Only because he doesn’t believe in god anymore? Cant she adjust to the change? Ok so lets says she stops believing in god is he suppose break it up? I mean cant people be themselves and beloved for who they are? If he/she treats you right why is religious believes a deal breaker ?
@@theentrepreneur607 I think the point of the original comment was the fact that the dude did this over the phone. But I also think your probably don’t understand what it means to be religious if you think that
@@counterpoint1494 ok so if over phone was the issue why did she mentioned that he not believing in god was what struck her?! Yes religious believes has a way more profound meaning but id think you’d understand what I meant. In all , if he doesn’t believe in god or decides to tell her over the phone…why does that matter?! Should he talk it over in Person , yes but everyone is different some people are timid and cant deliver their words accordingly in person!
@@theentrepreneur607 I think common belives are a big thing in a marriage. Not saying it couldn’t work otherwise, but why push the luck if belives don’t match, and when relationships can be really hard at times anyway.
Girl, when you find THE ONE... you'll be so thankful for this time. I went through a 3 year on and off relationship (if you could even give it that much credit)... I prayed for years for God to send me the one HE wanted me to have, and he sent me far better than I ever imagined. Your time will come!
My friend dated a guy for 4 years and they broke up; she wanted kids and he didn’t. She was very upset and thought he would eventually want kids. It’s 20 years later and she’s married with kids. He’s married to another woman; they don’t have kids and are traveling the world.
I think he just wanted out of the engagement but didn’t want to be the one to end it , it’s obviously not for the reasons he told her she’ll be better off in the end.
My hunch is that he met another woman and had an affair. Even if the affair was not physical and was just emotional, it changed the way that he felt about you.. It’s also likely that he does want kids but that he doesn’t want children with YOU anymore (that “with you” is just silent…). Regardless of the reason… cut you losses and count your blessings. You dodged a bullet.
Ya imo I’m getting he knew these two things would be deal breakers and told her rather then maybe what the actual issue was, possibly cheating while away.
Girl, he said those things because he wanted you to break up with him. Soon enough he will be married in the church and have kids. He didn't want kids and a life with you. Sorry that heartbreak happened and hope you get over your grief soon.
I agree. Just the timing and the way he did it signal that he wanted to throw out the top deal breakers that might make her change her mind. Maybe he got cold feet, maybe he met someone new, maybe he decided after 3 months apart he just wanted something different.
Caller...you and he were not a match. Grieve as you must but, be grateful that you discovered this before you made a binding and contractual agreement. Move on. The right person is waiting for you.
Honestly, I think he met someone else and just used her two "deal breakers" as an excuse to break away and not have her trying to get back together with him. I mean, he won't even see her? Red flag.
This is a classic “it’s not you, it’s me…” breakup. Guy wanted out and and put together a couple of excuses to end it. If it really was ONLY about the kids and faith, he’d have met up with her after he returned from deployment.
I ended mine in Feb. Her finances were awful. I needed a prenup. She said no and then she said no wedding or marriage. She would have babkrupted me. Left handed or not.
"Grieving is the process of acknowledging reality...this is the way this is". Powerful words! THANK YOU, John! I am going through this process due to my separation of 4+ months with no reunification on sight after a three year marriage. It is just like you described it. I voiced my boundaries; and he opted out. Fair! Still very painful; though each time, it hurts a little less.😔
This just sounds like a drawn-out version of "it's not you, it's me". He wanted out, he gave her all the lines to make him seem like the noble person for letting her go. He said exactly what he needed to say to make her break up with him. I'm calling BS. I'll bet he met someone new in that city where he is now. How long after he went to the new city did he start ghosting her?
She broke up with him, but who cares who did it? He completely flipped on you one day and changed the conditions of your future and you are no longer aligned. It may really hurt, but when you find the one, there is no hoping, wishing, waiting. No drama and turmoil, push and pull. Will there be disagreements? Certainly, but this is not the person for you, so don’t try to force it to be what it will never be. You said he won’t even see you. Sister, this is the end. Recognize it for what it is. You deserve a relationship where you don’t feel such misalignment and heartache with your partner.
@@clearsky4003 firstly, it's called slang aka colloquialisms. I don't know these people personally. Secondly, what happiness is there to gain from this situation?
He is just making up excuses to break up because he doesn’t want to hurt her. He is just not interested. It happens. You move on. It seems like the worst, but you find a better person eventually.
True. She's trying to still get back with him after she already got 20 reasons from him on why he's done. You don't need 20, three is enough lol. Get moving girl cuz you're stuck on him and he's already stuck inside someone else 🤷♂️
exactly. Getting married doesnt make their relationship break up proof neither (look at the divorce rates). Most relationships all have a time limit to serve its purpose then we grow on to other directions and relationships
It’s a gift. He’s telling you who he is… BEFORE the marriage. He doesn’t want to share a life of complimentary values with you. Find someone who does. Let him go.
You’ll meet a man someday, look back at this and be thankful things happened the way it did. When you find the right person you’ll be happy this relationship didn’t work.
I was a product of a marriage like that and see very clearly why it was a bad idea. My parents were very loving to each other and had a good relationship. However, there was a huge gap in their values and they were rarely on the same page on some of the most important elements of life. Raising kids in that environment just created needless tension. This girl did the right thing. If you don't have the same faith, don't even date. Once you've built that bond, it's going to be harder to leave a potentially doomed relationship.
