Should I End My Engagement Because of This?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ต.ค. 2021
- Should I End My Engagement Because of This?
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"Why are you getting married?"
That pause is the answer.
EXACTLY! That sigh gave it all. She sounded jaded more than anything else.
She says she loves him but im not sure whose shes trying to convince 😂😂
*SHE SOUNDED VERY SEXIST AS WELL*
YEP! The sign says it all. Heavy weight is being carried.
She is just afraid that in her age he is the only option and it is not far from truth.
My sisters and brothers: STOP wasting time in the multi-year relationships that are going nowhere at all. God bless. 🙏🏽
I personally wouldn’t have called my past relationships wasted time, but I know what you’re saying and I agree
If the multi-years were enjoyed and beneficial then it’s not a waste.
@@Originalman144 I agree with you on that. Especially considering that sometimes the relationship don’t move forward because of your own thoughts and actions
@@Originalman144 dating is a waste when this happens honestly.
My fiancee and myself have enjoyed a 13 year relationship togeter, and are now getting married. Not wasted at all. We were both in agreement when she was getting her PHD.
Toni is getting married to get a divorce.
Unfortunately for Toni, she’s now realizing that there isn’t much in it for her when it comes to the divorce.
I am enjoying Christy's presence on R more and more. She doesn't babble and gets straight to the hard truth!
Love her
And THAT'S why SOME people DON'T like her. . . plus, being a Woman, makes them dislike that characteristic even more. I think she's GREAT, and leading by example.
Can’t say the same for all the other ppl on air. They ramble sooo much.
Agreed!
I agree!
Why do you wanna marry him?
“Well, I love him…but….”
Absolutely DEAFENING silence
...because she didn't want to admit what she is thinking, what they are all thinking, he's a bad bet to provide the lifestyle she wants to have. It's not about the actual relationship rather what the guy brings to the table, he could be the kindest, most loving, respectful generous man but that's all moot if you put financial success as the most important measuring stick.
But... he isn't rich like I want.
Yep that was my first impression as well - the silence speaks volumes.
Anger issues? RUN!!! Big red flag of an abusive relationship.
That didn't just raise a red flag, that raised a blaring red flashing light.
@@KB-sg7tv You got that right!
Christy went straight for it. Love that. Caller got some needed cold water.
Agree. Unfortunately people take hold of the sunk cost fallacy.
Which basically makes you say well I've already been in this thing for XYZ years, so I'm too heavily invested so I might as well just stay longer.
It's the same thing that makes a gamble or keep going when they're losing a lot of money.
If you can’t get on the same page now and you’re already in your 40’s then don’t assume you can change him.
Good call and she should NOT try to change him!
💯 AGREED
He has to change himself, she obviously believes he won’t, so they should call the whole thing off.
Amen!
I pray for a godly *husband*, not for a project!
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
This is why 'shacking up' causes issues. When you are living together, emotionally attached, etc. with no commitment then instability will rule the day. There is a reason why so many people are in domestic situations, child support situations, legal situations, poverty etc. because they wanted their 'cake and to eat it too' by shacking up.
Agreed. And people argue that it's better to know to lower divorce rates but living together hasn't stopped anyone from getting a divorce
@@dianalindt3322 statistics show people who live together before marriage are at higher risk of divorce and less happy in their marriage
It's all about honesty. Deception is a huge red flag
💯 AGREED
He’s 48 so he should be doing much better than that, I think she has a very valid concern and I will have it to
What's she bringing to the table?
Sounds like he was after her because it would be an upgrade for HIM.
@@abark better money management most likely, and her patience for dealing with his anger issues
Do people hear themselves? He isn't committed and neither are you.
I do love him but…………The reality is, it takes more than love. If it were just about love, there would be no divorces. Most people that were married and divorced did love the person at some point, so obviously it takes more than love.
Never marry a person with anger issues. Your home and relationship NEED to be a safe and stable place.
