My mom called me sick and my asberger sister hit me several times they will get karma both of them. Im seeing my sister will sit in a wheel chair and my mum is so toxic and I dont even want my daughter with my mum. She is only using my kids as supply.
I do everything to help my daughter out and she gets in front of her friends and try to show out in front of them telling me I don't do nothing for her but watch the kids here and there when I do more than that. I've done cut my two oldest kids a loose because of the same thing. I hurt so bad when she does this. I wonder if she does this to make herself look better, or is she on an ego trip or what ? I did so much for my kids in life and its like what happened ? I don't understand them, maybe its a different generation from what I was raised from, we were taught to help our elders out as they got older, not to just walk away and leave them or disrespect them. God only knows 💔😭
@@glyndablackledge4810 start saying no to her, say “I don’t do anything for you remember”. Say your busy. Show her how it feels when you actually don’t do anything for her. Sounds like she’s a grown woman. I promise you, she will keep this attitude and opinion as long as you allow it. It might take some growing pains but it will get better!! You don’t owe her anything!! My mother goes above and beyond for my sister. She even takes care of one her sons who is very hard to handle. He has adhd and odd. My mother has passed on a few cars to her as she got a “new” used car. My sister runs them into the ground. My mother pays for insurance for both cars. My sister will come over with all her kids destroy her house and leave it for my parents to clean. My mom has a broken knee and leg and is bed ridden. My dad has copd and can hardly breathe. My parents will live in filth if I don’t go there and clean up after everyone because even with my parents health she has no regard. She drops her preschooler off over there for hrs and my parents can’t chase him. I keep telling them to tell her NO but I don’t know what it is. My parents do everything for her, pay for everything for her yet she blasts them and make them out to be villains. Start. Saying. NO!!! Let her stand on her own two feet. My sisters almost 40 and still depending on my disabled parents. I cut off the gravy train and she threw a fit. What is she going to do when both my parents are dead??? She won’t be able to “fly on her own” because she don’t do anything herself. My mom helps her with filling taxes and everything. My mom has to tell her to do things. Well... she don’t have to. We all have to live and learn. That’s what I did.
I cut off all of them !! Guess what ???? My life is fantastic . I’m getting married and might be pregnant with my soulmate . They have belittled me for years and I have felt unsafe . I’m married and pregnant now and life is better and better . HELL YEAH
I’m glad it is not just me that feels this way.. I’m stuck Living in an environment where family is full on and every day.. I’m trying to get a business venture off the ground so I can get out of this mess-and they couldn’t care less by the way.. they are negative, self absorbed and so selfish..the total opposite of everything I am.. I hope I can get away soon before they consume me.. I’m so glad for those of you who have moved away from all this and are thriving , good for you! ✨💕
Look...if you're dealing with a truly toxic and or narcissistic family member (or anyone for that matter) the only way you will discover your true self, find peace, joy, happiness and freedom is to go no-contact. These people are energy vampires, they are abusive and selfish. Don't walk, RUN! And, don't ever look back, there's nothing good there. 🏃♀️.. ... .🏃
totally agree. But that person is my husband! He became disabled (how convenient!) and I am his caretaker. I no longer have the energy to just take a walk or call a friend. Can't go to their house - Covid
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 You are still not responsible for him, as harsh as it may sound. We must first look after ourselves before we can give of ourselves to others. And, we have a right to choose who we give our time, energy and love to. Guilt should not be a motivator to stay. Love is a motivator. If you aren't getting what you need and desire, walk away and build a new life for yourself. His journey is not your responsibility, and you aren't nourishing and honoring your journey by staying stuck. 😘
@@stars_for_night_lights thanks so much for that reminder. I am aware of this. Exactly what that voice in my head has said many times. Sometimes have said it out loud. But I keep DOING the opposite. Until recently, I've been nearly blind to my own needs. Blind to having taught him I'll meet his needs even when nothing is left for me. Have tried to leave but unable to support myself. This time of awakening has stirred up all kinds of wounds and fears that need to be healed and released. I need a lawyer's advice on my rights after 35 years of marriage. Haven't done it yet. I know I've been procrastinating. Making calendar entry right now "CALLS to make appointment with lawyer" - Today @9 am
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step! Save change if that's all you can do right now. I suspect you may be codependent. There are a lot of video on this. I would highly encourage you to check a few out. If you are, the videos can help you tremendously to see patterns of behaviour, the "why" behind why you stay, and so much more. Healing is every bit as important as physically removing yourself from the situation. Because if you don't heal you'll likely return or you'll attract someone new with the same characteristics. You've got this! Start day dreaming of your new life now, what it would look like. The freedom, happiness, finding yourself, joy, peace and independence. Don't worry right now "how" it will all work out. You just want to change your mindset from him, to YOU and the more you love yourself and focus on YOUR journey, the more things will fall into place. 😘💛🙏
I have never believed in 'Blood is thicker than water', but I still feel guilty that I have had to disconnect myself from family members that are toxic to me. I now recognize that this is because I have always needed validation from my family even when I never get it. I am now working on loving myself and my decisions without validation.
Good for you! You don't need any validation from toxic people. They always find a way to bring your spirits down. Hopefully, you're a lot better and closer to your goals.
You got it 👍🏼 keep strong - life is certainly very strange and EMOTIONALLY draining at times & it's become so much better for me since I cut ties with dysfunctional people in my life ✂️✂️✂️ yes it can be lonely with flashes of guilt at times but if they drain your energy and put you down, humiliate & mentally abuse you....then you need to cut away & save your sanity , save your dignity, health and well-being 🙏🏽🔥✨️
People often misinterpret the saying "blood is thicker than water. It really means “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.”
Wow I was literally screaming and ranting in my car about how I do not like my family members. It's not hatred but it is a healthy realization that them and I are not comfortable and I cannot move forward if they are part of the grand picture. I was literally doing this 30 minutes ago when I saw that you posted this 15 minutes ago and I clicked to watch it. Cool synchronized event. I thought I was being too harsh or unreasonable...and so I thank you for clarity
Zack you are not alone. You know how a drug addict is hates going through the withdrawal process of drug addiction but when it's all done and over with your happy? Same goes with family you hate being around them and when you realize the world is so big you have a choice and you stay away and it makes you happy. If you want to be happy you have to let go of the poison that is killing you sometimes that means your own family. You know you have made the right choice because when they have left you alone and you no longer care or try to contact them or want to see them and you are happy and you have this unspeakable amount of joy than you know God was saving the best for last his presence and yours and away with the sadness, dress and depression. The goodness of God
Was it easy ? Cause i think am going on that way and am only 14... I Can't handle my life anymore but i Will Never end my life cause i know that it is worth to Live and we only live once... MY sister Hates me to death she even said it to me with a really serious tone... She said the worst things that could ever be said to not only someone Who is a FAMILY Mamber but to her OWN and ONE only sister she has. I don't know anything about my Dreams anymore... Sorry i just need to talk to someone Who has experience...
@@mariemarilynbp9865 No Marie it wasn't, I stopped communicating with my family when I was 48 years old and had endured far too much, I wouldn't ever consider trying to talk to my mother and father, I would consider my brother but he would need to be educated in complex trauma in order to even get a glimpse of how I interpret the world, otherwise it would be too traumatic, tried it a few months ago and realized I just have to send love from afar and wish them all the best. I would recommend about 100 different things before leaving your family at 14, unless you are in danger, physically. Being an indigo at 55 hasn't been easy but I have learned enough to say try and find a way to stay connected and if possible to be closer to them, if not possible try limiting your time with them to what fits your boundaries. Good luck and please take time to honor yourself in this experience, it makes it so so much easier to honor others 💜
@@makoa2104 hey I have a question to ask seems like you have experience. So lately my parents have been sending my lil brother to bother me via text. And he never used to bother me like that. I believe it's my father he's the narc. I ended up blocking my brother because I could tell it's not him communicating with me. It's like he's being sent. I do know very soon my dad might start sending me messages non stop as well. I usually gray rock him so that he doesn't talk too much. So how do I handle this? Considering changing my numbers though. And I'm afraid to give certain family members my number this will have to be a private number that I share only with my friends.
@@makoa2104 your words are heartfelt. Im an Indigo Man..... been on the healing journey since age 12.... I am now 62 and no it has not been easy growing up with a family full of Narcsissist's Man!! here are a few things giving back in goodwill for your good heart and kind words.... I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha! secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose. The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
Here's the thing about the loaded word - "family" - the toxic ones, family or not, will use it against you. Your family is this, your family is that, they've done such and such. Do away with such things. First of all, family is a function, a role, and if that is not being met, everyone in that situation has a right to say, they're not TRUE family. That's all.
