Hi Daniel. I've rarely resonated with a person on the internet the way I resonate with you. You are an extremely sensitive and intelligent person, who he has worked a lot with himself and found his balance inside and in nature. You are an inspiration to me. I also started some psychology studies and recently I had the courage to mourn my childhood and look for the seeds of true love in myself, not in the family. :)
There are many studies with animals and fairness that can be googled - dogs, birds, chimps, etc. They all seem to know what fairness is and act accordingly. Justice and fairness in humans seems to conflict with power and control trips. Lack of it is incredibly frustrating and the need for it rarely goes away.
In many ways Daniel you escaped. You got to travel a lot and tell your story. Just imagine someone else just like you but, grew up in poverty so they never get a chance to heal. So it always feels like their stuck so they start lashing out at the world. It’s so sad. I’ve seen people like that.
All of this is entitlement. No unloved, harshly abused "adult" moves out at 29. This is such a corruption of the true abused child's reality that they r simply unseen. Also, true abused people DO NOT vicariously harm others...for ANY reason! Again, this excuses poor behavior n minimizes true victims. Jus cuz ive been n 4 car accidents where i was not at fault doesnt mean/excuse me from taking my vehicle n ramming it n2 random people's vehicles jus cuz, "other people hit my car n the past." U hear how ridiculous this sounds? But our society will (n clearly does) excuse this psychopathy because it allows the psychopathy n us 2 go unchecked. Then, it appeases us n tells us that "as long as u victimize THOSE people n not us" we will look the other way AND villanize them cuz who sets the rules (us) says they r unworthy of humanity. Yall r stone-cold sociopaths.
Thank you so much for being a voice of sanity and putting into words what so many of us are grappling with. In a dysfunctional family, you becoming enemy #1 when you get healthy b/c it shines a big fat light on everyone else's shame. You give me so much hope that I'm on the right path in my healing. I have gone no contact with all of my family and although it can be lonely and kind of scary, nothing compares to the loneliness and depression I felt while I was still trying to participate in an abusive, toxic family unit.
I have noticed exactly what you have said in this video - I have tried to have the chat with my family / and wider family (aunts, uncles etc), but the walls went up, they see me as angry, as bitter, and they do not want to "go there". I am slowly learning the answer for myself, which you said in your video, is to love my self, and be that inner family for my child parts, so they dont feel the need to reach out again. Its a long process, but its the right process. thank you
Part of the healing process is actually grieving that they cannot and will not be there. You have to grieve them literally as if they died. Trying to convince our families is a way to not heal because we are still holding out hope that they will love us for who we are. They couldn't do it then so how could they do it now.
I cannot express how much help this video is providing to me today. It's as if the universe conspired to give me exactly what i needed at this very difficult moment. I have spent the last 3 decades of my life digging and working and grieving and becoming my real self. This last week a whole new level of my sense of betrayal by my parents came bubbling up. i finally saw how hard i had tried to give love and help and support to these people who returned my efforts with hatred and abuse. All i ever offered them was my childish affection and desire to belong to them. Your words are helping me help myself through this now. I can call more things by their right names because of you Daniel. Thank you so very much. Your family may have torn holes in the world but you are certainly helping me fix the ones near me. All health and peace and well being to you to fill your heart and life.
i very much relate to everything you mentioned in your comment and i love the way you put your second to last sentence. I completely agree with: "Your family may have torn holes in the world but you are certainly helping me fix the ones near me."
I think, by definition, abused children evolve into very immature “adults.” Because that child never had the opportunity to organically become a “real” person. We were nothing but objects to our parents. It deeply hurt us. Daniel, you are wonderful. I wish you lived in St. Louis, Mo. we’d be friends.
Daniel, as always - greatly appreciate the love, light and truth you are spreading. Keep up the courageous and crucial work you’re doing- of just being you! I, too, hope and pray that more of humanity wakes up to the light, love and truth you are sharing here.
The selfishness comes from being alonely too much ,and from being burnt-out by the stress and the effort of controlling, repressing and relocating all the feeling and hurt and terror and wrath.The more new traumas ackumulated on top of all the unresolved ones, the harder it became to stay kind, fair and helpful at all times, but the pressure and poison has to come out in the end and takes destructive ways eventually, if being denied constructive ways for too long. In the end, the horrific no-nonsense dead-tiredness of decades of severe sleep deprivation eventually makes it impossible to self-control in irritating, additionally tiring situations or when I am reminded of my dire plight, taxed in my over-strung nerves, tested in my psychasthenic soul. I didn't know . I want to get help now!
Yes only children are handicapped by being alone and isolated in their family unit, even if the unit is a good one. I cannot imagine growing up without a sibling.
Hi. I relate to this extremely. Once i hit an older childhood age I desired to make things fair in the world. Its a huge part of my life, that im just rediscovering now, the desire to make things fair and right in the world. Im messed up now from drug use+preaffirmed trauma. My mother doesnt even believe hitting me was wrong (at 4/5 years old). Thanks for coming to my ted talk. No but really appreciate this video. Cheers Daniel. ♥️
Thank you Daniel. Much food for thought here. I am watching a number of your videos and I am moved to tears frequently with acknowledgment of truth you do so often unearth. Thank you for your courage and probing honesty.
