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It's not a matter of one "vs" the other. Attachment and personality disorders are two different things. You CAN have a narcissist with a dismissive avoidant attachment style (BOTH). This usually results in one heck of a roller coaster for anyone involved, because the narcissist may crave what you have (sex, status, wealth, validation) but when you approach to supply it, they will draw from you until such time the dismissive side becomes dominant. They will then push you away, but as the narcissistic side craves the now missing supply, they will draw you in. REPEAT ENDLESSLY.

Any mother who manipulates her kid(s) against the father during divorce, as well as her parents, if they also do it, should go to jail for at least 20 years. The pain for the childs and the alienated father is beyond comprehension. Total dilemma. Leave your own child with the narcissistic mother and walk away? Try to explain anything to the kids? Fight at court for the kids, which makes the war even worse? Worst dilemma one can think of....

My suspected narcissist was so stupid that they thought I was going to hand over my inheritance to them, when I said no, they transformed me into a "mentally unstable" person to all.

Can a codependent relationship become healthy with work on both sides?

How do i know.. im even getting the right information here?? I need a christian counselor i think? Im sure some of this is spot on for sure.

Great video. My narc would say, "I just have a big personality!", or, "I'm just too much for some tender people!", or, "I'm just audacious!", re-framing her difficult traits into bragging rights.

I really think my husband has it. I've suspected so for a long time. We've been married for 28 years, together for 30. I have ADHD and complex childhood trauma that I've been treating with meds (for adhd) and EMDR, CBT, ACT and talk therapy. Today, I'm at the end of my relationship tether after another one of his verbally and emotionally abusive blow-ups at me over money. I honestly just can't take the relentlessness of it anymore. I'm just so tired. Everything's my fault. Now, when my ADHD actually kicks up and things actually are my fault, I do own that. But I'm talking every single unpleasant thing that crosses his attention, and spoiler alert, everything and everyone is unpleasant. So, there's a woodpecker going at our eaves outside? My fault for putting up a bird feeder, I should've realized it would attract other than songbirds. Clothes still damp at the end of a dryer cycle? My fault, I should've considered it's a humid day and added 15 min to the timer. He had a bad day at work? My fault, I pull the sheet too tightly causing him poor sleep, therefore I caused the bad day at work. Tiny, tiny, ridiculous rules and shoulds and shouldn'ts rule our existence all day, every day for close to 3 decades. When I get called on the carpet for another wrongdoing, there's no such thing as degrees of offense, it's the end of existence. I have subjected the entire family to the risk of complete and utter ruin. If I only listened to him, did it his way, things would be fine. The only reason we struggle about anything and don't have a life of wealth and ease is me, and my constant screwing up. My failure to learn. My substandard way of doing things. I'm worn out. I'm done. I've been begging for couples therapy for almost the entire time, but he will not go because the problem is me doing literally everything wrong, without permission, or in a substandard way. This really isn't the place for me to write the complicated novel explaining everything, I have just been scrolling to reinforce my certainty of how toxic our situation is, that it's controlling all the time and escalates to abusive on occasion. I empathize with his need for personal security at all costs, but after telling him time and again how destructive his behavior is to my sanity without anything but him spinning it right back on some failing of mine being the real issue, I no longer care. The level of disdain and dissatisfaction he obviously feels for me and his complete unwillingness to even honor the basic boundaries of 'no yelling, no name calling' has choked off any desire I have to try and accommodate his demands. This isn't love. This isn't normal. It's not ok and although I'm facing some impossible seeming logistics, I'm still gone. It's going to look like the grayest gray rock while one moving box goes through the door at a time until it's time for me and the dog to bounce. People out there younger than me who are dealing with this...don't wait as long as I did to resolve it. I have fibromyalgia, a bad thyroid, high blood pressure, and diabetes from the stress. They will not stop. They will very likely not change just at your request, pleading, tears, or ultimatums, and even if they do, the change will be resentfully given and they'll want more from you in return. I will NEVER be enough for him, because there is no such thing as good enough for someone with OCPD traits. The expectations will never be reasonable and your own narrative will always be dismissed in the draconian courtroom of their mind where they are the hanging judge, and every argument and defense you offer is only further proof to them of your unrepentant guilt. Your soul's worth will always be discarded in favor of the new and improved someone they insist you "could be" if only you "just wanted to try." Please take good care of yourselves, cherish yourselves, respect and protect yourselves. They won't. Like Maya Angelou says, they've told you who they are. First time, every time. You need to listen to that and bank on it. Thanks for letting me rant. It really helps.