It’s true. And I use “family” as an excuse to allow them to continue their behavior. If it were anyone else they would have been cut off a loooong time ago. But because they were “family” they kept getting chances. I finally had to realize if this person was just a friend would I choose them as a friend? Nope!
@@philippahall2510 Today was another example of me allowing a certain person back in my life and I burned AGAIN! 🤬😭😑 well known boundaries were crossed with absolutely no regard. When will I learn?!?!? I cried hard today. 🤧 plus a very close friend and father figure to my husband literally just passed away, for some reason I thought ‘someone’ would have a little respect but nope. Push the boundaries and cry victim.
I’m sick of constantly trying to include myself in my sisters life she shows no interest and is always cold for no reason, she’s rude and just completely toxic I’m done
That's my sister, I finally went no contact. Not only did my sister show no interest in being in my life, but it was also like she didn't like me. I never did anything mean to her, she was my baby sister. We were never close as kids. She's always felt entitled, my mother's Golden Child. To tell the truth, I don't miss her. She always made me feel less-than and my mother always took her side in whatever.
How have you managed to cut the internal ties. Mine seems to be peptide addiction with adopted Narc 'mother', trauma bonding. Any guidance truly appreciated x
@@carolinehuxtable7268 it took many years. Mine was, like yours, a very strong and sick bond between my mother and me. I tried and tried with no result, but slowly I started to realise I was myself and she was herself and I had a right to have a life of my own
I have 18 brothers and sisters I haven’t seen in 30 years I agree with you 100% you should never let anyone tear you down to make themselves feel better
wow, I wished I did that. All my pain comes from what mom and dad said and did to me. Brain washing about the important roles of parents is a big cultural BS as well, so the gilt eats me up each time and I go back for more abuse. It is almost like I need a dose of venin to keep it normal. The closest you are the treatment was worse. I don't know what to do anymore, because I have tried everything, and I am still in pain because the pictures and verbal abusive shit is stuck in my head like glue. I thought being very intelligent would be a factor, nope, I must well be a total idiot because I cannot shake this. I want to divorce my mom and feel good about it.
I have been raised by 2 very controlling parents who think they own me. When I turned 18 I thought I was gonna be off on my own doing what I wanted to do with my life, but I let them manipulate me,pull me down, didn't give me any privacy, told what to wear, when to speak, how to feel, it's Soo awful it has caused me to go into deep deep depression 😢 it hurts to watch other people live life to the fullest!
Finally, after 30 years, I cut out my toxic first cousin that always verbally abused me, projected her own opinions of me onto me, broke some of my personal property, and often got into my physical space. It was a clear and easy choice to make after I realized I wasn't a child anymore and I was no long forced to be in the same space as her. However, the real problem is dealing with my mother and her lack of acceptance of me cutting off ties with her only niece. I would think her of all people would understand, but she doesn't seem to get past "family is family forever"
Sometimes if you let a family member get away with inequitable behavior repeatedly, their sense of "fair play" becomes so skewed, that they begin to actually feel and believe that what they're doing is normal and acceptable. It's amazing how perverted a person's sense of "justice" can become... It's like feeding a voracious animal that just keeps growing and growing... Eventually you're going to find that you simply just have to put a stop to it.
Thank you so much for discussing this topic. Two years ago many things exploded in my personal life. After my mother passed away 17 years ago; my so called family disappeared and continue to pass judgement on me and my choices past and present. In 2017 I made the choice to disconnect from many of them and start building boundaries. I feel better but I will occasionally get those comments I am holding grudges. I just keep ignoring and not respond to that manipulative response. You confirmed all that I have done is ok. Thank you so much for filming this topic.
I kept going back to them to seek the unconditional love that I never received in my childhood. But that never comes. Only breadcrumbs and abuse. Now I’ve become the scapegoat for speaking the truth. It’s time to walk walk away for good. If I stay in contact I will end up dangerously suicidal. And I don’t owe them an explanation for walking away. They know they are abusive, and it’s their addiction to power that keeps them behaving that way.
I have stopped indulging family member who has withdrawn from my “emotional bank account” for years. I didn’t even realise it until they came to stay with me for 4 days. We are now both adults. I felt like shit when they were here and couldn’t work out why at first AND STILL doubted myself to begin with! It was actually a blessing so I could see how things truly are. They are self centred and narcissistic but use overly intelligent language to confuse things. I’ve closed my “emotional bank account” to this person now. If they decide to start depositing in genuinely healthy ways perhaps I will reconsider. If I feel like it! I don’t hold my breath and let it go down as a learning experience. Notice how you feel around people, it’s the best indicator. Your gut isn’t wrong. Thank you for your inspiring, on point videos as always Candace 💖✨
This last month letting go of my mother and brothers . Feeling like a different person and letting go of my husband father of my child. Feeling the inner strength growing every day and fully taken ownership of my life speaking my truth and creating my own business. Connecting for the first time with your guidance amazing thank you 🙏💕
Yes but when your only 14... Living with a Sister Who hates you to death ( she even said that to me) really seriously. She said the worst stuff that could be said to her one and only sister... She Loves it when i SUFFER. She sees Joy while i see Pain... I Can't handle my life anymore but i Will Never end my life cause i know that it is worth to Live and we only live once... I also am a Lonely person Who has no Freinds at all cause yes i have to say that i Prefer living each School Year ALONE than having Toxic fake freinds Who only uses you, never call you saying how your doing ect... Cause am diffrent...
I just left my family a month ago or so. I’m 24 and i grew up in a toxic broken family. My culture praise families (and i assume most cultures are) but meaning that you’re stuck with them for good whether you’re blessed with a happy one or not. Even when ppl get married or something, they don’t go far from their family. I dared to leave cuz i know it’s better for me. My mother relies on me cuz she prolly can’t do things her self i guess. But i know it’s a part of her trying to be controlling and manipulative. I feel sooo incredibly guilty even tho i know it’s the right thing. I never told anyone about it and i know i will be flamed and judged harshly. I don’t know how to get thro things on my own cuz was never equipped for anything to be able to make connections with ppl and basically live cuz it’s always been about surviving to me. thank you for this video. I find it very informative 💜
eee o you are not alone 💫🌏 already you are empowering yourself. You have basically said: I choose to be well. It is the reconization that you ARE capable , you are whole and you are loved. You have put your trust back where it belongs , in you ☀️
Guilt is very hard to overcome, but just realize that it's only there because of how your mother manipulated and controlled you in the first place. Let me explain...when you're controlled from a young age, you become condition to believe that if you're anything other than what others expect, then you're a bad person, thus the feelings of guilt. How about you recondition yourself to to believe that your own needs are just as important actually, more important! You are probably an empath, like myself and that's what we do...we try to be everything to everyone, always putting ourselves last. Set you boundaries, let those in your life know that you love them, but you love yourself more these days and that it would be great to stay close and connected, but its not a need! However, it is a need to be loved properly, even if it has to be only you loving you! Good luck, but you are number one! This IS YOUR LIFE!
I was friends with someone for 20 years but when she got a boyfriend and started a new college course, she literally ghosted me. Then when my sister died, she reached out to me but even before Covid restrictions, she made no effort to visit and keep saying she would ‘schedule’ in time to call me. Even then she wouldn’t call so I just let her go. I didn’t block her number or anything but I don’t want the stress of someone who’s too busy to make an effort with me.
Wow! This video couldn't have come at a better time for me. It really helped me feel validated in choosing to end toxic friendships and cutting contact with my mother. It's sad that it had to come to that, but for the first time in my life I'm finally listening to myself and choosing me. Thanks again Candace!
I never felt loved by my mom, when we have different opinions she dismisses mine and Believes she know absolutely everything. When I was younger I felt like she was jealous of me sometimes and let me not get started on the emotional abandonment and not meeting not one of my needs so I had to raise myself! I don’t care if she is in my life and I’m pretty sure she turned my brother into a narcissistic so I just stay away from both of them. Honestly realizing that i have my own life to live it’s not my moms. My littler girl Inside still Thinks I need her approval but f that !
Well said. Thank you. If a person or people do not understand mutual respect common courtesy, family or friend(s) we must make the right decision for ourselves and disconnect. Anyone who attacks your weaknesses does not belong in your life! Healthy, loving supportive people do not do that. Your thoughts matter, your feelings matter and you matter!