How I see it: Humans have natural, universal needs. When these needs are not met, I consider this to be an unnatural state of affairs. It's only through this disconnection with our natural self, and our disconnection with nature, that we slowly lose our orientation and in our unconsciousness inflict the same suffering on our children; we lose our footing and float away in reveries. There is a difference between this unnatural suffering and the suffering that's intrinsic to life in so far as the former regresses us while the latter matures us.
Part of the healing process is NOT going to your family and expecting different results. You have to grieve them like a funeral, as if they literally died. As long as you are holding onto hope that they will understand you one day, you are not in the healing process...you are still a wounded child hoping they will love and understand. The only way is to reach total hopelessness and grieve them as a death. Then you can even potentially have a relationship with them, but as if they were strangers...adult strangers that you met on the street, not as their child. Then you can decide if you even like them or not..like you would a stranger on the street. But you have to give up the hope that they will love and understand you. To hold onto that hope is to stay sick.
It feels so good to actually like and respect a human,which is you dan. I don't like anybody for the most part. But I love and respect all animals and plants. You remind me of an animal. Animals must adore you
Hello, I've always appreciated your warm heart. Yes, I think the realization that our parents, and in fact many people that we hold up as idols, are not perfect... forms a strange cognitive dissonance in the minds of many. Being able to hold two emotions at once, love and hurt, appreciation and also a more sober view of things, can be hard to do. It is important though, because it reminds us to keep on our toes since we too can hurt people. We learn how to love quite a bit from our parents, and we can also learn negative traits too, like how to abuse. The process of moving beyond old pain can be hard. Especially at first when it's the most raw. Taking care of yourself is so so important. Animals. Animals have so much beauty, and it's also incredibly painful to witness their lives, because it is so incredibly relatable. I was watching a documentary on cheetah mothers. They are incredibly powerful, beautiful, magnifigently muscled creatures of the most elegant design on the planet, in my opinion. Their beautiful golden brown bodies with it's intricate mosaic like pattern, flashing across the savvanah is the perfection of evolution in motion. Their lives are hard. They have many predators. Those predators have cubs also. The cheetah is a runner, not so much a boxer. They are the best at what they do, a true sight to behold. But it takes sooooo many calories just for one kill. To move at that speed requires an enormous amount of calories. They MUST hunt to survive, have a successful kill, to feed their cubs and keep going. Their bodies are the ultimate machine, they are not the hand that pulls the trigger, they are the bullet themselves. Seeing the horrible look of pain in their eyes when a cub dies is absolutely horrible. They most certainly grieve. Their determination and anguish is very noticeable as they rush towards the hiding place where they keep their babies, at slightest whiff of another predator in the air. Humans (some) have deep emotional capacity, and we (apparently) have self-awareness. Emotional intelligence is what creates some of the most beautiful of humans. It's our incredible capacity to LOVE that is what is supposed to make us " the stewards of the earth", not the controllers or destroyers. Indigenous mythologies from all over speak of living in a way that puts humanity in the position of seeking to live in a way that is spiritually developed. I think that our gift lies in our abilities to connect to our hearts and make decisions to improve our world. We are very capable of this. So when there are things happening in our world, that are so incredibly unfair....massive amounts of trauma from war, racism, violence, rape, greed....we do have to remember our power. Just as "apathy" is not in the cheetah's lexicon....neither should ours be. If we are humans, if we are so complex, so nuanced, so developed, so intelligent, so sophisticated....and so elevated in our ability to LOVE....we need to continually BE that. There will always be things that threaten the grace that IS so much a part of the human race. There ARE people who seek to destroy others, to abuse, and hurt....and there have been many others who have saved humanity from this ugliness. Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, so many people. We are here to continually learn. It's never over, learning. So it's important to remember that is a huge part of creating fairness. Is that WE as humans, have incredible capacity to transcend, to learn, to be better.
The cosmic scales of "justice" at least are honest and differ to those of mankind in that they have no memory , no mercy and yet no idea of revenge: Those are mankind's alone.
Hey Daniel, I was wondering if you could do a video talking about jealousy? Earlier today, I found myself in an internal fit of rage after being around a kid who was, well, being a kid: screeching and running around and all. Even though the kid wasn't doing anything wrong, I couldn't help but feel hatred for them. I knew that those feelings of hatred were actually jealousy and grief around all the things I wasn't allowed to do as a kid. I'd like to hear your opinion on these kinds of feelings.
Hi Jar Jar -- I actually already did two videos on the subject of jealousy: th-cam.com/video/gfl_KgewPeE/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/4ERYVJM0csE/w-d-xo.html Greetings! Daniel
I always go so within while listening to u talk that I did not notice what was right in front of me… ur website lol I didn’t see it till u pointed it out wow 🤩 what a beautiful practice !!! 👏🏽
I always admire the way that your analysis go. "Fairness" as a concept does have restrictions, but life of all living things is reciprocal. Nothing really ever dies, permanently in nature. The leaves that fall from the trees in autumn 🍂, give nourishment to new plants 🪴 in the spring. Humans have the unique potential to both hinder that process and to help heal that process. The balance of nature, however, is bound to sustainability and evolution. What we have lost in modern society is the understanding that when we protect each other and heal, we also protect and leave a legacy to future generations. For the sake of our children, it is imperative that we stop giving up on ourselves and humanity. It is needless and also a cop-out that serves no purpose, whatsoever!