I grew up in this home too- religious mother, atheist father. They loved each other dearly, my dad loved us kids unconditionally, but he was not trying to improve his ability to be a partner to my mom or to evolve to be a better father unless it was convenient for him. His model of marriage and family wasn’t about service first, and my mom’s was. Not saying atheists can’t be good partners, but your standard for success needs to be outside yourself, and it works better if two people are driving at the same standard and make the appropriate sacrifices to reach it. Personal compatibility is not enough, especially when raising kids.
Caller needs to accept that her BF has totally checked out of the relationship and move on. If she's still stuck then seek counseling. Also get out, socialize with friends, exercise. Give it time and she'll be ok.
Girl, this was me last year. Little different in details, but very similar in being on different pages in faith and values that I didn't realize until it was almost too late.. I found out a month before my wedding that he had been cheating on me the entire time we were together. I broke up with him and I had to cut him out of my life so I could move on. It still hurts, and the week before one year anniversaries of significant events are the worst. It will get better though. I promise. Stay strong. 💜
@@backyardwanderer16 I don't understand. You made the grown decision, the adult judgement call. That's all you. What does god have to do with any of this?
Honor her??? I’m calling BS. He wanted out, but just didn’t want to be the “bad guy”. He sounds extremely manipulative and is probably a gigantic liar. She’s better off without this dude.
I know it hurts like hell..better to breakup than marry him. I married a man who pretended to love God and me. He didn't. I was cheated on and battered for years. My kids were devastated. I know it hurts. God did you a favor letting you know beforehand.
Brooke, here's a piece of advice because I was in a similar situation regarding the pattern of the break up. Don't kill yourself over the reason of the break up. A break up is a break up. You two are done and now the grieving process begins. Focus on what YOU could've done better and that's it. If he wants to come back just stand your ground and say no. He put you in a guilt trip to end it because of his excuses of breaking up. Don't know if you get what I'm saying but this ain't the only guy in the world. There's others lol
hmm, I think there is another woman in the picture, just a thought.... At least she found this out before they got married!! This guy Is bullshitting her, he does't want to see her because his side dish will see him with her!
It sounds like the guy knows he needs to break up with her but couldn’t do it (maybe because he knew she’s great or a sweetheart or a catch etc) and so he’s making every excuse and reason why it won’t work so that she will end it. And as she’s grasping at straws trying to figure out if it CAN work he’s not being straight forward and just saying no.
Why does everyone thibk it have to be another girl. What probably happen is he was sitting around with his marine friends talking about what they going to do when they get out and all of them talking about how they going to do different things and he said I'm going to have kids, work and go to church. Once he said that out loud he probably realize that not what he wants so he told her. If he had broken It off than I would had thiught it was another girl but the fact he wanted to make it work than that tell me it more of his beliefs
This is such a difficult situation to be in. It is better to see it now than to go through with the wedding and put yourself on a shelf. My heart goes out to you, Brooke. ♥
The best advice I’ve ever received is that closure is NOT REAL! People do things because they want to sometimes there’s no other reasons and no one has to give a reason. That that L and move on.
He broke it off with God, it's good that this engagement was broken off too. I give her credit for making this courageous call and for the guy for being honest with her. Long-term, the relationship would have suffered. Kids and faith are HUGE factors in the health and longevity of a relationship and when two people have completely different mindsets as it pertains to this, they will butt heads, have resentment and will not be satisfied in the relationship. She mentioned the desire to still make things work if he wanted to despite their discrepancies in belief, but she was speaking from her feelings and not principles. The Bible states "How can two walk together lest they be agreed." This is not a small/minor/petty variance in viewpoints that they have, this is MAJOR. Dave Ramsey stated "you must be in agreement on religion, kids, in-laws and finances." These two are not in agreement on two crucial criteria, so unless he does a 360 on his viewpoint back to the way it was, the relationship would not have worked.
The Lord did you a favor. It’s going to be hard to get over, but when the RIGHT man comes into your life you will see that He is good. You will be glad it didn’t work out, or that you didn’t get married, build a life, have kids, and THEN have him drop this bomb on you. Because this is who he is. He was pretending to be like you, but he isn’t. Don’t ever go back. God is good, He will send you a good man. ♥️🙏🏼
Hollys says: Im trying to teach my son to guard his heart. To enjoy friendships but not to court for a marriage. It is easy to get into a relationship where you want completely different lives! Get a degree, let your brain finish developing! A boyfriend I had said he wanted the same life but didnt. It hurt but I made a much better choice later. Tomorrow is our 24th anniversary. We explain to our son that you want to give yourself time to support a family and get to know what you want in a partner. Then choose well, marry, then babies that come are a priority. That you dont want to be stuck coparenting with too many differences because of a lack of self control. We didnt get pregnant for almost 11 years. His childhood is vastly better than mine! He was wanted and planned for. When you choose your choices, you choose the consequences.
Definitely better off! I’m going through somewhat a similar situation except my ex fiancé didn’t want to be with me while I was dealing with mental health issues that were affecting our relationship so when I started getting help for it he didn’t want to stay by my side. He also told me that I was on a dead end path and that he wanted to become a vessel for god. You’ll find someone who actually wants you, it will take time but it’ll happen and when it does you’ll be so thankful for this happening.
Maybe they just weren't meant to be married. They tried to force it and 2 months away from her made him realize he didn't miss her or the life they had planned. It's not complicated, let him go.
He was finding excuses to leave you, kids play games real men make decisions, don’t rush it , God has the perfect man for you , find some at you’re level, set you’re standers high, remember you are Gods daughter!!!!!
