I can't get enough of the fact that you work around examples - I am a teacher, take it from me... Great way to explain things and yet, not a lot of people do that.
With each of these kinds of scenes, there's a right way and wrong way to use them: *1. Phone call in the middle of the night.* Yes, you should probably save that for later, or at least set up what the character was doing when so rudely interrupted first. The novelization for the movie Starman (1984) introduced a character with just such a phone call (albeit closer to the middle than the beginning) by mentioning that he'd just been settling down to watch some TV with a cold drink in hand when the "damnphone" rang. Then it goes on to describe how he always referred to his telephone as the "damnphone" (all one word) and never just the "damn phone" because it was always ringing at inconvenient moments like this and it really annoyed him. If you set up a character trait this way, that kind of scene could actually work, even at the start of a novel (and I should point out, it was at least the start of HIS story in this example). *2. Huge paragraphs of exposition/backstory.* Uh, yeah... Actually, don't use these ANYWHERE in the story. It's far better to establish the backstory and do the world building through describing the characters' perceptions and reactions to their setting. One reaction a lot of fantasy and science fiction writers like to use to establish a setting is the "non-reaction" reaction, e.g. casually saying things like "The door dilated open, and their captain stepped onto the bridge." That the story then never goes on to mention anyone thinking "Wow! A dilating door!" establishes-without actually saying anything-that such designs on doors are so common that nobody in this futuristic story even notices them anymore, just as nobody in our time is particularly fascinated by the internet, although (I can testify from personal experience) it used to be considered the freshest and most innovative cutting-edge technology back in the 1990s. *3. Dream sequence.* As some of Pixar's animators once pointed out, this is the first "painkiller" a lot of them use in early drafts of their movie scripts when they can't initially think of any other way to establish some plot point or personality trait, but such dream sequences almost never survive to the final draft. The 1984 movie (though not the book from which it was adapted) for The Neverending Story actually opens with the protagonist Bastian awakening from a dream, but we're never actually shown what the dream was, just told in the following scene that he was dreaming about his late mother again (and having his father tell him he understands how he misses her, but he needs to get over his grief and get on with his life). Doing that-just mentioning the dream without actually going into any detail about it-might work as an opening; if you feel you absolutely need a fuller dream sequence, however, you should save it for later in the story when you've already established what's likely to be real and what's more likely to be imaginary in the world where your story is set so that your readers will recognize it as a dream sequence and won't feel cheated when the character wakes up from it. *4. In the middle of a conversation.* For that matter, don't start ANYTHING in the middle; always begin at the beginning. The line "Mama, where's Papa going with that axe?" is possibly one of the best opening lines of dialogue ever written, especially since it's not for a Stephen King novel (as one might think) but for E.B. White's book Charlotte's Web. Note how the opening line would never have been anywhere near so effective had it been the next line, in which the child's mother explains to her that their pig just had a litter and her father is going out to use that axe to cull the runt from it; beginning a story with an answer rather than with a question is putting the cart before the horse. In the example you gave, a better opening line would probably be something like "Uh, honey, what's this 'discretionary spending' line in our monthly budget mean? Where exactly did you spend so much money at your discretion? Have you been gambling again?" *5. Lengthy setting description.* Basically, this is a bit of a variation on 2. Again, it's best to establish a setting through a character's perceptions of it. Only when your readers understand why your characters care about the time and place will THEY begin to care about the time and place as well. My mind tends to wander off the page when someone starts out with florid talk about the weather or season of year or how flowers are blooming or leaves are changing color or whatever, but if you start with e.g. a boy on his bike fretting about how Summer's almost over and he really wishes he didn't have to go back to school in two weeks and complaining to his mother when she starts rhapsodizing about how the leaves will soon be turning pretty colors ("That just means they're dying, Mom... y'know, like my soul does a little bit each day when I have to go to school." "Oh, don't be such a drama queen!"), THEN you've got my attention.
Right on the money! Thank you for that! One can tell that you have insight into the craft, not to mention a flair for the oh-so-effective understated humor! =====================================================================================================================================
I notice a common problem with new writers which is a failure to ground the reader in time and place. This often only requires a few lines of narrative on the first page. later the world building can be enhanced but the reader needs to know what world they are in.
Super helpful points. Readers are able to read the first 10% of the books on Amazon so making an emotional connection to the world and characters in the first few pages will make a big difference in readers.
I always begin with an action scene similar to a Bond movie opening. It grabs the attention and sets the stage for what's to come. Engaging the reader is the most important thing to open a story.
if I spend $20+ on a book, I as a reader don't really care about what the opening looks like. But as a writer I get so stressed about crafting the perfect opening. I guess this is me saying that the opening doesn't have to be perfect in order to work.
Wow! I’m glad I found your channel. Such excellent suggestions. Like Rocío Miranda (below), I’ve found that writing the first chapter comes last. I may put in a filler to get it started but never end up using it. By the end of the first draft, I know what I need to hopefully grab the reader and get the story started properly. But, that’s just me.
I actually don't find the last example that bad, if it was half the length and building toward something relevant. The setting of a quiet, sleepy suburb is perfect for a sudden scream to shatter the peace. Maybe it's Amy yelling at John as she discovers the state of their bank account. Maybe it's John's cry of dismay as he plays his last hand in online poker and realises he's lost it all. But if one chooses to start with a description, it should be short, sweet, and in service of the scene that's about to unfold.
For Amy's sake, I hope John learns to control his gambling. For my own sake, I hope to find a way to bridle this eight-headed, ten-armed, hideous beast that is novel writing. I've subscribed -- looking forward to learning from your crisp critiques. Brava, Alyssa! Full disclosure: I've violated almost every one of these.
Good advice. Me, I like lean, terse prose that snaps your head back like a sneaky uppercut. Most of my editing time is spent cutting crap I don't really need, getting down to the zen essentials -- but without sacrificing too much flavor. Once in a while, I get it just right, and I hear angels sing -- but it's the dirty version of "Louie Louie."
Another great & informative video! I took a creative writing course, in my final semester of college; a lot of what you're saying was taught in that course!
Great information! Love the way you provide examples. One request...since you wrote the above examples, it would have been helpful to see those examples corrected rather than explained verbally. Thanks so much for creating these extremely helpful and informative videos :) (...and yes, I know I used the word 'examples' too often )
As ever, Alyssa, your videos are interesting and informative! Thankfully, I am not guilty of any of the examples you give. I've gone with a paragraph where the main character is summarising how the murders he has been party to escalated and it was not how he planned it, as a prologue. This is very short. The first chapter then opens with a 'flash forward' where the other main character, the detective pursuing the murderer is literally minutes behind him and believes that finally, he is closing in after so many 'false dawns'. Subsequent sections in that chapter and the following chapters run chronologically with the murders and the detective's pursuit, and the last chapter picks up on that first chapter paragraph to conclude the story. I don't know if this is also a bit of a cliche but it worked for me when I was writing it so... it's in! The editor will have the final say, I guess! Again, thanks for your helpful advice to us budding best-seller authors!
It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your novel opening! You can also check out online writing groups for beta readers that can also weigh in on how effective your tactics are, for a broad range of opinions. I wish you the best of luck with your novel :)
I really love your videos! Thank you for all the advice on traditional publishing. I have tried being an indie author for the last seven years and it hasn’t worked out so I am wanting to go traditional. I really loveuour videos on writing too, like this one. I took a class on writing in deep point of view and it really helped me cut out pretty much if not all of what youy described in this video. The phone call in the middle of the night was the only one I hadn’t heard before. Thanks again for doing these videos.
Thanks, Alyssa.... I honestly started my epic novel prologue with a nightmare, where I shortly introduced my villian characters ... gave a little background about them, then end the dream, and started some dialogues... .
Hi Alyssa, Would you mind explaining/doing a video on what upmarket fiction is? I see a lot of agents requesting it and, even after looking it up online, I'm not sure whether my book falls into that category. Thanks!
Whew. None of these are on my first page, hahaha. The beginning paragraphs of my book has the MC steadily losing control of his powers during meditation. Mainly because some pretty dark and intrusive thoughts throw off his focus and this scene merely provides a glimpse into what he'll struggle with physically (and especially emotionally) throughout the book. Anyway, I'm glad I've found your channel a few weeks ago. Your advice is practical and flexible to many styles of writing. Thanks for all you do.