My sister ripped off 5 grand from me and my Dad doesn't bother ringing me, even for my birthday, so I've cut them out of my life. I was never really that close to them anyway. My father is an alcoholic and I can't stand being around him. My sister is a con woman who partnered a con man and I'm currently taking them to Court. They both drink and smoke and are very unhealthy. I don't want anything to do with them.
I have this inner battle because youa re told constantly to "love without judgement" and ive tried and tried w my mom and she continues to victimize herself no matter how much you try to make her happy so I have started to consider just starting to cut her off slowly...
All I can say after watching this is THANK YOU 🥺 I needed to hear this at this very moment and your delivery was so soft, warm, and understanding. Wow. Subscribing now!!!!
i removed my mother, and i been got rid of my sisters and niece and so many more.. my mom only wants to call and complain about siblings! well guess what? damn them, taking a leap out of faith and just doing what i enjoy! my mom gets super mad, when she doesnt hear from me and only uses me when my siblings hurt her! no more of that toxic bs!
Thank you, Candace 👍. It's like you speak right out of MY 💖. For the first time in this life I feel I am not the only one in such a weird situation.💜❣️
I'm never seen as an adult and I'm in my '50s. My parents still refer to me as the kid. I've always had a good career and my own home until I fell on hard times and I lost everything. I had to move in with them and they expect way too much of me. They're always wanting me to do something for them like I'm a damn servant. I don't mind helping, but when you're getting taken advantage of that's another issue. I sustained an injury that I've had to deal with for the past 3 months because they wanted my help with more crap. They don't seem to really care, they just keep asking me to do more and more. It's been like this my entire life whenever I was around them! They've even made comments that this is why they had a kid. I'm an only child so I get the brunt of everything. I mow their lawn, I trim their trees, I clean for them, I cook for them, I have to do their laundry and run my parents around when they can't drive themselves to doctor's appointments along with much more responsibility. I'm trying to distance myself but this has been impossible with them. They really don't deserve a relationship with me. They have been toxic for my entire life. Ugh.
Thank you Candace. I recently spoke up for myself, and my narcissistic family member threatened to turn off her phone. I am glad. She does not truly love me.
Great video can you do more on this issue on the grief and how to move on dealing with the loss of removing toxic family members, friends, and children from being abused from them when it’s like a web and your a spider caught up in it! How do you get out as an adult no source of income after a divorce forced to go back and live with them after no contact and dealing with the loneliness and fear of going no contact! How do you start a new life when their goal along with your ex husband who is abusive is to destroy your life every time you move forward can you suggest how to go forward when you are literally stuck financially to get out and meet new people and have PTSD due to the abuse!!!
It's the same with me... I'm 26 and last year I quit my job to launch my own business. But I have no money yet so I have had to go back to living with my parents. It's been hard especially since my father abused me emotionally and physically (hitting me) all through my teenage years and I am not healed yet although I do a lot of work on myself
Awesome video.... I just came out of my toxic family about a week ago.... Feels very bad at this moment..... Hopefully it helps my life in future... Happy to know that.... It's always better to be out of the toxic family members... Both my mother and sister have narcissistic personality.... Tq for the info in this video
This was wonderful , thank you. I'm going to cut off brother, sister, father now. They are super toxic. And mother is next if she is not careful and sides with them.
Love this thank you my mum keeps calling and texting. After she called the cops on me and got me arrested and that's the final straw for me after years of this kind bullshit. I feel guilty for not calling back but would their be anyway to tell them I don't wanna talk for long time without them calling me more and disrespecting my boundaries.
Hello, new subscriber here :) Thank you for this video on toxic families. Even though I know this, I really needed to hear it again. My family collectively and literally threw me out 7 years ago so I turned and burned the bridge and moved on. I'm much happier and healthier and no longer the scapegoat of the family. But alas, I still talk with my Mom . Maybe because I she's in her 80's now and probably because I'm still trying to get her to understand and love me. She has no empathy for me even though she says she loves me, I don't feel it. In our last conversation she said I was "weak" for not allowing my siblings back in my life. Thank you again for hearing me out and I look forward to more of your videos.
I cut off my mom. She always hit me when i was little and call me stupid and other names. She had always drank alcohol and smoke and manipulate other people. She hang out with different mens to tell them love them just so they sent her money and she lie to me on everything i try to talk to her lately about the abuse she done to me and she quickly try to manipulate how i must forgot is been so long how she never hit me was just a small pat on the shoulder when i don't listen and bla i am sick of her shit and honestly cursed her out and told her your a toxic liar i am cutting off the relationship and deleted her email and changed social media. My life has been peace ever since. If someone is hurting you or abusing you. Don't hesitate to cut the relationship. You worth more than being someone's punching bag
Great video Candace. You are 100% right. My family is sort of toxic. Over the years I had falling in love with those who are famous & lived far away all the way down to my childhood. The rotten thing about it is that my family always have had something negative to say. They said stuff like "Oh girl. You'll never see him. You are just wasting your time." It's almost like saying "Oh! Girl. He's famous. You are so beneath him." That totally hurt me every time. Sometimes I think that I have been too good to my family. I always think of them on their birthdays, anniversaries, & so on. Sometimes I don't feel very appreciated. There is toxic in my family. Sometimes I say the word "jinx." What I really should have done over the years about my heart throbs is be strictly discreet. Other words I should have kept my family in the dark. If I had just done that no negative trash wouldn't have been said. Total drag.
I can relate. I am sharing superficial stuff, but I am not even posting in FB or Instagram on purpose because adding to what you said, my family loves to gossip and I find it so mean.
Candace lost my family in an emotional plane crash 2 years back. Dark night of the soul has put me on path of soul recovery. It nearly took me down after 5 years sobriety the pain is indescribable. Darker the Shadow - Brighter the Light. Am looking at discount options for your healing programme. Hugely resonate with Indigos and Hightened Sensitivity. Bless your truth 🧡
As an Indigo... that grew up in a family fulla Narcissist's and still have to deal with them til next spring.thankfully,theres a tunnel and light at the end of it,I do care giving for my parents.... I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha! secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose. The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
currently going through the dark night of the soul and all I wanna do is dissapear from this world, I have no family, no friends left, I have nothing, not even a desire to live in this world anymore
In regards to my abusive alcoholic mother: would I allow anyone else to treat me the way she does? No. So I have cut her off; she crossed over a very hard boundary line last Oct. 9, 2022. That was it.
I love the way you put this. Because truth be told if you have family or even people calling themselves your friends and they have stressed you out and even overstepped your personal boundaries to the point it has taken an effect on your mental health and more than they are toxic. I have never been that type of family members or friend who felt entitled to be all up in my family or friends affairs. Neither am I pushy or believe that I'm deserving of some type of self centered respect if I was to behave in this manner either. Some of the most toxic people will behave in such a way and trust once they are gone and your peace of mind and joy is returned after you are away from these type of people you will in fact become more grateful an appreciative of the life God has given you and you will not only be happy inside out but you will be able to flourish like we all should be able to do but in peace. My last relationship a partner of mine mentioned that I had no one but him as these other toxic people would try to manipulate my decisions and got all into my affairs with there unsolicited advice about what they felt I should do and go. It was truly stressful and bothersome as well. God created this life for me to be happy and I was unhappy when these toxic meddling people became so involved in my personal space and freedom to think for myself and to be happy about my life and singleness that I began to question my own excitement about the feeling I had inside about how happy I knew I was going to be once I walked away from all the crap I shouldn't have had to gone through. But Candice if only you knew the amount of bullcrap and drama I went through due to these folks you yourself would no doubt be happy about the walking away and blocking that I have done in order to gain true joy and happiness in this life I have on this planet. Thay is one life I only got one on this planet and I can careless to hold onto a family members or a friendship and lose myself and my god given peace of mind in order to have any type of connection with a person weather it be family or friends. People come and people go and we meet new ones along the way and the ones I look forward to meeting is the ones who are respectful, polite and kind and most of all knows what line not to cross all at the same time. Am I a people pleaser not at all. Do I can to back down and renegotiate my boundaries just to keep a friend around? No not at all. Self respect as begins with teaching people how to respect you and of anyone becomes all toxic and manliputive and try to guilt trip you behind you setting them boundaries and or cutting them off behind it than you are getting all the signs you need to see where they lack respect when ot comes to you setting boundaries and why ots best to have let them go along time ago. And more so anger when they resolve to anger than you are dealing with a child being an adult means that weather long time friends or family you should be able to understand acting in a messed up way still does not get me to return to your bullcrap and entertain your need to be all up in my business and trying to use other tatics to help keep you in the mix of stuff that is none of your business. Few female respectful friends is all I need and more importantly being alone has brought me more peace of mind on the outside but inside I'm so ready for the bullcrap childish crap so cease and i do mean for good. 40 is a bit to old to be entertaining small unwelcomed childish behavior of any kind. Blessings you everyone hear. One women had the nerve to throw a fit talking about I was tripping and how they was trying to bring everyone together. What she meant I had no clue and could careless with her stinky attitude when it came to being in my business. Let me ask you a question when you wake up and go into you bathroom, kitchen and everything will you be happy to see some unwelcomed guest and visitors sitting at your table all up in your affairs? No not at all some people will just break in and invite themselves to whatever they feel is their business and those are the ones who need to be removed right away. Everything isn't everyone business. I had a jailer at a jail tell me the same thing about this matter after I had be driven over edge behind the nosy toxic manliputive yet nosy folks all in my lane.