The only thing that I kind of disagree with, is what you said at the end, that our quest to overcome trauma as a species is MORE in sync with a natural truth. I don’t think this is the case. As you opened with the story of the duck- nature is by law unfair and traumatic. It is a uniquely human way of conceptualizing of fairness. In our quest to recognize this concept we are actually becoming more human by working against these unfair, traumatizing and violent forces of nature.
It's funny, some of us have experienced quite mentally /emotionally abusive childhoods but they aren't seen by anyone on the outside. In my case, the extended family was very much in the picture and I confided much about my life over the years as a juvenile and throughout my adulthood to members of the extended family. They did hear me out. They did give me time as confidants. They nothing to deter abuse. The did judge me, intrude in my life in uncalled ways and advise me how I could change, do more, rise above. In a way they increased the feeling in me of inadequacy and decreased the sense of self-worth. Their defense argument, of course is stuff like: "I am a good [relative] to you", "I can't tell the other party what to do, I can only advise you as YOU are the one talking to me now". Some, I can still talk to and they do listen to my words. But it turns out it goes in one ear and out the other. So, media people and so- called experts across and TV shrinks can talk all they want. It's almost impossible to get help or seek help with success in family abuse situations. Especially, if they aren't blatantly obvious (eg/ if the couple in the next apartment are in a physical altercation, people might intervene directly, call the cops, etc.). Medical personnel can be unbelievably obtuse in not seeing the signs of mental abuse. I've wondered if they do it on purpose.
I really like this point of view on fairness and justice, looking at the earth, nature and people in a broad sense makes me feel relieved and comforted, nice to know I can tap into my inner just side better by working on myself and grieving. Thank you Daniel, the duck example truly effected me to put life in perspective 🙏🏻✅🏞✨
To me it's not really about "fairness" or justice because that's a dualistic concept. I also feel it's impossible not to traumatise others or be traumatised in a dualistic world of free will. My contribution is to move through life being aware, open and sensitive in my own being and my impact on others. To stop hiding, denying and avoiding. To stop believing in and living out a coward archeytpe in a victim mentality. I won't be perfect by any means as i am consciousness still evolving. To be the best I can be in the moment and to make reparations where necessary. And to hold myself and others with much compassion as we are in each moment only doing what we know best no matter how it looks to others (as if they could really know my experience and I, theirs). There is always a reason for what Is done whether I understand or agree or not. That to me is what being a human is.
Can you please make a video of psychology behind these extremists groups who are propagating their "agenda" in some form of violence and terror in some middle-eastern and some African countries. I don't understand what's happening in their mind. Can you please make a video on their psychology, so i would able to understand why they do what they do? And btw I'm a big fan of you.
You hit on a very deep truth regarding our inherent sense of fairness but I cannot follow your point about the fairness of the earth or the universe. The examples you cite seem to reveal the opposite if anything. This is why I fell out of love with notions of pantheism. There seems to be a kind of special pleading involved to look past the everyday cruelties of Nature and justify it all as any kind of misunderstood fairness. Moreover, your point that everything eventually passes aways only implies an equality in Death, which again isn't fairness as such. And when it comes to the life we must lead, whether as humans or for other fellow creatures, there are huge disparities in how fair the world is to us or them, and how happy or miserable our/their lives can be irrespective of what we/they happen to do. Life is unfair. Nature is cruel. As William Blake puts it in his poem Auguries of Innocence: Every Night & every Morn Some to Misery are Born Every Morn and every Night Some are Born to sweet delight Some are Born to sweet delight Some are Born to Endless Night Of course, one way out of this dilemma is the idea of karma and of paying the price in this lifetime for what you did in past lives. It's a dangerous and almost certainly wrong answer that led us to the horrific caste system in India. Maybe another religious answer - and a far better one - is panentheism: the idea that a universal spirit (or god) is not only present everywhere, but at the same time transcends all of creation. While pantheism asserts that "all is God" - which means the "problem of evil" is extremely hard to surmount - panentheism is the notion that god (I prefer the lower case 'g') is also greater than the universe. Perhaps in this way we are able to somehow transcend the inherent cruelty of nature and life (whereas pantheism has literally nowhere to transcend to). Anyway, metaphysical speculations aside, here's how Blake ends his own musing in the same poem: God Appears & God is Light To those poor Souls who dwell in Night But does a Human Form Display To those who Dwell in Realms of day That's a Christian answer obviously and a little surprising perhaps coming from the pen of a mystic like Blake, although people tend to overlook that Blake was certainly a Christian too. Gerard Manley Hopkins comes to a similar realisation at the end of his most famous poem "As kingfishers catch fire": I say more: the just man justices; Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces; Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is - Chríst - for Christ plays in ten thousand places, Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his To the Father through the features of men's faces. I'm not a Christian myself because I don't like monotheisms or any kind of theism very much, but I do think placing humanity at the centre of the moral universe in this mystical form rings true. Why? Because humans are exceptionally conscious beings - or at least we have the extraordinary potential to be so - for it seems to be the case that it is only in consciousness (animal as well as human) where fairness, justice and goodness are discoverable in any form; and in humans arguably in the most distilled form. I think Hindus may also call this Atman or Buddhists talk about Buddha nature and Buddhahood. Anyway, coming back to my main point again, I just don't find this overarching concern for justice, fairness and goodness in modern forms of pantheism once we are encouraged to worship Nature solely for herself. Nature alone is too cruel. In my view, if there is a universal spirit or god, and I do believe there is, then it must encompass Nature but be bigger by far.