I often use what Joseph Campbell suggested. Start with the MC in what he called, "every day troubles." The protag is engaged in dealing with a small problem or conflict ,the usual for him, ( which sets the tone, shows character, and reflects bigger problems to come) when the phone rings.
I've made this mistake in one of my earlier books. Lessons learned for sure. Thank you for sharing this. I'm trying to watch one new video of yours daily.
I opened up my sequel book with a “dream sequence” which is just a PTSD flashback of events that actually happened. I eventually made it the prologue, and it’s developed later into a subplot that’s ignited in chapter 3 where that side character mentions it with their best friend. However, I don’t reveal that it was them dreaming that specific dream in either scene; only answering that question in the middle of the story. Mostly because this revelation answers further questions about the mystery of an antagonist’s subplot that eventually makes contact with the side character.
I was guilty of starting with my MC waking up and going about their day. Now I am jumping into the middle of dialogue. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. I'm think it works because it is the king talking with his advisors (including MC) about the impending war counsel. I think (hope) it is a familiar enough context that readers will be able to be immersed from the outset, without it being too tropey. But generally I agree with you, not a great way to start. Thanks as always for the videos!
That's a good expression for approaching novel openings--"Out of the frying pan, into the fire." I will say, take care to keep the opening dialogue tight and to the point, as it's also easy to lose steam by having the characters talk about other, non-plot relevant things. However, it seems like you've put a lot of thought into your novel opening, so I wish you the best of luck!
Dream sequences can be fun, but you need to work up to them. I started my novel with the main character, a homeless orphan girl, setting off on her quest to find a true home. She has many adventures and her quest slowly evolves to understanding an underclass. And chapter 10 opens when she wakes up in her old bed, with her parents still alive. The first part of the book was just a dream! (And you were there, and you were there, and Margaret Hamilton was there chasing your little doggy, too!)And then she wakes up again and she's lost the last remnants of her old life. She's moved fully into the underclass world and can't go back. Now she's fighting to save her new friends. I used the dream sequence as an inflection point for the transition. It felt like a good way to separate her before world from her after world. She wakes up and nothing will ever be the same.
My openings tend to have the main character(s) doing a normal everyday task (for them) that will build up a little characterization and setting, but also get the plot started. Examples: -An ex-bully on his way to a high school reunion, alone in his car with his thoughts as his guilt eats at him, because his actions in high school are why someone won't be there. -A group of children outcast in their community making up jokes and songs as they head into town to sell their mother's wares, and showing through other characters' reactions that there's something not quite right about them. -A man reading the paper and stumbling upon a wanted ad, where the location immediately triggers not only a trauma response, but an opportunity to get some lingering questions answered. -A man wakes to some strange crying in the middle of the night and runs into the ghost of his ex-wife. -A trickster deity going to windows on her holiday and finding her offering bowls empty. Etc. I like to give my audience a brief taste of where my character is starting and who they are, give them an action that the audience can not only follow along with, but will also help set the story's tone. This allows the audience to metaphorically sit with the character(s) for a moment, take that moment to get to know them a little, and wonder how they'll handle what's coming up. We all know the ex-bully's ex-victim is going to show up at some point. How will their reunion go down? Also, did I mention the ex-victim grew up to be a supervillain? What is going on with these seemingly innocent children that the townspeople only give them bare-minimum politeness, if not crossing the street to outright avoid them? How is this man going to handle a job that triggers such a deep, visceral response? What happened at that place, and what kind of answers are worth facing an obvious trauma for? What's the trickster deity going to do about the empty offering bowls? I also on occasion start with a newspaper clipping or journal entry or something else that gives a brief rundown of an important event somewhere in the story. My current WIP has a sort of prologue consisting of a series of short, 3-4 sentence "newspaper clippings" (all of them together don't even take up a full page) of seemingly unrelated events, though some give hints to a pattern. The one the audience will pick up *immediately* when they turn the page is that one of clippings details the MC as a missing person, which means they know going in that this character is doomed at some point, but they don't know how or why until they read a little more, and whether or not he'll still be missing by the end of the book. This is a trick I use sparingly, as its purpose is to create a sense of dread and give an idea of time and place right off the get-go (you get a city and a date, which alone can say a lot), but when I do, it works well, as I can pack a lot of subtle foreshadowing, loopholes, and red herrings in a short time while also not burdening the reader right off the bat with details. All they'll know is these are probably important, and they'll be right the second they turn the page.
You could sum up all these openings as being extremely boring and doing an action that reverts any tension building. Example, "John turns when he sees his alarm". Maybe the reader will interpret that as "I'm your boring life, please turn away and forget your life". Bruh
A wonderful rundown of bad novel openings. Some of these I've heard of but others were new and I really appreciated that! I love that you made your own examples. Thanks for sharing!
I just wrote all this while watching your video! :D What was it that brought you to this point? Was it greed? Is it loss? Your sacrifices? Perhaps a longing of the one you left behind so long ago... What really drove you to this very moment? Nox let out a sigh. The only sound present was the dripping of the blood onto the carpet below, and the crackling of the fireplace in the dimly lit room. He held the knife firmly in the Emperor's lifeless chest. His thoughts echoed at the back of his mind and yet he felt almost at peace in this moment. As Nox remained on the floor a grin cracked from him his mouth. How strange such a relic as this intended for healing, use to end an entire royal line in a single night. This was the plan. It was done. Only time would tell what tomorrow will hold. Not even three months the Obwijian Empire had been at peace. The war was over, but not for Nox. He had his reasoning and yet now he was questioning it. What was it he wanted to accomplish with this?
i have one book that im dead-set on starting with a dream. have been for years. im dead-set on it because i genuinely believe its the best way to start the novel. im 100% planning on letting the reader know its a dream before they even read the whole thing, because the point of it isnt to makes the reader believe its real, but is instead that the protagonist has been getting this dream over and over ever since they can remember, and its been plaguing their mind ever since then, too. its a metaphor to them, an allegory to the things happening in their life. in reality, its a ptsd flashback, a way through which their brain is trying to break free of the suppression and dissociation, and finally process what happened in their past. but they dont know that yet. im planning on including the dream throughout the book, each time revealing a new detail, until the big reveal. so. since this dream is super freaking important, the only way i will have the book *not* start with it is if literally every single beta reader and editor reading it hates it lol
"Call me Ishmael." Best opening line in American literature. But: "The Salinas Valley is in Northern California. It is a long narrow swale between two ranges of mountains, and the Salinas River winds and twists up the center until it falls at last into Monterey Bay." Opening lines of East of Eden. Detailed scene setting. Drew me in immediately.
“I run blindly into the night, feet pound the pavement, muscles scream in agony. I have no idea where I’m going or if he’s behind me. A sickening warmth trickles down my back. Roughly, I swipe at the damp hair covering my eyes and my hand is stained red.”
An opener based off of the scenes in the video: John threw himself into the driver's seat of his car and slammed the door. "That's impossible." He said to himself beating the wheel. "A royal flush? How did he have a royal flush? The ace of diamonds had already been played." He continued to beat the wheel until a vain burst open, which angered him even more. He leaned back and put his hands on his face. "What am I going to tell Amy?" He said. He didn't know what he was going to do. They were already deeply in debt. Hesitantly he drove home. "What do you mean you lost the money?" Amy shouted. Her face was red with anger. "Don't tell me you were at that damn casino again gambling away all of our earnings!" "Our earnings?" John quipped. "I didn't realize an art history degree could pay back four years of student loans and a Paris wedding." "Well, it would be a lot easier if all your money didn't go to gambling," she said as she stormed off to the bedroom. John walked over to the sofa and sat down. He gazed across the living room and his eyes fell on a photo hanging on the wall. "Home Coming 1988, Stone Creek University" it said. "She was the one who insisted on such a fancy wedding," he told himself. "I've just been trying to recover the money while I work toward my doctorate degree. I just need a break." Late in the night John's phone buzzed on his nightstand. He groaned, rolled over, and checked the alarm clock. Who could possibly be calling at 3:44 am? He snuck out of bed quietly to avoid rousing Amy. As he stood up, he saw the caller ID and his heart thumped. Not him again. He tiptoed out of the room and answered. "Mike, buddy, what's up?" John said quietly trying to sound excited without waking Amy. "Hey John, I heard you might be looking for some extra cash," Mike said. "I could use your help." "Sorry Mike, it's too risky working with you guys. My medical career would be over in a moment if we get caught. I'm pursuing other means of income." "And how is that going for you?" John fell silent. "Meet me at sunrise at the North Pier across from Franklin Roosevelt Bridge." With that, Mike hung up the phone. John knew he shouldn't work with Mike, but he didn't know what other choice he had. He left a note for Amy that he was working overtime, then called his boss and said he was sick and wouldn't be able to come today. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door. He sat in his car and saw the bloodstain from the night before. He then looked up at his house with optimism. The peaceful suburb was quiet and still. The sun hadn't quite peeked over the horizon yet, and all the well-maintained houses were awash in a yellowish haze. It was autumn, which meant the days were getting shorter and the air was getting colder. Today was unseasonably warm.