Could this be autism?…

My daughters mother chain smoked tobacco constantly, so baby was constantly fussing and collicy from nicotine withdrawal and, she would also leave my daughter in her stoller (on a sloped concrete porch) without locking the wheels, and just walk back inside, i would tell her almost daily to lock the wheels as it is super dangerous. Me mentioning to her i wish she would quite smoking and stop drinking while breastfeeding and lock the stoller wheels became "verbally abusive" and a "gaslighter" and a "narcissist" i just couldn't get anything through her head without her playing victim, now my daughters health is very poor, (heart issues) and she has become wierdly sexualized for a 9 year old, its all so screwed up, they tell her im a abusive father and a drunk and whatever other experiences my daughters mothers friends have had, its all not true, so i gave up on the kid

i've been alienated by exwife and two grown up daughters.my exwife lives with one of my daughters.haven't seen my grandkids in years

Can you explain further with children in their toddler rage. ex. 2 years, My Daughter is showing signs and its difficult due to the lack of vocabulary.

1) do we think sending this to my alienated sibling will help or make it worse? 2) what to do when their (stupid) husband gets involved and encourages all the drama

what do men who have made the mistake of marrying one ?

Thought all girls are same due to covert narcissist partner

It's very difficult to tell in Liverpool.

I cannot believe i fell for one of these, i always made excuses for her and came to the rescue, i always thought i was sharp and switched on and could see through such, but love is blind. And i was fully living her lies. But also the anxiety is real, but they tend to play upto it. Which is quite confusing.

Channel is underrated

One would think that when the children grow up they will see how they were brainwashed but this doesn't necessarily happen in my experience.

People can change, they just have to made aware, that was the case with me.

How do you prove this in court

They present themselves are very charming, they appear to be the harmless creatures, they will help you out with things all while they have deep evil calculated plans.

Pretty much my Father-in-Law's 'new" girlfriend to a "T". My mother in law passed away 4 years ago, she was the kindest , most wonderful mom to my wife and I. We've been married for almost 30 years and we are just turning 50. This new gal in dad's life drives us up the wall with her narcissist behavior, and he's planning on moving him into his house- that my mother-in-law's money paid for and he gave up a year of his life to build for them. We've set boundary after boundary with this new woman and she just ignores them. We have a bedroom in the house that always been "ours", and she went in there and took down all the decorations, stripped the bed, etc, and put them in the "garage sale" pile in the basement. She manipulated dad to tell us that her family is bigger and may need the bedroom when they "all" come and visit her. She manipulated us into renting a separate cabin at the fishing resort we've gone to with mom and dad for 25 years- then she pretty much resorted to gate keeping to isolate us from dad the whole week on vacation, then stuck us with the bill for the rental after telling us she'd pay for it because she knew it would be an inconvenience. She told me that my wife and I don't love her dad because we never had children (due to infertillity issues), and that her family loves dad more and they are better than us (her family is a disfunctional mess, and her children don't talk to her). She also told us we weren't invited to her famly's Christmas because her family loves dad more. She's basically trying to "erase" us from dad's life by treating us like crap. Dad is completely unaware of any of this and doesn't see it. We want to tell him, but we're afraid it will cause irreparable damage between us and him. Its only been 6 months, and its a nightmare. My dad's family had the same thing happen with a gal after my grandma passed away- it took a lawyer and the sheriff's department to evict her from the house, she basically moved in and became an elder abusing squatter. I'm afraid this is going to happen with dad, and we're really not sure what to do. Especially with a house and inheritance (from mom) in play.

Encountering an OCPD guy in my workplace has been the most traumatic experience of my life. I'm pretty sure he's comorbid with NPD as well. He makes everything about himself and his needs, which sabotages everyone else's efforts when trying to maintain a system that works for everyone. I wish I never would have met this guy.