But is life/universe/nature fair? I don't think it is. I think the great struggle is to know that creatures are often sadists and awful and we have to live with the understanding that there is "evil" and pain and suffering all around us constantly. That's the reality I see. I don't think stopping it altogether is possible. We are destroyers and conquerors by nature. Now if you wanna talk genetic engineering then we could actually change that, otherwise it's just a matter of detecting and isolating the bad apples from the people who want to live with respect. Then we have to decide what that actually means. Protecting the most vulnerable is the best starting point imo.
Unfortunately animals go through even worse than that duck every day for meat, dairy, eggs, and seafood. We are all born vegan in our heart, and it's all about un-programming being taught to see them as inanimate objects that exist for our taste pleasure. As an animal rights activist I ask myself similar questions when it comes to why people don't go vegan, and I arrive to a similar answer of trauma and ego.
I really like your channel. What would you be like if a group of “child experts” with graduate degrees employed by a private organization held you in extrajudicial punishment for more than a year before they trafficked you to another private organization? Then, after experiencing what is in fact *social death* without being given a memo about what was actually done to you at age twelve, come back to practitioners in the psychological “services” industry as a young adult with increasingly aggravated symptoms of anxiety and have them point the finger of blame at your family of origin? Drain your pockets of money until you’re financially destitute and then bill the taxpayers for more of the same? At least Ancient Romans gave those they dominated the *choice* of death or enslavement. There’s zero excuse for the *harm* the industry inflicts upon the public, mostly with impunity. Not one of the felons who falsely imprisoned and then trafficked me has ever spent a single day in jail nor paid a penny for the damage they inflicted upon not only me, but the rest of society as well (mostly financial, as I had a good Dad, before he died). Thankfully, you’ve decided to be rational, rather than go with the “Nature isn’t fair!” irrational nonthink of violent male dominators who rayyp children and hate women (a.k.a. Patriarchy). *That crap* has got to go. When garbage fires with graduate degrees (I call them white collar trash) *promote and profit from* the suffering of those harmed by their colleagues because they don’t want to “disparage their colleagues” then, Houston, we’ve got a mother f-cking problem. ☹️☮️❤️🐾
You really do look uncomfortable and rather unhappy in all childhood pics I’ve seen of you. It’s pretty sad. I generally had a good childhood. I’m just a screwup.
Other sentient beings still feel fear, happiness, contentment, snd a desire to not feel pain and suffering, and to keep their young safe. It’s not anthropomorphizing; it’s part of being sentient and feeling. This extends to all living beings. Lacking empathy and compassion does and denying the feelings of other living beings does not make you appear in any capacity, although you may feel so, that you’re superior and “more logical.” All living beings feel. There are evolutionary benefits to experiencing anxiety, and striving to be alive. It also fuels social bonds. There are evolutionary benefits to caring for one another. Thinking only humans have these qualities is not very scientific, it just shows you lack empathy.
@@darcyroyce men view emotions as “feminine” and “irrational,” that’s why so many pride themselves on being callous and not having empathy because they believe they’re more “masculine” and “logical” in this regard. There’s no logic in this type of thinking.
@@threethrushes no, but that’s no reason to treat them unfairly. They still experience fear and anxiety. Humans assume because animals are different that they are justified in treating animals unfairly and exploiting them because they view animals as inferior. Animals also have boundaries, and can feel angry and fear over having them violated. (Safety and personal space are universal boundaries and we have natural instincts to protect these.)
i do not think there is innate fairness in humans. "that's not fair!!!" a child might yell. what they actually mean is "but MY needs are more important than yours" a lot of the time, kids are assholes. i don't think all of that behavior can be attributed to intergenerational trauma.
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Hi Daniel. I've rarely resonated with a person on the internet the way I resonate with you. You are an extremely sensitive and intelligent person, who he has worked a lot with himself and found his balance inside and in nature. You are an inspiration to me. I also started some psychology studies and recently I had the courage to mourn my childhood and look for the seeds of true love in myself, not in the family. :)
Thank you :)
There are many studies with animals and fairness that can be googled - dogs, birds, chimps, etc. They all seem to know what fairness is and act accordingly.
Justice and fairness in humans seems to conflict with power and control trips. Lack of it is incredibly frustrating and the need for it rarely goes away.
In many ways Daniel you escaped. You got to travel a lot and tell your story. Just imagine someone else just like you but, grew up in poverty so they never get a chance to heal. So it always feels like their stuck so they start lashing out at the world. It’s so sad. I’ve seen people like that.
Me too. I see why they do it and get it. But saddens me
I think it's one of the biggest hidden roadblocks to healing from trauma. I hope to see it more of a discussion some day in the mental health sphere.
I’m one of those people lol. Finally moved out at 29 but I’ll probably have to move back because I simply cannot afford it.