This is why i don't love or like visiting them drama and negativity i don't need that garbage 🗑️ in my life hell no cell phone 📱 when it rings i don't want or even answer it cuz a mess like that.
I have been used and abused for years by my daughter and have tried so many times to give her/ us a chance to realise this life isn't a dress rehearsal, either of us could not be here tomorrow, so to just try to get along and respect each other but it just hasn't worked, makes me feel so sad and guilty although I know I've been the only one to try and make things good between us. We are notbtalking again at the moment which is awful. I realise I just have to let her go for good, BUT its so hard when its your daughter that you brought into this world and would never have imagined life with her would have turned out like this. 😞
I love my family, always will, but I’ve always felt like the odd man out. I’m 44 and it’s time I stop being so scared and take the leap and distance myself in the most healthiest way possible. I love them, but I need to love me more.
I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha! secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose. The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
Thank you! Feeling horrible today. I am estranged from entire family I was the scapegoat! They cut me off because I exposed a family secret and they all slammed the door. I have no kids or married due to trauma growing up! The weak get weaker :(
My husbands family has 3 siblings. There is so much built up animosity in the family, you can cut it with a knife, and definite favouritism. The mom and her golden child daughter cling together and validate each other, and the mom does not see anyones hurt, and if you try to address issues, my MIL takes it all personally. Now my MIL said and did something that hurt my daughters feelings and made her feel disrespected. She now does not want to see her, and i support her and will do the same, as ive had past issues with her before.
After rage attack number three, I wrote my sister a letter as to why I no longer would be in active relationship with her; love her and wished her well. Needless to say I did not hear back. What I did not expect was to feel alienated from all the other members of my far-away for a while. I got an important clue as to not-belonging in my family since childhood (I live in another country). Even more than father, this dictatorial bully-sister born two years after me was perhaps what most alienated me from family. The sadness I feel around my sister is something I can handle. No regrets on my decision. Thank you, Candace, and commentators.
I had yet another discussion with that family friend and it made me incredibly upset, he tells me that I tend to “push people and family away” I ask him why does he think that and he says well “by moving out of your family’s house” but that’s my prerogative, if I want to move out I can move out, I’m an adult and I make my own decisions, if they have a problem with it that’s their business. I’m not going to let other people’s “feelings” dictate or control my life, and he goes on to say that I don’t do anything to show them that I want to be “part of the family” but here’s the thing, why aren’t I already part of the family by default? Everyone is deserving of a loving family, but apparently this one requires one to meet certain criteria in order to be part of their club or some shit. I feel like I have to be a people pleaser to them…and he thinks of my upbringing of being homeless and raised by a narcissist father as an “excuse” rather than an understanding of the way I am and how that has damaged my mental health and how that affects me in my adulthood. and he thinks I have a fear of rejection… 🙄
yes candace you are 1000 percent accurate on this topic and i agree about the friendship when people make excuses to spend time or talk ,its time to go friendship over our time has expired together.
Does it count as "toxic" if your other family relatives spread fake rumors about you, framing you for something you didn't even do, insult your mom if she's not around, and if there is a visitor they would change their attitude from being bad to good and if that's only you have a visitor on your house?
My woman's eldest daughter has spent most of her life trying to control and break up every relationship her mother has had even against me for 22 years. The daughter is 71 and has done this to her mother for 60+ years just in my 22 years dealing with her the lies and fake stories is into the hundreds now. She became dangerous when she verbally attacked her mother in ICU by phone That is when we broke all contact over the 22 years we tried to go no contact but they used other family to get back in those family are gone now so they can't get back in those who they tried to use know they went to far this time and they caught her up in all her lies she told.
TY, You should not feel guilty for cutting off anyone toxic or abusive in your life regardless of the type of relationship. You can outgrow any relationship, if it is no longer in alignment. Don't acquiesce to external validation. Your health and well-being should be first priority. Give yourself permission to not accept abuse. You can accept them for who they are and where they are at in life. However, that doesn't mean you have to remain in contact with them if you choose not to. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable. Namaste 🕊️Peace🤸 Shalom 🐵
I owe no loyalty to anyone that has been abusive towards me.
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
Yass🙏💙
period
Amen!
Yesss!! Brb sending this to my dad 😄
When I speak up for myself, I’m in the wrong. When I walk away, I’m also in the wrong. There is no winning with my family.
Same same same.
You don't ever have to defend your feelings or actions. Narcs are infamous for trying to make you appear stupid or guilty.
Same!!! I’m also crazy, high maintenance, overly sensitive and much much more
Same.
Same here!
I will not allow myself to be abused and mistreated. Even if it’s family.
I got to do the same.
I agree I’m not letting myself be taken advantage of regardless if it’s family.
Same here, I’ve cut off my dad’s family. They’re abusive, and always think they’re right.
My mom called me sick and my asberger sister hit me several times they will get karma both of them. Im seeing my sister will sit in a wheel chair and my mum is so toxic and I dont even want my daughter with my mum. She is only using my kids as supply.
Me too! Blocking! Go no contact!
How can I love someone who’s face lights up with joy at my misfortune.
Exactly!!!!
the only way they love you is when you set yourself on fire!
🥺😭💔 why did it take me so long to notice this.
I do everything to help my daughter out and she gets in front of her friends and try to show out in front of them telling me I don't do nothing for her but watch the kids here and there when I do more than that. I've done cut my two oldest kids a loose because of the same thing. I hurt so bad when she does this. I wonder if she does this to make herself look better, or is she on an ego trip or what ? I did so much for my kids in life and its like what happened ? I don't understand them, maybe its a different generation from what I was raised from, we were taught to help our elders out as they got older, not to just walk away and leave them or disrespect them. God only knows 💔😭
@@glyndablackledge4810 start saying no to her, say “I don’t do anything for you remember”. Say your busy. Show her how it feels when you actually don’t do anything for her. Sounds like she’s a grown woman. I promise you, she will keep this attitude and opinion as long as you allow it. It might take some growing pains but it will get better!! You don’t owe her anything!! My mother goes above and beyond for my sister. She even takes care of one her sons who is very hard to handle. He has adhd and odd. My mother has passed on a few cars to her as she got a “new” used car. My sister runs them into the ground. My mother pays for insurance for both cars. My sister will come over with all her kids destroy her house and leave it for my parents to clean. My mom has a broken knee and leg and is bed ridden. My dad has copd and can hardly breathe. My parents will live in filth if I don’t go there and clean up after everyone because even with my parents health she has no regard. She drops her preschooler off over there for hrs and my parents can’t chase him. I keep telling them to tell her NO but I don’t know what it is. My parents do everything for her, pay for everything for her yet she blasts them and make them out to be villains. Start. Saying. NO!!! Let her stand on her own two feet. My sisters almost 40 and still depending on my disabled parents. I cut off the gravy train and she threw a fit. What is she going to do when both my parents are dead??? She won’t be able to “fly on her own” because she don’t do anything herself. My mom helps her with filling taxes and everything. My mom has to tell her to do things. Well... she don’t have to. We all have to live and learn. That’s what I did.
I cut off my whole family its been 2 years no contact. I moved far away, changed my number and blocked them all on social media.
Good for you...I need to do this as well..inc fake friends.
How has it gone for you? I’ve also gone no contact and I struggle...
Out of sight out of mind. Peace.
How did you manage to pull that off?
😂😂😂👊💜💗 Probably the most peaceful years of your life
I cut off all of them !! Guess what ???? My life is fantastic . I’m getting married and might be pregnant with my soulmate . They have belittled me for years and I have felt unsafe .