7:10 No, that's a bad example. There is intrigue here. The reader will be trying to make sense of the dialogue. If the dialogue is right, it can have both exposition and character introduction and hook at once. The main thing is to keep the dialogue succinct.
Protagonist gets a call in the middle of the night. They ignore it and go back to sleep. They never learn of the plot hook. The end. :P I prefer to begin in the middle of an action scene or dialogue, but what I end up doing most of the time is watching TH-cam videos about writing and not actually writing anything.
My fantasy novel starts with her waking up from a nightmare, but later on she finds out that these nightmares are glimpses/visions of her future. Does it still fall into your category? 😅
It captures the premise, but maybe gives away too much if you are trying to build suspense, but whatever is your style works best for what you're trying to tell.
I've heard that opening with a character waking up is not the best way to start a novel. About eight paragraphs into my middle grade novel, there's a scene where the MC wakes up and goes to school. Is this too close to the beginning? I've tried to include lots of tension and internal conflict, but I'm wondering if it's unoriginal. Any thought would be appreciated. Thanks for much for these videos, Alyssa!
About the dream sequence… I am aware it is a bit cliche and I myself am not a fan of it, but I want to ask: what if the novel has a strong connection with dreams, like, what if characters have abilities relating to dreams or if the story uses dreams often, is it still not recommended to open your novel with a dream paragraph?
Maybe if the character knows he is in a dream and that his dream has consequences, and that all this is clearly stated since the start, the reader won't feel cheated. That's one way I could see this kind of opening works.
So far so good :) I didn't use any of these openings. I'm just worried mine is plain bad lol. Seems to be a tricky balance between getting to the action fast but not feeling rushed. After this round of rewrites, it will go out to readers for feedback so we'll see what they think.
I start with a quite derisive look by someone else onto my main character (who looks like a side character in the first half of the story). Translated from German: "With oil-smudged fingers, the young woman pulled her too tight T-shirt over the edge of her too tight cycling shorts. During the short interview, she had done this about half a dozen times, making it six to zero in favor of her love handles. If the subject of Julia's report were why people don't buy clothes in the right size and maybe even in tasteful design, she might have had some information to offer. But for this topic, the aspiring journalist wouldn't have had to leave her university campus at all."
I have a GREAT 400 word opening and I don't want to waste it on a prologue. Is that too ridiculously short to be a Chapter 1? I don't even want to add anything else. It could even be back cover material. .....though I think it's the exact definition of a Prologue.
These are good examples of the bad, but I will say this, if an author can come up with a fresh way to do any of these, I think they can still pull it off. I write in fantasy, and I've seen fantasy authors like Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett get away with opening with exposition or setting description, but it's really unique exposition and setting description, and they have great author voices. I think that what they're really opening with is their narrative voices. Most of us can't get away with that.
They also get away with it because they are riding on the precedence of their work and reputation of that work. People buy books of well-known authors because they know they already like the writing, and that they're in good hands with a skillful writer. In comparison, a new or relatively unknown writer won't be able to get away with front-loading their book because the reader knows nothing about your style, whether they'll like it or not, or why they should keep reading. As an aside, muddling through lengthy description of setting and other such action-stopping exposition personally turns me off well-known writers anyways, and I know I'm not alone in that. So... If celebrity authors can't even get away with it flawlessly, it's probably in your best interest not to attempt it as an unknown.
@@KanadaJin Maybe, but this is the way they wrote from the start. I actually haven't read their most recent novels. On reflection, I'd also say that humor/satire can get away with things other writing doesn't, but writers shouldn't underestimate how difficult writing good humor is. If nothing else, it's a bear to self-edit.
These are all great points; definitely, each of these examples can be used in fresh and engaging ways. It's also true that the more books one has published, theoretically the more writing experience they have--leading to trust from their readers as well as a more informed writing experience. Thanks for the comments!
Hey Alyssa... can you do a video about writing prologues? When or when not to? I have a 2 pages prologue in my novel... 50 years before the story begins. It shows a character that is not the protagonist but will appear later in the novel. Should I remove it to query agents, or is it okay to keep it? I hear agents hate prologues.
I totally love it when every single time I listen to writing advice it makes me feel like I as a reader am absolutely braindead stupid with the worst ADHD imaginable to the point where it's questionable how I can even function in life and as a writer I should also treat my audience like this. Because that's the feeling I get whenever people talk about singular things, sentences, paragraphs, etc that just immediately turn a reader off.
Hi Alyssa. I am following your videos religiously. I have a question though related to your latest advice, the one about not getting lost in the description. If you read Where the crawdads sing, the book starts with a lengthy description. Could you analyze why it works in that particular case? I know books are written in various ways but I would love to know what you think about it and how we could sometimes break away from the norm. Thank you.
I actually go over Where the Crawdads Sing at about 9:49 in this video!: th-cam.com/video/i1BwVIY3kTY/w-d-xo.html To summarize, what WTCS does well with its lengthy description is that it also works as a source of tension/suspense, making the setting work as both worldbuilding and plot moving. I hope this answer helps!
I love these examples :) and would love more of it. I am a huge fan of these types of vids even tho I dont really write. But I looove reading! Most of your examples have already been mentioned by Ellen Brooks and Alexa D and they really dig into details, but you nevertheless have an original take so I found it useful!
In my current novel, it opens in a phonecall with one of the protagonist's friends telling, "Girl, you have a life to live. You can do this." And she has woken up from a one night stand. She makes a promise to herself in the bed to stop it. Its a romance novel. And just in the following paragraph she introduces herself with the context of her messed up relationships.
My story starts in a library with an old man and a young boy. The old man told the young boy something that sparked too much curiosity in him and the boy went on a quick quest where he sourced bits of information from all the key characters in my story (in the midst of their business). This let me 1 by 1 introduce all my characters in their natural environment while developing my main character through the type of questions he asks and his childlike approach towards problem solving, which I hope lets us know everything we need to know before the big plot starting event takes place a whole five seconds later
I can't ingage with conversation unless I'm already familiar with at least one of the characters, same with scenes. Like, card games don't matter if no one has a bad history with them or money problems or something, and you can't know any of that at the beginning. Hate it when movies start out like that, too, just seems like lazy writing. I think everything comes from characters, and i have a feeling you do, too. Always easier to engage with a story when you're doing it with a friend, or at least a close character. But now i should probably go work on my own story.
"'It’s not fair,' Justin spouted as he sat in the corner folding his arms." My first line in my opening scene, meant to show how my protagonist deals with injustices imposed on him. This is a revised version from the original.
Check out the movie Minority Report for the best introduction ever. There isn't one ounce of fat in the opening sequence. It explains the magic world and story world at breakneck speed in a way we understand. Everything from the routine, to the politics, do the moral implications are all done with perfect timing and not a hint of telling over showing.
I'm not sure what to say. My first scene is a girl who peek at some fantastic creatures. She describes them and I put also some internal monologue and reaction to what my character see. Basically is still description ..but not flat.
In my book it opens with a dream but in this case it is a high action dream, and it's actually a memory the MC is reliving. Is this something I should consider reworking then?
6:42 Okay so my novel opens with dialog but it's dialog from a movie that is playing in the room next to my main character and right after is the narration and it is less than 20 words of the films dialog. Do I keep it?
When I incorporate other media as a backdrop to the scene in place, since I'm writing in first person, I use narration from the main character's perspective and what means to them.
I suppose my issue is that it seems like stories need to be more dialogue than description, which, as a reader, I would find a little tedious. I understand that, as a writer, you don't want to overwhelm the reader with exposition and description, but that seems severely limiting to the writer, I think.