All of this is entitlement. No unloved, harshly abused "adult" moves out at 29. This is such a corruption of the true abused child's reality that they r simply unseen. Also, true abused people DO NOT vicariously harm others...for ANY reason! Again, this excuses poor behavior n minimizes true victims. Jus cuz ive been n 4 car accidents where i was not at fault doesnt mean/excuse me from taking my vehicle n ramming it n2 random people's vehicles jus cuz, "other people hit my car n the past." U hear how ridiculous this sounds? But our society will (n clearly does) excuse this psychopathy because it allows the psychopathy n us 2 go unchecked. Then, it appeases us n tells us that "as long as u victimize THOSE people n not us" we will look the other way AND villanize them cuz who sets the rules (us) says they r unworthy of humanity.
Yall r stone-cold sociopaths.
I am there. Now. Stuck. No resources. Got the worst than in childhood. Struggling to go out from this sane if not better
Thank you so much for being a voice of sanity and putting into words what so many of us are grappling with. In a dysfunctional family, you becoming enemy #1 when you get healthy b/c it shines a big fat light on everyone else's shame. You give me so much hope that I'm on the right path in my healing. I have gone no contact with all of my family and although it can be lonely and kind of scary, nothing compares to the loneliness and depression I felt while I was still trying to participate in an abusive, toxic family unit.
Hope all is well with you so glad you got out I can't wait for my day.❤
I have noticed exactly what you have said in this video - I have tried to have the chat with my family / and wider family (aunts, uncles etc), but the walls went up, they see me as angry, as bitter, and they do not want to "go there". I am slowly learning the answer for myself, which you said in your video, is to love my self, and be that inner family for my child parts, so they dont feel the need to reach out again. Its a long process, but its the right process. thank you
Part of the healing process is actually grieving that they cannot and will not be there. You have to grieve them literally as if they died. Trying to convince our families is a way to not heal because we are still holding out hope that they will love us for who we are. They couldn't do it then so how could they do it now.
Try journaling man , and also write letters to them expressing that without giving them. It works. They are never gonna listen .
@@antoniskaloterakis7996 thank you sir, you have said this at the write time for me...its great idea. much peace to you
I cannot express how much help this video is providing to me today. It's as if the universe conspired to give me exactly what i needed at this very difficult moment. I have spent the last 3 decades of my life digging and working and grieving and becoming my real self. This last week a whole new level of my sense of betrayal by my parents came bubbling up. i finally saw how hard i had tried to give love and help and support to these people who returned my efforts with hatred and abuse. All i ever offered them was my childish affection and desire to belong to them. Your words are helping me help myself through this now. I can call more things by their right names because of you Daniel. Thank you so very much. Your family may have torn holes in the world but you are certainly helping me fix the ones near me. All health and peace and well being to you to fill your heart and life.
i very much relate to everything you mentioned in your comment and i love the way you put your second to last sentence. I completely agree with: "Your family may have torn holes in the world but you are certainly helping me fix the ones near me."
Very good! Thank-you. Moving on from trauma when there is no apology or acceptance of wrong- doing is the hardest thing to do.
I think, by definition, abused children evolve into very immature “adults.” Because that child never had the opportunity to organically become a “real” person. We were nothing but objects to our parents. It deeply hurt us.
Daniel, you are wonderful. I wish you lived in St. Louis, Mo.
we’d be friends.
@Pat B yes, that’s exactly what I meant. 😔
@Pat B and as “mature” “adults” are left wondering what the hell they like, enjoy or
What they like or what might make them half-way whole, forget remotely “happy.”
How cool someone else who lives in St. Louis who watches Daniel!😃
YES I KNOW HOW YOU FELT ABOUT THE POOR LITTLE DUCK. I AGREE ON EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING.
Daniel, as always - greatly appreciate the love, light and truth you are spreading. Keep up the courageous and crucial work you’re doing- of just being you! I, too, hope and pray that more of humanity wakes up to the light, love and truth you are sharing here.
The selfishness comes from being alonely too much ,and from being burnt-out by the stress and the effort of controlling, repressing and relocating all the feeling and hurt and terror and wrath.The more new traumas ackumulated on top of all the unresolved ones, the harder it became to stay kind, fair and helpful at all times, but the pressure and poison has to come out in the end and takes destructive ways eventually, if being denied constructive ways for too long. In the end, the horrific no-nonsense dead-tiredness of decades of severe sleep deprivation eventually makes it impossible to self-control in irritating, additionally tiring situations or when I am reminded of my dire plight, taxed in my over-strung nerves, tested in my psychasthenic soul. I didn't know . I want to get help now!
Lots of love to you Daniel. You are a true friend and an inspiring truth seeker.
Daniel, I would love to see your take on only childs
YESS PLEASEE this is great
+1 🙏
Ditto.
Yes only children are handicapped by being alone and isolated in their family unit, even if the unit is a good one. I cannot imagine growing up without a sibling.
@@juliettailor1616 ouch :(
Hi. I relate to this extremely. Once i hit an older childhood age I desired to make things fair in the world. Its a huge part of my life, that im just rediscovering now, the desire to make things fair and right in the world. Im messed up now from drug use+preaffirmed trauma. My mother doesnt even believe hitting me was wrong (at 4/5 years old). Thanks for coming to my ted talk. No but really appreciate this video. Cheers Daniel. ♥️
Thank you Daniel. Much food for thought here. I am watching a number of your videos and I am moved to tears frequently with acknowledgment of truth you do so often unearth. Thank you for your courage and probing honesty.