I’m married and pregnant now and life is better and better . HELL YEAH
CONGRATULATIONS 🥳🎊
Good
Crongrast
I’m glad it is not just me that feels this way.. I’m stuck Living in an environment where family is full on and every day.. I’m trying to get a business venture off the ground so I can get out of this mess-and they couldn’t care less by the way.. they are negative, self absorbed and so selfish..the total opposite of everything I am.. I hope I can get away soon before they consume me.. I’m so glad for those of you who have moved away from all this and are thriving , good for you! ✨💕
Same
I’ve blocked my entire narc family cult .
I’ve just done the same thing and wow the bricks lifted of my shoulders is such a freeing feeling 🤗
Same
Good for you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Look...if you're dealing with a truly toxic and or narcissistic family member (or anyone for that matter) the only way you will discover your true self, find peace, joy, happiness and freedom is to go no-contact. These people are energy vampires, they are abusive and selfish. Don't walk, RUN! And, don't ever look back, there's nothing good there. 🏃♀️.. ... .🏃
I did this to one of my daughters over a year ago..
totally agree. But that person is my husband! He became disabled (how convenient!) and I am his caretaker. I no longer have the energy to just take a walk or call a friend. Can't go to their house - Covid
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 You are still not responsible for him, as harsh as it may sound. We must first look after ourselves before we can give of ourselves to others. And, we have a right to choose who we give our time, energy and love to. Guilt should not be a motivator to stay. Love is a motivator. If you aren't getting what you need and desire, walk away and build a new life for yourself. His journey is not your responsibility, and you aren't nourishing and honoring your journey by staying stuck. 😘
@@stars_for_night_lights thanks so much for that reminder. I am aware of this. Exactly what that voice in my head has said many times. Sometimes have said it out loud. But I keep DOING the opposite. Until recently, I've been nearly blind to my own needs. Blind to having taught him I'll meet his needs even when nothing is left for me. Have tried to leave but unable to support myself. This time of awakening has stirred up all kinds of wounds and fears that need to be healed and released. I need a lawyer's advice on my rights after 35 years of marriage. Haven't done it yet. I know I've been procrastinating. Making calendar entry right now "CALLS to make appointment with lawyer" - Today @9 am
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step! Save change if that's all you can do right now. I suspect you may be codependent. There are a lot of video on this. I would highly encourage you to check a few out. If you are, the videos can help you tremendously to see patterns of behaviour, the "why" behind why you stay, and so much more. Healing is every bit as important as physically removing yourself from the situation. Because if you don't heal you'll likely return or you'll attract someone new with the same characteristics. You've got this! Start day dreaming of your new life now, what it would look like. The freedom, happiness, finding yourself, joy, peace and independence. Don't worry right now "how" it will all work out. You just want to change your mindset from him, to YOU and the more you love yourself and focus on YOUR journey, the more things will fall into place. 😘💛🙏
I have never believed in 'Blood is thicker than water', but I still feel guilty that I have had to disconnect myself from family members that are toxic to me. I now recognize that this is because I have always needed validation from my family even when I never get it. I am now working on loving myself and my decisions without validation.
Good for you! You don't need any validation from toxic people. They always find a way to bring your spirits down. Hopefully, you're a lot better and closer to your goals.
This is my feeling right now 😭
Blood Is thicker than water… yeah, it’s called dehydration!
You got it 👍🏼 keep strong - life is certainly very strange and EMOTIONALLY draining at times & it's become so much better for me since I cut ties with dysfunctional people in my life ✂️✂️✂️ yes it can be lonely with flashes of guilt at times but if they drain your energy and put you down, humiliate & mentally abuse you....then you need to cut away & save your sanity , save your dignity, health and well-being 🙏🏽🔥✨️
People often misinterpret the saying "blood is thicker than water. It really means “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.”
I am so sick of people trying to shove…. Oh family is family down my throat. If they are toxic I cut them out
5:54 "I'm going to have my soul family that I chose, that are totally aligned with me and treat me right" Yes, that's me! 💖
Me too! Nice to meet you here❤️Helia
BOOM!
Wow I was literally screaming and ranting in my car about how I do not like my family members. It's not hatred but it is a healthy realization that them and I are not comfortable and I cannot move forward if they are part of the grand picture. I was literally doing this 30 minutes ago when I saw that you posted this 15 minutes ago and I clicked to watch it. Cool synchronized event. I thought I was being too harsh or unreasonable...and so I thank you for clarity
Beats of Saturn this happens to me too - I often flick onto TH-cam and the video I really need at that given moment is the first one I see 😻
You're better than me. I hate my brothers and my father. They brought it on themselves
Zack you are not alone. You know how a drug addict is hates going through the withdrawal process of drug addiction but when it's all done and over with your happy? Same goes with family you hate being around them and when you realize the world is so big you have a choice and you stay away and it makes you happy. If you want to be happy you have to let go of the poison that is killing you sometimes that means your own family. You know you have made the right choice because when they have left you alone and you no longer care or try to contact them or want to see them and you are happy and you have this unspeakable amount of joy than you know God was saving the best for last his presence and yours and away with the sadness, dress and depression. The goodness of God
If I cant be myself AND connect with you at the same time, then it's toxic for me and I'm out.
Haven't seen or heard from my family since 2013, had I not walked away I would be dead now and considering how things were going..they would be too!
Was it easy ? Cause i think am going on that way and am only 14... I Can't handle my life anymore but i Will Never end my life cause i know that it is worth to Live and we only live once... MY sister Hates me to death she even said it to me with a really serious tone... She said the worst things that could ever be said to not only someone Who is a FAMILY Mamber but to her OWN and ONE only sister she has. I don't know anything about my Dreams anymore... Sorry i just need to talk to someone Who has experience...
@@mariemarilynbp9865 No Marie it wasn't, I stopped communicating with my family when I was 48 years old and had endured far too much, I wouldn't ever consider trying to talk to my mother and father, I would consider my brother but he would need to be educated in complex trauma in order to even get a glimpse of how I interpret the world, otherwise it would be too traumatic, tried it a few months ago and realized I just have to send love from afar and wish them all the best. I would recommend about 100 different things before leaving your family at 14, unless you are in danger, physically. Being an indigo at 55 hasn't been easy but I have learned enough to say try and find a way to stay connected and if possible to be closer to them, if not possible try limiting your time with them to what fits your boundaries.
Good luck and please take time to honor yourself in this experience, it makes it so so much easier to honor others 💜
@@makoa2104 Thank you 💜
@@makoa2104 hey I have a question to ask seems like you have experience. So lately my parents have been sending my lil brother to bother me via text. And he never used to bother me like that. I believe it's my father he's the narc. I ended up blocking my brother because I could tell it's not him communicating with me. It's like he's being sent. I do know very soon my dad might start sending me messages non stop as well. I usually gray rock him so that he doesn't talk too much. So how do I handle this? Considering changing my numbers though. And I'm afraid to give certain family members my number this will have to be a private number that I share only with my friends.
@@makoa2104 your words are heartfelt. Im an Indigo Man..... been on the healing journey since age 12.... I am now 62 and no it has not been easy growing up with a family full of Narcsissist's Man!! here are a few things giving back in goodwill for your good heart and kind words.... I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha!
secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose.
The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment
Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
Here's the thing about the loaded word - "family" - the toxic ones, family or not, will use it against you. Your family is this, your family is that, they've done such and such. Do away with such things. First of all, family is a function, a role, and if that is not being met, everyone in that situation has a right to say, they're not TRUE family. That's all.
They’re not true family I felt that
It’s true. And I use “family” as an excuse to allow them to continue their behavior. If it were anyone else they would have been cut off a loooong time ago. But because they were “family” they kept getting chances. I finally had to realize if this person was just a friend would I choose them as a friend? Nope!
@@rintintin7292 this is exactly what I’ve been saying to myself, would I allow anyone else to treat me like this. No I flipping wouldn’t.
@@philippahall2510 Today was another example of me allowing a certain person back in my life and I burned AGAIN! 🤬😭😑 well known boundaries were crossed with absolutely no regard. When will I learn?!?!? I cried hard today. 🤧 plus a very close friend and father figure to my husband literally just passed away, for some reason I thought ‘someone’ would have a little respect but nope. Push the boundaries and cry victim.
That’s not family though. Those are just relatives
My heart hurt so bad. My family is toxic and there is no love. I want to cut them off so bad.
Me too
Me 3,,,, when none of the family adds value only subjtract😩
Me too. I have a few years no contact. It gets easier. Nice to meet you!
I pick and choose my friends but not my family.
Airhug
I’m sick of constantly trying to include myself in my sisters life she shows no interest and is always cold for no reason, she’s rude and just completely toxic I’m done
Am going to stop talk to my family and distance my self from them
You have to look after yourself because no one else will.