B.s. Anger issues don't always mean danger. I know I'm a great husband and father.... yet I can have anger problems but on a smaller scale than the big ones you hear about. Stemmed from my father and military career. My wife and kids make me a better person and I would never make them feel unsafe. You need to broaden your definition of anger issues
@@thereelaccountant9246 Your past traumas don't permit you to treat others poorly.
@@NeccoWecco I still treat my wife better than most husband's do. Like I said...... anger issues is a very broad term.
And being married to my wife has made me a much better person, and we do have a really good marriage. So by using your logic none of this would of ever happened.
Kristy, asked ALL GREAT questions.
RUN TONI RUN!!
The fact that you called you already knew the answer
I agree! Many people just need the validation that their instincts are correct.
She sounds scared. She shouldn't marry him.
She’s scared to go and scared to stay, scared of the unknown. Start a new interest to get beyond this.
@T Free no, more like she doesn’t want her finances to be negatively impacted. People claim women don’t choose their partner wisely, well now she’s trying to choose wisely.
Exactly
So many people think “Well, I’ve given 7 years of my life to this relationship, so I can’t give up on this relationship.” This was a man who was an alcoholic. NEVER use the time you’ve put into the relationship as a reason to keep going.
She is seeing the future divorce package is not worth it to her.
You said just what I was thinking. Sounds more like she's looking for that free paycheck.
Big facts
Bingo!
Gotta be red pilled brother! 😂
In L.A? Impossible 🤣 It's all about the ❤ in vampireland
But….but what about the Disney life together????🤪
When you start feeling like something is not right, that is because it is not right love the Ramsey team
If you have to ask a talk show then yes!
👍
Who knew 40 year olds sound like high schoolers
I was thinking that same thing. Figured she was in her 20's at furs.
40 year olds suppose to sound like senior citizen?
If you're questioning whether you should get married or not, you should not get married.
Really?
An adult truly thinks things over. If you expect a fairytale wedding you're not going to find it 😉
@@truth.speaker I'm already married lol and very happily! I never questioned, but I was nervous, which is a big difference. Being nervous about a lifelong commitment is one thing. Questioning whether you should or not is another thing.
@@alyssabird720 cool
The anger issues wasn't the thing that concerned me the most . It was the long pause when she asked her why they were getting married. " well I love him, but..." didn't sound convincing. Are you sure that you love him or are you in that moment that your scared because you are in your 40's and time it ticking? Don't let fear keep you in a situation that would not be good for you.
Wow, Christy acted like she was in the comment section...she said it very nicely but basically it boiled down to RUN!
Sounds like there still is no end goal besides getting married.
So he has a history of being non-committal, has a hair trigger temper and is lousy with money. What are the upsides? I didn't hear any.
Kudos to Christy for ripping off the bandaid. The caller needed to hear that.
Why are you marrying him…….long pause……then unable to definitely say she loves him. YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM.
She loves his income.
@@NickPlays she ain’t nothing but a good digger
@@NickPlays what income? He live paycheck to paycheck. Maybe he hide his issue with money until they are about to get married.
@@annat6249 income DOES NOT equal paycheck to paycheck. You can be paycheck to paycheck making 500k a year. Money buys security NOT happiness. It’s a behavior problem.
@@NickPlays But not his angry temper.
If you see a person who gets angry easily, run - from a getting into a relationship point of view - Rick Warren.
Exactly pl!
She knows so many things in her relationship are absolutely wrong.
When a man shows anger control issues, RUN! Never go back. They do not change.
Goes both ways, Karen.
Karen. Your being unfair.
yeah, they want simps instead
@@cutehumor but just simps, but simps with deep pockets to get into
Some women like angry controlling men, let's be honest. If they all ran away from it, these dudes wouldnt exist.
Don’t settle, just to settle Toni.
When a person shows you who they are the 1st time… believe them!
I pray you find the support and love you need during these times. 🥰
This is why you should talk about finances BEFORE even getting engaged!!