I have been watching, over the last few days, quite a few of your videos, and I find them very helpful. However, it seems to me a large portion of the advice- as with most others offering advice on writing- is predicated on the idea that style is obnoxious and ought to be avoided. No doubt, from the standpoint of writing best-selling genre fiction, this is the way to go, but not everyone is writing YA, and that shouldn't be the gold standard of vocabulary and sentence structure. In your critique of 'long descriptions,' for example, it seems to me that the problem is not that the passage is too long, but that it lacks character. Very likely it would be improved by being longer, if that allowed the writer to be less pedestrian. Four sentences is not 'long,' unless the sentences themselves are boring.
Um, yeah, so here's something 👍🏽🤷🏽♀️💀 *"We are gathered here today…"* Growing up, Imogen Skulker never once thought of death as something of significance. You're born, you age, you die-it's a three-step cycle honestly-and everyone moves on with their lives, with the memory of the people they lost firmly tucked away in the back of their minds. Imogen was sixteen when her world ended for the first time. *"City A was once a peaceful place, with good and hardworking citizens…"*
In first person narration might work better here. The chanting of hyms rung out like a lullaby amid the gospels and priests. “We are gathered here today...” a man spoke with absolute. I never once thought of death as something significant. You're born, you age and you die; it's a three step cycle, honestly... and everyone moves on with their lives. Their memories... lost firmly, tucked away in the back of their minds. I was sixteen when the world ended... for the first time. “City A was once a beautiful place, with good, hardworking citizens...” P.S. Does that opening not sound more powerful, without giving away too much about what's going on? It provides enough interest and intrigue, almost sounds like a Sci-Fi, cult, maybe dystopic fiction. Not bad.
@@gamewriteeye769 thank you very much for your help. I've been struggling with writing in first person for a long time. I wrote most of it in third person actually 😅
@@Everything_Zta Your welcome. I am writing my first novel and hard pressed to stick to just first person narration. I noticed when writing in it, it engages the reader a lot more and puts you in the mind of the character. The narration becomes natural after that, giving a voice for that character. I have come across scenes though where it's better and easier for me to explain in third person. Especially action sequences that don't allow for talk. It would slow down the pacing too much otherwise. But I try to balance the focus being hard first person and third person in some action scenes, although majority of action scenes I've been able to write entirely in first. Switching perspectives to another character can be tricky, so I use a narrator character talking from the first person and viewing third person limited to other characters respectively(since he's in the plot as a character). It works out since I gave reason for it and that allows me to switch perspective, but only do it in a new chapter really, otherwise. Just beware though if you are tight about word count, first person narration bloats it and slows pacing, bear that in mind.
@@gamewriteeye769 Oh my God, I really want to talk to you more about this. I'm currently changing it all from third-person to first-person. It's ok but a little bit challenging at times, but I love that in writing. So once again, thank you and good luck on your book🤗🤗🤗
@@Everything_Zta Your welcome and thanks. Yeah, no really, if you wanted to talk more about the writing process I'm open to it. I love discussion and talking about things( or writing) in this case. I guess it comes naturally since I got into it. Not really sure but yeah video resources like these help too. I looked into a bunch to make sure I get it right the first time. I might have formatting questions, (so like is it ok to have one line as a paragraph?) as an example.
If you're looking for new inspiration, there's lots of tricks you can do to refresh your mind! The easiest is to work on another part of your novel, so that you keep your skills sharp while distracting yourself from the novel opening. Another is to take a break and read other novels both similar and dissimilar to your own, so that you are engaging with wholly new ideas. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your novel!
@@AlyssaMatesic Thank you! I'm always tweaking things here and there, especially now that I've changed the first chapter again (it has so many ripple effects throughout the whole book). What I've done now is add a short paragraph of description to set the tone/scene before the dialogue begins :)
I'm guilty of at least one of those. I admit, the opening is more difficult than what it seems. But with your help such as this video, I'll pull it off. Thanks.
If it feels natural and organic to your character and your plot, then go for it! The middle of the night phone call isn't an awful trope, it's just a cliche one--so readers will immediately clock that and think "Ah, another one of these." With a novel opening, you want your reader to stay engaged with the story, so if you can attain that with an early morning phone call, all the better!
@@AlyssaMatesic I actually took your advice, put in some hours of thought, and realized I could use the moment to explore a side of my main character that I've been trying to insert anyway. So thank you.
Your opening describing the setting (the suburb) was actually quite good. You describe the place (peaceful suburb) where the action will occur. You describe the atmosphere as being unusual (unseasonably warm) instead of the typical autumn days (shorter ). This makes the reader question if this suburb will be peaceful throughout the book. The reader would question what the unusual weather has to do with the story, Characters can come next.
Actually, planning it out allows you to weave more elements of fiction into it. More literary devices, more plot devices, more time spent with getting into the mind of the character. The rest of the story becomes natural after that.
Thank you so much for this! I heard someone say that the first five pages of a screenplay is "prime real estate." Same for a novel. I open with the narrator scolding humans for their lack of imagination. The narrator then challenges the reader to discover the place and people in the following novel-length account, knowing the reader never will. And that's only the first page!
How do people here feel about the intros to the Dark Souls games? To me those intros seem like an intentional parody of fantasy novels since they always dump tons of lore with very little context. Do these intros work? What do you think?
I put a lot of thought on how I start my chapter. I try to put enough information without dumping too much on the reader. Looks like I keep succeeding in it. Like in my current novel, I start of that people run aside in a village when the protagonist walks in because she is a witch and a mercenary. Then I follow up why she is there and in what time frame she lives in.
I'm glad you're finding success with your novel opening! If you're looking for additional readers' perspectives on your novel opening, a great way is to find an online writers group and get beta readers. They will read your opening chapter and can offer feedback on what's working and what needs to be tightened up. Thanks for commenting :)
Many are bored by Tolkien, it's a legit barrier to some readers. He's defs an outlier too given the genre-shaping impact of his work. There wasn't anything quite like LOTR before.
@@KanadaJin Yeah, pretty amusing comment considering LOTR is sort of the textbook boring fantasy novel that people (even fantasy fans) often struggle to get through!
I can't get enough of the fact that you work around examples - I am a teacher, take it from me... Great way to explain things and yet, not a lot of people do that.
*Whew*. You didn’t include mine. Good topic.
Haha! Thanks for the comment!
With each of these kinds of scenes, there's a right way and wrong way to use them:
*1. Phone call in the middle of the night.* Yes, you should probably save that for later, or at least set up what the character was doing when so rudely interrupted first. The novelization for the movie Starman (1984) introduced a character with just such a phone call (albeit closer to the middle than the beginning) by mentioning that he'd just been settling down to watch some TV with a cold drink in hand when the "damnphone" rang. Then it goes on to describe how he always referred to his telephone as the "damnphone" (all one word) and never just the "damn phone" because it was always ringing at inconvenient moments like this and it really annoyed him. If you set up a character trait this way, that kind of scene could actually work, even at the start of a novel (and I should point out, it was at least the start of HIS story in this example).
*2. Huge paragraphs of exposition/backstory.* Uh, yeah... Actually, don't use these ANYWHERE in the story. It's far better to establish the backstory and do the world building through describing the characters' perceptions and reactions to their setting. One reaction a lot of fantasy and science fiction writers like to use to establish a setting is the "non-reaction" reaction, e.g. casually saying things like "The door dilated open, and their captain stepped onto the bridge." That the story then never goes on to mention anyone thinking "Wow! A dilating door!" establishes-without actually saying anything-that such designs on doors are so common that nobody in this futuristic story even notices them anymore, just as nobody in our time is particularly fascinated by the internet, although (I can testify from personal experience) it used to be considered the freshest and most innovative cutting-edge technology back in the 1990s.
*3. Dream sequence.* As some of Pixar's animators once pointed out, this is the first "painkiller" a lot of them use in early drafts of their movie scripts when they can't initially think of any other way to establish some plot point or personality trait, but such dream sequences almost never survive to the final draft. The 1984 movie (though not the book from which it was adapted) for The Neverending Story actually opens with the protagonist Bastian awakening from a dream, but we're never actually shown what the dream was, just told in the following scene that he was dreaming about his late mother again (and having his father tell him he understands how he misses her, but he needs to get over his grief and get on with his life). Doing that-just mentioning the dream without actually going into any detail about it-might work as an opening; if you feel you absolutely need a fuller dream sequence, however, you should save it for later in the story when you've already established what's likely to be real and what's more likely to be imaginary in the world where your story is set so that your readers will recognize it as a dream sequence and won't feel cheated when the character wakes up from it.