Same I'm so tired of reaching out for nothing
I just realized this is how my older brother is. I'm over it
That's my sister, I finally went no contact. Not only did my sister show no interest in being in my life, but it was also like she didn't like me. I never did anything mean to her, she was my baby sister. We were never close as kids. She's always felt entitled, my mother's Golden Child. To tell the truth, I don't miss her. She always made me feel less-than and my mother always took her side in whatever.
Absolutely true! What's important is to cut emotional, internal ties as well.
How have you managed to cut the internal ties. Mine seems to be peptide addiction with adopted Narc 'mother', trauma bonding. Any guidance truly appreciated x
@@carolinehuxtable7268 it took many years. Mine was, like yours, a very strong and sick bond between my mother and me. I tried and tried with no result, but slowly I started to realise I was myself and she was herself and I had a right to have a life of my own
I was raised in foster homes. I have no problem with letting people go because I've never been close enough to anyone that I could miss.
I have 18 brothers and sisters I haven’t seen in 30 years I agree with you 100% you should never let anyone tear you down to make themselves feel better
wow, I wished I did that. All my pain comes from what mom and dad said and did to me. Brain washing about the important roles of parents is a big cultural BS as well, so the gilt eats me up each time and I go back for more abuse. It is almost like I need a dose of venin to keep it normal. The closest you are the treatment was worse. I don't know what to do anymore, because I have tried everything, and I am still in pain because the pictures and verbal abusive shit is stuck in my head like glue. I thought being very intelligent would be a factor, nope, I must well be a total idiot because I cannot shake this. I want to divorce my mom and feel good about it.
Wtf. Is your mom part rabbit
I have been raised by 2 very controlling parents who think they own me. When I turned 18 I thought I was gonna be off on my own doing what I wanted to do with my life, but I let them manipulate me,pull me down, didn't give me any privacy, told what to wear, when to speak, how to feel, it's Soo awful it has caused me to go into deep deep depression 😢 it hurts to watch other people live life to the fullest!
Then leave them
You have the awareness and that is step 1 - you can do it
Heartbreaking 💔💔💔
That part where you said they make you feel guilty for not calling them. I needed to hear that. Thank you
Finally, after 30 years, I cut out my toxic first cousin that always verbally abused me, projected her own opinions of me onto me, broke some of my personal property, and often got into my physical space. It was a clear and easy choice to make after I realized I wasn't a child anymore and I was no long forced to be in the same space as her. However, the real problem is dealing with my mother and her lack of acceptance of me cutting off ties with her only niece. I would think her of all people would understand, but she doesn't seem to get past "family is family forever"
Sometimes if you let a family member get away with inequitable behavior repeatedly, their sense of "fair play" becomes so skewed, that they begin to actually feel and believe that what they're doing is normal and acceptable. It's amazing how perverted a person's sense of "justice" can become... It's like feeding a voracious animal that just keeps growing and growing... Eventually you're going to find that you simply just have to put a stop to it.
Thank you for this. Some family members do not act like they are from the same womb as you. If you want peace you got to let go of them.
So much truth spoken, I love this. Thank you. And thank you to the person that asked such an important question.
This video has been a huge wake-up call for me. I don't have to put up with shit...ever!
Thank you so much for discussing this topic. Two years ago many things exploded in my personal life. After my mother passed away 17 years ago; my so called family disappeared and continue to pass judgement on me and my choices past and present. In 2017 I made the choice to disconnect from many of them and start building boundaries. I feel better but I will occasionally get those comments I am holding grudges. I just keep ignoring and not respond to that manipulative response. You confirmed all that I have done is ok. Thank you so much for filming this topic.
I kept going back to them to seek the unconditional love that I never received in my childhood. But that never comes. Only breadcrumbs and abuse. Now I’ve become the scapegoat for speaking the truth. It’s time to walk walk away for good. If I stay in contact I will end up dangerously suicidal. And I don’t owe them an explanation for walking away. They know they are abusive, and it’s their addiction to power that keeps them behaving that way.
I have stopped indulging family member who has withdrawn from my “emotional bank account” for years.
I didn’t even realise it until they came to stay with me for 4 days. We are now both adults.
I felt like shit when they were here and couldn’t work out why at first AND STILL doubted myself to begin with! It was actually a blessing so I could see how things truly are. They are self centred and narcissistic but use overly intelligent language to confuse things.
I’ve closed my “emotional bank account” to this person now. If they decide to start depositing in genuinely healthy ways perhaps I will reconsider. If I feel like it!
I don’t hold my breath and let it go down as a learning experience.
Notice how you feel around people, it’s the best indicator. Your gut isn’t wrong.
Thank you for your inspiring, on point videos as always Candace 💖✨
This last month letting go of my mother and brothers . Feeling like a different person and letting go of my husband father of my child. Feeling the inner strength growing every day and fully taken ownership of my life speaking my truth and creating my own business. Connecting for the first time with your guidance amazing thank you 🙏💕
Yes but when your only 14... Living with a Sister Who hates you to death ( she even said that to me) really seriously. She said the worst stuff that could be said to her one and only sister... She Loves it when i SUFFER. She sees Joy while i see Pain... I Can't handle my life anymore but i Will Never end my life cause i know that it is worth to Live and we only live once... I also am a Lonely person Who has no Freinds at all cause yes i have to say that i Prefer living each School Year ALONE than having Toxic fake freinds Who only uses you, never call you saying how your doing ect... Cause am diffrent...
God bless you
I just left my family a month ago or so. I’m 24 and i grew up in a toxic broken family. My culture praise families (and i assume most cultures are) but meaning that you’re stuck with them for good whether you’re blessed with a happy one or not. Even when ppl get married or something, they don’t go far from their family. I dared to leave cuz i know it’s better for me. My mother relies on me cuz she prolly can’t do things her self i guess. But i know it’s a part of her trying to be controlling and manipulative. I feel sooo incredibly guilty even tho i know it’s the right thing. I never told anyone about it and i know i will be flamed and judged harshly. I don’t know how to get thro things on my own cuz was never equipped for anything to be able to make connections with ppl and basically live cuz it’s always been about surviving to me. thank you for this video. I find it very informative 💜
eee o you are not alone 💫🌏 already you are empowering yourself. You have basically said: I choose to be well. It is the reconization that you ARE capable , you are whole and you are loved. You have put your trust back where it belongs , in you ☀️
Alexandra Viau that’s so kind thank you!!
Guilt is very hard to overcome, but just realize that it's only there because of how your mother manipulated and controlled you in the first place. Let me explain...when you're controlled from a young age, you become condition to believe that if you're anything other than what others expect, then you're a bad person, thus the feelings of guilt. How about you recondition yourself to to believe that your own needs are just as important actually, more important! You are probably an empath, like myself and that's what we do...we try to be everything to everyone, always putting ourselves last. Set you boundaries, let those in your life know that you love them, but you love yourself more these days and that it would be great to stay close and connected, but its not a need! However, it is a need to be loved properly, even if it has to be only you loving you! Good luck, but you are number one! This IS YOUR LIFE!
How r u now?
@@PfizerIsKillngMe it is so true
Thirty years dealing with a toxic sister who didn't respect me or my boundaries, finally letting her go to concentrate on loving myself.
I was friends with someone for 20 years but when she got a boyfriend and started a new college course, she literally ghosted me. Then when my sister died, she reached out to me but even before Covid restrictions, she made no effort to visit and keep saying she would ‘schedule’ in time to call me. Even then she wouldn’t call so I just let her go. I didn’t block her number or anything but I don’t want the stress of someone who’s too busy to make an effort with me.
GO NO CONTACT !!!!!!! THEY'RE NOT WORTH IT , YOU'LL BE ALOT HAPPIER !!!!!
Wow! This video couldn't have come at a better time for me. It really helped me feel validated in choosing to end toxic friendships and cutting contact with my mother. It's sad that it had to come to that, but for the first time in my life I'm finally listening to myself and choosing me. Thanks again Candace!
They say blood is thicker than water but water does the body good.
Love is thicker than blood!
I never felt loved by my mom, when we have different opinions she dismisses mine and
Believes she know absolutely everything. When I was younger I felt like she was jealous of me sometimes and let me not get started on the emotional abandonment and not meeting not one of my needs so I had to raise myself! I don’t care if she is in my life and I’m pretty sure she turned my brother into a narcissistic so I just stay away from both of them. Honestly realizing that i have my own life to live it’s not my moms. My littler girl Inside still
Thinks I need her approval but f that !