Dr John, thank you for discussing your faith path. As we grow and mature we should always be sifting and evaluating our faith, and in 61 years mine has been down a lot of paths. Doing an entire segment on that might help a lot of people.💕
I think people are being pretty hard on the guy. It makes total sense to me that on deployment that he was experiencing changes, and his evolution with his own faith or lack of it, and is questioning how to or whether it’s smart to create a future together. People do change and if you’re together you may have to recommit to the person in front of you, or let it go… but in this case, the change was possibly sparked or accelerated by his deployment and she was not there to witness or understand the process.
15:55 Great idea to meet up??? She's dying to be with him and he's dying to never have contact with her. No way it's a good idea when she's so vulnerable
Something made him switch up while he was away for those 2 months. Rather it was an affair or whatever else, this was a really cowardly way for him to go about it. I have a feeling this is a really young couple
Did anyone consider that he lied and just said he no longer believed in God, or wanted kids, because he believed they would be deal breakers, and you would then break up with him. Maybe he no longer wanted you, and didn't have the guts to tell you, and hoped you would leave, which would make it easier on him. The fact that he won't even talk to you or see you makes it look even more that he just wanted out. Maybe there is someone else already. But either way, if he doesn't even want to talk about it or face you for closure, then you are probably better off letting him go. You will find the right one some day and will thank him for this.
Right? Her reaction to his faith crisis was over the top. She put the guy in a position where she acted like he was a demon. Agnostics are respectful of all religions, they just don’t have a position on which God is the true one. I can absolutely see why he wording want to be with her if she is firm on his being a part of her religion. The fact that people think he has to be cheating on her says a lot about them and how they view the world. It makes perfect sense a guy who has gone and seen the world might no longer be interested in tying himself down with a naive church girl. He could actually just be a good guy. Those do exist.
I've been there, Brooke. I know it hurts but the real reason it hurts is because of your rejection & abandonment issues. God wants to heal this before you marry, hun.
I’m Christian and grew up heavy in evangelical culture and imo it’s sad and damaging how much were taught (“pressured” or “brainwashed” is probably a more accurate word) to dismiss people at first indication that they don’t have the same faith. I’ve been there. That being said, sounds like he’s done and is kinda gaslighting her a little.
Are you Born-Again? Born-Again Christians are taught according to the Word of God that we are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. The reason is because of values and who they serve. That same chapter says what fellowship does Christ have with the devil and light with darkness? I am saying these things as someone who has disobeyed God in this area many times and has dealt with consequences for my disobedience. If he is saying he is now agnostic, she can still minister to him and intercede for him but she should not marry him.
@@racpatrice yes I am, but everyone with faith goes through periods of struggle and doubt, like Dr John said, and we are conditioned to not be ok with that and to set off all alarms when we sense doubt in others. I have done this myself and hurt people and hurt myself by burning bridges.
this was really helpful for me as well, who’s been dealing with regret / pain after finding out my ex is in a new relationship and lives with the girl. i broke up with him 4 years ago because i was 21, him 25 and i wasn’t ready for the commitment he wanted (marriage & buying land together). he still reached out every now and then up until 2 years ago, around the time he started dating this girl he’s with. I’ve been dealing with a lot of what if’s. Did i try hard enough? Should i have compromised more? In my heart i know it just wasn’t right. I like how you said we can love someone and it doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be together. My mom says the same thing to me.
Oh so you wanted him to keep reaching out to you until you were ready🤣🤣🤣🤣 2 years wasn’t enough. Now you’re jealous because he got with someone else that’s on the same page as him🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sis, this is God’s elaborate display of love for you. Whether your ex-fiancé’s reasons are the real reasons for his hesitation or not, you made the right decision. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. God loves you, and ended this relationship before it went too far. It’s better to cry now, then heal, than to cry many tears in your marriage due to neglect or your deal breakers. Your deal breakers are deal breakers for a reason. Don’t ever compromise on your beliefs for anyone. I pray the good Lord heals your heart, and blesses you with a good and devoted man one day.
John is not referring to religion when he says something else was going on in the relationship he’s talking about other differences Which she doesn’t seem to acknowledge here. He does not want to fix anything he wanted an out and he took it
I'm sorry to say but what most likely happened is he cheated or wants someone else while deployed. I watched so many men cheat on their spouses and the men who were straight up ignoring their significant others during deployment were never good guys.
Am I wrong? She said He still wants to get married etc etc.. he just doesn’t believe in god anymore… so she sacked him off… and now she’s unable to get over it… 🤷♂️
Did u miss him saying he didn’t want kids anymore? I think what ur saying is what he was trying to make it look like. She also asked if they could do counseling. He reneged on the non-negotiables.
I wonder how long these people were together cuz yeah there's multiple reasons that this guy could have did this you know but I want to know if they rushed into a relationship or if they've known each other forever you know this is a pretty good episode
Im sorry to tell you but you will need to create your own closure and you need to let go. Hes obviously going through some issues to tell you that stuff. You did the right thing do not worry. Find closure within yourself by moving forward and focusing on yourself and soon you will find that closure you are looking for by focusing on yourself letting go and moving on. I think hes going through something like things have happened to him over there or he witnessed things. You will find out eventually but it wont be now.
There’s nothing to talk to him about with him. He presented reasons to not be together and she asked for her furniture back. There’s no turning back. Sit in these feelings, girl, and heal. You have no idea how young you are and how much time you have.
I am so confuse by this call. She literally broke up with him. By moving her stuff out his place. I understand it is sad when relationship ends. But you broke up with him. Move on.