Thanks Daniel as usual 🙂 Sending you love and healing
Thank you, Daniel:) - There is always this kind of stability and sense of security in the atmosphere you create, regardless of the topic.
Thank you Jolanda :)
@@dmackler58 :)
How I see it: Humans have natural, universal needs. When these needs are not met, I consider this to be an unnatural state of affairs. It's only through this disconnection with our natural self, and our disconnection with nature, that we slowly lose our orientation and in our unconsciousness inflict the same suffering on our children; we lose our footing and float away in reveries. There is a difference between this unnatural suffering and the suffering that's intrinsic to life in so far as the former regresses us while the latter matures us.
Emil, well said. yes.
Part of the healing process is NOT going to your family and expecting different results. You have to grieve them like a funeral, as if they literally died. As long as you are holding onto hope that they will understand you one day, you are not in the healing process...you are still a wounded child hoping they will love and understand. The only way is to reach total hopelessness and grieve them as a death. Then you can even potentially have a relationship with them, but as if they were strangers...adult strangers that you met on the street, not as their child. Then you can decide if you even like them or not..like you would a stranger on the street. But you have to give up the hope that they will love and understand you. To hold onto that hope is to stay sick.
I just want to hug you. I’m very different, but equally damaged. Xo
It feels so good to actually like and respect a human,which is you dan. I don't like anybody for the most part. But I love and respect all animals and plants. You remind me of an animal. Animals must adore you
Yet another enlightening video. Thank you.
Daniel, you deserve more views and more subscribers on this channel.
Hello,
I've always appreciated your warm heart. Yes, I think the realization that our parents, and in fact many people that we hold up as idols, are not perfect... forms a strange cognitive dissonance in the minds of many. Being able to hold two emotions at once, love and hurt, appreciation and also a more sober view of things, can be hard to do. It is important though, because it reminds us to keep on our toes since we too can hurt people. We learn how to love quite a bit from our parents, and we can also learn negative traits too, like how to abuse. The process of moving beyond old pain can be hard. Especially at first when it's the most raw. Taking care of yourself is so so important.
Animals. Animals have so much beauty, and it's also incredibly painful to witness their lives, because it is so incredibly relatable. I was watching a documentary on cheetah mothers. They are incredibly powerful, beautiful, magnifigently muscled creatures of the most elegant design on the planet, in my opinion. Their beautiful golden brown bodies with it's intricate mosaic like pattern, flashing across the savvanah is the perfection of evolution in motion. Their lives are hard. They have many predators. Those predators have cubs also. The cheetah is a runner, not so much a boxer. They are the best at what they do, a true sight to behold. But it takes sooooo many calories just for one kill. To move at that speed requires an enormous amount of calories. They MUST hunt to survive, have a successful kill, to feed their cubs and keep going. Their bodies are the ultimate machine, they are not the hand that pulls the trigger, they are the bullet themselves. Seeing the horrible look of pain in their eyes when a cub dies is absolutely horrible. They most certainly grieve. Their determination and anguish is very noticeable as they rush towards the hiding place where they keep their babies, at slightest whiff of another predator in the air.
Humans (some) have deep emotional capacity, and we (apparently) have self-awareness. Emotional intelligence is what creates some of the most beautiful of humans. It's our incredible capacity to LOVE that is what is supposed to make us " the stewards of the earth", not the controllers or destroyers. Indigenous mythologies from all over speak of living in a way that puts humanity in the position of seeking to live in a way that is spiritually developed. I think that our gift lies in our abilities to connect to our hearts and make decisions to improve our world. We are very capable of this. So when there are things happening in our world, that are so incredibly unfair....massive amounts of trauma from war, racism, violence, rape, greed....we do have to remember our power. Just as "apathy" is not in the cheetah's lexicon....neither should ours be. If we are humans, if we are so complex, so nuanced, so developed, so intelligent, so sophisticated....and so elevated in our ability to LOVE....we need to continually BE that. There will always be things that threaten the grace that IS so much a part of the human race. There ARE people who seek to destroy others, to abuse, and hurt....and there have been many others who have saved humanity from this ugliness. Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, so many people. We are here to continually learn. It's never over, learning. So it's important to remember that is a huge part of creating fairness. Is that WE as humans, have incredible capacity to transcend, to learn, to be better.
Thank you for this video!
The cosmic scales of "justice" at least are honest and differ to those of mankind in that they have no memory , no mercy and yet no idea of revenge: Those are mankind's alone.
Hey Daniel, I was wondering if you could do a video talking about jealousy? Earlier today, I found myself in an internal fit of rage after being around a kid who was, well, being a kid: screeching and running around and all. Even though the kid wasn't doing anything wrong, I couldn't help but feel hatred for them. I knew that those feelings of hatred were actually jealousy and grief around all the things I wasn't allowed to do as a kid. I'd like to hear your opinion on these kinds of feelings.
Hi Jar Jar -- I actually already did two videos on the subject of jealousy:
th-cam.com/video/gfl_KgewPeE/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/4ERYVJM0csE/w-d-xo.html
Greetings!
