally.
I so badly wanted to reach through the screen and hug you! I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD (my GP/family doctor felt confident giving me a diagnosis without formal assessment just from my self-reporting questionnaire) and have been considering pursuing an ASD diagnosis. I have only spoken to 2 people about my suspicions; my mom and my adult son. My son immediately dismissed me with "you're not autistic," which was deflating, while my mom, when I said, "maybe I have Autism and not ADHD," replied, "maybe it's both." That response was both vindicating and scary, but the more look into symptoms and overlap, it feels like it makes sense. My mom is also hoping to seek some sort of diagnosis, she's nearly 70, but I told her it's never too late, and we definitely have neurodivergence in our genetics.
Don’t feel guilty for deleting the haters. Think of it like u are cleaning up the beach for us to enjoy. Someone has to go and pick up the garbage unfortunately because of pollution, so you are doing the heavy lifting for us to have this nice safe tidy space to hang out in. Hopefully in the future there will be a bot that can just auto delete any hate comments. Ever since ytbers have started deleting hate comments yt has become a much nicer place to be.
I am so sorry for the ignorance you experience. I'm severely struggling with imposter syndrome. Which is why I'm seeking my official diagnosis. I can't imagine how hard it must be... Actually I kinda can in a way.
I literally started this video thinking "I just do not have the confidence to say what I feel the way she does." And I know you might say it's not confidence but it's the only word I can think of. You're very inspirational to me.
You validating yourself gives me the strength to validate myself. I'm really struggling ATM specifically with preexisting relationships. I feel so tied to who I was before self diagnosis not because of myself but because of everyone else... Really struggle with.
I just personally just generally struggle with being approached in public. Struggle to not get incredibly frustrated when someone puts me into the situation where I NEED to reply... Strugggglllleeeeee
i’ve only found this channel like 2 days ago after watching your jobs and burnout video and i feel like this is the most genuinely heard i’ve ever felt in such a long time❤
You have the same favorite shops I do! I think it’s sensory related that we both love target and Trader Joe’s!
My emotional support water bottle! 💧
You know the hydration situation must be turned on. I love having a variety of water bottles & carbonated beverages to choose from when leaving the house.
✨ Thank you for sharing! ✨
Wow, thank you so much for sharing! Your experience is really helpful as my partner and I have been in toxic roommate situations before and it's always been so complicated - while I normally love my neurodivergent gremlin brain, it adds a lot of layers to managing dynamics and lifestyles lololololol But keep fighting the good fight and keeping your space and ecosystem well cycled!
I love your videos and I’ve been working on balancing my ego so your videos are a good reminder of what is really important to me.I love the way you think and your videos are so great.I really just recently started to watch you and you are so wise and awesome from what I’ve seen in your videos.I’ve been a bit of an autistic magnet later in my life either I was drawn to the autistic person or they were drawn to me.I’ve had some of the best and natural connections with some autistic people on different spectrums whether they were meant to stay in my life or not.I’ve also had struggles socially in the past but I’ve also been told I have Aspergers whether it’s true or not I’ve learned some great lessons and had some great times with autistic people.Autistic people are great teachers whether they are trying to have you learn something or from what they happened to reflect back at you.Thanks for sharing your videos
Would be super helpful to have a video showing how you set up safe spaces when first moving and trying to bring safety in to your new place while you are getting used to the new space, new noises (as well as getting used to know which noises are from the neighbours and safe and can use noise cancelling headphones and such for and which noises are something to be on alert about), new everything in that area. I've tried doing this myself in the past when moving but never succeeded very well as felt at a bit of a loss of where to start and it's just sort of a sensory overload on top of everything else.
These videos bring life
im self diagnosed, i cant get a formal evaluation because all the doctors i see to get referred deny me * in their words* "because of your self harm scars"...... but hearing you talk abt your experience and being able to relate to you and stuff is super helpful. my imposter syndrome really gets the best of me a lot of the time. since i dont have that formal diagnosis its a lot easier to gaslight myself and to not accept what ik to be true. its really hard... because other autistic ppl wont ever tell me i need a diagnosis, but neurotypical ppl wont take me seriously at all unless i have some fucking paper signed off by a doctor... fuck i hate this society sm, i could rant forever abt how unnecessarily difficult it is to get diagnosed as autistic. it really feels like no one wants to admit im autistic because actually admitting it means you should also accommodate me in some way and no one wants to do that. ughghgha idk what im even trying to say anymore, im just ranting sorry. but i just got myself so heated abt diagnosis and now i cant stop 😭😭 idk i just wanted to get this off my chest because its been bothering me forever and ill never get over it. this system we have is completely broken. it shouldnt be my responsibility to navigate this maze of bureaucracy; the way to get diagnosed should be made with autistic ppl in mind so its actually fucking accessible to us.
anyway pls dont let the ignorant ppl get to you. you can always stop reading comments entirely, your mental wellbeing is more important than staying up to date with what strangers are saying on the internet.
and i wish anyone who read this whole comment the best
I feel this so much! I’m self diagnosed too, no one takes it seriously. I feel like I’m making it all up in my head sometimes which makes me feel crazy. I remember for a period of time I thought I was bipolar because of my meltdowns & shut downs but I’m certain I’m Autistic, it’s nice not feeling so alone in it all though I am sorry that you’re struggling too.