This is... a lot. I don't believe he went from being a believer to a non-believer and wanting kids to not wanting kids in the span of 2 months. Just, no. Most likely is he wanted out of the relationship for whatever reason, but he wanted her to end it so he wasn't "the bad guy". Maybe he found someone he liked better, or maybe he was never who she thought he was and it was all a ploy to get her naked. Either way, it really doesn't matter now. It's time to wash him out of your hair and move on.
Brooke...go out some Saturday night to Rockit Grill in Old Town with a girlfriend and meet up with a new military guy for a night...just have fun and move on.
When someone has a boundary like this you do feel gulity when you question your faith. I was involved with a great woman with a strong faith and I knew if i question God and smoked my occasional cigar it would hurt her so I left. People like her aren't flexible with love....which is ok. She wants a certain picture and thats ok.
This guy abandoned God, and thus the relationship. I'm glad that the lady is no longer with him (at least for now, as things may change in a few years), I feel so badly that she is hurting so much. I hope she finds someone who matches her faith, whether or not it ends up being him. For now, I pray that she finds a great church with positive and nurturing female fellowship.
If I’m 100% honest, I can understand why his change in faith made him second guess telling her until he was sure that’s not what he wanted. In my experience Christians can be more unforgiving than other groups of people. He probably didn’t feel safe to express his doubts with her because he already knew what her reaction would be. It’s better they broke up. She can go find someone that has the same beliefs she does and she will never have to question her ideology and he can go find someone that actually appreciates him for who he actually is.
OK he was out of the relationship before you broke up. I think he really is not going to compromise with you. Marriage is a bunch of comprise. You dodged a bullet. Be thankful. You didn't hurt him. He gave up. You weren't important enough to him to invest in relationship wise.
He did not meet another women or other craziness. He has started to see some evils in the world. When you see it, you doubt humanity, faith and God. Some people see it o. The battlefield. Some fee it in betrayals (it can even be religious related where he sees people he thought religious do very and most evil things) Some see it in business. Some see it in relationships. I have said something similar at some point when the world felt totally pointless with all the evil and randomness. Unfortunately, you cannot wait for him but move on with your life. My guess is he will most likely make some sort of peace or acceptance. He may even date again or similar. You just met him at the wrong time. Move on though but I know h loves you because if he didn't he would face you but he is avoiding you because if he sees or talks to you, you may convince him. Let him go.
OMG lol...he likes left handed women. That's a new one ive not heard before. Why i can't find a fellow like dr john. My mother, who is right-handed, always says my left handed writing looks odd lol
This is cool that it happened BEFORE marriage. She is lucky.
She dodged a bullet. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you! And this is with anyone, man or woman.
If a guy says over the phone he wants a different life than you, then let him go. Better now than later.
Only because he doesn’t believe in god anymore? Cant she adjust to the change? Ok so lets says she stops believing in god is he suppose break it up? I mean cant people be themselves and beloved for who they are? If he/she treats you right why is religious believes a deal breaker ?
Exactly! Don't waste your time. It won't be any different
@@theentrepreneur607 I think the point of the original comment was the fact that the dude did this over the phone. But I also think your probably don’t understand what it means to be religious if you think that
@@counterpoint1494 ok so if over phone was the issue why did she mentioned that he not believing in god was what struck her?! Yes religious believes has a way more profound meaning but id think you’d understand what I meant. In all , if he doesn’t believe in god or decides to tell her over the phone…why does that matter?! Should he talk it over in Person , yes but everyone is different some people are timid and cant deliver their words accordingly in person!
@@theentrepreneur607 I think common belives are a big thing in a marriage. Not saying it couldn’t work otherwise, but why push the luck if belives don’t match, and when relationships can be really hard at times anyway.
Girl, when you find THE ONE... you'll be so thankful for this time. I went through a 3 year on and off relationship (if you could even give it that much credit)... I prayed for years for God to send me the one HE wanted me to have, and he sent me far better than I ever imagined. Your time will come!
that’s amazing to hear & honestly I needed to hear this 😭 lol but congrats to you & your partner !!!❤️
My friend dated a guy for 4 years and they broke up; she wanted kids and he didn’t. She was very upset and thought he would eventually want kids. It’s 20 years later and she’s married with kids. He’s married to another woman; they don’t have kids and are traveling the world.
Perfect story to tell the caller. Everybody wins!
it worked out for both of them
Good for them!
I think he just wanted out of the engagement but didn’t want to be the one to end it , it’s obviously not for the reasons he told her she’ll be better off in the end.
My hunch is that he met another woman and had an affair. Even if the affair was not physical and was just emotional, it changed the way that he felt about you.. It’s also likely that he does want kids but that he doesn’t want children with YOU anymore (that “with you” is just silent…).
Regardless of the reason… cut you losses and count your blessings. You dodged a bullet.
Ya imo I’m getting he knew these two things would be deal breakers and told her rather then maybe what the actual issue was, possibly cheating while away.
I am getting a feeling he is gay
@@candyluna2929 true… he could’ve met another man 👀 or just started being true to himself
@@johnsmith-kt7ef 💯 this
This is what I think also. He wanted out, so told her 2 things that he thought would be deal breakers, hoping that she would end it.
absolutely right decision. DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED!
100% agree!!! The bible speaks on this. It will not work out and will only lead to more heartache later on!
Girl, he said those things because he wanted you to break up with him. Soon enough he will be married in the church and have kids. He didn't want kids and a life with you. Sorry that heartbreak happened and hope you get over your grief soon.
And you know all that how?