Well said. Thank you.
If a person or people do not understand mutual respect common courtesy, family or friend(s) we must make the right decision for ourselves and disconnect.
Anyone who attacks your weaknesses does not belong in your life!
Healthy, loving supportive people do not do that.
Your thoughts matter, your feelings matter and you matter!
My sister ripped off 5 grand from me and my Dad doesn't bother ringing me, even for my birthday, so I've cut them out of my life.
I was never really that close to them anyway.
My father is an alcoholic and I can't stand being around him. My sister is a con woman who partnered a con man and I'm currently taking them to Court.
They both drink and smoke and are very unhealthy. I don't want anything to do with them.
I have this inner battle because youa re told constantly to "love without judgement" and ive tried and tried w my mom and she continues to victimize herself no matter how much you try to make her happy so I have started to consider just starting to cut her off slowly...
I just came across your channel an hour ago. I have learned more in 1 hour of watching your videos than in 3 years of psychology degree. Thank you!
All I can say after watching this is THANK YOU 🥺 I needed to hear this at this very moment and your delivery was so soft, warm, and understanding. Wow. Subscribing now!!!!
THANK YOU. I've been struggling with many members of my family all my family.
i removed my mother, and i been got rid of my sisters and niece and so many more.. my mom only wants to call and complain about siblings! well guess what? damn them, taking a leap out of faith and just doing what i enjoy! my mom gets super mad, when she doesnt hear from me and only uses me when my siblings hurt her! no more of that toxic bs!
YOU and your video information here..... are AMAZING! So intuitive and spot on! Very helpful right now thank you so much!!!
Awwww thanks so much!!
Thank you, Candace 👍.
It's like you speak right out of MY 💖. For the first time in this life I feel I am not the only one in such a weird situation.💜❣️
This video help me alot Candace I feel this very deep great message 👍🏿
I'm never seen as an adult and I'm in my '50s. My parents still refer to me as the kid. I've always had a good career and my own home until I fell on hard times and I lost everything. I had to move in with them and they expect way too much of me. They're always wanting me to do something for them like I'm a damn servant. I don't mind helping, but when you're getting taken advantage of that's another issue. I sustained an injury that I've had to deal with for the past 3 months because they wanted my help with more crap. They don't seem to really care, they just keep asking me to do more and more. It's been like this my entire life whenever I was around them! They've even made comments that this is why they had a kid. I'm an only child so I get the brunt of everything. I mow their lawn, I trim their trees, I clean for them, I cook for them, I have to do their laundry and run my parents around when they can't drive themselves to doctor's appointments along with much more responsibility. I'm trying to distance myself but this has been impossible with them. They really don't deserve a relationship with me. They have been toxic for my entire life. Ugh.
I love this video it’s definitely confirmation for me. I am definitely done with a few in my family. I love them but from a distance.
Thank you Candace. I recently spoke up for myself, and my narcissistic family member threatened to turn off her phone. I am glad. She does not truly love me.
Such a healthy Outlook on life thank you.
Reclaim your power as a human being. When u stop chasing someone, they Notice.... Simple.
Great video can you do more on this issue on the grief and how to move on dealing with the loss of removing toxic family members, friends, and children from being abused from them when it’s like a web and your a spider caught up in it!
How do you get out as an adult no source of income after a divorce forced to go back and live with them after no contact and dealing with the loneliness and fear of going no contact! How do you start a new life when their goal along with your ex husband who is abusive is to destroy your life every time you move forward can you suggest how to go forward when you are literally stuck financially to get out and meet new people and have PTSD due to the abuse!!!
Totally relate to your post x also have cPTSD due to narcistic abuse. There is a way through I intend to find it. Keep going x
It's the same with me... I'm 26 and last year I quit my job to launch my own business. But I have no money yet so I have had to go back to living with my parents. It's been hard especially since my father abused me emotionally and physically (hitting me) all through my teenage years and I am not healed yet although I do a lot of work on myself
Awesome video.... I just came out of my toxic family about a week ago.... Feels very bad at this moment..... Hopefully it helps my life in future... Happy to know that.... It's always better to be out of the toxic family members... Both my mother and sister have narcissistic personality.... Tq for the info in this video
Family is forever, you can't get away from them far or fast enough. Lol. But I am getting better at it. I no longer go to the empty or poisonous well.
This was wonderful , thank you. I'm going to cut off brother, sister, father now. They are super toxic. And mother is next if she is not careful and sides with them.
Love this thank you my mum keeps calling and texting. After she called the cops on me and got me arrested and that's the final straw for me after years of this kind bullshit. I feel guilty for not calling back but would their be anyway to tell them I don't wanna talk for long time without them calling me more and disrespecting my boundaries.
Family does not mean special dispensation.
exactly but they act like it does!!
Hello, new subscriber here :) Thank you for this video on toxic families. Even though I know this, I really needed to hear it again. My family collectively and literally threw me out 7 years ago so I turned and burned the bridge and moved on. I'm much happier and healthier and no longer the scapegoat of the family. But alas, I still talk with my Mom . Maybe because I she's in her 80's now and probably because I'm still trying to get her to understand and love me. She has no empathy for me even though she says she loves me, I don't feel it. In our last conversation she said I was "weak" for not allowing my siblings back in my life. Thank you again for hearing me out and I look forward to more of your videos.
This is so soothing to my heart❤️
That would B my sister!
🙏🏻
I cut off my mom. She always hit me when i was little and call me stupid and other names. She had always drank alcohol and smoke and manipulate other people. She hang out with different mens to tell them love them just so they sent her money and she lie to me on everything i try to talk to her lately about the abuse she done to me and she quickly try to manipulate how i must forgot is been so long how she never hit me was just a small pat on the shoulder when i don't listen and bla i am sick of her shit and honestly cursed her out and told her your a toxic liar i am cutting off the relationship and deleted her email and changed social media. My life has been peace ever since. If someone is hurting you or abusing you. Don't hesitate to cut the relationship. You worth more than being someone's punching bag
Wow amazing video, give me so much comfort
Omg this was on my mind all day yesterday, thank you 🙏
beautiful video! thank you so much
This was so helpful for me Candace. Thank you.
I needed this. Thank you so much!
Great video Candace. You are 100% right. My family is sort of toxic. Over the years I had falling in love with those who are famous & lived far away all the way down to my childhood. The rotten thing about it is that my family always have had something negative to say. They said stuff like "Oh girl. You'll never see him. You are just wasting your time." It's almost like saying "Oh! Girl. He's famous. You are so beneath him." That totally hurt me every time. Sometimes I think that I have been too good to my family. I always think of them on their birthdays, anniversaries, & so on. Sometimes I don't feel very appreciated. There is toxic in my family. Sometimes I say the word "jinx."
What I really should have done over the years about my heart throbs is be strictly discreet. Other words I should have kept my family in the dark. If I had just done that no negative trash wouldn't have been said. Total drag.
I can relate. I am sharing superficial stuff, but I am not even posting in FB or Instagram on purpose because adding to what you said, my family loves to gossip and I find it so mean.
@@erikab1501 You are absolutely right. Gossiping is bad.
Candace lost my family in an emotional plane crash 2 years back. Dark night of the soul has put me on path of soul recovery. It nearly took me down after 5 years sobriety the pain is indescribable. Darker the Shadow - Brighter the Light. Am looking at discount options for your healing programme. Hugely resonate with Indigos and Hightened Sensitivity. Bless your truth 🧡
As an Indigo... that grew up in a family fulla Narcissist's and still have to deal with them til next spring.thankfully,theres a tunnel and light at the end of it,I do care giving for my parents.... I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha!
secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose.
The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment
Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
currently going through the dark night of the soul and all I wanna do is dissapear from this world, I have no family, no friends left, I have nothing, not even a desire to live in this world anymore
In regards to my abusive alcoholic mother: would I allow anyone else to treat me the way she does? No. So I have cut her off; she crossed over a very hard boundary line last Oct. 9, 2022. That was it.
