My parents cut off from me! The ultimate scapegoating move. It's not my choice, as I kept begging for communication, but they act like it's my choice. So crazy-making. 4 years + 1 month since i tried to raise an issue with my parents (my mum, specifically). There hasn't really been any ebb and flow or cycling in and out of estrangement. Just their absolute certainty from day one that i hurt *them*. That's it. Goodbye. It is such a deep wound. To be cut off for attempting reciprocal equal communication. I am healing, but it isn't a quick process.
This same thing just happened to me around 5 mos ago. Narcissistic mother blew up at my calm truth telling and boundary setting and my father just never replied to what I said. My mother sent me a nasty letter saying I'm not "allowed" to have a relationship with either of them now... then I didn't reply. Then she sent me a text 2 ago saying be careful there is a tornado watch in your area. I didn't respond and will just stay away.
@@nmc1859 completely mixed messages, nonsensical.... stories of life with narc parents just never ceases to confuse, shock or disappoint me. hope you're doing ok and haven't got too close to any tornadoes! stay safe
@thescapegoatclub doing just fine. There was a much more serious warning for one a month ago and she never checked on me then.. so obvious it was a 'hoover'. I'm amazed I stayed so long and all that was lost -- but it is videos like yours and others also that have helped me become more knowledgeable and stronger !!
The flip side of this is the scapegoat going back after being lured, just to be hurt again. So, there is this on again, off again dynamic, but it doesn't harm through the narcissist and most definitely harms the scapegoat. And the narc plays victim,"Are you just going to leave again?" This pattern of going back needs to be broken.
Thank you so much for your videos. JMHO, With two reasonably healthy people emotionally, it seems such a conversation would be more than possible. Yet we kinda know narcissists are not healthy people, it is a "walking on eggshells" or (landmines) relationship where, one tiny wrong question, one tiny ding in their god-complex, and pffffffft, out ya go. After a landmine goes off course in which you face a barrage of jarring projection, gaslighting, and them re-defining or telling you who you are, who your spouse is, what you think, feel, what your intending, more manipulations, or them dredging up a 30 year old misstep that never took place, but represented the smear they told the world for so long they came to believe their own lies. And a lightbulb goes off. "Oh, so thats why the whole fam shunned me, and my innocent children and family, it was all based on a lie? oh dear" Meanwhile you stand there speechless, deer in the headlights, (hand raised) Crazymaking all round. Yikes, as i wrote this, it reminded me why i need to be thankful to be awaaaaaay from the insanity. Just my experience of it, others mileage may vary.
But having come through all of this pain, i can't "put it all behind us" without an acknowledgement of how dysfunctional the dynamics in our family are. Id just be walking back into the lion's den . Their vision for repair is that i beg their forgiveness and they graciously overlook my behaviour. So if that is the only way back in, these ladt 4 yars and one month have been for nothing. At this point, stubborn though it may be on one level, the only repair i can visualise is that wr have a conversation. They have the opposite view. The only repair they can visualise is that i accept that there is nothing to discuss. They were perfect. I should be sorry. Doomed I guess. But on the bright side, it hurts less with every passing year. By this time next year, i hope to be at peace with it all. 🙏
My parents cut off from me! The ultimate scapegoating move. It's not my choice, as I kept begging for communication, but they act like it's my choice. So crazy-making. 4 years + 1 month since i tried to raise an issue with my parents (my mum, specifically). There hasn't really been any ebb and flow or cycling in and out of estrangement. Just their absolute certainty from day one that i hurt *them*. That's it. Goodbye.
It is such a deep wound. To be cut off for attempting reciprocal equal communication. I am healing, but it isn't a quick process.
This same thing just happened to me around 5 mos ago. Narcissistic mother blew up at my calm truth telling and boundary setting and my father just never replied to what I said. My mother sent me a nasty letter saying I'm not "allowed" to have a relationship with either of them now... then I didn't reply. Then she sent me a text 2 ago saying be careful there is a tornado watch in your area. I didn't respond and will just stay away.
oh wow- that is totally screwed up. and makes so much sense for narcissists too- cutting you off and then saying you did it. I'm so sorry.
@@nmc1859 completely mixed messages, nonsensical.... stories of life with narc parents just never ceases to confuse, shock or disappoint me. hope you're doing ok and haven't got too close to any tornadoes! stay safe
@thescapegoatclub doing just fine. There was a much more serious warning for one a month ago and she never checked on me then.. so obvious it was a 'hoover'. I'm amazed I stayed so long and all that was lost -- but it is videos like yours and others also that have helped me become more knowledgeable and stronger !!
The flip side of this is the scapegoat going back after being lured, just to be hurt again. So, there is this on again, off again dynamic, but it doesn't harm through the narcissist and most definitely harms the scapegoat.
And the narc plays victim,"Are you just going to leave again?"
This pattern of going back needs to be broken.
I am relieved to say I am sticking w my narc mothers latest discard. Feels more peaceful eventho it's not a happy event per se
Thank you so much for your videos. JMHO, With two reasonably healthy people emotionally, it seems such a conversation would be more than possible. Yet we kinda know narcissists are not healthy people, it is a "walking on eggshells" or (landmines) relationship where, one tiny wrong question, one tiny ding in their god-complex, and pffffffft, out ya go. After a landmine goes off course in which you face a barrage of jarring projection, gaslighting, and them re-defining or telling you who you are, who your spouse is, what you think, feel, what your intending, more manipulations, or them dredging up a 30 year old misstep that never took place, but represented the smear they told the world for so long they came to believe their own lies. And a lightbulb goes off. "Oh, so thats why the whole fam shunned me, and my innocent children and family, it was all based on a lie? oh dear" Meanwhile you stand there speechless, deer in the headlights, (hand raised) Crazymaking all round. Yikes, as i wrote this, it reminded me why i need to be thankful to be awaaaaaay from the insanity. Just my experience of it, others mileage may vary.
I look forward to your videos every Saturday. Thank you for what you do ❤
thank you!
But having come through all of this pain, i can't "put it all behind us" without an acknowledgement of how dysfunctional the dynamics in our family are. Id just be walking back into the lion's den . Their vision for repair is that i beg their forgiveness and they graciously overlook my behaviour. So if that is the only way back in, these ladt 4 yars and one month have been for nothing. At this point, stubborn though it may be on one level, the only repair i can visualise is that wr have a conversation. They have the opposite view. The only repair they can visualise is that i accept that there is nothing to discuss. They were perfect. I should be sorry.
Doomed I guess. But on the bright side, it hurts less with every passing year. By this time next year, i hope to be at peace with it all. 🙏
No of they are really narcissists the relationship will never work ... at least not for you
Thank you so much! ❤️💕💗