I agree. Just the timing and the way he did it signal that he wanted to throw out the top deal breakers that might make her change her mind. Maybe he got cold feet, maybe he met someone new, maybe he decided after 3 months apart he just wanted something different.
My guess is he had an affair while he was gone. It's possible he is still involved in the affair. Time for you to move on.
Sounds like he wants out … and she is in denial…. I’m glad he pulled the trigger before marrying her and wasting ten years of her youth
Caller...you and he were not a match. Grieve as you must but, be grateful that you discovered this before you made a binding and contractual agreement. Move on. The right person is waiting for you.
This was relationship was ending poorly either way. This was probably the least painful time to do it.
Tattoos and left-handedness aren't boundaries, they are preferences.
Just like going to church is
I literally said the same thing in my head
Honestly, I think he met someone else and just used her two "deal breakers" as an excuse to break away and not have her trying to get back together with him. I mean, he won't even see her? Red flag.
B
He def met someone new
Thats’s what i thought, too.
Agreed.
It's possible.
This is a classic “it’s not you, it’s me…” breakup. Guy wanted out and and put together a couple of excuses to end it.
If it really was ONLY about the kids and faith, he’d have met up with her after he returned from deployment.
I ended mine in Feb. Her finances were awful. I needed a prenup. She said no and then she said no wedding or marriage. She would have babkrupted me. Left handed or not.
Stay single. You dodged a major bullet.
You dodged a bullet there. I learned the hard way about mismatched finances when married. Never again.
"Grieving is the process of acknowledging reality...this is the way this is". Powerful words! THANK YOU, John! I am going through this process due to my separation of 4+ months with no reunification on sight after a three year marriage. It is just like you described it. I voiced my boundaries; and he opted out. Fair! Still very painful; though each time, it hurts a little less.😔
This just sounds like a drawn-out version of "it's not you, it's me". He wanted out, he gave her all the lines to make him seem like the noble person for letting her go. He said exactly what he needed to say to make her break up with him. I'm calling BS. I'll bet he met someone new in that city where he is now. How long after he went to the new city did he start ghosting her?
She broke up with him, but who cares who did it? He completely flipped on you one day and changed the conditions of your future and you are no longer aligned. It may really hurt, but when you find the one, there is no hoping, wishing, waiting. No drama and turmoil, push and pull. Will there be disagreements? Certainly, but this is not the person for you, so don’t try to force it to be what it will never be. You said he won’t even see you. Sister, this is the end. Recognize it for what it is. You deserve a relationship where you don’t feel such misalignment and heartache with your partner.
It's never just one day, she probably was ignoring the signs and my man just blatantly told her what's going on.
@@clearsky4003 firstly, it's called slang aka colloquialisms. I don't know these people personally. Secondly, what happiness is there to gain from this situation?
He is just making up excuses to break up because he doesn’t want to hurt her. He is just not interested. It happens. You move on. It seems like the worst, but you find a better person eventually.
She's making a much bigger deal about this than necessary. She's grasping for reasons where none exist. Get rid of this guy.
True. She's trying to still get back with him after she already got 20 reasons from him on why he's done. You don't need 20, three is enough lol. Get moving girl cuz you're stuck on him and he's already stuck inside someone else 🤷♂️
exactly. Getting married doesnt make their relationship break up proof neither (look at the divorce rates). Most relationships all have a time limit to serve its purpose then we grow on to other directions and relationships
It’s a gift. He’s telling you who he is… BEFORE the marriage. He doesn’t want to share a life of complimentary values with you. Find someone who does. Let him go.
You’ll meet a man someday, look back at this and be thankful things happened the way it did. When you find the right person you’ll be happy this relationship didn’t work.
I'm tired of people who think they have THE RIGHT to change other people. You don't. People are who they are. Accept it. Or don't and move on. Period.
I completely agree but I didn't get that feeling at all with this caller. It sounds like she accepted him at face value before he told her this.
That would make a whole lot of sense if caller was trying to change him. She was simply explaining what happened
Ok? This was not the issue in this convo, but you’re right.
When did she sound as though she wanted to change him. I think you need to listen to the video again, more closely this time.
@@JayP-kd5rc I made my comment 7 months ago!!! Why the sam hell are you just NOW opining on my comment?
I was a product of a marriage like that and see very clearly why it was a bad idea. My parents were very loving to each other and had a good relationship. However, there was a huge gap in their values and they were rarely on the same page on some of the most important elements of life. Raising kids in that environment just created needless tension. This girl did the right thing. If you don't have the same faith, don't even date. Once you've built that bond, it's going to be harder to leave a potentially doomed relationship.
@phil i’d be interested to learn more about your perspective from the child’s point of view of having grown up in an unevenly yoked home.
What values were different between them?
I grew up in this home too- religious mother, atheist father. They loved each other dearly, my dad loved us kids unconditionally, but he was not trying to improve his ability to be a partner to my mom or to evolve to be a better father unless it was convenient for him. His model of marriage and family wasn’t about service first, and my mom’s was. Not saying atheists can’t be good partners, but your standard for success needs to be outside yourself, and it works better if two people are driving at the same standard and make the appropriate sacrifices to reach it. Personal compatibility is not enough, especially when raising kids.
Caller needs to accept that her BF has totally checked out of the relationship and move on. If she's still stuck then seek counseling. Also get out, socialize with friends, exercise. Give it time and she'll be ok.
He found someone else. The I don't belive in God I don't want kids just excuses to get her to break it off.
Yep thats the first thing I thought. Next would be the I can’t be with anyone right now because of depression…. As he’s happily dating someone else.