Couldnt have come at a better time for me! Thank you Candace 💐
We need more on this topic there is not enough info on it out here
I really love this
I love the way you put this. Because truth be told if you have family or even people calling themselves your friends and they have stressed you out and even overstepped your personal boundaries to the point it has taken an effect on your mental health and more than they are toxic. I have never been that type of family members or friend who felt entitled to be all up in my family or friends affairs. Neither am I pushy or believe that I'm deserving of some type of self centered respect if I was to behave in this manner either. Some of the most toxic people will behave in such a way and trust once they are gone and your peace of mind and joy is returned after you are away from these type of people you will in fact become more grateful an appreciative of the life God has given you and you will not only be happy inside out but you will be able to flourish like we all should be able to do but in peace. My last relationship a partner of mine mentioned that I had no one but him as these other toxic people would try to manipulate my decisions and got all into my affairs with there unsolicited advice about what they felt I should do and go. It was truly stressful and bothersome as well. God created this life for me to be happy and I was unhappy when these toxic meddling people became so involved in my personal space and freedom to think for myself and to be happy about my life and singleness that I began to question my own excitement about the feeling I had inside about how happy I knew I was going to be once I walked away from all the crap I shouldn't have had to gone through. But Candice if only you knew the amount of bullcrap and drama I went through due to these folks you yourself would no doubt be happy about the walking away and blocking that I have done in order to gain true joy and happiness in this life I have on this planet. Thay is one life I only got one on this planet and I can careless to hold onto a family members or a friendship and lose myself and my god given peace of mind in order to have any type of connection with a person weather it be family or friends. People come and people go and we meet new ones along the way and the ones I look forward to meeting is the ones who are respectful, polite and kind and most of all knows what line not to cross all at the same time. Am I a people pleaser not at all. Do I can to back down and renegotiate my boundaries just to keep a friend around? No not at all. Self respect as begins with teaching people how to respect you and of anyone becomes all toxic and manliputive and try to guilt trip you behind you setting them boundaries and or cutting them off behind it than you are getting all the signs you need to see where they lack respect when ot comes to you setting boundaries and why ots best to have let them go along time ago. And more so anger when they resolve to anger than you are dealing with a child being an adult means that weather long time friends or family you should be able to understand acting in a messed up way still does not get me to return to your bullcrap and entertain your need to be all up in my business and trying to use other tatics to help keep you in the mix of stuff that is none of your business. Few female respectful friends is all I need and more importantly being alone has brought me more peace of mind on the outside but inside I'm so ready for the bullcrap childish crap so cease and i do mean for good. 40 is a bit to old to be entertaining small unwelcomed childish behavior of any kind. Blessings you everyone hear. One women had the nerve to throw a fit talking about I was tripping and how they was trying to bring everyone together. What she meant I had no clue and could careless with her stinky attitude when it came to being in my business. Let me ask you a question when you wake up and go into you bathroom, kitchen and everything will you be happy to see some unwelcomed guest and visitors sitting at your table all up in your affairs? No not at all some people will just break in and invite themselves to whatever they feel is their business and those are the ones who need to be removed right away. Everything isn't everyone business. I had a jailer at a jail tell me the same thing about this matter after I had be driven over edge behind the nosy toxic manliputive yet nosy folks all in my lane.
This was a very helpful video. I lost my family a few years back. Looking for my "tribe" on youtube!
Amazing Candace - TY. Shane
This is exactly what I needed 🥰thank you and you're an angel
Hi Candace good vibeo yes I wanna continue learning this thanks I wanna stay I touch thanks
This is why i don't love or like visiting them drama and negativity i don't need that garbage 🗑️ in my life hell no cell phone 📱 when it rings i don't want or even answer it cuz a mess like that.
I have been used and abused for years by my daughter and have tried so many times to give her/ us a chance to realise this life isn't a dress rehearsal, either of us could not be here tomorrow, so to just try to get along and respect each other but it just hasn't worked, makes me feel so sad and guilty although I know I've been the only one to try and make things good between us. We are notbtalking again at the moment which is awful. I realise I just have to let her go for good, BUT its so hard when its your daughter that you brought into this world and would never have imagined life with her would have turned out like this. 😞
I have had to do the same so I know how hard it is. I hope you’re doing well today.
Same here- all we can do is liberate them with love.
I don't owe anyone anything.....
I would love to watch your show every Friday on this topic! I’m dealing with it right now!
Thank you, Naomi
looking good, Candace
Thank you so much! This is helpful. I had to do this with my sister and mom.
I love my family, always will, but I’ve always felt like the odd man out. I’m 44 and it’s time I stop being so scared and take the leap and distance myself in the most healthiest way possible. I love them, but I need to love me more.
Great video. Very helpful. Thanks for sharing. 🌸
Thank You for saying this!!! 100%!
I wanna recommend a few things.. that I use as Im in a similar situation until Spring. To be clear here I AM NOT selling any thing, its your free will and home work if you so choose to look into these things,they have helped hundreds and hundreds of people. AIMHO! first up: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/directional-reflection-shield-575g/ sends any funky unwarranted negative energies RIGHT BACK to the sender. may sound out there,but damn if it doesnt work and that amazingly so.you can feel it 'power',warm up to block,shield,protect...THey Back off,lemme tell ya I've seen time and time again. its almost entertaining. Instant Karma! no Bull! Ha!
secondly: www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-4-0/ there is a forum about all this and the feedback,journaling there of..subliminal-talk.com if you so choose.
The personal rejuvenizer's Lighthealing.com more protection/clearing/grounding/upliftment
Intrasound.org the intrasound powder/gel strenghten not only the boy,but the auric/energy field around you, rasies the body's abilites to heal itself. again no selling only paying it forward in love,light and empowerment. No BS. AIMHO!
things that aren't being addressed = dysfunction (you have permission to not love family members/no need to put up with crap)
Thank you! Feeling horrible today. I am estranged from entire family I was the scapegoat! They cut me off because I exposed a family secret and they all slammed the door. I have no kids or married due to trauma growing up! The weak get weaker :(
So happy you said this. Totally how I feel. ❤️
My husbands family has 3 siblings. There is so much built up animosity in the family, you can cut it with a knife, and definite favouritism. The mom and her golden child daughter cling together and validate each other, and the mom does not see anyones hurt, and if you try to address issues, my MIL takes it all personally. Now my MIL said and did something that hurt my daughters feelings and made her feel disrespected. She now does not want to see her, and i support her and will do the same, as ive had past issues with her before.
After rage attack number three, I wrote my sister a letter as to why I no longer would be in active relationship with her; love her and wished her well. Needless to say I did not hear back. What I did not expect was to feel alienated from all the other members of my far-away for a while. I got an important clue as to not-belonging in my family since childhood (I live in another country). Even more than father, this dictatorial bully-sister born two years after me was perhaps what most alienated me from family. The sadness I feel around my sister is something I can handle. No regrets on my decision. Thank you, Candace, and commentators.
This was excellent 👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you. This was very helpful.🙏
I had yet another discussion with that family friend and it made me incredibly upset, he tells me that I tend to “push people and family away” I ask him why does he think that and he says well “by moving out of your family’s house” but that’s my prerogative, if I want to move out I can move out, I’m an adult and I make my own decisions, if they have a problem with it that’s their business. I’m not going to let other people’s “feelings” dictate or control my life, and he goes on to say that I don’t do anything to show them that I want to be “part of the family” but here’s the thing, why aren’t I already part of the family by default? Everyone is deserving of a loving family, but apparently this one requires one to meet certain criteria in order to be part of their club or some shit. I feel like I have to be a people pleaser to them…and he thinks of my upbringing of being homeless and raised by a narcissist father as an “excuse” rather than an understanding of the way I am and how that has damaged my mental health and how that affects me in my adulthood. and he thinks I have a fear of rejection… 🙄
yes candace you are 1000 percent accurate on this topic and i agree about the friendship when people make excuses to spend time or talk ,its time to go friendship over our time has expired together.
I have no friends anymore.
Does it count as "toxic" if your other family relatives spread fake rumors about you, framing you for something you didn't even do, insult your mom if she's not around, and if there is a visitor they would change their attitude from being bad to good and if that's only you have a visitor on your house?
My woman's eldest daughter has spent most of her life trying to control and break up every relationship her mother has had even against me for 22 years. The daughter is 71 and has done this to her mother for 60+ years just in my 22 years dealing with her the lies and fake stories is into the hundreds now. She became dangerous when she verbally attacked her mother in ICU by phone That is when we broke all contact over the 22 years we tried to go no contact but they used other family to get back in those family are gone now so they can't get back in those who they tried to use know they went to far this time and they caught her up in all her lies she told.
TY,
You should not feel guilty for cutting off anyone toxic or abusive in your life regardless of the type of relationship.
You can outgrow any relationship, if it is no longer in alignment.
Don't acquiesce to external validation. Your health and well-being should be first priority.
Give yourself permission to not accept abuse. You can accept them for who they are and where they are at in life. However, that doesn't mean you have to remain in contact with them if you choose not to. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable.
Namaste
🕊️Peace🤸 Shalom 🐵