*4. In the middle of a conversation.* For that matter, don't start ANYTHING in the middle; always begin at the beginning. The line "Mama, where's Papa going with that axe?" is possibly one of the best opening lines of dialogue ever written, especially since it's not for a Stephen King novel (as one might think) but for E.B. White's book Charlotte's Web. Note how the opening line would never have been anywhere near so effective had it been the next line, in which the child's mother explains to her that their pig just had a litter and her father is going out to use that axe to cull the runt from it; beginning a story with an answer rather than with a question is putting the cart before the horse. In the example you gave, a better opening line would probably be something like "Uh, honey, what's this 'discretionary spending' line in our monthly budget mean? Where exactly did you spend so much money at your discretion? Have you been gambling again?"
*5. Lengthy setting description.* Basically, this is a bit of a variation on 2. Again, it's best to establish a setting through a character's perceptions of it. Only when your readers understand why your characters care about the time and place will THEY begin to care about the time and place as well. My mind tends to wander off the page when someone starts out with florid talk about the weather or season of year or how flowers are blooming or leaves are changing color or whatever, but if you start with e.g. a boy on his bike fretting about how Summer's almost over and he really wishes he didn't have to go back to school in two weeks and complaining to his mother when she starts rhapsodizing about how the leaves will soon be turning pretty colors ("That just means they're dying, Mom... y'know, like my soul does a little bit each day when I have to go to school." "Oh, don't be such a drama queen!"), THEN you've got my attention.
Wow um I would take you class! 😍 Ty for this!
Right on the money! Thank you for that! One can tell that you have insight into the craft, not to mention a flair for the oh-so-effective understated humor!
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I notice a common problem with new writers which is a failure to ground the reader in time and place. This often only requires a few lines of narrative on the first page. later the world building can be enhanced but the reader needs to know what world they are in.
Super helpful points. Readers are able to read the first 10% of the books on Amazon so making an emotional connection to the world and characters in the first few pages will make a big difference in readers.
Yes, exactly! Thank you for that precise statistic!
I always begin with an action scene similar to a Bond movie opening. It grabs the attention and sets the stage for what's to come. Engaging the reader is the most important thing to open a story.
That's a great example!
Whew! You didn’t include mine. Good topic.
if I spend $20+ on a book, I as a reader don't really care about what the opening looks like. But as a writer I get so stressed about crafting the perfect opening. I guess this is me saying that the opening doesn't have to be perfect in order to work.
Haha, true! Sometimes being a reader and a writer reveals funny aspects about the other.
I stumbled on this video by accident and found it to be one of the best pieces of writing advice I ever heard. Thanks 🤘
So glad you found it helpful!
Wow! I’m glad I found your channel. Such excellent suggestions. Like Rocío Miranda (below), I’ve found that writing the first chapter comes last. I may put in a filler to get it started but never end up using it. By the end of the first draft, I know what I need to hopefully grab the reader and get the story started properly. But, that’s just me.
I actually don't find the last example that bad, if it was half the length and building toward something relevant. The setting of a quiet, sleepy suburb is perfect for a sudden scream to shatter the peace. Maybe it's Amy yelling at John as she discovers the state of their bank account. Maybe it's John's cry of dismay as he plays his last hand in online poker and realises he's lost it all. But if one chooses to start with a description, it should be short, sweet, and in service of the scene that's about to unfold.
For Amy's sake, I hope John learns to control his gambling. For my own sake, I hope to find a way to bridle this eight-headed, ten-armed, hideous beast that is novel writing. I've subscribed -- looking forward to learning from your crisp critiques. Brava, Alyssa! Full disclosure: I've violated almost every one of these.
Haha, I'm glad this helped!
Thank you for making these videos! I always get something out of them.
Guess I don’t read enough mysteries, because I kinda liked that first opener
Haha, that's also valid!
Good advice.
Me, I like lean, terse prose that snaps your head back like a sneaky uppercut. Most of my editing time is spent cutting crap I don't really need, getting down to the zen essentials -- but without sacrificing too much flavor. Once in a while, I get it just right, and I hear angels sing -- but it's the dirty version of "Louie Louie."
That sounds exciting! Thank you for sharing your process :)
Another great & informative video! I took a creative writing course, in my final semester of college; a lot of what you're saying was taught in that course!
That's very affirming to hear, as someone who mainly interacts with creative writing from the editing side! Thanks for the kind comment!
@@AlyssaMatesic ♥You're welcome!
Great information! Love the way you provide examples. One request...since you wrote the above examples, it would have been helpful to see those examples corrected rather than explained verbally. Thanks so much for creating these extremely helpful and informative videos :) (...and yes, I know I used the word 'examples' too often )
As ever, Alyssa, your videos are interesting and informative! Thankfully, I am not guilty of any of the examples you give.
I've gone with a paragraph where the main character is summarising how the murders he has been party to escalated and it was not how he planned it, as a prologue. This is very short. The first chapter then opens with a 'flash forward' where the other main character, the detective pursuing the murderer is literally minutes behind him and believes that finally, he is closing in after so many 'false dawns'.
Subsequent sections in that chapter and the following chapters run chronologically with the murders and the detective's pursuit, and the last chapter picks up on that first chapter paragraph to conclude the story.
I don't know if this is also a bit of a cliche but it worked for me when I was writing it so... it's in! The editor will have the final say, I guess!
Again, thanks for your helpful advice to us budding best-seller authors!
It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your novel opening! You can also check out online writing groups for beta readers that can also weigh in on how effective your tactics are, for a broad range of opinions. I wish you the best of luck with your novel :)
I really love your videos! Thank you for all the advice on traditional publishing. I have tried being an indie author for the last seven years and it hasn’t worked out so I am wanting to go traditional. I really loveuour videos on writing too, like this one. I took a class on writing in deep point of view and it really helped me cut out pretty much if not all of what youy described in this video. The phone call in the middle of the night was the only one I hadn’t heard before. Thanks again for doing these videos.
Thank you for your kind comment! I wish you the best of luck with your publishing journey :)
Thanks, Alyssa.... I honestly started my epic novel prologue with a nightmare, where I shortly introduced my villian characters ... gave a little background about them, then end the dream, and started some dialogues... .
Hi Alyssa, Would you mind explaining/doing a video on what upmarket fiction is? I see a lot of agents requesting it and, even after looking it up online, I'm not sure whether my book falls into that category. Thanks!
I discuss that topic in this video:
th-cam.com/video/tnpgfCqR1UM/w-d-xo.html. I hope it helps!
Whew. None of these are on my first page, hahaha. The beginning paragraphs of my book has the MC steadily losing control of his powers during meditation. Mainly because some pretty dark and intrusive thoughts throw off his focus and this scene merely provides a glimpse into what he'll struggle with physically (and especially emotionally) throughout the book.
Anyway, I'm glad I've found your channel a few weeks ago. Your advice is practical and flexible to many styles of writing. Thanks for all you do.
I'm glad you avoided these plot bullets, haha! Thanks for sharing your novel's opening :)
I often use what Joseph Campbell suggested. Start with the MC in what he called, "every day troubles." The protag is engaged in dealing with a small problem or conflict ,the usual for him, ( which sets the tone, shows character, and reflects bigger problems to come) when the phone rings.
I've made this mistake in one of my earlier books. Lessons learned for sure. Thank you for sharing this. I'm trying to watch one new video of yours daily.
Thank you for this kind comment! I appreciate your support :)
@@AlyssaMatesic My pleasure. I'm really enjoying your vids.
Yes, Alyssa is very user-friendly. Really useful video.
Great to hear!
I opened up my sequel book with a “dream sequence” which is just a PTSD flashback of events that actually happened. I eventually made it the prologue, and it’s developed later into a subplot that’s ignited in chapter 3 where that side character mentions it with their best friend. However, I don’t reveal that it was them dreaming that specific dream in either scene; only answering that question in the middle of the story. Mostly because this revelation answers further questions about the mystery of an antagonist’s subplot that eventually makes contact with the side character.
"?the library of Alexandria in our Time: wikipedia, youtube,,, podcasts..." enjoying your lessons.
I was guilty of starting with my MC waking up and going about their day. Now I am jumping into the middle of dialogue. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. I'm think it works because it is the king talking with his advisors (including MC) about the impending war counsel. I think (hope) it is a familiar enough context that readers will be able to be immersed from the outset, without it being too tropey. But generally I agree with you, not a great way to start. Thanks as always for the videos!