He’s likely to get his side chick pregnant…
He met someone else and then said the two things he knew were a non negotiable for her and made it her idea.
Girl, this was me last year. Little different in details, but very similar in being on different pages in faith and values that I didn't realize until it was almost too late.. I found out a month before my wedding that he had been cheating on me the entire time we were together. I broke up with him and I had to cut him out of my life so I could move on. It still hurts, and the week before one year anniversaries of significant events are the worst. It will get better though. I promise. Stay strong. 💜
At least you found out who he was before getting married.
@@lynnebucher6537 I dodged a bullet for sure, and it has been an amazing lesson in God's faithfulness.
@@backyardwanderer16
I don't understand. You made the grown decision, the adult judgement call. That's all you. What does god have to do with any of this?
Honor her??? I’m calling BS. He wanted out, but just didn’t want to be the “bad guy”. He sounds extremely manipulative and is probably a gigantic liar. She’s better off without this dude.
I know it hurts like hell..better to breakup than marry him. I married a man who pretended to love God and me. He didn't.
I was cheated on and battered for years. My kids were devastated. I know it hurts. God did you a favor letting you know beforehand.
Brooke, here's a piece of advice because I was in a similar situation regarding the pattern of the break up. Don't kill yourself over the reason of the break up. A break up is a break up. You two are done and now the grieving process begins. Focus on what YOU could've done better and that's it. If he wants to come back just stand your ground and say no. He put you in a guilt trip to end it because of his excuses of breaking up. Don't know if you get what I'm saying but this ain't the only guy in the world. There's others lol
It takes time for the heart to heal. Why did you add lol to your comment? What's so funny?
I think hes trying to break it off kindly . Gotta move on
He totally found another girl.
hmm, I think there is another woman in the picture, just a thought.... At least she found this out before they got married!! This guy Is bullshitting her, he does't want to see her because his side dish will see him with her!
Faith, or lack thereof, and having kids are two HUGE issues. They were wise to not commit to spending their lives joined together.
It sounds like he’s either changed his mind or lied to her though. That parts not her fault.
It sounds like the guy knows he needs to break up with her but couldn’t do it (maybe because he knew she’s great or a sweetheart or a catch etc) and so he’s making every excuse and reason why it won’t work so that she will end it. And as she’s grasping at straws trying to figure out if it CAN work he’s not being straight forward and just saying no.
He sounds like a good guy. He just wasn't the one for you sis. But don't worry someday you will find the one you are compatable with.
I feel her pain, that happened to me back in Dec. It is very painful but you will get over it. Dreams and relationship broken but better will come!!
The guy found a "bad girl" type and he wants his church girlfriend to go kick rocks. It happens.
Probably
Why does everyone thibk it have to be another girl. What probably happen is he was sitting around with his marine friends talking about what they going to do when they get out and all of them talking about how they going to do different things and he said I'm going to have kids, work and go to church. Once he said that out loud he probably realize that not what he wants so he told her.
If he had broken It off than I would had thiught it was another girl but the fact he wanted to make it work than that tell me it more of his beliefs
Men are not like women they don't look for bad girls your projecting hun.
@@djpuplex lol. I AM a dude and you have no idea.
@@djpuplex yeah we do bro 😂
Basically he wanted to run off and he used everything he knew would be unacceptable to her like that agnostic thing
If you're faith is important and it's NOT to him RUN!!!!
🙄 - She's willing to compromise her faith for a non believer - dangerous grounds.
This is such a difficult situation to be in. It is better to see it now than to go through with the wedding and put yourself on a shelf. My heart goes out to you, Brooke. ♥
The best advice I’ve ever received is that closure is NOT REAL! People do things because they want to sometimes there’s no other reasons and no one has to give a reason. That that L and move on.
He broke it off with God, it's good that this engagement was broken off too. I give her credit for making this courageous call and for the guy for being honest with her. Long-term, the relationship would have suffered. Kids and faith are HUGE factors in the health and longevity of a relationship and when two people have completely different mindsets as it pertains to this, they will butt heads, have resentment and will not be satisfied in the relationship. She mentioned the desire to still make things work if he wanted to despite their discrepancies in belief, but she was speaking from her feelings and not principles. The Bible states "How can two walk together lest they be agreed." This is not a small/minor/petty variance in viewpoints that they have, this is MAJOR. Dave Ramsey stated "you must be in agreement on religion, kids, in-laws and finances." These two are not in agreement on two crucial criteria, so unless he does a 360 on his viewpoint back to the way it was, the relationship would not have worked.
A 180. If he does a 360 he's back in the same direction.
@@georgewagner7787 😆 oh yea, thanks for the correction
Very true Allah is the king of all
@@JR-wu8gf Baal nor Allah is God
I think dude got him a girl on the side honestly…
You are 💯 on that.
@@c.edales740 💯💪🏿
The Lord did you a favor. It’s going to be hard to get over, but when the RIGHT man comes into your life you will see that He is good. You will be glad it didn’t work out, or that you didn’t get married, build a life, have kids, and THEN have him drop this bomb on you. Because this is who he is. He was pretending to be like you, but he isn’t. Don’t ever go back. God is good, He will send you a good man. ♥️🙏🏼
"He was pretending to be like you, but he isn’t"
We don't know this for sure. And also, the "lord" may never "send" her a good man. Sh1t just happens.