Moreover, there are waaay more red flags than the financial aspect! Listen to your gut, girl!
*Why the advice for Toni is dead wrong: Any guy who meets Toni’s criteria has no interest in Toni*
YEP! I’d never date Toni… that’s for sure
Her name is Toni what dude would find that attractive
Lol true
Yeah, I'm wondering what Toni's ideal husband would be in Ramsey show's eyes and if that would even work for Toni? It's interesting to hear the Ramsey show giving marriage advice.
@@MrTmenzo Toni is a nickname for Antoinette.
Deception = run.
Bye.
He treats her like a child...
Anger issues
Failure in his career...
There are huge issues here.
What if she acts like a child, doesn’t have a career of her own and is deceiving him because she doesn’t really love him? Same advice, or do they deserve each other?
“Why do you want to get married?”
“Um…………”
This is why in a divorce you shouldn't be able to talk half the other person's stuff
You can't?
You can take half of which was acquired in marriage.
My house was titled as Unmarried man, sole and separate property
in a community property State.
I guess that's why you can't do that in a divorce. Literally not how it works.
The 2nd one should be a charm, not a torture. It's many women out there who live thier life as a single and happy.
Anyone else remember when this was just a show where people called about financial advice? I miss those days
If you actually listened for any length of time, you'd know that Dave's financial advice is pretty much the same.
Might want to check those things out before you get engaged but 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷
Yeah my thoughts. I asked about money like two months into dating my husband.
Yea me and my boyfriend always talk about money, saving for emergencies, etc and I feel comfortable talking about it with him. Past relationships I’ve been in I always felt unsure and it didn’t feel balanced
Anger, financial & commitment problems. Smells like a man-child to me!
Where are all the women saying that "love conquers" all in the comments on the video from a couple days ago where the fiance revealed that she had $150k in student loans?
Only when it benefits them
Seems quiet for real lol love only conquers all when they get the benefit from the sacrifice. Shocking isn’t it.
Amen
I didn’t see those comments 😂 I was early to the video and commented that he should run
100%
Four words: Run like the wind.
Great advice 🙏🙏 I wish this channel was around 27 years ago!? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. So is one’s own inner being telling you something isn’t right, because it isn’t. Better to start over, period 🙏🙏🙏
She said she loves him but is doubting if she can be with him for the rest of her life. Lol
She loves his money!
What money?
@@PatdRock22 she’s marrying for his income.
@@NickPlays He doesn't have money and she said she was struggling before and doesn't want to struggle for the rest of her life.
@@stevenporter863 it doesn’t mean they are going to struggle for the rest of their life because he currently doesn’t have money. Women look for $$$ in the bank account rather than traits.
He is not going to change, run for the hills
I have a feeling that's what he wants her to do.
Define anger issues. Sometimes "anger issues" means "occasionally gets angry when dealing with a situation that's conducive to causing anger".
For men anger issues means having any affect or expression of anything beyond being a doormat. Women's anger on the other hand is somehow righteous and commendable.
They said 'has a temper'.....Are you so bitter that you have selective comprehension?
Sounds like it's more than the money that's the problem
Great advice guys. This is one reason I am not jumping right into marriage, I feel like some people get married just to get married without even knowing the reason, maybe they don’t want to hurt someone so they marry them anyway. But anger is something that I just can’t handle and wont be with someone who is angry all the time because at the end of the day people don’t change.. ok rant over
Oh boy! RUN
We didn’t hear anything about what, if anything, she’s accomplished financially.
Exactly so one sided
Too late to be looking for that Misters degree.
I presume she's in better shape financially because she's so worried about it.
They said "Never mind the financial aspect, that one can learn always" and "there were other glaring red flags". Are you so bitter that you have selective comprehension?
I think she’s equally as much of a problem. You shouldn’t be in it just for money and it sounds like she is.
Men are attracted to beauty and youth and woman to physical and monetary safety it is biological sorry losers .... No money no honey
Why should a woman have to pick a man who will add stress financially?