Ok but now we have dismissive avoidant. I can’t tell the difference between these two.

*Must Know Signs of a Female Covert Narcissist* Definition: Covert Narcissists (also referred to as Vulnerable Narcissists) tend to be more introverted, than their Overt counterparts. They can come off as being Shy, Insecure, Self-Conscious & they do have an Exaggerated Sense of Self. However, they don't tend to show it in an Overt way, like their Grandiose or Exhibitionist Narcissist does. Covert Narcissists are, In No Way , Less Dangerous than their Overt counterparts. They Can Actually Be Even More Dangerous, bc their Behaviors are Covert, They Are Hard To Detect. (0:49) 1st Sign: *Chronic Negativity* _Female Covert Narcissists tend to be negative about everything. Negativity is a Big part of the way she drives her horses of supply. She's ALWAYS Unhappy & Dissatisfied. And You, as the person that cares about, or even loves her, means you're gonna want 2 try 2 pick up th pieces, by giving her constant reassurance that everything is gonna b OK. But this is a trick, a form of Manipulation, in order for her to get Attention & Narcissistic supply from you. So, if nothing ever seems good enough for her, this could indicate traits of Narcissism, especially when combined w/ #2_ (1:34) 2nd Sign: *Chronic Victimization* _Covert Narcissists, in general, love to play the victim. Nothing is ever her fault & she's always shifting blame to other ppl. There can be many functions of this behavior. It can be a way to gain sympathy from other ppl. Making other ppl constantly feel bad for her. Or it could be a way to drive Attention. Fishing for compliments, by saying something bad abt herself. Saying things like, "nobody loves me," or "nobody cares abt me", in order to get u to give her reassurance, tht makes her feel loved & cared for. Or she may use this Chronic Victimization to make u feel bad about yourself. Saying things like: "u don't Care about me" or "You're Never there 4 me," "You Abandoned me in my time of need." Even tho it's not true._ _They Will Always & Chronically, Claim To Be The Victim, No Matter What_ (2:29) 3rd Sign: *Lack of Empathy* _All Narcissist Lack Empathy. It's one of the hallmarks of Narcissism. The lack of empathy can be harder 2 detect in Covert Narcissists, just bc it's more of an Introverted Presentation & a lil more Manipulative & Sneaky. Meaning, they might bring more false vulnerability to the table, in order 2 Make them APPEAR 2b an Empathetic Person. It's not true. They are not ACTUALLY vulnerable. Its all fake_ _She may claim to do Terrible Things, just bc she loves you so much. An example of these could look like, she constantly criticizes you. This could be yur looks, yur job, etc... & she adds, at the end "I'm Just saying this bc I care about you & love you._ _That's not true. We don't constantly criticize ppl we love & care about._ _This could also look like Her, constantly needing You to meet Her needs, but Her not being willing to meet Yur needs._ _She expects u 2 always b her shoulder 2 cry on. But when u need somebody, to listen to u, she's not there. She can't be bothered 2 hear about yur bad day, but has no problem spewing out/venting about her bad day._ (3:38) 4th Sign: *Insecure Grandiosity* _Grandiosity in Covert Narcissists can b hard 2 detect bc it's not behaviorally displayed. Like it is in overt & Grandiose Narcissists. Grandiose Narcissists hav no problem telling ppl how great they believe they are. Covert Narcs don't tend 2 do this as much. It's more of a mental process 4 them. What Grandiosity does is, it covers up an insecure sense of self. Ex: rly obsessing abt her image. Tht she wants 2 portray a certain image out 2 th world image. & anything tht contradicts this is gonna make her rly