Comparing tattoos and left handedness to children and religion is ridiculous
This was sad. She seems so sweet and I know she’ll find the man of dreams. ❤️🙏🏽
Hollys says: Im trying to teach my son to guard his heart. To enjoy friendships but not to court for a marriage. It is easy to get into a relationship where you want completely different lives! Get a degree, let your brain finish developing! A boyfriend I had said he wanted the same life but didnt. It hurt but I made a much better choice later. Tomorrow is our 24th anniversary. We explain to our son that you want to give yourself time to support a family and get to know what you want in a partner. Then choose well, marry, then babies that come are a priority. That you dont want to be stuck coparenting with too many differences because of a lack of self control. We didnt get pregnant for almost 11 years. His childhood is vastly better than mine! He was wanted and planned for. When you choose your choices, you choose the consequences.
He's lying....move on and if you're meant to be you will...someday. Hopefully not, hopefully you find a new love 🤎
You believe in God and he doesn't. That's a big one. You made the right decisiin
Definitely better off! I’m going through somewhat a similar situation except my ex fiancé didn’t want to be with me while I was dealing with mental health issues that were affecting our relationship so when I started getting help for it he didn’t want to stay by my side. He also told me that I was on a dead end path and that he wanted to become a vessel for god. You’ll find someone who actually wants you, it will take time but it’ll happen and when it does you’ll be so thankful for this happening.
Maybe they just weren't meant to be married. They tried to force it and 2 months away from her made him realize he didn't miss her or the life they had planned.
It's not complicated, let him go.
He was finding excuses to leave you, kids play games real men make decisions, don’t rush it , God has the perfect man for you , find some at you’re level, set you’re standers high, remember you are Gods daughter!!!!!
Dr John, thank you for discussing your faith path. As we grow and mature we should always be sifting and evaluating our faith, and in 61 years mine has been down a lot of paths. Doing an entire segment on that might help a lot of people.💕
I think people are being pretty hard on the guy. It makes total sense to me that on deployment that he was experiencing changes, and his evolution with his own faith or lack of it, and is questioning how to or whether it’s smart to create a future together. People do change and if you’re together you may have to recommit to the person in front of you, or let it go… but in this case, the change was possibly sparked or accelerated by his deployment and she was not there to witness or understand the process.
I think that was his way out. He knew what was important to u and hit u with it. Dont be surprised yrs later he has kids and is probably married.
15:55 Great idea to meet up??? She's dying to be with him and he's dying to never have contact with her. No way it's a good idea when she's so vulnerable
Even after over 30 yrs I still miss him.
Something made him switch up while he was away for those 2 months. Rather it was an affair or whatever else, this was a really cowardly way for him to go about it. I have a feeling this is a really young couple
He found someone new.
Did anyone consider that he lied and just said he no longer believed in God, or wanted kids, because he believed they would be deal breakers, and you would then break up with him. Maybe he no longer wanted you, and didn't have the guts to tell you, and hoped you would leave, which would make it easier on him. The fact that he won't even talk to you or see you makes it look even more that he just wanted out. Maybe there is someone else already. But either way, if he doesn't even want to talk about it or face you for closure, then you are probably better off letting him go. You will find the right one some day and will thank him for this.
She got it mixed up. Atheist doesn't believe in god. Agnostic does believe in a higher being don't believe in church
Right? Her reaction to his faith crisis was over the top. She put the guy in a position where she acted like he was a demon. Agnostics are respectful of all religions, they just don’t have a position on which God is the true one.
I can absolutely see why he wording want to be with her if she is firm on his being a part of her religion.
The fact that people think he has to be cheating on her says a lot about them and how they view the world. It makes perfect sense a guy who has gone and seen the world might no longer be interested in tying himself down with a naive church girl. He could actually just be a good guy. Those do exist.
I've been there, Brooke. I know it hurts but the real reason it hurts is because of your rejection & abandonment issues. God wants to heal this before you marry, hun.
I’m Christian and grew up heavy in evangelical culture and imo it’s sad and damaging how much were taught (“pressured” or “brainwashed” is probably a more accurate word) to dismiss people at first indication that they don’t have the same faith. I’ve been there. That being said, sounds like he’s done and is kinda gaslighting her a little.
Are you Born-Again? Born-Again Christians are taught according to the Word of God that we are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. The reason is because of values and who they serve. That same chapter says what fellowship does Christ have with the devil and light with darkness?
I am saying these things as someone who has disobeyed God in this area many times and has dealt with consequences for my disobedience. If he is saying he is now agnostic, she can still minister to him and intercede for him but she should not marry him.
@@racpatrice yes I am, but everyone with faith goes through periods of struggle and doubt, like Dr John said, and we are conditioned to not be ok with that and to set off all alarms when we sense doubt in others. I have done this myself and hurt people and hurt myself by burning bridges.
this was really helpful for me as well, who’s been dealing with regret / pain after finding out my ex is in a new relationship and lives with the girl. i broke up with him 4 years ago because i was 21, him 25 and i wasn’t ready for the commitment he wanted (marriage & buying land together). he still reached out every now and then up until 2 years ago, around the time he started dating this girl he’s with.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of what if’s. Did i try hard enough? Should i have compromised more? In my heart i know it just wasn’t right. I like how you said we can love someone and it doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be together. My mom says the same thing to me.
Oh so you wanted him to keep reaching out to you until you were ready🤣🤣🤣🤣 2 years wasn’t enough. Now you’re jealous because he got with someone else that’s on the same page as him🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@quelquun2018 Jeez, that the only part you read
the ole' I BELIEVE IN GOD but am sleeping with my boyfriend... WOW who would of thought his faith was not as strong as you thought
We're all sinners who fall short of the glory of God. Thing is, she didn't abandon God altogether and he did.