That's a good expression for approaching novel openings--"Out of the frying pan, into the fire." I will say, take care to keep the opening dialogue tight and to the point, as it's also easy to lose steam by having the characters talk about other, non-plot relevant things. However, it seems like you've put a lot of thought into your novel opening, so I wish you the best of luck!
I feel like all of these can still be used, but you just have to use it WELL
Yes, great clarification!
you're so pretty when this video started a took off my glasses at lightning did a like three double takes and yelled. anyway thanks for the info.
"All my life I thought I was a white guy." The opening line to my current novel WIP.
That line will certainly be his undoing.
A story by Clayton Bigsby.
Now I want to read it. :)
That opening line just got my interest. Now I want to read the rest.
@@ashleyclark8734 I wrote the First Draft in my sister's barn. I cried as I wrote the final pages. Can't wait to finish it!
Dream sequences can be fun, but you need to work up to them.
I started my novel with the main character, a homeless orphan girl, setting off on her quest to find a true home. She has many adventures and her quest slowly evolves to understanding an underclass.
And chapter 10 opens when she wakes up in her old bed, with her parents still alive. The first part of the book was just a dream! (And you were there, and you were there, and Margaret Hamilton was there chasing your little doggy, too!)And then she wakes up again and she's lost the last remnants of her old life. She's moved fully into the underclass world and can't go back. Now she's fighting to save her new friends.
I used the dream sequence as an inflection point for the transition. It felt like a good way to separate her before world from her after world. She wakes up and nothing will ever be the same.
My openings tend to have the main character(s) doing a normal everyday task (for them) that will build up a little characterization and setting, but also get the plot started. Examples:
-An ex-bully on his way to a high school reunion, alone in his car with his thoughts as his guilt eats at him, because his actions in high school are why someone won't be there.
-A group of children outcast in their community making up jokes and songs as they head into town to sell their mother's wares, and showing through other characters' reactions that there's something not quite right about them.
-A man reading the paper and stumbling upon a wanted ad, where the location immediately triggers not only a trauma response, but an opportunity to get some lingering questions answered.
-A man wakes to some strange crying in the middle of the night and runs into the ghost of his ex-wife.
-A trickster deity going to windows on her holiday and finding her offering bowls empty.
Etc.
I like to give my audience a brief taste of where my character is starting and who they are, give them an action that the audience can not only follow along with, but will also help set the story's tone. This allows the audience to metaphorically sit with the character(s) for a moment, take that moment to get to know them a little, and wonder how they'll handle what's coming up.
We all know the ex-bully's ex-victim is going to show up at some point. How will their reunion go down? Also, did I mention the ex-victim grew up to be a supervillain?
What is going on with these seemingly innocent children that the townspeople only give them bare-minimum politeness, if not crossing the street to outright avoid them?
How is this man going to handle a job that triggers such a deep, visceral response? What happened at that place, and what kind of answers are worth facing an obvious trauma for?
What's the trickster deity going to do about the empty offering bowls?
I also on occasion start with a newspaper clipping or journal entry or something else that gives a brief rundown of an important event somewhere in the story.
My current WIP has a sort of prologue consisting of a series of short, 3-4 sentence "newspaper clippings" (all of them together don't even take up a full page) of seemingly unrelated events, though some give hints to a pattern. The one the audience will pick up *immediately* when they turn the page is that one of clippings details the MC as a missing person, which means they know going in that this character is doomed at some point, but they don't know how or why until they read a little more, and whether or not he'll still be missing by the end of the book.
This is a trick I use sparingly, as its purpose is to create a sense of dread and give an idea of time and place right off the get-go (you get a city and a date, which alone can say a lot), but when I do, it works well, as I can pack a lot of subtle foreshadowing, loopholes, and red herrings in a short time while also not burdening the reader right off the bat with details. All they'll know is these are probably important, and they'll be right the second they turn the page.
I find there's so much pressure on the opening sentence and paragraph, it's so stressful!
Indeed! 😂
You could sum up all these openings as being extremely boring and doing an action that reverts any tension building. Example, "John turns when he sees his alarm". Maybe the reader will interpret that as "I'm your boring life, please turn away and forget your life". Bruh
Yes, that's another way of putting it!
A wonderful rundown of bad novel openings. Some of these I've heard of but others were new and I really appreciated that! I love that you made your own examples. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for you kind comment! :)
I just wrote all this while watching your video! :D
What was it that brought you to this point?
Was it greed?
Is it loss?
Your sacrifices?
Perhaps a longing of the one you left behind so long ago...
What really drove you to this very moment?
Nox let out a sigh. The only sound present was the dripping of the blood onto the carpet below, and the crackling of the fireplace in the dimly lit room. He held the knife firmly in the Emperor's lifeless chest. His thoughts echoed at the back of his mind and yet he felt almost at peace in this moment.
As Nox remained on the floor a grin cracked from him his mouth. How strange such a relic as this intended for healing, use to end an entire royal line in a single night. This was the plan. It was done. Only time would tell what tomorrow will hold.
Not even three months the Obwijian Empire had been at peace. The war was over, but not for Nox. He had his reasoning and yet now he was questioning it. What was it he wanted to accomplish with this?
Well done!
i have one book that im dead-set on starting with a dream. have been for years. im dead-set on it because i genuinely believe its the best way to start the novel.
im 100% planning on letting the reader know its a dream before they even read the whole thing, because the point of it isnt to makes the reader believe its real, but is instead that the protagonist has been getting this dream over and over ever since they can remember, and its been plaguing their mind ever since then, too. its a metaphor to them, an allegory to the things happening in their life.
in reality, its a ptsd flashback, a way through which their brain is trying to break free of the suppression and dissociation, and finally process what happened in their past. but they dont know that yet.
im planning on including the dream throughout the book, each time revealing a new detail, until the big reveal. so. since this dream is super freaking important, the only way i will have the book *not* start with it is if literally every single beta reader and editor reading it hates it lol
WOW!! GREAT POINTS!!! THANK YOU!!
Me listening to points 1-3: She's always so helpful and on point.
Me a chronic starter of stories mid-dialogue: Well nobody's perfect.
Haha, that's the beauty of writing--how subjective it is! Thanks for commenting!
"Call me Ishmael." Best opening line in American literature.
But:
"The Salinas Valley is in Northern California. It is a long narrow swale between two ranges of mountains, and the Salinas River winds and twists up the center until it falls at last into Monterey Bay."
Opening lines of East of Eden. Detailed scene setting. Drew me in immediately.
Thank you Alyssa, for always giving great advice.! I so would have copied off you in high school!
“I feel the warm blood ease down my back as I run as fast and my beaten, broken body would allow.”
This is my opening line… Is It engaging enough?
“I run blindly into the night, feet pound the pavement, muscles scream in agony. I have no idea where I’m going or if he’s behind me. A sickening warmth trickles down my back. Roughly, I swipe at the damp hair covering my eyes and my hand is stained red.”
This was a great help
Alyssa, what are you thoughts on in media res for opener?
Great advice! the examples are very helpful in demonstrating your points.
Thanks so much!
An opener based off of the scenes in the video:
John threw himself into the driver's seat of his car and slammed the door. "That's impossible." He said to himself beating the wheel. "A royal flush? How did he have a royal flush? The ace of diamonds had already been played." He continued to beat the wheel until a vain burst open, which angered him even more.
He leaned back and put his hands on his face. "What am I going to tell Amy?" He said. He didn't know what he was going to do. They were already deeply in debt. Hesitantly he drove home.
"What do you mean you lost the money?" Amy shouted. Her face was red with anger. "Don't tell me you were at that damn casino again gambling away all of our earnings!"
"Our earnings?" John quipped. "I didn't realize an art history degree could pay back four years of student loans and a Paris wedding."
"Well, it would be a lot easier if all your money didn't go to gambling," she said as she stormed off to the bedroom.
John walked over to the sofa and sat down. He gazed across the living room and his eyes fell on a photo hanging on the wall. "Home Coming 1988, Stone Creek University" it said.
"She was the one who insisted on such a fancy wedding," he told himself. "I've just been trying to recover the money while I work toward my doctorate degree. I just need a break."
Late in the night John's phone buzzed on his nightstand. He groaned, rolled over, and checked the alarm clock. Who could possibly be calling at 3:44 am?
He snuck out of bed quietly to avoid rousing Amy. As he stood up, he saw the caller ID and his heart thumped. Not him again. He tiptoed out of the room and answered. "Mike, buddy, what's up?" John said quietly trying to sound excited without waking Amy.