What a weird thing deny a person healthcare for. How are some of these drs getting licenses?
@@Fwootgummi ikrr, it makes me so mad. its seriously not a valid reason to deny me anything?? its just so wild. esp since all my scars are really old and faded at this point.... but yeah, ill stop ranting abt it
Isn’t that just even more of a reason to refer you?
The world is fucked
Hi! First time viewer. I was worried while you were driving and talking about upsetting things. There are a few ideas i have for the questions you asked.
- can you get someone to read your comments for you to remove you from any harm?
- this is your space that you are envisioning for your viewers. I greatly appreciate your desire for a safe space and at the same time not wanting to shut people out. You can set terms for comments. Subject to change whenever you want. This is your vision!
- I think the nature of youtube leaves us too open. What if a safer supportive space existed on Discord. Invite only?
Thank you for your work!
team emotional support drinks 🙃
the imposter syndrome thing/having my diagnosis doubted is one reason why I don't lead with being autistic. I just don't make it part of my intro or bio or anything, though I do post about it & talk about it occasionally. I'd rather be the person that people get to know first then understand I'm autistic & be like "oh so that's what it's actually like" instead of creating a preconceived notion.
and I'm so sorry you had to live with roommates. I'm fortunate I never had to but even living with my father in law I completely relate to everything you said especially the eating schedule part.
Sending you a big hug and the best wishes on your move! I agree 100% with blocking negative comments. Differences of opinion are one thing, harmful comments are quite another and it’s absolutely valid to protect yourself and your platform ❤
Your an amazing person. Your authenticity made me cry as I’m 40 and suffer from the same obstacles as you. Also being diabetic I totally relate to the food and how it’s hard for others to understand how difficult that dynamic is. The holy trinity of heart,mind and body are not always part of the same parent structure. Keep doing what you do. You bring me hope
You are amazing. I appreciate everything you said. And yes ‘blocking’ was a good idea. They are not a ‘shopper’. I do sometimes get triggered when I read negative comments posted and felt powerless because I like the TH-camr. Thanks for speaking out and sharing your perspective.
I really appreciate this video as someone that's really struggled with living with others.
That really hit home where you talked about ignorant comments especially the ones like "change your diet to this or that and it'll cure you". I'm an herbalist and I had to deal with so so many comments like that and it honestly made it painful to navigate that natural health space that was one of my special interests.
Your videos are great. I appreciate your content! ✨
Honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with different opinions yet cruel or mean comments aren't necessary.
This is YOUR space and you want to create a SAFE space as you said. Block them from your channel if you need to. Take care of YOU first, and then it ripples into your community in how you want to keep it as a safe space.
I appreciate your videos and would also love to hear your tips and tricks within the home.
about the question you posed at the end: while i agree it's important for people to have the freedom to express their opinions and disagreement, from the examples of comments you'd received, those seem like more than disagreements or expressing opinions. they are invalidating something that is a core part of many of us' lives, personalities, etc. under the guise of simple disagreement. even ignorance can be hurtful. you may feel like you are silencing them (which you are not! you are curating a safe space. there are plenty of other ways to disagree that do not sound like what some people have said!) but they are also trying to silence *your* experience and so many others.
i appreciate your efforts to maintain an environment conducive to discussion, and deleting comments that are hateful (because that is what i believe they are. ignorant and hateful, as well as dismissive to your lived experiences. things like "i dont think youre autistic / asian americans grow up like that, etc. have passed the boundaries of disagreement.) does nothing to detract from that. you have cultivated many dialogues under your videos already, and every one of them has been filled with people respectfully agreeing and sharing their experiences, as well as disagreeing but remaining KIND and RESPECTFUL.
it is most definitely possible to create an environment like the one you wish, but there is just a line that should not be crossed.. when it comes to disagreements.. i think a good way to incite more discussions that could have a wider variety of answers, however, is to maybe pose more questions like this at the end of ur videos? i think your video about japan was a good example.. many different experiences in the comments but people remained respectful (to my viewer eye!). not saying more reactions but maybe discussions related to identity and how it relates to being neurodivergent? things that acknowledge differences so many viewpoints can be shared. but im honestly not sure!! i just believe it is possible.
concerning moving: videos about bathrooms!!!!! keeping oen clean or having to navigate sharing one. it is my biggest issue when it comes to sharing a living space with anyone that's not my sister or mother ;-;
ty for the video i enjoyed it. my first time leaving a comment here, i think.
I agree! I love how the comment section has grown over the past few months and all the people that have been interacting within this little community. You can tell there's a lot of unique and beautifully complex people behind the stories that are being told and it's such a comfort to read them. I also think when nuanced discussions are able to take place with respect it can honestly meet a lot of social/intellectual/spiritual needs many of us have.
Thanks for your feedback. This affirms that I should continue to exercise my discernment the best I can and be diligent about drawing boundaries with ignorant & disrespectful people.
Thank you for expressing your emotions so openly and clearly. You have been helping me so much with my autism. You are seen. ❤
Hmmm as for how to handle the negative comments... No idea what to suggest, block it ignore... It's tough... It's frustrating you even have to deal with it. * Edit after your comment about keeping the space safe for others... Good point. Neurotypical have the entire world work towards them and their framework. I feel you can make your channel work towards the divergent. We need a safe space.