Daniel
I always go so within while listening to u talk that I did not notice what was right in front of me… ur website lol I didn’t see it till u pointed it out wow 🤩 what a beautiful practice !!!
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I love your videos. I really love the Dr. Pig videos. I’m a kind cynic. 🥴.
I always admire the way that your analysis go. "Fairness" as a concept does have restrictions, but life of all living things is reciprocal. Nothing really ever dies, permanently in nature. The leaves that fall from the trees in autumn 🍂, give nourishment to new plants 🪴 in the spring. Humans have the unique potential to both hinder that process and to help heal that process. The balance of nature, however, is bound to sustainability and evolution. What we have lost in modern society is the understanding that when we protect each other and heal, we also protect and leave a legacy to future generations. For the sake of our children, it is imperative that we stop giving up on ourselves and humanity. It is needless and also a cop-out that serves no purpose, whatsoever!
Even chimps have a sense of fairness.
The only thing that I kind of disagree with, is what you said at the end, that our quest to overcome trauma as a species is MORE in sync with a natural truth. I don’t think this is the case. As you opened with the story of the duck- nature is by law unfair and traumatic. It is a uniquely human way of conceptualizing of fairness. In our quest to recognize this concept we are actually becoming more human by working against these unfair, traumatizing and violent forces of nature.
I think of it as generational sin being passed on. We can break it.
Suffering is mysterious. The earth is a blood letting.
OMG, I think you are absolutely right!
It's funny, some of us have experienced quite mentally /emotionally abusive childhoods but they aren't seen by anyone on the outside. In my case, the extended family was very much in the picture and I confided much about my life over the years as a juvenile and throughout my adulthood to members of the extended family. They did hear me out. They did give me time as confidants. They nothing to deter abuse. The did judge me, intrude in my life in uncalled ways and advise me how I could change, do more, rise above. In a way they increased the feeling in me of inadequacy and decreased the sense of self-worth. Their defense argument, of course is stuff like: "I am a good [relative] to you", "I can't tell the other party what to do, I can only advise you as YOU are the one talking to me now". Some, I can still talk to and they do listen to my words. But it turns out it goes in one ear and out the other. So, media people and so- called experts across and TV shrinks can talk all they want. It's almost impossible to get help or seek help with success in family abuse situations. Especially, if they aren't blatantly obvious (eg/ if the couple in the next apartment are in a physical altercation, people might intervene directly, call the cops, etc.). Medical personnel can be unbelievably obtuse in not seeing the signs of mental abuse. I've wondered if they do it on purpose.
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I really like this point of view on fairness and justice, looking at the earth, nature and people in a broad sense makes me feel relieved and comforted, nice to know I can tap into my inner just side better by working on myself and grieving. Thank you Daniel, the duck example truly effected me to put life in perspective 🙏🏻✅🏞✨
Damn Daniel, back at it again with the damn truth!
To me it's not really about "fairness" or justice because that's a dualistic concept. I also feel it's impossible not to traumatise others or be traumatised in a dualistic world of free will. My contribution is to move through life being aware, open and sensitive in my own being and my impact on others. To stop hiding, denying and avoiding. To stop believing in and living out a coward archeytpe in a victim mentality. I won't be perfect by any means as i am consciousness still evolving. To be the best I can be in the moment and to make reparations where necessary. And to hold myself and others with much compassion as we are in each moment only doing what we know best no matter how it looks to others (as if they could really know my experience and I, theirs). There is always a reason for what Is done whether I understand or agree or not. That to me is what being a human is.
Can you please make a video of psychology behind these extremists groups who are propagating their "agenda" in some form of violence and terror in some middle-eastern and some African countries. I don't understand what's happening in their mind. Can you please make a video on their psychology, so i would able to understand why they do what they do? And btw I'm a big fan of you.
You hit on a very deep truth regarding our inherent sense of fairness but I cannot follow your point about the fairness of the earth or the universe. The examples you cite seem to reveal the opposite if anything. This is why I fell out of love with notions of pantheism. There seems to be a kind of special pleading involved to look past the everyday cruelties of Nature and justify it all as any kind of misunderstood fairness. Moreover, your point that everything eventually passes aways only implies an equality in Death, which again isn't fairness as such. And when it comes to the life we must lead, whether as humans or for other fellow creatures, there are huge disparities in how fair the world is to us or them, and how happy or miserable our/their lives can be irrespective of what we/they happen to do. Life is unfair. Nature is cruel. As William Blake puts it in his poem Auguries of Innocence:
Every Night & every Morn
Some to Misery are Born
Every Morn and every Night
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to Endless Night
Of course, one way out of this dilemma is the idea of karma and of paying the price in this lifetime for what you did in past lives. It's a dangerous and almost certainly wrong answer that led us to the horrific caste system in India. Maybe another religious answer - and a far better one - is panentheism: the idea that a universal spirit (or god) is not only present everywhere, but at the same time transcends all of creation. While pantheism asserts that "all is God" - which means the "problem of evil" is extremely hard to surmount - panentheism is the notion that god (I prefer the lower case 'g') is also greater than the universe. Perhaps in this way we are able to somehow transcend the inherent cruelty of nature and life (whereas pantheism has literally nowhere to transcend to). Anyway, metaphysical speculations aside, here's how Blake ends his own musing in the same poem:
God Appears & God is Light
To those poor Souls who dwell in Night
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of day
That's a Christian answer obviously and a little surprising perhaps coming from the pen of a mystic like Blake, although people tend to overlook that Blake was certainly a Christian too. Gerard Manley Hopkins comes to a similar realisation at the end of his most famous poem "As kingfishers catch fire":
I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is -
Chríst - for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.