"Hey John, I heard you might be looking for some extra cash," Mike said. "I could use your help."
"Sorry Mike, it's too risky working with you guys. My medical career would be over in a moment if we get caught. I'm pursuing other means of income."
"And how is that going for you?"
John fell silent.
"Meet me at sunrise at the North Pier across from Franklin Roosevelt Bridge." With that, Mike hung up the phone.
John knew he shouldn't work with Mike, but he didn't know what other choice he had. He left a note for Amy that he was working overtime, then called his boss and said he was sick and wouldn't be able to come today.
He grabbed his keys and ran out the door. He sat in his car and saw the bloodstain from the night before. He then looked up at his house with optimism. The peaceful suburb was quiet and still. The sun hadn't quite peeked over the horizon yet, and all the well-maintained houses were awash in a yellowish haze.
It was autumn, which meant the days were getting shorter and the air was getting colder. Today was unseasonably warm.
7:10 No, that's a bad example. There is intrigue here. The reader will be trying to make sense of the dialogue. If the dialogue is right, it can have both exposition and character introduction and hook at once. The main thing is to keep the dialogue succinct.
Protagonist gets a call in the middle of the night. They ignore it and go back to sleep. They never learn of the plot hook. The end. :P
I prefer to begin in the middle of an action scene or dialogue, but what I end up doing most of the time is watching TH-cam videos about writing and not actually writing anything.
My fantasy novel starts with her waking up from a nightmare, but later on she finds out that these nightmares are glimpses/visions of her future. Does it still fall into your category? 😅
It captures the premise, but maybe gives away too much if you are trying to build suspense, but whatever is your style works best for what you're trying to tell.
Subscribed ✔️
I've heard that opening with a character waking up is not the best way to start a novel. About eight paragraphs into my middle grade novel, there's a scene where the MC wakes up and goes to school. Is this too close to the beginning? I've tried to include lots of tension and internal conflict, but I'm wondering if it's unoriginal. Any thought would be appreciated.
Thanks for much for these videos, Alyssa!
im 100% the last one. ive really had to learn to put character actions into set descriptions.
It's like flipping a switch; once you get it, you get it! Thanks for the comment :)
About the dream sequence… I am aware it is a bit cliche and I myself am not a fan of it, but I want to ask: what if the novel has a strong connection with dreams, like, what if characters have abilities relating to dreams or if the story uses dreams often, is it still not recommended to open your novel with a dream paragraph?
Maybe if the character knows he is in a dream and that his dream has consequences, and that all this is clearly stated since the start, the reader won't feel cheated. That's one way I could see this kind of opening works.
So far so good :) I didn't use any of these openings. I'm just worried mine is plain bad lol. Seems to be a tricky balance between getting to the action fast but not feeling rushed. After this round of rewrites, it will go out to readers for feedback so we'll see what they think.
I start with a quite derisive look by someone else onto my main character (who looks like a side character in the first half of the story).
Translated from German:
"With oil-smudged fingers, the young woman pulled her too tight T-shirt over the edge of her too tight cycling shorts. During the short interview, she had done this about half a dozen times, making it six to zero in favor of her love handles. If the subject of Julia's report were why people don't buy clothes in the right size and maybe even in tasteful design, she might have had some information to offer. But for this topic, the aspiring journalist wouldn't have had to leave her university campus at all."
I have a GREAT 400 word opening and I don't want to waste it on a prologue. Is that too ridiculously short to be a Chapter 1? I don't even want to add anything else. It could even be back cover material. .....though I think it's the exact definition of a Prologue.
These are good examples of the bad, but I will say this, if an author can come up with a fresh way to do any of these, I think they can still pull it off. I write in fantasy, and I've seen fantasy authors like Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett get away with opening with exposition or setting description, but it's really unique exposition and setting description, and they have great author voices. I think that what they're really opening with is their narrative voices. Most of us can't get away with that.
They also get away with it because they are riding on the precedence of their work and reputation of that work. People buy books of well-known authors because they know they already like the writing, and that they're in good hands with a skillful writer. In comparison, a new or relatively unknown writer won't be able to get away with front-loading their book because the reader knows nothing about your style, whether they'll like it or not, or why they should keep reading. As an aside, muddling through lengthy description of setting and other such action-stopping exposition personally turns me off well-known writers anyways, and I know I'm not alone in that. So... If celebrity authors can't even get away with it flawlessly, it's probably in your best interest not to attempt it as an unknown.
@@KanadaJin Maybe, but this is the way they wrote from the start. I actually haven't read their most recent novels. On reflection, I'd also say that humor/satire can get away with things other writing doesn't, but writers shouldn't underestimate how difficult writing good humor is. If nothing else, it's a bear to self-edit.
These are all great points; definitely, each of these examples can be used in fresh and engaging ways. It's also true that the more books one has published, theoretically the more writing experience they have--leading to trust from their readers as well as a more informed writing experience. Thanks for the comments!
Hey Alyssa... can you do a video about writing prologues? When or when not to?
I have a 2 pages prologue in my novel... 50 years before the story begins. It shows a character that is not the protagonist but will appear later in the novel.
Should I remove it to query agents, or is it okay to keep it? I hear agents hate prologues.
This is an excellent suggestion, and I will add it to my list. Thank you!
3:12 - meanwhile, Victor Hugo...
I totally love it when every single time I listen to writing advice it makes me feel like I as a reader am absolutely braindead stupid with the worst ADHD imaginable to the point where it's questionable how I can even function in life and as a writer I should also treat my audience like this. Because that's the feeling I get whenever people talk about singular things, sentences, paragraphs, etc that just immediately turn a reader off.
Hi Alyssa. I am following your videos religiously. I have a question though related to your latest advice, the one about not getting lost in the description. If you read Where the crawdads sing, the book starts with a lengthy description. Could you analyze why it works in that particular case? I know books are written in various ways but I would love to know what you think about it and how we could sometimes break away from the norm. Thank you.
I actually go over Where the Crawdads Sing at about 9:49 in this video!: th-cam.com/video/i1BwVIY3kTY/w-d-xo.html
To summarize, what WTCS does well with its lengthy description is that it also works as a source of tension/suspense, making the setting work as both worldbuilding and plot moving. I hope this answer helps!
@@AlyssaMatesic Yes. it did. I went straight for the video. Thank you for answering.
I love these examples :) and would love more of it. I am a huge fan of these types of vids even tho I dont really write. But I looove reading!
Most of your examples have already been mentioned by Ellen Brooks and Alexa D and they really dig into details, but you nevertheless have an original take so I found it useful!
Glad you like them!
In my current novel, it opens in a phonecall with one of the protagonist's friends telling, "Girl, you have a life to live. You can do this." And she has woken up from a one night stand. She makes a promise to herself in the bed to stop it.
Its a romance novel. And just in the following paragraph she introduces herself with the context of her messed up relationships.
Do you preform reviews of novels?
My story starts in a library with an old man and a young boy. The old man told the young boy something that sparked too much curiosity in him and the boy went on a quick quest where he sourced bits of information from all the key characters in my story (in the midst of their business). This let me 1 by 1 introduce all my characters in their natural environment while developing my main character through the type of questions he asks and his childlike approach towards problem solving, which I hope lets us know everything we need to know before the big plot starting event takes place a whole five seconds later
No way! That's _exactly_ how my book starts!
I can't ingage with conversation unless I'm already familiar with at least one of the characters, same with scenes. Like, card games don't matter if no one has a bad history with them or money problems or something, and you can't know any of that at the beginning. Hate it when movies start out like that, too, just seems like lazy writing.
I think everything comes from characters, and i have a feeling you do, too. Always easier to engage with a story when you're doing it with a friend, or at least a close character. But now i should probably go work on my own story.
"'It’s not fair,' Justin spouted as he sat in the corner folding his arms."
My first line in my opening scene, meant to show how my protagonist deals with injustices imposed on him. This is a revised version from the original.
Check out the movie Minority Report for the best introduction ever. There isn't one ounce of fat in the opening sequence. It explains the magic world and story world at breakneck speed in a way we understand. Everything from the routine, to the politics, do the moral implications are all done with perfect timing and not a hint of telling over showing.
I'm not sure what to say. My first scene is a girl who peek at some fantastic creatures. She describes them and I put also some internal monologue and reaction to what my character see. Basically is still description ..but not flat.
In my book it opens with a dream but in this case it is a high action dream, and it's actually a memory the MC is reliving. Is this something I should consider reworking then?