@@justi353 that’s a pretty terrible view if you ask me, but if you wanna place value on a man based on how much money is in his bank account that’s pretty ridiculous.
This. No one should just date millionaires but I do appreciate people who spend wisely and are financially litterate.
IF it was reversed and she was the one with no money they would have told him that should not be an issue for marriage.
Exactly...
Yup marriage is for women to get security and resources and taking them from men. Stay single gentleman.
Did you even listen? The issue isn't the money
@@KarlDag Its always about the money. If the man doesn't have any Briffault law kicks in.
@@KarlDag if the dude was loaded she would have said he can figure it out.
She said he made it seem like he was doing better financially. She never asked so he never lied about being broke. She's in her 40's she should be good to go on her own financially, if anything his anger should scare her.
Just found out he's broke? I'll bet he is not as committed as she thinks he is.
This is a divorce waiting to happen. Two unstable ppl.
Don’t do it GIRL … he is too old for this kind of behavior
It’s like putting sour milk back in the fridge thinking tomorrow it will become good milk . Let that relationship go , move on with your life or you will have more of what you got now . It hurts now but it will hurt more down the road .
Could someone explain to me what the purpose of marriage is other than a religious or society expectation?
I'm just struggling to understand why people want to marry but then divorce a few years later because it didn't work out?
If marriage is about showing society you are committed and love one another then why is the divorce rate so high?
Being in a long term defacto relationship with my partner of 12 years is equivalent to being "married" without the wedding expense and certificate. We don't love eachother any less because we are not married and we are 100% committed to one another which is shown by our loyalty, trust and devotion to each other. Being married shouldn't change any of that.
“Should I leave?” “More than likely.”
If he's 48 years old and you think you're going to change him. You are so wrong. He is set in his ways and he will not change.
Toni , it’s never too late, believe it! Great advice from christy
Good advice
*****LOVE CHRISTY FOR WHAT SHE SAID ON THIS ONE. SHE IS 1,000% CORRECT AND I RESPECT THE FACT THAT SHE DID NOT HOLD BACK ON HOW SHE SAID IT AND DID NOT HAVE ANY RESERVATIONS ON HER THOUGHTS.****...TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERY WORD.***************** THANK YOU CHRISTY FOR GIVING THIS WOMAN THE ADVICE SHE NEEDED. : )
This is why you talk about finances before marriage
Trust your gut !
I was in this exact same scenario minus the breakup and it ended in divorce and he said I forced him to marry me. DON’T DO IT!!!
“I do love him” said in such a way that makes it glaringly clear she doesn’t really.
marrying is a commitment for a man and an insurance policy for a woman. She does not want to marry because when she starts the divorce, the "insurance" pay out won't be there.
11years it took to find this out?!!! There’s deeper issues here.
Yes, leave the guy. You deserve someone with no money issues 🥰🥰🥰
like a cat or a dog
@@ameno3 Exactly!!!
@@ameno3 🤣🤣
Kitty Cat Boxed Wine Club
Money has to be a well-discussed issue before and during any marriage.
Do not marry him.. He will be a drain on you and he will eventually resent you for being responsible. I have run across that type many times. Sometimes you just have to call out a loser for who they are,
But if it was the girl with these problems ,you’d tell the dude to man and look over her flaws lol
@@musicismysaviour22yearsago What's good for the goose is good for the gander ! It works both ways.
Great point. Can you explain why a man will resent a woman for being responsible?
@@musicismysaviour22yearsago not me, and I am a woman. A couple really needs to have a similar financial style in order to have less conflict. Even more so when it's a midlife second marriage.
@@lynnebucher6537 I agree, but Dave Ramsey usually tells couples in this situations different things. If the girl needs help paying a debt or something ,he says it’s the guys job to get her out of it but if it’s the other way around.he tells the girl to leave
in cases like this we need both parties to call in and say their part so we can see whose really wrong. Everyone has their own perspective. He is living pay check to paycheck. Does he pay all bills? what's her financial situation also?