I'm not a Christian myself because I don't like monotheisms or any kind of theism very much, but I do think placing humanity at the centre of the moral universe in this mystical form rings true. Why? Because humans are exceptionally conscious beings - or at least we have the extraordinary potential to be so - for it seems to be the case that it is only in consciousness (animal as well as human) where fairness, justice and goodness are discoverable in any form; and in humans arguably in the most distilled form. I think Hindus may also call this Atman or Buddhists talk about Buddha nature and Buddhahood. Anyway, coming back to my main point again, I just don't find this overarching concern for justice, fairness and goodness in modern forms of pantheism once we are encouraged to worship Nature solely for herself. Nature alone is too cruel. In my view, if there is a universal spirit or god, and I do believe there is, then it must encompass Nature but be bigger by far.
Justice is an illusion
Unresolved trauma twists a sense of fairness and justice in adults, and they repeat this abuse unless the abused person becomes astutely aware.
Animals, too.
But is life/universe/nature fair? I don't think it is. I think the great struggle is to know that creatures are often sadists and awful and we have to live with the understanding that there is "evil" and pain and suffering all around us constantly. That's the reality I see. I don't think stopping it altogether is possible. We are destroyers and conquerors by nature. Now if you wanna talk genetic engineering then we could actually change that, otherwise it's just a matter of detecting and isolating the bad apples from the people who want to live with respect. Then we have to decide what that actually means. Protecting the most vulnerable is the best starting point imo.
Unfortunately animals go through even worse than that duck every day for meat, dairy, eggs, and seafood. We are all born vegan in our heart, and it's all about un-programming being taught to see them as inanimate objects that exist for our taste pleasure. As an animal rights activist I ask myself similar questions when it comes to why people don't go vegan, and I arrive to a similar answer of trauma and ego.
Not just humans have the sense of fairness, apes too.
I really like your channel. What would you be like if a group of “child experts” with graduate degrees employed by a private organization held you in extrajudicial punishment for more than a year before they trafficked you to another private organization? Then, after experiencing what is in fact *social death* without being given a memo about what was actually done to you at age twelve, come back to practitioners in the psychological “services” industry as a young adult with increasingly aggravated symptoms of anxiety and have them point the finger of blame at your family of origin? Drain your pockets of money until you’re financially destitute and then bill the taxpayers for more of the same? At least Ancient Romans gave those they dominated the *choice* of death or enslavement. There’s zero excuse for the *harm* the industry inflicts upon the public, mostly with impunity. Not one of the felons who falsely imprisoned and then trafficked me has ever spent a single day in jail nor paid a penny for the damage they inflicted upon not only me, but the rest of society as well (mostly financial, as I had a good Dad, before he died). Thankfully, you’ve decided to be rational, rather than go with the “Nature isn’t fair!” irrational nonthink of violent male dominators who rayyp children and hate women (a.k.a. Patriarchy). *That crap* has got to go. When garbage fires with graduate degrees (I call them white collar trash) *promote and profit from* the suffering of those harmed by their colleagues because they don’t want to “disparage their colleagues” then, Houston, we’ve got a mother f-cking problem. ☹️☮️❤️🐾
Come for the talk, stay for the lick.
You really do look uncomfortable and rather unhappy in all childhood pics I’ve seen of you. It’s pretty sad. I generally had a good childhood. I’m just a screwup.
Good video.
Anthropomorphising doesn't add to your argument.
Still, poor duck.
Other sentient beings still feel fear, happiness, contentment, snd a desire to not feel pain and suffering, and to keep their young safe. It’s not anthropomorphizing; it’s part of being sentient and feeling. This extends to all living beings.
Lacking empathy and compassion does and denying the feelings of other living beings does not make you appear in any capacity, although you may feel so, that you’re superior and “more logical.” All living beings feel. There are evolutionary benefits to experiencing anxiety, and striving to be alive. It also fuels social bonds. There are evolutionary benefits to caring for one another. Thinking only humans have these qualities is not very scientific, it just shows you lack empathy.
@@darcyroyce men view emotions as “feminine” and “irrational,” that’s why so many pride themselves on being callous and not having empathy because they believe they’re more “masculine” and “logical” in this regard. There’s no logic in this type of thinking.
Ducks don't have a sense of fairness.
It's a human quality.
@@threethrushes no, but that’s no reason to treat them unfairly. They still experience fear and anxiety. Humans assume because animals are different that they are justified in treating animals unfairly and exploiting them because they view animals as inferior. Animals also have boundaries, and can feel angry and fear over having them violated. (Safety and personal space are universal boundaries and we have natural instincts to protect these.)
@@gingerisevil02 well said
i do not think there is innate fairness in humans.
"that's not fair!!!" a child might yell. what they actually mean is "but MY needs are more important than yours"
a lot of the time, kids are assholes. i don't think all of that behavior can be attributed to intergenerational trauma.
@@andrewparry1474 wow. Thank you for this.