6:42 Okay so my novel opens with dialog but it's dialog from a movie that is playing in the room next to my main character and right after is the narration and it is less than 20 words of the films dialog. Do I keep it?
When I incorporate other media as a backdrop to the scene in place, since I'm writing in first person, I use narration from the main character's perspective and what means to them.
I suppose my issue is that it seems like stories need to be more dialogue than description, which, as a reader, I would find a little tedious. I understand that, as a writer, you don't want to overwhelm the reader with exposition and description, but that seems severely limiting to the writer, I think.
Agreed, these openers are definitely not interesting. Some are cringe.
I had my fingers crossed all the way, lol.
I'm probably guilty in some measure of all of these, except the dream sequence...😀
I have been watching, over the last few days, quite a few of your videos, and I find them very helpful. However, it seems to me a large portion of the advice- as with most others offering advice on writing- is predicated on the idea that style is obnoxious and ought to be avoided. No doubt, from the standpoint of writing best-selling genre fiction, this is the way to go, but not everyone is writing YA, and that shouldn't be the gold standard of vocabulary and sentence structure. In your critique of 'long descriptions,' for example, it seems to me that the problem is not that the passage is too long, but that it lacks character. Very likely it would be improved by being longer, if that allowed the writer to be less pedestrian. Four sentences is not 'long,' unless the sentences themselves are boring.
Um, yeah, so here's something 👍🏽🤷🏽♀️💀
*"We are gathered here today…"*
Growing up, Imogen Skulker never once thought of death as something of significance. You're born, you age, you die-it's a three-step cycle honestly-and everyone moves on with their lives, with the memory of the people they lost firmly tucked away in the back of their minds.
Imogen was sixteen when her world ended for the first time.
*"City A was once a peaceful place, with good and hardworking citizens…"*
In first person narration might work better here.
The chanting of hyms rung out like a lullaby amid the gospels and priests.
“We are gathered here today...” a man spoke with absolute.
I never once thought of death as something significant. You're born, you age and you die; it's a three step cycle, honestly... and everyone moves on with their lives. Their memories... lost firmly, tucked away in the back of their minds.
I was sixteen when the world ended... for the first time.
“City A was once a beautiful place, with good, hardworking citizens...”
P.S. Does that opening not sound more powerful, without giving away too much about what's going on? It provides enough interest and intrigue, almost sounds like a Sci-Fi, cult, maybe dystopic fiction. Not bad.
@@gamewriteeye769 thank you very much for your help. I've been struggling with writing in first person for a long time. I wrote most of it in third person actually 😅
@@Everything_Zta Your welcome. I am writing my first novel and hard pressed to stick to just first person narration. I noticed when writing in it, it engages the reader a lot more and puts you in the mind of the character. The narration becomes natural after that, giving a voice for that character.
I have come across scenes though where it's better and easier for me to explain in third person. Especially action sequences that don't allow for talk. It would slow down the pacing too much otherwise. But I try to balance the focus being hard first person and third person in some action scenes, although majority of action scenes I've been able to write entirely in first.
Switching perspectives to another character can be tricky, so I use a narrator character talking from the first person and viewing third person limited to other characters respectively(since he's in the plot as a character). It works out since I gave reason for it and that allows me to switch perspective, but only do it in a new chapter really, otherwise. Just beware though if you are tight about word count, first person narration bloats it and slows pacing, bear that in mind.
@@gamewriteeye769 Oh my God, I really want to talk to you more about this. I'm currently changing it all from third-person to first-person. It's ok but a little bit challenging at times, but I love that in writing. So once again, thank you and good luck on your book🤗🤗🤗
@@Everything_Zta Your welcome and thanks. Yeah, no really, if you wanted to talk more about the writing process I'm open to it. I love discussion and talking about things( or writing) in this case. I guess it comes naturally since I got into it. Not really sure but yeah video resources like these help too. I looked into a bunch to make sure I get it right the first time. I might have formatting questions, (so like is it ok to have one line as a paragraph?) as an example.
My book starts with dialogue. 😭 It's my third attempt to rewrite the opening chapter(s)! At this point I don't know how or where else to start. 😂
If you're looking for new inspiration, there's lots of tricks you can do to refresh your mind! The easiest is to work on another part of your novel, so that you keep your skills sharp while distracting yourself from the novel opening. Another is to take a break and read other novels both similar and dissimilar to your own, so that you are engaging with wholly new ideas. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your novel!
@@AlyssaMatesic Thank you! I'm always tweaking things here and there, especially now that I've changed the first chapter again (it has so many ripple effects throughout the whole book). What I've done now is add a short paragraph of description to set the tone/scene before the dialogue begins :)
I'm guilty of at least one of those. I admit, the opening is more difficult than what it seems. But with your help such as this video, I'll pull it off. Thanks.
It really is tough! But it looks like you're putting the work in to make sure your opening is engaging and original, so best of luck! :)
So you'd trade the "midnight phone call" cliche for the "day in the life" cliche?
I like to start my stories media res.
You may be confusing "boring" with straightforward.
Dang I have to rewrite my first chapter.
Funny what can be considered as bad openings many famous authors have novels which have mediocre openings but been a best seller.
... what about early morning phone calls?
If it feels natural and organic to your character and your plot, then go for it! The middle of the night phone call isn't an awful trope, it's just a cliche one--so readers will immediately clock that and think "Ah, another one of these." With a novel opening, you want your reader to stay engaged with the story, so if you can attain that with an early morning phone call, all the better!
@@AlyssaMatesic I actually took your advice, put in some hours of thought, and realized I could use the moment to explore a side of my main character that I've been trying to insert anyway. So thank you.
@@DesperationLasts I'm so glad it worked out!
Did I miss the mirror scene? I can't stand the mirror scene, where the character stands in front of a mirror and describes themselves.
Do you have alot of experience in young adult books / children book?
I specialize in adult, but have worked on YA novels as well! Not as much MG or below.
Your opening describing the setting (the suburb) was actually quite good. You describe the place (peaceful suburb) where the action will occur. You describe the atmosphere as being unusual (unseasonably warm) instead of the typical autumn days (shorter ). This makes the reader question if this suburb will be peaceful throughout the book. The reader would question what the unusual weather has to do with the story, Characters can come next.
I'm glad your analysis caught what I was doing!
None of these starters seem like actual problems to me. What you're describing is the *execution* of these starters.
what about my opening sentence.
"Get back here you thief!"
What do you think about this?
Write the book/ story first. Then go back and work on the beginning. Otherwise you may get stuck at the threshold forever.
Call me Ishmael.
Actually, planning it out allows you to weave more elements of fiction into it. More literary devices, more plot devices, more time spent with getting into the mind of the character. The rest of the story becomes natural after that.
Thank you so much for this! I heard someone say that the first five pages of a screenplay is "prime real estate." Same for a novel. I open with the narrator scolding humans for their lack of imagination. The narrator then challenges the reader to discover the place and people in the following novel-length account, knowing the reader never will. And that's only the first page!
Exactly, prime real estate is a great way to describe it!
Have a hard time staying in first person
Always informative, young lady! I appreciate the time you spend on the most essential to create a work of substance.
Glad it was helpful!
How do people here feel about the intros to the Dark Souls games? To me those intros seem like an intentional parody of fantasy novels since they always dump tons of lore with very little context. Do these intros work? What do you think?
I put a lot of thought on how I start my chapter. I try to put enough information without dumping too much on the reader. Looks like I keep succeeding in it.
Like in my current novel, I start of that people run aside in a village when the protagonist walks in because she is a witch and a mercenary. Then I follow up why she is there and in what time frame she lives in.
I'm glad you're finding success with your novel opening! If you're looking for additional readers' perspectives on your novel opening, a great way is to find an online writers group and get beta readers. They will read your opening chapter and can offer feedback on what's working and what needs to be tightened up. Thanks for commenting :)
great way to start a story by some one getting isukied by a frying pan
2:46 Tolkien did it.
”too much setting will bore your reader.” Tell that to Tolkien
Many are bored by Tolkien, it's a legit barrier to some readers. He's defs an outlier too given the genre-shaping impact of his work. There wasn't anything quite like LOTR before.
@@KanadaJin Yeah, pretty amusing comment considering LOTR is sort of the textbook boring fantasy novel that people (even fantasy fans) often struggle to get through!
Haha, yeah! Some authors do utilize these techniques effectively! It's all about author intention.