I agree with you 100% but they should not get married
"Love doesn't pay bills" This is exactly why young men aren't dating. Women in this "equal" society are viewing men as walking retirement accounts. If she really loved him, she would push to help build with him.
It’s not wrong of her to want her husband to be on the same level as her. Money is a very important factor in a marriage. Once you are married you are evenly yoked. If one partner has different views and ways of dealing with certain issues from the other partner then they will go no where fast.
@T Free But he thinks he is fine. She knows that he is worse and will sink her dfurther. Just needs someone to tell her to hold off on marriage.
@@roseking8555 we were provided zero proof she was better off financially. In fact, since the money is on her mind, that's evidence that she's just as broke or more so.
I guess it would depend on your definition of “broke”. A truly broke person is not concerned about another broke person because they are in the same boat. Yes we don’t know how much money she has in the bank but she obviously has a different view about money that is different from her fiancé. Enough to know that if she marries this person not only would she struggle needlessly but might be worse off the she is now. She doesn’t want to marry him, she just wants someone to co sign her decision.
A mess always attracts a mess.
Simple. Thank you Christy.
Comment section RP'd AF lol
Unlike this BP show
I absolutely love Christy Wright!!! I am just now getting to know her more and more and she is awesome!
Good advice for men as well
at least he was honest
why even get married. You tried it failed why do it again.
…and God forbid if a guy has standards, how dare he…
He should listen to the Holy Spirit speak to him via his feelings and intuition, per the hostess. 5:01
Eh idk if it’s a good reason to not marry someone. We aren’t perfect. Some are better with money than others. That doesn’t make someone a bad person. Can’t you have separate bank account and open a separate account for both of your bills?
NO! You totally skipped over the anger issues, as well!!
Vickie is right. You totally skipped the anger issues.
But to address the "not good with money" part, it can be a perfectly valid reason not to marry someone. For example: if one person budgets as a habit and the other one refuses to budget in any way, shape, or form... totally legit reason for the former not to want to marry the latter. They have completely different views on money (and money fights is one of the major causes of divorce).
Sure, some might be better than others with money, if both people in a relationship handle money very differently, it's gonna cause friction somewhere in the relationship, and then when you add marriage to the equation, it can get worse.
You're gonna have to make a LOT of joint financial decisions in marriage (it's inherent to the idea of marriage) and handling money very differently is gonna present challenges when it comes time to make that decision, even with separate finances.
And never did they hosts say that the other person is a bad person for not being able to handle money well, it just means that financially... they aren't compatible.
The mere idea of marriage itself is creepy. In any case. People should marry equaly. Meaning, both people should have same debt level so one cant potentially get a golden parashute (usually women) if it doesnt work out.
This is why I like to have my own job and money. It's not worth shacking up with someone just for money weather they have anger issues or not.
Great questions by Christi regarding Toni's fiancé! However, I wish Christi had asked questions about her financial stability as well. Is she living paycheck to paycheck as well.
It will be the shock of his life when she calls off the engagement after he finally gave her what she wanted (commitment) 🤣😂😂
She definitely should call it off though.
Honest truth. They should be talking to a marriage counselor.
Na, counsellors will make it a point that you come back to them all the time so they can make money off you. What they need is Kevin Samuels.
Do not settle! Do not marry him just because you have known him for years.
I hope he’s listening and makes the decision for her and says goodbye to her
Ask any marriage counselor, they will tell you one of the biggest conflicts in marriage is money. If you aren’t on the same page in this area before marriage. Look out!
There's a Spanish saying.
"Better along, then in bad company"
Run girl! I hear it in her voice…
Sounds like she thought he was rich at first 😆
Love Christy’s answer on this one.
Ya, Toni.....that's a no for me. You already know, in your gut, that this isn't going to work. Hope is an anchor.
It sounds like she should run. This isn't going anywhere.
Just end it.
“Calling in from Los Angeles.” Enough said…