uncomfortable bc it contradict w/ tht grandiose sense of self & kinda hit tht inner Shame._ _Recent research article talked abt the influence of social media on ppl w/ NPD. & How Narcissists use social media 2 portray this image. & how it's even more common 4 Covert Narcissists 2 actually paint this picture of what they think their life is or the life they wanna show. Even tho it's not real. Since Covert Narcs tend to have alot of anxiety it's easier 4 them, 2 show these pieces behind a computer screen than it is IRL_ (4:51) 5th Sign: *Anxiety* _Female Covert Narcissists tend 2 b very, very anxious ppl. She might always worry, or fuss, over things tht, seem to u, 2b a lil bit meaningless. To her, these r rly big deals. & if u point out tht this minor thing doesn't require this much worry, she'll get defensive about this._ _The anxiety w/ Covert Narcissists is kinda dipping into paranoia. Narcissists in general, are always serving as the main character in their own show. Paranoia comes from tht. But it's mostly apparent In Covert Narcissists. They may act like everyone is out to get them or undermine them._ (6:09) 6th Sign: *Coldness* _Female Covert Narcissists (FCN) tend to come off as being very, very Cold❄️People. She often comes across as being Distant, Neglectful, Emotionally Unavailable. This is a person tht is rly, at the end of the day, Only In-Love w/ Herself. & she Lacks Love & Empathy. She Doesn't Have The Ability or Capacity to Empathize or Love. So, it's hard for a Female Covert Narcissist to come across as a warm, genuine, empathetic person, bc they are not tht._ _A Female Covert Narcissist (FCN) is a person who will NEVER Be Able To Meet Yur Emotional Needs. Bc this is a person who Does NOT Understand tht ppl HAVE Emotional Needs._ (6:45) 7th Sign: *Highly Sensitive To Any Form Of Criticism. (& Anything Else, Relating To Criticism)* _Covert Narcissists deal w/ criticism the worst. Narcissists in Gen, hate criticism. But Covert Narcissists REALLY, HATE criticism. It kinda seems 2 feed n2 tht anxiety, Paranormal & why they might seem 2 not wanna go out as much as a grandiose or overt Narcissist, where ppl can see how amazing they are all of th time. When a covert Narcissist feels criticized, it activates all sorts of different types of defenses. She might get mean, angry or utilize Gaslighting ("that didn't happen, u hav no idea what yur talking about"), Blame-Shifting also happens often. If u criticize them, they will find a way 2 try 2 tear u apart._ (7:40) The 8th Sign: *Passive Aggressive Behavior* _Female Covert Narcissists tend 2b super passive aggressive. They're nice 2 u, 2 yur face, & then, behind yur back, not so much. They WILL go behind yur back & undermine yur goals, undermine you at work. They might b spreading rumors about u, quietly, 2 ne1 tht'll listen.. Passive Agrression is a big, big Covert Narcissistic behavior._ _Overt Narcissist tend 2 b more aggressive. Covert Narcissists tend 2 b more passive aggressive_ (8:13) 9th Sign: *Revenge* _Female Covert Narcissists, in particular, tend 2b rly, rly heavy on Revenge, 4 perceived or raw undoings, tht u might do 2 them. & they can get PRETTY nasty. Very, very abusive, in th way tht they go about Revenge_ _Now, this, again, can b hard 2 detect bc it might b more delayed Revenge than immediate Revenge. Meaning that, they'll wait… in the background… until u least expect it. & then, they'll exact their revenge._ _One thing Covert Narcissists can be, is patient. They can wait. They might not have tht snap rage, that more of an Overt Narcissist might have. They might evn tell u, "it's OK, Forget about it." & then, go & seek Revenge anyway._ _Again, it's Passive Aggressive. Alot of this has 2 do w/, she doesn't wanna b portrayed in a negative light._