Sis, this is God’s elaborate display of love for you. Whether your ex-fiancé’s reasons are the real reasons for his hesitation or not, you made the right decision. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. God loves you, and ended this relationship before it went too far. It’s better to cry now, then heal, than to cry many tears in your marriage due to neglect or your deal breakers. Your deal breakers are deal breakers for a reason. Don’t ever compromise on your beliefs for anyone. I pray the good Lord heals your heart, and blesses you with a good and devoted man one day.
John is not referring to religion when he says something else was going on in the relationship he’s talking about other differences Which she doesn’t seem to acknowledge here. He does not want to fix anything he wanted an out and he took it
I'm sorry to say but what most likely happened is he cheated or wants someone else while deployed. I watched so many men cheat on their spouses and the men who were straight up ignoring their significant others during deployment were never good guys.
Cowards always flip the switch and take off.
Move on. He wasn’t the one.
Go John!
She doesn't even know if she broke up with him 😂
It wasn’t a mistake. These things happen. Feelings change, views change.
Am I wrong?
She said
He still wants to get married etc etc.. he just doesn’t believe in god anymore… so she sacked him off… and now she’s unable to get over it… 🤷♂️
Did u miss him saying he didn’t want kids anymore? I think what ur saying is what he was trying to make it look like. She also asked if they could do counseling. He reneged on the non-negotiables.
People change. Maybe he stopped caring about himself before he stopped caring about her needs. It's better that he said something rather than not.
He found someone else pleaee know that is what happened. Move forward
I wonder how long these people were together cuz yeah there's multiple reasons that this guy could have did this you know but I want to know if they rushed into a relationship or if they've known each other forever you know this is a pretty good episode
Im sorry to tell you but you will need to create your own closure and you need to let go. Hes obviously going through some issues to tell you that stuff. You did the right thing do not worry. Find closure within yourself by moving forward and focusing on yourself and soon you will find that closure you are looking for by focusing on yourself letting go and moving on. I think hes going through something like things have happened to him over there or he witnessed things. You will find out eventually but it wont be now.
There’s nothing to talk to him about with him. He presented reasons to not be together and she asked for her furniture back. There’s no turning back. Sit in these feelings, girl, and heal. You have no idea how young you are and how much time you have.
I am so confuse by this call. She literally broke up with him. By moving her stuff out his place. I understand it is sad when relationship ends. But you broke up with him. Move on.
He has definitely been seeing someone else, he then made up some bs to get rid of you. He's a weak pos.
What would be the point of counsel if that's your deal breaker.
I dont blame these men for not wanting children. This has to be the most stressful time in human history to be having children
This is... a lot. I don't believe he went from being a believer to a non-believer and wanting kids to not wanting kids in the span of 2 months. Just, no. Most likely is he wanted out of the relationship for whatever reason, but he wanted her to end it so he wasn't "the bad guy". Maybe he found someone he liked better, or maybe he was never who she thought he was and it was all a ploy to get her naked. Either way, it really doesn't matter now. It's time to wash him out of your hair and move on.
Gauranteed this was more than a change of faith/change of goals situation. He met someone else.
Put on the Roy Orbinson album and eat some ice cream.
She is wise to move on.
Brooke...go out some Saturday night to Rockit Grill in Old Town with a girlfriend and meet up with a new military guy for a night...just have fun and move on.
When someone has a boundary like this you do feel gulity when you question your faith. I was involved with a great woman with a strong faith and I knew if i question God and smoked my occasional cigar it would hurt her so I left. People like her aren't flexible with love....which is ok. She wants a certain picture and thats ok.
None if us can know the strength of another’s faith.
This guy abandoned God, and thus the relationship. I'm glad that the lady is no longer with him (at least for now, as things may change in a few years), I feel so badly that she is hurting so much. I hope she finds someone who matches her faith, whether or not it ends up being him. For now, I pray that she finds a great church with positive and nurturing female fellowship.
If I’m 100% honest, I can understand why his change in faith made him second guess telling her until he was sure that’s not what he wanted. In my experience Christians can be more unforgiving than other groups of people. He probably didn’t feel safe to express his doubts with her because he already knew what her reaction would be. It’s better they broke up. She can go find someone that has the same beliefs she does and she will never have to question her ideology and he can go find someone that actually appreciates him for who he actually is.
OK he was out of the relationship before you broke up. I think he really is not going to compromise with you. Marriage is a bunch of comprise. You dodged a bullet. Be thankful. You didn't hurt him. He gave up. You weren't important enough to him to invest in relationship wise.
He did not meet another women or other craziness. He has started to see some evils in the world. When you see it, you doubt humanity, faith and God. Some people see it o. The battlefield. Some fee it in betrayals (it can even be religious related where he sees people he thought religious do very and most evil things) Some see it in business. Some see it in relationships. I have said something similar at some point when the world felt totally pointless with all the evil and randomness.
Unfortunately, you cannot wait for him but move on with your life. My guess is he will most likely make some sort of peace or acceptance. He may even date again or similar.
You just met him at the wrong time. Move on though but I know h loves you because if he didn't he would face you but he is avoiding you because if he sees or talks to you, you may convince him.
Let him go.
Nobody's sending a handwritten letter, sir.
OMG lol...he likes left handed women. That's a new one ive not heard before. Why i can't find a fellow like dr john. My mother, who is right-handed, always says my left handed writing looks odd lol
Loving too much is a problem? Really? Judge not.
Yes, when the love in your partner is not there and they want nothing to do with you.