You are so right about all of this. Great content 🎉

Fantastic video. Thank you ❤

I split with my ex 10 years ago. I have tried so hard to be a constant in the kids life but mum has constantly manipulated the kids against me. Talking to my 12 year old is Luke talking to her mum now. She echoes her through the bad mouthing and manipulative tactics. I have had to back away in the hope that one day the kids will see things for what they are and reach out to me. For now I have to remove myself. God knows I tried and I was nothing but good to those two kids

Wow , my ex wife fits every criteria,

Do I send this to my ex?????

It's been a while but it was hell when I was in it. The guy kicked me in the Back so I feel down 20 Stairs. Afterwards he told the whole town I did this to myself to harm him. It was crazy but many people believed him.

The last bit of information got lost on me due to the interruption of the music

All pop up ad guys with. British accent are annoying!

My fem-narc was extremely extroverted! She was an extrovert, somatic and communal, and I’m 90% sure she’s malignant.

Do they ever come back after the official breakup? We had over 150 microbreakups in 4+ yrs but now it seems final after 2+ months (71 days) NC from her.

6:21 after breakup yes but during relationship very loving a d affectionate.

She called me a Narc but never herself lol

4:35 NPD & BPD

5:00 they adapt interests to you.

2:39 Found out after 4+ yrs when she broke up over a workable matter. Hard when possessiveness is involved.

That’s like a dismissive avoidant right? They withdraw

Ill just visit but back the f off! All this time i be blessing. Yes your my child but know your place.

One similarity that I notice a lot of folks don't compare is that DA's do actually use folks as supply just like narcissists. The difference is that a narcissist is looking for narcissistic supply, DA's will use people for validation. A lot of DA's will keep exe's around and will breadcrumb for either quick validation. I know that's not exactly the same as a narcissist sucking victims dry before moving on. But agian similar behavior.

This is the message my 'spiritual' narcissistic ex sent me when he first discarded me for someone else (he came back a few months later), and I was in great pain. "Suffering is the only way towards spiritual growth-a lesson from Gabor Maté. Life is a journey, a path of suffering…towards the cross and resurrection. The Italian term "via dolorosa" captures this beautifully. The goal of life is essentially to "die before you die"-not attaching yourself to anything or anyone, flowing with the river of life without clinging desperately to branches along the way. Total surrender leads to total freedom and, at the same time, total love for everything and everyone along the way. This allows for more enjoyment because it’s about "being," not "having." It's an intention that always remains a pursuit. The mind can never fully grasp this. Blaise Pascal, a priest and scientist who understood the humility of mystery, once said - a quote often misused today for romantic relationships, rather than with the Higher: "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of." He said: for me, the most important thing is the spiritual. This realization came after my divorce (note: his wife and children removed him from their lives due to mental abuse; his son was close to suicide). He pursued: suffering brought me here, and I'm very grateful for it; life is poetry and higher emotion, giving depth, and my soul needs it for happiness. In contrast, the rational, contemporary life is almost mathematical with its superficiality. Even an outwardly unattractive woman might be spiritually appealing to me. I believe I can find this in women because I've developed a sixth sense for it. It's often a difficult path because such a person does not guarantee stability; there is sometimes something off, like with an artist. I, too, have this quirk, regardless of my professional roles. I may express it awkwardly, but this is how it comes to me. I believe I cherish great authenticity and emotionality. When the ego takes over, that is our challenge in life: finding meaning in suffering. Jesus dies on the cross to resurrect, not to remain dead. Who understands the depth of this message? Dying every day, letting go to flow with the river of life, instead of clinging tightly to our achievements and plans… the way to absolute freedom and happiness. Amen 🙏" So this is what he wrote to me to say that I should take the pain of the sudden discard as a growth opportunity, a present he gave to me. Three months after this, he contacted me again and regularly does so ever since, but often with mean messages about how much attention he gets from other women. In the meantime, he said to me he will discard the woman he left me for, for yet another woman who is polyamorous and more spiritually evolved as a victim of life. Just like him. He said he needed a mirror reflecting his great spituality.

Really like your videos and your analysis 👍

She's did so much today 2024 both children 32 & 28 the 28 year old said he was on his way to kick my behind(Hasn't showed up yet). The 32 year old we already fought and I've never did anything to them & they have no clue she talks about them behind there back. I recorded her and found out she talked about me to with somebody on the phone when i left. She's beyond dangerous i was warned by a stranger years after meeting her so it was too late then. Honest to God.

I agree with you 100%. I’m living this now and I know there’s no way to repair the damage my ex-wife has done. God will sort it out when she gets her life review.

Good lecture but please buy a good microphone 😅

Yes more parental alienation related content please. Thank you Jenna this was a breath of fresh air and so helpful. ❤

They feel very disrespected on pretty much all levels!